winter-soldier-vibes

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Real🥲

yeah well if andy barber were my dad he would’ve made sure that never happened to me 😒

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🥺🫶🏻

Bucky "I don't do that anymore" Barnes

Captain America: Civil War (2016) The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021) Thunderbolts (2025)

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💀 every time I try to write something I feel like it comes out like this

He was as tall as he was tall, and his eyes were the color they were. To describe his hair one would say that he had some. His face had all the features you'd expect, and none of the ones you wouldn't. "There he is," people would often say of him, but only when he was there. And they were right.

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Bucky x reader and Bob x reader core

Writing Prompt #3848

"You don't understand. I'm dangerous. You need to stay away from me."

She took a step closer to the trembling woman, slowly reaching for her hand. "I don't care. I choose you anyway."

[winter-soldier-vibes]

I wanna share some angst this morning. It’s from thunderbolts* so spoilers below the cut

Ok so I was thinking like - when they’re all in the vault and they almost get incinerated. Like - Bob was sentry at that point. Literally 15 minutes later he gets shot a bunch and it doesn’t do anything. So i was thinking if the incinerator got them, Bob would’ve been okay. And he would’ve been like “what” and these new people he just met would be dead along with any evidence of why he survived.

Happy Sunday.

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think you’ll ever start writing again? id love to make requests..

Hi there. I wish I could say absolutely yes but I think the closer answer is I would love to get back to it but I’m not sure when that would be. I’ve thought a lot about it, even recently in the past couple weeks, and I’ve tried writing bits and pieces of things but I just haven’t been able to find the words.

I’ll be honest, I’m not doing well. And while, in the past, that has normally led me to write my best work, I find myself feeling like even rolling over in bed is a Herculean task lately.

I’d absolutely love to get back to writing. And I know I will someday, and I hope that day is soon. I miss it and I think it could be good for me. But right now being alive is taking all of my energy.

That concept could make a great fic now that I type it out. Oh well. One day. I appreciate your patience and I’m sorry I haven’t been writing. Know that I want to.

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I’m adding onto my tattoo and watching this show again and he’s calling someone the asset 😩😭

If I had a nickel for every time Zola called someone an asset I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

I’m getting a tattoo done and I’m watching a show and all of a sudden Zola shows up and I’m like aaaAHHHH

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I love all of you and I love the love yall give my fics but sometimes I get “user liked ‘x’ fic” and I’m like “really? You liked that one??” Like being reminded of some of my own writing makes me cringe 😅

This says nothing about anyone and everything about me and my writing insecurity aha

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And it’s always the “hey! How are you?” “I’m good how are you?! :D” while you walk in and then they close the door and it’s like “ok actually life is A Misery

thr funniest part of therapy to me is when you first come in and you're exchanging niceties and they say "hello! how are you" and you say "im fine how are you :)" and then 30 seconds later they put on their therapist voice and say "so how are you doing?" and you go well lisa. believe it or not im doing Bad

[winter-soldier-vibes]

thr funniest part of therapy to me is when you first come in and you're exchanging niceties and they say "hello! how are you" and you say "im fine how are you :)" and then 30 seconds later they put on their therapist voice and say "so how are you doing?" and you go well lisa. believe it or not im doing Bad

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Did you at least kiss the brick before you covered it in broken glass and chucked it at my face?

oh man i could go on about how the song "hurt" by nine inch nails is a song that perfectly represents bucky and to a lesser extent bucky and steve's relationship, but i won't,,

SIKE

the entire opening of the song just perfectly encapsulates how bucky would feel after he pulled steve from the potomac and spent 2 years on the run. we know that bucky was controlled not only by manipulation and the wipes but also with physical (and implied sexual) assault. we we see pierce slap him when he doesn't comply, which doesn't faze anybody, meaning it's completely normalised. rumlow also says this to sam:

"there are no prisoners with HYDRA. just orders. and orders only come through pain."

the clever trick in this line is that at surface level we think rumlow is referring to the fact that sam would never be kept prisoner, he would just be immediately killed. however it's clear upon inspection this line is a direct reference to the winter soldier: he's not seen as a prisoner as he follows HYDRA'S orders, and he complies through means such as pain (i.e torture to make him subservient). this makes the meaning of the line "the old familiar sting" to be that he finds familiarity (and possibility stability, which brings comfort to his changing world) in pain.

"i hurt myself today, to see if i still feel. i focus on the pain, the only thing that's real." it's very possible that whilst on the run, bucky was paranoid that this was all a dream and that he'd wake up back in hydra's biddings, therefore he used methods of self harm to make sure it was real, to ground himself. additionally, by condensing pain as the only real thing in his world, for a brief period of time whilst self harming he allows himself to effectively block or repress all of the thoughts haunting him.

"try to kill it all away, but i remember everything." this demonstrates bucky's memory slowly coming back without the wipes, shown through him writing in all of the those journals in civil war. he has memories of his assassinations, so he views himself as killing all his memories when he's having a nightmare or flashback, as that's literally what he's doing: murdering another memory of a person. but unfortunately, he can't stop himself from remembering, no matter how much he tries.

"what have i become?" bucky is haunted by all of the horrible things he's done and the fact that he has completely changed, he does not recognize himself, it has been 70 YEARS - he spent nearly 30 years as james buvhanan barnes and fucking 70 as the winter soldier, double that of his original life. if you go back to tfa and then watch tfatws, you realize just how much he's changed (and i'm saying this as somebody who thinks his trauma was toned down). he's just fundamentally not the same person.

"my sweetest friend, everyone i know, goes away in the end." god hate talking about endgame steve and he doesn't exist in my mind but this shows exactly how bucky would feel when steve left, his sweetest, dearest friend has gone. everyone who he knew is now dead, or has left. he also probably believes that it is his fault that steve left, as he wasn't good enough to make steve stay because he wasn't the "real" original bucky. he refuses to form emotional connections with other people because he believes he will destroy everything and everybody will leave him due to the horrors he's done, which is why he's so distant to sam at the beginning of tfatws and near completely isolated.

this one's interesting as you could interpret it completely as steve's thoughts towards bucky.

"full of broken thoughts, i cannot repair." steve knows that bucky has been traumatised severely and that steve cannot simply fix it all, he cannot fix all of the things that hydra put into bucky's head that go far beyond just the activation words. this can be seen as him saying this through a thick lense of guilt, he feels ashamed of the fact that he is not good enough to repair bucky's "broken" brain and that bucky is irreversibly changed by what has been done to him.

"beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear." this one is very interesting as you can view this as steve believing that due to the simple passage of time of 70 years alone, bucky's feelings towards steve have been reduced to nothing as bucky no longer remembers steve, he's just a footnote in his life. (and he's wrong because steve was bucky's lifeline). steve sees time as a "stain" for bucky because bucky's whole existence during hydra was negative, as well as the fact that whilst steve was napping on ice, bucky was getting tortured which makes steve feel immensely guilty. (not looking at YOU, endgame steve!)

"you are someone else, i am still right here." this obviously portrays steve's outlook on how they have changed. bucky has been completely changed, he lived through those years, he was concious and suffered unspeakable damage, steve went into the ice and immediately woke up as the exact same man with the memories of 1940 fresh on his mind as being a day ago. for bucky, even with his memories back, 1940 may be foggy to him simply because it was so. fucking. long ago for him and he had so many other haunting memories afterwards. i also think this line is steve showing his unyielding, unrelenting stubbornness towards bucky: no matter what, no matter the absolute worst case scenario, steve is still there for bucky. he's still here for him despite the fact that bucky has changed.

i believe these final line of the song portray how bucky feels about his life: if he could start it all over again, he would do everything in his power to not become the winter soldier as he knows he lost so much of himself and was shattered into pieces. the idea of "starting again" could also imply if bucky was able to start from the very start of the winter soldier days, he would immediately find a way to kill himself so that he didn't lose himself, as he believes his death would've been better than the subsequent life he lived. we already know that bucky was suicidal and the only thing that kept him going in romania was steve - imagine how he felt when he was a captured pow in 1940's and was told captain america died. it's completely believable he tried to attempt suicide somewhere in the early days of his capture, and he wishes looking back that he had succeeded by "finding a way" in order to keep himself.

of course, much simpler, this could be bucky reminiscing on life BEFORE the war even, as he already started murdering people during the war and was experimented on at krausburg, both of which would've affected him deeply. bucky envisions a life where, from the very beginning, he didn't have to suffer through what ultimately lead to him falling off that train, a fantasy life where everything was okay forever.

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I’m getting a tattoo done and I’m watching a show and all of a sudden Zola shows up and I’m like aaaAHHHH

[winter-soldier-vibes]

When you’re writing and you know your readers are gonna hate what comes next

When you're writing and you suddenly realize you don't know what happens next

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And it’s been 2 whole days in a row. I’m barely alive rn

got out of bed before noon today…

someone call the press. or a stretcher.

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Alternatively, this could also work.

//found on Pinterest, courtesy of the account milo

being cuddled back to sleep would fix me

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Same vibe as Steve tightening the shield around his arm before standing ALONE in front of Thanos’ army before the portals open up.

They will always do something stupid before the other gets back

The scene of bucky taking off his jacket to have another go at sentry ALONE that’s my super soldier that’s my boo that is also my suicidal dumbass

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Yelena: you look tired

Bob: well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease