#of these people for 2 years cuz i’m literally moving to the opposite side of the planet lol

[1ovestay]

oh man i am running out of time!!!!!!!

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[calpalirwin]

Birds of a Feather

Request: Heey. I don't know if you're into MBTI but I really think ashton is an ENFJ and I know that I'm an ENFP and I would be incredibly happy if you could write something with that 💕

Word count: 2.8k

And away, and away we go!

__

I blew into my hands before rubbing them fiercely together as we walked along the crowded city sidewalk, my breath visible in the frigid air. I gave them a quick shake, flexing the numbness out of my fingers before shoving them in my jacket pockets and taking a few longer strides to keep up with my friends. Britt’s laugh was ringing off the buildings as she clung on to Luke’s arm, his own arm steady around her waist. A pace behind them was Michael and Crystal, their gloved pinkies interlocked as they walked. And bringing up the rear was Calum, and, of course, me. “So how long is this play?” Calum piped up loud enough for Britt to hear him.

“Uh… Y/N said it was like 2 hours I think? Plus the intermission. Why?” she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at the man.

“Just curious,” Calum grinned. When Britt turned back around, he glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. “Two fuckin’ hours? Seriously? Our one night off? In New fuckin’ York. And we’re spending it watching a play? Fuck…”

If he was looking for sympathy about basically being a fifth wheel on group date night, Calum had another thing coming. “It’s a musical, not a play, Cal,” I said, nudging his shoulder with mine.

“There’s a difference?”

“Yeah. Musicals have singing. That’s why they’re called musicals.”

Calum rolled his eyes again, letting out a small snort of laughter. “Genius, mate. MuSiCaLs HaVe SiNgInG,” he mocked.

I laughed with him. “Aw, c’mon Cal. It’s fuckin’ Broadway! Can’t go to New York, and not see a show.”

“Uh… yes we can. We do it all the time.”

“You fuckers gonna hurry up before or after I freeze to death?” Michael asked. Crystal was huddled into his side. Beside them, Britt and Luke were hugging each other with Britt’s arms looped through Luke’s jacket as he sheltered her from the cold.

I swallowed the pang of envy I felt at my friends’ relationships, and flashed a smile. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

“Wake me up at intermission,” Calum said, feigning a yawn and stretching his arms up over his head. 

Luke punched him.

“Ow!” Calum winced, hitting Luke back. “The fuck was that for?”

Luke shot a glance over at Britt who had turned to get our tickets from will call, her shoulders slightly hunched. “Britt hasn’t seen Y/N in months, and she’s really excited about this. I guess it’s like a really big deal for her friend, plus she misses her. Don’t fuckin’ ruin this for me just cause you’d rather be at some club.”

“Plus, this musical is supposed to be really good,” Crystal put in.

“They made it a movie, yeah?” Michael asked.

“I think so,” I answered. “With… what’s her name…” I snapped my fingers and my mind fumbled for the name. “Anna Kendrick! That’s it. It’s a movie with Anna Kendrick in it.”

“That’s who Y/N’s playing!” Britt’s voice piped up as she started to hand us our tickets.

“She’s playing Anna Kendrick?” Calum asked stupidly.

“No, she’s playing Anna Kendrick’s character. Which happens to be the lead,” Britt explained, her pride in her old friend evident in how bright her voice was growing. “She’s so amazing, you guys are gonna love her. And the show!”

We all murmured in answer as we made our way inside the theater. Calum thumbed through the playbill ushers were handing out. “You said she’s the lead?” he asked.

“Yep!”

“Hmm… interesting,” he muttered under his breath, still looking at the page. 

I thumbed through the little booklet myself, figuring out what was just so interesting about this to Calum. “There’s only 2 roles…” I murmured back.

“How great of an actress can Britt’s friend be to get a lead where it’s literally the only option?” Calum continued to whisper so only I heard him, still hopeful I’d take his side of being bitter about tonight’s activity, but I still wasn’t accepting his pity party invitation. 

“Probably really fuckin’ good to get the only female role,” I whispered back with a grin.

The brown eyes rolled as he plopped down in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sometimes you’re too optimistic for your own good, you know that? Happy about playing fifth wheel…”

“We’re the fifth and sixth wheel regardless of what we do, Cal,” I told him, taking the seat next to him.

“Yeah, but at least at a club, I can get me a seventh wheel, if you know what I mean.”

“We go to clubs all the time, Cal. One night isn’t gonna kill us. Plus we’re being supportive of Britt’s friend, isn’t that right, guys?”

“Right!” they all chorused, Luke shooting Calum another sharp look.

Calum raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Hey, Mike, wanna hit the concession stand with me?”

Michael rocketed up from his seat. “Snacks?”

~~~

Whatever bitterness had taken over Calum was diminishing by intermission and was completely erased by the end of the show. “Damn, Britt, ya girl’s got some pipes.”

“See?!” Britt gloated, sticking her tongue out at him. “I told ya she’s amazing!”

“Yeah, she is,” I marveled in what I thought was just in my head. But based on how all my friends’ heads swiveled towards me with raised eyebrows had me thinking I’d actually said it out loud. “What?”

“Ooooo! Does someone have a little crush?” Michael teased, making kissy faces for dramatic effect.

“Damn, Ash. I knew you were a romantic type but I didn’t realize you fell that quick,” Calum snickered.

“Aw! Look at how red his cheeks are!” Crystal pointed out.

“I-“ I stammered, every part of my face warm, even the tips of my ears. “I was just agreeing with Britt and Cal. Y/N is uh… very talented. You know with the acting and the singing… she really draws in her audience. It’s uh… yeah…” Call it a sixth sense, but I had a good feeling about the girl. And she was Britt’s friend, and Britt and I got along fine. Who’s to say I couldn’t get along with her friend? Her stunning friend with the captivating voice that I was sure would find its way into my dreams? Okay… so I was a bit of an impulsive romantic. But so what? What was the point of having a good instinct if I didn’t listen to it?

“Well, c’mon!” Britt encouraged hurrying out of our row of seats. “She told me something about a stage door. Oh, she’ll probably want to go get food. Are you guys okay with that? If we go find a diner or something?” Her eyebrows pulled together and her teeth worried at her bottom lip as she looked up at Luke with big hopeful eyes. I smiled as Luke nodded at her before turning to us with a similar expression. They were like golden retriever puppies, the two of them. The same childlike glee with a dash of shyness that sometimes came out of nowhere. That was the thing I had noticed about my friends and their relationships. Both Luke and Michael had found someone like them. Someone who matched their energy. And maybe that was my problem. Maybe I just needed someone that matched mine rather than someone who counteracted it like I’d previously thought. Maybe opposites actually didn’t attract, and it was a lot more birds of a feather flock together sort of thing. Or maybe I was overthinking love dynamics way too much for my own good.

“I’m always down for food,” Michael shrugged.

“Of course you are,” we answered with eye rolls and friendly laughter.

By the time we got to the stage door, there was a small but decent sized crowd milling about. “Feels weird being on this side of things, huh?” Calum questioned as he drew up his hood, and I wondered if it had more to do with how cold it was outside, or out of years of instinct. Whatever it ended up being, the rest of us also pulled up our hoods to hide our faces, both from the people and the wind.

I was about to entertain Calum’s comment with a chuckle about how it was definitely a little weird to be the ones lying in wait rather than the ones about to be ambushed, but the door opened and everyone started clapping and whopping. A few girls even screamed that ear splitting scream as the male lead raised a hand in greeting, flashing a million dollar smile. But he was of little interest to me. My focus zeroed straight in on the woman of the hour who came out just behind her co-star. Eyeliner smudged in the corners of soft, bright eyes like she’d taken off her stage make up in a hurry, and she looked very comfortable in a hoodie, leggings, and a beanie pulled snugly down over her ears. A stark contrast from the costumes she donned on stage only moments again, but breathtaking all the same. Her eyes crinkled in the corners as she smiled and her mouth moved with words of gratitude and greeting. 

Britt was practically jumping in place with her excitement to see her friend, but we waited for the crowd to thin before Britt let out a loud and excited “Y/N!” Then, she ran the short distance to crash into her friend.

“Britt! Oh my god! I didn’t know you were coming!” Y/N matched her friend’s excitement as she hugged Britt tight to her.

“I told you I would come!” Britt beamed.

“I know, but I didn’t think you meant like tonight. And you brought company!” Y/N’s attention turned to Luke first. “You must be Luke. Heard a lot about you. I’m a hugger, is that okay?”

“Nice to meet ya, darling,” Luke smiled, offering her a hug. “The show was amazing.”

“Aw, thanks! And let’s see…” She brought a finger to her lips as she studied us all. “You two,” the finger pointed at Michael and Crystal, “have to be Michael and Crystal, right? Michael, I hear you give amazing hugs.”

“That would be us,” Michael laughed before giving her a tight bear hug like they were long lost friends.

“Oh damn!” Y/N laughed, her face flushed. “Now that’s a fuckin’ hug! Crystal, you are one lucky lady.”

“Don’t I know it,” Crystal nodded, hugging the other woman. “So wonderful to meet you.”

“Oh, same! It’s amazing to put faces to the names Britt tells me about. I mean, not that it’s hard to put faces to your names cuz… well… it’s just really nice to actually meet you all finally. Which brings me to Ashton and Calum, yes?” she asked, her attention now fully on Calum and me.

“That would be us. I’m Cal,” Cal went first, giving her a quick hug in greeting like everyone else had.

“So that means you have to be Ashton,” she said.

“Yep,” I managed to get out before her arms were wrapping around my shoulders. My arms snaked around her back, reveling in the feeling of holding her against me.

“Don’t tell the others, but you’re the one I’ve been most excited to meet,” her voice whispered in my ear for only me to hear before she let go, and I let her step out of my grasp. I swear she even shot me a covert wink before clapping her hands together. “Oh this is great! I’m so glad y’all could come see the show. I’d love to continue to hang out with y’all, but I am starving. So if you guys had other plans you wanted to do to-“

“Food sounds great,” I interrupted. “Right, guys?”

“I could eat,” Michael agreed while Britt and Luke shot me a grateful look.

“Okay, awesome! There’s this great diner a couple blocks up. Walking distance really. Just um… let me run back inside real quick and grab the rest of my things. Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!” She gave Britt another quick squeeze before dashing back inside the theater.

The man she’d come out with snapped out of his own haze to realize that it was just him and us standing around. “Thanks for coming to the show,” he smiled politely as he took a few slow steps towards the door, giving us ample time to stop him and ask for autographs or pictures, but we didn’t stop him. No offense to him, but we weren’t here for him. But we gave a polite wave and muttered a congratulatory “great show,” as he walked inside.

A few minutes later, the door pushed open and out popped Y/N, laughing loudly as Mr. Broadway laughed with her just a step behind, his hand above hers on the door to help push it open. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, you goof,” she kept laughing, giving him a swift hug.

“Aw c’mon!” he flirted. “The club’s just a short walk down that way. I know the bouncer. Bound to be a good time.”

“I can’t,” she smiled, holding up her hands in apology. “I’m starving for 1, and look! My friends are in town.” One of her arms slung its way across my shoulders, the other across Britt’s. I tried not to smirk. 

The man gave a small laugh as he nodded. “Alright. Well if you guys change your mind after you grab that bite to eat, you know how to reach me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Later, Dean.”

“Later, girlie.”

She blew out her breath as the man walked in the opposite direction from us. “That guy’s a character… C’mon! To food!”

~~~

I’m not sure how it happened, but one minute we were all in a diner, swapping stories with Y/N like we were all old friends catching up instead of just meeting for the first time, and the next it was just her and I walking through Central Park. I was too busy being captivated by the way her eyes sparkled, and her hands flew as she talked animatedly, a smear of ketchup in the corner of her mouth to listen to what my friends' excuses for leaving were, or even if they had tried to get me to follow. All I cared about was being in her presence. “You know, you’re really great, Ash,” she said as she stopped and leaned against the stone wall of the bridge we were crossing, a street lamp casting her in a soft glow. “Can I call you Ash? I heard them all calling you that, so I figured it was okay. But if it’s one of those ‘only my closest friends get to call me that’ then obviously I won’t.”

“Ash is fine,” I giggled. “You’re pretty great yourself. Which makes this next part a little narcissistic, but you kinda remind me of myself a bit.”

“I don’t think that makes you narcissistic. And yes, I’m a hundred percent saying that because I see it too, and don’t want to be a narcissist myself. We have very similar souls, I think.”

“I think we do too,” I told her as I rested my arms on the ledge of the bridge, looking out at the water. “So, um… What's the deal with that co-star of yours? Dean?” I tried to ask slyly.

“Great actor. Bright career. But actually a narcissist.” She gave a small chuckle before sighing. “I’m single. These actor types… well they know how to lay on the charm, let’s put it that way. I don’t want to date someone as a publicity stunt, ya know? I want it to be real. So I’m pretty selective about who I date.”

“Mmm, so that would be a no to coffee in the morning?”

“I didn’t say that.” She spun around so her back was no longer resting along the wall of the bridge. She propped her left elbow on the ledge, cupping her chin in her palm, and her right hand came to rest lightly on top of mine. “I really like you, Ashton. Britt… She tells me stories about you guys all the time. And I get how weird it is to only hear stories about a person and think you’d get on with them. And I also get that there’s only so much you can learn about someone in a few hours through even more stories. But-- and I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am-- I get the feeling that you really like me too. That we have a connection that somehow transcends needing to know more about each other for us to be certain about how we feel about each other. That…” She paused for a moment, looking for how to explain the unexplainable.

“That if I don’t kiss you, I might die,” I supplied, hopeful she meant something along those lines.

“Something like that,” she breathed before we both leaned in, our lips meeting in the middle.

__

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[unproduciblesmackdown]

Fun fact: I googled Winston’s famous “you’re on a revenge jag” quote including the part about digging two graves (neither of which needed to be his). Apparently that was a reference to a Chinese proverb (often attributed to Confucius but not really) that states “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves,” meaning that seeking revenge will probably lead to destroying yourself as well as whoever you’re trying to destroy. In this case, Taylor was screwing over all of Mase (1/2)

(2/2) Cap in their quest to get back at Axe and Winston was understandably pissed at how they were paying for something they didn’t ask to be caught up in. When he said “neither [grave] needs to be mine” he meant that he didn’t have to stay and end up in a grave, which of course led to Mafee attacking him for being “disloyal” for not wanting to be in the crossfire of a revenge plot that he never asked to be a part of. But yeah, make of that what you will. Just something interesting I found.

oh yeah after reading this i also tried to look up if we know the source of the Dig Two Graves saying and apparently we really do not (i.e. yeah frequently attributed to confucius but there’s no actual record of that, been attributed to Ancient Greece or smthing just as baselessly, there’s apparently an idea it could be a rough translation of a japanese aphorism but it’s just an idea)

really winston is laying out his whole Argument v well and i suppose that’s why taylor had No immediate response for him, b/c surely if he Was just gonna complain abt it like “this sucks >:/” and leave it at that, they’d be prepared to maybe handle that level of disgruntlement and have some methods in mind to shut it down, but winston is just Right and is being thorough about why he’s right and like. i don’t think they Can really argue with it, much less were prepared to do so in that moment, and sure seems like they did ultimately agree with him / listen to him seeing as they turn around (in 4x12, not 4x11, rip) to say they Had gotten off-course and weren’t interested in taking the revenge jag route, actually

like, he’s walking through why the Revenge Jag is the only reason they’re not getting bonuses, vs mafee just ascribing it to a general strategy to Save Resources in year 1 of the fund.......pointing out that if taylor Wanted to pay *anyone* full bonuses, they Could prioritize their top employees which does included winston even though he gets no backup on that outside of 3x11 and certainly not now when he’s Cringe N Fail cuz he said Moi while insisting on his value (and when the general audience of the show seems to have decided he’s out-of-line Egotistical for taking pride in his ability and never downplaying it / the value of it) as well as the fact that this isn’t about “oh i Would pay you if i Could” b/c he knows they’re not just waiting for some influx of funds, they’re Only holding back on paying people because they’re Anticipating the [dig two graves] situation, i.e. it’s Because they’re now planning to reorient their strategy around Actively Battling Axe Cap (in that they’re now intending to go on the offensive rather than just reacting defensively to axe’s attacks) that they foresee a need to Conserve Resources b/c they know this course of action could be “damaging” to mase cap by costing them money. and that taylor is putting that Anticipated Burden of an unnecessary plan that they personally chose......like, taylor’s employees don’t really get a say in this shift where the overall direction of the fund is now: Revenge Jag, but they’re pretty literally paying for it, aka having that [dig two graves] Cost put on them, aka neither grave has to be winston’s......

plus winston has Especial reason to be upset with this shift towards revenge jag, b/c he’s the quantitative guy, and this isn’t a Quantitatively Driven approach, as evident by him in 4x08 talking abt how the numbers don’t back up this particular strategy and in 4x12 when taylor’s talking about returning to their mathematical model and then winston says Q is for Quantitative Babey which isn’t just a total nonsequitur......Revenge Jag Tmc would be less focused on the quant-driven approach and thus winston’s work would be less relevant and he wouldn’t be able to just do his best shit for them if it kept being the case like “yeah we’re pursuing this strategy b/c first and foremost it’d suck for axe” so he’d have reason to feel like not only is he being Devalued right now in not being worth like, basically investing in as a Resource (like, speaking of conserving them, Not driving off your head quant would = conserving a resource) but in the future his contributions and ideas might continue to be pushed aside b/c like, again with the Dig Two Graves, the revenge jag probably isn’t gonna be quantitatively-friendly and he’d have to keep writing off his own potential input / have his own strategies be valued less b/c they’re deprioritized in favor of “what might be damaging for axe cap”

and then from a more Meta perspective, there’s the fact that mase cap only has four named non-taylor people, and mafee’s feeling Especially obligated to provide taylor with immediate and unconditional support thanks to his whole “oops i spilled some intel” thing, and sara really wouldn’t criticize this move even if she didn’t 100% individually love it either, b/c it Would conserve resources for tmc and she’s more about telling taylor what they need to do from the “you gotta do this thing you might not personally wanna do to make / avoid losing money” and this is like, the opposite of that, and sara would also probably save such input for a one-on-one meeting lol, and lauren’s not gonna say anything, so really only winston is Available to speak up lol

and that transitions right into how winston’s also immediately proven correct in criticizing the whole structure of this “choice” they’re getting, in that they’re all pressured to take the [defer bonus for a year] route and this is happening not through Direct pressure from taylor, but the expectation that the Social Dynamics among coworkers will push everyone to defer. like, clearly the thing is that everyone’s going to be worried that if anyone’s deferring, that’ll make those employees Look Good b/c they’re proving their Loyalty and “taking one for the team,” and a reasonable worry that those employees will thus be Preferred going forward. and in this moment that winston’s bringing it up, he’s also, you know, arguing with his boss and gets no support / backup on it not only b/c none of the other people present wanna actually make these Complaints themselves / back them up even if, like mafee, they’re evidently not personally thrilled about it, but also b/c winston really doesn’t seem to have much support in s4 beyond taylor’s indirect and implicit validation, which he of course isn’t gonna get here, and if people were willing to ignore / dismiss winston’s input and/or dunk on him about it over basically Nothing before, here’s a chance to choose between “hmm Winston Vs Taylor” like. nobody’s gonna side with winston, maybe not even if he Was popular and beloved, but he’s apparently the guy nobody has much respect / appreciation for and broadly dislikes, so it’s just like. he has Points, and mafee doesn’t even argue against those, just argues against winston daring to bring them up at all, because a) mafee is looking to continue Proving his support of taylor anyways and here’s an obvious avenue to do so by just shoving winston into a locker b/c you easily Can and b) he’s attacking winston not for being Wrong but for being Disloyal for not just Supporting taylor here and being whiny rather than taking one for the team and whatever nonsense about “if you don’t like it, become ceo of your own fund” like, the lesson here is to unionize......but really winston is just proven Right by mafee, a coworker, immediately making this an issue of Loyalty and by winston only caving not b/c he accepts that he’s Wrong on any of his points but b/c he’s being Social Pressured here in the form of “being yelled at / insulted and when he’s yelled at / insulted winston seems to just want it to Be Over, reasonably,” and taylor doesn’t Have to pressure him themself if their employees will pressure each other For them

god i’m still mad about 4x11 lmfao. bitter 5ever like how can you not be. he was Right but it didn’t matter b/c nobody was gonna stick up for him in the face of a) backign Taylor instead or b) in the face of anything, tbh. that shit didn’t kick in until s5, finally, and still only Partially.....peak standing up for winston in the form of rian in 5x05 going “yeah i’ll casually argue for why you shouldn’t fire him" and “oh you’re saying winston should have a drink? i’m saying he should do whatever he wants b/c what are you, shit at math?” thank you rian. probably totally unnecessary and that’s what winston deserves for once, like, go Beyond “someone intervening only if the most belligerent and bullying axe capper comes storming over to yell at winston, but if bill uses his inside voice it’s okay to just monitor the situation even if it involves threats and getting all up in winston’s space like a creep” i don’t think rian would be a silent observer to that

tl;dr Yeah Agree lmao sorry it took me ages to answer this....i was like “oh god i gotta be semi-Coherent for this one and say smthing beyond ‘yeah agree’” and i procrastinated that for this whole time b/c it’s intimidating to think of trying to accomplish that. thank u for the ask lol

[izzy-b-hands]

Family

Synopsis: Set at the beginning of the 1982 Hot Space North American Tour, in an AU in which the lads have decided they’ll have their families along for the first few dates of the tour. A bit of a fun family vacation of sorts, right? 

However, traveling with that many people in one go doesn’t always go smoothly, and this time is no different for that, resulting in Freddie as the sole caretaker for six children (all under ten: Robert Deacon is 7, Michael Deacon is 4, James (who goes by Jim/Jimmy nowadays) May is 4, Laura Deacon is 3, Felix Taylor is 2, and Louisa May is a year old in this fic) on a nearly 8 hour flight from London to the first tour stop in Montreal, Canada. 

How bad can that be, right? That’s what Freddie’s asking himself in this, as well!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“It’ll only be for a moment!” 

“That’s fine,” Freddie said, and watched as Robert moved to stand by him at his right side. Michael followed, clutching at the leg of his trousers, staring up at John as if he was sure they were being abandoned. Laura, in John’s arms, happily moved to Freddie’s, apparently uncaring for now if Dad was leaving, so long as there was some adult to hold her. 

“Really, we just forgot...I’ve forgotten what we forgot, Ronnie!” 

Veronica smiled as she gently pushed John passed them, towards the entrance of the airport. “Thankfully I remember, so you just focus on getting us back home quickly, hm?” 

It was awkward, at first. If only in that Robert and Michael seemed to think slightly that they’d been abandoned forever with their Uncle Freddie, and if he had to judge by the looks on their faces, they weren’t sure how they felt about that. Laura was utterly, delightfully, unbothered, babbling to him and pointing at the planes visible out the window. 

“They finally ran away, did they?” Roger laughed as he walked up, Felix wiggling in his arms. “What, you want to go see everyone? Alright, go. We’ll just see how much we can bog Uncle Freddie down with children, shall we?” 

Felix toddled as fast as he could over, and Freddie set Laura down as they started to conversate in whatever odd language young children spoke in. 

“They left their luggage at home,” Freddie said. “Remembered all the children, but forgot everything else.” 

“Probably better they didn’t forget the children and bring only the luggage though,” Dom pointed out. 

“That’s fair,” Freddie smiled. “Speaking of, did you both check your things already?” 

There was a beat, and the color drained from Roger and Dom’s faces. 

“You’re joking,” Freddie laughed. “Let me guess, if I can watch Felix-” 

“We’ll be right back,” Roger promised. “Fuck’s sake, John and Ronnie can never know.” 

“Why, because then you can’t make fun of them for doing the same thing?” Freddie asked, but they were already off, headed out the doors of the airport. 

He was starting to get some looks now, but that was fair enough. He was surrounded quite literally; four children plus his own luggage made him look like a particularly odd single father, he guessed. 

“Is my dad coming back?” Robert asked softly, tugging gently at his trousers. 

“He is,” Freddie replied. “He has to, or I’d have to learn bass and play at the shows. I don’t think I can do that.” 

“What if he doesn’t come back?” Michael piped up, tugging at his trouser leg at his other side. 

“Then I suppose we could make you two play in his place,” Freddie said. “What do you think of that? You two play, and Laura can be your bass tech.” 

“She can’t do that, she’s too little,” Robert said. 

“Am not!” Laura turned from her half-nonsense conversation with Felix for that, an admirable amount of multitasking for someone as little as she was. 

“Are too,” Michael muttered. “I could do it.” 

“That’s settled then,” Freddie said. 

“What if Uncle Roger doesn’t come back either?” Robert added.

“Then I suppose we put Felix somewhere else on the road crew, and I learn how to drum and sing,” Freddie said. “Uncle Roger knows how, I could probably learn how to as well, don’t you think?” 

“I don’t know,” Robert giggled. “Maybe Felix can play them.” 

“You think so? He’s awfully small,” Freddie said as he reached to snag Felix back towards them as he tried to wander off. “What do you say Felix? You can hit things, right?” 

Felix however, seemed far more upset at having his wandering plans thwarted, and pressed his face into Freddie’s shoulder as he whimpered. 

“I wonder when Uncle Brian will get here,” he muttered, half to the kids and half to himself. It wasn’t that he couldn’t handle the kids, but kids could be easily bored, and the last thing he wanted to do was try and chase down four of them in opposite directions while hauling his suitcases. 

“I could find him,” Robert offered. 

“I don’t know if he’s even here yet,” Freddie said. “You just stay put here with me.” 

“’Kay, but I’m the oldest, so if we gotta find him, then I can do it,” Robert said. “I really can!” 

“I know you can,” Freddie soothed. “But I don’t want any of you wandering away on me, alright?” 

“I’m seven,” Robert stressed. “I can do stuff on my own.” 

“Can you drive?” Freddie asked. “Because I can’t.” 

“...What?” Robert giggled. 

“I can’t drive; you said you’re seven and ‘can do stuff on your own’, so I presume you’ll take over driving all of us around,” Freddie smiled. 

That was Robert giggling and happy, but Michael and Laura had started a game of ‘who can push the other over harder, over and over again’, and Felix was actively crying now, squirming to be put down. 

“Why don’t we talk about what we’re excited to see on tour,” Freddie tried as he fought to keep Felix in his arms. “We’re going to the United States, that’s exciting, isn’t it?” 

Not a response from any of them, not even Robert, who was now arguing with Michael over pushing Laura, who was trying to push both of them down even as Robert argued in her defense. 

“Moments like these, I think of my mum,” Freddie told Felix, who faced him with tears in his eyes, hiccupping with frustrated sobs. “She only had two, but I’m sure we had our moments like this. Hell, I know we did! And she just dealt with it. Isn’t that something?” 

Felix screamed, and tossed his head into Freddie’s shoulder hard enough to hurt. 

“The feeling is mutual,” Freddie sighed, waving at a couple staring at them.

“What on Earth is all of this?” Brian’s voice, gentle but just loud enough to be heard over the din, was the best sound. 

“This is our two bandmates can only handle remembering one set of things at a time,” Freddie replied. “Either children, or luggage. But not both.”  

James trailed by Brian’s legs, and Louisa stared from his arms, eyes wide at the sight in front of her. 

Brian laughed. “Okay, but really, what are they off doing?” 

Freddie stared at him, and waited. 

Chrissie shrugged as she set down their luggage. “Well, it happens. I mean, I suppose it could. We’ve got everything though! Children, luggage...” 

She patted her purse, then dug through it. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Did you take the tickets out of my purse?” 

Brian shook his head. “I didn’t know you had them in there!” 

“I did, because otherwise you’d have forgotten them in the house somewhere,” Chrissie sighed. “But apparently that wasn’t foolproof a method either, and I’m no better.” 

Brian looked to Freddie, then to his kids, and winced. “Fred, you know you’re my best friend-” 

“I can’t hold both Louisa and Felix,” Freddie sighed. “Especially not with this one so upset.” 

“Hang on,” Chrissie said, and held up a small pop-up stroller. “We brought it for ours of course, but it should keep him restrained.” 

It was a mess of baby-exchanging: Freddie handed her Felix, took Louisa from Brian, while Brian popped open the stroller, put Felix into it, and it took him and Chrissie fighting to get him strapped in. 

“Can you be good for Uncle Freddie?” Brian folded in on himself to lean down and ask James. “We’ll be back soon, after we get the tickets.” 

James nodded, and blessedly distracted Michael from his debate with Robert of ‘should I be allowed to push my sister over multiple times because I’m bored.’ 

For a moment, it was quiet, and he didn’t feel panicked as Brian and Chrissie rushed off, leaving him with the rest of their luggage and all six children. 

Then the announcement for their flight came over the tannoy, and the panic rushed back. 

“Robert, you remember how you’re the oldest and very independent and helpful?” Freddie asked him quickly, hoping his frustration and worry wasn’t coming through. 

Robert nodded. 

“Can you push Felix towards the gate if I help you some?” Freddie continued. “I don’t have enough hands to hold hands with all of you.” 

It was like watching a little mini-version of John then, and if he hadn’t been focused on figuring out how he was going to keep them all from missing their flight, he would have had a moment to enjoy how endearing and sweet it was. 

“Michael, you and James gotta hold hands,” Robert instructed. 

“Why?” Michael asked. 

“Cuz otherwise you’ll be lost in the airport forever,” Robert said simply, as if it was a well-known and certain fact. “That’s how they get the pilots who fly the planes, I think. It’s just kids that got lost here.” 

“That’s kind of a lot of lost children,” Freddie couldn’t help but comment, but Robert only shrugged at him. 

“Laura, you gotta hold hands with me,” Robert continued. “And Uncle Freddie’ll help me push Felix and hold Louisa and all the suitcases, and then we’ll get on the plane.” 

“Well, we need to wait for your parents,” Freddie chuckled. “But we should at least be in the right place, and maybe I can convince them to hold the flight for us...” 

“I got our tickets,” Robert said, and pulled three tightly folded tickets from his small jeans pocket. “And I saw Felix’s in the pocket on his overalls, and I bet James has his and Louisa’s.” 

“I was gonna tell Daddy, but I forgot,” James said softly. “But I only have ours, not his and Mommy’s. I grabbed them off the table this morning.” 

“And you’ve got your ticket,” Robert said. “So we can get on the plane and meet everyone in America!” 

As if by the grace of some god, a flight attendant with her own suitcase in hand walked over. “I’m sorry, but I-. Well, I recognized you and I know you’re on the list for the flight I’m on today, and you just look like you need an extra set of hands.” 

“I can’t grab the suitcases,” Freddie admitted miserably. “I was going to come running back for them once I got the kids to the gate.” 

“How about I take a couple, and get us some more help?” the flight attendant offered, and he’d never nodded so fast. 

It was slightly awkward, traipsing towards their gate with a small herd of children, the flight attendant, and two others she’d grabbed helping to carry his luggage as well as Brian and Chrissie’s, but they made it. 

“We could get you all on,” she said as they arrived. “We’ll get this luggage on the plane, help get you and the kids settled. I’m sure the rest of the band will be back shortly.” 

“They said a few minutes,” Freddie said as he adjusted Louisa, blessedly, wonderfully calm, Louisa, onto his hip. “It’s been quite a bit longer now.” 

“We won’t leave them behind,” she promised, and it was that promise that made him feel secure enough to get himself and the kids boarded. At least then they could sit down, even if they’d be playing a game of seat changing later once everyone else arrived. 

---

“Uncle Freddie?” James, sat on his left, asked. “What happens if the plane crashes?” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Freddie muttered, quiet enough that the kids couldn’t hear. 

He had Louisa and Felix awkwardly sharing his lap for now, James on his left, Michael on his right, and Laura and Robert in the row behind them (which Robert was incredibly proud of, still gushing away about how excited he was to tell John and Ronnie how grown up he’d been and how he’d helped Uncle Freddie.) 

“The plane won’t crash,” Freddie replied. 

“But planes can crash though,” James said. “I heard Daddy talk about it once, how planes can crash like space ships, and how there’s stuff to make it not go on fire right away, but the people inside-” 

Michael was looking pale the longer James talked, and Freddie could sense the impending panicked wailing that was sure to happen if James kept on. 

“That’s all true,” Freddie interrupted. “But ours won’t.”

“Because it’s a really good plane?” Michael asked, so quietly he could just barely be heard. 

“Exactly,” Freddie said. “We paid extra for a plane that can’t crash.” 

“I don’t think that’s true!” Robert called over the seats. “That’s not how planes work! My dad read me a book about them, and-” 

“We never did talk about how exciting it is to be going to the States, did we?” Freddie interrupted again. “I’m excited to go there, aren’t all of you?” 

“As long as we don’t crash,” James said. “And what are we going to do there?” 

“We’re going to perform,” Freddie said. “Play music for lots of lovely people!” 

“Yeah, but what about us?” Robert asked. “That’s what you’re doing, and what our dads are doing. What are we going to be doing?” 

“I suppose your mums will take you around wherever we are, and you’ll get to explore, maybe go shopping,” Freddie replied, ignoring the glares of other passengers. They had been talked out of a private flight for this one, told to save it for the ride home instead. He was regretting that now. “We’re starting in Canada, actually. Montreal. I bet you’ll all find something you like about being there.” 

“I don’t know where that is,” James said. 

“Well, it’s near America. On top,” Freddie said.

James gave him a look that let him know that that meant exactly nothing to him. 

“The point is, you’ll all like it,” Freddie said as he peered down the aisle, hoping he’d see everyone else boarding. 

“Mr. Mercury,” the flight attendant who had helped them, Theresa, and now thankfully seemed to consider it her mission to help them for the rest of the flight, said as she approached. “We’ve had word from the rest of the band.” 

“They’re nearly here?” 

She shook her head and winced. “Mr. and Mrs. Deacon were, but were in a minor fender bender on the way back. We’ve moved them to a private flight tomorrow. Mr. Taylor and his partner, Dominique? Lovely woman, may I say, we talked for a bit on the phone; they decided to stay and go with the Deacons on the flight tomorrow as they fear they won’t make it back in time, and I’ve been told we can only delay ten minutes more.” 

“And Brian and Chrissie? They’re nearly here then,” Freddie said, a smile on his face, but his muscles were tense in a brand new sort of panic over the idea of being alone in Canada with six children. 

“They couldn’t find their tickets, and I did let them know that their son had the ones for himself and his siblings, so that was a relief for them,” Theresa replied. “But as a result, with the time crunch, we couldn’t arrange new tickets for them so late, so-” 

“They’re going on the private flight tomorrow,” Freddie finished with a sigh. 

She nodded. “If you need anything, let me know. Extra snacks, crayons, whatever. We’ll get all of you through this and safely to Montreal, I promise.” 

James looked up at him, and psychically, he begged him not to say what he knew James was thinking.

“Uncle Freddie, what if the plane crashes and we don’t ever see our mommies or daddies again?” 

---

He had never thought about his strength in multitasking, but he could think of nothing else now. 

Louisa and Felix had finally fallen asleep against him at about hour three of the flight. It meant they were still out by the time dinner came around, but none of it was really anything you could safely give a one and two year old, so he planned to find a way to get them fed once they landed. Not ideal, but it wasn’t as if he had much to give them aside from the packets of crackers and some water Theresa had given him to put aside, and he wasn’t waking them only to disappoint them with that. That could wait until they woke up naturally. 

The rest, however, needed to eat, and he had only two hands. 

“I don’t really like peas,” James sighed as he stared at the tin, square, sectioned plate. “Do I have to eat them?” 

“Try them at least, so I can tell your parents you ate more than crisps and cake,” Freddie replied. Said crisp bags and small packages of cake were safely held on his tray, away from tiny prying hands who would surely eat just that and nothing else if given half the chance. 

“I ate all mine, can I have my cake?” Robert shouted over the seats.

“Volume, Robert,” Freddie scolded gently. “And did you really? Laura, is he lying?” 

Laura giggled, and that was answer enough. 

“Keep at your dinner, and then you can have the cake, I swear,” Freddie said. “Make sure your sister eats too, please! I can’t get back there, otherwise I’d do that myself.” 

“Is this what being a grown up is like, all the time?” Robert asked.

“Sort of,” Freddie replied. “Sometimes, at least.” 

“I think I’d like to go back to being six then,” Robert declared.

“Wouldn’t we all,” Freddie murmured as he carefully turned to Michael. “Well, look at you! Thank you for eating so well.” 

“I just really want cake,” Michael said, his tone shameful. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Freddie asked, and waited a moment for Michael to nod. “That’s why most adults eat well too. We all want cake, but you can’t have just that when you’re my age. People expect you to eat your veg and be very responsible before you even look at cake.” 

“That sounds terrible,” Michael said gravely. 

“You get used to it,” Freddie reassured him. “Think you can wait till the others are done, then we hand out dessert?” 

Michael nodded again, and Freddie silently thanked the universe that John and Ronnie had parented so well. 

Cake, however, turned out to be the answer to getting the rest of them to sleep. As soon as they’d finished and the plates were taken away, they all fell silent. 

Which was lovely, except-

“Legs gone numb?” Theresa whispered as she walked up to them. 

Freddie nodded. “It’s alright. There’s only, what, four more hours until we land?” 

She giggled quietly. “I can get the other attendant, we could take the two in your lap, give you a moment to stand?” 

“Might wake these two then,” Freddie said and carefully gestured to James and Michael. “Can’t have that.” 

“Can’t have you dying of an embolism in your legs either,” Theresa noted. 

“...I suppose if you don’t mind holding them for a minute,” Freddie said. 

A few moments later he’d handed over a half-woken Louisa and Felix to Theresa and her fellow attendant, moving as mindfully as he could to not wake James and Michael, even though his legs were absolutely rubber by now. 

“Take your time,” Theresa encouraged as she used her free hand to retrieve the crackers and water from his seat. “Use the restroom, walk the aisle some. We’ll see if we can’t get these two to eat by the time you’re back.” 

He felt somewhat bad leaving them, but all the same, even a bathroom break alone was oddly freeing. He hadn’t ever paid much mind to Ronnie and Dom and Chrissie talking about that, mentioning how each moment they got alone during the day was a gift, but he felt like he was starting to get it now, though admittedly at a much milder degree. 

Even so, he found himself rushing back as soon as he had feeling back in his legs. 

“They didn’t eat much, but we got water in them at least,” Theresa fretted as she handed him back Louisa, then passed Felix over from the other attendant. “I can call some places in Montreal, arrange to have baby food brought to your hotel, if you’d like?” 

“Only if it’s not too much trouble,” Freddie replied. “I could-” 

He had nearly said ‘take them to the store’, but it hit him that he would be dragging six tired, fussy, not-that-well-fed children through a store in a strange country. 

It was as if Theresa had guessed what he meant to say, and she shook her head. “No trouble at all. Besides, what a story I’ll have to tell the family when I get back home!” 

“It is one for the ages, isn’t it?” he chuckled. “Can’t imagine what everyone else must be thinking, but then again, I don’t know that I care. I’m just grateful we’ve made it this far.” 

“And we’ll be there before you know it,” Theresa said. 

---

He had hoped he might be able to later say the remaining four hours had passed quickly, more like four minutes.

But no, they’d passed like exactly four hours, and they were all feeling it by the time they landed. 

“Are we going to bed?” Robert asked softly as they followed Theresa through the airport towards the taxi bay. “I think it’s past my bedtime.” 

“It’s past mine too,” Freddie said. “So yes, we are. We’ll get to the hotel, get you all settled, I’ll get Louisa and Felix fed...but the rest of you are free to sleep as soon as we get you into bed.”

“I can help feed them if you want,” Robert offered, and it was so achingly, sweetly, like his father that it nearly brought tears to Freddie’s eyes. He was exhausted, but John had taught him well, and so he was still thinking of helping, even so. 

“That’s sweet of you, but I think you did a good job being grown up today,” Freddie replied. “So you can take a break and just be a kid the rest of the night, if you’d rather.” 

“I think I would like that,” Robert admitted. 

“Then all you have to worry about is helping take the suitcases in, getting into your pajamas, and brushing your teeth,” Freddie said. “Let me worry about the little ones.” 

Which was really all that kept him awake as he wished Theresa well (and made a mental note to call the airline and tell them to reward her for her help), and settled in for the thankfully not horribly long ride to the hotel. It kept him going through the hauling of the children and the luggage inside (and bless the hotel workers who rushed from behind the front desk to help him), and then through waiting for the baby food to be delivered. 

“I know, you want to sleep,” Freddie sighed as he watched Louisa rub at her eyes with tiny balled up fists. “I would love to sleep too, but you’ve barely eaten. Just a little, for me?” 

Felix watched from one of the two cribs the hotel staff had dragged up and into his room, eyes heavy. 

“You want to try instead?” Freddie asked him. “Should we let Louisa lie down?” 

Felix yawned, and flopped down into his crib without a sound. 

“Fine,” Freddie said. “We’ll try again in the morning, alright?” 

Louisa listened, but didn’t seem to care, as he lay her down in the other crib. 

The other kids didn’t so much as move, all out and sleeping heavily. The hotel had moved him into an open room that had two beds, plus the room for the cribs. Blessedly, there had been no argument from the older four in sharing one of the two beds, all of them snuggled up like kittens. 

He was beyond excited for his bed, even if it felt like hell dragging himself around, trying to get ready as quietly as possible. 

Finally, he could lay down, and sleep. 

Except he couldn’t keep his eyes shut for more than a half second before snapping them open and looking over to the bed and cribs. 

He turned, and let out an angry growl into his pillow. Every mention his mother or the Queen significant others had ever made about children dying in their sleep was in his head now. 

“They’ll be fine,” he hissed under his breath to himself. “Go to sleep!” 

But his eyes wouldn’t close again, and there was just enough of a shot of adrenaline to keep him up. 

However, he did have a book that Roger had given him a few days prior, and he could read that if nothing else. Something science fiction, though Roger swore ‘different from Dune’ (since his attempt at reading Roger’s copy of that hadn’t gone swimmingly.) 

He was trying to make sense of the words, trying to enjoy the story, when a little hand touched his bare foot. 

He didn’t mean to jump, but it was utterly a reflex. “Robert! What are you doing up?” 

“Can’t sleep,” Robert whispered. “What’re you reading?” 

“Something Uncle Roger thinks I’ll like,” Freddie said. 

“I thought you were tired?” 

“I am,” Freddie said. He wasn’t about to go into the intricacies of his fear that somehow his friends’ children would die under his care, in the night. “But not enough to sleep yet.” 

“Could you read to us?” 

Freddie looked over, and laughed. 

The babies were still asleep, their soft breathing audible in the quiet of the room. But the older children, minus Robert of course who was stood at his bedside, were all awake, looking over at him, as they waited for an answer. 

“Honestly, I have no idea if this story is appropriate for kids,” Freddie said. “But I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll read it anyway, and any bits you shouldn’t hear, I’ll make something up. How about that?” 

Robert nodded and bounced back into the bed.  

He settled onto the end of the bed, cognizant of the many sets of eyes on him. “Now, this is set...well, I don’t remember. I’m half-asleep, I think. Let’s start all the way over...”  ---

He woke up to a gentle prodding at his shoulder, and horrible crick in his neck. 

Sitting up from where he had apparently dropped back on the end of the bed, his neck over the edge of it, was painful, but he tried not to wince as he moved. Again, many small eyes were on him, and he didn’t want to upset or alarm them. 

“The lady from the front desk said Uncle Brian called,” Robert said. “I hope it’s okay I answered the door to talk to her.” 

“It’s okay,” Freddie yawned. “What did Uncle Brian say?” 

“That they’re hoping to be here by tonight, and that they hope we’re being good for you,” Robert replied. 

“He shouldn’t worry,” Freddie said. “We’ll have a good report to give them; you’ve all been angels, all things considered.” 

He stood, and fumbled with the card in the bedside drawer that held internal phone numbers for the hotel. “Have you ever made a phone call all on your own, Robert?” 

He nodded. 

“How about you handle the actual call for room service, and we’ll all tell you what to say we want, hm?” 

He handed the menu book over to the other three older kids, and let them crowd around Robert, with them occasionally turning to ask him what a word here or there was on the menu. 

Was it reckless, letting four children (not counting Louisa and Felix, who he was sorry to say would be getting more of the baby food from the night prior whether they liked it or not) go wild and order whatever they wanted for breakfast? 

Probably, but he certainly wasn’t up to taking them outside of the hotel, and maybe, just maybe, a mini feast of sorts would help keep them entertained in the hotel until their parents got there. 

And clearly, it would make them happy. Considering the last day or so they’d had, they deserved that. 

[larriefails]

This new BPH2 post, she really can’t let go of 1D or the past, can she?

The amount of drivel...

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Harry was portrayed as a lothario BEFORE July 2011? By whom? Doing what? He didn’t date anyone until C*roline (sorry, I make one exception for censoring names and that’s for child groomers) in like, November 2011, there were jokes about him liking Madison, the girl from WMYB but that wouldn’t be until August anyway. Articles about various 1D members dating or hooking up with fans were run of the mill, but that was for all of them. Cher Lloyd got linked to literally every member except Louis, and that’s because he had a girlfriend. Harry was seen as flirty and fans joked around about his unfortunate pussygate moment, but clearly, he brought that on himself, and it was after X Factor anyway

The only possible “Harry is a lothario” push she could be talking about is that jokey video where Harry is seen as having overlapping dates with all the girls at boot camp, but it’s obviously tongue in cheek, it finishes with Harry going on a date with Wagner, a 50 something year old Portuguese (?) man. And this was BEFORE the band was put together. Why would Liam, or anyone, have to be seen as a lothario anyway? Confused

Louis and Hannah’s relationship wasn’t “spotlighted” they were just dating... so she was there... and they talked about it on the show I think once, maybe twice. None of the other boys had significant others at the beginning. When Zayn started dating one of the girls from Belle Amie (a girl group that was competing there as well), it was actually spotlighted, same when he dated Rebecca Ferguson

She says “switching 1Direction to One Direction” to seem knowledgeable, it’s hilarious. One Direction’s twitter account was created on October 29th 2010 and it was already stylized “OneDirection,” this is just a “the more you know” bullet point she learned that she decided to throw in there to get more credibility. Anyone that’s been a fan for long already knew this, it was stated as a fact in one of their books, but don’t ask me which one now cuz it’s been 7 years. Anyways, what an important marketing decision, Kati, it surely affected a lot of the outcome of the band that would be known as “1D” by 90% of its fanbase anyway

“But there was no larger strategy until July 2011″

NO SHIT SHERLOCK. U wanna know why? Because they didn’t have music out until August... you really are some fresh brand of stupid, huh. Who would waste money in marketing campaigns months and months before having any music to sell? All of them were heavily involved in social media anyway, and with strategic performances here and there, some interviews, a very well received book, signing days, and several other nuggets, they managed to build a stronger fanbase and a lot of anticipation by the time they released WMYB. There was definitely marketing, but, no, of course there wasn’t an overarching marketing campaign for a band with no music for six months.. Just like there isn’t, idk, a hot air balloon business for cheetahs..

And that’s how she starts.. everything after that is drivel and more and more drivel. Very little of it makes any sort of sense or is backed up by any facts other than her wanting things to be that way

Such as this entire paragraph which has me in fucking stitches

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Listen, I’m sure more older people became fans as the band became more popular, and I’m sure there are some men sprinkled in between, but PROFOUND DEMOGRAPHIC SHIFT? Except Harry and Zayn, who have cultivated an older skewing demographic, the core fan base is STILL 13-18 year old girls. And even Harry and Zayn have large percentages of their fan base in that age group still. She really thinks the tumblr side of fandom is in any way indicative of the larger fandom, it’s fascinating to read someone that’s supposed to be old and wise, who’s a mother and a wife, be so blatantly wrong and so delusional. Not even in the tumblr side of fandom now are the fans mostly older with established careers. That’s just the big Larries, and big Larries are what? 1 in 2,000 One Direction blogs? (and I doubt at least 50% of their “well established careers” are real, but I’m not into doxxing people so I’ll take their word for it)

I almost lost my mind when she called tumblr tinhat wank “objective debate and evidence-based discussion.” OBJECTIVE! O B J E C T I V E? bulletprooflarry, the person that left tumblr for a month when Harry announced his solo career because she had been saying for ages he’d never go solo and couldn’t handle being so OBJECTIVELY wrong, is talking about OBJECTIVE DISCUSSION???? Kati you wouldn’t know what actual objective discussion is if it slapped you repeatedly with something smelly while yelling “I am objective discussion” as a plane writes in the sky “objective discussion is slapping you in the face” and some sirens wailed in the distance

Not even gonna go there with “evidence-based” .. I’m sure ur tag “all the reasons ever needed” filled with cropped and edited gifs of 17 yo Harry and 19 yo Louis looking at each other for 0.03 seconds in slow mo would hold in court very well

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H I L A R I O U S. Never seen before! Novel!!!! Only happening because of “this new smarter fandom with professional experience”! No other tinhat fandom doubts the protagonists of their conspiracy theory handle their social media! That’s just the new smarter fandom filled with professional men and women in 1D. Crisscolfer, Kaylor, Supernatural, Camren, you name it. Any CT mined fandom where social media is used, believes the exact same bullshit, Kati. U R NOT SPECIAL. You’re not smarter. The Larrie fandom didn’t “wise up” it tinhatted up. If you left your conspiracy bubble for three seconds and waltzed into literally any other corner of the entertainment world, you’d see that

After this, she drivels on and on about “pics or it didn’t happen” and shit like that. None of it is special to this fandom, Kati. None of it. What you’re describing is tinhatting. It has nothing to do with “this new smarter fandom.” Unless of course you believe in every other celeb conspiracy theory out there and how all the CT fandoms have also, coincidentally, become “smarter”

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This is equal parts self centered, arrogant, delusional, and wrong. 1D’s team did a ton of things to get new fans and it succeeded largely at it. 1D was one of the largest bands in terms of fanbase in the world. It got away with selling millions upon millions of records and selling out stadiums without getting huge songs. To this day a vast majority of the general public only knows 2 or 3 One Direction songs (WMYB, SOML, some will know Drag Me Down). I think it was too big for the teams it had, for sure, but that’s just logic speaking for itself. What other clients the caliber of 1D did Simon Jones, Modest, or Syco have? The only big fish in the game was Columbia. And at times it definitely showed in a lot of things. But to say that they were playing catch up for five years and had no plan whatsoever, is simply disingenuous. And so self aggrandizing.. Recognizing that they had their failures? Cool. Sitting oatur computer at home and pretending that u kknow better how to handle it? Demented

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You know when you read something that’s so wrong that you don’t even know where to start? Yeah..

You were lied about the band getting back together. One by one they have admitted to it, even if not in so many words. First Zayn said he didn’t even like being in 1D ever. Then Harry refused to ever confirm the band would get back together. You had Niall, Liam, and Louis preaching 18 months/2 years, but that soon changed. Niall got tired of being asked a few months into his promo in 2017, said “idk, man, idk! someday!” and asked not to be asked again. Liam lasted a little longer, but he literally said “ask the others, idk, man, idk!” a few months back. The only one standing is Louis, and I firmly believe it’s simply because he hasn’t done as much promo as Niall and Liam, who must’ve reached the point of exhaustion. His defeated “idk, man, idk” is happenning soon. I can feel it in my bones

There’s no leadership in 1DHQ because there is no 1DHQ because there is no 1D. The band is broken up. Gone. Donezo. There’s no one to steer one topic to the next

It’s not the “lack of leadership” which lead the fans to create “microfandoms.” It’s the fact that every member has gone solo..... that created microfandoms. You’re over 40, Kati, please, for the love of God, stop hanging onto a boyband that’s been dead for four years. This is so pathetic to read. Fans less than half your age cried about their lost band for a few days and got over it. You’re still throwing hissy fits on tumblr and talking about it as if it wasn’t deceased

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Just... no

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Louis DOES NOT have the most hardcore fans inside of 1D. He has the most LARRIES. His fanbase is almost entirely conformed by conspiracy theorists, that’s why it seems so hardcore to you. This is not a positive. As a fan of Louis, I can assure you it is not. This doesn’t translate well into literally anything. Y’all are a nuisance and ruin everything. You’re not fans of Louis, you don’t even LIKE HIM. You despise everything about him and everything he is. Everything he does. All the things that have shaped him. You call everything he says a lie and mock his desperate attempts for you to LISTEN TO HIM. That’s the exact opposite of a hardcore fanbase, you shithead. That’s as fickle as it gets, it can (and does) get lost any second. The smallest of his moves can set y’all off and wipe thousands of you from his ranks. Because none of you like even a little of who he really is. Y’all are gonna leave him sooner or later. It’s just a matter of when, not if. Hardcore my fucking ass

What has Harry done to make older white men think he’s cool? Paint his nails? Wear glitter and flowery suits? Sing about men? Proclaim at every chance he gets that he LOVES his mostly female/young audience? That he thinks they’re amazing and how much he appreciates them? What is it that appeals older white men? All the rainbows in everything he does? The only thing “older white men” might like about Harry is his music and its inspiration, that’s where it starts and where it ends, but everything he’s done and said since he’s gone solo is prone to prejudice them against him. He hasn’t lifted a finger to appeal to them. His team didn’t even push his songs on Adult/Contemporary radios (Niall’s did, but I don’t see you talking about that). Yeah, Hall Of Fame will expose him to that audience as well, but you know who else did Hall Of Fame? Miley Cyrus. Was she trying to appeal to older white men? Was that Jannelle Monae’s goal while inducing Janet Jackson? He’s co chairing the MET Gala in a couple of weeks. How’s that for a white older male audience? Being a Gucci model under Alessandro Michele must’ve helped a lot, I’m sure 🙄

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“If One Direction was going to come back” NO. Next question

[kangaroo-r00]

CH4P73R 1

The messy apartment was silent other than the rustling coming from inside the inhabitant’s room. Jay wriggled into his red pants and swung his leg up onto the bed, sliding his knee pad on and securing it in place. He yanked on his red knee high boots and laced them up tight, triple knotting them. He repeated the process with his other leg before pulling his refashioned red hoodie over his head, sliding the elbow pads on afterward. Gloves? Check. Utility belt and backpack? Check, check. He pulled the blue mask on his forehead down, brushing his green hair out of his face and breathed out deeply.

He wasn’t Jay now; he was Jackieboy Man. And he was gonna go out and protect his city.

“SAM? You there, buddy?” He asked the mechanical green eye lying prone on his bedside table, optic nerve hanging off the edge. They chittered in response, blue iris lighting up and shining happily.

Their official name was Surveillance Address Machine and their job was to scan local radio waves and pinpoint areas where crimes were happening. They also doubled as a recording device and camera. It had been quite the task to build them—a combination of scraps, expensive parts, and some other stuff Jackie hadn’t completely understood but used anyway. Powering the little bugger wasn’t easy either. They had to charge all day often times and required many many batteries for the backup power.

“You ready?”

They trilled, leaving their designated spot and hovering next to him.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Jackie took a brief moment to peer out his window, making sure nobody was watching before swinging a leg out and dropping down onto the balcony below in a crouch. He pulled out his grappling hook, shot the harpoon high above the opposite building towards the water tower, and gave a tug to make sure it had grabbed a hold of the bars properly. With a leap onto the railing and a push, he was swinging through the air with a whoop.

While he couldn’t necessarily fly (that’s what his grappling hook was for), he certainly could jump much further than the average person. And land from higher falls without breaking something important.

He narrowly avoided crashing into the building wall, his boots striking the side of the building. Grabbing ahold of a windowsill, he hit the trigger and was yanked upward. Swinging and climbing like a monkey, he dodged window sills, repeating the process like clockwork until he was hanging off the water tower, looking out over Septic City.

The night was cloudy, making lights twinkle like stars on all levels of different buildings. Giant screens on the sides of tall buildings showed bright, colorful ads. People bustled about on the sidewalks far below, going about their night and cars idled on the street in traffic, honks not uncommon. It was a truly beautiful sight to behold.

Jackie sighed wistfully, electric blue eyes roving over the landscape. “Wouldja look at that…”

Unfortunately he only got a mere moment to gaze out over the illuminated city. SAM let out a repeated chirping sound, and with the sound of tuning stations a broadcast filtered through.

“Attention all units, the gang known as “The Puppets” and their gang leader have attacked two of our Watchers at the corner of Silent Avenue and Night Bend. We’re requesting backup…”

Jackie backed away from the edge before taking a running start and leaping off the ledge, running from building to building, using his gloves to latch onto glass surfaces and scale up vertical surfaces.

Recently there had been this… gang going around (nobody was sure what to call it exactly) causing trouble. The reason Jackie uses “gang” lightly was... well…

There was some kind of virus going around causing bouts of paranoia and laughter called “The Giggles” (some smartass journalist had jokingly called it that in an article and the name stuck). It seemed it was passed through blood contact, scratching, biting, whatever causes pain. Infected people went through a bout of illness and disappeared. As infected citizens disappeared, new puppets seemed to join the ranks…  

Jackie knew he shouldn’t be dealing with people who were infected—he was no doctor—but people were getting hurt! If it involved the citizens of his city getting injured then it was his problem. He’d never met the leader though—the other rarely showed up publicly. All he knew was that he was strong and sly based on the attack on Mayor Sean on Halloween and the illness that sent him into a coma nearly a year later.

He landed on the side of a building, surveying the area. The scene was more… unsettling than they let on. There had to be over thirty people there, all standing silently, heads bowed and arms hanging loosely by their sides.

“The hell…” he whispered softly, squinting and activating his x ray vision. There was nothing hiding behind cars or wheelie bins other than a few out of sight puppets.

“It’s fucked, isn’t it?” A familiar voice said tonelessly above him. “Like some horror movie bullshit.”

His head snapped upwards so hard he pulled something. A bedazzled white cat mask with the suit of cards on forehead glared back down at him, the owner sitting with his legs crossed at the ankles dangling over the edge.

“Magnificent,” he greeted curtly. “How’d you know to come here?”

He tossed his long green hair over his shoulder and winked. “I thought you knew this already; a magician never reveals his secrets.”

Jackie rolled his eyes, huffing in annoyance. One day he would figure out how he pulled this shit off but it appeared today wasn’t the day. “Well, Mr. Magician, how do you suppose we handle this situation? Know anything I don’t?”

Magnificent hummed lightly, turning his attention back to the people littering the streets below. “They appeared to have calmed down. The two Watchers booked it and then they all just… froze up. Haven’t moved since.”

“They all froze up? At the same time?”

Magnificent nodded. “Yeah. It was fucking freaky.”

Jackie was stumped. “So….. they’re what? A hivemind?”

“I wouldn’t say that necessarily—we’ve seen them do different things—but there’s definitely someone pulling the strings.”

Jackie turned to face SAM. “SAM, start recording my voice on 3… 2… 1. This is Jackieboy Man—”

“I’m here too!” The other butted in obnoxiously.

“And Magnificent calling in to say we’re currently handling the situation alone to reduce casualties should any arise.” A prolonged moment of silence so SAM knew to stop recording and cut out the empty bit of recording. “Send it to the Watchers’ headquarters, SAM, please and thank you.”

Magnificent snickered behind a gloved hand. “I can’t believe you say please and thank you to a robot.”

“Fuck off; it’s called being polite.” Jackie snipped back. “And stay out of my fucking calls!”

“Nah, it’s more fun. Besides, people might forget about me.”

“Only cuz you’re a recluse.”

“Oh piss off, some of us have a job to do.”

Jackie’s eyebrows knit together. “At night?” That was the closest thing he’s ever gotten to information about Magnificent’s personal life.

“Yes, through dusk and the beginning of night.” He sighed and stood, cape billowing out behind him as a gentle breeze kicked up. “Shall we go and investigate, my darling hero?”

“We shall, Mr. Magician,” he snarked.

The black cape behind him turned into a pair of large feathery black wings and the other stepped off the edge, allowing his wings to snap out behind him and slow his descent.

“Show off,” he muttered, dropping down and landing in the classic superhero pose. He stood, dusting himself off before saying, “SAM, start recording both scene and audio.” He took a moment to yank off his gloves and slip on his brass knuckles.

Magnificent stalked forward with intent, whistling casually, dress shoes clicking against the asphalt the only sound on the empty streets. He stopped briefly to wave a hand in front of someone’s face and to poke someone else’s cheek.

“Dude, what the fuck!? Don’t do that!” Jackie hissed in horror. He jogged to keep up, weaving between silent figures to catch the other before he did something else reckless. If the media thought he was reckless, they should really see Magnificent.

They stopped in the center of the circle, turning around to see if any movement occured. No change.

Magnificent peered closer at one of the people, pointing at her. “I recognize this one. She was one of the journalists who interviewed me a while back. Doubles as a horror writer.”

Jackie stared at the woman. Glowing white strings were wrapped around her wrists, ankles, knees, elbows, and neck, the other end of the strands disappearing into her skin while the others fell to the ground, coiled in piles around her feet. Her eyes were black and she had a chilling smile frozen on her face. Her face was familiar.

“Didn’t someone report her missing a while back?” The hero asked, his brain suddenly putting two and two together. There had been posters hung up with many others, all displaying different faces and names.

“Yeah, it was all over the news as well.” Magnificent confirmed. “She was one of the first person who many knew who disappeared.”

The one thing that really bothered Jackie more than the confirmation that missing people turned up as puppets was the strings. “What’s up with this?”

Magnificent reached out and grabbed the string, watching as she jerked, startling them both into flinching back. She settled back down and resumed her original position. Jackie cringed as the magician moved to repeat his previous action.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do that again.”

This time he grabbed the string and didn’t let go when she moved, watching curiously as she turned to him with half lidded empty eyes, head bowed down in submission.

“Interesting…” Magnificent murmured, rubbing the string between a gloved thumb and forefinger, staring emotionlessly as she twitched spastically, head snapping to the side. “Someone is quite literally pulling the strings here.”

“Maggie, cut that shit out. We don’t know what that’s doing.“

“H͘a̡s͏n͏’҉t ̡an̴yo͟n͘e eve̴r ̢ta̢u̴g͜ht yo̧ų ̷no̴t͞ tó t̶o̷uch whàt̕ do͟e͟sn̵’͞t͡ bel̸o̸ng to ͡y͠ou͠?͜”҉ A new voice growls from all around them, the pitch jumping from higher to lower than any voice they’d ever heard.

Jackie whirled, heart rate spiking sharply at the interruption. “These people don’t belong to you!” He declared, heart in his throat.

“Ǫh̸ r̢e̶a̷ll͠y̛?͘” The voice split, traveling in opposite directions, forcing Magnificent and Jackie back to back. “T͡hose ̸ştr̵in̕g̴s s͡a͟ý ́o͘t̷h͢erw͘íse~”̵

“They’re strings,” Magnificent sneered, “What’s so special?”

“You҉ ͝s͠aw.͠ ̸P͝upp̛e̢ts͡ ̸mov͢e ͏w͞h̶en̕ t͠h͏e͡ir ͘s͘t͘rin͏g̀s͡ a͝r͡e p̵ul̴léd̕ ̸but͝ ͡o̸n͞l̀y̨ their ͟M̢a̢ster̵ caņ ͘p̷roperly͞ ͞c͞on̨tr̶ol҉ t҉hèm͘. Beside̴s̸,̶ th̶e̷y’d̀ dó whate͢ver̢ I ͠tol͘d ̢t̷hem t͝ơ. ͝T̸hey’d͘ t͜h̡r̀ow th͞e̢ms̕elves ͡o͜ff a͘ c̀l̛i̵ff ́íf i͝t͡ ̡m҉e̕a̵nt͝ pl̴ea̡si͝n̷g̀ ҉m͜e.”̨

“Show yourself, coward!” Jackie spat, stomach twisting into nervous knots at the mention of these people willing to do anything for whoever this freak was.

There was a cluck of the tongue. “A͞wfull̢y̸ ͢b͝old̸ ͞for̶ a͢ h̴e͢r҉o wi̸t͠h́ ͞ha̴r͡dl͡ỳ a̸ny͟ ͡powers̀. I ̶mean,͜ ̨c̛’̡moǹ:̴ ̧s̡u҉peŗ str҉ength̷ a͠nd x͏ ̴r̨ay vi̶sion͝ i̛s̵ s̶o c̨liche i͟t ͞bárely͢ co̧untş.”

His face reddened at that statement, his initial fear being replaced with embarrassment and anger.

“Alright, loser,” Magnificent said before Jackie could blow his top. “Show’s over. Get out here.”

“̀C̸a͢refu͡l͜ wh̀at̷ ̸you̢ ̴w̷ish̕ ҉for.” They said, voice drawing back away from the two and drawing together into one again.

Before their very eyes pixels of shifting colors flew from the puppets’ bodies and strings, drawing together into a form in front of them. He was taller than both of them by several inches, dark forest green hair ruffled and falling into his black and neon green slitted eyes. The wide slit across his throat from one side of his jawbone to the other poured coding and static down his ghostly pale, glitching skin. His shadow violently glitched red, green, and blue, grinning wide on the ground with sharp fangs. There was only one person this could be.

“Anti,” Magnificent said, eyes burning with cyan magic.

The being of code bowed with a giggle. “̕Th͡e o̢ne ̴a͏nd onl҉y.̡”

“What the hell are you doing here? What are you trying to accomplish?” It was easy to slip into his hero persona and start up an interrogation.

Anti grinned widely. “Why̴ I waǹted t͝o m͜e͟et the tw̢o҉ f̵a̵b̛l̷e̛d he̶roeś ̡o̕f Se̢ṕt̷ic Ci͏t̢ỳ.̶ ͘S͘i͝n̴ce y͠o͢u ͜two̧ ćo͟u͠ldn’t͘ b̷e bo͘ther̷éd͡ to͝ ͠sh̶ów͢ u͘p̨ wh̸e͘n ͡ev͞èryone ̨n͟ee̷ded̶ ́y̧ou̷ mos͏t.”͏

Magnificent growled lowly and Jackie could tell his claws were about to tear through his gloves. It was time to wrap this up. The other was dangerous half shifted. It left both of them open and vulnerable.

“Well, you met both of us. Now release those people and beat it,” Jackie demanded.

Anti’s smile wavered, falling flat before taking up half his face again, teeth bared. “͜Y̛ơu see, h͢e͢ŗo͏, ̕I c͏a͞n͘’t juśt do ̛t͠h̴at͟.́ Th̀e ͏s̶t͞ri҉n̷gs̶ run͢ muc͡h dee͝p̕e͜r ͢th͡an you͟ ͏th͢i͏nk.̷ ̶The͡y ̴wou҉ldn͠’͟t ̶k̢n͢ow͞ w͘h̴a͝t to ͏do ҉wi̧th̀ ͝th̨em͏se͝lve̵s if ͜I d̷id҉ ̀th̢a͟t̀.͡”͏

Magnificent took a step forward. “Bullshit. Let them go and piss off.”

“Yo̧u’l͟l̴ ḩa̴v͠e͠ t̡ó ̷ma͢k̸e̢ ́m̶e,͝ kitt͜en̷.”

Jackie grit his teeth. They’d have to be careful. “Challenge accepted.”

Every puppets’ heads snapped up. The strings that seemed to go nowhere slithered across the ground towards them. Anti turned the other way and glitched down the street.

“I’ll deal with the puppets,” Magnificent said, hand alighting with hot cyan magic.

Jackie took off into a sprint, charging forward and leaping over the heads of puppets. If Anti wanted to play that game then he was willing to partake as long as it meant he got to bash his head in for landing Sean in that coma.

The insane cackles led him further and further away from Magnificent and the crowd of people and into the more rundown side of town. Abandoned buildings and silent blocks were all that remained down here, most citizens choosing to move out into the newer, better parts of the city long ago.

Suddenly his foot got caught and he was falling forward, slamming into the uneven, torn up road. The air was knocked out of him in a giant push and he gasped, familiar shockwaves of pain traveling up his arms.

“͞K͟l͡u͢tzy͝, k̷l͡ut̀z͝y he̵r̷o̵,”͢ the glitch taunted. “̨Ca̛ņ’t ͝ev͞e͝n͞ la̸s͜t five m̷i̷nute͏s͞ w̶it̷hou̢t f͞uck̸i̴n̸g̡ śóm̶eth͜ing ̛úp.̸”͡

Jackie chose not to grace the words with a response, shoving himself back onto his feet and turning all around, eyes darting to catch a sight of the villain.

“͝Over h͞e̛r̛e,”̡ the voice sounded to his right. He whirled and saw nothing.

“Oops, I mean͡t͡ ̀b͝e͠h͜ind ̵y̢ou.̨”҉ Nothing.

Fingertips dragged up the knobs of his spine, sending sparks of burning electricity surging through his skin. He yelped, pulling away and tripping over his feet, twisting to try and regain his balance only to fall a second time.

“͜H̨ów pàt̷h͠et͟ic,͞”̨ Anti said, air ripping apart above him in a flurry of glitches to reveal him standing there, leaning over the hero. “Her̨e Į was ho͘pin͏g ͞for ͞a̢ çhal͜l҉e͟nge͝.”̷

Jackie glared at him. “Well, sorry to burst your stupid bubble. Here I was hoping for a somewhat decent criminal but all I got was another dickbag. Guess we’re both disappointed tonight.”

He thought the virus was going to plunge his knife right into his throat and rip out his vocal cords right then and there but an uneasy minute of silence dragged by. Anti merely stared blankly, unblinkingly at him before a wide grin stretched across his face. The most unpleasant, scratchy, high pitched laughter bubbled up out of his throat and echoed throughout the abandoned district.

“At̴ least̶ ̛y҉o͟u̷’ŕe s̨o̸mewh͟át ͜amus̕i̵n͟g. A̵l̶l ͡y̧ou’͡r͟ȩ ̷pro͘ba͝bly̷ good ͟fo҉r͢.”̕ He cackled.

Jackie took the opportunity to lean back on his hands behind him, throw himself back onto his feet, and slam his head into Anti’s, grinning through the throbbing pain at the other’s surprised screech. His brass knuckles connected with his cheekbone, tearing skin and drawing another scream.

“Get fucked, prick,” Jackie crowed, taking another strong swing.

Anti locked eyes with him and disappeared with a burst of pixels. The sound of rising static was the only warning Jackie received. Anti collided with his back, knocking the air out his lungs and driving him into the concrete. A clawed hand gripped his hair and bashed his head down. Stars exploded in his vision, warmth running down the side of his head and matting his hair. A powerful shove of his head scraped skin off his cheek and smeared dark liquid across the street.

“Do̕n’t͟ ge͘t ćo͜ck͟y, l͡i͜tt̛l̸e͏ hero̡. ̢T͞h͏is̨ ̴f҉ig̵h͡t ̵ai҉n’̢t̛ o̴ver͢ yet҉.̴”̛

He was struggling to catch his breath when a burning punch between his lower ribs on his side stole all his air away again. Sputtering and choking on copper, Jackie could only force himself to suck in ragged breaths.

“Y͟ou’͟re ͢n̴ot ̧wor͡t̴h̴ ̢m͏y ti̧me͝. ͡S̀tay͝ ̢o̕utta͟ my w̨a͠y.”̧ Anti muttered in Jackie’s ear, moist, hot breath rolling over his ear. The sensation made him squirm in place only to whine loudly at the sharp lance of pain that shot through his side.

The weight on him disappeared and the lack of static told him he was alone.

He wheezed, knowing he had just narrowly escaped death but not understanding how. His trembling hand went to his side and came away with red on his blue gloves. “Shit,” he breathed. “Shit.” Putting pressure on the wound, Jackie blinked. banishing the black creeping up on the edges of his vision. “Up, up and away,” he slurred tiredly, shoving himself onto his feet and nearly falling forward, barely catching himself. “Hoo boy.”

Stumbling his way down the street, Jackie managed to avoid passing out, limping on his better side with his hand pressed tight to the weeping wound. The stickiness on his hair and skin was beginning to dry and flake off. Every now and then he’d stagger and pause, sucking in a deep breath before continuing.

“Well, this night coulda gone better,” he mumbled to himself, nearly tripping over his own feet again.

Thinking about how he was gonna get more time off from work when he used up all his sick days already nearly made him fall over for the umpteenth time tonight. One step at a time… quite literally.

(A/N) See the mess above??? This is where it all goes downhill.

General tag list: @melasong, @writerwithdepression, @normallyemma, @kitnkas, @iris-the-asparagus, @here-be-becquerel, @maybalator

Series tag list: @kyeabove​, @10th-no-name-person​, @a-septic-writer-of-art​

(tell me if you want to be added to either taglist)

PR3V10US

N3X7

[parachutingkitten]

Season 1 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challanged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Mood for this season: Logic? Nahh...

I'm taking three film classes right now, I only rip it apart because I love it! (Sry, if I seem a little overly critical at times)

So, let's start with some background (you get to learn about me, yay! This is what you came here for. Right?). When the original series (seasons 1 and 2) came out in 2012, my little brother, at the age of six, was THE target audience for lego ninjas that you could battle and spin really really fast. I... am five years older than him. He collected sets, and he even bought me a spinner pack with the "girl character", the "blue one", and one of the skeletons so that I could play with him. To this day they are the only legos I own, but they sit in an altoids tin in my night stand. It was right before our family moved to Germany (we're a military family btw) that our parents purchased the disk episodes of seasons one and two. When you live in Europe, you tend to want to do a LOT of traveling. Every weekend, I kid you not, we went to another country. Which means road trips. And road trips mean movies. I would always let my brother choose what we watched, because he was the one who would get fussy and upset, so we watched a lot of Kung Fu Panda, and Madagascar, and a LOT of Cars (as in plural movies. I quote Cars 2, regularly), but the thing we watched most often was those niniago DVDs. Because you could just auto play those episodes one after another for a seemingly endless movie that would last until you arrived. So, I've seen these episodes a few times. Like, A LOT of times. Drilling these episodes into my mind over and over is what made me obsessed with it later (but we'll talk about that when we get to season 3).

Upon rewatching... they are exactly as I remember. There were no real surprises, so I don't feel like I have too much to say shock value wise, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say.

Plot

I've made a joke post about this before, but season one does fall into the treasure hunt formula. Find a fang blade. Lose it. Look for next one. Repeat for the next few episodes. Same thing can be said for the true potential. Find what holds them back emotionally, overcome it by the end of the episode to save the person/people you needed to fix your relationship with, glowing orb/pillar to make you certifiably awesome. For four. Episodes. Straight. Even if you space out the episodes where the ninja get their true potential, or when they find the fang blades, it would keep you on your toes a bit more. This being said... it does greatly help to give every episode a PLOT purpose. Every one of those "previously on ninjago" recaps was shoving a bunch of stuff in there. Most ninjago episodes do serve a purpose (except of course the atrocity that is the first half of season two - we WILL get to that next time) at least character development wise, but it is nice to have meaningful plot development too and keep a consistent pace throughout the season. This season certainly keeps up the pace. There is not an episode you can just miss. Even with the recap, you would still probably be confused. One thing that NO OTHER SEASON has over this one, hands down (aside from season 9 maybe, idk yet) is flow from season to season. Planning benefits this season GREATLY. It carries over things from the pilot, and sets up more to come in the next season. Watch them all together and it flows more naturally than any other season bookends. (Although I will say all the ninjago season transitions are smoother than any of Chima's [I will not touch that rabbit hole EVER again])

Characters

Character interaction is AMAZING this season. You really get to know the characters and feel all their growth equally. Every. One. Of. Them.

Think about it, Wu has an arc with his brother, Lloyd has an arc with the green ninja, Nya has an arc as samurai x, and it goes without saying that all of our regulars have an arc. And... that's about it. Those are all the characters. And I think that's why this season works so well.

You have four main characters, a handful of side characters, and they all get time and focus. Everyone has something to do during this season. As the season's go on and we accumulate more and more characters there's less screentime to go around, and the characters can suffer for it. There's a reason by season 6 they were literally REMOVING characters from the show. They don't have time to get distracted by Kai and his petty problems and drama this season, cuz Jay needs some focus for once, and we'd like to give him a little development gosh darn it! But I'm getting ahead of myself. This season works really well. Just because I feel like I should, I'm going to give you a breakdown on my feelings on new characters as they pop up or change dramatically, and because this is the first season, that means we get to do it for... all the characters! So here we go.

Nya

She's good this season. She's the most responsible in the group. The samurai x reveal was handled really well. Making all the ninja jealous of her really worked to give her credibility. She's just the right amount of strong and independent while still retaining her femininity. It goes WAY down hill when season 3 hits, but as for season 1 Nya I actually really enjoy her.

Wu

I mean... what are you going to say? He's Wu? Anyone have a problem with Wu? No? Good, moving on.

Kai

So... this is where my bias comes out. Quick piece of info, my elemental personality is water... so like the opposite of fire. I see a little bit of myself in each of the ninja... except Kai. And I think that's why he's my least favorite. Don't get me wrong! I don't hate Kai or anything! He's got some good lines (episode 5 comes to mind) he's adorkable enough. It's not hard to play or to write a hot head, but it's hard to play or write a hot head that I personally enjoy. I think what Kai is missing for me personally is the tripping over himself because of his attitude, and sarcasm. Sarcasm and sass. It's there, it's just not as prevalent as I personally would like it. He has a lot of opportunities and theoretical development, I'm not sure too many of them were taken advantage of fully, or maybe they just didn't read the way I personally can grasp it, but none of it felt very completed or meaningful. Like I said, I'm a water gal, so maybe I just can't relate and that's why it's not as powerful. I'd be interested to see your rankings of the ninja and how they line up with your own elemental personality. There's got to be a correlation there, right?

Conclusion, just not for me

Cole

Cole and Jay are tied for second favorite in general. It fluctuates from season to season depending on what's going on, but for season 1 Jay has Cole beat. I think the only reason just being screen time. Goodness knows Cole has been a bit neglected in that category, but hey. He's still really good for what he's got. I think in real life I probably act the most like Cole. I try to be serious, responsible and a leader and then I just get goofy sometimes. I love his true potential episode! It's funny, and heartwarming, and the only episode actually about him, so it's fun to see!

Conclusion, just needs more love

Jay

Jay is then, my second favorite for the season. He's funny. What else can I say? Personal opinion; Jay freakouts are the best this season. Especially at the climax. He just has that pure goofball-ness to him this season that makes his humor not annoying and actually relatable and funny. I also love his family to death! He loves them, he knows it, we know it, and the interactions between them are precious! It really is the way he plays off of other people that makes him enjoyable. He has a lot more dry humor here than other season, which I am partial to. I've got some kinks to work out with this one in later seasons but for now, he's good.

Conclusion, No, I'm the real Jay!

Zane

...My baby! Especially this season he is so innocent, loving, caring, and mysterious that I can't help but love the heck out of this guy! I am a sucker for a good mystery! He has this whole other world he's a part of with his "sixth sense" and falcon and running away at night. It's unique and special to him and it's really cool! Plus, there is SO much ATMOPHERE that comes with this guy and MAN I LOVE it! It's all just so beautiful. I love interactions between him and Jay, I love his mutual respect with Cole, I love EVERYTHING. This season and the next have the most growth for him, and it shows.

Conclusion, there's a reason we call him the pure one

Romance

Kinda adding this one last minute, but I think it needs to be here. All we got this season is Jay and Nya but BOY has their relationship changed! This is the single one thing that caught me off guard. I forgot what their relationship, especially before Jay's true potential, is like. Honestly, I love it! They're so awkward and clumsy around each other at first, and then grow into this understanding couple of one another. There's not too much emphasis on it, but it's sprinkled in everywhere. I like it! Maya approved!

Villians

The devourer arc is one of my favorites. Maybe it's the nostalgia tingles at work again, but the snakes are ninjago's quintessential villains. Nothing can ever hope to replace them. It feels natural in the plot, they have their own culture and beliefs, and their motivation makes sense. You have your legitimately scary villains and bumbling comic villians in perfect balance. Scales starting as second in command was an amazing call. It proves he has power he's earned, is not easily put down and sets up his lust for power to be explored later. Pythor. Oh man oh man Pythor. I am a sucker for ATMOSPHERE and his introduction is BEAUTIFUL. Utilizes the rule of 3s and completely subverts your expectations with that eerie empty tomb. I love it! So manipulative! So sly! They aren't my all time favorite villians, but they're certainly among the best the show has to offer.

Garmadon is also there. He's half good half bad... sorta. Idk. He's not especially interesting, at least compared to the snakes and what they're up to. Let's be honest, he's just waiting around to get awesome in season 2 ;) I do like when he comes in with all the skeletons like, "yeah, no one likes you. Screw snakes!" Only to walk that COMPLETELY back next season, but you know. Whatever.

Lloyd... should I put him here? He's enjoyably annoying for a little bit... and then just annoyingly annoying. It's not too bad. He has some redeeming moments. Once he's the green ninja and has some responsibility on his shoulders, he gets a lot better.

Climax

... I love it. I don't know what else to say. It's tense, it has proper build up, the threat is real, they get desperate, they come up with a creative solution, they work together, there are stakes, there's good action, good drama, good humor. I don't have any complaints. I can't touch this one. There are minor things, but I don't think they're worth bringing up. Go watch it. It's freaking awesome. Enough said.

Humor

Pretty good this season. There are a few eye roll lines, but that's in all the seasons. Things can get kinda stupid, but for the most part, especially some of the more subtle humor really works.

Favorite line of the season, Cole's "I don't like metaphors" episode 11 - All of Nothing. You're welcome.

Drama

Not overly saturated this season, which is kinda nice. I mean, there's always "drama" but as far as heavy stuff, we have Zane's whole crisis thing, and then the Garmadon family reunion. I'll get to how I feel about the Zane stuff down below. As for the Garmadon stuff... it's fine. Gets a lot better next season, but for now... fine.

Spotlight Episode

So for every season I'll choose one episode that stood out to me to either praise or criticize in detail. There are a lot of episodes that come to mind for season 1 for one reason or another. The one about the power of rumors (also known as the pink ninja episode), lloyd rescuing the team, Cole's true potential is a classic episode with a good mix of heart and comedy, and of course THE FINALE, but because I am biased, and because I am a sucker for personal drama, season one's spotlight episode is episode 7, Tick tock, Zane's true potential. This was by far the episode me and my brother watched together the most. Aside from the movie Cars, it's probably the one piece of media we have scene the most times together. The episode begins by establishing Wu leaving, the ninja are at a loss of what to do and then... THE FALCON. Best character this season! XD seriously, the falcon theme is one of, if not my favorite piece of music in the show. Certainly the most memorable. And most importantly it kicks in the ATMOSPHERE! Have I mentioned ATMOSPHERE?

ATMOSPHERE

I am a sucker for some good ATMOSPHERE (no, I will not stop spelling it in all caps), and BOY the falcon chase scene! Zane is slowly taken away from his team members in order to reflect upon himself, and as he runs through the snow by himself to follow this bird you can see his determination, curiosity, desperation, and just that Zane factor that makes you go "awww, my child! He must be protected!" (Even though, you know, he was built to protect and all that) but just AGHH! I can't put into words for beautiful this whole sequences is! Go watch it right now! Look at that beautiful Zane! Listen to that music! That FREAKING MUSIC AGGHHHHHH! I LOVE IT SO AGGRESSIVELY! LISTEN TO IT! LIKE SERIOUSLY, LISTEN, HERE'S THE LINK!

https://youtu.be/2p07cgwwYws

It makes my heart SO happy! Idk if I'm the only one who feels that way about this scene but oh... oh how it gets me. Every. Time. Michael Kramer and Jay Vincent are freAKING GODS!

Okay. I'm done with the falcon chase. Now onto, like... the part of the episode people care about. The tree house, again, an amazing location. Unique, and mysterious, and as soon as he walks in, you just get this sense of memory. The flash back is ADORABLE and the others finding him... I think this was handled pretty well. Their reactions seem genuine (I mean, I would want to get out of there as soon as humanly possible too XD) and you can feel the genuine concern from all of the ninja, trying to help their buddy out in their own ways.

Zane's true potential feels really earned, and his thing that holds him back was established as soon as the series began. He was different and weird and he didn't know where he came from. Coming to accept what he is, accepting his past and finding an identity of his own is what gives him the power to unlock it.

Now, just for fun and because I know I'm going to hear it in the comments like "why is Zane's discovery of identity more valid than anyone else's? What about Kai! His true potential is entirely based on finding his purpose!" And yes. Theoretical commentor you make a valid point, but I think the key difference is in the identity they find when they unlock it.

Zane accepts his personality, his past, and his robotic nature as himself and can be proud of who he is as his own person. The thing that held him back was vague and sort of indefinable, and what he became afterwards was concrete, solid, and dependable. That's why you feel like the character has gotten stronger.

Kai goes in the opposite direction. The thing that holds him back is that he wants to be the green ninja. That's solid and concrete. The problem then becomes that you know exactly how the potential will play out. He's going to face something, discover he's not the green ninja, and come to terms with it. And his ending identity is much more vague. His purpose is to protect the green ninja... okay, what does that mean? What kind of a person does that make you? He didn't change as a person, his views about a certain topic where changed. Those are two very different levels of progress.

And I know you can argue that it wasn't the green ninja thing he needed to get past, he needed to get past his pride and all that, but even if you make that argument that conclusion is harder to reach and less apparent than Zane's progress as a character. Zane's progress is entirely centered on him. Kai's progress will never be separated from Lloyd. Just watch the episode. It feels like a Lloyd episode. I remember thinking the first time I watched it when he came out of the volcano "wait... what was his true potential? Why is this happening?"

Anyway, that's my little soap box rant. I hope I didn't offend too many Kai fans. Again, it's probably just my water bias coming into play. I know there's a frame work in place for development of all these characters, and every single one of them gets an arc and theoretically everything should work out and make sense and work beautifully and perfectly, but sometimes when you step back and look at it, it's just a matter of "but does it work?" And maybe it's a matter of opinion, but Kai's potential didn't work for me.

I've been on this way to long. I'm stopping now.

Misc

I really like the suits this season. They're all unique and the masks... compliment the Lego head shape nicely? Does that make sense? It makes them look a bit cuter. Anyone else see that? Idk, maybe I'm just going crazy.

Watch this season thinking about how the snakes become good in season 3...

I want more of the Pink ninja.

I love scales and his slight incompetence. Not total, just slight.

This exchange:

Pythor: I hardly have any friends

Lloyd: Woah! I hardly have any friends too!

Pythor: You don't say!

All together I really like this season. Light hearted, funny, good action and characters. Not super compelling or anything, but it doesn't need to be. Second best season for nostalgia tingles in general, third best for me personally. Most of this is a matter of opinion, so don't fret too much over anything I say. I'd love to see your thoughts/rankings/comments/disagreements in the notes! That's the point of this thing!

If there are any aspects of the season I skipped, let me know, I'm not perfect.

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far... I don't know. Work the word saxophone into your comment. Bonus points if it makes sense!

-Maya (a.k.a. parachutingkitten)

[alyjojo]

20 memories & isms I love about you.

1. He sent me flowers at work. Twice 🥰

2. He left work to help me fix my tire, outside my ex’s house. Never drove on a highway before that day. (no I shouldn’t have dated the guy, but that particular Gemini is the asc degree of our composite chart, he’s the reason we ever met at all, and hubby is the reason we broke up so...lesson learned)

3. He made me eat his mom’s food. Not only that but excitedly. He’d be like “mom is making hot spaghetti and you’re gonna come over and have some”...I’d say no thx 20 times but he wasn’t hearing it. Hot spaghetti day. I felt weird having someone’s mom cook for me. She probably felt weird too tbh, but he was so over the top happy about mom, food, and me, that it didn’t seem to matter and worked out fine 😆

4. He’s so forward, and bold as hell. I’m irritatingly shy and very guarded. Literally the only way he got me was because he’d act before I could really even think about it or think myself out of it. Winners mind.

5. He moved me into his moms house. I was not ok. Not not not. My pride is...well it exists, and burns like fire whenever help is given. I will never ask in all my life and idc, feels better that way. Will gladly die first. My rotors were broken though (I could write a book just about car problems fr), I needed two and it was gonna take awhile. I’d be in the city and he’d be way out there. He’s like nah. You stay. He insisted...and I stayed. Staying was not a me thing, he changed that.

6. He gave me a baby. After all of the years I didn’t have periods, needed pills to have a normal body, all of the times I talked myself out of that sort of life altogether because I clearly didn’t have the guy (ex was not a kid guy) or the working body parts to even do that, must not be for me. First time in our new apartment, boom baby.

7. First time in our slightly bigger and nicer apartment, boom baby 2. We started actually using protection after she was born. Clearly we can.

8. He worked stupidly long hours and put up with so many people that just had no fn clue, it put a strain on everything, most of all him. When he got the offer for Indy, I pushed it. And pushed it. And pushed. May as well have pushed him right out the door, we were going, because those people suck and you’ll never get the chance to be seen while you’re doing that glorified delivery guy’s job for him. We’re going. So, we did, and he got me out of this damn state. At least once.

9. He loved getting lost with me, and it was my favorite thing. Indiana is a beautiful state and I encourage anyone to get lost there, on purpose.

10. I forgot work. He caused some serious change. Everyone else lost their job, including hubby’s favorite person ever, Jonathan. Today he’s the sole survivor of a mom and pop shop, and I’m so unbelievably proud of him. The best part though, is two of the guys from work used to come see me at my new work all the time, with all their bar bitches 😆 They were my favorite people, I was always so excited to see them. Hubby tried to get them back on, and did for one of them. And when the bigger boss needed a new smaller boss bc hubby was leaving the state, hubby fought like hell for Jonathan. Like Highlander, there can only be one *sksksksksksk* They looked at a couple and hubs was like no only Jon knows the ways of the force. They hired him back, Jon has sent him some of the sweetest thank you messages...it changed his life, and hubs still loves him very much. It’s adorable.

11. Screamy baby Shmoo, she was a screamy baby, and so very beautiful. Baby Bam was like a dream, she was the perfect baby in every way. My screamy baby Shmoo was also a perfect baby, with a pitch that could break glass and sometimes she just wanted to practice for hours. Usually I got her to bed with mama snuggles & milk, singing Alison Krauss and rocking. Sometimes though, on the roughest nights, it’d be over an hour before I’d open the door with screamy baby still in a fit, and he’d take her. He’s so warm and calm, he’d win every single time, and I’d be like...zzzzz tysm ily tyty zzzz....

12. His jokes. He’s not funny (yes he is don’t tell him). He thinks he’s funny. He jokes all day every day about everything always. The girls know when dad says something to be skeptical bc he said they gotta go outside and till the land with tiny shovels, and when I roll my eyes they know he’s full of it. What’s funnier, his mom was the kind of person that took things literally always. Every time him and his goofy dad were being sarcastic, I’d have to tell her that because they’d have her believing crazy stuff. My kids share a lot of her isms, that’s one. My son absolutely does not joke, he is quite literal (so far), and I always have to scold hubby or tell lil guy nooooo he’s kidding. I don’t talk about his silliness nearly enough and I should, that’s him ❤️

13. His relationship with his mom. His mom was always on the...I wouldn’t say weaker side, but older, regular pain, on disability. He was her BABY. Her eyes lit up like Christmas when he entered the room. She loves him so so much. His sister... You know the kind, or...just imagine, probably close. He hated it. He got his job pretty young and just kept it. Always had money, always offered to help his mom, always was like IM FINE MOM. She just wanted to do for him, and he’s always been the kind of guy that wants to do for himself. And she was so funny, she’d slip $20 into the diaper bag and tell me “don’t tell him”, putting it on me. So we’d get in the car. And I’d be like there’s $20 in the diaper bag, knowing he’s gonna be pissed if he finds it (she needs it). And he’d get it, run into the house, set it on her table, and run out the door while she ran after him hollering protests 😆 Lots of other stories too. I miss her so much, I can’t even imagine how much he must.

14. His relationship with his sister, and other whirlwind people. He’s like a rock. I’ve spent lots of time with his sister, but not at once. The one day I did, I came home and my brain was so full of her bazillion ideas and impulsive let’s do this and just one thing, opposite thing, different subject, back to the subject, hey let’s do this, omg I have an idea. I love her to death but I had to sit and just...dump my brain. Ask myself for my own input bc I’d lost wtf...what were we doing again?!? Him though? Doesn’t miss a beat. No...no...no...I’ll think about it...no...no..change subject. No issue saying no. Back then I was like thank god, girl would have me on a cruise to Aruba tomorrow with costume jewelry and black face before I could even think to protest. Not him.

15. Making up. The difference between Taurus moon and Sag moon is that Taurus moon stays mad for the rest of their lives (hello...) and Sag moon wakes up in the morning like nothing happened in the history of ever. This was something that irritated me THE MOST. Don’t make me laugh, I’m pissed at you. Over the years, it became the only way we’d talk at all sometimes. Is certainly the only reason we made up, countless times. He never stopped trying to make me smile, even if I wanted nothing to do with it.

16. Acts of Service. Is not mine, which is either words time or touch and I really can’t decide which. All. He speaks a whole other language. He will let me nap, or take the kids somewhere, he will spontaneously clean or go grocery shopping, walk the dog, mow the lawn, hang out at the birthday party. It didn’t start right away, more and more as he learned my isms. He’ll make me coffee as I’m coming down the stairs. I rarely have to ever ask for any practical thing. He knows my orders for anything, recently there’s been twice that he literally read my mind before I spoke. I try to do the same for him as much as I can, because I know that’s his language and I really appreciate him.

17. Bedroom games. The man knows my body like a map, no, an Excel spreadsheet 😭, and how to get every reaction he’s looking for. He is the only man to ever satisfy my insatiable ass. He made me a whole new person in that regard. He says the same about me. Never an issue there. It’s this far down the list cuz it’s not the most important, but it’s pretty important too so there that is.

18. We share the same goals. We judge the same way, like why did they wrap this like that it looks sketchy. We parent the same. We decide the same. We critically think and weigh ideas the same. We walk the same line in the same direction. If anything he’s too negative sometimes, but that’s his own personal thing. Can’t be full of Capricorn and not lean more toward pessimism (not “realism”) sometimes I think. If it’s worth it, I’ll try to coax him to middle ground. Sometimes it’s a battle, but only if I’m really sure. Usually, he’s right, so I just let him lead.

19. When I was pregnant with my son. Initially. It was hell. His car was trashed, mine was broken and thousands of dollars to fix (this particular car in this particular year has this and what a coincidence it was particularly my problem...cars, I’m telling ya). I was two feet out the door with his shit, but his sister’s issues led to my heart. Because her kids. I love them very much, of course they can stay here and not with some strange person hell no. I cannot describe how angry I was at him. HE strapped backpacks onto his back and walked to the nearest store. Hauled so much crap in a huge backpack and just his arms. Over the course of two months. He quit drinking. He went above and beyond to do get offer or provide anything I could even imagine. More romantic then I think I’d ever seen him before. At least...it had been some time anyway. Of course...he was lying to me. The whole time. To what extent idk. Regarding the work shit, idk. Thus the question and the dream and the crazy and the...crazy 😞 Wanted to piss me off boy he got that tenfold. His actions during this time period are 💯 why I stayed. He was clearly trying like hell to prove to me he could try, and it’s more than anyone I’ve ever known has even bothered to “bother” with. I was impressed, and proud. Respect counts for a lot more than love sometimes, and at the time I respected him.

20. He’s an amazing father. There are so many stories I couldn’t possibly write them all. Our son though, he chose daddy, right from the start. Nothing like our daughters, nor any kid I’d known. He’d scream, FOR his dad. He’d only sleep on his shoulder. Hubby held this baby for hours on end. If he didn’t baby would demand it, but it was very natural to them both. Baby wanted a bottle, and hubby to give it to him. It blew my mind. Hubby got his little teammate and together they’ve changed my life and perspective in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined.

I’ve spent so long sporadically venting on here that I don’t think I’ve ever posted the sweet things. So many great memories and daily...everything...are missing, so many years and little moments. That would take forever. Its always been my frustrations, which was the purpose. This is my heart. No matter what happens, all of these things will always be true.

[moidse]

bro-- long time no chat!!

things have been better good lately between me and the partner. a few weeks ago- well probably more than a month ago now... i read a tweet that hit me about loving someone fully-- i felt like i was holding back because they are moving away, and so i was shutting them off slowly to protect myself instead of loving them fully-- because i had already made the decision that we wont work out when they move, and i realized that isn’t true necessarily. the future is malleable. And plus reading their ish about me sending emails had me stop cuz i was like ah. lol. but idk i have been feeling like im in a new funk lately

I just miss having good sex. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I’ve gained a decent amount of weight in the last 6 months and I feel significantly less attractive. I feel bad I’m not having good sex and I do not feel confident that I could attract someone and have better sex with where my body is right now. I also feel uncomfortable to be on camera because of my body weight and I am too big for my cute outfits from last year. I also partly feel like I gain more weight when im with someone and when im single i push myself more to be fit to attract people and to feel more confident going on dates. I almost think I need a pause from hanging out with my partner until I have my workout routine down and i’m taking it seriously, because I know going to their house and doing nothing isn’t what I want to be doing anymore. I want to be working out and losing weight. I want to be working on my creative projects. I want to be moving forward. I need to continue creating content. 

I am missing having good sex again. which is a feeling that seems to swing like a pendulum. it comes and goes every month or 2. The past few times has been me wanting to top and touch my partner and they were like okay i’m cool with that now. and even before that it was about them touching me and why wont the go down on me and then after i complained they just did it, even though before they said they were too nervous. And it is amazing to think of, in the past,, idk 6 months how far they’ve come. They literally didn’t even want to be naked around me, didn’t want me to touch them at all-- and for the first time recently they are asking me to touch them now... but it still doesn’t hit right.... like when i have sex with them the orgasms are soooo small... i cum harder when im alone. which is the sad truth. 

This has all made me better realize how sex is something very important to me in a relationship. I feel like at first I was hesitant to say something like that because I’ve had people in the past act as if all I care about is sex and i’m a fuck boy... which, sex isn’t the only thing I care about but it is something I do care about and matters to me when it comes to dating and there isn’t any thing wrong with that. It took me years to except my sexuality and I learned there is no reason to hide my sexual wants and desires and I feel like people have acted like im some super horny sex freak when I just learned not to be ashamed of my sexual desires, literally like how must white str8 men are, but because im perceived as a black woman, i’m the one who is being deviant.

It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, and then it took me even longer to accept my sexually kinky bdsm desires. It took me so long to learn that there isn’t any reason to be ashamed of wanting to be dominated. I’m allowed to be more masc presenting and be a bottom. Like i really was so embarrassed about that for so long-- probably because I hung out with only str8 white cis men who would find it embarrassing if they wanted to be dominated, because they can only be dominate in bed otherwise other people might judge them... anyways im so glad i do not hang with any str8 cis white boys anymore, they really had a bad influence on me when it came to my views on dating, sex, and women. they all talk about it like women are real people and i also was guilty of that. i’ve grown a lot since being in college. It was when i was half way through college i started accepting the fact that i like the idea of being sexually dominated. i like tall women. i love muscular women. i love people who are tops, dominate, who want to be called daddy. I love all that shit. and when i would mention it to my white str8 cis dude friends they would react in disgust. and honestly it taught me if ppl react that way to my sexual desires that have taken me so long to accept, then they have no space in my friend circles. im basically done being friends with str8 white cis people. they are exhausting to be friends with. 

but anyways, last year,,, ehhh it always feels like it was last year but i guess it was two years ago,, well partly last year.. idk ... anyways when i met o**** That relationship was the first time I was open with someone I was having sex with about being trans and my dysphoria and they honestly responded so well and fucked me in very affirming ways and it made me cry because i had never felt such joy before when having sex and feeling gender euphoria. 

I always thought that I didn’t want to be in a relationship that was like butch/femme when i was a baby dyke. I used to not want a  relationship that even resembled heterosexuality in anyway. but when i was with o**** i felt we had that dynamic of butch/femme. like when we went out it was clear who the “guy” in the relationship was and it was me. it was clear I was filling that role and they filled the other role and to my surprise i loved it. I loved having that dynamic. I loved going to the sex shop with them and the worker helping me get a masc harness and then assuming they want a femme one. I loved knowing that out in public people see me as the guy in the relationship-- because I want to be seen as a guy in general. Being with them opened up this whole side of gender euphoria I had never felt before. That relationship helped me better understand what I want and am looking for. Not to mention the sex was amazing, the best i’ve ever had. 

When we first started dating I would top them and it felt great and amazing. Then when I opened up and said I like to be dominated too, they just slide right into that roll with little to no hesitation. And then they started dominating and topping me and found that they really like it. It was the hottest sex I’ve ever had. I’ve always wanted to be dominated and having a dominate femme is so hot. My sexual dreams were finally coming true. And because things were so easy for us sexually I think I just assumed it would always be that way. 

Its unfortunate that o**** is such a manipulative person otherwise I’d still be talking to them/fucking them. I still think about approaching them with the idea of just having a sexual relationship and not romantic and see if they are interested. but now isn’t a good time with rona. but anyways, Things working out with us so well sexually I assumed that would just be how it is if I open up and share my wants and desires. I didn’t want to be dating o*** I just wanted to be dominated again and I had gotten it out of my system and they confessed that they still see me as the love of their life, which is the opposite of how I felt so it felt like things should end here. But lets be real, I str8 up dropped them, ghosted them, because I no longer needed their fuck because I had found someone new k****. As soon as k**** said they thought I was cute back I was like BINGO and I legit just dropped o****. I felt like a beast. I felt like a boss ass bitch. Like damn, I have never gotten back with someone to have a good time to just drop them once I found someone new that maybe has potential. 

But me feeling like a boss ass bitch came to a halt when like a day later or something k**** was like im really busy with pride and then im leaving for the summer. I was like wow great. I really didn’t want to take this L so I went out of my way to hit on them constantly at cpride as much as I could. Then I finally got them to agree to see be before they leave. it went well. then over the summer I was soooo anxious about every email. I just didn’t want them to lost interest in me and also it was hard to respond to their emails because they were boring lmao. I also was stressed because there was like zero flirting going on and every time i’d try to move the conversation there they would take two steps back. This made me even more insecure and not sure if they even liked me. And I made the stupid move of not trying to hit on anyone else out of fear of them coming back and me having to pick one or explain and shit. meanwhile they were dating other people. its so annoying. its so annoying that im the one not satisfied and they got to date and be with other people... but i guess thats just cuz no one else wanted to be with me......I was literally only okay with it cuz i thought s***** liked me and they didn’t... they lowkey played me... but also i should’ve taken the mixed signals as a no, but i wanted to believe it so bad, and it was confusing when they said they want to make out with me more. i thought i was in... oh well... it happens... it just sucks to be rejected. i always feel like the people i want the most never want me, or like the hottest people, cuz i didn’t really like them deeply just mostly sexually. it just sucked because they were giving me every thing k**** wasn’t. being lovey and affectionate towards me.... and we never fucked but they were very open about being a top and wanting to dom and so i was like *tongue out emoji* 

bleh... i just have been missing being dominated lately... i mean i fuckin had a dream about s***** topping me... askvask it was good in the dream....but there is something depressing about k***** having like zero daddy energy. like i really didn’t realize this was gonna happen... like i was str8 up gooped when they casually texted me saying they don’t fuck... i was like wait what?? i felt played that they waited months of us talking and emailing to say that. And I stuck by them cuz I had already formed an emotional bond-- but i’m realizing the tricky part about this is that like having to wait to have sex with someone,, like I never knew if we would be a sexual match and honestly neither did they but it wasn’t a deal breaker for them.. i just feel bad to like help them come out of their shell and feel autonomy with having sex for the first time and shit and for me to be like well you aren’t my type sexually. but it is the truth. they aren’t my type sexually. like the other day i mentioned wanting to be dommed and they were like i dont do that... and i was like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i need to be more upfront and say im looking for a top/dom/daddy, or someone who switches and is down to play that way some of the time. cuz this none of the time shit stank. 

I mean, they look hot, don’t get me wrong. they look so good in their little body suits and they really make me wanna top them, but its like they have no confidence in being a bottom too. I feel like that’s why this shit really stank. at first they was like yeah i’ll touch you but dont touch me. But also I am not into being a top/dom. but also you can’t touch me so this is all you can get. Me, unenthusiastically rubbing you off. but now that they do let me touch them, it’s like i want the whole bottom experience. like shake ur tiny ass for me baby. run ur hands up and down ur bottom. show me how far you can stretch ur leg. I want a sloppy slutty bottom. I want them to shake their ass on my d and bend over for me. Tell me how good it feels. I want our sex to be so hot we can’t keep our hands off each other. We have phone sex and send voice memos because we just need to hear each other cum. I want them to want to ride my d. 

I feel this way every 2 months or so... idk what to do about it. I don’t want to break up with them and be alone. I do want to be having sex with someone else... I just dont have any prospects. 

lets hypothetically think about the idea of bringing up to them that I want to fuck other people. lets say we have that talk and they are okay with it. My worry is if i meet someone nice who fucks me good i will just leave k****. 

i just miss being topped and I dont think I will ever be sexually satisfied in the relationship I’m in and it’s just unfortunate because I was very patient with them and waiting like 8 months before I could even touch them and they seemed comfortable having sex with me and it’s like, waiting that long i was never sure if we were sexually compatible and we just aren’t. And i understand they mostly have been with asexual people and it hasn’t been an issue but i think this wouldn’t have happened if in the beginning we had a conversation about sex to see if we are sexually compatible. 

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 5 - "Another day, another swap." - Jess

Sarah was robbed.

Please tribe swap, please tribe swap.

Not really sure how to feel at this stage...

Jess absolutely botched this challenge for us, and it was probably the worst individual effort in a competition that I have seen in years. For that, she automatically created a target on her back.

HOWEVER, I need to control who goes here, and it won't be Jess. It sounds like Dani and Nick were on opposite sides of the joint tribal, and will likely target one another.

I would personally like to see Alyssa go sooner than later, but there is no context in taking her out right now. She is "Hosororo strong" apparently, but the tables have turned. I'm not sure if I am willing to give her the same mercy that the favs gave us.

Honestly I wouldn't mind losing this so Mitchell goes home but then again I wouldn't mind Arakaka going to tribal either. I also feel like Nick is fucked over at Takama. He has the idol but that'd require someone using it on him which I doubt would happen. He better up his social game! If Arakaka goes to tribal then it should obviously be Aidan bc of his advantage and bc of Jones, Sammy, and Chelsea/JD alliance. Wait is Chelsea a fan? Lol idk.

So Ive been talking to Maynor and TJ individually about having an alliance of us 3 since I put them both high on my list! They both agreed and so I formed the alliance called... JONES'S ANGELS! I feel like we're gonna be a good alliance as well. Oh José is on our tribe as well as Mitchell. José is someone that I talked to the least on our OG tribe and from the looks of the trust list, someone who is not very trusted. Mitchell has his karma coming from the joint tribal round and for voting out Sarah. (PSST Sarah I miss u queen I can't wait to see you in Survivor Michigan.)

Another day, another swap. I've officially been on EVERY single tribe now. I am Guyana's Orphan. Honestly, I'm actually okay with how we swapped this time around.

I'm in the majority both in several ways. 1. I'm in the majority if Devon and I decide to stick with the "Fans" (barf). 2. I'm in the majority if we decide to go to Hosororo Way (yassss bitch) 3. I'm in the majority if Favourites attempt something (meh).

BUT this bitch is literally her OWN ENEMY RIGHT NOW. I flopped that memory competition harder a nerd at Comic Con trying to talk to a female. YIKES. I hope the flu isn't what sends me home or else I'm going to FUCKING RAGE.

I was able to re-connect with Dani which was okay? for me? I guess? Honestly at this point I have no loyalty to the Fans tribe (I don't think I ever had any tbh). I don't think a label in front of someone's name should stop me from trying to further my game. That being SAID....

Nick is on A WHOLE NOTHER' LEVEL Y'ALL. This man literally knew me for 5 seconds and spilled his whole game. I expected more from a dude who owns a buff personally. The only thing he didn't tell me last night was his social insurance number. I kind of feel bad for him but I don't want to let him get far. I rather keep Dani around than him at this point. I don't want that to hurt my relationship with Alyssa so.. I AM STRESSING RIGHT NOW.

Speaking of Alyssa...

MY GIRL ALYSSA GETTING FIRST.. fucking SCARES ME SHITLESS. I would honestly consider her my #1 at this point but now this has me thinking.. am I really HER number 1? Does she have the same relationship with me like she has with others? If we merge does she have my back over people like Jones/JD who she speaks HIGHLY of to me? I have my doubts but I think having someone like her on my side in this crucial time is an ASSET. She is VULNERABLE and I need to make sure I make her feel as fucking comfortable as possible. It's times like these where those strong relationships form and I honestly think if we can possibly

That's my bitch, that's my girl. I honestly think Alyssa is my gate-way drug to the Favourites at this point. I also really just want to meet Jones because I'm convinced she's my future best friend.

Something I haven't touched on.... ever BUT I can't wait to possibly re-connect with TJ. I miss being able to strategize with him. The way he sees games is insane and I have a half of a brain cell so it's always nice to have a smart person do the thinking for you.

I NEED TO FIND A FUCKING ADVANTAGE OR A GOD DAMN IDOL.

I cant believe we won immunity. I was really scared that we would have to go to tribal. Me, TJ, and Tim made an alliance called Jones’s Angels and i cant wait to be reunited with Jones. Mitchell is acting like last vote wasnt against me but it was like. How can you say theres 100% trust when there isnt. The Jenna vote was not  as much of a suprise for Mitchell cuz i mentioned my worries about Jenna. Im being buddy buddy but if we lost next round. He is going home for sure. Once you brake my trust, you cant really get it back. Sorry mitchell buddy. And i have eyes on Aidan and Dani. Karma for Sarah is coming.

WOW! That's all I have to say right now. This game is really putting me through the ringer but I'm in it to win it and this fucking tribe swap threw me for a loop. I knew the trust lists would come into play but I didn't know right away. But I sort of made such a power move on my tribe and then got shuffled into this and I saw the numbers and went FUCK.

Like four favorites versus little old me! But I like a challenge... I'm not Sarah, I'm not going to let myself get swapfucked. *gives the camera a shady look*

Having the Opal Idol in my pocket is amazing and I'm glad I went for that temptation. Everyone knows I have it but honestly I think there's an advantage to standing out. I feel like this series is used to a lot of UTR, lowkey players and people lying low and that's just not my thing... I honestly can't lay low to save my life. So my plan is to go after them. Honestly since I was low on the trust list it makes sense to go after people high on the trust list. I'm honestly not that bitter but if I can use it to justify targeting some people, I'm going to do it.

I'm not sure of my tribe because everybody is meh so far? I don't know if I'm dry or they're just all in alliances but I can't get a read on them for shit. I saw how well they all did in their past games and JD is giving me this loner act but she's been to an FTC so I know she's not as dumb as she's letting on. For some reason the fact that there are more girls than guys concerns me because I feel like those bitches could link up?

I guess I like Chelsea the best but maybe that's because she seems a little more exciting. Sammy does too but he seems like a game threat. I think I'm reluctant to share anything with anyone because I'm not sure of their relationships with each other. I think I want Jonesy out though... she has this cutesy act that is relatable and did pretty well on her first season. She was high on the trustlist too.

In all... I feel isolated but not intimidated.

Nobody has asked about the temptation but I'm ready to lie about it being a vote steal like I told Dani and Mitchell. I need to start keeping my lies in order because they're going to be PISSED when I reveal what it really is but hopefully they understand... if I ever see them again. I'm worried about Dani AND Jess over there at Takama because Devon is crafty. They are some people I hope I can rekindle with at merge. I'd consider working with Maynor but he seems like the type to want revenge.

WE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN fuck yeah also i wanna elaborate on something i said in my last confessional about using Aidan as a shield bc idk if I ever explained that Aidan has proclaimed that his tribe did not trust him at all, AND he has an advantage, right? so obviously, people would want to vote him out because of it. HOWEVER, if I get him to trust me/on my side, not only can we work together, BUT everyone will always target him over myself, so yeah, logic ;)

Unfortunately we didn't lose and just as I feared Nick's tribe lost. Welp you had a good run Nick.

So this round has been messed up.  I was swapped to a tribe with 1 person I talked to breifly on our original tribe and had an alliance with to search for idols.  The other 3 players were all people I never spoke to.  Furthermore Dani even voted vote for a few tribals ago.  After a botched challenge I’m hoping that it’s going to be Dani tonight and not me.  I’ve spoken with Jess and Devon and get good vibes that they want to play together.  Let’s hope their not playing me.

So pretty much I’ve been able to establish a strong relationship with Maynor this game... now I just need a majoritu on this tribe to be able to cause some damage within the merge, so we’ll see how things go when I reach that phase 😤 I want to work with TJ tbh, but we’ll see how that goes I guess haha

Ugh I hope Jess and devon aren’t ducking with me but I think it’s me or nick. Really hoping it’s nick. Sorry for typos drubk

Ummmm, so what did i do? Nothing, what have I done? Nothing, I didnt do the challenge ether cus like, wow I do not have a shity memory. But we won so yay team! 

[godtier-fics]

sammya kei’s 2016 fanfiction review

it’s time for something no one asked for but yet since when do i care about people other than me

it’s time for a new tradition! i’m going to take a trip down memory lane and talk about my top 10 fanfics from last year and go into depth about my top five! 

top ten (in no particular order): 

Stumbling Boy, The History of the World in Your Arms, the heart of an artist, Working Man, Dissolution, The Catch Up Game, Finding You Wherever You Are, taking the last train home, To the Moon and Back, onward

i picked these ten as my faves cuz when i look back at myself in 2016 these are what i’m most proud of. they each show off what i think is my ever evolving writing skills. 

now let’s look in depth at my top five! look at those below the cut! 

5) onward

lemme state for the record that i...i love aqua with all my heart and soul. i fell in love with her character in 2010 and i haven’t stopped loving and wishing her the best since. when kingdom hearts 0.2 was announced i almost cried. when the video for the opening came out i literally cried. however...onward is not a happy fic. i’m not someone who can sit down and write mushy gushy stuff. 

take this passage for example

Her name is Aqua. She repeats that to herself daily. Not that there is a daily, so maybe she repeats it more often than she realizes.

“My name is Aqua. I saved Terra. I have to go home. I have to wake up Ven.”

These words become her mantra. They get her through it, even has hoarse as it leaves her voice.

onward was just written cuz i was realizing that the first ever kh fic i had ever written was facade which was literally about the main villain of the series having sex and turning evil. anyway, aqua deserves more and maybe in 2017 i’ll find time to write her a nice long fic. we’ll see. 

i’m just nervous about writing her cuz i love her so much....

4) Stumbling Boy

this is part of the dysfunctional family funtimes series and is one of my faves that i wrote in 2016! it’s the mid-brother fic to nadia’s fic from 2015 aka Separation Anxiety that she needs to finish...which i hope she finishes...but we’ll see lol. it’s all about ginshi dealing with his brother’s disappearance and i just am crying because why is ginshi canonly dead and i cannot deal...MOVING ON 

my fave passage from this would be...

People thought that Ginshi tumbled through life, stumbling upon things, but he didn’t, not really. He did do some things deliberately and with care. When he was working on a car, he was able to lose himself. He threw himself into studying, and watched his understanding grow. He’d always liked fussing around with cars, but having a job that he was getting paid to do it at was different. He was different.

And to show that, to really show that he was different, that he was changed, he decided he needed to find something to change about himself physically.

So that when Urie did return, he could point at it and say, “Look, I made my own choice too!”

Stumbling Boy was something that i think i wrote in 2015 and then posted in 2016 but even still...it was nice to rework it and post it. i can’t wait to finish the dff series...

3) taking the last train home 

originally posted under one of my many, many pen names....this was supposed to be a hardcore BDSM fanfic. it...it’s not going to be that. i’m sorry. i’m a disappointment. i am too sex repulsed to do that to myself. so i moved it over to this account. 

anyway...this isn’t just a fic about sex which is why i got really, really annoyed with some comments i was getting. like...the first sexual scene doesn’t even happen till chapter 8 aka over 11K words later....so okay fandom...whatever. anyway that fic is locked to anyone who doesn’t have an ao3 account but enjoy this snippet! 

“If you need me to stop just tell me so, all right?”

“Because I’m going to get so overwhelmed by a kiss on my cheek.”

Yao pushes up on his chin and grins down at him, “You’ll get overwhelmed all right.” Those are bold words, Alfred thinks, but doesn’t get a chance to say so before Yao kisses him.

taking the last train home still has a quite a few more chapters to be posted and i hope everyone enjoys the ride. it’s probably going to end up being the longest amechu fanfic on ao3 that’s completely about amechu with them as the endgame? so...yay for that. #actuallymarried indeed

2) The History of the World in Your Arms

this used to hold the title of my longest amechu fic posted...but then taking the last train home came along and stole that title...ahah. anyway. i wrote this in order to figure out WHY i shipped amechu and maybe talk others into shipping it too? 

rereading it makes me wanna die...and i wanna rewrite it but i’ll resist for now. 

anyway here’s TWO snippets from the fic that i love! 

here’s from yao’s pov 

Yao looks at him, lying in Yao’s bed as if he belongs there, as if he’s always belonged right there against the pillows, and says simply, “Then that’s a fair exchange.”

“What is?”

“My ruin for your ruin.”

“Are you saying I’ve ruined you?” Alfred demands, looking confused. Which is a look that suits him.

“Yes,” Yao says, “you’ve ruined me.”

and the second one from alfred’s pov 

“It would be so much easier if I just hated you and wanted you gone. But I don’t.”

“You don’t?” Alfred tries not to sound so surprised by that, and fails. Yao looks hurt, and sighs.

“I don’t hate you,” he says quietly, “I told you years ago that I loved you, didn’t I?”

i can’t help but see a canonverse relationship as them being very, very rocky and uneasy but then they settle into something that goes beyond them and we eventually get to a point where they get married....and yeah i’m not over that picture. i could cry....

1) Finding You Wherever You Are 

speaking of art--and specifically of art that izzy has done--i’m still not over the leash in this picture after i told her i was JOKING. this fic holds a special place in my heart due to several inside jokes i have with izzy being in it. for those who are still reading at this point i’ll let you in on two of them! 

1) yao telling alfred “i know” when they’re doing something sexual or about to 

2) please mock izzy for dogfred this isn’t an inside joke this is just something i need others to make fun of her for at this point smh 

um yeah moving on 

this entire fic is basically aesthetic actually? bad boy rolls into town and finds his true love? CHECK! reincarnation? CHECK! royalty? CHECK! blood drinking? vampires? monsters? oh my??? CHECK!!! 

fave comment i got on this fic was someone stunned at the world building i did in 13K+ i’m honestly surprised too? i wrote this fic in like...a day. and by a day i mean 10-11 hours. with a sprained arm. go me? 

anyway fave snippets in no particular order!!!! 

1) 

“May I?” Yao asked, and he sounded so polite as if he were asking for something normal and not permission to lick blood off of Alfred’s hand.

“Um,” Alfred looked down at his boss, and then at the stove which was on the opposite side of the kitchen (how had he moved that fast, the fuck ) and shrugged, “Yeah, sure.”

Yao’s touch was tender as he pressed his lips to the back of Alfred’s hand and licked at the blood that was coating it. Alfred had never realized how sensitive his hands were until he got unlucky enough to have Yao devote his full attention to licking and sucking against the skin. Yao sucked one, and then two of his fingers into his mouth and gave them a wet suck, and Alfred realized that he was standing in his boss’s kitchen, with his fingers in his boss’s mouth, and he was hard. His breath was coming out loud and heavy to his own ears as Yao continued, seemingly oblivious to the effect that he was having on Alfred. But then Yao looked up at him, with three of Alfred’s fingers in his mouth and smirked.

He smirked, slid Alfred’s fingers out of his mouth, and then licked finally at the bleeding wounds. As Alfred watched him, and as Yao watched his hand the wounds sluggishly stopped bleeding.

“You should still wrap that up,” Yao said as he dropped a kiss to Alfred’s knuckles. “Learn how to control your temper, Alfred.”

2) 

“Where to next, your majesty?”

“Says the noble.” Wang got on the bike behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist once more. “Do you know the way back home?”

“I’m like a lord yeah but I’m pretty sure you were a king in your past life.”

“You wouldn’t be wrong ,” Wang said.

Alfred grinned, “How old are you anyway?”

“Far, far too old for this. Take me home, pup.”

3) 

“You are a wonder, Alfred,” Yao said. He sounded sad and fond as he said that. Alfred’s heart ached .

“So are you, thousands of years old and you still wanna change the world.”

“The world can be changed, Alfred, never doubt that.”

Alfred laughed, and then in disbelief at himself said, “I have full faith in your abilities.”

4) 

Alfred helped him put the bracelet on, and then kissed him. He growled low in his throat.

“Yeah,” Yao said. “I know. Look at you, all nice and collared and mine .” He looped his fingers in the golden buckle and made Alfred follow him back to the sofa.

“Look at you,” Alfred said, torn between the leather of the bracelet around Yao’s wrist and Yao’s face for which he wanted to look at more.

okay....

as you can see even tho i make fun of izzy constantly for dogfred i do really like this fic? it’s a bit rushed in places??? but tbh it gets the job done and gets it done nicely! good job me. 

so that’s my trip down memory lane! yeah. i just love writing and i like writing fanfics? but i will be moving on to original writing on my site starting this month and you can support me on patreon. i’ll keep writing fanfics but those will be low on my ranking of priorities. 

here’s to an amazing 2017! 

also if we breakdown my fics for 2016....55% of what i wrote was amechu. i’m in too deep. i blame izzy. 

later! 

sk

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/23 NXT 11/25 NXT UK 11/26 Smackdown 11/27

Raw:

Such a hollow promo by Lana tbh. “I’m dreaming, don’t wake me up.” ??? You were the sole survivor by proxy, it’s not like you did anything. Like good for you, but come on now.

I mean sure, hand out a title shot to fucking Lana, not like anyone else in the entire company cares about that belt. God I miss Becky.

“You may go home Raw women’s champion” HAHAHAHAHAAHHA sure.

“Nikki Cross blames herself for what Alexa Bliss has become,” she should, she straight up threw her hissy fit cuz she didn’t win the title, and then she bailed.

Now don’t get me wrong, I get that Alexa has been... possessed, if you will, by Fiend... but I’m not seeing any signs of Stockholm Syndrome when it comes to her and Bray. Aren’t they both trapped by Fiend in lore? Bray seems to genuinely care about Alexa. Am I off the mark here??

Oh my god this moment of silence for the fucking frog, I--

Topped with them laughing about his death, oooookay. I’m left speechless once again.

Commentators come back with, “Is Alexa Bliss too far gone...” LMFAO bye.

See I love this bullying Lana storyline cuz Nia and Shayna have no real reason to despise her 1/8th as much as they do. It simply boils down to ‘fuck Lana’ and like your typical high school bullies, they seethe when their victim succeeds at anything. It’s old school, believable, and doesn’t cross any lines that would upset parents or sponsors.

Also don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that this title match is just a vehicle to advance the feud while involving Asuka, I simply wish the creation of the title match itself had been a bit more interesting. Lana’s dialogue ahead of it with both Sarah and Asuka just fell flat for me.

Omfg Asuka threw water on Nia and Shayna, bahahahah I can’t breathe. That might be the highlight of her entire reign, holy shit.

Negative points for her being floored by one punch though.

Well at least the segment ends with both Asuka and Lana standing, that’s not the worst.

Not much to say about this match, it’s really just Nia and Shayna bullying Lana lol.

I’ll give them this, there is absolutely nothing about neither Nia nor Shayna that is even remotely likeable. They play mean really well, and not ‘annoying yet funny’ mean like Bayley, just straight mean.

It’s not that I hate this submission ‘hold’ by Shayna, where she steps on the back of their neck while pulling a leg back, but I’m curious why she switched legs lmao. Awkward.

What a knee strike by Shayna to Asuka, whew that looked nasty.

Lmfao Nia took herself out by charging into the announce desk. I cannot. What a bump. Comedic bump, but a bump. Points.

Haha Shayna ate a rollup. A happy ending indeed. Lana sold that ending well, but it was a weird choice to have her and Asuka on the opposite ends of the ramp.

It’s been like 2 years and I’m still shocked Alexa never turned on Nikki.

This video is kind of just skipping over Nikki throwing her tantrum huh? Alexa played backseat cheerleader just to watch Nikki lose against Bayley 16 times and what did she get in return? Disrespect. Tsk.

Great package though. Points.

Nikki is so inconsistent. Internal conflict is valid, but she’s standing here claiming Alexa gave up on their friendship. First of all, this was initially instigated by Nikki. Second of all, she did nothing but trash Alexa’s boyfriend(?) when Alexa was nothing but kind to her after Nikki was a douche. She was confused so she gave Alexa an ultimatum, and now she’s pissy cuz Alexa chose him. This is toxic, I honestly have no sympathy for Nikki.

“I’m going to beat the Fiend out of Alexa Bliss” that’s... that’s not how this works... alright well you’re a shitty friend so, anyway.

Alexa slaps the back of Nikki’s hands and claims she won. I fucking can’t, she’s such a treat.

Lol Alexa’s just laughing at her.

My first introduction to Alexa was her as a master manipulator. Not a damn thing has changed.

Alexa has lost her god damn mind rofl.

*Bonus* online exclusive: victim Nikki, everyone. Why wasn’t this on Raw? Jesus they fill Raw with so many garbage replays while meaningful interviews to fill plot holes are put online. Dumb.

Lacey’s really running around calling Peyton “PeyPey” good lord.

I mean she’s right, Peyton was the weakest link. Just saying.

“10 sizes too big” shot at Uncle Melted Cheese.

I fucking love how Lacey pronounces “opportun-tit-ies” lmao. I thought it was an accident at first but honestly it’s great.

They have zero chemistry in the ring but at least they’re fun outside of it.

Highlight: I know I say Alexa every single week but shrug it’s Alexa

---

NXT:

Alright Ember’s theme is wearing on me. She just has awesome theme songs.

Indi is really pretty and I love how she does her hair.

All nxt heels are the same; cowardly run from fights, slow methodical wrestling in the ring, recruiting muscle optional. It’s tired. At least be a good promo. Dakota is a good promo. She’s buyable. Actually where’s Dakota, I wanna see Dakota wrestle. No more Candice.

Holy shit that fall away slam onto Candice. Fucking THREW her ass across the ring. Whew everyone wave bye to Candice.

The setup to that step up senton by Candice was way too obvious.

Candice is too whiny.

Ah just as I’m beginning to get bored, Dakota comes out. It’s like nxt knows me.

Haha KO correcting Vic being a bad commentator.

See Candice isn’t even a bad wrestler, her style as heel just fucking blows.

Peeped that call by Ember.

Such a stupid setup to have Indi push Candice out of the way to take an Eclipse herself. It’s not like jumping in front of a bus. There was time. Whatever. I hate Candice matches 9 times out of 10 so there’s that lol.

...so is Toni a heel yet??? I’m guessing they’re going for “badass loner babyface-leaning tweener” for Ember, but Toni is not a tweener. She could’ve been, alas she is not.

Haha Toni is funny. Good, let her be heel. Maybe she’ll show some personality.

Alright but hear me out, what if we had a War Games team without Candice???

You did say we’d see a whole new side of you, Toni. Been waiting to see it though.

Wait back up, didn’t Toni attack Candice after their match recently?? Okay anyway.

“Rhea Ripley/Io Shirai? Doesn’t get any bigger than that.” True Rhea, now move up to the main roster plz.

Oh man Io’s basement dropkick fucking nailed Rhea in the face lol, oof.

“Where do I go from here?” TO THE MAIN ROSTER.

I don’t hate the tank and I don’t hate the idea of wearing a helmet, but those horns are super pointless.

Shotzi “pyromaniac” Blackheart. Stealing one of Alexa’s gimmicks.

It’s gonna be Shotzi, Io, Rhea and Ember, right? Who else would it be??

Rhea says she’s there to stay. Ma’am I stg if I have to wait til after wm to see you on the MR...

Me: super invested in Rhea cutting a fantastic promo and seeing how far she’s progressed as a well-rounded talent; Candice: “lol fuck you”

I hate Candice. I will fill this review with vitriol for Candice, I don’t care.

How... how did Io “steal” any victories from Candice? What help did she have? Is it drugs? Is Candice on drugs?? Candice you haven’t even held the title, shut the fuck up. Also all of y’all can sit down cuz only one woman on that entire brand has had a singles match at wm.

Oh shit they laid Io out. That’s a yikes.

In kf, the only threat to Rhea on that entire team is Toni.

I mean sure 4 people was way too much for Rhea to handle, but man they let her look pretty fucking good. The way she immediately slid out to give Raquel the high boot was smart as hell.

Dakota looks good. She gets style points.

Soooo Xia gets acting points, but what in the fuck is going on with her and Boa’s story...

Why do I have to see or hear Candice again? Jesus lord.

There’s someone else masked? *sigh* I don’t care, goodbye.

Highlight: Rhea’s promo that Candice ruined

---

NXT UK:

I enjoy watching neither of these women wrestle, but at least Jinny’s persona is appealing and she has solid character work. She’s easy to dislike, so she gets heel-potential points.

Did they say Isla’s mentor is Nikki Cross? That’s... interesting...

So is this match gonna be interrupted by Piper? Probably not.

“This is an aggressive Isla Dawn,” well hey, maybe she actually started working on her stamina.

Jinny is vicious lmao.

Probably Isla’s best showing tbh.

I hate it when people jump off the top turnbuckle and then break into a slow, clunky roll, just to stand up and act as if their knee is tweaked. It’s so messy to me. Be smoother or don’t aimlessly jump off the turnbuckle.

Whole lotta yelling in the match.

Really don’t give a shit about a future Jinny/Piper match but okay.

Highlight: Jinny comes off as a vicious bitch, so that’s nice

---

Smackdown:

Oh snap Bianca’s graphic has some real potential.

Ayyyeeee it’s Captain Bayley. We starting our Bianca/Bayley feud?

oof Nattie straight outsmarted Bianca as the vet, there. Bianca friggin speared that ringpost.

“I think I did the world a favor, we got to see Bianca Belair shine,” she’s not wrong, Bianca was absolutely my mvp from SvS. In hindsight speaking from current day, Bayley really set up Bianca to be the upcoming star of this division, starting with SvS.

Oh snap did Bianca just call Nattie a bitch? How dare she, that’s Nattie’s only patented insult!

“You don’t want to get counted out again,” lmfao Bayley’s so annoying.

pppffffftttt Bayley inadvertently getting her ass whooped tonight.

Yeah somehow this is all Cole’s fault lol.

No, stop, no more “them” promos. Bayley cut this promo literally a year prior, we don’t need to hear it from Carmella, too. Besides, she was never necessarily a fan favorite that the crowd gradually turned against like Bayley was. It’s different.

WHAT SHOTS ARE YOU CALLING?? Is this about Reggie? Has he even appeared on screen yet?

Lmao Sasha beating her ass. Good for her. Looking good while she does it, too. Sasha in shiny silver... whew.

The wwe shop ad with the Riott Squad was worth a mention. They entertain me and they deserve tag titles. Not sure why wwe is still dragging their feet, but commit to them already, damn it.

Highlight: Bianca/Bayley seeds being planted

---

*Smackdown shined the brightest this week. Short, simple, straight to the point. Left me wanting to throw on next week’s episode, which no other show accomplished.

[likeafemalejackiechan]

ADMIT IT

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? - No I would not have sex with my mother you freak.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? - Nope

3. Have you taken someones virginity? - Several peoples actually. Didn’t find out til after on a couple of them and became something I was known for in two diff friend groups 😂

4. Is trust a big issue for you? - Yeah I just kind of don’t do trust

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? - Yes less than 24 hours ago I was with my girlfriend

6. What are you excited for? - Moving to Europe next year

7. What happened tonight? - I recovered from my crazy day yesterday

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? - Disgusting know but not exactly cute. Self control is an attractive quality

9. Is confidence cute? - It’s a personal fave

10. What is the last beverage you had? - Water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? - Maybe zero? Yeah probably zero

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? - Way too many

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? - I think I’ll work then hang out with my girl

14. What are you going to spend money on next? - Not sure. Most likely food

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? - Nope

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? - I do. I’m always changing

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? - My mom

18. The last time you felt broken? - This morning I was really fucking sad for literally no reason. I had just had a really nice night actually so it was weird (and probably hormone related)

19. Have you had sex today? - Nope

20. Are you starting to realize anything? - Lots of things. Always.

21. Are you in a good mood? - I’m kind of blank today

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? - If I knew it was safe then sure

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? - No but they are the same as my step dad’s which is weird

24. What do you want right this second? - Ten million dollars

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? - I’d be disappointed, but we are new in our relationship so I’d get over it more easily than if we’d been dating a long time.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? - Yep

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? - Nope that’s one of my biggest turn ons

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? - Everything Lina and I talked about this morning had us dying of laughter, so all of that ;)

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? - Yes. Mostly my nephews and my mom

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? - Every single person? A second chance, yes. Endless chances? No.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? - No

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? - She knows

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? - No but I drink it less often than the average bear

34. Listening to? - My neighbor’s air conditioner

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? - Very rarely

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? - Nope. Probably at home

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? - That’s called lust

38. Who did you last call? - My mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with? - This guy I met last night

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? - Why does anyone ever kiss anyone?

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? - Can’t remember

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? - My parents live on the opposite side of the country, so not today. I did talk to my mom tho

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? - Literally 21 hours ago

44. Do you tan in the nude? - I have a few times but don’t have many opportunities when you live in nyc

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? - Mmmm nah

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? - Nope (but I almost did)

47. Who was the last person to call you? - Idk probably some fucking creditor. I get creditor calls for whoever used to have my phone number like 3 times a day

48. Do you sing in the shower? - If I’m in an extremely good mood

49. Do you dance in the car? - Also if I’m in an extremely good mood

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? - I think I tried once or twice when I was a kid

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - In June at my brothers wedding

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - They usually are but that’s half the fun

53. Is Christmas stressful? - Depends on if you make it stressful

54. Ever eat a pierogi? - I don’t think so

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? - Peach

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - Vet, doctor, teacher

57. Do you believe in ghosts? - Yes

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - So often. A ton these past few days especially.

59. Take a vitamin daily? - Several

60. Wear slippers? - Almost never

61. Wear a bath robe? - Yes I love my robes

62. What do you wear to bed? - My Birthday suit

63. First concert? - Panic at the Disco back in like 04/05

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - I like Target best but def shop at Walmart the most

65. Nike or Adidas? - Adidas but actually I always used to buy Nike soccer shoes so they’re both good

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? - Cheetos are God’s gift to my fat ass

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - Both are faves, peanuts tho if you’re holding a gun to my head

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? - Clean and Style depending on my mood

69. Ever take dance lessons? - As a kid

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - Oh this is a fun question. I see them in one of three professions: something outdoorsy and rugged like a firefighter cuz I’ve always seemed to date guys like that, someone in a high position in a decent sized company so they’re comfortable but not overly consumed by work, or something really humble and humanitarian like a volunteer or child care profession or therapist etc. Loved this Q

71. Can you curl your tongue? - Yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee? - I always got nervous and misspelled really easy words in early rounds and hated myself for it for a year

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - Many a time

74. What is your favorite book? - This question is impossible but the answer I give just for consistency is The Stand by Stephen King

75. Do you study better with or without music? - Without

76. Regularly burn incense? - Not super often

77. Ever been in love? - Yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert? - Eminem or Green Day

79. What was the last concert you saw? - Harry Styles

80. Hot tea or cold tea? - Depends on the weather

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee tastes better but I have tea more often

82. Favorite type of cookie? - Chocolate chip

83. Can you swim well? - Yes

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - Lol are there people who can’t?

85. Are you patient? - So I’ve been told

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? - I’ve only ever seen a DJ but a cover band could def be cool

87. Ever won a contest? - A few

88. Ever have plastic surgery? - No

89. Which are better black or green olives? - Both taste like death

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? - You’d be a fool not to

91. Best room for a fireplace? - Living room is kind of the default answer but if you think about it, one in the bedroom would be phenomenal

92. Do you want to get married? - Someday possibly I might

[loving-villanelle]

You should do the even numbers!

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

-It really just depends. If I’m meeting you for the first time or I’m in a situation/place where I do not feel comfortable, I am shy. But once I get to know and i’m in my element, I can be very outgoing

4. Are you easy to get along with?

-I think I am very easy to get along with. I am very chill and laid back, so as long as you aren’t super problematic (in which case you probably would find me not so easy to get along with cuz i’m not one to just let things slide), then we’d get along just peachy :)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

-Oh jeez…this is kind of hard because I don’t think I necessarily have a “type”. I guess you just have to be a decent person and share similar views with me. It’s not that I need someone to have the carbon copy beliefs that I do, but they do need to be in the same ballpark because people’s morals and convictions are a huge part of who they are and something that is very important to me

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

-Uhhh…I guess one of my coworkers?? Just because he’s the last male i’ve talked to lol

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-Strange thing but i actually had an old classmate from high school message me the either day…literally haven’t seen or talked to her since HS graduation which was 8 years ago (god i feel so old). Anyway, I liked a politically charged post she put on Facebook and that started a late-night, really in depth conversation between us

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

- 1) No Promises-Cheat Codes feat. Demi Lovato, 2) Wish I Knew You-The Revivalists, 3) Feel It Still-Portugal. The Man, 4) Slow Hands-Niall Horan, 5) What About Us-Pink

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

-Yes and no, I think some things happen by chance but for the most part, more is in our control than we realize

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

-Yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

-No

20. Do you like your neighbors?

-I can’t say I talk to them much but they don’t cause problems so they’re good lol

22. Where would you like to travel?

-Europe is definitely on my bucket list

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

-When I get to leave work! Lol

26. What do you do when you wake up?

-Well at the risk of TMI, the very first thing I usually do when I wake up is pee lol. But then I normally eat breakfast

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

-Comfortable? What’s that? Lol. Uhmm…my best friend probably

30. Do you ever want to get married?

-Probably not. If I ever find my someone and they really wanted to get married I would, but it’s not necessarily a dream or want/need of mine

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

-Like if I could have a threesome, which two celebrities would I pick? Or what celebrities would I have a threesome with as in me, the celebrity and some rando? Idk…Sara Ramirez and Channing Tatum would probably be my top picks

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

-I don’t really play sports anymore, but I used to play soccer for years. I’ve actually been wanting to get back into it but with my work schedule (I work 2nd shift), it’s impossible to join a league

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

-Ha, story of my life

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

-Someone with a heartbeat :p

40. What do you want to do after high school?

-I refuse to dignify this with a response

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

-I’m tired, I’m upset, I’m hurt or I’m uncomfortable

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

-Outer space

46. What are you paranoid about?

-EVERYTHING lol. But lately I think I’ve kinda felt like life is moving on without me. Like…when I was younger i just thought I would be in a different place in life than I am right now and the more time passes, the worse that feeling gets

48. Have you ever been drunk?

-You betcha 

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

-Black

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

-I only get one? Lol. My ability to put myself out there

54. Favourite store?

-It used to be Vanity but they went bankrupt *cries*

56. Favourite colour?

-Blue

58. Last thing you ate?

-A Goodness Knows bar

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

-I placed at a Science fair in junior high that sent me to the regional science fair where I also placed. I also won a competition in junior high that sent me to the school spelling bee but then i proceeded to lose that so lol

62. Been arrested? For what?

-Never been arrested

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

-Honestly, it was pretty gross cuz I was way younger than the guy that I kissed. He really had no business being involved with someone my age. So it’s not the cutesy story some people have/hope for

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

-I don’t know if I’d say more than, but just as much as yes. I think I share different connections with each group for different reasons

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

-Tumblr

70. Names of your best friends? 

-Mary, Angie, Kay and Jess are probably my closest friends

72. What colour are your towels?

-Uhhh…are all my towels supposed to be the same color? Cuz they’re not…and probably too many to list. Blue, brown, purple, cream, etc.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? (Yes, there were 2 #72′s)

-Three (2 sit side by side forming a horizontal base then I have one main pillow on top)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

-Way more than I should (I had an ex basically wipe out a claw machine for me once and I’ve just never bothered to get rid of them lol)

76. What colour is your underwear?

-Black

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

-Chocolate chip cookie dough or peanut butter fudge

80. What colour pants?

-I’m not wearing any pants…

82. Favourite movie?

-The Vow

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

-Mean Girls

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

-Dory

88. Last person you talked to today?

-My BFF

90. Name a person you love?

-My nephew

92. In a fight with someone?

-No

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

-Oh goodness, I’d say at least a dozen

96. Favourite actress?

-Sara Ramirez

98. Do you tan a lot?

-I have literally never tanned a day in my life. Burn and peel is my burden to bear with my pale ass skin lol

100. How are you feeling?

-Indifferent

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

-Where do I begin

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

-Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

-Yes

108. What should you be doing?

-Sleeping probably

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

-Yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

-I’m not one to let people see me cry so I really don’t know

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

-Yes, I am fortunate enough to have traveled quite a bit

116. Are you listening to music right now?

-I have Pandora playing in the background

118. Do you like Chinese food?

-LOVE it

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

-Not really. Sometimes if I’ve watched something creepy I’ll be a little more on edge

122. Is cheating ever okay?

-No. I personally do not believe that there is ever a justifiable reason for cheating

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

-No, however lust at first sight is definitely a thing and I think people can mistake that lust for love

126. Are you currently bored?

-Somewhat

128. Would you change your name?

-I would..I’ve never been particularly crazy about it

130. Do you like subway?

-I assume this question is referring to the sub shop? Not particuarly…I prefer Jersey Mikes

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-Wasn’t this already a question?

134. Can you count to one million?

-Can I? Yes. Will I? Only if I get a dollar for every number lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

-I sleep with my door cracked

138. Curly or Straight hair?

-Lion’s mane hair! It’s definitely not straight, so I guess curly but wavy, staticky mess is more accurate

140. Summer or Winter?

-Can I pick in between…Autumn

142. Favourite month?

-October

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

-Dark chocolate

146. Was today a good day?

-It was just a regular day

148. What’s your favourite quote?

-The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched…they must be felt with the heart-Helen Keller

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

-”It was a huge and wonderful surprise when the Snicker commercial turned up as the first spot on the Super Bowl.” (Betty White book lol)

Phew! Goodness, thank you!!

[puresponk-blog]

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why... My Story So Far.

I’ve always thought from when I was young I wasn’t the same as anyone else, I’ve shown people who I am even if sometimes I haven’t the clue who that is, but after everything, I think I’m starting to realise you only know how to live life the day you go six feet under.

From The Start To Beginning

I remember an ungodly amount from being as young as 5/6 and onwards, Im born and raised in England in a small town called Barnstaple, nothing major, I remember our first house, living with my mum and dad, in a very tiny two bedroom semi-detached house. After so long being there I remember Sam being born, from literally two days after he popped out he’s been there ever since. I was to understand why I think why I do, how I am and why? Just a little more so, finding yourself is the worst thing you can do. We are working class and very had much... iv never been on holiday, and I guess it's okay, can't be sad about something you never had I guess.

I remember things, days, moments from living there even if I don’t think of it, I remember walking to school, living next to a girls house who’d walk with me, one of my friends would live two minutes up the drive, another who I only saw at school but have known since we were babies, not so much know just our mums were friends, still are but never meet.

I like remembering how I used to think Father Christmas was real, the little things like the tooth fairy, even the odd few pounds would give me the power to feel what it’s like to decide what I want, even if it’s a sweet, toy car, it’s special.

We lived there for a good few years before moving about 20 minutes more so next to town, I kinda figure this’s when I remember a lot about life thinking about it now.

Everything seemed to get a little more and more unfair as I started to realise that some of these kids would have these new toys, but it didn't matter to the sense that it would bother be that much... young and naive as they say. Mom XY Dad So you kinda got a feel for what it was like living in the old house because it doesn’t matter as much when you’re young and don't remember. My mum is sweet and in some sense innocent, but she absorbs life instead of steals it, take things how it is just she hasn’t had a holiday, never been out of the country, hasn’t had many boyfriends at all, very content in how you just live and take things how they come. She’s into some mellow stuff and loves music, a huge music fan and was influenced loads from her mother as I in a way.

My dad is a little different, he’s into his old time rock a’ billy sound, more vintage metal if anything, his dad wasn’t the greatest influence though… he left him with his mother and didn’t do the most knowledgeable things, I remember him telling me a story of how his dad used to take him when he was a baby and go to hospital car parks and try of kinda not lure but use him as a little introduction to the lady business… and then left around the same year as when it kinda got a bit much I imagine, but is 100% take things when you do and don’t really help yourself if you can’t be fucked… very down to earth and will take anything if he thinks he can handle it, not a serious man at all, also an alcoholic and has a problem.

How & When

When we moved into the new house I still went to the same school, as my brother started at this point, kinda when you’re growing up and hit that age when you don’t wanna be treated like a kid anymore, music wise I wasn’t very varied, but wasn’t into that side as of yet just getting a taste almost, dipping your toe into the pool. This is when it stated getting pretty understandable, it wasn't okay anyway, wrong even but didn’t really know why in some ideas.

My mum caught on from when we weren’t born yet that my dad just wasn’t going to do anything with himself, he’s drinking got worse and worse not going out, treating many of us to the little things, just a drive would be like a two day holiday out of town with the experience just to go out almost… she didn’t love him anymore and used us as a starting point or excuse if you will to stop drinking go out more and live life but never got more than another town.

Around this time it got harder to understand many things, I was getting bullied from other kids for things like how I looked, pale ginger kid who wasn’t that amazing at a lot, as it was more everything at once around then, every day was just getting more tackling, going home to arguing constantly and awful silence to total screech and slaughter house environment… to wake up and get picked on it was just hard.

By now it’s getting to the end of primary school, there’s another baby on the way, I remember seeing dad trying for a few times taking us out but just to the beach the odd time, nothing major but probably proved more I his mind than actually proving something, he must have pulled off another stunt like oh let’s have another kid I’ll fix everything but probably didn’t last long, I remember him having cans next to his bed, waking up and just drinking from morning to day, everything you’d have in a normal home from what I could see was not in our favour, yet I guess you got to take it how it is…

… Anyone who knows what it was like as a kid must know how day to day you don’t feel the same when you’re older, the days are much slower and have more meaning, almost every day was a lesson, so you really pick up everything around you, and when there’s nothing but grief, stress, hatred it feels a lot more than it should do, kinda what makes me think everything stays with you when you’re younger…

I was in school and this is secondary, so the teenaged years are here… It was coming up to my birthday before I even started… not saying from now until I was born I never got anything or didn’t experience a lot, I joined a tennis club which only two people out of the entire school went… and wasn’t half bad at it at all, and cricket we ended up doing school leave play as well as football.

I was the defender in the school team and didn’t loose to any school for four years running, something silly like 9-2 every other year, so I wasn’t not doing anything, more so to just leave home so I don’t have to get shit from each ear about alcoholism or how she never touches him and how she has to sleep in the kids bedroom (Sam & Kane, Kane being the youngest now) cuz she can’t stand him all that shit… but he wasn’t leaving because his one stubborn man when he goes the ideas of pure bullshit in his head… mum would say he fools for his own bullshit…

I asked for an electric guitar for my birthday, which means money, something we don’t have much of, but I kicked and screamed and did this for days, I was in my first year of secondary school coming to 13/14.

They got my one tho, and couldn’t have been more grateful, by this time my music range was the complete opposite direction as anyone who I knew, mainstream wasn’t in my vocabulary… listening to hard rock, heavy metal, screamo, all the old stuff everything under what music stand for when everyone who I knew had the new 50 cent ringtone and got phones and hand this, that, and everything I’ve never thought of even having… so when I saw these guys making these songs which made me feel something totally different than I’ve ever felt I wanted to do that.

But still he didn’t leave, not the normal thing to do so the arguments went on for years… if you can think of crying and how shit is was STILL getting bullied not ever having many friends at all…

I think why I think like I do is because of my parents, kinda like that for everyone... I think if someone doesn't fit in it's because they're weird not because they're an individual? Could be very dependent, but from my experience... once you know you don't fit it, you never really will...

Come to day to day life it was get up, listen to screaming, go school, feel shit as fuck, go home, and feel even more shit so say to day life wasn’t pleasant but the appreciation for things like a roof or food just seemed mandatory so why’d I ever feel special?

By now it come to choosing GCSEs, I got really into art by this time and more so towards drumming, before I even chose my gcses I saw an electric kit in school so when I realised that I could go to this music room and not have to deal with anything but me in a room with music I could play cuz I couldn’t at home made a difference… and I ended up being pretty good when it comes to the drums as my alcoholic father says I got a real talent… as all drunks talk pure shit…

So now I begged and begged for a drum kit… and my dad some how got one because my mum didn’t work but dad worked in a factory…

I remember watching this video of trivium and it was the lead guitarist… and I was real into my music by now, and creative side to everything, in primary I loved English writing about wonders and things instead everyone else loved maths and I hated it, if never know what they were talking about and ever felt good when it happened…

But I saw him head banging with this sharp black Flying V just looking how I felt, and he had hair down to his shoulders or longer even, and thinking I want to look like that… I want the feeling of your hair going everywhere not seeing your face just the look, so when I bring it up sometimes as a joke but being deadly serious on the inside dad was very against it. He was very metal nothing poncey dying your hair like… but mum being very flower power opinionated for me to go for I touched me to do it and do things if you want to and think don’t worry what they thing…

So this pale ginger kid with a broken family who had fuck all to do other than play music and relate to heavy music has now dyed his hair from orange, or brown with a highlight of orange just orange in the sun to black mid length and very unpopular so I didn’t really help myself…

At all…

Coming towards the end of the year I had a little group of friends that looked like me, very emo very scene, very outcast very used to taking shit for literally anyone and everyone… so it was kinda a sanctuary, then the people who I thought were my friends for so much of a year decided to do something which kinda made things worse…

I went to the park where we kinda hung out when I only ever got a pity invitation from one of the guys or sometimes girls, like they’d be like why’d you bring him but always behind my back, I met them and we hung out in this girls house and wanted to check my Facebook and when it come to me leaving I forgot to sign out, so they went on all like five six of them threatened a bunch of different 18 year olds and dealers they’d pick up from and kids from our school… all thinking it’s be because they want to believe it, they didn’t know me so would’ve assumed the worse but shit it was so obvious… so it figuratively no one liked me again.

After that day for a solid few weeks it just didn’t feel safe to go anywhere, do anything I had to stay in this horrid house, I kinda turned to music a lot because I cut my hair down sort so it was natural, I left anyone who ever hurt me and moved towards the same friends as I did in school, the one who lived up the drive, and my other who was kinda raised with, kinda hung out with their friends and then on to be some of the best people and funniest people I’ve ever met.

They were also outcasts just not visually anything, stereotypically they were the nerds, living online with a controller in their hand doing nothing all day.

I kinda always picture the worst happening because that's always what's happened, now a days it's more you choose what happens and not being afraid to tell people what I think, it help a lot when in the middle of the first year I did kickboxing... and was the best in the class, I took it seriously which lead me to ranking up belts twice or even three times more than anyone else, I soon become a brown belt, one off a black but the teacher was flaky and we stopped going, me and my dad that is... I met my first actual girlfriend there, it was the teachers step daughter, we would learn up stairs and we the adults we upstairs we hung out downstairs... she was also not one to fit in everywhere but she had a few friends. After I cut my hair and looked sort of normal I noticed a real change of how people act around you especially kids by how you look, in my mind you can be this or that, but now, it really doesn't matter what you wanna be people are gunna say whatever and it won't bother you in a month? You won't remember in a few weeks so why let it get to you now? You'd be labelled for what you are and that really sticks with people so you might as well be true. My new friends... I liked them because at least I had people to see and talk to and be okay with saying hi when they walked down the hall, but still was not liked by many at all…

When I finished school everyone says your school days are the best you’ll ever have and I I thought If that were true I think I might have to blow my brains out… but it wasn’t easy and after everything that was happening at home and in school something weird happened in my life…

Essentially my dad hit my mum well… he did, it was getting really horrid between them and like I said they did this for years living in the same house but not together like… my mum tried to move out it just couldn’t happen, she couldn’t find work and no council flat or house was ready in a few months time… more like years… but because so when this riot of a show which I’ll spare you the details of (don’t worry it was nothing major at all just it was fucked up) she called the police and obviously I stopped him as soon as he touched her ya know it was just instinct but he got taken away, and the next morning smashing a window trying to get is after mum throwing his shit out. But he left… and stayed with his mother as he is doing right now… 50… btw…

And I was skating at the time, doing not half bad at all and was getting pretty used to playing a lot on guitar and drums, and is what I still do today because I’m pretty good at it, not so much art unfortunately, but I left secondary and all the friends I made we never seen again, it was time to choose what to do with your life…

I didn’t really have a clue with not enjoying a subject other than music art and a little graphic design but nothing major…

Mum and dad being working class they wanted me to be an electrician, they wouldn’t go a conversation without thinking of the money, and I never got what you’d call affection from either when I really think about it but wasn’t interested in the outside so I guess I never had the opportunity… kinda why I down play anything I’m good at because of my own mum and dad can’t find anything to encourage out of me hearing them say how good I could be if I follow their advice and become an electrician with no interest in it al all I pursued it…

All these built up feelings, anger was one... feeling like why would who people have a kid if they couldn't get them everything they wanted... why don't you go on holiday if you could? The worst thing is wasted time which could possibly spend making memories? Depression was also one... and I kinda felt it suited a lot to do with at home... you can't go through all this shit and expect not to wanna express it, even if it meant crying because you didn't know what you did for so many people to hate you? I never thought self harm as a realise until you think of actually having something to complain about, feeling a cut on the outside is sometimes better than feeling shit on the inside.

Now I haven’t mentioned any love life or anything like that until now, because I did loose my virginity but it wasn’t what you would call boyfriend girlfriend… more we would meet and then go with it… but I met this girl, and I couldn’t think of a better time for someone to somehow enter at the most right time?

No arguments, no bullying, I was normal looking and had made a few new friends, and now meet one of the most important people I’ve met since.

I mean I don’t wanna go on cuz like we aren’t together anymore but in a sense it was pure poetry everyday, everyday felt bliss, the fire they say that lights in your belly was roaring, feeling nothing but shit to sunshine for the first time it was one of the best feeling s I’ve ever feel and still searching for it again, I just hope I don’t get to relate to those quotes you see about never finding love again…

This girl, seen the country’s of Germany, Spain, two or three others I think, and yet she want to the same secondary and got spoken about the same way people did about me yet never spoke to her before ever, just the odd few times and one day, as Im walking home from collage who do I see walking under this underpass and smiles… the very same girl?! And she smiles at me?? Not like one of those side ounces like no effort like ya know she’s making pretty darn obvious and I literally thought na it’s cool I’ll look at her she’ll look at me and we will look away like everyone who’s ever looked at me…

And I don’t even smile back so I messaged her saying sorry I didn’t smile back?? Like wtf… how lame… but come a few days later I see her sitting on the opposite table as my friends and later messaged about getting a drink… the rest is pretty much history, perfect if you will… just I don’t think I’ve met anyone who was as serious as me when it come to something so special? Never mind the fact I already did another year of collage to get my level 2 diploma in electrical which I was starting to kinda get the hang of, still not interested but I did it, and yet we ended up living together, sharing everything, thoughts food, bed, house, life, and that’s what makes me think, how can someone know someone that well inside and out, how do you find that agin I don’t know? How I did in the first place I’m not sure at all…

But now it’s starting to get a little more clearer… I read somewhere that once you realise things will never be the same that’s when you can truly move on, another was when you find love it takes twice or sometimes three times as long to get over and honestly you’ll never get over it and yet that’s poetry… it’s not how who choose, it’s the ones who you want to see for the rest of your life because sometimes memories last a life time…

And who can me anymore satisfied with how you can go from the the worst days of your life to a few years later find this soul that’s exactly the same in so many ways yet the differences are what made it fun… I was having fun and I was in love… I think once you know what something’s value is, it’s not to imagine it to be a sad loss once it does go,enjoy what is happening right now… not what was yesterday? I want to think about tomorrow.

What & Why

So I think you’ll never understand what will happen if something will happen tomorrow who you’ll meet or what you’ll be, I’m in a band and we got a festival to play in June, to 350 people and I’ve played to a crowed of 15… and other to about 40? And I’ve been giving for about 3 months, I lost my job cuz I was always late and the people were absolutely awful… and now I got an interview with some of the sweetest women and team ever? You just never know what will happen? Iv applied to a music course to do for a year and after I’m moving to Plymouth to continue a degree in music? And you know what’s stayed through the worst and the best?

Music, my skateboard, my drum kit, my mum, and even the one who can leave something behind which can never be replaced? Memories… I can’t say I’ll ever understand life and I don’t think going about it seriously was what I should’ve done and it goes for anybody? You’ll never know what will happen? So just flow with it?

My Story So Far.

So what am I doing today? What’s made it easier? Who’s there now? Do you feel any wiser? Mistakes are probably the opposite to regret for the most part…

Just because I wouldn’t be here today if I had courage to do something sooner? I might be a hell of a lot wiser and probably a lot more understanding and normal… but what’s made it all worth the story? The journey instead of the destination… and that’s why I think you’ll only ever be completely understood of life is when you get laid six feel under? You just won’t know what you’re doing ever? If you told me six years ago I was going to be make a studio and be with a bad that’s planing a week tour I would’ve been laughing…

Hopefully I can think about what I was doing today in a few years thinking of the most ridiculous ideas and be living it… and I can’t wait…

The Story So Far? Can’t say I know yet… still enjoying the journey, not thinking about the destination, I think what makes it serious, when you care too much about what’s happing next instead of now? If you never do the things you’ve always wanted to, do they happen?

You’ll never know, will i ever know what love feels like again? Does it ever feel like you’ll know what you’re doing with your life? Does it make sense that what’s happening right now is for a reason? Do you ever want to hug the people you never think about touching again? Do selfish people ever say sorry for being selfish? Variety is the spice of life? No one wants to be stuck with someone until their teeth go? That’s boring? Sex is the most fun without laughing? You’ll never know where you are until you realise you are no where…

P.s. I hope you knock on my door, I want to leave Devon without knowing the people who meant less to me think more of me? I want to know that whenever either of us look back, it’s not shit but laughing…

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why… My Story So Far.

@invisible-fate98