OH. okay so normally i dont touch discourse with a 20 ft pole, but this has been niggling at my brain tonight and i finally realized why
the people who are mad at qbbh for the memory loss and “dodging consequences” dont understand that he doesnt want to dodge consequences. Like they cant know that, they werent focused on him when he was literally feeding himself to the soul vultures and planning his eventual imprisonment and also. The Many Many Many hints he made towards suicide/sacrifice/Just Fucking Dying.
ccbbh is a subtle roleplayer, he’s been building this shit up for two whole months- it was day FIVE of the eggs going missing that he resolved to do whatever it took (hurting his friends) to get the eggs back. It was day three that he followed in dapper’s footsteps and started feeding himself to the soul vultures (and gaining a Massive headwound beneath his hood in the process- you can only see it if you go on namemc and remove the layers). He’s got impaired judgement. Even the memory issues arent a new thing- i cant remember exactly when they started, but one of the first big moments i remmeber was september 30th where he spent an hour falling into a delusional frenzy searching his base for cameras that he forgot he asked aypierre to plant.
The super murder of purgatory and the memory loss afterwards probably all feels very sudden for people who havent been following his story, but as someone who has been- all of this has been true to character. The only cheap swings he’s made have been combat-based in purgatory, and even the motive for those was built up in rp.
People are calling for consequences, but he has alrwady been experiencing self-inflicted consequences for months. The blue on his usual outfit is blood. This recent memory loss isnt a restart to get away with the atrocities - it is yet another consequence of his egg-protecting complexes and the ways he punishes himself for failing them.
he is NOT a moral character. he’s a demon hiding in plain site. he has eaten people. he has killed people. he understands the cruelty of his actions, and the consequences of them for the loved ones of his victims. but it matters when that harm is being done to his loved ones. he’ll still do it, because he will do anything for the eggs, but it matters, and that means that he has already started the process of self-inflicting those much-demanded consequences
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Staying Level-Headed
You know everyone was looking at qPhil coming back chanting “KILLZA KILLZA KILLZA” and like yeah we all want it, and we sort of got it through the initial chaos: the lava cast over the presidential building, the threats of further action against the Federation. It's not exactly the violent/furious rampage some might've been wanting or expecting, though.
And honestly? I'm glad---because it makes perfect sense.
Since the start, Phil has been very upfront about his thoughts concerning the egg situation. He knew and believed and repeatedly expressed (to his kids, sometimes!) that there was a very good chance they were going to die, or get taken away. He's always been very practical about death and treated it as an inevitable force that can't be evaded. Man, you can trace it back in his character so far. When the Nightmare happens, and Phil is holding a dying Chayanne in his arms, he says something to the effect of, "I'm so sorry, they just don't want you to live in this world."
A fact. A hard, cold, undeinable fact.
Phil is pragmatic. Married to Death. Hinted at having lived a long, long time; seen many things, outlived many people.
He is a survivor. And rule number one of being a survivalist: always be prepared to be faced with the cruel, the unfair, and the unexpected.
So, yes, of course it hurts. He never wanted his kids to be taken away from him---but he's braced for the blow. He has been mentally fortifying himself for a moment like this for months, and on another level, most of his life.
Thus, after he has a moment to allow himself to break, he takes a deep breath and keeps a level head. He talks to Tubbo and Fit, lets them fill him in on the situation, doesn't demand answers they don't have. When they tell him about how the island's president has gone off the deep end, Phil's immediate instinct is to believe the best in Forever and that he must be being manipulated by the Federation in some way. (Seriously! He draws that conclusion so fast! He immediately recognizes Forever as a victim rather than a threat or an enemy, despite Forever's position of power and "emotional unavailability.") And yeah, Phil instagates the lava cast, which is still griefing, but it's a localized, controllable form of griefing that is inflicted upon Federation territory only, and he follows it up with threats of further action with a viable plan. Then, he immediately plunges into an investigation of the old freezer/prison with Tubbo to look for any possible clues left behind.
Look, this isn't to say that the way that qPhilza---or ccPhilza, for that matter---is handling the situation "better" than anyone else, or that the other characters aren’t capable of making rational decisions. All of the other characters' various reactions, breakdowns, retaliations, and quests for answers are believable, well-played, and fascinating. (Like fuck dude the ccs are COOKING right now; and objectively speaking, the mines are pretty goddamn funny lol.) I just want to outline exactly why qPhil's reaction works so, so, so well for his character and why I'm ultimately glad that he didn't go all hyper-murdery, stewing about putting the Federation's heads on a pike or storming the Federation HQ or anything like that.
((Also, it's worth mentioning that all of his plans aren't """perfect""" decisions for the situation! Like his plan to play keep-away with Forever's briefcase of drugs until the effects of his last dose wear off. We know how unstable Forever becomes when the withdrawal starts to set in---he began to panic and pulled a gun on Phil. As terrible as the pills are for him, Forever becomes a danger to himself and the people around him when the medication wears off. He's so fragile right now, so if Phil going to try to get him to go cold-turkey, ideally, Phil would need to do it in a safer environment than just, fucking anywhere. Also Phil's follow-up plan is to assassinate Forever, potentially by taking advantage the apparent trust Forever has in Phil??? Like I get it, desperate times require desperate measures, and it still makes for an interesting story line that I would absolutely gobble up, but OW???? Like qPhil, bestie, are you sure that's the best plan in the long run????? Anyway, I digress.))
So that's about it. I miss my little huevos but I love this arc SO so much and I love pPhil and I have so many thoughts about him and I can't wait to see where this goes. Rambles over. Gn <3
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