#oh god this got so long i'm sorry

[bootyful-seventeen]

Oh gosh okay so I went back to marinating more on long haired Jihoon, but specifically long haired Jihoon getting pegged has me chewing on the bars of my enclosure to get out

Like just think of how pretty he'd look when he's on all fours and your fucking into him!! His chest blushed and heaving from how needy he is for you and the way your touch just feels so good and electric running along your skin! Your fingers then threading through his hair to pull his head up to see his thoroughly fucked out and flushed face in the mirror you placed in front of the bed. His eyes rolling back into his skull as cute little whimpers and cries slip from his lips when you brush your lips along his shoulder and licking up his neck before nibbling on his earlobe. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh and even the louder moans he'd make if you gripped his cheeks in your hands and pounded him into the mattress, his back arching so nicely that you can't help but run a hand up his spine and wrap his long hair around your fist while he trembled underneath you whimpering about how he's gonna cum. Your eyes dropping down to watch his slick hole swallowing your strap on with ease from being played with for so long before getting bent over. Jihoon's whines getting louder from hand slipping between his thighs to jerk off his leaky cock until he's releasing spurts onto the sheets under him. Tears springing from his eyes as you fuck him at a harder and faster pace until he was left gasping for air, his thighs shaking from keeping his ass up when your strap slips out of his trembling hole and a relieved smile on his face as you cooed about how good he was for you, and how he looks so pretty all fucked out like this between kisses along his spine

[tallmadgeandtea]

Turn Week 2023:

History Nerdery!

Hello, and Happy Fourth of July! For today's Turn Week, I wanted to talk about Benjamin's regiment in the Continental Army. We all know he's a Connecticut Dragoon, but what does that mean and what did they do, exactly? I'm going to let you know! The Continental Cavalry is my favorite unit in the army, and I actually did an Honors Research Project on them last year for my college. WARNING: this is going to be LONG. I'm sorry. Kind of.

What is the Continental Cavalry?

The cavalry is the mounted troops in a military force, meaning they fight on horseback. At the time of the Revolution, the cavalry was considered an elite and necessary force for a proper military. Combat on horseback was dangerous- you not only had to avoid cannon and gunfire, but you had to attack other mounted troops with lances and sabers of their own.

There are two types of cavalry: light cavalry and heavy cavalry. The light cavalry had three primary duties. Scouting, which was to patrol enemy forces, movements, and the terrain surrounding camps and battlefields, which also played into reconnaissance. They also served as messengers to officers on and off the battlefield. On the other hand, heavy cavalry was troops used in action. Their objective was to lead charges and weaken the enemy’s unmounted troops, like going after their flanks. They also performed raids/ambushes or small skirmishes against the enemy. Their combat was on and off the battlefield.

Due to the near constant lack of funds for the Continentals, their Dragoons performed both light and heavy cavalry roles. A dragoon/trooper is a soldier who fights either on horseback or on foot, depending on the amount of horse available. They used weapons such as: a cavalry saber, a shortgun, and a musket.

Unlike the British army, which brought over cavalry forces, at the beginning of the war, there was not an official cavalry for the Continentals. Some state and organized militias had mounted troops- such as the Philadelphia Light Horse- but professional, commissioned troops had not seen action.

After seeing the performance of the British cavalry during the New York Campaign, General George Washington realized his army needed horses of their own. Writing to Congress in late 1776, “From the Experience I have had in this Campaign… I am Convinced there is no carrying on the War without them.”

What made up the Continental Cavalry?

In 1777, the cavalry's first year in action, there were four regiments of Light Dragoons.

The 1st Regiment of Dragoons- from Virginia, also known as Bland's Light Horse. Their uniforms were originally the "classic" Continental coat: blue with red facings, but they then changed the standard to brown with green facings.

The 2nd Regiment, also known as the Connecticut Light Dragoons, Colonel Elisha Sheldon and Benjamin Tallmadge's force, mustered from Connecticut, hence the name. Their uniform was blue with buff facings.

The 3rd Regiment, aka Colonel Baylor's or Lady Washington's Light Horse, in honor of Martha Washington. Their uniform was white with blue facings (one of my favorite uniforms in the army.)

And the 4th Regiment, led by Colonel Stephen Moylan. His troops originally wore red! coats, and this lead to some incidents of friendly fire. At Washington's order, the regiment changed to green with red facings.

How does this relate to Turn: Benjamin Tallmadge and His Dragoons.

Although the show does not get into heavy detail about Benjamin Tallmadge's battle experience, we know what battles he was present at with his regiment.

1777 the cavalry's first years as professional troops in battle. Both had very... different outcomes, let's say. Both were also mentioned or briefly shown in season 2 of Turn, and my research focused on this.

During the Campaigns, a set of troops from each regiment of Dragoons was stationed with General Washington in Pennsylvania, led by Bland, Moylan, Baylor, Sheldon, and Tallmadge.

Benjamin Tallmadge and his soldiers were present at both the Battles of Brandywine and Germantown.

At Brandywine, Washington first used the dragoons for only scouting, not combat. But as the British went after his insecure right flank, he frantically sent units of soldiers and cavalry to prevent the British from getting to the road along and to Brandywine Creek. The cavalry also acted as messengers to officers during this battle, but insufficient preparation and speed led to delayed reports. The cavalry did lead a charge that allowed Washington to retreat, but the day was lost. Afterwards, the British marched into the Continental capital of Philadelphia.

After Brandywine, Washington needed another battle to try and take back Philadelphia. With a night march, he decided to attack the British near their camp in Germantown, Pennsylvania, a small village outside the city.

Washington had four columns, 2 made up of Continental forces and two of state militias. Just as at Brandywine, his right wing was commanded by Sullivan, and his left by Greene. The Dragoons were now under their newly commissioned commander, General Pulaski. Tallmadge stated in his memoirs that, “if every division of the army had performed its allotted part, it seems as if we must have succeeded.”

Unfortunately, this would not be the outcome at Germantown. At the beginning of the battle, the Continentals were winning. Part of the camp was captured. A heavy fog and rain set over the battlefield, and the British used this fog to their advantage. They retreated into a local country house and created a stalemate.

Benjamin Tallmadge and his dragoons were first stationed with Sullivan’s division, close upon “the scene of the action.” As the battle turned against the Continental forces and the troops became victim to enemy and friendly fire, Washington ordered him to use his 2nd Dragoons to block any further retreat, to no avail. Germantown was lost.

Germantown was the last official engagement of the Philadelphia campaign. But on June 28, 1778, the Continental Army and the Cavalry engaged the forces at the Battle of Monmouth in New Jersey. Due to proper military training thanks to the Inspector General Baron von Steuben and six months of waiting at Valley Forge, the army emerged as a proper fighting force and prevailed against the British. The victory allowed the Continentals to take back their capital and keep Washington in as Commander in Chief.

Monmouth is the shown in the finale of season 2- Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot- with Benjamin leading his dragoons into the battle.

After the 1777 campaigns, Tallmadge and his dragoons would stay up north, particularly New York, to patrol and engage the enemy in raids. They also participated in the Battles of Stony Point and Fort St. George, which were shown in seasons 3 and 4 of Turn.

Sources (and further reading):

Memoir of Col. Benjamin Tallmadge : Tallmadge, Benjamin, 1754-1835 : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Brandywine: A Military History of the Battle that Lost Philadelphia but Saved America, September 11, 1777 by Michael C. Harris, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Germantown: A Military History of the Battle for Philadelphia, October 4, 1777 by Michael C. Harris, Hardcover | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Cavalry of the American Revolution - Jim Piecuch - Westholme Publishing

[ditch-lily]

so I wanna do a little trip/photo dump of my latest jeffy adventure. I may delete this who knows but for now, adventures below!

I tbh wasn't at my best during this trip, I had a bit of a not fun ocd episode while traveling and I do feel like I spent most of the trip trying to get back to my baseline okayness - so to my lovely friends and travel partners thanks for being awesome and treating me with kindness!! I really, really appreciated it 💖💖

okay now time for obnoxious trip slideshow haha

chiang rai was beautiful. we went to an insanely gorgeous garden cafe on the first day

on the second, we went to the white and blue temples

btw I love doing street photography so 2 of my favs from chiang rai:

and now...jeffy day

tbh by the time Jeff was onstage I'd been standing around since 2pm (he got on stage...at 10pm 😭) the things We Do for Barricade. I was soooo sweaty and frazzled by then

it was a very cool set up tho! it was a little music festival, lots of food/etc, and they lit up hot air balloons over our heads

we saw a few performers and slot machine!! who were right before jeff. finally got to see them live and ohmygod did they pop off!! at one point they were in front of us just tearing up the stage for ages, they threw guitar picks at us haha (I did not catch one lol)

and then jeff.....look we all know how that went down

but here's a screenshot of when he Looked at me the first time and i fucking realized if I can see them.....they can see me. no??? jfc i think i like super reacted, flailed backwards a bit I think. i prefer to not beobserved okay?? but anyway and that's why he came for my throat later i believe. demon

then look after jeff it was just jumpscare after jumpscare, bumping into his band member at midnight in our hotel lobby (all the musicians and sound crew were having a big drinking party on the steps of the hotel. jeff wasn't there tho) and then the next morning bumping into rasika checking out etc etc

okay some of my fits on the trip! day 1, then jeffy day and the next travel day, which ended up being the Day we followed Jeff and his team around at the airport, unintentionally

each of these in front of the cupboard nowhere near as good as jeffs lol

some of the treasures i got at the show! these are mainly bread's amazing creations. @patpran thank you so much i adore my jeffy cat stickers ;.;

also (made by another fan) the jeffy pop socket i'm screaming,,,,,should i put it on my phone..

okay now bkk!! i got a few street shots cause i love doing that

then witnessed jeff on the bts and found some cat pants

and went plus size shopping at platinum mall. i knew about the names before hand but oh my god im laughing

and then!!! bang sue junction, which is mile and apo's fav hang out spot for vintage shopping. sadly we didn't bump into them. but it was such an awesome place to explore

we also wrote a lil letter each and wrapped up some presents to send to jeff. i would like to say it takes 2+ ppl to puzzle out a thailand post box and how to put it together (and there was only 2 of us at that point lol ;.;)

okay i was gonna add more but that's heaps, i think. despite my brain being frazzled 24/7 on this trip it was a good one. thank you so much to @patpran who showed me all the cool places and was a very lovely travel partner!!! you were awesome!!!

i'm honestly so grateful i got to go, and have these experiences ahhhhh, i'm gonna treasure it (sorry post trip emo-ness) anyway i gotta get back to work now but, if you've read this far, you're a star haha <3

[citymiddled]

did you guys know that, well, the cruelty is the point

[piinfeathers]

Let's spread some love 😘. What are some of your top five favourite cs fics?

i love this oh gosh, also god i have too many ;;

ok in no particular order:

breathless by AcrobatElle - LINK

genuinely cannot emphasis enough how much EVERYONE needs to read this one. there is spice, but like the most heart wrenching, bring you to your knees, soul moving thing you've ever read. i won't spoil it but please, run don't walk to read this one

a uniquely portable magic by @wistfulcynic - LINK

listen, it actually pains to pick only one of saira's fics because i love them ALL. but if i HAD to, it would be this one. this is my desert island fic, the one i reread over and over. i can't even describe how beautifully she writes and how much every fic of hers feels like coming home, but they just do. cannot recommend highly enough just going through her archive <3

running home to your sweet nothings by @sotangledupinit - LINK

gonna be a little stinker and pick mary's most recent fic. i would have also said her run rogers run fic from christmas last year buuuuut, listen. i love her current fic. i am a sucker for EF lieutenant duckling AUs where Emma is actually given a sword and allowed to go buck wild (aka what should have actually happened in the wish realm episode SORRY) so this one really hits the spot so gooood

tactical magic by @iverna - LINK

my one true love in cs fics is witch!emma in a urban fantasy setting and i love, LOVE what svenja does in this fic. also i just love the way she writes emma and killian in all her fics, they always feel so true to the characters every single time, and she treats them both with such love and attention

iridescent blue by @pirateherokillian - LINK

listen only pip could write a werewolf story about a mauling for an event called january joy and still make it one of the sweetest things you've ever read ;; i love how she writes both emma and killian in all her fics, they always feel so real to me whenever i read her stuff

also massive shoutouts to the authors i first read when i got into the fandom and got me hooked @hollyethecurious , @the-darkdragonfly , @elizabeethan and @cosette141 please just go and raid their ao3's i'm so serious

[atopvisenyashill]

what do u think of ned and sansa’s relationship?

sorry this took so long, i wasn't sure how to lay it out because i didn't just want to word vomit all over lol.

i think it's a great depiction of grief and trauma "dripping through" so to speak (to steal a succession line) from a parent to their child. ned and sansa are similar in many ways (in fact, I'd argue that Sansa is the most like Ned) and you can see clearly that Sansa gets her outlook on life and society more so from her father than her mother. While Cat is much less trusting, much more forceful, and incredibly emotional, Ned has a much more romanticized idea of the world. He makes many of the same mistakes that Sansa does, as a matter of fact -

they both trust Littlefinger despite the warning signs because they both feel they have no other option and no allies to rely on, so this shady guy obsessed with Cat is the least noxious option (in their eyes)

they both have this idealistic image of a Baratheon that is tied more to reputations and romanticism than in that particular man's personality - Ned should realize that he can't rely on Robert literally the moment Robert refuses to step in to protect Lady but keeps deluding himself because Robert the Hero, Robert the King, Robert the Foster Brother, is this larger than life image he has in his mind. Meanwhile, Joffrey is...Joffrey and Sansa overlooks and romanticizes this because The Chivalrous Prince is this idea that is all powerful in her head.

they both think around a subject rather than face it head on. I detailed an example of this here but there's literally dozens of examples in both of their narratives. it's this commonality that I find particularly interesting; it's not just that they're very indirect people but that when faced with trauma, both of them double down on avoiding their trauma to cope with it.

in particular, they both do this wrt a younger sister which is even more fascinating in my opinion - so easy to have Ned think more often around Brandon but instead it's Lyanna he Does Not Obsess Over, and it's Lyanna he compares Sansa to (even though they likely look nothing alike). Later, it would be easy to have Sansa think more about her brothers but again, it's Arya she Does Not Obsess Over, and we know Arya likely resembles Lyanna to a point. Just something really fascinating there, that the relationship they are most troubled by is one with a little sister.

and in that vein, both of them will romanticize their own trauma to cope with it. we see this obviously with sansa and the Unkiss but I think it's present in his thoughts of the Tower of Joy as well. his fever dream in eddard x is steeped in fantasy imagery, with his companions as faceless wraiths, a "storm of rose petals" streaking across the red sky. he does this with rhaegar as well in my opinion - when he does think of rhaegar the man (and not just of his children) he has this image of Rhaegar as a chivalrous sort of man who no one can really measure up to and yet he never explicitly thinks anything positive about Rhaegar. once again, sort of romanticizing his idea of someone, like Sansa does with Sandor.

both of them are incredibly self conscious about how they're perceived - Ned thinks about his father and brother as being "born" to rule, is very aware that people see him as kind of an idiot, and Sansa is equally worried that people will see her as "silly" or simple. It seems very tied to their roles as the "girlson" - Sansa as the eldest daughter who must make an illustrious match and live up to that expectation of her and Ned as the second son stepping in to fill a role he feels unprepared to take.

despite some paternalism about the poor (Ned sitting a man with him every night while also kind of purposefully distancing himself to be The Benevolent Father of Winterfell and Sansa's out of pocket but realistic comments about Jeyne and Mya's marriage prospects), they clearly care about the common or low born people they live with - I think Sansa's grief (and purposeful Thinking Around) over Jeyne Poole going missing and her insistence that Jeyne's father is safe speaks to her affection for the Pooles just as Ned's fixation on Jory Cassel being murdered by Jaime also speaks to his affection for the Cassels. And just from an audience PoV, I think it really underlines Ned and Sansa's horror over the situation that Ned is traumatized by Jory's death at the hands of the Lannisters, and Sansa thinks over a year later about "poor Jeyne Poole" and her disappearance (due to the Lannisters, though she's ultimately sold by LF)

And then there's the emotional distance between them, that I think is really compounded by his trauma over Lyanna and Sansa's age -

Ned ultimately learns the wrong lesson from Lyanna's death. He doesn't learn "women shouldn't be given so few options and should be allowed control over their lives" he learns "if i protect the women i love from the evils of this world and give them freedom when they're young, they'll be happier" and that's just. Oh Ned.

But that "lesson" is really obvious in how he treats Sansa - he keeps her in the dark while putting her in a dangerous situation, because he doesn't want her to be involved in the same politics that killed Lyanna even as he's actively involving her in those politics. His first thoughts about Sansa in the book are that she's too young to be engaged to Joffrey! He does not want to let her go out into the big bad world and he thinks simply keeping the bad stuff from her mind is how he'll save her.

The Lady situation I think is what really damages their relationship; he links Sansa and Lyanna in his mind so closely during this scene that I think it stops him from being able to emotionally connect with her anymore. It's so tragic - to see Lyanna's sorrow reflected in Sansa, to feel that loss so deeply that it stops him from being able to comfort Sansa the way he comforted Lyanna as she died.

all of this really bites him in the ass because Sansa looks at his silence and sees treachery while Ned looks at her silence and sees obedience. And the moment when both of them are finally ready to act and not just dream is when their stories clash horrifically.

Narratively, I think they're set up to have some parallels - Ned as the second son (and what is a second son than a girlson, really) who was never supposed to inherit who does after a violent tragedy, and Sansa as the second born who was also never supposed to inherit who will after a violent tragedy.

And Ned's story is book ended by Ned choosing his love of a young female relative over his honor - he actually compares Sansa to Lyanna first in his narrative:

He could still hear Sansa pleading, as Lyanna had pleaded once.

and it's Sansa who he once again chooses over his word, over his honor. when he looks at Sansa (and Arya) all he sees is his grief. It leads all three of them to their doom, but Ned's death is something he would choose over and over because in the end, with all his faults, Ned did learn one good lesson from Lyanna and it's that a living, breathing woman will always be more important than some words spoken before a king. what is honor compared to the feel of your daughter in your arms, the memory of your sister's smile?

[georgieluz]

if you don't mind much, what was every thought that crossed your mind during ray persons scenes in gen kill?

every single thought? anon, don't tempt me

that being said, i shall give the people what they want! so ray is the kind of annoying that i live and breathe for. the kind of annoying that makes me wanna open up his brain and dive inside. just pure unadulterated unhinged energy! zero shame or dignity present in that one. none whatsoever. but it's endearing y'know? i wanna tell him to shut the fuck up but i also want him to live in my pocket and give me a running commentary on my life?

i didn't wanna love him at first. it's gonna sound weird but it felt too predictable for me to go for yet another smartass idiot who can't for the life of him know when to shut the fuck up. so i kind of rebelled against myself and held out for a while. eventually though, he did wear me down and i did find myself shaking my head disapprovingly but smiling fondly alongside brad. i think though it was the deeper aspects of his character that finally drew me in, the ones that you have to look deeper into, in the shorter scenes that maybe don't seem that important but have subtler little details.

and if we do wanna get deep about it then i always enjoy a character who clings desperately onto humour and sheer absurdity as a coping mechanism. it's pretty clear that ray falls within that category and i did enjoy getting to see a little bit of how he reacts when he can't reach for that coping mechanism as easily, when he's too exhausted and fed up to pull the mask on.

another thing i noticed that made me appreciate him from just a really small action is in the episode where everyone is trying to cheer walt up. ray uses his method of being a comedic annoyance to give walt some kind of normalcy that he probably isn't getting from the others, who are trying to reassure him and look after him in a more direct and 'impactful' way. but ray decides to go and basically dry hump his head and say stupid shit and yeah, walt is a bit irritated bc of everything he's dealing with, but as a viewer, we get to see ray actively using the way the other marines see him to try and give walt a sense of "nothing is going to change, you're still you and i'm still me". whilst brad, nate and espera are there basically outwardly telling him not to worry (and walt needed that too, i love my dads <3), ray takes a much subtler approach in supporting him. which when you think about it, really is the opposite to how we talk about ray usually. he's anything but subtle generally, so i think this little bit of information and look into his character, and intentions, was something that just really stood out to me bc he chose that approach for walt, imo at least. i know it's a tiny tiny scene but it just helped confirm a lot of my thoughts about how ray approaches things and how, sure, he is naturally unhinged and doesn't think before he speaks a lot, but sometimes, you can actively see him using that humour and those jokes and all his ridiculous antics to pull his friends out of whatever dark crevice their mind has fallen into. he does it with brad as well. i feel like his actor portrayed those purposeful moments really well also, because for me, i could tell when he was just being ridiculous and himself and talking shit, and when he was playing it up to keep others focused on him and not the other shit going on around them. anyway. this is one of the reasons i love his character and his portrayal a lot. it's not lost on me that it actually is a back-and-forth with ray that eventually pulls walt out of his downward spiral either, at least surface-level. it was a team effort, but ray continuing to prode him eventually got him to 'snap out of it' and feel like he was being treated normally.

and as much as i loved his comedic scenes throughout the series, and all his songs and ways of keeping everyone entertained, i really enjoyed his portrayal and depiction in the last two or so episodes, where you start to notice the mask slipping. it's thrown back on pretty quickly, but i appreciated that we got that small insight into how everything has actually affected him and it actually felt different afterward. he goes back to being a smartass and being the annoying friend who never shuts up, but you can see he's changed somewhere deep down underneath as well.

and the fact that it's his final look toward trombley that kind of sums up the conclusion of the show and the true realisation about what they did there. i don't know if i can explain it coherently yet, i guess i'm still processing what i'm trying to say about that final scene. i'm sure it's been said a thousand times by someone, a lot more eloquently that i ever could, but his final look really spoke volumes to me. his reaction to trombley and the video and then finally walking away felt like a confirmation of the message that the show presents to us throughout the whole series, but which they let us pick up and spin around for a few episodes to fully absorb, before letting ray finish it up with a single look. idk, maybe i'm just rambling.

maybe this is completely different from what you were asking for anon, so i'm really sorry if it disappoints you, or you were just looking for silly commentary on all the unhinged shit that comes out of his mouth lmao but yeah. i am a little bit obsessed with ray person. i truly would like to examine his brain up close.

all that raging internalised homophobia as well, huh?

anyone wanna unpack that with me?

it'll be fun, i promise

[thethingything]

looking at the clock like "ah it's 11:05pm. time to spend the next 2 hours carefully trying to make sure our brain doesn't flip its shit" because for some ungodly reason 11pm to 1am is still the time of night where we inexplicably feel like shit

[zoner4t]

Any 'joy I've ever spoken to has, one time or another, mentioned that havin' the fortune of runnin' into Jet Star in their travels is a blessing. Jet is such a soft and gentle creature, a reminder that love can grow in the smallest places and things, plants growing in cracks in the sidewalk.

At a glance, Jet seems real tough, bein' as tall and muscular as he is, hair usually obscuring his warm brown eyes. Once spoken to, he softens, eyes lock into yours, his mouth forms a crooked grin, n' he's the sweetest person you'll meet. He's got this ability to spark and continue a conversation with even the quietest 'joys, his facial expressions so invitin' and easy (but still so difficult) to read. He's a being made of love and stardust, and it shows in everything he does and says.

The way his hands cradle his guitar while he plays, able to create the loveliest sounds so effortlessly. His singin' voice is even prettier, soft n' light, floating above and around your head. Jet's always got this messenger bag slung over his shoulder n' across his chest, and if you ask what's in it he'll show you excitedly. Pull out all sorts of journals, n' maps, writings and diagrams of the Zones n' the stars, plants, people, animals. All sorts of drawings, including ones Girlie made.

If you're able to take in all the small details about him all while he's talkin' and chattering away to you, you'll notice he's got this pair of headphones balanced around his neck, the wires plugged into a cassette player he's always got clipped to his belt. He wears a few cord necklaces, some with assorted stones tied sloppily to the ends, one with a couple of keys. His wrists are home to a few beaded bracelets and hair ties (presumably for he and Motorbaby).

All this bein' said, you probably won't be havin' such a pleasant experience with Jet if you're not on good terms with him or anyone he's associated with. He's still the best shot thru the Zones n' i heard he used to be a bounty hunter

[psy-ay-ay]

ohhhh..ohhh..oh..LAW..oh that law speech ohhhh

[airenyah]

Hi, fellow ace enjoyer of JoongDunk here! I'm also nearer to the sex-repulsed end of the spectrum yet wanting to see JD in something saucier! Kiss scenes generally gross me out, but for some reason, I can watch Joong and Dunk kiss just fine. They're like the ship equivalent of a cheat day — a Cheat(?) Ship.

omg hiiiii, high five ✋ glad i'm not the only one hahaha

personally, kiss scenes in media generally don't bother me or gross me out, in fact, often i like them even! but if it's like a (heavy) make-out scene, those often kinda just bore me, especially if they go on for a long time. i might just end up sitting there like "aight i got it, they're slobbering all over each other. now can we move on with the plot, please?"

that being said, i have watched and rewatched the end of hidden agenda ep8 multiple time already! there's something about it that i really like but i can't put my finger on what exactly it is. part of the reason why i've rewatched it a couple of times was to figure out what exactly about it it is that i like so much, but i just don't have an answer. idk, maybe it's just the vibes 🙌

though i feel like sometimes the reason why kiss scenes bore me might also just be a problem of the acting. and that actually includes some of the hidden agenda kisses...

for example the first kiss scene from ep4? i really like that scene up until the moment they start kissing. like, they're just kissing for a while and absolutely nothing changes?? the tension and the emotions, the urgency, all of it just stays the same for the entire time. i can't even pinpoint what the characters are thinking or feeling in that moment, which is quite a shame considering this is their very first kiss, aka a very significant kiss. we've got zo who is in the middle of trying to figure out his feelings (i wanna know: how does he feel about the kiss? is he into it? is he nervous? is he having a realization? does he start to regret it while still in the middle of kissing? all of the above? WHAT is going on in his head, show me!!) and joke who is being kissed by the person he's been crushing on for a while now (again, i wanna know: how does he feel about the kiss? is he excited that what he's been dreaming about is finally happening? is he nervous? is he maybe not entirely happy with it since zo's feelings are unclear? all of the above? again, WHAT is going on in his head, show me!!). and i'm just not getting much out of it apart from the fact that "yay they're having their first kiss". now compare that with the ep8 [4/4] kiss scene that starts out slow and soft and tentative almost and then goes up in tension to then slow down again and keeps being broken up by dialogue. idk i just think it's neat. or also the ep7 yank kiss yeet scene!! there's so much urgency behind that kiss, it feels like it really matters. i love it!!!!

actually i have a similar problem with bad buddy. idk if you've seen it (if not, feel free to skip this paragraph), but the ep11 kiss at the beach is just so boring. they do get a little faster when they go back to kissing after they separated for a moment but there's aboslutely no urgency behind it and that just results in the opposite effect of making me feel like the characters want to be doing this, that it matters to them. it just doesn't feel like that at all. meanwhile the rooftop kiss... god, the rooftop kiss. that one is SO important and they let you feel it. the longer it goes on the more the tension rises and the more urgent it becomes and you as a viewer are just left breathless. the rooftop scene is a thing of beauty for so many reasons and this is one of them

oops i went off on a nerdy tangent.... sorry about that 😅

aaaaanyway, as i've mentioned before, kiss scenes are usually ok for me. it's the sex scenes that i'm a bit wary of, especially the more explicit they get. the more clothes come off and/or the more the kisses get further and further away from the head, the more likely i am to feel uncomfortable watching the scene. and if moaning is involved, that's usually the point where i'm like "ok i'm out". (and before i get an angry anon in my ask box telling me i'm being homophobic bc "yay gay sex" – i do not give a single fuck (quite literally) about the genders of the people involved in the sex scene. i find watching straight sex just as icky kjdfjkdg. ideologically i'm all for normalizing gay sex, put practically i'm just simply not the right target group fjfjhd)

though i have to say, it's gotten a little better now, the older i get. i guess i'm just getting used to those scenes. it's a slow process, but still, i find myself getting less uncomfortable now at age 26 compared to when i was, say, around 20

like, only friends has mostly been ok for me to my big surprise?? well, that bostontop scene in the car was a bit too much for me (and a definite skip on rewatches) and so was the sandray scene in the camper from last episode, like, i didn't really need that to watch that, while other scenes i'm having an easier time with (i haven't yet been able to figure out how a sex scene needs to be shot in order for me to enjoy it)

but even if i don't get uncomfortable as quickly anymore, i still don't really actively seek out media with overly sexual content/plots. UNLESS. i have a reason to do so like, uh, first kanaphan. (ngl if it wasn't for first, i probably wouldn't be watching only friends at all. i would have watched the trailer and been like "ok this show is too horny for me, i'll let the others have fun and maaaybe follow the show via gifs on my dash at most")

or, you know, joongdunk 😂😂 although i have to say that in reality i actually want a saucy/sexy series (like an only friends-style series) more for them rather than myself! i feel like they'd have fun with it. there's just something about them doing dum dum for lol fanfest and that choreography ending in some neck biting action and them having the idea to switch up who bites who for day 2 in order to surprise everyone. there's just something about how they kept talking about how hidden agenda is more mature than star in my mind and how there were some scenes that they'd never done before (here is some of that interview with eng subs, but unfortunately it's heavily edited rip). there's something about the way the two of them actually sat down together and did a whole ass instagram live in which they watched, reacted and provided commentary to the entirety of hidden agenda ep8 (as far as i'm aware of they didn't go live on instagram for any other episode. and i'm 1000000% sure they chose ep8 specifically for the love scene and the love scene alone fkfjjfjf). not to mention how joong immediately went "episode 8" when asked for his favorite episode and grinned and looked at dunk and when dunk was like "i'm thinking either 7 or 8" joong repeated "eight" and when dunk still didn't get it joong nudged him and firmly went "eight!!" and then dunk went "oh yeah, ep 8"

so yeah. i want a sexy joongdunk series for them, for their sake. i think they'd have a blast with it djkfgjkdkjd

#SexyJoongDunkVampireSeriesWhen #JusticeForJoongDunk @ gmmtv

[lesbianpikachu]

Daily Compendium Selections #10

A woman lies unconscious with an interesting shield.

[missshame]

I hate studying I just wanna create stuff and see the world I hate how little control I have over my life

[rubberbandballqueen]

also, the kids found a nest with a dead bird on the ground today, and they started yelling abt it n drawing all the other kids over, so i had to actually switch into the Authority Figure Voice(tm) with them so that they wouldn’t like. literally desecrate its body by kicking it around for funsies

[alun-ura]

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do? and What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it? (Alun)

Big Ol’ Honkin’ OC Question List

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

I wouldn't say Alun gets jealous per se, instead what she feels is something more akin to protectiveness and spite to some extent - the way and the intensity of it varying of course depending on the person. In that regard Alun is usually very calm, she doesn't carry a sense of possessiveness over people for multiple reasons; one being that I hardly imagine Alun being a monogamous person, but going deeper into it would be that because of her lifestyle and past experiences, she wouldn't want to be heavily romantically invested to someone so she nips it at the bud before it can even get to the point of bubbling such a feeling.

Specifying a bit HOW she feels, when it comes to being protective of someone she does care about - Alun isn't exactly bothered about them being with someone else. Still, it is a lingering feeling of 'Is this person good enough for you?, Are they able to keep you safe? Will they hurt you?' that can make her somewhat hostile to this other party, or even seem jealous. When it comes to spite, it is usually aimed at partners she doesn't care as much about - people that tend to be more physical with her and, ironically enough, people that try to make her jealous. Most times, people with this kind of dynamic already have a nasty attitude coming from Alun, of overall being a prick and not pleasant - she'd often describe such people as her leftovers, if the other party wants that then she is more than fine with it. It's usually in a degrading way to both people, which can also seem like spiteful jealousy.

Alun neither feels bad nor regrets either situation, she feels entitled to both feelings in the way that A) She is seeking the best for that person when being protective to the point of being horrible to them, and B) She was never in an emotional tie to care about being spiteful to someone, often lacing it with the fact that she would have most likely warned them that things would be like that. Both are not exactly good, both her behaviors and her reasoning for them are rooted in deeper issues within herself that just flower up in such a way.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

I think the main thing that comes to mind is her inability to emotionally connect or rely on people, though I realize Alun has many varying obstacles in all categories (go girl!) so for this I'd just go down the list.

Emotional; to explain this better I'll dip toes a bit into some past stuff as Alun has been on an emotional rollercoaster since she left the Steppes - which was the exact opposite of what she used to be like, in quite the opposite, she had experienced little and none during her time living there, to the point of getting into a 'stunted' personality and emotional. There was far too much to address and to live once she left, and hardly any care for it at the time as if one decided to eat a huge hearty meal after being starved for weeks. As expected, it didn't go too well which leaves the current times not too different from what she used to be - there was a myriad of situations and feelings she had never properly experienced truly, and the main and lingering one at the current times is love and grief. What slingshot Alun into the current person she is, how she behaves, and how she emotionally responds to things and people is the loss of a loved one caused by herself, perhaps the only one she deemed true in her life despite never truly allowing room for another after that accident happened. 

It is one of the biggest themes when it comes to Alun as a person in a deeper sense of her character (and something plastered all over her aesthetic tag) but particularly this encompasses the feeling well.

"my death will forever cling to you, leaving behind a slimy trail and a metallic taste in your mouth. my soul will forever drag you down like the heavy corpse of a long-dead god, who somehow still grants wishes. you can't tell which one of us is the one not letting go. you know not even your own death will end this." 

This branches out in other aspects of her obstacles per se but I believe it to be the biggest of them, realistically she should get over it - but the damage made by her and to her due to such feeling is the one thing that I find it incredibly hard to see Alun surpass as it grew into an enormous knot between emotion, physical and social all. She is constantly haunted by it, in her dreams and losing sleep over it, it follows her in a personality adopted by herself and traits that did not belong to her, she sees them in shadows and the corners of her eyes during medication, the crystal necklace being the only thing she has from them - that sometimes seems to talk to her with that same voice. And she has questioned her sanity before due to it all, even when she is doing good or when she is completely awake it is there as a constant ringing of what happened will be shackled to her. So it ends up reflecting an unfulfilled bond, in guilt and fear that she has to surpass to truly, emotionally connect with someone. I don't think she needs to get over ALL of these to make it happen personally, but because of the type of person she is, it is very easy for the other side to fuck up in the way and have Alun retract from any progress made.

Alun is bitterly aware of it, it has come into the topic before and she recognizes it as the issue it is when she began questioning her own sanity due to it, but she isn't trying to overcome it in any way. She has, as a character, gone full circle where she hated the lack of motion her life had brought her, only to willingly walk back into it herself - Alun is 'comfortable' in the stillness of carrying her life as it is until she dies and hopefully can meet them again. 

Physical; I think this can be addressed both in a bodily manner and a physical interaction way so I'll ramble about both. Going deeper into that, due to the scarring that such a loss left on her, the regards for her wellbeing were knocked away as well and this turned into a couple issues with her current days. She has sustained a couple injuries over the years, the worst being over her ribcage as I mentioned somewhere here before - the wound clearly affects her breathing if one has a keen eye for it. She also puts too much attention into defending that side, enough to leave room for other crucial parts of her body open as a target. Because of her behavior regarding her own body, she doesn't go through too much trouble in defending it, though of course she won't take blows if she can avoid it - but the scarrings over her are clear enough. To this point, she doesn't exactly have too many issues besides that which brings the actual bodily obstacle; her dependency on medication. Her body is usually aching, due to exertion, injuries, and the chemical response to the constant cocktail that goes inside her - usually all deafened by it. It has got to the point where she doesn't heal properly due to it, her response to a magickal approach isn't good too in both the body and mind, and on top of it, it has been affecting her inhibition and cognition to some extent. Her necklace takes part in how her body takes all of this in, but her addiction is by far her worst physical obstacle - and yet again, she is aware of it but she doesn't see it as a problem that has any other solution to it because she doesn't see the dependency as the problem, but how her body & health currently are now. 

The other facet of a physical obstacle is how she physically connects to people since the emotional option is usually out of the picture. This is the way that Alun will gladly invest herself into, though yet again it is in a destructive way as I mentioned above regarding her wellbeing. It is the easiest way to connect to her, and also the easiest way to completely shatter any opportunity to get anywhere 'closer' to her - and also what she WILL offer in most scenarios if the chance is given. This doesn't have to be romantically or sexually exclusive, and goes as far as offering herself physically to a foe [ in a fight right? :) ], ultimately, she gets the same satisfaction of being beside someone either as a partner or as an enemy. And this can go in any way, be together in combat or opposing, sharing a respite together, or in bed. With this, she is steadily building wall after wall that, as closely as it gets with the other person, she is putting her actual self further and further away while getting that high of a company she desperately wants, not that person's company but just A company. In a physically social way, I think this is the biggest obstacle and something Alun is actually not aware of - she is lonely and starved for different aspects of comfort, and she seeks all of these with the company of strangers regardless of if they are hostile or not.

Social; I think all of the above builds into her social issues and the knot I mentioned within all of these, that builds into her biggest social struggle that's her fear of getting close, her emotional distance while being physically close, how her medication aids in hindering her personality to an extent - all of these builds into Alun being a tricky individual to get close to because she is constantly shifting from cold and hot. It flickers back and forth, from friendly teasing to cruel remarks, of interest to silence, toothy grins that follow that perpetual monotone voice. Though the reason for it is an amalgam of all of the above, she has adopted many traits of the people that she knew, people that she lost, and built who she currently is as a walking monument for those. In a way, it is one of the reasons why she won't take the approach of just choosing to die - I know I posted this quote of hers here before but this is the best take I have of the creature herself about it. 

 “All that I am now, every memory, everything that I know, every thing that I did, every single fucking step of the way– I would give it all back t'him if it meant getting him back.” 

All that she currently is is pieces put together of those that she affected somehow, that Alun blames herself for - and this shows in her very personality, in an adopted form of speech, or her preference for certain drinks, down to the very fidgeting habits she has. She does this in a conscious way while seeing that both as the person she is and someone she also won't always be - which can make it difficult if someone is after knowing Alun in a deep sense, of who she is, or keeping up with her behavior.

[icewindandboringhorror]

one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like... 

tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message