#oh i missed being pissed at dumb media takes thank you <3

[kissingagrumpygiant]

"I thought the story was about aegon and rhaenyra why is alicent still here :(" are u dumb in the head geniune question

[sunaswife]

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

🔪: <3 thanks for all the support so far

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Thirteen

“Kuroo-San I’m very flattered but in reality I’m seeing someone.” You chuckled awkwardly as you both walked to the lounge after today’s game. “Really?! Since when! About a month ago during the black Jackals game you just said you were a single mom!” He exclaimed. “Well..in reality..I’m trying to make amends with the father of my children. We were both dumb and immature but now since we’re older, we can have a decent conversation. And I still have feelings for him in a way and he’s already confessed..so...” you scratched the back on your head. “Have you accepted his confession..?” He asked. “Well..I mean I kind of changed the subject..” you replied awkwardly. “Poor guy..” he put his hand on his chest as if he felt the pain. “Well it’s not right to pressure someone into going on a date with them so I’m sorry. I was out of line. And I hope everything goes well between you and Rintarou.” He said with a soft smile. He patted your head and walked away down the other hall, you just stood there dumbfounded. How does he know Rin is the dad..?

You haven’t checked social media or sports news so you’re not sure if people already know. You made you way into the lounge and opened your small locker. You took out your purse and walked to your car, you tried walking as fast as possible to avoid talking to people and when you were in the comfort of your car you took out your phone.

Your eyes widened at the amount of phone calls and messages Rin sent. You didn’t even have a chance to read the messages since you decided to call back Rin and wonder what is going on. “It’s about time you answer.” He immediately gritted, he obviously sounded pissed. “Excuse me?” You immediately said with such confusion.

Does he seriously think he can get away with talking to you like that?

“I said it’s about time you fucking answered. Why weren’t you answering my calls or messages?” He asked. “I was obviously working.” You said in a duh tone. “Is something wrong?” You asked. “YES something is wrong! My son almost died and I didn’t know what to do!”

Your heart dropped. He almost...died..? “W-wait—“ you shook your head. “What do you mean he almost died?” You asked. “He had an allergy attack and I had to use an epipen. I didn’t know what to do at the hospital. I rarely had any information. You never told me if the kids had insurance or anything.” “Is Rini okay?” You immediately asked. “Yes he’s fine. But you didn—“

“I’m on my way. For the next eight hours, think before you speak, okay? Don’t say anything you’ll regret.” You warned. “Whatever.” He muttered and hung up. Immediately your heart clenched and you threw your phone at the passenger seat. You rubbed your face and leaned forward and gripped the steering wheel.

“What the fuck.” You sighed. Throughout the drive back to Hyogo your hands began shaking thinking about your kids and Rin. The kids went through something traumatic, and you weren’t there to help them or to protect them. What kind of mother are you? You wanted to slap yourself so hard, jump off a cliff. Receive some sort of punishment for being such a stupid mother and trusting Rin with your children.

After a few hours, your makeup needed a touch up, your hair was a mess for running your hands through your hair hoping your son is okay. Your eyes felt droopy. You’ve only slept a good six hours between drives and it’s way past midnight. The sun began to rise and you finally passed the billboard welcoming you to the hyogo prefecture. You went to the hospital Rin said they were at and you quickly parked and made your way inside.

The poor lady in the office seemed startled at your appearance, your clothes were wrinkled, and your shirt was untucked and unbuttoned from the top, you had bags under your eyes, you were a whole mess. When she gave the room number you slipped off your heels and began jogging to your location. The door was opened so you peeked in and saw your daughter playing with her fox plush on the uncomfortable couch chair.

It was like she sensed you so she looked up and you made eye contact with your little girl. Her eyes immediately watered and she hopped off the chair crying. “Mommy!” She sobbed and you immediately bent down to pick her up. You held her close and her grip tightened around your shoulders. “Rini doesn’t feel good..” she mumbled in your ear. “I know baby, I know.” You answered and dropped your heels by the entrance.

You made you way inside and saw Rin hunched over on the bed sleeping. He was holding Rini’s hand who was also asleep. He looked alright and you sighed in relief. “Have you slept, Akira?” You asked and she nodded. “I slept with Rini, but grandma wanted me to go back home with her. But Rini needed me. He’s my twin.” She wiped her eyes and slightly pulled away. You neared the other side of the bed and pulled the lounge chair closer so you can sit. Akira was on your left thigh with her head still on your shoulder. You looked at Rini sleeping and you brushed some hair out of his face. He slowly opened his eyes and he smiled lazily, “I missed you momma..” he mumbled. “I missed you too. I came as fast as I could.” You assured. “I was so scared.” He admitted. “I know..and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” Your eyes began to water. “Don’t cry mommy.... then I’ll cry..” Rini held your hand with his free hand.

Your wiped under your eyes with the sleeve of your blazer to stop the tears from falling and you smiled again. “Okay I won’t cry.” You said and released a breath. “Can you sing me a song?” Akira asked in your neck, “Yeah I want a song too, please.” Rini pouted and you nodded. They had a favorite song from a certain show that they enjoyed the most. You began to sing softly and Rini squeezed your hand and Akira began to fall asleep again.

I always thought I might be bad

Now I'm sure that it's true

'Cause I think you're so good

And I'm nothing like you

Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think I'm so special

You saw as Rini’s eyes began to close so he could fall back to sleep, you heard snoring right in your ear and realized Akira knocked out as well. “You have a beautiful voice.” Rin said softly as he rested his head on the side of his arm. “Sorry that I woke you up.” You quickly apologized. “No it’s fine..” he yawned and slowly sat up. He winced slightly, “Damn I need to see a chiropractor.” He muttered and you released a small chuckle. “Me too.” You said.

“So is Rini okay? What happened?” You asked and he sighed and looked into your eyes. “My mom got some burgers from a restaurant where peanut oil is used. She didn’t know Rini was allergic and I didn’t check the bag.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You raised your voice and his eyes widened. “Your mom almost killed our son and you blame me for leaving you without any information?” You asked and he looked down guilty. “She didn’t kn—“

“Of course she doesn’t know because all day she was acting like a conceited bitch instead of being a grandmother to her grandkids. She even called me a whore—“

“No she didn’t.” He immediately interrupted. “She didn’t because you stopped her. But that’s what she thinks right? I model for Hana’s company to support her and to build up my self esteem and now I’m a whore? And you had the audacity to talk to me so rudely when I didn’t do anything. If you’re going to be treating me like that then there’s the fucking door. You understand? Never again will I be disrespected by a man.” You said and he had no words.

“You make it seem like I did it on purpose. I was sleep deprived and scared. I felt like I was going to throw up.” Rin squinted his narrow eyes.

“Do you have any idea what I felt when I got a call eight hours away that my son almost died? Imagine how I feel when he calls out to me and I’m not there. I feel like I failed them as a mom, my chest hurts and I’ve always been there. Always. And now I leave them in your hands and something happens and I can’t get there soon? I almost had a panic attack on the drive!” You exclaimed and he stayed silent. He didn’t want to continue fighting. He’s sure the kids are awake and listening to everything.

“I’m sorry.” He said and looked at his hands. He felt defeated and disappointed. You shouldn’t be so hard on him, it’s been less than a month since he took on this role. “Hey look at me.” You called softly, he looked up and you made eye contact once more. “I’m sorry for going off on you like this, I’m just as upset and afraid as you are and I’m sure you haven’t slept much.”

“I could say the same for you, you look like shit.” He cracked a tiny smile and you rolled your eyes with a giggle. “So did your mom eventually decide to be a grandma or she still hates me so she’s not getting close?” You asked. “She went back home to bring some clothes and then to get us some breakfast. I sent her a screenshot of my notes.” He said and you nodded. You obviously still felt uneasy with her, but they deserve a grandma and if she’s being civil you have no reason to take them away from her.

There was a knock at the door and you and Rin immediately turned your heads. “Oh you must be mom..” the doctor said. “Yeah I’m mom.” You said. She explained that Rini stayed longer than usual because he is a child. After a severe allergic reaction there can be aftershocks hours after the person receives treatment and that can lead to a seizure. She praised Rin for quick thinking and following proper steps to insure his child’s safety.

When the doctor left, Rin’s mom waltzes in and she freezes when she sees you. You take a deep breath and release and decide that it’s best to keep quiet. You wouldn’t want a clique animosity between you and your maybe future mother in law.

“I brought Rini some spare clothes.” She said as she opened Rin’s old gym bag. “He doesn’t own that jacket.” You pointed out. Her face flushed slightly, “I know..but this was Rintarou’s favorite jacket when he was his age..I thought it would be nice to wear. I have a lot of Rin’s old baby and child clothes.” She admitted softly, almost scared that you would snap any minute. And you would, so she was wise to walk on eggshells.

“Okay that’s fine.” You gave in. You helped Rini get dressed while Rin was talking to the doctor and getting ready to check out. You walked barefoot down the hall with your pink heels in your right hand, while Akira held your left hand. Rini was holding hands with Suna and Rin’s mom was holding their stuffed animals. She trailed behind you four and saw how you and Rin swung akira with you arms, her little giggles filled the hall releasing serotonin to the patients and nurses nearby.

“Momma aren’t you gonna put your shoes on?” Rini asked, “My feet hurt and I don’t feel like falling.” “But it’s hot outside, you can burn your feet.” Rin spoke up, “I think I’ll be fine.” You assured. He rolled his eyes and let go of the kids. You were about to step on the asphalt of the parking lot after checking both sides and all of a sudden you’re being knocked back from your legs and carried bridal style. “RINTAROU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT.”

“Nah.”

The kids giggled at their parents funny behavior, you kicked the air and squirmed but his grip tightened. “Do you really wanna get down?” He asked and you said yes. He pretended to drop you and you gripped onto his shirt for dear life and he started laughing. “I swear to God I am going to kick you where the sun doesn’t shine.” You muttered. He finally put you down but you were so distracted you were already at your car.

Karin took the kids to her car since the car seats are in there, so now it’s just you and Rin. “You give me a headache.” You told him. “But you love this headache—“ both your eyes widened and he stopped, “—sorry.” He immediately apologized.

You turned away to yawn and you muttered an it’s okay. He opened the car door for you just like old times, much to your dismay and he closed it when you entered. You put on your seatbelt and he fixed the seat and complained at how tiny you were. He was expecting you to fight back and bicker but you were already asleep.

He leaned forward and fixed your head so you wouldn’t hurt your neck. He started the car and began driving back home. He saw the two empty cups of coffee and some energy bar wrappers on the floor. The phone wasn’t playing any music but the volume was up to 20. You must have been so tired driving all last night and the night before for nine straight hours. No wonder you blasted music to keep you up and drank coffee.

He soon made it home and tried waking you up, but you didn’t budge. Not even shaking you work. You were a muttering unconscious mess when he helped you out and carried you bridal style once again. His mom let him in and he told Akira to unroll the futon in the living room since he couldn’t take you upstairs. He successfully placed you down and helped take of your blazer, he thanked god you were wearing an undershirt thanks to akira checking (no somnophilia shit here atm) and he helped unbutton your dress shirt so you wouldn’t feel hot. He put a light blanket over you. “Can’t believe I have to get you ready for bed like a child.” He muttered with a shake of his head. “Silence bottom, it’s mimi’s time.” You said in your sleep.

The kids ate their breakfast in the car as well as Karin. They were already awake and playing with Chewy outside again. “Mom.” He called, “Yes?” She asked from the kitchen. “Can I borrow your makeup wipes?” He asked. She smiled softly, looking out the window to check on the kids. “Yeah go ahead, they’re in the bathroom.”

Rin came back with the wipes and began wiping the makeup off your face. He didn’t want to press too hard to hurt you. But damn, this makeup was hard to take off. Finally you slept comfortably without makeup, without any interruptions. “Sweet dreams, love.” He smiled and moved the hair away from your face.

He stood up and grabbed the bag with all the kids school stuff and sat in the picnic table outside. “Alright you rascals time for school!” He yelled and the kids yelled an okay and went to join their dad.

“Hey dad..” Rini said. “What’s up?” Rin looked at his son, “I love you a lot. To infinity and beyond. Mama says that’s called unconditional love.” He said and Rin smiled with a nod. “Exactly, and I love you two unconditionally as well.” He said and Akira peered up from her work sheet. “Do you love mom unconditionally?” She asked Rintarou.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

Fun facts:

Someone asked me to do fun facts and if I had any for future chapters so here I go

The song YN sang is love like you from Steven universe but this is my fav version.

‘Mimi’s’ means sleeping time, Akira didn’t know how to say sleeping when she was a toddler so she would say Mimi’s cuz uncle Oikawa would say “es tiempo de dormir.” Which means ‘it’s time to sleep’. So MIMIS is taken for the ‘mir’ in dormir. (Sorry that was a long explanation) (if you live in a Mexican household then u might usually hear this)

YN drives a Black Honda CR-V (nice mom van) ☺️ while Rin has a White Nissan GT-R but he’s thinking of trading it in for a four door sports car to take the kids and yn along

Rin still has his old black mustang in a garage rental back in Tokyo where he would drive with YN everywhere. He wants to fix it up and gift it to one of his kids when they’re older 🥺

Idk why I’m talking about cars

Rin was a blushing mess when he was getting yn ready for bed and his heart stopped when she snuggled into him

After he admitted he loved YN unconditionally, Akira called him a simp

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @atsumusdomain @ohrintarou @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

[lunarblazes]

i made a desertduo playlist and then decided to be a nerd and write explanations for all the songs! like a nerd!

playlist link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZGylutQpyTbgX7MY7Lrzz?si=t8_kBwBHSYG5kxTvZoIrTQ&dl_branch=1

QUICK DISCLAIMER: i am aware that a lot of these songs may have or imply romantic connotation! i would really really like it if these were not read as though those romantic connotations carry over to scar and grian. even if we’re just talking about the third life characters, i would prefer not to ship them or imply romance between them on this post. thank you so much and keep reading if you’d like to see the playlist analysis!

and now that that’s out of the way, PLAYLIST TIME!

•

passerine- the oh hellos

“you were the song that i’d always sing/you were the light that the fire would bring/but i can’t shake this feeling that i/was only pushing the spear into your side again”

this song really just... firstly, it’s one of my favorite songs, and the line i chose there pushes home the sort of terrified devotion i think the desert has. plus there’s a fun line about the cold wind blowing in from the north in the ending bits that i think very much fits their conflict with the red army, and a lot of legally obligated flight imagery that i need to have in every possible song because i’m a fuckin nerd.

•

no children- the mountain goats

“i hope that our few remaining friends/give up on trying to save us/i hope we come up with a failsafe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us”

i will admit that no children isn’t a perfect fit, but the general vibe of sort of defiant pessimism and betrayal fits very well with them! it’s very triumphant in its death, and i think that is very desertcore, because what’s more triumphantly dead than being the last duo left alive?

•

skulls- bastille

“when all of our friends are dead and just a memory/it’s always been just you and me/for all to see”

okay like this entire song is SO MUCH DESERT VIBES? LIKE SO MUCH. if i were to ever make an animatic for them i’d do it with this song. “a match is our only light, it’s day of the dead i’m indiana jones, yeah,” “i hope you can make me laugh six feet under when we’re bored of each other,” “i don’t want to rest in peace, i’d rather be the ghost that annoys you,” IT JUST KEEPS GOING. i think this song would work well with any third life duo, honestly, but these two in PARTICULAR just because of how it ended with them literally ‘buried’ next to each other, and again, the chaotic death vibes.

•

freaking out- mystery skulls

“i just keep out of my tongue/til all you want is done/and you just wanna leave me, oh yeah”

this song is a very third life grian song to me in particular! it could be my bias because of my little headcanon of grian burning on his red life, but seriously, this song is very reminiscent of the back and forth of loyalty that grian has with scar. the above line is sort of representative of the betrayal on red, and of course grian’s life debt.

•

night running- shin sakiura

(this song is in japanese! these lyrics are the rough english translation i found on google.) “someday we will stand at this place once again/for sure we will stand up again and again/we will watch it will the end/i want you to live freely”

this song is actually the ending theme for the anime bna, which i adore, and i just added it on a whim before looking at the translated lyrics. but um. holy hell the lyrics hurt me because they’re about running in search of someone, running for no reason, looking for something, and it just really hit, because the desert never really had a goal! they didn’t expect to survive, they were trying to survive, but what was their longterm goals? nothing. so that sort of endless search felt fitting for this. plus the song is a parallel for the two estranged best friends of the show so! perfect.

•

summer nights- siames

“it’s summertime/singing al green in your car/heading to a party/and the night air feels alive”

okay again, i will admit this song is mainly on here because i absolutely love it, but i also do think it fits well. it’s also about healing/estranged friendships, with a very distinct feeling of nostalgia for a happier time. maybe for a time when this was all a game, when there was no blood or betrayals on their hands. little canon divergent, but it’s fun for me, so into the playlist it goes!

allies or enemies- the crane wives

“are we allies or enemies/this will be the death of me, this will be the death of me/all’s fair in love and war but i can’t fight with you anymore”

. i just. points to that lyric. it literally led to both of their deaths. are they allies or enemies? it also fits with scar still wanting grian to be his friend even after he’s no longer indebted with the line “what happens now? do we have another go, do we bow out?” another very good animatic song that i’ve considered heavily. i listen to this playlist a lot

•

burn him down- kitsch club

“you must destroy, oh you must destroy, beyond all recognition/you gotta burn him down, you gotta burn him down, beyond all recognition”

this song just has a lot of fire and arson and high energy vibes. my little war criminals look at them go

•

rose- the oh hellos

“what's true is like a sickle/it'll cut you to the middle/your rose is without a thorn/but no, my mouth don't taste of metal/from the pot here to the kettle/i think we got a lot we gotta learn”

this one is like the exact opposite vibe of burn him down. the oh hellos are so poetic and this song just... feels like the healing potions after a battle. many of the metaphors here fit, i think

•

lone digger- caravan palace

“hey, brother, what you thinking/that good ol' sound is ringing/they don't know what they're missing/(they call it lonely diggin')”

okay this song is straight up just a dance song. i added it because i like it and also for some reason it feels ominous to me? i’ve got no idea why, it’s seriously just a club song, but it’s a banger and it’s in this playlist because i said so

•

feed the machine- poor man’s poison (suggested by my friend argonaughtkeene!)

“somethin’s goin” on, just look around/fear is on the rise, and there’s blood all over the ground/let’s all just blindfold the poor, we all know what’s in store/ we got ‘em now, just break ‘em down a little bit more”

this song is a VIBE for both desertduo members. there’s parts for both of them. it’s ruthless, gritty, very maniacal, perfect. listen to it and you’ll immediately understand why i added it.

•

sweet tooth- scott helman

“i hold hands with cosmic entities/i’ll take this two-ride if i please/i got this sweet tooth baby, yeah i got this sweet tooth baby/i exploit my opportunities/some broken hearts, some cavities”

sweet tooth is super upbeat and bright with these strangely dark lyrics? like i’m pretty sure it’s about addiction. in any case, i thought the “i hold hands with cosmic entities” very funnily fitting for both of the desert boys. it’s a banger!

•

necromancin’ dancin’- bear ghost

“when i’m necromancin’, everyone’s dancin’/nobody can stop me, i dare you to try/the dead are infused with insatiable groove and they’re coming for you, there’s nowhere to hide”

necromancin’ dancin’ just. bastard vibes. there’s not much more to say it’s just huge villain song vibes. i adore it.

•

crazy = genius- panic! at the disco

“if crazy equals genius/then i’m a fucking arsonist/i’m a rocket scientist/if crazy equals genius/you can set yourself on fire/but you’re never gonna burn, burn, burn”

i. yeah. y. yeah. more bastard vibes. also shoutout to an artist i saw (i think it was strifesolution?) who made a desertduo piece to this song because i have not stopped thinking about it ever

•

sweet bod- lemon demon

“i’m diggin’ up your coffin/and pouring out the contents/your sexy, sweet solution/is ripe for distribution”

you know how i said freaking out was a grian song? this one is a scar song. it’s my favorite lemon demon song and also it has the total macabre capitalism vibe that third life scar NAILED. more bastard vibes good for him <3

•

drunk- the living tombstone

“feel so much better than usual/i feel indisputable, oh/but now i’m feeling so beautiful/don’t wake me up from this spell i’m under, if i’m still breathing/i know that i will be ugly when i feel like myself again, oh/but right now i’m feelin’ so beautiful”

the descent of this song, starting off with a polite gathering and ending with a gasping drunk in the parking lot gazing at the stars that he can barely see? yes. yeah. mhm. i used a line from this song for a fic, actually, it fit so well.

•

oh no!- marina

“one track mind, one track heart/if i fail, i’ll fall apart/maybe it is all a test/cos i feel like i’m the worst so i always act like i’m the best”

bubbly pop track about false confidence, the ruthlessness of the pop industry, and the influence of the media? you know why this is here. it vibes. it rocks.

•

do it all the time- i don’t know how but they found me

“we’re taking over the world/a little victimless crime/and when i’m taking your innocence/i’ll be corrupting your mind/no need to cry i’m only doing everything i want to do because i do it all the time”

EVEN MORE BASTARD VIBES! SOMEHOW THERE IS MORE! this playlist is half villain songs and half heart-wrenching ballads and that’s the real desert experience i think.

•

the phoenix- fall out boy

“i’m gonna change you/like a remix/then i’ll raise you/like the phoenix”

BATTLE SONG BATTLE SONG! i’ll be honest i partially chose this song because i am a huge sucker for phoenix grian imagery in particular, but it’s also just a very good war song for them. villain song no 18372948 except this one originally had a hero vibe and now it’s changed specifically for them?? wild. their power

•

the other side- the greatest showman

“right here, right now/i’ll put the offer out/i don’t wanna chase you down, i know you see it/you run with me/and i can cut you free/out of the treachery/and all you keep in”

scar and grian’s desert monopoly conversation went exactly like this canonically because i said so fuck you <3

•

icicles- the scary jokes (suggested by my friend demizorua!)

“icicles don’t soften when they die/so why should i, why should i?/oh, icicles don’t soften when they die/they sharpen into sabers and they stab you in the eye”

this song actually has specific parts for both grian and scar! my cool epic friend mx demizorua pointed both of them out to me and i adored it so much. it’s a very spiteful song, just like the desert boys. also it feels vaguely murderous. perfect

•

problems- mother mother (suggested by my friend demizorua!)

“i’m a loser, a disgrace/you’re a beauty, a luminary, in my face”

literally this entire song fits them. particularly their relationship with the flower husbands, to me, honestly— the whole “when we meet at the pearly gates/you’ll get the green light/and i’ll get the boot in the face” reminds me a lot of them hdksjdks

•

tongues and teeth- the crane wives

“i know that you mean so well/but i am not a vessel for your good intent/i will only break your pretty things/i will only wring you dry of everything”

h. yeah. this song is literally gaslight gatekeep girlboss and i attribute it to the desert for that reason alone. songs to commit murder to!

•

you’re nobody til somebody wants you dead- saint motel

“you’re nobody til somebody wants you dead/and the list, it grows, and grows, and grows/it grows, and grows, and grows/and grows, and grows, and grows/until it’s everyone you’ve ever known”

this one is very self-explanatory. enemies pogchamp

•

curses- the crane wives

“there’s a fire in my brain and i’m burning, love/oh my, oh my/keep running to the sink, but the well is dry/oh my, oh my/every word i say is kindling/but the smoke clears when you’re around”

okay again! this one has two very specific parts for both of them. grian’s the first verse, which is above, and scar’s the second verse!! i really do like my fire imagery for these two don’t i? well, i blame them for having a fuck ton of tnt on them at all times and literally burning their enemy’s banners as a final act of defiance.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[hereisisa]

So I just read a statement from a fan claiming the ending is made for children and that the ending is joyful? Huh wtf did I miss something. I call bs

Ok I’ve answered to a similar ask in a short way but I keep getting similar messages so I guess I’ll sit down and write more on the subject.

Let’s say there are 3 ways to see this movie:

- occasional viewers’ way. They take their children to the movies once, they like it or not, they all think there are too many songs, and forget about it right after.

- the stans’ way. The ones who excuse whatever smart or stupid decision the writers and disney wanted, and everything is perfect, everything makes sense, everythins is right for the characters just like they wrote it (and if it’s not they’ll force themselves to accept it, one way or another).

- the critics’ way. Find your inner critic, and run with it.

Guess where am I?

And mind you, I’m not considerind my opinion of the same value as a movies’ critic, cause I’m not an expert, but as a fan I certanly know the characters and that’s why I think my opinion is valid too.

That said....

I’m not gonna waste time on the “occasional viewers”, even if THEY are the majority and their opinions on the movie are frequently surprising and interesting...simply because they’re not here, on tumblr, to discuss the movie.

The Stans. I do not want to offend them, this has to be clear, but the blind acceptance of whatever Jenn+Chris wrote doesn’t sit well with me.

I’ve never shipped canon, I don’t care about what the majority think, I do not feel the need to belong to a big group of people who share the same mindset.Once I’ve found those 2-3 people I agree with, my social media life is complete.

What I do not like about stans is the “If you don’t like it then you didn’t understand the movie or you don’t understand the characters” point of view.

Like acceptance of canon put them on a pedestal of omniscience in everything Frozen-related.

So this attitude generally pisses me off, but I usually ignore it and move on with my fandom life.

Now, let’s go back to your question: the end is good for children and joyful. Oh boy.

Let’s see it first from the STANS’ pov:

Elsa is free, runs free on a free sea, free of her burdens, making magic, talking to natives, and without a care in the world. She smiles. It means she’s happy and as a viewer I have to be happy too.Anna is a Queen, she’s smiling. It surely mean this is what she always wanted it, and she doesn’t care if her sister doesn’t live with her cause she can always write her a letter, right? Plus, she’s engaged omg omg omg omg!!!!!! Who cares about anything else????

There is an happy music, everybody smiles, let’s be happy!

To me, this is the superficial and dumb way to see it. Eating up whatever disney cooked for us, and saying thanks at the end.

It works for some children, the ones who “ok....the movie was sad, but they smile so...I guess it’s ok?” and the stans. Most kids are even smarter than that.

My way to see it:

Elsa smiles: of course, why on earth would Disney make a movie where the lead character is depressed at the end? lol They want me to believe this is an happy ending, they wouldn’t write her troubled or sad. I hope they’re not saying I should be happy cause Elsa is happy....Google the word “retcon” and see how it applies to this movie.

Elsa is free: she was free already in the first movie, after “let it go”, now she simply knows where her magic comes from. Good thing, but it doesn’t make her “more free”, it gives her more knowledge. And of course let’s ignore how this “freedom” comes at other people’s expenses.

Elsa is happy: why? Because her parents died for her?In the end she’s running free, on the free sea exactly where her parents DIED? AHAHAHAH THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I’M SO HAPPY!!! Elsa smiles so let’s be happy!!!! Because she doesn’t have responsabilities anymore? YAY! She can wake up and talk to squirrels and go for her run! Wow! Who needs a job? (what a good message for kids!)Because she she is free to not care about anything else but herself and her magic?

This is the good message for children?

“Accept and show yourself” RIGHT.

But also:

“Forget your responsabilities”“If your parents died for you it’s ok because hey you were a gift so who cares if they died cause you couldn’t control your gift!”“Follow a voice for all the movie ignoring your sister and don’t pay any permanent consequence!” What an happy life! “Leave your family behind, they’ll be there to pick up the pieces while you’ll be freeeeee”AHAHAHAHA who cares right? Elsa is smiling and she’ so happy so I’m so happy!

Just because the movie ignores the consequences, I don’t have to ignore them too. I have a mind, and I use it. I’m not a parrot.

And for ONE good message the kids may get, there are way more that are problematic, and are ignored.Again, I’m not dumb I have a critic mind and I can’t ignore them.

Anna is Queen: Not once, not even once in her life she mentioned the fact that she wanted this. She didn’t have a choice, she became Queen cause she was the SPARE, and this is her destiny. Not her choice. Congrats!! I’M SO HAPPY!!!

Anna is alone: she’s not! she’s a boyfriend she can’t even comunicate with!! That’s all she need!! Plus it’s not like she needs a family! She has a dick now! It’s all she wanted! We saw her playing with dolls and all Anna wanted was a marriage! She would have married the first person who asked and she almost did!! And now she will!! I’M SO HAPPY!!!!If this movie made one thing clear to me, is that Anna would litterally marry the first one who ask her cause getting married it’s her dream. Period. I’M SO HAPPY FOR HER THIS IS PERFECT!!!

Anna can see her sister: Suuuuure, when she’s done playing with squirrels or being a pillar of a METHAPHORIC BRIDGE she may travel back to Arendelle once in a while, and then go back to live in the glacier where she almost died happily alone, talking to spirits and snow creatures! What an HAPPY LIFE! Anna wants this. Sure. Because Anna would DIE for Elsa and if this is what makes Elsa happy, then Anna would accept it.

Nothing and no one will ever convince me that this is what Anna would choose,  if ONLY SHE COULD HAVE A CHOICE!

I could go on and on for days, but you get the point, anon??????

If we accept the “happiness” these character show on their faces at the end as a dogma, without questioning WHY they are happy with a critic mind, if we ignore the RETCONS, the plot holes, the negative messages, the cut or changed storylines.....well yes they seem to be happy at the end.

But can you?

I can’t.

Accepting this would mean I’ll have to ignore everything I know and I like about these characters from the first movies and the books, and I love them too much to do that.

There are good things in this movie, like the origins of Elsa’s powers, some Elsa+Anna scenes, but the end is not one of them.

It is joyful, if you ignore dozens of things (I’ve listed ONLY A FEW).

It has ONE good message for kids (if you ignore all the negative ones).

But I’m not a stan, and I will not do it.

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[sagemoderocklee]

I'm curious, since I see your like NaruSai, do you have an headcanons for them?

anon i just want you to know that i am soooo happy you asked for some narusai content! thank youuu!

so from my perspective, naruto is just not someone i can ship with anyone outside of his teammates. like ultimately Sasuke IS the one he’s meant to be with--and y’all know i’m not a fan of soul mate shit but the entire narrative of this series is that they’re soul mates. like naruto constantly chooses sasuke over others, and sasuke is constantly running from naruto because he knows the depth of his feelings... but like despite all this they do have an unhealthy relationship and i think that there’d be a lot of--not even just on again off again but like just so much of that denial and fighting and shit. like for them to get to a place that’s healthy they need to really work at it and i tend to imagine that the only way naruto would date someone else is that between period before he and sasuke have their shit together, or in an awful au where sasuke is like dead or else just never really comes back, where they don’t get their shit together 

anyway, i’m saying a lot of words but my point is that naruto could date and truly love sai or sakura, but sasuke is still his soul mate so it’s always kind of a little sad, kind of a whole lot bittersweet when it comes to naruto and sai (or sakura, though i think sakura it’s a little less bittersweet because they are best friends, they’ve known each other so long, they have a beautiful friendship, but still...) 

so i’m not sure if you were hoping for canon or like modern au but i tend to lean more towards modern au with narusai cause i think that it’s a lot more plausible in that context 

anyway naruto initially cannot stand sai like they end up dormmates in college, and naruto is just Not Feeling It. sasuke hasn’t been in naruto’s life for a good five years or so because Sasuke’s family moved out of Konoha after this whole big drama with Itachi being disowned and Sasuke was REALLY messed up by the whole thing and no one knows what the deal is but it was Not Good. so sasuke basically cuts contact with everyone but ESPECIALLY naruto which is like devastating but naruto can’t really do much about it except try to find sasuke--he constantly checks different social media sites and shit but he’s never had any luck. but what he does remember is sasuke wanting to go to this one specific university (naruto fully does not get accepted to that university). he applies to a bunch of colleges in the area in the hopes that he’ll at least be closer to sasuke

and winds up at the same school as his good friend Rock Lee, so he’s like “oh cool! we should try to room together!” 

and then he shows up on his first day at school and he finds that his roommate is this pasty mother fucker with paint all over his fingers and a shit eating grin on his face and the first thing out of sai’s mouth is “i didn’t realise dumbasses could get into college” which immediately pisses naruto off 

and it doesn’t stop there. sai is always makes comments about how dumb naruto is and about his dick and he’s always got that dumb smile on his face that pisses naruto off endlessly. he doesn’t get sai for the first like two months of living together and he comes very close to murdering sai on a handful of occasions. 

but like sai isn’t actually a shitty person. he’s not trying to be mean he just lived a really sheltered life being homeschooled by his creep of a foster dad who was mean and controlling and never let sai have friends so he’s really just trying to do what he thinks he should do because he watched a bunch of frat boy movies and read some books before college and thinks that he’s just making harmless jokes

he doesn’t exactly stop making fun of naruto but eventually naruto does start to recognize that it’s teasing and not outright malicious. he’s still really confused by sai’s fixation on his junk but he let’s it slide because he’s NOT insecure. once he’s realised that sai’s just really bad at making friends he starts to tease sai back and they settle into a routine 

“i brought you dinner, dick-for-brains,” sai will say, plopping some take out on the counter when naruto’s having one of his late night cram sessions which always always send him into a panic because he hates reading and writing and all of this shit. why did he want to go to college anyways? 

and he’ll open the container to find his favourite ramen because sai always knows when he needs that little pick me up

“i was at the store so i just picked you up some new paint, i saw you were out of black,” naruto says, lobbing a bag at sai’s head. he’d been at the convenience store which is NOT that art store but the art store’s only like... a fifteen minute walk from the convenience store and okay maybe the paint isn’t cheap but sai’s always running out of black paint and naruto knows he cut ties with his shitty foster dad so he knows money isn’t exactly something sai has whereas naruto does have a pretty hefty trust fund from his parents plus he’s always been very good at saving money and he worked a lot in high school. so what if he drops $10 a bottle on the fancy paints sai likes best. it’s what friends do. 

eventually, over the course of rooming together, sai also meets naruto’s friends. lee ended up getting put with this really intense red-head from Suna who according to Lee is ‘actually quite sweet once you get to know him’--Naruto isn’t fooled. he knows a crush on rock lee when he sees one--but not being dormmates hasn’t stopped Lee and naruto from hanging out, so Lee is the first person Sai actually meets in Naruto’s friend group. he immediately makes Lee cry when he makes fun of his looks and Naruto does actually punch sai on the arm hard enough to bruise and sort of squawks at Sai, “DON’T MAKE LEE CRY!” 

sai never ever insults lee ever again. he is in fact overly polite to lee after that. when lee brings gaara to meet naruto and sai, gaara glares at sai a lot. naruto thinks that the feelings might, surprisingly be mutual between gaara and lee. 

after lee and gaara, sai meets sakura. naruto secretly hopes that he insults her just because he’d love to see her sucker punch him--for the comedy--but sai has learned his lesson after lee and is much more gracious upon meeting sakura and her gf ino. sakura goes to a nearby medical school while ino is going to another school studying botany. 

eventually it becomes the norm for the six of them to all get together on friday or saturday nights, either in Naruto and sai’s room or Gaara and Lee’s. Sakura and Ino don’t mind commuting a bit since they both go to different schools. 

over the course of his first six months rooming with sai, naruto is still determined to find sasuke. but it hurts. sometimes sai will find naruto with red puffy eyes and in a somber mood, but naruto never explains why. but it clearly is taking a toll on him. sasuke clearly doesn’t want to be found and naruto hasn’t ever been successful. at some point after their break, when he’s gone back home to see his foster brother Iruka, Naruto’s decided he’s gotta stop. it’s time. 

he also missed sai a lot more than he expected. when he gets back to their dorm he throws the door open, shouting, “honey im home!” and maybe he’s still feeling Not Himself, but he’s excited to see sai

sai didn’t go anywhere for the break so he’s there when naruto gets back, same as ever, painting in the grey winter light coming from the open window. i think he has a sort of epiphany then that sai’s actually kinda cute and he’s fun and naruto’s never cried because of him. it’s not like that clear of course, but there’s a feeling and he just sort of comes into the room, the joking nature of his words contrasting sharply with the weight of all the mulling over sasuke he’d done over the break and he just collapses on sai’s bed and watches him paint quietly

sai glances over at him, confused. “did you finally measure your dick and not like the results?” 

the joke doesn’t land so he knows somethings wrong. he stops painting. naruto can’t look at him. he rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. his chest hurts. 

“have you ever been in love?” naruto asks

sai sets down his paintbrush, getting and leaning over naruto so he’s forced to stare at the entirely deadpan expression on his face as he says, “yes, i’ve had so much experience with romance, being a shut in and all.” 

naruto shoves at sai, but he can’t bring himself to laugh. “it’s not all its cracked up to be-ttebayo” 

“then why do they make so many movies about it?” 

naruto sniffles. he really thought he was done crying over sasuke. he chokes out a laugh. sai throws caution to the wind and climbs into his bed next to naruto. naruto doesn’t normally talk about things when he’s crying and if sai has learned anything it’s that this is a Big Moment. 

“i believe that in this situation, as your friend, i should offer to kick said breaker of your heart’s ass?” 

naruto does laugh, turning over and staring up at sai. “if you can find him, sure. but i wouldn’t worry about it.” 

“i won’t. i’m terrible at fighting. i’d probably just throw paint at him.”

naruto feels warmer having sai there to comfort him. he’s not exactly sure when he moves closer just that eventually he’s practically touching sai and he just feels better. calmer. more centered. he falls asleep in the middle of sai talking about his break which consisted of painting and sometimes meeting gaara for lunch. 

when he wakes up, sai’s asleep, curled around naruto who at some point must have scooted closer because there was definite cuddling. naruto decides to keep sleeping.

somehow, after that, though they never actually talk about it, naruto stops sleeping in his own bed. 

he also stops looking for sasuke. 

and at some point, sai’s teasing is accompanied by kisses

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && carson

WHEN: january 25th-27th.

DESCRIPTION: the saga of carson and raelynn over the past few days - in text message form.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, sex mention,  death mention

@carsonreyes

carson

uhhhh I think we should talk

raelynn.

who is this?

carson

it’s carson, raelynn.

raelynn.

idk what we have to talk about.

i haven't even seen you in idk how long.

carson

so then what’s the issue.

raelynn.

the same issue as before.

carson

then let’s talk

raelynn.

what's there to say that hasn't been said

carson

can’t we move past this

raelynn.

idk can you undo all the damage you left?

carson

can I try

raelynn.

You don't even know me anymore.

carson

then I’ll get to know you again

raelynn.

That's if I let you.

carson

you’re really just going to let us hate each other

we’ve both grown, cmon

raelynn.

i don't trust you.

carson

that’s valid

that’s why I’m trying to fix it

raelynn.

why now.

carson

I just got back

raelynn.

yeah but you always had my number, apparently

carson

actually

I had to ask for it

raelynn.

who gave it to you

carson

Uhm

next question

raelynn.

was it delilah.

carson

no

It was wessy

raelynn.

ew

whatever i can't be mad at him

carson

so

are you gonna let me get to know you again

raelynn.

do i have to decide today

carson

yes <3

raelynn.

that's not fair.

carson

neither is calling me out in the gc

raelynn.

you can't compare that to cheating on me for months and then dumping me for the other girl

carson

it wasn’t for months

and it wasn’t for some other girl

raelynn.

choose your words carefully bc if you say that i was the problem and the reason you cheated on me / broke up with me i'll block you.

carson

no I take full responsibility for the cheating and being a dick

raelynn.

yeah, and i was the last to know, and then you broke up with me and you were all over social media with that girl like days later.

carson

it wasn’t days

and you were the only one to know

raelynn.

you're right i think it maybe was only one day

carson

it was like a month

raelynn.

still too soon. still sus. still dated me and said you loved me and wanted to marry. me for 2 years.

carson

I did!

raelynn.

and you cheated on me, so none of that was real.

carson

I did really love you raelynn

raelynn.

you don't do that to someone you love.

you don't lie to them and make them look stupid

carson

I know I know

raelynn.

so did you just. stop the minute you decided you wanted to fuck her.

carson

no I was just stupid and not thinking

raelynn.

you really messed me up like permanently i'll never be who i was again.

carson

I’m so sorry

raelynn.

so do you get why it's not fair to ask me to decide today whether or not you can be in my life?

carson

oh cmon it was a joke

I wouldn’t actual expect that of you

raelynn.

i never know what to take seriously with you honestly

carson

I’ll wait as long as it takes, raelynn

raelynn.

to what end?

carson

wym

raelynn.

what's the goal

carson

whatever you want

raelynn.

that's too vague. there has to be something that you want. otherwise you wouldn't bother.

carson

I just want to make things right

I’m not the devil

raelynn.

i mean, they do always say that the devil doesn't always have horns and shit. they say he's got gorgeous hair and piercing eyes, and he lures you in.

carson

oh come on raelynn

raelynn.

see that, that was a joke.

carson

wyd tomo

raelynn.

whatever i want during the day and then work in the evening.

i'm a cage dancer, tips are good.

[...] why

carson

do you wanna get coffee

raelynn.

is there a particular reason you want to?

carson

just to hang out we dont have to

raelynn.

I don't know.

carson

that's ok

raelynn.

But maybe.

You're not trying to mess with me?

carson

no

raelynn.

it's just that the last time we sat across from each other you were breaking up with me.

carson

i can't break up with you rn

raelynn.

i know. that's not what it's about.

carson

well

raelynn.

it's just. that's how little trust is here, carson.

carson

idk what im supposed to say

im gonna give you space

raelynn.

you're supposed to just say what you mean .

carson

i am!

raelynn.

[...] I'll meet you. But just coffee. Not coffee and then my place, not coffee and then your place, not coffee and a kiss.

carson

i just said coffee

raelynn.

I know what you said, I just want to be as clear as I can be.

carson

crystal clear

raelynn.

Good. Um. Noonish?

carson

noon works!!

raelynn.

maybe the starbucks around the block from wes? I go to that one a lot. The staff is nice.

carson

sure, sounds good!

raelynn.

and carson? i literally am gonna ask just one single thing of you, okay?

carson

yes maam

raelynn.

don't screw any of my friends.

carson

idk who ur friends are

raelynn.

ugh.

carson

give me names, raelynn

raelynn.

i'm an extremely popular woman!

carson

bruh

raelynn.

well, there's delilah even though she and i aren't speaking. there's lana, there's niamh, roman, landon, ivy (i hope, soon), spencer, echo, rue, jules. if i think of anyone else i'll let you know.

also wes, wes is my friend, he counts.

carson

ok spen and i have been friends way before

and im not gonna fuck wes

or delilah

raelynn.

you don't get to argue with my list, carson.

carson

ok

raelynn.

you wanna fuck spence or something?

carson

i didn't say that

i just said we were friends!

raelynn.

okay.

i swear to god carson, you've aged me 50 years.

carson

oooh 75 yrs old

that;s hot

raelynn.

hate you

carson

<3

raelynn.

...don't

carsonBOT01/25/2021

</3

raelynn.

you don't even mean that lmao

carson

says u

raelynn.

it's not like you came back for me or whatever

carson

carson: i came back because i wanted to

raelynn

yeah i figured.

carson

carson: and i had to

raelynn

you had to come back or you had to leave?

carson

both

raelynn

so why did you leave?

carson

uh idk if you wanna know that

raelynn

did you run away with the other girl.

carson

no

raelynn

so why.

carson

my mom died

raelynn

[...]

carson

so i went to stay with my dad

raelynn

shit. i'm sorry.

carson

an awakening of some sort

raelynn

i really loved her.

carson

 i did too

so yeah i went to california. saw my dad. lived out there

raelynn

and you had to come back because...?

carson

someone had to do something about the apartment and house

plus wes was practically begging me to come back home

raelynn

yeah i get that.

marie

but I’m here now

raelynn. 

did you miss me.

you don't have to answer that. it's stupid.

carson

of course I did

raelynn.

okay. idk why i wanted to know.

carson

idk either

raelynn.

idk it's stupid

[...]

carson

I’m so sorry

I have a meeting at noon I forgot about

raelynn.

if you're backpedaling just say so.

carson

I’m not

raelynn.

so why should I believe you when you texted to cancel 15 minutes before?

carson

I have one brain cell and it’s my dad’s assistant’s

raelynn.

Was Delilah just making fun of me in that chat for not remembering ivy

carson

what does this have to do with me

raelynn

bc if so, it looks like you joined in.

carson

again, what does this have to do with me

raelynn.

Bc you can't act like you wanna fix things with me in here and make fun of me out there. Doesn't work like that.

carson

I’ve only told Delilah to fix things with you

what are you talking about !!!!!

raelynn.

The fight yesterday! When I said I dont remember fighting with Ivy and everyone shat on me. Delilah was making fun of me when she was talking about not remembering anyone.

carson

yes, I am that cruel and think that deeply into things

raelynn.

I know exactly how cruel you can be dude and I may be a dumbass but I didn't forget that.

carson

it literally wasn’t a dig at you

I was mocking Delilah

raelynn.

Do you swear on my tits?

carson

I’m not doing that

raelynn.

No matter whats going on with us i know you wouldn't risk them unless you're lying.

carson

oh my god

raelynn.

yeah I guess you're regretting this decision now

carson

you literally make me regret opening my mouth jfc

raelynn.

You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to.

carson

fine!

raelynn.

Fine.

carson

read

[...]

carson

hi

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hi.

carson

im sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

for?

carson

being dumb

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't want to play games anymore. i'm a grownup.

carson

i thought we were 12

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

carson

carson

raelynn

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

can you be serious

carson

how serious

i would like to not be serious rn im trying to figure out this living situation

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

like above the age of 12 serious

carson

how's 16?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

gah, ok

carson

<3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i told you not to do that

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and you're not heartbroken so that's just a lie emoji

carson

dont tell me how im feeling

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

fine, you're not heartbroken over me

carson

don't tell me tht

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but it's the truth, isn't it?

carson

no

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm going to be very honest. if you are messing with me i cannot handle it. it hurts. so if you are messing with me right now, don't. ok?

carson

why would i be messing with you

do you want me to try to make things right

you can tell me no and ill quite literally just fuck off

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

[...] you can try.

carson

ok

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

...ok?

carson

im trying!!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

your ok texts are just weird omg

carson

it's literally an ok text

what would u like me to say

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm not mad or anything

about that

carson

please

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

pls what

carson

im trying so hard right now

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay, okay.

i accept your apology. For being dumb.

carson

thank u

one person has today

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

who else did u piss off?

carson

you still live at the same place

have u eaten

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i moved but not far.

why?

carson

i was gonna send u dinner from that italian place

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe?

carson

yes maam

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

that would be nice.

do u remember my order?

carson

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

*drops pin*

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

this is where i live now. it's slightly bigger than the old place. i have space to put my shoes finally.

carson

moving on up

it should be there in 10

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thanks, all i had today was hot chocolate and gum.

carson

why

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you know how i sometimes get an anxious tummy

carson

yeah :/

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah i was feeling queasy

but i'm feelin a little better.

carson

that’s good </3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you don't gotta broken heart emoji about it, really.

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

well i see your broken heart emoji and raise you a *peach emoji*

carson

are u working tonight

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Why?

carson

do you want to grab dinner before?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are you sure?

carson

yes, no meetings

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

then yeah, okay. I go into work at 7. So whatever time works for you before then probs works for me too.

carson

okay! 5 work?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah that'll be fine, where should i meet u?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I picked a table towards the back I hope that's chill.

carson

yes!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ok see you in a bit.

[...]

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

is it true.

carson

is what true

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

what sabrina said.

carson

yes

I wish I was dating my king

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

idk what the second part means but that's all i wanted to know. bye.

carson

I just wanted to fix things I never said anything about getting together

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i didn't say i wanted to?

carson

then why are you upset

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc i knew something like this would happen but i didn't think it would happen literally the week you came back. i'm blindsided. you could've said something to me last night.

carson

we talked after

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but i still didn't get like a text or anything? i had to find out from the chat as if we didn't decide to work on this. and it feels shitty.

carson

why would you get a text

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

because we were allegedly friends.

and you were gonna be honest with me.

but in any case, it doesn't really matter. i sincerely hope that you're happy. i'm gonna take some space for myself for right now, though.

[bassclarinetprincess]

I’ve seen like one ask meme full of year-end asks going around, but I didn’t really like the questions on it and also it’s not the one I’ve been doing for the past three years.  So, despite the fact that no one asked for this, here is a wrap-up of 2017!  Answers under the cut, as always.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you had never done before? This year wasn’t as full of exciting firsts as last, but let’s see what I can come up with.  I stayed at a hospital (twice), I visited the state of West Virginia (for spring break), I wore my binder at home, I participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange (three to be exact), I attended group therapy, I got a couple new diagnoses and tried new medications, I met David Sedaris, I saw John and Hank Green, I went to New York City, I tried sangria, I went to a brewery, I went to a film festival, I developed a crush on a boy, I went to a Classics conference, I won an award for a podcast I produced, I spoke at my school’s chapel, and I met Peter Staley.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My New Year’s resolution was to make more media than I consume and to Tweet more.  I definitely do not Tweet more, and I’ve been working on the media thing (my job at the school newspaper ensures I do) but I would argue I definitely haven’t upheld that one either.  My only resolution for the next year is to get through graduation, and to find something to do this summer that will enable me to eat/pay rent for an apartment and focus on my mental health.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nobody I feel super close to, no.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? I stayed in the US of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? Stability.  Peace and quiet.  A brain that remembers to pick up my medication when I need to.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched in your memory, and why? January 20 -- Inauguration and the protests surrounding it.  February 18 -- the day I met ACTUP activist Peter Staley at a Chicago art museum.  March 9 -- the day my LGBT alliance’s spring speaker came to campus (and all the ruckus surrounding that).  May 1 -- protests at my school and the class shut-down, and the day I spent so many waking hours in the school newsroom producing a podcast about it.   May 5 -- Dylan’s second birthday, and the day I was admitted to the hospital for the first time.   May 15 -- the Classics department BACCHANALIA, the thought of which got me through my first hospital stay.  June 11 -- the day I began a relationship with my second girlfriend.  June 18 -- the day my second relationship ended (shut up).  June 21 -- the day of my second hospital admittance.  August 19 -- Hannah’s 21st birthday, for which I flew into Chicago (we had a fantastic time).  October 14 -- the day Kit and I visited Stonewall and got Big Gay Ice Cream.  October 20 -- my 22nd birthday dinner, which was an excuse to eat calamari and cake with friends.  October 21 -- the day Hannah, Kit, and me made Halloween cookies and watched Sense8.   October 22 -- the day I saw John and Hank Green.  November 3 -- the day I saw Tegan and Sara for the second time!  November 5 -- the day Kit and I went to a David Sedaris reading.  November 10 -- the day Katie and I saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  November 20 -- my chapel talk.  December 23 -- the day I wore my binder to my Grandma’s house and faced my fears! (Yes, most of this is off the top of my head.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being alive, getting all A’s and a B+ for the fall semester, FINISHING all of my coursework for the spring semester and my summer class after the two hospitalizations, giving my incredibly vulnerable chapel talk.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hard to say.  I’m really not proud of the B+, though, since it was a class that I found easy and that I should have blown out of the water.  Oh well. I’m also learning not to consider the hospitalizations a failure.  I might have a few months ago.  But I didn’t go to the hospital because I messed anything up (for example, I was taking all of my medications!  both times!!!), I went because I was sick and couldn’t manage it by myself.  Not my fault.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was deeply depressed for six months and low-grade depressed for four more.  So that sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A button-down shirt with cats on it from Wildfang, a green hat with a very wide brim, all the various bath bombs I got, a Tegan and Sara baseball cap, these mussels during my vacation in Portland.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All the nurses and doctors in the hospital, and my therapists outside the hospital.  My academic adviser for  keeping me on track academically, giving me life advice, and visiting me in the hospital and bringing me books (especially American Gods).  And all my friends, once again, that stuck around in the spring, visited me in the hospital in the summer, and have driven me to therapy in the fall and winter (in no particular order that would be both Josephs, Maggie, Mickey, Katie, Kit, Athena, Emma, Becky, Spencer, Hannah, Ella, Jacob, and everyone else in Aquifer Pod).  Plus my campus pastors for letting me crash in their office when I was dissociating, and for helping me with my confirmation.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? It’s always our president, isn’t it?  Ajit Pai also goes on the list this year.  And the bastards that murdered a trans girl who lived in my county.  Fuck those assholes.

14. Where did most of your money go? I spent a good chunk of it at the end of the year on film festival entrance fees for the documentary I produced in the fall.  I also did buy way too many bath bombs.  Otherwise, probably food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing Tegan and Sara, David Sedaris, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  Also my birthday!  I was so excited I woke up at 5 in the morning.  Oh, and of course going to New York City!

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? "Feel It Still” -- Portugal. the Man “1-800-273-8255″ -- Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid “Young, Dumb and Broke” -- Khalid “The Cure” -- Lady Gaga “Yet Another Dig” -- Bob the Drag Queen ft. Alaska Thunderfuck “Sissy That Walk” -- RuPaul “Green Light” -- Lorde “I Miss Those Days” -- Bleachers “Praying” -- Kesha “Humble” -- Kendrick Lamar

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? a.  DEFINITELY HAPPIER, DEFINITELY HAPPIER. b.  Like twenty pounds fatter.  I don’t want to talk about it. c.  The same, probably?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Stayed present and mindful in all my activities.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sleeping.  There was so much sleeping.  Also self-harming.  I’d have liked less self-harming.

20. How did you spend Christmas? On the 23rd, my grandma hosted the big family ordeal.  We ate food and opened presents, and played this gift card swap game that turned out to be pretty fun.  On Christmas Day, I woke up at 9.  We ate French toast, opened presents, watched Christmas specials and Stranger Things 2, and for dinner Dad made steak and potatoes.

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? Nope.

22. What was your favourite TV program? Bojack Horseman, Please Like Me, Stranger Things, Great British Baking Show, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m a bit pissed off at the doctor at the hospital when I went in April who said I was seeking attention and didn’t think I was “bad” enough to be admitted.  Fuck him. But I don’t hate him, you know?  I don’t think I hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read? Columbine by Dave Cullen.  I devoured it in three days.  Also Turtles All the Way Down by John Green.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? The song “Material Girl” by Madonna!  Also music by drag queens (I’m a fan of Adore Delano, Trixie Mattel, and Bob the Drag Queen). 26. What did you want and get? A shit ton of lavender products, a new audio recorder, a graphic novel called The Fifth Beatle, that zine about mental health featuring a contribution from Sara Quin, fancy Oxford shoes. 

27. What did you want and not get? My family to use my name and pronouns.  *whomp whomp*

28. What was your favourite film of this year? Time to consult the movie list.  New movies:  Moonlight, Get Out, Moana, Rogue One, Fences, Hidden Figures, Spider-Man:  Homecoming, Baby Driver.  Old movies:  The Blue Angel, M, The 400 Blows, Finding Vivian Maier, Matilda (no, I had not seen it before 2017), Paris Is Burning.  (Yes, some of the new movies I have on here were made in 2016.  That’s how my school’s movie theater works.)

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Friendship, music.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Depression chic.  Lots of gray monochrome outfits.

31. What kept you sane? YouTube and Spotify, mood stabilizers, about thirty mental health professionals, my podmates.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy most? The answer is always Tegan and Sara.  Janelle Monae and Annie Clark are in a battle for second and third.  I’m also really into that video of Tom Holland and Zendaya doing a lip sync battle.  Also, can I put RuPaul on here?

33. What political issue stirred you most? Hoo boy.  This was a very politically stirring year.  I feel like I was often pushed into a box of being only a spokesperson for trans issues, especially when the military ban came about.  I also got pissed about Russian influences on the election, the Roy Moore election, the events in Charlottesville, the attempt to repeal healthcare, Sean Spicer drama, and the Muslim ban.  (This I did not get off the top of my head, I consulted my Twitter.)

34. Who did you miss? For some reason I missed my grandparents a lot this year -- I think it’s because I’m starting to become more and more aware of their mortality, and any moment I’m away from them makes me anxious that they’re going to die.  Also, the death of Tom Petty really got to me.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. I feel like I didn’t learn a whole lot.  I learned a lot about myself and how much I can handle, and I learned for sure who is in my corner.  I learned about the importance of faith, at least in my life.  And I learned firsthand through the process of giving my chapel talk how important sharing your story and being vulnerable is.  There’s zero good in keeping secrets and staying silent if you have something to say. Also, like, being alive is pretty OK I guess.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I’ve been on the low, I’ve been taking my time / I feel like I’m out of my mind, it feel like my life ain’t mine” -- “1-800-273-8255,” Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid “Come on motherfucker, you survived, you’ve gotta give yourself a break (hey!)” -- “Everybody Lost Somebody,” Bleachers

TL;DR:  If my life were a book, 2016 would be a chapter where a ton of shit happened to advance the plot while 2017 was the following chapter where it looked kinda stagnant plot-wise but the character’s internal life went from being an absolute mess to -- well, it’s still kind of a mess but he’s doing better at the end of the year than he was in the beginning or the middle.  I’m tempted to write it off as just another year, and in fact a pretty shitty one, but there have been good things too and overall I’d call it a very important year in my development.  I really can’t wait for 2018 though!

Here’s 2016′s.

Same thing for 2015…

And 2014.

Feel free to read others if you want.

[5hfanfiction]

All strings attached - Chapter 3: The meeting.

I had spent the rest of the day with Lauren walking around New York and going unnoticed by everybody as ‘Camila Cabello the girl who left Fifth Harmony’ instead it was just us. Lauren and Camila from Miami. Or Jourdan and Penny, depending on how you want to look at it.

But good things are over fast and within the next couple of days we were being flown out to LA for a meeting with Epic, Maverick and SyCo. At trust me when I say that these meetings never ended well. We’d always try and voice our concerns or new ideas we had for our tour or albums we wanted to write, but they got inevitably shut down and ignored because we were “a product and products don’t have opinions” as would our entertainment manager Larry Rudolph always say to us.

Today was game time and we had one job, to find their narrative and poke holes into it. The label had to push an angle to sell to the media and I already had a feeling they would be making me their scape goat, like they hadn’t already.

We had all travelled separately and we told to come to the headquarters unnoticeably, so Lauren and I had to catch different flights. She had caught the one earlier, whilst I stayed and tied up a few lose ends with out 'team’ who were responsible for every leak and source of truth out there.  At the moment they were currently leaking all of the unreleased songs form our previous albums and I had to say I was pissing myself with laughter trying to watch our management take them down, but as fast as they were removing them the faster they were being leaked and downloaded by out real fans. Most of this was just to serve as a distraction to all of our real planning to take down Epic. That was the main objective. If we took down Epic, we took down Maverick and Syco would soon go tumbling after seeing as they were districted differently.

I made my way up the flight of stairs to the board rooms were they held meetings and was met with a bunch of  middle aged men in suits. “Ahh, Camila finally.” He said placing his massive paw for a hand on my shoulder and steering me into the board room into the empty chair three spaces down from Lauren and directly across from Normani, whilst Ally and Dinah were also sprawled apart across the long table. I noticed they did this as a form of intimidation, we were harder to break down when we were untied, so they separated us across the table and dotted business men between us so when they turned their attention to us individually we felt singled out and to be honest it was a genius method of their part because it worked, they had away with words that made you feel so small and dumb.

“Right, let’s get this show on the road ladies.” Rudolph spoke from his position at the end of the table and gestured to L.A Reid.

“Before each of you, you will see a contract. Ladies,” he gestured to Dinah, Ally, Lauren and Normani, “Yours are the same as your previous ones with some additional documents that need looking over.” He said, but their was a subliminal message to his words, I could feel it and I didn’t like it very much.

The girls all picked at the small stack of papers, glancing over the long winded jargon, but not having a chance to read over them yet and trust me when I said it took a while. There was so much in our contracts that I still didn’t understand until they pulled moves, like kicking me out of Fifth Harmony, making it very obvious that their were sub-clauses.

“Camila you have a new contract to sign.” He spoke swiftly moving onto the next topic as I freaked out.

“But I don’t have my lawyer with me?!” I splurged out, whilst the girls shared fearful horrified looks with me. By this point we had all grown to hate contracts.

“That’s okay, we have supplied you with one.” He lifted a hand signalling for a guy - in yet another suit! Seriously Do these guys think they’re being original or what? - to come over. The poor guy looked really young and completely out of his depth and therefore I completely did not want him analysing my contract.

“No way!” I laughed bitterly. “I’ll be calling my lawyer, actually she should be here in a bit.” I sprung the news of our new lawyer on him.

“And who is you lawyer, miss Cabello?” He asked, sounding slightly irate.

“Dina Lapoult.” I announced sharing a brief smirk with Lauren who was looking over at me devilishly.

“You have the same Lawyer as Fifth Harmony.” He stated more than asked.

“Well last time I checked I was Fifth Harmony!” I couldn’t help myself and bite back. “Besides we share the same entertainment lawyer so why not share the same lawyer?” I asked calming down.

“Fine. Give her contract to read Miss Cabello and we will go over some other details now.” He spoke sifting through some new documents.

“Right well I guess we’ll start with you Miss Jauregui.” At soon as her name left his mouth I looked over to check on her, because no matter how many fronts she put up, she was the most vulnerable one out of all of us. I guess she was more “exploitable” than the rest of us. She had that look about her that you couldn’t help but become fascinated by the green eyed girl. And I hated it for one of two reasons; One: They were treating her inhumanly, like she wasn’t a person with feelings and life outside of Fifth Harmony and Two: She was MY fucking girl and I didn’t appreciate people ogling her and treating her like a piece of meat.

I could tell just from glancing at her that she felt panicked, because her breathing had hitched ever so subtly and eyes kept darting from looking at the table to looking at him as she tried to remain unbothered.

“As you’ll see in the documents presented before you we have full right to disclose any given information we see fit. You however Do not!” He practically growled at Lauren and from the moment we al knew what this was about, though I can’t say we were surprised, we knew the risk we were taking when we decided to leak that audio.

“Sir-” Lauren started, but was interrupted, but i appreciated her attempt at trying to remain civil, because I sure as hell couldn’t do that.

“No, Miss Jauregui. I think your vocalness has done enough damage, don’t you think?” He patronised and Lauren nodded her head quietly in shame, but I knew she wasn’t really and I tried to suppress my smile at the stellar performance Lauren was putting on and how wound up L.A was getting. “As I was saying, we have full right to disclose any information within you life in order to sell you.”

God that made me angry! “Sell” her?! Like she was some damn prized cattle! I seethed sitting further into my chair, trying to remain calm. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an overly aggressive angry person…at all, but when someone messes with Lauren things are different and I can’t seem to control my need to protect her fiercely.

“Which is where I come in.” Larry Rudolph chorused in from the other side of the large oval shaped table.

“Yes.” L.A nodded approvingly, sharing a genuinely happy smile with the other man. “Since you so desperately wanted to come out of that ridiculous 'closet’ of yours.” He mocked and I was two seconds away from blowing my lid, because we ALL knew how much Lauren had struggled with that and he was here mocking it. But before I could say anything Normani chimed in.

“Um- excuse you, but you don’t talk to my friend like that, not if you don’t want to be know as the biggest homophobe going.” Normani said politely, but there was a warning tone to her voice.

L.A didn’t offend mess with Normani (and if I’m being honest with you, I think he’s a bit scared of her. ) but that doesn’t mean Normani didn’t get her fair share of abuse thrown her way, because she did and I was partly to blame for it. During the on going feud between the 'Camilizers’ and 'OT4 shippers’ started by our management team as a way of generating speculation of tension within the group Normani had received a large amount of hate that changed the way she looked at herself a lot, and I would always be to blame for that no matter how much she told me I wasn’t because at the end of the day I was. They were my so-called fans who attacked her.

“I was not being homophobic I was just simply stating a fact.” L.A said in typical straight white male fashion and I had to resist the urge to scoff at the top of my lungs because we all knew that wasn’t true. L.A Reid was an extremely homophobic man, who did not respect the LGBT struggles and only saw it as a ploy to generate more money. In fact it was probably why him and Rudolph got along so well. Rudolph was know for exploiting his LGBT celebs, though I don’t think he meant any harm by it. In fact I think he believed he was helping by allowing them to at least be partly honest, which is why Lauren struck the deal with them.

It was why I struck the deal with them. But Lauren didn’t know…and we planned on keeping it that way.

I had sold my soul to the devil and there was no way of getting it back.

“Lauren,” Rudolph addressed her in a slightly nicer tone than L.A had. “What I need from you is more pictures of you and this-” he rummaged though his papers looking for a name - “Lucy vives. We are really going to want to push this angle if we want to make I believable-”

“It is believable. Lauren’s bisexual get over it.” I mumbled aggressively enough that everyone around the table heard me. Not that it was hard to hear because the room was so silent with the exception of whichever power hungry suit was talking.

“Calm down sweetie, he never said she wasn’t.” A lady sat between Ally and Normani spoke up and guess what? She was also wearing a goddamn suit!

“Thank you susie. I meant the relationship and well, yes partly her sexuality because people are trying to discredit it already.”

“But the hashtags?” Lauren questioned sounding upset and defeated and I wanted nothing more than to be able to hold her hand and tell her things were okay and that their opinions didn’t matter.

“Oh yes. They were very real. That wasn’t started on our part.” Another young looking man with silverish hair jumped in and Lauren nodded, but it was too late the doubt had been planted in her mind and it was going to take a lot on our part to shake it from her mind like the girls and I had done so many times as they made her release statement after statement denying her sexuality. Except this time I wouldn’t be around as much to tell her things we going to be okay.

“But those my dears are your fans. We’ve got them where we want them and they aren’t going anywhere. That much we know. It’s the general public we need to sell to now.” And I nodded because what he was saying did make sense, so I couldn’t object though I can’t see why anyone would object to someone else’s sexuality, but before I could voice my opinion Dinah did it for me.

“Why wouldn’t they believe it though?” She asked, disgust evident in her voice and there was a slight pause at the table before the same woman as earlier spoke up.

“Well, you know sweetie, I had a friend ask me the other day if bisexuality was a trend. So do you understand why we have to push this idea?”

Idea? What the fuck?! I honestly didn’t believe any of these people could distinguish fake from realty anymore. It was a wonder how they slept at night.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?!” I raged.

“I’m am advisor honey. My job is to stay clued in on what people are talking about, where they are putting their money and what they believe and…don’t believe.” She explained and I internally rolled my eyes at her sickly sweet tone.

“Miss Cabello. Could you please calm down? Or we’ll have to do this meeting without you.” L.A threatened and I decided to pipe down and let Lauren handle it, she was always better at controlling situations than me.

“So you just need pictures of me with Lucy?” Lauren asked.

“Yes, looking quite close though-”

“Not, like kissing or anything right? Because that was a one time deal and people still haven’t calmed down about it.” Lauren complained.

“We must strike while the iron’s hot.p, but no they don’t have to be anything intimate - just enough to keep people speculating.” Larry continued.

“But what if I don’t want people speculating? What if I want to be public about my actual relationship?” On that I quickly flicked my head to look at Lauren shocked. She had always wanted to keep us private for fear that the fans and media attention would destroy us.

“Hmm…well who is this person?” He asked flicking through the papers in front of him, looking for the answer that he wouldn’t find.

“A girl.” Lauren started but flicked her eyes to me, asking if it was okay to spill the tea and I wasn’t to sure but I nodded because I trusted Lauren and she wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“Right, well that helps us to push the point a bit more,” Lauren rolled her eyes, “But I am going to need a lot more information about this person before I can even consider it. Like are they in the industry? Do they have a good rep? Age?…and preferably a name?” Rudolph went on, not even looking up front he stack of paper in front of him.

“Oh no.” L.A cut in, shooting that horse in the face. “I know exactly where this is going Miss Jauregui and I’ve said no. I’ve been saying no for almost five years.”

“Yes well! The first time you said no because you thought it wouldn’t last, then we couldn’t because of dumb PR relationships that didn’t even work!” Lauren said, but her voice was getting angrier as she spoke,  “And then you said know because you thought it was unprofessional of me to date someone in our group!” There was a collective gasp around the room, but Lauren had lost it now and there was no going  back, so I let her rip lose as she stood up from her chair, making herself seen as well as heard. “Well you know what LA,?! I don’t care anymore! I’ve given away the best few years of my life to you, hiding and being ashamed and it nearly destroyed me. So I am begging you. Please, just let me have this one thing?” Lauren asked softening her tone exasperatedly, because I knew she was sick of fighting all the time.

“Lauren, it’s just too risky. I’m sorry.” L.A said, but this time I didn’t feel mad, because he genuinely sounded sorry for denying us…again.

“Fine.” Lauren whispered defeatedly, sitting back down in her chair with her head low.

“Why don’t we all take a break for five?” L.A offered, “And then we can regroup and discuss further plans.” He said stepping back into his business man shoes and I felt everyone stand up and shuffle out, whilst sending mysterious looks over to us, trying to figure out who Lauren was dating, but I’m sure most of them knew. All you had to do was time our name in any search engine and the proof would come.

We even tried leaking proof of it a few years ago with what we thought were very obvious pictures, but people ignored it or speculated but didn’t want to be the first to say for fear of backlash, because our Harmonizer, as lovely as they are, could be harsh to people they thought had wronged us.

“Lauren?” I called standing up and making my way over to her chair and standing behind it wrapping my arms around her neck from base she sat.

“I’m sorry, Camz. I tried."  Lauren said dejectedly.

"Don’t let it get to you Laur, I’m still here and we don’t need their approval to be in a relationship.” I told her, rubbing her shoulders trying to alleviate her stress.

“Camila’s right Lauren.  You don’t need other people’s knowledge of your relationship to make it any more real.” Ally tried.

“I know, but I’m sick of hiding. I feel like I’ve always been hiding a part of myself.” Lauren confessed into her hands and not looking at us.

“Trust me, I know how you feel. But you don’t have to hide anymore Lolo.” I told her softly. I had hoped making the deal would have made things easier on Lauren, but apparently not or maybe she just needed more time for things to settle down.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Lauren said and sat up like the truth of the situation had just hit her. “I have no right to be complaining when your still-”

“Ssh.” I hushed gently stroking her hair. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not ashamed of myself and I’ll do it when the times right.” I soothed her worries, even though I knew that it was a lie, because I wasn’t ever coming out, at least not under our current management, which was all the more reason we need to get out from underneath them.

“Dina’s here.” Dinah announced looking up from here phone, where had obviously just gotten the notification.

“Great.” I clapped my hands. “Let’s get this show on the road, ladies. And might I say Miss Jauregui that was a stellar performance earlier.” I put on a fake fancy voice, which made Lauren burst out in laughter. I felt better now that I had made her smile, that was the only thing I wanted in life- to stand by Lauren’s side and make sure that beautiful smile never left that beautiful face.

I made a move to walk back to my seat when Lauren grabbed my wrist and pulled me in for a kiss. It was short but sweet (just like Ally), but sometimes those were the best kinds. “Don’t let 'em break you.” Lauren said staring intensely into my eyes, before letting me go to sit back down in my seat as everyone piled back into the boardroom, but this time with Dina Lapoult hot on their heels.

“Okay,” L.A started clapping his hands together sitting down in his massive chair. “Seeing as we now have your lawyer present let’s get these contracts signed.” He said but the annoyance was clear in his voice.

“Actually Mr Reid.” Dina spoke up and I knew it was starting, “before we do anything I have a few documents for you to look over.” She said placing several forms in front of him. “They are all on the behalf of Fifth Harmony so don’t worry.” She said with underlying sarcasm.

“What is this? You’re claiming rights to Fifth Harmony’s name?” He asked baffled and I couldn’t help but smile as we had him shook. “Trevor get over here and read this.” L.A beckoned a middle aged man, who looked to be in his fifties, over to read the paper.

“It basically states here that Lauren Jauregui was sold the trademark of Fifth Harmony’s brand name along with several others such as; H4rmony and fourth Harmony.” I didn’t like that one much. “However the trademark is owned by Dinah Jane, Normani Kordei, Ally Brooke and Lauren Jauregui.” The man explained, his voice growing smaller and smaller as he continued on despite L.A’s pissed face.

“You mean to say you went behind my back and brought Fifth Harmony.”

“In all due respect L.A, we are Fifth Harmony.” Ally said calmly.

“And Simon sold it to us, so we didn’t go behind anyone’s back.” Normani joined in, countering L.A’s argument.

“Fine.” L.A said seething.

“Great,” Dinah clapped her hands, “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, Camila, let me see this contract.” Dina spoke, holding her hand out for my documents and began reading through them in a chair in the corner of the room and I watched her face for any bad signs. “No!” She stood up abruptly, shaking her head. “This won’t do. You’re claiming rights to all information regarding Miss Cabello’s private. Little did she know that was part of the deal I had struck to free Lauren so there was no getting out of that without making Lauren’s life a hell of a lot worse.

"For PR purposes.” Larry Rudolph defended.

“No. I will not let my client sign her life away.” Dina said sternly, smacking the files down.

“Look, if there’s no contract, there’s no album and we will drop Miss Cabello altogether.” L.A shrugged indifferently,

“Your bluffing.” Lauren shot up, fearful.

“Hardly, Miss Jauregui. Do you know how many other brown eyed brunettes there are just waiting for a record deal, like this?” He patronised and I could see Lauren’s body tense up as she was about to rip into him, so I quickly intervened.

“I’ll sign the contract. Just tell me the details and I’ll do it.” Lauren flicked her head to me sending me a warning glare as if to say 'Don’t do this’. “Pass me a pen.” I said, looking away from those familiar green eyes and down to the contract in front of me as several pens were thrown across the table in my direction. I took Dina’s gently from her had and gave her a small smile as if to say it was okay, which we all knew it wasn’t.

“You are basically signing to allow both the record company, management and anyone affiliated with those teams are allowed to use parts of your private life for publicity stunts, whether or not the truth is distorted-”

“So you’re basically going to make shit up!” Lauren fumed.

“Lo.” I warned, sharing a look with her to get her to sit down. Right now she looked like she wanted to kill everyone in this room, including me.

“You will also be agreeing to have statements and stories put out on your behalf; in magazines and tabloids for example.” Dinah continued on. “They will also have the right to obtained and withdraw any information regarding your private life and have complete control over your image creatively.”

Whoa…

My head was already spinning from that information and the prospect of losing full control of my life and everything- everyone in it.

But, I picked up the pen and signed. For Lauren.

A/N: I’m an awful proof reader, so sorry for any grammatical errors or incorrect spellings. I could read this shit a thousand times over and still not see it. 😁 ,

Feel free to suggest any future storylines you would like to see. I have a rough idea of where I’m going but the other input is always welcome. Enjoy. Comment, vote and all that malarkey!

Wattpad: Midnightcrossings

[crippledboyfriend]

pie-for-everyone

replied to your post

“Here’s one where Yurio gets a bad cough and Viktor and Yuri worry....”

This was lovely <3 is there going to be more? The end just sounds, like there is more to come and I would happily read it!

You know, I had pretty much forgotten about this, but I do want to continue it!

Missed Practice Part 2

        Yuri stood outside the door to Viktor’s room.

        “This cough medicine hurts my throat going down,” complained Yurio. “Can you get me the kind we had in Russia?”

        “Probably not, kitten,” Viktor sounded remorseful. “But I’ll ask Yuri if there are any kinds he thinks might be more agreeable to you. It would be hard to find one with as pleasant of a taste as to what you’re used to, though.”

        Yurio coughed, and Viktor rubbed his back for him.

        “Let me take your temp. It’s been a while,” suggested Viktor.

        “It has not been a while,” Yurio grumbled as the older man stuck the thermometer in his mouth.

        Yuri frowned. From what he could hear, Yurio didn’t seem to be feeling much better. He didn’t want to eavesdrop anymore.

        “Yurio?” Yuri opened the door, making the sick boy jump a bit. He gasped and started coughing, turning his head into Viktor’s chest as he struggled to keep the thermometer in his mouth.

        “I didn’t mean to startle you,” Yuri touched his chest, a bit surprised himself to find that Yurio was cuddled up in Viktor’s lap. “I just brought a fresh cold compress.”

        “Oh, thank you, Yuri,” Viktor smiled as he rubbed Yurio’s back.

        “I’m really sorry,” Yuri blushed. He wasn’t expecting Viktor’s hands-on approach to cuddly caretaking. The forehead touching he’d seen was already cute, but now Yuri was starting to picture being the sick one while with Viktor, and it was absolutely not the time. He was trying to have a conversation! As Yuri daydreamed, Viktor continued speaking.

        “I think the fever’s just making him act anxious,” explained Viktor. “I’m sure you understand, Yuri.”

        “No, I completely understand!” said Yuri. “I’m not sure what to do about your cough syrup predicament, though. I’ve never known any to taste good.”

        “Maybe you could just find some that’s weaker. He’s sensitive,” said Viktor, realising that Yuri must have been waiting outside of the door. “His throat’s starting to get sore.”

        “Oh, I didn’t know,” said Yuri.

        Yurio nodded to Yuri, looking pissed off. He was hyper-aware of his throat.

        “I’ll have whoever goes to the store next buy another kind to try,” promised Yuri as the thermometer went off. Yurio took it out and read it himself.

        “100.2,” Yurio told them.

        “What is your fever doing?” asked Viktor, cupping Yurio’s forehead. “That’s a little better, but maybe your virus isn’t almost done running its course after all…” Viktor brought his fingers through Yurio’s hair, trying to be soothing.

        “I’ll just leave this here. Let me know if I can do anything,” Yuri sat the cold compress next to the sofa. “Should I go to the store now?”

        “No,” Viktor shook his head. “I doubt you’ll find exactly what he wants for his cough.”

        “Sorry,” Yuri bowed slightly as he exited.

        Yuri rested in bed, playing Animal Crossing. It was weird having the day off of practice. Viktor told him he could get a bit of work in if he wanted, but not to do as much as usual in case they were starting to come down with this, too. Something was going around Hasetsu. Yuri did work out a bit, but he didn’t want to get on the ice without the others, and his mother agreed that he should be taking it easy if something’s going around. Yuri hadn’t had much free time since Viktor decided to be his coach, but he still struggled to relax when given the chance, even with his degree out of the way. He focused on the chores in his game to distract him from real life. It did help a lot, but he was drained from spending the day wondering if he was fussing over Yurio too much or not enough. He really wanted Viktor to think that he was good at taking care of sick people. Suddenly, Yuri’s phone alarm went off and startled him.

        “Change Yurio’s Cold Compress” Right. Yuri closed his DS and swiped away the notification, hurrying down to the kitchen. It was his turn again. He couldn’t help but overhear Viktor, who was on the phone in the living room. This eavesdropping was starting to become an awful habit.

        Viktor was speaking Russian, but Yuri could understand a little of it. He’d gotten curious before and learned a few terms for cold related things.

        “That’s good advice…Yeah…” Viktor listened to Yakov. “But can you describe how I take oral temperatures again? I’m just not sure I know how to do it accurately enough. The readings of his temperature are all over the place.”

        “Well, remember that there’s a conversion. His normal temperature in his mouth is going to be 98.6. If he’s coughing all the time and drinking hot tea like you say, that’s going to distort the reading a bit,”

        “We do want to fit in with the Katsuki’s while we’re in Japan, but I’m just not so sure continuing with this method is best for the poor baby,” frowned Viktor. “He’s been coughing so much, and he seems like he gets dizzy and has trouble breathing after his fits. Do you know how to take pulse?”

        “He’s not going to lie around and let you examine everything, Viktor,” Yakov reminded him. “Just do your best to keep him medicated and help him hold the thermometer under the side of his tongue.”

        “Alright,” Viktor touched his temple. “I’ll call you again later. Thanks for letting me complain to you.”

        “Goodbye, Vitya. Tell Yurochka he’s welcome back at the rink whenever,”

        “Bye,” Viktor hung up.

        “Uh, Viktor?” Yuri asked, getting his coaches’ attention. “Are you not sure you know how to take Yurio’s temperature?”

        “Wow! I didn’t know you understood Russian that well!”

        “Oh, no, no,” Yuri blushed and made a frantic gesture with his hands. “It’s hard to speak, and also hard to respond to, so even if I overhear something, don’t think much of it. Please speak English with me.”

        “I understand. Well, Yuri…Back in Russia I would’ve tested Yurio’s temp under his arm, you see?” Viktor explained. “But here in Japan, I feel like I’m getting inconsistent readings.”

        “Oh,” said Yuri. He tried to pretend that he didn’t already know this from stalking Viktor on social media over the years. When his mom wanted to take Yurio’s temperature orally, he just went with it because he didn’t want to discuss any of this and get unnaturally flustered.

        “This is dumb and I’m probably interrupting you,” admitted Viktor, getting embarrassed. “Were you up to change the ice out for Yurochka?”

        “Yeah, it’s my turn,” said Yuri, holding up the cold compress and shuffling on his feet. “But when I’m done, do you want to meet me in my room with the thermometer? I can show you how to take temperature. It’s not dumb to be worried about someone’s health.”

        “Ah, okay,” Viktor gave a slight nod.

        “You don’t have to,” blushed Yuri. “I could just be the one to take his temperature since I know what I’m doing, if that would make you feel better.”

        “No, I’ll come to your room with you,” Viktor stood up. “Let’s just get this to the sick little boy first, да?”

        “うん,” Yuri looked away and headed up the stairs with Viktor following.

        “Yurio?” Yuri called, opening the first door into Viktor’s room. “Yurio, it’s time to change out your cold compress.” Yuri slid open the door to Yurio’s small “room”. The blonde was curled up on his futon.

        “Here you go,” Yuri bent down and took care of the ice for the younger skater. “This should feel better.”

        “Спасибо,” said Yurio. The boy couldn’t believe that Yuri and his parents were coming in every 20 minutes without forgetting to change out his ice pack. Mari came in instead of one of them every now and again, too. The whole family was making sure that the kid wasn’t forgotten about it. None of Yurio’s family ever takes the time to keep checking on him like that, even though he does have people in Russia that know what will make him feel best and will coddle him when he’s willing to put up with it.

        “Can I do anything else for you?” asked Yuri as the Russian Fairy coughed.

        “No,”

        “Okay then. I’m going to borrow Viktor for a little bit,”

        “A-alright,” Yurio cleared his throat and coughed a bit more.

        Yuri closed the sliding door to give Yurio a bit of privacy and stepped out with Viktor, who had picked up the thermometer and alcohol wipes. Yuri’s heart was pounding as he let Viktor into his room. Yuri immediately shut the door behind them and sat on his bed.

        Viktor looked around the small room curiously.

        “You hardly ever let me in here,”

        “There’s not much to see,” said Yuri. “Sit down and I’ll show you how this works.” Viktor slowly made his way to the bed and sat down. He was as close to Yuri as he could be without touching him. Yuri swallowed nervously.

        “It won’t work properly if Yurio speaks, coughs or has just taken a drink,” Yuri explained. He quickly wiped the thermometer and turned it on.

        “Open,”

        Viktor opened his mouth and let Yuri push the thermometer under his tongue. He closed his lips around the device.

        “You have to make sure the tip is under the side of his tongue. There’s a heat pocket under each side. Just push it far back there and hold the end up for him,” Yuri’s heart pounded as he sat next to Viktor, holding onto the thermometer. This was feeling like even worse of an excuse to be alone playing doctor with his idol the longer that Yuri thought about it.

        Viktor touched Yuri’s knee, not breaking eye contact. Surprised, Yuri had to look away and blush, but he didn’t retreat. When the thermometer went off, Yuri gently slipped it out from Viktor’s pretty lips and showed him the result.

        “Here, see? 98.6. It worked perfectly,”

        “Ah, yes. I’ve forgotten about that number being the norm under the tongue and it’s frightened me a bit. But, it’s a degree up from auxiliary,”

        “Mmhm,” Yuri nodded, cleaning off the thermometer with an alcohol wipe.

        “…and a degree down from anal. It’s more of a middle ground. I need to remember it that way,” Viktor smiled, but Yuri couldn’t help but turn red at how easily Viktor was able to talk about that.

        “Why would he word it that way?” Yuri thought to himself. “He literally just said ‘anal’. Oh my god.”

        “Y-y-yes,” said Yuri, nervously touching his chin. “It’s obviously a lot harder to take Yurio’s temperature since he’s coughing, but do you feel more comfortable with it now?”

        “A bit. I think the important thing I should take away from it is that I should probably start holding unto the thermometer for him. Like this, right?” Viktor took the thermometer from Yuri and put his hand on his shoulder as he forced the device into the Japanese skater’s mouth.

        Yuri blushed and smiled at first, but then he nodded quickly and spit out the thermometer.

        “Yeah, exactly. You’ve got it,” said Yuri.

        “Good,” Viktor sighed and folded his arms. “I’m sorry you’ve all had to help with this. I’ve been rather worried. He’s not normally like this. While I’m lucky to have all of you and Yakov, I ended up calling Yurio’s grandfather for some Yurio-specific help. But, they all act like I’m doing everything right.”

        “You pretty much are,”

        “It doesn’t feel like it. And Yurio depends on me. I need to pull myself together,” Viktor fixed his hair. “Yurio doesn’t have much family, and his grandpa…Is very ill. Too ill to take care of himself, much less Yurio. It was very obvious when Nikolai got worse. Yakov told him that Yurio could live with him and that he’d looked after his skaters before. Nikolai was surprised and didn’t want to give Yurio up, but he’s certainly quite grateful. Yurio’s always looked up to me and I often let him spend the night or a weekend with me so Yakov can have a break. I owe Yakov,” Viktor smiled.

        “Besides, I like taking care of Yurio,” said Viktor.

        Yuri touched Viktor’s arm, a better picture coming together of Viktor and the other Yuri’s relationship. He was realising the past day that Viktor had to be a lot more responsible for taking care of the brat than he initially thought.

        “If it makes you feel better, you CAN use this thermometer under the arm. We don’t mind. We’re all trying our best to make him feel better.”

        “I might just do that,” said Viktor. “I’ll ask him which method he likes best.”

        “Good,” Yuri stood up quickly, but Viktor took his time, carefully looking around the room.

        “It’s amusing to picture you growing up in here,”

        Yuri didn’t know what to say. He looked at Viktor, and then brought his gaze down and started to head out of the room.

        “That sounds awful,” Viktor frowned, rubbing Yurio’s back as he tried to soothe him through a particularly rough coughing spell. “I can’t get you more cough syrup yet, though.”

        Yurio bent forward a bit, covering his mouth even harder as he gagged a little.

        Viktor yanked a few tissues out of the box and covered Yurio’s face for him. The blonde took the tissues as vomit started to drip between his fingers. The older man quickly brought the trashcan to Yurio’s lap and started to rub his back again as Yurio let go of the tissues and gripped the rim of the trash. He spit up the vomit in his mouth as his coughing fit continued, triggering his gag reflex again. Not holding back now, Yurio vomited a little more.

        Unable to handle the situation, Viktor quickly ducked forward and sympathy vomited into the same receptacle. He wished he could stop himself, but there was no way. He grabbed some tissues to clean himself up with as he continued to rub Yurio’s back.

        Yuri’s mother rushed into the room without knocking.

        “Was he just ill?”

        A bit embarrassed, Viktor nodded and took a tissue to blow his nose.

        Yuri appeared behind his mother.

        “Oh, Vic-chan,” Yuri’s mother looked exasperated. “Not you, too…”

        “It’s just kind of a reflex when I see him get sick,” admitted Viktor, sweating. “I’ll be fine after a glass of water. Yurio’s our main concern, да?”

        “Viktor, oh my god,” Yuri rushed to Viktor’s side and felt his forehead. “Viktor, you’re warm.”

        “Help Yurio,” Viktor insisted as he pulled himself together.

The blonde spat into the trash before grabbing another tissue. Yuri helped and used a tissue to wipe a drop of vomit from Yurio’s face.

Yuri’s mother, however, let the boy be and checked Viktor’s forehead while the 2 tried to pull themselves together. She didn’t say anything after she pulled away.

“Are you done, Yurio-chan?” asked Hiroko.

“Yeah,” Yurio’s voice came out weak and he wouldn’t look anyone in the eye.

Hiroko cooed and touched Yurio’s arm before getting the trash from them.

“Mom?” asked Yuri. “Did he feel warm to you?”

“I think he’ll be fine once he calms down,” said Hiroko as she left.

“Do you both have water?” asked Yuri, and Viktor nodded and blew his nose again.

“So you sympathy vomit?” Yuri kept talking.

Another nod and a bit of a gasping noise came from Viktor as he started to breathe normally again.

“I know your instincts make you want to go to his side when he’s ill, but you have to get me to help when this happens,” said Yuri.

“It happened too fast,”

“I know,” Yuri touched Viktor’s shoulder. “I’m not blaming you. I just don’t want you throwing up.”

Yurio seemed to be feeling much worse as he slumped back into the couch and swore. He let himself tilt over until he was cuddled into Viktor’s side. Viktor put his arm around Yurio.

“I know, I know,” Viktor tried to be comforting to the sick one.

“Did he just cough too hard and gag himself?” asked Yuri.

“It sure seemed like it. That’s all that was, right, Yurochka?”

“Yeah,” Yurio coughed.

“Can I do anything?” asked Yuri.

“No, I’m alright. I’ll be back to the caretaker role in just a minute,” Viktor flashed a victory sign.

“Tell me if you think you’re getting sick,” insisted Yuri. “I can help.”

“That’s very sweet of you. I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Yuri’s mother came back in the room with the trash cleaned out.

“Do you think you’re done?” she asked, and everyone nodded.

“Good,” she bent down and felt Yurio’s forehead. “You haven’t eaten much. Dinner may help settle your stomach. What would you like me to cook?”

“I don’t know, just some soup,” Yurio sat up slowly. He looked pale, and his eyes seemed tired.

Hiroko bent forward and kissed Yurio’s forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she frowned. “You’re so far from home and I don’t think you completely understand what’s going on, do you?”

        “What’s in this?” asked Yurio, putting his spoon back into his soup. “This is weird.”         Viktor made himself a spoonful and blew on it before trying it, not thinking about germs at all as Yurio coughed.

        “Onion. Mushroom and tofu, too,” Viktor said simply. “It doesn’t have a strong taste. You can drink this.”

        “I know, I just want to know what it is,” said Yurio, taking another soup. “I can’t remember if I like tofu.”

        “You’ve eaten it before,” pointed out Viktor.

        Yurio had a few more spoonful’s and sat the bowl down.

        “Viktor?” Yurio’s’ voice barely came out.

        “Yes?”

        “I’m nervous that I’ll puke it up. I haven’t been hungry. Maybe that’s for a reason,”

        “Can you not try to eat anymore?” asked Viktor.

        “I don’t think I should,” said Yurio. “I feel all hot and gross. I just want to pass out.”

A bit surprised, Viktor felt the warmth from Yurio’s sweaty forehead. “Oh. Well, go brush your teeth while I put this in the fridge.”

        “You’ll be right back?” Yurio coughed.

        “I promise, Yurochka,” Viktor kissed Yurio’s temple. “I’m proud of you for trying to eat.”

        Viktor brought the bowl downstairs.

        “He didn’t eat much,” mentioned Hiroko.

        “No,” frowned Viktor.

        “Did he like it?”

        “I think so. He’s just scared that he’ll vomit,” said Viktor.

        “Try to get him to have something else in an hour or so. Viktor, you’ll be staying up and comforting him tonight, right?” she asked, a bit nervous that Viktor wasn’t mature enough to think to do that on his own.

        “I don’t think that will be necessary. He looks like he’ll sleep through the night. He’s quite tired right now so I’m going to be putting him to bed. He may be an early riser tomorrow since he’s falling asleep at 8, but he might just need the extra rest.”

        “If he’s up, someone needs to be up with him,” insisted Hiroko.

        “Oh,” said Viktor. “Well, I will get out of bed and take care of him if he wakes me.” Viktor hoped this was the right answer, but he was a little unsure why she was questioning him about this to begin with.

        “But, if you want to go to sleep, you have to let someone know that he’s up so they can take care of him,”

        “We’ll be fine,” Viktor smiled. “Thank you for worrying about us.”

        Hiroko reached up and felt Viktor’s head with the back of her hand. Viktor thought to himself how the Katsuki family seemed to do that a lot as she pulled her hand away.

        “Alright, you cooled back down,” she smiled. “My Yuri gets anxious a lot and it can unfortunately be contagious. I was starting to worry that you were coming down with this, too. But, you’re not even coughing. That’s ridiculous.”

        “Ah,” Viktor smiled. “Thanks for your concern.” Viktor covered the soup and put it in the fridge while Hiroko finished putting the dishes away and left. Viktor then took out a bottle of rum, which he poured into a shot glass and drizzled in honey, just for assurance that Yurio would go straight to sleep.

[ughmega-blog]

Nightmare to a Dream💔..❤️

When i first saw you i never knew i would feel a certain spark connect with anyone..I never really knew how that felt until the day i saw you. It wasn't anywhere special just in a gas station. You looked familiar. I had known you from a guy i had been dating. I didn't really know you. All i really knew was that you were cool with him. That moment i saw you in the gas station..I could never take back that moment. When i looked at you it felt like it was a long stare. I smiled and you smiled back. I felt so happy inside and actually felt something in my heart. After you left that gas station i had a feeling in my gut. My gut screamed “Find out who that guy is”. I texted the girl i saw you with. I asked her about you. Asked her for your social media. I texted you. I actually got nervous. I wasn't sure about texting you. I thought you wouldn't like me..I honestly didn't even think you would talk to me to be honest. I was sitting there on my bed when i got a notification on my phone. I saw that you had texted me back and i literally wanted to scream into my pillow. All i thought about was hanging out without you. I texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out. I had mixed emotions and my stomach felt like it was about to burst. I was excited but scared also happy but a nervous wreck. You texted me back asking when i wanted to hangout and i was so jumpy inside so i replied “My dad leaves at 5 for work. Come over at 5?”. At that point i thought you would think i was crazy and out of my mind. You texted me back saying that it was fine and you would see me then. I was confused. I had never had a guy stay up and come over at 5 in the morning for me. At that point i did my makeup, did my hair, and put on clothes. I was ready for 5 o clock. It felt like hours upon hours sitting there listening to music just waiting for you to come over. You didn't feel like a stranger to me. I didn't get any weird feelings for inviting you over actually. It felt amazing. Like i had just won a medal at a race. Soon after the hours were up and my dad left i texted you immediately. You texted me “Im on my way over”. I was so excited. You showed up to my door. Knocked on it a couple of times. My heart raced and my mind filled with thoughts. I made my little brother go answer the door because i got nervous. You showed up with 3 other guys. One being my ex and when i saw him my heart dropped. I said in my head “Are you kidding me”. At that point I kinda wish you never came but its not that i didnt want you there. it was my ex. See, I left and got away from my ex after we broke up. It was so weird being around him when he came over with you..It just didn't feel right. We all kinda messed around and just talked. Thats when my ex was in my little brothers room. We were about to leave so i went in there to tell him to come on and that we were leaving. He pulled me by my arm. He tried to kiss me. He sat there and told me the same bullshit lies that pulled me in every time. He said “I love you” and “I miss you”. Nothing i haven't heard before. I didn't like it. Thats when i walked away. We all packed in your friends car. 4 in the back and 2 in the front. We all went to waffle house. Everyone was hungry except me. I couldn't eat. Part of me didn't feel right being with my ex. It felt un-normal. I didn't like the thought of it. Lets say i was trying to move on and do myself for a little while. That didn't help being with him. We walked into waffle house and me and my brother sat down. You sat with your 2 friends on the other side leaving my ex to sit by me. Yeah thanks. No but really. I guess waffle house was going good. We all got our laughs in until thats when my ex started touching my thigh and i freaked out. I didn't really know what to do..It was weird. So i guess thats how i ended up spilling orange juice all over him. Oh god it was so embarrassing. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I didn't really know how to feel. My ex was pissed. So pissed that he left and walked out to the car. I felt bad after that but then you brightened everyones mood and told me not to worry and that it was pretty funny. You made me feel better. After waffle house we made a trip to your house. We had to pick up my exes car. You wanted me to go inside your house and i was scared. I thought what if his mom doesn't like me and oh well what if I'm not welcome. I just had thoughts so i told you I would wait in the car. After we dropped him off to his car you told me to ride shotgun. It made me feel special actually. We all took off and met at wal-mart. We all got out of the car and my ex got out of his. I walked in with no shoes on cause that day i didn't even wear shoes. Yes, i was that lazy. I walked into wal-mart and the girl kicked me out for no shoes. Your friend let me wear his shoes and we all went back in. It wasn't anything exciting really we went and got a radio and went back outside. We all sat in the car because my ex was still inside. Thats when you were fixing the radio and you got a call. From a girl. I thought it was your girlfriend and kinda figured i should back off. It kinda pushed me back a little and made me feel as if i didn't have a chance. Thats when you started yelling. Kinda frightened me..I thought i did something wrong because i heard you say “she's not my girlfriend” and i got confused. I asked you who it was and you said “somebody stupid”. She kept calling. Call after call after call. I finally asked you to let me answer. I answered the phone to hear “You stupid bitch. If you wanna fight then pull up to my house. I don't give a fuck”. I wonder why you even talked to this crazy of a girl. I explained to her we were just friends and that i was hanging out with you for the day. She started crying and said she wanted to get picked up and i said why not. We stopped by quick trip and you cleaned off the car. I took a video of you because we were actually having fun. I enjoyed watching you clean off the car. You actually looked pretty cute while you did. We left quick trip and we were on our way to this girls house. I was sitting in the back seat when she walked out. She started asking about me and you. Asking if i was your girlfriend and if we were talking. I said no. I didn't really see why it mattered. She seemed so worried about your relationship life. I figured she liked you. I wasn't dumb. Thats when you told me get in the front seat. She threw a fit about you asking but i didn't really care and hopped in front. You told me we were gonna hit a back road. Of course i hadn't been back roading in forever and figured why not. It seemed fun. Thats when we went and got on a backroad. One of the boys in the back got in a fight with the girl and she started crying and begged for the front seat. Im not gonna lie i sorta felt bad for her but not bad enough i wanted to give up the seat next to you. Going down that road you started singing to me. You looked at me and i looked at you. Eyes basically locked on each others, I felt like i had the world in my hands. Literally. Your smile was so bright and there was something about it that just made me feel so good inside. I instantly fell in love with it. We went into town in grandview and you stopped at a gas station. That girl begged me for the front seat and I gave it to her cause i thought maybe she would shut the fuck up. Her crying was killing my head. So bad that my head was pounding like never before. You asked if i was hungry and all i really wanted was medicine for my head. We finally dropped her off and god i couldn't have felt any better. Honestly, after that i never wanted to see her again. We went back to your house. You asked me to go inside again and i still felt shy and you said it was alright. You came back out and you saw me resting my head down and me holding it. You grabbed my arm and said “Are you okay”. I said “Yeah, My head just hurts”. You said “I can go get you some medicine”. That really touched my heart that you cared to help me. You went in a brought me medicine. After that me and you just drove around all day. We talked and talked. I listened to you and honestly your talking never got tiring. I felt like i could listen to you for days upon days and never get tired of your talking. It was amazing sharing old memories with you. I would never ever replace that first day spent with you. It was amazing and I am so glad I got to be with you. It lead us to an amazing part in our lives today. I love you. Your amazing. Always keep your head up. Also, Know that your an amazing skater. The most amazing skater I've seen. Being honest. Ever since i watched you skate i fell in love with it. I love to watch you skate. I love skating in general. I just never want you to give up. I believe your going to make it somewhere someday and if it ends up to where you get sponsored and have to travel. I won't leave. I will still be here. I will be waiting. No matter how long you have to leave for it i will still be here waiting. I want you to live your dream. I want you to be successful at what you love. It would mean the world to me to see that happen. Honestly, I will always be by your side. When I say I love you i don't say it just because we are together or you say it to me and i say it back. I say it because i mean it. My love for you is very deep Justin Tyler Friend. Ever since i met you there have been feelings. Even when you left. We all make mistakes but we always fix them. Like when you skate. You don't give up after the first time of trying it. You didn't give up on me. You came back to fix your mistake and I hope you keep it this time. I really do. This thing we have together...I have never had with anyone else. The love i share with you is unreal to me. Its something so amazing to the point where it feels like a dream. You are they type of guy I see in my future when i get married, Get a house, Get a cars, Get jobs, And have kids. Basically start a life with. Your the type of man that makes me want to try. That makes me wanna succeed. You make me wanna make it and you make me wanna push myself..Most of all your the reason I'm not depressed..The reason i don't wanna stop breathing my last breath. Look you mean a lot to me and i couldn't thank you ever enough. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for these 6 months together💜

-Meghan Ashleigh Trageser

The one who will always love you❤️