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dibidibifiction · 1 year

Text

Reasons to Live

Pairing: Kim Jonghyun x Reader

Category: romance

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, self-harm, death, foul language

Word count: 3.5k+

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.

masterlist

...

TWO YEARS EARLIER

JONGHYUN

I hear the curtain metal rings slide harshly two opposite ways, shocking me awake.

“Oh, good. You were sleeping with your mouth open.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom,” I say sarcastically, rubbing my eyes.

“It’s already ten past five. I’m going home. Are you going to be okay?” my mom asks. She has taken care of me since day one I’ve been in this hospital. But now, since I’ve improved a lot, I insisted that she doesn’t have to visit every day.

“Yes, ma’am,” I roll my eyes jokingly.

“Aww, Jonghyun, you should find a woman who will take care of you from now on instead of bothering me,” she joins my kidding around.

After she pinches my cheeks and kisses me, she heads out the door. I sit up to reach for my phone on the side table. I got messages from the boys on our group chat.

14:36

Kim Kibum: Hey, Kim Jonghyun! When are you getting discharged? You’re delaying our project. Get your shit together, yeah? Love you

15:18

Jinki: They ran some tests on you a few days ago, right? How did they go?

15:24

Minho: Hope everything’s okay, Hyung. We’re just here waiting for you~

16:20

Taemin: Hyung, did you receive my fruit basket? Hope you like it.

Reading their messages instantly puts a smile on my face. I start typing to reply that everything’s good and that I’m getting out of here soon. Maybe next week at the very least.

I’ve been in this hospital for almost a month because of the car accident on my drive to my parents’ house after work. It was already dark and I was on the expressway when it started to rain so heavily that visibility was close to zero. Unexpectedly, a huge truck was running too fast in my direction. I managed to avoid it but then made me hit an electric post. Even though I was in a coma for three days, still, lucky for me, I had very little damage compared to others who have gotten into accidents like this.

I’ve never felt more alive. It may be hard to believe or even admit, but it might be a miracle, what happened to me. I was in such unbearable pain that I could already imagine my loved ones crying at my funeral.

I grab my little notebook and head up to the rooftop. I sit in my usual spot, which is at the very corner of the floor, overlooking the city. The city lights are like stars, the cars like elves, and the people like ants. It’s like a whole new weird world. I pull up my pen inserted at the last page I wrote on. Every time I have an idea for a song or a poem, I always write it here.

As I’m turning the pages to look back on what I’ve written, I catch a glimpse of someone’s legs way across this wide rooftop. It looks like a person lying on the floor.

“Hello?” I call out.

No response.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” My voice is a little louder, hoping to be heard.

Still nothing. Not even a subtle movement.

I drop everything and walk briskly over to check on them.

I gasp at a young girl in a hospital gown like mine, which means she must be a patient too. I draw closer to see that she’s unconscious. And pale.

My heart twists, I hurriedly kneel down to her side and lightly put my head on her chest to check her heartbeat.

Shit, I hear nothing. A quick shiver sends through me.

Her pulse. I quickly grab her hand to feel her wrist and hope to feel something.

Thank God. I exhale after what feels like twenty minutes. “Stay here. I’ll go get help.”

I run down four flights of stairs and realize how ridiculous that sounded since she couldn’t even hear me. I finally reach the nearest nurse’s station, catching my breath in order to get words out.

“Excuse me! There’s a girl up on the roof. She’s unconscious. Please help!”

A nurse nods once and quickly picks up the telephone. She recites something I didn’t quite understand. Two guys with a stretcher appear immediately and ask me to let lead the way.

. . .

It’s now hours later and I can’t stop thinking about her. My last sight of her keeps flashing before my eyes. She was pale and almost lifeless. She looks pretty with her dark neck-length hair, her thin bangs fly off her forehead because of the wind. I wonder what’s wrong with her. I hope she’s okay now. Turns out she is the one who stays in the room next to mine.

My door slowly opens for a nurse to take the tray of my already finished dinner. “Hey, um, do you know what happened to the girl next door?”

“Do you know her?” he asks me right back, his eyes dead.

“Actually, yeah, I went to college with her.” I lie.

“Oh, okay, then,” he sighs. “Well, she attempted to kill herself again.”

My jaws drop in shock. “What?” I stutter. My heart sinks even more at the word ‘again.’

“It’s the third time she’s done that during her stay here. I really hope she'll stop. I’m worried about her. She doesn’t even have a family for us to call for a situation like this. There’s only this one guy that comes over every now and then.” His eyes suddenly change and fill up with pity when he walks out the door.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

I run to the bus stop to see Jonghyun already waiting for me by his car in hazard mode at the side of the road. Two weeks passed and this is the most I’ve seen him since he’s been busy with his comeback.

He spots me, then waves so happily that he’s almost jumping.

I land in his arms. “Jonghyun, I missed you,” I weep on his chest.

He pulls away to look at my face, cupping my cheeks. “How’s my girl?” his eyes twinkle. He lovingly leans in for a five-second kiss.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” I pout.

“No, I just got here,” he smiles. “Shall we?”

We both hop in his car and drive to Taemin’s house to have dinner with the boys. It was supposed to be a celebration for their comeback promotion weeks ago but it always fell through. Now that their promotion ended, they decided to have the gathering tonight. It was Minho and Kibum’s idea. Taemin offered his place to hold it.

They love a good party. Kibum wanted to invite as many people as they could but Minho wanted an intimate gathering with just close friends. The decision was made democratically but it was tied up. So all that long heated, turbulent discussion led us to the lowkey one with just close friends.

Jonghyun and I arrive with three handsome boys already in sight. Minho greets me with a warm hug and then leads me toward the kitchen where Jinki and Kibum are preparing food.

“Mmm, smells good over here. Where’s Taemin?” I ask no one in particular while I make my way to sit on a spinning stool by the island.

“He’s not here yet,” Kibum answers me while he holds a wooden spoon in front of me to let me taste his soondubu stew.

“What? He’s late even at his own party being held at his house. Great.” I say as I nod approvingly to Kibum, telling him that it’s delicious.

Jinki giggles. “That’s our youngest.”

I laugh, wiping off droplets of soup on my chin.

“Speak of the devil,” Kibum mutters as soon as I hear the front door beep.

I welcome Taemin with a giggle and my arms open for a hug. “Hey, what are you doing late at your own party?” I say, pulling away from his one-hand embrace.

“I came as fast as I could. You’re at my house. Stop complaining!” he laughs too.

. . .

It is now four hours later. Jonghyun and I are back in his car on our way to his apartment. I insisted he takes me home but he insisted harder for me to stay at his place since it’s closer.

“Plus, I missed you and I want to be with you a little longer,” he says, kissing my hand while his eyes are on the road.

“Really? Well...” I say, having something in mind. I start drawing closer to him and slide my palm on his lap up to his crotch. I lean in closer, humming into his ear.

He swallows. “Hey, I’m driving.”

I laugh at him. “Fine, I’ll wait until we get home.”

“Home?” He looks at me for a second, smiling. Then back on the road.

I pause, thinking of what I said. “What?”

“Did you just propose for us to live together?”

“Where’d that come from? You’re making stuff up again.” I playfully punch his arm.

He laughs out loud. It is so beautiful that it is the most musical sound I’ve ever heard.

After a few seconds of silence, he grabs my hand. I turn to him, waiting for him to say something. “So, do you want to move in?”

My mouth opens in quite a confusion but immediately curves into a huge smile. “Yeah, of course! I’d love that,” I screech. I lean into him for a kiss on his cheek, then rest my head on his shoulder while he pulls over into parking.

He turns to me, cupping my cheek. “I love you so much, Y/n.”

It makes me melt every time he says those words to me. My eyes fill in with tears. “I love you, too.”

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

An overflowing burning sensation boils in my stomach, making me abruptly sit up and throw up on myself. I feel like my internal organs are about to come out of my mouth. I feel so heavy that I can't open my eyes. When I do, it’s brief and cloudy.

I suddenly hear the door open. Somebody walks into my room. A nurse perhaps. After I feel them carefully laid me back down, I catch a blurry figure of a man standing in my direction by the door outside my room. Before I can control my own consciousness, everything goes black again.

. . .

I slowly open my eyes with the sun blaring at me. It irritates the shit out of me. I get out of bed in an attempt to close my blinds but somebody stops me.

“Whoa, wait, be careful.” A guy in a hospital gown like mine suddenly appears before me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I glare at him.

He looks startled by my sudden rage. Despite this, he adjusts the wire connecting the needle inserted in my arm and the IV that’s hung next to my bed before I could mess it up.

“Let me get that for you,” he mutters before closing the blinds for me, leaving a bit of sunlight.

My face relaxes from frowning as I watch him walk back toward me. He sits on the chair next to my bed. I notice his attractive appearance. Dark hair that covers his entire forehead, a cute smile and a muscular body. I somehow get lost in his stare with those innocent and sparkly eyes, making the anger inside me fade. I feel some kind of warm relief.

“Uh, I’m Jonghyun. Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I have not heard about you since I found you on the roof a few days ago.”

I snap out, bringing back my scowl. “Why?”

He stutters. “Well-”

“We don’t even know each other.”

“No, but-”

“Do you like me? Is that why you saved me?” I’m getting more pissed with this stranger in my room. “Or are you just trying to be some kind of a hero that saves my life, then our story would turn into a cheesy romantic cliché?

Silence. He just stares at me. Probably awkward and shocked.

“Get out of here before I call security.”

Without saying anything else, he gets up from his seat and walks to the door. Looking flustered, he glances back at me before sliding it close behind him.

. . .

The moon has come out. It’s the only time of day that I appreciate the outside. I stand before the window, looking out, watching the cars and cabs go about down there. Thinking that there are millions of people existing, I question why the fuck I’m alone.

Literally.

Emotionally.

I fall on my butt, and for the first time in almost a year, I cry out loud. Extremely loud. Numbingly loud. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I pull my hair out, punch my head, slap my own face. Dig my nails into my neck, scratch down to my chest, and then my arms. I kick my legs hysterically. Repeatedly.

I hate being alive.

Eventually, my hearing went faint, abandoning its purpose. I feel someone grab me from behind, restraining me tightly.

“Let me go! Just please let me go. Please! I don’t want to be alive anymore.” I continue to scream furiously, trying to escape everything that tries to come at me.

But then, I see that it’s Minho who’s hugging me. I crash into his arms, shut the fuck up, and cry silently.

“Y/n, I’m here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you. Please, stop now,” he hushes me. I can finally hear his voice. He's the only one I can trust. His embrace is the only comforting thing to me.

I’m breathing heavily, trying to calm down. I watch a nurse approach with a syringe but Minho immediately shoves it away.

We just stayed like this. I have not idea how long but I don’t want it to end.

After some time, the noises in my head settle down. I can see clearly again.

---

PRESENT DAY

JONGHYUN

After my radio show, I come home to a beautiful lady waiting for me on the couch in the dressing gown I got her for Christmas last year, and a pair of thick-framed reading glasses with a book in hand.

I join her, laying my head between her breasts. “Hi, roomie.” I look up at her, then give her a wink. We talked about moving in together weeks ago and the day I’d been waiting for has finally come. She’s finally settled in with me. There couldn’t be any other day happier than this.

She hisses. “Shut up,” then goes back to reading her book, blocking my view of her pretty little face.

I hiss back. I then crawl out off the couch to pick her up bridal style, spinning her around.

Y/n shrieks, laughing. “Jonghyun, stop!”

So I do. “Oh, hey, we haven’t done that thing couples do once they move in.”

“I thought you were going to be too tired from work,” she says, her arms around my neck.

Her thinking about sex is heaven to me! But that’s not what I’m talking about. “No, stupid,” I chuckle at her while I put her down on her feet. “Come here.” I grab her hand for her to follow me out the front door.

“Wait, what? Where are we going? I’m not dressed,” she complains.

I close the door once we get out. Y/n is still confused about what we’re doing. I pick her up again, bridal style. “Now, enter the code.”

She doesn’t say anything else and does as I say.

Once she opens the door, “Welcome home!” I cheer.

She laughs out loud. “Oh, so now we’re officially living together. Amazing!” she says playfully.

But I don’t put her down just yet and head to the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re doing that other thing that couples do when they move in together.”

“Yay!” she cheers, then kisses me deeply on the spot as I bring the action to our bedroom.

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

There’s a knock on the door while I watch a movie on the flatscreen. I hit pause on the remote control.

“Hyung!” Minho calls out enthusiastically as he enters my room with bags of food in his hand.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a guy visit his guy friend who is unlucky enough to get into an accident?” he jokes around, handing me my lunch.

“Thank you very much,” I bow to him.

Minho and I do some catching up, talking about his new drama series, and some other work stuff until our conversation finds itself about the girl staying next door.

“Then she just kicked me out of her room and threatened to call security on me. This is what she did to a person who saved her life?” I pout.

“Oh, my God. You’re the stalker she’s been talking about?”

“Stalker? Woah, that woman. After what I did for her?” My blood is boiling with intense irritation. But it subsides quickly once I realize something. “Wait, you know her?”

“Yeah, I actually spent the night in her room.”

I pause, staring at Minho in confusion. “You’re not… Nothing’s going on with you two, is there?

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. I’ve known her since childhood. Our parents used to be close. That was when her mother was still alive and her dad hadn’t moved to Japan.”

“Wow, she has it tough, huh?” Just like that, irritation turns compassion.

“Yeah, but there’s more to that. Something that no one can explain, not even her herself.”

She’s been suicidal. Her depression has taken a lot from her. Hearing this makes me want to look after her more.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

Since then, Jonghyun had been visiting me every evening to have dinner together even when I kept pushing him away, asking him to stop trying to save me.

Days after he got discharged, he came back, but I wasn’t in my room anymore. When he found out that I was transferred to the psychiatric ward, he came running to my door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were being transferred?”

“Why would I?” I frowned.

“Right,” he laughed awkwardly.

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

“Hey, what are you-”

He trailed off, his face turning red as he listened. It’s definitely Minho.

I suddenly snatched the phone from Jonghyun’s hand and walk near the door out of earshot. “Hey, where the hell are you?” I scolded Minho in a whisper. “You are not letting him-”

“It’s okay, Y/n. He means well. Maybe it’s time for you to let somebody else in for a change,” he laughed statically. “Love you.”

I sighed in irritation as I heard the dial tone. “Here.” I hand Jonghyun’s phone back to him while he just smiled at me goofily.

If it wasn’t for Minho, I never would’ve trusted anyone again. And because of Jonghyun, trusting and loving again was worth it.

By the time I got discharged from the ward, Jonghyun and I eventually started dating officially. He was always there for me. Offered to come with me to my therapist twice a week but I insisted that I could go by myself. I would meet the rest of the boys not long after we got together. Since then, I’ve got the best friends ever.

Sooner or later, I would get back to work in teaching kindergarten. I can’t imagine my career going any other way. I thank myself for being alive today. Some days, I’d join Jonghyun and the boys in organizing a charity mission. I’d teach kids in far provinces. I forgot how fulfilling working with children was when I was too busy being miserable.

I’ve never felt so alive. Not to mention grateful.

“I’m so proud of you, honey,” my dad tells me with a big smile on his face.

“Thanks, Dad,” I smile back at my computer screen. “By the way, when are you coming? You should tell me ahead of time so I can prepare you something.”

Before I can hear his response, the front door of my apartment beeped. “Oh, I have to go. Jonghyun’s here.”

“I should really meet this Jonghyun. You’re talking about him a lot,” he says.

I shake my head and laugh at him before hanging up.

“Was that your dad?” Jonghyun asks as soon as he approaches and kisses me on the lips.

“Yeah.”

“Is he coming to visit?”

“He didn’t say,” I tell him, shutting down my laptop.

I stare at Jonghyun while he removes his shoes and walks towards me.

“What?” he asks, then kisses me on the forehead.

Trying not to tear up, I just shake my head and giggle at him. If it wasn’t for Jonghyun, my life would be so much different right now. Hell, I’d be dead. Because of him, I regained my bond with my dad.

Months ago, they had to go to Japan for work and he made me come with them so my father and I could finally talk. We had never seen eye to eye ever since Mom died. We had drifted apart. Now, we are closer than ever.

I’m not saying my depression is gone and my attacks are non-existent anymore. They still come every now and then, although not as bad as before. Jonghyun has always been so caring and understanding. I could cry just thinking about it. I got to be with the best person and have the best friends in the world.

#hi! it's been quite a while since i last posted a story on here #the last post i made was in June 2021 #anyway i'm always grateful for everyone who reads my work and likes them #i'm not promising anything but i'll try to post more stories for you #i hope you enjoy this Jonghyun x reader fiction #in this piece i expressed how much Jonghyun and the rest of SHINee means to me despite having to go through difficult times #happy reading!#shinee jonghyun #kim jonghyun #SHINee fanfiction #shinee fanfic #shinee x reader #jonghyun x reader

38 notes · View notes

pichlive · 4 months

Note

Your reaction to the Narrator and what he says is really funny. You’ve basically gone:

I don’t trust you!

Okay, I think you believe what you’re saying. However, I think you’re wrong so I’m going to ignore you.

Wait, where did everyone go… SHIT, was the Narrator right!? Did the world end!?

The Narrator, the Hero and the Smitten are all gone. Are they dead? Did the apocalypse happen!?

Oh, never mind, the Princess is here. The world might still have ended though…

Meh, sometime things need to end for new things to start AKA I don’t care that my choices may have led to the premature and possibly painful death of every man, woman, child, animal and possible the universe itself. The Princess is here and that’s all I care about. Plus, maybe something else with come after this.

Oh good. Things have reset… and the Narrator’s back warning me about the end of the world again yawn

Wait, maybe the Princess made him like this

God, I hate this guy and how he’s – checks notes – doing the thing that the Princess might be making him do. Anyway, I love the Princess and she can do no wrong!

Don’t get me wrong, your reactions are completely understandable. It’s hard to believe a random voice that goes ‘go murder this person or you’ll condemn everyone else to die.’ Anyone would find that sus. Not to mention, while you are being told the Princess will end the world, the only person you’ve actually seen is the Princess and she asks you not to kill her. I do wonder if you’d have been so blasé about the possible end of the world if you’d seen some of the people you may or may not have damned.

It’s just funny that you simultaneous believe the Princess might be the one making him like that and that she’s worth saving but he isn’t. If you’re right and the Princess made him like this, he’s very much a victim but you don’t care because you’ve choice her side.

You’ve said that you’re going to try to save everyone, with the possible exception of the Narrator who you think might be a lost cause. It sucks for the Narrator. You think he believes what he says, that he might even be right, that the Princess might have made him like this and he’s still the only person you aren’t bothered about saving.

oh boy-- outside of the game content! Looks like i've unlocked the voice of The Anon!

so this little dumpster fire of an ask has been waiting in my inbox for… quite some time.

my initial hesitation to answer, more than anything else, was because, sincerely-- the tone of this anon made me think they might pipebomb me with spoilers to prove whatever little weird point they're making here-- if, in hindsight, there even is one worth making.

and also not give you the immediate satisfaction either-- if you even are still here (hi i guess?)

but now that i've finished the game…

well okay for one all i'm going to say is i can tell you haven't even finished the game. maybe even barely watched the demo.

Or by this point, might have gotten beyond that-- given that one ask i also believe you also sent me (from the way you... apparently think my reactions are so '''funny'''), you'd probably have tried to spoil me even more... because i wasn't getting to the points you thought i should???? what is your fucking damage?

but the first reason i wanted to 'answer' this was to show off how completely fucking bonkers you are.

the fact that i KNOW on some level you had to have based all this JUST on my playthrough-- and opinions-- of the game.

my very… incomplete perspective and playthrough of the game at the time you sent this in, btw.

the very… condescending way you word… all of this. because i have a spine i find this more cute than anything, if very annoying and weird.

the fact you seem to make judgement calls… on my morality? from how i play a game? with very Not Real Characters? I mean yeah it wants to draw you in and my choices/opinions for the most part have been genuine but i think ya'll get what i mean here

also i can further tell you have Not Played The Game because of assumptions even I haven't made? or at the time hadn't made? or if you have, uh… well. um. hm. alright then.

but again like-- your assessment of me based on… what was at the time a very incomplete playthrough with what information i had-- and if anything now that i have completed the game, uh, yeah, i'm pretty firm on my perspective.

but also other than shaming me for… beyond siding with, sympathizing with a character… the game wants you to sympathize with and bond with and not getting along as much with a character who, at every corner… listen i don't think he's technically a liar but gaslighting and condescension isn't that great of a look either. but also shaming me for liking her so much when the game is stated outright TO BE A LOVE STORY. DO YOU ALSO GET WEIRD AT PEOPLE WHO PLAY FUCKING DATING SIMS AND LIKE THE CHARACTERS, ANONTHY?

also your weird judgement of my impressions in general. like. it's almost that's what a liveblog is?

'the only person you aren't bothered about saving' is. also interesting. all i'm gonna say is um. anon. genuinely. what the fuck am i supposed to do here to even SAVE the narrator?

but also the insistence i'm playing a game 'wrong' that…… outright says there ARE no wrong choices, just different perspectives (which, i suppose also technically applies to me here-- but my point here being this anon is kind of weirdly fucking judgmental).

hell, even the creators have stated they won't answer any lore questions outright BECAUSE they want it to be interpreted in a variety of ways!

which, speaking of the creators.

i don't know them obviously, but, uh. anon?

i don't… think they'd want you acting like this. like thank god this game is so popular.

i say this because…

let's imagine, for a moment:

i have a weaker spine, and this game is far less popular, and still by an indie studio (granted if it was less popular i might not be playing it but that's beside the point).

let's say i recieve this and decide, at 'best', to modify my playthrough… not according to what i want. but because of some random guy on the internet who's being weird.

suddenly it's incredibly ingenuine for a game that wants you to make YOUR own choices.

or, a step further: i just stop live blogging it. if people think i'm making the 'wrong' choices, why show that, after all?

maybe, at worst, i even stop playing.

anon, if this game HADN'T of gotten the reach it had… how do you think this kind of attitude would affect it? or, hell-- even as popular as it is… this is still… pretty fucking rude to do to other people, and by proxxy the creators to a point.

like, there is the 'don't be a fucking dick in the fandom' part, obviously. shaming other people for their perspective on a game that WANTS you to do so is, uh. pretty boggling.

but there's also the other point that doing this DOES hurt indie creations. not that oh you have to treat them like glass and never debate with each other no no-- but treating people like this when they're publically helping talk about an indie game… is kind of shit, actually!

and to clarify-- i'm not holding myself up as some like, single beacon of the slay the princess fandom, like, god no-- there's a lot more influential people here who have done that way better than me in terms of hyping up this game.

more so that-- well, this isn't for anon. i know i'm not gonna convince them, whoever they are. and, hopefully, since the ask you sent after this, that I can tell is you because you use that cute little condescending indicator of thinking ways i'm playing you don't like/think is 'right' is ''''funny''''-- i've finally been able to block your ass. good riddance to someone who bafflingly was apparently following someone's content they don't really like all that much and don't know how a fucking block button works on their end.

like. are you like this with any friends you have? do you look at them and also like, similarly act like god's rudest little asshole about however they play a game? interpret a media? if you're allowed to determine my apparent entire morality from a short view of my play session i think i'm allowed to determine from this short (unfortunate) window into you that you sound pretty fucking insufferable.

no, this is moreso me-- other than making fun of anon and gawking at them-- going don't fucking do this. not JUST because it's rude-- but it can actually be VERY detrimental to other indie projects, even this one to a point, that's SUPPOSED to have discussion and different interpretation.

don't be this weird asshole.

#hoping people get what i mean when i post all this #this anon has just been like. in my inbox almost the entire time and like. i've been just kind of looking at it like man wtf #anyway hopefully my point gets through here #pichlive answers #also to further clarify: no i don't mind other takes but this anon was being fucking weird and #in hindsight very fucking stupid and obnoxious about it #if it was just saying i might be too judgemental or jumping the gun on the narrator or hinting there's more going on or even disagreeing #thatd be perfectly fine! but implying i'm some kind of idiot for not immediately playing the game some rando wants is. uh. well #its something else #and i am not intending to speak for the creators i just get the vibe that. this ask spits very much in the face of what they may have #intended #or how they'd want people to like experience the game in terms of playing it freely and forming their own views

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tothepointofinsanity · 5 months

Note

If I may, have you ever heard or played the game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice? Since it has heavy themes on mental health and psychosis in particular, I was wondering how you, someone with schizophrenia, thought of the game, or at least the concept. Not that you need to be interested in it, of course, I just found it fascinating myself.

Anyway, your art is so cool and subversive. It really fits the theme and tone of madoka, especially sayaka.

Ah, thank you for the detailed ask ^^.

Firstly, I think I should clarify that I am [not] an individual who experiences schizophrenia nor psychosis. The “schizo-” term I throw around so often refers to the cluster of personality disorders that I do experience/have. This chart is an oversimplified example of Cluster A personality disorders, which is known as the “eccentric and odd” group. These symptoms can go way beyond just the ones listed below given everyone has their own unique experiences to begin with. They also do not necessarily always manifest as a prerequisite or side to schizophrenia, but they can intersect. It’s hard to find more diagrams for Cluster A that aren’t immediately slotted in with the other clusters because of how idiosyncratic they are, in a sense.

Essentially, what all this means is that I do not experience the positive symptoms of schizophrenia (such as hallucinations) on a basis that can be considered obstructive and result in a dysfunctional interaction between me and Reality. However, the disorder is of the Self, and instead poses hindrance to how I perceive and engage with people living in Reality. Energy is spent preserving yourself and 95% of your time is spent daydreaming and crafting intricate fantasies. Self fulfilment feels like a bottomless need and priority [to me anyways, since other schizoids have other values]. Both negative and positive symptoms impair facets of the individual’s life, most notably socially and interpersonally.

Just wanted to put this out there since it means I cannot provide a valid comment on how the game’s personally shows psychosis. Because I do not have it. Apologies for the confusion and ramble on my end as well as possibly explaining something you might already know.

However, from an academic standpoint, I had looked into the game, and apparently the developers worked alongside neuroscientists, mental health practitioners and even real people with the condition to ensure accuracy of portrayal, which is appreciated. Too many companies tend to consult only professionals on these topics instead of, well, people who live with these conditions. The end product is always different when you actually talk to people with it, and based on the clips I watched, there is definitely good research devoted into its craft. The times where Senua struggles with the darkness and has her thoughts scrambled all over the place while voices instruct her to do things seems to be the hallmark of this. She also appears to undergo dissociative states, which is something I do not often see in games; that realistic overlap of symptoms that aren’t just, “oh my God the voices!” Ah. That’s cool, to see more games put effort in such time into researching psychological topics and issues instead of building it sloppily on stereotypes. I like it, and I have read comments of how the game’s portrayal of Senua’s mental health resonates with a handful of people. If people can find comfort in it, I would not have anything to complain anyways.

Hellblade reminds me of another game with a similar premise. Have you heard of Cry of Fear? If you enjoy games that are more psychological, CoF is an appropriate contender. More games about mental health struggles are always neat since they tend to be founded on different mechanics and playing experiences.

And thank you for the kind words about my art works! Sayaka is my favourite character, and I struggled a lot with trying to draw her at the start as well as finding a suitable art style. I’m glad a lot of people end up liking it. 🙇‍♂️

#ASKS 💌#note: schizoid discussions are always varied #do not take my words as a diagnostic tool because I am not a qualified professional

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azrielgreen · 1 year

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truly obsessed with the way you explore Nancy’s character in your fics, like I’ve read we should just kiss (like real people do), what’s posted of black out days (fairground nights) and I’m on chapter three of you’re divine and the way Nancy has the same base but is a little different in each depending on the situation is so beautiful, like how she changes depending on the people around her and her relationship to them more than the others is such a brilliant insight in her character because like that’s the whole thing with her and Barb in ST1 right? How she’s different with Steve. and maybe it is her but a new side to her that different people draw out.

Also the way Robin and Steve’s relationship kind of is the same in each fic, or like there’s differences because of circumstances of course but it’s like their friendship transcends it all, like it’s reassuring to read different works by you and see that they’re still the same, they still care about each other the same, they still call each other babe and all.

Anyways, thank you for sharing your writing it’s wonderful and I mean this in the best way possible reading your writing feels like my brain is being consumed by it, like I’m nothing but eyes taking it in

Oh my god this is so LOVELY and I'm SO grateful to you for taking the time to share these thoughts with me. I always try to make everyone a little different depending on the world they're in, circumstances etc... Writing Nancy in Black Out Days by far the most rewarding iteration so far because I'm going very hard with her in terms of the friendship with Eddie. In CH2 if Black Out Days, she and Eddie are clashing fairly hard and aggressively, and though it comes from a place of love, it shows the cracks in their bond and we see Nancy's vulnerable side, learn more about her past. I always hope to make sure that all characters are recognisable within the world state, authentic yet adaptable.

Thank you so so much again!!!

Az💜💜💜

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2ndwind · 2 years

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World of Memory: A Personal YGO Retrospective

(I don't fancy myself a writer, but these thoughts just poured out of me. This is for me, more than anything. But if anyone reads it, I hope it's amusing enough.)

I must've been in the second grade when Yu-Gi-Oh came to the US.

I remember all the boys in my class trading cards and challenging one another to duels. I remember gazing wistfully at the checkout of every major supermarket chain, pleading with my parents to buy some cards. When they refused, I decided to make my own fantasy trading cards! Using graph paper! But I quickly learned how hard it was not only to create the cards but also to design mechanics that people would actually want to play.

I remember my parents surprising me that fateful Christmas of 2002 with the original Starter Deck Yugi. Even though 90% of the monsters were weak and vanilla, the smell of the freshly unwrapped cards was CRACK. Better yet, I was finally cool enough to hang out with the boys. Well, I didn't actually play the game very much with people other than my sister, and eventually, the school administration banned trading cards altogether. But it was endlessly fun to talk about. I even went to China one year and bought a TON of fake YGO cards to flaunt and trade with the other kids. Yes, we were all kids cheating other kids.

I remember my heart absolutely racing in anticipation of watching the show on Kids WB, and the crushing disappointment of turning on the TV just a moment too late (I'm reminding myself that Netflix didn't exist back then). The visual style was just so striking, so much cooler than Pokémon's. The plot felt so much more serious. And don't even get me started on the characters. I was literally head-over-heels in love with a Nameless Pharaoh. I was a Revolutionshipper before shipping was even a thing. It's pretty obvious from my Tumblr archive lol.

I remember the first fanart I made, which was me trying to copy the cover of the Starter Deck Yugi instruction manual. It was the hardest thing I'd ever drawn up to that point, and I specifically colored Yugi's eyes gray. Because people didn't have purple eyes, of course. I wish I held onto that drawing because it sparked something in me. Maybe it was my obsession with ancient Egypt, which predated my obsession with YGO. Maybe it was my frustration with my drawing skills. Whatever it was, it would stay with me for a long time. Beyond classmates paying me in change to draw their favorite monsters. Even beyond my fairly brief stint posting YGO fanart to DeviantArt (yikes).

I remember finding the original manga at Barnes & Noble and feeling very confused. Why didn't Yugi have a nose? Where was Duel Monsters? Wait, are people actually dying?? These were the questions I asked myself as I learned what manga actually was. Subsequently, I would devour every copy of the manga and even Monthly Shonen Jump that I could get my hands on. In that way, YGO actually became a gateway to several other manga/anime series. It was a gateway to my now lifelong appreciation of Japanese culture as a whole.

20 years! 20 WHOLE YEARS after my first love of YGO, I can look back and laugh at how much money I spent on the TCG and manga. I can cringe at the silly fanficcy stories locked up in my head and the overly sentimental (or just straight-up copying) fanart I drew. I can, as an adult, appreciate the themes, but also be more critical of certain elements (the whole Doma Arc, how the series portrays women, the ancient Egyptians themselves, the clear references to the occult...etc.).

YGO shaped me into who I am right now: a designer who dabbles in fanart, an avid Egyptology nerd, an appreciator of animation and sequential art, and even an aspiring developer of a card-based game (my grad school thesis! For real). And as much as I sometimes weary of this dumpster-fire world, I still thank God that I was born at a time when I could experience the original YGO and grow up alongside it.

With all these fond memories of YGO, you can imagine my utter shock and sadness when I learned of Kazuki Takahashi's passing. It's even more surreal because I'm still following the man, himself, on Instagram. I hope he truly knew the depth of so many people's love for him and his work. And I hope that, one day, as the endless ages roll on, I'll find him and thank him, myself. For now, this rambling and a few pieces of art will have to do. Rest in peace, Sensei.

#retrospective #rambles #ygo #kazuki takahashi #personal writing

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cure-icy-writes · 2 years

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I’m jumping off of the Dress Up Darling post, and I think the wish fulfillment (at least in my eyes) us a two fold thing. That it can be read as the freedom to express your sexuality without drawing awkward attention to yourself or being degraded for it (I know some high school teachers of mine that would have flipped at Marin and how dresses+acts because of the belief she’s presenting temptation for guys to fall into), but also freedom of expressing interests in general, even if people would view the interest as something weird to have. It’s not just the popular girl liking anime, but enjoying it so much she wants to express her love via dressing as characters she loves. You’re the cosplay expert out of the two of us, so correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I’ve seen, cosplay still tends to get judged from an outside perspective because it gets viewed as weird. Because Marin and Wakana’s relationship is initially formed on the basis of cosplay, she doesn’t have to without her interests from him, and thus they can grow closer with one another. There really isn’t a fear of judgement, or at least a strong one. Marin can freely express herself, both in terms of her sexuality and interests

This is based off of my own experiences (school uniform standards can be whack) as well as my own journey with my sexuality and my physical presentation (which tends to lean more into body image issues than sexuality), but I thought I’d throw in my two cents

god i had such a hard time getting into cosplay initially because of the stigma. men are so so creepy and weird about it, and then there's this niche circle of male nerd hatred directed towards women not only being a part of 'their' fandom spaces, but having a voice and expressing their sexuality. I really just wanted some way to motivate myself to sew new things, and since I didn't have much fashion sense of my own at the time, I leaned towards cosplay as a potential way to do this. I was self conscious about the entire process, and school didn't make it any better. Sure, I got some small amount of admiration for my sewing skills, but I dreaded to actually explain what I was making.

And honestly, the fact that Marin wanted to cosplay a love interest in an 18+ game? Despite having very little sewing knowledge? Oh, she'd get ripped to shreds and passed around 4chan for SURE. But she's just... really passionate. About the character arc of a 'tumblr problematic,' sexy female character. And a lot of people can't understand why, can't see past the idea of sexiness as inherently objectifying and/or tempting. They can't comprehend female sexuality outside of the heterosexual male gaze looking down in disdain.

idk, you see a lot of sexy cosplays out there. And it's hard to tell how much of that is genuine self-expression and how much is motivated by the crummy world we live in. But those get a lot more attention, positive and negative, to the point where it feels out of proportion. There's this assumption that if you're into cosplay, you just put on your wig and pushup bra and instagram filters and that's all there is to it. But that's not it. There's so much work that goes into it, that goes largely ignored, and people still want to see it as an object, content to consume, rather than real people who learn.

I tried so many new things that i wouldn't have had a chance for otherwise. Explored aspects of myself, of stories. Heh, I even learned to walk in heels for cosplay-- bad idea, doing that the week before the con. Would not recommend, at all. I researched the inspirations behind each character when choosing materials and construction, I recreated concept art, and I got more comfortable with my body the way it was.

I try not to get too deep into the mainstream cosplay culture-- the idea of canon compliance as the pinnacle to be aspired to, and all the recycled beauty standards. Because at the end of the day, it's a personal journey of self discovery, yknow?

Marin and Wakana are a really interesting pair of characters, I think, because of how much they play with the idea of beautiful girl/ordinary guy. Marin has good looks and social standing, but she wants someone who will respect her for the messy, impatient, nerdy person she is, and she doesn't want to settle for anything less. Meanwhile Wakana is deeply focused and knowledgeable when it comes to clothing and dolls, but socially oblivious and deeply self-conscious about his interests despite wanting to make a career out of them. They are described as living in different worlds, but honestly? Despite being "the girl who has everything," Marin still feels isolated from her peers who don't get the intensity of her desires or her need to be understood.

Normally, they would have no reason at all to talk. But I hope this allows both of them to be confident and appreciated for their talents and desires.

#oops i went on a ramble #anyways yeah the fanservice is kinda excessive but if the characterization game is staying strong #i think i'm gonna keep watching

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rockermazy · 14 days

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As a sometimes-artist, I kinda wish AI hadn't become demonized. I want good poses for bases and human artists scare me shitless. I remember back in 2003, a community on DeviantArt tore up someone because they had copied a unique pose from another artist. It was not traced. It wasn't the characters. It was just a POSE. The "original" artist had to acknowledge in their deviation's description that the two knew each other, in order to quell the rage. Like, wtf? Reading that shit soft-scarred me in my teens. I'm not saying every artist is like that. Just... some? Like, people forget how much of humanity's art history is derivative. Hell, there are only so many ways human anatomy can bend without looking like jumped off a cliff and didn't survive. Now that the internet has pushed everyone's desks together like some cursed class project, where marks are only given if you're the first and only one, I now have irrational fears of being stolen from and being accused of theft if I see something cool. Like, everytime I look at a real artist's art, I'm like, "hey, that would be a cool to try!" And then I'm like, "maybe I should wait, or someone would say I'm not creative. I'd better u.u" When someone says "support human artists", "people gotta eat" I'm like yeah, you have rules for how your art can be used, too. I'm afraid I'm gonna end up like that 13-year-old that was kidnapped, found, followed police orders and was shot-dead because a cop was trigger-happy. I know I'm overreacting. I know I'm making excuses. But like, what are safe places to be inspired from? Using real-life photos when drawing a cartoon anatomy and clothing doesn't work for me because I don't know what to focus on w/o adding too much detail. Maybe I'm just making up excuses for not starting. Granted, there are much better tutorials now, than there were like, a 20 years ago online. I have less of an excuse now than I do then. Hell, as long as IMVU's creators don't catch the art drama-bug, I should be able to use their outfits+poses feature to cover the "need for bases" problem. But like, the idea of seeing something beautiful but parentless and saying, "Hey, I can build upon this", is always alluring. A wise man once said "The height of originality is skill in concealing origins". (I would attribute this to someone specific but the origin has been concealed with time.) So I'm just gonna stare at stuff and bang my head really hard at stuff until something looks cool. Just avoid eye contact with humans to avoid suspicion. Hell, maybe even avoid human artwork in general. Avoiding echo chambers. Maybe go outside and touch grass. Hydrate maybe... ...Go to the post office like I said I would... Oh god, its 2 pm and I haven't eaten anything substantial other than a cup of almonds and a mini cinnamon roll, wtf am I writi- Um... AI bad. People use it to make non-con porn and shit. Not a fan.

#ai art #art #rant post #opinion

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falsebooles123 · 1 year

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An Incredible Long Couple of Weeks. Diary of a Big Ole Gay.

Hey Whores, this is going to be a really long post because I may not have the energy to finish this this week.

So I guess I haven't done one of these in about two weeks and a lot of that is me being very busy. Last week of March I was working on like fifteen million different articles and videos and other content creation thingies and the first week of April literally started with my co-worker HAVING A MENTAL BREAK AND LEAVING TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LITERAL COUNTRY.

(i'm posting a funny GIF but I'm actually kinda pissed)

so instead of having a lot of great help to ease into running a full ass kitchen by myself doing 70 heads a day. I was doing this with exactly one other person doing the bare minimum to help me. It was a lot of hard work, and of course it went great. But I was extremly exhausted.

I also didn't watch that many queer films because of it.

but lets get into it.

Reflections in a Golden Eye (1967) dir. John Huston

OK so I don't remember a lot about any of these films because I watched this one in particular, *checks notes* the 27th of last month. Yeah theres a reason why theres no date on this one.

So this one I think is based on a book or something and features Marlon Brando being a CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL. oh also he stays right in that closet.

(god this gif is something else. so creepy)

Hes like yeah I'm going to spend this entire movie staring at this naked guys ass, (yeah I'm not going to explain the plot your'll either love this movie or hate it but you can't say it doesn't have a plot), but I ain't going to act on it. I'm just going to fight with my beautiful neglected wife who beats my ass for beating her horse.

See the relationship is super toxic but its liz taylor and Marlon Brando so its also the hottest thing ever.

anyway lot of repressed homos in the background of the entire rest of the plot. One of the more fun dramas I watched cause it was MESSY!

Flesh (1968) dir. Paul Morrissey

ok so Flesh is one of those weird cineme verite movies that Morrissey made and it is very artsy and very gay but there isn't actually any guy on guy stuff. The main actor spends most of his time naked, and some of that is like eroticized but also its kinda meant to desexualize nudity. Or rather the film is using casual nudity as a way to lampshade the way we objectify people because after we see this long scene were hes just laying in bed with his dick out (relatable), we get a 5 minutes scene of him starting his day buck ass naked feeding his 1 year old real daughter a muffin. they actually use that as one of the posters

so like yeah hes naked but hes clearly not erotised in that moment in fact even though the main character is a hustler he never actually has gay sex on screen. His only client is a man who wants to draw him for like classical sculpture. Hes someone whose literally objectified scene for his body and not as a living person.

OMFG am I a film critic or something.

anyway this is another pretty cool film and especially something gay people should watch even through there isn't that much PDA.

Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) dir. Toshio Matsumoto

ok first look at this iconic photo.

Pretty this follows a bunch of transwoman in like Tokyo just honestly vibing and being faggot punks. We love, we stan, we support.

theres a lot to enjoy about this film and honestly just iconic trans woman you need to watch this. oh also all these ladies are straight so theres no gay kissing.

My Hustler (1966) dir. Andy Warhol, Chuck Wein

NOTE: This is a clip from the 1961 SPORTS THRILLER "The Hustler" but also this is pretty good dupe to the experience of My Hustler

Yeah so My Hustler is the story of a rich gay bringing a gay whore for his vacation and then having his fag hag friend and then the hustler friend show up and they all get in to this contest about whos going to fuck him. So I guess more objectification of men through the queer lens. Noone actually fucks him and its a lot of naturalistic dialogue. Its warhol you get it.

The Children's Hour (1961) dir. William Wyler

Ok so Childrens Hour is about Audrey Hepburn and her GAL PAL Shirley McClaine who run a school together. They are in fact just roommates but doesn't stop snot nose little brats from spreading rumors that like she totally saw Mrs. Hepburn drowning in pussy. So yeah they have there lives ruined and there not even dykes da fuck. Its very Tea and Sympathy in that regard about how homophobia hurts those that arn't even faggots. Y'know the innocent. /s

except it turns out that Shirley McClaine is in fact like a totally LESBIAN HAROLD. and this was the push she needed to admit how fucking gay she is for audrey hepburn, (which like we get it girl it audrey), oh and then she fucking kills herself. Thanks I hate it.

The movie up to that points pretty good.

The Leather Boys (1964) dir. Sidney J. Furie

ok so this is another British New Wave movie and it manly follows this newly married couple. And like the wife Dot, is literally the worst fucking person. She spends all her money on her hair which 1. He doens't like and 2. Doesn't even look good on her. She doesn't have a job and she doesn't keep the house. And then she won't move into his mom's house after his dad fucking dies and his mom literally can't take care of herself which like sorry girl I get if you don't like your mother-in-law but um kinda a consequence of marrying someone at some point you kinda have to deal with there parents getting old and dying. Oh also shes cheating on him. SPOILERS.

Anyway so they spend most of the time seperated while this guy sleeps with his best friend.... in like the same bed. hahaha not like in a gay way that would be ..... gay.

Also I'm totally sure his best friend isn't like a faggot or something.

Yeah, basically this guy was sleeping next to a gay guy the whole time and everytime his friend was like "omg babe lets ditch your looser wife, (can confirm she sucks), and move to america together" that he meant it in like a gay way.

and so the dude just fucking leaves. Honestly I would try sucking dick just once if I was him. You guys have a great relationship and your wifes a bitch.

Advise & Consent (1962) dir. Otto Preminger

The Best Man (1964) dir. Franklin J. Schaffner

just going to throw these together. Basically there both about some future were the president wants to nominate some dude and people are like ew no. also some random other person is getting blackmailed for being a faggot in the war. Yeah both of these movies have like the same exact plot.

I like The Best Man a little bit more but there both kinda awful. Also Betty White is in the first one and SHES A SENATOR. yaaaas girl.

Manji (1964) dir. Yasuzo Masumura

THESE LESBIANS ARE TOXIC.

Like don't get me wrong they kiss, they suck, they fuck. Lot of Women absolutely just being the most, this is the most lesbian thing I've seen.

Oh also eventually they start a death cult it goes to some really weird places. Also theres like three remakes.

anyway whores, sorry that its taking so long for me to post this diary update. I'm going to draft the next post and try to get it out by the end of the month. Thanks love you.

#diary #queer cinema #early queer cinema #firstgaykiss #reflections in a golden eye #flesh 1968 #funeral parade of roses 1969 #my hustler 1966 #the childrens hour 1961 #The Leather Boys #Advise & Consent 1962 #The Best Man 1964 #Manji 1964 #slurs(reclaimed)#Buried Gays #CW Suicide

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emmiri-bumble · 1 year

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since my online origin is actually tumblr i feel a bit more open with like.. being unhinged about Dotty and her DN rewrite timeline and endorsing the fact that Naomi/Noddy, L's daughter, and Natsuki/Nat, Light's daughter, are absolutely some of my all time favorite characters that ive written (largely based on funnee family videos)

(please accept the crungled quality im working with scraps) And if youre not familiar with my DN rewritten; In short the synopsis is "What if L always had a friend from the start?", " What if people were allowed to be lgbt+?", and "What if i spat in the face of the god of all death itself?"

Anyways Dot has a kid with L and Light. Thats how it be. Here's a bunch of the greatest hits of Nat and Noddy

~ Someone's filming L L knocks on Naomi's bedroom door Baby Naomi opens it Naomi: ba? L: hello miss I'm selling girl guide cookies, are you interested in buying a box? They're £2.75 each. Naomi: uuuh- L: I have all the kinds. Thin mints… Shortbreads… Samoas Naomi: no no bah bah L: ok thank you byyye -Naomi closes the door- Mello, loudly, inside that room: Naomi did you seriously just send that poor scout away without buying me nothin??? L starts giggling quietly so hard that he has to brace himself against the wall. Mello, play yelling: WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE??? Naomi: BABABABAGHAA!!!!!!!! L practically collapses ~ L gently feeding months old Naomi her first lemon slice while out to dinner. Naomi: gbbh. She sucks on it. Naomi: buh…gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! L: yeah it's bad without sugar, isn't it?

L feeds months old Nat her first lemon slice while out at dinner. Nat: ubbu? Nat suckles on it longer than Noddy and L takes it away. Nat: eeehehehe!! She leans in for more. L: weird. Light: ….weird.

Naomi: What game you playin, Lollie? Ollie, too focused: hm? Near: he's playing "paying the bills" Naomi: is he winning? Ollie: no.

~ BB: don't you want to get a job someday? Naomi: no because i don't want to be sad.

~ Mello: have fun at school! Naomi: that's not how school works.

~ Naomi: Beebee tell me which hand has a sock in it!!!! B looks and sees Naomi holding out two hands, palm up. With one hand that's clearly clenched around a sock. B: you're the child of the smartest people i know. Naomi: i know that thank you! B: and you're stupid if you think I'm fooled. Naomi: don't… Don't be naughty :' 0

~ Isaiah: what do you have there? Naomi: butter knife. Isaiah: for…what? You're not cooking. I am. Ollie: we are. Naomi: for..buttering things. Ollie: in your bedroom? Naomi backs away quickly Isaiah: .. there better be butter in that fridge. ~

Naomi: YALL ARE A NIGHTMARE!!!!!! Naomi runs up the stairs on all fours to go sulk in her room

B: SHES RIGHT. IM GONNA GO COMFORT THE BUGBEAR!!! B storms up after her in much the same way ~

Matt: okay kids! Sandwich dinner time! Naomi: i did TOO MUCH homework to be getting LOUSY SAMMIES for dinners!! Nat: YAH. Matt: OH~ SORRY IM NOT UNCLE OLLIE~!! ~

Nats at a play place in a childrens museum trying to draw at a station. One little insufferable boy keeps tugging her paper. Over and over. Nat keeps yelling at him to stop. Light and Dot are both there intensely watching her. His parents are nowhere to be seen. Maybe. Nat: stoop!!! Boy: ~stooop~ Nat: i mean it dude!! Boy: i don't care, your drawing sucks. Nat: ugh- She throws down her pencil and stands up. Nat: OH IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHY DONT YOU JUST GO VISIT YOUR DAD PICKING UP TRASH ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY WITH THE OTHER INMATES!?? Dot: oop-! Too real!! She scuttles over to disarm her kid

Naomi: Daddy up!!!! L: ok, nugget. He picks her up into his chair Naomi: I'm gonna be mommy now. L: haha, fine by me. Naomi reaches for the computer and points at it Naomi: aw shit! She pulls over a stack of documents and pretends to look through them. Naomi: Aw mother fucker! Oh, L, you idiot! Neenee you bastard you bought- you- you did all the spending for the whole three years! God damn it!! L: ….we need to have a talk with mommy about swearing.

Jules: take this biscuit. She drops toddler Naomi off at Nears side. Naomi: nee nee. Jules: she developed a new hobby and i don't admire that shit in my kitchen. Near: what….did she do? Jules: she took a bite out of every piece of produce on the counter. Every. Single. One.

~ Dot: baby, you have to slow down and breathe in and out. Nat: IIIIIIII DONTTT WAAAAAAANNNAAAAAA Near: I'll breathe with you, let's follow mommy. Dot: ok breathe in. Deeep. They both breath in. Dot: breathe outtttttt. They both breathe out. They do this a few more times. Naomi in another room: NAAAASUGII! Nat stops breathing Nat: HOL ON IM BREATHING HERE!! Nat goes back to her deep breathing Near starts giggling, ruining it.

~ Video of Mello pointing at a smudge on the wall. Interrogating Naomi. Mello: what is it? Naomi: ….. knowledge. Mello: knowledge?? Naomi: yeah cause i squished the bug. Mello: and all his knowledge came out? Naomi: it's sad. Mello: it is. Mello: stop slamming bugs on the wall.

~ Shows baby Naomi a picture of Mello Dot: who's that?? Naomi starts smiling and giggling uncontrollably. Dot: who is it?? Naomi screams in delight. Mello, in the distance: I've never felt more validated in my life. L: every day my approval becomes more and more like chopped liver to him.

~ Video of Mello standing in the doorway, 8 month old Naomi is outside and soaking wet, its been raining. Naomi, with gusto: ghgbgbyeeey byteeebyeeee ghggugugus ddaddbaba!!! Mello: I dont think so Naomi Gage, get in here. Naomi, more angry, arguing even harder: gagabgaasusbufusubuuuru!!!!! Mello: No means no, young lady, youre coming in before you catch your death. Naomi: NAANANANA lebeebesbsbe guggugddaaa!!!!! L, behind the camera: try this -he holds out his hand, theres a snickerdoodle cookie in it- L: Nooooddy, come inside and share a biscuit with daddy. Naomi, nodding: ba. -naomi walks in, ignoring mello-

~ Video of Naomi (1 ish) picking up her toys and aggressively explaining them to Near Naomi: gughghgd babaaab gagaaaa huhuhbuuububu bbb!! Near: ….okay.. -Naomi tosses that one down and picks up another- Naomi: BABABABABABABA aababagsgugugu gugugugugbebemmmmmmmba! Near: ………………. Dot, filming: oh lord we gon' have our hands real full… -Dot holds up the positive pregnancy test that no ones seen yet- Naomi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAABABABABAB GUGUGUGUGUGSSSSAAAAAAAAA Near: I get it, Naomi. i get it -Naomi takes a step closer and shakes the train in her hand- Naomi: AAABABA bublblblblblbblblblbblblbllll!!!!! Naomi: MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Dot: wha? Naomi: AAABABABABABABABABAB! She's waving the train Dot: yeah it is! Naomi: ( : !

~ Video of Baby Nat proudly sitting on top of an overturned plastic tub. muffled sounds in tub B: Natsuki Nat: ba? B: get off the tub. Nat: waaaa?? B: whats in the tub? Naomi, muffled: Get off, Stinksuki!! Nat: uhh gggbhbg. B: is that your big sister? Nat: noh. B: well get off the tub and let me see. Naomi: Im loosing air you big jerk! -Nat crawls off the tub and Naomi immediately bursts out- Naomi, 3: She twied to Kill ME!!! B: eh it runs in the family

~ Nat, 5 months. Sitting in Matt's lap. Matt, pointing: are you gonna smile at NeeNee? Matt: is she smiling? Near: yes she is. Hello Natsuki. Nat: Baaa!! Matt, pointing again: smile at Uncle B? B gives her a crazy grin back. Matt points once more: smile at papa? Nat wriggles. Light: what? No smile for your father? Nat: bbbbb noh. Everyone: HER FIRST WORD!!! ~

video of Nat, 3, outside and holding a stick Nat: is this a bug? Dot: no. Its a stick. Nat: hm. Dot: its a stick bug!! -nat drops the stick like mid sentence- Nat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Video of Natsuki's first steps -She takes two shaky steps towards Ryuk and then falls and starts crying.- Ryuk: that didnt hurt, i know that didnt. stop crying. Ollie: shes crying because shes upset that she couldnt walk up to you on her own. Ryuk: :0 Ryuk: oh, it's ok Natsuki. -Ryuk picks her up and slings her over his shoulder like she likes- Nat: bbbbbbbbbrrrrr Ryuk: she weirds me out sometimes… Ollie: humans are weird. Jules, filming this: fuck we cant show Grandma Yagami this one. Light: NO I NEED A VIDEO TO SHOW MOM AND SAYU, WE HAVE TO STAGE A NEW ONE

Dot: Yeah. they came out of me She points at her kids Naomi: I WAS IN HER POCKET

Natsuki, 3, in the car. Nat: I will get a biscuit. Wight. Now. This. Minnite. Ollie: how about you ask for one. Nat: a. Biscuit. Now. Ollie: no, you gotta ask and say please too. Nat: I can get a biscuit, peas. Nat, quieter: wight now.

- A series of short videos consisting of Naomi and Natsuki throwing a slice of cheese on an unsuspecting family member

Eventually Jules joins their fun with them. She was never cheesed.

Starts with them throwing a slice on a quietly snoring Light. Hes spooked awake and stares at them with rage.

Cuts to them throwing one on Near from behind. He dosent react, he just picks the slice out of his hair and starts pulling off pieces to pop in his mouth.

Cuts to them throwing the slice on Dot as she walks into the room. Dot: -SHRIEK- Dot: oh hey, is this muenster? score.

Cuts to them throwing a slice on Mello, slapping it right over his scar. Mello flinches, looks at the girls (Now featuring Jules!) and deadpan goes Mello: am i pretty now?

Cuts to them throwing a slice onto L from behind but they miss his head and slam his back audibly L: -Shrieks and jumps- Light, barreling for them: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THROWING CHEESE AND SURPRISE ATTACKING YOUR FATHER!? The gals: -Shrieks- L, softly in the background: oh, cheese.

Cuts to video of them walking up to Matt as he gets out of his car and slapping the cheese over his goggles Matt: -shrieks- Matt: oh hey, muenster. Score.

Cuts to them throwing a slice on Ollie while hes standing at the kitchen counter distracted. He effortlessly slaps the cheese away before it even hits him. Girls: HOW?

Cuts to them throwing a slice on an unsuspecting B who immediately turns around and SLAMS it back onto Naomi's face.

Nat, 5 ish. Sliding down a slide on a wet autumn day Nat dismounts Nat: woh. Light: what is it? Nat: my bum jus got all wet. Nat stands and stares a little awkwardly, reaches back and wipes leaves off her butt, and then skitters off Dot: …………… Light: ………………. Dot, whispering aggressively: the ultimate fusion of meee and youuuuuuuu

Ollie takes a pic of the fam sitting on the couch after taking Nat home from the hospital. Naomi in L's lap. L clearly with red all around his eyes from crying. Nat is swaddled in Light's arms. Dot in the middle pointing at both kids. Ollie: saaay uhhh. Near behind him: death of the american dream. Ollie: no, say siblinghood Them: Siblinghood! Naomi: Iiiblin!!

Video of Near holding baby Nat in the garage. Nats screaming with delight while Mello repeatedly revs his motorcycle's engine. Near: this is hell on my ears but it's doing wonders for my heart. Nat: AAAAA! AAAHAHAHEHEHEHEHE!!!

Naomi, 10: UNCLE NEE LOOK AT THIS SHIRT WE FOUND AT THE MALL Near shuffles up to read the girls matching shirts It says "love is always near" Near: i- may cry a little. Nat, 8: do it.

Naomi, 1 ish and sitting on the counter in the kitchen Mr. W: are you filming? L: yeah. Mr. W: hands out, please Mr. W pops a raspberry on a finger. and proceeds to do that with all the rest on that hand Mr. W: and there is, what my Nan used to call, "The bum handimans fingers" -Naomi opens wide and pops one in her mouth- L: that sounds unsavory Mr.W: i never said my Nan was a refined lady.

Near: hello Odette, would you like to see why I don't like being in charge of the kids? -Dot turns around- Dot: huh? Near, in a tee-shirt, holding up his pj shirt to show Dot the damage. Dot: ah. Near: your's and L's crotch dumpling intentionally, and quite gently may I add- Dot: got spaghetti on you… Near, gritting teeth: -pushed the bowl against my back while I was turned away Dot: you didn't try to watch her do her spaghetti slurpini. That's why she did that.

-distant sound of a recorder playing "Hot Crossed Buns"- Dot: ohh Noddy youre practicing and i didnt even have to ask! Naomi turns around to reveal shes playing it through her nostril Dot: why can't you do anything normal? Naomi: Because im your daughter, BAyBEE! Dot: i can respect that Naomi goes back to playing via nose

Mello taking a selfie video while laying down. 3 year old Naomi is lightly tracing his burn scars with her finger. Mello, to the camera: hey Nods, I thought we were napping. Naomi, sleepily: I gotta touch the bumps. Mello: you gotta touch the bumps? Why? Naomi: cos I love them. Mello somewhat starts cracking up and tearing up at the same time and he frantically ends the video there

Mello: i can count on one hand how many times ive cried. Matt: no you cant Mello: every time was for either my momma or for L Matt: bullshit Mello: i, however, have absolutely lost count of the amount of times Naomi has made me cry this week Naomi: is ok lello is okaaay!! Mello: you want up? Naomi: is ok lello i make it bettur -Mello picks her up- Naomi: you gonna b okay, misturr Mello, tearing up: ah here i go again

PawPaw with a giant wad of bills in one hand and Baby Naomi resting in the nook of the other. He hands the money to Naomi. Isaiah: here's your allowance. Dot: Professor Dad, She's one. Isaiah: yeah? And she's my granddaughter. Isaiah: Here's your allowance, baby

Mello: oh no why's Nat crying today? Naomi, trudging out of Wammys with a weepy Nat in tow Nat: MY NuH NoH AAAAADDAAA Naomi: hhhh her substitute teacher kept hearing everyone call her Nat and she kept calling her "Natalie" all day long Mello: ohhhh. Hey Nat, Nat: HUUUWAaaa muh muhh meeewwooooo -Mello crouches down and picks the poor little thing up- Mello: all my teachers kept on calling me "Michael" when i went here. Nat: aaaaahaaaa---mmmmmm Mello: isnt that silly? we have the same problem. Nat, calming down: hehe

Naomi to L: Papa wouldnt let me be you for halloween. L: oh no thats terrible. Naomi: Cause Nat wanted to be Kira. L: ohh…no thats terrible. Naomi: so.. can you be you and Papa be Kira for halloween, pleeeas? L: no. Naomi: bu- L: No. its my birthday. I will be a vampire again end of story.

1st time trick or treating with Naomi and newbie Nat Naomi in a grim reaper costume. Nats… in a sling and Ollies carrying her Neighbor: ohh hello! Are you here for candy little reaper? Naomi: uh. Trikkortreat! Neighbor: here you go little reaper. Naomi: thank you -naomi starts walking off- -Naomi turns right back around- Naomi: Hey- didju know um. Is my daddys birthday? Neighbor: Oh? well. Naomi: he- hes the vampire! Neighbor squinting at L who is meekly waving Neighbor: Happy birthday Mr. Vampire! L, barely audible to her: Thank you Madame! Beyond: ITS THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TOO!

Naomi: WAAAAAhaaha- SHE ATE MY CAKE. Mello: she ate your cake? i didnt get you two any cake out of the fridge. Naomi: Sh- SHE ATE -cough- MY IMAGINARY CAKE N CAUS I-T ITS MY PLAY BIRTHDAY WAAAAA SHE ATE ALL IT Mello: hhhh… Mello walks into Nat hiding in another room Mello: Nat, did you eat Noddy's cake Nat: no i dinnit is in ma haand. Mello: the imaginary cake is still in your hand? Naomi: SHE. ATE. IT. ALL. Mello: ok go give it back to Nods, shes very sad you took it. Nat: is.. ok. iss imma hand see? Mello: yes i see it, lets go back and make things right. Nat: Okie lello, Noddie is ok is in mah hand still i got cake for you!

Baby naomi in her walker toddles into the kitchen while Ollie's cooking. Naomi: Guh. Near, on the counter doing jack shit: Guh! Naomi: nn guh. guh guh bububububuh bbbbb Naomi walks out like they just had a good talk Near: she has things to do, Ollie. So cook faster.

Naomi, barely able to talk: daddy birdy ..-inaudible- oh heeahd signs for poop and head Dot: a bird pooped on dads head on your walk? namoi nods solemly Dot: oh thats terrible im so sorry for daddy. Dot pans camera over to L, hanging up his coat and shaking his head, clearly no bird poo on him Dot: oh no thats terrible, daddy. im sorry.

Ollie: you can't make Nat open your present, Nods! Naomi: yes I can! Ollie: Nooo! Just because it's not Natsuki's Christmas gifts it doesn't mean you won't get in trouble for using Nat to ruin your surprise! Naomi: yeah buh daddy said- daddy.. he said if I open my present early it turns to underwear. Ollie: oh he did? Naomi: so.. so if you open yours it's not a toy anymore but if .. if uhh if you get your sister to open it it won't turn to nothing cause sh- cause Natsuki isn't me so the gift stays a good one! Ollie: so you think you found a loophole? Naomi: yes. Ollie: fair enough. Go tell your Dad, he'll be so pissed that he didn't see that.

Dot: when you give a mouse a cookie… Naomi: he chokes on it and dies. She shoves the toy she was chewing on back in her mouth

Nat sitting on Ollie's lap as usual Light: ok Nat, tell me again for the camera.. why do you think youre growing body hair? Nat: cos… i give Ollie too many hugs. Nat flops her body down onto Ollie in a big hug. Ollie: 🥺 💕

And my all time favorite:

Mello: look, look, Nat there's a lady bug on the walkway. Nat: a ladeebog? Nat toddles up and stomps on it several times Nat: buh byeee. Near: buh bye bug. Mello: tch- you're surely your dad's daughter.

And uh. wow you read all this? thenks

#OhDearDotty

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botwstoriesandsuch · 3 years

Text

OK SHUT UP SHUSH SHUT THE FUCK UP IT’S 1AM BUT SHUSH LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN!

I AM GIVING YOU THE TOOLS TO FIND THE EXACT DISTANCE OF ANYTHING ANYWHERE IN HYRULE, CUSTOM MAKE YOUR FIC JOURNEYS TO THE METER, FIND THE AREA OF ANY TOWN OR LANDMARK, OR JUST FIND OUT HOW BIG (or small) HYRULE KINDGOM TRULY IS ONCE AND FOR ALL SO GO AHEAD AND SAVE THIS POST TO YOUR DRAFTS CAUSE YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE IT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

Ok so this all starts with THIS

FEAST YOUR EYES LADIES, LADS, AND GENTLEFOLK ON THE ONLY PIECE OF INFORMATION IN ALL OF HYRULE CONCERNING DISTANCE AND TIME.

[Image ID: A screenshot from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, depicting a picture of Ash Swamp hanging in Impa’s house. The dialogue box from Impa reads, “Does it look familiar? From this village, you should be able to get there in a half day’s time.” End ID]

Impa states that it would take you half a day, about 12 hours, to travel from Kakariko Village to the depicted 13th memory, which is at Ash Swamp by Fort Hateno.

Now here is where I took this information. I took it to

objmap.zeldamods.org

A fantastic online Botw map resource with tons of features like finding specific objects, and highlighting areas, and placing pins, and the basics of showing the locations of everything like shrines and korok seeds and all that.

BUT the thing that we care about today is this ability, here:

DRAW!

With those widgets on the right, I can specifically mark lines and shapes and the website will give me the distance of it in meters!

“But Kip, if the map already gives you the distance of anything you want then isn’t this entire post pointless?” Ashshshshshhshh no, shut the fuck up, shush shut, no, stop, silence, I am high on caffeine and I haven’t slept for two days. No.

As great as the map is, the exact ratio isn’t the best. Like, it tells me that the length of Hyrule is only 10km, or 6.2 miles.

I wager that realistically, Hyrule would be a bit bigger than that. And THAT, is where I come in. Or, more specifically, Impa.

Impa states that it takes 12 hours to travel from Kakariko to Fort Hateno. (I am saying Fort Hateno and not Ash Swamp because I am going of the nearest prominent landmark location near the 13th memory, and I highly doubt that Impa knew the exactly square foot patch of dirt that Link needed to stand on to activate his memory)

According to Google, it takes around 10 to 12 minutes to walk a kilometer. (I am assuming Impa was referring to walking and not riding, because I feel like she would have said, “You should be able to get there in half a day’s ride” or something of the sort. So, walking it is)

So:

12 hours divided by 12 minutes

(Which is 720 minutes / 12 minutes)

gives us

The distance between Fort Hateno and Kakariko village is 60 kilometers.

Badabing badaboom, great job! We did it. BUT NOW this is where our handy dandy online object map comes in.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. A blue line highlghts the path from the village to a marker on Fort Hateno. The line reads “1.89km.” End ID]

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. The blue line from the previous image is still there, however, there is now a more prominent yellow line. The yellow line runs from Kakariko village, but ends at a marker point at the location of the 13th memory at Ash Swamp. The yellow line reads “1.55km.” End ID]

So while this map doesn’t give me distances that are exactly to my liking, it DOES give me a measuring means that will stay consistent. SO! As you can see, the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 1.89km. (And just to be safe, I also did the distance exactly to the point of the 13th memory as shown in Impa’s picture, which came out to 1.55km. But! It’s doesn’t matter anyhow, because) We’re going to round this to 2km for the sake of my sanity because surprise surprise! I actually suck at, and hate, math.

So the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 2 kilometers, but we know that in real life, the distance is actually 60 kilometers. So, if you want to use this object map effectively, you have to make a means of converting the “false” measurements, (which I will be refering to as “zelda” (kilo)meters, or zm/zkm) from the actual ones.

So THIS is what I fucking did oh my god help me it took me way too long even though it was really simple in hindsight I was just stupid and spent two hours trying to get the ratio equations right when really all I had to do was divide, it was a whole thing, anyhow, read away.

[Image ID: A screenshot of MATH oh my god it’s fucking math...BUT it’s kinda color coded so that’s nice. The top left of the page depicts text. In red text reads “zkm (Zelda km) = per the measurement on the objmap.zeldamods.org” and below that, in black text, reads, “Kakariko to Fort Hateno = 1.89 zkm ~ 2zkm,” which is underlines in yellow. Another line of black text reads, “Impa says it takes half a day’s time to travel from Kakariko to the 13th memory location AKA 12 hours.” Another line of black text reads, “It takes about 10-12min to walk a kilometer,” which is underlines in green.

Handwritten in blue ink is the equation,

“12 hours = 720 min

720/12 = 60″

The 12 is highlighted in green, and the 60 is underlined. In green text, below it, reads, “It takes 12 hours to walk 60 kilometers.” In black text under this, it reads “So Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 60 kilometers.” Another line of black text under this reads, “So based on that, we can find the actual values of a zkm (Zelda kilometer).”

Handwritten in yellow ink is the equation,

“2zkm = 60km

1km = 30km” [typo, I meant 1zkm = 30km]

The 60km is in blue, and the equation 1zkm = 30km is circled.

To the right of everything, in bigger, yellow text, reads “So: 1zkm = 30km 1zm = 30 meters

The map of Hyrule measures roughly 10zkm (length) by 8zkm (height) [typo, I meant width] giving it an area of 80 square zkm.

Therefore, the “true” size of Hyrule Kingdom os 2400 square kilometers.” End ID]

SO ARMED WITH THIS NEW KNOWLEDGE, you can now use this map to measure whatever you want, and by converting 1zm to 30 meters, you can get accurate result as to what that distance is.

Chart the roads, measure the rivers, the map even gives area tools for polygons, squares, and circles! This entire post was born out of a desire to see how long the characters in my fic should rest for when travel between different stables.

Now before anyone asks, yes! 2400 square kilometers is fairly small. That’s around 930 square miles. I believe even Wales is more than three times bigger than that. BUT! Considering Hyrule is a medieval kingdom that’s actually pretty sizable considering the average size of a Kingdom was 100 to 900 square kilometers.

And juuuust to double check, I ran the size though a Medievil Demographics generator, and 2400 (under the conditions of Fertile Land with 64% of the land being arable since I figured roughly 46% for lakes, the ocean, plus unusable land was more than enough to cover the Hebra, Death Mountain, and the Gerudo Desert. Which honestly is even MORE generous considering there are races that occupy these areas, but I digress) This still gives Hyrule Kingdom a good population of 108,000 people! Before the Calamity when all of its villages were up and occupied, of course. So the area is definitely more than enough, and can still give Link a more realistic amount of time to travel between areas (when you add eating and rest of course. Don’t make my guy walk for 10 hours straight from the Great Plateau to Hebra D: plz)

TL;DR: Hyrule is 2400 square kilometers; use the map, plus the conversion 1 zelda meter to 30 meters to measure anything you want; I am tired

Quick Edit: Please note that this conversion is for the purposes of people out there who need more realistic means of measuring distances for larger scale travel and such, like for writing fic journeys, or dnd campaigns. This conversion isn’t the best for smaller scale measure like buildings and such (EX: I’ve checked with buildings in Castle Town and the Coliseum, and they come out much too big, just a symptom of game design ratios not being perfect since it’s hard to balance consistent measurements and the immersion and plan a creator has for their game world!) So if you are measuring those smaller entities using the linked map, just stick with the given zelda meters! (EX: The Coliseum radius in zelda meters matches up nicely with the real world Roman Colosseum, beating it out by a few dozen meters!)

Also if you are a true believer in the interpretation of Impa’s dialogue as “half the amount of daylight hours,” see the reblogs!

#botw theory #cause it's technically a theory i guess #botw reference #botw #breath of the wild #legend of zelda botw #loz botw #if my math is wrong just shoot me on the spot ok #loz #legend of zelda #hyrule

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dmsden · 3 years

Text

Make It Mean Something - Making PC deaths meaningful to the other players

Hullo, Gentle Readers. Sometimes the dice are not in a player’s favor. Sometimes three death saves come up awfully fast. Sometimes a death happens, and everyone’s sitting around the table uncertainly, not sure how to react. It is that moment that daddydeputy raised in their Question from a Denizen. They asked if I had any thoughts on “How to make pc deaths more impactful and growthful for the others (and perhaps themselves?)”

DD, it’s a tricky balance to strike. On the one hand, you want the game to have real and dangerous consequences for the actions the characters take. On the other hand, the death of a beloved character can really upset a player or even crash a whole campaign. My players are very mature and accepting of the consequences (although they’ll pull out all the stops to try and stop it from happening to one of their own), but not everyone can be, even if they say they are. Sometimes you don’t know how the death of a character is going to affect you until it happens. I think of myself as a very mature player, but if a character as dear to me as Skittle, my mouse pooka from Changeling the Dreaming, died, I suspect I’d be devastated.

Some campaigns have a very revolving door attitude towards death. Oh, you died? Here’s a revivify spell, or a raise dead spell, or what have you. Other make it harder, possibly keeping those spells out of the hands of the players or requiring skill challenges for raising the dead (a la Critical Role). I suspect DD is wanting to lean more towards the latter, so let’s look at some ways to really make death matter.

Run lower-level campaigns: At low levels, death is a lot more difficult to overcome. By the time you get your fallen friend to a temple, the window for Revivify is long over, and who can afford the diamond for a Raise Dead spell, even assuming you can find a cleric who can cast it for free for you? But most NPC temples I’ve run in my games have been willing to cast Raise Dead for free if the PCs will undertake a quest on behalf of the temple. In a situation like this, the dead PC’s player could potentially play a cleric or paladin of the temple sent along to help, or the temple might cast raise dead in advance and take an oath that they will fulfill the quest. If the temple doesn’t trust them to keep their word, there are always geas spells to make sure of it.

Limit access to spells that return the dead: Maybe not every god grants the ability to raise the dead to their followers. Maybe diamonds are hard to find in your campaign. Whatever the path you take, you can make certain that death isn’t just a revolving door by making the spells difficult to cast. Maybe the deity will only grant the spells to their cleric once the party fulfills a quest or defeats a monster that has been plaguing the faithful. You could change the material component from a diamond to “the deity’s favor.” Casting the spell expends the favor, so now a new service to the deity would be needed before the next chance of casting it.

Make return from death uncertain: One of the things I really like in Critical Role that I intend to adopt in my next campaign (and I even know how I’m going to make the change make sense in my campaign world) is that returning from death via Raise Dead is by no means a certain thing. The Critical Role has a skill challenge like system in which up to three people can contribute to the ritual to return the dead by entreating the dead person to return. If people all want to use the same skill, such as Persuasion, the DC for the second and third people goes up. A PC might be coaxed to return via Performance, Persuasion, Intimidation, Deception...I’d even allow rolls like Arcana for magically coercing the dead spirit to return or Religion to remind a Paladin that their duty to their deity is not yet fulfilled. This had led to some dramatic moments in CR, and I definitely intend to put together my own system for my next campaign.

Make return from death limited: You could very easily put together a system that limited the number of times the same spirit could return from the dead. In older editions of D&D, returning from death required a “System Shock” check, and the body might not survive the attempt to reunite it with its spirit. If you wanted something similar, you could make a system in which one of your attributes represents your ability to return from death, even using Revivify. I would like base it off of your Constitution or Charisma score. You can return from death a number of times equal to 1+your Constitution or Charisma modifier (minimum of 1). That way, characters can die at least once and come back, but it can’t happen dozens of times.

Make the way someone dies directly affect their afterlife: For some players, this will really matter. I once had a ranger who despised dragons in a campaign. He found a dragonslaying sword, made it his business to get the party to face dragons, etc. When he finally died, it was facing two dragons to buy the party time to escape from a canyon where the dragons were in danger of TPKing them. He was killed, but he wounded both dragons quite a bit. The party managed to kill them, and they recovered the body. The ranger’s player absolutely had no intention of coming back from the dead. “How on earth would my character have a cooler death than that?” the player laughed. “That was perfect.” I described how he was received into the afterlife of his culture as a hero, and he was very happy with the end of the story for his ranger. To draw this along further, what if how a PC dies affects their standing in the afterlife? If they die in a super cool way, maybe they get a high place of honor in Valhalla, or whatever you use. A PC who then dies fighting a lich or saving innocents is likely to receive a heroes welcome. This might be preferable to them than going back to life and then possibly getting killed by a trap or a bunch of orcs. This then makes the heroic death more palatable and desirable.

However you decide to make death impactful, I strongly recommend letting story trump rules for dramatic purposes. Technically, a character who has failed three death saving throws is just plain dead, but what fun is that. Instead, consider the possibility of having them be beyond saving instead. Let them be briefly conscious, either to beg the others to find a way to save them (think Spider-Man in Avengers: Infinity War as he gets “dusted”) or to tell them that their death is welcome and to let them go (a la Theoden in Return of the King). I remember a Werewolf game where a beloved PC was dying and telling her beloved pack how much she cared for them. There were many real tears being shed around the table, including by me as the Storyteller. Giving the PC a chance to speak and interact, even though it’s not part of the rules, gave the group a moment that I know I personally will never forget.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is that you must make sure your players are onboard with this. If you want death to be more powerful, impactful, and difficult to return from, DO NOT spring this on your players mid-game. This should be something everyone’s aware of, not something that comes as a surprise. Let everyone know during Session Zero; make sure everyone is okay with it, and, if not, be prepared to either back off from the idea (or else find a different player who’s onboard.) Like the X-card, be prepared to modify this even mid-campaign if someone shows that maybe they’re not as okay with losing Damathran Darkwarden as they thought they were. In the end, it’s just a game. It’s not worth hurting feelings and losing friends over.

I hope that helps, DD. Thanks for the question!

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burneddownthegym · 3 years

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When do you think Buffy and Spike started developing feelings for each other? I think for Spike it started in season 2 which has been kind of confirmed by Dru, but what about Buffy? Their relationship seemed to change after Spike let Glory torture him to protect Dawn, but I like to believe Buffy had unregistered feelings for Spike way earlier. I don’t know what’s true though. She let him live many times when she shouldn’t and that could just be the writers wanting to keep Spike but it could also be read as Buffy not wanting to kill him for some reason. If I were Buffy I would have at least been attracted to him from the start but I’m not Buffy. What do you think?

oh god. i started writing this and it just got more and more unhinged until i was left with a novel. but here’s my headcanon under the cut.

i think for spike it started in season 2, yeah. kind of immediately. i mean in his second episode he already has like ten tv’s mounted on the ceiling to obsessively watch buffy fight? ok weirdo. obviously the writers weren’t planning on spuffy at the time but it all fits with the dru retcon in “fool for love”. i think any feelings he had were super repressed in him for a while though, and were probably closer to obsession than anything (where does one draw the line between obsession and love? much to think about!!). tbh, and maybe this is controversial, i kind of think it’s not until “intervention” that he really understands just how in love with her he is, or what it really means to be in love with her. he definitely thinks he’s in love, he has a raging, identity-crisis crush, but i don’t know, something just feels different after that episode. i feel like it’s when his feelings for buffy really become less about him and more about her. like, less about having her or wanting her to recognize him, and more about wanting to be what she actually needs. less about *loving* buffy and more about loving *buffy*, maybe. so even though his feelings before then are real, they feel real in a different way to me after “intervention”.

buffy is harder. personally, i don’t think she was ever consciously attracted to spike until maybe s5. (buffy being immediately attracted to him in fic is actually a huge pet peeve for me; it doesn’t feel in character at all and can even make me stop reading). i think there was latent attraction, but spike was just so far outside the bounds of who she thought she would be attracted to that it doesn’t register that way (reason #34095 spuffy is a lesbian ship, obv. also it’s why her being attracted to him immediately can turn me off in fic, bc it makes the relationship feel less gay, and that’s kind of important to me). i think she finds him tacky and annoying and lame and just not a sexual object. he’s a soulless vampire and you don’t sexualize those. and so anything sexual she felt toward him she dismissed the way you might dismiss a weird sex dream about someone you’d never want in real life (jane espenson apparently had notes on her desk pre-s5 saying buffy had sex dreams about him, which i totally buy, especially after “something blue”). i think one of the reasons she freaks out so bad in “crush” is that suddenly spike isn’t in the non-sexualizable category anymore. like, what, vampires and slayers are sexualizing each other now? like in real life not just innuendo? you broke the rules, what am i supposed to do now? it’s why she’s so weirded out when he tries to kiss her in “fool for love” and goes on about how people can’t love without a soul in “crush”. spike isn’t fitting his sexual category and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so she tries to stuff him back in. long story short, i think it’s only after “crush” that she actually consciously thinks about his attractiveness, because before then he just wasn’t someone on the table for her to think about that way.

(oh i should also add—i think spike’s “crush” moment with buffy is “who are you?” when faith comes onto him. because it was sort of a similar thing for him. even though he was attracted to buffy before that episode, it was something he repressed or treated as kind of a game. innuendo and eroticism as a battle tactic but not something you’d actually follow through on in real life. but he thinks buffy breaks the rules in “who are you?” and suddenly makes herself real-life sexualizable. so i think his attraction becomes more conscious after that, even if he’s still trying to act like it’s something that disgusts him, like buffy post-“crush”.)

(also, this is why it’s so easy to read violence and murder as sublimated desire in a gay way with spuffy. it’s not really about murder and violence. it’s about them expressing romantic/erotic desire within the bounds of what their roles allow, because they can’t conceive of each other in other roles.)

but i do think buffy did still have some sort of draw to spike before s5. i feel like instinctually she saw him as more of a person than other vampires pretty early. definitely not consciously, and definitely wasn’t love. but she talks to him like he’s a really annoying guy more than she talks to him like some sort of mindless enemy. she doesn’t bother telling other soulless vampires that she violently dislikes them, or mock them about their breakups. i think the only other soulless vampires she sort of treats that way are harmony and holden in cwdp, which makes sense since both of those are vampires she knew before they were vamped. she didn’t kill harmony either, and wasn’t excited about having to kill holden. but spike is the only “stranger” vampire she sees that way, and i think that’s interesting! i think a lot of her conflict over him is due to this too, tbh. he instinctually feels like both a person and not-a-person to her, and that’s hard for her to process.

i have zero canon to back this up, but i think the first time buffy kind of sort of falls in love with spike is in “the gift”, when he says he’d protect dawn until the end of the world. i mainly think this because i don’t think it can be understated how important dawn is to buffy, or how telling it is that she kisses spike in “intervention”. other people have said this, but she just doesn’t kiss people every time they do something nice for her. i don’t think she would have done that unless she felt some sort of latent *something* for him, and unless he’d done something that really deeply affected her. him being willing to sacrifice himself for dawn’s sake, or protect her above all, affects buffy first: because of how self-sacrificing she is. she’s always the one who has to die or put herself on the line for other people. and second: she’s the only one who cares about dawn the way she does. no one else goes into a coma or threatens giles or vows to protect her until the end of the world…except spike.

so the fact that spike would understand the self-sacrificial and protecting-dawn parts of her, or help her with them in the same unthinkingly committed way, when no one else is, i think hits her where she lives. he understands and is not just supporting, but *embodying* this hugely important thing to her at the time when it counts the most. so she falls a bit in love with him. maybe just a second, or a minute, and then she ignores it and saves the world. but that’s the first time it happens.

then as far as s6 goes, i pretty much take buffy at her word when she says she has feelings for him, but that they’re not love. i think she has really intense and confusing emotions around him and for him, but they just don’t cohere into something that could be called something clear-cut like love. and that’s sort of the tragedy of that season? it has all the potential and intensity and chemistry for love, but she doesn’t like or trust herself and she doesn’t trust him, and he isn’t in a place where he can understand the guilt and self-hate she’s going through, or be moral without her guidance, and so in a lot of ways her lack of trust really is justified. so it just can’t quite reach the realness of love, where you want and want to care for the other person’s whole self. but (adding this edit based on a comment by marinxttes!), i totally agree that a lot of her breakup with spike is about her feeling enough for him that it doesn’t feel right to use him anymore. i think that’s the decisive moment when she stops being confused about whether he is or isn’t a person (and whether *she* is or isn’t), and decides he is one. maybe not one she thinks she can love yet, but one she genuinely cares about doing right by, and that’s a huge shift.

i believe her in s7 too when dawn asks if she loves him and she says she feels for him. i don’t know when exactly that whole mess starts cohering into something that really is love for buffy, but i feel like it’s happening the whole season. like air condensing into water. all the pieces have been there, amorphously, for a long time, and finally they’re allowed to take form. so when she says “i love you” in “chosen”, it’s at once something new, and also something that’s been there all along.

#ship: spuffy #do i have evidence to back up 90% of this? no #am i going to post it anyway? absolutely

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tsuki-sennin · 2 years

Text

Momo Monday, right on schedule!

Alright, got a burger, a coke, and some lovely peace and quiet!

Time for Spoilers, I guess..., where the music's bumpin', the people are jumpin', and the festival's non-stoppin'!

-Oh, what a lovely piano instrumental~! And what a lovely pair, too~!

-Lookin' good, man~!

-Ohhhhhhhhh, boy you're breakin' my heart :sob: :sparkling_heart: :heartbreak:

-Haruka, homegirl! How you doing today?

-Oh, you're not creepy at all, mister.

-Don Kaito doesn't seem to have much investment in his... what seems to be his only employee's wellbeing. ...sadly, it's a lot more common than I thought or would like in this kinda business.

-Oh! ...good taste, dude.

-"...wanna draw me? :3"

-GIRL-

-Well, at least he paid!

-Hell yeah, save the balloon, Monkey Man!

-Oh. Let it go free~!

-Oh yes, very lovely Shinichi. That lad'll remember it for years to come.

-Sononi-sama...

-She ain't interested man, let it go.

-Hoho! Dog Man strikes! Woof!

-You're barking up the wrong tree, Sononi.

-Ahhhhh, it's Tsuyoshi~!

-"OH SHIT IT'S THE DOG MAN WHOSE BIRTHDAY I CELEBRATED"

-"Sorry, I'm the loyal dog type." And other unfunny dog jokes I can make about this situation! "You'd better roll on over to somebody else." "I don't really feel like sitting and staying."

-Natsumi :O?

-Not-sumi.

-Robber-rousin!

-FFFFFF

-FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEN

-...that's like 400 bucks, so...

-Oh crap, Sonoi!

-"I don't really punch people. I'm more of a kick, slash, and laugh kinda guy."

-"I deliver joy, like a party clown. Or Jesus."

-"You too... are a devoted male partner, Tsubasa-san. ...wanna form a Tsu duo?"

-Man... it would be hard to leave a town so full of important memories, huh?

-Ohhhhh, they were gonna get married~!

-Devoted love gang.

-Delicious narutomaki~! :)

-This whole conversation has been "My fiance was the most beautiful woman in the world. :)" and "Ohhhhhh, gosh golly jeepers, I love my wife! :DD" and it's honestly pretty sweet.

-*Sudden realization.*

-o.o

-INOUE C'MON STOP BULLYING MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS

-Oh, artist guy seems to be still on the prowl for his ideal piece.

-Fucker took Miho-san. Can't have shit in Donbura Town.

-Er uh... I assume that's what this little neighborhood in Tokyo is called.

-It's interesting how Sonoi seems to want to help others as much as he does just straight up murder the Hitotsu-Ki.

-If I know old man Inoue as well as I think I do... ohhhh, this tension will be delicious.

-Wow, Miho is... unnervingly calm under pressure.

-Artist Guy really fell for that, huh

-No fucks given, she made it right out.

-Ohhhhh, that signature "juuuuuust missed them" shot. Inoue definitely wrote that in to rile those in the know right up.

-He ran out like that?!

-LET'S GOOOOOOOO KIJIBROTHER

-KICK EM UP

-Wow. Sonoi's like a weird... opposite Sentai. Instead of egalitarian, he's real high and mighty.

-Wait, why is it suddenly daytime?

-HAS TSUYOSHI BEEN FIGHTING THIS WHOLE TIME

-My man's been kicking this guy around for hours!

-...Er uh, is this a day for night shot? Like those old black and white films like Nosferatu?

-Or did Don Momotaro just... will it to be daylight?

-Ayyy, ZyuohEagle

-ToQ1go too~! And Patren 1! Everybody's joining the party~!

-Oooooh, he sees the DonBlaster's power~!

-Oh god, the airhorns jhkhlhj

-Peachy blast party~!

-TSUYOSHI :O

-HE DEAD

-MY MAN KILLED

-ON PURPOSE

-DUDE

-I'm at a genuine loss for words right now.

-NO FUCK YOU DON'T JUST SHOW ME ROBOTARO AND EXPECT ME TO FORGET ABOUT THAT WHAT THE HELL GUYS

-...ok, Robotaro looks awesome, but still!

-What episode are we at? 8? That means there'd be like 42 or so more episodes, right? God.

-Fuck, dude.

-I didn't expect a silly Sentai show based on the tale of Momotaro with a funny black dog fugitive man, a funny blue monkey NEET man, a funny yellow oni mangaka girl, a funny pink bird office worker man, and a funny red man man to be the sort of show where I have to grapple with the ramifications of a hero committing intentional manslaughter, but here we are.

-Tsuki's gonna be in for a long one, lemme tell you.

#donbrothers spoilers #avataro sentai donbrothers #don! don! it's a full force peachy festival!#super sentai #momo monday

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imakemywings · 2 years

Note

For the character asks thing - do Morrigan &/or Thranduil ?

Character ask meme

Morrigan

First impression

Initially? I thought she was cold-hearted and self-interested.

Impression now

I still think Morrigan is very self-interested, but when you get to know her better you can see how Flemeth raised her not to sympathize with others and to buy into this idea that everyone should be 100% independent and no one who isn't is worth helping.

Favorite moment

Okay so I only just played DAI with Kieran for the first time, and I loved that moment where Morrigan fights Flemeth for Kieran. It was subtle before, but you can so clearly see here how much she's grown to care for Kieran and how much she values him as a person. I think it was a moment of excellent character growth for Morrigan, who is very accustomed to caring primarily and foremost for herself.

I was slightly surprised in general to see how much fulfillment Morrigan seemed to draw from motherhood, and I think she was too. But it's really sweet, and so is her determination to do better with Kieran than Flemeth did with her.

Idea for a story

I would love to see some adventure of her and Leliana's where they had to go off and do something with just the two of them--maybe the Warden sends them on an errand or something. They're just such different people, it's fascinating to see them work together towards a common goal.

Unpopular opinion

I'm not sure what's unpopular about Morrigan...I guess that I don't think it's unreasonable for the Warden to refuse her dark ritual offer, given that Morrigan is so unwilling to explain her motives and goals with it, beyond "I think it'd be neat to have an old god soul"?

Favorite relationship

Her and Kieran, absolutely. With Kieran you see a side of Morrigan that we didn't really know existed, and honestly, I'm not sure she knew existed either.

Favorite headcanon

This isn't mine, but I've seen people toss around that the dress she wears to Halamshiral in DAI is made based on the description Leliana gave of what she'd put Morrigan in if Morrigan let her design something, and I love that XD

Thranduil

First impression

Truthfully the first time I read The Hobbit he didn't make any real impression on me except that I generally loved the Elves and thought they were cool. But The Hobbit is also very light on information on side characters; Thranduil isn't even named in it: he's only "the Elvenking" or "the king."

Impression now

I love him he has dealt with so much shit and yet remains a fundamentally good person and I am a sucker for those types of characters

Favorite moment

In terms of sheer cool factor that scene in the movies where he skewers about five orcs on his elk's antlers and then flips off of it when it goes down was hella

In terms of character, when he changes course from the Elves' march to Erebor so they can instead go to aid the refugees from Esgaroth. In the films, this gesture is portrayed as merely incidental to his goal of getting to Erebor, but in the book, he delays the Elves' arrival at Erebor and goes out of his way to help the human refugees, and I think this was a great showing of how he is compassionate towards others, even if he is very suspicious of outsiders.

Idea for a story

Oh man I have several.

I want to do something with his courtship with Niwe because it was probably the dorkiest we will ever see him no matter how hard he was trying to seem cool

I want to cover some scene after the War of the Last Alliance when he and Niwe regroup, acknowledge that with Oropher's death they are now king and queen of Greenwood the Great, and sort of reflect on the battle and look towards the future

My headcanon is that Thranduil and Niwe had a lot of trouble conceiving, so I also wanted to explore one of their conversations about that

Any modern AU where he came from a rural town but ends up becoming a high-ranking wills and estates attorney

I really want to write something about his reunion with Legolas after LotR because I think he was losing it the entire time Legolas was on that quest. He had to keep it together for the sake of the kingdom but he's rarely been more of a mess thinking that his beloved only child might die in the same place he lost his father.

Unpopular opinion

I don't think this is really unpopular among book fans, but the films did him dirty. I don't mind that they made him flawed, or gave more definition to a character who doesn't get a lot of development in the book, but I hate that he needed some third party (Tauriel) to ~remind him~ to care about other people, and how little they touch on his compassion--Bilbo himself describes Thranduil as the "ruler of a good and kindly people" and the book emphasizes how much Thranduil is loved by those who follow him.

I am also not here for whatever weird Sindar-Silvan ethnic tension they tried to put in there. I've talked before about how nonsensical this is, but here I'll keep it to this: there is literally no reason for this conflict to exist, and the chances are very high that Thranduil's own wife was a Silvan Elf (in part because after the First Age there just are not that many Sindar Elves left).

Favorite relationship

With Legolas <3 I think Legolas' general temperament is evidence of how he was raised and I will never not believe he wasn't spoiled, and that Thranduil doesn't have the world's biggest soft spot for his baby. Legolas is most important to him in the world.

Favorite headcanon

This is hard to choose just one but I'll stick with one that informs a lot of my reading of his character: Thranduil was Doriathrim, but not of any high ranking position.

#asks #thank you!#lmao I'm always here to talk about Thranduil #thranduil

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