#oh no wilson we have to get married for legal reasons

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Revenge of CHAOTICA!, Episode 3

"...and that's how it all happened." Fiver finishes his exposition to the Lumbarans. "Fiver, there weren't any pineapples in that fight against the frost giants.” They just kind of look at you before the old Tabaxi woman in robes says, “I just asked if we could give you a place to stay for the night.” Thunderchild: “Ignore him, he's in love with the sound of his own voice. Actually as a cleric, he has probably married himself to the sound of his own voice. Probably as some sort of tax fraud.” Fiver: "No, but for tax purposes Katt needs 24 hour medical care and Robbins is seven people.” "Great, you creeped the old woman out. That is a new record on creeping out one of the locals.” Thunderchild: “Also Amber is legally registered as a combine harvester. Because reasons.” Amber: ”You better be joking about that one or I will use my new sword as a thresher on you." Thunderchild: One of the more subtle aspects of successful pirates is knowing how to navigate tax codes and contract law. Fiver: "Don't take it personally, it’s only to make sure you pass under emission standards, they're kind of sticklers for that on this planet. We're calling you a sports-utility warforged so they classify you as a light truck." "Giant space hamsters...I just know Tony the Fleshbender who lived 900 years ago is somehow behind these.” "Katt's good people, she's a little out of sorts lately because her girlfriend ascended to godhood. But deep down she's a sweet gal.” Moonpaw: "I'll have.....uh......Someone help me out here: I used to either get waited on or caught anything small and fast-moving.” "Okay," Katt says as she rejoins the others, "that's the glorious golden goofus taken care of. did I miss anything?” Thunderchild: “Moonpaw got ID'd and the party officially started apparently.” Amber goes over to the group. "We got sent a gay bar, guys. I hope this isn't a problem with any of you.” Moonpaw: "I don't care what kind of drink they serve.” "I don't believe in the greater good," Katt adds, pausing as if listening for something, then smiling at only party music. "Oh, I can get used to that.” Fiver casts Thaumaturgy to cause the ominous whispers of "The greater good" to echo in the distance.

Fiver: "Sorry Katt, the Incarnum pays me three copper every time I do that.” Katt: "The sad part is that they will do that.” Katt is very happy with the box housekeeping left for her. OOC: Query: Can I use the light spell as a laser pointer? Katt: "I call the pink one.” Moonpaw spends five minutes sniffing and circling the hamsters, before choosing one seemingly at random to ride tandem. "...I think I was out sick the day they were teaching about the wellspring in Seminary.” OOC: (And by "Out sick" we mean he got drunk and went cow tipping with the gang.) A small winged creature resembling a monkey with macaw wings crawls out of Thunderchild's bag and jostles with Robin for space on Thunderchild's Shoulder. Robbins: “Oi! Have-at-you! Hey!” Robbins commenses an epic slap fight before eventually conceding Wilsons shoulder rights Robbin “s:This-is-a-tree-and-this-is-another-tree.I-think-we-go-north-which-is-by-this-moss-which-is-on….A-tree!" Katt: ”Are swamps supposed to smell like a Jammerstop bidet?” Fiver: ”Don't sweat it, you were born domesticated, it will take time for your animal instincts to resurface.” "This-is-not-good. Nope. Definately-an-imbalance-in-the-natural-way-here. My-fairy-senses-are-very-uncomfortable-here.” The shadow clone falls over and holds up a lilly. Fiver: "But you know us rabbits, we're good at multiplying." Robbins: Gesturing at the swamp things “How-about-we-practice-our-division-and-subtraction?” “ALRIGHT-SECOND-GO.Plugging-my-nose!ATTTAACK!" GM: You remain thereal…. "I am de-thereal.” Fiver: ”Perhaps, but I am starting to think this corruption is being caused by deliberate Malice, and our wayward Leonine may have bit off more than he can chew.” Robbins: ”Ew-I-hope-he-didnt-try-eating-them.” GM OOC: Aight! Tonight’s gonna be fun if you’ve got a swamp thing fetish! OOC: So we shouldn't bring our evil here. OOC2: Like are we talking “DC Swamp Thing” or like “creature from the black lagoon” type swamp thing? Very difference fetishes. GM OOC: Yes. OOC2: So we're going to see a plant zombie making out with a fishman? OOC: The sequel to Shape of the Water the studio is too cowardly to let Del Toro make. OOC: Bugs Bunny is probably the pope of his church. Fiver: “The Owlin are ruthless robber barons, and also terrible, terrible wordsmiths.” OOC: Adam. Warren. This is a guy who looks at Chris Claremont and says “hold my beer.” And the result will be both way sleezier and more wholesome at the same time.

[alloftheimaginess]

Wired Autocomplete

Other parts

Jared Padalecki

Alexander Calvert

Jensen Ackles

Ys = Your sign aka your zodiac sign

Bd = Birthday

Ht = Hometown

Sn = Sister’s name

Yh = Your height

"Hi I'm Yn Collins and this is my Wired autocomplete interview" I say smiling and I get thrown a card and I hold it up.

"Is Yn Collins" I say pausing.

"Dumb?" I say laughing and I pull the first one back.

"Is Yn Collins going to comic con" I read and I look up.

"Actually yes I am you can catch me there everyday, I'll be at the Supernatural panel when I'm not at my own so if you weren't able to meet me at mine you might be lucky and meet me at my husbands" I say looking back at the board.

"Is Yn Collins" I read pulling it back "adopted" I say looking up and I nod.

"I get this a lot so I'll explain here so people can continue to ask later down the road" I say laughing

"So my parents split up when I was 4 and my dad remarried my stepmom and she adopted me like made me legally hers and then my dad divorced her and went to jail so then I stayed with her and she remarried and she's legally my mom because she adopted me and her husband who I consider my only father is her husband" I say laughing explaining it the best I can.

"Is Yn Collins a" I say and I pull it back "a Ys" I read.

"Yes I am. I was born Bd" I say moving on, making it the shortest response.

"Is Yn Collins" I read and I start laughing "these make me nervous" I say laughing "Volt. Oh yeah, it's a character that I play in the marvel franchise. She started off bad but not really bad just misunderstood" I say nodding and I pull back the last one.

"Why is Yn Collins famous" I read "It all happened when I decided to audition when I was 7 and my husband" I say smirking "I'm just kidding not because of him" I say throwing the card getting another one.

"Where did Yn Collins" I read pulling it back "grow up" I read "I grew up in a million places lol, my dad was in the military so we moved often. I can name 9 places I lived. But before all that I grew up in H/t" I say.

"Who are Yn Collins siblings" I read. "I know you guys only googled this to see if Lily Collins would pop up which she didn't, we played adopted siblings in a movie and because of our chemistry and names everyone assumed we were actually siblings. But to answer this question I'm the oldest of four who's last names aren't Collins because that's my husbands last name" I say laughing, pulling the last one.

"Was Yn Collins" I read pulling it back "on glee" I read laughing.

"I also get this question often. That was my little sister Sn, we look super similar so at one point everyone struggled to tell us apart but yes she was the one on glee not me" I say.

"Does Yn Collins sing" I read "yes all the time. Who doesn't sing" I say laughing.

"Honestly at this point in my life I never stop singing" I say looking up at the camera.

"Misha tells me to shut up all time, I'm a nervous singer so when I'm anxious or nervous I hum, sing all of that" I say laughing.

"Did Yn Collins and Chris Evans date" I read "no, we just hang out like a lot. We've been making movies together since I was like 14 so he's just my best friend" I say laughing playing with the last cover.

"Did Yn Collins get married" I read laughing. "Yes that's why I'm called Collins" I answer. "Is this actually a question people google enough for it to pop up?" I ask shaking my head. "But yes I did my husband is Misha Collins. He's this really hot guy who plays an angel named Castiel on supernatural" I say pointing to the camera.

I throw the card and I catch the one that gets thrown to me and the first one has my avengers character name on it and I laugh. "Who is Audrey Patterson aka volt" I read "Aubrey Patterson is a woman who grew up in the south until she got her powers when she was just a wee tween and she was shipped away to live with her grandparents in New York" I say looking at the card.

"Is Aubrey Patterson and Sam Wilson friends in real life" I read "Mackie is my guy, when I first came onto the Captain America scene he was the first person who I hadn't met before to welcome me with opened arms" I say.

"Is Aubrey Patterson" I read and when I pull the tab back it pulls off the words "I guess we'll never know" I say laughing.

"Is Aubrey Patterson the youngest in the Captain America movies" I read "yes I am" I say laughing and I toss the board to the side.

"I'm almost done and I'm sad, I never want this to end I want to answer google questions all day" I say grabbing the board "can Yn Collins speak any other languages" I read.

"Three and a half" I say.

"Can you say something in all of the languages you know?"

"Yeah of course" I say nodding.

"Bonjour je suis avec câblé aujourd'hui" I say.

"Ik zal je vragen beantwoorden" I say raising a brow trying to see if I said that right.

"Don't come after me Dutch fans I'm sorry I'm still learning it's the half language I know" I say.

"Ich bin buchstäblich ein offenes Buch" I say smiling at the camera.

"Začnime" I say.

"What did you just say?" He asks.

"I said hello I'm with wired today and I will answer all of your questions, I'm an open book so let's begin" I say holding the bird back up.

"Is Yn Collins one of the best actresses of our generation" I read "literally I don't even know if I can properly answer that because naturally I'm going to say no because I work with a lot of amazing women so no" I say moving on.

"Who does Yn Collins look like?" I read "hmm, my sister like I said, my ten year old but she looks more like Misha than she looks like me but that counts. But definitely my eight year old son, he looks dead on me and my twins" I say smiling at the camera.

"What are Yn and Misha Collins" I read pulling it back. "kids names" I say.

"My oldest is Elodie, my second oldest is named after his dad so Dmitri, then the twins Maren and Mavis and then my youngest Farren" I say smiling at the camera because any time I can talk about my kids I'm in heaven.

"Is Yn Collins an alumna" I read "yes I am, I graduated from New York school of arts" I say.

"How tall is Yn Collins" I read "good question" I say laughing "I want to say about Y/H, in that area, just about" I say looking at the next one.

"How did Yn meet Misha" I read "aww" I say smiling "I love talking it about this a lot more than I actually should" I say.

"The year was 2009 and I was at comic con for Avatar" I say.

"He was there for his first comic con ever and we were next door neighbors and I got locked out of my room and my purse and everything were in there and I couldn't get a copy of my room key without my identification so I knocked on his door and the most attractive man I've ever seen opens the door in just a towel and I'm like lost for words at first and then he let's me in and enter through his room and we talked and hung out that whole weekend and 9 months I had Elodie" I say giggling.

"How long have Yn and Misha Collins been married" I read "nine years, we got married after Elodie turned one. Almost ten years" I say smiling at the camera.

"Is Alex Calvert Yn and Misha's kid?" I read laughing.

"How old do you guys think I am?" I ask laughing even harder.

"Also that would make no sense for obvious reasons but to answer your question no Alex is not either of our kid, separate, together, adopted" I say giggling.

"His wife is actually one of Misha and I's best friends, we've known her since she was like 14" I say.

"She actually named their first kid after Misha and he let's that go to his head because he has two people named after him" I say laughing.

"Is Yn Collins closer to Jared or Jensen's wife" I read.

"I'm super close to both and I love them to pieces but I do hang out with Jensen's wife more, we always go to lunch whenever we're together, and we always ride with each other to the airport when Jensen and Misha fly in together so I guess I'll just say her because we hang out more" I say shrugging.

"But like I said I love them both so much and equally" I say.

"Is Yn Collins pregnant" I read and I start laughing "you guys are good. But yes I am, 20 weeks today. We just announced it before I came in today so" I say throwing the card.

"I'm Yn Collins and this has been my Wired autocomplete Interview" I say smiling at the camera and blowing a kiss.

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 12

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2588

Warnings:  Pregnancy, mentions of past child abuse

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 12: Confrontations

It took a lot of legal toing and froing to get to an agreed time for my parents to come.  They were reluctant to agree to the terms of having lawyers present or having the meeting here at their expense.  They ended up agreeing to everything because, in the end, it was them wanting something from me, not the other way around.  By the time it was all arranged and the meeting was happening my morning sickness had well and truly kicked in.

There were now three of us with morning sickness and it made for some awkward mornings.  For starters, we could set each other off.  If Natasha or I had morning sickness, it always made Wanda’s worse.  Natasha could hear someone throwing up, but if she saw it, we had to move or she’d be throwing up on top of us.  It was a good thing we had lots of bathrooms, and it was becoming a little more common for the three of us to decide not to spend the whole night together for fear of setting each other off in the morning.  Not always, we usually had a little warning before it got bad, but if there had a few days in a row where we were all very ill, we would take a break.

A whole array of temporary house rules had been established because different things set us off.  Coffee had to be drunk in the kitchen away from me and Wanda.  All the shampoo and conditioner was now unscented and we had found exactly one brand of soap we could agree on.  Bucky and Tony weren’t allowed to wear their preferred aftershave.  No bacon at all in the house.

On the day I was supposed to meet with them I woke up and immediately dashed to the bathroom, emptying my stomach of its contents and then just dry heaving.  Bruce followed me in, having shifted into just Bruce.  While I threw up he held my hair back off my face and when it was clear I had nothing left he wet a washcloth with cold water and wiped my brow and down the back of my neck.

“It seems extra bad today,” he said.  “I missed it last time.  Is this just how it is or are you stressed about today and it's making it worse?”

I shook my head and pressed my forehead to the cold tiles on the wall.  “It was bad last time too, but I was also stressed then, wasn't I?”

“Right,” he said.  “Of course.  What can I do?”

“Help me up?” I asked.

He helped me to my feet and started the shower.  I ran my fingers through the threads from me to the others.  My morning sickness had set Wanda’s off and Sam was currently with her as she threw up in the bathroom down the hall.  Natasha was in bed with Clint and Bucky all of them were awake and she wasn’t feeling great.  Steve and Tony were downstairs with the twins, while Thor was just getting up.  He appeared in the bathroom and began to strip his underwear off.

“Perhaps I should go to Asgard and get some elixir for the three of you.  It works much better for nausea than the pills you’ve been taking,” he said.

“That might be a good idea,” I agreed as I stepped into the water.

Bruce and Thor followed me in and Bruce grabbed the shampoo and began to work it through my hair.  “Are you sure you want to go through with this today?”  Bruce asked.

I shook my head.  “No,” I said, feeling myself tense up again, even as Bruce’s fingers worked over my scalp.  “But I’m going to anyway.  Better I end this.”

Thor cradled my jaw and tilted my head up to look him in the eyes.  “You are in the position of power now,” he said.  “Do not let them return you to that frightened child you once were.  You are not that little girl anymore and stressing so much is not good for the baby.”

I gave a small nod and he leaned down and brought his lips to mine.  I relaxed into him and Bruce kissed my shoulder gently.  I pulled back and sighed. There was a huge part of me that wanted to forget everything.  To just have shower sex so that it might chase off the last of my nausea and then to head downstairs and have a nice normal day with the people I’d chosen to spend it with.  Instead, I ran my hand down Thor’s chest and gave a small nod.  “Okay.  I better get a move on.”

I showered and took a long time deciding what I wanted to wear.  The last time my parents had seen me in person I was 16 and goth.  I didn’t know if right now the image I wanted to go for was professional or more me.  I didn’t want to give them a reason to think for a second I was there in a casual capacity.  I didn’t want them to have a reason to pick at me.  But at the same time, I didn’t want them to think I’d turned out to be the person they wanted me to be.

I ended up opting to dress how I wanted to.  This wasn’t a trial.  This was my parents and they needed to see me how I was now.  I put on a black romper with a sheer duster that attached at the waist and had a Maleficent print.  I did my hair and makeup and headed downstairs to breakfast with Thor and Bruce who had now shifted into his midway form.  Wanda was in the dining room eating a millet porridge next to Sam who had a plate of eggs and sausage.  The kids were in the living area watching cartoons with Clint, Bucky, and the puppies, while Steve, Natasha, and Tony sat on the couches near the spiral staircases.

Steve, Tony, and Natasha stood as I came down and followed me over to the table.  “You’re sure you want to do this?”  Steve asked.

I took a seat and grabbed myself some toast and chuckled.  “Already had this conversation today.” 

“Right,” Steve said.  “Well.  Just remember we’re all up here if you need us. Whatever you decide to do, we’ll support you.”

“Thank you, Steve,” I said and sipped my tea.  “You’re making it sound like I’m going to negotiate for national security.”

He chuckled and rubbed my arm.  “I know, sweetheart,” he said.  “But I know how anxious this has made you.  It’s a big deal.”

“Thanks,” I repeated.  “I don’t think I can handle another pep talk though.  I just want it over with.”

“Have they arrived yet, FRIDAY?”  Natasha asked.

“They’re just going through security now,” the AI replied.

Bruce seemed to panic a little and just started shoving food into his mouth.  I laughed and patted his arm.  “Relax.  They can wait.  Take your time.”

“Thanks, El,” he chuckled and slowed back down again.

It took a little while for Bruce to finish eating and it made me spitefully happy thinking about my dad trying not to lose his mind while I made him wait.  When he was done everyone stood and they walked me to the elevator.

“If they want money, you can give it to them,” Tony said, just as the elevator door opened.  “Pay them off and get them out of your life again.”

I shook my head.  “I don’t want that, Tony,” I said. “If they want money, they’re out of my life.”

He nodded and he, Natasha, and Steve kissed me goodbye, and Wanda, Bruce, and I caught the elevator down.  Wanda took my hand wordlessly, and when she did that, Bruce placed a large hand on my back so that his fingers curled around my side.  The elevator stopped and we were greeted by three of Tony’s legal team.

“Doctor Cooper, your parents are waiting through here,” one said and led us through into the conference room.

My mom and dad and their lawyer stood as soon as we came in.  They’d aged so much since I’d seen them.  Dad was going bald and his hair was more grey than brown, and mom was clearly dying her hair.  Seeing them, even as different as they looked, only made me think of him hitting me and her telling me that's just how men were and I should expect it from my husband too.  There was no thread between me and my father and the one to my mother was so faint I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not.  I knew then it didn't matter what else happened today, these people weren't my family, and I wasn't going to let them back in my life.  Not how they were.

“Elise,” mom said, taking a step forward and holding out her hands.

One of our lawyers cleared his throat.  “We have organized this meeting at the request of Mr. and Mrs. Cooper but it should be clear, Doctor Cooper has no desire to rekindle any kind of relationship with her abusers.”

“Elise...” my mother said, furrowing her brow.

I took a seat and everyone else sat down too, Wanda and Bruce flanking me on each side.

“Well, here I am,” I said.  “Tell me what it is you want.”

Mom looked at dad who just folded his arms over his chest.  “We want our daughter back,” Mom said.  “You ran away, we didn’t kick you out.”

“Oh, please,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.  “I left because he was beating me and you were grooming me.”

“Honey, I know your father could lose his temper…” Mom implored.

I felt Bruce tense and he leaned forward over the table.  “No, I think you’re mistaken.  I can lose my temper.  Your husband beats helpless children,” he growled and balled his fist.

My parents blanched and scooted back in their chairs.  I placed my hand on his arm as he sat back in the chair.  Mom looked at dad and nudged him.  He scowled and let out a breath in a huff.

“Elise, you know I love you,” he said.  “I’m sorry for the things I did.  I was sorry when I did them.  I want us to have a relationship.”

“Uh-huh,” I said.  “And despite the fact that for over six years where I was has been a topic of media coverage, and for the six years before that, I wasn’t even hiding and had my name on academic papers but you’ve only chosen now I’ve married one of the richest men on the planet to try and get in contact, that’s a coincidence?”

“It’s not a coincidence,” he said.  “We saw you get married and we realized we should have been there.”

“So you could be seen hobnobbing with the rich and powerful?”  I hissed.

Wanda put her hand on my arm and I looked at her, her eyes glowed pink.  ‘He’s not exactly lying.  There are some things there about the connections they could make, but they have missed you,’ she sent.

‘Have they changed?’ I sent back and she shrugged in response.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  “I don’t think I want that,” I said.  “What you did to me, how I was the family scapegoat, the way you would hurt me and then buy my forgiveness, how you’d make me lie to people about my injuries so you wouldn’t get in trouble, how nothing I did was good enough for you; those things fucked me up for so long.  They made me doubt whether anyone could love me.  They made it hard for me to trust anyone.  I can’t accept gifts from people without expecting that some kind of pain will be attached to it.  You made me feel like I was worthless and it took a long time to retrain myself to know that I wasn’t.  I can’t have you back in my life because I don’t want to be reminded of how the people whose job it was to love me couldn’t even do that.”  I had told myself they weren't going to make me cry, that they didn't get to see how they were still able to hurt me, but by the end of my rant I was openly weeping.  Wanda had taken my hand and was holding it tightly and Bruce was caressing my back.

“I'm sorry, Elise.  I'm sorry we made you feel like that.  I'm sorry I never stopped him,” mom said.

“You're still with him!” I shouted.  “And Amanda looked scared.  Why was she scared about going back to you alone?  Why are you still with the man who broke your daughter's bones on multiple occasions?  Wasn't it your job to protect me from that?”

Mom opened and closed her mouth like a fish and dad has stiffened up in his chair.  “Now look here, Elise,” he huffed.

“No!” I shouted.  “You look here!  You don't get to be part of my life anymore.  You aren't my father.  You forfeited that when you first shattered the bones in my arm.  I don't care if you've genuinely changed.  You had sixteen years to show me you loved me, but all you taught me was self-loathing, pain, and fear.  I won't let you do that to me again!  I want nothing to do with you!”  I turned to my mother and she flinched from me.  “If you do honestly want a relationship with me, that might be possible.  Under these conditions; you leave dad.  Completely.  If you need help, I will do that, but you're not to have any contact with him outside of divorce lawyers.  You will get therapy.  I can help with that too.  Then I'll let you see me.  If things go well I'll let you meet some of the others and eventually the kids.  But know this, this is me, mother.  I am a bisexual woman in a relationship with nine people.  These aren't my friends, they are my lovers.  We have children together.  I did not follow your life plan of marrying rich and being a good housewife.”

“Elise!” Dad snapped and had he used that voice a moment ago I probably would have cowered like a kicked dog.  Something had snapped in me though.  I was well and truly done.  I knew who I was and what I was worth and I would not be afraid of him ever again.

I got up ignoring him and I looked at the lawyers.  “I’m done here.  I'd appreciate it if one of you would sort out getting a restraining order set up against my dad, for both me and the kids.”

“Of course,” the one closest to me said.  “We’ll get that started right away.”

I turned back to my parents and folded my arms.  “Goodbye,” I said.  “I'd say it was nice seeing you, but you never did like it when I lied.”

I strode out of the room followed by Wanda and Bruce and when we were out Bruce scooped me up into his arms like a doll and hugged me.  “I am so proud of you,” he rumbled.

“Me too, Elly,” Wanda said, rubbing my leg.  “You were amazing.”

“Okay, okay!” I said, snuggling into Bruce’s chest.  “Take me back to my real family.”

Bruce chuckled and hoisted me up onto his shoulder. “You've got it,” he said.

// NEXT

[steves-on-a-plane]

The Safest Hands

*Slight Spoiler* For Falcon And The Winter Soldier Words: 1383 Pairing: Former!Sam Wilson x Reader Summary: Reader is the Eldest daughter of Tony Stark and the former fiancé of Sam Wilson. After the government announces its plans for Captain America, Reader pulls together the best plan she can manage to get the shield back. Author’s Note: I’m loving everything that's happening so far with TFAWS, and it gave me the idea for this fic where Reader is a lawyer who tries to say Steve had no legal right to the shield. 

Courtrooms are nothing but theaters with bad actors in cheap suits. That was the first piece of advice your father had given you when you told him you wanted to become a lawyer. You were surprised by how true that turned out to be. Not so much the part about the suits being cheap, but the theatrical side of it for sure. You always tried your best not to play into the theatrics, unless it was the last resort.

Sure as hell hope this works. You thought as you shuffled papers at your table. You’d been in the courtroom for almost an hour. It seemed crazy to you that Supreme Court cases were decided so quickly. While corporate trials lasted weeks or sometimes months, the fate of a historic mantle would be decided in less than ninety minutes. You drank a sip of water from the glass in front of you. It was warm and tasted metallic, like someone had filtered it through pennies. You took a measured breath and waited for your turn to speak.

“So, as you can see by the evidence provided,” You began your closing statement. “Captain America’s iconic shield never legally transferred to Captain Steven Rogers. When Howard Stark passed, ownership of the shield was moved to the beneficiary of his estate, Mr. Stark’s only son, Anthony Stark. While under Anthony’s ownership the shield was stored in various facilities including being on loan to S.H.I.E.L.D. for several decades. Sometime in 2011, the shield was then loaned indefinity to Captain Rogers as shown in the asset transfer form submitted to the court. This form was signed by Captain Rogers, Nicholas J Fury and Anthony Stark. However, Captain Rogers terminated any rights to the shield following his refusal to sign the Sokovian Accords, as the original terms of the loan stated the shield would be reclaimed by Mr. Stark in the event the weapon was linked to a known crime in anyway. Therefor it stands to reason that since Captain Rogers had no legal right to the shield, he could not legally gift the shield to Mr. Samuel Wilson. Since Mr. Wilson was also not the legal owner of the shield, he could not legally donate it to the Smithsonian museum, which the government has since claimed the shield from. Rightfully, that shield belongs to the estate of Mr. Anthony Stark.”

“Thank you for those impassioned words, Ms. Stark.” The Chief Justice remarked. His tone was condescending, but you weren’t quite sure if that was intentional. “We thank you for your time as the court knows how personal this case is for you. We must hear our next case now. I expect you’ll have your answer following our next conference.”

With that the trial was over. There was nothing more you could do but wait for the justices to confer and deliver their opinion. You began gathering your things and exiting the court room. You’d presented every shred of evidence you could find. Proof that legally the shield had never transferred fully into Steve’s possession. Proof that Stark Industries still held pattens on all previous versions of the shield as well as several prototypes. Your father’s company or his estate also maintained pattens on every iteration of the Captain America Uniform. You could stop them from creating a new Captain America in everything but name.

You’d barely exited the Supreme Court Building when your phone rang. Sam Wilson’s name scrawled across the screen. You heaved a deep sigh, wishing this whole ordeal was over with already. You ignored Sam’s call, too preoccupied with dodging the press who were swarming around you. You gaze in the distance, relieved when you saw a familiar face. Happy Hogan met you at the base of the steps and helped you int the backseat of the car. You secured your seatbelt as he slipped behind the steering wheel and drove away.

“They were live streaming the courtroom.” He told you, not looking away from the road.

“Of course, they were. Vultures.” You complained, as you watched the reporters get smaller and smaller in the rearview.

“Can you really blame them? The whole country wants to see how this ends.” Happy told you.

“Wish it was over already.” You mumbled from the backseat. You answered a text from Pepper, asking if you were okay. You assured her that you were fine and that you’d been seeing here and Morgan soon. You just had a few things in DC that needed tying up. Again, your phone began to ring. It was Sam. You silenced it before tossing it across the seat.  

“You know he’d be proud of you, Kiddo. They both would be.” He assured you.

“If they weren’t both so stubborn, they’d still be here. Not leaving me to fight their battles for them. Which for the record, I stayed away from the tech industry specifically so that I wouldn’t turn into my father and…GAh!” You couldn’t help but let out a small exclamation of frustration. “Here I am throwing around the family name and exploiting thin as ice legal loopholes to get the stupid shield back! A shield that Sam was at best too humble and at worst too stupid to keep. Even if you don’t use it, man, just do the one thing you know Steve would have wanted and keep it away from the government! Aside from the fact that it’s classified as a deadly weapon, the thing’s got enough vibranium to buy you a decent house. Or If you want to give it to a government don’t give it to ours! Bring it to T’challa….”

You phone was now vibrating loudly as it skidded across the car’s leather back seat. You took a brief pause from your rant and finally answered the phone. You didn’t even bother looking at the caller ID. Only one person had been blowing up your phone all morning.

“What, Wilson?” You snapped at him.

“Hey, Baby, nice to hear your voice too. Long time no see.” He cackled from the other side of the line. You pinched the bridge of your nose and exhaled a deep breath.

“Sam, now’s not a good time…” You told him.

“C’mon you’ve been dodging my calls all morning.” His tone finally changed to something serious.

“You didn’t think that was for a reason?” You snapped.

“Oh, I know the reason. You think I’m going to ask you about the trial.” He laughed.

“Aren’t you?” You sighed.

“Nah I saw the whole thing on TV.” He assured you. “You look great by the way, very Stark-like.”

“Yeah, well the hot rod red power suit probably did most of the leg work there.” You sighed. “What do you want Sam? Happy and I are on our way to the hotel.”

“Any chance you want to join me for dinner?” He asked.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be seen together. I’m suing you remember?” You reminded him.

“So we just make sure no one sees us.” You could practically hear him shrugging. “Besides you’re only technically suing me. Once all the dust settles with the federal case we get to pretend we agreed to something outside of court. Then everything goes back to normal and you don’t have to pretend you’re mad at me anymore.”

“Let me be clear about something, I’m not pretending to be mad at you. I’m furious.” You told him sternly. “This isn’t like the time you bleached my favorite shirt. I’m not just going to get over it. You really messed this one up, Sam. I’m not fighting this fight for you and we’re lucky we didn’t go through with that proposal of yours, because if we were married right now, I’d have no hope at all of getting that shield back.

“It won’t kill you to say that you missed me too, [Y/N].” He said.

“I miss a lot of things Sam.” You told him. “But not all of us have the luxury of walking away from a legacy. Stark out.” You ended the call and tossed your phone again.

Everything’s gonna workout exactly the way it’s supposed to. Your father’s final words echoed in your head as you stare at the window.

“Probably not this time, Old Man.” You whispered to yourself.

[lovinlikeloki]

The Lone Wolf

Masterlist // 04

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2.4k

King T'Challa agreed to let us stay here for a few days so that we can both recover from our fight and figure out our next move. Rogers, however, told us not to take too long, T'Challa is being very benevolent and we shouldn't risk our safety or the cleanliness of his reputation.

We've already discussed vague ideas of where we're going and who with. Splitting up is obviously the best idea, divide and conquer, and all that. Clint and Scott are going back to their families, with any luck they'll be able to negotiate for some sort of house arrest deal, but it won't be so easy for the rest of us.

The captain and Wilson are planning on sticking together, maybe go through Europe. Romanoff is planning on doing her own thing, as she usually does. Wanda is also planning on Europe, and with any hope she'll take me with her. We're still a bit awkward after our conversation in the bedroom but we're just kinda pretending it never happened. Right now I'm just discussing my plans with Wanda.

"What's your plans Fi?" she asks me.

"I was hoping to come with you Wands," I reply.

"No, absolutely not. That is not happening."

"Why the hell not? I can't go home; they have my information! And I don't want to hear the lecture that Shéa and Erin will have planned, they aren't my parents, not after they disowned me, but as legal guardians they'll have been informed."

"But Fia-"

"But nothing! I can't go back. They'll have talked to Orlaith by now, everyone knows she's my best friend. Not only that, but someone will have pointed them in Eoghan's direction and I especially can't endanger the pub. That is Eoghan's job, all the mercs' jobs, and I'm not going to take that away from them."

"Fianna I just want you to have a normal life. To be a normal teenager!"

"But I can't! Don't you get that? Ever since the damn experiments I can't be a normal teenager. My DNA has been ripped apart and rewritten, I'm not even human anymore. I'm not normal... and I never will be, not again."

"Well... I- I have an idea. Look you're not gonna like it but-"

"No."

"But I didn't even-"

"You just said I'm not gonna like it."

"Just listen Fianna," Wanda pleads.

"Fine. Go ahead," I roll my eyes.

"There's somewhere you can go. You'll be able to negotiate terms and you will be able to lead a somewhat normal life, wolf and all."

"It better not be-"

"Yes, it's Tony Stark."

"No. No way. There is no way I'm going to him of all people for help."

"Fianna please. He'll help you."

"No. He's the reason- Look Wanda, he's not in my good books. He wasn't before, and he sure as hell isn't now. Not after... not after last year."

"He can help you. He knows what you mean to me, what you meant to both of us. I've forgiven him, it's time that you do too," Wanda reasons.

"But he killed-" I trail off, tears starting to roll down my cheeks, "He's responsible for-"

Wanda moves closer, rubbing my back, letting me lean my head on her shoulder, "I know Fia, I know. He didn't though. He might've created Ultron, but he was trying to stop him too. He never meant for anyone to get hurt. Especially not Pi-"

"Don't," I jerk my head up, "No- na habair ainm s'aige! Ní dúirt- Ní dúirt mé é ó a bhfuair sé bás. Le do thoil— Wanda please."

(don't say his name! I haven't said— I haven't said it since he died. Please-)

"Okay, I won't say his name. But you won't even begin to move on, you won't begin to heal until you accept that he's gone."

I move back from her, shaking my head, "But he can't be. He just can't be gone. I already told you, he was my everything. I'm lost without him."

"But you weren't lost before him drăga, were you?" Wanda tries to reason with me.

(Darling)

"No," I wipe my tears away, "No I wasn't... but that was before all of this. Before the experiments. Before these powers. Before I met him. I can try to move on, I can, and say that maybe with time I do. But I'll always come back to him. Always love him. Always love him first. Before whoever I'm with. Whoever I marry. Whoever is the parent of my kids. They'll always be second best."

"I know, volk, I know," Wanda cradles my face in her hands, "But you will love again, maybe not as much, but you will," she wipes the tears still streaming down my face, "And while it won't be as strong it will still be as real. And no matter who it is, you know he'd be proud. You know that, right?"

(Wolf)

I nod my head, her hands moving with it before engulfing her in a hug. Wanda wraps her arms around my upper back and my head, soothing me like she did way back when. We stay like that for a minute or two and though it was a while before we pulled away it still felt too quick.

"And I'll always be here for you, fetiţa mea. Now, let's not dwell on the past, or on the future. Let us spend our time here making good memories, yeah?" Wanda smiles at me.

(My baby girl)

"Yeah," I breath, smiling back at her.

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ ° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °

I'm currently in Shuri's lab looking at all the cool tech she's made. She knows my skills and intellect and thought it would be cool if I got to look over her stuff and maybe even add stuff to it.

I get to browse the countertops with everything on them, the thing that sparks my interest most is the kimoyo beads. They are so freakin' cool.

I mean these thing can scan things, help heal people, control Wakandan tech, and they even make frickin' holograms! How cool is that?

"Ah, I see you've found the kimoyo beads," Shuri smiles when she sees them in my hand.

"Yeah, the tech is amazing, I mean I wouldn't even know where to begin making something like this. It's honestly incredible," I gush.

"Well, I could teach you how get started on advanced tech like this id you'd like," Shuri offers and I beam.

"Seriously?"

"Of course, I trust you, besides you're definitely capable."

"Okay then," I smile, "Where do we begin Múinteoir Shuri?"

(Teacher <prefix>)

Shuri then begins to teach me some little tips and tricks for basic tech that makes much more advanced in the long run. Just add an extra circuit here or just alter one you've already got and it takes your shit to a whole new level. Shuri might only be a little older than me but she's got some damn good skills.

She also asks me for suggestions for the new Panther Habit for T'Challa's new role as Black Panther. I give small ideas here and there but one that sticks is taking the shock absorbance to another level, redistributing the energy and making the shoes silent.

Its really nice to work with someone with Shuri's level of intelligence, she's like one of the smartest in the world. It's definitely better than the eejits (idiots) at school that I have to work with. While I'm nowhere near her level it's still good to be able to work with someone that knows what you're about to say before you even get the words out.

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ ° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °

After spending time in the labs with Shuri I go to the rest of the team. I'm kind of an outsider to them, they don't really know me and I don't really know them. I decide to try and approach one of them to try and... I don't know, bond? Or just become less of a stranger at least. I decide to go for who I deem the most approachable, Natasha Romanoff.

Now I know that you may think I'm crazy, thinking the easiest to approach is the fierce Black Widow, but my reasoning is somewhat solid. Romanoff was trained to read the room, read people and therefore she probably knows more about me than she lets on. We also share a somewhat similar background which while I wouldn't use as bonding material it means she can probably relate.

I sit down next to her and wait for her to make the first move, that way I won't force interaction and she can leave if the idea of it bothers her.

"Hey kid," Natasha begins.

"Hey," I reply.

"So, you're the kid Wanda always talks about," Natasha says absentmindedly.

"I guess I am. Wanda talks about me?"

"Oh all the time. She loves to talk about her little sister, the Volchitsa."

(She-wolf)

"Yeah... the irony of it all is almost comical."

"What irony," Natasha questions and I realise I hadn't explained.

"It's just my name," I shake my head, "Fianna, it's an Irish name. It has many meanings behind it depending on where you look, but the direct translation is what's funny."

"And why's it funny?" Natasha quirks an eyebrow.

"Because, what could be better for the girl who's a wolf than a name that means deer?"

Natasha nods, a small smile on her lips, "I do see the irony there. A predator named after her prey. But the Volchitsa is a good strong name, names are powerful things."

"They used to call me the Wölfin in HYDRA, another she-wolf nickname, this time in German, it was becoming feared. Black Widow is a strong name, also scary. A good name for a skilled agent though, the spider who eats her mate."

(She-wolf)

"I didn't get to choose that name," Natasha tells me, "It was chosen for me when I was even younger than you."

"Oh, I- I'm sorry," I stammer.

"Don't be. As you said, it's another strong name, a scary one too. The important thing is that the name Black Widow was once feared for bad reasons, now it's welcomed for good ones. Wölfin was feared because she was strong and could be used for bad reasons, use that or pick your own name that can be welcomed because she can use her skills for good."

I nod my head, slightly in thought, "I've had many names since getting my powers, Wölfin by HYDRA, Volchitsa by the twins, and back home the mercs, they called me an Mac Tíre. Again it means wolf, but this time in Irish, it feels more me but I can't use it anymore. Not if I'm going where Wanda wants me to."

"As I said, names are powerful. Having too many doesn't have to be a bad thing, it gives you options, I've had many aliases in my time, Natalia Alianova Romanova, Natalie Rushman, Nadia Roberts. It means that you can be whoever you want."

"...That's inspiring. Wölfin was a weapon, a child soldier, not someone I wanna be."

"Then don't be. Volchitsa was who the twins saw you as. A fluffball that they needed to protect," Natasha points out.

"Not her either, I'm different, I've changed since the twins- since Wanda last knew me," I correct myself but Natasha knows my slip up, she does, however, not bring it up.

"That currently leaves you with Mactíre."

"Yeah, the mercenary with a bite. I wasn't the only young merc but I'm the most memorable back home. Mactíre isn't feared per se, but she's respected and dangerous but kind, fiercely loyal."

"That sounds like someone I'd wanna be."

I look her in the eyes and can tell she's genuine, of course she is. The Mactíre is a good person, or at least she is now, her past isn't so good, a lot bloodier than it is now, but she's different. Natasha's right when she says that names have power. Mactíre is who I am now, maybe if I change again I'll use a newer name, or not, maybe I'll be a Mactíre mark II.

"Thanks Natasha, that means a lot," I tell her.

She nods before asking a question, "What did you mean when you said you couldn't be Mactíre where Wanda wants you to go?"

I internally sigh, I slipped up, she's Romanoff of course she didn't let it slide.

"I- Wanda wants me to go to Stark when we split. She thinks that he'll protect me and let me be normal. But he won't, he only protects himself."

"That's not true you know. That's actually the reason he signed the accords, he thinks we need to be put in check or we'll lose more lives than we save."

"Is that really the reason?" I quirk an eyebrow, "Or did someone say something and he feels the need to cover his ass?"

"That I can't answer. But he would protect you Fianna, he protected Wanda when Sokovia happened."

"Maybe, maybe he won't since I helped Steve. All I know is that he's hurt people I love and I don't forgive easy. Loyal remember? Fiercely loyal."

Natasha ponders what I've said for a moment before carefully choosing her words. "You make points, but I believe that he'll do the right thing. It'd be good for both of you, you'd get closure for the one's he's hurt and he'll get to face the consequences of his actions like he wants to. Besides, if you need somewhere to lay low I might now somewhere you can stay for a bit until you sum up the courage to face him."

"I- really?" I ask, unsure of whether or not she's kidding.

"Really," she confirms.

"Why?"

"I know what it's like to have to face something... especially your past, you need to build up to it."

"Thank you Natasha."

[amukmuk]

I love your Oc Ilona her story was wonderfully thought out. My I ask about her design process because I know it was incorporated with Riyos but yeah :)

And I wonder what happens to her after perception? I know a bit, I read all of your drabbles which you were playing in the preception pool. which I really love!

And I remember reading this somewhere and it is true, many fanfic writers might not know or ever know how much one or all of there works mean to a reader. Perception really really means a lot to me. Thank you.

Omg, nonny! That means so much to me! I’ve said it a thousand times before, but Perception is... my favorite fic. I put everything I had into it and am still reeling trying to find a better idea/story to write lol. 

With that, I’m going to put the rest of this answer under the cut because, as you know, I can be rather verbose. 

So yeah, the biggest reason Ilona exists is because I read “Maybe I am Somebody” by @part-timewizard and was like “oh crap!! Riyo needs an aide!!” and made my own. 

In their youth, Ilona was the wild one. She brought liquor to study nights and pushed Royan into politics. Riyo always kind of existed in his shadow and as their third wheel. Not that she didn’t have a happy childhood! But that’s what they were. They were always the other’s opposite. So, Royan was going to be the Senator, he was going to be married to Ilona, they were the ideal power couple. Then, they were left with the shattered pieces of his legacy. And I think part of Riyo and Ilona’s growth is both of them realizing that Riyo isn’t her brother.

Ilona is so protective of Riyo because she doesn’t want history to repeat itself. Before, she pushed Royan into politics, supported him in his campaign, and now suddenly she is doing it all over again except for his baby sister. She sees him in her as said in Jackie and Wilson and, all throughout Perception, has a hard time separating them. But as we know, she eventually comes around if only to carry on Royan’s legacy until she finds her own two feet in doing the right thing. 

So what happens to her after Perception? You know, I don’t know! I definitely left her story open-ended in the epilogue. After her change of heart, though, I think she would continue working with the CRC in some manner. 

Oh! I know. She, Puck, and Stride all stay on Coruscant. Puck serves as Bail’s personal bodyguard, Stride goes to law school, and Ilona serves as a sort of clone ombudsman. When the clones are trying to complete civilian tasks with to no avail (applying for school, receiving service in public places bc lets be honest prejudice that strong doesn’t end over night as much as we all may hope and dream) they go to Ilona and she speaks on their behalf. Stride, of course, finishes law school in record time (what like it’s hard?) and takes their cases if it comes to legal action. Anything else, I think I’ll leave up to you, dear reader! Ilona deserves her own happy ending and if that means she gets married and has babies, awesome! If that means that she, Puck, and Stride become an unstoppable crime stopping trio, also rad! Her story is yours to imagine! 

Thank you so much for this ask! I love Ilona with my whole heart <3

[theaccidentalstepmom]

Breakups suck. I’ve had a few- less than most but more than many. After a breakup my feelings for the other person lie somewhere between heartbroken, totally ready to move on and hoping the other person’s fingers grow fishhooks and that they also develop a strong itch in their genitals. Somewhere in there...

There are those select humans that can somehow remain friends with their exes and genuinely support them. I admire those people and I hope to be one of those people when I grow up. That said it does take two to make that work. But in general I think those people are on a different plane and there probably don’t need to read this blog. Actually no one needs to read this blog... who reads blogs anymore? Let’s be honest this is just a glorified online journal for me to unpack the crazy making in my life. But I digress...

Breakups happen. Wish them fortune or ill but eventually you move on. Right? Sure... assuming you CAN actually make a clean break. Assuming you don’t live/work/go to school together. Assuming you’re not married (because divorcing someone is a undoing a legal contract and that doesn’t happen in a vacuum). Also assuming there’s not a child involved because then that person that you’d much happier never having to see again EVER is someone you are forced to continue interacting with for the next 18 (minus your youngest child’s age) years longer.

We have a triple threat and that’s where our story begins...

This isn’t our love story (or is it?). Well okay... a quick background. It’s 1995, Wilson high school, Portland Oregon: I’m a Senior he’s a Junior. We didn’t date but we both liked one another- but I had a boyfriend and having a crush on two boys was too much for me to handle!! I graduated, went to college, loved my life. No idea what happened to him. 12 years later years and I’d just moved to SF and who do I see on the bus? What?? Still cute, he just moved to SF from DC after a few years living in Iowa... with his wife. He’s married. Of course he is. Cool let’s be Facebook friends and I’ll see you never. Berceuse WTF would I say if I ever met your wife? “Nice to meet you I had a big crush on your husband in high school”. That’s just awkward.

But we did exchange numbers. He was a chef and I was a waitress so when he got a new job he might text me and tell me to stop by (I never did) or if we needed a new line cook I’d reach out to him (he never replied). At some point on Facebook I saw that they had a kid. Cute little thing with a buttload of hair.

Fast forward 2.5 years. It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m showing a couple friends who aregg bet single how Tinder works: “Oh no... he’s no good. See you just swipe left- hard left!”. He was like the 3rd guy that pulled up. We chatted back and forth through the app a couple times then I just texted him because I had his number and I’m paranoid about conversations through apps. (I just imagine people who work for Tinder reading them and laughing their asses off at my attempts to play it cool.) Anyways, a week later we went on our first date and it was pretty much game over for me.

He was 8 months out of a 10 year relationship and had a toddler why am I not running the other direction? That’s a great question and I have no good answer. Or at least not a sexy one... I’m attracted to vulnerable men? They’re like my catnip: “Come here kitty- Mama like”!

His son was 2.5 when we started dating. I knew I was dating a man with a child and I knew exactly what that meant. I babysat A LOT and I was a nanny for 5 years. It’s not the same thing as being a parent by any means. But compared to an average childless woman I did have a better understanding of what I was getting into and what spending hours with a toddler was like. I knew that if we were going to be in a relationship the kid comes first, I’m replaceable the child is not.

His ex was trying to move to Hawaii to live with her new boyfriend and wanted to take their son. That’s a hard no. Absolutely not. R had already filed for divorce but that got sidelined by custody. She hired a more aggressive attorney and insisted she would be taking their son. When describing his ex and her behavior R was throwing around with like crazy and narcissist and borderline.

Okay, okay... this situation is really stressful. I’m sure she’s not that bad- you married her right? Stress does not bring out the best in people’s personalities- quite the opposite. It’s hard to think straight. This is probably situational- I’m sure she’ll calm down soon. Maybe try phrasing your text this way so she doesn’t get defensive- I’m sure she’ll be reasonable if you just explain it really clearly...

Bahahaha.

I spent months empathizing with her and trying to help R better communicate with her. All in vain- it toa long time to realize she doesn’t want to communicate or compromise she just wants her way. And any attempt to have an open honest discussion is just ammunition for her to use against you in a future conversation.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is no she’ll twist the conversation into her being victimized.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is yes she’ll twist the situation and say that she actually did him a favor.

If R asks her for a favor she ignores him, calls him names and/or tells R he’s harassing her.

To be clear, most of the time she doesn’t ASK- she demands.

If R agrees to something once he has to agree in the future it or he’s a hypocrit.

She flat out remembers things wrong and when R shows her the screenshots of the text she wrote proving she’s m wrong she says he’s being petty.

When R asks her to discuss child related issues directly with him rather than asking their 4 year old son to communicate the message to him she tells R he’s being difficult.

When it’s her custodial time and R has a scheduled FT she bribed their son with candy or ice cream to end the call early. (He can have it after he’s done).

I feel like we’re in an alternate reality. She’s constantly coming after R legally with baseless claims. She projects all the shit she does to R and accuses him of doing it to her!! We read her motions and were like “What’s is she talking about? R didn’t do that to her she’s doing that to R!”. And no is not a misinterpretation and they’re both doing it- she’s doing it and accusing him of doing it. It’s crazy making.

Claim: R refuses to communicate with her and insists on going through attorneys.

False. She has ZERO emails or texts to back this up- they agreed to communicate via text and email. She hasn’t sent a single email or text to R to “discuss” anything so how is he refusing to communicate? R has written numerous long and detailed emails to her for years and even more over the past 10 months of Covid trying to communicate and co-parent with her, share information and get schedules finalized without the courts involvement and her responses are dismissive and often only one sentence. His attorney and her attorney even tried to resolve issues without the court but she refused to comply and court was the last resort.

Claim: wasn’t even a claim really, mores demand that both parents needing to be flexible about scheduled FaceTimes in their child is swimming or playing during that time and also be accommodating if the other parent wants to do an unscheduled call they can.

Reality: Totally... R has never denied her a FT, has been flexible when she’s asked to reschedule and he’s sent MULTIPLE emails to her saying she can do an unscheduled FT anytime she wants (just give him a heads up). She’s done maybe 4 unscheduled FaceTimes in 2 years. We don’t plan any activities during her scheduled call time because it’s her scheduled time... so her calls don’t ever “interrupt” anything. Please, I beg you, show any evidence to the contrary.

Oh and while she’s looking for evidence that doesn’t exist I’d like to show the email she just sent from December 2020 telling R that when their son was with her during Christmas he was ONLY allowed to FaceTime during his scheduled time of 6:40-8. No “bullshit” unscheduled FaceTimes calls like he did last summer when he called their son “every day” it was “harassment”.

(Calling every day would have been excessive, but not harassment. But he didn’t call every day. He had 2 scheduled FaceTimes per week by court order and in addition he called 1 extra day a week (so three calls a week). Also, important to point out is that their son, who primarily lives with his father, was going to not see his father for three months because of conflicting language in the ruling and delays in getting it clarified due to COVID and Jennie’s refusal to discuss shortening the time to what they’d agreed to.

He always texted her before his scheduled FaceTime to confirm the time would work and it wouldn’t conflict with activities they’d planned. But even though it was a scheduled call it always seemed to interrupt something fun that their son was doing: swimming, hiking, skateboarding. Funny how when she asked him to push back his call 2 hours he STILL was interrupting fun plans. It’s his SCHEDUKED time- plan your shit on a different day OR if you can’t contact R ahead of time to reschedule the FaceTime so it doesn’t conflict or interrupt your plans.

As for unscheduled FaceTimes he’d text in the morning asking to do a FaceTime in the afternoon (so giving her at least 3 or 4 hours notice so she can pick a time that works for her). She wouldn’t reply, instead he’d just immediately get a FaceTime call. To her credit she doesn’t refuse the calls and conveniently their son is often immediately available.

But it’s funny how if she knows R’s gonna call she seem to have plans, but when she doesn’t know he’s going to call she’s just sitting around the house doing jack shit.

She is bananas.

[yessoupy]

I got tagged in kind of a long post that basically hits every single misconception about antis and how we view larries, so I decided to address it. Now, it’s like 35 paragraphs long, so instead of reblogging and addressing, I’m going to quote paragraphs and respond to them in a few separate posts. So it’s about to get lit here. Some of it might feel a bit repetitive, but apparently we could do with about a hundred more iterations of “okay so here’s the difference between shipping and tinhatting” so count this as like, three more of that quota.

here’s @thebiggestfanoffans:

Hi. I’m making this post because in one of your posts you say “Read some anti blogs for a few weeks, just observe, and you MIGHT understand where we’re coming from” (and because I don’t think you’d acknowledge me if I DMed you, seeing you probably get a lot of messages/asks). And I did. For years and years, before you came here, not only anti-larrie but my other fandoms anti-shippers’ blogs. And I have a few observations. (This turned out fucking long, sorry about that.)

First of all, I have fewer than 100 followers and the only reason you know about my blog is because larries found a post of mine and spread it around and sent me harassing messages. Just to get that out of the way.

“Other anti-shippers’ blogs”?

I’m not anti-shipping. Here’s a list of all my ships that are not 1d-related: zito/crosby, zito/harden, harden/crosby, harden/street, zito/lincecum, lincecum/c.j. wilson, chavez/munson, marisnick/mccullers, lochte/phelps, adrian/ervin, poe dameron/resistance soldier ..... that last one is the only one that isn’t rpf. I don’t know what other fandoms you belong to, but in my main rpf fandoms (swimslash/olympics slash and baseball slash), the vast majority of people who read and write fic understand implicitly that the people they write about are not actually in relationships. That proposition is viewed as absurd. NOT because, as a larrie might say, we’re homophobic. No. but because barry zito is married with a child (now), and prior to that he’d had girlfriends. Because rich harden married a woman years back. Because eric chavez was married twice and has a few (idk how many these days) kids of his own. Lochte is engaged with a baby on the way, phelps is married with a child, anthony ervin has a long-time girlfriend and so does nathan adrian. I even have realistic expectations of my FICTIONAL ship -- poe/resistance soldier exists in TFA for approximately 2 seconds. Do I hang my hopes that my ship will become canon in TLJ? Absolutely not. I’m not anti-shipping in any capacity.

First off, please keep in mind, that this is not an attack agianst you or antis or larries. this is a person sharing their opinion and wanting to hear another person’s opinion on the matter with the same thoughtfulness. Also, about the theories mentioned here, I think this is beyond discusssed, and I think I got a hang of what both sides has as a proof and what they think of the matter, since, as I said, I’ve read through some stuff in the past already. My focus is trying to be on the fandom vs. fandom stuff, I know some things I ask and/or mention are on the matter of the theories. I did not cover everything I find in error on both sides, but I don’t think those are on the topic I’d like to discuss here, if you’re interested in my other opinion, I’m more than willing chatting about it in the future.

“What both sides has as a proof and what they think of the matter”

I’m gonna stop you right there. Conspiracy theorists ignore the proof that their ship isn’t real. They don’t have proofs at all. They have straight-up inventions. They invent explanations for why they don’t see Harry and Louis doing what they want them to do, and what they expect them to do based on past fictional inventions. Equating conspiracy theorist “proofs” with the words out of Louis Tomlinson’s mouth is lending credence to conspiracy theorism. That kind of bullshit should be dismissed out of hand. Larries have no proof of anything. They have wishes that they have hardened into an alternate reality.

Just a quick note at the beginning: I’m big for "both sides of the coin” (since I’m reading both anti and larrie stuff, I think you guessed that much) and looking at things objectively. I’m an artist, I know that something may look amazing up close, but that doesn’t mean it looks good from far away, so whenever I form an opinion I always make sure to step back and look at the whole, to see if it all makes sense, always make sure to look at it from a neutral point of view. 

So, here I stand, ever since I joined the fandom I’ve been making sure to read some anti stuff, see where you’re coming from, and what I see is:

I’ve read both anti and larrie blogs. At first, I was amused by the larries. A year ago, when I got into fandom, I thought they were just fucking around. That buzzfeed article was ridiculous -- the woman who wrote it must have misunderstood and thought these people ACTUALLY believed it! But as I read more and more, it became less funny. No, these larries actually believed this shit. Not only that, it wasn’t just a few extremists that the rest of fandom reviled. No, among the content creators, the larries were the majority. Whenever a larrie contacts me to convert me, they send me all their “evidence” like I haven’t seen every single piece of it. Like I didn’t start my time in fandom with a larrie showing me all of this shit. I know what larries believe, just as well as you do. And I do not give them equal weight in my objective view. Objectively, larries are conspiracy theorists. This isn’t based on my stance as an anti: describe what’s happening to anyone outside of fandom and they will say, “oh, that’s like the people who think Obama’s birth certificate isn’t real.” It’s the same mentality.

On the Larrie side we have some nasty, nasty crap on our hands, starting with the time Eleanor came into the picture and they started saying that there are three twins, whatever - and it got especially messy and disgusting when they broke up and Briana came into the picture; the claim that they use a doll drove me away from the fandom the most, but my personal affairs are irrelevant atm.

No i think it’s 100% relevant what you personally believe. Good that you recognize the nasty crap: can you see that it’s rooted in the conspiracy theorism? The belief in a massive coverup to explain why H and L don’t interact the way you want and expect?

Another thing that I find sketchy is that if, IF their contract would last so long, I doubt any unwillingly closeted person would have gone through so much bullshit just for a legal issue. I’m a closeted person and if I would have to do anything against my liking just because its written on a paper, I’d find a freaking good lawyer and sue the moment they force me to pretend, especially if it would last for YEARS.

Because if I WAS willingly closeted, MAYBE I’d go through it, but this narrative hurts larries feelings, so its a no-no topic. But even willingly closseted I would sue the fuck out of the management if someone would say to fake having a baby. Especially seeing Louis’ age, its more likely that he’s thinking of his future a lot lately, do you think someone in their late twenties, even if living the popstar life, would want to publically own a child, a lifelong commitment just because he has a contract?

Uh, yeah. There ISN’T a contract closeting them. It’s a waste of time to argue “what if” because IT DOESN’T EXIST.

tbc here

[trendingnewsb]

5 Ways The Universe Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Love Life

Few people go through life without at some point having to face that soul-crushing question “Why am I still single?” The answers range from the painfully obvious — that “MAKE ME A SANDWICH” T-shirt isn’t endearing you to anyone, dude — to the utterly and cosmically inexplicable. Yes, sometimes it’s not you! And according to science, it’s sometimes surprising stuff, like …

5

According To Facebook, You’re 6 Percent More Likely To Be In A Relationship If You Share Dog Photos Instead Of Cat Photos

Look, not that we’re a bunch of crazy cat ladies over here (we totally are), but cats are amazing. They’re ruthless killers, they know how to use a litter box right out of the womb, you never have to take them for walks (unless you’re one of those people), and they freaking evolved to talk to us. And once they’ve gotten all that talking, not-walking, ruthless killing out of their systems for the day, they are excellent cuddlers. What’s not to like?

A lot, if you’re in the habit of showing them off on social media and don’t want to die alone. (Except for all the cats, naturally.)

Read Next

5 Hilarious Black Markets You Didn't Know Existed

For some reason, people seem to like dogs better overall, and it goes beyond pet preference. It seems that if a potential significant other likes flaunting their cats online and has no dogs in sight, you’re 6 percent more likely to turn your nose up and move on. The folks at Facebook performed a study (read: they creeped on the profiles of 160,000 people), and determined that 30 percent of people who shared cat photos were single, compared to only 24 percent of dog-photo-sharing people. So maybe you have cat memes to blame for not getting any action between 2009 and 2013.

Perhaps not coincidentally, the Facebook researchers/creeps also found that if you’re a cat person, you’re more likely to be into nerdy stuff like sci-fi and that weird phenomena known as “staying in and reading a book.” Dog folks, like their furry companions, are more likely to be outgoing and be full of something called “energy.” They’re also more likely to be into rom-coms and, extremely weirdly, share the same love of Marley & Me.

FacebookYou’d think cat people would be more into the movie where the poor dog (spoilers) has to put up with Owen Wilson.

But don’t despair, cat folk. While your love life might be statistically more lacking, your friendships, while probably fewer in number, appear to be more fulfilling and meaningful than those of the dog lovers out there. So, you know, suck it.

4

Match.com Says iPhone And Android Users Don’t Mingle (And A Broken Phone Screen Makes You Deeply Unsexy To Women)

We have a lot of things we look for in a potential partner — religion, politics, stances on perpetuating the species, how excited they are for the next season of Venture Bros, and so on. People use these things to determine compatibility with a person before sharing DNA with them, and rightfully so. After all, how can you spend the rest of your life with someone who has ideologies directly opposed to your own? Like, what if you get married, but then it turns out their phone isn’t exactly like yours?

It might sound completely ridiculous (it is), but this issue is a much larger foam noodle in the dating pool than one might think. According to a Match.com survey of 5,500 unhitched Americans, Android users are 15 times more likely to think less of iPhone users, and iPhone users are 21 times more likely to look down their noses at lowly Android users. Windows Phone users were presumably too busy drowning in sex to answer the survey (just kidding, they don’t exist).

SinglesInAmericaApple fans will see this as further evidence that the iPhone has better performance.

Oh, and if you’re a shmuck who has the audacity to own an older model? Then you’re an entire 56 percent less likely to catch a smooch buddy. And gods forbid you’re a dude with a cracked screen, because freaking 86 percent of women will judge you more harshly for it. You complete wreck of a human being, you.

Like we said, this is ridiculous. We’d like to believe the human race isn’t so incredibly petty, but those are the raw numbers. Our advice? Let’s go back to judging people for the important stuff, like whether they load their toilet paper front-facing or not.

3

Pretty People Are Simply Not Hardwired To Be In Lasting Relationships, Says A Harvard Study

One of the fairy tales repeatedly shoved down our throats since birth is that pretty people get all the happy endings. The beautiful princess gets the handsome prince, and while some shenanigans might happen, they eventually go off into the sunset all happily ever after like. Meanwhile, somewhere in the background, all the plain (or just plain ugly) folks are shackled and shoved off into jail or something.

But not so fast, beautiful ones. In reality, your roguish good looks have doomed you to a life of singleness, or so claim some people from Harvard. In a study titled Attractiveness and relationship longevity: Beauty is not what it is cracked up to be, researchers asked women to rate the attractiveness of 130 celebrities and 238 regular schmucks. In both cases, it turned out that the subjects deemed most desirable were “more likely to divorce” and also “married for shorter durations.” (Hmmm, perhaps there’s a correlation between those two things?)

The Independent“This couple didn’t even stay together past this photo shoot.” “Uh, we’re models.” “Exactly.”

But why would being good-looking make you bad at relationships? Well, previous studies had found that when we’re committed to a partner, we see other people as less attractive. This is your brain’s way of making sure you stick to your relationships. But the Harvard researchers believe that attractive people don’t have this “protective bias.” To demonstrate their theory, they asked 130 people to rate the sexiness of someone of the opposite gender. And what do you know, the prettier raters were more likely to have the hots for the people they were rating, but “only if they (themselves) were in a relationship.” It’s like nature is pushing them to go out and share their beautiful DNA with as many people as possible, eventual legal costs be damned.

Of course, none of this information is as surprising as the fact that Harvard apparently has a whole wing devoted to Tinder Studies.

2

The State You Live In Can Significantly Affect The Quality Of Your Romantic Relationships, Claims A Nationwide Study

Love sprouts anywhere there are at least two warm bodies of the same species, right? From the frigid Antarctic to the harsh daily sauna that is the Sahara Desert, people will always find ways to make whoopee. After all, it all comes down to a bunch of long-named chemicals. You’d think it wouldn’t matter where you were; you’re bound to find a willing participant in the dance of love.

Well, you’d be wrong, at least partially. It turns out that, at least in the United States, it actually does matter where you live. In a nationwide study conducted by Michigan State University, it was found that if you live in the frontier region, the Mid-Atlantic, or the Northeast, you are more likely to have attachment avoidance or attachment anxiety. Basically, this means that if you live in more mountainous regions, you’re more likely to be of the loner variety, while living in or near cities makes you a bit clingier and probably paranoid that your bae will leave you for one of the many other possible baes in your area. So if you want to have a healthy relationship that’s generally free of standoffish or clingy behavior, science says you’re gonna fare best in Mississippi, Utah, or Wisconsin. In the study, those states were tied up for first place in a pleasant threesome of romantic satisfaction and health.

Meanwhile, North Dakota was deemed the worst state for love …

Jennifer Z/Wiki CommonsAnd most things, generally speaking.

… followed by Kentucky, Kansas, South Dakota, Rhode Island, Ohio, South Carolina, Colorado, New York, and Indiana. But don’t worry, the authors of the study encourage readers not to move out of wherever they are. In the conclusion, they state: “To a certain degree, positive relationships are found everywhere and transcend time and place. After all, home is where the heart is.” Awwww. (But seriously, get the hell out of North Dakota, especially if you’re planning to get old.)

1

Dating Apps Make You Think There Are Always Lots Of Potential Partners For You, So You End Up Going For None (Or “The Paradox Of Choice”)

Ah, dating apps. It seems like no matter how many we sign up for, no matter how many people we’re matched with, we can’t seem to muster up the courage to send a message. But what a bunch of good-looking candidates, right? We may be all alone now, but at any time, when we’re ready to get within touching distance of another human specimen, we could snag a date with a suave stranger and hitch a ride to romance town.

Well, guess what? It’s that very same perception that there are entire schools of fish in the sea that might be holding you back in the real world. As GQ editor Ashley Fetters says, “There’s an illusion of plentifulness. It makes it look like the world is full of more single, eager people than it probably is.” She goes on to describe hitting it off with dudes at bars, only to shy away when it comes to sharing numbers because she “could also just go on Tinder.” Sound familiar? It’s what psychologists call the paradox of choice. In one famous experiment, only 3 percent of shoppers bought jam from a table offering 24 samples, while 30 percent bought jam from another table with just six samples. Online dating is kind of like that, only with far less jam.

Oh, and it turns out our preoccupation with quickly judging a person based on their sexiness quotient isn’t exactly healthy either. A study by the University of Kansas suggests that constant swiping is messing up our ability to make real connections with other human beings. After splitting 130 people into three separate groups, they found that, essentially, after having an actual conversation with a person, our perception of physical attractiveness goes up.

TinderSide note: Why do all these studies pick 130 people? Has 69 been dethroned as “the sex number”?

So we’re back to some very basic advice that many of us are still learning: Stop judging people based on their looks. Do that weird thing called “talking and finding mutual interests, like maybe you both really can’t live without a dice bag and the special hardcover version of Xanathar’s Guide To Everything” or something. Just go be people. We’ll be over here, encouraging you from our dank cat cave with the applause emoji on our broken Android screens.

Friendly reminder that your cat doesn’t know what Valentine’s Day is and will just assume you’re worshipping them as per usual if you get them a new cat tree.

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25357_5-ways-universe-secretly-sabotaging-your-love-life.html

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