#oh yeah forgot to mention it was all pretty heavily implied to be happening in Henry’s head

[dogthatlookshigh]

Tbh the glass scientists has to be one of my special interests I dream about the most I dream about new pages like all the time

[pathetic-dumpling]

Coming to Terms

Dream has been having a bad day, which has quickly turned into a bad week. Techno and Phil both need to go out and do essential tasks around the tundra, but they can't leave Dream alone either. So... they find a babysitter. words: 5,188 - read on ao3 instead

CW: overstimulation, implied panic attack, unintentional self-harm, referenced abuse

Dream has been having a bad day. Correction, he’s been having a bad week. He’s been caught in a bit of a spiral for the last several days, and the exhaustion from an attempt at healing keeps dragging him down before he can get out. The last thing Techno wants to do is leave Dream alone like this, but he and Phil have already pushed off as many necessary tasks as they can. They need to head out, but they can’t leave Dream alone… So in comes the Syndicate.

They consider a few people. Niki is chosen.

“Look, all you need to do is watch him for a day. We’ll be back by the end of it, and you can leave, alright?”

Niki scrunches her face up, which is, in all honesty, reasonable. She’s one of the people who didn’t want to interact with Dream, but Techno and Phil are running desperately low on options.

“Is there anyone else?” She asks. “What about Puffy? She’s a therapist, right? Wouldn’t she be more equipped for something like this?”

“A, we don’t want more people knowing about Dream than necessary, and she’s already refused to give Dream treatment. B, we don’t trust her to not psychoanalyze Dream when he really doesn’t want to be psychoanalyzed. Plus, we don’t know what kind of domestic issues there are because Dream hasn’t opened up about that part of his life yet.”

Niki winced. “What about Ranboo?”

“Well, you see, Ranboo’s been growing into himself recently,” Phil interjects, beside Techno. “Which is good, by all means, but that also means he’s been embracing that he’s a little bit of a dick sometimes. You’re literally the only person we can think of who can be… pleasant and hold your tongue around Dream.”

“And- and we don’t wanna sound misogynistic,” Techno quickly adds. “This isn’t a ‘the kind woman puts up with the toxic man’ situation; it’s just… Dream is fragile right now, like, really fragile, and we’re pretty sure you’re the only person who has the kind of self-restraint to not break him any more, you know?”

Niki raises a brow but ultimately sighs. “This is your only option?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Phil laughs.

“...alright. I’ll watch him. One day, got it?”

“Oh my gods, thank you so much, Niki.”

So Niki is given keys to the house. Mentally, she prepares for whatever Dream might try. She saw him, briefly, in a Syndicate meeting or two, but only between several layers of fabric and zero spoken words. She doesn’t know what he’s like if he’s grown out of his… nastier habits yet. Techno has done everything in his power to tell the Syndicate that Dream has changed, but none of them have actually seen any change. Niki kind of doubts it, if she’s being honest, but she trusts Techno’s judgment more than anything. She knows Techno wouldn’t lie to her and lead her on like others in the past.

She wakes up the following day when things are still dark. Niki can see her breath, even within the small haven of an underground city warmed by countless fires and lanterns. She throws on her Syndicate cloak, getting ready to head out to the arctic. Hopefully, Techno didn’t want her to do anything with the animals because she definitely wouldn’t be able to stand being outside for that long. When she arrives, Techno thanks her profusely. He pledges to show her around the house and offers a few tips while Phil gets ready for their trip outside.

“Alright.” Techno swings his hands by his sides. Niki has noticed he’s stopped clapping them when he begins to speak. “First things first, Dream hasn’t eaten in, like, three days, so we really need you to try to get him to eat something. His diet has been pretty limited so far, but we left a list of things he’s been able to eat so far on the counter. Try to stay fresh- anything stale makes him throw up, and so does steak. Don’t offer it. We keep apples in a little icebox downstairs because he likes fruit cold. Also, Dream likes himself cold, too. He gets anxious when he’s hot.

“If Dream hides in his room, he’s most likely hiding under his bed. If you need to interact with him during that time, do not try to pull him out. That will scare him and he might bite. Instead, just kind of lay on the floor and face him and just… wait until he’s ready to talk. If you try to push him, he’ll probably just curl up more, and he tends to get really distant for the next day or two when that happens.

“If he asks for something, it means that he needed it about three hours ago and has only now gotten the courage to ask for it. Even if he prefaces it between a lot of ‘only if you want to’ and ‘you don’t have to,’ don’t believe him. We’re trying to teach him that asking for things is good but it’s been a bumpy ride. Also, he’s iffy on touch; I’d say it’s better to not try.”

Techno stops, tapping his lip. “Try not to let him outside without supervision; we haven’t really been able to block off potential hazards yet. Other than that, I think that’s everything. Dream is sleeping right now, but he knows you’ll be here. He might get startled anyway. Try not to stare or anything. It makes him uncomfortable. Just treat him like a nervous cat or something.”

Niki blinks, trying desperately to process all of the information that was just dumped on her. Techno waits patiently as she mentally backtracks and tries to commit everything to vague memory. Nervous cat? That’s what the ruler of the server has turned into?

“Okay… I think I got all of that?” Niki says, hoping she got everything she truly needed down. She knows how awkward things get when she or Techno has to start repeating themselves.

“Cool.” Techno sighs, running a hand through his hair until it gets caught in his braid. “A nervous, injury-prone cat… That’s Dream. Thank you for doing this, really. Dream just started being okay with being in the same room as boiling water, and I think I might have a breakdown if I have to leave to make tea again. This means a lot. Anything you need from us, me or Phil, we’ll be happy to help as soon as we get back.”

Niki nods. “Honestly, I didn’t think this would be on the agenda when I joined the Syndicate, but I’m happy to help you, Techno.”

“Of course.” Techno bows his head. “Of course. We’ll be back as soon as we can. Again, don’t let him… do anything to himself, okay?”

Niki gives another nod and a thumbs up. “You can count on me, Techno.”

Techno gives a strained smile and then, awkwardly, does a slight bow before leaving. His muffled voice filters through the door as he calls out to Phil, and then they head out. Niki takes in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before sighing as she watches the silhouettes of her friends disappear over the horizon.

Alright. She can do this. She may not like Dream, but she did agree as a part of the Syndicate to… help. This is just for Techno and Phil, to keep them from worrying. To watch Dream and make sure he doesn’t try anything he shouldn’t. Niki could do that. In fact, she was happy to keep the man out of trouble, if it were for Techno’s sake. Now she just needed to find something to do until there was someone to watch.

Niki glances around the house, finding things pleasantly clean. The chests were a bit of a mess, but things weren’t lying all over the place, and it looks like it’s been cleaned recently. It looks like the house has been somewhat baby-proofed, too, which makes a little chuckle bubble in Niki’s throat. They’ve only been housing Dream, and he’s certainly a grown man, isn’t he? What would they need to keep him out of drawers for?

Niki gets to entertaining herself with one of Techno’s many book recommendations, making a tiny home for herself on the couch. She opens the blinds and curtains, letting any sort of light filter in as much as it can. The sun is slow to rise in the arctic, and candlelight can only do so much. Slowly, as the sun rises over the north, Niki finds herself growing more hungry, so she starts making some food. It gets bright soon after that, lighting up the room with the near-blinding rays of the sun. Niki adjusts soon enough, simply happy to have more than enough reading light.

A few hours later, after Niki has already eaten and taken care of her share of the dishes, Dream emerges. The first thing she notices is that he’s completely maskless. Secondly, he looks exhausted to the bone, drowned in a dark green jacket and a black shirt underneath. Loose-fitting pants cover Dream’s legs, almost completely hiding his figure from view. Dream’s eyes are dark, his posture slouched inward, and his hair is messy, long, and frail. He looks unbearably tense. His eyes squint at how bright it is, but he tries to shake it off quickly with a flick of his hands. He does a quick double-take on Niki, eyes darting around the room before relaxing slightly. His attention never leaves her, though. His gaze makes a shiver crawl up Niki’s spine.

“Good morning, Dream!” She says politely because maybe Dream is worse in the mornings.

Dream waves tiredly, and Niki notices his bandaged finger. Something about it looks off until she realizes it’s too short to be normal, missing nearly the entire first section. She wonders how it happened, how she’s never noticed before. Dream takes his bandaged hand, dragging it down his face. He lets out a long sigh, sitting down at the circular table in the kitchen, leaning heavily on it for support. He raises his hands, and although they tremble and shake, Niki recognizes one thing. Dream is signing.

Oh. It looks like Technoblade forgot to mention one thing.

“Oh!” She says quickly, tucking her book into her chest. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know sign language.”

Dream, from the table, raises a brow at her. He raises his hands, signing what Niki can only assume is: you don’t know sign?

“I always meant to learn, but the only people who use it actively on the server are Callahan and….”

Me. Niki can guess that one well enough.

“Yes… you. I’m sorry.”

Dream waves his hand dismissively. He gestures for a pen, which Niki retrieves without much hesitance. She may not like Dream, but she still needs to communicate with him if this day even has a chance at going well. She places the pen and small pad of paper on the table, stepping back quickly. Dream lets out a long breath before beginning to write.

I’ll show you some stuff I probably won’t be able to translate in the moment, Dream writes. Writing looks a little more challenging with the ever-present tremor in Dream’s hands and his shortened finger, but he makes do. He writes down a few simple words: can’t, stop, no, sorry, and shows the signs for each of them. Niki furrows her brow.

“These are all negative responses. What about… ‘yes’?”

Dream struggles to meet Niki’s eyes for a second, looking away almost immediately. He seems borderline uncomfortable. Slowly, he curls his hand into a fist, nodding it forward twice.

“Yes?” Niki asks in conformation.

Yes.

Niki nods, trying to commit this information, like everything else dumped on her today, to memory. Dream drops the pen after that, cradling his hands in his lap. They certainly… don’t stop shaking. Hm. Niki would ask about it, but she doesn’t really want to poke at any boundaries. Dream fiddles with his fingers, beginning to bounce his leg.

“Em-” Niki starts, catching Dream’s attention and picking at the back of her neck awkwardly. “Techno told me that you should probably eat today, right? I made food a few hours ago, but I can make something for you or….”

Dream waves his hands, furiously shaking his head. He scribbles down variants of I’m not hungry, and you don’t have to, which Niki isn’t given a chance to object to. Dream carefully gets up, grabbing the notepad beside him and pushing past Niki. He makes his way over to the couch, plopping himself down and sighing. Niki watches him, unsure of what entirely to do. She knows what Techno told her, but there was only so much that was truly in her power. It didn’t help how dismissive Dream appeared to be with her attempts at offering him food.

This Dream is… new, to say the least. She didn’t know the old Dream outside of what she heard from her peers, but she especially doesn’t know this Dream. Is he better? Does he know that what he’s done is bad? Terrible? Unforgivable, even? Does he regret it at all, or does he just think he’s a victim in all of this?

It takes two more attempts at getting Dream to eat before Niki’s patience starts running a little slim. She’s never had the time to talk to Dream before, but right now, he just seems nothing more than tired. He looks fine, if not a little skinny, maybe a little quiet. For all Niki knows, this could be a ploy, a trick, to live the high life off of Techno’s dedicated care and then run off into the woods. Niki feels a little nasty for thinking this, but what if Dream is just faking this all? What if he’s just playing it up for show and sympathy? To get free protection while his next plan brews quietly in the background? She’s heard about the lengths Dream was willing to go to in the past; what would make this different? She knows how convincing an actor Dream can be, and dedication to a part can take someone a long way.

Well… Now is as good of a time as ever to get a few things off her chest, Niki supposes. If Dream isn’t faking, he’ll have some kind of genuine reaction, and if he is, then, well… Niki can keep her friends from getting used again. It’s a win-win, really.

“You know, you’re very lucky Techno decided to care for you so much,” she says from the kitchen because the distance makes her feel safer. “He didn’t have to do all of this, you know? It’d certainly be easier for him to have ignored your favor. I would’ve.”

From behind, Niki hears a sharp intake of breath, but no objections come. Niki looks behind her at Dream, still sitting on the couch, wide-eyed and staring at her. He swallows, eyes darting to the side like he’s sorting through his thoughts. He gestures at Niki, a sort of go-on movement, so she turns around and continues. “Things like Wilbur, Doomsday, the festival, you played a role in all of those, you know? You’ve been the authority figure of the server for so long. You-- you had control over exile and Tommy and… Everything you’ve done, it’s hurt all of us. It’s- it’s hurt me, and I-”

There’s a loud, distinct sniffle behind Niki. Slowly, she turns to look behind her, finding Dream curled up on the couch. He brings his knees up to his chest, pressing tightly into himself. He’s looking to the side, almost shameful. His shoulders are shaking.

“...Dream?” Niki asks. Maybe this is the genuine reaction she’s looking for.

Dream nods sharply. He looks up, meeting Niki’s eyes, his own glassy and red and wet. His eyes fill with tears, so he quickly hides his face again, pressing it into the arm wrapped around his knee. It feels like he’s forcing himself to keep his gaze on Niki, and that information tastes a little bitter going down Niki’s throat. He lifts his head just enough to meet Niki’s eyes again, folding his hand into a half square and pressing it to his temple. Niki doesn’t know the sign, but she doesn’t need to.

I know, he says. I know.

Dream takes a shuddering breath, fingers dancing across the parts of the body he’s gripping. They speed up and slow down as he filters his thoughts, eventually coming to a standstill. He grabs his notepad with trembling hands, scribbling down something hastily, ripping out the paper, and holding it out for Niki while hiding himself. Nervously, Niki steps forward because the memory of powerful and quick and ruthless Dream has never left her, even when presented with the sight of the trembling man before her.

I know, the paper says. I want to listen. But not today. I can’t today.

Niki swallows. She looks at Dream, trembling and crumbling in on himself, and nods. “Okay,” she says. “I understand. I… I’m sorry. That was out of line, I...”

Dream nods quickly and sharply. His fingers tap quickly against his leg. Niki feels awkward, standing in front of Dream like this as he fidgets and shuffles. She puts a little distance between the two of them, retreating back to the kitchen. The house is plunged into a small period of unrelenting silence. Niki wished that she knew at least a little sign because maybe things wouldn’t be so awkward. Dream doesn’t look all too thrilled to be talking with her either way, though, so perhaps it was wishful thinking. He’s running a hand through his hair, pausing to tug on the long strands every few seconds.

Niki frowns. Has Techno told her anything about how to handle something like this? Sorting through her memory quickly tells Niki that, no, Techno hadn’t spilled anything helpful for a time like this. He’d asked Niki to make sure Dream didn’t do anything to himself, but certainly, he wasn’t that much of a danger to his own wellbeing, right? Techno had mentioned some other useful things, but he seems to have forgotten some details Niki would’ve loved to have. She sighs.

Niki supposes that the best she can do right now is swallow her words and try to be helpfully polite. To, in kinder words, simply watch Dream. She tried to ask him about some things here or there but mostly ended up talking at Dream instead of with him. That’s okay, Niki didn’t mind. She didn’t really go into today expecting some sort of riveting conversation, and the one she’d already tried to have ended oh-so-splendidly.

Suddenly, the sound of Dream’s stomach growling caught her attention. Niki looked back from her chunk of dough that she’d started kneading to fill the silence at Dream, who was caught like a deer in headlights. He looked to her quickly before starting off on what Niki thinks is a garbled bundle of excuses about how he wasn’t hungry again. Niki laughs kindly, making Dream’s hands pause mid-air.

“I’ll go get you an apple or something,” she says, running her hands under the sink to wash off the extra flour. “Techno showed me where everything was before you woke up. I’ll be back in just a second. Stay put, okay?”

Dream nods, hiding his face and giving a small thumbs up. The trip downstairs is quick, only interrupted by a skulk of three foxes Techno apparently kept in his basement. The box with cooled fruit was propped up, probably to keep the foxes out of it, Niki mused, if the scratch marks on the side were anything to go off of. Dream was sitting in virtually the exact same position Niki had left him in, nervously glancing at her when she approached. At least he’s good at following directions, Niki noted. She held out the apple, waited a long few seconds for Dream to take it, then set it on the table next to him. Dream’s eyes watched her with rapt attention, almost like he was afraid she was suddenly going to turn around and attack him.

After that little experience, Niki went back to kneading dough as pleasantly as she could. She couldn’t explain the small smile that crept onto her lips when the inevitable crunch of an apple being eaten hit her ears after minutes of silence. Niki chalks it up to the fact that Techno would be happy that Dream ate and tries to move on from it as passively as she can.

Shuffling fills the corners of the house between the clanging of various pans and Niki’s humming. Dream had come a little closer, sitting stiffly at the counter and watching Niki work after throwing his apple core into Carl’s stable from the window. He keeps the notepad close to him, bouncing the pen back and forth against the solid surface. Niki greets him and starts explaining what she’s doing, to which Dream nods along. She tries to suggest Dream join the baking whenever she can, moving pans around and into the sink when they’ve become dirty. Dream’s eyes follow her hands as she gestures around, eyebrows twitching downward every few seconds. Every semi-loud sound makes his eyes blink in surprise and something else Niki can’t quite place. It goes on like this for about half an hour, with various levels of participation coming from Dream.

Eventually, he begins to look more and more lost in thought, distracted, even borderline frustrated, eventually dropping his pen roughly and tapping his pointer finger against the counter. His other hand goes to his hair, pulling, as a small whimper tumbled into the air. Dream’s nail makes a quick tap, tap, tap that sounds borderline panicky, only increasing in speed. His shoulders are tense, and because Niki is so used to providing comfort to those unscarred by touch, she reached out for his shoulder.

Dream jerks away as soon as her hand meets his shoulder, a small, distressed noise leaving his throat. He stumbles onto shaky legs, looking almost as if Niki burned him. Niki, in return, pulled her hand back to her chest. Dream holds up a finger, a small give me a moment, before distancing himself. He hangs his head and holds up his hands, shaking them out almost violently as he paces the living room.

“Dream?” Niki begins to ask, watching the man pace and shake his hands. What was he doing? What was going on?

Her thoughts are abruptly cut off by a sharp yelp when Dream suddenly turns and pushes over a chair. This is still Dream at the end of the day, and once upon a time, he was terrifying and dangerous. Niki clamps her hands down over her mouth to keep any further sound from escaping when it makes Dream flinch. His breath picks up in shakiness and speed until a loud crash makes the house go silent.

Dream’s head whips around, finding a pile of shattered glass on the floor next to the chair he flipped over and the table it apparently took on its way down. He stares at it for a good, long second, the breath stolen from his lungs. A quick, strangled sob leaves Dream’s mouth as he drops to his knees, scrambling for the glass pieces. Hot, fat tears fill the corners of Dream’s eyes. His hands are shaking so much it makes the glass pieces he picks up clink against each other. Almost desperately, Dream tries to wipe away the tears, and Techno’s worry about Dream hurting himself suddenly becomes much more apparent as the world catches up to Niki.

“Oh- Dream, no, we- let’s not-” Niki drops to her knees beside Dream, holding her hands out gently. “Let’s not do that, okay? You’ve got glass in your hands.”

Dream doesn’t stop. The tears and sobs only spilling harder and faster. Niki doesn’t think this can get any worse, so she slowly puts her hand over Dream’s, grasping it and pulling it away gently. There’s no resistance, even as Dream digs his chin into his chest. Pricks of blood are already forming on scratches left on Dream’s cheeks from the glass, quickly mixing with tears. Dream starts signing something frantically, and Niki doesn’t know what he’s saying, but, oh, she wishes she did.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Niki tries. “Are you worried Techno will be angry?”

Dream nods, choking on another sob.

“I’m sure he won’t be!” Niki presents her hands, cupped, to Dream again. “He really cares about you, alright? He won’t be mad over a broken cup, okay?”

Dream makes a strangled sound that almost sounds like a “but” as he snaps his head up to face Niki.

“No. No buts.” Niki pushes her hands forward pointedly. “I’ll clean up the glass, okay? I think you should go lay down on your bed and rest. Calm down a little, alright? I’m supposed to be here to help, and Techno would be upset if you hurt yourself. I’ll let you know when everything’s been taken care of.”

Shakily, Dream brings his free hand up to his face, fingers touching the newly formed cuts as his lips trace Niki’s words. His eyes go wide, pressing down on the tiny bubbles of blood forming. He drops the glass into Niki’s hands, staggering up with a sharp breath. He mutters something too faint for Niki to catch before disappearing into his room. Niki picks up the rest of the glass, her hands thankfully much steadier than Dream’s own despite what just happened. Periodically, she glances up to Dream’s room, watching, waiting.

She isn’t quite sure what she’s waiting for, maybe for him to come bursting out, angry at being coddled, or perhaps for him to come slinking back with shaky hands and hot tears and try to help again. Whatever it is, it never comes.

Carefully, Niki spends a few minutes making sure no shards had spread out over the house or that she misses any finite pieces. After her searches come back clean, Niki moves to the knocked-over furniture. She rights the table and chair Dream had knocked over, huffing out a small sigh of relief. The living room was clean again, thankfully. She hopes Techno won’t be mad. That would just make her look bad when Dream was so clearly distressed over the whole ordeal.

At the thought of Dream, Niki makes her way over to his room. She knocks, the wood giving way and opening up into the small room. Dream lays on his bed, curled up into a ball, and appears to be fast asleep. The blankets look almost deliberately untouched around him. Niki steps into the dark room, noting the closed blinds on his window. Everything is kept down to nearly a depressing minimum, the only trace of life in the room being the messy, yet unmoved, sheets and a single flowerpot laying on a chest.

It would be better to let him sleep, Niki thinks. The room is kept cold, and Niki doesn’t want Dream to get sick, so she decides to drape the untouched sheets over Dream’s sleeping form. As she pulls up the blankets around the sleeping body, though, Dreams’ eyes flutter open, and his body tenses. He turns his head to watch her silently.

“I’ve cleaned up the glass, so the living room is good to be in again,” Niki offers. She pulls her hands away, crouching down so she doesn’t loom over Dream. “I was going to let you sleep; sorry for waking you.”

Dream shrugs, not really looking like he had been sleeping in the first place. He sits up, glancing at the sheets pooling around him. Dream glances around, scrubbing at his face and swinging his legs over the side of his bed. Despite Niki’s protests, he gets up and shuffles his way into the living room. His eyes fall on the now empty space on the table, sucking in a soft, shuddering breath. Niki comes to stand beside him.

“Hey,” she says. “It’s okay. I’m not angry, and they won’t be either, okay?”

Dream’s eyes flit from the table down to Niki. His body, slouched forward, leans a little closer to her as he nods silently. He looks back to the room, eyes squinting. He shoves his hands in his pockets and produces the pen and paper he’d kept on him; scribbling down, can you close the blinds? Niki smiles. She needs to encourage him to ask for things, too.

“Sure.”

Dream makes a home for himself on the couch. He eyes Niki’s book and they make idle chatter over it, Niki sitting across from him in the chair. They slide the notepad between each other on the table, both patiently waiting for the other to read or write before responding. Dream apologizes for the outburst. He said that he was feeling overwhelmed and hasn’t had to deal with something like that in a long time. The apology was accepted. Niki even manages to get a small laugh out of Dream, one that tugs gently on his throat and makes his chest stutter. It’s nice to see Dream’s smile, the way it cracks his face as he chuckles to himself. Somehow, it’s the most pride she’s felt in a while.

When Niki gets up to make herself some food, Dream takes her up on the offer to eat together. The list Techno left with what Dream could eat suddenly became very useful when preparing dinner. He doesn’t eat much and apologizes about it, for the hassle he must be causing, but it was what Niki was expecting anyway. Dream goes to sleep soon after that, pausing at his door and sending a quick, earnest thank you to Niki. She smiles.

“You’re welcome, Dream.”

Techno wasn’t mad, and neither was Phil. They seemed more focused on the fact that Dream actually ate a decently sized meal for the first time that week than anything else. Dream, who was hovering in the back, made sure to send Niki off with a little wave.

If she feels a little protective over him during the next Syndicate meeting, that was only her business. If she spoke in a hushed tone and kept an eye on him so he wouldn’t get into trouble, it was just general caution mixed with a bit of care. When she brought the loaves of bread with her on a visit, they were for Techno, Phil, and Dream, but she couldn’t deny the tiny bit of excitement that bloomed in her chest when Phil suggested Dream learn how to bake to help with tremors and outbursts.

If she let Dream into her stash or secret recipes for pies and bread, it stayed between them. Dream promised to keep them secret, and Niki didn’t doubt him. He smiled at her one day, growing nicely into the freckles that had started to speckle his skin, while his third batch of experimental dough was baking. Niki couldn’t help but smile back.

[mieohmy]

𝖴𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖮𝗎𝗋 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗌 | 𝖪𝗂𝗆 𝖲𝗎𝗇𝗐𝗈𝗈

PAIRING: kim sunwoo x fem reader

GENRE: fluff, humor, angst, somewhat implied relationship?, hotel del luna! au, head manager! sunwoo, hotel owner! reader

WC: 3.9k

NOTES: like one mention of blood, ghosts, heavily hotel del luna inspired

happy bday to one of my ults 🎉 lovely sunwoo 🎉ugh i can’t get enough of him 🤧so here’s a pt. 2 to this hotel del luna fic you can read here ! 

you don’t have to read the first part to understand but it’s recommended!-  i mean it’s hdl sunwoo,,,, just saying. (also i’m not really sure where it lies in aspect to the original so just take it how you please ^^ )

✬

The girl groans. What happened?

She tries to recall what just occurred, but her head pounds in irritating waves of pain. 

I was walking down the stairs outside..... and then I must’ve tripped and fallen? 

She shrugs, getting up and cracking her suddenly sore and painful neck.  

While rolling her head around to loosen it up, her eyes land on a sign. A bright, neon flashing sign that would effectively grab anyone's attention. 

Huh, looks like a hotel. 

There’s no explainable reason, but the girl starts walking towards the entrance. 

Carefully opening the door, she peeks inside. Just from the beginning, the girl can tell it’s a magnificent and luxurious place. 

Now she suddenly gets the feeling that she’s not supposed to be here. But there’s no one around, so the girl continues on, still rubbing her stiff neck.

It’s beautiful- the biggest hotel she’s ever seen. Other people pass by, and she’s extremely horrified and confused by their appearances. 

What’s with all the fake blood and dirt? It all seems so real-

...It’s not Halloween today, right? 

The girl explores the place, finding more and more sights to see. She turns the corner, eyes wandering around until she accidentally bumps into someone, falling down. 

“Oof! I’m sorry-!”

You stare down at her, a bone-chilling glare on your face. “Who are you?”

Sunwoo follows behind you. “Hey, what's the matter?” His words and feet come to a halt when he sees you staring down at the girl.

There's a pause in which you all just stare at each other. 

Until his eyes widen. “Yuna?”

Everything clicks. “Kim Sunwoo?” she gasps. 

Your head whips to him. “You know her?”

Sunwoo seems so startled, his eyes never leaving her. “What are you doing here?”

The girl- or you should say, Yuna- stands up, nervously looking around. “I-I don’t know. I think I fell down the stairs and when I woke up, this place caught my attention, so I came inside. But since when did you work at hotels?”

Sunwoo fiddles with his tie, lip between his teeth. You keep your gaze on him, suddenly wanting to know more. 

Sunwoo knows this girl?

Why is he acting like this? 

What was their relationship with each other? 

“Yeah,” he nervously chuckles. “I do-” 

You cut him off with an obnoxious laugh. They both stare at you, surprised. “You two know each other?”

Sunwoo grimaces, “maybe we should go somewhere more appropriate for this.”

Once seated at your office desk, sunwoo explains everything. 

“We’re childhood friends, all the way until when I went to the United States for college.”

“We haven’t seen each other in forever,” she adds.

There’s an unpleasant feeling growing inside you. You don’t know what it is- you haven’t felt it in a long time. 

But what you do know is that you want her out of here. Nowhere near sunwoo. 

You want sunwoo away from her stupid smile and stupid laugh, utterly despising the way the two of them get along so well and engage in a conversation so naturally.

Your eye twitches when her hand comes in contact with sunwoo’s shoulder after laughing at one of his jokes. 

Sunwoo notices your brooding aura, turning to you with a knowing glance. “Is there something wrong?

“No, nothing at all, Manager Kim.” You enunciate each syllable slowly. 

He frowns at the way you formerly call his name, “really? It seems like you’re kinda bothered by something.”

You wish you could kill sunwoo right now in front of her. Truly, a sight to see.  “No,” you grit, even though there’s obviously something wrong. 

Yuna looks at sunwoo. “Is it me? Did I do something?”

Curse sunwoo and his stupid looks, always attracting other girls and-

“I'm not sure..  It’s not because of Yuna, right?”

His eyes bore into yours, the corners of his mouth tilted up, and you lose your patience, effectively crushing the piece of paper in your hands to bits.

“Well, she’s not even supposed to be here-”

You stop abruptly, horrified. 

Oh no. 

Sunwoo turns to you. “What did you just say? She’s not supposed to be here at the hotel??”

You feel a rush of heat. “What-ha, no. I didn’t-“

But sunwoo knows you better than you believed. His eyes narrow. “Miss y/l/n, I thought you were trying to be a better person.”

You scowl, wanting to object but he cuts you off. 

“If she isn’t meant to be here now, then that means she needs to leave,”  he looks you directly in the eye. “Because this is the fates’ plan, isn’t it?”

Your mouth drops open, but you close it, pursing your lips. 

“Fine.”

“Fine,” you say more forcefully, desperately craving your precious caviar and wanting to be anywhere but here. “This was a mistake. Her heart’s still beating. Tell her to leave quickly or else it won't be anymore.”

Yuna glances between the two of you, utterly bewildered. Sunwoo quickly turns to her. “It was nice to see you again Yuna, but I think you should leave right now.”

Her eyes widen. “Is there something wrong?”

You want to answer, “yes, you.” But instead, you just sigh.

“No. You just overstayed your leave. So get out.”

Sunwoo shoots you a look but it’s too late, you’re already (quite harshly) guiding Yuna out of the place. 

Once you reach the exit -the doors to the human world for Yuna to find her consciousness and body, as well as go back to living her normal life again, Sunwoo speaks up. 

“It was really nice to talk to you after a long time, Yuna. No offense, but I really hope I don’t have to see you again here.”

You just barely hold back a scoff. Yuna cocks her head but doesn’t comment on it. 

Once she steps over the threshold, she suddenly turns back to Sunwoo, her eyes lit up, “wait sunwoo, we should meet up some-“

You slam the door in her face.

You try not to show it, but you’re fuming inside. And Sunwoo can definitely tell. 

What’s so good about her?

It was really nice to talk to you again? 

Tch. Who says that?

That girl’s not even that pretty.

You shouldn’t have said anything about it not being her time here and just let the girl leave to the afterwor-

“Miss y/l/n-!”

You blink. “What?”

You want to slap that smug grin off Sunwoo’s face. “I’ve been calling your name for the past five minutes, but you seem to be really distracted and upset even.”

You turn around, chin high. “No. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, I wanted to thank you.”

You look at him warily. “For what?”

“For doing the right thing.”

You scoff, continuing past him with your dress swishing behind you and heels clicking harshly against the ground. 

Sunwoo watches you go with a smirk. He wishes to keep this version of you in his pocket forever. 

✬

It doesn’t get any better the next day.

When Sunwoo comes in, you simply glance over him like he’s a ghost.

He’s annoyed of course, but at the same time amused and even endeared. Sunwoo likes seeing you jealous, even if you’d never admit it. 

“Miss y/l/n, one of the guests requested a specific meeting with you. He wants-“

“No,” you say coldly, fiddling with your vast collection of earrings. 

“But he-“

“Does he have money or any sort of offering?” You don’t look up even once from your array of sparkling beauties, and it frustrates Sunwoo greatly.

“Miss y/l/n.”

You finally stop moving at the stern tone of his voice. 

“You’ve been alive for how many years? I expected you to be a little more professional and put your personal feelings aside at work.” 

You splutter. “Personal feelings?!?”

You raise your pen at him threateningly, a fiery glint in your eyes. If it was anyone else, it wouldn’t seem scary. But it was you after all. 

“You know I don’t actually like her like that.”

That catches you off guard, making you falter with the pen still in your hand. 

“Someone else caught my interest.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Huh? Sunwoo likes someone? He has the time outside of his job to date? 

You suddenly blurt out, “Who?”

He smiles softly. “Someone who’s really greedy and needs a lot of attention. But it’s okay. I’m willing to give it to her.” 

Your chest tightens. 

Stubbornly, you tilt your head to the side, avoiding his strong gaze for the nth time while the room suddenly feels a bit hot to you. 

“Manager Kim, you’re still here?” The head maid’s voice catches your attention. She has a frown etched on her face, obviously unpleased. 

Sunwoo shifts. “Oh, I totally forgot about the time. It’s fine. I can stay longer if needed.”

She hits him softly. “Don’t be ridiculous, you should get some sleep for tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired and not have the energy to celebrate on your birthday, do you?”

You tense, looking at sunwoo curiously. “Birthday?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, my birthday is tomorrow. It’s not a big deal, I don’t really celebrate it,” he turns to the head maid again. “But since you insisted, I will go home and get some rest.”

He bids his goodbyes, softly giving you one last, ‘goodnight’, before turning to leave. 

Suddenly, a wave of guilt washes over from your childish actions, and you fall silent. 

You didn’t know it was his birthday tomorrow. 

You watch Sunwoo leave with an unreadable expression as the head maid looks at you knowingly. 

✬

Sunwoo gets home exhausted, more than he realized. 

To be honest, he completely forgot it was his birthday tomorrow. Since it was only his grandparents caring for him at a young age and his grandfather was at work most of the time, sunwoo didn’t really celebrate his birthday often. 

It wasn’t a big deal, he didn’t care. His birthday was just like any other day. 

When the head maid asked if the staff should prepare anything for him tomorrow, he politely declined. It felt wrong to celebrate when you were still ‘mad’ at him -not that he should've cared... 

Sunwoo shakes his head, clearing it from all thoughts of work and you. Yawning, he climbs into bed and falls into a deep slumber in record time. 

. . . 

riiiiiiinnnng~

Sunwoo groans. 

riiiiiiinnnng~

He rolls over, eyes barely peeking open. Who is calling at this ungodly hour? 

He clumsily reaches his phone, checking the time. 

2:57 am.

You’re joking, right? 

“Hello?” He cringes at the sound of his deep and raspy slumber voice. 

“Sunwoo.”

He’s immediately awake now at the sound of your voice. 

It’s quite faint and soft. 

What’s worse and even more worrying is that it's deadly calm.

“Y/n? What is it?”

“....can you come here? Now?”

He glances at the phone screen, confused until he sees a notification from you - ‘a location was shared with you’

Sunwoo’s too tired to think at this moment. He simply hangs up with an 'ok' and gets up to change.

He doesn’t really pay attention to the address, grabbing some random clothes- it’s 3am and sunwoo doesn’t feel like putting on his whole professional suit- before heading out.

It’s a strangely warm spring night, the bright stars twinkling in the sky catch his attention as he makes his way down the sidewalk. 

He has no clue where he's going, but he follows the directions to you nonetheless. 

✬

Sunwoo doesn’t know what to say.

Is he surprised?

Honestly, not really. 

Is he confused?

Yes. Very. 

Why would you invite him out to a restaurant in the early hours of the morning? 

It’s obviously closed- the windows dark- but knowing you, you probably unlocked the doors and got the food you wanted anyways. 

Sunwoo doesn’t know when the food ‘escapades’ started, but all he did know was that you were obsessed with watching that one eating show and liked to force sunwoo along with you to visit famous featured restaurants. 

When no one else was there, of course. 

So this isn’t that much of a surprise. That’s why sunwoo simply reaches for the handle- unlocked as expected- and heads inside.

Well, he was wrong. He was expecting the food. 

But he wasn’t expecting it to be all of his favorites. With a cake topped off with illuminating candles in the dark place. 

And you in the middle of it all, obviously bored and waiting for him. (Sunwoo wouldn’t dare say this out loud, but he thought you looked ethereal sitting at the table, starlight shining down and glowing around you. In short- he ironically thought you looked like an angel.)

“What is this?”

You sit up, groaning. “Finally. I was about to start eating without you.”

He looks at everything that you must’ve set up. 

“Did.... did you do all of this?”

You shift uncomfortably from his intense gaze.

“Yes. Why?” Your voice turns into your normal bossy and annoyed tone. “You think I wouldn’t be capable enough to do this?” 

He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t say that. I’m just shocked. After all, it's so early in the morning.” 

You inhale, recalling the events that led up to this. After sunwoo left for the night, you had a horrible feeling in your gut for some reason. No -there’s no way you could be feeling guilty? You chided yourself, saying you were just being stupid, and went to bed. 

But his nonchalant face kept popping up in your mind, leading you further and further from sleep, and you had no choice but to furiously get out of your extremely comfortable, plush bed and stomp out to find a suitable restaurant.

And here you were now. The two of you alone in a closed restaurant with a cornucopia of food at 3 in the morning.

“Did you plan this with the head maid? Is that why you made me go home early and get some rest?”

“No,” you scoff. He stares at you for a solid minute before you glare indignantly at him back. “It wasn’t planned!” 

You look down at your perfectly manicured nails, suddenly avoiding eye contact. “I felt bad that I didn’t know it was your birthday and made you work overtime....” you gruffly respond. 

Sunwoo looks around the restaurant. 

It’s not the best, he notes. The banner is crooked, and the confetti everywhere is quite honestly getting on his nerves already, but he still feels warm. His heart grows for you and only you once again. 

“Thank you, y/n.” His use of your actual name makes your insides flutter - it’s the way you know he’s truly being sincere. 

“I really appreciate everything you did for me.”

His voice sounds so touched and grateful -you hate it. Because it makes your heart (if you even still had one at this point) feel weird too. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you grumble. 

He stifles a laugh. 

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are we gonna eat all the food I prepared for you?”

He blinks. “Right.”

Sitting next to you at one of the tables, sunwoo examines the pretty cake you got. 

“How are the candles not going out?”

You roll your eyes, getting your phone out to record a video. “They’re fake, I created them. Hurry and blow it out,” you command. 

You quickly add, “I’m not singing the dumb song either.” 

You press the record button, corners of your mouth curving upward when Sunwoo closes his eyes tightly to make a wish before blowing. The candles effectively go out with a whoosh, leaving you two in the dark. 

You end the video, saving it to keep. 

Sunwoo pouts, “we’re not gonna take any photos together?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Why?” 

If anything, his pout increases. “It’s my birthday.....”

You let out a long sigh before taking your phone out again and opening the camera. Scooting your chair over to his, you lift the camera to capture the two of you.

Posing, you’re about click the button when Sunwoo suddenly jerks your chair much closer to his, causing you to start and look at him in surprise. 

He grins. “What are you waiting for? Are you gonna take the photo?”

You grumble, nervously swallowing once you realize how close the two of you are through the camera screen. 

You get several photos, most of them bad, but you keep them for memories anyways. Sunwoo wants to laugh at how pretty and innocent you seem in the photos compared to real life. 

You’re about to put your phone away, but Sunwoo begs for one more. 

Rolling your eyes, you put up with him -just for today. 

Raising the camera, you smile cutely one last time, about to click the shutter button, when you feel a pair of arms wrap around you, pulling you back until your back meets a warm chest. 

You freeze, face turning to shock as you hear the button sound. After the photo’s taken, Sunwoo casually drops the hug, completely unaffected as he goes back to the food. 

You stay still, the ghost of his warmth around you still lingering. 

“Miss y/l/n, are you gonna eat?”

“H-huh?” You quickly spin around to see sunwoo digging into the food already. You fight back a smile at the sight. 

While you two eat, sunwoo stares at you.

“What?” You wipe your face in case there’s food or something on it.

He chews. “Nothing. I’m still surprised you did something for my birthday after I said not to.”

You sit up straighter, your voice suddenly serious. 

“Your life should be celebrated. Everyone’s life should be celebrated. It’s a precious gift to still be living and breathing on this earth. So enjoy it while you can,” you state.

Sunwoo swallows, looking down with a small smile. “Yeah, you’re right.”

A peaceful silence occurs for a couple minutes.

“Hey,” sunwoo speaks up, “I think this is the first birthday I’ve had while working for you.” 

You slowly nod. 

And it could be the last. 

You don’t say it out loud, but the thought burns deep within. Not wanting to think such somber things on sunwoo's birthday, you clear your throat, taking your phone out to look at the photos.

The last one makes your breath hitch. 

Sunwoo’s arms are wrapped tightly around you, his face happy and content and eyes shining prettily. Your eyes are wide, lips parted in a small ‘o’. 

Quickly, you turn off your phone, watching sunwoo finish his food. 

“Are you done?”

He nods, a content sight leaving his lips. 

“Finally, I thought I was gonna fall asleep,” you snort. You pull a medium-sized bag out of nowhere, it’s quite plain and simple. 

“Huh? What is that?”

You try to seem neutral. “It’s just something I saw that looked pretty.”

Sunwoo's eyebrows raise. 

“But it didn’t match the fancy aesthetic of my room, so you can have it,” you add hastily. 

He coughs. 

Roughly, you shove hand him the bag. 

Sunwoo gently takes out the wrapping paper, examining the ‘present’ you got him.

It’s some weird contraption. That’s the first thing he thinks of. As he examines it more closely, he realizes there are stars and constellations decorating it. 

“....what is this?”

You try to act nonchalant. “It’s just a decoration you can hang from your ceiling. And I got it charmed to protect you from angry spirits and whatever. I don’t know.”

Sunwoo’s eyes widen. 

You got this as a present for him? 

When he doesn’t respond, you sigh and reach out to take it back.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll just give it to someone else, sheesh.”

“No!” Sunwoo practically shouts, protectively shielding it from your grasp. 

You gape at him. 

He blushes. “I-I like it a lot.”

You clear your throat, trying to shrug it off, but sunwoo leans in. 

You freeze. 

Is he gonna-?

Instinctively, your eyes squeeze shut. You wait. And then a warm feeling lands on your cheek for a couple of seconds before leaving. 

After some time, you deem it safe to open your eyes. And come in contact with sunwoo staring back at you, an indescribable emotion deep in his eyes. 

You can’t find it in yourself to look away for some reason. 

Then a sudden noise outside- probably a stupid owl- startles the two of you.

You start laughing nervously. “Ha, I think we should clean up now, haha.”

He chuckles. “But I want to do that again.” You almost drop your phone, spluttering. “Kim Sunwoo!”

He rolls his eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you, it’s Manager Kim.” 

“W-whatever... just help me clean up!”

After you finish cleaning, sunwoo requests for you to tell him a story. 

So you close your eyes and think back to when his grandfather worked for you. And start talking of one of the crazy episodes that constantly occurred back then. Somewhere in the middle of it, you come back to your senses and find sunwoo asleep, cheek against the table. 

You stare at him with a fond look. 

“Come on,” you whisper, picking him up easily. “Let’s go home.”

You eventually get him into his bed, quietly as to not disturb his sleeping roommate. 

Sunwoo must’ve woken up because he calls your name. You look down at him, sleepily blinking back at you. “Will you hang up my present for me?”

You scoff, but already are you reaching for the gift. 

“Where do you want it?” You ask, but sunwoo’s already passed out again. 

Rolling your eyes, you hang it right above him from the ceiling, near his bed. 

For a minute, all you can do is admire sunwoo, the stars shining above and creating a beautiful glow around him. He looks so peaceful when sleeping, like the little kid he once was. And honestly still kind of is. 

You sit down next to him on the bed, gently brushing his bangs out of his eyes. 

I know we don’t speak our feelings to each other often, but seeing you happy is enough for me. 

You smile softly at his sleepy pout. “Happy birthday, sunwoo,” you whisper. But before you can leave, a hand swiftly wraps around your wrist. You look down. 

“Stay the night. It’s too late for you to be out. Stay next to me,” he mumbles.

You know that he knows you’re well able to take care of yourself at any time, but still, you can’t find it in yourself to say no. 

You slowly make your way over, tucking yourself under the covers, and sunwoo automatically wraps his arms around you. 

It’s warm. He’s warm. 

You probably shouldn’t be doing this. 

But it’s his birthday.  

What if his roommate comes in and sees? 

Although all those thoughts run through your mind, you find yourself drifting off under the stars, not caring. Underneath the luminescent gift you gave him that hangs from the ceiling, twinkling brightly over the two of you.

Just for tonight. 

✬

Bonus ㅠㅠ: 

“Aren’t the stars so pretty tonight?” you remark. 

Sunwoo stares at you, never looking away. “Yeah.”

“A shame that the moon is hiding this peaceful night.”

“And what about the sun?” he jokes. 

Your eyes flick towards him. 

The sun is right here next to me, you internally answer.  

My sun that always shines so brightly over me is you, Kim Sunwoo. 

✬

a/n: guys im not lying i almost cried writing this and thinking about Hotel del Luna,, i miss it sm ;-;

reminder- any kind of feedback is always appreciated :)

[ladyartemesia]

Yooo your love story straight out seems like an e2l slow burn tumblr fic. Do you have any plans using at as a plot?? I would def read it 👀

I don’t know if I would truly call it enemies-to-lovers because—although I got irritated with him and his behavior and did snap at him from time to time—we were not really enemies. In fact we were barely friends for most of the years we knew each other—

Well.

Ok. So that’s not totally true...

We fought online constantly. From the time we graduated college (where his crush first developed and I routinely forgot his name) the two of us were always fighting on social media—usually about politics—and occasionally about other things but both of us were too smart to ever truly get the better of each other so there was a grudging respect, (his mom said he used to yell at his computer screen about me). We had it OUT several times online even though we rarely—if ever—spoke in person.

My poor sweet boy DID get himself in trouble over me in more ways than one though—even if we’re weren’t close yet...

His college girlfriend set him up to fail asked him who he would date if the two of them weren’t together and he answered immediately—vehemently—

“Viola. I would definitely date Viola if I could.”

🤦🏻‍♀️ (oh...honey...no)

(That would become a huge THING in their relationship. Every time they got into a fight his ex would shout “why don’t you just go date VIOLA then?!”—When he married me he said he felt like a real winner in that particular collection of conflicts. Playing the long game I guess 🤣😂)

Back then I was all about the music/dramatic arts scene and I was dating a string of empty headed pretty boys who bored me nigh unto death because I was young and completely stupid.

In contrast my someday-boo was painfully quiet and shy (though not really with me because he was too busy trying to prove me wrong), but everyone who met him or spoke to him really liked him and respected him.

After college we were were still in the same extended social circle (and—as previously mentioned—fighting online), but I went to grad school and my not-yet-husband decided to chill for awhile and take a job as a landscaper while he figured his life out and... here’s where it gets complicated because...

—that’s where the girls came in. You see... he’s always been a really nice guy... maybe a little too nice 🤦🏻‍♀️

The term fuqboi tends to conjure up impressions of a cocky frat bro who slyly shags his way through a mountain of willing women with disconnected efficiency and a subtext of emotional constipation.

But that would not be the case here.

You see my husband is a listener. He’s an INFP. He, unlike many of his brethren, understands emotions and can really make a woman feel seen. Combine that with his good looks, brilliant mind, and broody nerditude and you have a recipe for women who were ‘just friends’ randomly dropping to their knees (and a lot more) for him.

Never one to stand in the way of a lady’s dreams, pre-me-hubby figured that if they were that determined to (*insert miscellaneous sexy stuff here*) with him then—well—he’d let them.

I mean why not, right? No harm done.

Wrong. 🤬

And here is where our paths truly began to merge (in the real world) for the first time.

As the FOURTH girl (just in my friend group) he graciously allowed (🤦🏻‍♀️) to have her wicked way with him sobbed in my arms, I became determined to put this ridiculous man-child IN his PLACE—this time in the tactile world as well as the virtual one.

...Poor Liz

She realized that he had absolutely no desire whatsoever to be in a relationship with anything other than his WoW account and she was insistent that he had broken her heart.

So I cornered him and we had it out. (Call me meddlesome, but to be fair he was four friends deep at this point.)

The problem was that... the more I talked to him...the more he was not really what I expected... I found myself...oddly...intrigued?

Later it would come out that I was the first girl—ever—that he actually pursued. And I was not even aware of it for like the first three months.

He was pretty slick after all when it came down to it.

That man convinced me to ‘help him’ with women—to make sure he didn’t get himself into another situation where some girl with heart eyes was tearing off his clothes and expecting commitment.

HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS ‘EXCUSE.’

🤦🏻‍♀️(...I know. I’m an idiot.)

“We can hang out. You’ll teach me how to spot if a girl is about to catch feelings and take off my pants. And I will have an excuse when they call as to why we can’t hang out” (—and ...they really were always calling. It was wild.)

....I mean he WAS shy! It SEEMED plausible!

So yeah my dim self agreed to it. (🤦🏻‍♀️)

I considered it a valiant attempt to save the rest of my social circle from the most clueless ‘accidental’ fuqboi on planet earth and maybe even an opportunity to teach him how to be a real human being and what not.

And before you think ‘fake dating’—we weren’t. We were just hanging out as friends. You see when I went to yell at him (and chased him down after he laughed at me and tried to escape) we ended up talking in his car for like four hours. And then that happened like three more times randomly so... I... actually... wanted... to be his friend... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was still 110% not interested romantically.

Your girl (me) was after some bland banker dude (🤦🏻‍♀️) and so I blissfully fell into friendship with my actual soulmate without a single second thought. And I never worried about either of us catching feelings because I had a crush on someone else and he had heavily implied that I was not his type. (He told me later that I just assumed this and he simply never corrected me 🙄)

I don’t remember falling for him. I never decided to. I never thought about it...

But one day after the whole crew was hanging out at a restaurant (and the waiter kept giving me free drinks which may have pissed my once-and-future man off) the two of us went out to his car to have our customary three hour post-chill chat...

I was teasing him about something—some girl he was still attempting to untangle himself from—and I said—as had become my habit (seriously I said this so many times as a joke)—“It’s too bad I’m not your type—you could just tell her you have a girlfriend.”

(Now. I know what you’re thinking. But I was still firmly on team platonic ok! I was just a flirt. And maybe part of me was starting to feel weird things about him—but those feelings weren’t like anything I recognized so I thought I just needed to cut back on sugar or something.)

(Have I mentioned I’m an idiot?)

ANYWAYS he looked me right in the eye. So serious. And instead of saying “that’s too bad”—LIKE he ALWAYS did—he said—

“You...are my type, Viola... You’re exactly my type.”

To which I responded—“....What? No I’m not. You said I wasn’t.”

“Never said that. You assumed.”

“You LET me!”

—followed by a good ten minutes of me having an existential crisis/yelling at him for allowing me to believe he didn’t find me attractive and lulling me into a false sense of security. He was infuriatingly unapologetic.

At the end of it all he asked me to give him—give us—a chance.

And I agreed to go out on a few dates with him (mostly to prove to myself that there was nothing there).

(🤦🏻‍♀️)

The only thing I ended up proving was that I was wrong about what I wanted and even more wrong about what I needed.

You see...

Those weird feelings turned out to be love.

(🤦🏻‍♀️)

And it was a really special experience to sit in a room full of girls who had cried in my arms over him—girls I had lectured repeatedly on the dangers of his heartless ways— and admit that I was his girlfriend.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Love was—and continues to be—nothing like I expected and frankly I couldn’t be happier.

... to answer your questions

1. I have considered writing a fic based on our story called Broken Road. The title is taken from an old Rascal Flatts song that—as insanely cheesy as it is—really reminds me of us. Don’t know if I will actually write this. Thought about it a lot though.

2. Tags I would use for this story?

#enemies-to-lovers / #idiots-to-lovers / #college au / #outgoing!fem reader(me) x shy nerd!accidental fuqboi / #reader is also a huge nerd actually / #she’s just a loud one / #frenemies-to-lovers / #the love is requited / #they’re just idiots / #pining (his) / denial (mine) / #reader has terrible taste in men / #except for that last one / #she really redeemed herself there at the end

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Broken Down (p.2)

Pairings: Arvin Russell x F!Reader (I just realized that though there’s a few little flirty parts or thoughts, it’s actually pretty platonic and open ended) 

Summary: (Part 2 of Broken Down) After escaping from Carl and Sandy, you and Arvin find yourselves in Knockemstiff. Little did either of you know, there was somebody else following you there. 

Warnings: Murder, Mention of Suicide, Canonical gore and violence, Reference to sexual assault but no depictions

Word Count: 6.6k

Find Part 1 here!

_________

Meade was the last big town until you hit Knockemstiff and you had decided to pull off at a gas station to fuel up to avoid accidentally running out of gas in the middle of nowhere. When the car’s tires rolled to a crunching halt, Arvin jumped out to pump the gas for you. You stepped out of the car and stood beside him while the tank filled with fuel. “What do you wanna do when we get to Knockemstiff? It seems like why ever you’re here is pretty personal so I understand if you wanna do this alone.” 

“Where ‘re you gonna go?” He dodged the question, the pump clicking to a stop in the background. He moved to shake the last few drops from the nozzle before replacing it at the pump. 

You and Arvin had talked a bit on your long overnight trip about your lives and your plans. He had told you that he was from Coal Creek and admitted to murdering a preacher named Preston Teagarden that impregnated his adopted sister, Lenora, which led her to committing suicide. He had told you all about this monster of a human and why he felt he had to do what he did and, though it felt twisted to genuinely support the murder of somebody, you couldn’t help but support Arvin’s actions. When you asked what was so special about Knockemstiff, he confessed that it was where he used to live, where his parents had died. 

Arvin had never found himself the overly talkative or trusting type. Coal Creek residents only seemed to judge him and his family, from bullies to the richer folk who looked down on his family simply for not having much money. There was something special about you though, and perhaps it was some unspoken bond that came about from nearly being murdered and then murdering said murderers, but it made him feel like he could open up to you more than he’d ever felt with anyone. 

You told him about your life and family thus far. You told him about your hometown of Barren Springs, not that there was really much to tell. It was just some small town full of cows and churchgoers. When he asked you what you were gonna do after today, you really weren’t sure. Hell, you were barely sure what you were doing now. 

You looked around at the surprisingly clean gas station before picking at your nails, “I don’t really know. Figured I’ll drive around for a few days. Maybe head back to Meade after I drop you off and stay here for a few until the story comes out in the newspaper. Just gotta make sure they don’t have any leads, y’know?” 

Arvin adjusted his baseball cap, “You ain’t gotta just disappear. I mean, you been mighty kind givin’ me a ride all the way out here but I don’t wanna just use you for a ride ‘n send you on your way. Not after everythin’.” He paused to think for a moment. His story wasn’t a pleasant one and his entire point in coming all the way out here was to try and find some peace with all ghosts in his closet. It was a personal journey, one that he didn’t really want anyone else to join in on, but he really did feel terrible just using you for a ride so far away and leaving you alone.  “‘M gonna go visit my old home from back when I was a boy. There’s some things I gotta do there. It’s, uh, it’s somethin’ I gotta do alone. You’re more than welcome to leave me here if you wanna go somewhere else but I don’t want to make you feel like I just used you for a ride.” 

You chewed your lip to hide the small way the corner of your mouth turned upwards at his ever-courteous manner. “Well what’re you gonna do after all this? You gonna be able to make it wherever you need to go?” 

“I ain’t got anywhere to go but I’ll figure it out. Don’t you worry ‘bout me,” he admitted, leaning against the car beside you. 

You looked up at him with your arms crossed, “How ‘bout I wait in town till you’re done doin’ what you need to do and then you can come stay with me in Barren Springs until you get a plan. It’s better for you to know where you wanna go and what you wanna do before running off.” 

Arvin’s eyes narrowed skeptically, “You sure you’re alright with that? I don’t wanna put you out anymore than you’ve already done for me.” He was never one for charity and didn’t want to take anything he felt like he couldn’t reciprocate. 

You nodded, pressing yourself off the side of the car and swinging towards the driver's side of the car, “It’s no problem, really. Now how much further to Knockemstiff?” 

** 

The drive to Knockemstiff wasn’t long at all and within the hour you and Arvin found yourselves driving along the road that he found hauntingly familiar. Even so, everything looked so different. Arvin couldn’t imagine the town changing much over the last eight or so years so he figured that the place just must have felt darker and grimmer with the ghosts of the tragedies that took place there. 

“Where’s your house?” You leaned forward over the steering wheel to peer further ahead up the road, trying to see through the thin layer of condensation that had built up on the inside of your window from the contrast of the heated interior with the dreary drizzly outside. 

Arvin gestured up the road you were headed down, “Should be just up there but it’s been a while.” You could see the way the road split off into a fork just up ahead and you could tell by Arvin’s face that he wasn’t quite sure which road was the right one. 

“Should we ask someone?” You pointed towards a small building up ahead, pulling over when Arvin nodded. 

The pair of you got out of the car to see an older man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. “Howdy,” he greeted with a thick accent, “You pair look like you been travellin’. Where you headed?” 

Arvin shoved his hands in his pockets as he answered, hiding beneath the brim of his hat from the rain. You shielded your face with your hand from the mist, tiny droplets accumulating on your eyelashes. “There used to be a house and a barn up on that hill over there. Some lawyer owned it. You know it?” 

“Sure I do. Up in the Mitchell Flats.” The man answered sure as could be. 

“Still there?” 

The man leaned back, eyeing Arvin, “Well, I’ll be damned. You’re that Russell boy ain’t you?”

You felt the way Arvin tensed up a little beside you, clearly not comfortable with the legacy he seemed to have in this town, but stepped forward nonetheless. You followed him under the shelter of the porch awning, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “I just thought, seeing as I was this way, I’d stop by and see the old place again.” 

The man sighed heavily and stood, “Son, I hate to tell you this but that place burned some years ago. They think some kids did it. Wasn’t nobody livin’ there since you and your folks.” 

“Well, heck, we came all this way. May as well walk up there anyways.” Arvin insisted. 

The man’s eyes flicked over to you and back to Arvin, “Sure, just cut across Clarence’s pasture. Don’t know if you remember but there’s some pretty flowers growin’ up there this time of year for your girl there, too. He won’t mind if you take a few.” He glanced at you with implying eyes and you tensed up. 

“Oh, uh, we’re not- it ain’t like that.” You stammered over your words, hands waving slightly with a flustered chuckle. 

The man put his hands up, “My bad, ma’am. Just figured since you two were…” he paused and cleared his throat, “well, anyways. It’s nice to know you’re doing alright, son.” 

Arvin nodded in a brief farewell before turning to head back to the car and you followed, only stopping when he turned back to the man on the porch, “I never did thank you for the night my dad died. You were awful kind to me and I just want you to know that I ain’t never forgot it.” 

Even though you didn’t know the extent to which Arvin had suffered that night, the fact that he was thanking this old man that barely recognized him for the good deeds of nearly a decade ago spoke miles in your opinion. You stood back silently, knowing that this was his path to healing and resolution and that, at least for now, you were merely a spectator. 

“You had that pie smeared all across your face,” the man reminisced almost as if it were a happy memory, “Damn Bodecker thought it was blood. Remember that?” 

You looked at the ground with a silent chuckle at the thought of Arvin as a young boy with pie smeared across his face but that faded when you heard the way he said, “Yeah, I remember everything about that night,” with such heaviness. 

“He ain’t the lawman that I expected,” he continued, “Shame about his sister though.” 

“Why? What happened?” 

“His sister and her husband were found dead. Not far from Meade.” 

Your heart stopped beating and you glanced over at Arvin to find him already casting a nearly imperceptible but highly aware glance at you. “That’s awful. They know what happened?” You questioned, trying to force as much sincerity into your tone as possible. There was no telling with certainty that Bodecker’s sister and her husband were Sandy and Carl but that would be a huge coincidence for two different couples to wind up dead not far from Meade on the same day. 

The man nodded, “Last I heard, they don’t know for sure. I got a friend who’s son works in the sheriff’s department, though. Said they thought it was a murder-suicide at first but found bullets from a gun that they couldn’t find at the crime scene so they ain’t so sure no more. Looks like they’re investigating it as a murder.” 

Your mouth fell open, trying to find the words that would secure your innocence, as if this man had any reason to believe you were guilty anyways, but it took a moment for you to find your voice, “That’s terrible. I hope they figure out what happened,” you lied, less convincingly than you hoped but this man had no reason to not believe you.  

He nodded in agreement, “Yeah, real unfortunate to hear. But, uh, I won’t keep you any longer. You two stay safe out there.” He waved the pair of you off and you and Arvin returned to the car. 

The second both doors were securely shut, you let out a breath of air you weren’t aware you’d been holding, “We’re fucked, ain’t we?” 

“They ain’t got no reason to suspect us.” Arvin tried to reassure but the way he gripped onto his thighs tightly made you nervous. 

“He said they found bullets that didn’t match the guns at the scene. Did you pick up the bullets at the church? Can they trace the gun back to you?” Your questions flew frantically, pulling out onto the road and following the fork that the man had pointed down earlier. 

Arvin nodded, fingers rolling over the lumps in his pocket where the empty cases had been residing since yesterday. “Yeah, I picked ‘em up. ‘M pretty sure I got ‘em all.” 

You let out a shaky breath, feeling sick to your stomach, “Good,” You lied, feeling anything but, “good.” 

***

You sat at the tiny diner in town at a booth all to yourself, sipping at a soda and picking at a basket of fries. At first, you had thought that you could possibly read the book you’d packed into your bag for the trip but it sat on the table beside the napkin dispenser, untouched since you set it down after giving up at trying to read after your third time rereading the same paragraph and retaining no information. 

How could you read at a time like this? No matter how much you thought you had processed what had happened over the last twenty-four hours, it felt like the reality never truly weighed in. They knew that there was an additional gun so they knew someone else was involved. Carl and Sandy were murdered and the police knew it.

And of course Sandy would turn out to be the fucking sheriff’s sister! Just your luck, right? Carl probably could have disappeared and nobody would have noticed but the sheriff’s sister was going to be a hard one to hide from, especially now knowing that they suspected foul play. There’s no reason for anyone to suspect us, you breathed deeply, trying to calm yourself. 

The picked at basket of fries hadn’t been nearly as much comfort as you had hoped and your soda was none too great a therapist either. You didn’t realize you’d actually miss Arvin, the man you’d only known less than twenty-four hours, when you’d only dropped him off at the site of his old home thirty minutes ago but there was a loneliness now that made you uneasy. When Arvin was around, the last day’s events felt bearable but now that you were alone, the paranoia gnawed at you. 

Reaching for the ice cold Coca-Cola brand glass full of soda, you dragged it towards you, the sparkling liquid fizzing against your tongue as you took a long sip. Focus on the bubbles. Focus on the bubbles. Arvin will be done soon and you can get the hell out of Knockemstiff and as far from the crime scene as possible. 

There was a light chime from the small bell that hung over the door that drew your attention and you watched a tall dark haired man walk in, looking around like he owned the place. One of the waitresses walked right up to him with a warm smile, “Heya Sheriff! What can I get you?” 

Your blood ran cold at the realization of who this was and your fears were only confirmed when he turned and you could see the heavy expression in his eyes, “‘M not here for food, Sally. You seen a boy and girl come through here? They’re both young and pretty good looking. He’s kinda average height, brown hair?,” he went on to describe you briefly as well before continuing, “Might have been hitchhiking.” 

As casually as you could, you picked up the book and buried your face in it, letting your hair drape over the sides of your face to conceal yourself as much as possible. Sally thought for a moment, “Hm, we get the usual hitchhikers through here. The boy got a name?” 

“Arvin Russell.” Bodecker’s voice was flat and serious and the waitress could tell that he was in no mood for stretching this out. 

She shook her head apologetically, “‘M sorry, Bodecker. I ain’t seen nobody come through here with that name or a new couple at all. I saw Henry talkin’ to a pair who might’ve matched that description though. Saw ‘em on my way into work. Couldn’t see ‘em too well but sounds like they might have had the same hair color. I don’t know… they didn’t look familiar though. Maybe check with him?” 

It was amazing how your breath could reverberate so loudly off the thick walls of paper that shrouded your face from view. Your heart pounded in your chest as you continued to eavesdrop in silence. “Yeah, I’ll go do that. Thanks, Sal.” 

You peeked over your book to see her nod and perch up on her toes while she gestured to the kitchen, “Can I get you somethin’ for the road? Coffee maybe? You know it’s on the house.” 

Bodecker just shook his head, a solemn look on his face, the look of a man on a mission, “Nah, I better just head out.” With that he walked out the door and you watched him carefully as he climbed into his police car and drove off down towards the old man’s house that you and Arvin had been at not more than an hour ago. 

This was bad. 

As quickly as you could, you paid for your meal and hustled out to your car, practically throwing yourself into the driver’s seat and speeding down the road after the officer. If he was stopping at the old man’s - Henry, as you just learned - house, that could possibly give you enough time to find Arvin at his house and drive off before Bodecker could even find the pair of you. 

Your knuckles turned white on the steering wheel as you sped down the road, grateful that the roads were mostly empty at this time of day. The only sound was the wheels spinning against the asphalt and you talking aloud to yourself, trying to devise a plan. “Just get there before Bodecker, pick up Arvin, get the hell outta dodge.” You repeated it over and over again as if it were that simple. 

Soon, you passed Henry’s humble abode and, sure enough, the sheriff’s car was parked just outside and you saw his large figure questioning the old man. Neither of them paid your passing car any mind, which you were grateful for as you peeled off down the left fork of the road, the one that led up to the Mitchell Flats. 

You pulled up to the flat area that only had remnants of a house’s foundation now. Slabs of cement were the only signs that a house ever was here, mostly broken from years of abuse from the elements and teenagers. When you pulled up, you noticed that Arvin was nowhere to be seen. “Shit!” You hissed, jumping out of the car and jogging down towards his backyard, the direction he had headed when you dropped him off earlier. He couldn’t have made it far. 

“Arvin!” You called out, arms reaching out in a desperate attempt to keep your balance as your feet skidded every few steps along the leaves and moss that slicked the hill you hustled down. “Arvin!” 

“I really need you to fucking respond…” You groaned the words meant for Arvin aloud to yourself as you nearly tripped over logs on your trek through the woods. The trees all looked the same and you kept glancing behind you to ensure that you weren’t going in circles, often choosing little landmarks, like that one log that had mushrooms growing on it, to make sure you could find your way back. 

Finally, you saw Arvin’s form kneeling before an eerie wooden cross, his white t-shirt dirty from several days of less than ideal situations. You ran towards Arvin, tripping slightly over a few rocks here and there along the way. He turned, ears perked up at the sound of your footsteps. “Arvin! Thank God I found you. We gotta go. Bodecker’s onto us. He came into the diner looking for us and is at Henry’s now.” 

Arvin stood up hastily, “Where’s the car?” 

“Up by where your house used to be.” You pointed over your shoulder in the direction you came from, “C’mon! If we leave now we might be able to get outta here before-” There was the distinct rustle of footsteps coming from uphill that made you freeze. Your voice lowered to nearly a whisper, “Did you hear that?” 

Arvin froze as well, the only sound being your breathing, as you both waited for the sound again. Sure enough, there was a rustle of footsteps again. “Arvin Russell! I know you’re down there somewhere!” Bodecker’s voice rang through the forest clear as day, “You ‘n that girl you’re with. I know y’all are out there.” 

Arvin literally tackled you to the ground and hugged your body close to his as he rolled the both of you into a small crevice between a fallen tree and a hole beneath it. He pressed you close into the tree, hiding you as far into the small space as he could while he fumbled around in his pocket for his gun. 

“It’s Sheriff Bodecker, kids! I just got some questions to ask you!” 

Arvin perched up on his elbows to try and peer over the log. You reached up and fisted his shirt, trying to drag him back down. “What the hell are you-” 

A gunshot blasted through the empty forest and both you and Arvin flinched aggressively. His body dropped against yours and you held his chest tightly, burying yourself in his body and pulling him as close to you as possible, concealed in the shelter of the log. You let out a tiny shriek of surprise that you muffled by biting your thumb. His arms wrapped around your body in both an attempt to shield you but also as a knee jerk reaction looking for safety himself in you. 

“Sorry ‘bout that! Goddamn bird scared me!” Bodecker breathed heavily somewhere to the west of where you were, his footsteps getting closer and closer. “I ain’t here to hurt you! And I know that y’all don’t wanna hurt me. Come on out so we can have us a talk!” 

While Bodecker spoke his lies, Arvin laid back on his back and fumbled around with his gun yet again, this time gripping it and loading the clip with shaky clumsy hands. Finally, he got the clip loaded and he cocked the gun, holding it with both hands like an inexperienced marksman. 

You looked around frantically for something to use as a weapon, anything to not feel helpless. Rocks and sticks seemed to be your best choices but you knew damn well that wouldn’t do jack shit against a gun. Arvin glanced over at you with fear in his eyes, the fact that you both found yourselves facing death yet again for the second time in two days. Tragedy seemed to loom over Arvin like a storm cloud but, looking in your wide beautiful eyes, he’d be damned if he let you become another ghost in his past. 

“I had a feeling you’d be here. Remember that night you brought me up here? That was an awful thing your daddy did.” His footsteps were terrifyingly close now and you did the only thing you could think of to help. You tossed a stone as far away as you could. According to plan, Bodecker jumped and shot at the sudden movement. “God damnit, don’t fuck with me!” 

Arvin may have had the gun but if you could make Bodecker waste his ammo, that was less chances he had of shooting you and Arvin. It was the best solution you could come up with in the heat of the moment. Bodecker sounded furious now and when you peeked over the log, you saw him hiding behind a tree. 

You threw another rock in his direction and he wasted yet another shot. “Fuck! I swear to God-” He cursed angrily, knowing he was wasting his shots on nothing. 

“Put the gun down, Sheriff. I got one pointed right at you!” Arvin yelled back and your eyes blew wide in panic. You smacked him on the arm and the question in your eyes was clear: What the hell are you thinking?

“Can’t do that son!” 

“Just set it on the ground and step away.” Arvin’s voice shook despite his attempt at sounding firm. 

“What?” Bodecker asked with a notable change in his tone. Footsteps started approaching again. 

Poor Arvin fell right into the trap. “Just set it on the ground and step away!” He repeated even louder. You smacked his arm again and held a finger to your lips. 

“So you can kill me like you did my sister and that preacher in West Virginia?” Bodecker hollered back. “You and that girl murdered my sister, didn’t you?” 

For the first time since the incident, you felt actual guilt for what you’d done. Hearing the way Bodecker’s voice cracked with grief made you realize that Sandy’s death did actually have an effect on other people, even if she wasn’t a good person. Arvin swallowed hard too, “We ain’t bad people, Sheriff. That preacher weren’t no good. He hurt my sister so bad she killed herself, Sheriff. I had no choice!”

You shook your head and waved your hands at him, desperately pleading him to stop talking. Bodecker’s footsteps were only getting closer and you knew he was getting Arvin to talk so he could locate the two of you. Arvin just had to explain himself, though, and before you could move, Bodecker was right on top of you. From your new position, awkwardly creeping up a nearby tree, using its trunk for cover, you could see Bodecker’s shotgun peek out from around a tree. 

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, Sheriff, but your sister and her husband… they weren’t no good neither.” Arvin continued to explain yourselves to the sheriff. By then, your upper back was pressed up awkwardly against a standing tree but you were still lying down, hiding mostly against the fallen log still. Arvin stayed laying on his back, gun up against his chest. “I got a snapshot in my pocket of her huggin’ on some dead guy. And Y/N… you shoulda seen what they was doin’ to her,” Arvin’s eyes met yours and you could see a well of unshed tears as this poor boy was on the verge of breaking at the thought of watching you relive that horror. It was a brief moment that he wanted only you to see before he continued,  “What they wanted to do to us. We had no choice! Let loose that gun and I’ll show it to you!” 

Suddenly, Bodecker jumped out from behind the tree and Arvin pulled the trigger as soon as he saw him coming but not before the sheriff got a shot off right at the two of you as well. You shrieked out in pain as a few pellets from the shotgun grazed your arm, tearing holes in your jacket. They weren’t deep wounds but they tore long thin gashes across your flesh that began bleeding immediately. 

“Agh!” You yelled out, clutching your bicep that was already wet with crimson liquid. Arvin rolled over next to you, having flinched away from the bullets in the opposite direction. You wanted to ask if he was alright but he rolled back over to look up at Bodecker, confirming that he was thankfully at least alive. 

Your attention went to the sheriff as well who stood there looking dumbfounded at the red spot blossoming on his shirt. His jaw went slack and his knees buckled before he finally dropped to the ground. You and Arvin shot each other glances of disbelief. You both pressed yourselves off the ground and hopped over the log towards the sheriff. 

Bodecker was on the ground, gasping and trying to hang onto what was left of his life. The first thing you did before even looking at him long was kneel down and take his gun from his hand. Now that you were sure he couldn’t hurt you, you looked down at him sadly. Killing Sandy and Carl had been disturbingly easy because they were genuinely terrible people who were trying to murder you. They also died quickly. Bodecker lied helpless on the ground at the mercy of two young adults, gasping and gripping desperately to this world. This time, the murder made your heart feel heavy. Yes, he had been trying to murder you and Arvin but it was for his sister’s sake. There was a twisted nobility in the action that you could empathize for. 

Bodecker looked up at Arvin and then up at you. “So it was you in that picture,” he attempted to say, his voice a hoarse whisper. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean?” 

He laid his head back, too tired to continue straining himself, “In… in my pocket… Found some pictures in Carl’s camera of… of a girl crying with her shirt.. With her shirt…” Bodecker attempted to explain but his voice failed him as much as his the rest of his body was beginning to shut down. 

You gasped at the mention of the photographs. In the heat of everything, you had completely forgotten that Carl had taken a few pictures of you. You patted down the sheriff’s pocket until you found a developed picture of you with your shirt torn wide open, bra out for the world to see, and tears streaming down your face despite the defiantly angry look on your face. Sandy was topless behind you, her lips pressing against your neck and her hands gripping your breasts, pressing them up and inwards to amplify their suppleness. Her direct eye contact with the camera was chilling. 

You shuttered at the picture, shoving it in your own pocket instead of giving it back to Bodecker. You weren’t sure what you’d do with it but you couldn’t risk anyone else seeing it. 

Arvin had caught a glimpse of the picture and noticed the way it shook in your hands. He noticed the way your eyes glazed over looking at it like you couldn’t believe it was actually you. When you shoved it in your pocket, he sighed and pulled out his own photograph to show the sheriff, the one of Sandy posing nude behind a man’s corpse. 

“We had no choice.” He told Bodecker. There was such sincerity in his voice and almost an apology in his eyes for the harm that he had caused to Bodecker and his family. It was never meant to be like this for either you or him. Neither of you were supposed to have become killers. Your hands were never meant to be stained red but life or death situations called for extreme measures and it had been you or them every time. “They was gonna kill us. I swear.” 

“We didn’t wanna do it but they had a gun to our heads and tried to force us to... We didn’t have a choice. They were gonna kill us.” You reiterated, voice just as shaky as Arvin’s as you had to sit and come to terms with the events of the last twenty-four hours. 

“I’m so sorry.” You and Arvin apologized in uncoordinated unison, hanging your heads low to genuinely show how sorry you were for causing him pain and that it had all had to boil down to this. 

Bodecker’s eyes left the pair of you and stared upwards at the trees. You glanced up to see what he was looking at and saw a beautiful clearing in the branches that framed the perfectly clear late afternoon sky. It was a beautiful view to have to be your last, you thought morbidly but truthfully. 

You and Arvin sat by Bodecker’s side, listening to his ragged strained breaths until they finally stopped and you knew he was gone. It felt like the least you could do after everything, staying with him so he didn’t die alone. You hoped that maybe it counted as some shred of redemption for the sins committed over the last two days. 

When Bodecker’s body finally went limp and his eyes glazed over, you reached up and brushed your hand over his face, closing his eyes. You couldn’t stand to see the empty blue orbs stare off into nothingness and know there was nobody behind those eyes anymore. Arvin stood up and walked over to where you had been hiding, not giving Bodecker’s body much attention at all after he finally slipped away. 

With a heavy sigh, you pressed yourself to your feet and walked over to where Arvin stood, looking down at a hole full of animal bones that you hadn’t noticed earlier. You visibly cringed, wondering what in the hell you walked into, “What’s that?” 

Sadness overtook Arvin’s features as he stared at the pile of bones, “My best friend from when I was a boy. I had to come back and give him a proper burial.” His vague answer clearly had a story attached to it but you didn’t have the heart to press him further on it right now. Arvin turned his attention to the pistol in his hand, the one he had used to shoot Teagarden, Carl, and Bodecker, and saw nothing but the bloodshed it had caused. 

You wished you could know what was going on in Arvin’s brain as he twisted that Luger in his hand. His eyes were deep with remorse, grief, and heartache and you could tell that this boy had seen too many tragedies for one lifetime and somehow, they were all related to the gun he held in his hand. 

After almost a minute of silence, he placed the gun gingerly on top of the bones in the makeshift grave and piled it full of dirt until it was indistinguishable from the rest of the forest floor. The only landmarks to signify its location were the three crosses that humbly stood above it. “Why’d you do that?” You asked with gentle curiosity. 

He stood up but kept his eyes trained on where the hole once was, “My daddy always told me to wait for the right time to do anything.,” He nodded his head, as if agreeing with his own decision, “I think it’s the right time.” His answer was cryptic and, yet again, you could tell there was a story behind it that you would have to wait to discover. 

There was a cool breeze that sent goose bumps rising across your arms and you glanced around the forest to see the leaves rustle and fall to the ground. That was when the black and white clothing of Sheriff Bodecker stood out against the gold and brown foliage and reality settled back in. 

“We should probably get outta here soon, Arv.” You urged with a gentle tone, a hand coming to rest softly on Arvin’s bicep. 

Arvin’s jumped slightly, eyes darting down to where your skin gently grazed his own. The softness of your touch and the sincerity in your eyes was one that he wasn’t sure he’d experienced since his mother. Even Lenora hadn’t filled that gap that he was secretly desperate for to be filled. She was kind and gentle but had a childlike naivety that you lacked. Arvin’s mother had never looked at him the way you did either. His mother had been tender and compassionate but there was a different kind of understanding in the way that you looked at him. One look into your eyes validated all of his sins over the last few days, for better or worse. 

His opposite hand reached across his body and rested over yours, revelling silently in the way your hand fit against his. “Yeah… you’re right.” Arvin took one last look at the three crosses that had haunted his dreams for years and it was almost as if he could feel himself kneeling before them with his father. These weren’t memories he ever thought he’d want to hold onto but now that he was faced with the possibility of never coming back, a part of him felt reluctant to leave. “Rest easy now, Jack.” He let his hand fall from yours with his last good bye and while you weren’t entirely sure who Jack was, you were fairly certain it was the name of whoever those bones in that grave belonged to. 

**

“‘M sorry,” Arvin said out of the blue from the driver’s seat of your car, shaking you from the silent daze that both of you had been sitting in for the last thirty minutes. 

You tore your eyes from the dashboard where they had long since zoned out on, emotionally overwhelmed, to look over at him. “For what?” You asked, brows furrowed.

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten caught up in all this.” 

You shook your head, “That ain’t true, Arvin. We both ended up in Carl and Sandy’s car yesterday and we both pulled those triggers. Bodecker was shooting at us because he couldn’t settle with the fact that his sister was a monster. It’s like you said, us or them. I probably would’ve died with Sandy and Carl if it weren’t for you being there so if anything, I should be thanking you. You saved my life.” 

Arvin looked over at you, his eyes red from holding back tears for so long but he still shed none. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. The way you had been sitting so quietly had him convinced that you hated him for dragging you into a life ruining situation. “Well I wouldn’t have made it this far without you either so thank you.” 

You nodded with a small appreciative smile but there was an exhausted sadness behind your features that Arvin shared. Silence settled back over the car aside from the faint ever present sound of the wind outside the car as you and Arvin drove on down the highway headed for Pennsylvania. Neither of you knew what your next steps were but since killing Bodecker, you’d both decided that heading back to Barren Springs was not a wise decision. The two of you needed to get as far away from this area as you could, at least until everything blew over - that was, if it ever would. If Bodecker could track Arvin, that must have meant the other police officers knew that he had killed Teagarden as well. You weren’t sure if the police knew that you and Arvin were responsible for Carl and Sandy but you could assume as much since Bodecker came after the two of you. Even if they didn’t, there were pictures of you on Carl’s camera but your body wasn’t at the crime scene. Finally, when Bodecker didn’t return, wouldn’t that just put you and Arvin at the top of the suspect list? 

So with all the uncertainty in the world, you sat in the passenger seat of your own car with a stranger who you felt like you understood more than you’d ever understood anyone, driving across state lines with no clue as to what you future held. You didn’t know where you were going, when you’d get to come back home, when you could safely see anyone you cared about again, or what was going to happen to all your life goals now. Everything that had been planned and comfortable had been stolen away by a twisted couple picking up a poor girl with a broken down car. 

You didn’t know what was waiting for you in Pennsylvania, or anywhere for that matter, but even with all the uncertainty, one thing felt beyond doubt. Maybe it was the exhaustion from going two days with no sleep but you just knew Arvin Russell was going to be in your life from this day forward. There was something you couldn’t explain between the two of you. A spark felt like an inappropriate way to put it under the circumstances of your relationship thus far but it was an understanding, an empathy, a trust, a sense of protection of one another. When you tore your eyes off the road ahead long enough to look over at the man sitting beside you, his hair parted messily down the middle and his face and shirt smudged with dirt, you could have sworn you saw your future. Whether it was a future in prison together, as partners in crime, friends, or lovers, you weren’t quite sure, but a content smile crept up on your face at the inexplicably comforting knowledge that Arvin Russell would be there with you for whatever ups and downs were to come.

[this-is-what-makes-us-fandoms]

Pretty Boy || Lab Rats ||

Requested: Hey! I'm a huge fan of Lab Rats &I always LOOOVE Chase but curious about hero front of it (i haven't gotten to see the new Elite Force yet!) I'm kinda curious how he would do with a gf when they were in high school that was kept a secret and he finds out by fluke she's a super? If it is too much to ask for you can ignore this, I just need fluffy Chase with superGF and secret relationship because why not? Everything else is a secret?? (Cookie)

Pairing: Chase Davenport x Reader

Warnings: A lil bit of swearing

Words: 2.5K

A/N: Hi! This is done! A little shitty but I feel proud of it. To the anon who requested this, I hope it came out to your liking. The ending was a little cheesy but that’s because I don’t know how to write... :D

It was the end of the day and you were standing in front of your locker, putting away what you didn’t need and grabbing what you did. You had a knee up, pressed against the lockers to keep your bag steady as you tried to neatly stuff it with material. You felt arms snake around your waist, almost making you lose your balance from the slight surprise. But you knew who it was, a smile appeared on your face as you zipped up your bag so you could give your attention to your boyfriend.

“And to what do I owe this display of affection,” You mused, leaning into his embrace.

“For being so cute,” He answered, planting a kiss on top of your head.

“Well not that I’m complaining but someone might see us. And if I remember correctly, you wanted to keep our relationship a secret, for whatever reason,” You said, hearing him sigh, making your smile stretch wider.

You loved teasing him, especially since he’s such a touchy-feely kind of guy and couldn’t show it out in public. Why? Well, he wanted to keep your relationship between the two of you, something about wanting to enjoy it before others found out. But it’s not like you minded, it just meant you got him all to yourself without having to worry about anyone interrupting.

You felt him unwrap his arms around you and you turned to look at him, a frown on his face. He saw the teasing glint in your eyes and rolled his own at you. He knew that you didn’t actually want an answer and just wanted to get a rise out of him. You understood his reasoning for keeping your relationship a secret and you were more than okay with it.

“I’m joking. Do you have any training today? We can go back to mine, do our homework and then watch some movies,” You suggested.

“Nope, I’m all yours this afternoon,” He replied, grinning widely.

“Great, let’s go,” You said, matching his smile.

The two of you were heading out the doors when you heard a phone go off. Chase dug around in his pocket and pulled out his phone, a familiar look crossing his face. You knew that look, it meant that he just got a mission alert and your plans were being thrown out the window. He looked over at you, a guilty look on his face that further confirmed your suspicions.

“Mission alert?” You questioned.

You looked up at him, he had a hard look on his face that said it was a bad one. “Yeah, it looks like there was a bridge collapse. There are still tons of civilians trapped.”

“Oh my god! Go! Go be a hero please,” You said, practically pushing out the school doors.

Chase smiled at you, glad to have such an understanding and accepting girlfriend. He looked around the area, making sure no one was looking your way. When he was sure the two of you were in the clear, he gave you a quick peck on the cheek. You wanted to return the kiss but he was gone before you could, but just in time too. You felt your own phone vibrate, looks like duty called for you too.

By the time you got there, the bionic trio were already there, doing what they could. Bree was speeding citizens off the bridge while Chase and Adam worked at keeping the bridge up. You noticed a cable wire snap off, heading straight for Chase. You flew over to it, reaching it just a couple inches before it hit Chase. He heard the noise of the falling cable, looking over to it and barely reacting to it. Just when he thought it was going to crush him, it stopped inches away.

You threw it to the side, revealing your superhero form to Chase. “It’s you!” He exclaimed.

“Hey, pretty boy, missed me?” You asked, a flirty tone in your voice.

He huffed and rolled his eyes at your flirty nature and the nickname you dubbed him with. “No... but thanks for the save, I owe you one.”

“Anytime, pretty boy. Now fill me in on the situation,” You replied.

“The bridge is on the verge of collapsing. Adam and I are doing our best to keep the bridge up while Bree super speeds everyone off. But we’re running out of time and there’s still civilians trapped on the bridge,” Chase explained.

“Got it. I’ll help in what ever way I can,” You said.

You flew off to help civilians and making sure the bridge didn’t collapse any further. You were helping a couple of trapped people, not noticing the cable wire that was about to snap off. You got them out of there safely, just in time for the cable to come flying off. It hit and sent you flying downwards, shock rippled through you at the sudden hit. The shock rendered you unable to think straight, the only thing going through your head was how you were going to pummel into the ground.

You closed your eyes and braced yourself for painful impact but it never came. Instead you found yourself in strong steady arms. You opened your eyes and saw Chase staring down at you, a worried look on his face. For a second you forgot you were in your hero attire and not civilian clothing. You had to get out of his embrace before he recognized it was you behind the mask. He didn’t quite know about your alter-ego yet and this isn’t exactly how you wanted him to find out.

“Ah, um, I have a boyfriend!” You exclaimed, leaping out of his embracing and crashing onto the ground.

Seriously, that was the first thing you decided to say, how freaking embarrassing. You didn’t want to get off the ground, not after shouting something like that out.

“Um, sure. I wasn’t trying to imply anything,” He said, confused by your sudden outburst.

“Right sorry, I'm just not used to be saved. Thanks, pretty boy,” You replied.

“Yeah no problem. Bree got everyone safely of the bridge, we have to get off before the whole bridge collapses on us,” Chase told you.

He stretched his hand out for you to take, helping you up once you did. You raced off the bridge once you were up, just in time as the rest of it collapsed. You left the civilians in the hands of the paramedics and the police.

“So, are you finally gonna tell us who you are?” Chase asked once you were all far away enough.

“Sorry, pretty boy, but that’s one secret I can’t reveal,” You told him.

He rolled his eyes, expecting that answer. “Right, sure. You get to know who we are but we don’t.”

“Hey, just because you revealed your identity to the world doesn’t mean I have to. Some things are sacred,” You replied. “Anyway, look at the time, I have to get going. See you around, pretty boy.”

You left before Chase had the chance to say anything, making him sigh heavily. You had a tendency to do that, leave with the last word. It really irked him, more so since he knew nothing about you. You just showed up out of the blue, helping them on a mission that was going badly. They appreciated the help, and all the help after that but they were still a little weary about you. They didn’t know you so they didn’t know if they could completely trust you. More so since they weren’t sure what you were, some of your abilities weren’t bionic.

You got home and changed into something more comfortable before flopping onto your bed. You sighed and let yourself relax, today was a little more stressful than expected. You had gotten a little too close to Chase today, you were lucky he didn’t recognize you. If he had, that would have been such an awkward conversation that you weren’t ready to have. Or rather one you were scared to have.

How do you tell your boyfriend that you’re a superhero? You didn’t want him to freak out, especially since the world of superheroes was a well-kept secret. Specifically, because of how the public might react. You didn’t want to scare him away, you had to handle this delicately and well thought out.

Your phone started ringing, snapping you out of your thoughts; speak of the devil. “Hey babe! How was the bridge mission?”

“We managed to save everyone but the bridge still collapsed. She showed up again though,” He told you.

“Ah yes, this mystery hero. How was it this time? Was she still helpful?” You asked, pretending as if you knew nothing.

“Yeah, she helped us get everyone off faster. Although, something weird did happen. She got hit by a cable wire and almost fell to the ground but I managed to catch her. She freaked out though, I don’t know why,” He explained.

“Ha, what a weirdo. Maybe she was mesmerized by how hot you are,” You joked.

“Right, I’m sure that’s what it was. Seriously though, it was weird how she reacted like that.”

“Alright, calm down pretty boy. I’m sure she just didn’t expect the save.”

“Wait...What did you just say?”

“I said calm down pr—Shit. Uh, I gotta go.”

You quickly hung up the phone before he could say anything, tossing it to the side. You groaned loudly and threw both hands over your face. How could you be so stupid? You never called him pretty boy, at least not in your civilian form. That’s how you separated yourself from girlfriend and superhero. As his girlfriend, you didn’t need to try so hard because you were already together. And not to mention the whole let’s keep our relationship a secret thing. But as a superhero, you had more range of motion and could flirt and tease him because it didn’t mean anything.

But now, you’ve crossed that line and there was no going back. You felt your phone vibrate next to you, you didn’t have to check to see that it was Chase calling. You ignored it, waiting until it stopped ringing before you turned it off completely. You’d no doubt that he had figured it out by now, he knew that you were this mysterious supergirl. You had no choice but to tell him the truth now, but you didn’t know if you could actually face him. What if he leaves you because you lied to him, because you kept such a huge secret from him? The thought scared you more than anything, you couldn’t risk Chase leaving you. You loved him, like really loved; he was the first guy that really ever understood you.

You sighed heavily, feeling defeated and stupid, there really was no getting out of this one. Out of all the stupid things you could’ve done, this was the one you had to pick. Lucky for you though, tomorrow was the start of the weekend so you could just avoid Chase until Monday. You sighed again, no point in exhausting yourself with this right now. It wouldn’t change anything; Chase would still know about your secret identity. You should just get some sleep and figure this out in the morning.

You were stirred out of your slumber by loud pounding coming all the way from your front door. Who the hell was knocking this early in the morning? You reluctantly crawled out of bed and headed downstairs, grumpy that someone disrupted your sleep.

You opened the door, barely registering who was behind it. “Can I hel—Chase?”

“Finally! Do you know how worried I’ve been? I thought something happened to you,” He exclaimed.

“I can explain, wait, you were worried?” You questioned.

“Yes! I mean, I’m still really confused about all of this. But my first priority is making sure you’re okay,” He said, face softening in worry.

Your heart did a jump against your chest, he was more worried about you than your big secret. God, how could you ever think he’d leave you. “I’m sorry. I just panicked, this was never supposed to happen. But, now that it has, I owe you an explanation.”

You invited him in and walked over to the couch where the two of you sat down. Silence engulfed the two of you while you tried to find the right words to say. Where do you start?

“So, why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, breaking the silence.

You took a deep breath before starting your explanation. “I was going to tell you, eventually, I just didn’t know how. I’m mean I can’t exactly just say that I’m secretly a superhero, especially since we’re supposed to stay secret.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you couldn’t tell me. I mean, I’m your boyfriend, I thought you’d at least have a little more trust in me,” He said.

“No, you’re right, you’re absolutely right. I didn’t tell you because I was scared of how you’d you react. I didn’t want you to leave because of this, because you found out your girlfriend was a superhero with superpowers. Superpowers and bionics are completely different, my abilities can’t be explained with science. I didn’t want that to freak you out. And I know, I should have trusted you with this. I’m sorry, but now that you know, I hope you still decide to be my boyfriend.”

“Are you kidding, of course I still want to be your boyfriend. I mean, I still don’t understand all of this, superpowers just sound ridiculous. But if its you, I’m willing to learn more and understand all this superhero stuff.”

“Really, you mean it? I mean, I totally understand if this is too weird for you.”

“Yes really. I love you and I want to know everything about you, even the weird superhero thing.”

You smiled widely and jumped him, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. You couldn’t be happier, Chase accepted both sides of you and now you no longer had anything to hide. You heard him laugh, feeling it vibrate off his chest as he wrapped his arms around.

“So, you’re really a superhero?” He asked, still a little shocked and confused by the sudden news.

Now it was your turn to laugh at him, you were in for a long road of explanation.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Winter 2020 Anime Overview: Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

Ok, so let’s get this out of the way first, 1. I adore this story so much and 2. Toilet Bound Hanako-kun has a horrible, horrible English title that is not actually at all representative of the story’s content and I have no idea what happened when it came to the team choosing that name. To the average English-speaking viewer/reader, this name 100% implies gross stuff and bathroom humor, and there is none in this show. 

A Japanese reader on the other hand, would be more likely to recognize the name Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun as a spin on the classic ghost story “Hanako-san of the Toilet” only A BOY THIS TIME WHHHHA?” Basically, the story goes that a girl named Hanako in a red skirt haunts girls’ bathrooms in Japanese schools and if you knock on the third stall and call “Hanako-san” three times, she’ll appear. She might grant you a wish or pull you into Hell or something else, it varies.

(Her Wikipedia image, aww.)

Anyway, I dunno why the English title didn’t at least go with “Toilet Ghost Hanako-kun” or something that would have gotten the premise across even a  little better (HE NOT TECHNICALLY BOUND BY THE TOILET EVEN, HE CAN GO ANYWHERE IN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS THE BATHROOM IS JUST HIS HOME BASE), but our boy Hanako haunting the girl’s bathroom only leads to broad jokes about our heroine being tasked with cleaning the bathroom and “dude you really shouldn’t be in here” comments, it’s pretty incidental. 

Now that THAT’S out of the way, let’s talk about my LOVE FOR THIS STORY

Hanako-kun tells the story of a “regular” high school girl named Nene Yashiro, the mischievous and mysterious school ghost she befriends, and all the other weird monsters, exorcists, spirits and curses they encounter. It’s got a gorgeous, colorful bold aesthetic and art style that combines gothic and cute! It has a great mix of humor, intrigue, angst and fantasy action. basically if you love ghosts, monsters, Japanese mythology and legends, supernatural-human relationships, supernaturally fueled angst and drama, stories about trying to fix an unfair system the world has set up, wistful romance, a good shoujo manga with a Lot of Feelings (yes this is a shonen technically I’ll explain that later), weirdo dorks becoming friends AND MUCH MORE...this story will have something that will resonate with you. It’s got a lot going on, and it’s a ton of fun.

Hanako-kun is really one of those surprising stories that fits right into a hole in my story-loving heart I didn’t realize was still there, or that I’d actually been carrying since childhood. I love ghosts, see, and have since I was a kid!!! I knew this, but I kinda forgot how intensely I love them until this show reminded me again??? That’s because regular ghost stories/mysteries/whatever- I like them, but they don’t quite do it for me in the way more character-driven ones exploring the nature of being a ghost and humans and ghosts trying understand each other etc do. Stuff that really gets into the tragedy AND the fun fantasy aspect of ghosts, and plays the long game with it- and Hanako-kun scratches that itch perfectly.

Getting a little bit deeper into the premise of Hanako-kun, Nene is a very brave and sweet but not-all-that-bright girl (or, to put it more bluntly, she’s an idiot in the best way) who has a lot of romantic fantasies and insecurities and is VERY focused on them. After hearing a rumor at school that “Hanako-san of the bathroom” will grant wishes, she wishes to be able to confess to her crush and finds out its actually a weird ghost boy her age named Hanako haunting the bathroom! A lot of things happen, and she ends up cursed and bound to Hanako-kun, but also ends up slowly forming a friendship. 

Turns out Hanako is the ghost in charge of the “seven mysteries/wonders” aka seven powerful supernatural entities that haunt this school (he’s number seven). These apparitions only supposed to terrorize students a LITTLE, because apparitions need to have rumors spread about them to remain in the human world.

(‘HAVE YOU HEARD?’ Oh hey shadow girls from Utena see you’ve moved to a new school.)

The rumors also generally dictate how powerful and dangerous the apparitions actually are- but SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS is changing the rumors around the school and making the apparitions go berserk and actually harm humans. So Hanako needs a human assistant to change the rumors and help him calm and seal the apparitions! That’s where Nene comes in.

Hanako himself is a very fun character- he’s very chaotic and revels in his whole “ gremlin ghost” persona, and is upfront about being a bit of an asshole. BUT he also makes his kindness, often good intentions and the fact he’ll have his friends back when it counts obvious from the beginning. B U T! He’s also got darkness and hidden depths to explore, and a lot of his persona is affected and masks deeper issues! 

Our ghost boy is genuinely A TAD unstable deep down (as in he straight up has several untreated PTSD symptoms and that’s as disastrous as you’d expect) and packing some serious tragic backstory, as you might expect from a kid who died young and carries around a butcher’s knife, and it’s gonna come back to bite him and and all who care about him hard. 

 Especially when an overly enthusiastic exorcist named Kou Minamoto shows up! Kou is another one who’s very dumb and very good, a wannabe-shonen-protag with a heart of gold and strong sensitive, domestic side. He rounds out our main trio. Also he gets a tragic, emotionally intense relationship with yet another ghost boy that sings to my heart.

(Yes Hanako’s helping Nene to do the thing)

You may be able to tell, this story has INTENSE good-shoujo vibes despite technically being a shonen in a way that I love- it’s story very driven by big emotions, a variety of fucked up and tragically complex relationships, teen hormones running wild, etc, and it’s just delicious. 

Nene is the normal-person-audience-surrogate-girl in a way that is more common for a shoujo protag, and the way her emotional connections to everyone, her sweeping romantic fantasies and her interiority are consistently in focus when she’s there- yeah, she’s definitely a plucky shoujo protag, 100%. And I’m all about that!!!

 One thing I especially appreciate (though this comes across more strongly in the manga than the anime thanks to the anime rearranging things) is when Nene finds out about Hanako’s Heavy Baggage, she actually takes some time to herself to consider whether she can handle dealing with someone with these intense issues as a kid who’s never encountered stuff like this before- it’s not assumed by the story that the Sweet Girl is Obligated to help the Tragic Boy. I go into more detail about this part in this part here, but it’s that kind of attention to Nene’s needs that makes her role in the story work. Hanako and Nene and everyone’s struggles to get the hang of and properly navigate honest communication and mutual support in relationships are often really great and real-feeling

The story has a lot more things I love packed in to it- a dorky-but-still-deeply-unsettling villain gang who’s screwed up interactions are just as fun as our protagonists, yokai, A CURSED LIBRARY, some great ladies in addition to Nene, meditations on the nature of life, death, themes about fighting nihilism, and so on...I could seriously go on forever. It’s good stuff, and there’s lots of good weird supernaturals to meet.

The story’s also got tons of intrigue! The overarching plot and Hanako’s Mysterious Past is still in the process of unfolding, but it’s been great drama every step of the way! As mentioned before, the story also really relies on funny character dynamics, interaction and development to carry the whole thing and balance the drama.

The anime itself does have some pacing issues bc they crammed a lot into the first season and rearranged some stuff- an entire two chapter arc was skipped and was unlikely to be covered in the anime and some parts are noticeably rushed. I still really like the anime and it’s a solid adaptation. I love how much of the manga’s detailed aesthetic it managed to keep as well as the amazing voice acting and it made a few small but important additions. But there are some notable bumps- of course this just led me to go binge the manga (up to volume 12 is legally available digitally) and BOY DO I NOW LOVE THIS STORY EVEN MORE. 

Now obviously, just because it is Exactly My Shit in a lot of ways doesn’t mean Hanako-kun is the much quested for “unproblematic fave”, there’s several caveats you should probs be aware of- its shoujo vibes also mean some classic shoujo ~Problematic tropes~ and a couple shounen ones. 

THE LIST:

-Just as a general content overview thing: if this wasn’t clear the show deals heavily with death, body horror and other horror aspects. There’s heavily implied suicide and abuse and so on- as mentioned, the main character is traumatized and shows a lot of symptoms of PTSD, and Nene has to struggle to navigate her relationship with him because of this, as does Kou.

-Hanako himself has the whole ~loveable pervert~ and ~slightly possessive shoujo bad boy~ schtick going as part of his mischevious persona. In the anime so far, he never actually gropes or comments on not-in-his-naughty-mags-people’s breasts or anything of that level thankfully, but he’s very flirty, clingy, will loudly bring up porn, fond of the ol’ *says something that purposefully sounds sexually possessive* HAHAHA U THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING DIRTY RIGHT LOL ACTUALLY I DIDN’T.”

(My unnecessary ‘this part is kinda interesting!’ ramble: Nene always lists “sexual harassment” among Hanako’s flaws (she loves listing them), but doesn’t get visibly uncomfortable with his flirtiness or seem to mind it most times, which at least makes the whole thing more tolerable for me.

(since she doesn’t seem to mind that part and its clear he does it bc of actual affection for her, it’s actually p. cute how huggy he is.)

 The one time it does cross the line and genuinely upset her, it’s treated seriously, Hanako is genuinely regretful and apologizes. That’s one of my fave moments in the story and the way it’s handled is well done.

 This incident that he’s honestly pretty socially clueless as kid who died young and a lot of his bravado is to cover that up and keep people at a distance- this is a trope into itself that can use unpacking but I do at least appreciate that this is a considered character trait that’s part of his whole messed up package rather than something that thrown in there Just to Be a Fanservice Trope. (Especially since the manga confirms he never acted particularly pervy while alive, further cementing this is an affected persona). 

-There’s a running gag around Nene’s insecurity over her thick ‘daikon shaped’ ankles and boys treating her badly for it. 

One one hand, her body image issues are relatable, on the other, it feels cruel and annoying just how much the show finds ways to bring it up and humiliate her over and over again.

(My unnecessary “this is part is kinda interesting” ramble:The one thing i did realize that despite bringing it up constantly, we at least have no “i’m going to do this to lose weight” or “go on a diet” rhetoric,like this is just part of Nene’s body type and she knows she can’t change it? Which is kinda interesting. And I’ve spotted what might be foreshadowing something plot relevant’s going to happen with her ankles (I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT GOD I PUT NOTHING PAST THIS STORY) so uh yeah??? either way it’s not good tho)

-”Obsessive and twisted love” is a running theme in this story, and while it’s generally acknowledged as unhealthy, it can be played for comedy in a way that could make viewers/readers uncomfortable. There’s a couple characters who’s entire thing so far is “obsessively in love with this one person” (and the one only focused on in the manga so far is one of the least interesting characters tbh ugh)

-The antagonist of the show is a member of a main character’s family, and the manner he acts towards pretty much everyone, including (and really especially) his family member,  verges on seductive. This is presented as deliberately unsettling and treated as a marker of how unstable and scary he is- and though the backstory between them hasn’t been fully delved into, it’s pretty much all but confirmed he abused this family member physically and emotionally.

-The story has like, A LOT of queer subtext and pretty-heavy queer coding for one character especially, but the few times queerness blatantly comes up in the story, it’s played as a joke in the “haha that’d be kinda weird” way (aside from the rando boys who have a crush on Teru, handled pretty neutrally). It’s not as malicious as a lot of animanga can get (ONE MANGA INCIDENT ASIDE), but it’s something to Be Aware Of, and it makes it clear we’re unlikely to see subtext rise to text and makes some moments feel baity.

-And probably more I might have missed! The manga also has Some Shit in addition all the Good Shit that hasn’t been adapted yet, an early arc has Hanako crossing a serious line etc. 

BUT despite how messy it is, I think it’s clear I have a lot of love for this story. In fact, I wouldn’t trade away a good chunk of its messiness (DEFINITELY SOME JUST NOT ALL), it kinda works for the characters and works in the “this story really feed my inner teen” way. Some of the trashy parts are exactly My Trash, basically. 

So, I knew I’d ramble on for a while when I talked about his show, but if you’ve read this far, thanks, and I hope that means you’re gonna check out and maybe enjoy this story, bc i need more people to join me in Hanako Hell.

[itsclydebitches]

I will personally never understand why the "bird conversation" happened. Qrow basically shut it down, by (I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he did) saying they agreed to taking the ability. It feels like we're being told to take Raven at face value, despite other, more trustworthy charecters speaking to the contrary.

He did. Basic rundown of the conversation: Yang enters it pissed off, they learn all the revelations that the rest of the group got a few episodes back, Ozpin asks if this was “more or less what your mother told you,” Yang straight up ignores him and Weiss has to answer for her with, “for the most part.” This finally makes Yang angry enough to respond with “You forgot to tell everyone what you did to Qrow and my mother,” there are gasps and horrified looks from the group, but we get a shot of Qrow smiling and going “oh great”---he knows this secret isn’t a big deal but that convincing the others of that won’t be easy. 

Ozpin explains about the power while Yang pouts on the couch. Nora angrily accuses Ozpin of “messing with us” (even though you all took way stranger things at face value... like reincarnation...), Jaune crosses his arm and adds “What else is new?” Despite these explanations with no downsides mentioned, Yang is still furious: “Why would you do something like that? I mean, what is wrong with you?” 

She gets antagonistic enough that Qrow shuts her down and then explicitly states, “We made a choice. We wanted this.” 

Ozpin then looks to Qrow and asks permission---“May I?”---in order to explain further, detailing that he needed allies to search for Maidens and keep an eye on Salem’s movements. The question heavily implies what should already be obvious: this was Qrow’s secret to keep and tell. Why is everyone gunning for Ozpin when Qrow, the person with the actual ability, likewise made the choice to keep that from his family? These explanations segue into the reveal that Ozpin created the first four Maidens and he ends his speech by admitting that “it was never my intention to lie to you.” He and Qrow share a knowing look as he admits that he “plays things close to the chest” which honestly, to me, reads as two war-worn adults acknowledging that this shit is complicated. You keep secrets, you tell lies, you do what you need to in order to survive and keep others safe. Look at these youngsters who think that non-stop honesty is always the way to go. Or is in any way easy even when it should be done: 

Yang still looks pissed as hell despite thoroughly being proven wrong

and then makes her announcement that she’ll stay if Ruby stays, but no more secrets or half-truths. Ozpin agrees with “Understood.” 

Which, obviously, the fandom has used as the go-to moment to damn Ozpin. You promised not to lie and then you did! Which yeah, that isn’t great. He should have been honest here in his inability to promise such a thing. However, that’s not the only factor in all this. We also have the fact that “no more lies or half truths” does not equal “tell us every single detail about this war right now that includes your very personal and traumatic history.” We have the issue that Yang and many of the others (notably Jaune) were unwilling to judge Ozpin fairly from the get-go. They decided that he was guilty before the trail even began and, when faced with evidence that proved all their assumptions wrong, decided to ignore it rather than admitting they were wrong. You’re going to trust a group like that with world-altering secrets? And we finally have the issue that Yang herself clearly doesn’t believe in her own ultimatums. Or doesn’t think they should apply to her. Keeping Raven’s Maiden power a secret? Turning on Ironwood to spill the beans to Robyn and letting her escape? I don’t put must stock in a character’s outraged, “You kept secrets and lied?” when they’re keeping secrets and lying too. The group’s inability to make the jump from “Wow. Sometimes we do need to keep information close to the chest” to “Oh. I guess it makes sense then that Ozpin would do the same thing” is one of the things that still characterizes them as naive, hypocritical, and downright dangerous given the stakes. 

From a fandom perspective though, I’m not at all surprised that a completely unambiguous admission from Qrow---“We made a choice. We wanted this”---holds no weight. 1. Because he’s another adult that can’t be trusted (see: the group turning on him with their weapons in the snow) and 2. Because the concept of a “choice” apparently disappears whenever Ozpin is thrown into the mix. This is the same thing we’ve seen regarding Pyrrha, the claim that she couldn’t really make a choice. It was never a choice at all. She was manipulated/pressured/steered into being a Maiden so the choice is only a “choice.” Ozpin is still at fault. Now here’s Qrow, saying he made a choice, and fans tend to talk over that with, “No. You only thought you had a choice but I’m sure Ozpin did something off screen that puts him at fault” (see: Qrow saying straight out that Ozpin doesn’t know what happened to Summer and everyone jumping to, “No he definitely does and just lied to Qrow.” Ozpin’s off screen villainy is brought up with a shocking amount of frequency) The fandom takes headcanons and assumptions as fact, leading to an inability to attribute agency to anyone if Ozpin was at all involved in their choice. Ruby entering Beacon, Pyrrha deciding to take on the power, Qrow choosing to be a bird... all of it has been re-framed as Ozpin “forcing” them in one manner or another, which is not only untrue but a real disservice to all their characters. The only time Ozpin “forced” someone to do anything is when he forced Oscar to get involved in this fight, and that’s only “forcing” via unavoidable circumstances. Yeah, technically you could let the farm boy live out his life and just screw the rest of the world... but that would make you a villain via inaction. As someone who was given an actual uninformed choice via the God of Light, Ozpin does a great deal to make sure people know what they’re getting into. Checking at the very last second if Pyrrha is still willing to go through with this. Telling the group to leave now if they’re not wiling to help secure the relic. It’s just that he has to balance that transparency with the never ending risk of information falling into the wrong hands/someone else betraying him... which is no easy task. Do you look at the angry teenager who took her bandit mother’s words at face value and go, “Yes, now is a great time to tell them information that as of yet in no way affects them and would absolutely decimate their mental health at best and lead to them screwing me over at worst”? No. That’s stupid and dangerous and, based on how the group has reacted thus far, just going to make the whole situation that much worse. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can  💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with  🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the 😍 as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]

[max-is-tired]

Magic Mirror (Mirror’s Magic) Chapter 2

Pairing: brotherly Logince, future romantic Royality

Characters: Roman Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Logan Sanders (mentioned), Patton Sanders (mentioned)

Words: 2.809

Warnings for this chapter: Angst, Roman angst, implied character death, captivity, magic, morally-grey Deceit Sanders, Roman takes a very brash decision and someone else has to bear the consequences, please tell me if I forgot something

Notes: You guys have no idea how proud I am of this part -I had to split it in two bc it was becoming a monster of a chapter, but this right here?? God, I’m so so happy with how it turned out.

Thank you so much to @tigertigertigger for betaing this chapter and, well, I swear this fic will have a happy ending. It’ll just take a while to get there.

I hope you enjoy your daily dose of angst :)

(This story is heavily inspired by two Vocaloid songs. This chapter -and the next one- are inspired by this song.)

Commission me!!

Read on AO3!!

Go check @keuwibird‘s amazing art for this fic here!!

First || Next

We’ve seen Patton’s story unfold, everything beginning in an inconspicuous little cottage in the woods.

We’ve seen how a simple wish has granted him a second chance, seen how his selflessness brought an entire kingdom, destroyed by war and death, back to its former grandeur.

We’ve seen how Patton was given the most tempting of gifts, the power to bend reality itself right to his fingertips, and chose happiness, kindness, love –and we’ve seen exactly how high of a price he had to pay for it.

“What happens next?” You might ask.

Unfortunately, that is a difficult question to answer. Before we can properly do so, there’s one more tale we need to tell, one more destiny we need to show.

It’s the story of a young boy, born with magic buzzing through his veins and a million dreams running through his head.

It’s the story of a young prince, second son of the late king and queen, destined to serve and protect his kingdom and its people until his last breath.

It’s the story of a young knight, as talented with the sword as his brother is with words, forest green eyes twinkling red when emotions run wild and caramel brown hair always messed up by running in the wind.

It’s a story of magic, of choices, of misery and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of love.

It’s not a happy story, this one –and it all starts with betrayal.

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They thought they were prepared for it.

Logan had never been really loved by their so-called allies, even less since their parents died and he took their place on the throne –he’s young and quick-witted, well-versed in the arts of politics and diplomacy.

They couldn’t fool him with treaties and complicated negotiations, they’d learned that soon enough –Roman has had more than once the satisfaction to see that realization dawn on their faces, standing proudly at his brother’s side while barely being able to keep himself from giving them the smuggest smile he can muster.

So yeah, both Logan and Roman have always been very much aware of the fact that most representatives from the neighboring kingdoms aren’t very fond of them. Still, never in a million years could they have predicted it would all come to this.

Roman stares blankly at the ruined blue robe in the guard’s hands, eyes fixed on the dark patches covering the all-too-familiar golden ornaments –that’s Logan’s coat, he would recognize it anywhere, their family’s crest almost impossible to recognize under all the dried blood that’s Logan’s blood those bastards killed his brother-

“My prince,” comes a voice from his side, the captain of the royal guard stepping forward with a gaze as hard as steel and his mouth set into a thin line, “this means war.”

Silence falls in the room, heavy and charged as the prince takes a deep breath and straightens his back. When Roman opens his eyes again, they’re blazing red, a familiar fire burning inside him as his magic rumbles angrily in his soul.

“Then war they’ll have.”

+++

When Roman marches into war, there isn’t a single ounce of doubt or regret in his mind –those bastards have taken his brother away from him, and he’s dead set on making them pay for it dearly, no matter what it will take.

At that moment, he’s more than ready to sacrifice his own kingdom if it means Logan’s murderers will burn down with it. Who cares if he survives it all? At least his brother’s death will be avenged.

Sadly, that’s not what happens.

Their enemy is strong and organized, having meticulously planned for this since the very beginning –Roman’s kingdom has always had a remarkable military force, but with so little time to prepare compared to their opponents, it’s no wonder it goes as bad as it does.

The battle lasts barely a month, the opposing army quickly piercing their defense and pushing them more and more into retreat. It’s not long before they get completely overwhelmed, crushed and defeated.

Roman never admits defeat, not completely –even as his army is decimated right in front of his eyes, even as his kingdom is set ablaze and he’s forced to kneel in front of those he once called allies.

“You will pay for this,” he seethes even as his face is pressed in the mud, magic boiling helplessly in his blood even as the enchanted restraints he has been put in keep it at bay.

“Oh, little prince,” they smile, drunk in their victory as Roman’s home burns to ashes around them, "we'd like to see you try."

Roman roars in anger, kicking and struggling and biting even as two guards haul him to his feet and start dragging him towards his own castle.

"Lock him in one of the towers,", one of the leaders says, waving them away.

"After all, what's a prince without his castle?"

+++

Our story should end here.

It should end with Roman sitting in the sealed tower, left alone to rot away in the place he once called his home.

It should end with Roman trapped forever in the dark, left with the knowledge that his kingdom is in shambles and his brother's death will never be avenged.

That's the end fates had designed for him, this cruel destiny written in the stars from the very moment of his birth, and yet.

And yet.

An uninvited guest knocks at the door.

+++

If you were to ask Roman what he remembers from that fateful night, he would tell you it was dark and stormy outside -and he would be right.

Let's picture it together -thunder and lightning flashing outside, rain pouring from the sky as a lonely prince stares blankly at the ceiling of his cell, wondering when the end will finally come.

Then, a knock comes through the silence, startling him out of his spiraling thoughts.

Roman's first thought goes to the guards tasked with shoving food into the cell -never enough to really satisfy him or leave him at top strength, but just enough to keep him alive and healthy enough to not risk starvation or dehydration.

(He's also pretty sure they periodically slip in some sort of magic suppressant, his powers feeling weak and dormant in his blood, but Roman has figured that would happen the moment they removed the enchanted restraints from his wrists -if that hadn't been the case he would have already blown up the entire tower.)

Then, he frowns and throws a confused look at the tiny excuse of a window hovering several feet over his head -yup, still nighttime, the absolute darkness punctuated by sudden sparks of lightning as the storm outside keeps raging on. And since the sun hasn't risen just yet and he gets food only once when the night comes -which he remembers happening just a few hours prior- Roman's pretty sure that's not a strangely considerate guard, knocking to make their presence known.

So, that begs the question: who is it?

As another knock resounds in the otherwise silent cell, Roman cautiously stands up and quietly shuffles towards the closed door, hoping to somehow gain more clues about whoever is on the other side.

His hand hovers just a few inches from the door, a strange feeling pooling in his stomach as Roman suddenly finds himself hesitating -it's like a pull in his gut, a sense of uneasiness he finds eerily familiar, like a puzzle piece he knows is missing, but can't identify.

The resounding click of a lock coming undone jerks Roman out of his thoughts, sending him staggering backward as the door swings open and a cloaked figure calmly shuffles in.

"Hello, Your Highness," a voice draws from under the cloak, the figure hunching forward in what Roman can only assume is meant to be a bow.

"Who are you?" He asks, standing tall -or as tall as he can, his weakened legs barely holding up his weight as he warily looks at the stranger.

"Oh, I'm nothing but a lonely man seeking cover from the unforgiving weather," the figure hums, "I do hope my presence here is not unwelcome?"

"... No," Roman says after a moment of consideration -there's something about this man, a sensation Roman cannot name but that still makes all of the hair on his body stand up, goosebumps covering his arms as a little voice in the back of his mind warns him to be cautious, "just unexpected. May I ask who do I have the pleasure to talk to?"

"People call me Dee," the man answers "it is a pleasure to meet you, my Prince."

"Oh, please, stop with the formalities," Roman huffs, looking away as he nods to his cell, "as you can see, I am anything but a prince right now."

"And why would that be? You're standing in your castle, and your kingdom and subjects are still out there-"

"Yes, suffering and dying for a war I brought us all in!" Roman exclaims, anger coursing through his veins as he takes one threatening step forward. "And at what cost? We were defeated, utterly annihilated, and now my kingdom is burning under my own eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So no, I am not a prince, because I'm the farthest I can be from deserving that title right now."

The stranger lets out a noncommittal hum, tilting his head to the side as he watches Roman pace angrily around the cell.

Then, he smirks, small, pointed fangs glinting in the dark of the room.

"Who says there is no way for you to change all of this?"

Roman freezes on the spot, his posture tensing as his mind registers the stranger's words.

"Please," he finally answers, shaking his head as a bitter chuckle escapes his lips, "how could that even be possible? I have no army, no friends, no magic. Let's face it-" he turns once again towards Dee, opening his arms as he gestures to his cell- "my fate has been written: to rot alone in this sealed tower -scorned, despised, hated, destined to be forgotten in the sands of time while those who destroyed my home feast and bask in my family's death."

"No destiny is set in stone, Your Highness," Dee counters, smirk never once leaving his lips, "least of all yours. You have a connection, prince Roman, and that connection is the cause of your misfortune."

Roman blinks, confused. "A… connection? To what?"

"Not to what," Dee hums, a hand reaching out from under the cloak as yellow sparks suddenly fill the space just beside him, "to whom."

That's the moment Roman's mind screeches to a halt, the last few minutes playing in his head as the uneasy, cautionary feeling that has been nagging him since the moment the door had opened finally, finally falls into place. Because those sparks are eerily familiar, dancing and falling through the air as a dusty old mirror stands tall at Dee's side, glass glinting in the dark as Roman takes a wary step backward -he's one-hundred percent sure that mirror wasn't there until a few seconds ago, so the only possible explanation is-

"You're a magic user," Roman whispers, eyes wide as his gaze travels back and forth from the mirror to Dee.

"That I am, my prince," the man grins, "did you not realize? You have magic yourself, after all."

"My magic has been severely weakened in order to keep me here -you'll find that it is quite arduous to sense the magic around you when you can just barely feel your own."

"I suppose that makes sense," Dee concedes with a tilt of his head, before gesturing to the mirror, "but let us not dwell on unimportant matters-" he says, beckoning him closer- "do you not want to know the reason of your misfortune?"

Still unsure, Roman warily steps forward until he's standing right in front of the mirror, his reflection staring back at him with confusion evident in his eyes.

Grinning, Dee leans forward and whispers something, the ancient language of the druids of old rolling effortlessly on his tongue as the air around them suddenly feels charged -like something ancient and incredibly, incredibly powerful is slowly awakening in that lonely tower surrounded by the fires of destruction. It's a foreign feeling, so far away from the sense of security Roman is used to when in presence of magic -and he knows, he knows that should render him far warier about Dee and whatever he's trying to show him, there's a voice in the back of his head that sounds a lot like Logan yelling at him how he should step away immediately, this isn't normal, you don't know what is happening-

And yet.

And yet.

Roman doesn't look away. He keeps standing there, as if trapped in a trance, as the mirror's surface starts glowing, lighting up the room for a few seconds and making Roman close his eyes on instinct when the light just becomes too much to look at.

When he opens his eyes again, Roman can't help the surprised gasp tumbling out of his mouth, gaze transfixed on the mirror's reflection as he tries to properly register what he's seeing.

From the surface of the mirror, a young boy lets out a delighted laugh, his blonde hair reflecting sunlight Roman can't see as pure happiness dances in his eyes -blue like the sky on a sunny day, Roman distantly notes, glinting with joy from behind a pair of big, round glasses.

"Who… is that?" Roman asks, not quite able to conceal the way his voice has almost turned breathy in his stupor.

"In the world through the mirror, everything is set in reverse," Dee reveals, "this boy's fate is deeply intertwined with yours -his happiness is your sadness, his luck is your misery, his kingdom's peace?" The magician looks at Roman, smirking widely as he watches the realization of his words' meaning dawn on him, "your kingdom's destruction."

Roman takes a step back, face pale as realization gives the place to horror. "That can't be true."

"And yet, it is," Dee says, shrugging, "fate chose to give him a happy, fulfilling life and carelessly throw you aside. Such a pity, isn't it?"

"That's-" Roman's breath is quick now, heart hammering in his chest doubt and fear swirl and clash in his mind- "that's not fair!"

"It isn't, isn't it?" Dee agrees, "you could have been great, given the chance to prove your worth. And yet, fate preferred that boy over you -it took away your brother, your kingdom, your happiness, just to give that fortunate boy a destiny that should've been yours. What a shame, really."

Roman clenches his fists, taking in a few deep breaths -he wants to scream and cry and curse at the universe, Dee's words echoing in his head over and over as rage rushes through his veins. But he can't let himself go just yet, not as long as the mysterious magician is standing in front of him and watching his every move.

"Why are you telling me all this?" He asks instead, voice surprisingly steady as a storm rages inside him -he can distantly feel his magic react to his emotions, thrumming deep inside him as it pushes and slams against whatever is keeping his powers locked away.

"As I said, no destiny is set in stone," Dee answers with a grin, "that happiness was yours, and it is only right that I help you get it back, is it not?"

Roman frowns, keeping his expression schooled even as he can feel a spark of hope make its way into his chest. "And how would you do that?"

"Just say the word, my prince, and everything your heart yearns for will be finally yours."

Deafening silence falls in the dark cell, the air charged with a million possibilities as Roman finds himself with his heart's greatest desire standing right in front of him.

He looks at the boy's blue eyes, his smile shining like a thousand suns, and feels something inside himself harden into stone, nodding his head towards Dee.

The magician lets out a boisterous laugh, yellow sparks dancing all around him as the mirror's reflection darkened and disappeared.

"Your wish is my command, Your Highness!" He exclaims, magic whooshing around Roman as his own seems to react to it -he can almost feel the familiar tingling sensation traveling up to his fingertips, warmth flowing through his soul as yellow magic fills his vision.

"The scales of destiny have been replaced!" Dee announces as Roman feels his consciousness start to fade.

"So forget everything, my prince-" a fanged grin, green scales shining in the light as Dee's cloak falls away- "and rejoice."

A single, yellow eye meets Roman's gaze.

Then, darkness falls.

[ghostsontelevision]

ok black friday official review SPOILERS under the cut. hopefully they fixed it so cuts work on mobile but if not uh. scroll fast i guess.

okay to start off? the songs? bangers. jeff blim really said every song on this soundtrack is gonna slap. i don’t think there’s a single song i disliked? wiggle is a standout, feast or famine rules, adore me rules, hell even the little song becky and tom sing when they’re looking for hannah is just. insanely good.

angela does a REALLY good job as lex, like she embodies this shitty disillusioned teen so well and she and kendall have great chemistry as sisters. she and rob also have really good chemistry, i love the bit where he goes “oh i guess i forgot cuz im just SO stupid” and she like, laughs and pushes him off, they have a lot of cute moments

(side note: i know with tgwdlm the theories as to why paul and emma never kissed was either lauren doesn’t like to kiss onstage or the lang bros don’t like making people kiss onstage, i think with black friday we can safely confirm the langs have no issue with making people kiss onstage LOL)

tbh all the acting is stellar as expected, i haven’t seen enough people talking abt how jaime kills it as sherman, so i’m gonna say that jaime kills it as sherman.

for something everyone’s been saying: lauren as linda monroe is SO good. i saw some people saying she was written confusingly, which i didn’t get at all? she seemed very straightforward to me. but yeah she was a delight every time she was on stage, it didn’t hurt that she got two of the best songs.

the running bit with gerald was good without ever seeming overdone, implant the way linda says “cinnabon” into my brain pls

i also really liked becky! i thought we got a lot of well written female characters this time around. i thought she balanced being a genuinely loving and empathetic character with also being the only character to have done a non-black-friday-related murder. her killing linda was very satisfying, i liked their dynamic

if becky becomes the new charlotte and i have to sit through 20 million “starkid unpopular opinions :)” videos talking abt how becky sucked and was annoying i’ll riot. charlotte and becky defense squad

i can’t just go through praising every character lol but also dylans return to starkid is worth the hype. it feels like he’s grown leagues since twisted

(hey langs? is literally ANYONE in hatchetfield happily married or is everyone either divorced, widowed, or being abused? are paul and emma going to have to invent good marriages?)

(wait mr. davidson and his wife are good nvm)

(i hope in the black friday verse mr. davidson communicates with his wife abt his needs in the bedroom)

the plot was pretty good, like things made sense and all that. i was a little worried abt an ensemble cast but tbh it’s really not that bad, like everyone’s easy to keep track of and no like, character development feels rushed or anything

tbh the only things that bothered me were lex never finding out that ethan dies (tho i get that there just wasn’t time for it since she and hannah don’t reconnect till the end) and that i personally wasn’t crazy abt the president segments? i would’ve rather just like, had mcnamara undercover at the mall and he like, finds hannah or lex and that’s when he explains everything. maybe wiggly shows up when like, hannah falls asleep or something, we’ve already implied she has a connection to the black and white so just push that more.

(tho tbh then the whole wiggly’s connection to america -> made in america doesn’t happen, so maybe the presidential scenes are a necessary evil who knows. tbh i liked the entire black and white bit)

(also starkid finally includes a fuck america song that makes sense in the narrative hell yeah)

i think the langs are pushing a like, everyone dies at the end of every hatchetfield show kind of thing, which is why it’s really heavily implied everyone gets nuked at the end, but i think you could’ve gotten the same tone by just emphasizing that wiggly mania is ALL over america, and we don’t know if any other place survived, if wiggly found another person to come through, etc. like you don���t need ww3 on the horizon to make it bleak

idk just imo ending act 1 with characters we’ve never seen before seems like a weak choice

(the obama impression was fuckin good tho)

also i’ve never been so confused by an act 2 opener but as soon as i realized what was going on i was delighted

santa claus goes to high school > workin boys do not @ me

(honestly its funny as hell to me that the langs probably KNEW santa claus goes to high school was coming when everyone was losing their shit over workin boys like. could yall demand a full musical of something that isn’t a 2 minute joke pls)

oh my other plot nitpick is why did becky have that syringe but i’m willing to handwave it as she came here straight from work and accidentally left it in her pocket

i liked the tgwdlm callbacks, some of them felt a little gratuitous but overall they were good. the SHRIEKS of joy when emma mentions hidgens were hysterical.

overall it was really good! i think tgwdlm is still my favorite just because the plot feels a little tighter but honestly black friday might surpass it on the strength of the soundtrack alone. its absolutely in my top 3.

OH ALSO THE CHOREOGRAPHY after my initial watch i put the digital ticket on a few times while i was drawing just to get the most out of the 72 hours i had it and i always stopped what i was doing to watch that one lauren-james-robert bit in deck the halls of northville high. you know the one.

anyways it was good 9/10

EDIT: also i forgot but i... think the langs forgot abt the lgbt character? rumor has it mcnamara had a monologue that got cut where he confirms he had a husband but it didn’t make it into the show so idk. maybe it’ll be in the youtube version

[harringrovehouse]

“The kids, the kids still don’t know.” The voice is distant, far enough away that Billy has a hard time heaeing it but yet close enough he can understand what’s being said. It’s confusing, terrifying. “Doc Owens says he’ll be easier this way. If you make it out then-“ The voice faulters a bit, cracking as whoever is speaking tries to collect themselves. “If you make it out then we can just tell them, and you know.” A heavy sigh, and Billy inches closer, needing to hear the rest. “Then we’ll deal with Max’s anger. She’s pretty torn up about you, keep demanding to know when your body will be released. Says her mom and your dad are thinking of moving again.” Good reidence then. “But they haven’t cause her mom says they have to at least bury you.” Another deep inhale. “This is fucking crazy.”

Silence, and then the sound of a chair being slide backwards and retreating foodsteps. The click of a door handle turning, and then the click of the lock sliding back into place. And silence. Still, complete silence. Billy sags and slips backwards into the darkness.

“They had to shave your heas you know. You’ll be pissed if you ever get out of here, Max says you’ve been growing it out for two years.” Billy lifts his eyesbrows at that, the voice is back. Back and closer. Billy struggles to lean in but he’s trapped. “Hopper got out of the ICU today. Joyce cried for about an hour. Wait. You probably don’t even know who they are huh. Hopper’s the Cheif of Police, he’s El’s dad. You remember El right.” There’s a pause, nervous shuffling and then a chuckle. “She’s the little kid who kicked your ass Hargrove.” Billy huffs. A little kid with freaky brain powers. It’s not like she’s a tutu wearing ballerina who beat him up outside of her lemonade stand. “She’s a good kid. Max loves her.” Billy tries to move again. He wants to know how Max is. Who’s taking her to the Arcade, making sure she takes the trash out. Is Neil treating her well. As if on cue the voice answers his unasked questions. “Max is doung better now. The shocks worn off a bit. She’s been spending a lot of time with El and Joyce, talking about you with them. They’re good with lose. They understand.” Billy hopes Max isn’t over staying her welcome in other people’s houses. “She misses you. Her mom and your dad have been fighting, she’s been at my place a lot. Can’t stay with Joyce every night but doesn’t want to get caught sleeping in your room again.” Billy frowns. The shithead better not be touching his shit, but then again if she’s in his room at least Neil won’t throw his things out. “I don’t even know why I’m here. You’re not going to wake up. Doc says you’re brain dead.”

Billy wants to flip the voice off. He aint fucking brain dead but hey if this asshole doesn’t want to talk, Billy’s fine not listening. He lets the darkness slip back over him.

“Holy crap.” The new voice shooks Billy awake, if he could move he’d be throwing punches.

“Shh! This is an ICU.”

“Sorry. It’s just he looks,”

“Like shit. I know.”

The old voice is back, back and Billy rolls his eyes. How long had it been since the last visit? Days, hours, Billy doesn’t know but do they really have to be here so much? He just wants to sleep.

“His face.” The higher voice squeaks out and the sound of shuffling returns.

“You should see the scars.”

“You’ve looked!”

“Not like that!” The first voice is embarrassed, Billy can tell. “I’ve seen it when the nurses change the dressing. It’s pretty bad. All black and gooey.” The both make uncomfortable sounds and Billy tilts his head down, trying to see his torso but all he can see is darkness. He really want to see himself not.

“Don’t get all worked up ya dingus. I wasn’t implying anything.”

“Yeah.” A snort. “You were going to flat out say it!” Billy’s excluded for most of ths conversation after that, though listening to them bicker is pretty entertaining. For the first time in a long time Billy stays awake long enough to feel someone touch his shoulder as they say goodbye, then the darkness is on him once again.

“I had a bad night last night.” The voice is somber, like it’s been for the past few days. Billy’s fighitng hard to keep the sleep away but it’s hard. Especially now that his faceless voice friend has been coming in later and later, and sleep deprived by the sound of it. “You never met Barb but she uh she died in my pool. Or near my pool. I don’t know but the last time anyone saw her it was by my pool.” The bed dips and Billy’s aware that the voice, or well the voice’s body is now pressed against his arm. It’s warm and comforting. “I dreamt about her. What if I hadn’t been so quick to get laid, what if I had made sure she got home okay.” The bed creaks and Billy feels the voice shake. “It got her man. It got her like it got you and Will. It took her and I was too busy having mediocre sex to care.” Billy laughs, actually laughs. He knew Wheeler couldn’t be that good.

Wait. Wheeler. The face bursts into his mind. Curly, huge brown eyes. He knows her. He’s seen her. He hates her.

But why?

He can’t remember what she did to him. She’s not his type so it wasn’t a bitter break up. So then why.

“I’m sorry it got you.” The warmth moves and Billy hears the creak of a chair like someone putting too much of their weight on it. “Sorry this town got you.” Billy and the voice sit in silence for a long time, and then the voice snores. Billy inches his hand closer to the remaning warmth. It feels like a longer limb, a leg maybe. Gently he pressed he’s hand against it and follows his friends into a dreamless sleep.

“You’re probably the pretties guy I’ve ever seen.” Billy’s been up. Been waiting for the voice. He’s gotten to know the footsteps of his most requent visitors. There aren’t many. His voice friend is one, their sneakers squeak on the tile and fall heavily when they’re leaving, like they don’t want to go. Someone who’s got to be a doctor, they’re much softer in their gate and their vocie isn’t as nice, too fake cheery for Billy’s taste. A handful of nurses. A gruff older man who wears boots too often. And a soft, motherly woman who’s only been by three times, but each time her sneakered feet squeak when she bounces her leg. Each time she leaves it’s only have brushing a hand over Billy’s forehead and squeezing his hand tightly, a soft ‘we’ll be here when you’re ready’ is also whispered each time. She’s probably Billy’s second favorite faceless visitor. “Probably the prettiest human I’ve ever seen. The first time I saw you climbing out of your stupid car I actually forgot what Nancy and I were talking about. She got so mad.” The voice laughs and Billy smiles, it’s a nice sound. “Billy!” The voice jumps in pitch and then actually jumps. “Holy crap! Can you hear me? Billy smile again if you can hear me.” Billy tries to smile, but his face feels cold. He can’t seem to get anything to work. “It’s okay man. It’s okay, next time right.” The voice whispers, Billy wonders if thise doe eyes are soft and round.

Oh. Doe eyes. A vivid flash of brown eye hair flopping over a forehead and blocking out those eyes for the briefest of seconds flashes through Billy’s dark mind, lighting it up. He smiles again.

“Holy shit. Doc! I need a doctor.” And then the voice drifts away, echoing from a long hallway. Billy frowns.

“I’m telling you. I saw him smile.” The voice is back. This time Billy knows it hasn’t been a long time. Minutes maybe. Not days like most of the time. Not hours either. The ticking of the clock on the wall told him as much. The darkness is fading but not enough that Billy didn’t slip away for at least a few seconds.

“Smiling is a reflex. Unborn babies do it all the time. It was probably a response to an outside stimulus.” That’s the doc. Billy’s not the biggest fan of him. Too cold and distant.

“No.” His voice friend is adamant. Hard. Just like during practice. Wait. “He smiled when I mentioned our old school.”

“You mentioned high school and he smiled?” Doubt. All the doc did was doubt. Doubt if Billy was alive. Doubt if they could cover up what happened at the Mall.

A bright flash of neon and the words ‘Starcourt’ burned bright for a second and then the screaming started.

Billy flinched. He hated the screaming. The screeching. The monster. He hated it.

“He flinched!” The voice shouted and then hands were on Billy, bringing him back to earth. If only for a second. “You saw that. He responded.”

“Muscle spasm. They happen as muscle atrophy.”

“Can’t you just believe in him! You believed in Hopper!” It’s the first time Billy’s heard the voice that angry in a long time. Not since, Billy’s hands begin to ache. He remembers bloody knuckles and the pathetic look those eyes gave him. He feels shame. He feels sick. He turns in on himself.

The door clicks shut and Billy knows the doc’s left. His voice friend had argued his case for him, said that he was alive in there but the doc insisted that until he show real brain activity any smiles or twitches were just the bodies naturally normal reflexes and that his voice friend shouldn’t let that give him false hope. They both sat in silence for the remainder of the visit.

“I’m sorry about your car.” Billy lifts his head at the sound. It’s been days since he last had a real visitor, not a nurse or doctor making their rounds. “They totalled it today. I’m really sorry man.” Billy closes his eyes and sighs. He loved his fucking car, even if he got mad at it sometimes. Of course his dad would let someone crush it, he was probably really mad Billy had been gone so long. “It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if I uh if I hadn’t driven into you like that.” A hand presses against his cheek and Billy wants to lean into it. “I’m really sorry we didn’t help you sooner. We’re normally really good at saving people and fighting off that-that thing.” Billy doesn’t even know what his voice friend is talking about, and frankly he doesn’t care. As long as they keep touching his cheek, they can say whatever their little heart desires. “Sorry I haven’t been by as much. Kids started school, works been crazy.” The fingers stroke up, and then down. Billy leans into them. “Joyce thinks I shouldn’t spend too much time here. She’s keeping me busy shuttling all the kids back and forth from school to the arcade to their houses. You know when I’m not working.” A chuckle. Billy smiles. “You keep smiling man. You gotta give me more. Open your eyes, smile on command, some more than this.”

Billy wanted to scream. He was trying! It wasn’t easy being trapped in the dark all the time. He felt like he was swiming through the ocean, only it was November and he didn’t have a wetsuit. Like that time his mom took him out to her favorite point in Washington, and he almost got hypothermia from falling in.

“You grabbed my hand again.” The voice whispers this time and Billy feels his arm moving. The press of slightly chapped lips to his skin. “They had to remove the IV from your hand. The skin tore.” Billy had felt that. It had been cold, and painful. “Billy. You gotta wake up man. It’s been a month. They’re losing hope.” But not you right? Billy wants to scream. He wants to beg. Don’t leave me too.

His mom. His dad. Max. It seemed like everyone left or turned away. Billy didn’t want the same thing to happen with Steve.

Steve.

Steve!

Steve Harrington.

Billy jolts to his feet. He remembers who The Voice belongs to! It’s Steve, Steve Harrington. Billy struggles forward. He’s got to apologize for how he acted, make amends like he’d been trying to all summer, staking out the Scoops Ahoy! counter but never getting the courage to actually say anything, Billy has to thank the other man for sticking by his side despite everything but as he struggles to get closer Steve begins to leave.

“I gotta go. The kids will be done with the arcade soon, I promised Joyce I’d bring El, Mike and Max to her house for a sleep over. Well I guess El does live there now.” A second kiss to the knuckles. “I’ll be back soon.” And then he was gone.

Billy screamed, screamed and pulled himself free from the remaining darkness that held him. He began to float, hovering above the dark pool below but just under the too bright nothingness above him. Billy sagged and let the feeling of being weightless take him.

The next time Steve returns he’s brought someone new. Their footsteps aren’t like any Billy has heard in the MONTH he’s been sleeping. They’re soft pad like steps, barely making a sound but the small tik tik of a heel hitting the floor with each steo makes up for it. Billy instant knows who it is.

Nancy Wheeler.

Of course.

“Steve. He doesn’t look good.” She whispers, never making her way to sit in one of the chairs Billy assumes are by his bed side. “He looks like,”

“Don’t say it Nance. He’s alive.” Steve says as he settles down next to Billy’s side. Nancy clicks her tongue. “You didn’t have to come.”

“Robin says you’ve been spending all your free time here.” She’s delicate in the way she puts it. Like she’s afraid Steve is going to swat her away. He should. Billy’s fingers twitch and Steve jumps, holding his hand tighter.

“Did you see that!”

“Steve.” Nancy says slowly. “It’s just,”

“Don’t say a relex Nancy. It’s not. I know it’s not.”

“Why do you care so much Steve!” Billy wants to flip her off. If Steve Harrington wants to be at his bed side then Nancy Wheeler should mind her own fucking business. “He beat you up!”

“So did Jonathon.”

“That was different.”

“Was it Nancy? Was it really. You’ve seen Max’s arm. Billy’s face, his wrist. We know what happened in that house.” Nancy makes a pained sound. “Look I’m not saying I forgive him okay. But jesus, we failed him Nancy. Not just at Starcourt. We all saw what was happening with him before this and we didn’t do anything about it. Just like with Jonathon.”

Nancy steps closer. “Joyce,”

“Do you really think Billy has a Joyce?” They’re silent and Billy wonders if all this was out of pure pitty but then Steve sighs. “I want to be here okay. I want to help him Nancy. Just let me do that.”

Billy listens as Nancy hesitates and then finally takes a seat. Then after a long still silence she speaks again “He looks terrible. He didn’t look bad that night.”

“The kids did a number on him.” Steve answers. “The kids, the car I rammed into him, that monster.” It all rushes back and Billy feels sick. He doesn’t want to remember it. “Doc says he’s lucky to even be alive. He’s breathing on his own now, no more tubes. Those spike things didn’t do much, just broke the skin and cracked a few ribs. It was going to let him bleed out.” Steve tightens his grip on Billy’s hand. “We should have tried harder to help him. To help them.”

Billy turns away. He doesn’t want to hear this.

Steve doesn’t come to visit for a long time after that, Billy sulks. He’s lonely.

But each day without Steve is a day Billy can relive the horrors of the past month without worrying about scaring what’s probably the only person who gives a damn about him right now. Each day he makes it closer to the blinding white light above him.

Then finally it happens.

Billy breaks through the hot white light and back into the real world.

It’s dark outside the small window to his left, and dark inside the room except for the dim light above Billy’s bed. Which is just bright enough for him to see how mangled his chest looks. It’s held together by tape, and guaze and staples. It makes him queezy looking at it so he looks away. Toward the door, just beyond it is someone is having a barely hushed conversation.

Billy ignores them and turns his stiff neck to look at the rest of the room. There’s a call button just inches from his right hand but he’s not sure he can reach that. Beyond that is a half made pull out bed, someone’s been sleeping in his room with them.

The door clicks and Billy slowly turns to look at it. The angry rushed voices now floating into his room.

“I can’t believe you followed me here! Do your parents even know you’re here right now!” Steve’s voice hisses at someone Billy can’t see. Someone who shuffles their wieght from one foot to the next. “And don’t even get me started on you trying to sneak in here! What were you even thinking!”

“I know what you’re hiding!” The voice replies. High and cocky, a girl. Her voice is familiar but Billy can’t place it. “Max deserves to know!”

Steve sighs so long and so hard Billy thinks he might hurt himself. “Eleven this is complicated.” He starts but the girl cuts him off.

“He’s still in there! Steve I heard him.”

“You what.” The curtain that was blocking the door shifts and Steve slips into the room, finally letting the door go. Behind him follows a girl, just slightly taller than Max with braided curls and a too big sweater shirt on that falls to the knees of her baggy jeans. Billy struggles to place her.

“I heard him. He’s still in there and Max deserves to know! She’s sad.” The last word is said with almost a child like lithe to it. “Steve I heard him.”

“Okay. I heard you kid. But,” Steve turns to him and for the first time in months their eyes lock. Billy is lost, he doesn’t think he’d be able to say anything even if he tried but Steve doesn’t move either. The girl is the first to break the silence. Gasping as she finally notices Billy’s open eyes.

She turns to look at Steve, a smug look on her face. “I told you he was in there.”

[fearfearer]

more thoughts about the magnus archives as i reread the transcripts

i was thinking about how gertrude robinson was really an extraordinary person (not extraordinarily Morally Sound, but extraordinary) just because of who she was, whereas the only extraordinary things about jonathan sims are things that have been arranged for him (i.e. his role). i don't mean this as a diss for jonathan, as i'm not extraordinary either. it's just striking that gertrude was so driven and confident compared to jon. of course, now we know that basically everything she did was in the pursuit of a moot goal (i.e. killing people in order to stop rituals that were already doomed to fail) so maybe my point is somewhat moot as well.

i've been doing some rereading of episodes on my phone (i.e. away from this text document on my computer) and i'll have a realization like "right, i should note that down when i get back to my computer" and i have forgotten all of them now that i am back at my computer. suffice it to say there are quite a few things i misheard/misunderstood on the first listen, unsurprisingly.

reading through the first 20 or so episodes i'm surprised by how well i remember each of them, considering i was listening like 4 episodes a day when i started. then again, it was only a month or two ago that i even listened to them, so one should hope my memory is at least this good. anyway the first episode i'm re-listening instead of rereading is 22 bc that's the first one where we hear martin's voice, i'm pretty sure

i've also noticed some errors in the official transcripts, which aren't a big deal because obviously what matters most is the audio, but still... some of them have been simple typos. magnus archives hire me as your official transcriptionist and i'll make all your transcripts 100% error-free bc im smatr

(reading through the rest of the transcripts and my standards went way down in terms of grammar/stylistic consistency, as most of the later ones are fan transcripts by several different people. i found quite a few mistakes, but obviously i have no particular way to help fix them short of sending an email to the tma transcripts fansite person like “hey there’s all these mistakes. upload my good version instead?” bc i’m not that much of a dick)

the whole reason martin went to the spider guy's building was because he didn't want jon to be disappointed in him for not doing Due Diligence. he says so twice. then he went back for the same reason. it seems the fandom joke is "jon asks his assistants to do crimes for him" but in this case martin is like "oh no maybe i didn't do enough crimes to satisfy jon"

jon was doing his archivist voice HEAVILY in season 1, huh?

tim's first appearance is so jovial compared to how he ends up...

if this boat lady is speaking spanish in brazil, then it doesn't matter if it was "bad spanish" or not. anyway now i understand why we already knew peter lukas was serving the lonely by the time jon mentioned offhand that peter lukas was serving the lonely. it was my whole “let’s not bother noting down any FREQUENTLY RECURRING names”

well i guess robert smirke was a real person. should i feel dumb about this? idk. it’s such a fictional-sounding name, to be fair. but i guess that set the precedent of using a real person as an important historical figure in the fiction that we see happening again when edmund halley is referenced later on. also episode 35 has foreshadowing for the separation of 14 powers, and people thought it was 13 because they mention 13 halls PLUS the one they came through.

totally forgot about tim goofing around in episode 39... he was really not having the worst time at this job before bad things started happening and he realized he was trapped, huh

the worms were trying to make a doorway into the Worm Wealm

ep 40 jon's like "I need to hear it. I need to record it. Or else I can't finish." (lightly abridged)

listening to the season 1 Q&A for the first time and EARL BIGMAC

also good to know there's only going to be 5 seasons. very good to know. this seems like a good kind of series to write with a fixed endpoint in mind, as it's very easy to do an episode that has effectively no bearing on the MetaPlot but which is still a short story in itself and therefore doesn't count as "filler"

jonathan sims performs with a mythical space pirate music cabaret. so he IS a ham

jonny says, "no rude words. i could say bums, maybe..." (alexander j newall does a laugh while i do the exact same laugh irl) "...but i won't."

some dumbass writing into the Q&A to ask if the background music is diegetic... get a podcast brain, ya fool. though for my part, i have to say that one of the most striking things about this podcast when i first started listening (though i never made a note of it before) was the Too Spooky Music, and i didn't like it at all. the reason was that i am, and have been, vulnerable to Getting Spooked about irrational things at night, such that it becomes really hard to fall asleep... and one of the things that has an outsize effect on my level of Spookédness is spooky audio. so if i was watching a video at night and i was worried it would Get Me Spooked, i would just turn the sound off, and it would turn out fine. but obviously you can't turn the sound off on a podcast. and i've been listening to podcasts after work, i.e. after 5pm, and i go to bed at like 8 or 9pm because i'm old. so the way it turned out was that even if the actual subject of the podcast wasn't that scary to me, the music would amplify it in an unpleasant way and make me more likely to have trouble sleeping. also i think most of the episodes would have been fine without the music, or maybe with some less intentionally-disconcerting background music.

this just in: i seem to have totally missed episode 50 on my first listen-through, despite having gone in linear order. bc i'm listening to it now and i've definitely never heard this before. fortunately it doesn't seem to have much of a bearing on the rest of the series, so it's not like i missed any crucial information. tbh the only worthwhile bit was a brief moment of tim being a ham, which was good. i hope i didn't miss any other episodes the first time... still don't know how i managed to miss this one.

the official transcript said [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] ...

so gertrude and leitner WERE played by jonny's parents <:3c i'd thought as much when i saw the cast names but i like that it's confirmed. his mom is a really good actress too. i always find the gertrude episodes to be striking in a certain way

"it's Fine working with your parents. it's Fine." as someone who worked with my mom for like a year i can confirm this

i'm tickled to find that the official transcripts have a sense of humor. i wonder who is behind them. i also wonder, what is the excuse for not having a full set of official transcripts when it is a script-based show? surely you know what is going to be said beforehand, and you have it written down, and if someone ends up saying something different in the final recording, surely it wouldn’t be too hard to give the original script a little edit, and bam! that’s a transcript. i wonder if this approach is not feasible for some reason.

whenever martin reads statements, he says something about jon... whenever he talks to someone, he says something about jon

i think episode 110 is an instance of the tape recorder turning ITSELF off... at the end of the episode. because they walk away, and they say something distantly, and then it turns off. lots of other times, there had to be a diegetic reason for the tape recorder to turn off at the end.

i noticed something which i missed last time, which was that there is a rumor between melanie and georgie and basira that implies that jonathan is asexual. worth noting, i think. [side note added in later: yeah it’s canon. cool]

also i listened to episode 103 again and yes. i had thought-- i had been SURE-- that the person interrogating the traffic cop (using the asky ability) was martin. but it was actually jon. how did i possibly manage that mistake? i'm not great at distinguishing voices, but i'm not THAT bad. the only possible answer: when i was listening to the episode for the first time... i must have been eating a crunchy snack.

"it doesn't have to make sense! alex has to make it sense." (jonny sims re: writing the spiral)

glad to know that jonny sims regrets using his own name for the protagonist. doesn't make a difference either way at this point but yeah

YES i knew episode 100 was improvised. and i see, all the statementers had actually had supernatural experiences, but because the archivist was absent, their statements didn't have the coherence and clarity normally lent to them by the eye (in exchange for becoming cursed). i think melanie or basira actually said pretty much that in the episode itself, but i still couldn't be sure that all of those people had something real to talk about.

"in the same way that tim is dead, michael is helen." good shit

the archivist is canon a bit of a drama queen. the first bullet point in my first tma notes document is vindicated

jonny sims mentions another podcast (apocrypals) that sounds 100% up my alley, so that is appreciated, i will add that to my list i think. (listened to episodes 0 and 1 of apocrypals and i'm heavily struck by how VERY clearly i can hear the smiles in chris sims's voice. i did not know smiling could be so audible, truly.) (listened to quite a few more episodes of apocrypals and it’s certainly entertaining at times. i should’ve been reading along though. maybe some other time)

I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE SEASON 4 TEASER THE FIRST TIME AROUND.........................................

i must confess something that people who know me well may already know: i hate when stories have a bad ending. an unhappy ending. a painful ending. a hopeless ending. bittersweet is the furthest in that direction i can tolerate. my perspective, which is pretty deep-seated, is that there's no point in getting to know and love characters if you're only going to be hurt by that connection to them when the end turns out to be bad. if i have even a mild inkling that a story is heading toward a bad ending, i make a conscious effort to regard all characters from afar and not develop any strong attachments. this is not so much "how i think all stories need to be," but rather, "the characteristics a story needs to have to appeal to me personally." so i understand that my view is very subjective and mostly based on my own mental weakness. but i can't help but apply it to the media i consume. and the idea that someone would do something like "make characters very human and strongly developed" IN COMBINATION WITH "heading toward a bad end" makes me upset. like, picture a horror movie. think about the characters in a horror movie. with the exception of a main character, if there is one, there's no guarantee that anyone is going to survive to the end of the film... BUT... the characters generally aren't fleshed out and very sympathetic. i wouldn't go so far as to say they're disposable, but you're not SUPPOSED to cry when they die; you're just supposed to get scared. their purpose is as objects of fear, and you never expect or even hope for a happy ending. but in the magnus archives... all i'm saying... is that i would cry if any of the remaining members of the main cast died. and it seems clear that we're not heading to a happy ending. so i'm somewhat afraid, and not in a good way. i don't know how much i can trust jonny sims to give me the story i want, and obviously, i'm not entitled to it.

if your name is jonathan and you want to shorten it, the short form is jon. it ain't john, no matter what the official transcripts say. where'd you get that h, huh? stole it from someone else's name? are you shortening it like JOnatHaN? you can’t just be that sneaky!

i listened to scrutiny again and it hits so hard. now, in heart of darkness, when manuela begs jon not to force her statement, it's really heavy given the direct context of the previous two episodes where we see how compulsion works and how it hurts.

also when jon was talking about how to destroy the dark sun and he was like "i just need to see it," when i first heard it, i assumed he meant something along the lines of, "by seeing it, i will learn how to destroy it." but now i understand that the mere act of the eye seeing it destroys it, because being known is what the darkness is weakest to.

the magnus employees who work in the library probably at least have a LITTLE BIT of a feeling that they work in an almost normal place, given that jon and all his assistants were able to have that impression before transferring to the archives. so i wonder how the magnus library people feel about their institute's director getting arrested for double murder and now the big boss is a completely unrelated ship captain who seems to want nothing to do with the place but simultaneously is trying to continue business as usual

on second listen, listening to jon ask helen when the guilt stops (wrt hurting people in order to feed one's patron fear) is pretty chilling. because it seems like he's definitely accepting that he will have to hurt people, and what he's concerned about is how bad it makes HIM feel. of course, helen then answers with precisely what i just wrote, so...

i should've read the transcript for episode 159 instead of relistening because i forgot that peter lukas's actor got so gravelly and hard to listen to in this one. anyway, time to re-listen to the season 4 finale... then i'll listen to the season 4 Q&As and stuff... and then the new episode. (DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI)

i heard in the Q&A that the voice of peter lukas did multiple takes for episode 159?! but it was because of technical difficulties. right. because i can’t imagine the way it turned out being deemed the best take. sorry

ok, things i missed last time i listened to 160: daisy and the other two hunters are missing. also jon mentioned "magnus's body" and martin mentioned "an old man's corpse" and at the time i took this to mean (somewhat unthinkingly) that when jon and martin returned from the lonely, they killed elias/jonah's body. which would be a weird thing to happen "off-camera," so to speak. so i think i must have been wrong? slightly confused. ok, no, i'm now sure that elias survived, so i must have misunderstood. definitely alive.

as martin leaves and jon is about to begin the statement, he sounds so peaceful and satisfied. that's good acting.

by the way, in one of the previous few episodes, i noticed that jonah seems to have body-swapped by switching out his eyes into his preferred body, which i'm pretty sure i missed the first time.

i like that jonny sims checks reddit to see whether people have solved the mystery. that's just a really funny way to do things, sneaking a peek like "hmm how mysterious is my mystery? let's see who has figured it out..." and for the record, i wasn't even close to figuring it out. but to be fair to myself, i didn't try. like i said from the beginning, i started listening with the intent of going along for the ride. plus the mystery had already been solved before i started listening to the series, so it's not like i had a lot of time in between updates to contemplate whether elias was jonah, etc.

JON'S AMERICAN ACCENT FOR THE IONIZED YEAST AD

ALEX WAS THE VOICE OF JARED HOPWORTH?! i mean it was so messed up it could have been anybody but god

ALEX DIDN'T LET GERTUDE CACKLE

i've listened to the bloopers (including a gertrude cackle?) and the season 5 trailer (martin seems slightly cavalier about the end of the world but maybe he's just trying to keep his shit together for jon) and i'm going to listen to the new episode Soon.

final conclusion on rereads/relistens: i had pretty poor comprehension of some important happenings. i’m realizing just how easy it is to mishear/fail to hear exactly what is happening in a podcast when you’re doing other stuff at the same time. there are still a couple things i don’t quite understand, but i think i’ll have a look around the wiki one of these days.

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Sexiled (Part 9/23) ~ Steve Rogers x Reader College!AU

A/N: Hi my lovelies! I hope you all are having a good weekend. I wanted to share this with you. This story is shaping up slightly differently from how I expected but I’m liking it and I hope you do too. 

Summary: Friday night continues. Is something going to change (I don’t know how to write this summary without giving stuff away so here we are) 

Characters/Pairings: Steve x reader, Bucky 

Rating: T

Warnings: language, heartbreak(ish), mentions of cheating, some angst 

Word count: 1166

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Once you’d both finished the snacks you had silently gestured for Steve to lie down with you. He was more than happy to oblige, moving the popcorn bowl to his dresser and stretching out so you could lie down in front of him. You pressed yourself as close to him as humanly possible and pulled the blanket up under your chin.

You caught snatches of familiar dialogue, but mostly what you were aware was Steve’s heartbeat, strong and steady. Your breathing synchronized as you drifted in and out, so you were immediately aware when Steve attempted to untangle himself.

“What’s going on?” you mumbled, trying to open your eyes.

“Sorry, sweetness. I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just going to move to Buck’s bed.”

You whined and shook your head, wrapping your arms around his neck.  

“Stay. Please.”

“Are you sure, sweetness?”

Unthinkingly, you hitched your leg around his hip.

“I want to be close to you,” you whispered, much of the sleepiness gone as you locked eyes with him.

“Y/n,” he breathed out as his hand slid from your hip to the back of your thigh, squeezing lightly.

You felt the shift in the air as he leaned closer. You were focused on his lips as your brain was screaming about the line you were about to cross, the line you and he had drawn in silent agreement. It was about to be shattered.

You were so lost in each other that neither of you heard the lock click or the door swing open, so the light turning on had you lurching apart.  

“Did I interrupt something?” Bucky asked as the three of you traded wide-eyed stares.

Steve was breathing heavily beside you as you clutched at your heart, willing it to slow down.

“No. We were just half asleep. The light scared me.”

“Same,” Steve agreed, happy to follow along with your lie.

“Sorry, I must have misread your text. I thought you were going to be in y/n’s room.”

“I thought you were staying at Dot’s.”

He cringed at the name, and you noticed how distraught he looked. Shaking away the last of the moment with Steve, you sat up fully, untangling yourself from the blankets so you could hop down to the ground.

“Bucky, are you okay?”

“Dot and I broke up,” he mumbled.  

“Oh, Bucky, I’m so sorry.” You rushed to hug him. “What happened?”

He didn’t answer immediately so you started to backpedal as Steve pulled him in for his own firm embrace.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Or if you want to just talk to Steve, I can find somewhere else to stay tonight.”

“It’s okay, doll. Please don’t go anywhere on account of me.”

His smile was weak.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I guess.”

“You don’t have to, Buck,” Steve soothed, carefully guiding him down his desk chair.

“No, I want to. I’m just thrown I guess.”

Steve flipped his own chair around so he could straddle it, and you sat cross-legged on the storage ottoman you’d bought to store all your crap in. You both waited patiently for him to begin.

“I mean I haven’t felt totally right about her for a while. I talked to both of you about this.”

You nodded. “So you spoke to her about it?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t planning on doing it tonight. But when we got back from the party, she wanted to hook up and I just couldn’t do it.”

“So you told her you wanted to break up?” Steve pressed.

“No. I started off saying we needed to take a look at where our relationship was going.”

“Okay, that’s fair. It doesn’t imply break up. Just change,” you assessed.  

“How did she respond?” Steve’s voice was weary, already knowing it was a bad outcome.

“She said what relationship?”

“That fucking bitch.” You hadn’t meant for it to come out, but it was just your immediate reaction.

Both boys chuckled slightly at your outburst. You swore a lot but you rarely name-called.  

“Tell me how you really feel, doll.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Anyways, I kind of just stared at her confused. Because I was pretty sure we’d been going out for like two months. I mean for Christ’ sake we did a couple’s costume.”

He gestured down to the scrubs he was wearing. The sleeves had been removed to expose his toned arms. And the collar was cut in a deep V down to his abs. You hadn’t focused on it before, but now you were holding back giggles.

“Let me guess, sexy doctor and nurse?” Steve asked drily.

“It wasn’t my idea,” was Bucky’s only defense.

“I think it’s cute,” you defended. “But definitely a couple thing,” you added, steering the conversation back to the topic at hand.

“Right. But apparently, I wasn’t the only guy she was seeing. She’s been screwing Brock Rumlow for a month.”

“Eww. Why?”

“I didn’t ask. I told her to lose my number and bailed.”

You reached out to hold Bucky’s hand, running your thumb over his knuckles.

“Bucky, I love you and you are totally allowed to be sad, but you are so much better off without this girl. If she didn’t see what a catch you were then she is totally blind. You deserve someone way better than her.”

“Seriously, Buck, you never seemed super happy with her. You deserve someone who lifts you up, not drags you down.”

“Thanks. Both of you. Sorry I ruined your night. I’m sure you don’t want to hear this crap.”

“Bucky, quit it. You’re my best friend. I’m here for you. Always,” Steve reminded him. “Ya jerk.”

“Punk,” he laughed, before focusing his attention on you.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me for this, James Buchanan Barnes,” you warned.

“I would never. Now, I really don’t want to talk about what happened to anymore. So maybe you should go back to whatever you were doing before I came in.”  

You felt a blush creeping over your body and you didn’t dare look at Steve, terrified of what your face would telegraph. Instead you glanced at the clock.

“Well we had been watching movies, but I think we should go an adventure,” you suggested.

“At two in the morning?” Bucky asked in surprise. “Where to?”

“A magical place.”

Bucky stared in confusion, but Steve chuckled beside you.

“You want more insomnia cookies don’t you?” Steve guessed.

Your grin widened as you nodded.

“And you don’t want to order delivery because we did once tonight and you don’t want the delivery boy to judge us…”

“No… okay. Maybe. But I also think nighttime adventures are fun. Pretty please?” you pouted, batting your eyelashes at Steve.  

“I don’t know why you’re bothering to pout, you know I’m going to say yes.”

You beamed and kissed him on the cheek.

“What about you, Buck? Wanna go on an adventure?”

“To get cookies? Absolutely.”

“Then let’s go!”

A/N: So, Dot sucks. Bucky has terrible timing, but TBH I really love writing the friendship between her and Bucky as well as ehr relationship with Steve. So I hope  you enjoyed. Are these two dummies finally going to get their crap together? We shall see! 

Tag Lists are Open (Please send asks because I’m trying to go through comments but sometimes I forget. So asks are easier. Also if I don’t respond and you see a new post for a story you’ve asked to be tagged in, tumblr probs ate the ask or I forgot. Please send another ask, you’re not bothering me!!) 

Sexiled Tag List @yourspecialcrush @part-time-patronus @impala-with-wings @shitty-imagines-95 @zlixlle @peter-parker-steve-bucky @encounterthepast @holygaygal @hista-girl @steves-on-a-plane @juliagolia87 @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t

Steve/Chris Tag List @isaxhorror @peachykeen3502 @patzammit @wordlesscaptain @coffeebooksandfandom @hereisanapplepie

Marvel Tag List @hdthdthdt   @sophiatomlinson23 @misty-panther @supermusicallee @scarlettsoldier @acupofhotlatte @slender--spirit

Permanent Tag List @iamwarrenspeace @jayzayy @bexboo616 @neoqueen306 @santheweird @rowenaravencalw @buckitybarnes @prxttybirdz @sergeantjbuckybarnes @sebsunshinestan @broitsmydick @ailynalonso15 @nyxveracity @queenoftrash97 @walkingtravesty97 @lamia-maizat @memyselfandmaddox @lowkeybuckyb @whiskey2011 @averyrogers83 @lovingpeterparker @buckybarneshairpullingkink @beansparker @unicornblood4ever @xxashy999xx' @thisismysecrethappyplace @ravennightingaleandavatempus @paintballkid711 @whosmarisaaarw

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 16 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

"So the plan for today is to search STAR Labs, right?" Barry asks, mentally reviewing his calendar.

"That's right," Cisco says, tossing his pencil up into the air a bit too high and fumbling the catch. "Wells is taking that video conference call from home today, the long one, and it should take him all morning. I've dialed into it myself to make sure he's still on the call and repositioned some satellites with infrared detection in his direction to make sure it's actually, y'know, him and not like a hologram or something. I'll be monitoring it all from here." He makes a face. "Now I can listen to him talk to the accountants."

"I'm glad I don't have to do that," Joe remarks, slouching against one of the computer desk. "No offense, Cisco, but that sounds boring as hell."

"It is, but I can play video games at the same time," Cisco tells him. "The joy of multiple screens."

Joe shakes his head mournfully, clearly despairing of this new generation.

"Give up, Cisco," Caitlin teases. "He's never going to appreciate your technology."

"Joe, you've started looking into the Dibny thing I told you about yesterday, right?" Barry asks, ignoring their interplay. He's charged up with energy today - the speed training, whatever Wells' goal with it, is definitely working, and ever since things have gone well with Len...

The phrase 'walking on air' comes to mind.

Barry's having to make an effort to ensure he doesn't accidentally walk on air, literally.

"Yeah, yeah," Joe says. "I asked a few guys over in Vice to check out what Dibny's up to; they've promised to get back to me later today, maybe tomorrow. Y'know, I'm still not sure it isn't just your old grudge against the guy coming up again, but since you got Cold's authorization for the search, it's probably still worth checking out."

Joe's voice has gone bitter. Again.

Barry scowls at him. "Joe, we've talked about this. Yes, we're dating. No, this isn't some sort of 'secret plan' to get at us; he's a good cop and he wants to do the right thing, and the right thing right now is taking down the Man in Yellow –”

“Reverse Flash,” Cisco interjects.

“– and he’s helping us with that. And you can stop hinting that he's only agreeing to look into Dibny because I'm dating him any time now!"

"I wasn't saying that!"

"It was implied," Caitlin says. "Heavily."

"And you did kinda do the same thing to Iris and Eddie Thawne when they first started dating," Cisco points out meekly.

Joe crosses his arms and scowls.

"Why don't we focus on our search of STAR Labs?" Cisco hastily suggests in an obvious bid to change the subject. "Thanks to Iris' digging, we've managed to map out the parts of the Accelerator built by Zoom Contracting, and thus probably by the Reverse Flash; if he hid something inside of STAR Labs, it's probably there. Barry, you ready?"

"Sure am," Barry says. "Let's start with -"

A door slams in the hallway and they all freeze.

"Wells?" Joe asks, his hand automatically dropping to his belt.

Cisco squints at his screen. "No, he's still on the call - he's even talking. Can’t be him."

"Then who -?"

Another door, and then the off-beat echo of footsteps, accompanied by a heavy thump every few seconds.

Barry knows that thumping walk quiet well, though the individual responsible has never been to STAR Labs before.

"Len..?"

Len comes through the door.

Barry is already stepping forward, starting to smile automatically at the sight of his boyfriend despite being unsure of what brings him to STAR Labs unannounced, but Len's expression - bloodless lips pressed tightly together, face tight and pale with rage, jaw clenched - makes him pause, as does Kara following him close behind, an extremely worried expression on her face.

"Len?" he asks, smile fading, replaced with worry. "What's wrong? What's happened? Is everyone okay?"

"Where are they?" Len demands, ignoring Barry’s questions. "Where have you put them?"

His voice is harsh, though it remains as cold as ever.

If Barry didn’t know him, he’d think Len was angry, but not furious; he’d think he was indifferent and coldly disapproving – but Barry does know Len. He’s seen him talk about Mick. He knows the overwhelming coldness that swallows Len up when he’s been ripped apart inside, the agony of pain and betrayal that he tries and fails to hide behind a layer of icy fury.

Len is unbelievably angry right now.

“Put who?” Barry asks, a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Who are you talking about? Who’s ‘them’?”

“The people,” Len snarls. “The ones with powers! Your victims!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Cisco says. “Victims? What the hell are you talking about?”

“That seems kind of uncalled for,” Caitlin says.

“Uncalled for?” Len says. “Uncalled for?”

He grits his teeth, obviously trying to rein in his temper enough to even speak.

Barry tries to look at Kara to see if something has happened, some meta similar to Bivolo affecting Len’s emotional state or something happening with Mick, but she’s refusing to meet his eyes.

Bad sign.

“Okay,” Len says after a moment, his voice even more controlled now. His hands are clenching so hard on his crutches that his knuckles have gone white; he’s clearly not actually calmed down at all. “Okay, let me rephrase and put this in a way that you people might understand –”

This does not bode well.

“– please tell me, without delay, where you people put the human beings – entitled to all human rights under international law – that are, just to add insult to injury, also United States citizens – with all the rights that entails under our legal system – that you fucking assholes assaulted, kidnapped, and illegally imprisoned?”

Oh shit.

“You know,” Len adds scathingly. “The ones you all didn’t tell me about?”

Barry’s brain just – freezes.

He’s gotten used to his mind moving faster than most people's, after the Accelerator, and even when he’s had his mind crash before, it was because he was thinking too many things at once.

Not now.

Complete stop.

Complete blank.

“Uh,” Cisco squeaks. “You – mean the metas?”

“Yeah,” Len says. “I mean the metas. You remember them, I hope? The ones that Barry here knocked out on the streets of Central City – battery, assault, maybe grievous bodily harm, I don’t know –”

No.

“ – and then moved without their consent – just so you know, legally we call that ‘kidnapping’ or ‘human trafficking’, take your pick –”

No.

“– in order to put in a secluded area in which they weren’t allowed to leave, aka, unlawful imprisonment. Do you want me to cite legal provisions at you? I can do that.”

No!

“It’s not like that,” Joe protests. “You don’t understand –”

“Oh, I understand all right,” Len cuts him off. “You – all of you – you think you’re judge, jury, and executioner all at once. Who needs the laws, huh? Who needs rights when some random civilians think they can do it all themselves – this is just like I thought it would be, right from the start –”

“It’s not like that!” Barry exclaims, finally regaining his voice.

Len finally looks at Barry. His expression is hard, but his eyes reflect the light – he’s got suppressed tears in his eyes. This is not easy for him; this is hurting him.

“Yes, Barry,” he says, and his voice is even a little gentle, just for Barry, when for anyone else it would stay sharp and unyielding. “It is like that. It’s exactly like that. You’re a CSI. You work for the CCPD. You took the same oath every cop takes, to uphold the laws and protect the people. You, you of all people, should know exactly how important it is to protect the right to a free and fair trial where you can defend yourself. And you still...you still took that right away from these people.”

Barry’s breath catches in his throat.

Len’s right.

Len’s right.

Len, who cares so much about corruption –

Who feels personally betrayed by those who swore to respect the rule of law and then don’t –

Whose father was a dirty cop, whose life was ruined by a dirty cop, whose partner was nearly killed by a dirty cop –

Who confessed one day when it was just the two of them, curled together on a park bench, that he liked Barry from the very beginning, liked him a lot, but just couldn’t bring himself to trust that Barry really meant well – and how much it meant to him to find out that Barry wasn’t like that –

And now this.

The metas.

The metas they’d put away.

The disappearances that Len thought the Flash was responsible for – they weren’t all Family hits or related to STAR Labs, after all. Terri had had three piles of disappearances, after all: Family-related, STAR Labs-related…and Flash-related.

Len was so happy when he discovered that Barry wasn’t behind the disappearances.

But he was.

Kyle Nimbus. Jake Simmons. Tony Woodward. Shawna Baez. Mark Mardon.

Those disappearances?

They’re all him.

And Barry didn’t tell Len about them.

Oh, he never made a conscious decision to omit the information from what he told Len or to deliberately try to hide it. He was just so focused on how removing those names from the list of disappearances revealed things about their investigation, on how that narrowed-down list showed that Wells was up to something related to the Families, on how this new information got them a step closer to the answers, he never even thought about what it meant.

It never occurred to him to mention that those disappearances weren’t really disappearances; that he knew where they were; that he knew what had happened to them.

It wasn’t a deliberate deception at all.

Barry just forgot about them.

He’s pretty sure Len will think that that’s worse.

“It’s not like what happened with Barry’s dad at all,” Joe interjects, trying to salvage the unsalvageable. He takes a step forward, glaring at Len; he never liked Len, and undoubtedly sees this as yet another instance of that dislike, rather than the reckoning it really is. “These metas were committing crimes and harming people –”

“Even criminals have rights, Detective West,” Len snaps. The gentleness in his voice is gone. “All people do. The right to a fair trial. The right to a proper arrest. Or are you telling me that Barry here – who, let me remind you, is a private citizen, not even a cop, and thus not authorized to even arrest anybody – Miranda’d all the metas before taking them in?”

“I –”

“No, please, tell me, Detective West! I’m dying to know! Did you read ‘em their rights? Did you process their arrest in a public database according to the law? Did you give ‘em access to a lawyer? A judge? A call to family? Can they invoke the right of habeas corpus? Can they sue you for unlawful arrest if you messed up any part of that process?”

Len takes a step forward, leaning even more heavily than usual on his crutch. His eyes are boring into Joe’s, but his words are aimed at all of them.

“And what about the conditions once they’re captured, huh?” he continues. “They get their three hots and a cot, one hour of mandated physical activity, the right to company, conjugals, regular contact with friends and family? Or bail, huh, how about bail? Who decided they couldn’t be bailed out? That’s a judicial decision, and for some reason, I’m suspecting that none of you are sworn judges!”

Joe’s mouth moves, but he doesn’t say anything.

There’s nothing he can say.

“Especially you, Detective West,” Len continues, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You’re not a judge. But you are a cop. Sworn to uphold the law. Except you didn’t, did you?”

Joe still says nothing.

Barry can’t blame him.

It’s not just Joe, after all. Barry took the same oaths, made the same vows, promised himself he was doing the right thing.

And he wasn’t.

Len’s mouth twists. “No, you didn’t. You did the same thing every goddamn corrupt cop in the city did, thinking that what you think is right is more important than the laws.”

“I was trying my best to protect the people of Central City,” Joe says woodenly.

“Guess what, Detective? The ‘people’ you think you’re protecting include the people you’re abusing – yes, I said abuse!” Len says, holding up a hand to cut off Joe’s protest. “And I mean abuse! This is precedent, West; if you can decide to imprison someone without their rights, why can’t everyone else?”

“I saw them commit crimes!” Joe says. “I saw them, we all saw them! They’re not innocent! We know they’re not innocent!”

“It doesn’t matter if they’re innocent or not innocent! Even fucking serial killers that get caught red-handed get the chance to defend themselves in court!” Len exclaims, his voice starting to rise as his rage begins to escape even his icy self-control. “It doesn’t matter if they’re standing on a mountain of the corpses of their victims that you just saw them murder right before your eyes! You’re just a cop! You don’t get to decide ‘oh what the hell, they’re evil, I’ll just shoot them’, not if you have the option of taking them in peacefully – and if you do, you deserve to be fired and go to jail for manslaughter. But you certainly don’t get to decide that they don’t get to be arrested according to procedure. You don’t get to decide that they don’t get the right to have a trial, a lawyer, anything. You don’t get to lock them away and throw away the key!”

Joe bows his head.

“And you know that! You’re a cop; you can’t say you didn’t know. You knew they had rights, you knew what they were entitled to, and you just decided to do it anyway,” Len continues. “You decided to ignore every single damn thing that society says that all people, even criminals known to be guilty, deserve! You locked these people up without telling anyone like - like they were fucking stray dogs! You took their rights away from them! And for what? What possible reason could justify that?”

He takes a limping step forward.

“It can’t be just because you saw them committing a crime,” he says. “You’re a detective; if you started kidnapping everyone who ever committed a crime in front of you, this place would be overflowing. So no, it’s not that. That’s not what made you feel you could do this.”

Another step forward.

“Having powers, is that it? Is that what makes these people different? That must be it. But you don’t get to make that decision – and you know why? Because like every corrupt asshole in the book, you won’t apply it equally. You’ll say it’s okay to do all this to one person, but not another, and why? Because you think you’re able to make that judgment call. You. Just you. Because you’re above the law. And that’s what corruption is.”

Another.

“We’re all supposed to be equal under the law, Detective West. I’ll be the first to admit there’s a shit ton of inequality baked in there, with poor people and minorities getting the short end of the stick, but at least they’re the laws we’ve all agreed we’re following. At least we all know what to expect. Being kidnapped at superspeed and locked away without a trial? Ain’t no one expecting that.”

Len looks around the room.

“All of you,” he says. “So self-righteous, ain’t you? Thinking you’re doing the right thing.”

He shakes his head.

“Tell me,” he says, “think any of you’d object if I took Barry here and put him in a hole, never letting him talk to any of you ever again, leaving you wondering what happened to him? You would, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. He’s your friend. But why is he any different from all the rest of 'em? He’s got powers, too! You’ve seen him commit crimes, too! By your logic, you ought to treat him just the way you treat the rest of them! All of you - you’re no better than those monsters that keep girls in their basements!”

“But it is different! You don’t understand; these metas are dangerous!” Cisco blurts out, unable to suppress his dismay anymore. “We didn’t have a choice; we had to put them in the Accelerator! With their powers, there’s no way the cells at Iron Heights can hold them –”

“Iron Heights isn’t the only goddamn prison out there! If you hadn’t all been so obsessed with keeping Barry’s identity a secret – with keeping all of this a secret, putting the public and your fellow cops in greater danger because they went into the field not even knowing that they didn’t know what they were facing – you could have just told the CCPD about it!”

Len mimics holding a phone up to his ear. “Ring ring, hey, guess what, I’m reporting a crime, and hey I managed to stop it from happening but it turns out the perp appears to have unusual powers that probably won’t be contained by Iron Heights’ normal cells. Luckily, by chance, I happen to have a place that will hold them securely; do you want to use it while still granting them due process?”

He drops his hand back to his side, his face twisted in disgust. “Guess that was just too fucking hard for you guys, wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t…you don’t…Wells said –” Caitlin says, her voice wavering.

“Oh, Wells, yeah, Wells,” Len says. “Let's talk about Wells. How convenient, of course, it’s all Wells’ idea. Sure it was. You know what, let’s even say it really was his idea, whole and entire, and none of you had anything to do with it. Who cares? Unless the guy is carting around an idiocy field that reduces the brain function of anyone within twenty feet of him, you’re all adults! Rational, thinking adults! How could you permit this?! How could you not try to stop it the second you realized what was going on?”

Barry’s breath is coming hard and his brain just won’t start up again, won’t start thinking again, refuses to function in a vain attempt to keep him from having to understand and acknowledge the truth.

To understand what exactly he did.

His mind just keeps repeating: he’s right. He’s right. He’s right.

Len’s right.

This – all of this – is wrong.

Horrifically, awfully, terribly wrong.

Unjust.

Illegal.

Wrong.

And they just – went with it.

All of them. Barry. Joe. Cisco. Caitlin. All of them.

They just agreed.

They just let it be.

They just allowed it to happen.

Each of them could have stepped up to the plate and said: no. This is wrong. And they didn’t.

They didn’t do anything.

They can’t blame that on Wells. That’s on them.

They just let themselves be swept away by the excitement and unreality of it – superpowers! Superheroes! Supervillains! And when each episode is over, then the bad guy goes away into the jail cell, never to be thought of again…

A modern oubliette, as Len says. Put them there and forget about them.

(In the beginning, Wells said they would rehabilitate them. No one even remembered to try.)

“Listen, okay, maybe we didn’t handle all this the best way,” Cisco starts, coming to Barry’s defense. Ever the loyal friend, even when Barry is the one in the wrong. “But you can’t just –”

“Shut up,” Len says. “You don’t get to talk. Not after what you’ve done.”

Cisco jerks back as if he’s been hit. “After what I’ve done –”

“Oh, yes, you,” Len says. “Friendly, smiling, cheerful Cisco Ramon, the jailor of STAR Labs. Or is someone else operating the controls? I thought that was your job.”

Now it’s Cisco’s turn to go mute, horror twisting his face as he opens and closes his mouth.

“Tell me, do you feed them?” Len asks him, his voice biting. “Do you clean their cells? Let them go on bathroom breaks? How do you do that – drug them, maybe? Does it make you feel powerful, treating them like rats in a cage?”

“No – no, I don’t – I’m not like that –”

“Funny,” Len says. “From what I hear, you’re exactly like that. Tell me, Ramon, do you know that it’s legally considered torture to deliberately play loud music at someone who can’t escape?”

Cisco blanches.

“Oh yeah, I know about that,” Len says. “Torturing a deaf man, how fun! But hey, he was mean to you at work a few times; I’m sure that balances it all out in the eyes of law, right? No jury’ll ever convict you, ‘cause being an asshole, causing some property damage, and getting into a fight with Barry, well, you know, that’s it, that’s three strikes right there –”

“You don’t –” Caitlin starts.

“Oh, don’t you start, doctor,” Len interrupts venomously. “Unless the version of the Hippocratic Oath you took comes with an exception that allows you to care for people in illegal solitary confinement without doing shit all to remedy their status. ‘Do no harm’, right? Do no good either, apparently.”

“You’re right,” Barry croaks. “You’re – you’re right.”

“You bet I’m right,” Len says. “You’re keeping people locked away – locked away in solitary confinement – do you even know what that does to a person? Even in regular prison, where they know they have access to a lawyer, where they know they still have rights, where they know that at least someone knows where they are and cares?”

He looks tired, suddenly. “It’s much worse when you know there’s no one there,” he says. “So much worse. When you’re all alone in a room, left alone to suffer, and you know no one is watching out for you ‘cause without the law you’ve got no rights but what human mercy can offer – and human mercy runs pretty damn short.”

Len’s imprisonment.

Locked alone in a room, guarded by Family thugs intent on torturing him to death, and no one knowing where he was.

Of course.

Barry - Barry should have thought. Barry should have realized.

They've treated the metas fairly well – excluding whatever it was Len was referencing with Cisco, which sounds seriously problematic – but that still doesn’t make it right.

“The laws might be soft in Central,” Len says, getting a hold of himself. “But by God I will see them applied. You’re going to transfer every single meta you have here to police custody –”

“We’ll do that,” Barry promises. “We will, I promise. I’m sorry, Len. I should’ve done better.” He swallows. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, after this, I’d understand –”

Len starts laughing.

It’s not a good laugh. It’s sharp and jagged and very nearly hysterical.

“Barry,” he chokes out. “Oh, Barry. You don’t understand. The question isn’t are we staying together. The only question left here is how many years in prison you’re all going to be sentenced to.”

“Hold up,” Joe says, straightening. “You’re not seriously –”

“Oh, you bet I am,” Len says. “I’m going to bring hell down on your heads so hard you won’t even know what hit you.”

That gets them all talking all at once.

“You can’t! The investigation – Wells –”

“We have to help –”

“It’s important –”

“There are mitigating factors –”

“You have to give me a chance,” Barry begs. “Let me fix what I’ve done –”

“I don’t care!” Len bellows. “Right now, I couldn’t care less about the investigation. You’re all going to –”

His phone rings.

Len falls abruptly silent.

Everyone does, mostly from surprise at the sudden sound.

Barry’s more surprised than most, though. Len’s phone basically never rings. It’s a joke by now, one that Barry’s laughed over with Kara, with Iris, with everyone – Len always texts, never calls, and no one ever calls him.

Len digs his phone out of his pocket.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Joe says. “You can’t honestly be answering –”

“Shut up,” Len snaps, jabbing violently at his phone to accept the call. “What the hell do you want? Now’s not a good time, so –”

He falls silent, his face suddenly going stark white.

“Len?” Barry asks, stepping forward. He’s pretty sure they’re not dating anymore and he can’t blame Len for it in the slightest after what just happened, but he still can’t help but be concerned. He can’t help but reach out for him, to try to help him with whatever is causing that expression.

“Boss? What’s going on?” Kara asks, stepping forward herself, sliding neatly around him to stand between him and Barry, her back to Barry as she protects Len –

Protects Len from Barry.

And she's right.

Because this is all Barry’s fault, in the end. If he’d told Len the truth at the beginning, then maybe he wouldn’t have had this reaction – maybe then Len would have understood how much Wells had misled them all, how he’d played on their enthusiasm and naïveté to brush over their concerns, how he’d led them all to think that this was all okay – maybe –

But Barry hadn’t told him.

Now his only hope is that Len will decide to give them just enough mercy to try to prove themselves. To prove that they do mean well, that they aren’t evil, that they aren’t corrupt.

Because that’s where all this came from, isn’t it?

Central City’s corruption, seeping through its pores, affecting them all.

Joe, an officer of the law who just wanted to do the right thing, who wanted to help people, but who thought nothing of locking the ‘bad guys’ away to keep them from hurting anyone – who thought nothing of the rights those ‘bad guys’ themselves had, because it’d never been all that important to his work before.

Caitlin, a doctor, sworn to help people, forgetting that she had to do more than just care for their wounds.

Cisco, so focused on the technical aspects of how STAR Labs’ prison worked that he forgot about the value of the humans lives they kept within its walls. The nerd who treated life like a comic book, and didn’t remember that the story went on past the closing of the last page – who thought that things were ‘awesome’ without considering their moral value.

And Barry.

Barry, who, of all people, should have known better.

Barry, who struggled against injustice when it was his father suffering under it. Barry, who took the hard line against Dibny because he thought justice mattered. Barry, who just wanted to help.

And look what he’s done with it.

“Boss,” Kara says again, more urgently, when Len doesn’t answer her even after he’s ended the call. “Boss, tell me what’s wrong. What happened?”

“Mick,” Len croaks.

Barry straightens at that. “What happened?” he demands. “Is he okay?”

After all, Barry’s the one who was dating Len. He knows exactly what Mick means to Len.

Mick’s Len’s best friend, his partner in crime, his anchor – his version of Iris. Mick’s the one Len lied to, the way Barry lied to Iris; Mick’s the one who Len wants so desperately to apologize to, the way Barry wanted to apologize to Iris.

Except Barry got his chance to do that, and despite his fears, Iris forgave him; he knows that Len would sell his soul for the chance to have the same.

He knows that Len is not nearly as okay as he pretend to be. He knows that Len hasn’t really gotten over everything that happened to him: the betrayal, the torture, the loss of the life he built for twenty years, and all of that wrapped up in his grief and rage over what happened to Mick.

He knows that Len is barely holding it together, with nothing but strength of will and a desperate need for atonement he’s sublimated into an unending drive for vengeance.

If Mick dies, Len will shatter into a million pieces.

Barry doesn’t want that to happen.

Even after all of this, he still – he still –

He’s pretty sure he loves Len.

Shit.

What terrible timing for that little revelation, given that even in the highly unlikely event that Len decides not to throw them all into prison for the rest of their lives, he’s still definitely not going to forgive Barry for, well, any of this.

And Barry deserves it, too. He deserves never to be forgiven.

He’s going to be the reason all his friends go to jail.

(He should have told Iris from the very beginning. She would never have agreed to tolerate any of this.)

“Boss!” Kara is saying urgently, pulling the phone out of his unmoving hands, waving her hands before his unmoving eyes. “Boss, talk to me! What happened to Mick? Tell me what happened!”

“Len,” Barry says quietly, stepping forward to stand by Kara’s side. He knows she doesn’t want him there – her glare is very nearly hot enough to burn, just like Len’s always joking it is – but he thinks he might be able to get through to Len despite the shock of whatever news he just got. Len knows that Barry understands his relationship with Mick. “Len, tell me you hear me.”

Len’s eyes move and land on Barry.

“Tell us what happened,” Barry instructs.

“It’s – Mick,” Len croaks.

“What about Mick?” Kara asks again. “What about Mick, boss?”

Len swallows as if his throat has suddenly gone dry, then swallows again when his voice fails him. His eyes are wide and his hands are shaking and he looks – shattered, somehow.

“It’s Mick,” he says again. And then – “He woke up.”

[wahbegan]

Blah Blah Trailer Things Blah I’m So Weary

All right w/e you’d think i was getting paid for this the way i crank them out even when I have no desire to but fuck it as all the ones before, under a read more so you don’t have to scroll and shit and so that if someone makes a super obvious correction in the first few notes i can change it and nobody will be the wiser tee hee hee I am gonna stick to things that haven’t been confirmed so shit we already know like “There are additional flashbacks to when they were kids, Mike still lives in Derry and has been tryna figure out how to kill It through...tripping, apparently? They meet at Jade of the Orient like in the book,” etc. I won’t touch for the sake of brevity. I also won’t go over things I did in the last one

1. The flood of water in the sewer COULD be right after they actually kill It, in the book they kill It in the early morning, and Its death coincides with a massive storm destroying the town, starting with the sewers flooding and backing up

2. Adrian Mellon, post beating and being thrown off a bridge by homophobes, as Pennywise mockingly offers him help before eating him. This is STRAIGHT out of the book, right down to the silver eyes Pennywise is sporting i’m very excited

3. Bev walking in the rain looking shaken up seems to be her right after having her fight her way out of her abusive boyfriend’s place, we know they’re keeping that intact courtesy of the bruises on her arms in the Mrs Kersh trailer

4. Not sure where Eddie’s standing in this child-to-adult montage, i can only guess that maybe Ben is outside that bar he gets shitfaced in before he goes back to Derry? But that’s a shot in the dark. I know Bill’s standing at the storm drain where Georgie got dragged in, which we saw It taunting him in Georgie form briefly in the last trailer, and Mike due to the area and the police lights on his face, seems to be investigating child murders like he was in the book. It’s what prompts him to call the other Losers. Richie is at the Paul Bunyan statue

5. So yeah the carnival seems to play a bigger role than just the backdrop where Adrian first has trouble with the homophobes like in the book, Bill probably follows a lead there, possibly investigating what happened to Adrian aaaaand finds Pennywise chewing down on some kid right behind a glass he can’t get to him from in a mirror maze, ostensibly just to fuck with him. Brutal and sadistic, i gotta say i love it even though it’s hard to analyze further than that since there isn’t anything even remotely analogous to this in the book. Oh, the little swinging punch clowns are done up like Tim Curry’s Pennywise, that’s a fun easter egg. Also Pennywise’s long tongue on the glass is reminiscent of The Leper’s tongue from the book, probably did that on purpose. 

6. Oh yeah confirmation Bowers is alive and in a mental hospital, and Pennywise is calling him back, apparently via red balloon instead of the moon which BOOOOOO but whatever

7. Since they changed it from the book a bit to revolve more heavily around Neibolt Street, that seems to have more prominence in this half of the movie as well, with lots of shots of them going into it, whereas I don’t think they touch it as adults in the book. I do like the fridge shaking like It’s about to come out of it like It did in the first movie to eat Eddie. Clearly lots of call backs so that’s fun. Actually, you know what? It could be Stan’s severed head with a bunch of balloons in there cause there’s a scene like that involving a (different) fridge in the adult half of the book/miniseries

EDIT: Okay, according to someone on youtube who saw Comic-Con footage, that IS the case damn i’m right once in a while except in this case Stan’s head...the youtube source didn’t say whose head it was but i’m...there’s no way it’s not Stan’s goes on to sprout spider legs and crawl at them a la The Thing so that’s pretty awesome

8. “I’ve seen all of us die” is an interesting line. Now, in the book, fUCKING STAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD ANDRES MUSCHIETTI YOU LITERALLY TOOK EVERYTHING FROM STAN AND GAVE IT TO A DIFF-ahem. Forgive that little outburst. In the book,...SSsss.....hrng. Stanley Uris is the one who seems to have visions or at least a sense of the future, not, Bev, as well as some vaguely defined psychic somethinerother. Obviously, her kidnapping slash Deadlighting slash empty eyes slash floating thing never happens in the book, so once again, no real way of knowing if it’s a Dr. Strange circa Infinity War thing where she saw a possible or a bunch of possible futures or just Pennywise fucking with her to make her feel hopeless thing. I mean obviously we know they don’t all die so i’m just curious about the nature of her vision she had in Its lair. Obviously some of it came to pass, but...i just don’t know if it was a vision from The Turtle or a trick from It, or possibly a little of both. But it’s one of those

9. Oh yeah right that....that’s definitely Stan’s death scene. Not that there was any question, really, but this is solid confirmation he takes a one way ticket out of Clowntown on the Razorblade-in-a-Bathtub Express

10. Oh I forgot to say about the alien-looking spikes i think that’s the blasted-up exploded remains of whatever it landed in just btw

11. Okay so Bill as an adult back in the basement with a screaming ghost Georgie confronting him in a very similar way to when he was a kid, Bev back in the bathroom where she got bullied and it seems like her childhood bathroom? Filling up with blood and...trying to help someone out of the blood lake? Okay.

I have a theory about all this.

I think it’s them interacting with their younger selves. I think.....

I think The Ritual of Chud is going to manifest differently for every single one of them, and it’s basically going to be them going to some mindscape where they go to their kid selves, to their worst and darkest moments, and are either trapped there in despair or have to save their younger selves. Think of The Haunting of Hill House’s Red Room. I THINK that’s what’s going on here. Judging by...I’m almost positive Bev is reaching out her hand to pull her younger self out of the blood, and you can see young Bill behind adult Bill in the background while Georgie’s going “what the FUCK you’re the worst brother EVER” at him so look i think i’m right, okay? 

12. When Bev smashes the mirror, it looks like, you know how in the first one Henry goes to carve his face on Ben’s stomach but only gets the H? In the book that scar disappears when he grows up but then comes back after Mike calls him and it looks here like not only has the scar come back but It has either actually cut the entire name down there or at least made him hallucinate that the entire name has appeared on his stomach. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the latter, some kind of hallucination Bev’s trying to break by shattering the mirror.

13. Yeah so if you hadn’t read the book, that’s pretty much definitely Eddie Richie’s holding, and he’s pretty much definitely dying and his final words are pretty much definitely gonna be “Don’t call me Eds. You know I hate it when you...”

14. Oh yeah right I’m pretty sure the underwater monster is a more decayed Ms Kersh and it looks like instead of turning to candy, her house floods for some reason? And here she is being all spooky and underwater with Bev i do not know why the flooding is a thing but w/e uhhh look it’s not in the first trailer i don’t know where i think i saw this or how I got this impression but i think somewhere there was a brief shot implying the water like came out of a painting or something. Possibly a 1408 reference, actually

15. Gotta be Its lair disintegrating after the completed Ritual of Chud which yeah when they were all holding hands a few shots earlier and looking up at orange light i forgot to say that’s def the Ritual starting

17. Whoever this is, Bill i’m assuming flying through that tunnel to the rectangle of light is pretty close to straight out of the book Ritual of Chud

18. Mike tripping, as per mentioned

19. Given the shit all over them and how emotional Richie is, it seems like this would be at the end after they leave the sewers? Idk his scream could be about several things, but it’s just the kind of scream that says “my best friend in the whole wide world and completely hetero lifemate just got his arm bitten off by a weird giant spider alien thing and bled to death”

20. Andres Muschietti mentioned the underground clubhouse would be part of this movie, as well as the “tripping and coming dangerously close to dying via carbon monoxide poisoning so we can hallucinate about where It came from” part of the book but at the end Pennywise is clearly slamming the door which wasn’t part of that sequence unless i mean they may have just added it in for a scare or it could be one of the adults going back to said clubhouse and having a flashback leading into Pennywise fucking with them, either is a possibility

21. Okay so unfortunately i have egg on my face and this clearly is It (not Henry Bowers like i theorized) previously not in Pennywise form, putting on Its Pennywise form, possibly for the first time in a flashback.

22. Okay i am almost 100% sure Pennywise, Devourer of Worlds and Children, The Spider, The Deadlights, The Eternal Consumption, ends this trailer by saying “Hewwo”