#ok so. i initially made this months ago but forgot it in my drafts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

needdatbag · 3 years

Text

Drinking You

notes: Hi! This is my first fanfiction ever. I just wanna see if anyone might like it? Haha...Anyway, if you do, please leave a like or a comment. Hope you enjoy! Oh and this is only the first part.

Summary: You encounter a stranger on your way back from the grocery shop and everything about him pulls you in.

Pairings: Eren Yeager x Reader; Various pairings eventually

Warnings: NSFW; mentions of smoking.

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Part 1-Stranger Danger

You were not ok. Today was a hellish Monday like you rarely encountered. Of course Monday sucked in general but it’s a different kind of pain when you work in a department full of detectives. Everyone is stressed day after day and they don’t have any notion about free time, for them it is equivalent with supplementary work. It’s been 4 months since you started working as the main profiler of the team and you feel as if you need to step up your game. Everyone likes you but the fact that you’re new in the field is noticeable. You do your best all the time but experience is key after all. So here you are, after working hours, walking out of the closest store while holding a beer and a pack of cigarettes in one hand while the other is busy holding the phone to your ear.

’’I will take a look as soon as I get back to my desk, I was planning on checking the brief details we have about this case anyway. I took the file before I left and I will be making an idea about the whole deal tonight. We will receive the rest tomorrow, right? I mean I can get something but without all the information it might just be wrong or incomplete.’’

Your boss sighed and agreed with you.

’’I know. There is a reason behind this lack of information but I am afraid you’ll have to find out tomorrow. I will explain everything to you as soon as we have the OK from the fucking higher-ups. Do what you can tonight, L/N.’’

He was tired but you almost swore you felt a tinge of sadness in his tone. Your gut told you something was just starting. You gulped.

’’Don’t worry sir. You’ll have the draft for the initial report on your desk as soon as I get to work.’’

You said goodbye and hung up while tossing the phone in the pocket of the pyjama pants you wore. You came home half an hour ago, ate a quick dinner and realised you forgot to buy the two things you needed for survival on days such as this Monday: a beer and cigarettes. Unhealthy coping but you got over that thought in college. Regrets were a pain in the ass and you wanted none so you did what you wanted.

As you were walking towards your apartment building you couldn’t help but think about this case. Your team was way on the edge when they received word about it. They were silent about it and that scared you. Because, even if you only knew them for 4 months, you knew all of them were loud, outspoken and chaotic. Your head always throbbed at the end of the day. But you almost missed that today because instead of debates and childish arguments, this day was extremely tense and everyone seemed to be at each others throats out of silly things. As if they disagreed on something you had no idea about. It felt as if a powerful untouchable presence was messing with them and it saddened you but it also stirred your curiosity. Who or what was doing that?

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice the person walking right in front of you and you bumped into them dropping your cigarettes in the process and almost dropping your beer but you managed to catch it before it hit the ground.

’’I’m really sorry. I wasn’t paying attention…’’ you said as you immediately bent down to pick up your cigarettes but the stranger beat you to it.

’’It’s fine.’’ he answered in a low pleasant voice and started walking away.

WITH YOUR CIGARETTES.

It took a second for you to register what happened and move. He walked away so casually that it pissed you off.

’’Heyo.’’ you said while grabbing his shoulder and making him turn to you. He was tall, well built with medium length long brown hair and green eyes. He was wearing an open black coat with a black cotton sweater and light blue jeans with a pair of some black and white Nike shoes. ‘Well damn’ you thought, ‘this theif is hot as fuck’. But priorities were priorities. You were going to offer him a piece of your mind. And if needed, a piece of your very basic physical training.

He first looked at your hand on his shoulder and then at you with a total lack of interest. Without any facial expression he asked:

’’What?’’

You took your hand off his shoulder and attached it to your hip in a somehow sassy position. Then with the other hand where you held your beer, you pointed at the cigarette pack he held.

’’Give me back my ‘candies’...Stealing is a crime, jerk. Instead you could’ve asked for a few. I would’ve... ‘’

But he didn't seem to pay attention to you anymore as he looked at something behind your figure. He started walking, right past you to the spot where you bumped into him.

You were speechless. You debated a moment if you should chase him again but you decided as soon as you remembered you didn’t have any money on you anymore to buy a new pack. You turned with a determined look on your face. He was picking something from the ground and as soon as you got close to him, right before opening your mouth, he held out his hand to you, holding a pack of cigarettes. He had another one in the other. And then you realised and your face started to redden. ‘Shit’

’’I have my own ‘candies’ though it seems they are the same as yours.’

You grabbed your cigarettes slowly while touching his hand in the process. You got a chill down your spine. This time his eyes were fixated on you and all the courage from earlier was down the drain. You were embarrassed of course but the way his direct look intimidated you was surprising. Your gut was telling you something but you couldn’t quite understand it. You were busy staring right back into his cold green eyes. He looked away first and sighed.

’’Well, if this is done, goodbye.’’ and walked away from you for the third time in 5 minutes.

Somehow that didn’t sit right with you. Your brain was telling you to just walk slowly home and finish the work you had left for today, take a shower and start everything again tomorrow, while your body was already chasing the long haired man, adrenaline pumping through your veins. You told yourself you just wanted to apologise for calling him a jerk but the truth was there was something invisible pulling you in his direction. Maybe it was your toxic curiosity or the silly fact that you two were smoking the same cigarettes, an old brand that made you forget things that screamed in your head constantly, or perhaps it was just the simple fact that he was a handsome stranger. Who knew? The only thing you knew was that you were a fool. But that never stopped you before.

’’I’m sorry! I never meant to insult you….I should’ve just looked around...Usually I’m not such an airhead. I wonder how come I didn’t notice another pack on the ground.. heh.’’ you said while reaching him. You guys were walking in the same direction anyway. He didn’t say anything, he just looked straight ahead not really paying much attention to you but he also didn’t seem bothered by your presence. As you reached a crosswalk and waited for the colour to change you watched his profile as discreetly as you could. He looked as if he was completely lost in thought but at the same time aware of everything surrounding him. He was close but far and that really tickled your brain. You groaned internally.

‘I shouldn’t care, he is just a stranger whom I’ll never see again. Asking him for a coffee out of the blue would be weird too.. And he seems to be completely uninterested in my existence anyway, though I guess that is mostly because of my bloody pyjam..’

’’So what’s up with that pyjama? he said out of the blue.

’’I don’t like to assume things but if you’re following me because you want to ask me out or something I think you might be my best friend's soulmate. He has the same Star Wars pyjamas.’’

Your mouth was hanging open. You looked down at your clothes and then back at him. He was watching you now as well. The light changed and he started walking as you followed.

’’I live on the other side of the road and this is what I usually wear at home, so no, I don’t really bother dressing up for a trip to the grocery store. And I’m just going home, I’m not following you..’’

You bit your lip as you hesitated before continuing wondering if you should say what you were going to say.

’’...and I also have a ..boyfriend.’’

You two reached the other side of the road and he suddenly stopped.

’’You’re lying.’’ he said calmly

Both of you stopped walking. You looked at him wide eyed. How could he know you were lying? He sounded so sure too. His expression seemed to change for a second when he saw your confused face, some sort of realisation hitting him while he shook his head.

’’Nevermind.’’

-He stepped closer to you and tilted his head, a few stray strands of hair falling randomly on his face. This guy was handsome, annoying but handsome. Even his skin seemed to have a special kind of glow, besides the fact that it was a beautiful tan colour and the combination with the kind of green/teal eyes that he had left you almost breathless in close proximity. Of course you lied. What boyfriend? You were working most of the time and you studied people for a living so of course you were overthinking everything about any guy that came your way. You either figured them too fast and they bored you or you didn’t even look their way. You were not easy to deal with either as you had a very straightforward personality on the outside but on the inside you were trying to keep everything from collapsing. You were confusing, caught between being intimidating, bad mouthed and weird or depressed and minding your own business in silence...and those moods were not exactly any guy’s cup of tea.

So lately you always try to play the sweet girl card when it comes to guys, hiding your trust issues for another day. But this time you were not in control...of anything. It wasn’t even a big deal, really.

You were just talking to a stranger. But his presence was dominating you effortlessly. And for some sort of reason you couldn’t even start to figure out why. Your brain was foggy, your breathing was irregular and your knees were suddenly weak when he got close to you.

‘What in the Twilight..’ you thought

You couldn’t read him while he seemed to have no problem reading you. And that bothered you the most.

’’You should go home..’’ he spoke in a lower, raspier voice ’’..I’m not as interesting as you might think. I’m a simple guy actually.’’

His words seemed so honest, his tone too. But something told you that he lied. Or that what he said might have been true. Once. But not anymore as his eyes didn’t meet yours when he spoke the last part.

You tried to ignore the sensation that formed in your stomach when he spoke so close to you in that voice that seemed to echo inside your head. You were getting a little lightheaded and for a moment you thought about the possibility of being physically sick. In this case this would've been the better scenario.

‘I should just go. Ignore everything about the way I feel now as if nothing will ever be boring again. Yes, I should ignore the fact that I don’t need to pretend because there is no point in doing so in front of this person. They see through me anyway. But that’s a bad thing and I’m not thinking clearly right now and he screams ’Stranger Danger’ and for God’s sake I work with the police...What should I do..His eyes are so pretty, his voice is so beautiful and I’m just a curious superficial fool.’

You took a breath and turned around while his eyes never left you. You started walking towards the entrance of your apartment complex and with every step your heart started beating faster and louder. Your ears were captivated by a weird inner buzz. You bit your lip and clenched your fist, your nails actually hurting the skin of your palms.

‘Don’t do it. Don’t do it.’

But in a swift motion you turned around, fear, excitement, some sort of distorted happiness and an unusual laughing sensation taking over you.

’’Come upstairs for a coffee, Stranger-Danger?’’

His eyes were still on you when you turned around. After you finished your sentence he covered his mouth with a hand. He might have laughed at the nickname, you guessed. But he came anyway.

Later on you would come to realise that you saw something flickering in his cold eyes when you turned around. A cunning fire that hid behind that wall of ice. Who knows..?

It might have just been the fact that this was exactly what he was waiting for all along.

But there was no coffee upstairs.

The moment the elevator doors closed you started kissing, like there was an unspoken agreement that this was going to happen exactly then. The kiss wasn’t rough as you would have expected it to be, it was gentle just as a declaration or an apology. But that soon changed as both of you became consumed with each other. The kiss became meaner from both of your sides, egoistical, as if both of you were trying to steal more from each other than the other did. He caressed your cheeks and then his hands travelled to your neck where he felt your skin and your pulse. His hands were cold but the touch of his fingertips on you felt as if it burned your skin, leaving scars even if there were none. You held on to his coat while he pushed your back against the wall. After you stopped kissing, he licked his lips and looked into your eyes. You looked back. Nothing said. He started kissing and biting your neck.

When you entered your apartment clothes started flying left and right and while kissing him, between undressing and tugging at each other's clothes , you could only be thankful that you were wearing the ‘good’ underwear you still had on and not some panties with silly patterns you usually wore at home. Somehow you two reached your bedroom but you had no idea how because you were blind to mostly anything around you but him. He picked you up, your legs now straddling his waist as he walked and you could feel his muscles. His body was very well defined, strong arms,abs and everything, beautiful large shoulders and prominent collar bones. ‘Weird’ you thought...because he didn’t really seem like he worked out. His body looked as if it developed naturally this way. You only saw that at the guys working in your department when they trained, the girls too. Their body developed over the years thanks to all the training.

For a second your mind wandered to what he did for a living.

You didn’t know anything about him... but the way his lips tasted, the way he smelled so fresh yet intoxicating, the way he made you so dizzy when he stared into your eyes, those things left you unwilling to think about anything else besides the feeling of his body on yours. You were drowning in him, his presence overwhelming you. The way you two moved against each other felt like a feverish dream in which you were dancing. He was leading and you could only stare into his eyes even though you knew this wasn’t like you at all.

He was far too intoxicating to be your type, and he was far too in control for you to be his.

While he laid you on the bed gently his hands traced mindless patterns on the skin of your legs moving higher and higher towards your thighs where he started to grab your flesh making you groan. He was either teasing you or enjoying feeling every inch of your body. He started kissing your inner thigh, sucking, licking and biting his way up to your core.

’’You’re going to leave marks.’’ you said breathlessly

He raised his head from between your legs and with a teasing but cold voice he said:

’’Is that a bad thing? Your ’boyfriend’ won’t mind.’’

Your face started to redden at the mention of the ’fake boyfriend’ and you opened your mouth to protest but in a quick motion he reached your face and kissed you. He was trying to shut you up by kissing you ruthlessly, biting your lips and sucking on your tongue. You couldn’t get a break and when you wanted to fight back he was kissing you even harder.

He only stopped when he ran out of breath. You wanted to retort something again but he beat you to it. Between pants of air he said:

’’You sure like to talk a lot don’t you ?...But I guess I’ll drink you anyway.’’

He effortlessly tied his hair in a messy man-bun that fit him weirdly well. The lights were off in your apartment but the street light coming from your bedroom's window was highlighting all the right parts of his silhouette. His abdominal muscles, his strong thighs, the movement of his arms as he fixed his hair, the veins on his arms, his slender but strong neck, his jaw, the right side of his face, his lips, his straight nose, his green eyes who looked directly at you without giving you a break. You were done talking now.

He slowly leaned over your naked torso while still maintaining eye contact and you could feel his warm breath on your skin. He watched you as if he was silently asking if you’re not backing away so you just nodded, ashamed of the fact that you were more excited than embarrassed. It was what it was. Your mind was fuzzy and your body was needy. And he intrigued you. However that was the part you chose to snooze for now.

He started kissing all over your breasts in a soft manner but eventually he transitioned into biting and teasing all over them, especially your nipples. You began slowly moaning because of the sensations that were overwhelming all your senses. He was only teasing your body but you were already melting. When he started placing wet kisses on your abdomen, going lower and lower, you squeezed your legs together and he felt it so he grabbed and squeezed on the side of one of your tights just to let you know that he was aware of the power he had on you.

When he finally reached your most sensible part you arched your back at the sensation of his tongue. Sure, you had sex before but it was almost always dry and this was also the first time someone went down on you. Like they knew exactly what they were doing and where to touch specifically. It was as if he knew what you wanted without even knowing you. It was strange. Suspicious. Addicting. Dangerous.

He trailed his fingers against your back while he ate you out. You were putty in his hands, your body flushed and high on the way his mouth felt. He teased your clit mercilessly, over and over, until you came multiple times. The good kind of torture.

As he slowly entered you he started groaning and placed your hands on his shoulders. You moaned at the sensation of being filled. It felt just right, as if your bodies just ‘clicked’ in every way. He grabbed your face with his hands while he started thrusting.

’’Just... hold on ...to me and... relax.’’ he told you between groans and sighs

You nodded rapidly, not really caring about anything anymore besides the pleasure and relief you were seeking. Your bodies were rocking in sync with each other, both of your pulses skyrocketing with every increase in pace. He was thrusting faster and harder now. Your hands were not on his shoulders anymore but outstretched above your head, his strong ones holding them pinned to the bed as he was losing himself in the sensation of you.

You two fucked as if both of you were running away together but from different things. When both of you reached your high his eyes seemed to light up when he looked at your face consumed by his presence. For a few seconds, while he lost control and pleasure overwhelmed him, you felt as if you saw someone else, still him but different. A real fire seemed to burn in those eyes during those moments but you only gazed at it a little bit and it was gone, replaced by that wall of ice that effortlessly unnerved you.

He collapsed next to you as both of you caught your breath.

You two sat in silence not feeling the need to talk, His fingers were mindlessly drawing battens on the back of your palm. You liked that. Somehow it warmed you. You turned your head in his direction. He was watching the ceiling and you could swear his expression was a little warmer now but something still felt melancholic about it. He turned his head and looked back at you. You really tried to memorise the way his upper lip was more prominent than the lower one, the way his eyes had such a nice, kind shape yet they looked at something beyond what you knew, the way his skin had such a pleasant warm tone, the way his hair fell on his face.

Your eyelids started to become heavy. You were tired but you tried to fight off the request your body and mind had regarding some rest. You really wanted to say something before you fell asleep so you mumbled in a sleepy voice.

’’..The more I look at you...the more...I don’t see you...smoking...I don’t know..why...tho..’’

Your body became heavier and your eyes were slowly closing. The only thing you saw before drifting into the dream world was the faint image of a smile on his face.

‘’I don't.’’ he said

You woke up late the next day and he was gone, as if everything was nothing but a weird illusion. You pushed away the feeling of disappointment, told yourself to grow up and forget last night and took a shower, ate breakfast, dressed up for work in some brown dress pants, a white sweater and some dark red leather heels, grabbed your jacket and bag from the hanger and left for work.

‘I was right. He is a fucking jerk. He didn’t even leave a note or something. I don’t even know his name..but I guess it doesn’t matter. We’ll never see each other again.’

You sighed.

You had more important things to do and worry about. How were you going to tell your boss, or The Captain as your crew called him, that you forgot the file you promised to look over, at work and you had no idea what the case that was assigned to your team and that was stressing everyone out, was about.

’’Captain Levi is going to beat the shit out of me..’’ you said out loud as you entered the building...even so...something bothered you as you could swear you placed the file inside your bag yesterday. You usually double check everything anyway.

You entered the HQ of the Survey Unit, your and your team’s unit and said a quick ’’Hello’’ to Jean, Sasha and Connie who were drinking coffee around Jean’s desk while discussing something intense.

’’Hey, L/N...What is with the panicked attitude? Come drink a coffee with us and stop acting like the sky is going to fall. Need help with something ?’’

You took off your jacket and reached your desk. Nothing besides your cactus and your agenda that you usually left at work. The file was not here either. Hell. Your mind started going into overdrive.

’’The sky is actually falling Jean...and I’m the fucking sky.’’ you said while facepalming. How could you possibly lose the file?? A file with confidential police information.. You bent down and started searching for it under the desk but it was clear it wasn’t there.

Sasha was unpacking one of her sandwiches as Jean and Connie were both looking at you with a confused expression on their face. But their attention switched to Mikasa and Armin who entered the doors while being surrounded by a gloomy atmosphere. Mikasa looked as if she lost weight in the last two days while Armin’s dark circles were obvious testimonies of a sleep deprived individual. Jean and Connie went over to them discussing something you couldn’t hear while Sasha came in your direction.

’’This really takes a toll on all of us...but I really pity Mikasa the most...I guess you read the brief details about the case...Having to arrest one of our own, someone who betrayed us and is also her step brother … Man..I would be stress eating like crazy..I still do it.. but anyway.’’

You snapped your head in her direction.

’’What? Mikasa has a brother?’’

Sasha raised a brow while chewing her food.

’’Yes. Though they are not related, she was adopted into his family when her parents were killed. His parents died too after a few years and they had to survive, together with Armin who was in the same situation. He and Armin had been best friends ever since they could remember. He betrayed us a year ago and went rogue...but we never knew how far he went.. The Military Police assigned him to us. I’m sorry... We never really spoke about this because it’s a sore subject…You must be confused.. Huh?’’

You were speechless. You never knew that. Not a single word about it. But you always that something was missing however you kept your silence about it.

’’Why would the MP assign him to us? It’s cruel and it doesn't make sense..’’

Sasha shrugged and said:

’’My guess is that they need Cpt.Levi to catch him. After all, he trained him. The MPs are big mouthed but they were never able to tame Eren.’’

You raised a brow. ’’Eren?’’

Sasha nodded.

’’Yeah, that’s his n….Y/N did you know you have something stuck on your bag?’’ she asked while pointing at the black bag you owned. It looked like a post it note.

‘What the hell..?’

You picked it up and noticed something written on it. The writing was a little bit messy and squarish.

’’MEETIIIIING!’’ screamed Hange from the conference room

Sasha went ahead: ’’I’ll see you there. Hurry up.’’

The words written on the note were: ’’I’m sorry. You’re a kind person. Thank you.’’

There was no name but you knew it belonged to the stranger you met last night. You started breathing heavily. It wasn't the fact that something felt off about the note but where it was placed. On your bag.

The FUCKING FILE was IN the bag.

In your mind a memory flashed suddenly. 3 months ago, after working hours the whole team went out for some food and drinks. You and Armin discussed your favourite movie series. You froze while remembering the crucial detail of that conversation.

’’It’s kind of embarrassing but I even have pijamas with Star Wars..’’ Armin said while his face flushed red.

You placed a hand on your mouth remembering a part of last night’s events.

’’.. I think you might be my best friend's soulmate. He has the same Star Wars pyjamas.’’

’’L/N! Move it!’’ Cpt Levi’s voice snapped you out of your daze.

You started walking shakingly thinking over and over again about the possibility of this all being a coincidence..but when you entered the conference room and saw the screen, your blood went cold.

/Runaway-Eren Yeager/ Accusations / Terrorism/ Multiple Murder Acusations/ Insubordination/ WANTED/ Dead or Alive/

And right to all these accusations was the picture of a younger version of the guy you met last night.

Your ex-colleague.

You looked at the note in your hand.

It made sense right now. He used you right from the start.

You felt like laughing but you sat down next to Jean, trying to compose yourself and paying attention to what your Capitan was saying.

In your mind only one phrase kept repeating itself.

You just fucked the enemy.

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That was my first ever smut scene...Am I going to hell yet? haha

#eren x reader #aotsmut #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren smut #attack on titan #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #sasha braus #connie springer #jean kirstein #aot fanfiction

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grazer-razor · 4 years

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ok, it’s time to do this.

in case you haven’t heard already, i have been banned from the hilda subreddit(/r/hildatheseries) since march. but to make things worse, i couldn’t even resolve the whole situation because i was told that if i “harassed” the mods, i would be reported to the reddit authorities. because of this, i did nothing out of fear of what they would do. not replying, missing out on hilda news, watching posts slowly get archived over the course of months... and never posting to the subreddit again.

this all changes today. today, i will present my reasons as to why i should be unbanned from the subreddit. mods, if you see this, please feel free to DM me on reddit.

first, a quick recap of what happened. i got banned from hildacord sometime in september 2019, and tried to send the subreddit a message about the surprise ban(because a link to hildacord was on there), to which the owner, hornets_descent, would respond to angrily. i would try to keep negotiating with hornet, and eventually, i responded to one of hornet’s comments in the subreddit, so he told me to leave him alone. but after i sent an essay, he banned me from the subreddit for 30 days. and after he saw a post i made on the discord subreddit about my ban(which i made due to this unfair and surprising behavior being on a partnered server), he decided to make the ban permanent.

when i tried to ask about my ban, i kept getting muted for 3-day periods, even when i gave honest apologies.(forgot about that part, though.) so i tried contacting one of the other mods, who constantly changes their reddit username. they made a compromise- if i left hornet, and by extension, hildacord alone, i would get unbanned. i agreed to this promise, and got unbanned.

nothing would happen until march, a week after my month-long break from the computer, thanks to the PR vanquish situation. i was browsing the subreddit, and came across a picture that portrayed hilda as, er... thicc. i noted how the picture got away with little to no repercussions, while my cutout of oliver nelson pointing was removed for being “creepy”. after just a few minutes, i got banned, and was told that if i tried to harass them, the reddit admins would be notified. i don’t even know if the person who banned me was hornet or not, because they hid their name when messaging through modmail. because of this, i couldn’t even message the other mods, in case they were the ones who banned me. i think it was hornet, due to my theory that he has a bias against me, but better safe than sorry.

now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to get cracking.

first off, i have kept my promise to never contact hornet again. i have even blocked him, so i wouldn’t see his messages, in case i would be tempted to reply to them, or in case i’d reply to him by accident.

secondly, this ban may have been because of something i did on the subreddit, but my first ban had nothing to do with the subreddit in the first place! it only took place within DMs, and maybe the discord subreddit. the reason why this is off is because... well, let’s use an analogy.

WARNING: THIS IS GONNA BE STUPID

suppose you have two balls, a red one and a blue one. if you do anything wrong in the subreddit, the red ball grows an inch. if you do anything wrong OUTSIDE of the subreddit, the blue ball grows an inch. if the red ball grows two inches higher(representing two wrongs in the subreddit, one warranting a warning, and the other necessitating a ban), you will be banned from the subreddit.(extreme wrongs can make the balls grow higher than one inch, though, banning you instantly.)

but in my case, the red ball only grew one inch, and the blue ball grew one inch too. even if the blue ball growing could get you a ban, the red ball would STILL have grown one inch, which is less than two! alright, i guess the red ball WOULD have grown two inches(one for my oliver nelson picture, and one for me calling out thicc hilda. the oliver thing was mostly innocent, though. but i actually thought about this in the middle of writing this, so i may have very well figured out why i got banned. but hey, guess i’ll post this anyway.), but in my eyes, the fact that i got banned when most of the wrongs i did were outside of the subreddit is unusual, and signifies that hornet really, really wanted me out of the fandom.

moving on. when i was banned, i was told that i was told not to break or bend the rules again, and that i had used up all my chances. but prior to that ban, i had not been told that- i was told not to contact hornet again!(or maybe they DID tell me not to break or bend the rules at one point, but i forgot. maybe it was when i got banned for the first time? sheesh, this is the second time i’ve had to correct myself in this post, what’s wrong with me?)

and finally, i have this to say. how would you feel, if i told you that even before my ban, hornet was conspiring to tell the reddit admins about me? i’m not even kidding about this. look-

oh yeah, and then there’s hornet’s raid, which I GUESS violates discord’s ToS.

and remember how i said i got banned within minutes on the subreddit? just keep that in mind... all in all, i believe hornet has a huge bias against me, due to my beliefs and actions.

i also thought a while ago about how hornet may have given me that threat on reddit to silence me. but luckily, tumblr is my platform. i just can’t believe i didn’t think of posting something on here until now.

i wish i could say more, but these are as much points as the archives of my drafts for sending to the mods say.

hopefully, i get unbanned... 9 months after i initially got banned.

#hilda #hilda the series #hilda netflix #hildacord

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bonesandpoemsandflowers · 4 years

Text

So here’s a thing that happened, tumblr.

Many moons ago, I was in the Neuro ICU for a while. I was actually in there twice--for a week at first, then out, then in again for about two weeks. In between: “Nothing’s wrong! It’s resolved!” As you might imagine, given the spoiler there about how I went to the Neuro ICU twice: in fact, Something was wrong, and it was not resolved (then).

(it is resolved now, thank you)

This post is not actually ABOUT that, but we must start there, out of order.

This is a post about art and rivers and boys in cars. But we start in the Neuro ICU.

I don’t like talking about this time in my life. I would have been skittish and mysterious ANYWAY--I was raised like that--but I’m extra skittish and vague about my timeline because I don’t want to talk about it, you know? I survived something I had no business surviving. I had to relearn how to walk. That took months and that was the easy part. Because I am a big tiddy goth girl, and because I was very young then, people love to assume that the problem was drugs, and I did it to myself, as if that somehow makes anything less tragic.

I was 23 years old with a brain bleed due to a congenital defect, and even at the time, I had to defend myself: no, I’m not on drugs, I don’t do drugs, I didn’t do coke, I’ve never done coke.

I am also Colombian, which, I suppose, might play into their calculus about the coke, but WHO KNOWS. I was busy gibbering and almost dying at the time, which left little energy for noticing potential microaggressions.

Is it a microaggression, I guess, when you’re dying? Who knows.

I have never even been drunk, tumblr. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t snort. I never have. This is mostly because I’m a paranoid loon with an off again, on again anorexia, ya know, thing, so occasionally I get really hung up on irrational concepts of bodily purity. People think it’s a flex when I try to explain this, that I’m relishing in some kind of moral superiority. I’m not. I admitting to SEVERAL defects (“quirks”) of personality there. The eating disorder. The deep distrust: I will not be vulnerable in the presence of others, I will not dull my senses, I will not allow myself to be weak. A certain perfectionism. A certain tendency towards slow burn self harm. Grand ideas made of nothing that sometimes take hold.

My point is that this big disruptive thing happened.

I survived, which is AWESOME. And yeah, I had to relearn how to walk, and some other things, but you guys know that I do yoga and aerial silks and lyra and ran off to Thailand to train kickboxing for a summer on fighter street and I STILL do not shut the fuck up about it.

So, cool, cool cool cool cool.

And I don’t even want to talk about that part, the medical drama, the body horror, the institutional whatever. My neurosurgeon was fantastic and like a week after my discharge I was high as SHIT on prescribed painkillers my caregivers insisted I take and wrote him a gushing effusive letter about how he was MY HERO because I was ALIVE and anyway that basically makes you BATMAN, DOCTOR LEWIS, I FUCKING LOVE BATMAN.

Again: high as fuck, ok.

My point is: I hate talking about this.

Because once you’re a survivor in people’s minds, that’s all you are. You are reduced to this one event that had very little to do with you. You are defined by this thing that happened to you.

And this isn’t even the weirdest thing that’s happened TO me! But still. Happened TO me. Not something I did. Not my action. Barely even my reaction.

But again, personality flaws. What does it say about me that I look at social norms about comfort and inwardly I snarl that I want no one’s pity?

Except I’m not actually that mean. I don’t snarl.

I just withdraw.

This is a tactic that has served me well in life a BUNCH of times. Is it always the answer? No. Is it often worth a shot? Listen. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Sometimes you flee an abusive home life because that’s the only option, and you don’t want to die. Hypothetically speaking: sometimes all you can do is run.

But sometimes you flee people with mostly good intentions, maybe.

This is all very high minded but what’s prompting me to write this isn’t exactly the upcoming (many year) anniversary of the event. It’s something way more mundane and dumb.

I have not logged into my facebook account since this happened. I never bothered deleting the account(s), either. I presume they still exist. I have no idea HOW to log back onto them, and, more importantly, no desire.

“So what?”

So, okay, back when I had my first stint in the Neuro ICU? Like, totally out of nowhere, I just disappeared from people’s feeds. (you all know I do this) Somehow part of the story got out and SOMEHOW, I have no idea how, a small group of my friends managed to independently track down the hospital I was at. And this is on next to no info, across state lines, like--I have no idea how the fuck they did it.

I also don’t fucking know who they were.

I was told, at the time. I have a vague idea of who two out of (I think) four were, or might have been. I was kind of busy at the time, with the dying.

And when I say I don’t like talking about this time: I don’t like even THINKING about it. I avoid it.

Fleeing. See?

So I don’t have a memory of the names. I don’t have memories of the memory.

“So what?”

So, I know from groups other than this one, groups less dedicated than this one, that people actually get REALLY fucking mad at you for not accepting their get better soon wishes. And like, I get it! You were very worried and I did nothing to reassure you.

I WAS BUSY.

I was busy dying. Almost dying. Not dying. I was busy sleeping 20 hrs a day. I was busy being unable to walk. I was busy re-learning to walk. I was busy relearning how to write with pen and paper and for months I COULD NOT DO IT, do you have any idea how that feels to someone who is and has always been and has always wanted to be a writer? Fuck it. Fuck you.

The initial disappearance. I am not to blame.

But then doing nothing to reach out to anybody for YEARS and YEARS--

Okay, maybe a dick move on my part.

“So what?”

So I think one of the people who managed to track me down in the hospital was my best friend from high school, a terribly sweet Brazilian boy who mostly called me not by my name, but simply: The Devil.

I dig it. Always did.

And it’s high school, right. Everybody is thirsty as fuck for their friends, one way or another. We never dated--we were both always dating or pursuing other people--but we had the typical high school bestie unresolved romantic tension deal going on.

This is important so remember it for later: the problem was not attraction. The problem was not one sided unresolved sexual tension. I had a particular thing for how he looked while driving, shades on, one arm slung over the wheel in that terribly and typically male lounging driving pose that’s probably a safety hazard.

We spent a lot of time in his car.

I didn’t drive, at the time, because my mother didn’t allow me to learn, and I got kicked out of my house and disowned when I was 17. This dude spent a LOT of time driving me places. Boys in cars is practically a genre of erotic poetry, thanks to Richard Siken. This is because boys look Cool driving cars, wearing sunglasses, pretending they’re not paying attention to you while you know they are.

So he was fun.

More importantly, I guess, the fact that he picked my ass up at like 6 AM over and over and over again for a big chunk of my senior year is one of the few reasons I managed to graduate despite being technically homeless.

He was not a morning person. I am not a morning person. He did it anyway.

Why didn’t we date, I wondered, years later, for a fraction of a second, and then I forgot about it.

“SO WHAT?!”

So I’m grown up and happy and fulfilled and in a lovely long term relationship (remember! we’re buying a house!), so it’s not about “what if?” It’s that I’m happy and grown up and I write books sometimes.

But there it is.

I write books sometimes.

Artists are constantly stealing ideas from everywhere and this is good. Artists also steal from themselves, grubby little hands on secret parts of our hearts.

So I’m writing this book, right. My Great Work. My Break Out Novel. My SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS book. My “this is the thing I’ve worked the hardest on in my whole entire LIFE” book.

And in this book there is a male love interest. He is a political statement. I’m writing him as sexy and heroic as possible. I want this to be the MOST attractive man I’ve ever written.

Latino. Sexy as fuck. Not a criminal. Overly responsible. Action ready, and terribly nurturing.

Hot Single Dad and Reluctant Necromancer is my masterpiece. A passionate statement and stance against the depiction of Latino men in media. A war cry to examine our own subconscious biases. A weapon raised against an unjust system.

I stole parts of him from Frank Castle. I stole parts of him from Geralt. I stole (MANY) parts of him from this one IRL hot dad former Army Ranger guy, Mexican American with a tattoo on his arm of a jack o lantern one of his kids drew. I stole parts of him from this cute Marine in my DMs who gave me story advice about guns and gear. I stole parts of him from indigenous leaders from centuries ago, from the peoples he is descended from. I stole parts of him from every man I’ve met who worked in dog rescue. I stole parts of him from myself, hiding secret parts of my heart in the male character so that no one will know.

Lovely. All good so far.

I got like two whole drafts in before I was thumbing through some printed out pages, idly thinking: how funny that I don’t have any real life, personal to me models for this guy.

All my prior male love interests, you see, are based on someone. In the werewolf trilogy, they’re BOTH based on someone--different someones. The villain, too, is jokingly referred to as the “evil werewolf ex boyfriend” for a reason.

Everybody is someone.

So how funny, I thought, that necromancer hot dad lacks any references from my own--

OH, wait, fuck--

Overly responsible brown dude with sad dog eyes drives the female lead/occult specialist around while good naturedly complaining that she’s weird as shit.

Oh, damn.

And suddenly a bunch of teensy little backstory details made sense.

Cool.

“So what?”

Bonus round of self realization: my own understanding of this time in my life radically shifted, turning, lurching, sickly rotating on a new axis.

Why didn’t we date?

Somewhere between then and now, post ICU but pre novel writing time--

This one time I overheard somebody talking to somebody else and it had nothing to do with me but sight unseen, on the other side of the stacks in a used bookstore, one dude said to another: “you know that if you were lighter, you’d have a chance with her, right?”

How terrible, I thought, and I forgot about it.

Why didn’t we date?

Because my mother told me, when I was very young, that boys from Brazil were all very wild, and I should avoid them. And she told me this so early and so plainly that I never thought to question it. When I was older she took harder stances that I easily ignored because I knew they were wrong--don’t you dare bring a black boy into this house. You’re dating a Jew? I can’t believe you did this to me. What are you going to do next, kiss a girl?

WELL, Ma, as it turns out, I mean, not til college, but yes.

But the smaller, more mild statement was so much more insidious.

I wonder if he knew. I don’t think he did. I wonder if he figured it out later. I have no idea, because we were friends when we were still essentially children, and now we are grown. Not everybody thinks about this kind of thing, and I don’t blame them.

How much damage did I do?

Does it matter?

Does he know?

I know.

I know, now, that my rallying cry against a system’s unfairness is also a cry wrenched wetly from my own subconscious depths. YOUR biases against? Yes. But more accurately: my biases against.

“So what?”

So this kind of epiphany shit leaves you breathless about it and you wanna scream. You wanna SHARE it. You must infect others with this knowledge.

But you can’t out of nowhere foist this apology on someone. That’s selfish. That’s about redeeming yourself in your own eyes AND asking someone else to confront unpleasant emotions on your behalf, even though they’re the wronged party. Selfish. Tell me I’m not a bad person, baby. Tell me I never hurt you, not even a little. Forgive me if I did. Wade through this pile of astral shit for me just to make me feel better. Reassure me. Hurt yourself for me in the here and now.

So I’m not going to do that, obviously.

“So what?”

But there’s that other part of it, right? Not the apology. The surge of emotion. The realization that all those morning drives back then added up to something deep within me, something so foundational to my concept of care and maybe even the start of something like love--the knowledge that this person gently carved some ideals for you, so long ago, so subtly that you never questioned it, never even realized, because it felt so natural, because something about it is so inherently good and right.

Despite everything--despite society, propaganda, colonialism, the prejudice of my upbringing, my own unexamined complicity, ALL of it--

Despite everything, this person taught me something so deeply about love and the shape of it, something so foundational that I built all my art on it and didn’t even see the beams of it until halfway through my most ambitious and soul bearing undertaking.

This is how you care for another, went the lesson, and I wrote pragmatic actions over words romantic male leads all the way down.

This is what love might look like, and in my own life, ever ambitious, I chose a poet talented with words and actions and good fight choreography, because I think that’s sexy and dichotomies are mostly bullshit, or at least things that happen to other people.

But I didn’t learn what love looked like from my childhood home life, obviously. How could I?

Without you, though, without you and your mirror sunglasses at 6 AM and your exasperated teasing, devil, witch, bruja, without any of those, where would I have learned? How long would it take me, to find someone who would teach me a wholesome lesson?

I’m small and cute and predators love a victim with a lack of context. I give myself and my wit some credit, but what’s pattern recognition worth if you never get any good data points?

Deep lessons.

Again: this kind of epiphany makes you wanna scream. Who to infect, with all this new knowledge?

Maybe no one. Probably no one.

But maybe, just a little, you wonder--

How would that conversation even go?

Hey, so I wrote this book--no, it’s my fifth, not my first, but thanks--so I wrote this book, and there’s this character, right, and he’s--well, hahah, I mean, he’s not exactly--I just--funny story, really--no, god, no, you don’t have to read it--it’s just--he’s just--I mean, no, you, you’re just--forget it, actually, just--

Like, what the fuck is there to say?

“I couldn’t have written this without you.”

And

“Did you check on me? When you thought I was dead?”

and

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice, at the time, that I meant anything to you.”

or is it really

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize until now that you meant something to me.”

What to do with all this emotion? Or more accurately--like rivers carve out gorges, here is the shape of something that once was. This shape will always be here. Even without a single drop of water ever again: we see the river.

What to do with the shape of all this emotion?

I consult the great Richard Siken via a feat of bibliomancy. Advise me, O Oracle. The oracle is War of the Foxes (2015), turned over blindly in my hands, opened randomly to The Worm King’s Lullaby, pg 45, verse 1:

The holes in this story are not lamps, they are not wheels. I walked and walked, grew a beard so I could drag it in the dirt, into a forest that wasn’t there. I want to give you more but not everything. You don’t need everything.

This advice is too good. I close the book.

The advice does not tell me what to do, but it’s too good. The verse reaches into my chest and carves out my heart, slices it open. Inside my heart: pomegranate seeds. Tiny jewels, fit for a dragon, snacking on garnets and rubies, and the apple of Eden wasn’t an apple, because it was the desert, wasn’t it? It was a pomegranate. Something with scales, maybe snakes. The serpent, the devil.

What to do with all this love?

I swallow the pomegranate seeds. I buy myself some time. I want to give you more, but not everything. Do you need everything? I don’t know. I don’t have it to give to you, in any case. Does it matter?

Why are you doing this, me?

Because art is messy. Art is cutting yourself open over and over again. You clean up most of the mess, try to bottle the fluids and label them nicely or deliberately misleadingly, fit for someone else’s consumption, but either way, you’re bleeding.

Maybe this urge is bleed with me or maybe it is oh, you already did.

I swallow the seeds. I buy some time.

I’m not done yet. I’m not.

Maybe all this adds up to nothing.

Maybe if I do this right, it adds up to a lot.

Maybe if I do this right it will feel real, maybe what I want is to gift the shape of these rivers to somebody else, all emotionally intimately with strangers. This is a shape that love can be. This is a silhouette you may recognize.

Maybe that’s a tribute, or a tributary.

But it’s not about you, not really, so don’t get too big headed about it. This is about Art and something like Justice. Big things. This is a book about big things, about history and dogs, history and gods, crimes and lies, slaughter and slander.

Right, yeah.

An act of faith, an act of will.

I swallow the pomegranate seeds. I buy myself some time.

It’s not harvest season yet. Not yet, not now, not yet.

If not now, then when?

When it’s ready.

There is no ready. Perfection is an illusion.

Yeah, sure, but page count is REAL.

You’re evading. That’s another word for fleeing. Do you know that?

Yes. I do.

How long will you run?

Just a little bit more. Just a little. I promise.

#it was boiling / i run to the sea #'i wrote this book because REPRESENTATION also possibly an unresolved crush from high school i am pure LITERATURE'#i have done everything in my power to find you! except get on LinkedIn

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grimelords · 5 years

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Hello I finished my July playlist a week ago but when I went to post it tumblr was down, and then I just plumb forgot! Anyway, here it is - properly sequenced this time for a very special listening experience that seamlessly delivers you from disco heaven to black metal hell and everything in between. Also I’m thinking of making these playlists a tinyletter that people can subscribe to that comes out on an actual schedule, rather than me posting them at a random time weeks after they’re finished. Is that something you’d be interested in? Who knows. Check back next month! Anyway, here goes:

listen here

Stay Away From Me - The Sylvers: You know when you’re listening to a song and the sample is super hot but the rest is just ok, so you think to yourself well why don’t I just listen to the original instead? That’s what happened to me with Final Form by Sampa The Great. That song is good but it’s also kind of not doing enough to convince me not to just listen to this super hit by The Sylvers instead. A fun thing with this song is to try to count how many instruments you can hear because it is surprisingly densely arranged for some reason. There’s a xylophone back there going off if you listen.

Sizzlin’ Hot - Paradise: The same thing happened with this song and Sizzlin’ by Daphni. I think they were going for an Armand Van Helden style distillation of the pure essence of the song, sampling the hookiest part and speeding it up and thickening up all the percussion and all that, which can work amazingly but for me it just made me want to hear the original and so I have been all month. What’s so good about being alive now is that in most cases it’s just as easy to access music from 2019 as it is to access music from 1981 where an original copy is apparently going for $1000 on discogs. Every day I thank god for inventing mp3s and putting them on the ark.

Manaos (Canzone) - Fabio Frizzi and Crossbow: I forget how I came across this, I was going through random Fabio Frizzi soundtracks for some reason. I just love the concept of a disco song about escaping from vicious assailants. Funkily singing ‘God help us, if they catch us we all are gonna die.’ as spears fly past you.

Holding On - Julio Bashmore: I think this is one of my favourite pieces of sampling ever. The way the vocals in the background are cut they don’t even sound like vocals. They just a strange contextless textural sound that works so well before eventually revealing itself as vocals in the run before the drop. It’s just so good.

Weight Watchers - Parallel Dance Ensemble: First of all I love this disgusting bass sound. It sounds like two different indistinct bass lines playing at the same time and they both drowned. I’m also mounting a change.org petition to bring back this kind of extremely naff Tone Loc flow, it rocks.

Dance - ESG: I found this incredible band while I was looking for the rapper ESG and I’m so glad I did. Their song UFO is one of those songs that’s been sampled so many times you think of it as more of a sound effect than a song, like it comes preloaded on a drum machine everyone has or something, but it’s also a good template for ESG’s sound. Every ESG song I’ve heard so far goes like this: a straightforward beat that doesn’t change for the whole song, a functional bassline that doesn’t change for the whole song, and good old fashioned simple lyrics about dancing and having a good time that sound more like schoolyard clapping games than anything. It doesn’t sound like much but over the course of an album it adds up to this incredible sort of hypnotic post-punk funk that I cannot get enough of. It sounds like kids who have 1 idea making a whole album out of it because that’s exactly what it is and it’s great!

Crave You - Flight Facilities: I love how elementally simple this song is. The vocals are hypnotising enough so everything else just quietly supports it. The only part that stands out is the thick bass synth halfway through which makes the short sax solo at the and all the sweeter, a tiny little cherry on top.

You - Delta 5: Get a load of this band bio: “Initially inspired by the success of local heroes The Mekons and Gang Of Four, Leeds, England’s Delta 5 later emerged as one of the key figures of the feminist new wave. Formed in 1979 by vocalist/guitarist Julz Sale, fretless bassist Ros Allen and bassist Bethan Peters.” Just going to gloss over them having TWO bass players before they even have a drummer?? Absolutely amazing. I love this song because it’s such a specific, targeted fury. Imagine being the loser at your girlfriend’s gig when she launched into this one for the first time. ‘who’s got homebrew with lots of sediment?’ oh fuck that’s me ‘who took me to the Windham for a big night out?’ oh fuck that’s me ‘I found out about you’ oh FUCK

Siren - Gong Gong Gong: I love the way the bass works in this, just looping and layering different variations of this noisy, stationary riff on top of itself - steadfastly staying in the exact same place the whole song and growing in power the whole time as it sits in its stubbornness.

Changes - Antonio Williams and Kerry McCoy: This came up on my Discover Weekly and I completely fell in love with it, then I realised it’s Antwan and Kerry McCoy from Deafheaven which is extremely intriguing collaboration and fell in love even more. The vocals are so good. The pure broken-hearted anguish, and the super blunt delivery that progresses to straight up yelling by the end of it combined with the Radio Dept type instrumentation is just so powerful. This feels like it’s a song that could really be a life-changing piece of catharsis for everyone in a 5k radius done live.

Fuck A War - Geto Boys: Absolutely in love with the conceit of this song: rapping a whole song down the line to the army drafter. The incredible part being of course that Bushwick Bill would be able to dodge any draft easily, being as he was both a dwarf and blind in one eye.

God Make Me Funky - The Headhunters: I found a lot of great songs going through the samples list for We Can’t Be Stopped by Geto Boys and this is one of them. I have so much love for any song that takes its time like this: nearly two minutes to set the scene and somehow taking deadly seriously the very funny lyrical idea of desperately praying to god to PLEASE make you funky. The way this song escalates is also amazing, moving from a hot groove that sits in place to a full-on saxophone meltdown that feels like god placing his finger on your forehead and saying ‘so you want to be funky, do you?’ in a scary voice.

Use Me - Bill Withers: Fortunately and unfortunately, because of how this song was in Anchorman and because I’ve seen Anchorman one million times I can’t listen to it without hearing the noise Ron Burgundy makes when he sees Veronica in the first few seconds. Anyway, this song is so horny. The part where he has to explain to his bro how good this shit is? Doing all kinds of weird dom shit like ‘getting him in a crowd of high class people and then acting real rude to him?’ Weird. And the escalation into the claps at BABY! is amazing, he’s just going off powered by horniness and god bless him for it.

America! I’m For The Birds - Nicolas Jaar: Unbelievably, the deluxe edition of Sirens is possibly superior to the original. It’s a whole new tracklist, new songs interspersed throughout rather than the usual ‘three new songs at the end’ and it really gives it a whole new feel. This song is my favourite of the new ones and it’s a song I had in my head for a solid week. A perfect song to sing to yourself because the lyrics are so indistinct that you just end up mumbling pleasantly exactly like he is.

Cable Guy - Tierra Whack: I’m finally catching up on Tierra Whack and everyone’s right: she rocks. The sheer restraint in these songs is amazing, they just get in and out with only the good parts and no bullshit. It reminds me a lot of To The Innocent by Thingy which is one of my favourite albums for the same reason - the economy of the songwriting just serves to amplify the feeling of it. They both have this total irreverence in the lyricism where the songs are kind of about nothing but they’re so short and heartfelt that you dig for the feeling underneath it.

No Drug Like Me - Carly Rae Jepsen: I’ve previously written that what I love the most about the Carly Rae Jepsen is how horny it is and I’d like to double down on that sentiment here. I love how slow this song is, it’s the perfect tempo between danceable and ‘fucking’.

Con Calma (Remix) - Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry and Snow: I’ve been on a european holiday for most of this month and I would like to report that across Spain, Portugal, Czech Republic, France and Germany this is the absolute song of the summer. It is completely inescapable and personally I can’t get enough. Informer is one of the greatest and strangest one hit wonders of all time (it’s also canada’s highest selling reggae song of all time and Snow is thusly named because he’s white) and I’m psyched to hear it reworked by Daddy Yankee like this. Katy Perry being on the crossover attempt remix isn’t a good sign for her new album but she kills it so maybe that’s all that matters.

Chase The Devil - Max Romeo and The Upsetters: Here’s the other half of my short lived dub phase from the end of last month. This is a good example also of how completely beguiling lyrics can still be so effective. I have no idea what he means by putting on an iron shirt but it rhymes and he’s saying it with conviction so I’m nodding!

Glass - Bat For Lashes: The new Bat For Lashes songs have got me revisiting Two Suns which is an all time great five star album and this is my favourite song from it. Maybe the most powerful opening track of all time, it does as much worldbuilding as most fantasy novels do in 1000 pages. In fact almost every line in this is a viable fantasy novel title. A Thousand Crystal Towers. The Hand Of The Watchmen. A Knight In Crystal Armour. A Cape Of Rainbow. The way she sings ‘to be made of glass’ is.. incredible. I love Natasha Khan and I cannot wait to see what she does next.

Unsquare Dance - Paddy Milner: In searching spotify for other interpretations of Unsquare Dance after getting obsessed with it last month I came across this absolutely bonkers version. It’s maniacal, it feels like you would be physically and mentally drained by the end playing it because I am just listening to it. Need a little lie down.

Gimme Some Skin, My Friend - The Andrews Sisters: My girlfriend has turned me onto The Andrews Sisters lesser known hits recently and this is the best one: a song from when high fives were a novelty that those wacky blacks over in Harlem town were inventing. Extremely odd but an undeniable banger. The thing about The Andrews Sisters is one of them was an absolute force of nature as a performer and the other two were complete wet blankets and it’s kind of funny they were together as a group for their whole career because anyone with eyes can see where the real star is. The way she sings ‘baby’ at 1:25, and that whole run really, is absolutely amazing and so much better than this extremely dumb song deserves.

Kids On The Run - The Tallest Man On Earth: The piano sound alone in this is just so beautiful. This song could be about anything at all and it would still make me cry, and luckily for me: it basically is!

King Of Spain - The Tallest Man On Earth: Good song I had in my head the whole time I was in Spain. It’s incredible that his voice is so good. It feels like if it was even the tiniest bit different, slightly rougher or tinnier he would be completely hilariously unlistenable but instead he’s amazing. Plus the fact that he leans into it with the purposefully lo-fi trebly production is just so confident you can’t help but love it.

Romeo And Juliet - The Indigo Girls: A great cover I wasn’t aware of before that I heard in this great documentary Wildwood I was watching https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOWxnh012J0. The way she absolutely flies off the handle and nearly tears the song down around her near the last chorus is pure power and I love people who can do that in an acoustic song without it feeling overblown, just getting totally swept up in it and taking everyone along with you.

On The Bus Mall - The Decemberists: Definitely the number one song about gay teenage prostitutes who love each other and are optimistic against the odds.

White Fire - Angel Olsen: This song feels like a piece of dark magic. It feels like a 4am moment of clarity, speaking everything true in a five minute monotone and then instantly falling back to sleep with only a dim memory in the morning.

Glass Eyes -JW Ridley: JW Ridley is a genius and I cannot wait to see what he does with an album. Every song he puts out seems to be better than his last. The central melody in this is just beautiful, and the whole thing has so much space in it it feels so much longer than 3 minutes. It’s like a song you can live in.

Nullarbor - Floodlights: I love how rough this song is, and driving across australia because you’ve got nothing else going on and want to rattle your own cage is a Huge mood.

Made Too Pretty (Audiotree Live Version) - As Cities Burn: I’m so glad As Cities Burn are back, because it means they get to do good shit like this Audiotree session where they absolutely killed it.

Dirty Hearts - Dallas Crane: I think I’ve put this on a playlist before for exactly the same reason: it’s a song I wake up with in my head fairly often for some reason and it’s a very fun slice of pub rock that doesn’t overstay it’s welcome.

Ruin This Smile - The Number 12 Looks Like You: Did you know The Number 12 Looks Like You have reformed after 10 years away and haven’t missed a step at all?? I’m salivating. This song is as good as anything they’ve put out before, and feels like it fits somewhere between Mongrel and Worse Than Alone which is fantastic news for me who always loved those a lot more than their earlier more explicitly grindcore stuff.

Nutrient Painting - Yellow Eyes: A special thanks to my friend and yours Powerburial for linking this song on his twitter. There’s something about the guitars in this song, in almost every riff, where it sounds like they’re playing backwards somehow. Like the structure of the melodies is backwards. It doesn’t make sense but that’s what it sounds like to me and it’s very disconcerting.

Jejune Stars - Bright Eyes: I think this an underrated Conor Oberst era, when he became a sort of buddhist for a while and wasn’t sad anymore but just observed earth from outer space instead. I also love the instrumentation of this song, Bright Eyes and blast beats a match made in heaven. Also the strange sample about pom’granite at the end is one of my favourite things ever. A very strange album to retire the Bright Eyes name on but a very good one too.

At The Bar - Dirty Three: When I was overseas I was thinking about cultural music, and Australia’s place in the world and things like that. I ended up thinking about Dirty Three who I think along with The Drones make the most distinctly Australian sounding music to me. Just the vastness they manage to conjure from such straightforward barebones instrumentation is incredible.

listen here

#Playlists

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nikatyler · 5 years

Photo

No way, simmeronnie is doing replies again? :o It’s been a month, I know. It’s been hard, exams and all that. I’ve talked about that a lot. Now I’m in so much better place. I’ve read what I wrote in my diary a few months ago (February and March to be exact) and wow...just wow. If you compare me from now to me from those months, you wouldn’t even believe we’re the same person. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while. Back then, I’m honestly surprised I didn’t give up. I was so tired of everything.

Onto something else. I thought I’d catch up on a lot of blogs now that my graduation is done, but actually, I got carried away reading a good book (and therefore I didn’t actually catch up on too many blogs). Guys, you all need to read Illuminae. I finished the trillogy today and man, it was so good. Don’t get intimidated by how big the books are, yesterday I read over 400 pages and I didn’t even know how. It’s just so good. Read it. Seriously. I hope you like a good plot twist because these books are full of them. It’ll leave you speechless.

I’m just excited I can read books that have nothing to do with exams again, okay? Tomorrow I’m starting...I’m not sure. Probably The Burning Maze by Rick Riordan. FINALLY.

Anyway, blog stuff. I thought I’d only do the latest replies since my activity feed was broken, but now I was able to scroll down a lot. I wasn’t paying attention and suddenly I was at comments from April. So yeah, that thing I screamed about this week, apparently it’s fixed itself. Though I’m still not sure if it shows all of the comments. Oh well. I worked with what I was able to get.

By the way, in these replies, I did not include the “congrats” comments when I said I got through my exams. But I saw you all, and honestly, thank you so much. I was thinking about this the other day, and I think one of the reasons why I made it through high school was simblr. This is my happy place. Most of the time.

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Oh no. OH NO. Guys I fried another one of my sims.”

ronnie pls be more careful you know how these things go

*looks at my own sunburnt arms* I won’t ever learn

starburstshores replied to your photoset “Nerine no that’s not the way”

Jesus can walk on water, Nerine can swim through land

she’s a Reverse Jesus

starburstshores replied to your photoset “Nerine: “Wakey wakey…” Regan: “Huh? Wha - Nerine? What are you doing...”

This is some Edward Cullen shit she’s pulling ��

Let’s be real, even with how Regan and Nerine’s story is going, it’s still a better love story than Twilight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hold on, do people still say that?

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hi mum! What’s up?” Miracle: “Regan, you might want to sit...”

OMG WHAT"S HAPPENING OMG

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Regan: “Mum?” Miracle: “Yes sweetheart?” Regan: “He’s going to make...”

Yoo he better make it ��

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hi mum! What’s up?” Miracle: “Regan, you might want to sit...”

oh god no

I can’t explain how I felt writing this. I’m not too empathetic when it comes to other people (and it sucks), but when it comes to “ok how would my character feel in this scene”, I’m immediately in their shoes, and let me tell you, I actually cried, even though I knew damn well how it was going to end. But I also knew what was happening next, and that’s why I cried too. Writing is weird sometimes.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Coming soon…”

Marie looks super pretty in this!!

Thank you. I forgot she was this pretty. I couldn’t believe that when I loaded her for the first time after all these months. I mean, in the regular legacy, I don’t even see her around anymore too much.

vintageplumbobs replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Eeeeeeeeeshk.

pxelatedtrash replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

I stopped liking her when she would always shut Regan down but now I really don't like her and i hope beyond belief that Regan can get away.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Wow I didnt like her before I definitely don't like her now.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Ahem

Hmmm I had a feeling that thee was something wrong with their fast developing relationship

There indeed WAS something wrong with her. I hinted at it a few times, sometimes it was just a little thing that probably only I saw as foreshadowing, but it kept getting more and more obvious towards the end. And wow. Yeah. She really went that far.

Also, can I just say, I weirdly enjoyed seeing how at first, everyone was like “yaaaaas, mermaid girlfriend”, whereas now it’s more like “oh no. OH NO. STAY AWAY FROM OUR GIRL”.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

Nerine is awful! Someone please save Regan!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

EXPLAIN DIS NERINE!

fishingforsims replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

My brain rn is just “!!!!!”

She just wants her. That’s her explanation. She doesn’t care about anything else, as long as her beloved human will stay right there in Isla Paradiso.

I’m just now thinking, how the hell did I go from the first story idea for Regan to this. In the original story, there were no creepy psycho mermaid girlfriends. There was...a lot of Bridgeport...some cheating...a lot of guilty feelings...more feelings towards Courtney...Felix didn’t end up with her in that storyline but there would be a love triangle with another person...and considering I’m not actually the biggest fan of love triangles, I as a writer am glad I somehow ended up with a psycho mermaid girlfriend story. It was way more interesting to figure out and write.

But if Regan could decide, I’m pretty sure she’d rather end up in a love triangle 😬

Let me tease you though: There’ll still be a lot of Bridgeport later.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Gwyneth Ellen Clare flirty | perfectionist | family oriented | neat |...”

Was it cliffhanger? Le gasp

Anyway I'm looking forward to see you BRP!

Oh I just saw the tagsXD Don't mind me I think I have to go to bed

Wait still a cliffhanger. Just not as big as I initially thought. Don't mind me��

Haha no worries, this happens to me all the time, I forget to read the tags or caption and then I’m like huh??? What’s happening?? :D But I’m glad you’re looking forward to the BPR, I’m happy to be finally posting it. I’m not sure if it’ll be just as fun as my NSB, but it certainly won’t be as sad as the current story. You guys deserve a break.

Oh, another teaser: Guess what you guys will get in my BPR? An idiot to yell at. Not Ross-level idiot, but still an idiot.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Coming soon…”

*patiently waits*

It’s coming...very soon!

cloudberry-sims replied to your photoset “Nerine: “Now. You were supposed to move out of the houseboat by the...”

Oh that's evil Nerine...

‘Cause baby she’s a nightmare dressed like a daydream

I’m sorry, I can’t stop referencing Taylor Swift, that’s just who I am

melien replied to your photoset “Regan: “This place is heaven on Earth.” Nerine: “Wouldn’t it be great...”

So yeah this was the post where I kind of figured out something seems off... if I'm not mistaken there were also posts where George warns her but I didn't think much of them

One of the things I enjoy doing when I finish the first draft of something is going back and making hints. Tiny little pieces of foreshadowing. And then it grows and grows and gets more obvious. This was never going to end well. I think I already hinted at it when Regan was saying goodbye to her family before going to Isla Paradiso, though I’m not sure. But I think I left first little clues there.

melien replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

I first saw pics, then the text... and thought wow damn can mermaids do this? But yeah I love where this is going. I like this kind of creepy

Yeah I had to help myself with Photoshop here, there would be no other way to make it clear that she enchanted/brainwashed her. But damn, it would be cool if something like that was actually in the game. Sea creatures like mermaids don’t always have to be nice. What about sirens from the old mythology? I mean, what they did was getting people killed.

sinfulwunders replied to your post “Today is my graduation day and I’m already almost crying even though I...”

My graduation was last month and I was balling my eyes out �� I understand how you feel

Ahh yes...I was in a car today and we were driving past my high school. I started thinking about it all again and I just can’t believe that just two months ago, we were still sitting there in a classroom, praying for it all to end. And now it’s over and it’s weird and I want to go back because somehow I miss it.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “George: “I’m worried about you. There’s something wrong. This isn’t...”

George take her away before it's too late!

He kinda...I don’t want to say he fucked up at this point, but if he hadn’t walked away, things could’ve really been different, huh?

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “George: “Regan, what the hell is going on?” Regan: “You wouldn’t...”

Girl you are definitely not feeling well and this isn't love:/

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “George: “I’m worried about you. There’s something wrong. This isn’t...”

Girl you do sound like zombie!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “You say that as if it was a bad thing. Get lost, George. I...”

Whaaaaaa?

There better be a wizard near you to un-zombie you, Regan!

That’s how it is with brainwashed people, isn’t it?

No, all jokes and dumb remarks aside, when I wrote Regan in this brainwashed state, it was so hard. Not that writing was hard, handling my feelings was hard. I knew she was hurting everyone and I had to keep going because I wanted to tell this story. Like I said, writing is weird sometimes.

Also, speaking of wizards...how convenient it is that her brother is one now? :D Which actually...I didn’t plan for him to become a wizard just to save her. I didn’t plan for him to befriend a fairy just to save her either. It just all sort of happened. Just like life, huh? Nothing is perfectly planned, you just have to play with whatever you have, and I was lucky this time.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Weeks had passed since my last meeting with George. Things got better....”

Yeah I wonder why? Maybe because they are worried about you, too? You never came and anything could happen to you!

She doesn’t care about that. Well, she does, but she doesn’t know that with this whole “your family is useless and I’m the only one who matters to you” haze Nerine put over her.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hey mum. How’s life?” Miracle: “What did you just say?” Regan:...”

Miracle, come and get 'er before it's too late!

She would. Honestly, I believe she would, if things weren’t already hard at home for her.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Miracle for everything she’s gone through? She was “unwanted” at school because she was half alien, she had to share a room with an awful bully at university, then when that hell was over, she became a mother to six children, and now this...when I think of all that has happened, I realize how strong she actually is, because none of this made her give up.

I’ve had so many issues with her story, but looking at her from this perspective, maybe I shouldn’t have.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Ugh your girlfriend doesn't want you. She wants to control you. There's a big difference.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Sure your girlfriend WANTS it not YOU!

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK AND HOPE REGAN IS ONE OF THEM

I shouldn’t joke about these things but...it’s how I cope

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Will: “Sorry I left you waiting. I was with my mum.” Roan: “That’s...”

Nerine happened, Roan

Pretty much

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Will: “What do you mean?” Roan: “Most mermaids - or so I’ve heard from...”

IM SO GLAD WILL AND ROAN ARE THE ONES TBAT ARE GONNA GO RESCUE HER AAAAAA

I was so happy when I figured that out too?? Honestly I thought Will and Roan were going to have the least interesting story but then they prove me wrong and uhhh

I love them so much??

melien replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Poor Regan, I believe she's strong enough to get out of this mind funk... or someone cares about her enough to save her

It’ll all be revealed soon...

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Will: “What do you mean?” Roan: “Most mermaids - or so I’ve heard from...”

Omg

OMG

I actually really like when supernatural creatures have their let's call them quirks which define their difference to humans! That's really really cool!

Actually, me too, even when it means bad things for the main characters!

#replies #autistichatkid #starburstshores #tiny-tany-thaanos #alfalfalegacy #vintageplumbobs #pxelatedtrash #dandylion240 #fishingforsims #cloudberry-sims #melien #sinfulwunders

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kinetic-elaboration · 7 years

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August 30: Sudden Accomplishment

I was very accomplished today, but at the cost of giving up any pretense of having a life, even a dorky and introverted life, outside of work and miscellaneous adult responsibilities.

I was so fucking tired in the morning...so tired that I’m not entirely sure I actually woke up, ever (my alarm woke me up in the middle of dreams, which is always disorienting and hard to recover from), and what I actually experienced as “being awake” was just a thin layer of caffeine applied to a nominally conscious body. Regardless, a combination of annoyance and, from around 10 on, the aforementioned caffeine sped me on to do a whole bunch of shit that I’d been putting off FORever.

The annoyance came from my desire to pay my rent, due on Friday so a semi-urgent task, which was complicated by the new management’s website. I had to set up an account but it wouldn’t accept my name. birthday, and email as correct. And it just put me over the edge to feel like I wasn’t getting these simple details right, like was I mistyping my own name??? (I was not.) And when I tried to call, no one picked up. Repeatedly. So I somehow translated this into “I’ll show you, landlords, I’ll do all this annoying stuff and I’ll be accomplished, even though you’re thwarting me in this simple task! How do you like THAT?” Which doesn’t make sense but sometimes you just gotta be in that mood in order to tackle certain things in the world, so I acknowledged and took advantage of it.

Unfortunately, ambition did not come with competence because I also made so many dumbass mistakes today that I felt like I would have been better off accomplishing nothing, just hiding under the covers all day so as not to be a burden to the world. For example, I confused the South Eastern Reporter for the Supreme Court Reporter, which is particularly embarrassing given that I actually have a JD and thus know that they are not even remotely the same thing, even though, in my defense, the advances are almost identical in terms of size/shape/appearance. Also I did this in front of my boss. Also when asked I did not have the latest advance, even though it had arrived that day, because I’d forgotten to check the mail on the law school side. To be fair, it wasn’t sorted when I came over initially but really I should have checked again after 15 minutes or so and I just forgot. (Too busy being accomplished!!!) Or, for another example, I asked the woman who puts together Law Review for the last three issues, even though there was only one more issue, and they published the exact same number of issues they’ve been publishing since the beginning of time. And 6 and 8 are not the same number. Still, I would not have needed to ask again had she responded to my first request like 3 weeks ago so there is that.

These mistakes are all embarrassing and make me question everything about myself and my perception of the world but the thing is that stuff DID get done. Awkwardly, but it did.

Work stuff accomplished included:

Helped a Law Review cite checker get the latest Supreme Court Reporter update. As said, this was way more complicated than it needed to be, but hey, he got it at the end of the day and as someone who’s done cite checks and who knows how important those advances can be, I did feel happy that I helped. (Also, I never explained my mistake to him so he thinks I’m super on the ball for getting it to him the next day, when he’d previously thought that was impossible, so there’s that.)

Got the library’s copies of the last Law Review, published at the beginning of the summer and kept all the way one floor below me, finally delivered to my freaking office, after asking twice. The thing is, I should probably just show up and be like “WHERE ARE THEY” periodically but the publication schedule is unpredictable and the journals are SUPPOSED to get brought up to me when they come out, without prompting, AND the specialty journals, of which there are four, always do. So the delay is mostly caused by LR forgetting about me + me being too shy to aggressively create awkward work situations over and over by asking for my fucking stuff. But whatever I got them for now.

Figured out the mystery of a Career Services withdrawal that has been plaguing me for at least a week. Is it one copy? Is it two? Is it two from two different years? The catalogue should tell you but all the data was corrupted when we transferred so who knows! Now it’s sorted out.

Finally sorted out the discards from the Faculty Support Center, which have been sitting on my shelf for so long they had basically blended into the landscape. I mean I’m surprised they hadn’t literally melded into the metal. I was told they were lowest priority so I treated them as such. But it’s so nice to get them away from me: two of them were sent to reference (one to replace a missing book, which I also dealt with) and two were withdrawn and free shelf-ed.

Drafted an email to a professor asking him to give us a third copy of the latest update to his book. I didn’t send it only because I’d been making so many dumbass mistakes I feared I’d left in a glaring typo or some other obvious awkwardness, but I can look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow and send it.

Started the cancellation sheet for a title that is no longer in print, apparently, since I got the email about it today.

Usual mail and UPS stuff, plus got the official OK from my supervisor re: my fall vacation plans and talked a bit about journal with my student helper.

Helped the director unpack an amp.

Organized the bindery stuff so I can work on it tomorrow.

Plus, though this isn’t a work accomplished, I finally--FINALLY--set up a freaking appointment to get new glasses, which I should have done months ago but I’ve just been putting it off for forever for no real discernible reason. It’s for tomorrow, which is somewhat sooner than I expected, but at least then it will be (mostly) over with. Leaving only the process of actually getting my new eyewear and then the unrelated but in-the-same-category process of seeing a dentist, which I’ve been putting off for even longer because I’m only semi-aware of where the office is and also I miss my old dentist and also I’m afraid of the state of my teeth, a problem that only compounds itself exponentially with time. BUT. Dumb adult problems for another day. I’m still proud of myself for the eye thing.

The I’m-a-real-adult-really fun didn’t stop after work. I picked up some milk and then when I got back to the apartments I stopped in at the office to get my account set up. Apparently literally everyone in the whole complex had the same issue I had because when you set up a new account, your information has to match their information, and I thought that info was just pulled from, I dunno, my lease or the air, but actually you have to have it entered manually and apparently in person. SO. Did that. Tomorrow I’ll set it up for real, hopefully painlessly, and pay my rent.

Then at home, instead of collapsing, I was responsible and washed dishes, made tomorrow’s lunch, took a shower. I was done at 6:15, spent some time browsing tumblr because it puts me into a nice lull, and then decided I was too useless to do anything but nap.

I ended up napping until quarter to 10. Over three hours.

So now I’m finishing dinner and then I guess I’ll go back to sleep. I have a very slight headache and I’m...not really tired, but I feel like my whole self has been dulled. Tomorrow is a very long day because my optometrist appointment is at 5. I will probably not get home until around 7. I hope my nap + a decent-ish night’s sleep will provide me with the necessary energy but somehow I’m not optimistic. I will probably have to drag myself through Friday by my fingernails. At least then it’s a three-day weekend, and after that, a month of me taking time off here and there, and hopefully getting more dumb things out of the way, and hopefully fall coming, and other nice things.

#the year 2017 #2017: rl #or a very long post about how you can be almost 30 w a masters level degree and still so crippled #by dumbass anxiety and self doubt and laziness #that even simple tasks are beyond you #if i were 17 and reading this i'd be like well it never gets any better or easier and maturity is an illusion #life is just perpetual flailing around

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authorkahlanweir · 7 years

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Quarterly Goals: Apr-June 2017

Hello again, people of Tumblr! So I know a lot of people are new to my blog, and so I wanted to say thank you for wanting to follow on my updates. However, a while ago I decided to try something I saw elsewhere on here called Quarterly Writing Goals (credit for where I originally saw this was Jenna Moreci). So, initially these goals were going to be writer-oriented, but as a college student I’ve got so much else going on and it’s better productivity if I focus on my overall life rather than just my writing. So, for starters, I’m going to look back on last quarter and see what I did and did not accomplish, and then set some new goals for this quarter.

1. Go to the gym at least once a week.

Ok, so I’m almost embarrassed I even put this on my last quarters goals. I went to the gym once in three months, and if I’m being totally honest, that was the first time I had ever been in a gym to work out before in my life. It did not go well, so I’m going to have to find a new method for exercising.

2. Cut down on consumption of Pepsi.

I definitely did this, though I didn’t exactly have a standard of how much. But I wasn’t drinking at least a can a day, so I definitely managed to cut down at least some.

3. Finish writing current draft of WIP.

I did do this! Except, funny enough, I also gave up on it that quarter. I did make substantial progress, but there was no passion or compassion for my characters so I decided to put it off and come back to it again maybe another time.

4. Start outlining WIP.

I definitely did this, and actually found my brand new outlining method, which I am STOKED about, since I hate outlining normally. Alas, this book won’t be continued, but at least I learned some new things from it!

5. Start thought dumping for next WIP.

I did this, and even started dabbling in the outline and writing it. Super excited, considering this is my current WIP and I have big plans.

6. Create and stick to a steady study schedule.

... I... I have no excuse for why this isn’t complete. I’m horrible, I know.

7. Maintain straight A’s this quarter.

So... I ALMOST did this, except one of my classes I’ll be lucky to get a B in, and I just have to pull up one or two more grades to finish out this year with the GPA I need. Crossing my fingers, but this one is a fail.

8. Get a job.

I so wish I could say this one was golden, but I failed hardcore on this. Definitely have to this summer, or parents will likely kill me.

9. Start search for writer buddies.

So, I hate socializing, and I am horrific at socializing online... this was doomed from the start. Hopefully, next year I’ll be able to do something more with this since I’ll be in a creative writing course.

10. Start being active on social media.

So I’m going to count this, even though it wasn’t by nearly as much as it should have been. I’m going to thank all those who are following me now, though, because you guys are definitely the reason why I decided to start posting more.

11. Sort through old clothes and make a decision on what to throw away/donate.

I did this!

12. Go out more and experience life.

I sort of did this, but not as much as I wish I would’ve. Fail.

13. Read at least 3 books recreationally.

Ice like Fire, Frost like Night, and Carve the Mark. All within like the same week...

14. Sort through bookshelf at home and at school.

Done.

15. Make time to get to know professors.

I forgot this was on here and didn’t go to even one office hour... whoops.

16. Fix the procrastination issue.

Considering I made this list to post last night and didn’t do it till now... nope.

So, there’s sixteen goals, about eight of which I completed, but that’s pretty damn good for me. Here comes the next quarters goals, all shiny fourteen of them!

1. Drink Pepsi on weekends only

2. Finish full outline for current WIP

3. Finish half of roughest draft for WIP

4. Finish character profiling for WIP

5. Read at least 3 books recreationally

6. Finish semester with at least 3.25 GPA

7. Get a damn job

8. Get my license

9. Get signed up for karate

10. Post at least once a week to both Tumblr and Instagram

11. Start researching how to write poetry

12. Sign up for SkillShare

13. Look into signing my English major

14. Schedule classes for next semester

Hopefully I’ll get at least seven done, but I’d love to get even more done. Round two of quarterly goals starts now!

Sorry for the long post!

#quarterly goals #amwriting #writer #college student #productive #be productive

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trowelfrog4-blog · 5 years

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Colony @ Eco City tour!

Hello everyone!

So the launch of Colony @ Eco City has come and gone (two weeks ago) and I’m finally getting around to blogging about it! T____T I haven’t really been writing much about it so this post is gonna be it ok hold on to your seats wtf.

We’ve been working on this since last December so it’s been like 7 months in the coming!

This project was quite different from our first one, when honestly I had no idea what I was doing. I thought this would be easier, having gone through it once before. As usual I was wrong. Lol.

The first Colony used to be a serviced office before we took it over. All we had to do really, was renovate and furnish it. Sure, we added facilities and equipment, upgraded the Internet and things like that, but everything was mostly set up already.

For Eco City, we had a completely blank space. Only concrete walls and floor and exposed piping. So we got to work. We first submitted our plans for approval from DBKL and Bomba (City Council and Fire Department)… but first I had to go talk to engineers too for drawing up the plans. My first time dealing with anything like this, but the engineer was so nice he walked me through the entire process, step by step. I understood then, but my sieve-like memory has forgotten some of it now. -_-

After that came the electrical drawings, the plumbing drawings, fire safety drawings, data points, airconditioning, flooring, furnishing….

All these came from our awesome design team ok. I merely nodded and trusted Buddha WTF.

Then came the fun part – design.

When we first secured the space, we were ecstatic – huge floor to ceiling windows, tons of natural light, nice spacious square shape. It even faced a hill which had a river running towards us. #goodfengshui It’s also bigger than our KLCC location and Fatty and I imagined it would be our flagship location.

So since it’s Colony… what theme would be better than a (British) Colonial theme? I have no idea how other designers work but for me, it really helps if I have a strong theme in mind to allude to. Because I like a lot of things wtf and I don’t want to stray off track hahaha. A theme helps remind me and keep me focused I guess.

I usually try to strike a balance between ‘homey’ and ‘comfortable’ and ‘luxurious’ for Colony so I felt this theme matched the purpose as well. Colonial style decoration would be grand enough, yet toned down enough for people to relax in it.

This was our first artist’s impression.

*poker face*

It’s nice! But it looks like The Majestic. Or Fullerton in Singapore. When I thought colonial, I totally forgot that it’s a popular theme for hotels in this region hahaha.

I thought it needed a bit more character, or something to change it up a bit. Working on Colony, I learned that I like contrasts in design, and this design was too straight in getting to its destination. Does that make sense?

I asked, how about adding some unexpected colors? Like pink?

*more poker face*

*puts saline drops in eyes*

I removed the fuchsia and replaced it with pastel pink. And eliminated the Buncho yellow.

Results were much better! We also added a whole bunch of elements traditionally associated with colonial style: a lot of greenery in the form of big leafed plants like banana and palm, blue and white Chinese porcelain, brass fixtures, beautiful old books, and rattan.

And here’s the final result! 🙂

Here’s the cafe area. The cafe in Eco City is run by The Embassy, who have an outlet in Starling Mall too.

We chose a gorgeous dull mint color for the cafe which contrasts so well with the pink! ID was skeptical about too many colors but I love itttttt.

We did marble topped tables for the old school charm and rattan backed chairs.

The lounge area where people can chill, have discussions or hot desk.

The day beds on the right are my pride and joy. T___T I kept thinking in the initial design drafts that the ‘colonialism’ wasn’t coming out strong enough. I’m so glad I saw these canopy beds on Pinterest hahahaha. Cos they really make the space! This pic was taken before the canopies arrived so I might update this later.

Designer customized the beds for seating; I imagined full on beds but these are much better cos I don’t want people to have to put their feet up when they sit down la hahaha can’t be too comfortable wtf.

Details: we put in standing louvers, painted black. When I was Fighter’s age, I lived in my grandparents’ Colonial terrace house in Penang which had louvered windows so this is so nostalgic for me. 🙂

Our throws are cased in mostly botanical prints or animal skin prints. For rugs we used handwoven rattan-like rugs.

Spin behind the cafe a bit. Lockers for our Reserved Desk guests (who don’t have locked drawers for their belongings) are on the left. Straight in front is the kids’ playroom.

The kids’ room includes a nursing room! The cushion is so apt ok. When your nips are bleeding and you’re putting cabbage leaves on your boobs to stop the clog, remember what the cushion says wtf.

Anyway yellow armchair for momma to sit, next to it are appropriate baby supplies – diapers, wet wipes and even nursing pads thoughtfully provided by Applecrumby and Fish. And changing table on the left!

Here’s the playroom! Walls are done in customized wallpaper. Picket fence is there to corrall off screaming and running lolol.

Inside we have a slide, a dolls’ house, and a city scape set up…

And a toy kitchen on the other side. All from Taobao LOL GOOD BUYS LEH. Sorry I don’t know where to get it cos ID got everything.

The highlight is this wtf. There was a little bit of space under the stairs outside so we broke it in and created this little nook. Then Katrine created a house facade around it and filled it with beds, cushions and lots of stuffed animals. I think it’s the critters’ favorite part of Colony actually.

Back out again. Another view of the lounge and Reserved Desks area.

Phone booths are done up in pink! One of my favorite details here.

What a phone booth at Colony @ Eco City looks like.

Inside we have an old fashioned writing desk and chair, with a Persian style rug on hardwood floor. We filled it with cushions, throw blankets and furry to reduce any echoing that could come from phone calls or video conferences. ^^

This nook is our Instagram corner. Hahahah. The pink is a print we got from Shutterstock and blew up LOL. Cos customizing a wallpaper was too expensive wtf. #renohacks

Our conference room. Fits 14 people! Our meeting rooms are always named after famous explorers or trailblazers, so for this Colony, our conference room is called Battuta, for Ibn Battuta.

People who studied sejarah should know la ok hahahaha. One other meeting room is called Murasaki for Lady Murasaki Shikibu, who was a lady in waiting in Japan, and wrote The Tale of Genji, considered the first ever novel in the world! *nerd* And the third is called Armstrong for Neil Armstrong, who was the first man on the moon.

This is our event space. When there are no events, this area will be used for just hanging out or hot desking.

When there are events though, the furniture can be moved around to accommodate the style of event. I tried to choose lighter, individual pieces for easier shifting.

Ooh one of my favorite spots too! We ordered these steamer trunk tables from China and they got lost at sea FML. I was going crazy cos I thought we were gonna launch with no tables but luckily they came in time! I love them so much I got two smaller ones for our bedside tables at home.

Ordered this chair cos I thought it was really unique but now I suddenly see it everywhere. -_-

Here’s the entrance to our private office suites!

Flooring is in black and white tile for a retro feel.

The pictures I chose all also got colonial theme one! We have a lot of old maps, tropical animal portraits and vintage photos of British colonial scenes.

This is a special room, called the Jamestown Suite. Named after one of the first British colonies, it’s a glammed up luxe version of a normal Colony office.

We outfitted it with wallpaper, hardwood floors, a Chesterfield couch, TV screen…

A Marshall speaker, and smart home capabilities. You can basically control the curtains, music, TV and lights with Google Home. ^^ For special clients only hehehe.

Here’s Murasaki.

I added this pug which is damn random but damn cute ok hahahaha. Apt cos Murasaki in Japanese means purple and his shades got purple there wtf.

The pantry (and a mop).

Nap room which you can book to take a quick break.

I also made a video tour! I shot it while some of our furniture wasn’t even in yet though but just to give you a guys a sense of the place. Also includes Fighter and Penny’s reaction to the kids’ playroom hahaha.

Source: https://fourfeetnine.com/2018/07/31/colony-eco-city-tour/

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coughscent1-blog · 5 years