#okay it’s lowkey shorter also might update later when I’m not about to pass out

[chuunai]

I had an idea for the 100 followers thingy- so like the babies thing but you’re a single mother (maybe teen mom?) and dazai (pm) falls in love with you and your baby :} ps- I LOVE YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF SUGAR 💗‼️‼️‼️

I’m trying I swear TvT

✧˚ · . you’re a virgin and I’m just a meth head - pm! dazai osamu

the new hire at the port mafia interests him. the baby, too.

summary ⋆ ★ comfort, fluff with a sprinkle of angst, mentions of teen pregnancy, reader and PM! dazai are seventeen, SFW, mentions of a former abusive relationship, mentions of suicide (it’s fucking dazai), happy ending.

Assistants were something he never cared for much.

They came and go, either requesting to work for a different department in the Port Mafia after witnessing his peculiarities or dying. He hadn’t ever formed any bonds with them. Hell, he hardly knew their names. Dazai preferred to give them childish nicknames such as ‘four-eyes’ for the ones with glasses or ‘baldy’ for the ones who had barely began balding.

No use in actually getting to know them.

All they were good for anyway was organizing his work and making a schedule of meetings and pointless missions he’d hardly follow. And what could they do? Nothing.

Once, he had attempted to get Ango to apply for the job during an outing at Bar Lupin, but that four-eyes declined. So did Oda. Geez, his friends lacked faith in him. Dazai wasn’t that bad of a boss. His subordinates didn’t die that often compared to the others.

Then again, his most recent assistant had died via overdosing. Straight from the Port Mafia’s warehouses, too. Dying of his own stupidity because karma struck him down. The high may have been sending him to the clouds, but he got too close to the sun just as Icarus did and burned—or in this case, vomited—to death. Fun.

A replacement would be needed, yes, but that would involve looking through so many applications and that was boring compared to strangling himself or pulling Chuuya’s hair when the redhead was speaking with Kouyou.

He’d pick irritating the slug over paperwork any day. At least one was fun.

So he just had Mori pick one out. As long as they wouldn’t be a nuisance and knew their place, he didn’t care who it was. Boy, girl, whatever. All ages welcomed. Dazai preferred younger though. The old farts were annoying and so utterly dumb! So when a subordinate gave him a file for his new assistant, he didn’t think anything of it. He always got those for record keeping.

Although this particular individual piqued his interest as his eyes gazed over the information attached.

The age was young—seventeen, same as him. A girl. According to the report, you were previously stationed as a secretary for some lower ranking member. And you’d just joined, too. Only a few blissful months ago. Just barely a baby in the crime world. All dewy-eyed and truly unknowing of the dark underbelly of Yokohama.

Most interesting, though, and the thing that struck his curiosity was the fact that a small sticky note was attached to the last page.

‘Single mother of eight month old girl’

There weren’t many parents in the Mafia, much less teenage ones. Nobody had time to have a baby with the lack of safety. But you did. Someone desperate enough to provide for their child to the point where they joined an illegal organization without even being an adult yet. That took will and selflessness. Something he lacked.

And without having even met you yet, Dazai found himself fascinated by you.

Murmuring your name to himself, he found himself a bit startled at how smooth it rolled off his tongue. He liked it, too. Your name was nice to say.

Tossing the file onto his desk carelessly, Dazai tapped his fingers on the desk, mind wandering once more. If you had a child then you’d probably work your best to support them. You’d be competent enough for him.

Apparently competent enough to the point where you felt like you could handle bringing the baby to the Mafia HQ.

“I don’t remember hiring two assistants.”

Dazai’s voice came out as slightly amused and startled. There you were, standing in-front of his desk while occasionally shushing your…daughter? It looked like a girl, anyway.

“Sorry- her sitter wasn’t available and I-“

His eyes stared at your reddening cheeks—embarrassment and shame, he could tell—as you spoke again.

“I don’t really have anyone to watch her. I’m so sorry, sir.”

Sir? You called him sir? That made him wave his hand a bit dismissively. The only people who called him ‘sir’ were the random grunts and gunmen that served under him. Or people who were scared shitless of him.

“Dazai. Not sir.”

Sitting up languidly, his uncovered eye focused on the baby. Curls of dark hair fell over her forehead while her tiny hands grabbed at your shirt and hair. Funny, he thought.

“And the baby can stay.”

She reminded him of some of the orphans Oda took care of. Especially Sakura. Maybe they had the same name, too. Unlikely, though. She didn’t look like a Sakura, really.

Picking up a pen, he pointed it at you, a small smile on her face.

“Speaking of, may I know her mother’s name?”

He knew it already. But it felt more right if he convinced himself you told him.

“Oh! Yes, uhm, I’m (L/N) (Y/N). And her name,” Tapping your baby’s forehead, she released a small coo, giggling slightly. “is (L/N) Yukirou.”

“Winter baby, huh. I’ll guess, December 16th?”

This was so much fun for him so far. Maybe Yukirou really could be his second assistant. As a joke, of course.

Nodding, you began to ramble on about the baby as he relaxed back in his chair, spinning around and making funny faces at Yukirou. The small child giggled and outreached her fingers to him, probably infatuated by his bandages and messy hair. He didn’t touch her, though. No need to let such a good small thing interact with a person like him.

And so minutes went by. Technically, he should’ve been doling out tasks and trying to kill himself again—he had heard of a technique where one could inject apple juice into their neck and die, but he wasn’t sure it’d work—but it slipped out of his grasp. Maybe it was the fact you two were so close in age. The fact that in another universe you could’ve been classmates fueled this moment. Dazai didn’t really know people his age other than Chuuya, but Chuuya was Chuuya. You were new.

New to everything in this line of business. The killing, the release of morals. Then again, you were just an assistant. You’d never directly be involved with that. Just helping him out with whatever was needed.

Dazai thought that was a smart choice, whether or not you intended for it to be. As an assistant, you’d be safe from the gunfire and outermost threats. More likely to live and protect your daughter.

So caring in a line of work where lives were dispensable.

He wondered how you got there. Not to the Port Mafia—the file told him. But how you took on such a frowned upon job to solely provide for your child. Was the father a deadbeat? Or actually dead? His father was the same. Dead five years into Dazai’s life.

His mother tried her best, but she died too and he slipped onto Mori’s grasp. Hopefully your baby wouldn’t end up in the same situation.

The peaceful moment was interrupted by one of his men who dropped off a load of documents, side-eyeing you before leaving.

Dazai wished you hadn’t turned the conversation back to work.

“Sir, sorry- Dazai-san, would you like me to organize the papers..?”

Why did he forget that you were just an assistant of his? The medication must be making his mind woozy again.

“By date and incident, yep. Also, if you see any that mentioned a Chuuya, please throw them out. Or burn them. Preferably the burning part.”

His office was always to be kept rid of that ginger.

“On it.”

And so he doodled a noose on the wood of his desk while you slowly put the papers away. It soon became clear to him that Yukirou was making the job a tad difficult by trying to grab at the papers.

A slight idea of letting her crawl loose in Mori’s office and destroying it entered his mind, but it quickly left.

“Y’know, if she’s being a devil, I can play with her for a bit. I swear I’ll be good!”

The words left him before he could really process them. Next thing he knew he was wearing the baby carrier with tiny fingers pulling at his shirt. Instructions poured from your lips as he nodded and patted the baby’s back.

“I’ll kill you if anything goes wrong.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at the sound of that. You? Kill him? Never going to happen. Unless it were a double suicide, but you probably wouldn’t say yes.

And he replied when the slight fear in your eyes registered after remembering that he was your boss in the Mafia.

“If course, cutie. I give you permission to kill me if theoretically anything goes wrong.”

Dazai made sure to sneak a peek at your reddening cheeks before leaving his office with the baby strapped to his chest and tugging at his bandages like a little snake.

That’s how it all started. A boy and a girl who happened to have a baby.

He’d never regret how months went by as you two became closer and closer. Joking around, complaining about work, all the stuff friends did. Hell, Dazai even watched Yukirou sometimes.

Thank god Chuuya wasn’t there to see him watching children’s cartoons on your couch with a baby in his lap and a stuffed animal in the other.

Or how he insisted on covering some of your rent when you were struggling. Yukirou needs a home, after all. He sees himself in her a bit. And he didn’t want her to turn out like him. If he couldn’t change his own life for the better, he’d change hers.

And yours.

Much better than that dickhead that fathered Yukirou. You told Dazai about it one night when he stayed over after babysitting once more. Yukirou was napping in her nursery, and you two were sitting on the couch just talking.

Talking turned into sharing details of your lives, and he came up. Your old flame who ditched you. Breaking a promise that he’d be there for the baby and you. Dazai was silent all throughout it. Quiet when you spoke of the emotional abuse and stress that you had, quiet when you began crying over the fact you never got to graduate high school.

He was just there, daring to awkwardly rub your back as you vented. He wondered if you had talked about it before. Probably not.

Dazai felt like he too needed to share a story of his childhood too in exchange for yours. So he told you about the poor neighborhood he grew up in and the horrors he saw daily.

Did it lessen the impact of your venting? Most likely, but in his opinion, he was trying to show you that he trusted you now too. He assumed it worked when you fell asleep on his shoulder. He took care of Yukirou when she woke crying an hour later. He would’ve been a much better father than that bastard.

It didn’t help either that Yukirou began to see him as her daddy. He was there when she turned a year old, gifting her all sorts of things. Scolding her when she nibbled on his hands. Doing nearly everything a dad would.

Even when she managed to say ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ for the first time, it was when all three of you were in the room together. In her tiny mind, it was her family. Her mama and Dazai—her papa. Oda congratulated him for becoming a father when you came along one day with him to Bar Lupin.

It didn’t live up to Chuuya’s reaction when he first heard one of his guys call Dazai a doting father. The shortstack had gone up to him asking if he really was Yukirou’s dad—rumors went around at HQ quickly—and Dazai had to sadly reply that he wasn’t. Sometimes he wished he was. Months of time with you led to nights in bed where he dreamed of a universe that he was really the dad. That Yukirou had his brown eyes instead of her dad’s blue ones.

It wasn’t fair.

Nor were his growing feelings.

Dazai was smart. A genius thinker and planner. So of course he noticed how his heart began to rapidly beat around you. The sweating of his usually cold hands.

He’d had crushes in the past, sure. But it didn’t equate to this. Such a strong connection only made it worse. Was it wrong his Google history lately was filled with questions about confessing to and dating a single mom?

Did you even like him back?

That question couldn’t be answered by anyone but you. It scared him. You probably didn’t. Not as more than a brother, anyway. His suicidal ideation and tendencies scared off any woman who wanted more than sex. But he probably wouldn’t be living long anyway. So he’d have to shoot his shot eventually.

Which he did after another five months of consideration and thought. Dazai committed this act by simply asking you to sort out some notes for him. A total of eight. Each one had a single word on it. If you correctly put them together, it spelled:

‘I like you. Do you like me back?’

Much to his relief and shock, you did. You did, and he had hugged you so tightly. Tightening their bond, too.

So he became your boyfriend. And he wore the title of ‘dad’ to Yukirou gladly. The little girl saw him as her papa, and he couldn’t deny it. Even if it wasn’t biologically, she was his. And yours.

Dazai’s life used to be mundane and slow, yet with his new…family, he felt genuine happiness for once. A reason to live.

That was the greatest gift he could receive of all.

Regular Tags: @twst-om-lover, @xxcandlelightxx, @sinfulthoughtsposts.

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Rest in comments I’m crying now also if your tag is white it’s because you didn’t pop up when I was doing the @‘s

[thestarsintheknight]

Fixable Moments in Endgame [Endgame Spoilers, duh]

WHY I PERSONALLY THINK SOME CHARACTER ARCS WERE DONE DIRTY, PUT UNDER THE CUT AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK I PUT TWO OF MY DOG PICTURES SO YOU CAN SCROLL REALLY FAST.

Just so you know, and this is at the end of the post as well. I still really enjoyed Endgame for what it was and for what we got. I just have a few problems I’m pretty vocal about too. But I’m trying to not let that effect me as much.

LAST WARNING, ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD

Okay so hopefully those pictures of my dogs will allow you to calm and relax. If you’ve seen my last post, I was really upset with just how Tony died. 

I first came out of Endgame like, okay that was pretty okay closure, sure. Steve’s happy and Tony can finally rest and everyone’s alive and Natasha could be at peace with herself because of well, her ledger.

Then I kept thinking. No. They didn’t deserve this end.

Nat’s death was the only death done well. The only one. But I have more about the soul stone later on. 

Steve didn’t really die, and I knew he was gonna not be Captain America but I was curious as to how. I also really wanted Sam to wield that shield because even if Shuri cleaned Bucky of his whole Hydra-ness in his brain, I really do think Sam deserved that shield. So good on you Russos. Because in TWS, it’s said that Sam’s just like Steve, just slower. Steve is the embodiment of Captain America, if that’s the case then that means so is Sam. 

But why in the world did Steve decide to go back in time and be with Peggy? It was pretty closely put there in the show, Agent Carter, and in general that Peggy ended up with Daniel Sousa. Or just someone who wasn’t Steve. Why did Steve have a thing with Sharon in CW then? What was the point of her character? Sharon was badass, but like come on Russos!!! Steve is not one to see something going south and look the other way. That was very well established in CW, directed by the Russos. Yet he goes back in time, sticks with Peggy knows the things he knows about everything (like the Cold War, BUCKY) and you’re telling me he decided to have a domestic life? No!!! IF he even decided to stay back there, he would not sit still. He would have done something. Plus, you can’t say that when Sharon was born and Steve became her uncle that’s a little fucking weird. What the hell was Steve’s ending Russos? Steve’s arc was throughout his trilogy and later Avengers movies was finding his place in the modern world and finding Bucky. He did so much to get Bucky back only to leave him?! Come on, he knows how it feels to be alone in a different time why would he do that to Bucky? Someone who he fought for and said “Till the end of the line” but he broke that promise. Steve’s at the end of his line already by the end of Endgame. So what’s left of that promise? Nothing, it was dusted. 

So yeah, I’m upset about Steve’s ending. An entirely better way could have just been that maybe he’s the one that dies (I would have been upset probably, but it would be very him) instead of Tony. Because Steve has always been the one to sacrifice himself. That would be his arc, seeing the situation going so fucking south that he’s like “Whatever it takes!!” And he gets that gauntlet and snaps. Or maybe he loses his super soldier serum and that’s how he survives but gives the shield to Sam instead. I haven’t really thought of this one so you can add on.

Tony, god Tony’s ending fucking hurt. Tony’s death, his funeral, all of it. It was unfair. All he wanted was a domestic life but the Russos gave that to Steve even though Steve’s character would not want that domestic life? Tony could have been rested not by death but with his little girl, his wife, Peter who he finally got back, knowing that his friendship with Steve is better now. And could grow better if the two were still alive. That was Tony’s deserved arc, fighting the fight to end the fight so he could GO HOME and be with his FAMILY. That’s what should have happened. That’s what he deserved. Go ahead and tell me otherwise. I know it’s shorter of an explanation than Steve’s but that’s mostly because people know Tony better and I think people can agree with me on this more. Pepper didn’t deserve to see Tony die, Peter too, and his best fucking friend Rhodey. They knew he fought this fight to end it so he could spend some time and just retire to be with his family. 

Ways to fix this: Not kill Tony. Have someone else wield the gauntlet. Steve perhaps? Or maybe even Thor. 

Edit [4/29/19]: I am now a little more accepting of Tony’s death but I’m just tired that it has to be through death to have the future Avengers come in. I’m tired that there always has to be angst and whatnot(which I talk about towards the end of this meta) to make things realistic. Realistic =/= sadness and negativity and all of that shit. Happy endings can be realistic. But I’ll always be sad. Here’s a good meta that explains something very well regarding his death: (link) by @van-dyne. 

I would have actually been fine if Tony died if he didn’t have his little girl. (Find Tinymintywolf’s side twitter, not her art twitter, for an explanation on this). But then they introduced Morgan and whoop there it is, he has a family what he’s been wanting for so long. 

Thor is an Asgardian and we’re all aware of how much his mental health was hit. Yet he was reduced to a fucking joke. Like wow hahahaha so funny—not. I feel like, Thor wouldn’t need a redemption arc. But I know in his mind, he’d feel like he should because he blames himself, right? If he were to wield the gauntlet instead, it would make himself feel better about himself, better about being the king his people needed while still being an Avenger. Thor also shouldn’t have left his people. So let’s say he does wield the gauntlet. He goes back to his people and he finally feels worthy to lead. So that’s what he does, he finally gets back to being the king that his character arc had developed for him in his own trilogy, and being an Avenger. That should have happened.

It just makes sense because each movie was mostly about him building his way up to become the king he was supposed to be. Those few lines he exchanged with Valkyrie along the lines of “maybe I shouldn’t be the person I’m supposed to be but rather the person I [need/want] to be” ??? I can’t remember. I just thought that was lowkey like, wot. But for further emphasis, the first movie was about how he wasn’t worthy to hold the hammer or even be king. The second one was figuring out how to be a good man and a king. The third was trying to figure if he was the one to actually be king, and at the end of Ragnarok, he is. 

If Thor weren’t to wield it, then maybe Hulk. What if Bruce just lost Hulk. Then it’s just Bruce and he could be himself. Like the whole Professor Hulk thing was pretty interesting and I didn’t have a problem with it. This is just a little thought that I didn’t really think much on so you can add on to this too.

Now we get to Nat. Nat and Clint’s little fight with each other was very much in character. I don’t really like MCU Clint, I think the whole farmhouse scene could have still been done with one minor change, Laura’s not his wife, it’s his sister or his sister-in-law because he has a brother, Barry!!! Then all those kids are like his nieces/nephews. Anyways, that was the only death that was done that I feel sad but I feel so much closure on, Tony’s, Steve’s, and even Thor’s endings gave “closure” not the right one for each character, as explained before. I’m just upset that there wasn’t a funeral scene for her, or more grieving. Or just, something. 

Then here’s a little idea, not sure if it could work but if Steve was going to go return the soul stone at Vormir, the way the rules work at that mountain is “A soul for a soul” right? Then by giving up the soul stone, can’t he bring back Nat? And if that’s the case then Clint should be the one returning the soul stone. So maybe the reason why when Bruce said (and I got this from a different tumblr post, I forgot who so let me know so I can give credit) he couldn’t bring Nat back was because they already gave the soul stone back (because time travel is whack) and Nat is already back. 

There’s so much more that I’m probably forgetting, I may update or just reblog more. If you guys want to talk or vent, please feel free! I don’t bite! And I’m open to other ideas and just how you think it should have ended. 

Here’s a disclaimer as well: This is not something against the actors and actresses, they all did so well. I think it’s in part a bit of Russos and the writers and anyone else who develops this story. I’m also not saying this because I’m sad Tony’s dead and Steve is no longer Captain America. I would have been fine with Steve not being Captain America anymore if done right.

Also, why does everything always have to be so dark? So edgy? Angsty? It’s fictional so can’t we just... Have that sort of happiness? I’ve watched the MCU for hope, happiness, and you know a good ending. It’s not what I got though. I love the characters, all of them. I like little pellets of angst here and there. But just, why? I’m not sure if I can keep watching the MCU. I still might but I might also just disregard bits and pieces of Endgame.

I just think that the moment you bring in time travel it screws things up. Because essentially it brings in the whole multiverse and if we’re trying the make the MCU one singular timeline, then, uh, hello? Also the entire thing with five years passed but everyone comes back from the moment they disappeared, WOT. Okay, I’m done.

[Minor edit in this Paragraph, 4/29]Overall, I still enjoyed Endgame. A lot. There were so many good moments and a lot of moments where the characters were just them. I loved it a lot and I’m trying to overlook a few things here and there because what I’ve said shouldn’t ruin the movie. I still really enjoyed it a lot. It was good because this was the movie we’ve been waiting for. A nod to the fans, the actors, everyone who created this universe. It was just something that was amazing. @suitofhumour had a really strong point in their post (link) that I’m alluding to here and I don’t want to take credit for it so please, give it a read. Some things don’t sit right with me and I’m so fucking heartbroken over Tony okay, and I’m mad about Steve and Thor. But, yeah. 

[Edit 5/5/19] I GOT ANOTHER THING. If what the former Sorcerer Supreme had said that if one stone got removed from their timeline, there’s nothing that can keep the flow of time, reality, whatever, in check and would ultimately destroy their timeline. Which is why Steve had to go back in time to give it all back seconds after removing it. By that logic, can’t you say that if you were to destroy the stones, then wouldn’t it mean there are no more stones to keep all of the flow of whatever in check? So since the OG timeline no longer has the stones because their Thanos destroyed it, then what? 

Here’s another picture of my dog to calm you down. If needed.