#okay not that harsh but that was the gist lol

[boundinparchment]

Thoughts on mr Darcy?

Oh, the inspiration for some of Dottore’s bullshit in Blasphemous Rumors? And who I will definitely be looking at again if I ever write Neuvillette in a long fic? I love him why do u ask

[jmdbjk]

Okay Indigo, hit me.... show me what you got.

Closing out his 20s with a little angsty emo alt-pop R&B electric rock, Namjoon presents Indigo. Independent. Indulgent. Ingenious.

Though I was unfamiliar with the Korean individuals collabing with Namjoon on this record, I did take a "pre-listen" to some of their work before Indigo's release so I could be familiar with their style.

Of course I knew who Erykah Badu is. Though very talented and respected musically, she is not without her own controversies.

And I know Anderson .Paak. I am a huge fan of Silk Sonic, his Grammy winning duo with Bruno Mars who I am also a big fan of.

So these are just my opinions after listening and learning the lyrics. These are my interpretations of the vibe of the songs...

Yun. It is hard hitting first-out-the-gate and I can understand why Joon put this song first. It's a statement: Fuck you, imma do what I want.

Still Life, definitely love the R&B groove, love Anderson's vocals and the improvisation: "Joon: Shit happens in life...Paak: it's gonna be what it's gonna be brothah, you just have to do your thang." "Y'all can't lock me in a frame. I'm still life." The clever wordplay. A "still life" is typically defined as a tableau of inanimate objects such as flowers, fruit and other objects, arranged and then painted or photographed and framed. A still life. A moment in time. But in this song, I am seeing it meant as I am still LIFE, as in still living...you can't put me in a frame because I am living and breathing. So my take is this song says "let's keep it moving, never stay still, live life and don't let them define you by one frame of an image or one point or moment in time."

All Day, yay finally experiencing TABLO, great song, nice fast beat. TABLO's delivery reminds me of Eminem... personally, I am not a big fan of Eminem, but in this song, that type of vocal from TABLO works well. The beat will probably get this song added to my "walking playlist." WE GOT DYNAMITE IN OUR DNA! Might be my fave song off the album.

Forg_tful, an acoustic, laid back vibe, especially with the whistling... sort of John Mayer-ish? Very folk music-y and right up in the middle of Sawol's music genre kool-aid. Makes me want to order a caramel latte with a touch of almond milk at an independently owned hipster coffee shop. And I don't even like almond milk.

Closer, nice little bubbly intro segues to smooth urban R&B. Love Mahalia's vocals. So. Most of this song is sung in English. Paul Blanco has a few Korean words and that's it. The lyrics are very sensual. I find it conveniently uncontroversial that it is Mr. Blanco singing about 'when our lips lock' and 'making her body go diddy diddy bop'. The lyric: "but you run away like a fish"... that one sticks in my head because it is so visual! I saw a small fish get scared and scurry away! Great song.

Change pt. 2, unexpected electric riffs. Interesting that this song is entirely in English. I wonder who he is singing about? Harsh! Lol! Since its in English, it might be about the western music industry–as we know, they have to be spoken to in their language or they "just don't get it". Or it might be about a past significant other who did him wrong. "Some day a great grief will come for you." (That Miss Karma, she's the biggest fuckin' bitch I know.) "That's all I can say to you." (mic drop).

Lonely, I'm so fuckin lonely... super emo alt pop rocker. Joon made this song and these lyrics sound like some sort of weekly Top 40 groove-fest banger. The hook is an earworm in the making. "I'm fuckin' lonely....so fuckin' lonely." And the bridge is big and awesome. This song is a masterpiece of chart topping geniusness songwriting.

Hectic, with all its bright notes and beat, the gist of the lyrics say 'I been working my ass off, nothing glamorous about it, and people still say the same shit. Why am I doing this? What am I chasing? If doing this THIS way is a pain, how can I do it different?

Wild Flower... a big sonic, soaring, epic type song. Youjeen's big vocals and lyrics give me Katy Perry Firework vibes. The MV visuals help push the "big" to me. It's just a big song. Big Namjoon asking "what is this big life I have? what does it mean?" The visuals of him standing on top of the mountain and being able to see the entire world and it's a dawning day...not gonna lie, I did tear up. Seeing Joonie like this, expressing his lyrics visually in a music video touches my heart for him. The stage surrounded by Army... him standing and then laying in the field of purple flowers (also Army), it's very emotionally stirring. But I have something to tell Joon... as time goes by, one still searches for who they are and sometimes we never really understand who we are. All we can do is live our truths as authentically as possible.

No. 2, what a nice closing song to wrap it up. Don't look back anymore. There's nothing to prove. You've done your best. No lookin' back, no. The album ends and I'm smiling.

Like everyone else, my heart swells with pride. Over all, the lyricism is off the charts of course. Joonie is a wordsmith. Thank you Kim Namjoon/RM for putting your soul out there, sharing your emotions and thoughts with us in such a poetically lyrical way. Well done.

My disclaimers: I am not a music expert. These are just my personal opinions. But I do have impeccable taste in music. 💜

[schtroumpf-a-lunettes]

The Crossover That Was Always Coming From A Mile(s) Away If You Know Anything About Me At All

YOU CAN ALL BLAME @epic-smurf-girl for this, LOL. She’s also into Ace Attorney, and it all started when I showed her these ancient sketches I made of Brainy posed like Edgeworth sprites:

After all, Brainy’s a prosecutor at at least one point in the comics AND in the episode The Smurfy Verdict!

BUT THEN WE GOT TO TALKING ABOUT IT AND ACTUALLY STARTED BRAINSTORMING IDEAS...

MORE IDEAS UNDER THE READMORE, AHAHH

(this post has some vague Ace Attorney spoilers for the first game I suppose).

Okay so here’s a bunch of random ideas for this AU idea, lol.

Timid Smurf in the role of Phoenix Wright because Timid is not confident in his abilities but can pull off some quick thinking/improvisation when he needs to. PLUS there’s the possibility that this whole AU is just a play that the smurfs are putting on in-universe, like with the Robin Smurf episode, in which case it would also make sense for Timid to be the main character. Because after all, he’s Actor Smurf!

Case 1: Scaredy Smurf is the client. Timid Smurf has to defend him. Smurfette is Timid’s mentor who shows him the ropes. Case 1 prosecutor would just be Brainy because he can also fill a Payne role imo, hah. Brainy tries to claim Scaredy’s overwhelming nervousness is evidence indicative of his guilt.

Case 2: Smurfette is the victim, tragically meeting her end. Sassette is accused of her murder and is put on trial. Timid has to defend her. Turns out Sassette’s necklace can be used to temporarily summon Smurfette back from the dead (taking some liberties here so Smurfette gets summoned separately and we dont have the weird channelling stuff with bodies. and maybe when she’s summoned, only Timid and Sassette can see her). Smurfette helps give Timid some tips/guidance/help to assist in solving her own murder. Brainy is the prosecutor.

Case 3: Nnnnot too sure of the specifics but Snappy is involved, filling a Cody Hackins role (as suggested by @epic-smurf-girl​!). (I can absolutely see Brainy as having failed to negotiate with him over not being allowed his camera in court, loll. I can also absolutely see Brainy playing the “OH you’re being SO harsh on this poor SMURFLING! Cease this line of questioning at once!” card.)

BUT ALSO. EPICSMURFGIRL SUGGESTED THAT NANNY COULD BE OLDBAG AND I COMPLETELY STARTED LOSING IT AT THE IMPLICATIONS INVOLVED THERE...

Papa Smurf is the judge, all the way up until case 4. In case 4, Papa Smurf is the victim. Prosecutor Brainy “Edgesmurf” is arrested on suspicion of Papa Smurf’s murder, and Timid must defend him in court to prove his innocence.

(I can see Clumsy beside himself with worry, urging Timid to take the case). Greedy gets brought in as the replacement judge now that Papa is gone (since Greedy acts as the judge in The Smurfy Verdict). We also had some other vague ideas too, but that’s the gist of it! :D (epicsmurfgirl suggested Grandpa as von karma possibly, I was thinking maybe a combination of von karma and yanni yogi with both those roles mashed together, so maybe Grandpa is the prosecutor for this case but “Gargamel von Karma” is giving instructions/pulling the strings behind the scenes?)

[tvitr]

uwu I don’t make the ruwules

(Okay fine, reasons/opinions below the cut but be warned! I won’t be holding back on game or book spoilers. Or rambling. This got longer than I anticipated lol)

BETTER IN THE BOOK

Eis “Fireman Sam” Glover: I don’t know what the game was trying to do with this one. I guess he gets overwhelmed by the fire and loses his composure or gets scared or... something?  Also why did he not bring a hose. Or a mask.  This is why so many reviewers thought Wonderworld was a metaphor for purgatory and all the inhabitants are dead I swear. Who cares, the book handled it a lot better. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but there’s definitely a good idea here with some interesting themes. The gist is that he feels ashamed following his captain’s orders to retreat during a serious blaze, which his colleagues disobeyed, and his colleagues are later hailed as heroes by the press.  Is Balan the Book trying to take on toxic masculinity...? How brave. Tl;dr, the book conveyed the story a Hell of lot better than the game. Honestly I’m surprised this is the only one.

BETTER IN THE GAME

Haoyu “Airplane Boi” Chang: So the book tried waaaay too hard to draw a parallel between Haoyu and Fiona (aka, Dolphin Girl) to the point that they both share a similar backstory, in that they had a hobby which led to a near-fatal accident and now they’re too traumatised to resume said hobby. And that’s not a bad thing per se but... “near fatal accident” was already Fiona’s backstory. We didn’t need a duplicate. And this is more personal preference, but I kinda liked Haoyu’s story in the game anyway. His failure at building a functioning aeroplane out of crap he found in his garage is endearingly funny in the game, and the resolution of him taking time out to sit down and study before building anything is a nice spin on the whole “if at first you don’t succeed” theme the chapter wanted. 

Sana “Bird Lady” Hudson: So the book decided they didn’t want to make Cal an angry sore loser so guess what? They made Sana an angry misanthrope. Wonderful. Okay maybe that’s harsh, but she definitely came off as very bitter and unsympathetic in the book. Like there’s a scene at the end where she harasses a firefighter and tries to steal a fire engine because they’re working on a building fire and not supervising her park. That’s not a character you wanna root for. That’s a Karen. The game had a better plot thread and resolution to her story rather than a boring cookie-cutter “humans vs. nature grrrr humans are so evil” story, like the game story here had a bit more depth to it and approached the topic more maturely than the book did. Which is ironic considering how hilariously edgy the book gets sometimes, but I guess throwing a few smashed eggs and frozen bird skeletons into your story doesn’t mean anything if you’re still going to paint such a black-and-white narrative.

Iben “Frozen Elsa” Bia: This story didn’t need dialogue. Like... we don’t need her to justify why she’s upset her parents are dead because we’d already assume that. They’re her parents! Of course we’d assume she’d be upset! They died! Simultaneously! That’s horrible! WE DON’T NEED HER TO EXPLAIN THIS! Also her dialogue in the book was... pretty terrible, not gonna lie. Like if you’re gonna insist on dialogue at least make it gOOD. I’m actually planning on just reviewing her book scene so I can fully articulate just how bad it is anyway, so stay tuned for that mess lol.

FINE IN BOTH

I mean there’s not really too much to say here but anyways:

Jose/”The Farmer” having a family in the book gives him a bit more depth, even if we never hear from them again after his backstory dump.

Fiona/”Dolphin Girl” almost drowns in a slightly different way, with a dolphin straight up pulling her mask off rather than knocking it out of her mouth, and the book also goes more into detail about her love for diving and dolphins. Also the book ships her and Haoyu like. So hard. Like they never shut up about how similar they are or what they other’s doing or if the other’s okay or not. By the end of it I was expecting them to just start making out in front of everyone, they’re that obsessed with each other. And it would be funny if they didn’t use this to wreck Haoyu’s backstory like I mentioned earlier.

Yuri/”Bug Kid”/”Is that a Pokémon reference?” is now being kinda bullied for liking bugs, which yeah gives her more depth and reason to be upset but I also kinda related to her just being that One Kid with interests that nobody else had. But it’s not as bad as some of the other changes, so I can let it slide.

Atillio/Clown and Bruce/Old Man are the same, nothing to say here.

Lucy/”The Artist” is a total drama queen but then again so are Art People so I can let it slide. I did like them changing her problem from “artist’s block” (seriously?) to her feeling too under pressure to create masterpieces, unless that’s what the game was aiming for? Oh who cares.

JUST A BIG MESS

Cass “Dead Cat Girl” Milligan: This is a weird one because the story is the same between the game and book (though the book mentions she witnessed a more severe car accident rather than a speeding car which she assumes kills the cat, and the cat isn’t even her cat, it’s a stray) but the story itself is... flawed. According to the book, they wanted to convey the idea that running away from the accident was irresponsible, and she just needed to look back and she’d see her cat is okay, but the game kind of makes it look more like Balan turned back time to save her cat, and the book mentions a serious car crash which I don’t think anyone would willingly return to. I feel there’s a better way to convey this idea of being responsible for your pets, like say her cat escapes from the house and gets lost, and her resolution is going out and properly looking for it. That’s a more effective (and natural) way to relay that message, especially as they weren’t going to commit to the idea of grieving a lost pet.

I’M CONFLICTED

Cal “Chess Daddy” Suresh: God this was a tough call. On one hand Cal’s game backstory is one of the ones most YouTube players single out as the weakest backstory in the game. He’s just “that guy who lost one game of chess”. Being right before Iben’s level certainly doesn’t help. I could honestly write a separate post about how bad the story placements are in this game but that’s too long for here.  On the other hand, I still... kinda like it? Like I like this idea of him being a sore loser with a bad temper who needs to learn some humility, sure it’s not as serious as “I almost drowned” or “my parents are dead” but one of the few good things about the game is that it balanced “serious” stories with “benign” ones, if that makes sense. HOWEVER His book scene is... probably one of the best written in the whole book. Which isn’t saying much, but it felt like it hit the intended degree of darkness that the rest of the book was trying to hit. One of my main issues with the book is how much it edged up everyone’s backstory, which doesn’t sound bad but when you have 12 characters with edgy backstories to sit through, it starts to feel like a 14 year old's first attempt at writing an angsty fanfiction very quickly. And yes, Cal’s story is dark and angsty but it felt like the perfect balance of dark and angsty. Or as perfect as the book can get. Like even Balan’s annoying rhyming dialogue sounded good for the tone of the scene. Man maybe I should just do a review of both his backstories in a bigger post.  Obviously I could be biased because I’m a sucker for chess aesthetics and dark skinned men with long permed hair so I’m just putting more thought into him but still.

[viscountessevie]

Hey! What were you referring to when you spoke about Simone finding out about what Nicola did? Sorry if you already mentioned it somewhere but I can't seem to find it. Spill the tea sis 😂

Lmao I can't escape this! (I'm joking but just wanted to put this drama to bed) Hi anon, thank you for asking so nicely and I think I'll do a recap on what went down on my blog earlier so yall can catch up and all the info is in one place. Okay so the gist is:

I wake up at around 10am, the first thing I see in my fandom gc is that Nicola kind of snubbed Regé in her stories AGAIN (I say again because remember how she shaded Regé when he left by liking tweets and IG stories last year? Yeah similar vibe) and Lav made a post about it that you can find here with my addition to it.

I was pretty harsh on Nicola and I was pretty disgusted with her behaviour at this point after her doing a lot of things I didn't agree with since Bridgerton has come out. So I made it clear this is the last time I'll directly speak on that. Then both Lav and I got asks about it. Since my blog is safe space for opinions similar to mine, I published them, with one or two small notes and fully agreeing with most of the opinions. You can find them here and here, I also reblogged a bunch of Lav's asks too you can scroll through my blog and find them.

So all these coupled together, apparently pissed someone off and they took it upon themself to leave a nasty ask in my ask box. Because it's hate I didn't want to give it the time of day by posting it so I vague posted about it (the post you saw about me saying what I said about Simone) and let it go to bed. The gist of the ask is them calling me a bully for rightfully criticising Nicola's actions over the last year with her cast mates, especially Regé and said I was rotten and just a bunch of stupid hate anon shit. [I dunno how I am the bully when I'm not saying this shit to Nicola but the anon was up in my asks bullying me lmao - the hypocrisy]

And one part of the ask mentioned that it's a pity I'm a Simone fan because she's so kind and I'm rotten lmao why did they bring Simone into this?? So this is the part where I responded to in my vague post saying "Simone is too busy to care about this shit and prolly doesn't know Nicola did that. And if she see that story, she would be disgusted too." That being Nicola snubbing Regé in the post.

Finally the anon sent another ask, I blocked them and deleted it before I could properly read it but I'm sure they called me disgusting lol okay. Hence me popping off some more on my vague post.

It was really sweet and funny of Lav to defend me after with this addition It's hella funny to have my friend be my hate ask filter but NO ONE SEND HATE TO HER OKAY! She's the best person I know. If you hate me and got something to say to me, come off anon or go bitch to your friends about me like a normal person. Don't send hate.

And all this happened before noon my time. Me rn:

✨ And that's what you missed on Glee!✨ 

[mono-moonchilds]

Can I request a 02 from the smut prompts for Jiminnie? And you can like write it anyway you like, but yeh... I hope you get the idea haha.

→ Note: I hope I got your gist of the prompt right lol. This is the first time I’ve ever written dom!jimin. Did I enjoy it...YES. Hope you enjoy!

→ Warnings: argument, spanking, unprotected sex {pls don’t}, slight overstimulation 

“Fuck you,” You hissed out. 

Jimin’s eyes narrowed, turning dark.  “Say that one more time.” He lifted a brow provokingly. “I dare you.”

Happy to oblige you placed your hands on your hips leaning forward so that your boyfriend could hear you nice and clear. “Fuck.You.” You repeated putting a harsh emphasis on every single syllable. 

You didn’t think it was possible but even more, rage fired up in Jimin’s eyes. He drew close to you voice low. “You’re playing with fire, little one.” 

Letting out a scoff, you shoved past him but before you could even make an inch past him he grabbed your arm pulling you back tightly against him. 

“I thought we talked about this bratty behavior of yours.” His breath fanned across your neck.

“And I thought we talked about you not being a shitty boyfriend.” You shot back. 

The specifics you weren’t sure about because it happened so swiftly but suddenly you were being bent over the back of the couch. Jimin’s palm collides with your ass, your thin shorts doing nothing to block the impact. 

“Jimin!” You yelp out in surprise and pain, trying to turn your head but Jimin had a firm grip on your neck not allowing it. 

“Shut up, ____. You're always whining and complaining, telling me what I don’t do. You wanted some attention?” His hand smacks across your ass again. The stinging burning even harsher. “Well, here’s your fucking attention.”

Another smack.

The stinging traveled from your ass right to your pussy and you felt yourself grow wet. You were a mix  between turned on and shocked. Jimin had never been this rough with you. With every smack across your ass you got even wetter trying your hardest to hold back your moans. 

Suddenly the hand that was holding you in place came to the front of your throat, pulling you back against him. 

“You're enjoying this aren’t you?” His warm breath fanned across your ear. Without warning his fingers pushed into your shorts and panties, swiped across your cunt, and then he pulled them out showing you the slick that was covering his digits. “Fucking dirty brat. You want me to fuck you?” 

You nodded. 

“I knew you would you dirty brat.” He mumbled pushing your front back over the couch. 

You heard him unbuckling his belt, then dropping to the floor, and not too soon afterward your shorts were shoved down as well. Without prep, no warning either, Jimin pushed himself into your pussy. You cried out at the sudden stretch.

Jimin didn’t wait a second before he began to pound in and out of your cunt showing absolutely no mercy. Every thrust sending you further forward, the only reason that you hadn’t completely fallen over is your boyfriend's tight grip on your hips. 

There was stinging on your ass, in your pussy. Everywhere burned but felt so damn good as well. There was so much going on, Jimin grunting things over you, the heavy sound of skin slapping that filled the tiny living room, and even louder your moans and yells of pleasure. 

It wasn’t long before you felt your orgasm violently approaching. You tried to warn Jimin screaming out his name, that you were about to come but he just ignored you. Eyes rolling back in your head, and tears flowing down your cheeks, your orgasm hit, and your legs began to shake violently. 

“Fuck,” Jimin groaned.  “That’s right.”

You assumed he’d slowed down but you were wrong when your boyfriend started to fuck even harder into you. The overstimulation shooting through every crevice of your body. 

“Puh-please..please.” You begged. 

“What do you want?”

“Cuh-come...Please come.” 

It took a few more thrusts but with a loud grunt, Jimin buries himself somehow even deeper as he releases his come inside of you. Just like you did his body shakes with pleasure. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, the come dripping down before Jimin pulls away slipping out of you. You whine. 

“Shhh, shh.” He mutters tiredly. You hear rustling behind you. Probably him putting back on his underwear. “Gotta get you cleaned up.” 

He properly places you onto the couch, then disappears down the hall coming back with a wet towel. You could see in his eyes that something was bothering him as he wiped the towel across you.

“You really think I’m a shitty boyfriend?” He asked softly.

You shook your head. You honestly didn’t. You’d just said it heat of the moment because you were upset. 

“No. But sometimes I do wish you made more time to spend with me. I understand you're busy but I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby. It’s just so much going on right now.”

“I know.”

“But I will try harder. I promise okay?”

“Okay.” You agreed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[possum-rat]

brb fighting ✨GOD✨

Previous 

Next

the all too familiar feeling of being teleported to a new server never fails to make (Y/n) slightly nauseous. As their feet land firmly on solid ground they look up at the sky and smile slightly. Walking deeper into the forest they crouch as to not injure their face further. Realizing they haven't actually seen the injury they stop at a small clear pool. "The hood is up. That's why Eret didn't comment. Oh." Pulling down the hood they wince at the large bandage covering most of their cheek and part of their eye along with some of their neck.

getting up from their spot on the bank they see the distant silhouette of Philza.

"DADZA." The voices begin chanting along with more thought you know the gist. Arson, Women, Women in suits, Killing men...ANYWAY. As (y/n) walks toward their house they freeze at the small box while Philza stands infront of it confused. "Crap." They whisper as they slip past Philza and look into the large wooden crate.

A small chest lies within it. (Y/n) glances toward Philza confused. Before opening the chest they turn to look at Philza. He nods in confirmation. As (Y/n) opens the chest theirs a map. The map is blank part from a messily scrawled 2 words:

Dream SMP

(Y/n) bids Philza farewell before returning to the blank room and letting the portal take them back. They see the faint broken outline of the SMP as they float down toward spawn. Eret's castle, Tommy's dirt enterprises along with his "Power tower" Purpled's UFO they begin to blur into one massive blob of color. (Y/n) eventually feels the firm solid unmoving ground under their feet.

as Y/n glances at the map again it changes. A red X over a spot. With the words "Make house here" frowning but obliging to the paper's request (Y/n) begins hiking toward the location. As they come to a large stream of water spanning as far as the eye can see (Y/n) pulls out the map again and grins as it says "Railway." With a set of numbers-Quardinints. Eventually (Y/n) finds a button leading to the railway. As they press it they wait before yelping as the ground suddenly gives way.

It's never a great feeling slamming into water from a large distance but non less (Y/n) is grateful for not you know...Dying. As they look around the old seeming to be Mineshaft they see that the Railway is still intact. There's a chest beside the railway. Bending down toward the chest and whipping the dust and grime from the top they freeze.

a harsh echoing voice demands "WHO'S HERE."

(Y/n) stands up and pulling out a potion of Night vision they uncork the bottle before drinking. Rolling up their sleeves they remain silent. "HELLO? I KNOW YOU'RE THERE." The voice roars dementedly. "Hello?" (Y/n) replies. 'man. I swear to god if this is god I will throw hands. Like on sight.' They think as a floating figure emerges from the blackness. A glowing seam of orange against the black of the mineshaft,

eventually, a figure comes into view.

Black coveralls layered with enchanted Netherite (probably heavy enchantment) instead of the normal purple glow is replaced by an orange glow. A bronze orange hood up covering their hair. A black mask covering his face with a glowing orange pair of eyes and a jagged smile painted on crudity.

in the world chat, three words appear

<Nightmare>Has joined the game.

(Y/n) frowns and lifts their hands in surrender. "Mortal. You dare venture into my land?" (Y/n) knows they can't possibly fight and win against a man who seems to be floating in all neitherite, so naturally, they decide to do something more drastic. "Nightmare. Could you possibly take off your Netherite armor? I mean if you want to fight sure, fine. I won't use my potions, you take off your armor and allow yourself to take damage. Just hand-to-hand combat. Nothing more nothing less." They murmur as they bend down to the chest placing all their supplies neatly inside. Nightmare asks in his echoing demented voice. "Fight to the death. You win you can continue on your way." (Y/n) hesitates as the other floats toward her before landing on the ground and placing his armor into the chest before standing up and stretching.

As the two back up (Y/n) crouches slightly before typing in the chat:

<Y/n> Lol fighting god rn wish me luck lol <3

Nightmare's masks expression turns to one of amusement. "Mortal. What are you doing. Stalling?" (Y/n) shrugs before pulling their hair up making it easier for them to see. As Nightmare easily jumps atop of the chest he turns toward the small beam of wood above (Y/n) jumping toward it he swings slamming the heals of his feet into the space between their rib and stomach.

(Y/n) slams toward the ground feeling out of breath already. As Nightmare stands above them and asks "losing your breath already mortal? Give up. It'll be best." (Y/n) coughs and jerks up sending their arm into Nightmares gut. Before backing up and turning sideways to limit the amount of injury to their healing burns. Hands up they step up pulling their left leg up and toward their stomach before shooting it into Nightmares gut.

Nightmare sucks in a deep breath before pulling his arm back. As his fist slams into (y/n) jaw they can't help but Yelp at the pain that flourishes from the burnt area. Their expression turns from amusement to annoyance, as they step forward quickly and raise their fist before sending it into his mask. A loud crunch echos through the tunnel before (y/n) steps back and sends another punch, then another before Nightmare grabs (Y/n's) arm and hoisting them by one arm into the air then throwing them, as if they were a rag doll to the ground.

A crack in his mask reveals a greenish eye. (Y/n) doesn't register as a gloved fist smashes into their eye and nose until their eyes begin to water. as they scoot back on their hands and feet, they feel their heart begin to slam against their chest as if it were trying to escape.

"I can hear your heart beating Mortal. You're scared." Nightmare growls. "Yeah no shit sherlock. Obvuisly am. I mean" (y/n) stands up and Wipes their cupid bow with their hand before continuing. "if you're going to do the whole "Kill me with a fight to the death" can you speed up a little? like bruh, come on. I'm literally going to die anyway."

the jagged smile turns to an expression of worry. "Mortal? are you okay?" he asks. (y/n) grins and sends their foot into his gut before He holds up a hand and snaps.

(Y/n) yelps as they begin to fall. Slamming onto the ground infront of Tommy. "WELL, YOU DONT ALLOW SHIT BITCH. Oh hey (y/n)!" Tubbo states happily. (Y/n) coughs and proceeds to sit down. From across the room, George sends a confused look toward (Y/n). To which (Y/n) grumbles "Jesus Christ can't a kid fall from the sky in peace?" They eventually drift off into a daydream about...Honestly, who knows what- but Possoms Raccoons and Ghostly Saytar's were involved.

Eventually growing bored of the arguing (Y/n) stands up and slams their hands upon the podium lectern thing beside Wilbur.

"Jesus Christ. This debate sounds like two toddlers arguing over a fucking toy. please grow up, this is a whole ass nation not some fucking toy." They growl as small dark Smokey grey particles erupt around them. Their normally (E/C) eyes now pitch black apart from a small pinpoint of (E/c).

"(Y/n)? What the- are you feeling okay?" Tommy asks from beside them. They turn toward him and nod. "I'll go get some fresh air or some shit." They mumble as they exit the courthouse pulling out their map yet again and following the directions before eventually coming to the railway. As they open the chest they notice that inside is a totem of undying a wolf egg along with a bone and a brewing stand along with an enchantment table with a few bottles of Enchantment. In addition to the stuff, they had left in beforehand. Frowning slightly they hesitate before taking the supplies.

a rail cart is already in place on the tracks.

As (y/n) boards the cart pulling a lever beside the tracks the cart shoots off shaking slightly. But in a soothing manner, like the kind that reminds you of a swing. Eventually (y/n) comes out of the mine and shoots up a hill. As they clutch the sides of the cart they gaze out in wonder at the view. Tall orange-yellow and reddish foliage growing on oak and birch trees surround the vast expanse of unmarked land. Smiling slightly (Y/n) gazes out before realizing that there happens to be a village not far from near the top of the mountain that they were on.

as the cart screeches to a halt (Y/n) grabs a spare chest from their inventory before placing the mine cart inside. As the sun begins to set (y/n) gazes out at the view before summoning a few unlit torches and placing them where needed.

As the sun finally dips out of sight (Y/n) sets to work. As they dig a hole into the side of the mountain they scan the expanse. "Should it be bigger?" They wonder aloud. A voice replies "I'm thinking maybe another two or three feet on the left wall?" Snapping their neck toward the sound.

Purpled leans against the rugged wall intensely gazing at the room. "Sorry don't mean to interrupt or anything but could I get a potion or two?" as he stands up brushing the small crumbs(is crumbs the right word?) of dust and rubble off his shoulders. Frowning slightly (Y/n) stares at him taking in his black jeans, once dark indigo now a lighter hoodie underneath enchanted netherite. As they meet his amethyst eyes they reply slowly "Depends on what kind you're asking." They reply a grin spreading across their face.

----

"Purpled pass me the golden carrot." (Y/n) states as they stare at the bubbling yellow mixture. Black bandana and goggles covering their face they turn toward the boy. As he hands the carrot to (Y/n) they wheeze at the size difference. In purpled's hand, it's normal-sized, but once in (y/n's) hand, it's about a little more than 3/4 of the original size. Purpled notices and snorts "Yeah. That's because you're a giant, dumbass."

(Y/n) drops the carrot into the mixture face over the stand as a plume of smoke shoots out. "Yeah. Well, it's not my fault." They cough as they pull off the goggles leaving a ring around their eyes like a raccoon.

"Why'd you need a night vision anyway? Stargazing?" (Y/n) continues. As Purpled nods (y/n) nods and says "Here, I'll make you another just cuz. No charge or whatever." As they pour the translucent dark periwinkle liquid into 3 viles they grab another before handing the three to him and pouring more into the 4th.

As Purpled begins to head out (Y/n) says quietly "Mind keeping my house a secret? I mean...I don't want any of my shit stolen. I can give you more potions when you need?" Purpled nods waving as he leaves.

---

Returning to the task at hand (Y/n) stares at the dark oak walls frowning slightly. It seemed to...empty. As (Y/n) scans the walls they smack their forehead. Running to one of the walls they rummage through the chest bringing out a painting they had painted months prior.

By the time they take a break to grab something to eat it's around 4 am. Grinning wildly they turn toward the entrance frowning. A gaping hole and no mobs? As they jog toward the entrance they see what was going on. Skeletons. Hordes of them protecting the entrance.

"MmmhBruhhhhhhhh." They groan "Y'all you don't have tooooo. But thanksss." They turn toward the door and grab Redstone and pistons.

By the time they finish the door their eyes are growing heavy. "I'll just" they yawn "I'll just take a small break here." They murmur as they curl up on the soft grass. The stars lulling them softly to sleep. “i’ll check the map...check in the morni’g” they finally finish

[liberhoe]

ooh, okay chat time! :) well, it really is a personal preference. like when i first watched the anime i didn't know it was a thing, but i found out soon because noya was always my favorite and i wanted content (and the first ship of his that i got into is far, far rarer than ykny), so then people told me and i was like, "really? and that's it? oh well whatever, not my thing so i'll pass". then as i went on it started to bother me, mainly because of some people in the fandom who came at me with the ship hate and trying to push pairing down my throat. which is something that i can't and won't stand, so, yeah! idk it's just a very big notp that i really don't want to see. besides, objectively speaking, i find them to be incompatible. in my own interpretation at least. like i get why people like them (one of my dearest friends ships asan*ya and she gave me a very personal and sweet opinion on it, and i respect it because she's my friend and shipping is subjective. this is just what i think), and there is a lot of fanservice, but to me, it's like: i couldn't care less about the size difference. what do they give to each other? i mean, look, i have two ships with nishinoya: one is with yaku, the other is with oikawa: in both cases, i see a lot of chemistry, a whole lot of mutual admiration and respect, and a matter of "i can keep up with you. we are both intense, we both have very strong personalities and ambitions, and we support each other no matter what." i see fun, i see romantic tension, i see possibilities. and sure, it's two different dynamics as ykny is literally soulmates who complement one another material and oiny is imperfect halves of a whole who chose each other with flaws and virtues material, but the gist is: they are balanced. it's not just one of them carrying the other or inspiring the other or predominating. they are equal and they are mutual. like, i can see why both parties would be drawn to one another in those two cases.

again this is my own view lol i see noya as a very inspiring and strong person and i hate how fandom diminishes his character to make him fit into the role of the stereotypical extroverted ray of sunshine and energy bottled up in a tiny body and paired up with big strong sensitive top. like no lol. have we watched the same anime? read the same manga? i dunno. but see, it really is mostly my own interpretation, with a couple of unfortunate encounters, but mainly interpretation and preference!

No you hit it on the head this is also why I dislike it (And Yakulev)

More under the cut bc i have a lot of Feelings about this

It’s mostly just the height. I don’t understand that. But also, their dynamic is so odd to me.

I find that Asahi is meek and that REALLY clashes with Noya. Alongside that, we’ve seen how they react to an argument with each other. Asahi closes off and has a hard time apologizing/looking at him(and suga) and Noya is brash, stubborn, and even explosive. This… would not go well.

Another issue is just, the way the fandom portrays them both.

according to fandom Noya is an airhead who’s only really good at volleyball. They make him so shallow. He’s dumb, harsh, obsessive, and always seems to ruin plans. That.. That’s not Noya.

And don’t get me started on Asahi. I’m so fucking tired of the jesus jokes because it literally ended up being part of his ‘character’. He’s portrayed as overly innocent, a pacifist, always nervous, and he often is portrayed worrying about the smallest of things every second.

I’m not sure if I should even explain how much that relationship would suck.

Anyway.

Asahi would most likely have noya making all the decisions and he would struggle with the most VITAL part of a relationship: Communication. Noya would pick up on it and push until Asahi breaks and then Noya has to try and figure things out. To me, Noya would have to instigate most of the relationship. And not only that, but both of them clash in how they argue.

Noya is, as I said earlier, blunt and explosive. He knows what he wants and he’s not afraid to say it. He lets all of his feelings out without thinking of their effect.

Asahi is, out of the four fear responses, a fawn. He’s a pleaser. And not only that, but he shuts down. Asahi would take the harsh words Noya is saying and he’d internalize it. And while Noya would want to fix the problem, Asahi would most likely try to just go along with it without really saying what’s on his mind.

There’s so much that just upsets me about Asan*ya(censored for search bar). I could be here for HOURS

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice: Unlimited Part 7 - Adonis Route

Honestly, I find the way Ichika joined Zero's side to be pretty iffy even back then in the original game, so I kinda hoped something like Kazuki dying would have changed here but I guess not.. I feel sorry for Kazuki that they reconciled but she still ended up joining Adonis alongside Akito, it must be a pretty big shock having to deal with that. (EDIT: guess he is gone..) Ichika being at the top and training people in marksmanship and stuff is very interesting lol. She looks all right with short hair but yeah, I agree with Zero, I liked the long hair more. Anyway, Zero wants her to find out if there's a traitor amongst them before the next X-Day (since the one 2 years ago failed) in 30 days. Anyway, it seems like you go through each of the Adonis' executors' stories so that's interesting. I'm just going to go from the ones I least like to the ones I like the most haha, and then leave Mikuni for last I guess. Well, Hana's story first then~

Kobayashi Hana

I guess Hana is as bright as ever. I quite enjoy seeing her try and dress Ichika up and make her cuter lol. On the other hand, seeing her mercilessly cut through that panda cake was pretty hilarious. One thing I enjoyed insight into was hearing that Hana has been avoiding going to Isshiki's concerts to avoid causing any trouble to them with the police just in case they come to crash it because of her or something. Honestly, I was pretty impressed. Like, she's always been pretty selfish, and she's always prioritised her love for Isshiki above everything, but to see that she could stop herself to protect him was nice in its own way. Even though she's a pretty ruthless killer, and even though she's obsessed with Isshiki, I guess she does think things through a bit so that Isshiki won't ever have to suffer because of her. Hmm Ichika seemed to reminisce about Kazuki, does that mean he died? Anyway, these investigations are short? Are they really just segments of story for Ichika to become friends with each person? Lol. I mean, Ichika literally did nothing but talk about random stuff with Hana lol. I actually find it rather endearing that Hana and Ichika can fight so openly about their feelings and understand that they actually do want the best for each other, it's kinda nice how they became good friends under such circumstances.

Soda Manabu

Honestly, I kinda wish we could just pick one character and continue until the investigation completes because it's sooo annoying having to press on each one like 7 times just to get a couple of lines of story each time Zzz. Anyway, gotta admit Ichika is pretty judgmental towards Soda, and actively tries to "fix" him and thinks what he does is "wrong", which is pretty annoying tbh. Just because she doesn't understand games, she thinks it's useless to Adonis, and then judges him for his eating habits? Lol. Anyway, at least she tried playing his game though lol, and even got lessons from him haha. I see, I can understand why Ichika would go to Zero for "revenge" but not sure about the "sadness" thing if that's what she's going for tbh. Losing Yanagi, Enomoto, Shiraishi, Okazaki and Kazuki is a big hit and I can understand it shattering her world, but going to Adonis is basically breeding everything that killed everyone important to her. Anyway, Sasazuka's pained voice telling Ichika not to go to Adonis really hurt. I'm sure he's really hurting over the fact he didn't notice the weapons that ended up killing everyone, alongside survivor's guilt of being the only one who survived out of the group, and then now not even being able to stop Ichika from going over to the other side.. It's painful to see. Anyway, lmao, Soda is probably a tamer little brother than Kazuki. His words are harsh but you can tell he only talks like that to protect himself, so any time he swears, I don't bother taking him seriously, he's a hurt little kid. It's cute how Ichika mixed his hated eggplants into the gratin and he didn't even notice, but he ate the whole thing happily🤣 He's so adorable lmao, especially when his face went red and he told her he'd eat her stuff again (even though she shouldn't hear it), and then he ran off🤣

It seems like Soda regrets his actions much more than I initially thought. He was able to get revenge, but now he's even more scared of death because of what he had done, and now he's just in this never-ending cycle of fear, needing to have Zero's power to protect himself, doing his bidding so that he won't die, but at the same time being so scared of his life that the only time he probably feels "safe" is when he plays his games. I love how happy he was when Ichika gave him a SS tier rare item and he put it on, locked it and kept it in a special box🤣 That's so cuteee. Definitely enjoyed Soda's mini part more than I thought hahaha, he's such a cute little kid, which makes it kinda sad lol. Soda blowing up and getting mad at Ichika for playing solo and saying she didn't need connections when she made him realise he wanted to start building connections because of her was really...heartwarming. Soda gave up on people and a lot of things thinking that he could never have them because that's how it was considering how people are, but he changed his mind after Ichika so insistently barged into his life, and now to say that it's practically useless would be extremely hurtful to him. I was really impressed with Soda, and I'm happy that he even told Ichika that she can rely on him more, he's such a sweet boy🥲

Uno Suzune

Lmaooo poor Shion, the woes of a big brother. I found it hilarious how Suzune would give him the green peas she doesn't like even though Shion hates them too, definitely something siblings would do🥲 I superrrr agree with Suzune about handwriting diaries instead of writing a blog! I mean, I have both obviously, but I definitely have different feelings when I read my blog and when I read my writing in my diary. Through my blog, I can easily read my exact thoughts and get to the gist of what I'm talking about, but with my diary, I can see stuff like when I started getting tired of writing, when I felt like changing my pen, and a lot of other feelings that can't be seen or portrayed properly in a typed blog, and yes, the memories of me writing all this usually comes back better when I've written it, mainly because I either say it in the entry or because I can actually remember sitting there and putting time into writing about my life/day.

Guess Suzune's pretty yandere for her brother if any kind of possible romantic interest from Ichika gets her other self to come out and threaten her about it lol. Anyway, it's cute how she’s starting to kinda think of Ichika as a big sister. Suzune willingly taking Ichika to Shion and calling Ichika Chi-chan is probably the biggest improvement you can get considering she could stab you as the worst case hahha. Well, Suzune was definitely cuter than I thought and seeing her so vulnerable, shy but wanting to protect Shion and getting out of her shell for him was sweet. Are there endings for each executor? Well, anyway, Suzune saying she would be sad if anything happened to Ichika was really sweet.

Sugawara Rika

Lmao, I forgot Sugawara is obsessed with Zero, this is going to be fun I guess. It's kinda funny that getting a 50,000 yen strawberry entices her lol, I'm surprised Zero approved it as an expense, like dang, can I have one too, I'm curious lol. Lmao when Sugawara wanted to keep the strawberries as a memento instead of eating it😂 She should have been convinced when Ichika said it'll become a part of her hahahah. LOL when Sugawara started lecturing Ichika about dressing better in front of Zero, and then tried to get her makeup to make her look better, but then Ichika runs away😂

Okay, I loved the girls dress up night with Hana, Ichika and Sugawara. It was so funny how they started arguing about what Ichika should wear and then became fast enough friends to recommend each other stuff and then wear it for fun. I loveee that they had a CG for their new outfits because they're all so pretty, I love them! I think Hana's is my favourite because it's so simple but cute in a different way from her usual. I guess it's kinda cute how in Hana's investigation, Hana focuses on Ichika's clothing fashion, but Sugawara takes it further or I guess mainly focuses on skincare, makeup and haircare haha. I guess it's nice that Sugawara is definitely much more open about standing up for herself and other women when it comes to men who try to objectify them or think of them as "lesser". She's become stronger. I think it's kinda sad to see that amongst all the other happy mini endings with the other executors, Rika's one with Ichika is actually pretty sad because it was through them bonding that Rika noticed Ichika's true intentions of revenge, and that's why they can never truly see eye-to-eye and be friends.

Ogata Tomoki

I guess I didn't expect Ogata to be the type to go to batting cages, but I even more didn't expect him to reserve sweets to make sure he can get them hahaha! It's nice that he enjoys wagashi though, I definitely should have tried it when I went to Japan, but I completely forgot😭 Aww, Ogata had such a sweet daughter! Whenever his wife wasn't looking, she would eat his hated tomatoes for him! Such a kind kid😭 I've never heard of monaka before, so I googled it and they look nice!! Kinda like an ice cream sandwich but not with ice cream and has red bean paste and other stuff inside I guess? I would totally eat it. Lmaoo at Ichika's impression of the typical salaryman😂😂 It's true though, I can't imagine Ogata going home to watch comedy shows with a beer in his hand🤣 Aww it was so cute how Ogata did an impersonation of a character in a drama because he got so used to doing it for his daughter. But lmao at Ichika though, telling him what he can improve on since Adonis might have end of the year parties he could use it for, imagine a bunch of terrorists partying for something so normal like the end of the year hahah😂😂

It's actually really sad how Ogata feels like he can't be a father anymore because he knows that he prioritises his current ideals and dreams more than his daughter. And I guess considering how long they've been separated and how much he has changed, it would probably feel awkward to try and be a normal father, but I guess at least through Ichika's encouragement, he's willing to try and reply to his daughter's letter of wanting to meet him. I think the reason why I've always liked Ogata is because he doesn't regret his actions. Like, he knows that he's killed people and that's why he doesn't want to see his family and get them involved with what he's doing right now, because he knows the gravity of his actions. But at the same time, his hatred for Fujii, the police and the whole mistaken arrest that led to such injustice for him and changed his whole perspective on life is something he can't let go of, and that's why it led him to Adonis and to fulfill his "new" ideals. He knows it's a path that will not necessarily have a "good ending" but he's willing to sacrifice everything for it, and I think that's what makes me attracted to his character. Anyway, LMAO at how insistent Ichika was on seeing young Ogata with a buzzcut playing baseball, absolutely hilarious when she was ready to tie him up with a rope and search his room😂😂 It's pretty sad to see that Ogata wanted to be like Isshiki and save people with his justice without faltering in this cruel world but he just wasn't able to do it because hatred was what fuelled him to move forward and not forgiveness or hope. But I'm glad he encouraged Ichika to listen to Isshiki's song and hear Kazuki's guitar, because seeing Ichika show her emotions again, even if just a little bit was nice...

Uno Shion

Aww, it's cute how much Shion cares about Suzune, but also so cute how he's embarrassed to say he likes chocolate🤣 It's nice that he's more cooperative than Suzune I guess hahaha. I never expected Shion to like to paint though, that's interesting. Anyway, it's pretty sad to think that the "outside world" was much more unforgiving to the Uno siblings, and that it was only after they joined this terrorist organisation did they get to feel safe and secure that they have shelter and food without people going crazy on them. In that sense, it's understandable how much more comfortable Adonis would be for them. Aww Shion and Suzune getting excited over a chocolate cake is so adorable. Them saving up to buy a home for themselves is so heartwarming, it makes me really want to cheer for them. I'm dying from how cute they are trying to feed Ichika the chocolate cake too because they really like her and think she's really kind like their mother was before. Shion buying a cheese tart for both Ichika and Suzune was sweet, she's like a part of his thought process when buying stuff for his sister hahaha. Lol when he just shoved it into her mouth instead of giving it to her like a normal person🤣 Lmaoo when Shion drew a portrait of Ichika stuffing herself with cheese tart🤣 To think that Shion was so serious about drawing that he's actually thinking about a future with it after the X-Day stuff..it’s so endearing.

Sera Akito

It must be difficult for both Akito and Ichika to talk to each other. Just seeing each other's faces would make them remember the past and compare it to the present, making their whole encounter just...painful to watch. It's so like Akito to hide that he dislikes shiitake mushrooms so that it wouldn't inconvenience Ichika and make her remove it from the cooking menu. Lmaooo at Akito being so scared of bugs, enough that Ichika has to call cockroaches dark fairies to make him feel more at ease🤣 I'm sure Akito must be hurting too, but his consideration for Ichika above himself really makes my heart feel so warm. Awww, my heart swooned when Akito said his ideal type was Ichika! If only there was an Akito route~ Anyway, I didn't expect Akito and Soda to really interact but lmaoo at Soda having spent millions of yen on in-game stuff, Soda is right though, gacha rates are cruel😭😭 Aww, it was so cute how honest Soda was about wanting to have defeated the boss with Akito instead of dumping him and killing it himself, since what Soda values is playing together with other people. So, Kazuki was stabbed by a guy who was influenced by Adonis into taking revenge against his bullies or something, and I guess Kazuki was killed when he tried to step in? Honestly, I feel terrible for Akito. He was already feeling doubts and guilt over getting revenge for his sister, but after experiencing Kazuki's death, he must hate his choice for joining Adonis even more than before. It honestly broke my heart to see Akito break down like that not knowing how he could atone for his sins in causing Kazuki's death. His heartwrenching screams really cut me and made me tear up from all the pain Akito must have been bottling up all this time. Akito will always be my favourite side character, I think his pain, his feelings and his emotions were portrayed so well.

Sanjo Keisuke

Aww, Sanjo's favourite food being ramen is very him, kinda hahaha. I can't imagine a 7kg bowl of ramen and having to finish that in 30 minutes😱 On the other hand, Sanjo being into arcades is kinda unexpected, lmaooo at Ichika thinking he would play the crane games😂 I didn't think about the fact that Ichika is a former cop just like him now, I wonder how he feels about that or whether he even cares😅 Lmao at Sanjo seriously answering Ichika what his type of woman is and then even describing the body shape with sound effects😂 I can't believe Ichika just tickled Sanjo and made him laugh like crazy, I would have liked to see that😆😆 I think it would have been so nice if Ogata was Sanjo's boss, I feel like their values and ideals of justice back in the day would have matched well since Sanjo probably desired something "pure" back in the day and hoped to be a part of an organisation that helped people, and Ogata was always helping people already, so they would have worked well together. It's just sad that they both got betrayed by their ideals of what the police should have been to them and others.

 The idea that you can't feel any fear because you don't value your life is a pretty interesting and saddening thought. Maybe because I get that feeling sometimes. I agree with Sanjo, Zero definitely doesn't truly care about those ideals of saving the weak that he keeps spouting, he's not like Mikuni, and that's also imo the reason why Zero believes that he and Mikuni will never truly understand each other. Ichika and Sanjo eating ramen together is so cute lol.

Mikuni Rei

Lmao at Zero calling Mikuni an old man for liking fish, disliking carbonated drinks and other junk food because they're not nutritional hahaha. Otherwise, nothing much to say tbh, Mikuni has always been a rather bland character to me? I like him, but at the same time I don't because even though it's interesting to see that he actually has "noble" goals compared to Zero, the fact is that Mikuni as he himself said has been told that he's a "saviour" of sorts, and I think that really exemplifies the type of person Mikuni is. Someone who believes that he can and wants to "save" people in his own way as if he is someone above them all, but at the same time, he is very apparently flawed exactly because he is like that. He's not someone who truly understands the people "below" him and he also doesn't seem to perceive that as something that can be helped, and that's why even though his goals are "noble", he's not really noble at all. But it doesn't really change the fact that Mikuni is kind in his own way though. Mikuni eating shrimp crackers is so cute😂

Saeki Yuzuru

To be honest, I've always liked the chill policeman Saeki, and I personally think Zero likes that version of himself too. I feel like he always enjoyed just talking about stuff with Ichika during their drinking charades, and had fun visiting her. But at the same time, I feel like because of the existence of Adonis and Mikuni, Zero never really allowed his negative emotions to be "accepted" in order for him to move on, so instead it just continued piling up inside to the point of indifference towards the world and others imo. Anyway, it's sad, seeing Zero and Mikuni happily play chess together. They really look like two brothers just having fun in their own way. Hearing them say that they've been doing this since they were kids makes it all the more saddening when they realised that despite how "close" they were to each other, they never really understood each other. In a sense, I feel like in the end, both Mikuni and Zero use Adonis as a way to get the things they want and feel like it's one of the only ways they can do it? I mean, I do feel like Mikuni treasures his relationship with Zero more than Adonis or anything else, because when it comes down to it, I feel like he tries really hard to understand Zero by trying to see things from his perspective and hanging out with Ichika, the one that Zero thinks understands him best and the one Zero likes the most. On the other hand, Zero seems to use Adonis as a way for revenge of his mother and as a way to vent those emotions and scars he got, but at the same time Adonis also granted him Mikuni (a brother), and it gave him opportunities and power.

Zero definitely loves Ichika in an obsessed way, probably the only way he thinks he can love someone, since he doesn't want to become "weak" like his mother was. So if he felt anything like love, he would prefer it to be a love that would destroy him, because in a sense I think I can understand that sentiment of wanting the person you love to solely focus on yourself and no one else, whether that is hatred or whatever emotion doesn't matter, because being the entire focus of someone else's is a sort of "love" to enjoy, so I don't blame Zero for his twisted "love" lol. Especially since you can tell how much he has always enjoyed his after work beers and just chatting with Ichika. I quite enjoyed their little date walking around reminiscing the past and discovering new things they missed out on, now I really want to eat crepes🥲 The ending where Ichika kills Saeki is pretty sad though. Seeing Saeki the most relieved and happy he has ever been is probably what made me kinda happy for him though. He still sucks, but like Ichika said, I can't hate him, because it was true that he did reduce the sadness of many (whilst creating sadness for many others too though) and at the core, he was like in a sense a guy who consumed so much sadness from everywhere around him, always in pain, always sad despite his appearance, and thinking that makes it difficult for me to truly hate him.

Overall, I like the Adonis route! Initially, I was a bit sceptical whether it was really necessary and whether it would be interesting at all but I really loved bonding with all the executors. Seeing more of the human and emotional sides, seeing them warm up to Ichika and become friends with her really made me enjoy the "what could never be" part of it all. I think I especially loved Akito's because of how emotional it was tying into Kazuki and everything. But I also really enjoyed seeing the different sides of all of them. It really makes me wish Ichika got an individual route with like Akito and Sanjo and Ogata because I loveee them🥲🥲

Overall Review

I definitely enjoyed CxM: Unlimited much more than I thought I would! In the beginning, Sasazuka and Okazaki's routes kinda made me wonder whether I really wanted to continue this, but I'm so glad I got through them because I enjoyed Enomoto's, Yanagi's and Shiraishi's routes a lot! If I ranked them, I probably liked Shiraishi's the most, then Yanagi, Enomoto, Okazaki and then Sasazuka. It's definitely what I wanted in a fandisk, which is more fluffy romance and just bonding with all the guys even more, and I absolutely loveeee the potential romances with Yoshinari and Minegishi, they were so unexpectedly nice. Definitely no plot but that's okay since it's a fandisc and I think it fulfilled really well what its goal was when it comes to more romance in the story haha. 8/10! I'm definitely going to miss the characters, I'm so attached to Enomoto and them lol.

[norgestan]

crisana, norandro, jorgeva and amira x dani

ha, anon just wanted all the canon couples. fair enough!

CRISANA:

see, skam s3 is my favorite season of all time, but it has never been because of the love story. isak's story hits in a lot of sensitive places for me, and isak was also the first main character i encountered that was my age. i have a really special connection to him for that reason. on the other hand... i enjoy evak for what it is, but i never saw a future for their relationship after the season ended. in a lot of ways, isak's season ended just as their relationship started, a trope that i've never liked because how am i supposed to think that they will last? how am i supposed to know how they will work as a couple? it's just, ugh.

i had similar thoughts about crisana when i watched s2, except that the love confession scene and cris as a character made it even harder to get into the couple. moreover, the way people brush other characters' roles and presence on other seasons because they're so caught up on cris and joana is like... blegh. like it makes me forget that they're actually a well-written couple at times. because imo, og they never did anything really interesting with evak once they got together. but eskam........ oh, dear eskam.

there's something so beautiful about thinking of all the girls, the teenagers that will grow up watching a relationship like theirs on popular media. their entire subplot (??? can i even call it that) in s4 is proof of how GREAT of a relationship they turned out to be. like, i just wanna SCREAM thinking about it because, how is it possible that eskam saw evak and said "we're gonna make this SO good and we'll take our time and then tie it up in an incredibly satisfying and emotional way" and then did exactly that!!!!!! the way they respect each other, communicate, genuinely try to get to each other without dumb miscommunication. the way they understand each other and lift each other up! the way joana knew how to recognize cris' intelligence when everyone was telling her she's dumb, the way cris knows how to make joana feel worth it and show her affection in such a selfless, loving way. their last scene on joana's pov in s4 was the first time i cried during that season, just because it was all wrapped up so beautifully. because eskam understood that although the appeal of their relationship comes from the soulmate status of every evak couple, they had to also put in serious work to make it all work and they also managed to get that across with grounded drama, and also a hopeful message for people struggling with mental disorders. like AAAAAAAAAAAAA god what a great couple they are. maybe i'm too much of an eskam bootlicker but they're genuinely the best evak there is. i'll die on this hill. i'm so happy young wlw get to watch them as a guideline of what they should expect of a relationship.

NORANDRO: already done :)

JORGEVA:

i mean... it's eskam's fault, without a doubt. i love what eskam did with them in s1: the change of pacing, the way they created jorge, the little story changes to make it more nuanced, i think come together in a pretty satisfying way to show a teenage romance with no real support to last for more than a while. i don’t think eskam fully got the gist of what jonas was supposed to be, but it’s for the better if we think of the message in season 1. for that reason, jorge is like the one jonas who i really wouldn’t mind coming back to his eva. so why don’t i like them?

the answer is simply that i don’t enjoy their trope and i don’t think eskam made a real case of eva and jorge getting back together. they work well as friends, sure, and it’s clear as day that jorge still has feelings for eva, sure. but like, what tells me that they’re just ready to go all in again? eva goes through a really great arc and i would definitely agree she’s in a good place to be in a relationship again, but we know NOTHING about jorge’s journey. he’s just, silently pining on eva and that’s it. i do think it’s sweet and the hints of their lost romance throughout the show are wholesome, but there’s just nothing more to it. jorge and eva work AMAZINGLY as friends! i don’t see why they should push a romantic endgame for them. in my head, eva kissing jorge at that party was just a mesh of the excitement of a new era, the nostalgia of ending highschool, the high of being on this place with someone she really cares about, stuff like that, but it just ends there, and it’s great that way. nothing about eva’s character really led to her aching to be in a relationship again, and for me it feels right to end things with her being single and surrounded by great friends.

MAYBE if eskam had devoted some time showing us their progress and romantic potential instead of trying to convince us that kasim was a real, compelling character. maybe. lol.

DAMIRA:

(god, i don’t know how long this will be LOL)

i have. so many thought about this fucking pairing. let’s see what we can do LOL. the thing about damira is that i don’t think it’s a pairing that eskam had in mind when they laid out the first two seasons. the little hints of a friendship/childhood crush that happened during cris’ season really got the fandom and they quickly became the most popular non-canon ship in the show, so that’s where i think eskam said “okay, let’s run with this”. but it’s just...... meh. like i can tell that relationships like crisana were carefully crafted (well implemented in nora’s season, greatly wrapped up in amira’s season) but i cannot say the same for dani and amira. it’s almost like virihugo, where they just started giving each other Eyes on the middle of season 3, out of NOWHERE. it just feels forced to me and so i never really felt anything for the couple in question... like, for starters, i think nora and miquel were WAY more shippable than those two, strictly talking about their setup.

if you ever saw any of my posts during s4 then you should know how i actually feel about how they developed their romance (check my anti damira tag for more?) and i don’t wanna go through all those specific points again... but damira is not only an infuriating romance, but also a bad pairing in a narrative setting. like, damira clearly exists to answer amira’s questions about how would the future of a romance with a white guy would be, right? does she get an answer? no she fucking doesn’t, their final clip is like “after all these weeks, we still have no idea so we’re gonna cut things short, go back to our initial dynamic, and wait to see if amira any of us change our minds <3″. so like, even in that sense damira is a HUGE waste of time, and just like everything that happens to amira during her season it has no lasting impacts on her character or her settings.

and personally, i love couples where they’re both equal, and communicate at last, and both make great efforts to change so the relationship can flourish. this is why i offer so much praise to norandro and crisana, where in the first couple both character go through tremendous character growth and work through their problems individually before getting together, and in the second couple they show them clashing and fighting just to display their resolutions and show how willing they are to actually talk to each other and keep their relationship stable. dani and amira, on the other hand.... blegh. eskam wants me to think dani is a knight in shining armor for liking amira but that’s all he ever does. he doesn’t defend her in front of his friends, he doesn’t make efforts to get to know her and her world, he doesn’t communicate his real feelings to her, and the one time he did he humiliated her in public. like, idk, like, even MIQUEL explicitly defended nora when his roommates berated her for not drinking alcohol LOL.

at the end of the day the problem with damira is that it completely misses the point of yousana and its target audience. making yousef a white guy is not necessarily a bad choice if you implement it well (which eskam didn’t do btw), but you have to take into account that sana’s season exists to make a primarily white christian-raised audience relate and stand up for the muslim characters in the show. when the lazier partner of the main couple who makes zero efforts to work on the relationship happens to be white, it just means people will be sympathetic of him, and nor amira - and that’s exactly what happened in the show. people either thought amira was being too harsh by laying conditions for dani before they even began dating and making sure he respected her boundaries, or just wanted all the drama to go away soon so amira could kiss dani by the end of the season. so like, yeah. terrible stuff.

i would’ve liked damira’s impact on the season and amira’s journey a lot more if it had been about a one sided childhood crush from amira’s part. i thought their friendship was charming up to s3, and i simply hate that dani is literally in no way an older brother figure for the girl squad, since it’s a dynamic that’s lacking in the show and it would be a nice way to make dani be some sort of non-creepy eskild for the girl squad (but noooo, his only interactions w the gs are hooking up with eva and dating amira. smh). it would’ve been fun to have amira intimately dealing with those feelings just to learn a lesson by the end of it, at the time that she also falls for her muslim love interest - which is actually the isak/jonas/even dynamic when you think about it, also something that eskam didn’t really do with cris’ season. but also, all of this would mean that eskam had to do the good writing thing for s4, which they kinda forgot to do throughout the entirety of the season so, yeah.

[ragingbookdragon]

You Can Take Off All My Clothes And Never See Me Naked Final Part

A Haytham Kenway x Reader Story

Word Count: 2,100 (Technically 21K if you count all of it on AO3) Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst

Author’s Note: Well friends, we have reached the caboose of this train. I hope you’ve enjoyed this story despite how dark it was. This was the first time writing this character. As usual, this’ll probably get a epilogue, so don’t get your undies in a twist about the ending lol. Enjoy! -Thorne

***Set One Year After Part Eight***

           The execution occurred at dawn. There were no priests to bless last rites nor redcoats to see that it was an orderly punishment. It was merely her, the Grandmaster, and the Assassin-Hunter. It was a personal execution; one she would see the end of. One year of nonstop searching and rescuing. They’d freed some thirty girls and women across four countries. She was present for each and every one. She owed them that much.

           She watched with a frigid gaze as they’d secured him to the giant oak stake, then poured the oil all around, making sure to douse his body with it as well. They returned to her side and the Grandmaster lit the torch, handing it to her. With slow steps she walked to the edge of the pyre and gazed at up him. He stared back with a dead gaze—an entire year in a cold, harsh cell had finally deprived him of himself. It was little compared to what they suffered.

           “Come to offer divine justice?” his voice was low and scratchy, like he’d not tasted water for days—not that she cared.

           Raising the torch, she replied darkly, “If there was such a thing as divine justice, you’d be long gone already.” She lit the oil around him and met his eyes. “I hope you burn in hell forever, Ausilio Viviani.”

           Taking a few steps back, she watched as he went up in flames, the fire dancing in her eyes, casting shadows across her face. His howls of anguish echoed across the hills, but it sounded like the sweetest music in her ears.

           She stayed until his skeleton fell to ash at the bottom of the pyre then turned on her heel and walked past them. “It’s done. I’m leaving.” Neither of them chased her, though the one felt his heart reach for her.

***Later That Evening***

           Haytham rubbed his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time, hoping that it would clear the strain so he could keep writing, but it did little to soothe it. Figuring it was time to call it quits, he lightly clicked the quill to the ink and set the pen in its holder. Closing the ink, he drew his eyes to the door, feeling someone in his presence. “Come in.” He’d said it just as they knocked, and he heard a huff.

           The door opened and Shay walked in, closing it behind him. “I hate it when you do that.” He collapsed into the chair in front of Haytham’s desk. “Makes me think you have some sixth sense.”

           “Maybe I do?” Haytham quipped, grinning when Shay grimaced; he sighed and reclined in his seat, crossing a leg over the other. “To what do I owe this visit, Shay?”

           The Assassin-Hunter frowned and slouched in the chair. “Haven’t seen (Y/N) in a while. Gettin’ worried about her.”

           Though Haytham felt the same, he didn’t voice it, instead offering, “I can’t imagine she’s too keen on being around anyone right now.”

           “I know that,” Shay countered. “But she’s not at the tavern and I’m not sure where else she’d go. Me and Gist have looked everywhere.” He met the Grandmaster’s eyes. “I figured you’d be with her.”

           “Me?” Haytham inquired, eyebrows raising. “Why me?”

           Shay rolled his eyes. “Really? This is how we’re gonna do this? You too?”

           “I don’t know what you—”

           “You’re in love with her, Haytham.” He grinned at the pure shock crossing the other’s face. “Seriously, I wish I had portraits of your faces. It’s pure contentment for me.” Shay groaned as he rose from the chair and stretched his arms above his head. He lowered his arms and looked at Haytham. “She loves you too, you know? But we both know she won’t say anything.”

           “She loves me?” was all the other could manage and Shay sighed.

           “You know that thing inside your skull helps with the thinking process, right? Using it is strategically beneficial.”

           Haytham glared as he rose from his seat, pulling on his jacket and cloak. “That’s the one time you’re allowed to insult me and get by free.” He placed the tricorn on his head. “Get out of my office, Shay.”

           Shay sent him a salute. “Aye, sir.”

***

           He ran all over the streets of New York after he left the tavern. Apparently, the last time Anita had seen her was that morning when she came to collect her things. People gave him odd looks and he didn’t blame them. Someone even commented on how he must’ve missed an anniversary. That one almost made him punch them. He sped down another alley and came out the other side, eyes darting up and down the street before cursing. She was no where to be found. Haytham wondered if she skipped town and took his heart with her. No. He thought. I let her go, I won’t let (Y/N) go.”

           He thought back on all the times that they’d spent together, every place, every moment. His gaze shifted in the direction of the manor where’d they’d attended the ball together. It was a long shot, but he didn’t have any better options, and he spun on his heel, sprinting for the gardens.

***

           She sat on the bench, watching the stars twinkle above her. The leather bag in her hands felt heavy, and as it should be, it held all she owned. Something ached in her heart, but she avoided thinking about it—avoided thinking about him.

           Figuring it was finally time to leave, she stood and hauled the bag over her shoulder. A scratching behind her made her panic and she turned, pulling the gun on whoever was coming from out the bushes. They came face to face and she lowered the gun. “Haytham?”

           He grinned at her. “I’m beginning to see what Shay feels on a regular basis.”

           (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh at that and she holstered the gun. “What are you doing here?” she asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

           “I’m here to stop you from making a terrible mistake.” He said, brushing off the leaves and twigs stuff in his clothes.

           “Excuse me?” she questioned, cocking an eyebrow. “I think it’s bold of you to assume I make mistakes.”

           “Is it though?” he countered, smirking as she glared.

           “Alright, you can stop being an ass.” (Y/N) scratched at the leather bag handle. “Seriously, what are you doing here Haytham. How’d you even know I was here?”

           He stood straight with that arrogant stance that made her patience run thin. Haytham walked past her and looked up at he sky. “I figured you’d come back to a place that has significance to you.”

           “Oh? And what significance is this place?”

           He turned, meeting her gaze. “It’s where we both started feeling for one another.”

           “Your arrogance is astounding.” (Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest. “Really, you’re so arrogant you make Odysseus look humble.” She stuck her tongue out at him when he rolled his eyes, then looked off at one of the rose bushes. “Besides, how do you know I have feelings for you?”

           “Are you asking because you do?” Her silence made him chuckle. “Shay told me.”

           Indignation flared across her face and she hissed, “I knew it! I knew that stupid shit spilled!” She spun on her heel, intent to march to Fort Arsenal and kick Shay’s ass. “I’m gonna plant my foot up his backside.” As she passed Haytham, his arm shot out and he stopped her.

           “Wait.”

           (Y/N) did, albeit with a glare. “Do you wanna do this dance, Haytham?”

           He leaned close, getting nose to nose with her. “If it means you’ll be my dance partner forever, then yes.” Her eyes went wide, and he professed, “I won’t let you leave. Not now. Not when so much has happened between us.”

           “My departure isn’t your decision to make.” She retorted, and Haytham could feel her bicep flexing under his grip.

           He nodded. “I know.” His free hand cupped her cheek. “But I let love slip through my fingers once before.” Haytham pressed his forehead to hers. “I won’t allow it to happen again.”

           (Y/N) stared into his eyes, trying to formulate a response. Say something. She thought. Anything! “Are you sure you want me?” Not that!

           He pulled away and laid his head on her shoulder, and she felt him shake against her. “Oh my god, are you laughing at me?!”

           “Just a bit.” He said.

           She shoved him away and stalked over to the bench. “Oh, you’re such an ass!” He followed, taking a seat beside her, grinning while she silently fumed.

           They sat in silence for a while and sometime during that, their hands had come together, fingers lacing between the others. (Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder, and this close, she could smell the twinge of peppermint and cedar. She looked down at their hands, examining all the small scars they had.

           “My mother got sick one day…and she never got better. She died when I was nine years old.” She felt his head tilt, telling her that he was listening. “I lived on the streets for a year until Ausilio found me.” His hand tightened on hers. “I felt so safe that first year. I thought everything would be okay but…I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

           “You said you were afraid he’d find you again.” He murmured quietly, like she was a doe and easily spooked.

           “I was.” She nodded. “I’ve never stayed in one place more than two years.” Her eyes drifted to the leather bag. “I figured since I was well past two, I might as well leave.” Again, his hand tightened. “But now…I don’t know if leaving is the best thing.”

           “It’s not.” He said.

           “So sure?” (Y/N) teased.

           “As sure as I’ve ever been of anything.”

           “Can’t be much.”

           “Shay’s right, you are mean.”

           (Y/N) barked a laugh. “Oh, and you’re not?”

           Haytham raised her hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Never said I wasn’t.” He turned his head and gazed at her. “Stay here with me,” he breathed.

           “I’m not exactly a team player, Haytham.” She countered.

           “I’ll be one for you.”

           “I curse a lot.”

           “Every couple needs a foul speaker.”

           “I’m not a gentry member.”

           “My name is big enough to cover you.”

           “I get in fights a lot.”

           “I can patch you up.”

           She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m running out of things to scare you off with.”

           He grinned. “I can tell.” He reached up and poked her nose. “I’m not going to be scared off that easily.”

           (Y/N) didn’t speak for a moment, then she whispered, “I’ve got a lot of scars. On my body…and my soul.”

           Haytham searched her eyes then cupped her cheek. “I do too.” He ran his thumb under her eye, wiping a tear away. “And I’ll help heal every one if you’ll let me.”

           Tears threatened to spill over her eyes. “You want a broken woman like me, Haytham?”

           He shook his head. “The woman before me isn’t broken.” He brushed another tear away, but they kept falling. “The woman before me has rebuilt her castle from ruins.” He pulled away and knelt before her, taking her hands in his. “She is unbreakable. She is unshatterable. She is power incarnate, and she holds the world within her hands.” Haytham took a deep breath and bared his soul. “And she holds all that I will ever be in those hands. I would do anything for her.”

           (Y/N) let out a breath that sounded more like a garbled sob and she shifted one of her hands, bringing it up to hold against her mouth.

           Haytham smiled heartfully. “I love you, (Y/N) (L/N).”

           She let out a watery laugh, not able to fight the wobbly smile across her face. “You are…one sappy fuck.” (Y/N) pressed her hand to his cheek and he reached up, holding it against his skin. “I love you, Haytham.”

He huffed a laugh, feeling tears gather in his eyes. “Yeah?”

           She nodded and whispered, “Ask me again to stay.”

           Haytham swallowed thickly. “(Y/N), will you stay here, with me? For as long as time will give us?”

           (Y/N) nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes.” She pulled him from his knees, pressing her lips to his. “I’ll stay with you.”

           They broke apart and pressed their foreheads together, tears trailing down both their cheeks. She’d found her freedom. She’d found her hope in helping others. But the one thing she never thought she’d find, she did—love.

[merrrcurius]

some step-papashi for you hoes

i’ve written several scenes for myself and i’m having a lot of fun with this au, but i’m not sure if i should add to my growing pile of wip’s on ao3 lol... lotta pressure, but i’m down if y’all are?

the gist: kakashi is a fine-ass soccer coach who cares. the following circumstances bring our two fav people together.

Fingers thrumming against the steering wheel in rhythm to the rock song playing on the radio, Kakashi drove down the winding exit of the park debating the pros and cons of cooking dinner or picking up takeout. The barbeque colored street lights illuminating the road made him crave some type of meat, but that would take too long to cook and he was feeling particularly lazy tonight.

Dealing with his latest team of brats tend to put him in the mood to sloth out for an indeterminate amount of time. Tonight had been rough. It was only the third week of practice with his new team and already he wanted to strangle these kids. They were a bunch of little shits that needed an ass-whooping, especially Tenzo’s team. Unfortunately, he could only dole out so many laps and exercises as punishment before the kids began complaining to their parents and then the parents started complaining to them…

Kakashi had to remind himself that he actually enjoyed coaching.

Whatever his food choice, or lack thereof, a hot shower and some smutty fanfiction on the back porch would conclude his day. Forget answering emails, cleaning his cleats, or managing the gym’s finances. All of that could be saved for tomorrow. He'd rather starve than waste any precious time relaxing, especially since The-Toad-Master's new chapter should have updated during practice if the last author’s note was anything to go by. Kakashi glanced at the clock on his dash and shift impatiently in his seat. Oh yeah, I'm way late.

Slowing down for the stoplight at the end of the drive, the man looked both ways out of habit despite the empty highway only to do a double-take at the sight of one of his U-10 soccer players sitting on a bus bench. Yanking up the mask he'd left hanging around his neck to hide his “degeneracy”, Kakashi rolled down the passenger window and called out to her. “Yo." 

She was either really smart or really stupid for ignoring him. Kakashi cleared his throat as he turned the knob down on the radio and said a bit louder, “Sarada.”

“Coach!” The little brunette startled, fumbling her flip phone like a football before turning to gape at him. “Ah - hi! It’s you!” She squeaked and tucked her phone away. “W-What're you still doing here?"

“Aa?” Kakashi cocked an eyebrow and withheld the amused chuckle bubbling in his throat. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Oh, um, this…" She gestured to the bench nervously and stuttered out, "I… I was just… er, you know… waiting."

“By the highway?” Kakashi asked and set his forearm on the steering wheel, giving a discreet glance around to emphasize that this was not acceptable. He cocked a brow. “What happened to the ride picking you up at the pavilion?”

Sarada pursed her lips angrily for a moment and tugged on the sleeves of her red jacket as if she were uncomfortable. Then muttered. “Er, s-something came up…”

“Okay…” Kakashi trailed off with a frown pulling at his mouth. Narrowing his eyes, Kakashi wiggled his fingers against the gearshift. Who the fuck leaves their - “But, wouldn’t it be safer to wait back at the field?”

“I’m fine, Coach! Really!” 

“Maa," Kakashi sat back with sigh and ruffled his hair as he thought about what to do in this kind of situation. He wasn’t fit to be a parent - or a coach really - hell, this whole gig had only started out to log hours for community service. Considering that, did he have any right to judge another parent for something like this? He cast an uneasy eye at the kid. Yes. Yes, he did. Consternation coloring his tone, he said, “I dunno if I can let this slide. Come on, I’ll drive you back. We can practice drills while we wait for your ride.”

Sarada scrambled for the laminated square hanging on her backpack as she tried to explain her situation and said, “You don’t have to, Coach! I take the bus all the-”

Perhaps he had been to open handed with his instructions. Kids these days.

“That wasn’t a question.” Kakashi interrupted firmly and stared at her. The girl crossed her arms and attempt to hold a glare, refusing to move despite the nervous bounce to her leg. Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her attitude and stated grimly, “If you make me step out of this car, you won’t be playing in next week’s game, Sarada. Get in.”

Sarada attempt to hold her ground a few more seconds until she heard his car door open and the overhead light came on. With a yelp, she ran to the passenger side door and yanked it open. Moving some binders for their stats and strategies out of the way, Kakashi eyed the large overnight bag she situated on his floorboard wondering if she was homeless but quickly dismissed that ridiculous thought. She was ten years old. And she had a mom. Although, that had never deterred him as a child...

Sighing inaudibly to mourn the chunk this would take out of his reading for the night, Kakashi twist in his seat to look for any cars behind him before pulling a u-turn in the entrance of the park. The ride back to the soccer field was quiet and tense; Kakashi pondering whether he had been too harsh on a child that wasn't even his about something not even sport related and Sarada embarrassed, worrying if opening the car door count towards her suspension.

Parked once more near the fields they'd claimed earlier in the evening, Kakashi reached under the seat to pull the lever and scoot his seat back for extra space to put his cleats back on. They were wet and muggy. He sighed.

“So, that’s what that smell was…”

Kakashi shot Sarada a look and retort. “More like your upper lip.”

Sarada blew a scoff through her lips to hide her laugh and turned away, crossing her arms defiantly. She muttered to the window, “What a lame comeback.”

“You’re just mad you don’t have anything to comeback with,” Kakashi mocked sassily, bobbing his head as he bent his leg for a better angle. Once his socks were snug in wet ass cleats again, he grabbed a ball from the backseat and stepped out. 

Sarada didn’t budge from her spot. 

Glancing back, Kakashi shrugged and decided to juggle while they wait. He couldn’t care less if she sat in the car and ignored him. After removing the doubts of his behavior, he'd decided it would simply be irresponsible of him to leave her by the highway and there was no way around that fact, even if Sarada chose to be stubborn about it. Perhaps, if she’d been smart and waited inside the pavilion like she’d originally said she would do... they wouldn’t be here. To think he had thought everyone was picked up. How had she managed to walk all the way to the exit without him noticing, anyways?

It didn’t take long for Sarada to get bored. She climbed out of his 4runner and stomped across the sidewalk to join him, a scowl maring her face. When he didn’t acknowledge her, she called out for him to pass. Looking all the world as if he were blatantly ignoring her, Kakashi turned away to take in the field with his hands on his hips. It was another cold night in January, a fine mist settling on some of the fields. He was glad the city park kept the lights on after dark, otherwise they would be in a pickle.

When asking didn’t work, she huffed and puffed before charging to take it by force. Kakashi smiled and adjust his mask as he await her approach. Her pigtails were whipping around her shoulders. Poor form. He needed to teach these kids how to run properly otherwise this season was going to suck. When she was close enough, he kicked the ball through the open stride between her feet at the last minute and walked around her.

Spinning to face him, Sarada growled impatiently, “Why won’t you pass? You said we would practice!” 

“Why should I?" Kakashi teased as he dribbled circles around her. "It’s no fun passing to a grump.”

“I’m not a grump! You’re a grump, old man!”

“Old man, eh?” A chuckle huffed through his mask as he backpedaled away from her, dragging the ball with him as he taunt her. “At least, I can keep the ball.”

“I’ll show you!” Sarada yelled and dove in, leaving her stance wide open when she ran up. 

He nutmegged her a second time and kept running toward the goal in case she tried to kick him like a savage brat. These kids were vicious. He called over his shoulder, "Maa, what was that, Sarada-chan?"

Now, normally, he’d feel bad for showing up a little kid, but not tonight. Sarada and Boruto had argued all two hours of practice about something completely unrelated to soccer. She deserved it for giving everyone a headache. Everyone being him and Tenzo. The kids thought it was hilarious.

“What a coward! You can’t run away!”

Stopping short with one foot on the ball and one hand rubbing his masked chin, Kakashi looked to the sky and said, "What were you showing me again? I can’t remember.”

Sarada bellowed a funny little shannaro he'd learned the girl favored over the last few weeks before he heard her running at him again.

Kakashi tucked his hands in his sweats as he waited patiently and listened to her cleats tearing into the ground. He had to admit, for a nine-year-old with poor form, what Sarada lacked in defense, she made up for in speed when she got going. Glancing behind him to confirm her position, he wait three more seconds and rolled the ball behind him, effectively nutmegging her again with his back turned. She squeaked and ran straight into him since he didn’t move. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. “Hmm… how should I put this? You suck, Sarada-chan."

“O-m-g, whatever! I’m done!” Sarada yelled and kicked the grass angrily. “I should have caught the bus. This is stupid!”

“You’d be waiting till six in the morning for that.” Kakashi said, idly dragging the soccer ball back and forth under his foot as he watched her throw a fit.

Sarada stopped suddenly and looked up at him. “What? Why?”

“The bus doesn’t run this late, goofball.” Kakashi crumpled his brow and said incredulously, “Maa, you weren’t kidding when you said you were new in town.”

“Seriously?” Sarada cried and threw her hands in the air as she fell back on her butt. “Why is this place like this! What am I supposed to do now? Mom will have to drive all the way across town just to pick me up now. This is terrible!”

Kakashi hummed quietly, allowing his judgemental confusion to bubble for a moment as he swayed back and forth with his hands in his pockets. Then, he asked, “Doesn’t she usually?”

“Yes sir, but not this time.” She mumbled and crossed her arms angrily. 

“Well…” Damn, now he had to know. Sarada’s mom was pretty exotic and hella feisty. She punched one of the dad’s in the head at open tryouts for saying something or another. He’d never seen anything like it. It was one of the only times Kakashi wished he indulged in gossip with the parents. After a moment of deliberation, Kakashi adjust his mask nervously, afraid of overstepping boundaries and asked, “What about your dad?”

“Um… He’s not...” Tiny fingers pulled at the grass beneath her, ripping patches out until she found words. She looked across the fields and said quietly, “Around… very often.”

“Aa, I see...” Kakashi said, gaze flickering between her face and her angry sundering of the grass. He hadn’t known Sakura was a single mother, although he shouldn’t have been surprised. Both parents usually showed up for Opening Day, took turns picking their kids up, or showed up to watch the first game at the very least, but he hadn’t seen any male that fit the description. “And you don’t have anyone else to pick you up? Maybe a grandmother?”

“We don’t have family here. My mom was offered a better job at the hospital, so… we moved.” Sarada shook her head at the ground, too busy cleaving grass in two to notice his awkward inner dialogue. She ducked her head and sniffled. “I’m really sorry, Coach. I didn’t mean to… for this...”

Mild panic shot through his system realizing this little girl was about to cry. Fuck. Why? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Things like this happened. It couldn’t be helped. Kakashi sucked in a breath of air as he crouched in front of her and plucked a few grass strands of his own. He wasn’t good at small-talk or emotions, he knew this and that was fine. Coaching was easy in a way that allowed him to be a hardass, strict and precise without all the extra stuff, but this… He really should work on his people-skills if he wanted to continue working with kids. 

What could he say? What exactly should he do? The girl claimed she rode the bus often, she even had a laminated bus pass, although it was for a different city, but leaving her unsupervised was just… not his forte. Children weren’t supposed to be left alone so young. It was strange that her mother would allow this and yet it seemed she actually wasn’t, somehow. “Sarada... next time your mom has to work late, just hang out at the field. Alright? It’s no big deal, I’ll wait until-” 

“No! It’s not her fault this time! Please don’t kick me off the team!” Sarada cried out suddenly, big watery eyes gazing up at him imploringly. “Dad was supposed to be here, to-to pick me up f-for dinner - but... but something came up-” Sarada snapped her jaw shut and looked away, face twisted with all the fury of a child betrayed. Tears steadily dripped down her chin despite how fast she was attempting to wipe them away.

Kakashi rotate his jaw as he bowed his head to give her a moment of privacy, and if he also happened to be avoiding her emotional display, well, he never said he was a good coach. Her words weighed heavily on his chest, uncomfortably close to his own childhood wounds and he didn’t want to think about it. He pressed his thumbnail into a blade of grass and watched it split.

“It’s just… It’s so embarrassing! I don’t want everyone to know and I didn’t want them to think I was getting extra p-practice like my last team. They started a whole crap ton of drama and Boruto w-would only make fun of me and call m-me a loser if he knew.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that butthead.” Kakashi said as he tossed his grass blades at her, jumping on the chance to turn this conversation elsewhere. “If they thought you were getting special training, they’d probably ask me for extra on the sly, too. You’d be a trendsetter.”

Sarada’s face lit up with a small giggle, but it died out quickly. She wiped her nose and looked up at him nervously. “S-Still, wouldn’t you have to wait here the whole time? I mean, my last coach got… he got really mad when I had to stay late and eventually told my mom to stop bringing me... I-I don’t wanna h-hic-old you up…”

Kakashi frowned at the thought of a nine year old taking the bus in a city as big as Konoha and wondered what in the fuck was wrong with whoever she’d had last year. Coaches had a duty to the kids while they were in their care, they owed that to the parents. To abuse or neglect those unspoken vows was just... wrong. Kakashi suddenly felt lucky to have had the kind of coaches he did growing up. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for his next words. If she had no one else to tell her what was wrong with this situation, then he would have to. That’s something he had loved about Minato-sensei. The man never let bullshit fly. 

He picked at the bottom of his mask nervously, wishing he didn’t feel so constricted, wishing he felt more confident. Failure wasn’t an option, though. Lessons like this were imperative to learn at a young age, no matter how uncomfortable. Leveling a finger at her, Kakashi said perhaps too blunty, “Screw that guy. And your dad. It isn’t safe to sit by yourself next to the highway of all places, especially at this time of night… Do you understand what I’m trying to say, Sarada?”

Sarada looked down at her twisted hands and nodded meekly, eventually managing to croak out a weak ‘yes sir’ as another trail of tears dripped down her cheeks. Kakashi felt his insides twist painfully at the wobble in her lip. He hadn’t meant to make her feel worse or feel like it was her fault because it damn sure wasn’t. Maybe he should have worded it differently? 

Running an anxious hand through his hair, he tugged at the ends as he bowed his head and tried to think of what to say to make her feel better, at the very least, turn this conversation to something easier so as not to end on a bad note. How would this look for her mom to drive up and see her daughter crying? There would be hell to pay, for sure. She may even take her daughter off the team and Kakashi couldn’t afford that. They only had two substitutes this year… He didn’t have kids, but he considered his soccer team to be pretty close to what it would feel like to have some and he didn’t want her to quit the team because of this or have hard feelings towards him and he hated to think of what she might be going through at home.

“Listen,” He began, dropping to his ass to mirror her as he took on a more gentle tone so it wouldn’t sound as if he were attacking her. “You don’t even have to say anything next time, okay? Just kick the ball around and if you haven’t left by the time everyone else has, I’ll understand what’s up. And I promise - Hey, look at me,” Kakashi wiggled a cleat in her line of sight and ducked his head to catch her watery eyes past the glare of her glasses. “I promise I won’t be mad. Or kick you off the team. That’s stupid.”

“Really?” Tears welled up in her eyes again as her face screwed up with emotion. Then she held out her pinky and wheezed out. “Pinky promise?”

“Aa,” A quiet, uncomfortable chuckle escaped him as he looked down. “My big toe’s stronger. How about that?”

“Ew, no! I’m not touching your big toe!” Sarada giggled a bit hysterically and scrubbed under her glasses to wipe her eyes. 

“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked quickly and wrangled off a cleat to wiggle a sweaty sock at her. “Perfect timing. Big toe soup right here.”

Sarada shrieked and jumped up to run around him. He couldn’t help snickering as he pulled his shoe back on. Good. Things were… better. Okay, at least.

They passed the ball around a bit and he attempted to explain how to time a nutmeg until her mom arrived.

===

now that i’ve put this out, i’m debating whether or not to add their meeting when Sakura picks her up... i dunno yet. lemme know whatcha think peeps!

[definitelynot-danielhowell-old]

yo! any book/music/tv show/movie recommendations you want to share? i’m hungry for new content lol

MY PAL I HOPE YOU’RE READY

Books: 

- Simon vs. The Homosapien Agenda: aka love, simon. Super gay, super cute, high school drama/romance. LOVED IT

- Struck by Lightning by Chris Colfer: high school student wants to become a journalist/writer and go to a big fancy university and goes through a bunch of personal and school related issues and does everything he can to become successful, which uh, easily told by the title, ends in a…weather related situation

- Stranger than Fanfiction by Chris Colfer: like 4 highschoolers going on a final adventure after graduation. They’re all obsessed with this show though, and as a joke, invites the main star of the show, who ends up tagging along. The teens learn the harsh reality of their favourite celebrity 

- The Land of Stories series by Chris Colfer: theres like 5 or 6 books in this series i think??? Anyways it’s about these twins who get trapped in the fairytale world (with like all dem disney princess’ n shit) and its generally just a gr8 adventure-y story!! 

Movies:

personally I’m not a huge movie person so this list will probably be shorter!

- Struck by lightning: yes it’s just the movie version of the book, but the movie was actually created before the book!

- Love, Simon: You get the gist

- Idk if this counts as a movie but they’re an hour long each and theyre John Mulaney’s stand-up comedy acts and theyre fucking hilarious

TV Shows:

im including netflix specials too bc i can

- Brooklyn nine-nine: A comedy cop show. Recently experienced trauma bc Fox cancelled season 6, luckily NBC picked it up so bless

- The Fosters: Two lesbian moms raising their adopted childreb (and one biological) rlly dramatic, cute, funny occasionally 

- Big Mouth: Netflix special, its about like 7th graders i think?? going through puberty and shit and its so fucking hilarious

- Orange is the new Black: Netflix special, takes place in a womens prison. drama but like IT GOOD

- The Office: im guessing you know what this is 

- How I met your Mother: I’m guessing you know this one too. has Neil Patrick Harris in it, if that helps convince you

- Glee: Look im trash dont come for me

- QUEER EYE: netflix special, 5 gay guys go and fix sad Str8 guys’ lives and i love them all

-  Sherlock: i just love it sm

Music:

okay instead of general music, imma give you bands and artists

- Marianas Trench: A canadian band. Love them. The lead singer writes quite a few songs about his battle with bulimia and drug addiction, as well as basically an entire album about his ex-fiancee and a song abt his mother battling with Alzheimers 

- Hedley: another canadian band. kind of non-existent rn bc they uh,,,,, became problematic when they were on tour *i would side eye emoji but im on my laptop) Still their music is generally good and they are canadian so i gotta shout them out

- Panic! At the Disco

- Fall Out Boy

- Janelle Monae

- Hayley Kiyoko (lesbian goddess)

- Cornelia Dahlgren: aka another GODDESS WHO I LOVE. (may also know her as Corny, corndog, corn, or martyn lesters gf)

- Troye Sivan

also I’ll link my main Spotify Playlists:

This Means War (my main playlist, is a giant mess of songs, genres, eras, and artists)

The Gayest Gay

Confidence, Baby (basically songs that make me feel good/happy/idk just generally got me fellin’ mahself)

Sleepy Time

YALL WELCOME FOR THIS LONG-ASS POST

[shinahbee]

Happy Birthday Kang Dooshik!

June 12 /2021

Hello! So this is a birthday fanart to one of the best characters written in the shounen ai/BL manhwa universe, I remember looking at a picture of dooshik on someone's recommendation manhwa list and it was the one with him and his mouth full of pearls, I thought that his character design looked really harsh and not like the usual guys that would attract me, but much like the story of pearl boy I judged it by it's appearance and was slapped in the face later on by the depth of his character and the overall story thus far. Also side note I'm still not sure if it's doshik or dooshik, I've seen this spelled both ways.lol. I've just been calling him doshik, but i'll use the latter in this title. I mentioned in my monthly favorites journal that I didn't do him justice in the last fanart I made and I'm glad I could redeem myself by drawing him in his full glory. Let's take a moment to list off ht things I appreciate about him, his character of course is very ballsy and tough, he really doesn't put up with harassment and entitlement from others and I really like that, I've dealt with people like that in service jobs and it's not okay I liked the fact that he looked out for juha but also told him to fight for himself because he should not just put up with sexual harassment. He doesn't put up a boring alpha male dominance around other characters, which is why people like hoseung and juha feel comfortable around him to be themselves, in other words he brings out the best in other people. He wears his heart on his sleeve, which can either be a good or bad thing depending on how you see it. Ignorance in a situation where he is needed does not sit well with him, so he always acts before thinking, especially with his feelings, from the flash backs there was evidence that he had been betrayed from his ex-boyfriend/love interest in his past, but he was able to pull himself together again and give his all to juha, which honestly made me swoon. The budding relationship between the two is the best thing about this story. his outgoing and bright personality is what made him really attractive, and it shows in the artist's artwork overtime dooshik just became more and more handsome, to the point where I was like...why does he looks so good now? it's only been 3 chapters? I could list off more but i'll stop here you all get the gist of it! happy birthday Mr. wonderful glad were born in the same month...and um. pearls are our birthstones...coincidence? maybe not. I based this drawing off of some CLAMP art inspiration, I used to draw a lot of them back then, I used pictures of Seshirou from Tokyo Babylon and Tsubasa reservoir chronicles for inspiration, this was also inspired by official art that the artist drew of him with black wings. when I saw that on her twitter page it looked so good, all that was missing is a sword lol. i'll link her twitter below for anyone who is interested. her art work was giving me vibes from the song " LISA- Gurenge" twitter.com/inkiingogo anyways, follow me on my social media for updates! it will be listed below,  give this a   and comment below if you are born in June as well!

*NB; please do not re-post/ please ask for permission first if you want to use my art and give credit to me as the artist. thanks, sheena.

[introverthom]

After 4 years

The universe decided to play with dreams. Especially, with my ex's dream. Kaya nagising daw ng madaling araw si ex para i-chat ako. Para raw magsorry siya. Hindi ko in-expect na kaka-usapin niya ako. Akala ko mangangamusta lang tapos may kailangan lang pala. Akala ko. Pero bigla siyang nagkwento, nagtanong ng kung anu-ano. Tapos sabi niya "may ikwe-kwento ako mamaya after ng klase ko". It turns out, kwento pala sa kung ano ang nangyari sa kanila ng (latest) ex niya. Yung gf after me. And it fucked him up. (nasaktan ako ng konti lol bakit mo ikwekwento sa ex mo yung nangyari sa inyo ng isa pang ex mo like hooooow) The gist: sabi niya he was a failure of a boyfriend to me and to his ex. There was a point na he brought up our past, pero sabi ko "pwedeng mamaya ma yung tungkol sa atin. Yung sayo muna" because I really wanted to listen. He just wanted me to listen. When he was finished, sabi ko "can i have permission to halungkat lahat ng mga kinalimutan mo?" Ang bungad ko sa kanya: "i've been waiting for 4 years para sabihin ko ito kasi dude, you fucked me up" I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING Down from the start until the very end of my feelings. Lahat ng mga bakit ko, sinabi ko (he didn't answer my whys but it's ok. At least he knows). And I told him na magiging ok din ako. Na thankful pa rin ako kasi naging parte siya ng buhay ko. Sabi ko pa "ikaw kasi ang first love ko kaya ang hirap mong kalimutan" Then I told him: "Di ko nga maintindihan kasi why would i still be hung up on you? Ah siguro walang closure kaya siguro ganito pa rin ako. Siguro ikaw kasi ang pinagbabasehan ko kapag naghahanap ako ng crush loooool siguro dahil first love never dies. Siguro dahil namimiss ko lang yung feeling na may nagmamahal sa akin. I honestly don't know anymore. Umabot sa point na sawang sawa na akong isipin ka OH DI BA ANG WEIRD DI KA BA NAWIWEIRDUHAN HAAHHA" He wasn't aware of what I felt. Wala siyang masabi kundi "grabe". Mas lalo ko pa ata siyang na-down (KAYA MEDYO GUILTY AKO kasi di ko naman alam na may effect pala yung break up namin noon) Harsh na ba ako? Na gusto kong malaman niya mga pinagdaanan ko? He compared my moving on stage to mine. 8 months sa kanya ng ex niya habang less than 4 yrs naman ako sa kanya. I assured him na wag niyang problemahin yung akin. Kasi lilipas din naman ito di ba? He asked kung hindi ba siya magchachat, hindi ko ba masasabi lahat ng mga sinabi ko. I said, hindi. Struggle ko kaya ito for 4 yrs luuuh We ended in sorry's. And I thought that would be the end of it. He wanted us to be friends. Gusto ko rin. (PERO PAANO HAHA) We were each other's first love (confirmed. Sinabi niya yan sa akin). He said na lagi niyang ichecherish yun. Ang hindi ko sinabi (na hinding hindi ko masasabi): "I always said that whenever you wanted to come back, I will be here. That when it comes to you, I will say yes. Because you are very special to me. You occupied a very special place in my heart, and I am so grateful that it's you." I am nooot okay (the fact na nagkwento siya ng sakit na nararamdaman niya abt sa pinagpalit niya sa akin hurts. Because I know that he still loves her. DUHHHH) but I will be. We will be okay. I never thought that I would tell him everything. THANK GOD FOR THAT DREAM. (Is this the end of this blog? E kasi puro si ex laman nito e hahahahaha)

[anodyne-sunflower]

I've debated doing this for a while now

But, after receiving so many messages and asks asking for advice on this or that, I think the best I can offer you all is a story. And whatever lessons, or knowledge or whatever you want to take from it…is yours. I hope in some way it helps you.

All I ask, is that you do not reblog. A lot of you tend to reblog my stuff before reading it lol so if you accidentally do well…try and delete it. I know regardless this story is still out there but just for my own tiny comfort, no reblogs. I’m not gonna go into every single detail of my life. As that’s not something you guys need in your heads, but I’ll explain the gist of it.

***

My parents divorced when I was 9, they argued a lot when I was a kid, and my dad did drink often. I’m assuming because of everything piling on. The reasons behind their divorce are their own and I won’t share them because that’s their personal history, not mine to tell. Needless to say, I was expecting it. Even at a young age I just knew something wouldn’t last. I grew more closed off, and my brother grew more rebellious. As children do during these times.

I learned I had to grow up fast, because custody battles suck, and being a teenager and growing up through all that is tiring. Parents, even if their heart is in the right place sometimes, can guilt trip. It’s a horrible feeling, and you love them both so you try and figure out what to do but you’re also a kid and that’s not your responsibility to carry. That’s my background. I developed mild anxieties from it, but nothing awful.

Then I graduated high school, and started college and thought ‘yay new beginning’. I met some wonderful people and even my best friend there. But, I also met the boy that would cause me such pain that taking my own life actually seemed plausible to me.

I was 19, young, and even though I know I’m a smart person, when you’re young it’s inevitable that you’ll be naive sometimes.

This boy, I had him for a class, and he started talking to me. I never had any romantic experience before, and he was cute so I liked him. But, my own insecurities kept me from dating him that whole semester. Next semester came and I had him for the next level course and long story short he wore me down and we started dating. At this time, I lived by myself in an apartment off campus. An hour away from my parents. Within weeks of dating him, he changed from the sweet guy I met, to a controlling, angry, cruel person. I found out he had a girlfriend back home when I confronted him all he had to say was “yeah.” As if I asked him the time of day. My naive self decided to stay with him still. I wish I could give a good reason, but I can’t. I just did.

A few days later he would take my virginity by force, in an awful way. Even writing this now feels weird. But, it’s what happened. And the only thing that made me cope, was that I told myself at least I knew him. Sick as it sounds, it was the only thing that somewhat helped me deal with it. Because I need that one thing, to keep me grounded and keep me sane. And he would continue to take by force the entire time we were together. Our relationship got worse, threats, verbal abuse, physical. And this entire time, I didn’t tell anyone. Not even my friends. I turned to absolutely no one and the only reason why, was because I was ashamed.

Ashamed that someone as strong and mature as me could allow myself to let this happen. I blamed me. And I didn’t want anyone to know about it. Because in my head they would be disappointed in me, and I thought that was something I couldn’t handle. I stayed with him for 4 months. And the only happiness I take from that, is I was strong enough to leave after such a short time. There are many who stay in abusive relationships because they’re frightened, rightly so.

I didn’t tell anyone about him, until 3 years later. Because at that point I had no choice. I went in a binge, I was taking pills I shouldn’t have been taking, I was depressed, anxious, and insomnia just took over. Everything felt uncontrollable for me. But, years later and I still couldn’t tell my parents why. My boyfriend at the time tried to help, but it was too much for him. And I don’t blame him at all for leaving. I do blame him for other dumb shit, but not this. Sorry…trying to throw in some humor.

Right..so, my life felt empty then. And I was mad at myself for so many things, and when I actually tried to get help, the psychiatrists just stared at me, then wrote down a prescription. Pills weren’t what I wanted or needed, I felt like no one could help me, and as against suicide as I am, I actually contemplated it a few times because what else was there. Then I broke down, and told my mom after a visit to the psychiatrist. She was angry (justified in my opinion) mainly at him, but also because I never asked for help. And it hurt her to know that while she was only an hour away, her daughter was being hurt and she couldn’t do anything about it. I’ll stop there. But, I want you all to think about some things.

When tragic things happen, they can’t be prevented. They’re going to happen, and how we deal with them is our choice. We get to decide. Life is unfortunately not fair to us all, and that’s okay. We live and learn that way. I want you to remember that people can certainly effect us, but they can’t get the final say on who we choose to become. And they can only hurt you as much as you let them. I chose not to let what he did to me continue to cause me pain in my life. I had a life to live, and he wasn’t going to take control of that. I could move on, and I could be happy. Taking my life, thinking of that now just makes me want to cry because all you have to do is look at the faces of the ones you love, your pets, family, friends, whoever. I can’t begin to imagine seeing them in pain.

Just know, that no matter how strong you are, no matter how smart, that does not make us immune to bad things. We can all suffer harsh moments in our lives. Rich, poor, it doesn’t matter. But, that doesn’t mean we have to suffer it everyday. Things can and do get better. You just have to give it a chance.

If any of you ever need to talk, I’m here, and I’ll certainly be as honest about anything.

Thanks for listening.

And many of you are still growing, hell we all are, but don't ever feel like you're alone. I'm not your parent, or even your best friend, but if you need to vent by all means, go ahead. That's what I'm here for. I won't vent to you because I'm an adult and my problems are not meant to be dealt with by youngin's lol but regardless, I'm here.