#okay this is just a rant dont listen to me

[delileaf]

officially decided i shant ever write again. decided i suck. if u need me ill be smoking a cigarette at the bus stop and lamenting .

[toytulini]

me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[triglycercule]

me when i find the PERFECT mtt song (yamitsuki,,,,,,,, maretu my king how did you do it,,,,,,,,,,,,, literally HOW did you do it why is this song weirdly accurate wtf and its for a completely different character 2??? HOW DID YOU DO THIS??? THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG FITS??? THE ENTIRE SONG COULD BE MADE TO HAVE CONNECTIONS WITH ONLY MILD REACHING??? HELLO??????) (this translation!!!) (the translation is not.linking i will be shooting myself. its the on on the vocaloid wiki NOTthe video....)

literally like. 1/3 is horror. 1/3 is dust. and then the last is killer. in that order. the first 2 verses talk about bloodshot pain (bloodshot EYES.... HORROR'S EYE) and a rotting fatal wound (THE FUCKING HEAD CRACK!!! HIS GODDAMN HEAD WOUND!!!!). commiting brutality. i dont think much else is needed. wrong/right and judging biases,,,,, jesus fuck wtf. AND THEN in the next verse there's a mention of "starving for necessary evil" HELLO!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! him starving himself while also feeding snowdin human which totally sucks,,,,,, horror sans,,,,,,???? chorus of shrill voices (duh snowdin. or also could be undyne and royale guard. i like snowdin more). and then the last line of the second verse mentions sadism. nothing more to say. horror sans i mayhaps perchance mightve just encountered you in a song. or maybe the translation is freakily accurate and the song itself isnt that specific (probably but hey i can dream)

and then th next 2 verses r dust except i dont really know about the first verse but also a line that says "this is the death of the conflict, come and see me" could be referring to the human's death which like. man. and then the next verse is just dust sans but in a single verse. give me more excellent pain could be interpreted as LV but also the mental pain that comes with yk..... killing all you love.LOVE. LV. he needs more LV... anyways. mad off the beaten track. MAD. MENTION OF MAD LIKE CRAZY LIKE MAD TIME LIKE DUST SANS!!!! echoes of a haughty voice resound,,,,, phantom paps,,,,, "severe punishment, 100 renouned sights, i long for pure pessimism" i cant explain this one well i think but just think about it okay. this time you get to be the one coming up with the ideas (σ´∀`)σ

killer only has one verse that i can link this song 2 but i also think its th most freakily accurate. verse 1 is "through instantaneous joy, entertain me for my whole life, i'm cunningly"LUCKY". i get completely bored. give me pleasure without worry. and now, right away." and then "i'd rather head to eternal darkness. i'll abide by you always, emptily "HAPPY". i shed tears from my clear white eyes. come and show me your best smile!" HELP HELP HELP THEYRE SHOOTING ME HELP HELP!!!! THEY JUMPING ME (these lyrics) because WTFyhis isFREAKILY accurate. the entire first verse and its spiel on boredom and having someone else manage the entertainment/emotions,,,, and the cunningly lucky part is just. i think the word cunning is just really good to describe killer (sneaky little bastard) and then he's "lucky" emphasis on quotes because idk he got chosen for whatever the fuck his chara wants. what luck. really bad luck but whatever. and then MORE on the following another person and EMPTILY!!! EMPTY!!! KILLER FEEL NOTHING EMPTY!!!! fake happy too,,,, and killer has white eyelights sooo IM NOT REACHING!!! also he literally cries

in conclusion MARETU is a god amongst men and somehow this song managed to fit the mtt i have no idea how. next coming up: how NAMIDA fits horror. how thirst fits dust. how i'm high fits killer. idk if i already said this one probably did BUT JUST IN CASE maretu also has maegamist,,,,, maretu i knew i listened to you for a reason. so i could make totally irrational and unreasonable connections of your songs to the fucking murder time trio of all things. what joy

[sleepy-crypt1d]

people dont write wheatley mean enough, ive decided. like, he's an asshole. that's a huge part of his character. YES he is also pathetic and a fucking loser who i could drop kick.

that's why he's an asshole.

he's mean and self-centered and uncaring because that is how he has always been treated.

he frequently calls you brain dead, he throws out the idea of turning you in to GLaDOS' so he can live, he spends a full minute insulting children and calling manual laborers stupid - because that's how he's been treated. he was made to be stupid, he was abandoned by his creators because they didn't care, and then he's insulted time and time again by being called a moron when, if you actually look at the game from his perspective, he's the one who's did all the work!!

he has been kicked, insulted, almost killed and ignored his entire life no SHIT he's more than happy to turn those exact same actions onto other people without any sort of care for their feelings. no one's ever cared for his?? so why should he??

people either have him as a stammering uwu little baby who's either completely helpless or a creep or they make him super over confident when he's neither. yes, he stutters and yes there are times he's embarrassed but that's because he overthinks and has a hard time putting things into words. he is fucking terrifying, yes, but it's not because he's confident. it's because he's willing to do anything just to prove he can.

wheatley is so mischaracterized it hurts and it makes me so upset. this game has been out for ten years and i need my guy to be seen as the actual nuanced character he is.

[lobotomy-maybe-bestie]

I think the discord server idea is so fun and exciting! A little Locked Tomb reread book club!!!

yess that's exactly what i'm going for!! i'm also thinking abt like several ideas in terms of fun stuff you can do with a text i might do research for this but it's meant to be like. i think Optional Effort would be the name for it?? still working out the basics but in concept it's like you read at your own pace and then if you wanna do something else there's like little games/challenges/reading exercises/creative prompts. i'm contemplating basing it on actual like. bible reading methods (there's literally so many like "bible meditations" that are essentially just fun little reflective writing exercises all dolled up in fancy liturgical language) as like a parody yknow bc gideon is the jesus of tlt and stuff. but idk yet! this is literally an idea i had yesterday but i'm frigging Jazzed abt it

[jadeofblades]

"God i hate shuichi SO much he's so pathetic and annoying i wish he died instead of-" 💥💥💥🔫

[what-is-this-bakwaas]

.

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

[smrtelnaaleziva]

mood: rant; trigger warning: casual mention of suicide, psychosis, genral ableism

my favourite (/s) thing about being mentally ill (besides all the other stuff) is the inability to communicate with people who don't experience my issues. i am not even talking about neurotypicals, i am including in this statement some neurodivergent people as well. actually let me rant for a moment about neurodivergent people further stigmatising mental conditions using their experiences...

how do i explain to someone what i am experiencing when they dismiss it with "well i experience similar thing so i totally get what you are talking about and i am going to make assumptions based on my experiences?". dude it isn't the same. feeling hopelessness during depressive episode isn't the same as end of the world delusions i had during psychosis. being adhd daydreamer isn't the same as when i tried to kill myself bc i thought i was communicating with faeries and they invited me to live with them in their world which i couldn't do bc i was still alive. like people actually tried to compare these in my face and they aren't the same; i should know, i daydream a lot, have adhd and have experienced the doom spirals during depressive episodes before. it just isn't the same. so why do people insist on comparing it? how am i to explain to them it isn't the same when they already arrived to their conclusions about my situations.

i don't need someone to give me advice on a situation that isn't happening. i need people to listen to what i am actually saying. to actually try and understand my experience. i know that it is hard, that it isn't easy to let go of a way you viewed the world and mentally ill people your whole life bc society told you we were this way. when sometimes even psychiatrists feed these misconceptions. but please... just listen to me. to us. when we tell you what is going on.

do you like it when people tell you to cure your depression with yoga like you didn't already try everything you could to put an end to it? then please shut up when i am trying to explain to you what is going on in my head. don't use ableistic language like delulu or call bigots delusional when i (and for the matter the schizospec community as whole) ask you not to. this isn't a joke to me and it doesn't make me a hateful person. i am hurting. a lot. psychosis is painful both mentally and physically. all i am asking for is some empathy please...

thank you to everyone who isn't like that. i love you guys.

(yes someone pissed me off and became inspiration for this post, how could you tell? and this was very much "neurodivergent folks can be ableist too" post but dont eben let me start on the neurotypical family members that tell me to quit my meds bc they don't like the side effects i am experiencing. i am currently symptomatic bc i have to fight myself to take my antipsychotics and sometimes i don't win that fight... just bc people ((mostly neurotypicals again)) were telling me my meds are poison and that my mental illness is a gift really got to me recently)

[piplupod]

thinking abt the previous post, the agency i worked at for a couple years would use bits of ABA and I just... I always nodded along to the boss instructing me on how to work with the kids with those tactics (I worked with the kids who were 6 and under) and then as soon as she left I tossed all that shit out of my brain and just treated the kid like a human being and worked with them where they were at.

and guess what !!! i had the most and fastest success out of every other worker in the entire building!! i was often told it seemed like i was working miracles with my kids bc they'd just progress so fast (comparatively) through the skill book we had to work on, and that the kids always seemed so happy and eager to come to the building after they started working with me!!

this is partially why I quit because I couldn't stand seeing my coworkers treat the kids like they were dogs (talking down to them, being patronizing, and utilizing shitty ABA tactics) and as much good as I was doing there, it was fucking me up bc they were extremely demanding that I work more than I was comfortable (or able) to, and often put me with "problem" kids who I didn't get to regularly see so we couldn't make much progress bc the kids weren't able to get to know me and (rightfully!) didn't trust me because they thought I'd be treating them the way everyone else did.

i just...... my coworkers would ask me how I had so much success and I would just shrug and say like, "just treat them like they're human and work with them where they're at" and I couldn't explain any more bc that'd require me admitting I wasn't following the boss' guidance for a lot of shit fjfkdl

[oceanic-sunsets]

fandom is fun until people find out that *gasp* it's inevitable that others will disagree with their takes and interpretation

[sprinedankle]

damn nobody gonna steal your girl fucking damn You and your delulu ass can gtfo

[milo-is-rambling]

Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long

[woahajimes]

i hate tumblr new format. alsooo whatd i miss

[kn11ves]

idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what