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tartagliaxx · 2 years

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。YOU ARE THE DISASTER I DESIRE

━━ PAIRING: xiao/reader

━━ GENRE: fluff

━━ SUMMARY: the stubborn reluctance to admit defeat leads some stories to end in bitter tragedies. thankfully, xiao was much too willing to give in against the nonexistent war your presence has brought.

━━ CONTAINS: modern!au, slightly vulgar language, one mildly suggestive scene

━━ VALENTINE'S 2022 EVENT SPECIAL

you'll have more luck trying to find a needle in a ten-meter tall haystack than you'll have when trying to decipher the inner workings of the human mind. there was just too much to consider — too much information and contradictions for our puny, little brains to comprehend. it's nigh impossible and the only reason a big shot philosopher hasn't screamed about it as they ran down the street, caffeinated and definitely insane, is because no one's ready to admit that they don't and will never know. still, if you want to be meaninglessly stubborn, taking a look into xiao's brain is definitely a great place to start. he doesn't really bother segregating information into ridiculously minuscule categories — just what he tolerates and what he does not. a simple mindset for a relatively simple man who liked to stay away from unnecessary baggage.

"crap man... it's valentine's day tomorrow. i don't even know what to give my girlfriend..."

xiao sighed in disinterest, hoping that this person would speak softer for the sake of his peace of mind in this cramped train, "just buy her roses or chocolates like every other guy out there?"

"you know... this is exactly why no one likes you."

he thought that it was better to zone out rather than be forced to listen to a conversation that was heading steeply into a conversation that he frankly couldn't care less about. he tolerates most festivities and holidays because there was always a silver lining. valentine's day, however? xiao wouldn't go as far as saying as he despises it because that's how little he thinks of the celebration.

it's just a regular day turned into a breeding ground of opportunistic, capitalistic monsters. he'd hate to quote his horrible, narrow-minded teachers from his childhood but wasn't love something that's supposed to be shown every day and not just one day of the year? no matter how he looks at the situation, he just can't see the point in buying overwhelmingly sweet treats or overpriced flowers that were sure to wilt the next day.

"listen... it's the effort and the thought that counts! partners love the idea of special treatment. it makes them feel like they're appreciated because there's a day that's dedicated just for them, you get me? no one stays for a lazy piece of shit who couldn't be bothered to think of a special something to give..."

"...since when did you become a love guru? wasn't your girlfriend just saying that she wants to break up—"

relief settled into his bones as people — including those high school students — poured out of the train. with more room to move, he stretched his legs out, pulling out the headphones he had in the process. xiao's station was the last stop which was currently two stops away from where he was now. with everyone located in the other carts, there were only five other people seated around him, all of which are busy minding their own business with no intention of bothering him anytime soon. good. some peace and quiet... with that thought in mind, xiao's eyes slowly fluttered close. a little nap couldn't possibly hurt...

no one stays for a lazy piece of shit who couldn't be bothered to think of a special something to give.

opening his eyes with a start, xiao cursed those burdensome kids and their equally burdensome words. he tried to pretend that the anxious feeling in his guts didn't exist as he hurriedly shoved his headphones in his bag. seriously... why do unnecessary burdens keep on flying in his direction? biting back a groan, he stood up from his seat with what was without a doubt, his deepest frown of the day (a weighty comment seeing as he spent the entire day with a grumpily frowning).

he disliked valentine's day a lot, he thought to himself as he stepped out of the train one station early, he was sure of it now.

sniffling out of habit, you tapped the send button on your phone for the sixteenth time in a row. xiao wasn't one to send lovey-dovey texts first thing in the morning but he also wasn't the type to leave you hanging. heck, he responds even when he doesn't feel like talking to you after a fight! memories of that time only made you feel more uncomfortable so you settled on worrying your lips as you hailed a taxi. the logical angel on your shoulder tells you that you were probably thinking too deeply into the unlikely extremes but what can you say? you love the guy too much to be unbothered by his missing replies.

being apart from him without knowing what was happening was dreadful and the words 'never again' keep on etching themselves on your mind until all you could do was attempt to control your heart's rhythm by looking at the blurred, discolored buildings outside the car. were cabs always this slow? it was running on sixty kilometers per hour, which in hindsight, was not necessarily slow when you consider the fact that you don't usually move an inch until half an hour later when trapped in the usual morning rush. still, the antsy feeling that was making it hard to sit still remained and gnawed at your mind. perhaps it was the caffeine that was making you feel more nervous than necessary. whatever the case, you suddenly felt bad for taking the updates he usually sends for granted.

xiao might be a little rough on the edges but he was a sweetheart who just had a little more trouble when it came to expressing himself. he was someone who tells you that he's at your favorite bakery as a silent cue for you to tell him what you want. he's also someone who sends you random spotify qr codes when he's feeling extra sweet so that you can listen to the same songs he was listening to. he's different from other guys but you never once doubted his affections because every day, he reminds you that he does almost everything with you settled comfortably in the back of his mind.

thanking the cab driver for bearing with the way you were anxiously tapping your fingers on your knees for the past fifteen minutes, you rushed out of the car and into the three-story apartment building he was residing in for the time being. it's stupid, really. you would've insisted that he move over to yours more if you knew that you'd run up three flights of stairs because of your wild hypothesis. maybe then you would worry more about who's going to catch the roach in your bathroom instead of his entire safety and wellbeing.

"xiao?" you croaked out as you tried to regain your breathing. the small, wooden sign that read '304' was barely hanging upright and the five consecutive knocks you did finally caused it to fall with a muffled thud, "xiao? are you home?"

no answer.

you knocked three more times — with more force this time and you wondered if you would have to keep standing here until your knuckles were all red and raw. to be honest, you would've left to try your luck elsewhere if it weren't for your strangely precise gut feeling telling you that he's somewhere in there. well, that and the fact that you could vaguely pick out the sound of clanking from beyond the door.

"shit!"

jumping in surprise, a panicked call slipped out of your lips as you heard xiao's sharp curse. you were certain something was wrong now. bless him but xiao was more indifferent and passive-aggressive than resentful and feral — two things that you most certainly heard in what appeared to be a small burst of emotions. quite frankly, you have had enough of it. you knew that xiao, despite voicing out his dissatisfaction, began leaving a spare key somewhere after coming home to you sitting in the hallway pathetically because you forgot keys and wallet at home. you didn't feel like walking for thirty minutes or so just to get home, you said, and the expression he wore in reply was still deeply ingrained in your memory: an exasperated and, it could've been just a trick of the light but you wanted to believe that there was endearment as well in his tired frown.

just as you remembered the foreign tenseness in his shoulders when he saw your slumped-over form, you found exactly what you needed. the key in question was small and silver-coated; particularly easy to miss behind the green, polka-dotted clay pot you gave as a gag gift to break the monotony of his place. fighting back your frown, you eyed the key on your hand. well... if things went south because of your invasion of privacy, you could always say that it was because he managed to snatch an extremely precious lover who worried a little too much over his seeming lack of concern about himself. right... surely, he won't deny that much...

"xiao?" you called out softly, carefully taking a few steps forward as if the ground you were treading on was made of the most fragile glass in the world, "where are you?"

he still hadn't replied but the unfamiliar metallic noises were much louder now that you're inside. it didn't look like he was in trouble as everything was exactly how you left it two days ago. one of your larger sweaters was draped over the couch, something you placed there on purpose because xiao had a horrible habit of choosing to suffer in the cold instead of moving out of his comfortable lounging position when he's already so deep into scrolling through youtube videos. sighing, you crouched to pick up a notebook that had slipped out of his bag. it looks like he hasn't tidied that up either when he got home yesterday.

it was all very unlike him and with a better sense of security now that you're here, you find your concern transform into confusion. the xiao you knew wouldn't stay inside the kitchen for long unless the world would cave in if he didn't. with a small knock to announce your presence, you immediately find yourself stifling a laugh. the xiao you knew also wouldn't be caught dead staring at you like a deer caught in headlights in the middle of what appears to be the remnants of a previously functional kitchen.

"what in the world..."

flinching at your not-question question, xiao immediately averts his gaze to the chocolate-covered floor, "why... why are you here?"

"am i not welcome?"

you didn't mean to tease him but before you could stop yourself, the words were pouring out of your mouth. at your response, xiao sighs, running a flour-covered hand through his hair. an unknown feeling nibbled at some unfamiliar part of your brain as a strong urge to fix his hair in place became apparent. the flour had dusted his hair white and you realized that darker tones suited him better because it made his eyes pop out more; his eyes that were always firm and strong — always composed save for the times where it's about you. his eyes that were always seeing through your white lies and hesitation; eyes that were also dim and tired and looking at everything but your inquisitive gaze.

"no, it's not that..." he finally breaks his silence with another groan, "you weren't supposed to be here yet."

"hey, what's wrong?"

xiao shifted his weight but nonetheless relented to your hold as you gently squeezed his forearms in encouragement, "i was... attempting to make a cake but i wasn't aware that there are a lot of... ridiculous steps to it."

"a cake? well, yeah... it's a pretty tedious process at the start but what for?"

his frown grows deeper as he stared at you like you grew two heads in the span of the seconds he was not looking at you, "...you don't know what day it is today?"

"what day?" you mirror his expression, "oh my god, did i forget your father's birthday?"

"you're hopeless... even i know what today is."

cake... now that you thought about it, your instagram feed was oddly full of flowers and chocolate cakes... was it already february 14? time flies by fast but you don't think xiao of all people would go out of his way to make you a cake on a holiday that's not even a proper holiday. noticing the furrow in your brows, xiao sighs for the nth time. he had an inkling of what you were thinking about.

"i thought you'll appreciate it if i did something everyone else is doing. i know that i'm not good at showing my emotions and all this romantic nonsense but i... i didn't want you to think that i couldn't be bothered to do things for you."

of course, you knew that. if xiao was someone who genuinely didn't try to make things work then you would've long walked out of the door with a relieved smile. the fact that you were here, face still warm from the way you rushed from your home to his just because you were afraid that something happened to him meant that you loved him. you loved him so much because he loved you just as much. you loved him because he's always so willing to cross the boundaries he had set just to make you smile. the discomforting gloom that made his shoulders slouch almost imperceptibly made your eyes gloss over with gratitude. where else will you find a man who would go out of his way to do something for you even when it's painfully obvious that he's leagues away from his comfort zone? you're doomed, you think as you took another step closer to him. he's ruined everyone else for you and you've presented yourself as a willing sacrifice for this so-called demise.

"there's no need," you smile sweetly as you laid your forehead against his, "you're fine as is. i love you even without the grandeur and cheesy lines."

without warning, he felt the air getting stuck in his throat. there had to be something seriously wrong with him. it wasn't normal to hear the way adrenaline rushes to every crevice of his body and it was definitely not normal to have his hands shake as you slowly cradled them in between yours. he feels weak and rather helpless as all he could do was wait with bated breathe as everything that comprised your being overwhelmed and filled the blank void of his mind. nothing but everything about you — your tender caress, your citrusy shampoo — you. wars were unpredictable but this was no war. you came and you conquered, leaving him no room to fight back. actually, perhaps it was better to say that he didn't want to fight back. the sweet repeat of your voice was coaxing him to say 'i surrender — all of me, all of what i will be. have it all if you want' and he's way past being ready to admit that he's nothing but a subservient subject of yours who'll present everything in this world if you gave him your word.

feeling the courage dealt by the aftermath of his intimate realization, xiao takes your hands off to properly pull you into a hug. blinking in surprise, you stifled another chuckle as his nose brushed over a ticklish part of your neck. ah, he's doomed, he thinks as his eyes fluttered to a close to better remember the way his heart flips over and over in delight at the sound of your laughter. what have you done to him that he's become exactly like the person he thought he'll never be? the scent of sugar and coffee clung to his beige sweater and it's sweet and nice and incredibly familiar just like the warmth that seeped through your clothes as his hands pulled you closer to his thundering heart.

"wait... just a little bit more... don't pull away just yet."

you tried your best to pretend as if you weren't affected— as if your heart wasn't seconds away from breaking through your ribs. you tried but why did you bother? those amber eyes could demand the most hideous from you and you'll comply like a doll so pliant you could only be said to be made for him. how can you say 'no' when he pulls back just so you could see the way his eyes grow a shade deeper — when his fingers, a little calloused from work, tenderly touch your cheek as if you were made of porcelain? his touch moves lower— to your jaw— and you mutter all the prayers you can remember in your lovestruck haze, all so his lips would meet yours just a second faster.

"thank you for understanding," he whispers and the rarity of his words was nothing compared to the rarity of haze and love hidden in his voice. you don't trust your own to deliver — finding that you have long lost your ability to communicate in front of someone who was undeniably in love with you and all the worry lines you had because of him; because you're always so caring and gentle when it comes to him that it makes him weep for his lost rationality.

you look after him so well that it almost makes him feel so bad for taking so much from you.

"happy valentine's, xiao."

but he also was not above welcoming his greed as he finally slots his lips between yours.

#genshin #genshin x reader #xiao #gi x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin oneshot #genshin scenario #genshin fluff #xiao x reader #xiao x y/n #xiao fluff #xiao imagine #xiao scenario #xiao oneshot #—𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

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dubsdigs · 4 years

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Joe Strummer (1952-2002)

On his birthday and in the age of pressure on the common man increasing by what seems to be the second, I think of one of my antifascist heroes, Joe Strummer. There are so many things to say about the Clash that I’ve said 1 million times over, but one sentiment always bears repeating—Joe Strummer was an important anti-establishment figure in popular culture of modern history. As a Marxist, Strummer struck a chord in a young generation of the possibility of a world free of imperialist capitalist governments and monarchies. The Clash’s captivating discography never fails to give you the feeling of riding around in the car with your friends, ready to terrorize the establishment and fight the system. Strummer’s musical talents with his time in the Clash cultivated music that spoke to a generation of restlessness; the youth and proletariat fed up with the ever-increasing world conflict and wealth disparity through blatant call outs of the oppressors of the ruling class. He gave a big Fuck You to Generals, Politicians, Bomb Droppers, Tyrants, Pigs—the whole lot. Rising in the punk music scene alongside acts like the Sex Pistols and the Buzzcocks, Strummer’s lyrical lectures of the plight of the working class were not rare for their content, but for his delivery. Compelling lyrical content weaved into captivating, genre blending music that you can’t help but feel throughout your entire body, Strummer’s messages of change were poetically jarring and came from a voice that didn’t care what you thought it sounded like, but you’d be damned if you didn’t listen.

In the Clash’s self-titled debut album The Clash, released in 1977, track “Career Opportunities,” is Strummer’s own anthem for the working class and the struggles of entering the unrewarding cycle of capitalism. Lamenting that “Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock,” Strummer resents capitalist governments for seeing its citizens as merely a means to capital by only offering jobs that perpetuate the existence of capitalism. Strummer’s voice pouring through your headphones paired with the bouncing, head bobbing hi-hat driven rhythm and jam-like feeling of the track “Clampdown” from the legendary 1979 album London Calling, ignites you to “Kick over the wall, cause government's to fall / How can you refuse it? / Let fury have the hour, anger can be power / D'you know that you can use it?” From the Clash’s 1980 masterpiece Sandinista!, the hypnotic groove of opening track “The Magnificent Seven” serves the dim tale of the average worker and the 7 hour workday of the capitalist cycle perfectly to your ears and memory with his poignant lyrical flow through lines like, “You can't be true, you can't be false / You'll be given the same reward,” regarding the fate of dissenters and those looking for a different way of life rid of the chains of imperialist capitalism like Martin Luther King Jr and Gandhi. Sandinista!, a title homage to the Sandinista National Liberation Front, the now democratic socialist party in Nicaragua who led the resistance against the United States occupation of Nicaragua in the 1930’s, holds songs that share themes against imperialism and against war that was ravaging the planet at the time. Opening with a US Marines’ chant, track “The Call Up,” presents Strummer rejecting the notion of answering the call to war and giving one’s own life for the sake of an imperialist monarch as he chillingly reminds us, “For he who will die / Is he who will kill.” The following track, “Washington Bullets,” details the horrors of United States’ intervention in South America and the victims of the imperialist tentacles the United States spreads throughout the world with its smuggling of weapons to facilitate cocaine trade leading to increased violence in communities, where, “The killing clowns, the blood money men / Are shooting those Washington bullets again.” Strummer antagonizes the atrocities of all imperialist interests worldwide, including the Soviet Union’s impact in Afghanistan that left thousands of Afghan rebels and Russian troops dead, carrying his view that every imperialist is to blame for the tragedies of interests in capital around the world in the curt and clear lyrical phrase, “An' if you can find a Afghan rebel / That the Moscow bullets missed / Ask him what he thinks of voting communist.” Strummer brought stories to the mainstream of injustices occurring throughout the world in a time where entire information wasn’t as readily available through the propaganda ridden Western countries.

From the classic 1982 album Combat Rock, Strummer gives a searing performance over an invigorating cacophony of perfectly blended distorted guitars, and the kind of driving punk drum beat that makes you want to break something, in opening track battle cry, “Know Your Rights.” The track is a best representation of Strummer speaking directly to his audience as a voice of social justice in his explanation of the three freedoms given to the poor and disenfranchised, and his questioning of those rights’ validity in actual life. Strummer mocks the contradiction of the power the police hold to unjustly murder civilians without consequence while murder is a serious offense if commit by anyone else. Sarcastically bringing to light the invasive verification process of applying for government assistance and the stereotypes of recipients of these systems that supposedly serve the people, Strummer jokes that the recipient should be so lucky as to receive the right to eat, while hinting that really they would be better off had they simply not needed the help in the first place. Ending with our third right, Strummer shouts out that although we have the clearest right of all, to speak freely, we would be foolish to think that we actually do have the right to test the government under their rule. That if you speak against the those who hold the power, the hand of the state will strike down.

The reason I chose to end with this song and dissect it the furthest (I’ll include a track list of my favorite antifascist Strummer songs below) is not only because of its straightforward simplicity, but as I was listening to my Combat Rock record again this morning it hit me that it has been 40 years since this song came out, unlike how I had ever considered before. 40 years to me is a stretch of time I have yet to experience, 40 years ago I wasn’t even a distant thought to either of my parents. And yet, as Strummer encourages me through my speakers, I can feel the same venom coursing through my veins in my opposition to the rise of fascism in my own country as if I’m listening to this same album in a different living room in 1980. It rocked me to connect so deeply to a different time in history through lyrics and music, as if I had been transported through time. Therein, to me, lies the power of Joe Strummer’s lyrical talent. His messages still ring true today and his legacy lives on in fueling the fire beneath a young generation aching for change. RIP

Know Your Rights

Straight to Hell

Ghetto Defendant

The Magnificent Seven

The Call Up

Washington Bullets

Police On My Back

Clampdown

The Guns of Brixton

Complete Control

I’m So Bored with the USA

Tommy Gun

Career Opportunities

White Riot

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some-triangles · 5 years

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MUSIC OF 2018

Ophelias – Almost

All-woman band with disreputable male producer creates songs about codependency, power exchange and the prison of needing others. This is my favorite album of the year because it has the projecting power from a position of weakness thing down to a science, plus the production is crisp as anything and the melodies stay in your head. It’s all very simple and very careful and very thoughtful and very skillful and very angry, and the singer does not display a trace of emotion at any point. Perfect for all moods.

Tropical Fuck Storm – A Laughing Death In Meatspace

This is more of a specific mood. A thing I value in music is the sound of a vocalist who is experiencing Peak Distress, but as an artist, intentionally; not goopy or dramatic but using an emotion, albeit a very unpleasant one, to draw a color on a canvas. The greasy australian who made this band after he got sick of his more famous one does that with the words “at any time” on the opening track, “You Let My Tyres Down”, which is my favorite song of the year. The rest of the album isn’t as good but it’s a high bar. The album also features people doing exciting things with guitar tones and actively unpleasant distortion while remaining in a rock idiom, which people don’t do anymore and is one of my favorite things.

Noname – Room 25

The best indie rap album of the year, objectively. Noname used to be called Noname Gypsy but some roma people had a talk with her and now she’s Noname. No muss, no fuss. Imagine if everyone was that graceful, huh? That transformation must have kicked something else into high gear, because this record is miles better than her last one. Confident, chopsy, warm, wise; soulful, adventurous, real. Too virtuous for me to embrace fully but undeniable even at a distance.

Kendall 😊 – hey

Unforgivably slept-on new artist making swoony electropop with big stacked chords and big stacked distortions, up against “I can barely play piano but I know what’s beautiful” interludes, drenched in reverb and dripping with honesty. One could pray for this kind of candor. The chorus of “knife” reminds me of Hindemith, unjustifiably – it’s that maximal approach to building clusters of tones. On the one hand, it’s another transwoman artist who seems to construe feminity as suffering. On the other hand, this is the world we live in, and there are worse takes.

Rosalia – El Mal Querer

I’m not going to pretend that I have enough context or the right background to describe this properly but it’s a monumental accomplishment and that comes through even if you got clod ears. Maximal, sensual, ancient, enormous, combining trad and modern sounds, blah blah. An album about love, religion and suffering coming at you from the weird sex/blood/magic underside of catholicism that white people generally don’t get access to. Also has that same knack for pinning down and utilizing anguish that the Tropical Fuck Storm guy has. Like.. not the same, as that. Obviously. But similar.

Tierra Whack – Whack World

A small clockwork collection of readymades about the quotidian. I get David Byrne vibes off Tierra – she’s a polymath, an alien, and a designer at heart. But also an extrovert, significantly. This album is made to be popped into your mouth, digested and forgotten, leaving little traces of doubt in your bloodstream. It’s an instagram filter for your insides.

The Cradle – Bag of Holding

The local acoustic dirtbag has come to read your tarot, but he’s also communicating wirelessly with your smart fridge. This album has a bit of a Jesse Moynihan vibe, and is also nostalgic for those of us who liked our Devendras and our Animals Collective and also enjoy production where someone’s elbow hit the dial and they just kind of kept it in. There’s a good song on here where a very groovy and centered man is trying to get a lady to break up with her boyfriend because he is too cyberpunk. Why not?

Lolina – The Smoke

This is an album about Urban Narstiness that is meant to be played in headphones while walking at night, to lend yourself a dangerous sountrack vibe. It’s too jagged and self-consciously experimental to be heavy, which is good, because there are enough sad boys yelping over cold metal about how the moon is turning them to knife crime. This is mostly about how being a woman is fun when you feel no emotions, which sort of brings us back to the unifying theme of my year in music. Feeling felt a lot, in bursts; feeling felt not, at length.

Amaryllis – Away We Go

I wrote a big long poem about how much I liked this album when I first heard it. Once you’ve done that it’s difficult to pretend you were never into the problematic artist in the first place, so on the list it goes.

Hushy’s still young – not as young as she’d like to be, admittedly, but young – and has a lot of work to do. Wallowing in baby land may not be fulfilling forever, and she might turn her attention elsewhere. She might become a huge, genuine monster. She might figure herself out.

In the meantime, please heed the very objective and not feelings-based ADULTS ONLY sign that now adorns all of her work.

In a way I think the Hushy debacle had a part in my journey to wizard town. I mean, I am grown, so I’m more judicious about dragging you through my personal swamp than she is. But the particular cocktail of personal tragedy, hypomania, magical thinking and guilt that I see in there - that’s The Stuff.

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thejollyroger-writer · 6 years

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Met by Moonlight, Chapter Four: Killian

Read on AO3!

It's only day one and he is already exhausted. He spent most of his day in the office in the English building, trying to get everything back into working order. Even starting a few days ahead of classes was not enough to get them caught up enough to hide the chaos that took place over the break, and he spent most of his day hauling boxes to and from the storage room--when he was given enough time to himself to get there and back without being stopped by someone.

He has always known about the curse the world laid upon him: the curse of being devastatingly handsome, and the curse of always being approached by this damned mysterious other sex, especially at times when he just wants to be left to his ways.

During yet another trip down the bland neutral hallway, he wonders if she knows. If she knows that he never stopped loving her (apparently), no matter how hard he has tried. If she knows the pain that he feels every time he lays his eyes on her, having her here with him again but not being able to have her.

If she knows about the piercing icicle that went through his heart when she saw them at the table in the apartment, sitting right up against each other. He could sense the electricity in the room - and sense that he was not welcome - so he locked himself in his room with his worn-down copy of Midsummer Night's Dream and a bottle of rum.

If she knows how much it hurt to hear her giggling like a schoolgirl at him at that very same table the very next night, or when he got home the following night and they were curled on the couch together, his arm over her shoulders and her hand resting gently on his thigh.

Damn that August Booth to the depths.

As he collapses into one of the new chairs on the first floor of the library, he is cursing himself and not August. He should have told her. He should have rushed into her arms the moment she saw him in that damned airport and told her that he never stopped loving her, not for a moment of the years that have passed between them since she left him alone and broken.

He had every opportunity to tell her, yet he hadn't taken any of them. He has no one to blame but himself - but that doesn't mean he can't be at least a little spiteful towards August. His head in his hands, he runs his fingers through his hair, then lets out a deep breath. He may have spent much of the last two weeks in this very building, but he takes a good look around for the first time. With all the work he knew they were doing, not much looks different. Sure, many of the bookshelves were replaced, along with some of the windows, but the main difference is the furniture. The tables that take up much of the middle of the room seem to be the same, but the rest of it all: the chairs around the tables, the couches spread out by the windows, and the armchairs like the one in which he currently sitting scattered around the room, are all much more modern than the bulky, uncomfortable ones that he remembers from the years prior. The one he found himself in is set into the corner by the windows, with a good view of most of the first floor, plus some of the second. With his eyes scanning the library, he is surprised by just how few people are here, even for the first day of classes. Usually, even on the slowest days, there is at least a general hustle and bustle going on in the building, but there does not even seem to be that. Much of what he can see is empty: no books and papers scattered on the tables, no students with headphones in crowding the computers, and not even people wandering through the shelves of books, searching for something (or nothing) in particular.

And then, he sees it--sees her. From where he is sitting on the first floor, he can see through the newly-installed glass wall that separates her and Elsa's office from the rest of the library, see right to where she is sitting at her desk. She seems so comfortable, her headphone cord running down in front of her as she oscillates between the computer and whatever sits in front of her, tapping her pen against her teeth, a habit he sometimes still hears in his sleep.

He can't take his eyes off of her, and it is now that he chooses to curse him again, that damned fairy tale boy that took her from his reach.

(Sure, he knows that's no fair: August is a great guy, and he's never done anything else to anger Killian except leave his toiletries all over the counter and his dishes in the sink, but hey, he has to express his anger somehow, and pushing it to August instead of holding it to himself is healthier, right? He reminds himself to ask Robin when he sees him.)

And then he gets an idea. Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, he scrolls through his messages to find their group message from last semester, that damned bloody curse of a modern technology marvel that Will made them all set up one night at the bar.

And then he finds it. Aptly (and drunkenly) named “The Boys’ Club,” it has, much to the spite of everyone in the group, become the easiest way to plan get-togethers, and Mulan never seemed to be bothered by it's sexist title. They have been friends since his first semester here; except Will, who he went to boarding school with in England before his parents moved them. Robin and Jefferson were roommates for a year before Killian arrived, and somehow Will added Mulan into their mix. So they became the Boys’ Club.

I don't know about everyone else, but I could use a drink tonight, Killian sends, and it is only a few moments before those three little dots pop up and the next message comes through.

Robin: Rough first day, Jones?

Killian: You don't know the half of it. 😑😑

Jefferson: its that american girl, right?

Mulan: oooooh so there's a girl now?! 😍😍

Will: come on k, share it with us.

Robin: About bloody time! 🤣😂🤣

Killian: You're all gits. See you at the Rabbit Hole in an hour?

Will: funny im already there 🍻🍻🥃🍾

Jefferson: No surprise there. See you soon

Robin: Im still in class but I'll be there after 😂

Mulan: 👍👍👍

Rolling his eyes, Killian slides his phone back in his pocket and takes one last look at her, only to find her looking down at him. He smiles, and she returns it before he takes off, needing to get out into the fresh air before he suffocates on her smile.

Will has already plopped himself down in their regular booth in the corner, and by the time they open the doors to the loud, musty room, they can hear him singing in the corner, the sign that he is already too far off for any help.

Killian and Jeff rode together from the apartment, and Mulan and Elsa are coming around the corner from another parking lot, laughing softly at each other, as Killian opens the door for them.

“Rough day, then, Killian?” Mulan asks, the only one out of the crew that still calls him by his first name, and he sighs at the ground, running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s been a rough few weeks, but today was the epitome of terrible.”

“He called it ‘the day of tragedy’ on the way here,” Jefferson snips, mocking his accent in repeating his words.

“That does sound rough,” Elsa says softly, her bright eyes much less full of spite than the rest of their companions. Jeff and Mulan head right for the table, leaving Elsa and Killian to order their drinks at the bar--much easier than trying to crowd all of them between the patrons already at the counter. “Is it about Emma? She’s told me a little bit about your past, and I--”

“She told you?” He hopes that Elsa can’t see the shock that passes over his face in the dull lights of the bar. While he hasn’t yet figured out why, he has tried his best to keep his history with Emma from his friends, and though they never discussed it openly, he was under the impression that she was doing the same. The fact that she spilled everything to her new office-mate is both surprising and unequivocally un-Emma.

“Yes, she told me that you were good friends and that you dated for a while before you had to go separate ways.”

“Separate ways,” he repeats under his breath, turning to the bartender, a tall, dark-haired girl that he’s pretty sure must be newer, since she does not look familiar at all, and when she says, “What can I get you two?” he replies with “Two pints of whatever’s best and a shot of rum, on the rocks.”

She nods, then turns her eyes to Elsa. “A vodka club with a lime and a glass of water, please.” Once the bartender turns away from them to start to make their drinks, Elsa turns back to him. “I really like her, you know. Her and I get along well, better than I ever did with that weird Isaac guy from last year. And she seems to get along well with August.”

As if the bartender knows their order as well as any of the others that have served them regularly for the past few years, she hands Killian his glass of rum first, which he quickly finishes in one mouthful, despite the burning rush he feels immediately - though it is the first step in numbing the pain Elsa’s last comment made him feel.

“She’s the one, isn’t she? The one you try not to talk about, that broke your heart back in America?”

Flustered, he sets his glasses down on the bar a little harder than he may have meant to. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, Killian. You don't have to be a psychiatrist to see something’s up with you. You’ve obviously had your heart broken in the past, and you’ve said that after college, you moved to New York and then a few other places, but never anywhere of great importance. So, whoever hurt you, it must have been before you started moving around the country.”

With a curt smile, the bartender hands him the two large pints, one for Jeff and one for Will, and Elsa’s glass of water.

“Another?” she asks shyly, pointing to the empty rocks glass in Killian’s hand, which he hands to her.

“Aye.” Then he turns back to Elsa's, smiling across the room besides him, and when he follows her gaze, he finds her eyes looked with Mulan, sitting across the table from Will and Jeff.

“How are you and your girl then?”

When she finally turns back to him, her smile hasn't wavered. “I went home with her for most of the break, like we talked about, and met her family. And it was…” Her smile grows, something that Killian would not have believed could happen if he had not seen it himself. “It could not have gone better, actually. I just wish we wouldn’t have to wait so long for the summer for her to come to Norway and meet my family before we can make it official, like we discussed.”

“Why wait until summer? Spring break is in March, and that’s at least a little closer.”

“We discussed that, but what are the odds that we can both get off of work long enough to spend a week in Norway?”

“It’s always at least worth a shot, love. You never know how life might suddenly be on your side.” Without meaning to, his thumb moves to his wrist, moving over the dark star tattoo.

“That’s the other way I figured it out, you know,” Elsa comments after a moment. “I know you tell people the star is just a part of your celestial sleeve, but it’s no coincidence she has the same tattoo, is it?”

His eyes move to his wrist, where he is still thumbing the large star.

“No, it’s definitely no coincidence.”

“Does she even know you have it?”

As he shakes his head, the bartender hands them the last two drinks: Mulan’s vodka club and Killian’s second glass of rum, and with everything in tow, they head for the table.

“So, are you going to tell us about your heartbreak, Jones, or are you going to make us wait for Robin?” Jeff is a little too smug asking this question, and Killian rolls his eyes at him.

“We’re not here to talk about my heartbreak, mate. We’re here to drink and have a good time and forget about every other damned thing going on in the world.”

“So there is a girl?” Will asks from the corner, his head back against the wall with his eyes closed, but still gripping the new pint Killian brought him.

“Who said anything about a bloody girl, huh?”

“Leave the poor guy alone,” Mulan says strictly, staring daggers across the table at Will, even though his eyes are still closed and doesn’t see her.

“How’s everyone’s first week of classes?” Elsa changes the subject in her bubbly teacher voice. “I know I’m going to have my hands full, especially with the undergrad class I start teaching in a few weeks.”

Thankful for the change of subject, Killian jumps in. “I’ve only had one class so far, and I have two more tomorrow. But this damned research study position might just bring about my own death.”

“How very Shakespearean of you, Mr. Bard,” Jefferson jokes, but his smile is quickly erased from his face by an icy glare from Elsa. “But, uh,” he continues, obviously affected by Elsa’s response to his joke, “Everything is brutal for me, but it sure as hell better be, giving the death track I put myself on.”

“You only have yourself to blame for that one, Jeff,” Mulan comments with a smile. “I don’t even feel like this is my last semester of college, though. Classes at the gym are finally starting to pick up, though, so that’s good, at least.”

“And me, I’m just going through the motions,” Will quips, still cock-eyed in the booth with his back against the wall.

“Aye, and what are your plans again, exactly?”

“Hell if I know, mate. I’m just trying to live every day. I am thinking of joining a band, though. Always was a fan of the bass guitar, and the women that seem to follow bands around.”

“You know, Will, you could always just come back to school,” Elsa adds with a smile, and this, finally, makes him turn towards the table.

“Sod off it, eh? I took a semester off to figure everything out, and I’m still working on it.”

“Even if that semester was two years ago,” Jeff comments, then finishes the rest of his beer, clapping Killian on the shoulder. “How about we get another round here, huh?”

One round turns to two as Robin finally shows up, his best friend and roommate Graham in tow. Three comes, and is gone; and by the time Killian is on his fourth (this one mixed with some cola, reminiscing of the days he and Emma would walk to the bar down the street from their apartment) - and this is the one that opens him up.

Without meaning to, and without realizing it was actually happening, Killian opens the floodgates of his past, his glass in his left hand as he, once again, ran his thumb over the star tattoo on his wrist.

“Fate is a bloody fickle thing, innit she? The way she can bring two people together after pulling them apart for a few years.”

“What the hell are you going on about now, mate?” Will asks, but no one responds to him; everyone’s eyes are on Killian.

“You know, I was sixteen when I met her. She was the most beautiful damned thing I had ever seen, with her golden hair and those emerald eyes. And she never understood why I felt so strongly about her so quickly, but it’s like somehow, I just knew. Knew that we were supposed to be together. I told her that, once. Well, more than once. But the first time was after we had been together for a few months, and I thought I had ruined everything. I thought she was going to up and leave right then, just walk right out of that tiny restaurant.

“But she stayed. She stayed when Liam left, she stayed when her parents got pregnant, when we graduated, through college. I was damned well sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with that girl. I was going to propose once we got to New York, somewhere spectacular. I was going to marry her.

“And then, just like that, it was all over. She was moving everything back into her parents’ house, and I was packing everything I owned into that bloody Chevelle, but had to leave the one thing I loved most in Storybrooke. She ruined me, and for a while I didn’t think I would ever be able to be happy again. And I wasn’t happy in New York, living the life that my father laid before me.

“Then I heard from Liam, that he was going to be stationed somewhere permanently and he wanted me to join him, to re-open my dream and come back home, go back to school. It took three damned years, but I was happy again. And she just - she just walks right back in to my life like it was nothing, got off the plane and breathed the same air as me once more. I should have been angry, livid, upset, should have needed an explanation or an apology for leaving me in the dirt like that, for breaking my heart and making me unable to feel for so long.

“But I didn’t. I didn’t need any of that. All that I felt when I saw her again was… was happiness. Was love, for some godforsaken reason. And that hurt, too, knowing that, after everything she caused me, I still bloody loved her. All the while, she seems to be completely unfazed, completely unaffected by this whole situation, enough so to flirt with bloody August Booth--my own damned housemate, to make matters worse! Not only do I have to see her, but I have to see the one that she has apparently chosen over me, even though all I have done since the first day I saw her was love her. That’s the bloody thanks I get.”

Finally, he takes a breath, turns his eyes down to where he is subconsciously feeling the heart tattoo with the pad of his thumb, the one piece of her that he has cursed himself with not being able to rid himself of. With a huff, he downs the rest of his drink, sets it back down on the table, and pushes himself up, needing to step outside in order to breathe again.

#this chapter hurts me emotionally #cs ff #met by moonlight #my writing #wordsbymeganmichael #captain swan #captain swan ff #college au #grad school au

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tarpsybaby · 3 years

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The Best Albums of 2020

What can I say about 2020 that hasn't already been said a hundred times before? Yes, I have learned many things throughout the last 365 days, but one thing that I have always known, but have now emphatically proven this year is that - "Music (really) IS Life".

When the world outside is as dark as it has ever been, I know that I can always put on my headphones to escape from the sheer madness of it all for a little while, and feel completely comfortable and peaceful within the walls of my own mind.

Though your experience has been undeniably different, these are my life defining albums from the year that was 2020. I hope that you are inclined enough to share YOUR favorites and your reasons for being so.

Happy New Year, my MUSIC friends.

31 - Lil Wayne - Funeral

This was the first album that I had added to the "Best of" list back in very early January. Back before the everlovin' shit hit the fan in the world! I loved the first half of the album so much that it was constantly on repeat, though it certainly isn't Wayne's best album. The insanely fun and erratic tracks "Mahogany" and "Mama Mia" may very well be some of my all time favorite beats of the last decade. Especially in a time where the greater majority of modern rap production sounds exactly the same, with little focus on the beats. As the year continued on and I listened to hundreds of albums, Funeral didn't hold up quite as much as I would have thought. With 24 tracks and a runtime of an hour and sixteen minutes, the album is one that goes on well after the juice has run out. The first half is compiled so well though, that I still consider it one of the best, and I’d already written the review before I counted my “Best Of”. Hence the extra album review this year! ;)

30 - Lapsley - Through Water

This album was recommended to me from my boss when we were all first working from home in the height of the pandemic. Immediately I knew it would have a home on one of my most favorite playlists that I have been building for the last decade. The playlist is called my "H20 Mixologist" mix and if you've ever been with me at the beach, you already know that the only rules for this playlist are that it must be played by water. Preferably a beautiful ocean, though a bathtub and a healthy dose of imagination will work just fine! This album came out right around the time when we weren't afraid to stay inside quite as much and we were no longer opposed to going to our neighborhood pool as a break from our own four walls. This album will forever remind me of the truest and most pure joys of sunshine, fresh air, and the freedom one feels when outside surrounded by nature.

29 - Tame Impala - The Slow Rush

I have always loved me some Tame Impala, and this is certainly not Kevin Parker's best album to date... but even the most average material, is still some of the strongest of the year overall. Still bringing the same consistent level of dreamlike alternative pop melodies that Tame Impala has been known for in the last decade, it is an album to easily get lost in... and that was beyond helpful this year.

28 - Car Seat Headrest - Making A Door Less Open

I have been an excited fan of Car Seat Headrest since I first head "Teens of Style" back in 2015 after I had just moved to Florida. As the years have gone on and more albums have been released, I love the band even more. I've been saying for years that Will Toledo is the ‘Beck’ that I have always wanted the real Beck to be, but has never fully become. The single "Can't Cool Me Down" is singlehandedly one of the best tracks of the year, by far! Led by the most basic bass riff that fully drives the song forward, its those little odd and eccentric instruments used for accent that really hit when you are listening through a really good pair of headphones! In a year where the outros on songs have been more prevalent in any years that I've ever noticed before, this was the first mind bending outro to fully grab my attention. An absolute must listen and a significant album to add to the bands catalog!

27 - Fontaines DC - A Hero’s Death

This is the first of the albums on my list that had been suggested to me through one of my Twitter music friends, and there have been quite a few of these suggestions this year, which makes me incredibly happy - as that was the whole idea of the account! There was a genuine buzz around the sophomore album from this Dublin band that I had started to notice online, and I was excited to see what all the fuss was all about. Immediately I was drawn into the sullen voice of Grian Chatten after watching the video for “Televised Mind”. “A Hero’s Death stands out significantly for me after listening to their first album, but I love the significant growth that happened in the year in between. This is a band that I am very curious to see how they continue to grow in future years.

26 - Mac Miller - Circles

I was one of those people who discovered Mac Miller too late. Young Frankie got me into him, as he always had Mac playing throughout our house. One day, I simply decided to start at the very beginning of his discography. I fell in love with his energy, his humor, & his blunt honesty about his battles with depression and addiction. Listening to "Blue Slide Park" for the first time made me feel like I was in college again. It would have been my favorite album had it come out at that time in my life. For some, it did & I envy you all for that. With all my love for him, listening to Mac can be painful when you sit and listen in chronological order You can hear actually him deteriorate over the years, much like Jim Morrison with The Doors albums in chronological order. As honest and sincere as this final record is, it is incredibly sad to listen to Mac on "Circles" when you know there will never be a follow up. Sadly the album does serve as a beautiful bookend to a tragically short story.

25 - The Strokes - The New Abnormal

I've been a huge fan of Julien Casablancas and everything he has done for years, especially his most recent work with The Voidz. However, the thought of a new Stokes album brought about some nostalgia for younger years when they were at their peak. From the first listen, everything about this album sounds as catchy and familiar, just what we have always come to expect from The Stokes, but at the same time, new. You hear one lick from Hammond Jr's guitar and you know exactly who you are listening to. Even with seven years off, they are still capable of producing some serious quality work and it makes for some of their best.

24 - Phil Campbell & The Bastard Sons - We're the Bastards

This album was one of my accidental finds on Apple Music one day early in December when I thought all odds of discovering any new music before the end of the year was impossible. Considering Campbell is the lead guitarist of Motorhead, I was expecting something a little different, perhaps a little harder? What I found was a solid family band rock album! I love the idea that Phil has created a band with his three sons, on all instrumental duties. The lead front man of Attack! Attack, Neil Starr, lends his vocals, and sounds a lot like a cross breed of Corey Taylor and Jacoby Shaddix that I actually find quite endearing, considering I am a fan of both of their bands respectively. At a time where rock music seems to be something that you have to dig deep for, this was a fresh album to get very excited about.

23 - Run The Jewels - RTJ4

Run The Jewels has been one of my favorite hip hip groups in recent years, as they have always created what I call "smart rap". Smart rap has something to say ...it makes you listen, but more so - it makes you THINK. RTJ4 came out at EXACTLY when the world needed the album and words as an anthem. Much more than just music, the lyrics in "Walking in the Snow" seemed prophetic at the time in the death of George Lloyd. Looking back on it, the lyrics weren't prophetic at all. Tragedies like George Floyd just happen FAR TO FUCKING OFTEN. If you haven't listened to this album in its entirety, you need to... and you need to make sure you listen to every single syllable of every single word.

22 - PVRIS - Use Me

Later on this list, you will hear me talk about the rash of female fronted bands that came out in the last few years that were never able to fully separate themselves from each other in my eyes. PVRIS is one of the female fronted bands that I have always had an affinity for. With that being said, this album was a complete change up of sounds than albums prior. Much more dance-y and poppy than anything from their past, though it does work well. You will later see another band on this list who were able to steal the higher place, just for being more authentic and true to themselves. Stay tuned!

21 - Johan Johannsson - Last and First Men

I definitely experienced many moods during quarantine and this album set off a rabbit hole in which I thoroughly enjoyed traveling through, as well as looking forward to continuing down. I highly suggest everyone starts looking into Icelandic composers, especially Johann Johannsson. His tragic story is just that, but his beautifully haunting music is still very much alive. Not only is "Last and First Men" an audiophiles dream from start to finish, learning that Johannsson scored one of my favorite movies of all times "Arrival", made complete and perfect sense. Total mood music, and sometimes that mood just happens to be fucking apocalyptic. Especially this year.

20 - Pearl Jam - Gigaton

I'll just put this out there, Pearl Jam lost me as a fan for a great many years. If I am being candid, and I always am - they lost me after Vs. When the single "Dance of the Clairvoyant's" was released, I was blown away that somehow they were still putting out great music and I had to go back through the entire catalog to see what I had really been missing since Vitology, when I had officially decided that I didn't like the softer route the band was taking. Man, have I been wrong for far too long and am happy to admit it. What an actual EPIC band! No real bullshit in their history, just a bunch of really good dudes making solid music for 30 years. If you are like me at all, this is the album that you need to check out immediately. Pearl Jam are back, even though they never really left!

19 - Yves Tumor - Heaven To A Tortured Mind

This has to be one of the coolest, most trippy and adventurous albums of the year in my opinion. This is yet another one, that came out at height of COVID and I loved it instantly the dark & twisted imagery that it can conjure up, while still being soulful and new. "Gospel For A New Century" was the song and video that really gave this album some definitive visuals to work with, as Tumor wears some seriously creepy horns, reminding me of the devil in the Tom Cruise movie "Legend" from back in the 80's. An absolutely intriguing album and one to revisit many times over, as there is nothing else like it being made today. 1

18 - Agoria - Lucky: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

I can't even remember how I found this little treat, but I did! I've tried to find the movie that its attached to many times, and have been quite unsuccessful so far. With that being said, this is an insanely fun little electronic soundtrack. "Visit", "Satan", "All Over You", and "Police" are standout tracks from an album that brings electronic tribal percussion to your ears that is capable of making you dance in your seat. After listening to this album repeatedly throughout the year, it makes me want to hire Agoria to score all of the most adventurous scenes of my life!

17 - Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By

Two surprise albums by Eminem in 2020, and that isn't always a good thing. It doesn't matter who is reviewing anymore, everyone seems to hate Eminem now a days. Not sure why, as he IS the lyrical genius he has always been... even if you still aren't in on the joke. Sure, he is just as offensive as always, but everyone has that friend that gets booed and yelled at for being the one to make a joke "too soon". After listening to Eminem for the last 22 years and being from metro Detroit, he has always been that friend to me, even though he will never know it! The two surprise albums this year were significantly better than anything since MMLP2, and the lack of beats and production from Kamikaze and Revival are all but forgotten here . We finally had some new slick beats, the kind that work very well with Em's style. Deny it all you want, Marshall Mathers is still relevant today.

16 - Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon 3

I knew that new music was coming from Cudi, but thought it was expected to be in the new year. However, I woke up on release day in late December with a text message from Apple Music saying that it was here. What?! I have always loved some Cudi, but this has been the year where he has played more of a soundtrack than ever before & had already made it into my all time favorites. At first listen to MOTM3, I realized that it was going to need a few listens to really soak it all up, so I kept at it all day. I read many critic and personal reviews and everyone seemed to be loving it, but why wasn't I? I kept at it, for days and days... and it worked. I will say there is certainly more modern trap music than I like from my Cudi, but if he has to integrate it in his music, he does it well enough. "Tequila Shots" is the stand out that has had the most airplay in our house, as it is the most quintessential Cudi sounding on the whole album. The autobiographical "Elsie's Baby Boy" is another track that we've had on constant rotation. All it takes is a Cudi hum, and I am sold.

15 - HAIM - Women In Music Pt. III

As I slightly eluded to back in my PVRIS review, I have never been a huge fan of all female bands, mainly as most came out at a time where there was a rash flooding of all female bands. Obviously, I have nothing against this, as long as they all don't sound the same! HAIM hadn't caught me until this album, but wow. The harmonies on "Darling" , Up From A Dream", "Don't Wanna", and "Leaning On You" are so flawless that this band finally got the recognition from me that they deserve. This album sets the band apart from the rest of the pack, as well as themselves! Leaps above PVRIS, CVRCHES, Soccer Mommy, and the rest - this is the best female band fronted album for me in years.

14 - Bassnectar - The Lockdown Mixtapes Pt: 1 - Inside For The People

The better part of 2020 quarantine was spent in extreme close proximity with family while trying to hold down different non-negotiable responsibilities. On my part, this usually included Air Pods in my ears any time I had to "be on" and work from home. Early on, it was impossible not to feel a little trapped and frankly pretty fucking sad. This album came out at precisely the right time of quarantine to bring you out of the funk, even if only temporary! Listening to this for the first time, and hearing Biggie's voice come to life behind the beats was a smack in the face of 90's nostalgia that is was comforting... and something that I didn't even know I needed at the time. The use of the "American Beauty" dialogue in the outro was also oh so nice, and perfectly placed at the end. It was unfortunate that the second Lockdown Mixtape came nowhere close to this first installment. This is a must though, and it will always be an integral album to pull out whenever I am feeling a little claustrophobic.

13 - Gorillaz - Song Machine, Season I: Strange Timez

One of my all time favorite bands for the last twenty years, even though they have missed the mark in the past. This album brings back a lot of the sounds and creativity sparks that have been missing the last few albums. The moment you hear Robert Smith's voice start torture crooning about Strange Timez, with a Damon Albarn echo, you know you're going to be in for a fun trip. The Schoolboy Q featured "Pac Man" is without a doubt the most authentic Gorillaz song recorded in years. This has also been the most cohesive complete album they have produced since Plastic Beach. Paying attention to the recipe that made them one of the best, is a good way to move forward. More of the same please, Damon.

12 - Creeper - Sex , Death, & the Infinite Void

This album was recommended to me by a friend on Twitter & I was a little shocked on how much it reminded me of some of the pop, punk, emo , alt rock bands that came out of the 2000's. More specifically, My Chemical Romance, and I mean that in the best way. I have often found myself loving some sort of incredible theatrics with my music and this album truly has more black eyeliner than I do. Categorized as English Horror Punk, this sophomore effort by Creeper has rock opera written all over it. The intro had me a little skeptical on first listen, but once you settle in with "Be My End" you start to have a feel of where you are going and it isn't as scary as a first impulse indicate!

11 - Smith & Myers - Volume 1 & 2

One of my absolute favorite discoveries of 2020! I have always been a fan of Shinedown & have some incredible memories of seeing them live at Rock on the Range years ago - so I was incredibly happy to discover this stripped down side project that only features vocalist Brent Smith and lead guitar Zach Myers performing acoustic covers. Songs like "Unchained Melody" are done so perfectly, the sound like they were initially written for Smith's voice, which is a national treasure in itself! My absolute favorite cover off both volumes is "Valerie", most famously covered by Amy Winehouse, though originally written and performed by The Zutons. i dare you to sing along to this cover and NOT smile. The rest? See for yourself. 1

10 - Marcus King - El Dorado

Early in the year, I saw a few friends had been listening to this album on Apple Music. I had to check it out and immediately loved how different it was for a new country rock and blues album. I was not shocked to discover that Dan Auerbach from The Black Keys played an integral part of its creation. If you haven't discovered King yet, you should head right over to YouTube and check out any of his live performances. This is the kind of dude you HAVE to see live, when this world ever gets back to being able to see live shows. "El Dorado" did for me this year, what Sturgill Simpsons' "Sound of Fury" for me last year. Another act that I cannot wait to see what comes next.

9 - BAMBARA - Stray

To me, this is Mullholland Drive music. I picture California, up in the LA Hills, very late at night, cruising around, up to no good in some sleek, sharp convertible old school car. The big brass gives the music edge and age and its fucking glorious. This it the band that I would love to see do some sleazy and metaphor fueled track with Lana del Rey at some point in the future. Oh, what a combo that could be. BAMBARA also brings to mind a Stooges/Iggy Pop meets Jim Morrison head on, kind of vibe and I love it a lot. Check out their KEXP performance on YouTube, as it is absolute gold. Even though they refer to themselves as post punk, I'd like to refer to it as underground filth glamour... and its never been more beautiful.

8 - Freddie Gibbs & Alchemist - Alfredo

Freddie Gibbs is one of the most exciting artists in modern hip hop, mainly because everything he puts out has that classic hip hop vibe that I have been missing. Last year Gibbs made this list with his collaboration with Madlib, "Bandana". Whereas Eminem, Lil Wayne, and Kid Cudi have released some great albums this year, "Alfredo" is another cohesive piece of work that you just don't find often. When the track placement doesn't matter, as they are a seamless piece, meant to be listened to from beginning to end, every time. This album does for hip hop what Tyler The Creators, Igor, did last year. Its only appropriate there is a Tyler cameo. Once again, bringing soul to the forefront of hip-hop, and I am totally here for it.

7 - Chris Stapleton - Starting Over

This is the kind of modern country that I like. Bar rock country music! Even though Stapleton hails from Kentucky and its true country, something about his voice and this album makes me nostalgic for my childhood and those great Michigan summers growing up. In a time of 'pretty boy' country, Stapleton gets to the grit of it. This album conjures up the want for whiskey shots and dirty dancing. There aren't many like it, but this is a greatest hits album from start to finish.

6 - Benny Yurco - You Are My Dreams

Benny has always been the absolute best discovery of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, as he THRIVES on his own. As well as I feel I know him as a solo artist, I can't find jack shit on him on his own. Everything you find is all Grace Potter. The little things that I DO know are, is that I am well aware that he is musical instrument collector and finds ways to integrate it into all his music. One thing I love about Benny is his absolute classic and beachy sounds. Even though he hails from Vermont, its like he was made to be on the beach at all times playing his music. All three of his solo albums are so clearly connected, but so different. He always picks up right where the last one ended. It should be noted that anytime Benny comes out with a new album, he ends up on this list. So if you have read about him here and have still never checked him out, you are missing out.

5 - Me & That Man - New Man, New Songs, Same Shit, Vol 1

One of the most "mood" albums of the year for me! In the initial weeks of quarantine, I was in a mood where all I wanted to hear was outlaw western rock. I couldn't really put a finger on any specific bands that I considered completely outlaw rock, but I had been listening to Volbeat's "Outlaw Gentleman & Shady Ladies" and the score for Red Dead Redemption for far too long, when I found Me & That Man. Imagine my shock when I discovered the man behind the whole project was Nergal, the man who is also behind the band Behemoth, the black death metal band that I have simply never been able to get into! What a turn from the norm for Nergal and I couldn't have been more excited about the album. Another album that will always remind me of the worst of the worst of the year, but always knowing that music would carry it all and would always make things better.

4 - All Them Witches - Nothing as the Ideal

I have a been a fan of All Them Witches since I first discovered them on Spotify years ago. This is one of those albums that is so fucking perfect from beginning to end that you don't even realized that you have spent 45 minutes having a consistent eargasm. Exactly what a progressive rock band should sound like in 2020, as they draw from all past music and inspire the next round of craftsmanship. This is one that I can't speak/type on too much, as it has to be experience on ones own... at full blast.

3 - Molchat Doma - Monument

One of the best, purest retro albums that has been inspired by 80's in the best fucking way possible. How can you take something that has been done over and over throughout the years and make it sound not at all forced or contrived? This is how. I would call them new wave, but I've been since directed to the appropriate terminology, which is cold wave. Hailing from Belarus, the Slavic language is such a perfect mesh for the sounds that they have created. The rest of the world was ahead of me with Molchat Doma, since one of their older songs hit TikTok and made them quite well known with a younger generation. This album makes me daydream that I am dancing at one of their lives shows, in some dark eastern European club, where I would probably never feel comfortable, in anything outside of my imagination... but I it that though. That is the kind of music that I live for.

2 - Deftones - Ohms

It has been an entire decade since I have fully paid any significant attention to the Deftones, and for me, this has been their best album since White Pony twenty years ago. The excitement that came with the release of the first two singles was enough to generate a massive buzz within me. I made sure to listen to the entire catalog before release day, just to fully prepare... and when the new album finally arrive, it did not disappoint. The last three albums have been the more subtle side of Chino Moreno, which is just fine when working with his side project +++. He actually has one of my all time favorite sexy voices, when he isn't in the full tilt of a wail. When he has the whole band behind him, he fully thrives and can still hit the screams that defined his voice decades ago. This is an album that has made me feel all of the ROCK again and it will be in my rotation for many years to come. As the NYE ball drops this evening, I will be playing Ohms, as that is the best outro of any album to date... and certainly the way to close out the year.

1 - Other Lives - For Their Love

My favorite of the year comes from a band that I had never heard of, despite their three albums that have been released prior! Even though I initially loved this album on first listen, I will candidly admit that I forgot about it for a few months. Somehow I found my way back, and For Their Love was on constant rotation for weeks at a time. There is something about Jesse Tabish's voice that continues to haunt me well after the last note. Other Lives has a sound that reminds me of something old, that has somehow become new and fresh all over again. It is haunting, it is beautiful, and it resonates the soul like a tuning fork. The most beautiful souvenir of an awfully bleak and tragic year. If you check out ONE of my suggestions this year, let it be this...

#bestalbumsof2020

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lanadelreyfiles-blog · 7 years

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Lana Del Rey: Read NME’s exclusive interview with the modern icon. Lana Del Rey’s new album ‘Lust For Life’ is her most ambitious yet. Mike Williams meets her in the city that inspires her the most, Los Angeles – a place, she says, that “enhances something in me that’s already cooking” – to talk about music, happiness and witchcraft. Interview by Mike Williams. Photography by Neil Krug. It will surprise no one to learn that Dr Dre has very good speakers in his studio. And when I say very good, I don’t mean very good in a pricey and popular headphones kind of way. I mean very good in a “holy s**t, I can hear every individual speck of space dust in this galactic wall of sound” kind of way. It’s how we would all listen to music if we were billionaire music industry moguls. Dre has given us permission to use his Santa Monica studio – across the road from the legendary Interscope Records – to hear ‘Lust For Life’, the latest Lana Del Rey album, for the first time. The inside of the studio is clad with expensive-looking wood. The lights are seductively dimmed. It looks both like Don Draper’s office and the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. There’s a bubbling lava lamp next to a Bruce Lee lampshade on top of the main desk. The drinking water is perfectly cool. It’s totally LA. It’s a fitting place to listen to Del Rey’s coming-of-age record. Huge in scale in every sense – sonically, vocally, thematically – it’s the culmination of two years of relentless work. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. As she’ll tell me the following day: “I kind of felt when I started I was going to be in this whole new zone when I was done, a whole new space. I’m really proud that there’s a shift in tone, a shift in perspective. There’s a bit of reflectiveness on what I’m seeing and it’s integrated with how I’m feeling. Normally I’m just, ‘Let me just put this all out there,’ and then I’m really surprised when people are like, ‘You’re f**king crazy.’”

Del Rey has been Interscope labelmates with Dre since October 2011, when she bought herself out of her contract with 5 Points Records, where she’d toyed with different identities and different sounds. Six months earlier, she’d become an overnight star when her aesthetic clicked and she released her debut single proper, ‘Video Games’. In the space of three acclaimed albums (2012’s ‘Born To Die’, 2014’s ‘Ultraviolence’ and 2015’s ‘Honeymoon’) she’s gone from lo-fi internet queen to fully formed Hollywood superstar. And now she doesn’t just have the songs – they’ve been there since the first day Lizzy Grant looked in the mirror and Lana Del Rey winked back – but also the production, the ambition, the pulling power and the brass balls to make ‘Lust For Life’. I hear nine tracks through the big speakers – ‘Love’, ‘Lust For Life’ (Ft. The Weeknd), ’13 Beaches’, ‘Cherry’, ‘White Mustang’, ‘Groupie Love’ (Ft. A$AP Rocky), ‘Coachella – Woodstock In My Mind’, ‘Beautiful People Beautiful Problems’ (Ft. Stevie Nicks) and ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ (Ft. Sean Ono Lennon) – before driving up to a rooftop bar in Hollywood to order drinks from wannabe film stars and looking up towards the hills to meditate on what I’ve just heard. Shoo-wops, doo-wops, wall of sound production; tender moments, angry moments; sex, cars, uncertainties; opulent LA life. If you squint, you can see the famous Hollywood sign in the distance. If you close your eyes you can see Del Rey looking out from her window right inside the middle of the H. The next day we’re in a different studio in a different part of town, this one belonging to Del Rey’s longtime collaborator and producer Rick Nowels. He greets us at the door with a massive grin and ushers us into the main room where the album was recorded. It’s untidy, in a warm and homely way. He wants to know what we think of the record. He’s excited to talk about it. Nowels is a 57-year-old music industry legend who’s worked with Madonna, Tupac, Stevie Nicks and more, but it’s obvious that there’s a particular space in his head and his heart reserved for Del Rey, who he repeatedly describes as “special” and “remarkable”. Del Rey arrives. She’s wearing a crocheted T-shirt and jeans. We sit down in a side room and both press record on our phones. There’s a book about Manson Family victim Sharon Tate on the table that neither of us notices until after the interview is over. I ask her if she’s as happy as she looks on the cover of the new album. “Yeah…” she says. “That was my goal, you know, to get to that place of feeling like in my daily life I had a lot of momentum. Like a moving-on-ness from wherever that other place was that ‘Honeymoon’ and ‘Ultraviolence’ came from. I loved those records, but I felt a little stuck in the same spot.” How did she move on? “I just felt a little more present. Writing a song like ‘13 Beaches’ – it’s a little bit of an abstract notion, but for me it took stopping at 13 beaches one hot day to find one that nobody was at. And I just thought, you know, the concept of needing to find 13 beaches might seem like a luxury problem for someone, but that’s OK, I’m going to go with that.” It’s a key song on the album. Her voice has never sounded bigger or more emotional. “I usually do things in a few takes,” she says, “but I took a lot of takes to do that. The mood that I needed to convey was better than what I was doing. I knew it was important that I came in straight as an arrow with that one. I always feel like I’m creating a new path when I’m doing a song.” Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. Not that Lana Del Rey has been completely reinvented on ‘Lust For Life’. The title track, the first of five collaborations on the album (no previous LDR album had ever featured a guest artist), may not come from the melancholic cool world of ‘Video Games’ or ‘Terrence Loves You’, but it’s just as nostalgic. Nostalgia can be sad and nostalgia can be happy, and at her best – and let me put it out there, I think this song could be her absolute best ever – Del Rey taps both at once. Does she agree? “I’m thinking about that. It goes in line with how I thought I was going to be in this more grown-up zone [writing this record], but actually I’m still somewhere right in the middle. When I think of that song I think of nighttime and this idea of, I don’t know, breaking into somewhere and carving up and kissing. That’s fun for me; like the place where I’m not 100 per cent in something really solid relationship-wise, where you’re still going out and meeting new people and all that stuff. And also, this Hollywood-centric environment is still an important thing that gives me life, being in town and the characters and the constant heatwave. It’s a little bit of a cliché – I totally get it; but I still feel like it enhances something in me that’s already cooking.” Hollywood and the sunshine can be quite an intoxicating cocktail really, can’t it? “It can. I’m naturally a careful person, so I like that the ambience… I wouldn’t go out and take a cocktail of pills or whatever, you know, but there’s something about the vibe of just being around that gives me a heightened feeling.” The biggest deal collaboration on the album is the duet with Fleetwood Mac legend Stevie Nicks. Del Rey says hearing her vocal takes made her re-evaluate her own tone. She was convinced Nicks would turn her down. She still speaks about it with a look of happy disbelief that it actually happened. But the most interesting duet is actually with the person who is, in their own personal right, the least famous and accomplished of everyone on the record, but by virtue of his surname, the most fascinating. “I’m a huge, huge John Lennon fan,” she says. “I didn’t know [his son] Sean. I got his number from my manager, who called his manager. I kind of was nervous about what he was going to say. I FaceTimed him – he was amazing. He was very excited.” The result is the sweetest song on the album, a tender folky ballad that gently taps through the fourth wall as they reference John and Yoko, then Del Rey sings, “Isn’t life crazy now that I’m singing with Sean”. There’s a story that goes with the song, where Del Rey calls up Lennon to tell him that she thought his part was perfect, and he says that he’s so happy because no one’s ever said that to him before. He’s John Lennon’s son, he’s lived his entire life in his father’s shadow, and Lana Del Rey has just given him his greatest ever compliment. There’s a tragedy in that, don’t you think? “Absolutely. It’s why I think it’s more than just a song for him – for both of us. He’s sensitive, you know. I assume that’s from his father and I think he would probably say that it’s been… some of his reviews have been difficult. I thought that was one of those moments on the record where it was a little bit of a ‘bigger than us’ moment. I told him, ‘I’m the one who’s honoured, I’m the lucky one; so I just want you to remember that, Sean, I’m singing with you.’” The interview goes off in lots of different directions. We talk about hanging in LA with Alex Turner and Miles Kane (“I randomly see Alex. I’ve been working with Miles”); about her deep friendship with Courtney Love (“I can call, and probably just ’cause she’s done so much crazy s**t, I can tell her something very weird and she’ll be like, ‘Been there, done that’”); her love of Kurt Cobain (“top influence other than Bob Dylan”); people watching (“I’m a weird observer”); detective novelist Raymond Chandler (“I’m a big fan, I love The Big Sleep”); and Californian independence (“I’m a proponent of keeping the country together, but it’s so its own zone it may as well be a different country.”) We end by talking about magic and the power of words. Firstly, Donald Trump. He’s still the president, which means that the hex Del Rey asked her Twitter followers to cast on February 24 hasn’t worked (yet). So did she get involved and do it herself? “Yeah, I did it. Why not? Look, I do a lot of s**t.” Do you cast other spells at home? “I’m in line with Yoko and John and the belief that there’s a power to the vibration of a thought. Your thoughts are very powerful things and they become words, and words become actions, and actions lead to physical changes.” The quirky video trailer that you did for the album (a magical Lana looking down on LA from her home in the Hollywood H, ruminating on the world and the space it takes to make a record) – it’s more than a trailer; it’s a personal manifesto, isn’t it? “There is a message. I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart. And I’ve seen how I feel about changing those people’s lives and I’ve been on the other side of that as well – on the other side of well-wishes and on the other side of malintent. And I’ve realised how strong you have to be to be; bigger than all of it, even bigger than your own vibrations. “I like that trailer because I talk about my contribution, which is something you start to think about. I’ve got good intentions. It’s not always going to come out right – it hasn’t come out right a lot of the time – but at the core my intentions have always been so good. With the music or when I get into a relationship, it’s always just because I really want to. That’s what’s at the root of this really cute, witchy B-movie.” You make a point in the trailer of saying “in these dark times”. Is there more pressure to contribute something positive right now? “I didn’t like hearing that come out of my mouth. I have a song, ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing’, and I went back and forth so many times about putting it on the record because I didn’t feel comfortable with what I was saying. I don’t like hearing myself say, ‘In error it’s the end of America’, ’cause it’s a troubling sentiment. I didn’t like saying, ‘In these dark times’ either…” We both stop recording but keep talking about the state of the world we live in. I tell her that I can see more and more artists starting to come to terms with the fact that they need to be more outspoken and opinionated. She agrees and says people need to be bold because there are consequences. For the next hour, she makes silly videos on my phone, eats a messy sandwich and helps me choose photos to send to the NME art desk. She couldn’t be less like the idea of Lana Del Rey that most people subscribe to. There’s a confidence in her that perhaps she didn’t have before, a confidence that comes, maybe, from knowing that she’s about to release her most complete album, but knowing too that there are tweaks she could have made, things she should have done differently, things she’ll make right on the next record, ideas she’ll try when she’s next in the studio with Rick. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding.

#Lana Del Rey #NME #NME Magazine #Magazine #Editorial #Interview #2017 #July 2017 #Neil Krug

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jakejamesjournalism · 5 years

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the enduring legacy of dj rashad

There’s no way around it, Hip Hop had an unhealthy share of premature death this decade. Guns and Drugs. Kendrick brings the Compton gun crisis straight through your stereo over trunk rattling production. Future brings you the euphoria of deadly drugs over trunk rattling production. The same topics that often times fuel the best art and impassioned hip hop serve as a double-edged sword, especially when the message is so often misunderstood. Clapton swears Cocaine is “cleverly anti-drug” while Kendrick’s lyrics on Swimming Pools paint an obviously bleak picture of alcoholism, it doesn’t make either of those songs anything less than incredible party anthems. Rappers often do the same with gun violence, often times they’re pro-gun violence as a means of conflict resolution. Nipsey and X were murdered in their own streets. Mac overdosed at 27. Lil Peep was 21.

DJ Rashad was 34. He didn’t reach massive audiences like the artists above but their vices contributed to his tragic death as well. As a Chicago native, he also had an immeasurable influence on the rich sub culture of footwork that remains one of the most defining underground legacies of the last ten years. Infatuated by music at a young age, Rashad Harden and his high school friend and later co-producer Morris Harper (DJ Spinn) instantly bonded over their shared interest in the thriving Chicago acid house scene and the fast-footed juke style dance crazes that came along with the music. Harden got his foot in the door as a disc jockey at WKKC- a nonprofit urban contemporary still operating today. Programming didn’t seem to be enough of a creative challenge for him at the station so Harden and Harper started to produce their own music to juke to and tried to perform at local parties as frequently as possible. His knack for increasing the sonic potential of the footwork genre was instantaneously evident.

The Teklife crew, founded by DJ Rashad and now notorious in the local area had enough traction to gain the attention of some of the independent labels responsible for bringing footwork to the masses. His track ‘Iz Not Rite’ was Rashad’s first taste of global attention, the song was released on Planet Mu, the same label that repped Burial. The tracks uncanny ability to blend vocal harmonies with the high BPMs necessary for the genre to function was still away from my ears personally, but Hyperdub heard it first and the UK indie label gave him a platform to release his breakthrough single ‘Let it Go.’ After the success of two Eps, the road was paved for his game changing debut album ‘Double Cup.’

Double Cup most definitely caught my attention and it did so without me having any idea about Chi-Town dance craze it was associated with. I wasn’t listening as a fan of footwork-to me the album is just an incredible piece of instrumental hip-hop. His ability to use the human voice as a production tool-the hypnotizing rhythmic repetition on ‘She a Go’ breaks down beautifully into something that can almost be constituted as the albums only official rap verse-the elegant horns on the intro track- the masterful use chipmunk soul on ‘Show You How.’ All these are trademarks of my favorite hip hop. An album with such high BPMs shouldn’t come off this airy and spacious. DJ Rashad gives both the listener and the dancer a second to breathe and improvise. These tracks would kill on a dancefloor, but the diverse sonic palette makes for a killer headphone experience as well.

Aside from his savant like production skills, the record bears the soul and the psyche of a man like no other instrumental record before it. The outro to ‘I Don’t Give a Fuck’ is abrasive and intentionally noisy enough to be confused with Death Grips-it’s the sound of a man truly paranoid and numb. On the very next track, the title track, he indulges as a means to escape. His mind goes to happier pastures as well, ‘Only One’ is a twisted footwork love song of sorts-and I’m Too Hi gives the footwork crowd something to really juke to with an exhilarating piece of avant-jazz techno fusion. Acid Bit is another gem-a thrilling blend of clashing drums and pulsating synths that is definitely more fitting for a red bull and vodka than an acid trip, but maybe that’s just DJ Rashad fucking with you.

DJ Rashad’s final opus is a benchmark in modern day instrumental hip-hop. Wildly ahead of its time now that I’m looking back on it knowing the directions the genre went in. With Double Cup the mood was so authentic and so all-encompassing that it had to be tragically proven to us only a year later. This wasn’t just an ambiance created by heavy drums and drug references, this was the heart and soul of Rashad Harden. Knowing that, Double Cup remains the closet you can get to absorbing a drug life without consumption-the elation, the euphoria, the escape, the comedown…the tragedy.

Rashad Harper’s swan song remains a classic to the city of Chicago, to the global footwork movement, to me. I’ve tried to get into other footwork artists since his tragic overdose in 2014, and it just doesn’t feel right. To me, it was never about the athletically challenging dance, but the music. His posthumous single with Danny Brown was a gratifying affirmation of the man I always knew to be a catalyst in forward thinking hip hop. It’s almost cruel we got to hear one incredible example of what his music would sound like with the help of an accomplished lyricist. Teklife also released a beautiful compilation comprised of several DJ Rashad collaborations under an album appropriately named ‘Afterlife.’ While the intentions of this release come from the best place and while this album features some trademark DJ Rashad idiosyncrasies, the cohesive nature of Double Cup was sorely missed. 20 years plus in the making, DJ Rashad took footwork to exciting new heights. Double Cup is the defining statement.

Rest in Peace Rashad Harden (October 9, 1979 – April 26, 2014)

#dj rashad #double cup

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owfemslashexchange · 7 years

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Thaw

For @prplxdpgnwn

Prompt was Zarya/Mei first kiss.

From @vrunkas to @prplxdpngwn

Thaw

The thing that always dims itself in Mei’s memories is the cold.

Stupid, considering the snow and wind and brutal climate are all what make it Antarctica in the first place, but it’s easy to forget looking over pictures, or reading reports from the warm safety of her office. She remembers being cold, of course, but there is something about the freezing bite and how quickly it happens that cheapens with distance.

She flips the papers in her lap, paper clipped together so they don’t scatter with the movement of the helicopter. She hunkers down in her seat. Her breath plumes in front of her.

She should have remembered, of course. But now it is far too late.

Across from her, Zarya mimics the motion. Hands tucked into her sleeves, slipping further down into her seat. The fur on the hat she is wearing ruffles in the frigid breeze. As soon as they are out, it will be frozen stiff with collected crystals. Mei remembers that much clearly.

Zarya’s lips move. She is saying something. Mei moves to grab the headset hanging on the back of her seat but Zarya waves her off. Leans forward to touch her arm. The restraints keeping them in place stretched to their limit, only her fingertips, ghosting across Mei’s sleeve.

She isn’t wearing gloves.

Mei doesn’t really know how that’s possible.

“Unnecessary.” Zarya says, yelling now to be heard. “It was not important.”

Mei smiles. She can’t help it. There something so earnest about Zarya. Open and honest and innocent. It clashes with the image she presents. The muscled arms, the thick thighs, the scar.

A tough woman. An exposed nail, something to rip and tear and catch. But she is sweet, honestly, in her own honest way and Mei is truly glad for the company.

She’s surprised really, that Overwatch has even agreed to let her come back up here. Winston hadn’t seemed thrilled at the idea, but maybe that’s exactly why they let her go.

Winston and Lena and Angela, bless their hearts, are not Jack and Gabe and Ana. They try their best, it’s true. But the experience isn’t there. The background isn’t there. And without it…well, it just doesn’t really feel like Overwatch.

The helicopter dips, once, dramatically.

Zarya’s fingers slip from Mei’s sleeve, press once clumsily against her breasts.

“I’m sorry–” she starts to say over the rev of the blades above them as the helicopter evens back out. “I did not mean–”

And then they dip again. Stomach plummeting drop. Only to even out. The helicopter has begun its jerky descent.

They are almost there.

The Bastion unit in the corner lets out a series of beeps and Zarya glares at them. She sits back, pulls the headset down from behind her and pulls it awkwardly over her hat. Mei mirrors the motion. The Bastion has been strapped in, but there is no headset near the chair. For a moment Mei feels bad, but then the Bastion’s quiet beeping is drowned out by the oppressive silence of the headphones.

“Tell me again,” Zarya says, “why it is we brought that thing?”

“Bastion is going to be my research assistant,” Mei says. She glances over to the Omnic. The little head light flashes to match their rate of descent. “They’re amazingly resilient, you know. I’ve been running tests and the Bastion Unit was specifically designed for all sorts of harsh…environments.” Mei can feel the lecture in her. The readiness to teach, to explain. But Zarya’s gaze has glassed over just the slightest bit.

“Sorry,” Mei says with a grin. “I didn’t mean to rant.”

Zarya blinks. Frowns again, her chin tucking into the fluffy fur collar on her coat. “No,” she says. “You did not do anything wrong. I asked. You answered. But I do not like it and I do not trust it.”

Her voice, over the headset is tinny, a small filter of static. A disconnect. A separation. The Omnic Crisis hit more than just Russia. Mei remembers London. Mei remembers the articles and video feeds and the screaming.

The helicopter settles, weight settles back into Mei’s stomach, her feet. Grounded again.

Bastion beeps and trills a little victory chorus and Mei smiles.

The Omnic Crisis is far behind them.

“The real question,” Mei says, “is why are you here?”

But Zarya has already slipped off her headphones, is already unsnapping her restraints and is pulling her body up. And over the idling roar, Mei’s question is lost.

The snow, fresh fallen as it is, still crunches under Mei’s boots as she climbs out of the helicopter. Loaded down with bags and cases of equipment, she sinks a little into the crust of ice. She tugs her legs forward, breaking through further with her shin. Two of the duffles she is holding, scrape along the surface.

“You are silly,” Zarya’s voice says, yelling. Before Mei can turn there is pressure on the back of her jacket and then a little touch of weightlessness, until her feet once more touch the frozen, solid snow top. Zarya’s hand takes the duffles from her, hefts them over her own shoulder.

The skin of her fingers is already raw looking. Red. They’ll need to do something about that before Zarya comes back out. Modern medical miracles can do a lot for small frostbite cases, but Mei would sooner not risk it.

Antarctica is already a place of tragedy and loss for her.

They don’t need to tempt fate.

Bastion has converted form. They roll across the snow on tank-like treads with two bags balanced on the flat top.

In the distance, the arctic facility looms. Hulking and blurry in the falling snow. Grey shadow shapes. Ghosts and ghosts.

Mei pauses. Her heels sink into the snow crust as she looks on at the place that she had known as home. The wind nips at her. The fur on both her suit and Zarya’s has frozen as she knew it would. Little crystals of ice clinging to the fur.

Zarya must have realized Mei has stopped. She turns. Under the goggles and scarf little of her expression is visible. She says something but it is lost in the wind, in the hug of the scarf. Just a whisper of it.

Mei waves her hand, brushes it off. Behind them the helicopter lifts off.

They are truly alone.

Why did she chose to do this again?

—

“You’ve settled in then? Equipment is working okay?” Winston’s voice is clearer than his image on the little screen. Distorted movement of his fur in the feed. A constant flow, like seaweed.

Mei crosses her legs, perched awkwardly in the office chair. Her knees bump the desk and both her coffee and the holo pad shake.

“No problems so far,” she says. “Everything I’ve unpacked survived the trip. And my…assistants have seemed to…”

It’s been two days but she cannot say they are getting along. Bastion has been perfectly content, trundling around in the old labs, appearing every so often with a bit of detritus or chunk of wiring for inspection. Zarya has seemed…less happy. But there is a small gym in the dormitory halls and Mei’s coworkers had left behind everything they’d had. Some permafrost damage, but the weights Zarya had found seem to be doing an okay job of keeping her occupied.

“I think Bastion misses their bird,” Mei says, “but everything so far is…is fine. I’m sorry it took me longer than anticipated to get the feed up and running I have not been. Uhh. Been down to the labs yet.”

Winston’s paw moves in front of the video, clips out of the frame, tracks back. Waving her off at 240p.

“Take your time, take your time,” Winston says. “No one expects you to rush. Uhh. That is. Uhh.”

She was sent here on a mission. He is trying to walk the delicate line between duty and discretion. Decency.

“It’s okay, Winston,” Mei says. “I understand.”

“You do? I mean. Yeah, of course you do. You volunteered. May I just…just say that we’re all–”

Mei does not want to hear it. Cannot right now. She makes a face. Leans toward the screen.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I’m losing you up here. Might be…” she moves her lips. Feigns the breakup. “Wind,” she says. “I’ll contact you in two days.” She moves her lips again, smiling slightly, for good measure, before cutting the feed.

She sits back in the chair, slumps back. Closes her eyes.

“Oddest audio phenomena I have ever seen,” Zarya’s voice says from the door way.

Mei jumps. Her skin crawls. She turns, grinning just a little sheepishly.

“You heard that?”

“Hard not to. It was a good show though. Very convincing.”

Mei chuckles, pushes the heel of her hand through her bangs. Her glasses go askew for a moment, throw Zarya into weird proportions.

“I am sure you think me terrible for lying to him.”

Zarya grins, shakes her head. Under the hoodie she is wearing her shoulders shift, roll. Her hands jammed in the pocket. Hiding the ace bandages wrapped around her fingers.

“He wants what is best for you. He wants to know you are doing what is best.” Zarya pauses. Her gaze seems to tremble, she glances away from Mei and down at the ground. “We all want what is best for you.”

She is blushing.

It is pink and healthy across her cheeks.

Mei knows, of course. Mei has known for months. But the matter needs to be handled with more gentle care than she has time for at the moment. Here at the ends of the earth there is no room for any sort of romance.

She sighs.

“If you didn’t approve,” Mei says, matter of fact, “you didn’t have to come. Bastion and I could have made do.”

Zarya has the decency to look chastened. Her shoulders fall. Her hands twist together in the pocket of the hoodie, a storm beneath the material, a writhing subconscious thing.

“I did not mean it like that. I simply meant that…that he is worried for you. And that I am. You have…not been downstairs yet. Wasn’t the whole point of returning here to–”

Zarya cuts herself off. Frowning. Glaring down at the floor between her feet.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t…push.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just…we’re gonna be here for a while, you know, I’ll get to it. Eventually.” Mei swallows. Her throat clicks, a dry little catch in the motion. “How are your fingers?”

Zarya seems to brighten at that. Her hands emerge from her pockets. The bandages Mei had applied for good measure are still in place mostly. An edge flapping here or there. A little tattered from use.

“They feel much better. The cold normally does not bother at least home in Russia but…”

Mei nods, smiles when Zarya trails off. “But it’s colder here. I always manage to forget too.”

“Thank you again for helping me to wrap them. And for the lending of your gloves.”

“It was nothing. It is nothing. I brought extras so it’s…it’s really not a problem,” Mei says. She can feel her own blush, the spread of it across the skin of her cheeks. Warm and uncomfortable.

She doesn’t have the time to indulge this. Coming up here wasn’t about this. Them. The budding blossoming whatever it is.

Snow kills flowers.

Ice massacres new growth.

And that is what she is here for. Ice and snow and chilling wind.

Zarya lingers, awkward. The silence turns over between the two of them. Restless.

“I should let you get to work,” Zarya says, finally. Nodding slightly. “I’ve uhhh. Cleaned out a majority of the crew quarters if you…wanted to come back there.”

Mei glances behind her at the cot she tossed up the first day here. Tucked into her workspace. Away from all those things she remembers.

But Zarya looks so eager again, a hopeful little up-tilt to her chin.

And Mei cannot bear to be the one who breaks that optimism.

“Yeah,” she says. “Of course. I’ll…I’ll move my stuff over after dinner.”

Time enough to wrap her head around it.

She hopes.

–

“Which bunk was yours,” Zarya asks. She sounds genuinely curious and Mei knows she isn’t asking to hurt.

But the hurt is there regardless.

A coiling knot of anxiety at the hollow of her throat.

The rooms have hardly changed. Two bunks to a room, two space heaters, a terminal and two bookshelves. The blankets in the dorm Zarya and she are currently standing in are green.

This was not Mei’s room. It was Faulkner’s and Henson’s; the joker and the quiet one.

If Mei closes her eyes she can recall their faces. Like it was yesterday. A few months ago.

Faulkner’s eyes had been frozen over there at the end; a layer of permafrost turning them hard and glassy like marbles.

“Not here,” she says when Zarya looks at her. When she tips her head in question.

Mei holds out a finger, points down the hall

“Two more that way,” she says. “Gina and I had purple blankets.”

“Do you want to move your stuff down there?”

God, no, Mei wants to say. Jesus, anything but that.

Instead she shakes her head, forces a smile. “Here is fine,” she says. “There’s…less to…”

Zarya nods when Mei trails off. “Of course,” she says. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m always making it worse aren’t I?”

“Not on purpose. It’s sweet, really.”

“You think I’m sweet?”

Mei closes her eyes, smiles. It’s so cliche, talking about this here, now. The bunks are made, the space heaters are running again. It could almost be cozy and romantic. He blows her breath out through her teeth.

“Of course I do,” Mei says. She opens her eyes. Zarya is leaning against the wall. Not looking at her. Feigning nonchalance. The tips of her ears match her hair. “You’re probably one of the sweetest people I know, you know, Zarya.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to sound so disappointed about it.”

“I did not mean…”

“It’s okay.” Mei mirrors Zarya’s stance. She leans back against the wall, crosses her arms. Their elbows touch. Mei can tell from the instant stiffening of Zarya’s shoulders how aware of it the Russian woman is. Sensitive to every brush, every accidental contact.

“I never really thanked you properly, for…for coming up here with me. For dropping everything to…”

“There was very little to drop.”

“Still though. You left it all for a bunch of…of ice and snow and…” Mei does not say death, not matter how desperately her tongue aches to. The letters, already forming across it.

“And you,” Zarya provides. Effectively stalling Mei’s rather dark thoughts. “I mostly came here for you. Would be boring, no, with only the Omnic for company?”

It’s a joke.

Maybe a little too close to home, considering Zarya’s stance on Omnics. But Mei recognizes the shapes and forms and warmth of Zarya’s joking tone.

“Right,” Mei says. Her arm drops. Zarya’s copies the motion. For a brief second their fingers touch. A mistake. God, oh God this is such a mistake.

There is no room for this.

There is no time.

Mei turns away. Her fingers trip up Zarya’s arm to her elbow, to the swell of her bicep, strong and lean within the sleeve of the hoodie.

A thank you.

Mei can frame it as a thank you; selfish as that is. Cruel as it may be.

A proper thank you.

And then they can be over it.

Mei’s feet shift, bringing her closer, just a little closer. Zarya’s eyes are huge, her mouth an open little questioning o.

“I just–” Mei begins to say.

Except she never finishes.

Bastion, beeping and whooping and trilling busts into the room. Their joints flex and creak and clank.

And the moment is broken.

Mei looks away, steps back.

Her stuff is in the hall, she turns to retrieve it. A sleeping bag. Her personal computer. Snowball. She places her little robot down on the desk, begins hooking him to the terminal there. Bastion, unaware of the complexity of the moment, joins her. Doots and beeps and whistles at Snowball.

And Zarya watches.

Says nothing.

Her fingers are touching her own chin. Her pointer brushes her lips.

They’re going to have to talk about this eventually. Neither of them can keep it up like this. Neither of them should have to.

–

But of course, wanting to talk about it and actually talking about it, those are two very different things. And Zarya for her part, seems intent on never broaching the topic again.

Skittish when she and Mei are in the same room. Shy and awkward and bumbling when they talk. She manages to mangle an automated temperature gauge that she and Mei are putting up the first time Mei hints at the topic–two days later. She only just manages not to drop and smash a computer she is carrying the second time.

Mei finds it both endearingly cute and frustratingly unhelpful.

Bastion continues on as always. Steady.

The ghosts of things Mei remembers also clings. Lingering. Calling to her every time she happens past the hanger where the cryo-pods are stored.

Morgan’s skin gone blue. Henson’s lips white and gleaming with frostbite.

She pauses in her walk across the frozen campus.

Her fingers are sweating in her gloves. Zarya is off cooking. Bastion is…wherever it is that Bastion goes to when not assisting with the various tests Mei performs.

Mei stares up at the building. The open, garage-like front of it.

This is where they found her. Kneeling here in the snow when she came to. No trace of it now, it’s been too long, too many snowstorms have erased the surface where she sank to the ground and looked on at the crew extracting her friends.

Black fingers. Clothes like cardboard, stiff with crystals.

Mei sighs.

She enters the building.

It is far past time to.

Far, far past.

–

She’s half in the air duct down in the labs when Zarya finds her. Concern written all over her face. Fear in the turn of her lips, apprehension in the tightness around her eyes.

“What are you doing down here?” Zarya asks. “The Omnic and I have been…”

“Did I worry you?” Mei asks. She pushes herself to standing, grabs the duct cover from where she had leaned it up against the wall. Before she can go to secure it however, Zarya is there, taking it from her, helping. “You don’t have to do that, you know?”

“Is the least I can do. You and the Omnic handle the science. The manual stuff, I can handle that.”

“That’s selling yourself awfully short.”

Zarya goes pink again. It’s too easy to work her up. To rattle the cage of her sensibilities.

Mei grins. “So you and Bastion were both worried.”

Zarya palms the back of her head. She is still wearing the gloves Mei had given her. There is a layer of snow dusting that hasn’t melted from her hair yet. Dotted across her shoulders.

“You were outside?” Mei asks. She reaches forward, brushes the snow with her fingertips. Her bare fingers. The liquid is shockingly cool. Mei always manages to forget.

Zarya stiffens only a little at the touch. She bites her lips. “You have been gone for hours.”

Mei makes a face. She’s been working. Setting up the feeds and recording stations that should have been put up when they got here almost a week ago. Fixing the different cables that have gone rotten with frost.

“It was an hour maybe,” she says.

“More like four? You missed dinner. I have put half away in the commissary for you.”

“That’s not–” possible, Mei wants to say. But before the word has left her mouth, her stomach lets out a grumble. Her data-pad is where she left it, sitting atop her coat and gloves. Near the door. Well away from the pods.

Mei picks it up with her back to them. She tries to make the gesture seem unimportant, but Zarya’s eyes tighten.

And of course, Zarya is right.

Five and a half hours. And she’d been so absorbed in what she was doing she hadn’t even really realized it at all.

“Mei,” Zarya begins. Her voice trails off. Her mouth closes. “You have to take care of yourself,” she says.

“I am. I do.” Mei’s fingers curl around her data-pad. Her nails scratch against the plastic protective cover.

“Not eating is–”

“It was this one time. I just…lost track.”

“Did you come here to die?” Zarya asks. She isn’t looking at the floor, her gaze bores into Mei’s. Utterly unbreakable.

Mei doesn’t scoff; it’s a close thing, but she doesn’t. “No,” she says. “I came here to finish my work. To…”

To apologize.

Because she is the one who lived.

And she no idea how to reconcile that.

What to do to honor the men and women who didn’t die for her, but just died because they picked the wrong pods. There had been no drawing of straws. There had been no arguments or squabbles. Everyone had picked a pod.

And everyones’ but Mei’s had failed.

Mei looks over her shoulder.

The unit that had saved her life, the ones that had been a casket for the others, loom behind her.

Zarya has stepped closer. The first contact she has initiated since that moment in the dorms. Her gloved fingers brush down Mei’s bare arm.

“It was not your fault,” Zarya says.

“I know.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“I know that,” Mei says. “I know. I know.”

“You’re a good person. You are brave and everyone in Overwatch is so proud of you.”

Mei shrugs. She lets herself sort of lean into Zarya’s form.

“I’m just lucky,” Mei says. “It could have been anyone. I’m not brave. I just…” Mei swallows. Zarya’s hand has slid to her shoulder. Her fingers brushing the strap of Mei’s tank.

“I miss them,” Mei says. The first time she has admitted it. It feels weird, saying it out loud. Like stripping something bare, skin to frozen metal, tearing away the top layer. “I really, really miss them. And I just. I can’t help thinking that if it had been…Henson or Faulkner or Muniez who had survived. Would they be–that is they wouldn’t be wasting so much–”

Zarya’s hands move to cup her chin, Zarya’s gloved fingers against her pulse point.

Zarya’s lips against her own.

Cold at the edges. From being out in the snow. Searching for Mei, thinking her dead.

Mei’s fingers twitch at her sides.

Melted snow trickles down her neck.

Every sensation. She is hyper aware of all of it. Zarya’s lips, the firm pressure of them; warming up from leeching Mei’s body heat.

And Mei unresponsive. Unresponsive.

It takes a second.

And then Zarya shrinks back. Not even pink now, her cheeks are fully red. Her eyes go wide.

“I’m sorry,” she says, hastily, before Mei has even opened her mouth. “I’m sorry. I just. I thought that. Survivor’s guilt. I know how lonely that can be and I–I am not sorry that you lived. That they didn’t is a tragedy but…it is not your tragedy. You lived and I’m sorry but I’m so, so happy that you did.”

Harsh, her words come off harsh. Mei closes her eyes. She sees the good place Zarya is coming from. The road paved with pure and sentimental intentions.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” Mei says. “They were my friends.”

Zarya looks away. “During the war,” she says. “That is I…I have lost friends too, Mei. And I know how it feels to be the one to keep going. And maybe you don’t see it, and maybe it seems cruel, but I’m glad it was you. I’m glad you lived and that I lived to…to meet each other.”

Desperate sentimentality.

Mei doesn’t know what to do in the face of such honesty.

“You lost people too?” She asks. A stupid question. Zarya was a soldier and that is what soldiers do.

Zarya nods.

“Why didn’t I know that before? About your friends?” Mei asks.

“I do not talk about it much. And I…it would not have been fair, placing that much more of a burden on you.”

“It wouldn’t have been a burden. I like knowing about your past. I like that you’d trust me with it.”

Mei sighs. She steps closer, holds her hand out. Almost reluctantly, Zarya takes it. Palm to palm. Mei interlocks their fingers.

Zarya looks down and back up. She bites her lip. But she doesn’t move her hand away. She does the opposite in fact, squeezes gently. Fitting them together slightly more snug.

“I would trust you with my life,” Zarya says. Without hesitation. Escaped from her. Her expression shifts again, embarrassment flooding across her face. She covers her eyes with the hand not holding Mei’s.

Mei chuckles. She uses her grip on Zarya to tug her in again.

The height difference makes it difficult. But Mei stands up on her toes and she makes do. Her lips touch Zarya’s chin before landing on her bottom lip.

The kiss lasts a second only, shorter than the first. Mei drops back down, lets her weight settle. She grins.

“Are you sure about this?” Zarya asks. She sounds meek, bashful. Words not easily associated with her.

“You said it yourself. Survivor’s guilt. I never thought about it like that,” Mei shrugs. She looks over at the pods, she makes herself. “They wouldn’t want me to keep hesitating. To keep. Dwelling on this. I need to…to finish the set ups for the remote interfacing. And then I’m going back.”

“Back to China?”

Mei shakes her head. “Overwatch. They still will need me. I can study climate anywhere pretty much with Snowball. And I…that is if you…”

Zarya looks at her. There is an upturn at the corner of her mouth, a twitching threat of a smile. But Mei needs to ask it. She has to.

Pushing her heel through that first thick, unyielding layer of ice.

“If you would come with me, I would be glad for the company.”

Zarya does smile. She slides her free hand across the back of her neck. “And the Omnic,” she says, “as your research assistant.”

“You would want Bastion with us?”

“The machine is not as bad as I thought it would be. I have…grown somewhat accustomed to having it around.”

“If you’re sure about it, then yes. Of course,” Mei says. “The three of us.”

Her hand squeezes around Zarya’s. Interlaced. There is heat, low in her stomach. A turning over like happiness in her throat.

A thawing.

She hadn’t even realized she’d needed it.

Zarya leans down and kisses her again. Soft and simple. Mei’s eyes flutter shut. Her hand cups Zarya’s cheek.

Oh, oh, how she had needed it.

#owfemslashexchange #vrunkas #prplxdpngwn #zarmei #zarya #aleksandra zaryanova #mei ling zhou #mei #owfemslashexchange 2017 #fanfiction #submission

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Today we’re happy to bring you part two of our “In the Spotlight” feature. We’ve got another group of 25 artists that we think are worthy of your time and ears. Our contributors have made their picks, put together blurbs, and pulled out recommended songs.

If you missed part one, you can find that here.

MUNA

by Jason Tate

MUNA are a three piece out of Los Angeles that craft a dark synth-pop sound right in my musical wheelhouse. They released their debut LP, About U, earlier this year and it’s been in constant rotation as the weather shifts in Rain City between annoyingly wet and cold to slightly less annoyingly cold. The pulsating percussion over well-weaved vocal melodies mixes perfectly with the season. It’s the kind of music that can sit in the background at a party and at one point or another you’ll find all of the guests nodding along, or it can be experienced between headphones alone in a dark room with a stiff drink.

Recommended Track: “Winterbreak”

RIYL: Lany, Banks, Fickle Friends

Mandolin Orange

by Craig Manning

Playful, tongue-in-cheek band name aside, Mandolin Orange write and perform some of the most beautifully understated and intimate music out there these days. A folk duo featuring singer/songwriters Andrew Marlin and Emily Frantz, Mandolin Orange have been around since 2010, but have really started to pick up steam in the past two years. Their most recent record, last year’s Blindfaller, was a socially-conscious set of folk tunes that rings even more true after what happened in November. But the band’s crowning achievement at this point is 2015’s Such Jubilee, a record that has sneakily become one of the most-played albums in my vinyl collection. Marlin and Frantz’s songs are gentle and pleasant enough to play in the background—whether you are working, chatting, or sleeping—but they also have the power to enchant and entrance when you listen closely. Case-in-point is “Blue Ruin,” a song about the Sandy Hook shootings that avoids self-righteous sloganeering in favor of tortured resignation, quiet rage, bottomless sadness, and unanswerable questions. It’s one of the most haunting songs written this decade.

Recommended Track: “Blue Ruin”

RIYL: The Lone Bellow, Nickel Creek, Field Report

Milkshakes

by Aj LaGambina

Milkshakes, hailing from Connecticut, are an alt-rock/power-pop powerhouse that released their first LP, Juvenilia, in November of last year. Focusing on huge, 90’s throwback instrumentation and relatable musical themes, the band stands out as one of the gems of the CT music scene.

Recommended Track: “Past Tragedies””

RIYL: Basement, Superheaven, Microwave

IDLES

by Kyle Huntington

Very rarely will a band be both tied to their influences in a way that allows them to exist on their own platform whilst simultaneously feeling very worthy amongst said classics and also come along at just. the. right. time. Bristol, England based band IDLES released their debut album Brutalism in March and it’s the most perfect call-to-arms, the rally-round, the gang mentality against the injustices and divisions so prevalent in the world lately. Spilling over with angry fuck yous, relentless rhythm sections and wired guitars whilst maintaining a sense of humour throughout, there’s few albums as directly raw sonically and as on-point culturally as this in 2017.

Recommended Track: “Mother”

RIYL: Pissed Jeans, Iceage, The Fall

Weller

by Deanna Chapman

Weller is a recent find for me. It’s the solo project of Harrison Nantz out of Philadelphia. He came around after I had already left the city, and it left me a bit bummed. Weller’s music, however, is well worth a listen. The Philadelphia music scene does not disappoint. Weller fits right in with the bands that have come out of there. Career Fair has bouncy melodies that you just want to jam out to. The music is well-crafted. The most recent release is a split with Rue from October 2016 and I’ll just be over here waiting for more.

Recommended Track: “Buck”

RIYL: Sorority Noise, Pinegrove, Modern Baseball

Post Modern

by Zac Djamoos

While the might have one of the least-Googleable band names ever, Post Modern’s music more than makes up for it. Their 2015 EP The Current was promising, displaying a knack for crafting hard-hitting post-hardcore. They’ve released a string of singles since which have only built on that promise. They’re gearing up to release a new record this year, and if it’s as good as the singles suggest, Post Modern is name we’ll be hearing for a long time.

Recommended Track: “Speak Soft”

RIYL: Thrice, Circa Survive, Have Mercy

Sonnder

by Craig Ismaili

This Philadelphia area band has drawn attention from alternative radio stations in the region, including Radio 104.5. This is in part because their music displays a boundless ear for melody that belies a pop act underneath the wall of sound of an alterntive act. It’s also in part because their live sets are at once filled unbridle exuberance and yet still remarkably polished. But perhaps the biggest asset Sonnder displays is their malleability. On their debut album Entanglement, released a little over a year ago, they display the ability to shape-shift to fit different perceptions of the band seamlessly, from the hard-charging “New Direction,” the opening track off Entanglement and also often the intro to their live performances, to the harmonic balladry of “Late October,” to the dance-pop of “Siren Calling.” In an era where the biggest single on the radio could be anything from a bubblegum pop song, to a piano ballad, to a folk-pop track, their ability to make an immediately captivating song in any genre will serve them well in the future. They are working on new music now which should be released later this year.

Recommended Track: “New Direction”

RIYL: Smashing Pumpkins, Silversun Pickups, Toyko Police Club

The New Respects

by Greg Robson

Nashville quartet The New Respects offer up a confident slice of soul-based rock with equal amounts of R&B, funk and even radio-ready pop. Vocalist Jasmine Mullen has a natural charisma and swagger but draws on the strength of her bandmates (drummer Darius Fitzgerald, guitarist Zandy Fitzgerald and bassist Alexis Fitzgerald) to do much of the heavy lifting. Their new EP Here Comes Trouble (Credential Recordings/Caroline Distribution) is sleek, sexy and scintillating. The strongest of the EP is the soon-to-be pop smash “Trouble” and the sultry ballad “Come As You Are.” The band’s youth is probably their greatest asset and their rise to larger stages seems almost inevitable.

Recommended Track: “Trouble”

RIYL: Alabama Shakes, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, St. Paul and the Broken Bones

King Neptune

by Becky Kovach

Singer/songwriter Ian Kenny has been a part of the New York scene for a while now – his previous band NGHBRS began in 2010 and made waves in 2013 with their album 21 Rooms – but it’s with his latest project King Neptune that Kenny seems to have finally found his footing. I was initially drawn to the band by “Black Hole,” the first song released under the new moniker. It’s dark and angry, fueled by static-y guitars and a volatile chorus about no longer knowing a person you once loved. Kenny’s voice is rich and gritty – the kind that can go from growling to smooth and back in a single measure. King Neptune’s debut EP A Place To Rest My Head has been out since last October and is still in constant rotation on my iPod/Spotify/stereo.

Recommended Track: “All Night”

RIYL: Envy On The Coast, Cage The Elephant, Heavy English

Crystal Clear

by Aj LaGambina

Crystal Clear are a six piece based out of West Haven, CT that focus on a bright and energetic indie-pop sound. Their debut EP, Rough Draft hit bandcamp at the end of March and provides a perfect soundtrack for the New England springtime. The three original songs, and a unique take on Britney Spears’ “Womanizer” make for a breezy listen, though there’s plenty of musical layers to dive in to if critical listening is more your thing. The title track especially, with it’s big chorus and bouncy, ukulele-driven instrumental begs for sing-alongs in the car.

Recommended Track: “Rough Draft”

Souvenirs

by Zac Djamoos

Souvenirs’ 2014 debut You, Fear, and Me was a pleasant slice of indie rock, but it’s their sophomore outing that’s really going to turn heads. Posture of Apology finds the Carpinteria, CA, band leaning more heavily on the indie than the rock, trading in the booming choruses and distorted guitars for sparkling keys and spurts of electronics. And, hell, it pays off. “Bend and Break” feels like a poppier take on latter-day Copeland, and “Proof” is proof (ha) that Souvenirs are just as good at writing subtle, slowburning pop songs as they are at writing massive, shout-your-lungs-out ones. Even still, you might want to shout your lungs out to a song like “4th and Holly” anyway.

Recommended Track: “Roman Candle”

RIYL: Death Cab for Cutie, The American Scene, Mansions, All the Day Holiday

Danny Black

by Jason Tate

Danny Black is the project name for Good Old War’s Daniel Schwartz. The music is instrumental and guitar based, but it inhabits an atmosphere of driving on a backroad in the middle of summer. Dream-like, carefree, and uninhibited. Danny Black’s debut (and perfectly titled) album, Adventure Soundtrack, came out earlier this year and is impossibly easy to get lost in.

Recommended Track: “High Tide”

RIYL: Days Away, Good Old War

Steve Moakler

by Craig Manning

What does Steve Moakler’s music sound like, you may ask? Like the greatest summertime soundtrack you’ve never heard. With his breakout 2017 album, Steel Town, Moakler is slinging the sunniest choruses in country music—and that’s saying something, for a genre whose mainstream stars really, really love their summertime. The songs on Steel Town range from wistful heartbreakers (“Summer without Her,” with a vibe reminiscent of Dashboard Confessional’s “Dusk and Summer”) to pure song-of-the-summer pop tunes (the undeniable “Suitcase,” which needs to be on your playlist come June). Moakler, like many of Nashville’s brightest talents, hasn’t yet broken through in his own right—though he has penned a few songs for major stars like Dierks Bentley. But between Steel Town and 2014’s Wide Open, Moakler’s got pop songs that will appeal to country fans, country songs that will appeal to pop fans, and enough heartfelt, nostalgic lyrics to fill any summer night. Check him out now—before he’s one of the biggest names in music.

Recommended Track: “Suitcase”

RIYL: Will Hoge, Matt Nathanson, Twin Forks

Black Foxxes

y Zac Djamoos

Sometimes you want to drop the pretenses and just rock, and that’s what Black Foxxes do best. The Exeter, England trio delivered one of the best no-frills rock albums of 2016 – a year that saw no shortage of great rock albums. I’m Not Well stood out due to the raw energy Back Foxxes bring to the table. Whether it’s an unexpected scream breaking through a quiet verse or the sudden drum fill that introduces the title track’s massive hook, there’s always a burst of energy to keep you on your toes. With Black Foxxes racking up festival dates left and right, they’re showing no signs of slowing down. Trust me, you’ll want to be able to say you were a fan before they take over the world.

Recommended Track: “River”

RIYL: Brand New, The Felix Culpa, Manchester Orchestra, Microwave

Phoebe Bridgers

by Craig Ismaili

“Smoke Signals,” the first song Bridgers released from her as of yet unfinished debut album is a remarkable achievement in a song transporting the listener to a specific place. You see, the world within “Smoke Signals” is lived in. This is not a love song in the abstract. The etching of the passage of time is written all over it, from the tragic passings of Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead and David Bowie memorialized in song, to an entire verse about The Smiths’ “How Soon is Now.” The celebrity deaths speak to some innate desire to transform one’s life for the better, or just to escape the enormity of it while (“It’s been on my mind since Bowie died / Just checking out to hide from life / and all of our problems / I’m gonna solve them.”). So it’s not at all an escapism fantasy, as so many other songs are, no it’s a journal of a life “lived deliberately” as Thoreau would say in the name-checked Walden. It’s a remarkable testament to the power of Bridgers as a songwriter and a storyteller that she can paint a picture so vividly in just a few simple phrases. The singer/songwriter, who has recorded with Ryan Adams and is signed to his Pax Am label imprint, is a rare, once-or-twice-in-a-generation talent, and I urge you to get aboard the hype train with me before it has passed you by.

Recommended Track: “Smoke Signals”

RIYL: Julien Baker, Elliot Smith, Ryan Adams, Gillian Welch

Hippo Campus

by Kyle Huntington

An early blueprint for this Minnesotan band’s music was seeing people having fun at their shows and continuing to create music that engaged a crowd into a sense of joy and elation. This serves as a great and inclusive foundation, but it’s on their debut album landmark where Hippo Campus evolve and flourish in the nuances and more sombre tones. These moments ice the top of every portion of the album and consequently deliver an outstanding debut. Each song is its own entity whilst remaining a part of a cohesive whole. Bon Iver collaborator BJ Burton handles production duties allowing transitions between tracks to be sequenced thoughtfully and there’s diverse soundscapes from piano-led tracks to more heavy guitar-driven songs that are relentless in their force – but nothing is ever confused or lacking in an identity, in fact landmark boasts a very authentic stamp. Lyrics, handled by guitarist/vocalist Nathan Stocker, are reminiscent of a young Morrissey in their self aware and often humorous ‘coping mechanism’ style and they’re delivered with the heartfelt, floaty vocal tones of frontman Jake Luppen for truly effective measure. landmark is an indie-rock album that doesn’t have a weak moment, consistently great from start to finish with some of the most memorable musical compositions I’ve heard in some time.

There’s that rare type of hype around the band, a non-claustrophobic buzz, which allows their unique breed of infectious, outrageously pop-sensible and intelligent indie music to bloom.

Recommended Track: “Way It Goes”

RIYL: Bombay Bicycle Club, Vampire Weekend, Bleachers

Creeper

by Becky Kovach

There’s no replacing My Chemical Romance. However, British newcomers (or at least new to me) Creeper are giving the kings of the goth scene a run for their money. The band’s debut Eternity, In Your Arms, is drenched in the same dark and theatrical nuances that MCR became known for. If you missed them on tour with Too Close To Touch and Waterparks, have no fear – they’ll be back this summer on the Vans Warped Tour. Time to break out the eyeliner.

Recommended Track: “Misery”

RIYL: My Chemical Romance, Alkaline Trio, AFI

Shallows

by Anna Acosta

You’d hardly know synth-pop duo Shallows are newer faces on the LA music scene to look at the year they’ve had. Marshall Gallagher’s meticulous production combined with front-woman Dani Poppitt’s hauntingly addictive vocals peppered 2016 with festival-ready singles. The lyrics dance around themes of longing with no shortage of clever wordplay, transmitting their message so effectively that the listener can’t help but want to hear more. With Poppitt at the helm, Shallows have achieved that ever-so-elusive feat: to embody everything current about the LA music scene, while feeling in no way derivative. The good news? They’ve got an EP coming out later this year. One thing is for sure: this band won’t be underground for long.

Recommended Track: “Matter”

RIYL: Lorde, Lana Del Rey, Halsey

White Reaper

by Craig Manning

White Reaper aren’t quite a hair metal band, but they sure sound like they could have been hustling up and down the Sunset Strip 35 years ago. Situated on the musical spectrum somewhere between Van Halen, KISS, and Japandroids, White Reaper tear through one party-ready rock song after another on this year’s (un)ironically named The World’s Best American Band. Loud, raucous, glammy to the nth degree, and loaded with arena rock signifiers—chugging guitars, ripping solos, pounding drums that reverberate through your entire chest, bellowed vocals, and sugar-rush melodies that double their enjoyment factor with every beer you drink—this record feels tailor-made for loud-as-hell car listens this summer. If you thought that Japandroids LP from earlier this year was too overproduced or too stuck in a mid-tempo rut, White Reaper have the antidote.

Recommended Track: “Judy French”

RIYL: ‘80s hair metal filtered through a modern alt-rock prism

Posture and the Grizzly

by Zac Djamoos

Posture and the Grizzly are a puzzling band. I Am Satan contains a nearly even split of pop-punk and post-rock, sometimes within the very same song (see opener “I Am Not a Real Doctor”). They manage to combine the best aspects of both genres to create an impressive and expansive album that’s also just fun as hell. There’s beauty and space in “Star Children,” there’s catharsis in “Acid Bomb,” there’s a monstrous earworm in “Kill Me,” and there’s a great record in I Am Satan.

Recommended Track: “I Am Not a Real Doctor”

RIYL: blink-182, Runaway Brother, The World Is…

Blaenavon

by Kyle Huntington

There’s a danger with debuts that are a long-time coming, a momentum can be lost. A spark can fade a little or fickle fans can just lose interest. The Hampshire, England band may have taken five years to produce their debut album That’s Your Lot, which was released in April, but it’s so self-assured in its brooding wonder and euphoria that any potentials pitfalls another band may encounter are bypassed without a second glance by Blaenavon. Produced by Jim Abbiss who has a masterful touch on so many staple indie-debuts (Arctic Monkeys, Bombay Bicycle Club, The Temper Trap and…Adele) the record is best summed up by frontman Ben Gregory himself: “That’s Your Lot is five years of our lives condensed into 59 minutes of yours. Youth, capriciousness, duality, duplicity, love, bitterness, fate. Songs from the human core: some malleable, long considered – others pure, direct, cruelly honest. An album to bathe in and appreciate the inevitable end.”

Recommended Track: “Orthodox Man”

RIYL: Bombay Bicycle Club, Foals, The Maccabees, The Temper Trap

Lindsay Ell

by Craig Manning

Lindsay Ell built her following on YouTube, covering songs by other artists. For the past few years, though, she’s been slowly making a name for herself in mainstream country music, releasing hooky one-off pop-country singles like the bubblegum kiss-off “By the Way” or the infectiously ebullient “All Alright.” It wasn’t until this spring, though, that Ell really showed the world what she was capable of. With the release of her debut EP, Worth the Wait, the 28-year-old Canadian country singer has cast off the usual constraints of pop country for a soulful, versatile set of songs. Her producer, Kristian Bush of the band Sugarland, encouraged her to pick her favorite album and record a cover version of the whole thing, to get a better sense of what makes the songs tick and what she wanted to accomplish with her own music. Ell, a whiz of a guitar player, chose John Mayer’s 2006 masterpiece Continuum. Unsurprisingly, the influence of that record is splashed all across the songs that make up Worth the Wait—and not just in the closing cover of “Stop This Train.” Still, the most intriguing moments here are all Ell’s, from the soulful blues-pop of “Waiting for You” to the kinetic “Criminal,” all the way to the goosebump-inducing title track. Trust me: this girl is one to watch.

Recommended Track: “Worth the Wait”

RIYL: John Mayer, Sheryl Crow, Logan Brill

Sam Outlaw

by Craig Manning

A former ad executive turned country singer, Sam Outlaw sounded charming but somewhat limited two years ago when he released his first LP, 2015’s Angeleno. The songwriting was very solid, and Outlaw’s voice—not far removed from Jackson Browne—was butter. However, most of the songs were so old fashioned—with sweeping strings, mariachi horns, and more than a few hat tips to classic California country—that the record didn’t engage me quite as much as other more forward-thinking roots music records from that year. Outlaw’s second disc, this year’s Tenderheart sees the singer/songwriter breaking out of his traditionalist mode a bit, widening the palette for something that feels more his own. The highlight is lead-off track “Everyone’s Looking for Home,” an aching slow-burn that modernizes Outlaw’s sound a bit without sacrificing intimacy. But the whole record—from the title track, which calls back to the melody of Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” to “Look at You Now,” the Ryan Adams-style ballad that sits in the closing slot—is the direct opposite of a sophomore slump.

Recommended Track: “Everyone’s Looking for Home”

RIYL: Dawes, Jackson Browne, other Laurel Canyon country/folk acts

For Everest

by Zac Djamoos

I think there’s a For Everest song for everything. Want something snappy and infectious? Listen to “Autonomy.” Something slow and building? “Vitamins.” Want to shout along to something angry? “I’m in a Boxcar Buried Inside a Quarry.” Their debut We Are at Home in the Body runs the whole gamut of human emotions in nine songs, and toys around with just about every style. The two songs they’re released on their upcoming split with Carb on Carb only have me more convinced that For Everest can do no wrong. They’re one of the most creative and refreshing new bands around, and they’re only one album in. Strap yourself in and start singing along.

Recommended Track: “Autonomy”

RIYL: The World Is…, Dowsing, Everyone Everywhere, Paramore

Nikita Karmen

by Craig Manning

If you’re looking for a “song of the summer” candidate, Nikita Karmen’s new self-titled EP has two of them. “First” is the most obvious pick, an instantly hummable song about the kind of vindictive, petty jealousy that sets in when your ex moves on before you do. But “Love in a Thrift Shop” is sunny and sugary-sweet, too, with a big hook that sounds exactly like something Nashville radio could latch onto. Karmen’s wheelhouse is pop-country, but her music is refreshingly bare, with sparser and more organic arrangements than what you’d hear from many of her (overproduced) contemporaries. “First” starts out with nothing more than a lightly picked guitar and Karmen’s voice. It’s reminiscent of Adele’s Max Martin co-write, “Send My Love to Your New Lover,” only way catchier. And Karmen’s ballads—wrenching girl-next-door tales like “Curfew” and “Nobody with Me”—are similarly understated, allowing her pleasant voice and impressive songcraft to shine through. Pairing the pop-country cuteness of early Taylor Swift with the take-no-shit attitude of Maren Morris, Karmen might just be the next big thing.

Recommended Track: “First”

RIYL: Kelsea Ballerini, Maren Morris, Colbie Caillat

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