#one more day to sign up let's do ittttt

[jade-marie]

Top 10 books fics I read in 2020

Tagged by @sothischickshe

I don’t read books. I’m trash. So have my top 10 fics. These aren’t in any real order, btw.

Finally got round to adding some content to each one. Send word to my family, I died doing this. All the fluffy goodness is hitting me right in the feels😭😭😭

Do not collect $200 by @mrslackles

My OG favourite series. I will talk about this till the cows come home, I will read it over and over again until the day I die. So fucking good. The plot, the characterisation, the angst, the fluff, it just has everything and I fucking love it.

Favourite snippet:

Her touch is so light that Rio shivers and his tongue darts out for a second, meeting two of her fingers, and it makes their eyes meet.

And the look she finds there, god, it’s indescribable – no words, there are no words. Yet she knows what it means. Nobody’s ever told me I’m a good kisser and nobody’s ever touched you like this.

She doesn’t say it aloud but it doesn’t matter, not really. They both know it.

And Beth doesn't know when she falls asleep, only that it's with her palm on his throat and her fingers splayed over his lips.

Lush life by @hereliesbb

Lush life is basically my comfort blanket. I have a bad day, I read it and I’m smiling again. Every time. Without fail. The fluffiest fucking shit I’ve ever read in my life, even the angst is fluffy. I love it so much, I cannot find the words. 

Favourite snippet:

“What?” she asked when she saw he was staring. She looked back in the mirror to make sure she didn’t have anything in her teeth.

“You’re beautiful,” he said and then huffed like he was making fun of himself. Beth felt her face flush and about a hundred thousand butterflies take flight inside of her.

Warm water by @inyoursheets

Angst, yearning, friends to lovers, slow burn AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. Such a good read omg 😫

Favourite snippet:

She kisses him.

Elizabeth. Elizabeth kisses him.

He can’t move—can’t think, not with her up close, her scent overwhelming him, her soft body pressed into him—when she’s already pulling back, jerking to a halt.

And just like that, he’s done. Finished. Can no longer find it in him to keep it up, his carefully crafted indifference, the control he tried to grasp so eagerly. No point guarding it from her any longer, not with those wild, wide eyes peering up at him like he can give her something, here, now.

Good sport by fireinsideforfun

Again, phenominal characterisation. I love the way she portrays their vulnerability. It’s just so so so beautifully written. 

Also, the image of Rio drowning in a pair of ginormous pyjamas makes me feel some shit🤣

 Favourite snippet:

“You’re not going to go rotten on me, are you darlin’?” he quietly asks her.

The question takes her aback, because although his voice is gentle his eyes are speaking volumes, something dark and desolate brewing.

“No. Never,” she says to him and means it.

He scoffs. “How can you know?”

“Because we’ve already been there before,” she says, and she can tell he knows what she’s referring to. “I already tried to get rid of the king and I couldn’t do it. We’ve been through those motions together. It’s done.”

Milkshakes by @emilykolburn

Dad Rio vibes, Rio and babies. Milkshake meetcute. I cannot. Literally so adorable.

Favourite snippet:

Rio was looking her up and down, slowly taking in every inch of her that he could, and she noted that he had that twinkle in his eyes again. When his eyes eventually found hers, he tilted his head to the side a little, tongue running slowly across his bottom lip. The intensity in the eye contact alone made her want to shrink away. She wasn’t used to it, she realised, but the longer they looked into each other’s eyes, and the way the corner of his mouth slowly twitched up into a smirk, she found she liked it.

Irresistible by @wakeupflawless

Highschool au. Enemies to lovers. I eat that shit UP.

Before anyone could say anything, she grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him down to her for a very public, very dirty kiss.

“Oh, shit,” She heard Pedro say.

For once in his life Rio must have been stunned, because he was frozen against her for a moment. He grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to him and deepening the kiss. The bystanders erupted, she heard hoots and hollers coming from the guys and exclamations of “Oh my God!” from the girls.

“Hey! That’s enough” Called the Vice Principal, “Everyone get to class!”

Beth broke their kiss, panting slightly and grinning ear to ear.

“What was that?” Rio asked, raising his eyebrows.

“So everyone knows I’m hittin’ it,” Beth replied, smirking, “And also to say sorry,”

Love despite by @itsbriology

Dad Rio strikes again. If Lindsay throws in one more big-hand-small-baby-ratio reference... i’m pretty sure my ovaries will explode inside of my body and I’ll die of internal bleeding 🙃🙃🙃

Favourite snippet:

The hiccups lasted longer than he thought, almost to the point he wondered if there wasn’t something else he could do for her. But they eventually slowed and so did her tears, and then he stopped and looked down at her little head full of soft brown hair that had landed on his chest and watched her eyes drift shut again from the pure exhaustion of the near traumatizing event.

“There ya go, sleepy head. See, I told ya.” He laughed down at her as he continued holding her and pushing the cart down the aisle. A little old lady stopped and took in the sight of them.

“Someone’s a good daddy,” She smiled up at him with Jane cozy in his arms and he stopped. The lady looked to be about eighty and probably weighed seventy pounds.

“Uhh, no… this ain’t…” He tried telling her but she interrupted.

“What an adorable little girl you’ve got there.”

The lady looked up at them grinning.“Thank you.” He smiled back, not knowing what else to say in that moment.

Criminology 101 by @sdktrs12

College au. Cars being destroyed. Fluffy shit. Idiots being idiots. LOVE ITTTTT

He moves one hand up to brush her hair out of her face. “Do you trust me?”

I do that’s the whole problem, she wants to scream. She finds herself nodding quietly instead.

“That’s good.” He leans down, presses his lips against her temple in a soft kiss that makes her heart skip a beat.

Beth closes her eyes as she leans into him, giving in and letting herself fall into the dark abyss that is his touch, his smell, his voice.

Shit.

She’s in so much trouble.

Both sides of the law by @joeyjoeylee

Slow burn. Y E A R N I N G. But they don’t even know they’re yearning. Taking the constant oneupmanship and translating it into a law school setting - genius. So so good.

Favourite snippet:

“Shouldn’t you be at the bar?” She really needed to let Gretchen know some of the staff had a distinct professionalism problem. If, or when, she was in charge of throwing the party next year, she’d have to make sure they did a better job of recruiting the help.

“Was just there, actually.” He wiggled his hand to show her the beer bottle he was holding. “But Gretch got on me ‘bout not having my nametag.”

She was confused and a little scandalized. Was he really drinking on the job? And…”Gretch”? He had to mean Gretchen? Granted, Beth barely knew her, but Gretchen hadn’t seemed like someone who would be on a first name basis with the staff. And why would he have a nametag? Nametags were for the students, and he was just a bartender…

Oh.

Oh no.

Everything seemed suddenly to be moving very slowly and she seemed to be watching it all unfold from outside her own body.

She watched him lean closer again to reach behind her and pick up the last nametag from the table.

She watched him pluck the Sharpie from her hand and use it to cross out “Christopher” then write “Rio” in big block letters that still managed to look messy.

Then she watched as he made a production of pinning the nametag just so to his lapel, mirroring her, exact and mocking, grinning down at her all the while.

Oh no.

A time to kill @sothischickshe

JUSTICE FOR MICK. And his shirt. Poor bby did not sign up for dealing with these two dumbasses and their dumbassery. Grumpy Rio pov is always a winner in my book. It’s comedy gold.

Favourite snippet:

Jesus, her hair is past lank. He sniffs. “You’re ripe. Go shower, man.”

Elizabeth grumbles incessantly until he agrees she can have coffee first, but he draws a line under a single cup, demanding she hurry.

Rio opens the windows wide as they allow. There’s a distinct scent of manure in the air, but it honestly might be preferable.

“That shirt needs washing too!” he yells from a safe nasal distance.

She literally punts the shirt at him from the bathroom, before slamming then locking the door. The handle vibrates for ages after.

He debates sourcing some tongs to handle the offending item with. When he can’t find any, considers setting fire to it instead. Surely Elizabeth can make herself a dress outta all the hair she incessantly moults over every inch or some shit.

Eventually he chucks it in for a wash with some other bits, holding his nose closed.

Elizabeth’s in the bathroom for fucking ages. He assumes it’s payback for pointing out she stunk, or whatever. But it ain’t cute.

He jiggles the handle, knocks on the door. There’s no response.

“Oi!” Rio shouts. “Hurry up, I gotta piss!” It’s not, strictly speaking, true. But. It could be. Hogging the bathroom’s just rude.

“Go away!” she squawks. Then, “Go outside!”

He keeps it up, and she mostly ignores him. Though when he insinuates she’s taking the world’s longest shit, she does straight up tell him to fuck off.

Tagging @purplemagic @wakeupflawless @00gangfriend00 @joeyjoeylee

[kyber-crystal]

A-Z BLOG APPRECIATION

i am feeling the love today so i will be appreciating people from every single letter of the alphabet! many are mutuals, some are ones that i admire from afar ;) i highly encourage you to check out some of these blogs for yourself. i may have skipped a letter or two bc i couldn’t find a blog that i follow that begins with it rip. 

now without further ado, let’s get to ittttt

A: @anakinswhore

B: @buckybarnesthehotshot

C: @cicicantblog

D: @duskholland

E: @etoileholland

F: @farfromtommy

G: @givelove-always

H: @hollandroos

I: @invisibleanonymousmonsters

J: @justsomegarbageperson

K: @kayteewritessteve

L: @lilbabycee

M: @marvelsswansong

N: @notsosmexy

O: @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho

P: @poesflygirl @propertyofdindjarin @pies-writes-and-more

Q: @quickpiet

R: @rentskenobi

S: @speechlessxx

T: @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo

V: @valkyriesryde

W: @wxstedhexrt

Z: @zaddychris

...

and an extra special thank you to my favorite people ever - i seriously don’t know what i’d do without you guys. i’d take a razor scooter to the ankle for y’all NO HESITATION

@poesflygirl OK WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO PLACE US OVER 2,000 MILES APART. i’ve never connected with someone so quickly and so well before and it’s been such a relief to meet someone who understands me completely. you’re my literal soulmate and other half and i cannot wait until we can finally meet irl. i love you with my whole heart

@propertyofdindjarin ok sis i am pretty convinced we’re meant to be as well i mean...we’re both asian leos who write fanfics and are obsessed with star wars? this has gotta be a sign. though i haven’t known you long i can already tell you’re lowkey one of the sweetest people ever. i hope we can start talking more sksksk

@anakinswhore HI. julia you are a lovely person and we’ve literally been mutuals for one day but i am already attached. you just give off a really good vibe and sis i am LIVING for it. dxtcgfvbhjnkm,l .

@lilbabycee CECE you are the sweetest and most supportive person ever i cannot- you’re literally one of my tumblr big sisters and i find myself looking up to you a lot. your writing is absolutely beautiful and never fails to take my breath away. i love u

@speechlessxx our instagram convos are immaculate LMAO i love it when we rant to each other & simultaneously thirst over men that are way too old for us rip. thank you for giving me someone that i feel that i can trust and talk to whenever i need it. 

@marvelsswansong and my og tumblr big sis, summer i love you so so much. you’re such a talented writer and i already tell you’re gonna be going places. thank you for being there for me since day one and always being up to talk no matter what. i appreciate you dfoigewfje

ANYWAY it’s time for me to stop being sappy. if i missed you i am so so sorry i love each and every single one of you 750 something lovely human beings!!!

[wollymalfoy]

Hogwarts is my home... (pt 2)

(Pt1)

Description: Y/N snape and the twins prank the Slytherins.

Writers note: I’m sorry I had to make the reader a Slytherin for the story to flow :/ I hope you all enjoy this I had a lot of fun writing this and I’m so excited to write the rest!

‘Y/N, please be careful in hogsmead’ your father said as he stocked the supply cupboard, ‘and don’t be hanging with those Weasleys, they get you into trouble’ he furrowed his eyebrows. ‘You know that isn’t going to happen’ you said laughing but your father didn’t look amused. ‘Come on they aren’t that bad, if you just got to know them....’ you said trying to persuade him into liking your best friends, Fred and George Weasley but decided to stop. He seemed to be in a foul mood, worse than usual. He ignored you. You sighed and said your farewells and went off to find your friends.

You was now in your third year which meant you was able to go to hogsmead with all the students from 3rd year and up. You had of course been there before but never alone, you had always been with your father, Severus snape. He had seemed off since the papers came out saying Sirius Black had escaped, you understood he was probably on edge and thinking about your safety but it still annoyed the hell out of you. You ran outside and saw a group of students leaving the gates of the grounds. With your permission slip in hand you ran to Professor McGonagall and handed it to her. ‘Good morning professor’ you said. ‘Good morning, Y/N’ she looked down to you, you where very small for your age, ‘now, you be careful out there dear.’ ‘I will’ you smiled and turned to see your friends, Fred, George and lee. ‘Y/N! looking good!’ said Fred with his hands in his pockets. ‘Shut it’ you said giving him a light punch on the shoulder, ‘what’s the plan?’ ‘Well we was thinking, go to the three broomsticks for butter beer’ said Fred. ‘And then in there we’ll explain the plan’ George finished smirking. ‘It better be good even I don’t know’ Lee said walking backwards. As you walked down the path you saw a large pile of leaves, you had a suspicion that one of the boys would try and throw you into it, so you decided to make the first move. Although you was small you gave Fred a hard push and he fell onto his stomach into the pile of leaves. The leaves blew everywhere and one flew into Lee’s mouth as he began to laugh. He began to spit and cough to remove the leaf. All four of you began laughing so hard that tears began to form in your eyes. George and you couldn’t contain your laughter and collapsed to the floor. ‘It’s not even that funny’ you said through laughs. Fred has managed to get out of the pile of leaves and made his way over to the 3 of you. After you had all calmed down you walked down to the three broomsticks, George’s arm over your shoulder.

‘I’ll get the drinks’ lee said and you each passed him the money for your drinks. You found a table and was about to sit down when a platinum blonde haired boy caught your eye. ‘Give me a minute’ you said to the twins and made your way over to Draco. The twins shared a look of betrayal. ‘Hey’ he said putting his coat over the back of his chair, ‘hello, how’s your day?’ You asked him. ‘Better now’ he smirked and winked at you. You couldn’t help but blush at this. ‘Why don’t you sit with us’ he gestured his hand to Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini and Parkinson who looked very red in the face. ‘Thanks for offering but I’m here with the twins and Lee’ you said looking from pansy to draco. ‘Come on Y/N/N, come sit with some civilised people’ said Zabini looking as smug as ever. ‘Don’t be a prat’ you said giving him a sour look, ‘they’re my friends you arse’. ‘I guess I’ll see you in the common room’ Draco said placing a hand on your shoulder. You nodded and turned around, your stomach seemed to leap when Draco touched you but you ignored the feeling and shoved the feelings deep down. ‘Just ask her out mate’ you heard Lee say to George. ‘Ask who out?’ You said curious wiggling your eyebrows. Fred laughed. ‘We don’t talk about crushes in front of girls, they go blabbing’ George joked but his face was flushed redder than his hair. You stuck your tongue out at him. ‘Are you gonna tell us the plan or what then!’ Lee exclaimed after a while of silent drinking. ‘Okay, calm of Lee’ George said holding his hands up as If to surrender. ‘Y/N, you my dearest are the main character in this’ Fred said smirking. ‘So what is it!’ Lee said impatiently. ‘Lee will you be patient!’ George snapped. ‘So, Y/N here will give out these to the Slytherins as they leave the common room to go to dinner this evening’ he said holding up an orange sweet. ‘What is it exactly?’ You pondered. ‘This is a nosebleed nougat’ Fred said proudly. ‘Didn’t you say they wasn’t ready?’ The twins must of heard the uncertainty in their voice and told you that it wouldn’t matter because they’re ‘only slytherins.’ ‘Excuse me’ you said angrily, ‘I’m a Slytherin.’ ‘Ye well your different aren’t you’ George said but you remained sat there arms folded angrily.

The boys didn’t mention the plan for the rest of the day they knew pushing you would only make you not want to do it more. However on the walk back you agreed and the boys lifted you up into the air just as they would have done to Harry Potter if he had won the quidditch match.

That evening you did as the boys had instructed and stood by the archway of the common room door and handed out the orange sweets. You couldn’t help but feel guilty as each student took this unknown sweet. Blaise Zabini began coming up the marble steps and gave you a wink. ‘Would you like a sweet Blaise?’ You asked putting on your sweetest voice. He laughed, ‘I’ve learned not to trust you in the unknown things you give out. I still remember the box from first year’ you laughed but you had to admit he was being smart. The box Blaise was talking about was made by you in a way to impress the twins. It contained bats and spiders that would pounce out when opened. The twins thought it was ‘brilliant’ ‘I might have to steal this idea’ Fred had said after poor Zabini had been pranked. Blaise strutted off for dinner and after the common room was empty you followed in his suit. As you entered the great hall you searched for the red headed boys but the only red headed boy there was Ron. He smiled as he saw your standing in the entrance. ‘Boo!’ A voice called behind you, you jumped at the sound and span quickly. The two red headed boys stood laughing at you and you couldn’t help but smile at their handsome faces. ‘Did you do ittttt’ George said joyfully. ‘Of course’ you said ‘however no ones eaten them yet I thought I’d tell them to eat them just before dessert so that we’d have more victims, you know since they can’t warm each other’ you added. ‘You’re brilliant you are’ they said in unison. ‘Come on boys you’re blocking the way!’ Said professor sprout, ‘and girls’ she smiled as she noticed you when the boys had parted letting her through. You and the twins separated to each side of the room to your house tables. Draco was sat in deep conversation with Crabbe. Pansy staring contently at his face, you always though her crush for him was a little weird. Obsessive maybe. You sat down across from her and she turned her head to smile at you. ‘I can’t wait to try these sweets Y/N’ she said enthusiastically, ‘did you make them yourself?’ ‘I erm... yeah, yeah I did’ you managed to say. You knew that if you had told her the Weasleys had made it no one would eat it, rather in fear of being pranked or disgust that the sweet was made by a ‘blood traitor.’ The feast commenced, foods of all kinds appeared on the table. You took a helping of Y/F/F and began to eat. ‘So Y/N, I’m looking for a tutor, I was wondering since you know... you excel in everything’ he paused and searched your face for a sign of protest, ‘I thought you could be it?’ Pansy choked on her drink, the though of draco and you alone mustn’t have settled with her. ‘Sure, yeah no problem,’ you answered. ‘Great, I knew I could count on you’ he said with a wide smile, that rarely made an appearance on the handsome boys face.

After the main course, it was time for dessert a moment the twins and lee (he was told by the twins) were excitedly waiting for. You however where very anxious. As soon as the plates cleared from the main food to desserts of all kinds your heart began to beat fast and hard. ‘WAIT!’ Pantry cried you thought she had suspected something and your heart sank. ‘We need to eat the sweets remember’ she said, ‘lovely Y/N made these herself.’ The hall was quiet from Pansy’s screech and you could hear some sniggering from the other side of the room which you knew so well. You couldn’t help but smile at this. One by one the Slytherins ate the sweet and as quick as you could say quidditch blood flooded out of the unlucky slytherins noses. ‘I KNEW IT!’ Blaise shouted and laughed uncontrollably. Slytherins got up out of their seats clutching at their bloody noses. You stood up too unconsciously staring at the slytherins as they ran out of the hall with a mixture of amazement and fear on your face. You glanced over to the three boys who where laughing and smacking the table in amusement. ‘Y/N SNAPE!’ Your father said in a stern, authoritative voice. ‘Well shit’ you muttered to yourself.

Thanks for reading :)

If you’d like to be tagged in the next parts let me know :)

[honiboyyoon]

Switch It Up (M)

The one where your best friend Namjoon is not only bisexual, but a switch. The latter you had no idea about until you accidentally stumbled across his camboy site.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: F2L bisexual camboy!Namjoon

Warnings: good ole smut, ass play, masterbation, sir kink, degredation, more smut

Word Count: 5k

AN: thank you to bette @ddaenggtan for my header i love u long time 

After sending you a quick text, vaguely stating that something came up and that he couldn’t hang out tonight, Namjoon made his way to his “gaming room”. The gaming room can easily be converted into Namjoon’s cam room, all his decorations and toys were packed away in boring old storage containers that obviously would never peak your interest to look inside. Namjoon hated lying to you, he really did, you were his best friend and you two confided in each other for everything. However, he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive towards telling you about his part time job. He still worked twice a week at the cafe down the street to keep up appearances, but truth be told he made more than enough money from camming a few nights a week, but if he quit his cafe job then he would have to explain where his money was coming from. After checking his phone, and seeing you replied with an “all good” paired with a peace sign emoji, Namjoon began to set up is camming equipment. It wasn’t often that he had to cancel plans with you because of his unconventional hobby/job, in fact Namjoon can’t even remember the last time he did cancel plans with you, but he had forgotten that tonight the cam website he performs on was having a massive membership sale, and that would mean more patrons, and more patrons meant more money. Normally, Namjoon would hang out with you until around ten at night, then go home and cam, but with the sale Namjoon had to really pull out all the stops to snag new patrons. This meant two separate cam shows to show off his “switch” nature. With a sigh, Namjoon began to pick out what toys and outfits he would incorporate in tonight’s show. He really did hate keeping things from you, but he couldn’t deny the small flutter of arousal he felt thinking about performing tonight. 

After Namjoon had texted you cancelling your plans so last minute, you were a bit bummed, but let’s be honest your plans with him didn’t differ much from what you are currently doing. Which was sitting like a lump wrapped in a blanket while you shovelled food into your mouth and watch Netflix. It was about halfway through yet another comedy special, and an entire bag of chips later, that you got a text from one of your close friends.

Rose: omg dude remember the cam site i was telling you about?? theyre having a 75% off membership sale tonight you need to try ittttt

Your friend had been nagging you for forever to try this website, you knew porn addictions were a very real thing in today’s day and age,  and honestly ifyou had to label her, you’d say she was addicted to the camsite. It was all she talked about, she even had favourite cam stars whom she had bought merch from. Before you could even begin to type out a response, your phone buzzed again.

Rose: bitch its 75% off you cant NOT try it!!!!! its literally better than any porn youve ever seen!!!!

Y/N: omg ok!!! ill try it lmao

After grabbing your laptop and plopping back down on the couch, you are welcomed to switchitup.com’s homepage with a bright advertisement taking up the majority of your screen stating their 75% blow out sale. I can’t believe I’m doing this, this better be good. After filling out the necessary sign up information, you’re redirected to the homepage once again. You were a little on edge looking at all the cam thumbnails, who, according to the website, were “live, prepped, and ready”. You’ve watched countless porn before, but there was something very different about watching a recording vs someone in real time, and one who you could even ask to do things. Scrolling through the guys and girls, none of the cam stars peaked your interest, so you refreshed the homepage. The third thumbnail you saw almost had your jaw hit the floor. 

No, there was no way that was Namjoon, no fucking way. The thumbnail’s small, that’s just someone who kind of looks like him. You’re trying to reason with yourself, and failing horribly when the guy who is a “SWITCH BOY LOOKING TO SUB” is none other than your best friend. Your very hot best friend, at that. You shouldn’t be clicking on his cam link, you know you shouldn’t be, but your brain is not really functioning properly given the fact that your best friend is now currently on your laptop screen in a pink collar with a small dildo in his asshole while he strokes his cock.  Holy shit, slamming your laptop closed you jump up from the couch, and pace around your tiny apartment. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. You knew Namjoon was bisexual, so the fact that he liked things up his ass wasn’t that surprising, but you just never though you would see things go up said ass in HD. Okay, cool. Joon’s a camboy, that’s cool. I can’t watch his stream though, that’d be super fucking weird. But would it be rude to not support him? Views mean money to cams stars, right? 

After wrestling with your emotions for what seemed like forever, you come to the conclusion that the cat is already out of the bag, and is about to be dead from your curiosity. Sitting back down on the couch, you place your laptop on your lap and are immediately greeted by a paused picture of Namjoon with his legs spread, knees bent, giving you an unobstructed view of his ass stretching around a toy. You also notice how flushed and sweaty he is, and begrudgingly notice how it turns you on. Hesitantly, you click play again and wait a few seconds for the stream to refresh so it’s live again. The sounds of his whines and groans are suddenly hitting your ears as you watch a sweaty Namjoon furiously fucking himself with the dildo while simultaneously jerking his massive hard on. You never really watched boy on boy porn, but watching your best friend whimpering due to a dildo in his ass had your panties damp and sticking to you. You nearly jumped when you heard him talk, his normally sweet honey voice now gruff and whiney.

“Fuck, I’m-nmf-I’m so close, please let me cum,” you didn’t really understand why or who Namjoon was saying this too since there’s no one there with him, but as you notice the message chat in the corner of the screen, he speaks out again, “you know I can’t come until you help me reach the goal” He’s practically giggling and now you’re even more confused because now there’s a goal? What goal? It’s when Namjoon’s hand that’s stroking his cock picks up the pace, you notice in the upper corner there’s a donation button with the live donations count, and it seems the louder your best friend gets, the more the number increases. You’re assuming since he sounds like he could cum soon, his goal is a thousand dollars, and he only has about eighty dollars to go. It’s so tempting to donate a couple bucks, it’d be the same as when he first got that job at the coffee shop and you went in and bought a latte, right? Plus the erection he was sporting looked almost painful, the tip an angry red and shiny from lube and precum. Namjoon, once again interrupted your thoughts, “please, I’m so so close, I’ll cum so good for you I promise” shit, shit, shit, you wanted to help him, and you couldn’t deny that this was all very erotic and you were incredibly turned on. 

“Please, please baby-fuck-it hurts I need to cum so badly, please” Namjoon is basically whining at this point and it’s all beginning to feel like too much. As Namjoon’s pleas get louder, so does the sound of skin on skin and he fucks himself more desperately. You feel like you’re about to get sensory overload and think, fuck it! And harshly click over the $5 donation button, and as you do the goal number rounds up to $1000 and confetti, and what looks like its suppose to be animated cum, shoots around it. Namjoon’s breathy laugh brings your attention back to him and he flops his head to the side and lets out a soft thank you before he’s cumming loud and hard against his toned abdomen. After a few more tugs on his cock, Namjoon swipes his fingers over his stomach, gathering his cum, and holds them up to his mouth. As his plump lips wrap around his fingers he lets out a content hum. Releasing his fingers with an audible pop, Namjoon shuffles closer to the camera and from the looks of his eyes, it looks like he’s reading comments. He lets out a soft chuckle and shakes the sweaty fringe out of his eyes before looking back into the camera, “for the big sale tonight I’ll be doing two streams instead of just the usual one, I’ll be back in about thirty minutes except this time,” Namjoon’s voice drops, becoming more gruff, and the look in his eyes change, “I won’t be the sub.” 

Namjoon signs off with a see ya soon! And a kiss blown to the camera before ending the stream and you laptop screen is black. You stare at your reflection when you realize what happened. Your best friend is a switch. Your best friend is a cam boy. You not only watched your best friend’s stream, but you also donated. And above all else, you are incredibly horny, specifically for your best friend. You now are faced with two options, get off to another cam performer, or wait half an hour and get off to your best friend dominating you through the computer.

It was exactly thirty minutes after his first stream had ended and Namjoon was back on the bed in the spare room you knew all too well from too many drunken nights. He seemed to just be chilling and scrolling through his phone, except now the pink collar was gone and he was wearing a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black dress pants paired with a black belt. Running a hand through his hair, Namjoon smiles reading the comments. “Hey baby, I’m gonna wait a few minutes for more people to show up, who watched my earlier stream?” Namjoon goes back to reading the comments and you can’t help but feel excited, the anticipation alone is getting you wet. 

This is so wrong, you think. You’re getting wet waiting for your Joonie to put on a cam show. Well, it’s not like he hasn’t made you wet in the past, but this is different. Of course you had always found Namjoon attractive but he was Namjoon. He was your Joonie, your Joon-Joon. But right now your Joon-Joon is palming himself over his slacks and biting his plump lips, and you think you’re dying a little bit. It’s when you notice in the corner of the screen the donation display glows at fifty dollars, and Namjoon lets out a low, breathy laugh, “alright baby, you’ve been good so I’ll reward you.” He stands and slowly unbuttons his dress shirt, stopping every few buttons to rub a veiny hand across his muscular chest, a vivid memory of you snuggled up to that chest at your last movie night is quickly pushed to the side. Your whole body is tingling as Namjoon finishes taking off his shirt, left in only his dress pants. He begins to palm himself once again, bottom lip caught between his teeth, and his eyes roam over the camera as if he’s undressing you through the screen. “I hope you haven’t started touching yourself yet baby, that would be very naughty of you.” You hadn’t, in fact, started to touch yourself but the authority in Namjoon’s voice made your core ache. “Don’t touch yourself until I say so, or my baby won’t get a very good show.” You had wondered during the thirty minute intermission how being a cam dom would work. Being a sub made more sense, you do what your viewers tell you to do, and you can beg them, it just made more sense. However, below the donation number you see all the other viewers comments, begging Namjoon to finish stripping, begging to let them touch themselves. The sound of leather whipping brought your attention back to your best friend, he’d taken off his belt and folded it in half to make the noise. Another sound of the belt and you quickly pushed your sweat pants and panties down to your knees. Running a hand through your slick folds, careful to avoid your aching nub, Namjoon hadn’t told you to touch yourself yet. Another loud whip of his belt and the donation number glowed 100, Namjoon cooed a soft so good for me, before quickly stepping out of his pants, no underwear to be seen. His massive erection standing fully proud as Namjoon takes a seat once again at the edge of the bed and languidly strokes his cock.

“You’ve been so good baby, go ahead and touch yourself,” you instantly follow his command, quickly circling your throbbing clit, and you notice the comments are filled with praise and thank you’s, “what an obedient little slut, so good for sir.” You let out a small whimper and speed up your hand, you would never in a million years think that you’d be hearing your Joonie say those things to you. There’s a little bit of an icky feeling when you think that he’s not really saying them with you in mind, but there’s no time to dwell on that. Not when Namjoon just let out a delicious moan and called you a good girl again. 

“How does it feel baby girl, bet you wish I was there, huh? C’mon you little slut go a little faster for me, a little harder” your whines grow louder as you follow Namjoon’s command. The comment section is filled with more pleas, and you see several daddy’s, sir’s and master’s.

“Slide a finger in there baby, stretch yourself open for me, don’t want you to hurt yourself on my big cock.” You don’t think you’ve seen Namjoon look so smug, and it’s unbelievably arousing. 

Your laptop is set on the coffee table in front of you while you fuck yourself on your fingers and furiously rub at your clit. You’ve been watching Namjoon’s stream for nearly half an hour now and you’re so close to cumming, but deciding to hold out until Namjoon cums. He seems like he could go on forever, he’s been roughly jerking his cock the entire time he’s been spewing filthy words. Telling the camera how much he wishes he could touch, taste, and fuck you. 

“I bet you sound so sweet when you’re cumming baby,” he’s licking his lips again as he brushes his hand through his hair once again. His eyes look down and you can tell he’s reading the comments again, “don’t you fucking dare think about cumming you needy little whore, you cum when I tell you to.” The comment are filled completely with begging at the same rate the donation number skyrockets. After a few more moments of denying yourself your orgasm, the donation number hits a thousand dollars and the same confetti and cum animation goes off in the corner. Namjoon lets out a low chuckle before biting down on his bottom lip, “fuck you’re so good for me, I want you to cum, c’mon.” Namjoon is now furiously stroking himself and he throws his head back while letting out a particularly loud moan. You’re so close it hurts, but you desperately want to finish with him. A few more strokes and Namjoon is cumming over his stomach again, and your orgasm rips through you. After your breathing begins to even out you look back to the screen and find Namjoon running his finger through his cum again. You wonder if he’s going to eat it again. He answers your question by holding his finger up to the camera and saying “open on baby, be a good little cum slut for me.” And you actually find yourself opening your mouth for him, before quickly realizing that he’s on your fucking laptop screen and you snap your mouth close. You don’t wait for Namjoon to sign off before you’re exiting the browser and closing your laptop.

After a quick shower, you find yourself sprawled on your bed with a face mask on, contemplating your entire existence and your entire friendship with Namjoon. Okay so, you watched not one but two of your best friend’s cam shows. You touched yourself to your best friend’s cam shows, and you even got off to your best friend’s cam shows. And to make it even worse, the annoying little voice that shows up every few months in your head saying maybe we could be more than friends shows up again.

A buzz next to your head notifies you of a text and your stupid heart flutters a bit when you see its from Joonie Boonie.

Joonie: Hey, sorry again for cancelling :( ill make it up to you tomorrow!

Y/N: You better sir!!

Joonie: Aha sir??

Wait- oh fuck. You’re bolt up so quickly that your face mask flies half way off your face.

Y/N: HAHAHA SRRY IM RLLY TIRED GOODNIGHT 

“What the hell was that?!” you yell at your reflection in the wall mirror, your half-on face mask making you look like your wearing someone else’s skin. With an exasperated sigh that you fling yourself back onto your bed. 

“I’m just saying, I know kids are gullible but who the fuck would continue talking to a scary ass clown in th- Y/N?” A flick to your forehead brings you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? What?”

“You’re the one that made us re-watch IT and you’re not even paying attention!” Namjoon huffs. It was the day after you discovered Namjoon’s side job, and he brought over pizza to make up for bailing on you.

“You seriously haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying, are you okay?” Namjoon leans in closer, legitimately worried. 

“What? No, I’m fine, I just-we tell each other everything right?” you’ve never been one to hold back from Namjoon and you really didn’t want this whole thing hanging over you.

Namjoon nodded in response, a bit hesitant. “Yeah, of course. Why, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” there’s no good way to say this so you really should just spit it out, “just one of my coworkers told me to check out this pornsite she’s obsessed with and it’s all just cam stars.”

You notice Namjoon tense up a bit before his brows knit together, “okay...why are you telling me this?”

“Would you judge me if I became a cam girl?” okay, yeah maybe that wasn’t the best way to divert the conversation. Namjoon shook his head before letting out a soft “no, no I wouldn’t.”

“Alright, cool. I wouldn’t judge you either by the way, you know if you ever did it, camming that is.” you’re rushing your words and fidgeting with shirt hem but Namjoon only lets out a soft laugh before placing his plate on the table, before turning his body to face you.

“Y/N, is there something you want to tell me about that website? Something or someone you saw?”

You’re looking everywhere but his face and it’s only when he snaps his fingers in front of you that you whip your head back to look at him. “I saw you,” you let out softly. Namjoon bites the inside of his cheek and gives a small nod, “well,” he begins “h-”

“I swear it was by accident, I saw your live stream thumbnail thing and I didn’t really believe it was you and before I knew it, I clicked on your sub stream, but I only caught the end of it!”

“You called me sir.”

“W-what?” since when do you ever stutter?

“Yesterday, yesterday you called me sir when I texted you.” Namjoon narrows his eyes at you, “you saw both of them.” Well, fuck.

“Uhh… yes? Maybe? Fuck.” You’ve now reverted back to looking anywhere that wasn’t Namjoon. He looked mad. He should be, you reason. You tell each other everything and him not telling you about being a camboy was clearly for a reason, he must’ve wanted to keep it private.

“So you liked it?” wait, what?

“Huh?” Out of all the things to say you didn’t expect Namjoon to say that. Now you’re looking at him with a confused look on your face.

“I said,” Namjoon scoots a bit closer to you, “you liked my shows? You said the first one was an accident and you only watched the end of it so you heard me say I’d be streaming again as a dom and you called me sir, meaning you also watched that one.” Namjoon tilts his head to the side awaiting your response.

“Oh, well, I guess? I mean you’re my friend and I want to support you? I don’t know?” Your voice is dramatically rising in pitch, which seems to only amuse Namjoon.

“So you’re not mad that I lied to you about being a cam boy?” Namjoon actually looks nervous, he really does hate the idea of keeping things from you. He can’t say that he didn’t feel like his stomach was going to drop out of his ass when you first mentioned the cam site, but now he’s actually relieved you know, now he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to you. He would be lying, however, if he said the idea of you watching, let alone touching yourself to his shows, didn’t make his cock twitch in his pants.

“No, of course I’m not mad Joonie! You’re not mad at me?” How could he not be? This felt like a very big invasion of privacy even though as you’re looking at him now, you’re just imagining how good it felt to have him call you a good little slut yesterday. 

“Of course I’m not mad at you,” Namjoon had been giving himself a pep talk over the last several days to confess his love for you, he in no way imagined it would go like this, but hell the opportunity was there and he was tired of waiting. “Would you be mad at me if I said that I think it’s really fucking hot that you watched me?”

Now it was your turn to blush. Although you’re enjoying the small back and forth going on between you, your voice is barely above a whisper. “Only if you’re mad about the fact that I touched myself while watching you.”

Namjoons plump lips were on yours instantly. They were softer than you could ever imagine, and he pours years worth of harboured feelings into the kiss. You kissed him back fervently, years of love, desperation, and lust pouring into the kiss that you both had waited so long to give each other. It was like all the events and emotions came surging up all at once for Namjoon as he abruptly broke the kiss, “I love you.” he stated, lips red and swollen. You could only just look up at him with wide eyes and equally swollen lips, your hair a mess from where his hands nested in them during the kiss. You grabbed him by the back of the neck so that your foreheads met, “I love you too.”

You two had kissed for what seemed like an eternity, desperate to make up for lost time, but as hands roamed further the desperation grew.

“Which one did you like?” Namjoon panted against your lips.

“Huh?” you couldn’t stop kissing him, it felt like you were possessed.

Breaking the kiss again, Namjoon tried once more, “which one did you like better? Pink or black?” at the realization of his words, you couldn’t help but let out a whimper. 

“B-black-oh” Namjoon latched on to the most sensitive part of your neck and you were basically mewling, pawing at his shoulder blades. Sliding his hand down to dip past your pants and underwear, he began to circle your clit. You jolted from the sensation as he sucked harder on your neck.

Lifting his head away from your neck, Namjoon’s dark gaze bore into yours, “well in that case, how about you be a good girl me and take my fingers, yeah?” Nodding your head insistently, Namjoon wasted no time before pushing two fingers into your soaked core. You whined at the sudden stretch, which made Namjoon chuckle, “your tight little pussy can barely take two of my fingers baby, I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle my dick.”

The slight mention that you might not be fucked into next week by his perfect dick, had you gripping onto Namjoon’s arms pleading, “no please, sir! Please I promise I can take it, I’ll be a good cum slut for you, I promise!” Namjoon’s brows shot up, not really expecting you to be this into it, at least so soon. But hearing how submissive you can be had his erection straining in his pants. He pressed his lips to your again before delivering a slap against your throbbing core, “get on the bed for me baby”.

You two were naked writhing on your bed in a blink of an eye. Namjoon was above you, one hand next your head supporting his weight, the other stroking himself while he stared at your naked heaving chest. Getting impatient you wrapped your legs around him, “Joonie, please!” and he laughed out a quick sorry before slowly burying himself in you. Once he was fully in you, he paused, allowing you time to adjust to his massive size. After you gave a little nod, he set a quick and desperate pace. You were moaning so loudly and Namjoon swears he’s never heard anything more beautiful, the blissed-out look on your face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You were just so beautiful and Namjoon was hit with such an overwhelming surge of love that he slipped out of his dominating persona before engulfing your body in his and passionately kissing you. He slowed his pace slightly and angled his hips to hit deeper into you, the change making you cry out in ecstasy. 

“I love you,” he kissed you again, “I love you more than anything, I can’t believe this is finally happening, holy fuck.”

Your running your hands through his hair to bring his face closer to yours, your lips brushing as you both pour words and love and devotion into each other. It’s after a particularly deep thrust has you crying out, that you dig your nails into Namjoon’s back, “Joonie, please fuck me harder, I wanna be a good girl for you.”

Namjoon pulls away slightly to get a better look at you before a wicked grin appears on his face, “alright, then baby, hands and knees for me.” After he pulls out you quickly flip over, ass poised enticingly up in the air, Namjoon groans as he spread your ass cheeks apart before delivering a quick smack. “Fuck baby, you have such a perfect ass, would you like me to eat it?” you’re whimpering and nodding into the bedsheets, and Namjoon quickly makes work with his tongue against your asshole while he fingers your sopping pussy. “What a good little slut, loves getting both holes played with,” he delivers and slap to your ass, “you probably want me to fill both don’t you?” you nod into the pillow but Namjoon doesn’t find that to be a sufficient answer, so he yanks you by your hair, “use your words you little slut, you know how to speak”

“Yes sir! I want you to fuck both my holes, please” your voice is so whiney and Namjoon feels like he can cum just from listening to you. 

Namjoon slaps your ass once more before quickly shoving his cock into you, pushing all the way in. You gasp at the sudden change, and Namjoon tightens his hold on your hair. He’s fucking you like a desperate animal, it almost borders on painful but its just so good. You can feel his thumb circle your asshole so you let out a whiney please, and Namjoon sticks his thumb into your tight hole. He delivers another harsh slap to your ass, “what do you say, slut?”

“Thank you, sir! It feels so good, may-hmm-maybe next time you can fuck my ass with one of your toys” you breathe out. Namjoon is pulling you up so his chest is against your back and laughs in your ear, “you dirty little bitch, I had no idea this whole time, you’re so filthy,” he pushes you down against the bed, “I fucking love it.”

Namjoon continues to fuck you with such force that you are now completely flat against the bed while he pistons into you, one hand wedged between the bed rubbing your clit, and the other with his thumb still toying your ass. Your moans are getting louder and Namjoon brings his lips next to your ear, “are you gonna be a good slut and cum for me, huh baby? Come on, be a messy little whore and soak the sheets.”

After a series of please,please,please and very well aimed thrusts, you’re cumming hard. You’re drenched clenching pussy has Namjoon quickly following, pulling out and emptying his load onto your red ass. 

After a few moments of catching your breath, Namjoon reaches over to pluck a tissue from the box on your nightstand, effectively knocking over a picture frame and several trinkets, making you giggle. “Oh, shut up” Namjoon teases as he cleans you off. Once he’s done wiping his cum off of you, he tosses the tissue onto your nightstand and lays down staring into your eyes. Wordlessly you snuggle up into his chest like you have done countless times during your many movie nights, but this time it was so different, so right.

You’re both just silently enjoying each other before a thought pops into your head, “does this mean I have to buy a strap on for you?”

[lightandwinged]

ALSR, Chapter Six: Down, boy

CHAPTER SIX

Stormwind: Anduin’s Perspective!

I should point out before I really get into this that we’ve been hearing basically 100% Horde perspective here and will be hearing from the Horde again in the next chapter. Which is fine! For every Arthas there must be a Lord of the Clans or whatever. I’m just kind of ??? about this being a tie-in novel when it’s focusing so heavily on one faction over the other BUT I don’t work for Blizzard and I haven’t read a Warcraft novel in ages, so what do I know?

It’s the end of the day in Stormwind, and as the bells toll their sunset song, Anduin and a handful of his cohorts (Genn, Turalyon… wait, it’s just Genn and Turalyon isn’t it? Huh.) head down to the crypts to see six bodies. And I’m just saying, that’s not the weirdest thing I’ve seen happen in those crypts.

Turalyon remarks that there may be more corpses somewhere, since at least a dozen spies were sent to monitor the waters between Zandalar and the Eastern Kingdoms. Anduin’s like “shh, not here,” because everyone left in the Cathedral is watching them, to which I say--Cathedral patrons, take the advice of someone who’s visited often and just focus on your own shit. Trust me. Otherwise, you’ll be watching someone give birth to the horned god on one side while there’s a three way duel for the soul of a rabbit on the other, and it’s just a lot. 

(also all of the descriptions of Turalyon involve him being hotter than heat, which is fair if you are picturing him as Travis Willingham, which I am)

In a cold, dank room that smells of fresh death, our three heroes find a row of bodies, very wet and very dead. They’ve each received a single arrow shot directly to the heart, and the fletching on each arrow has been shaved down to make them look like Zandalari arrows, though Turalyon is quick to point out what everyone else has realized: this isn’t how the Zandalari do things.

Genn is like “this is [...] some dark mischief I do not yet understand,” because the only people who can shoot like this are Sylvanas’ dark rangers. Somehow this surprises Anduin and he’s not sure if he buys it, but like. Duh? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, it’s a dark ranger.

Genn is angry, “pacing faster, every bit the caged and furious wolf,” and please, please can we someday have someone who writes Genn in one of these novels as being even more dog-like? Not like drinking out of a bowl or anything like that, but like. Perking up when he hears the phrase “good boy” or having to hold himself back from chasing after a tennis ball. This is the stuff that werewolf writers always skip because they’re too busy trying to make werewolves look cool, when in reality, said wolves would do anything for a treat.

So Anduin wonders wtf dark rangers are doing in Zandalar, which yeah, me too, that whole side trip seemed kind of pointless. Turalyon muses that Sylvanas is probably pissed that Talanji didn’t join her on her quest for… whatever the fuck it is she’s questing for, which is correct, and Genn is like “BUT! WE! CAN KILL! SYLVANAS! RIGHT! NOW!” because she is his tennis ball. 

Turalyon, on the other hand, thinks they should hang back and see what happens and see if the Horde stick to their armistice and share Sylvanas secrets with them. Genn is 100% convinced they won’t because Genn is from a PvP server. 

But Turalyon and Anduin are not, and even though Genn is frothing at the mouth angry (like damn, dude, do some yoga or something), Anduin thinks they need to hold off on sailing for more Zandalar fights at the moment. He also doesn’t know if Sylvanas and/or her people going to Zandalar is a trick or if it’s the real deal, and Genn’s like, “I DON’T CARE THE SQUIRREL IS GETTING AWAY LET ME CHASE ITTTTT!!”

Anyway, despite Genn being absurd, Anduin thinks they both have a point, and to make things interesting, he decides that Turalyon and Alleria are on the case of finding Sylvanas (so wait, did the frolicking in Westfall happen before or after this?). And with that, Anduin sulks about being a king who had people die for his cause. Genn tries to make him feel better by saying, “Hey, they knew what they were signing up for,” but the boy king is not mollified, and remarks, “None of us know what awaits us in death, what awaits us in the dark without a dawn.”

Except those of us who’ve been keeping up with spoilers for the next expansion, that is.

[zitrolena]

Birthday girl Part 3

I couldn't even read through it again because I'm with my friends and they keep on calling for me but I wanted to post ittttt.. so yes here it is.. it's really fucking cheesy, don't know what happend

They laid side by side on the warm sheets, both a little sweaty and really happy. The light from outside was shining through the window, lighting up the room in a warm yellow-orange colour. Joana was laying on top of Cris' stomach playing with their intertwined fingers, counting them like a little child. Cris loved Joanas childish side. It was fun to see someone who's mostly either smirking or kinda grumpy-looking in public being the biggest child ever when she was with Cris.

"This is a grumpy little guy right here" Joana whispered while covering Cris' little finger with her hand. "And these two.." she smirked and started caressing Cris' middle and index finger "those two are my favourites".

Cris started laughing and pinched Joanas nose "You're unbelievable!" Joana enjoyed feeling Cris' laugh underneath her. She loved her laugh overall and sometimes she wondered if she ever saw something more beautiful.

"Heyyy don't get dirty now", Joana turned around to look at Cris who was still grinning at her all proud "I like them for making the peace sign possible"

"Ofcouuuuurse". Cris sighed and pulled Joanas face to her to give her a kiss.

Joana layed her head on Cris' chest and both kept on smirking for themselves for a little while longer.

"Hey Sapito..". Cris voice was shaking a little but not to much "I actually had a plan for your birthday today. But we really don't have to do it if you don't want to and I really wouldn't mind just laying here next to you all day and also tomorrow."

Joana pushed herself up to look at Cris's eyes. The thing was that Joana wasn't used to being loved fully - with all her quirks and all her negativity and all the hate she had for herself and her mental illness. She only ever really had her parents and she knew that they loved her dearly but for her the love of parents always felt different than the love of people that didn't "have" to do that. And Cris' love just hit differently. It seemed so raw. Like an adult and a teenage love at the same time. Like a one in a lifetime thing, eventhough Joana never liked thinking about forever. But now, the only forever she wanted right in that moment was Cris and sometimes she felt as if loving her girl was the best thing that ever happened to her.

"What was your plan then?". Her voice was soft, trying really hard to tell Cris that she loved her for the single fact of asking her if she was mentally well enough. She was so careful with her but not overprotective or controlling like her parents, but just purely loving.

"I can't tell you. It would be a surprise, duh", Cris mocked her.

"Duh", Joana laughed and bit her lip "Be happy that I already love you because using that word is contra-productive on that part". Her eyes turned to Cris who was still waiting for her to answer. "And yes, I don't care what we do today. The only thing I want is be with you. I don't care what we do as long as you're by my side"

"You're being cheesy again, Sapito". Cris smiled and kissed her girlfriends lips and both of their smiles fit together like a key to a lock.

"As long as you're here, I'll be cheesy and you gonna have to live it".

"I'll happily live with it as long as you let me", Cris answered and knew that Joana would say something even more cheesy as if they were in a cheesiness-competition so she stopped it by kissing her.

Love, cheesy-ass love. And there was nothing better than that

[fanfictown-blog]

Two Wishes ~ Part 1

Two Wishes ~ Part 1

‘Beep. Beep. Beep.’ My annoying digital alarm clock buzzes way too loudly, a sound I should be used to by the number of times I’ve heard it, but nevertheless, I wake up groaning as I slap my hand on top of the black metal box on my bedside table, shutting it up immediately.

Barely two seconds has passed before my hand has reached out for my phone, opening up every single one of all those social media apps on my homescreen, from tumblr and instagram to kakao talk and snapchat.

The moment I open Tumblr, my phone freezes, the screen blacks out and it returns to my homescreen, an adorable picture of Jaehyun grinning at the camera.

’…Okay…’ I think to myself as I try again, clicking on that dark blue icon with the white ’t’ in the middle; this time, it opens, but the revolving white symbol which seems to be going on forever annoys me - but finally it loads, and I see the reason why my phone spazzed out in the first place.

276 things I was tagged in. 28 messages.

'Oh shit…’ I mumble to myself as I scroll through all of them, let out a deep breath and start by opening my messages, from @kibumslatina ina and @thatbubblecat

'BITCHH WJSNSJDNS DID YOU SEE IT EVERYONE HAS IT ON THEIR ARM NOW IT JUST SUDDENLY APPEARED’

'TAEMIN IS MINEEEE ahhhh I can’t believe he’s my soulmate’

'DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING I LOVE HIM MY BABY’

'WHO’S YOURS HAVE YOU MET HIM YET??’

'Or is it a kpop idol like mine 😏😏’

I laugh to myself at Keylin’s excited spam, and send her '😂😂😂’ in reply before reading her message again and trying to understand it.

'Something on their arm? Hm. Interesting.’ I think to myself, glancing at my right arm and examining it.

Nothing.

That’s when I notice the abnormal italic writing on my left wrist, just on top of the blood vessels below my palm. It looks like I had written something in my handwriting, in my black inky pen I used to write quotes on my wrist all the time during my younger years, filled with hopeless immature dreams of meeting 'The One’.

'I will still feel the same.’ I read out loud from the once clear skin on my wrist. I’ll still feel the same… In what circumstance would someone say that to me the first time I see them…?

I shake off my thoughts with the fact that this was all meant to be, and reply to Keylin’s spam with a picture of the text on my wrist.

'This is all so weird though, we all just woke up with this??’

'IKRR’ Her reply is immediate. ‘And yours is cute love ^^’ ‘But I don’t get why that would be the first thing someone would say to you..?’

‘Honestly me neither’ I type out after a long minute of reconsideration about why those might be The Words. She doesn’t reply.

‘'She's probably landed at the airport.’ I realise, smiling to myself before proceeding to open Claire's messages.

I've only read the one message saying 'DUDE' when my phone rings, and Jaehyun's face pops up; my eyes widen for a fraction of a second as my heart feels like it's somewhat been elevated, filled, beating faster than ever - until my memory goes back to me telling Claire to put my contact as Taeyong and that I'll put her as Jaehyun.

'Annyeong Jaehyun-ah.' I speak down the line, and hear a confused 'huh?' from the other side, which makes me chuckle as I explain to her the reason for me saying that.

'Ohhhh right, of course.' She says, laughing. 'Did you hear about what happened?'

'Yep, slightly confused to be honest, but yeah I heard. Apparently the words that somehow appeared on our arms are the first words we'll hear our soulmate say..?'

'Yeah and GUESS WHAT?'

'What?'

'Mine says "Booming systems up up"'

There is a momentary silence as I take in what she said before bursting out laughing.

'Booming systems up up, TY Track, TY Track.' I pretend to be some sort of talented rapper, acting like rapping was what I was meant to do and I could take it up as a career ANY day - even though secretly I know that I sound like when Haechan imitated Taeyong.

Then I realise it.

'WAIT BITCH YOUR SOULMATE IS TAEYONG??'

I hear her breathe in slowly and breathe back out, and I can imagine her, slightly nervous yet a beaming grin on her face.

'Well...apparently so!'

'OMG I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU I ALWAYS KNEW THE TWO OF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AHHHHHHH!' I almost scream down the phone with my voice being higher pitched than usual, which comes out as a weird squeal combined with my laughter. 'I SHIP ITTTTT.'

Claireyong? Taeire? Or maybe actually if I use her korean name, then that would be Chaeyong, or Taerin.

'CHAEYONGGG.' I continue, laughing away as I pick out my clothes from my wardrobe, a short-ish black dress with some black tights, and I hear Claire laugh quietly but somewhat shyly from the other end of the line.

'Taerin. I prefer Taerin.' She says, laughing. 'What does yours say though?'

'I will still feel the same.' I read out, feeling a smile unconsciously form on my face.

'Ahh okay, I have to go now, um, I'm out and yeah sorry ok bye!' She suddenly says, and before I can reply, I realise I am left on my own on the phone line.

'Ok...um...bye...' I feel the need to say before I press the red 'hang up' button and start to get dressed.

An hour later, I'm in my car, driving to the airport to pick up Keylin; SM was having a major concert/fan sign event in London, so she had decided to fly here from Florida and stay at my apartment.

I was already super excited about meeting her in person for the first time, and I remember thinking back to that time when we had discussed what it would be like if we had met up in real life.

'I dont even want to imagine what it would be like if we met up tho omg we’d actually go insane i can imagine us just saying a whole load of random shit at the exact same time then just laughing and fuck gurl'

'bitch if we met you know shit would go down😂 we will literally be thrown out of whatever place we’re meeting up in bc we’re too loud and vulguar. Whoops?'

Good thing we were going straight to my apartment after meeting.

I pull into the paid parking lot, and make my way to the entrance, where everyone waits for those people who have landed. Every step I take with my heels clicking beneath my feet make me somewhat nervous, for no reason whatsoever, but the feeling of excitement I feel is way more overwhelming; it felt weird that I was actually going to meet her now.

Eventually I arrive, and I am on my phone, scrolling through endless posts related to kpop on my tumblr whilst listening to music, and occasionally looking up to see if she was coming, though I didn't quite know what to expect in terms of her appearance.

I glance at the announcement board; they're at the security check now? So hopefully she'll be through those double doors any minute.

Ten minutes later, I'm still there, standing there leaning against the metal railing with my chin resting on my hands, my arms themselves positioned on the cold shiny metal as my tired eyes stay fixed on the two sets of double doors, which open and close frequently as people with heavy suitcases walk through them.

As I watch them, the doors open again and a somewhat short girl with shoulder-length blonde hair walks through them, dragging her suitcase behind her using both her hands, and seeming to struggle but trying to walk as casually as possible.

It's her.

Omg it's actually her.

'Keylin!!' I shout, leaning over the railing and waving with my right hand, my left hand pressed against the now warm metal to keep myself from falling over.

She glances up, her straightened hair flicking out of her face, and I see her clearly in person for the first time; her amazingly clear skin, the nose piercing and the wide grin on her face as she realises it's me.

'Omg BITCH!' She almost screams as I run up to her and hug her tightly, hugging me back just as tight.

'Oh my fucking god you HOE.' I laugh. 'Bitch you're even more beautiful in real life, I'm sure Taemin won't be able to RESIST you when he sees you.'

She goes a bit red, laughing, but flicks her hair like that sarcastic, bold girl I knew her to be.

'Well DUH, but um bitch look at you, for fuck's sake, Sehun will be all over you when we go to that fansign.' She winks, smirking, and I giggle, covering my face as my cheeks feel like they're on fire.

'Hey, let's go to my apartment ok?' I laugh. 'Before we go insane.'

'Sure love.' She smiles, and we make our way to the 2nd floor car park, laughing and talking to each other like we had known each other forever.

[crying-saeyoung]

Can I request RFA reacting to MC proposing to them? c: Was thinking about that earlier today !! lol

I’ve read this HC before and I loooooovee ittttt sooo much I love this headcanon aaaaa I hope you guys like it as much as I do!! -Green

Yoosung:

-honestly, it wasn’t planned at all. Kinda. You did have a whole plan for a date, very romantic and a night to remember for sure.

-but when you woke up and saw Yoosung right there, sleeping so peacefully, you just had to do it. God, you just had to marry this man. Right now .

-so you get out of bed as quietly as you can, and you whip him up a sweet cup of coffee that he taught you from his barista club, and some strawberry pancakes with whip cream 

-this boy loves sweet things so you write on the side of the plate with caramel ‘will you marry me, baby?’ 

-you did some basic latte art on his coffee, just a simple heart but you thought it was cute 

-you put it all on a small tray and brought it over to the bedroom, where Yoosung was still sleeping 

-you set the tray down on the nightstand, and sit right next to him, petting his hair and kissing his shoulders and cheeks to wake him up 

-his lil sleepy eyes are so cute that you wanna ask him right then and there but you SomeHow resist 

- “I brought you some breakfast in bed, honey” you give him the tray and he’s already surprised because !!! he loves your cooking, but what’s the occasion???

-first yoosung smiles at your cup art and drinks some of that, complimenting how cute you are and how good you are at making coffee!!! maybe even better than him?? ooo

-when he looks at the plate to see what you made, he almost misses the little words by the side. but he does see it

-at first he thinks it’s a joke. were you reinacting one of your books or something?? 

-but when he looks back at you to see you on one knee by the bed with a ring in your hand he actually screams

-without even thinking he totally throws the breakfast off the bed the coffee is safe on the nightstand thank god and jumps into your arms 

-making the two of you fall on the hard floor but he doesn’t care because “yeah!!!! yeah!! yeah, i wanna marry you!!” he doesn’t even say YES he just keeps saying YEAH. because. YEAH!!! we’re getting MARRIED! 

Saeyoung: 

-saeyoung deserves the best of the best okay

-so you make a GAME out of it 

-you make him search for the ring and it’s so complex that you honestly forgot where you put the ring

-you hid it the other night and woke up at the butt-crack of dawn, waking up your soon to be fiance along with you 

-he’s cranky about it, but once he hears that you two are going on a scavenger hunt he’s BLASTING OUT THE ROOM 

-saeyoung please put on clothes we’re going outside 

-it’s really fuckin cold in the morning so you guys have to dress up warm, which to Saeyoung means 707 layers of jackets heheh

-the puzzle was made to be really challenging because you know how smart Saeyoung is, even if he pretends he isn’t 

-it’s kind of like his Valentines Date (DLC) except a lot less romantic ,, and more adventurous 

-one moment your in the bathroom until he breaks it apart to find a key, and the next moment you’re in the garage unlocking one of his babes. inside there you find a tub of ice cream, so you go to Saerans room! You find a bouquet of flowers, so now your suddenly at the supermarket! Just like that, and it goes on FOREVER  

-the last stop (where the wedding ring is) is at the top of the hill in a small dog park where the two of you had your first date. by the time you get there it’s the middle of the afternoon 

-Saeyoung isn’t even TIRED. he’s having so much fun!!!

-he has to climb one of the trees to find the ring, and you’re down on the ground and you kinda just go “o. that’s where i put it” because, again, you fucking FORGOT 

-he hangs from one of the branches and hands the ring to you, and you see the confusion on his face, but also the playfulness 

- “what could it mean??? i don’t remember a ring in our relationship. hmm… you truly are a master, because frankly, I’m stump-ed.” bu-dum cccchhhh 

-you join on in, observing the ring curiously even if you knew what it looked like.

-it was a beautiful ring. you didn’t want it too flashy, that didn’t really match his personality. it had a diamond in the middle, with two moonstones shaped in crescents to hug the diamond on each side. one reason because it was his birth stone, the other because. it was a moon stone. spaaaace

- “hmm, the only time I remember there being a ring in our relationship is when I proposed to you??” 

-Saeyoung laughs because it’s like lololol funny joke MC but then all the sudden your getting on one knee and he’s kinda just like. w h a t 

- “don’t tell me you’re going to say no and ruin the adventure already? we still have to go to the moon, you know.” You try to be cocky but your voice is trembling. you’re literally proposing to Saeyoung who is hanging upside down from a tree like a damn monkey 

-he falls off the tree 

- “OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU OKAY??” you try to help him but he’s scrambling away from you. Your heart breaks a lil bc of that,,

-and then you see that your boyfriend is crying and he’s trying really really hard for you not to see and you don’t know if that’s a good sign or not 

- “are you crying because you love me or because you’re hurt because I’m really worried about both” a legitimate question you have to ask

-AAGAHHH it’s cause he loves you!!!! hell yeah he wants to marry you!!!

-that’s what he wants to say but he’s crying so much it comes out as a bunch of nonsense. “h yeh.. wa -nanabb… maaaarrRRYYyy-mmm y-yo-uugh-ouuu ehhhehHH!!!”

-after you get him calmed down he kinda just bursts into tears at random times the rest of the day because he’s so overwhelmed with LOVE FOR YOU 

Jumin:

-you don’t even beat around the bush with this fuckin dork. You’ve TRIED. it DOESN’T WORK Y’ALL 

-if you don’t tell him outright about something, he’ll never know what you mean 

-you’re out at a very very fancy dinner. You don’t want to propose there because of paparazzi. you figure that the dinner will help the romantic mood though 

-after the dinner, you two go out to his private garden, and you spend the rest of your date there, walking and talking

-at one point you stop the two of you at a small little bench and request to sit down

-you continue talking while you make a flower crown for the both of you because he’s a very pretty boy and you can’t resist.

-also you need something to do with your hands because you’re so nervous and jittery 

-by the time you’re finished with them, you place one crown on your head and then offer him his 

- “would you like to be my prince, Jumin?” 

-he smiles at you, because gosh. u are… so cute. Of course he wants to be your fuckin prince !!!

- “forever. be my prince forever, okay?” 

- “okay, MC. I promise.” 

-you place the crown on his head, and without really thinking about it you place the ring on the top of his head too 

-Jumin is like “?????” 

-very confused

-when he picks it up, and sees it is an engagement ring, he almost laughs because when Jumin looks at you again you are struggling to get on one knee in the grass 

- “are you asking me to marry you, MC?” 

-UGH YES JUMIN YES I AM aSGHHGH HELp me

-Jumin full out just giggles. He’s got a little blush on his cheeks and everything. he looks damn beautiful. It’s like the guy is shining under the moonlight 

- “please god marry me Jumin Han” kinda just slips out of your mouth before you can think about it 

-he brings you up to him and gives you a very deep kiss before putting on the ring. 

- “MC, if you need me to, I’ll be your king.”

Jaehee:

-you had brought the whole RFA together at your apartment for a casual get together and game night

-and you planned to propose with everyone there 

-you just wanted it to be fun and memorable for the both of you, and to have your RFA family with you sounded amazing

-you were. v v nervous but you couldn’t tell anyone because literally everyone in the RFA would snitch without even thinking about it they’re terrible

-the party was finally at that calm, but fun air you wanted it to be. Yoosung and Saeyoung playing Just Dance on the TV, Jaehee and Zen chatting about their daily lives and his musicals while you were preparing food with Jumin.

-I think out of everyone in the RFA, Jumin is the happiest for you two, whether he say it or not

-and really…. he was the only one who wouldn’t snitch…. 

-so while you were pouring drinks for everyone, you told Jumin you planned to propose to Jaehee tonight but you weren’t sure when the best moment would be

-surprisingly he gave you a?? side hug??? 

-he was so proud of you guys aaaaa

-Jumin wasn’t the most romantic person, but he did give you good advice. Let it come naturally. Don’t think of her saying no, just think of her saying yes, because she will. Jaehee will say yes

-and that was such a relief to hear that you gave Jumin a big ol hug and a smooch on the cheek before bringing out the food 

-an hour goes by and you all are playing monopoly 

-Saeyoung and Jumin are getting all the expensive houses and constantly competing for each others cards. No one knows how Saeyoung got so much money. 

-Yoosung is making a little home with all the really cheap blocks and Zen is pulling his hair as he has to pay Jumin yet again

-then there’s you and Jaehee who watch the fire burn and maintain a normal board of moderately expensive houses. 

-and you just feel so good at the moment. You and Jaehee cuddled in a blanket with your friends all around you 

-so you turn around, kiss her on the forehead, bring out the ring and ask her to marry you

-ALL EYES ON YOU 

-the fighting IMMEDIATELY STOPS and everything is so quiet

-…

-..

- “DAMMIT JAEHEE IF YOU DON’T SAY YES, I WILL” Saeyoung SCREECHES at the top of his lungs and he looks like he’s gunna c r y 

-Jaehee does finally find her words and says yes, then the two of you kiss and everyone is standing up and cheering for the two of you 

-they force you to do a slow dance together and really you wouldn’t have it any other way 

Zen:

-you don’t want to do it in public, because of paparazzi, but… Zen does love attention..

-so you decide to propose to him after one of his shoes back stage 

-you watch the whole performance with a nervous heart and shaking hands 

-the whole time you just stare at Zen and you watch how beautifully he sings and preforms. He’s amazing at what he does. You just… feel so proud of him

-you really, really hope he’ll say yes. You need him to. You don’t think you could ever get over it if Zen said no. 

-When the show is over, there’s usually a meet-and-greet with all the actors so you have to act quickly before he leaves for that and is too tired for a proposal 

-you greet him with a big hug and a kiss, which he appreciates a Whole Lot

- “hey, Zen, I was.. wondering something today.” 

- “yeah? what’s that?” 

- “would you ever… in the future.. would you ever like to get married?” 

-you catch him off guard and now he’s blushing like a FOOL 

-of course!! especially if it’s to you, and he winks. He’s just casually flirting but you’re just like THE TIME IS NOW 

-you slam down on your knee so hard that you actually start crying and Zen is just ????!!!!!! what h a p p e n e d 

-you explain in tears while bringing out the ring that you wanted to propose but you got too excited.. 

-YOU’RE SO CUTE, O H MYG OD,,,

-Zen just laughs, picks you up and gives you a really big SMOOCH on the lips. pretend i didn’t say smooch because it was actually really romantic 

-he dips you, what a nerd 

-god, he loves you. he’s looking at you with such a sparkle in his eyes as he says ‘yes’ and putting on that ring, you forget all about your injury and go in for another kiss as he spins you around

-after he smugly shows all his fans the ring in pride

[bnrobertson1]

Chin Up, Algorithms

Greta Van Fleet is known for three things: (1) Shamelessly sounding like Led Zeppelin, (2) Getting critically shat on for shamelessly sounding like LZ and (3) being the cause of people attacking the music press for, you know, just not getting it, man.* I haven’t had the privilege or desire to meet the band of Detroit teenagers, but I don’t like the thought of these up-and-comers, who so clearly have the world by the tail, being down about the cruel nature of living in the public eye. So, I decided to encourage them the only way I know how: by giving them Pump Up Speech they’ve essentially begged me for **.

*Sample quote: “It’s like an awesome new version of Led Zeppelin and refreshing for people who (like myself) are overloaded with electro-pop and generic rap that is dominating the airwaves and Spotify streams.”

** in my mind

[SETTING: BACKSTAGE @ University of Phoenix Stadium. Although the stadium walls shake with blandly enthusiastic anticipation, the band is depressed after some especially rough reviews. The label has flown me in to get them in a better headspace before they go “shred” with Imagine Dragons in front 100,000 people in the desert. They await my arrival in their green room.]

BONGO DRUMMER (I’m guessing his name is Derrrbb) [flustered]: Well, the label said they’d…

SMASH. Before anyone even realizes the door has been kicked open, Derrrbb’s head gets hit with an unidentified object and caves in like whatever politician you don’t like being questioned by whatever politician you do like.  

All are silent. There is a vacuum in the air that all present notice and appreciate, a calm before the storm heavy with some serious truth debris.

I stand motionlessly, a cricket bat (name: BAM BAM) dangles in my hand like a windchime. Finally, I animate. The next five minutes consist of me smashing any and everything that needs smashing. Vanity mirrors. SMASH. Two Man Harps. SMASH. Curling irons. SMASH SMASH SMASH. To add to the effect, my face is bleached with flour meant to resemble narcotics. Red dye, surprisingly sweet, is also on my face for even further dramatic effect, although it is mixing with the flour, making a fairly delicious combination that is difficult not to lick. I then remember I left all that fake drug crap back in my van, so we’re on the real deal, baby. My eyes start twitching as my pupils dilate. Fucking Great Van Fleet. I was saving all that for Frasier night at mom’s house. Oh well, might as well get this over with. Taking a slightly manic British affectation, I speak.

“Listen. Up. You. FUCKS!!!”

I find the closest “Eastern” instrument and spend close to half an hour tirelessly destroying it with BAM BAM into pieces so infinitesimal that it would be nearly impossible to prove that it ever actually existed. An Imagine Dragons’, let’s say, oboist(?) cries in the background, I tirelessly smash the Sitar out of its misery. Noticing I’m distracted with obliterating instruments, Greta Van Fleet’s lead singer slowly starts to gain some courage, finally speaking “Hey man! Th….”

“SHUTTTTTT ITTTTT,” I politely interrupt, picking up the lead singer, let’s call him Gene, by his VERY COOL  “Indian” apparel, discus throwing him into the sun. I finally take a deep breath. Then another. Then I seethe for fifteen minutes before speaking.

“Perhaps, I should start from scratch. I’m here because your record label paid me enough a volcano-choking amount of dough to fly here and give you boys a pick-me-up because you’ve been down in the dumps with all this negative pWess. You know, a little pep pep. Maybe a pat on the noggin, a drink at me teet. And yep, boys, it’s been brutal. Look what it says here [picking up a stray computer]: ‘derivative,’ [I throw the computer at the regular drummer like a throwing star, it sticking in his head, killing him instantly] “vampiric,” [I just punch some dude for having a pube stache], “totally passionless” [I consider how many pounds of pasta a crazy busy Olive Garden goes through the day].

I continue. “And so what? Did you really get into rock n’ roll to impress critics. CRITICS!?! Some 45-year old cumrag making in a year what you do you do in a day selling your ‘Indigenous Peoples’ Greta Van Fleet Start Pack?’ Do you think for one segment of a second that one of those keyboard warriors wouldn’t change places with you? They’d floss with the bones of their young just to have one person applaud them out loud, much less a 100,000 at one time.

Full name: Indigenous Peoples’ Greta Van Fleet Start Pack* with individually numbered Bansuri

So what do they do? They talk shit on the internet like the true desperados they are. Real John fucking Waynes, this lot. ‘Oh, they’re just some product made by record industry focus group testing?’ Oh really? Well guess what else is- EVERYTHING. But there’s hope: all the stuff you get in return does not know the difference. Let me assure you, gentlemen, breasts and narcotics…” [and this point I disappear for 45 minutes. I return very, very excited to continue our chat].

“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH. Where was I?!?! Buildings! No. Oh Greta Van Fleet. So yeah like I was saying, your record label didn’t think they were signing the new Lou Reed or the new Daft Punk or fuck even the new Seven Mary fucking Three when they got you to sign on the dotted line. They just have enough data to know people like Led Zeppelin’s sound and to know that you fill that bill quite nicely. Sure, those Steve McQueen-esque critics may call you “derivative” as they take a break from their marathon love-making, but guess what- so is everybody who has ever used the word ‘the.’ Plus, derivative or not, none of you are in your sixties going on about Satanism and asking for stupid amounts of money, so the powers picked you. Plus you didn’t seem to have any pre-existing medical conditions.  But don’t fool yourself: each and every one of you cash registers are just glorified human-shaped SONOS machines. Play these songs, get your paycheck, and then exhaust all of your senses- especially which ever one tells you to ever speak. I LOVE THE LIGHTS!

Anyway, boys, think about this: Your songs have been played billions of times. BILLIONS. Add that all up and that’s more time than the entirety of Mr. “I have a Graduate Degree Yet Make Less than $35,000” Journalist McFuckFace has been on this planet, or any other. Don’t let him sting you with limp-dicked insults, boys. You have won. Look at this [picks up $10,000 guitar]. And this [picks up a huge pile of vaporizers with both hands]. ALL THE VAPES IN THE WORLD! AND THIS! [I open the treasure chest full of jewels that is in the room for some reason. I take a few of the jewels out and starts rubbing them all over my body for, let’s say, 20 minutes.]

[I continue.] Critics get to be “smart,” you get to be “rich and famous,” which is another way of saying you get to be anything you want, except smart, which is overrated. Just ask the chess master who lives in the park next to my 9,600 sq. penthouse suite. He asks for the cheese on the wax paper of my morning bagel I’m usually far too hungover to eat. That’s the type who “know about music.” When you’re thinking about what type of ice sculpture Wedding 9 should have, he’ll be teaching a Community College Class about the “Evils of Capitalism,” and mates, he’ll know that truth as soundly as you won’t remember one fucking fact about him.  

My point, my little gold mines, [I take the bassist’s face in my hands] my beautiful little gold mines [that’s not the bassist. I don’t care]  is that none of this shit matters. We’re just here for a blip, so make it a boom. Who cares if “the right people” respect you? Or if that cute girl with the thick-brimmed glasses who keeps uncracked Pynchon nearby admires your mind? I’ve got bad news for you all: none of you are Thom Yorke. I also have great news: NONE OF YOU ARE THOM YORKE. You’re not doomed to spend your days thinking about the feelings of a vacuum cleaner replacement part or some shit. Embrace your inner hedonism- that is the true spirit of LZ. Not some stolen blues riffs and shark fucking (google it). Let your creativity run wild with how you put things in and out of your bodies. AND BECOME A GOD FOR IT.  

So sorry, people will not be studying your album notes decades from now looking for clues into your genius or how the structure of some ballad is meant to mirror some fucking world ill. And that shouldn’t bother you one bit- worrying about how the future will consider you is for academics and people who think because their current life blows that it will somehow be championed in the future because they didn’t have the gall to do anything in the present. If they’re lucky they’ll get a paper towel made in their honor. If we’re lucky, that paper towel will be produced using child-labor and earth-destroying products. Nothing wipes the shit grin off their “sophisticated” faces quite like hypercriticism, and buddy, we’ll assure you there’ll be plenty of that.  

So people are calling you just a rip-off of Led Zeppelin? Congrats, you’ve hit the gold mine. Now all that’s left to do is shine. Oh, you’re welcome. Now fuck off.”

As I start to leave, one of the band member’s asks a question about “authenticity” and whether I wondered whether aping the musicians who aped other musicians “problematic.” My brain- whose resting speed is somewhere in between a figuring out how to fly and a full blown aneurysm- weaponizes, liquifying all remaining members who are in the room. I take the liquid and make ceremonial “Energy Pendants,” where I put a drop or two in a vaguely “spiritual” rock (I call them ‘crystals’), selling them for $3,500 a piece. I become a millionaire and marry Kate Upton on the moon. Oh, and because I’m so well liked and wealthy, the actual Led Zeppelin plays the reception. They play a 14- minute version of “Kashmir.” It slays.  

THE END  

[ayyoitsalex]

Chapter 4 - Perks of Being Caffeinated

Moving all the way out to North Carolina hasn't exactly been the easiest thing in the world, and even though Sophia is here too it's just not the same. We go to rival schools, and that here means a whole lot. North Carolina and Duke are the biggest rivals in the state, with some people taking it to extreme lengths. When I got off the plane in Raleigh, I was wearing my Duke cheerleader shirt, and someone wearing a UNC sweater literally just stared and gave me the finger. Like what the actual fuck am I right? It's not all bad, I got set up in a pretty sizable dorm suite. Albeit I share with three other girls. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. It sure beats the hell out of some of the dorms I saw when I toured here last year. Now I bet you're even wondering why I even chose Duke. Valid question, and yes while I did receive offers from other school for athletic scholarship as well, Duke was the farthest away. It's not that I didn't want to be close to my family, I just saw it as the biggest leap out of my comfort zone. And I did feel a certain connection when mom told me that my grandma was accepted here, though she didn't finish since she got pregnant with mom. I'd been named after my grandma, so I felt some kind of responsibility to make sure I made her proud despite not having known her. -First Day- The sound of girls arguing outside the bathroom had become a typical sight in the mornings. I heard my three other roommates; Becca, Rachel, and Erika all with first day jitters and desiring to look their best. I on the other hand could not give one less fuck. I had an eight thirty class, and I was determined to go in comfy clothes. I sprayed dry shampoo in my hair, and ran a brush through the tangled mess growing from the top of my head. Once I looked somewhat presentable, I put on some yoga pants and a tank top and picked up some breakfast on the way to class. "See you guys later." I said, picking up my keys on my way  out the door. I locked the door behind me, throwing on my sunglasses to complete my ensemble. I left early enough that i could stop by the Devil's Brew. It's the local coffee shop by campus that I've come to love. Had to get my early caffiene fix so I could be a person in front of a class today if need be. I came up to the counter and said; "Yeah, hi can I get a large blue devil latte?" "Can I get a name please?" The barista asked. "Natalie." "Ah that's my sister's name." Useless small talk is like the bane of my existence before I've had my morning coffee. I literally hate everyone and everything until I'm fueled up. Though I  was a good girl and smiled back at the barista. Waiting on my caffiene is the absolute worst, but it's all made better when I hear my name called. The warmth of the coffee cup against my hands almost warms up my heart so I'm not a fucking asshole to the rest of the world. I cheerfully now made my way across campus to my first class. I took a seat in the middle of the pack of students as we awaited the beginning of our lecture. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to major in just yet, so for the most part I was just taking general education classes. First up, sociology. "Welcome to Soc 101, I'm going to be your professor." The teacher stood up at the white board, proceeding to write; Mrs. Bradley in big letters. "And first off I'd like to say I wil not be allowing drinking or eating within my class, so young lady if you will." I groaned internally, but stood up slowly and went on to throw away my cup of what was four dollars and fifty cents. "Thank you, and your name please dear?" "Natalie. Natalie Ryan." "Well let's just mark you as here." The way she spoke was oddly nice but at the same time felt a tad condescending. Whatever, I remembered what my mom told me before I left for school. DO NOT GIVE YOUR TEACHERS ATTITUDE, SABRINA CANNOT SAVE YOU HERE. Class went by pretty quick, and I walked by the trash where my lonely coffee was slowly dying. I wept a little inside for the loss of caffiene. I moved forward, and just settled on a pepsi from the machine. I had a cheer meeting next, followed by a gymnastics practice. For only doing this for a year and a half now, I honestly feel incredible. Also the leotards make me feel sexy, not to sound weird or anything. Getting back to the dorm, it was finally quiet with everyone either taking some kind of nap or glued to some kind of screen. I walked into my room and saw Becca sitting at the desk with her headphones on. We waved at one another, but she was clearly too busy for a conversation. I let her be, and got on my laptop. Nathan and Selena were both online, so I messaged them both. "Heyyy!" It took a minute for both of them to respond. "Hey Nat!" Nathan replied. "Yola Natty, how's the first day?" "Eh it was alright, just school." "Have you guys talked to mom and dad today?" "Nah not yet. I have practice soon." "How's being back at Stanford with Sam? YOU GUYS SEXING YET LOL?!" "OMG STOP ITTTTT LOL. SAMS LITERALLY RIGHT HERE." "JESUSSSS WHY AM I IN THIS CONVERSATION WITH MY SISTERS?!" "LOL sorry just figured I'd ask. And hey atleast if you did she can't get you pregnant. AHEM NATHANIEL DO NOT IMPREGNATE KELSEY." "I hate you guys so much rn." I could feel that Nathan wasn't having it, so I let off. "Anyway, I'll text you guys. I'm going to practice." "Bye twinnnn! Throw the things! xD" -Nathan has signed off- "Omg lol. Bye Nathan. I gotta go too. I have a shift at the library." "Alright fiiiine. Leave me!" "Overdramatic much? lol I'll text you." "Kbyeeee love you." "Love you too." -Selena has signed off- I sat up in bed, and Becca finally set down her headphones. "You wanna grab some food?" Becca asked, stretching her arms out. "I'm thinking of pizza." "Yeah I'm down. We gonna bring Rachel and Erika?" "I don't know. Maybe haha. YOU BITCHES WANT SOME PIZZA WITH ME AND NAT?" "YES!" They both yelled back. "Answer your question? C'mon let's go." I threw on my leather jacket and gallavanted with my roommates. It was fun walking around the streets of the city. It was just so much different from what I was used to. We got a table at the restaurant, and naturally I scanned the place for eye candy. Sadly if you're wondering at this point I am not still dating Wes. Wes and I both decided it was going to be hard for both of us to continue being in a relationship. It was mutally agreed, and I have no ill feelings toward him. Just as sadly everyone was pretty fuckin ugly, so color me disappointed. "What're we having tonight ladies?" We all looked at one another and mutually agreed on half pepperoni and half supreme. "One large with half supreme and half pepperoni please?" I spoke for the group. "Alright, I'll send this right in." "Thank you." We all replied. “I still don’t understand why we couldn’t get hawaiian..” Rachel moped slightly.  “Because no one likes pineapples on pizza Rachel!” Erika snapped. “I do...” Rachel hung her head for a moment, but it quickly passed. A few minutes after waiting, a basket of breadsticks and wings came to our  table, and we all looked at one another confused.

"Um..excuse me we didn't order these.." Becca said awkwardly. "These are from that table of gentlemen over there." They waved over at us smiling like a bunch of drooling dogs. Right now I'm not really in the market for a boyfriend. I'm more into window shopping and admiring. Y'know like any broke college student. Our pizza arrived a bit after and we all mowed down dinner. Gotta love the athletes metabolism am I right? Eat pretty much anything in sight. When we paid the bill, I noticed the group of boys following behind us. They sped up to catch up with us. "Hey hope you enjoyed dinner." One of them flashed a toothy grin. "Yeah it was great, thank you for sending us that stuff." Erika loved humoring people. "Well how about we all hang out? It's still early." I looked down at my watch that read eight-thirty. "Mm..I don't think so...I have an early day tomorrow." I pulled on Becca to get back to the dorm. "No wait." One of them grabbed my arm, pulling me back. "I think you all might owe us a little." "Oh yeah? For what a couple of pieces of bread and some chicken?" I scoffed. He gripped my arm tighter. I pulled slightly, and he wasn't getting the signal. "You really need to let go of my arm. Or I'm not gonna be responsible for what happens." "What's that-" BAM! My foot soared up right in between his legs, I think I might've heard a crack as his voice went up a few octaves. "When a lady says no. You take it as such." He laid there in a fetal position on the ground as the rest of them dispersed. I rolled my eyes as we walked back laughing as to what just happened. Some people just don't get the message, and if it means I gotta break some balls to get it across then so be it. I fairly warned him. If this is any signs of things to come in my new life here, I'm not sure what to think.