#only acceptable uses of contacts jason are 1 if he's doing a lot of Physical Activity like combat or gym

[yourthirdparent]

if i read one more jason grace fic where he wears contacts i will SCREAM!!!!!! put those glasses back on that man! i require jason in glasses for enrichment!!!

[evilwickedme]

Do you ever find yourself slightly resentful of how fanon DC has completely overtaken canon DC? I like fanon most of the time but it is so difficult now to find stories that are based in canon. Batman stories are by far the worst offender.

I'm not 100% sure if you're referring to the fact that a lot of recent stories in the comics are pretty ooc or if you mean fic, but based on the last few days of asks, I'm going to assume you're referring to fandom works specifically. And the answer honestly is yes.

I in general have complicated feelings towards fanon. While certain types of fanon can actually create stories that are more complex - for example most of the Spider-Man fandom has pretty much accepted that Peter is Jewish and has depression and anxiety - or even just make for pretty fun concepts - I just love stalker!Tim okay I don't know what to tell you, or purring!Spider-People!! - the vast majority of fanon is mostly really flat characterization or actively damaging. Going back to Spidey, pretty much every bit of MCU!Spidey fanon is fucking awful. And yeah, a lot of Batfam fanon, especially surrounding Jason - is really fucking awful.

I think it's fine for fanon to exist, but the fact that it so often overwhelms the actual canon stories means that sometimes canon gets actually rewritten in people's minds. Like the people who've been in my inbox recently asking me if pit madness is actually a thing - because if you've had minimal contact with canon, how the fuck are you even supposed to know it isn't? It's so rare to come across a fic that doesn't bring it up, even as a sidenote, and when it doesn't, it's not like it's an active mention that pit madness doesn't exist - it's just there. And it's such a damaging piece of fanon, I know I keep bringing it up but it's because I have to, it's really harmful, especially since it's basically NEVER given a trigger warning. But there's also other annoying fanon - Cass as a perfect angel or Steph being reduced to a waffle fan and Tim to a coffee addict and nothing else and erasing Dick's canonical anger issues entirely, which is maybe my favorite character trait of his (although this one can also be blamed partially on Tom Taylor's terribly ooc writing of the character in the current Nightwing run...).

And the thing is yeah, sometimes we read fic purely for the escaping and the fluff, but I know a lot of us are looking for angst and hurt/comfort and fics that take themes (whether from canon or not) seriously, and it's really frustrating how difficult they are to find. I much prefer a fic that takes Dick's trauma seriously than one that relegates him to supportive older brother only. I much prefer a fic that wrestles with Bruce's inability to love Jason the way Jason wants him to and the physical abuse he's inflicted on his children than one where he's perfect and never done anything wrong. Yeah, I don't mind reading stuff for fun where there's never been anything wrong ever in the batfam. But I'm also low-key upset that my second most kudos'd fic ever is the stupid ooc batfam 5+1 I wrote in an hour. I'd much rather people read hang on which verges on character study and has, you know, themes and stuff. Also parallels, which if you've noticed my tags, are like, my favorite thing.

So yeah, I do dislike the fact that fanon has overwhelming taken over so many fandoms, and especially since batman has become my main fandom over the past few months due to brainrot, I'd love if people took these characters seriously, damnit. But this is what happens when a fandom is so majorly comprised of people who outright admit to have never read a comic in their life.

[seattlesea]

Why Solangelo Isn’t A Good Ship (Sorry)

The amount of love I see for Solangelo is honestly kind of surprising???

1. It was only for publicity. The House of Hades- which is when Nico came out as gay- came out late 2013, and the spike for LGBTQ+ supporters and allies was mid-2013, and there was absolutely no foreshadowing or even hints to Nico being gay beforehand. Riordan only confirmed Nico gay to avoid backlash. And in The Blood of Olympus, Nico is openly gay to the readers, Reyna, and Jason, then comes out to Percy and Annabeth afterwards. Then he’s introduced to Will and- in the very next book they’re seen in- they’re in a loving relationship. It’s as if Riordan didn’t believe that having Nico come out as gay was good enough but had to give him a boyfriend to ‘validate’ or ‘confirm’ his sexuality like so many assholes ask LGBTQ+ people to do. 

2. It happened way too fast. Will and Nico meet for the very first time and start dating within only five months. What? Not only is that too fast for normal people to actually get into a legit, real relationship that isn’t something out of a cliche high school movie, but Nico came out as gay after being scared to for years, just started slipping out of his isolated and depressive state, literally had to learn how to socialize after being alone for 3+ years, just came out of a war and even Tartarus with truck loads of PTSD that would take years to fully recover from, and just started gaining a family and friends and had to learn how to accept help and comfort from others. Tell me- how many soldiers who just came back from war are concerned about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend/datefriend? Nico’s story in BoO should’ve been about his recovery, not getting a boyfriend. I mean, he met Will for the first time and immediately started liking him, and they didn’t have any meaningful conversations whatsoever. All they did was bicker. Even in The Tower of Nero, they didn’t show any actual mutual understanding of or true affection towards each other. They didn’t talk about anything deeper than the shallow end of a pool, about each other, or even how they got to be in a relationship. They were just kind of there, reminding the readers that ‘Hey, I’m Rick Riordan and I added a gay couple to the main cast! I’m great!’

3. It was too fast for the readers. People often forget that the speed of relationships in books aren’t only about canon, but what the readers see as well, cause what good is a relationship if the fans didn’t see any of it? That’s not going to help us like it, it’s just going to confuse and annoy us. We want to see how the relationship formed, grew, and developed from a platonic friendship, acquaintance, or ally into a mutual romantic liking. If we don’t see that, the relationship is just boring and dull. Seeing the development of the relationship is what helps the readers gain a true connection and emotional bond to it. If we don’t get that, the relationship is as good as a blank page. And it’s not only that, but it’s also flat-out bad and lazy writing. Will and Nico met for the first time in BoO, talked like twice and only bickered and argued (as if that’s the start of a super healthy relationship), then in The Hidden Oracle, they’re suddenly a loving couple? What?

4. The mental illness problem. I’m sure most of you know of the disgusting and ableist stereotype that the struggle and trauma of people with mental illnesses (especially depression, anxiety, and PTSD) magically wash away after they meet their romantic partner, right? Like the teenage girl who’s having a panic attack in school, gets noticed by her crush, and is all of a sudden fine cause he touches her hand and they make eye contact? Or the girl who’s super insecure about herself but gains confidence after her boyfriend compliments her? Or the person with depression magically gets happy again after getting a partner? The same thing happened with Solangelo. At the end of The Blood of Olympus, Nico isn’t yet fully happy, but has gained the things that can make him so- a family, friends, acceptance, support, love, etc. But, after talking to Will (who’s a doctor, may I add) for the first time, all of Nico’s negative thoughts, anxiety, sadness, depression, etc. vanished and all his thoughts were replaced with ‘Will this’ and ‘Will that’. And in ToA- only five months after the war with Gaea- Nico is perfectly fine? As if all that pain and trauma could wash away in only five months? And this isn’t the first time this has happened in HoO. The same thing happened with Leo- he struggled with anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. but after he met Calypso all those internal struggles magically washed away and he was happy only after getting a girlfriend, so it’s obvious Riordan isn’t exactly avoiding this hurtful stereotype. 

5. It ruined their characters. Before meeting Will, Nico had a lot going for his character, a development that didn’t need to be completed with a love interest. He was realistic, relatable, and overall one of the best written characters in HoO, and his trauma and struggles were actually really well-written. But, after he met Will, the entirety of his character was ‘Will Solace’s boyfriend’. That’s all Riordan wrote about after he and Will communicated for the first time. Nico didn’t even talk to Reyna, Hazel, Percy (besides telling him he had a crush on him, which- again- is just another part of his love life), etc., and the only time he did talk to someone else (Jason), all he thought about was Will and how he was ‘disappointed’ that it wasn’t him. All of Nico’s character arc, struggles, relatability, and everything else Riordan worked up to his character was destroyed to make room for his love life. As for Will, he was actually quite a cool character- driving around Manhattan on a motorcycle, fighting in the Battle of Manhattan, protecting Camp Half-Blood, sewing Paolo’s severed leg back together, healing Annabeth’s poison knife wound, etc., plus all the cool powers he must’ve had as a son of Apollo. Even his personality was interesting- extremely caring, too dedicated, intelligent, calm, patient, etc., and I was really hoping to see him at his full potential in HoO. But Riordan ditched all the potential Will had for ‘Nico di Angelo’s boyfriend’. Even their personalities were washed away for cute pet names and teasing.

6. The fandom ruined their characters. This was really annoying. At first I mildly disliked Solangelo, but after the fandom’s take on it, I couldn’t stand it. The fans completely destroyed Will and Nico. I mean- is there any post about Will that doesn’t involve Nico in it at one point or another? And there are barely any posts about Nico that doesn’t involve Will or some other male character like Jason or Percy or that doesn’t mention his sexuality. I get that they’re dating, but that doesn’t mean they’re completely dependent on each other now. Another problem is their personalities. The fandom portrays them extremely inaccurately. Will isn’t a super upbeat, cheerful, bright, outgoing, happy-go-lucky guy. He’s actually a serious and determined hard-worker who just cares a lot about people. Just because he’s the son of the sun god and has blond hair and blue eyes doesn’t mean he’s the definition of ‘happiness’. As for Nico, the fandom just gave him a whole new personality as well. I mean- Nico swooning or blushing cause Will called him ‘Sweetheart’ or some other cliche pet name? What? Since when? Solangelo was bad on its own, but the fandom just ruined it completely. 

7. Y’all only like it cause it’s gay. Sorry to be the one to say this, but if the majority of you hate Jiper after reading a whole series on them where they actually talked to each other besides about their physical health because it happened ‘too fast’ (which, I agree, it did) but love Solangelo after barely two paragraphs? Why aren’t any of you guys complaining that that went too fast? The reason is pretty obvious. This is a problem most fandoms have- they only like ships (especially canon ships) no matter how unrealistic, unhealthy, or toxic it is because it’s gay. If Nico was straight and Will was a girl but everything else went exactly the same, y’all would’ve hated on it in a heartbeat, but because it’s two guys... yay Solangelo???

I’m gonna get cancelled- 

[kxmberlyhart]

Runaway (1/1)

Summary: After Trini runs away, it caused a rupture in the Rangers’ friendship. Now 6 years later, Kimberly and Trini unexpectedly meet.

AN: Slight Jason and Kimberly but ya know… Trimberly

Read at FF Ao3

The night the Rangers graduated high school, they had set up camp and drank alcohol near the fire and under the moon.

“Happy Birthday to you!” The group ended the song. Kimberly held the cake in her hands in front of Trini. Trini looked behind the candles into Kim’s smiling face.

Trini blew the candle of her yellow cake that Kimberly herself made.

“What did you wish for?” Kimberly placed the cake on top of the folding table that Jason had brought. “Cut that for me, babe” Kimberly told Jason.

Trini shrugged her shoulders, “I guess for our friendship to last… no matter what happens” Trini gave her traditional smirk to the group. Kimberly smiled and she hugged the youngest Power Ranger.

“Always” Kimberly whispered. Oh, how Trini wished this hug wasn’t platonic. Kimberly broke the hug, “Alright guys, I actually got gifts for everyone.” Kimberly grabbed her bag and took out 5 white boxes. The group huddled around the fire.

All the boxes had ribbons on them and the box with the yellow ribbon had the biggest ribbon.

“Trini, this is for you” Kimberly handed the box with the yellow ribbon. She proceeded the give everyone their power ranger colored box and saving the last pink bowed box for herself. “A little graduation present for everyone. Especially you, Zack, I don’t know how you graduated with your outstanding attendance”

“HAH! Cheers to that!” Zack took a swig at his beer.

“Ok, on the count of three” Kimberly started, “One… Two… Three”

Everyone untied their ribbon and opened the box.

“Whoa, Kim, this must’ve costed a fortune for all five” Zack said examining his present.

Everyone received a silver metal ring with a designated color for each Ranger.

“Don’t worry about it. Jason paid for my prom ticket, we didn’t go to grad nite with the rest of the school, and I didn’t have a need for the yearbook. So all that savings are invested in these” Kimberly pulled out her silver band with a pink ring around the middle. “Of course, the guys’ rings are thicker so it compliments more, and for us ladies, it’s a bit thinner.”

“Thank you, Kimberly, these are amazing” Billy said trying to figure out which finger he should put the ring on.

“I was thinking the right ring finger but it’s absolutely up to all of you guys” Kimberly placed her ring on her right ring finger.

“Thank you, babe” Jason took Kimberly in his arms and kissed her temple.

“Don’t worry about it, red” Kimberly leaned up and gave him a small kiss to the lips.

Trini watched the public display of affection between her teammates. Trini agrees to herself that they’re a match made in heaven but can’t help feel jealous. How she wishes that she was the one taking Kimberly into her arms and kissing her.

Trini looked down at her ring, still placed in the box.

“Trini? Do you like it? You haven’t touched it” Kimberly walked to her side. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Kimberly reacted, she took off her own ring, “Look at the engraving inside”

Trini took out her ring from the cushion of the box and read the engraving inside, “Together we are more” Trini read the all capitalized letters.

The night continued on. Zach and Billy were talking to each other, seems like they were ready to pass out anytime. Jason and Kimberly shared a foldable chair and shared a blanket and eating cake together, they talked, they laughed, and Trini watched.

Trini was all by herself, she listened to her music, a sign that she didn’t want to be disturbed.

When everyone is passed out, Trini was the only one left awake. She took out her power coin from her pocket and stared at it. She had already talked to Zordon about leaving the team and said that only true intentions of leaving will stop one from being a Power Ranger.

And while Trini is not prepared to say goodbye to her friends, she knows that life at Angel Grove will just be more chaos the longer she stays. The only thing keeping her there is her friends. At the same time, seeing the girl she likes fall for someone else is just heartbreak for her everyday. She’s scared that one day, her parents will make her move again. She rather run than be forced.

Trini dropped her power coin on her next to Kimberly. She takes a couple of steps back. “Thank you” she says wholeheartedly to herself.

Trini runs. The further she got from her power coin the less she can run and jump further, but she still made it to her home. Trini had planned everything out, earlier in the morning, before graduation, she had placed her belongings in the corner of the trunk of one of her parents’ car.

She had just gotten her driver’s license so she can legally drive.

Silently, she took the car keys and started the engine in the middle of the night. Then she was off.

Trini has kept contact with a girl who helped her with experimenting with her sexuality back in Seattle, Washington. They met when Trini was a freshman while the other girl was a senior but they both know that they weren’t meant to be but still remained friends. Her friend is living on college campus in Seattle and said she can crash there until she can pick herself up.

Halfway North on the 5 interstate, Trini made a pitstop at 6 in the morning for gas and food. Trini played with her silver and yellow band. She pulled out her phone and sent Kimberly a message.

“Sorry”

That was it. She swapped a new sim card into the slot as soon as she can and threw the old sim card away.

Trini felt free. Free from all the responsibilities she holds from Angel Grove. Free from her toxic family. Free from heartbreak over Kimberly Hart. But guilt also landed on her chest.

Kimberly woke up from her ringtone. She pulled it up to her face and saw it’s a message from Trini saying sorry. Kim was confused, she got up from her sleeping bag and looked around her teammates. Everyone was there except Trini, she saw Trini’s power coin left behind next to her sleeping bag.

“Guys… Jason, wake up” Kimberly’s eyes continued to look around to see if Trini is somewhere but her eyes had failed her.

“Kim?”

“Trini… She’s gone”

6 years later

Trini had changed her name from Trinity Kwan, a last name that stuck since her great great grandfather from Asia, to Trinity Gomez, still going by the nickname Trini. After 6 months in Seattle, working odd jobs, she landed in back in California, in Los Angeles where she studied in community college and got accepted into one of the Cal State University system and graduating with a Communications major.

She landed small jobs from short films, commercials, and television as a production assistant. She applied to become a casting assistant and soon promoted.

Now, she has a more stable job as a casting associate. She stays in the casting room helping the casting directors with technicalities and organization. She also reads the script to the actor from time to time.

The casting directors were casting an actress for Disney’s reboot of Aladdin, hoping to find a fresh, talented, no name face to bring to the big screen. Trini dropped the folder on the other side of the table and then grabbed the folder of the actress they’re expecting.

‘Kimberly Hart’ The side of the folder read and Trini’s heart pounded hard in her chest.

The door opens and she enters. Kimberly Hart enters the room.

“Hello,” Kimberly starts then her smile drops a little lower when she sees Trini standing by the camera. “I’m Kimberly Hart, audition for the role of Jasmine in the movie Aladdin

“Whenever you’re ready… Our associate will help you with the script” The casting director said and Trini sat on the table getting ready for Kimberly to act and for Trini to read the script back.

“Father, I hate being forced into this. If I do marry, I want it to be for love.” Kimberly starts.

“Jasmine, it’s not only this law. I’m not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you’re taken care of, provided for.” Trini reads in an emotionless voice, avoiding eye contact with Kimberly.

“Try to understand.  I’ve never done a thing on my own. I’ve never had any real friends. Except you, Rajah. I’ve never even been outside the palace walls.” Kimberly pretends to have a pet Rajah by her side and smiles at her pet tiger.

“But Jasmine, you’re a princess.” Trini continued

“Then maybe I don’t want to be a princess.” Kimberly had said with so much emotion and compassion towards that line that it made Trini look up.

“Ok, I think we can stop there. I’m looking at your resume, it says you worked at Disney California Adventure as face characters and actresses and singers for their live shows.” The casting director had started. Trini noticed that he had taken interest in Kimberly’s performance. “Performed as Jasmine back when Hyperion was still playing Aladdin…” The director continued to read all of Kimberly’s role which at the same time amazed Trini.

“Well, it’s been a pleasure. We’ll call you” The casting director smiled towards Kimberly and Kimberly gave the biggest smile. Kimberly looked into Trini’s eyes but was ignored. When Kimberly exited the room, Trini placed Kimberly’s folder on the potential lists and stops the recording.

“What do you think, Trini?” One of the casting directors asks.

“She’s great. Lots of potential”

Trini may not be there for her friend physically for the past 6 years but here she is, trying to give a good impression towards the directors.

As the day goes by, the day finally ends and Trini exits the room. Once she does, she faces Kimberly who has probably been sitting there for the past 3 hours. Kimberly stands up and faces Trini.

“If you’re wondering what their decision is, I’m pretty sure you’re going to get a call back” Trini had said as she turned to walk on the hallway towards the elevator.

“Trini… That’s not why I stayed” Kimberly had replied, following right behind Trini. Trini continued to ignore Kimberly, she pressed the elevator button going down. “It’s been 6 years without any contact and now that I’m here all you do is ignore me?”

The elevator door opens and Trini steps inside, as well as Kimberly.

“What do you want from me, Kimberly? To all the sudden bring up my past again. In case you’re curious, yes, I’m happy now. That hell hole city called Angel Grove made my life miserable” Trini jammed the button to the first floor, impatiently waiting to get out of the elevator. It didn’t make her completely miserable but it did do a damage on her.

“I… We don’t… We don’t have to talk about your past but can you please just acknowledge the fact that I’m here…” Trini could feel Kimberly’s burning eyes on her, she feels Kimberly’s soft touch to her arm. Trini clenched her eyes closed. All the memories of her and Kimberly rushing through her head and how she witnessed Kimberly and Jason together and then successfully moving on after running away from home. Now, everything she had done to push her friends and Kimberly from her head is coming back.

“I’m sorry, Kim. I ran away from Angel Grove because I wanted to forget. Stop bringing it back” Trini whispered in a dangerously low voice, she tugged her arm away from Kimberly’s touch. The elevator door opened and Trini exited briskly out of there.

“If you don’t care and you forgot about us already… Why do you still wear that ring?” Kimberly commented and it made Trini unconsciously bring her hands up to her chest and play with the ring. She continued to walk outside and when she finally does, she stops. She can feel her heart beating so fast, her chest tightening hard to the point where it becomes hard to breath.

“Look, I tried to look for a reason to stay… and you and our team were that reason but school, love, and family… I’ve been wanting to run away since I first moved but I didn’t have the courage until I became 18” Trini confessed. She leaned back against the wall of the building, avoiding eye contact from Kimberly.

“I wish you brought me” Kimberly had said, it made Trini look up into Kimberly’s eyes, which were focused on Trini. “I’ve wanted to run away too… even before I met you. Jason and I talked about it a long time ago but we became Power Rangers that night.”

“Why did you want to run?” Trini asks

“Because of what happened in high school. The Amanda thing and her naked picture but like I said, we became Power Rangers and we hold this responsibility and our friendship means everything to me. It became my source of happiness”

“It was mine too. It just hurts to stay so I didn’t stay. I would’ve broken down at some point if I did stay” Kimberly waited to see if Trini was going to say something else about her situation but nothing came out. Kimberly felt that Trini was going to open up the exact reason why she didn’t stay but to no avail. “I need to go”

“Wait…” Kimberly rummaged through her bag and pulled out a piece of paper, she wrote down her number for contact. “Here’s my number, please call me. Our talk isn’t over” Kimberly took Trini’s hand and placed the paper in.

“Like I said, Pink… You’ll probably get a call back”

Trini actually had no intention of messaging or calling Kimberly but knowing Kimberly, she will track and find Trini now that she has a lead. Trini has so many questions though, things that she wants to say to Kimberly, doubting herself that she will say everything though.

Trini had thought of messaging her at 1 in the morning on a Saturday but she presses call instead of message.

“Trini?” Kimberly answers, her voice doesn’t seem like she was asleep.

“Kim… Can we meet up please?” Her voice soft and defeated.

“Right now?” Kimberly asks

“If it’s not a bother. I can’t sleep”

“Oh… Ok, well, I live in Anaheim (about an hour drive from LA, ~30 miles-ish, it’s the city where Disneyland is), I’ll be there in a hour.” Kimberly says as Trini hears ruffling in the background.

“No, stay where you are. I’ll come to you. Is there like a place we can go to that’s open at this time?”

“Not really. We can just stay at my place if that’s okay with you”

“Okay, just send me your address” Trini had said, saying goodbye then she was off to her car.

About an hour drive later, she arrives in Kimberly’s apartment.

“So, why do you live so far from LA?” Trini enters Kimberly’s apartment and looks around, seeing that the color pink had stuck with her.

“It’s close to Disneyland where I used to work so… yeah… but I don’t work there anymore. I have enough money saved to last me two months of rent and food. I’m trying to get casted into anything in Hollywood basically. If I do get casted then I’ll move” Kimberly closed the door behind her and locked it, “You want coffee or alcohol?”

“Well, I have to drive home, so coffee please” Trini responded, she sits down on the couch. She sees pictures on the TV stand, some of the rest of the rangers and one particular picture with her.

“You can sleep over here, you know? I don’t mind… Just like the good ol’ days” Kimberly walked to her fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer, opens the lid and she hands one to Trini who scoffs but smiles as she takes it.

“I have so many questions, Kim… I know I said I want to move on and forget but… you’re right you showed up and I can’t just ignore and of this” Trini leaned against the couch, “I feel defeated when I talk about why I ran”

“You don’t have to. Sometimes it just bottles up inside and all this negative emotion piles up. It’s good to release it” Kimberly sits on the other end of the couch, she looks at Trini for eye contact but Trini just chooses to stare ahead.

A tear tried to spill out of Trini’s eye but stopped it, “How are the other Rangers?” Trini drinks.

“Good. Everyone is kinda doing their own thing. We’re all disbanded and there’s new Rangers now. I was the second to go after you” Kimberly decided to look ahead as well, looking at the pictures inside the storage of her TV stand, knowing she won’t get any eye contact.

They were only 2 feet away from each other but it still felt so far.

“Why did you leave?”

“Uhm…” Kimberly raises her chin, “Things just weren’t the same when you left. The new yellow just wasn’t you and it threw the team balance over. Then there’s this green ranger, he was like possessed by Rita or something, he did all these crazy things that ultimately destroyed our friendship. It let out secrets and deep dark thoughts of the team out and… even if we defeated green, it created this… rupture in our friendship” Kimberly wiped a tear that fell on her cheek. Trini saw from her peripherals how Kim wiped her tears and hear her voice crack.

“Like what?”

“You shouldn’t know,” Kimberly takes a long drink then bringing her hand to her eyes, ready to wipe her tears.

Trini looked at Kimberly’s now defeated state. “That bad?” Kimberly nods.

Trini gave Kimberly a few moments to regain herself. Neither of them spoke to each other, just silence to regain composure.

“What about you, what’s your story?”

“Nothing you haven’t heard before. Ran away from home and left friends to suffer.” Trini starts, her voice had a dark tone filled with guilt. “Stayed in Seattle for a while… I used to live there before moving so I have some connections. Let’s see, I moved to LA then studied and graduated. You know… Life goes on and here I am”

“Fate is funny don’t you thing?” Kimberly sighs, “We think it’s fate that we were all at the mine but it also becomes our downfall. We became our biggest enemies.” Kimberly ponders as she finishes her drink, placing it on the coffee table, she looks at Trini and Trini looks back. “Do you think fate is doing the same thing to us right now? Bringing us together and this becoming our downfall?”

Trini didn’t argue when Kimberly said that they’re sharing a bed that night. Trini was too drunk and sleepy to argue. They both got under the covers and just closed their eyes until Kimberly spoke up.

“I’m bisexual” Kimberly mutters. She looks at Trini’s closed eyes open at the confession. “It’s one of the secrets that led to our group’s downfall”

“What?” It came out of Trini’s voice almost inaudibly, just a breath but Kimberly could still understand.

Kimberly sits up from her position. “Tommy had outed me out. Jason isn’t mad that I���m bi but he’s mad at the fact that he believes I’ve fallen for you. He said that he wished he ended this early so I can find what I really want… We’re still close but… not the same”

“Kim… I…” Trini starts, unable to find the words to say.

“Let me finish. Zack got mad at me for not telling you. He said that if I came out earlier… before you left, you would’ve stayed because you liked me and the situation would be different. That’s his deep dark thoughts about everything that was going on. I got so outraged that we started fighting and hurting each other physically and… Billy lost it, he hates seeing his friends fight and I… I’m in the center of it all.”

“It’s not your fault, Kim. The way that Tommy dude just outed you out when you weren’t ready.” Trini sits up and places a hand on Kimberly’s arm.

“Even if we got together as a team to defeat Tommy. It left a permanent scar in our friendship. I left because of guilt. Jason followed because it didn’t seem like the team anymore. Zack left next because the new team was just toxic for him. Billy was the last, he didn’t have the same connection with the new Rangers as he did with us. We see each other yearly, we ask how we’re doing but every year there’s silence and awkwardness but… We try to move on” Kimberly explains everything and Trini understands now. Now guilt poured onto Trini as there was some truth to what Zack said to Kimberly about leaving the group.

“Tell me the truth, Trini. Am I the reasons you left the team?”

Trini removes her hand from Kimberly’s arm, she thinks, “No… Yes…” Trini struggles. “It’s complicated.You’re not the only reason, it’s piled up. With you and Jason together, I didn’t stand a chance. My parents were just waiting for me to fuck up with my sexuality again and move again and I can’t let that happen. It’s this never ending mental abuse.”  Trini plays with the ring on her finger. “We’re kinda fucked, huh?”

Kimberly lets out a small laugh, she sees Trini play with her ring so she brings her right hand to Trini and shows her own silver and pink band.

“So you do have feelings for me” Kimberly smiles to herself. Trini smiles and blushes.

“Now it’s your turn to be honest… Did you ever, at any point in your life…” Trini looks at Kimberly’s eyes directly, capturing Kimberly’s eyes, “ever fell in love with me?” Kimberly takes her time then nods, “When?” Trini asks.

Kimberly licks her lips to think, “I think I’ve been in love, I just didn’t really see it until you left. Until I realized that you were gone and it made me rethink everything”

Kimberly looks at Trini’s eyes, down to her open hand, taking Trini’s hand and they intertwined it together. Kimberly pushed her eyes back up to look into Trini’s.

“Are you still into me or did you move on?”

“I thought I was but you reappeared” Trini softly said, trying her best to maintain eye contact and pull herself together at the face that Kimberly smiles and is now caressing her intertwined hand.

“I’m sorry it took me so long…” Then Kimberly leans forward and presses a chaste kiss to Trini’s lips, so quick that Trini couldn’t even react to the featherlight kiss. “So, here I am, 6 years late… Do you want to go on a date with me?” Kimberly hold on Trini’s hand tightens and watches Trini’s confused face turn into happiness and tears started flowing. Kimberly hugged Trini. Trini never wanted to let go.

“You did really great, trust me, I’m pretty sure they found their Princess Jasmine” Trini opened the door to her apartment where she found Kimberly lounging in the couch, nervously playing with her fingers. She had just finished her final callback 3 hours ago and waited at Trini’s apartment. “I mean, don’t hold me hostage if you don’t get it, it’s my personal take… but so far it’s looking really good”

Kimberly got up from the couch and rushed towards her girlfriend. Kimberly gave the biggest bear hug and squealed while slightly jumping up and down.

“So, uhm… anyway, I was thinking I should move to LA soon as well. I mean, even if I don’t get casted. I figured it’s better since ya know” Kimberly stammers and holds Trini’s hand, “I’ve been looking at apartments…”

“Why don’t you just move in with me?” Trini asks like it was nothing

Kimberly smiles confusingly, “Isn’t it a bit too early in our relationship? We’ve only been dating for a month” Kimberly smiles and takes Trini to sit on the couch.

“Oh… I mean I’m comfortable with having you here… I mean… I—I don’t mind but if you’re not… I—It’s okay I guess… You don’t have to” Trini basically blew up. “Just suggesting” Trini blushed harder than any red object. They haven’t consummated their relationship yet but they have been to second base and that already pushes Trini to the edge.

Plus, sleeping together (like not having sex) is a regular thing for them as neither of them wants to drive an hour to get home so they sleepover at each other’s apartments.

“Okay” Kimberly replies with the biggest grin on her face. Still holding Trini’s hand, she plays with the ring on her finger.

“Okay?” Trini asks in disbelief.

“Yeah… I’ll move in” Kimberly kisses Trini on the lips.

“By the way, the Power Rangers meet up is in two weeks… I’m going but you don’t have to if you don’t want to”

Trini thought for a moment, seeing her old friends. Maybe this is her chance to redeem herself for running away. “I think I want to… I think I’m ready to face them again”

Two weeks passed and Kim is on the driver’s seat, driving to her hometown, Angel Grove, about an hour North of LA. Kimberly could tell how nervous Trini is to return back to what she believed caused her misery.

Kimberly pulled up at the base of the mountain and the couple hiked their way up, making sure that neither of them falls to their death. Trini sometimes missed her powers. They reached the top where the meet up was suppose to be held, the same location where they shared their feelings and secrets to each other when they became Power Rangers. The same location where they would run away from home for the night. The same location where they spent their grad night.

“Hello, boys” Kimberly smiled as she pulls Trini into the view of their past teammates. “Look who I brought to the party”

All the boys stood up and had the greatest expression she had seen in her life. The boys were shocked and so happy, “TRINI!” They all yelled and all the sudden there was an OG Power Ranger group hug.

Trini couldn’t help but smile. She felt like she belongs.

After pulling away, the boys started asking questions rapidly and all Trini could do was smile, she held her girlfriend’s hand tighter to give her more confidence.

“Look, I’ll answer all your questions. It’s gonna be a heavy night but I’m here now… You guys are my family and… I’m not running away again”

Throughout the annual reunions, they don’t really talk about what happened 6 years ago. Now all five former Rangers believes that this is the time… The time to rebuild their broken friendship.

Thanks for reading! 

btw i know the way you like stop being a power ranger in the series is like power transfer and all this complicated things that idk (bc i didnt fully watch the original forgive me) but I decided to make it a bit easier.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #83

“i’m not afraid of the dark, i’m afraid of what’s in the dark.”

who’s your favorite author?   i don't particularly have one. how do you make your coffee?   i don't.  i hate coffee. what’s the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing?   panicking at a time when i shouldn't have been.  panic attacks in general are just humiliating. do you remember what you dreamt about last night?   YA'LL i had a nightmare that my family and i were in this fucked-up mix of re7 and "the evil within" oh god it was awful how do you feel about wearing leggings in public?   totally fine with it so long you wear your damn size. do you vape?   no do you enjoy the arctic monkeys?   i only enjoy two of their songs and have heard like three.  one of these songs happens to be my favorite song ever tho, so i guess that means something. do you have any male names picked out for future children? female names?   for boys, i really like severin, vincent, victor, and luther.  my daughter, if i ever have one, is 100% going to be alessandra quinn and no i am not compromising lol. have you ever been proposed to?   nope. how much irish do you have in you?   close to 50% ever looked into your family heritage?   no, but someone in my family has and made a huge family tree some years back.  found out we're distantly related to queen victoria and william clark do you think you have ever been in love? if so, with whom?   i don't just think i have been, i know i was with jason. do you like road trips?   as long as i have my ipod, yes. do you tend to waste a lot of money?   i don't get money to begin with, so. do you like someone?   i mean yeah. have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?   i have. do you like olive garden?   it's probs my favorite restaurant do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry?   yeah. what’s your favorite kind of alcohol?   i haven't drunk much, really, so i don't have much to pick from, but the best one i've ever had was this watermelon margarita thing. ever been in a near death situation? explain:   well, i got in a wreck once, but it was minor; nevertheless, the cops told my mom if she hadn't made one crucial move, we probably would've been flipped over dead.  i also overdosed once, so does that count? what is your biggest weakness?   probably just my insecurity in general. scene kids, opinions?   personally, i find the trend aesthetically pleasing.  i enjoy the style very much.  i'd actually die for scene hair.  but do you, man. how far out of your age bracket would you date?   i probably wouldn't go younger than 21 and no older than 28. have you ever had an std?   nope. is the area you live in more liberal or conservative?   conservative do you keep anything from a past relationship? (gifts, letters, etc)   i've kept literally everything jason's ever given me, and no, i won't get rid of it unless i see practical reason to.  no current partner will change my mind on that; he made me happy once, get over it. are you tan?   i'm pale as fuck what would you do if you were pregnant now?   accept it?  but that's legitimately impossible right now. do you know anyone who’s bipolar?   my half-sister is, my dad probably is, and i either have bipolarity ii or borderline personality disorder. what do you dip your chicken nuggets in?   sometimes honey mustard, sometimes ketchup. is the person you like older or younger than you?
   he's a bit older what would you do if your mom/dad saw a hickey on you?   nothing?  i'm 21, it's not like they have any say in that matter. are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?  yes.  i really want my lip redone, snake eyes on my tongue, then my nose redone, then more holes in my ears again.  as for tattoos, yes, i have many in mind.  i was supposed to get one for my birthday too, soooo... that still hasn't happened. when was the last time someone held your hand?   few days back. if you could have any pet right now, what would it be?   the ball python morph i was supposed to fucking get for christmas.  i have the goddamn money for her, just my mom's being lazy per usual with just buying it already (it was put in her account).  i'm honestly starting to get paranoid she's just used the money by now. do you still pinky promise?   damn right son do you like to be called baby?   no, because i'm not one, i'm a woman who went through hell itself to get to where i am.  don't belittle me. how do you know you love someone, personally?   lol this makes me think of that van halen song that really describes it perfectly: "how do i know when it's love?  i can't tell you, but it lasts forever."  it's hard to explain, you just... know it.  you just have this feeling that doesn't go away, almost no matter what.  you have this unconditional fondness towards someone that few, if any, things can change. would you ditch friends to be with a bf/gf?   if i'd already made plans, no, but if my boyfriend really needed me for crucial reasons, yes, because he comes first. how many true best friends are present in your life?  i don't have a best friend, so. do you currently have a significant other?   yeah. would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate?  i only "hate" one person, and no, i wouldn't. think of your current or last bf/gf. do you/did you love them?  no, i don't love him yet.  we haven't even been together a month. has anybody ever dated you only for your looks?   lol no way, i don't have "looks" has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like?   my ex was criticized by three people, yeah.  and it always pissed me off.  like is it your business, at all?  i'm the one who loves him regardless of how the fuck he looks.  i personally and sincerely was and still am attracted to him anyway, so none of your fucking business. what has been the stupidest reason someone has broken up with you?   "i can't handle your depression anymore," he said.  after three and a half years of having accepted it.  lmao. have you written or drawn anything for somebody else?   mhm. do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf?   with my ex, yeah.  not with my current boyfriend. has anybody said they loved you, but you didn’t love them back?   yeah.  tyler does that now.  first of all i'm just like "um no you don't" because it's been what, two weeks?  i'm not going to say i love you when i know i don't yet. would you ever act as a couple with someone who didn't want to make it 'official'?   NO AND I KNOW TOO FUCKING MANY PEOPLE WHO DO LIKE STOP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET FUCKING PLAYED how many contacts do you have on your phone?  i legitimately only have 14 lol do you have a voicemail?
   no. have you ever taken a pregnancy test?   no. are you jewish?   no. does your ex still think about you?  most likely not. how many songs are on your mp3/ipod?  over 1,000 what’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?   "logan" w/ tyler biggest pet peeve?  being talked to when i am quite obviously listening to music and have no interest in talking.  bit bitchy to say, but just.  don't. do you like the beach?   not that much, to be honest. what smell reminds you most of summer?   the smell of barbeque do you still talk to the last person you made out with?   no, i don't. what do you usually order on a pizza?   jalapenos what would you order if you went to mcdonald’s right now?   mcdouble, medium fry, medium coke. are you obsessed with anything?   i have four things i'd consider legitimate obsessions: rhett&link/gmm, markiplier, meerkats, and silent hill. do you eat your pizza crust?   dude always, it's only the best part. what is the worst pain that you’ve experienced?   physical?  having a pilonidal cyst emptied.  i was seriously screaming and sobbing bloody murder because i was not drugged enough.  they gave me morphine and like five numbing shots all throughout and i was still 100% feeling what was going on jesus christ i will never do that again. who is the most attractive actor?   hm.  probably chris hemsworth. be honest, do you like people in general?   no. do you have a brother?  i have a half-brother do you prefer pepsi or coke?   coke, pepsi's gross. do you ever go hunting/fishing?   fishing, yeah, never hunting.  i couldn't. do you have any tattoos?  i have three. what are the middle names of everyone in your family?  mom and nicole: marie.  ashley: nicole.  dad: john. are you an organ donor?  mhm. would you steal under any circumstance, be it for survival or greed?  i honestly wouldn't be able to unless we were talking an apocalyptic situation where stores and such were abandoned, but products remained there.  but i guess that'd more accurately be called scavenging. what person, living or deceased, would you most like to converse with?  mark fischbach.  he's too inspirational for his own good. have you ever been profoundly affected by a teacher?   coach collie and mr. proctor, yes<3 have you, or do you commit substance abuse?  nope. what was the scariest moment of your life?   the moment after i overdosed and realized what i was doing. what’s your relationship with your sibling/s like?  we barely have one. are you ready for kids now?   definitely not. have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?   it was pierced for years, then the fucking hole closed when i was in the hospital. >~> was your birthday good this year?  lmao no.  i was in a mental hospital.  take your guess. have you ever snuggled with someone you weren’t dating?   no, because if you want that kind of attention from me, you better be dating me first. if your ex said they hated you, you respond with? why?   ha ha ha honestly the first thing i thought of was, "well your dick sure didn't" because facts are facts. have you ever passed out/fainted?  i have. would you rather drown or burn alive?   ... um. do you like to mow the yard?   i don't do it period. who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with?   jason. what color is your father’s car?   shit.  i'm not entirely sure.  i think black...? how many pets do you have?   two. do you prefer broccoli or asparagus?   broccoli.  asparagus is gross. skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?   i like 2%.  we drink skim, but it's not my preference. was the last person you kissed physically attractive?   on the lips?  absolutely. now what are you listening to?   a gmm video. how many stories does your house have?   just one. do you get along better with shy/quiet people or confident/outgoing people?   confident/outgoing, if i had to pick just one.  i'm shy/quiet, and i guess opposites attract. outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often.   mark fishbach, link neal, rhett mclaughlin <3 if someone jokes about sex or sexual things does that make you feel uncomfortable?   sometimes in school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?   english when you were a kid, where did you think babies came from?   i thought they came from the mother's stomach, but i didn't know how they got out. what color are the eyes of the person you love or the person you’re currently interested in?   they're brown. was your last facebook friend request from a male or female?   male. think of the last person that betrayed you. if they said they were sorry, would you forgive them?   yes.  but that doesn't mean i'd welcome them back into my life. have you ever had a relationship last for a year or longer?   yeah.  3 1/2 years. what ended it, or are you still involved?   he did.  according to him, he couldn't handle my depression anymore and i gave up on life.  i'm finally getting to the point where i almost don't care anymore.  he became a callous, insensitive prick. where’s the weirdest place you’ve stuck your used gum?   that's fucking gross.  i throw it in the trash like a normal fucking human. what’s your absolute favorite topic to discuss?   silent hill.  it's one of my passions that, very surprisingly, i am totally unashamed of and loving talking about it. what is your least favorite topic to discuss?   politics because i don't understand most of it. do you like oatmeal?   i'm picky about it.  i hate it with water, and if you use milk, it absolutely cannot have too much in it or it's disgusting. how many times have your comments been top comments on youtube?   very, very rarely.  i like never comment on youtube unless it's on a friend's video. have you ever tried to make a movie?   no, but i actually wanted to be a movie director once upon a time. do you like the moon or sun more?   moon. do you like turkey or ham more?   ham. have you ever slapped someone’s butt?   i don't think so, but i guess there's a small possibility i have to jason just to fuck with him?  oh wait, yes i have, i did it once playfully to chelsea and she moaned loudly lol. do you think dimples are ugly?   no, i think they're cute. do you like zebras?   yeah, sure.  they're very cute and so unique. who was the last person you talked to on skype/video chat?   we didn't use video, but sam.  brother from another mother. what’s the most attractive physical feature of the last person you kissed?   i just found jason attractive in general, but i guess his face in general.  he has a somewhat stern, but oddly attractive expression as his baseline. would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well?   yeah. what’s the most painful experience you’ve ever had with a significant other? you don’t have to go into detail, just talk briefly about it.   him leaving. do you have any traits that you obviously inherited from your parents?   i pace like my dad. what’s your favorite thing from olive garden?   spicy shrimp fritas have you ever thought of killing yourself?   i didn't just think of it, i attempted because i'm fucking dumb. what’s your grandma’s name?   maternal, cecelia.  i actually don't remember my paternal's. where did your last ex ask you out?   well, we were actually texting at the time.  both of us were at home. do you know any german words?   lots, yeah. what is the cutest animal?   meerkats!  especially the pups! have you ever held a starfish?   no, but that'd be cool. what is something that reminds you of your ex?   many, many things.  but i think more than anything, the song "easy to love you" by theory of a deadman has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms?   no. which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate?   chocolate bc i am honestly a fatass. do any of your followers on tumblr have your phone number?   on my main blog, one.  not on this one. what’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like?   well, i love and like two different people.  i love jason, and i just find his face to be attractive in general.  i like tyler, and he has a cute smile. have you ever had mono?   no.  older sister has, though. do you prefer just water, or do you like to put in crystal light, ect?   neither, really.  i don't like water, and artificial sweeteners give me a headache. were you ever addicted to sims?  ever addicted, no.  but i really enjoyed the animal-oriented sims once. ever been to prom?   twice. what kind of music do you like?   mostly heavy metal. have you been to any concerts? if so, which ones?   alice cooper, yeah. what level do you play on guitar hero?   i do a mix of hard and expert now.  i used to get no lower than like 94% on expert when i played it a lot. what did you want to be when you grew up?   first an archaeologist, then a vet, a movie director, a game designer... do you have a pool?   no. is your last name unique?   no. do you know anyone colorblind, or slightly colorblind?   jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors. do you like pink?   yeah.  it's like my second favorite color. do you prefer rainbows or stars?   rainbows. would you rather go to a planetarium or an aquarium?   aquarium what is your favorite planet in our solar system?   saturn! what element do you feel most connected to?   water describe what you would want to wear if you were getting married, handfasted, or having some kind of “love celebration” or “commitment” ceremony between yourself and another?   white ballroom gown with a sweetheart top and a cathedral veil.  will never be able to afford it, though. what medication do you dislike the most?   the ones that dissolve on your tongue. what skill do people often compliment you on?   artistic skills. if you could have a conversation with any well-known figure of the past or present, who would it be and what would you want to talk about?   mark fischbach, and about positivity. what is something about yourself that you feel no one else understands?   *shrugs*  if i really think about it, i think there are people that understand every aspect about me. what do you do when it storms and the power’s out all night?   light candles, play the gameboys. what’s your favorite coke product?   coke do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators?   me, a little bit. do you like country music?   nope. ever seen a jellyfish?   in aquariums, yes. do you think you were raised well?   yes, generally.  we should've been given more chores, but w/e. do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE?   yes. how do you handle stress?   i panic. do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered a family member?   HA HA HA YEAH RIGHT kids then marriage or marriage than kids?   hey, 90% of people, fucking get married first. do you think best friends can be replaced?   "replaced," no.  they can change, yeah, but not replaced. your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?   if it was jason, i'd greet him; tyler, i'd honestly just tell him to take a hint and leave me alone. your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your friend, who are you mad at?   both, obviously? why do some guys lie about not being virgins?   because of the pressure and stereotypes put upon them. would you ever stay with a cheater?   NOPE do you like wine?   i've never tried it, but knowing that it's bitter, i hiiighly doubt i'd like it. have you ever been pregnant?   no. are there too many teens getting pregnant?   one teen is too many. do you like obama?   i don't know much about him as a president, but i do know he's pretty funny. where was your first kiss?   on jason's bed. have you ever gone to a grocery store late at night? what did you get?   i'm guessing you mean really late at night?  yeah.  a few months back when i had my cyst, mom and i drove to walmart at like 4 am because i was in so much pain; i couldn't sleep. what’s the best name you can come up with for a snake?   i like crowley. ;v; do you think fish are cute?   some, sure.

[andersonlovers-blog]

Levi and Jason, Starter 1

Levi pushed himself up from the floor of the bar then reached down a hand for his friend pulling him up, a grin on his face. “Told you I’d smoke your ass doing push-ups even after two shots.”

“Not my fault you’re half-Irish and you can handle your liquor?”

“Irish drink beer, not rum. Besides, aren’t you half-Russian? Shouldn’t you be able to handle hard stuff better?”

“Fuck you,” Dylan said shoving him playfully.

“Oh sugar, I know you wish I would,” he winked at his friend and ran his hand under his jaw.

“Okay lovebirds, hate to break up the party, but I’ve got news. Somebody’s got their eye on you,” Becky said walking over to them.

“Wait, me or Levi.”

“Levi, you dick wad,” she said, reaching up and smacking Dylan on the back of the head, “because, you know, I would absolutely tell my boyfriend if someone was checking him out.”

“Hey, I don’t know, you might be into taking someone else home, you never know.”

“We tried that once. I didn’t like it. So yes, you do know.”

“Woah, okay,” Levi said laughing, “I’ll file that one right under ‘things I didn’t need to know about you sick fucks.’ Now come on, spill Bec, who is it?”

Becky smiled, and pointed over toward the bar. “The one on the corner. Leather jacket, dark hair, blue eyes, looks a little like Superman. He wouldn’t stop staring at your ass the whole time you clowns were having your little competition.”

“Really, no shit?” Levi said turning to look at the man who blushed when their eyes met. He was attractive and the Superman comparison wasn’t far off, he had to give him that much at least.

“Wasn’t Clark Kent like your first crush or something when we were kids?”

“He’s Superman but nerdy, who wouldn’t like Clark Kent?”

“Okay. Well this conversation has taken a weird turn, I was promised drinks, and Levi has way better things to do rather than debate the sexiness of cartoon characters.”

“It’s comics not cartoons and for the record Ivy is way hotter than Catwoman, no matter what anybody says!” Dylan yelled as Becky hauled him off.

Levi just laughed and shook his head as his roommates walked away. His eyes flicked over to the man at the bar with a small smile. Bec wasn’t far off. Slip him in a suit and add a pair of spec, he could pull off Clark Kent pretty well. Though with the way he was dress right now, he could much more easily pull off Nightwing-era Dick Grayson. Not that Levi minded. Not that he minded at all.

A small smirk crossed Levi’s lips and he grabbed his beer bottle. Maybe Becky was right. Maybe he had something better to do with his time. He’d felt the demons whispering a little louder lately, maybe this would quite them for a little bit. Even a night would do and the guy seemed nice enough. And the looks certainly didn’t do him any harm. Maybe this could even be a good thing. He wasn’t exactly looking for a relationship, but it could be nice, not that he would keep his hopes up.

He leaned against the counter on one arm, grinning at the blue-eyed guy. “So, uh, did your mother just never tell you it’s rude to stare or what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason rarely opted to hang out in pubs but he couldn’t bear the thought of spending another night in his flat moping about. So when his best mate Oliver asked him to spend a bit of time at his favorite spot, he eagerly accepted. A night out with his mate was just what he needed to get over the small slump he had been in. it was just what he needed to feel good again. Or at least he had hoped it would be.

It took hardly any time at all for Oliver to find a girl to chat up and he looked toward Jason for permission to see where it went. Jason nodded even though he would rather not be left alone because that’s what friends did. He would probably spend a few more minutes drinking the beer he got himself and then maybe curl up with a good book in his bed as soon as he walked back to his flat. He should have known that Oliver would do this and he shouldn’t have gone out, he thought gloomily. Little did he know that Oliver had planned all this to try and get his mate to go out and maybe meet someone new. He knew his friend well enough to know if left to his own devices, chances were good that he would find someone to speak to or rather someone would find him. After all Jason was incredibly fit and it seemed to Oliver that gay males were able to pick out other gay males quite easily.

Jason was about to pick up and leave when someone caused him to pause and go for another beer. At first, he thought the two guys that were doing pushups on the floor were quite silly but then he noticed how handsome one of them was. He was first drawn to a sculpted jawline that had a lot of stubble that seemed to complement his face. He then noticed hair that was a lovely shade of red which went perfectly with a pale complexion.

His eyes then went to his shoulders which moved with ease, the muscles rippling under his tee. Finally, he found himself drawn to his backside which was firm and nicely rounded. He couldn’t help but think that it would probably feel nice underneath his fingertips and he felt a slight twitch in his groin. It had been so long since he had felt a man’s touch and perhaps he missed it more than he cared to admit.

He watched as the two boys got up and started to talk amongst themselves. He knew he should look away but there was something that kept his eyes on him. It had been so long that a man had caught his eyes, lately he had thrown himself full force into his studies so he didn’t have to think about his lost love. With his head in his books or toward the ground, he didn’t see much. It was scary to have his eyes on someone now but it felt nice at the same time. He was debating in his head about going to speak with him when their eyes met and he felt his face grow warm.

Quickly he ducked down to look at his beer. He hoped that the bloke didn’t think him odd. He thought maybe he should go over and have a chat now that they had made eye contact but he wasn’t sure that he should, especially because he was in a conversation. It wasn’t a good idea at all, he knew that much. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to move on even. Time had taken the edge off of the pain of loss but it wasn’t exactly healed.

He was still debating when the bloke came up to him and Jason looked up in surprise. “Right, yeah of course she did. He muttered to him. He used to be so confided and the words came easily to him, but no longer. He had to pause for a moment to formulate an adequate response. “It’s just that it’s difficult not to stare when a fit bloke is doing pushups in front of your face. I hope I’m correct in assuming you like males?” he said boldly. “If not, I do apologize but I daresay you wouldn’t have come over here if that wasn’t true.” He smiled and put out his hand. “I’m Jason. Would you like a drink?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Levi was almost always confident with guys. He was fit and ex-military and attractive and he’d never had any complaints in bed. Honestly that was enough for most guys. Sure, there were times he had to flirt a little harder and there were times he struck out and times the guy was just straight. But he knew he did well with guys and even if he didn’t, he didn’t let it bother him. There were enough things for him to worry about. He didn’t want his sex life to be one more.

Up close, honestly, the man was even more attractive. His jaw was so perfectly chiseled Greek statutes were surely jealous. His dark hair was cut short but it somehow only better accentuated his gorgeous features. His bright blue eyes stood out so different from his dark hair and drew him in even closer. His smile was so perfect it looked like it had been photoshopped onto his face. And under the thick jacket, he saw the curved suggestion of strong muscles. Levi loved guys who could go toe to toe with him physically and this guy certainly seemed to fit the bill.

The flush on his cheeks certainly didn’t hurt him. Most guys that ridiculously attractive were painfully full of themselves. Seeing one who seemed a bit more shy only drew Levi to him more. In honesty, he was already imagining going home with him and sliding his hands under those far too present clothes and finding out just how muscular he was. He cleared his throat trying to refocus himself.

“Definitely like males,” he said sliding into the seat next to the brunette, waving to the bartender to bring over two fresh beers. “‘I do apologize,’ ‘assuming,’ ‘daresay.’ Fancy vocabulary. Not the kind I usually hear. Kind of sexy to be honest.”

“Levi,” he said shaking Jason’s hand. Idiot number one over there,” he said turning in his seat, “is Dylan. Pretty girl number twenty-five beside him is Becky. They’re my best friends and this is our usual haunt, so I don’t have to ask how often you come here. I’d remember seeing a face life yours around here.”

It was bold, even by Levi’s standards. He hoped his confidence didn’t push him away. There was something about the beautiful blue-eyed boy beside him. He was painfully attractive, adorably shy, and from the very little bit that they’d already spoken, he could tell he was intelligent as well. He seemed like quite a catch, even if it only lasted a night or two like most of his flings.

He gave a softer smile, moving a little closer. “Anyway. Harry’ll put it on my tab even if you tried to pay, so drinks are on me. Although, if you don’t come here often, what brought you in tonight? Just heard two tossers would be having a push-up contest and decided to come in hoping one of them played for your team?” He chuckled, taking a slow sip from his beer.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason laughed and shook his head as the man mentioned his vocabulary. He was still feeling rather excited that this gorgeous man was in face gay and seemed somewhat interesting in him. He had even called his manner of speaking sexy, a word his ex wouldn’t use in a million years. Nor was it a word Jason would use with him. He felt almost self-conscious when he realized it had been years since he had actually properly flirted with a person. He had with Will at first but then things changed and he got cautious about it. He was a bit worried that he wouldn’t know how anymore but he was willing to at least attempt to, after all he had very little to lose. He looked up at the ginger and grinned.  “It’s my University vocabulary actually, I’m studying to be a lawyer,” he said. “We are a pretentious lot.” He joked although he believed it to be true. He hated law so far. “I wouldn’t say assuming is all that smart of a word though,” he said hoping that he wasn’t coming off as rude.

A tingle went up Jason’s arm and found its way to his stomach when Levi’s hand met his. It was a simple gesture but it wasn’t without meaning. The swooping feeling in his stomach intensified when Levi mentioned his face. It felt bold to Jason, so full of confidence that it was intimidating to him, but he like the attention at the same time. He hadn’t realized how much he missed being wanted in a sexual way. Or at least he thought it sexual. Then again, he had thought Will had wanted sex as well and that had gone poorly. He silently chastised himself for his thoughts and tried to redirect his attention. He felt like a sexual deviant sometimes and he didn’t want this person to know what was wrong with him. All he wanted was company.

“I’m actually with my mate,” he said in reply to Levi’s question. “Or I was. He’s found himself a girl.” He looked around the room until he spotted him and pointed him out. “He pleads with me to come out then ditches me as soon as he could. All that was left for me to do was watch a couple of tossers have a push up contest. You did well by the way,” he said shyly. “It was nice form. I would have had you on my team when I was rugby captain,” he said in hopes that he liked sports. It certainly seemed like he would if his build was any indication, but lately it felt like he couldn’t assume anything. “But we needn’t talk about that,” he said, “that was ages ago. Soon I’ll be a boring lawyer who uses a lot of pretentious words.”

“Enough about me though,” he said. Truth be told he wished he hadn’t brought himself up at all. The pleasant swooping sensation in his stomach was replaced with what felt like a lead weight. He hated his life now, hated that he allowed his father to lead him back to a life he never wanted. He knew Will would have been so very disappointed in him and he didn’t blame him at all. He had given up on his dreams because he had lost the person who encouraged him to follow them. He just couldn’t see himself doing it without him.

“Tell me about yourself,” he said after a bit of a pause. He took a sip of beer before continuing. “what do you do when you aren’t doing pushups at pubs?” He tried to keep his eyes on his handsome features but they kept drifting downward to his muscular frame. “I would hazard a guess that you do something active,” he said before he could stop himself. At this rathe he would run him off in no time, just as he had run Will off. “Oh and thanks for the beer,” he said realizing he hadn’t properly thanked him. “Now I’ll stop prattling on.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re studying law?” Levi couldn’t keep his thick eyebrows from raising. He certainly wasn’t the bar’s typical clientele and in honesty, above the typical grade of men he took home, not that he much minded. It only made the gorgeous man that much more interesting. “Should I just assume if we keep talking there’ll be plenty of ‘therebys’ and ‘aforetomentioneds’?” he grinned and gave him a playful wink to let him know he was teasing. Knowing he was intelligent enough for law school only made him more attractive. They’d only just started talking and already Levi was desperate to at least bring him home for the night. Or, more likely considering how flirty Dylan and Bec were being earlier, go home with him as he did most of the men he bedded these days. “So tell me, where’ a fit bloke like you go to study law? Because if the rest of your class is so attractive, I’ll have to find a way to enroll.”

It was bold to say the least, but Levi didn’t see the sense in not being direct. Wasting time had cost him any chance he’d had with Vic. He wouldn’t let that happen again. Besides, there were so few things in his life where he could simply see what he wanted, go after it, and get it. He had control over his sexuality and his sex life. It was one of few things he could control when he had such shaky mental health. So more often than not, he found his guns and stuck to them. Hopefully it wouldn’t send the beautiful brunette running.

Not that it seemed to be between the blushes and the smiling. It was endearing in a way actually. Most guys were so full of themselves they were complete assholes or so nervous in their sexuality that they became awkward when flirtation was sent their way. This man—Jason—seemed to fit into a good middle ground. He let his fingers linger perhaps a second too long in their handshake just liking the feeling of his warm skin under his own. His heart clinched and he felt the blood begin to rush lower at the thought of more of his bare skin underneath (or even on top) of him.

“They always do that don’t they,” Levi said with a chuckled when Jason mentioned his friend. “Beg you to come out and then leave you alone when they find someone to hook up with. I’ll let you in on a secret.” He glanced around conspiratorially then leaned in and lowered his voice like he had an earnest secret to share. “It’s even worse when you’re a third wheel. I literally live with that shit. Not an exaggeration to say it’s my life.” When he went to sit back up he noticed how close they were, how easy it would be to simply lean in and kiss him. His heart beat harder and he hesitated, staying there, an inch from those perfect lips for a few moments than he had planned. When he sat up this time it was his cheeks that were flushed.

“Rugby eh?” He said straightening his shirt and clearing his throat. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? A rugby playing law student. Unarguably sexy.” He let his eyes wonder up to Jason’s. he hoped he was making himself clear. Usually he didn’t take striking out particularly personally but he had the feeling he’d be rather disappointed if he left alone tonight.

Tell me about yourself. That one phrase had his shoulder tightening rather than his heart. Maybe there had been a time when he didn’t mind talking about himself, but that had certainly changed since he returned home. He liked training the conversation on the other person because, really, what did he have to talk about? I don’t exactly live with Dylan and Becky as much as I crash there. I sleep on a shitty old couch every night so my mom and brother don’t find out how fucked the war left me. Oh and because of that I can’t pin down a decent fucking job—I mean even the military basically fucking fired me for being crazy—so I’m not going to be able to move off that couch any time soon. It was a far cry from ‘I’m an ex-rugby captain currently studying to be a lawyer.’ He was clearly out of his depth here. Maybe he should quit while he was ahead.

He ran a hand through his hair and took a long drink from his beer. “Used to,” he said nodding, trying to play cool and not let this amazing man see how much he hated his life right now. “I’m ex-military. Royal Marines.” He hoped perhaps that would be enough to satisfy him and they could change the topic again.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

aaaaaaaaahhhh i did too much today and didnt have enough time to dedicate to my schoolwork!!! Ahhhh!!!!

I FORSURE need to do my moodboards for Publication Design tomorrow and post my articles for negotiation skills and developing a marketing plan. And then after that... i want to do as much as I can. That includes reading for GD III, gathering information online before class on Wednesday, reading and annotating the physical article for developing a marketing plan and so on. I really hope work isn’t too busy tomorrow so I can just get everything done but even if it is, I’m going to just try and stay in the computer lab at school until I finish everything! I just gotta focus and get everything done at once so that I’m prepared for the week! It’s not that I’ve been procrastinating but I’ve been really busy with a lot of other things! I essentially have no time over the weekends anymore so Monday will be my “safe” day from now on until the end of October! Probably! EEEEEE! I do want to stay up and get some of this stuff done but I also know that it’s better to get a good night’s rest and be on time for work! Ido want to be more committed this year and do a better job at faithfully serving my customers with a smile and a good attitude! Haha. I have high hopes for the year so far!

I woke up at Esther’s this morning around 7am and 8:30am. Around 8:30am, I started reading 1 Samuel a bit again before preparing for the day by brushing my teeth and changing my clothes. I decided to wear my jumpsuit! I was kinda worried that it’d be awkward spending so much time with Esther but it wasn’t! I didn’t ask overly intrusive questions and just stayed surface level but we were still able to learn more about each other through that! I learned about her parents&siblings, her views on pets, her apartment, and so on. Very lighthearted and casual! And she bought me an iced blonde americano today! So kind and generous! It was actually a little bit awkward bc she insisted that she would pay but I confessed that I was just going to my backpack to take out my glasses so that I could see the menu. From her tone and offering, it seemed like she was willing to pay anyway and maybe I shouldn’t have assumed it. I felt kinda bad. Anyway, Johnathan picked us up and then we went to go get Daniel Kwon and had a pretty good time in the car ride to church! It did fall silent at times but overall, it was pretty fun! I only wish we could’ve talked more with Daniel bc he was pretty quiet the whole ride after. He does usually keep to himself anyway but still. I felt bad. But we listened to Johnathan’s experience with drum corps and I shared about my internship and we joked about the Bible quiz and discussed all the great parts of Crazy Rich Asians and so on so forth! I was actually really happy to finally have a positive conversation about that movie bc I feel like I’ve just been constantly trying to defend it from the backlash and criticism but I could finally openly discuss it with other people who enjoyed it and it was honestly so great! At church, I signed up to be a mentor for Kidsland and then hurried into service! I sat towards the front behind Johnathan, Esther, and Daniel and was soon joined by Amanda and Angela. I’m really happy Angela and I are starting to get along better this year! I don’t feel so afraid of her constant judgment anymore and I think she’s been accepting me more too. I’m glad! Amanda and I had a great time together as per usual during service and whilst eating together. I’m really blessed to have her in my life and I think we’re going to grow really deep in our relationship with Christ together. Thank you for sending her into my life, God! Even just eating with everyone and welcoming in someone we met over the summer felt so great! Just being able to casually share life together with them all! I was really sarcastic and enthusiastic and unapologetically me and it felt so great! Oh back to the service, the sermon today was sooooo good! P. William challenged our faith and how without God, we are nothing. We should constantly be seeking God like a treasure and be so willing to give up everything for Him! We need to surrender all that we are at His feet but far too often we do so but then want to take it back and solve our issues by our own strength and that’s just not how it works! And that kinda felt like the first “sign” today. I should always keep my eyes locked on Him bc as much as I may study, it’s worth nothing if He is not at the center of my heart. The worship was really good too and my hands and arms just kinda lifted by themselves but I wasn’t thinking about how I sounded or how I looked. I was just so happy and blessed to be serving God! Honestly, a small part of me hoped that Jason saw me but I did my best to just cast out those thoughts and focus on God and I think I did pretty well! Now fast forward to the Bible competition! We didn’t do as poorly as I thought! There were definitely things I could have studied more but my guesses were sometimes right and overall, we did pretty well! We were third place until the very end when we bet it all and lost it all LOL. But we did much better than I thought we’d do! Especially considering how little we all studied! But I do think our study session from last night really helped us retain some more information! Like the story about God and how many times He called Samuel! Esther originally thought it was three but I remembered it being four and bc of that conversation, I had confidence that it was definitely four bc we even checked the Bible for evidence! P. Josh was the pointkeeper and his pride in us was really encouraging! Just by how big he would write our score on the board or whenever he smiled at our joy in winning. It was really nice! I made mistakes at times but by trusting and working together, it actually all turned our pretty well! I wish it could just stay like this but I know Johnny and Christine are returning soon and I am excited to serve with them but I’m also kinda afraid that it’ll ruin our current dynamics! I’ve been having such a great time with everyone and I wish it could just stay like that forever.

After that, Jason graciously drove us all downtown and dropped Amanda, Angela, and I off at the Arc since Angela moved there! Amanda took a bus straight to the mission conference thing she invited me to and I went to 623 to see if it was open so that I could work on some homework! It was closed! D:

Then I took the red line and 15 bus home and immediately peed! I had to so bad! I’m so glad the restroom is so close to the front door! But unfortunately by that time, I only had about 10-15min to rest and I wanted to get a lot of homework done today! Thinking back on it, I’m a little disappointed bc I passed by macapartments earlier on my way to the conference and could’ve easily picked up my textbook! No wait. I remember now. I was going to go but they close at 5pm on Sundays and it was past that time. Riiiiight. But yeah! So I watched a couple videos, tried to quickly figure out how to resize the resource guide, and then I left for the conference! Googlemaps told me it would take me about 23min to walk there but it actually took about 30min, even with me rushing! But then again, I got confused and kinda lost at one point so that makes sense. I did debate on just bailing out bc my decision to attend was so last minute too in favor of doing homework but ultimately, I told Amanda that I would go so I went. And it was so good! Grace Kim, a missionary that recently went to Turkey, shared about her testimony and why missions are so important and her own journey getting there! And as interesting as that was, I was just really surprised by the community after! Everyone was so genuinely welcoming and I was glad to meet them all! I’m excited to go back again next week and see them all again! I want to grow in my faith with them! I know that I’m committed to investing and serving at Lakeview but the people I met today were the people I imagine when I think of church. They were diverse and welcoming and so kind! I really got along with this girl named Amy and we shared our testimonies and how we got to Vision School and just hearing how passionate she was for the Lord now in comparison with how she felt before was so amazing and interesting to learn about! She’s really the one that made me want to join Vision School and maybe even serve as a missionary with her! I really think we can grow deep in our relationship with Christ together! And I am so excited to see her again next week! I should’ve gotten her contact info today but I’m sure I’ll see her again! But the conference was kinda “sign” two! Especially when Grace, the speaker, said our biggest blessing should be Jesus and we should want Him to come now! If we want Him to come later, the things of this world have become idols. My biggest concern in going on a one year mission trip to a different country was the fact that I would be so close to getting my degree and would rather finish that and not mess up the credits that I have already earned and delay the trip for later. But we can’t procrastinate on God! I got to talk to Amanda during the break about her heart in going to Egypt for a year and she shared how she heard from God that when she is turned away from Him, everyone that she would have met and reached out to are also turned away and they all start walking instead towards death. And yeah, she could go to the same place and just delay the trip but there would still be people that she could have reached but never did because of her priorities. And that thought scared her more than anything so she decided to go for those people that she could reach! And it was really interesting to hear about her faith in that! I was also touched by how Grace said Muslims never question Islam and are blind followers and are taught to never question anything and are blind followers as a result. But because we do question things and have a deeper understanding of Christianity bc it isnt something we were just forced to know, we can show them the right way! And the fact that someone else finally told us to question Christianity to find more answers was so reassuring and nice to hear! I think I can dedicate my Sunday nights every week to these lectures and I’m excited to be spending more time with Amanda and maybe even going on a short term or long term mission trip! Who knows! Regardless, I’m excited.

Thank you God for blessing me with this blessed day! I am so grateful for all that you are and all you have done. Thank you.

#TEAMATCHA#