#ooh i think that last ones gonna be crunchy

[stiinkysocks]

Doodle dump of what I've drawn in the past 2 hours

[lunas-kingdom-of-shadows]

[KoS Incorrect quotes!

Because I’ve had these forever and though most of them where amazing XD

You can take these as cannon or not, I doubt all the things happened, but some definitely might have lol

Luna: When I was a kid, Lucas told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Solar: They are!

Luna: FOR REAL?

Solar: No! Why did you fall for it again?!

•––––––☆––––––• More under the cut!

Storm: Go big or go home!

Sapphire: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.

Storm: I'm going big •––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I know we’re not exactly friends, but-

Luna: What do you want?

Solar: I've been stuck with Danion for 2 weeks and they've been drinking all the soy sauce.

Solar: Help.

•––––––☆––––––•

Lily: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Luna: But ya' didn't

•––––––☆––––––•

Willow: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea.

Riley: Well then who's is it?

Willow, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Sapphire: Hey.

Storm: Hi.

Willow: Hello.

Riley: Hey!

Luna: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Destiny: We were out of Doritos.

•––––––☆––––––•

Storm: You're violent.

Sapphire: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: I am 39 cheetos tall.

Stella: Why... are you measuring your height in cheetos?

Luna: Because we're out of doritos.

•––––––☆––––––•

*at a zoo*

Solar: What are they in for?

Damion: Solar, this isn't prison.

Solar: So they can leave?

Damion: No, but-

Solar, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

•––––––☆––––––•

Spark: Your smile? It makes my day.

Luna: Your happiness? I live for that.

Solar: A room? Get one.

Lucas: Hotel? Trivago

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: You really believe in Storm?

Sapphire: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.

Spark: You were too bored to read the book?!

Luna: I was too uninterested to watch the movie.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I can't imagine what Solar and Luna are planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

Willow: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

Riley: I like the way you think.

•––––––☆––––––•

Damion: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solar: It’s not about looks, Damion. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Damion: Sol...

Solar: For example, someone's heart.

Damion: Aw... Stop it-

Solar: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Damion: Seriously, stop.

•––––––☆––––––•

Soulstar: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.

Soulstar: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella, watching Luna & Spark panic : What's going on?

Lucas: Luna is having a midlife gender crisis and Spark is just having a crisis.

•––––––☆––––––•

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Storm: I will not let you down.

Willow: Sounds fun.

Solar: K.

Stella: No, I'm fucking not.

Lucas: Do I have to be?

Luna: Please god, I am so tired

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Solar: *upends the bottle*

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Spark: IT.

Solar: Annabelle.

Lucas: Paranormal Activity.

Luna: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: honk.

Soulstar: WHAT.

Luna: HONK.

Soulstar: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: *texting* Hey can you pick me up I’m drunk.

Solar: Oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now.

Stella: Yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home.

•––––––☆––––––• Spark and Luna: *making loud, cat noises at each other*

Sapphire:

Stella, exasperatedly: We have a guest.

•––––––☆––––––•

Spark, texting Solar: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…

Solar’s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.

*Later*

Solar, texting back: Fuck you.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Daniel, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Solar: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: Why is Spark crying?

Solar: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Spark: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Luna: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-

Spark: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Luna: NO, NOT THAT!

•––––––☆––––––•

Damion: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

Solar, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: *Gasp*

Stell: wHAT??

Luna: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Stella: *inhales*

Solar, in another room with Spark: Why can I hear screeching?

•––––––☆––––––•

Soulstar: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

Luna, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I'm not doing to well.

Lucas: What's wrong?

Stella: I have this headache that comes and goes.

*Luna enters the room*

Stella: There it is again.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I’m gonna die alone.

Spark: Sol, you’re not gonna die alone.

Solar: Damion, was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Spark: Uh-huh. Why is that?

Solar: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Solar: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Solar: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

•––––––☆––––––•

Lucas: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something.

Luna: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: The floor is lava!

Spark: *helps Luna onto the counter*

Solar: *kicks Damion off the sofa*

Stella: *lays on the floor*

Spark: ...Are you okay?

Stella: No.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: Where are my fucking keys?

Spark: Sol, Lily is around, can you say it a little nicer?

Solar: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Luna: But ya' didn't

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I CAN'T DO IT!

Solar, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Stella: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Solar: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Stella:

Stella: I appreciate it,

Stella: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Solar: Stella-

Stella: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Luna: Stella we gotta-

Stella: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Stella: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Stella, motioning to a bathroom that has been set on fire by Luna and Spark: NOT FUCKING THIS!

•––––––☆––––––•

Lucas: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.

Stella: Fucking Luna and Spark were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

•––––––☆––––––•

I think I’ll stop here XD I have more but this is getting long, might do a part two though,

also new separators go brrr

... I need to go to bed. ]

[shiftytracts]

a woman in a buttoned cardigan over a loose dress containing a bloated, gurgling belly she’s proud of—not outright flaunting, but not hiding either, as she sort of enjoys the prospect of someone noticing it and finding it as funny-looking as she does. she’s at some kind of social event, for her work or for a hobby or maybe someone’s birthday party. there are whole tables of snacks here—mostly sweets. and she’s got kind of a reputation as a connoisseur (maybe her career or side hustle involves baking or judging food), so everyone wants her opinion on whichever snack they made. she loves getting to flatter people, and loves being flattered in this way too.

so she has had a lot of sweets, in the last half hour, or hour, or two hours, or however long it’s been since she got here; she tends to lose track of time in these situations, especially when she’s also had a drink or two. so many sweets her stomach feels all rumbly and kinda sour. she wishes there were more places to sit down; everywhere’s taken right now. she informs her boyfriend of all this when he arrives and asks her how the party’s going. “good,” she says, and half-heartedly stifles burps all through her report of what her friends here are up to. “also i’ve had many good snacks,” she admits, pressing her boyfriend’s hands to her swollen, noisy belly one by one with her free hand, so as to acknowledge the fetal elephant in the room. (the other hand holds a large cookie, which slowly drips powdered sugar on her cardigan and dress.)

“i can tell,” her boyfriend laughs.

she puts the whole cookie in her mouth to hold onto it with her teeth, briefly (and insufficiently) brushes off her hands, and directs his hands in circles around her stomach, unwittingly smearing powdered sugar into her clothes. “sooo many sweets.” a big burp surprises her. reflexively she bites the cookie, and catches the part of it that lops off in her hand. “too many sweets, probably; my tummy’s getting kinda frazzled i think,” she laughs. “ugh—i still want so many more though. i could eat so many more if i had some real food first,” she muses.

“so you’re saying you’re hungry?” he asks; she smiles confirmation, a little embarrassed. they talk each other into the idea of purchasing lunch across the street, then coming back. brb! me and [boyfriend] are gonna get some chipotle, she texts the host (or the friend she came with, or whoever seems most relevant).

she holds her belly through her sweater pockets all the way over, and in the line, and while she orders, rocking back and forth on her heels. after her burrito and diet lemonade she feels pleasantly full and warm, and comparatively sober. “hmm, that felt good,” she says after a string of stifled burps, leaning back against the bench and setting her hands in her pockets again; “this was—such a good idea.”

“ready to head back?”

“almost. just give me a minute to settle.”

her cardigan’s a bit too tight now, they notice when they stand back up: her dress pokes through the gaps between the buttons. she laughs and unbuttons it, stroking the area self-consciously. and on the walk back she twice exhorts her boyfriend to slow down, when she loses her breath or gets a stitch in her side.

her stomach’s been quiet for a bit, but has just started burbling again (softly, busily, not uncomfortably) when they arrive back at the party. the snacks have depleted visibly in her absence, she notes with dismay. she heads straight for the brownies, to make sure she gets at least one more before they’re gone. while there she runs into a friend, and the two of them end up standing there chatting as she absent-mindedly eats all the brownies left. she only notices when her friend says, “good brownies?” and she exhorts them to try one—only to look down and see only crumbs left.

“oops,” she says, and pats her belly, which whines as if on cue. she discovers that it aches a little, and drags her fingers back and forth across its top.

“you must be thirsty, after all that,” the friend suggests.

she says, “yeah, now you mention it,” and they wander off for more drinks.

once she’s buzzed, of course, she barely notices the fullness, and goes on grazing until everything she likes is gone—then makes herself nibble the snacks she doesn’t like, so as not to seem too biased. when she’s bit off all she can make herself chew of something very crunchy and sticky, and so sweet that it makes her guts swirl and twist with irritation, she gets another drink and resolves to find a seat, no matter in how inconvenient a location. feeling too muddled to enjoy noise and conversation anyway, she ends up wandering outside and falling asleep in a rocking lawn chair. who knows how long later, she wakes up needing the toilet; with that accomplished she heads back to her lawn chair and dips in and out of sleep for a while longer, hands on her belly through the pockets of her now-open cardigan.

finally her boyfriend wakes her up so they can go home. “hey. how you doing?”

“hmmrgh.” she burps. “sleepy.” curls a hand more tightly around her stomach as its quease slowly wakes back to life; the motion frees another burp. this one hurts her throat a little. “mmf. don’t feel good.”

“ate too much?”

“mhm.” she hunches further over her stomach.

“do you need a toilet, or a bucket, or anything?”

she shakes her head: “i’m ok.”

“ready to go home?”

she sighs; she’s ready to be home, but hates the idea of having to get up and walk to the car and say her goodbyes, and then sit in the cold car and get jostled by speed bumps and potholes all the way home. but she nods anyway.

“need me to help you up?”

“mhm.”

once she’s upright he stands before her and cradles her stomach in his hands. waits for her to come to herself as she groans and blinks her eyes used to the light. between the space all this food takes up inside her and the hiccups that interrupt her every other inhale, her breath runs uncomfortably short. her limbs ache as if she’d been running too long. exhausted by this, she leans way forward into her boyfriend’s hands. this calls forth a very long, loud belch that catches them both by surprise.

“feel better?”

“yeah.”

they amble to the car with his arm wrapped around her. the people they pass on the way there he tells goodbye for the both of them, while she blinks at the floor and burps into her closed mouth.

the car ride isn’t so bad; she ends up falling asleep, even though it’s only like fifteen minutes. she wakes up to him opening the car door for her, offering a hand to help her up. “so sleepy,” she laments, clearly angling for something. he carries her to their bed, having expected this response. brings her water, antacids, a bucket, and a hot water bottle while she falls asleep in her clothes on top of their still-made bed. not much later, when he comes to bed, that wakes her up, and she stays awake longer this time as she ponders whether she needs the toilet. decides in the affirmative, and spends so long in there, between actual business and how lazy all this food makes her feel, that eventually a knock on the door startles her awake.

“are you ok? can i come in?”

“yeah,” she says, to both questions.

he finds her bent double over herself, arms trapped between her thighs and belly. “oof. you look like you don’t feel good.”

“my tummy hurts,” she admits. “i’m ok, though. just bein slow.”

he helps her up, and massages her still-rumbling stomach from behind while she washes her hands and brushes her teeth. “still so big,” he observes.

she says “mhm,” through a mouthful of toothpaste, with a smile that the white foam dribble makes look pretty stupid. her nostrils flare in a slight laugh at the sight of her face in the mirror. she burps, and spits the toothpaste out real quick to keep from swallowing it. he mistakes her haste for alarm, for a sign of imminent puke:

“hey, shh, it’s ok, let it out.”

she shakes her head: “i’m ok. just almost swallowed my toothpaste.”

they head back to bed; he refills the hot-water bottle for her, but by the time he gets back she’s asleep again.

in the morning she sleeps in til almost noon. wakes up still bloated, still burping, belly still gurgling, but feeling pretty ok: lazy, delicate, but not sick or in pain, aside from the occasional boomerangs that signal an impending dump. she lies on her back for a while, blinking and rubbing her stomach; takes a long shower, where she soaps that area rather more than necessary, and burps without restraint, one long belch after another; enters the living room in a big sweatshirt and underwear and socks, burping carelessly as she greets him and stretching her arms above her head so that a sliver of bloated gut is briefly visible. as she returns to her original position she yawns, blinks, and slips her hands under the sweatshirt to rub the cramps out of her belly that the stretch created. they discuss their respective plans for the day as she stands there, rubbing and burping.

“how’s your tummy?”

“pretty good.”

“think you can handle a little breakfast?”

she pats her stomach, burps again, and smiles. “i can do a normal-size breakfast.”

and indeed she can: she eats precisely the usual amount of cereal and toast, at the same pace and with the same affect as always. only afterward she does lean back in her chair with an “ooh,” and place her hands on her bloated stomach.

“too much?”

she shrugs, not sure yet. “can you hear it rumbling?”

“yeah,” he laughs. he asks, “need help getting to the bathroom?”—but she’s already leisurely pushing in her chair.

she pats her belly with first one hand, then the other. “nah, i’m good.”

it takes her a while in there—he surmises she might have a nap on the bed afterwards. the next time he encounters her, she walks up behind him while he sits at his desk, presses her belly against his upper back, puts her hands on his shoulders, kisses the top of his head. feels like she’s still a little bloated, to the extent he can judge; also he hears her burp a little from the contact. but she sounds like she feels well again. “thank you for taking such good care of me.”

[the-fiction-witch]

Goo

REAL LIFE: SCANDAL COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: FUNNY + FLIRTY AF

"What are we doing today?" Thomas asks sat on his sofa sipping tea out of a mug shaped like the death star

"We are going to be nice to you" y/n smiled as she came from behind the camera with tea and a small packet of biscuits

"Are we?" he asks glaring at her a little confused and taking a biscuit from her

"Yes we are Thomas" she smiled fixing her hair

".... I am suspicious" he says trying to dip his biscuit in his mug however it was far to big to go into the mug "Ooh." He sighed sadness flooding his face apron discovering he couldn't dunk his biscuit before snapping it in half and dunking it

"Why?"

"Because why are you being nice to me?"

"I can't be nice?"

"Yes But it worry's me" he sighed

"we are going to make you lovely and relaxed" she smiled

"... You're not even going to comment on me being gross?" He asks eating his now tea soaked biscuit

"..... No I won't" she sighed sipping her tea "with your crunchy tea"

"I knew that wouldn't last long" He says

"I am not good at being nice"

"You are not" He sighed "What are we doing anyway?"

"Do You remember being a child?"

"Vaguely yes"

"Do you remember a advert that plaid on Tv when we where kids?"

"... I remember alot of ad's that plaid when we where kids"

"well we weren't really kids we would have been... teens"

"Teens? like pre teens or older teens?"

"Mid Teens"

".... ish, I remember little from that time. I spend most of it locked in my room"

"I remember you bassicly went in your bedroom as a pre teen who looked really fucking young and then came out when you where like nineteen where yeah you still looked young but you've voice had broke, you grew a bit, like you actually looked more like a teen" "I did, I didn't want anyone to see me at that time, especially you"

"why not me?"

"Because I had a crush on you at that point" "Did you?"

"Yeah? you didn't know that?"

"No"

"Yeah, I had a massive fucking crush on you at that age"

"I did Not know that" she giggles

"You knew, I've told you that before" he says "To be fair you where like a little poodle skirt girl who worked for your dad in a vintage car garage, that I also worked at. I was going to end up with a crush on you at some point"

"was the me being bi helping a bit with that?" "Yes! I watched you make out with Jake and then immediately go make out with linsey. that was amazing"

"Did you ever wanna see me  naked?"

"I was seventeen? So.... yes" "The tits?" "Tits where making a very compelling argument at that age" "do they still?"

"Ehh" He shrugs "Kinda, it's less fun because I now know you don't give a shit"

"I really don't, there just breasts, I have boobs, you have boobs."

"You've very much okay with it"

"My logic is, you can lift your shirt up show your boobs and nips, I do It I get arrested and that's fucking mental"

"It is" he says "I would not complain about you taking your shirt off" "The face" she smiled rubbing his chin "shut it"

"Didn't you make out with my girlfriend at that point?"

"I did, your eighteenth birthday party"

"That was werid.... But very arousing" "What me and your then girlfriend making out in front of you?"

"Yeah, pretty sure I'd had a sex dream about that" He says sipping his tea

"Then or yesterday?" "Both" "Hey issy, how you doing, wanna come over and make out in front of thomas again" she waves

"We don't even date anymore"

"Still, just have like a party of all your old girlfreinds"

"Ohh god!"

"and I'll snog all of them"

"Even Gzi?"

"Especially Gzi, she's fucking hot"

"Yeah..."

"You fucked up"

"That I did" "I'm very off topic, anyway! The product that was on constantly like every other ad break, I will point out it was... On the verge of an infomercial, like if it had been a minuet longer it would be an infomercial not an ad" she explained

".... I remember two of them" "The one you where never allowed to have"

"........... Jelli bath!" He gasped

"Hold up! say that again"

"Jelli bath"

".... Thomas brodie Sangster you are from fucking south London don't you dare said bath in that way"

"what? it's what the product is called"

"The product?"

"Is Jelli BAth

"But on Sundays you have a ?"

"Bubble Bath"

"Thank you" she smiled "what was the other ad you remember?"

"The weird moulding gunk"

"Ohh yeah, what was that called?"

"No idea, I do not remember I just remember the kid in the ad putting the orange goo on the dinosaur skeleton and making it into a big dinosaur" he explained

"Yeah I remember that, But Jelli bath? you remember this?"

"I do"

"good"

"We are going to go bathe in it" he asks sipping his tea

"Yep"

".... are we bathing together?" He asks

"Yep"

"On camera?"

"Yep"

"We're gonna be naked?"

"Do you wanna be naked?"

".... Well of course I wanna be naked sweetie darling"

"Thomas! stop fueling the fire!"

"I'm sorry, are we gonna be naked in this stuff though?"

"No, we will have swimsuits on, becuase.... internet" she says "we as always will do a version where we are naked that will be on my porn hub channel as usual" " as usual? when have you filmed us naked?"

"When aren't I filming you naked?"

"that video's not on there is it?" he whispered

"what video?"

"Are you filming?"

"Uhh, No I pasued" she says touching the remote for her camera but it still filmed "what video?"

"THE Video"

"What video?"

"........ The Video" He says "You know the one I mean y/n"

"No I don't be more specific?"

"The sexy video we did the other month?"

"The sex toy one?"

"No"

"The linqure one?"

"No, you know the one I mean, sugar"

"we make a lot of sexy videos"

"The... one in my bedroom" he whispered

"Oh no, thats' saved on my hard drive"

"Ahhh good," he says

"Ohh I didn't pause the camera, it's fine sally will cut it" she says  "Lets go make the bath up"

"Ooooohh.... bath time together"

"Oh shut up thomas"

"wait who's bathroom are we using?"

"yours"

"Oh no" he says "should I have cleaned it?"

"when did you clean it last?" she asks he simply sips his tea sheepishly "Thomas?"

It then cut to the bathroom with the bath already run the two in swimwear

"why did I agree to this?" He sighs

"Because I'm not ordering Pizza unless you do" "I'm an adult. I can buy my own Pizza"

"But do you wanna ring the man to order it?"

"..... Lets do this" He sighed

"throw in this bag of stuff" she says "Then wait for goo"

"Who's going in first" "You"

"why me?"

"You're bathroom"

"You're Idea"

"You're more naked then I am"

"You're video" "Get in the tub Thomas"

"You get in the tub"

"Fine! How clean is this bathtub?" she asks going to climb in

"Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh...."

"A day?"

"Uhhhh"

"A week?"

"Uuhhh"

"Have you jizzed in this tub recently enough It will be an issue for me Thomas!"

".... Maybe" he says "How long does it live?"

"Four days"

"No your good"

"are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure,"

"Okay" she says climbing in

"Just don't touch the bottle on the side" he says from off camera

"whoa whoa whoa what why!" she yelped

"No reason"

"No fucking tell me why can't I touch the bottle" "You'll be fine"

"Thomas.... answer the question"

".... just don't mess with it"

"Okay, Okay... I'm really freaked out now" she says as she sat in the water

"If you are that worried about getting into my bath because I might have done something, then why do you let me have sex with you?"

"Ughhh thomas!" she gasps

"You literally let me cum inside you like twenty minuets ago"

"Stop fuelling the shipping fire" she yelled throwing water at him "Shut the fuck up and get in the tub"

he sighed and climbed in the bath the other side of her "Hi"

"Hi"

"we're having a bath together" "yes we are" "This is a weird Thursday"

"It is... is this what you thought you would be doing when you woke up this morning thomas?"

".... No. But I've known you long enough to know better then to expect Normal days"

"Right lets throw in some goo" she says opening the packet and letting the powder drop into the bath

"Ooooh it's already getting thick"

"The water or your dick Thomas?"

".... both"

"Blue Gooo! It's called Blasting Bloo"

"I remember it being called bloo lagoon or something once"

"I think it was, but they must have changed it to be more friendly" "I think Blasting bloo is way more suggestive"

"that's just because we are sat in a bath together Thomas"

"Maybe"

"Ohhh I don't like this, It feels weird, I don't like want it on my butt and such"

"Nnnnnoooooooo" He complained as he felt the goo the water had now turned into "I hate this, I don't wanna be in this"

"I also don't like this but you know the deal"

"what deal!"

"We stay in this for ten minuets"

"or what?" "Or I'm filming sexy Halloween costumes with you"

"I will sit" he sighed bundling himself in the corner  "do you wanna get out and go eat ice cream?"

"Yes, this shits gross"

[homosociallyyours]

If you were making a mixtape (or I guess Spotify playlist or whatev) for someone who had never heard the Indigo Girls before, what would you put on it?

OOH thank you, I love this question!! 

I hate spotify so much, but if I didn’t I would make a legit playlist over there (maybe I will?)-- as it stands this is just a tracklist. I’m putting an explanation of the list below a cut, hopefully it won’t flood anyone’s dash with a text wall!!

1) Closer to Fine2) Land of Canaan3) Kid Fears, live with Trina Meade4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars5) Three Hits6) Watershed7) Galileo8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)9) Power of Two 10) Mystery11) Reunion12) Language or the Kiss 13) Shame on You14) Get Out the Map15) Go16) Ozilline17) Fill It Up Again18) Heartache for Everyone19) Cordova20) Lay My Head Down21) Pendulum Swinger22) Three County Highway23) True Romantic (!!!!!)24) I’ll Change25) Share the Moon26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)28) Shit Kickin’

1) Closer to Fine-- this is the song that people are most likely to know, a true classic. Boppy and fun, but with that noodle-y philosophizing I love from Emily. 

2) Land of Canaan-- an Amy song that defines her early songwriting style and hints at her love of rock and punk with the driving guitar. 

3) Kid Fears-- hauntingly layered, with a special appearance by Michael Stipe. Though tbh I prefer the version from Staring Down the Brilliant Dream (their most recent live album) with Trina Meade of Three5Human. When she comes in with “are you on fire?” it’s-- electric. I think the first time I heard it I gasped and clutched my chest. 

4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars-- perhaps a bit of a deep cut, but one of my favorite early Emily songs. This was a great time for Emily, songwriting wise imo. 

5) Three Hits-- I think Amy was kind of starting to experiment with her sound here and also trying to push beyond the typical personal style of writing that often marks folk rock/singer-songwriter music. Also I’m soft for this entire album (rites of passage); I remember buying it at the mall on cassette with money I got at Christmas. 

6) Watershed-- this song has BIG Saturn return vibes, and has the absolutely excellent line, “every five years or so I look back on my life and have a good laugh.” 

7) Galileo-- another Emily song (I’m not kidding when I say she killed it lyrically from around ‘90-’96 or so) that touches on big philosophical questions with a kind of refreshing lightheartedness. This one is another song many people will have heard before. 

8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)-- this song gets better with each live performance, so it would be fair to include a live version. But I like the album version just as well, and you can’t deny the punch of a dyke singing about the girl who loved her and left her. 

9) Power of Two-- another classic. Soft af. Goddamn it Emily Saliers you beautiful lesbian bard, you really just wrote A Very Gay Experience into a song just like that. 

10) Mystery-- Emily is getting her due right now bc Amy is gonna rise up a few albums later and kick ass. This song, though? So, so gay. I have thought about the lyrics once a day for the past 25 years or so, probably. “Maybe that’s all that we need is to meet in the middle of impossibility?” YES GIRL, my inner dyke and my outer dyke are all screaming. 

11) Reunion-- musically I think this song just does some nice stuff, ok? Also fuckin’ relatable if you’ve ever gone to a reunion and been like-- ehhhh this could end badly but here we go. 

12) Language or the Kiss-- had to add another Emily song because this one is just. so good, ok?? this album is prime Emily!!!!

13) Shame on You-- this one got a lot of radio play in my hometown, and I remember rolling down the window and driving with it blasting. Amy was really starting to push into more overtly political lyrics and you can see it on this song. 

14) Get Out the Map-- perfect roadtrip song! Classic Emily vibes!!

15) Go-- Amy gets rockier, with some nice crunchy guitars (please forgive me for not knowing the right words but like. the guitars sound dirty and a little distorted, it’s like chewing chips in your ears in a good way). This is one of the first albums where her skill for heart-twisting lyrics rises up: “did they tell you you would come undone if you tried to touch the sun? Use your years to psych you out? ‘You’re too old to care, you’re too young to count’? Go, go, go.” 

16) Ozilline-- also Amy explores a slightly more bluegrassy sound? I appreciate that songwriting-wise she’s basically pushing herself in two directions on this album: political but not first person and hyper-personal direct narrative. This one is the latter and you feel it. 

17) Fill It Up Again-- another solid Emily bop! (I should mention I’m not putting on anything from Become You bc while I adore it I think it’s one of their weaker albums over all-- it was one of their last for epic and they were READY to get off a big label, so maybe they rushed it?

18) Heartache for Everyone-- one of my fave Amy songs of all time, would love to hear this covered by so many people. I just love it. Everything. 

19) Cordova-- I am absolutely just including this because it breaks my heart? Idek why. I think I just have such a strong mental picture that goes along with it that’s informed by nothing other than a story I think works with it and. Yeah. It’s not typical of an Amy song musically but I love that. 

20) Lay My Head Down-- a little sloppy lyrically, but the heart of it is beautiful. 

21) Pendulum Swinger-- typical Emily political song, very crunchy and green and honestly middle of the road gay democrat, but in a way that’s actually not the most shitty? 

22) Three County Highway-- a spare and lovely Amy song with slight country vibes. 

23) True Romantic-- this song. THIS FUCKING SONG. it’s gorgeous, it’s raw, and there’s something about it coming out in Amy’s raspy voice that makes it a gut punch! I yell about it every few months. I want very much for Louis Tomlinson to cover it and of course he never will. The injustice. 

24) I’ll Change-- I think this song stands right up with Emily’s earlier stuff. Honestly Poseidon and the Bitter Bug is a truly solid album and it’s hard to pick only a couple of songs from it. 

25) Share the Moon-- a tender and lovely Amy song, the only one I really like off this album (Beauty Queen Sister). I tried listening to the rest of the album so much and ended up putting this song on repeat instead. 

26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend-- ever since I saw a video of Amy and Emily playing this song while Amy’s kid sat listening I was in love. It’s different for Amy but in such a good way. 

27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)-- this is a great live cover that has Michelle Malone on guest vocals. She was such a staple on their tours for such a long time (and maybe still is, but not on the west coast). 

28) Shit Kickin-- this one is off their upcoming album, and it’s such a good playlist ender? It’s got a kind of funky vibe with lyrics that talk about the pitfalls and problems and pride of southern culture in a way that really resonates with me as a southerner. 

somehow I managed to keep that pretty even--subtracting the two covers i think that Emily and Amy each have 13 songs on here. I might make a somewhat different list on a different day, but this is about right. I would also suggest someone listen to Poseidon and the Bitter Bug, Rites of Passage, Swamp Ophelia, and Staring Down the Brilliant Dream if they wanted a deeper dive into what I think are some of the best albums/songs over all. (Maybe All That We Let In, too). 

[outerspace-iiinnerspace]

11, 13, 14, 25!

11. Hmm... I’d love to see the 1.0 versions of Smoky Quartz and Sunstone! Or a Steven/Lars fusion, just to see how pink it would be. I’m not sure about voices though? If Terry Farrell does voicework I can maybe see her as Smoky.

13. Ooh boy!

Pearl- When she was newly made on homeworld she looked up to Yellow and Blue Pearls a lot. They were the older, wiser, (comparatively) more experienced ones and she hung onto every word they said. In Blue’s case, it wasn’t much, but Yellow was really into the attention and would tell her stuff like “I went to a colony with Yellow Diamond and it wasn’t completely terraformed and it rained, which is when liquids fall out of the sky, it was terrifying” and our Pearl is quaking in her boots like wow, omg, you’re so brave for facing that. And in the present the tables have turned and she loves it.

All the Pearls get together and complain about stuff to blow off steam every so often and it usually stays lighthearted but occasionally they’ll get serious and then you maybe don’t wanna be in the room because there’s throwing things and crying and screaming all those great curse words they learned at Little Homeschool. It’s very cathartic.

She’s got some kind of impostor syndrome because of being the *Terrifying Renegade* and the kinda poster girl for the rebellion, despite not technically actually running away or anything. By the time the fake shattering happened, she’s mostly accepted that she’s really a rebel even if she’s doing it with Rose but even to the present day it’s one the things that really fucks her up. I dunno if there were other Pearls in the rebellion but she’d probably be half admiring/ half awkward around the real runaways.

Oof these are all sad... let’s say that she uses her holograms to learn stuff! When she sees someone doing something and she decides she wants to do that too then she records and plays it back later and tries to imitate what happens on the recording. Which leads to little idiosyncrasies, like she plays the violin in a particular way (I don’t know anything about violins so I can’t get specific) because the musician she copied 300 years ago or something played it just a little bit off.

Garnet- It took her too long to figure out how her future vision worked when she first started using it. Like, she’d know how to activate it and tell the difference between visions and reality, but at first didn’t actually understand that she could change the outcomes. She would see the visions and think “Hmm, there are twelve different outcomes but which one will happen? No idea, just got to wait and see.” When she realized that her actions would affect the futures she saw she was so excited. Like, wow, the coolest thing!

She only realized Rose was the reason she couldn’t ask questions after the Pink Diamond reveal. Until then, she thought it was a weird fusion thing that wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s not that she never put it together with “No more questions, you already are the answer,” but she assumed it was some kind of subliminal thing because she was so new and confused that it just got lodged in her subconscious and stuck. Which doesn’t make much sense but hey, what else was she supposed to guess?

It is canon that her shades are prescription, but my headcanon is that Bismuth made them! Ruby was always nearsighted but never knew it until after she and Sapphire fused because Sapph brought it up once like, “Hey, why is Garnet’s eyesight so blurry?” and Ruby was like “That’s just how eyes are.” They didn’t unfuse enough for it to be worth getting Ruby her own glasses, but since it looks like they’re unfusing regularly in SUF she might get some now! Also, all three eyes have different prescriptions, with the purple (middle) one having the best vision and the blue one the weakest.

Amethyst- Her poofing most often isn’t just because she takes the most risks, it’s because of her shapeshifting skill. Her form is more ‘elastic’ than average, which may or may not be because she was overcooked, but it means she has more control over her shapeshifted form with the downside that it’s a little more fragile. She probably gets checked out by the gem equivalent of a doctor at some point and is officially told this.

Her Little Homeschool classes (other than doing whatever you want 101 and 201) are Eating Food, Advanced Eating Food, one about human socializing, one about sleeping, and one about being rude (why, when, how, and the textbook is a very long list of curse words, some of which people don’t even use anymore until gems start bringing them back) (oops)

Gems in general don’t have a sense of taste but Amethyst is so good at shapeshifting that she can make taste buds that are actually pretty functional. She doesn’t do it often, though, because the stuff she likes to eat doesn’t taste very good. It’s all about the texture for her. Like motor oil (smooth), a whole watermelon (crunchy, wet inside), charcoal (crumbles and dust gets everywhere).

General gem headcanon- Homeworld was never laidback and lovey-dovey but it was way more accepting of off-colors and other weirdos before Era 2. After the rebellion, there was a huge crackdown and things got way stricter and worse. This was part of Lapis’s culture shock when she went back briefly.

Lars’s crew (Flourite, Rhodonite, Padparascha, the Rutiles) are all Era 2. Rutiles are supposed to be painters, like wall painters, not like artist painters. They have to work with Bismuths a lot. (That last comes partially from a discussion in a discord I’m in but I really like it)

Sort of running off what I said about Ruby, it’s depressingly common for gems to have vision problems and not know about it. There’s technically a system where gems can apply to get corrective lenses issued to them but it barely gets used because there’s no vision testing otherwise so everyone goes around thinking the world is naturally blurred. 

Oh yeah, and Onion is just a normal kid. He’s not evil or scary or secretly a living plant. He’s nonverbal and has food issues and okay, he tried to bury the city in toy capsules once but like, I would have done that in elementary school if I had the chance. I just want people to stop being like “oooh what a scary terrifying nonhuman kid!!1!”

14. I love the Zoo arc because it’s the first real glimpse of non CG gem society and because I find the Zumans incredibly fascinating. Obviously, their whole thing couldn’t be more different from the Crystal Gems but like... a small group of humans living surrounded by gems, with a culture completely different than humans on Earth vs a small group of gems living surrounded by humans, with a culture completely different than gems on Homeworld. Makes you think. Or not.

Honorable mentions go to the Sardonyx arc and the Pink Diamond murder mystery.

25. I’m honestly not that big a fan of AUs. I’ve found a few I’m into (b-sides, and this one fic which you mightve written?? I’m gonna check. yep, that one 90s appalachian au where Pearl’s a wanted criminal and Rose has no boundaries) but generally not my thing. I guess I get attached to characters as they are, so it’s hard for me to keep that connection when all of a sudden they’re horse breeders in the 1200s or whatever. Sorry that sounded harsh but unfortunately it’s the truth.

Aaaaaand this makes me a huge hypocrite but I have created an AU! It began when I started listening to this song, got annoyed that I couldn’t properly daydream about Pearl to it, and starting constructing an elaborate series of events that has mutated to the point where it has nothing to do with the song anymore. The short version is that at some point after the flashback portion of We Need To Talk, Pearl gives Rose an “Either Greg Leaves Or I Do” ultimatum. Rose thinks she’s joking. She’s not. Pearl then walks out of the temple, does her damnedest to make herself absolutely uncontactable, and spends the next two decades hitchhiking, fighting gem monsters, and generally screwing around (not literally). Eventually, she returns and things are more or less “Hey guys, I’m back! Where’s Rose? What’s this kid doing in the temple?” and I don’t even know what happens after that. Chaos, probably, Crying, yelling, confused baby Steven who has no idea who Pearl is. Who knows!

There’s also a Flight Rising AU but that has no plot: it is solely an excuse to draw gems as dragons, and I have barely even done that. I’ve only created mental images of gems as dragons and then not drawn them. I should get around to that

[grailbot143]

42 Followers Special

As promised, here is something fun we put together to celebrate 42 followers. Originally I planned to make a character sheet, but I also thought I’d know a a bit more about the characters backgrounds by the time I got 42. After all, I only had 27 last week, and the week before… plenty of time, right? So I decided to do this instead. When I watch this and other shows I often imagine them in terms of DnD sessions and I like to imagine how the DM will react to some of the stuff that shows up. I really like the episode CheeseBurger BackPack for this because it seems like a DnD session with an incredibly stupid amount of luck for the characters, but I decided I’d start at the beginning… sort of, I’ll probably go back and do a session 0 when I know a bit more.

So thanks to all my followers. And a special thanks for the shoutout from mindareadsoots

Campaign: Crystal Gems

Session 1: Gem Glow

MotelCalifornia : You guys already have a map of the town. You’re at your house here on the beach. It’s afternoon. It’s sunny outside. What do you want to do?

ShieldsNRoses : I brought snacks. They’re called Cookie Cats. My own special recipe.

AwesomeSaucem : AWESOME! Gimme!

MotelCalifornia : Alright, guys. Thanks Roses. What do you want to do first?

ShieldsNRoses : Ooh, I want to go to ‘The Big Donut’

MotelCalifornia : Ok, Steven goes to 'The Big Donut’. You guys going to stay at home?

AwesomeSaucem : Sure y not

MotelCalifornia : Alright, so Steven goes to the donut shop. The store is mostly glass windows in the front with posters for local events and advertisements taped to it. There is a giant donut on top. He enters and sees the two teenage shopkeepers running the store. Steven knows them as Lars and Sadie. Let’s switch over to the others for a bit. Rolls The house is invaded by giant bugs that look like a cross between centipedes and beetles.

Pearlescence : I want to roll to see what we know about these creatures.

MotelCalifornia : Okay, make an Insight check.

Pearlescence : Rolls low

MotelCalifornia : Alright, you manage to remember that this would probably spit acid, but nothing else for now.

Pearlescence : Alright I tell the others. Be careful! These things spit acid.

ShieldsNRoses : Hey, I wanna buy something.

MotelCalifornia : Uh, sure-

ShieldsNRoses : I wanna buy a Cookie Cat!

MotelCalifornia : I have a list of their inventory, my dude. They don’t have Cookie Cats.

ShieldsNRoses : Nooooooooooo! This can’t be happening! This has to be a dream! Lars! Lars! I grab him around the waist. Please tell me I’m dreaming!

MotelCalifornia : Uh alright Get off me man I’m stocking here!

ShieldsNRoses : Cmon dad! You totally should have put cokie cats here!

MotelCalifornia : Sorry kiddo, I just didn’t put it on the list… Hold on, I think I can do something. Sadie then says sorry steven I guess they stopped making them

ShieldsNRoses : Stopped Making Them!? Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Catss?

ShieldsNRoses : They’re only the most scrumcius and delicius ice cream Sandwich ever made!!! Dont they have laws for thsi!?

AwesomeSaucem : lol

MotelCalifornia : Lars Tough bits man! nobody buys them any more. I guess they couldn’t compete with lion lickers

ShieldsNRoses : Ugh Not lion licers! nobody likes them.. they dont even look liek lions! Kids these days, I tell you what.

MotelCalifornia : Gotta stop letting you watch King of the Hill.

MotelCalifornia : [PM to Pearlescence : I can do something with this. When he gets back to the house, tell him you heard they were dicontinued and bought a bunch.]

MotelCalifornia : Lars Well if you miss your wimpy icecream so much why don’t you make some with your “magic belly button” He walks away laughing

ShieldsNRoses : Thats not how it works Lars! Right?

MotelCalifornia : Yeah, it isn’t but im gonna take that as in character

ShieldsNRoses : ya thats fine. Oh sweet Cookie Cats. I draw a catface on the ccokie cat freezer. With your crunchy cookie outsides and your icy creamy insides. You were to good for this world. I kiss the freezer.

AwesomeSaucem : dude wth we already know ur proud ur snacks but u dont gotta sell em to us

MotelCalifornia : uh… Steven do you want to take the freezer with you???

ShieldsNRoses : nods I go home with the freezer im hummin this song

[ShieldsNRoses sent an audio file]

AwesomeSaucem : is this just you humming???? wut song even is this??

Pearlescence : You have a lovely voice.

STELLA: nice

MotelCalifornia: Just wait until you get to hear the actual song. Back to the others. You guys are fighting the centipeetles.

Pearlescence: How many are there?

MotelCalifornia: You see 12 in the main area of the house. 1 by the fridge, 1 in the living room, 1 near the warp pad, 1 by the front door. Roll for Initiative.

—I’m not going to write out a whole fight scene, that sounds really boring, so I’m going to skip it and put in 3 dashes anywhere fighting would be… —

ShieldsNRoses: can I be home now

MotelCalifornia: Sure. You are at the door.

ShieldsNRoses: Hey, guys! You won’t believe this!

MotelCalifornia: You are attacked the moment you step in the door. Roll for initiative.

—

AwesomeSaucem: 'Sup, Steven?

—

ShieldsNRoses: Awesome! What are these things?

Pearlescence: Ugh! Sorry, Steven. We’ll get these Centipeetles out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple.

ShieldsNRoses: Aw. You don’t have to get rid of them. They’re really cool.

MotelCalifornia: The one she’s still holding takes this chance to try to spit acid at Steven and Rolls misses. It splashes to the floor between you two

—

AwesomeSaucem: I wanna do an insight chck on them

MotelCalifornia: sure

AwesomeSaucem: Rolls alright

MotelCalifornia: ok you notice that they don’t have gems

AwesomeSaucem: Um, you guys? These things don’t have gems.

STELLA: That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby.

Pearlescence: We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt.

ShieldsNRoses: Oh! Oh! Can I come?! Can I?! can I?!

Pearlescence : Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, I roll to snap the neck of the one I’m holding we’ll take care of protecting humanity, okay? Rolls well

AwesomeSaucem: heh rad

ShieldsNRoses : Aw, man.

MotelCalifornia: One of the centipeetles decides to start raiding the fridge

ShieldsNRoses: Hey! Get out of there! Go on! Shoo! Shoo! Aw! they got into everything! Not cool!

MotelCalifornia: While shooing it away you notice the freezer is full of cookie cats

ShieldsNRoses: lol No way. It can’t be! where dya get these?! I thought they stopped making them! thx dad

Pearlescence : Well, we heard that, too, and since they’re your favorite…

AwesomeSaucem : We went out and stole a bunch.

Pearlescence : I went back and paid for them.

STELLA: The whole thing was my idea.

AwesomeSaucem : It was everyone’s idea.

STELLA: Not really.

Pearlescence : All that matters is that Steven is happy.

[ShieldsNRoses sends an audio file]

Pearlescence: Is this the song you were humming earlier?

AwesomeSaucem : omg, i <3 this song! u write lyrics 2?

STELLA: nice

ShieldsNRoses: I can’t believe you did this. I’m gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend. Oh, so good! I like to eat the ears first.

MotelCalifornia: Your gem starts glowing a little

AwesomeSaucem: Uh, Steven…

ShieldsNRoses: Wha-? My gem!

AwesomeSaucem: Quick, try and summon your weapon!

MotelCalifornia: It starts fading slowly

ShieldsNRoses: I don’t know how! Ah, its fading! How do I make it come back?!

Pearlescence: Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don’t force it.

AwesomeSaucem: Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either.

STELLA: Please, don’t.

MotelCalifornia: It’s back to normal

ShieldsNRoses: Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?

Pearlescence: Oh, I’ll go first! I think I remember how it happened. I want to take him to that cherry tree outside the town to show him.

MotelCalifornia: Sure that’s fine. When you get there you find that the petals are falling off the tree all over the place

Pearlescence : Oh! Perfect! Pay attention to these petals_, Steven. The petals’ dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real time based on the physical properties of this planet. With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem and perform your own dance!_ I summon my weapon and catch one of the petals in my hand. Like so.

AwesomeSaucem: k my turn I wanna do it at the big donut

MotelCalifornia: ok

ShieldsNRoses: wait I take some petals with me

MotelCalifornia: ok you are at the big donut

AwesomeSaucem: I buy a donut then we go to the dumpster in bak

MotelCalifornia: um, ok

ShieldsNRoses: I throw the petals up and try to make the gem glow Wah!

AwesomeSaucem: Did Pearl tell you the “petal thing”?

ShieldsNRoses: Yeah, I need to practice really hard so I can dance like a tree… I think.

AwesomeSaucem: Listen Steven, all that practice stuff is no fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just happens. i summon my whip and hit the dumpster See? Didn’t try at all.

MotelCalifornia: Lars comes out the back door and sees you destroyed the dumpster *Lars* Huh?! Again?!

STELLA: my turn

STELLA: outside the lighthouse

MotelCalifornia: ok, you go to the lighthouse

ShieldsNRoses: So I’m supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?

STELLA: Yes.

ShieldsNRoses: rly?

AwesomeSaucem: lol

STELLA: Or… you could link your mind with the energy of all existing matter. Channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem, which results in—At least that’s my way of doin’ it.

Pearlescence: I don’t think that’s how you did it.

STELLA: shrug

ShieldsNRoses: dad did any of that work? Is my gem glowin?

MotelCalifornia: nope

ShieldsNRoses: back to the kitchen then I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. Im gonna just try to make yall be where you were last time exactly So… Garnet and Amethyst were here. Pearl was next to the fridge. Hmm. Amethyst, I think your arms were crossed?

AwesomeSaucem: Okay, your majesty. crosses arms

ShieldsNRoses: And Pearl, your foot was like this. I move pearls foot

Pearlescence: I don’t think it works this way, Steven.

ShieldsNRoses: And Garnet, uh… I grab your face and point it up Yeah

STELLA: sure

ShieldsNRoses: Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he’s a frozen treat, all new taste, interstellar war, now available at Ghurven’s. Aww, it was funnier last time. *sigh* Maybe I’m not a real Crystal Gem.

Pearlescence: Don’t be silly, Steven. Of course you are.

AwesomeSaucem: And you’re fun to have around, even if your gem is useless.

AwesomeSaucem: I… mean, you’re one of us, Steven. We’re not the Crystal Gems without you!

ShieldsNRoses: Yeah, even if I don’t have powers, I’ve still got… Cookie Cat! *takes a bite* Mmm, so good.

MotelCalifornia: Your gem glows brightly and a shield comes out of it. It is a round pink shield with a spiral of thorns from the outer edge to the center where there is a rose

Pearlescence _: Steven, it’s a shield!_

ShieldsNRoses: Whoa, what?! I get a shield?! Oooh… yeah!

ShieldsNRoses: Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!

MotelCalifornia: Roll a d20 Steven

ShieldsNRoses: Rolls

MotelCalifornia: Your excitement causes your shield to shoot across the room and ricochet back and forth, but no one gets hurt but the tv gets destroyed

ShieldsNRoses : NOOOO!!!1!

Pearlescence: What’s in these things? Seriously, I am concerned.

MotelCalifornia: You hear a loud roar from outside. A shadow passes over the window looking like an even bigger centipeetle. Steven, your shield disappears

ShieldsNRoses: What was that?

Amethyst: we go out

STELLA: It’s the Mother!

Pearlescence : I follow Amethyst and Garnet outside, but first I tell Steven to Stay in the house, Steven!

ShieldsNRoses: No way, I’m coming too! I go get the cookie ca fridge and fill it with all the cats in the frzr

— some rolling, some fighting, some hiding —

AwesomeSaucem: We could really use Steven’s shield right about now!

ShieldsNRoses: I go outside wfth the frige and extention cord. I plant it in the sand near the monster Hey! Leave them alone!

Gems _: Steven, no!_

ShieldsNRoses _: Cookie Cat Crystal combo powers, activate!_ I eat a cookie cat

MotelCalifornia: what? Your powers don’t activate

ShieldsNRoses: Uh-oh.

MotelCalifornia: the centipeetle attacks you

ShieldsNRoses: Aaaah!

—

Pearlescence: We need to save Steven!

AwesomeSaucem: Can we save ourselves first?!

—

ShieldsNRoses: Goodbye, my friends. I eat several more

MotelCalifornia: nothing happens

ShieldsNRoses: Why isn’t it working?

—

STELLA: Steven!

MotelCalifornia: rolls Steven, you notice your fridge has been hit by a stray blast of acid

ShieldsNRoses _: No… Oh, no no no!…_I try to pick it up

MotelCalifornia: You get electrocuted rolls

ShieldsNRoses: Cookie Cat, he’s a pet for your tummy. Cookie Cat, he’s super duper yummy! I grab it by the cord and drag it to the centipeetle Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie Caaat! I throw it at him

MotelCalifornia: really? You throw a fridge at him?

ShieldsNRoses: she made me mad

MotelCalifornia: okay, I guess make a strength check?

ShieldsNRoses: * rolls a natural 20* YESSSSS! Now available… nowhere.

AwesomeSaucem: Yes!

STELLA: Gems, weapons! Let’s do it.

—

MotelCalifornia: You defeat the Centipeetle. Its gem drops on the ground

STELLA: I bubble it

ShieldsNRoses: I want to have a funeral for my cookie cats

MotelCalifornia: Sure

ShieldsNRoses: I dig a hole big nuf for a cookie cat rapper. I place the rapper in the hole I cover it with dirt and I put a leaf in the top Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats. I’ll always remember the time we spent together.

MotelCalifornia: Steven, you hear your stomach growling

ShieldsNRoses: Shh, hush now.

AwesomeSaucem: Are you crying? This is so sad, Alexa play Despacito

ShieldsNRoses: Only a little!

AwesomeSaucem: Well, I guess your powers don’t come from ice cream.

Pearlescence: Of course they don’t come from ice cream. Don’t worry, Steven, I’m sure some day you’ll figure out how to activate your gem.

STELLA: Yes, in your own Steven-y way.

ShieldsNRoses: I’m okay guys. I just- Ugh, I think I ate too many Cookie Cats.

MotelCalifornia: Make a constitution check.

[nevermindthewind]

decathlon of wonder

It’s the tenth Jimmy Jab Games and no one is gonna get in Jake’s way on his quest for glory and the Box of Mystery.

And that’s just the way Amy wants it.

It’s a Jimmy Jabs pregnancy reveal y’all!!!!!

(read on AO3 or under the cut)

“Alright squad,” Terry says from the podium. “I just received word that the United Nations summit will be beginning any minute. You all are to remain here -- ready to go -- for the duration of the meeting in case of protestors.”

“Yes sir,” says Rosa with a slight nod.

“The Captain and I are leaving for One Police Plaza for our meeting with Commissioner Holt.  We will be back in four hours.” Terry’s eyes narrow. “You all better not do anything stupid while we’re gone.”

“Don’t worry, Sarge. When have we ever done anything stupid?” Jake asks playfully. Terry gives him a menacing look, causing him to backtrack. “Okay, okay, we won’t do anything while you’re gone.”

Terry gives him one more glare before exiting the briefing room.  

As soon as the door closes Jake turns to the rest of the squad.

“Of course we’re going to do something while they’re gone,” he whispers, his eyes lighting up. “And not just anything. Friends, it’s time for--” The door handle turns, causing him to completely change the subject.

“No Charles, I do NOT want to wax each other’s le --”

In walk Amy and Gina, both in civilian clothing.

“Oh thank god,” Jake sighs. “What are you two doing here? You’re off today,” Jake nods at Amy before turning to Gina. “And you’re supposed to be with Holt.”

“Holt agrees that my job is optional,” Gina shrugs. “And when I heard you all were stuck here, I figured you could use some entertainment a la me.”

“He definitely did not say that, but okay,” says Amy, rolling her eyes before looking back at Jake. “I needed to drop off some paperwork downstairs, but I thought I’d come up and say hi before I left. Hi!”

“Hi,” Jake grins. Six months as a married couple and he still gets butterflies whenever he sees her.

She crosses the room to where Jake is sitting and leans down to give him a peck on the lips. “There’s a bagel and coffee on your desk.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” He looks up at the squad. “How great is my wife? Seriously, name a better wife than Amy Santiago Peralta.”

“Jake, we’re losing time…” Rosa warns. Jake jumps, his attention brought back to the situation at hand.

“Right. Ames, Gina, take a seat. For today is the day you’ve all been waiting for. THE JIMMY JAB GAMES.”

Amy and Gina slide into empty chairs as the entire squad breaks into cheers.

“But this is no ordinary Jimmy Jabs,” Jake says as he pops out of his chair and begins pacing the aisle. “No, for not only has it been ten years since the inaugural competition, but it is also the tenth Jimmy Jab Games to be held in this very precinct. Which is why today’s Jimmy Jabs will henceforth be known as...drumroll, please…”

The squad obliges, hitting their hands against the table. Jake brings his fingertips together and wiggles his eyebrows in an attempt to create suspense.

“...Jimmy Jabs Ten: Decathalon of Wonder.”

Everyone oohs and ahhs at the name, their excitement evident. Everyone, that is, except for Amy, whose eyes are filled with disappointment.

“I wish I could stay,” she mutters.

Jake’s face falls. He’d forgotten Amy wasn’t on duty. As much as he loves the games and loves competing with the entire squad, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without Amy there. Plus, this was supposed to be their first Jimmy Jabs as a married couple. According to that marriage book he’s been reading — That’s right, he reads on the reg now — they were supposed to celebrate important milestones together.  What’s more important than the Jimmy Jabs?!

He’s just about to suggest she stay when Gina, of all people, beats him to it.

“Come on Amy, live a little and stay for the games. The pantsuit shopping can wait ‘til tomorrow.”

“But I have errands to run,” Amy insists, although Jake can tell she’s thinking it over.

“Come on Ames. It’s only a few hours, and we can finish all our errands tomorrow or something,” Jake suggests as he approaches her chair. As he gets closer he can tell she’s tired, and maybe a little stressed by the slight furrow in her brow. Half her squad had been out with a stomach bug last week and Amy’d been forced to work overtime to make up for the lack of manpower.  He takes her hand in his. “It’d be way more fun if you stayed. But if you need to go, I totally get it.”

Amy gives him a tiny smile as she runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re sweet,” she says. “I’ll stay --”

“Yay!”

“-- But only so I can kick your ass,” she adds with a smirk, turning to face the others. “JIMMY JABS! JIMMY JABS!”

The rest of the squad joins in the chanting, and in that moment Jake’s never been more proud of his wife.

--

After the ceremonial lighting of the bagel, the detectives file into the kitchen where six items sit under various fast food napkins. Once everyone has taken their seats across from their respective object Gina begins the explanation of the rules.

“Despite the name of the games we don’t have time for an actual decathlon.”

“I stand by it,” Jake interjects.

“So we will be continuing with the traditional four game event. The loser of each game will be eliminated, while the winner will get a bonus in the final round. The overall winner will receive, along with all of the glory and pride that comes with being a Jimmy Jab champion, this magical box of mystery.”

She holds up a beat up lunch box that had to be at least thirty years old. It was metal, with a picture of…

“Wait a second,” says Jake, confused. “Is that my Superman lunch box from the fourth grade?”

“Yeah girl, I stole it from your old apartment before you moved out. Anyway,” Gina continues, “The real prize inside this box, but in order to win it you must survive all four competitions.”

“I don’t know, that box seems like a good prize to me,” Jake murmurs to Amy, who rolls her eyes.

“Sure it is, babe.”

“The first game is ‘Smoothie Move, Exlax,’” announces Gina.  “Under your napkins you will find a smoothie containing a variety of foods I found in the lunchroom refrigerator.  These foods include but are not limited to Charles’ latest desk yogurt, expired salami, and, as a tribute to Double J 7, month old chinese food. Whoever drinks the most of their smoothie wins.”

The squad gingerly removes the napkins to reveal a smoothie that was probably the grossest, most unnatural color Jake had ever seen.

“It looks like melted silly putty,” he says, holding the cup in the air to get a better look.

“Or one of Holt’s flavor free nutrition shakes,” Amy adds, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

Charles eyes his cup with utter terror. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…” he murmurs to himself.

“Ugh, it smells like ass,” says Rosa. Her nostrils flare as she sets the glass down. Amy looks at her in horror.

“Why would you smell it?”

“Enough,” snaps Gina. “Contestants, place your straws in your cups. On your mark, get Seth, MEYERS!”

Jake plunges his straw into his smoothie and begins to drink as much of it as he can. He decides to take small sips, not wanting to overwhelm his stomach with...is that a pickle?!

“Why is mine crunchy?” Rosa cries in between sips.

“This tastes how cat poop smells,” gags Amy. She’s already turned a frightening shade of green.

“I don’t know why you guys are complaining, these are delicious,” says Hitchcock, who’s currently licking the edge of his cup.

It’s only three seconds later that Charles pushes his cup away.

“Nope, I can’t. Sylvia is too important to me.”

“Who’s Sylvia?” asks Gina.

“My mouth, duh. After everything she’s done for me she needed a name.”

Amy’s next to fold, setting her smoothie down with a shudder. Rosa and Scully bow out shortly after, until it’s just Jake and Hitchcock. Hitchcock’s looking close to bursting after a minute of slurping, and honestly Jake’s pretty sure his belly is filled with more air than smoothie. Jake’s actually beginning to wonder if he has a chance. But just as the thought enters his mind Amy jumps up and runs to the bathroom, her hand covering her mouth.  

A couple years ago Jake would have kept going, his drive to win outweighing any form of compassion. But this is his wife and she’s clearly about to hurl, so he sets his cup down with a clatter and rushes after her.

“Ames!”

Amy ignores him, reaching the ladies room in record time and letting the door slam in Jake’s face.

He knocks on the door to the bathroom before opening. As soon as the doors open he hears a violent cough come from the stall closest to him.

“Babe? What can I do?”

A pause.

“Can you go get Gina?” she asks weakly.

Of all her possible answers, this one catches him completely by surprise.

“Gina? Our Gina?”

“Yeah, babe our Gi --.” She’s cut off by another wave of...well, you know.

“You’re sure? Gina Linetti?”

“JAKE.”

“Right, okay.” He shuts the door and turns only to run directly into Gina herself. “Aghh!”

“Lemme guess,” Gina says with a knowing smirk. “She’s asking for me?”

“Yes,” says Jake, bewildered. Gina and Amy are friends, sure. But of all the people Amy would ask for as she’s vomiting fridge smoothie, Gina’s pretty much the last person he’d have expected. Gina, on the other hand, looks completely unsurprised. She merely pats him on the shoulder as she walks past him and barges into the bathroom.

“Don’t worry Amy dearest, your favorite human has arrived.”

Jake did a double take. “Huh?”

Today is weird.

--

Fifteen minutes later both women emerge from the bathroom, Amy looking a little pale but otherwise okay.  Jake grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze, pulling her to a stop as Gina keeps walking.

“You good?” he asks. She smiles as she squeezes back.

“I’m fine. Just couldn’t handle the salami-egg roll-pizza smoothie, I guess. Wonder why?” she adds with a touch of sarcasm.

“Okay,” he nods. He’s just about to ask about Gina when Rosa calls over to them.

“Come on dummies, we’re about to start round two.”

“Yeah come on, dummy,” says Amy. There’s a playful glint in her eye as she pulls him to the center of the bullpen where the rest of the squad is waiting.

Gina has already taken her perch at the whiteboard, where each of their six photos are lined up.

“Charles has been eliminated,” she announces, crossing his photo out with a red sharpie. “Surprise, surprise.”

“Sorry buddy,” Jake says, giving Charles a pat on the back.

“Thanks, Jakey.”

“Moving on,” says Gina with a dismissing wave. “The next event is called ‘Dude Where’s My Bomb?’. One at a time you will each put on a pair of drunk goggles and search for the fake bomb I have hidden somewhere in the bullpen. Whoever takes the longest loses.”

“Oh you’re going down, Santiago,” Amy says, a smug smirk flickering across her face. “Drunk goggles are my shit.”

“You sure, Peralta?” Jake asks with mock concern. “Because I seem to recall you falling down a flight of stairs in drunk goggles mere months ago.”

“That was Charles,” Amy retorts.

“Yeah Jake that was me. How dare you confuse me, your best friend in the entire world --”

“-- Amy’s my best friend.”

“-- YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD,” Charles repeats, “With this flooze.”

“Hey that’s my wife!”

“Yeah not cool man,” Amy adds.

“SILENCE!” Gina bellows. Everyone shuts up at once. “You savages.”

Rosa gives Gina a silent nod of approval, causing Gina to wink back before continuing.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we will go in the order of the last game’s winners.  Which means -- and I can’t believe I’m saying this -- Hitchcock will be going first. Hashtag shudder.”

“Yeah baby!” Hitchcock says smugly.

Hitchcock’s winning the Jimmy Jab games.  Amy’s suddenly besties with Gina. And he just confused Amy for Charles.

If Jake didn’t know better, he’d think he was in the Upside Down.

--

It turns out the day’s more normal than he thought, because both Hitchcock and Scully get eliminated within the span of twenty minutes. Hitchcock straight up left the precinct during his turn because he heard someone mention an ice cream truck outside and Scully fell down the stairs in his drunk goggles less than thirty seconds after his turn started.

“We are now down to the final three,” says Gina as she crosses out both Scully and Hitchcock on the leaderboard.  “Which leads us to the acting portion of the competition.”

“Oh no,” murmurs Amy.

“Ha HA!” Jake cries. “You might as well throw in the towel now, Ames. We both know that I, Jacob Peralta Santiago, am the KING of --”

“Not that, Jake.”

The shakiness in her voice causes Jake to look over to where his wife is sitting, once again a ghastly shade of green. She has one hand on her stomach and her gaze is trained on the floor, on the one blue tile she always focuses on when she’s feeling panicky. Or nauseous, apparently.

“Ames?” he asks timidly. “Babe, you good?”

Amy gives one shake of the head before jumping out of her old desk chair and racing to the bathroom.  

Jake follows suit, fully planning on barging in this time because she’s his wife and she’s sick goddamn it, but before he can take even a step in that direction he sees someone walk past him.

Gina.

“I got it, Jakester,” she says as she continues past him.

“What? No,” Jake sputters. “Gina, I love you but I can go, you don’t have to --”

“Let her go,” says Rosa, grabbing his arm to stop him from going after Gina. “She’s got this.”

“Got WHAT? Rosa what the hell is going on?!” His voice is higher than he’d care to admit, but there’s clearly something going on that he doesn’t know about and it is stressing him the fuck out. “Rosa, if she’s sick or something I feel like as her husband I should be in the know. Right now I could not feel more outside the know.”

Rosa rolls her eyes. “Nothing, dude. Relax.  Gina has some mystical salve that she insists cures nausea. Amy wanted to try it. Just let her be.”

“Mystical salve?” Jake asks, raising his eyebrows. Amy would never buy into that.

“Ugh I know,” says Rosa with a slight look of disgust. “I’m pretty sure it’s just Vicks with raw ginger in it, but whatever. When she was...well, when she was sick she said it was the only thing that helped.”

Jake has approximately five million more questions. How did Rosa and Gina know that Amy was sick and not him? When did Amy start taking advice from Gina? And when did Gina start offering it?

But just as he’s about to ask, Gina and Amy are walking out of the bathroom.  

“Alright losers, listen up!” Gina calls from the front of the hallway.

Jake gives Amy a look, raising his eyebrows with concern.

“You okay?” he mouths.

She nods and gives him a slight, almost shy smile.

“In the interest of time we will be cancelling event three and moving straight into the final event,” Gina continues.  “Rosa, as you came in third in ‘Dude Where’s My Bomb?’, I am sorry but you have been eliminated.”

Oh crap. There is no way Rosa will take this without a fight. Rosa’s come in second the past two Jimmy Jabs, and they all knew how badly she wanted a win.  

So imagine his surprise when Rosa merely plops down into her chair, rests her feet on her desk and says, “Fine by me.”

“WHAT?!” Jake exclaims, unable to mask his confusion any longer. “How are you okay with this?”

Rosa just rolls her eyes. “Because, unlike you, I don’t need to win a stupid game to know that I’m a badass.”

“That stings, but okay. I guess,” Jake says, giving her one final confused look before turning to Amy. “What about you? You sure you can do this, babe?”

Amy walks over to him and places a hand on his chest. His heart instantly slows at her touch, allowing him to actually relax for the first time since this crazy-ass day began. She glances up at him with a sweet smile, pecking his lips before pulling back and looking him right in the eye.

“I promise I am more than able to kick your ass.”

“Alright then!” Gina exclaims. “She seems fine to me.”

Jake lets out a relieved laugh as he removes Amy’s hand from his chest and interlaces their fingers together. The entire precinct gathers around the couple, who are now standing right in the center of the bullpen. The scene is not unlike Jimmy Jabs of years past, except now instead of trying not to flirt with her, Jake is openly holding Amy’s hand and fiddling with her rings, wondering how in the world he got the hottest and smartest girl in the world to actually fall in love with him.

“The final event of the Decathlon of Wonder will be, as per tradition, an obstacle course,” Gina announces. “If the contestants could please keep their hands off each other, I will explain the rules,” she adds with a pointed look at both of them.

Jake gives Amy’s hand one final squeeze before letting go.

‘Thank you,” says Gina with a swift nod. “First, contestants must enter the break room, where they will eat an entire donut without using their hands.  Then you will race to complete Pin the Tack on the Terry, in which you will have to successfully place a thumbtack on a picture of Terry, specifically Terry’s nose, while wearing a blindfold. Once Terry has been successfully tacked you must race to the bulletin board on the second floor, where you will tear off a phone number from a roommate advertisement. And finally, you will return to the bullpen, where you must solve a riddle in order to be granted the key to the box of mystery.”

“Oh Amy,” says Jake with a smirk. “Amy, Amy, Amy. Are you ready to be owned by your loving, incredibly talented husband?”

Amy rolls her eyes.

“Weird take on a very strong and wonderful marriage, but okay.”

“Contestants, to your starting positions,” says Gina, cutting them off. Amy and Jake lineup facing the breakroom.  “On your mark, get set, HARMON!”

All the worry, all the weirdness of the day flies out the window as Jake and Amy sprint towards the break room, where two donuts sit on the worn wooden table. The crowd files in after them, cheering both detectives on as they hold their hands behind their backs and attempt to eat their respective donut. Jake finishes a hair ahead of Amy, jumping out of his chair mere seconds before Amy takes her final bite.

“Eat my dust, Peralta!” he calls over his shoulder as he flies across the bullpen to the briefing room.  

Unfortunately for him Amy’s lighting fast, so she reaches her station before Jake’s even finishing putting on his blindfold, an old bandana Gina found in the lost in found.

“Why can’t I get this stupid blindfold on?” he practically growls as he fumbles over the ends.

“Why can’t I get this stupid blindfold on -- title of your sex tape.” Amy briefly turns her head to smile at him, her eyes already covered by her own makeshift blindfold. It’s simultaneously the most sexy and most frustrating thing in the entire world.

“You wish,” Jake retorts. Amy’s grin widens before she feels around for her first tack.

“Yeah I do.”

“God, I love you.”

Finally after what had to be his fiftieth try Gina announces “Jake has tacked Terry’s schnoz!”, eliciting a groan from Amy and a full on “WOOP WOOP” from Jake.

He races down over to the elevator and this time he doesn’t even think about holding the door open for Amy. This year he’s winning all on his own, no matter what the cost. (Within reason, he’s not an animal.)

It takes forever for the elevator to come to a stop and for the doors to slide open. He scours the room for a bulletin board that might have a roommate flier on it, but just as he spots it he hears the familiar ping of the elevator door. Sure enough Amy’s flying straight towards him as soon as the doors open wide enough for her to squeeze through.

“NO!” he cries, lunging towards the board and ripping off the first phone number he sees. Amy’s right behind him as he slams his palm into the up button, hitting it repeatedly until the doors slide open. This time he actually hits the door-close button, but it’s too late. Amy runs into the elevator with at least five seconds to spare. Her cheeks are tinted pink, all evidence of her earlier sickness gone as they wait for the elevator to take them to their final challenge.

“You know Ames, you might as well just call it quits now while you can,” Jake says with a careless grin. Might as well take the time to slip in a little trash talk, just for kicks. “I’m clearly gonna win.”

“We’ll just see about that, babe,” Amy says with a smirk. There’s a twinkle in her eye, one that makes his heart physically ache, and for a second Jake is taken aback by just how beautiful his wife is. She’s in her favorite pair of jeans and his favorite sweater of hers, the pink one that makes her skin look like caramel. It’s almost, almost enough for him to want to give up entirely, to let her win and let his prize be seeing her happy, but then the elevator comes to a halt and the doors open and forget that, he has a Jimmy Jabs to win!

The two of them fly to Gina’s desk where a sealed envelope waits for each of them.  Jake tears his apart and reads the question:

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, wives. How many were going to St. Ives?

At first Jake freezes, the presh of trivia and riddles almost costing him the competition right then and there. But he reads the question again, and again, swearing he’s heard this particular puzzle before. In a movie, maybe? That’s when it hits him--

“It’s the Die Hard puzzle,” he gasps. Without thinking he calls out the answer. “One. The answer is one!”

“Ding ding ding,” announces Gina. “We have a winner!”

“YES!” Jake cries. The crowd around them erupts into cheers as Jake slaps the paper with the riddle on the desk before lifting both his fists in celebration. “I AM THE KING OF JIMMY JABS!”

“Congratulations Jake,” says Gina as she removes a tiny silver key from her front pocket. “Now I believe this belongs to you.”

“You hear that, babe?” Jake says as he snatches the key out of Gina’s outstretched hand. “I believe we now know who is the most glorious member of this couple?”

Amy, God love her, doesn’t look the least bit put out by the fact that she lost the games.  In fact, she is downright beaming. Why is she so happy?

“Care to congratulate me?” he asks as he dramatically waves the key in front of her face. “Me, the winner of five out of ten Jimmy Jab Games?”

Amy rolls her eyes as she gives him a playful shove.

“Just open your prize, weirdo.”

Jake grins as he takes the key over to the box, which had been left on Amy’s old desk.  

“You know, I really shouldn’t be that surprised anymore,” Jake continues as he slides the key into the lock.  “I think I’m just gonna have to accept that I am the ultimate --”

He pauses as the box clicks open, revealing a plain white box with his name written in Amy’s careful cursive.

“What’s this?” he asks, his heart racing as he looks up to see Amy’s smile has grown even wider. “Why’s my name on the box?”

“Just open it,” she says, prodding him along.  He gives her one final look of bewilderment before removing the lid. His jaw drops, his stomach filling with the most wonderful mix of joy, confusion, and excitement he could have ever imagined.

Because laying in the box are five positive pregnancy tests.

“Ames…” he whispers, looking up to see tears running down his wife’s face. “What the...Is this for real?”

“Mhmm,” she nods, bringing her hand up to her mouth in the way that makes him melt. “I took them two days ago on my lunch break. I was going to tell you right away, I swear! But then Rosa found me asleep in Babylon clutching the test and she got Gina to help me with the nausea and we kind of came up with this...”

She’s cut off by Jake lifting her off the ground in an (almost) bone crushing hug. He spins her around before gently bringing her back to earth. His arms stay around her waist as he touches his forehead to hers.

“We’re having a baby?” he whispers. He bites his lower lip in an attempt to contain his excitement but it’s no use. His grin is so wide it almost hurts.

“We’re having a baby,” she repeats, joy saturating her voice.

“Oh my god...” He lets out a laugh as he kisses her, rubbing the tears away from her cheeks as he brings a hand to her face. The crowd around them whoops and hollers, but they could care less. Because Amy is pregnant and they’re gonna be parents and he loves her so damn much.

After they break apart Amy leans into his chest as Jake wraps his arms around her waist.

“You’re really happy about this?” she murmurs, her voice vibrating against his heart.

“Oh Ames,” he all but whispers as he plants a kiss on the top of her head. “I am so, so happy about this.”

“Me too.”

“I do have one question though,” he says, causing her to take a step back so she can actually see his face.

“Yeah?”

He brushes a small piece of hair out of her face as gently as he can.

“Are you...are you saying I knocked you up?!”

Amy bursts into giggles as she runs her hands down his arms. It was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“Yeah babe, you sure did.”

[autumnpawtribe]

Just a moment in time - Vol'raka, Tiny, and Xiao Chun

Tiny had finally started to sleep long enough for her Papa and Ba to spend some more intimate time together.  It was a time to relax, and love, come together as a couple after so long apart.  Xiao laid against Vol, nuzzling into his neck in return to the trolls affections. "I love you so much, Vol... more than I ever thought I could." He whispered breathlessly still before giving a tiny chuckle. "I... did not hurt you, did I?" He finally asked, turning his head to kiss Vol's cheek and then gently press a kiss to his lips as he nuzzled their foreheads together. "No mah love."  He looked a bit sad that he hadn't been hurt, but kissed his mate on the top of the head softly.  "Ah be fine."  A soft chuckle accompanied the troll picking his mate up and tossing him over his shoulder.  "Ja gonna be crunchy furred.  Showah fer Xiao..." Xiao smiled and nodded. "I was worried, I think you are uh... bleeding in a few places." He said with a blush as he glanced down to Vol's thoroughly scratched up thighs as well as the few marks on his back. Before he could speak again, he squeaked in surprise as he was scooped up, clinging to his mate now as he was hoisted over his shoulder. "I miss being crunchy if it is from you..." He said with a little giggle as he hugged Vol's shoulder as he was carted off. "Nothin' wrong wit pain, lovah.  Ah crave et.  Ah'd say we fall asleep like dat, but Ah know dat any minute dat lil time bomb we got gonna wake up.  Ja take longah den me."  He swatted the pandaren on the ass just as he put him down.  "Get clean, ah gonna find pants.  Ah need a showah, get da tangles out mah hair an at least two houahs sleep." Xiao blushed a bit more, nodding. "I... almost forgot about your penchant for pain. I guess some part of me remembered otherwise I wouldn't have scratched you up like that." He said with a smile before squeaking in surprise as his ass was smacked. He turned around to lean up and give Vol a long, loving kiss before he could leave. "I... have never been happier than I am when I am with you. Never forget that. I promise, I will be here this time."  He said against Vol's lips, hugging him hard before sighing contently and pulling away to head off and do his oh so secret cleaning routine to keep his fur as wonderfully soft and plush as his mate had always known it to be. "Ja can scratch me up all ja evah want."  He'd never really let Xiao know how deep his want of pain went, one day maybe.  "Bettah be.  Scoot."  He busied himself with changing  and reswaddling their daughter and sitting next to her hammock to watch her sleep, singing another lullaby.  "Gotta sound proof ja room before we know et, hmm?" Xiao wandered off as his mate told him, the water running in the me functional but far less fancy shower since this wasn't the main home. Maybe an hour or so later, Xiao came back out, fur dry and wonderfully fluffy, grinning like a fool as he entered their daughter's room to find his mate. "Hey..." He nearly purred, love glowing in his eyes as he leaned against the doorframe. "Ja finally done...  longah den usual."  He sat in a chair, smiling as she ate and smirking.  "Second bottle en an houah.  Should warn ja.  Troll babies eat like big orc mons.   Bottomless pits mah ma'da once call em.  Get used ta dis, hmm?" Xiao chuckled a little. "There was more to clean up than normal. I also let my fur grow out a little more than normal so it takes longer to dry over the vent." He moved to sit across from Vol on the bed. "Do we have enough milk for her? You said it is goat milk, right?" "Ja.  Goats be outside at dis house, da Vale and Hillsbrad.  Da Admiral say he can get a Tauren fer helpin' out.  She get fed, Get ever'ting ah can be gettin' er. "  He said a few words in Zandali, trying to teach her even at that age.  "Yuutee Saakes, Zutopong.  Skam m italaf deh'yo ackee..." "Good, the last thing we would want is our little girl to go hungry, though I know you would never let that happen." He smiled, patting the bed. "Here, you two should come over here. Let her Ba feed her?" He asked with a hopeful smile. "What was that you said in Zandali just now, anyway? I still know... well, next to none of it, unfortunately." "Shadowhuntah, Daughtah.  Just a Hungry lil ting."   He stood and let Xiao hold the girl who was none too pleased about moving, and not eating right then and there.  "Ja get ta watch 'er a bit.  Showah."  Booping her daughter softly on the nose and doing the same to Xiao, he went to get himself clean, Xiao getting to deal with a whiny, amber eyed girl.  If Xiao looked, he'd see Vol's features, no doubt who sired her.  Amber eyes, the same green and gold hair, with the barest bright highlights of blue, and the same strong nose.  She looked up toward him, too young to focus on anything or properly see him. Xiao happily took the little bundle, cradling her against his bare chest, having only put on some loose linen pants after his shower. "Do not worry, I have her." He said with a smile as Vol headed off to take his now. He stared down at her now, having some true quality time with his daughter. Seeing his mate in her eyes, her hair, so much of him in every part of her. It actually made a tear come to his eye. He whispered to her in Pandaren now, letting the girl hear him speak in something other than his stilted and heavily accented Orcish. "My dearest daughter.. I will give you anything and everything I can... your papa and I, we will give you the world. You are the gift we never saw coming, the missing piece we never knew we were missing. Some day, you will have a brother or a sister. Your life will be filled with happiness, adoration, praise... and above all, love. This I promise you." He kissed her forehead gently, a single tear dripping down onto her cheek and causing him to chuckle as he leaned up and noticed it. "A little salty rain never hurt, hm?" He continued to murmur, wiping off the tear with the fur of his thumb. "You have not seen it yet, but your home... our home, the place we will eventually be a family, forever... your room will be everything you have ever dreamed of. Everything for our baby girl." It was then he gasped. "Vol!" He called out in Orcish now. "I have an idea, we need to talk when you are done showering!" He sounded excited, but his smile faded as he cringed, the loud noise making the poor girl fuss and cry. "Sorry, my lovely." He cooed in Pandaren again. "Ba is sorry, little one, shhh, it is alright. Here." He shook her bottle a bit, jostling the milk and getting her attention with the warm sustenance, quickly quieting her as she went back to drinking happily. "Talk bout what, hmm?"  He came out, clothed in a towel around his waist and one going at his hair.  "Et wait until ah able ta find pants.  Ever' tin' be down at da Vale or Hillsbrad."  Green locks were flopped over on one side and he had freshly shaved the sides of his head down to the skin.  "Gonna need ta clean tings up en 'ere."  He looked around, the room his daughter was sleeping in for the time the same she was born in.  "Ja gonna teach 'er Pandaren, ah gonna teach 'er Zandali.  Gonna get REshka ta teach her Thalassian..  an ALL of us be teachin' orcish." Xiao practically wiggled in his spot on the bed. "Maybe I do not want you to find pants." He said with a little grin. "Remember that... illusion on the top of the canopy in our bed in the Vale? I was thinking for her room, I could have Kyl do the entire room as an illusion. Instead of just normal wallpaper, we could have... an entire scene. Maybe a waterfall, a beautiful view, stars on the ceiling. I am not sure exactly. Ooh, maybe we could do a view from stranglethorn! Something to remind her of where she came from? I wanted to ask because, well, you said you had investments. I was hoping you might have some excess laying around. It would not cost nearly as much as the house upgrades did, the illusions were fairly cheap, actually. The thing that did the most damage, gold wise, was the engineered magically contraptions like the shower, the self-cleaning bed, and all of the, well, everything in the stables. I just thought, you know, it would be calming and beautiful?" "No.". He dragged the towel over his head and looked to Xiao intently.  "Not paying Kyl Dem prices.   He gonna learn ta haggle like a troll.   His price took ja  away.   Not happening again.   Stranglethorn be where she concieved.  Ja really tink ah wanna be reminded of dat?".  He wasn't made just matter of fact.  "We look into et, aftah ah surah day dat fuckin snakr not gonna slitha enta ouaj bed an kill me.  She not gonna appreciate et fer a long while.  Patience, lil love.  When ettime, we talk more on et." Xiao blinked. "No?" Then he heard the rest and nodded. "Kyl may haggle, honestly I do not know. I... did not think to try." He blushed a bit, never having been one to haggle. Then he frowned a bit sadly at the mentions of Stranglethorn. "Sorry, I thought Stranglethorn might be good, I didn't know that was where it happened." He shook his head. "I just did not think it through I guess." He said as he peered down at Tiny now, biting his lower lip and feeling a bit silly for his idea now. "We gonna figuah out sumpin, lil love.  Fer now, she not gonna care ef da walls be all white or just stone.  She gonna be en ouah room till we can get sometin so we can hear when she need us.". With a small kiss on his love's nose and a smile, he whispered softly.  "Ah not mean ta sound harsh.  Ja not know where dis all happen.  We both do thinking on et.  Sides, where she come from be Pandaria.  Dis da land of er birth, ja?"

[iero]

26 - 28 for the ask game!

Hi there! :)

26. What are some seemingly childish things you like?

Ooh, I had to think about this one for a bit... On my ground floor level where my kitchen and living area is there is hardwood floors and I still slide my socks on them. Also, I go out of my way to step on, like, crunchy things when I'm walking up my walkway or down the street or whatever. Also, I just eat, like, really childish foods sometimes? Chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs? Hell yeah.

27. What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

I've been reading fanfic for a while now to the point where I'm like, "A book... When was the last time I actually read a book?" My favorite book is probably always gonna be The Catcher in the Rye though. Like, it gets a lot of hate now, but it's classic in my opinion.

28. How are you, really?

I'm okay! Just trying to enjoy my second day off of the week! I'm a little bored, a little stressed trying to plan stuff out, but I'm alright! Thank you for asking this one.

And, thank you so much! 😊

[voidfish-junior]

The Adventure Zone: Commitment Episode 2 Thoughts

-so i realise i fucked up the capitalisation of the title completely in my last thoughts post and i apologise to all my listeners readers out there

-i’ve seen a post or two about the charcacter voice for nadiya and i’m super excited to hear it

-yeah i think griffin gets a pass on the character voice thing this time around given the fucking awesome number of character voices he did in Balance

-the fourth wall has cracks in it

-moRE MAPS?! :-D

-I’m looking at the map now (https://twitter.com/TheZoneCast/status/926136384620060673) and wow excellent use of dimensions and spacing once again clint

-what is this voice, clint? what is this voice? it’s like gravel with extra crunchy

-oh is it a machine like what made captain america?

-erm... i mean I don’t see why they wouldn’t wear stuff under their robes given they’re in a room with a load of work colleagues...

-wow spray tans less than ten minutes in

-magnus nadiya travis rushes in

-awkward small talk before getting superpowers time

-Nadiya doing her best to avoid awkward small talk

-see i’d have thought she’d be a fan of Hidden Figures tbh

-i’ve... never watched flubber.

-in fact none of their faves are ones i’ve watched :-/

-oh so it is a spray tan

-yeah skin cuccoons is not great name-wise for helping you keep your breakfast

-you’ve got goggles on remy

-yeah that’s the literal worst time for an itch bad luck remy

-this process does sound like something in a horror movie tbh

-oh thank god the skin golem thing isn’t permanent

-still take a shower after that tho

-nice job breaking the machines kardala(i think?)

-i get the feeling remy just goes *boing*

-btw hows nadiya doing?

-just when i wrote that...

-time for rems to do some heroic jumpy shit for the first time

-KARDALA!!!!!

-new superpowers who dis?

-kardala has major noms

-remy can’t bluff to save his life

-ooh there’s reinforcements

-uh oh nadiya’s in trouble

-this is why you don’t mix your experiments kids

-ooh shit

-ooooooh shiiiit

-i’m with remy you can’t point guns at people and then expect everything to be cool martine

-okay kardala is the bloodthirsty one i think

-i like nadiya experimenting with her new powers :-D

-remy’s all in there with the pop culture references

-so the gang goes to grab shwarma now i guess?

-~ad break~

-food is the most important question

-how do ya spell stromboli?

-i still can’t remember the names of all the department heads and don’t think i’m gonna given the shortness of this arc

-yeah the process is from a horror movie i’m with remy on the freaking out

-rescue mission an hour after getting powers?!

-nadiya cutting straight to the point

-of course she fled you stuck her in a cuccoon and pumped her full of chemicals there’s not a great deal of possibility that that wouldn’t be screwy for your mental health

-oh nice the abandoned theme park that classic battleground

-funny, my mind also went to animatronic jesus two seconds before travis mentioned it

-kardala doesn’t want to mary, she wants to ride off into the hills shooting arrows and with the wind in her hair

-omg intra-team fight

-...or not, nadiya’s just being clever

-remy is smart, remy will probably survive the thunder god

-nadiya is the font of all sarcasm-oh god

-this sounds so tacky

-the robot is creeeeeeeeeeeepy

-i don’t even need to see it i know it is

-...mr robot i am faithful but i don’t wanna talk about it right now thankyou sir goodnight

-the irony of a deity trying to talk to a robot about jesus

-or just kardala is a weighty soul

-yeah don’t forget your skillsets dudes

-kardala blagging her way around christianity gives me life

-nadiya you couldn’t be describing your job worse

-*snorts with laughter* science jesus

-nice field :-)

-slightly suspicious tho

-well i dig her asthetic

-...that took a turn for the darker quite quickly

-robots speaking obscure bible verses will never not be creepy tbh

-this isn’t gonna end well is it

-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww

-oh thank god it’s a robot head

-wait you ended on the unicorn charging and not on “Let’s roll for initiative”?!

[mistysnat]

you are my moon and all my stars, ch. 1 - faith/fred

faith/fred high school AU!

also on ao3

Faith Lehane sighs deeply and opens her eyes a crack as the dreary gray morning light filters in through her broken window blinds to softly—but surely—demand that she wake up. She has no clock in her room but she guesses it’s just about time to get ready for school. Her body has always been oddly attuned to different nature cycles, like mother nature or whoever decided to take some pity on her and grant her this mostly useless gift. Still, sometimes it comes in handy—when she was little, even when she was half asleep, she could tell by how bright the moon was what time it was and how soon her mom would arouse from her drunken stupor and be ready to come shake her awake and scream at her about one thing or another. Okay so maybe it wasn’t a special-gift thing and more of a having-fucked-up-parental-figures thing.

Faith curses quietly as she tries to untangle herself from her plain white bed sheet and ends up banging her knee on her metal bed frame. She unleashes another string of curses as she tries not to punch a hole in the wall. She’s really not in the mood for any shit today; she feels like she’s gonna blow a fuse.

She wasn’t even supposed to be going back to school. She’d decided sometime around finals last year that ninth grade would be her last. What was the point, when she already knows what her future holds? Why suffer through a bunch of stupid tests and ignorant assholes—both students and teachers alike—when she could spend her last good years smoking on the rooftops and fire escapes of the Boston metropolis, stealing lipstick and powdered doughnuts from convenience stores, and watching old cartoons while sitting on her mom’s sagging couch with a bowl of cereal and milk (after having sneaked back in through a window after her mom left for “work”, of course), and just generally having some fun before she accepted her fate of becoming a Wallmart manager or some shit. Or dead. But no, after having missed one too many days of school last year, her counselor had called Faith into her office to tell her that she suspected that she was about to drop out and didn’t want her “giving up on her future”, and that if she did drop out she would have to call both her mother and social services. Telling her counselor that school was a waste of time for someone like Faith would just make her more concerned, and she really didn’t want to deal with whatever reaction her mother would have (probably a lack of reaction, which would hurt even though Faith would swear it doesn’t). So at the moment it looks like Faith is heading back to P.S. 132, the fucking cesspit.

Faith grabs various black articles of clothing off of her floor and sniffs them. She decides they smell fine. After dressing, applying dark lipstick and heavy eyeliner and smoothing some gel lightly into her hair, she sticks a pen and a packet of cigs into her back pocket and walks out the front door, ignoring her mother who’s still passed out on the couch.

*

Faith was supposed to meet her counselor before her first class started to prove she showed up, but she’s late (of course) so she doesn’t. Instead she slinks into World History and takes a seat in the back. Maybe she can sleep if she closes her eyes three quarters of the way?

The first third of the day passes in a blur. During the fifteen minute snack break Faith heads to the library after getting bitched out by one of her teachers for not having her textbooks.

Faith pushes her way past the heavy oak doors, where the musty old-book smell of the library hits her square in the face. There’s a new librarian behind the counter, a stately woman with a twisted knot of brown hair and a burgundy suit. Faith thinks she looks too classy for this place.

“May I help you, young lady?” The woman asks in a light, posh British accent.

“Uh...yeah,” Faith says slowly, thrown by the young lady. “I need some books. Like, textbooks. For class.”

“Right, right. Well, do you have your schedule? I can take a look and see what you will need.”

Faith raises her arms in a half shrug. “Unless it’s pressed real tight to my body, then no. I clearly don’t have a bag on me or anything where it could be hiding.” She’s trying to keep the attitude to a minimum, but this whole school/authority figures thing is, as usual, rubbing her the wrong way.

The woman narrows her eyes. “The school was supposed to mail you a packet of papers over the summer.”

Ah, her mother refusing to ever leave their real address on any official documents strikes again. “Look, that shit never shows up and I’ve never had any problems about it with the old library guy, okay? And it’s not too hard for me to figure out what classes I’m gonna be in.”

The woman sighs and drags out a notepad and a pen, and begins making a list as Faith tells her what classes she’ll be attending this semester.

As the woman writes, Faith’s eyes wander, canvassing the large, wood-paneled space. Faith and the woman are alone (presumably everyone else got their books when they were supposed to) except for a tall, thin brunette girl who’s sitting at one of the back tables, chewing on one of her pigtails and furiously writing in a notepad as she leafs through a thick volume. She makes an excited eep! noise when she comes to a certain section of the book, and starts writing even faster. Who the hell studies this hard on the first break of the first day of school?, Faith thinks as she watches her. The girl, feeling Faith’s eyes on her, raises her head. She pushes her glasses further up on her nose and flashes a bright smile, then raises her right arm and waves. Faith frowns. Does she know this girl? No, definitely not. Faith looks away quickly, pretending she hadn’t just been watching her. She’s kind of cute. Too bad she’s also clearly a total bookworm.

“Here you are,” the librarian states as she sets a thick stack of books down on the counter with a heavy thud. “Remember not to write in them or damage them in any way, and please bring them back at the end of the semester.”

“Got it,” Faith dismisses as she struggles slightly to wrap both arms around the books.

She heads toward the door and as she exits the library, she can feel two sets of eyes watching her leave.

*

Faith goes to one more class, but ditches Algebra right after and walks outside. She can’t handle that shit today.

She walks across the crunchy, dead grass of the football field, pulling out a cigarette and sticking it in her mouth as she heads toward the bleachers. She’s such a cliché.

A small group of burnouts nod at her as she swings herself into the space under the bleachers. Faith is respected by the fringe societies of the school for her loner status and readiness to fight stupid assholes, despite not being a part of any group. She also became somewhat of a legend among them after she was caught fucking one of the head cheerleaders. As awesome as that was, the situation ended up being a whole mess that Faith would rather not repeat.

Faith nods back and leans against the metal leg of the bleacher, closing her eyes and taking a deep drag off of her cig. She starts to get drowsy as she smokes. The sun beating down through the filter of the bleachers mixed with a cool breeze feels great, and Faith feels more calm than she has all day. She hears a bell ring from a distance and the roar of hundreds of students as they enter the quad, and she deduces that the lunch hour must have started.

“Hi!”

Faith starts in shock and almost hits her head on the bottom of the bleacher. Her cigarette falls out of her mouth and lands in the dirt.

“Shit,” she mutters as she looks in despair at her ruined smoke.

She twists her head around and glares, wanting to see who disturbed her. It’s the girl from the library.

“Oh, sorry!” the girl exclaims in a high pitched, lightly accented voice. Faith’s not sure what the accent is. Southern, maybe? “I didn’t mean to startle you!”

Faith tries not to roll her eyes. “What were you trying to do?”

“Well, I noticed you up in the library and I figured I’d come say hi.” She sticks her hand out, Faith figures so that she can shake it. After a few beats she reaches out and grabs her hand, pumping it up and down. “My name’s Fred. Well,” she giggles, “it’s actually Winifred. But everybody calls me Fred. What’s your name?”

“Uh...Faith,” Faith says as she fumbles with her cigarette packet, trying to pull another one out.

“Ooh, Faith, that’s so pretty! I love it. Also, do you got any pot?”

[iztarshi]

Lunar Interlude I -- Episode 17

Ooh, carnival, that should make an episode that almost has to be dedicated to levelling up and shopping more interesting.

The BoB has only been in operation a year, so is this the first or second Midsummer Solstice festive they've thrown, I wonder? It's also nice to get a time of year, although it really hadn't occurred to me to wonder, previously.

Ooh, costumes. Magnus dressed like Taako.

Oh, is the "very slight man" where the apparently canonical mention of Taako being thin comes from? Yeah, I think they just meant he wasn't a wall of muscle like Magnus apparently is. They haven't exactly established… I don't think they've even established HOW Taako dresses yet, except that it involves a robe and wizard hat. And an umbrella, but if Magnus tries to take that he's gonna be seeing stars.

Don't know who Judge Lance Ito is, but it probably doesn't matter.

"Travis: I- I’d like to eat some fried centaur on a stick."

Uh.

Travis rolls to see how drunk Magnus gets XD These guys roll for some weird stuff.

Magnus deciding to just. Eat unicorn. Unicorn horn, too, which is definitely gonna be crunchy. I half expect him to be cursed to a half life :P

"Justin: I always assumed that the horn was its dick. Was that just me?"

Yeah, no, I think that was just you. I mean… how? Anatomically speaking, HOW?

No, I don't think a roc's egg is the size of a softball. Ogre's eyeball, maybe.

I'm not actually that sorry they're beating up the vendor, because he is definitely ALSO cheating. Okay, no, they don't beat him up.

Heeeee. I have no idea why or how there's a YEARLY eclipse, but I am charmed by the sunglasses being handed out. I remember that from my own eclipse viewing. (That was also the year we went to Disneyland Paris and I remember the 3D movie-ride had a big sign in front saying you couldn't use the 3D glasses for eclipse viewing.)

And here's the adventure. Possibly arriving slightly sooner because Justin was going to complain if it didn't.

I really thought this was going to be shopping and levelling up spiced up by a festival setting, it took them a whole episode last time.

"Uh, and as it reaches its apex and the light of the sun is completely blotted out, uh, the three of you can see in the sky, for- for just 2 seconds, uh, just a brief moment, the sky is filled with thousands of bright, white eyes. And they’re all just burning intensely, uh, and then as the sun and moon part from one another, they fade out just as quickly as they appeared."

That's legitimately extremely creepy, kudos to Griffin, but apparently foreshadowing and not an adventure for right now.

The Hunger?

"Travis: I slap her.

Griffin: She slaps you back."

YEAH. You hit him, Lucrecia. Break him of the habit of slapping anyone who looks woozy when he wants to talk to them!

"Travis: We walk around slapping everyone."

…damn.

God, this debriefing. Poor Lucrecia. I wonder if she's wondering why she ever missed them.

No, they're not fired, Lucrecia is just DONE with this conversation.

I want to take a brief interlude to talk about the characters so far. My impressions of them.

Taako's my favourite. He's still wavering on how smart he is and stuff like that, but part of the reason it shows is because he's GOT a character, and it's interesting enough for me to be trying to dig into it, so he's… it notices, when things about it change.

When Merle told him he was "street smart" in answer to him saying he definitely wasn't the smartest for the test it sounded like being kind, but it HAS become part of his character during the Rockport Limited arc. He's quick with a lie or a con, he's perceptive.

He also seems the most upset about Phandalin. None of them are exactly broken up about it, but it seems to be… weighing on him. He's most likely to bring it up or think about it, even if it's stuff like intending to send the train there because it's already destroyed. And it made sense that he was thinking about it when he was afraid they were about to destroy ANOTHER city. I feel like that's behind his certainty someone else should be doing this, sometimes. It wasn't a good start.

Magnus is. Uh. He's developing more personality, but I'm not sure I LIKE him right now. He's protective, reckless, a good comrade in battle. He also has no sense of boundaries, says some, uh, weirdly flirty things? In situations and to people where that's… I mean, he's a giant, muscle-bound warrior? And he smacks people when they're unconscious and shows no inclination to tone it down beyond not slapping them hard enough to break their jaw. So far he's acting like a bully.

On the other hand he's very, very loyal to his friends. Even if he's not always nice to them he would, demonstrably, jump 60 feet to save them.

Merle I still don't have a feel for? He evangelises, he quips, he goes along with whatever's happening. He cared a lot about his family, but they have… not come up since they all died.

So, that is my current feelings on them.

Back to whether they'll actually keep their mouths shut about the eclipse monster.

Aaaaah, right, HERE comes the levelling up etc.

Okay. Those were some weird personal messages. Nothing to do with the show itself. Uh. They have some weird listeners is all.

Hee! I like the slippies of haste. So does Merle from the sounds of it. So, Merle is now wearing fuzzy slippers while Taako is carrying an umbrella around. Awesome.

And Magnus is wearing mismatched gloves because they do different things. One on each hand.

Taako's doing this again. Only this time I'm not sure he's not doing it on purpose to mess with Leon. So hard to tell with Taako.

Nope, I think he's genuinely…

Oh, and in the background Magnus is telling Merle to shoot him.

"Travis: And I run over and pick it up, and I’m like, “I did it!”"

XDD

Is this where fashion!Taako started? With him getting fancy fan while also having a fancy umbrella?

Ooh, Umbra Staff can now cast Slow Fall whenever Taako wants. I wonder if it can do it whenever LUP wants? Like, if Taako falls off something and forgets to ask she can just do it anyway.

Taako got the pocket spa while his friends stared at a Mystery Bag. Will they die of curiosity if one of them doesn't buy the Mystery Bag?

"Travis: I’m pretty psyched Griffin, but it is very much like the feeling when a kid is begging for a dog, and the parents like bring home a goldfish."

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, okay. He has a pet! He possibly has the only piece of livestock on the moon! But still, it's not a puppy.

Yeah, they levelled up.

Taako's ability to make Transmuter's Stones sounds useful, especially if he's allowed to do it between adventures.

And next episode, a new adventure.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: [Sends selfie] Indie: Bangin or clappin? Rio: 😍😍😍 Rio: So peng Rio: Gurl who you fightin?! Indie: Not too extra like? I don't wanna go too hype w my garms Indie: There's a lad at college and he is proper peng no jokes Indie: I helped him fix his wheels now he owes me and tonight I'm collecting Rio: Nah, perfect Rio: effortless babe 🙏 Rio: Ooh, love that for you Rio: Obviously not a dickhead either if he didn't get humpty about you being a grease monkey Rio: Debrief after, like 💋 Indie: Wifey please, didn't give the boy no chances to do anything but moving aside Indie: Innit. The vibe feels good to me I'm about seeing what he's thinking to do tonight Indie: You out? Indie: I'll catch you over the crunchy nut like Rio: That's my baby! 😄😘 Rio: 🍀 Rio: Thinking 'bout linking if he's got eyes boo Rio: Yeah, I'm not home but fosho be back in the AM, I'll bring your faves back Indie: If he only wants to jam that's gonna feel dred after how amped ive got 💔😢 Indie: But I'm have him pegged for a chief tourist if he can't see what he was onto Indie: is it? Bit awkward to bring mckenna over if I've been kicking it all night with some other rudeboy 😂 think on Rio: N'awh baby, I'm sure he's gonna wanna chill too, ignore me, just tryna gas you up, not do the opposite, like! 💔 Rio: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Behave Rio: Whilst we're on the subject though Rio: I don't know how to say this, eurgh, but don't worry, not dying Indie: nahhhh give ME air I'm flatroofin here cos he's not like the hoodies in these endz Indie: And I am 😜 Indie: Girl get your words together Indie: Nothing you can't say to your wifey Rio: I know Rio: Just makes it seem so dramatic, not like I tell you about every hook up but then, not like I have to hide 'em either Rio: Its a bit of a wild one so, you're allowed to freak, yeah? Rio: I've been getting with Buster, for a bit, like Indie: I knew you had a mystery man but these is jokes Indie: You and Mckenna please Indie: always got beef with that boy 😂 Indie: like that can be hot but you two'd straight up merk each other Indie: Who's the lad proper? Rio: I ain't even joking Rio: It's mad, I know Indie: Watch! Are you legit with this 411? Indie: Oh my days Indie: That's so crump fam, nahhh Rio: I thought you'd figured it out, like Indie: How am I gonna be putting my finger on that madness Indie: How long you been linking up? Rio: I know, its fucked up but Rio: its happened, happening, whatever Rio: like 2 years... Indie: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Indie: I thought you were gonna be a month gone Indie: Rio Indie: He's your hubz oh my god Rio: Whoa, nah, it ain't like that Rio: You recall his two baby mamas? Indie: I haven't mashed with the same lad for 2 weeks straight Indie: He's your hubz Indie: You got one you're hiding???? Cos you be telling me tales for 2 years Rio: You trippin' Rio: No, nah, its not like that Rio: I didn't lie Rio: you can see why I didn't tell, can't tell nobody else like but idk, its making me feel insane and I wanted to tell you Indie: Girl please you pushed me over 😂 Indie: Not fit to broadcast Indie: But you could have hit me up with getting that good for 2 years Indie: I've done wilder Rio: Serious? Rio: You not gon' block me 'til I get some sense back? Indie: vexed I can't get my own taste now Indie: But that's not your damage Rio: 🤷 You're still free to try, babe Rio: Thanks for not totally losing it Rio: Had to get it out Indie: I'm not gonna do you like that, we fam Indie: Tell me about the 🎁 cos he's dripping w 💸 Indie: His body be as good as bling tho Rio: 💖 Rio: I told you it ain't like that tho Rio: Probably still gon' get with another rich ass white girl Rio: you still my only bae Rio: [Sends picture of the bracelet] Indie: You been riding him for 2 years Indie: Who else has he ever got with more than a couple of times? Please Indie: 2nd baby mama only lasted ??? weeks Indie: He's your bae Indie: Sick? That's 💰💰 dropped Indie: I'm taxing it Rio: Okay, I do like him Rio: but I'm not telling you like this is an engagement post, let's calm down, yeah? 😂 Rio: Try it, bitch Rio: We might be fam but there will be blood 🥊😉 Indie: I'm seckled, not trying to chat like you want him to put another baby in you Indie: But you're a grimy jokester if you reckon him coming back to roll with you every time is no thing Rio: Another?! Bitch where's my first? Rio: but, he just tried to get back with #2, she said no (duh, so what if he's just...putting up, 'cos he can't get better? Indie: He's got 2 so far is what I was yelling out 😂 Indie: You're the best, wifey 👑🔥🍑 no gas Indie: He can flex but he can't do better Indie: Mckenna ain't that much of a tourist. He knows what he's got Rio: You're such a sweetheart, you know that? 💎 Indie: Trust. He knows how sweet you are. Fuck his babymama who can't even rep the 24, he's on that criss new shit with you Indie: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Indie: Has been since before she rolled in Rio: Fuck it Rio: even if you ain't, you SHOULD be right Rio: not vibing this insecure shit ❌💩🖕 Indie: Yeah Indie: There's no hype Indie: You're one sick bitch Indie: Can I come out with something tho? Rio: Lawd Rio: I'm ready, go for it Indie: It's chill I'm not claiming you 411 about 🍆 measurements reh teh teh Indie: Wondering how you put 2 years in with all those fam functions, innit Rio: It ain't been easy like Rio: but if you gotta, you make it work like Rio: I'm 99% sure no one else knows, like you said, why would you assume that? Its a pretty good cover tbh Indie: I reckon you'd know if anyone did, his mum would invite you over for dins and be like you're going to hell, can you pass the salt tho Rio: 😂 Rio: Don't Rio: drag me there herself, I'm sure Rio: Jesus Indie: least you'd meet him there cos he's no 😇 Indie: oh my dayz have you ridden him with me home? 😂 Rio: Gurl, hush Rio: 👃 Indie: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Indie: Such a yeah Indie: oh man how many times have you fucked him on our sofa and I never knew Rio: Its pretty grotty anyway, babe Rio: I'm not taking all the blame for that one 😜 Indie: bet that's a turn on for him Indie: rich boy Rio: Povvo porn Rio: I hope not, Rio: how fucking insulting, we'd have a real problem then Indie: If he was thinking he was just in it for the slum I'd merk him Indie: Got the advantage cos he don't be knowing I know Indie: It's jokes anyway you make sick 💸 Rio: Better watch his back Rio: I'll not let on you know like 🤐💅 Rio: Yeah, exactly, we moving on up baby gurl! Indie: Naah he's your hubz you'll be chatting all that Indie: screenshooting all my words Rio: Please Rio: I ain't that hoe Rio: #loyal Rio: plus you got it the wrong way 'round, I'm meant to bombard you with all the dumb shit he says like you can do anything about it Indie: 😂 Indie: Bet his drunk dials are madness Rio: 😂 you have no idea Rio: best kept that way, trust Indie: Law it. I can't believe this is how you living Indie: life and wife goals bitch Indie: vexed on my rudeboys behalf that he can't standup to it Indie: Like yeah we gonna roll together but my head be on this like Rio: Glad you think so 😜 Rio: They'll call you an enabler when they're carting me off but you just my hypeman, don't get it twisted lads Rio: I'm soz 💋 Rio: Still gon' have fun, make it happen, boo Indie: not bothered Indie: yeah my night is looking bare hectic still Indie: You seeing your boo? Indie: cos if you're riding w him you best 2s me some deets in the AM Rio: Might do Rio: I'll be sure to let you know once I've heard all of your goss Rio: I'm thinking pancakes, yeah? Indie: could be none 😢 you know Buster ain't no virgin least. I can't speak for my lad Indie: He ain't moist or anything but he's a quiet one. Shy Indie: 😋 Indie: I'm with that plan Rio: Shy is good Rio: Doesn't mean he ain't wid it Rio: I'll let you go and find out if its worth the hype Indie: And I'll let you know Rio: You better Rio: Love you bitch Indie: Love you more wifey Indie: ✌ Rio: 💋

[juhaku-inspired]

Tag meme~

I was tagged by @black--kuro, thank you!! I realize you’re supposed to do the questions the person who tagged you gave but tbh I really liked some of the ones you got so I’m gonna do both?? there were no actual rules so I’ll make my own >:D

I tag: @zepars @luciells @all-ringils-blazing & anyone else who wants to do this~ if you want to of course~

What’s your favorite flower?

I don’t really care for flowers, but I like roses I guess???

What would you say is your “trademark”?

prob my purple hair. even if it’s blue rn I’m redying it purple in a few days.

What’s something that fascinates you and why?

everything. space, cultures, languages & psychology in specifics I guess. 

What song describes your aesthetic?

my aesthetic clothing-wise is really varied but everything else wise, you may notice, is all space. And the ocean. to be like...simple I’d say Ground Control by All Time Low and Left Alone by blink-182 are my Shit.

What is your favorite word and why?

my favorite word in Swedish for a while was ‘kackerlacka’ which is literally just ‘cockroach’. Don’t ask, I have no idea. uhh idk about English but I love Japanese adverbs & any word that like?? repeats?? (Examples: girigiri - barely. nakanaka - very.) idfk they’re cute okay Japanese is cute. 

Do you know the meaning of your name? If so, tell me!

Natasha means like born in winter or something (which I was, lmao) and Alex has so many different meanings like, idk, pick whichever you like best.

Any hidden talents? If so, what is it?

I guess writing is a hidden talent?? hidden from my irl friends and family at least??

You’re amazing and I hope you’re having a wonderful day! Just a compliment to make your day, you may proceed now ♡

This is adorable. thanks @ the person who definitely didn’t tag me in their post of these questions.

Use this space to say whatever you want (tell me a fun fact, something that happened and you want to share, vent, anything! Use it as you please)

Ooh I just realized they have Moana on Netflix and that makes me super happy cause I fuckin’ love that movie but I’ve only seen it once and now I can watch it ten times in one day if I want!!! the wonders of technology!! 

Tell me something you love about yourself

Idk. My love for things I guess? wow sappy. moving on

What’s your Hogwarts house and why?

I’m a Slytherin! sometimes I’m not sure how I am but then I say something bluntly or realize I won’t do something if it doesn’t benefit me in some way and I’m like ‘oh yea’ (idk much about the house’s traits really but idk how cunning or ambitious I am, lmao) (i’m also a hypocrate cause I say that ‘don’t do anything if it doesn’t benefit you’ and I like helping people a lot so like??? what’s the truth??)

Actual questions I was tagged in:

What’s something you ever wanted to do?

I wanna travel a lot, I guess. I also want to go to college lmao

Do you like that crunchy part of the pizza or do you don’t eat that?

the crust?? I’ll eat it depending on what pizza place it’s from. and if I have ranch or not.

Do you have a song that you never get sick of? If so, what is it?

Tidal Waves by All Time Low, I suppose. I Relate™ in a way that probably has nothing to do with what the actual lyrics mean but I’ve projected on it to the point where it has it’s own meaning haha!!!

What question do you hate to answer?

I don’t get asked questions really. I suppose the only one I’ve really gotten is if I’m not stretching my ears anymore because other people don’t like them ‘that big’. I don’t remember when my ears became an issue for someone else, but, yanno. I say no cause I’m not going to and they’re usually happy about that. They also say my size rn is okay (8mm) but anything bigger is gross????????

What is the most memorable class you have ever taken?

uhhh I guess I’d say my 7th grade math class. I fuckin’ hate math but my teacher was an amazing guy and actually made me not want to cry during every lesson. 

Describe something that happened to you and you still find no explanation to it.

I have no idea lmao. I don’t get like any paranormal activity or anything fun. my life is boring.

Have you ever had any surgeries? If so, which ones?

I have not. thankfully, I guess.

What is your favourite commercial?

I don’t watch TV on an actual TV really anymore but my fave I overhear now is the one where Leslie Odom Jr. sings the Nationwide theme :D I love him

When was the last time you went to the cinema? What film did you watch?

ooh boy idk when it was but I saw Moana <3

What is the longest you’ve been without sleeping?

probably just 24 hours. I don’t survive very long xD I’ve never had to really, either. I’ve stayed up for fun but I’m sure me in college will beat my current record.

What was the first thing you thought today after waking up?

ah well I wake up to my alarm telling me to take my bc pill so usually the first thing I think of is turning it off and taking it. weird, I know. 

My questions:

-What inspires you?

-What song holds the most meaning to you?

-Anyone you like? (haha)

-Favorite thing about the world?

-Favorite thing about yourself?

-Which fictional character do you relate to the most?

-Favorite video game? And if it applies, favorite class to play in video games?

-Reason to smile? (trick question, the answer is cause you exist & I love you muahaha)

[seanconneraille]

*kracks knuckles* I was tagged by @jadisjavaisuncoeur 

Ça va chier è___é

(long ass post so everything under the cut)

Rules: You can tell a lot about a person based on the music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and tag 10 people. 

Symphony n°5 in E minor op.64 - Tchaikovsky

Stillness in Time - Jamiroquai

Danger - f(x)

Soul Sacrifice - Santana

Deceptacon - Le Tigre

The Pitch (Spectacular, Spectacular) - Moulin Rouge OST

Enter Sandman - Metallica

Le Trouvère, Choeur des Gitans - Verdi

Heat - Eric Serra (Fifth Element OST)

Monsieur - Thomas Fersen

RULES: Tell who is your favorite character from 10 fictional works (Shows, Movies, Novels, Etc.) & tag 10 people! 

1. Death from the Discworld

2. Madalena from Galavant

3. Derek Hale from Teen Wolf

4. Yuuri Katsuki from Yuri on Ice

5. Sena Kobayakawa from Eyeshield 21

6. Mob from Mob Psycho 100

7. Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation

8. Bart from Dirk Gently

9. Pidge from Voltron

10. Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove

rules: spell your url name in songs but you can only use an artist once

S - Shooting Stars - Bag Raiders

E - Electrical Storm - U2

A - A Boy - G Dragon

N - Needing/Getting - OK Go

C - Célébration - 113

O - Ooh La La - Goldfrapp

N - Never Ever - All Saints

N - Not Today - BTS

E - Everybody - Martin Solveig

R - Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

A - Alone - Selah Sue

I - I Feel It Coming - The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

L - Lucid Dreams - Franz Ferdinand

L - Last Living Souls - Gorillaz

E - Everybody Needs Somebody - The Blues Brothers

playlist on shuffle, ten songs (again)

Some People - Goldfrapp

Le bapteme - M

African Tonik - Mokobe

One - Metallica

Destiny - Lenny Kravitz

Here they come! - John Williams (Star Wars OST)

Happiness - Kasabian

Smile - Lily Allen

Intro (from Demon Dayz) - Gorillaz

I Want You - Martin Solveig

tag 20 followers you want to get to know better

• Name: sean

• Nickname: sean

• Gender: female

• Star sign: aquarius

• Height: 172 cm

• Sexual orientation: not really sure

• Hogwarts house: slytherin

• Favorite color: pfffff i don’t know

• Favorite animal: pfffff let’s say cheetahs

• Time right now: 17h35

• Cat or Dog person: both

• Favorite fictional character: nope, not gonna answer this

• Favorite singer/band: same.

• Dream trip: iceland

• Dream job: billionnaire so i can give money to friends, artists, writers and people who need some.

• When was this blog created: january 2011

• Current numbers of followers: 477

• What made you decide to make a Tumblr: some of my fav artists from deviantart moved here so i followed them

• Why did you pick your URL: because it’s been my username since 2003 (i think)

Put your music on shuffle and write the first 10 songs (and again)

Let’s Go Fly a Kite - Mary Poppins OST

When the Saints Go Marchin’ In - Dionysos

Number One - Big Bang

Midnight City - M83

Come What May - Moulin Rouge OST

Titanium - David Guetta ft. Sia

Heartbreaker - Led Zeppelin

Club Foot - Kasabian

Love Me Right - EXO

Discothèque - U2

name 10 of your favorite characters

Yuri Plisetsky from Yuri on Ice

Hiruma from Eyeshield 21

Reigen from Mob Psycho 100

Gareth from Galavant

Gina Linetti from Brooklyn Nine Nine

Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation

Kyouya Ootori from Host Club

Saitama from One Punch Man

Shitty Knight from Check Please

Kevin from Dirk Gently

post 5 random facts about yourself:

when i was young i thought people couldn’t hear the noise i made while eating as long as my mouth was closed so i enjoyed making a lot of noise with crunchy things until the day my mom destroyed my dreams and told me to tone it down.

i still use my 14 yo cd player when i go on trips.

i’m trying to fight my fear of spiders like, i’ve always been ok with really really small ones but now i kinda don’t mind the super thin ones (whatever size they are). i’m still really not ok with the more muscular ones.

i never dyed my hair.

i get cold real fast in winter but also get hot real fast in summer.

5 things tag game

5 things you will find in my bag:

Tissues

Keys

Phone

Another bag (bagception)

Wallet

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

Darth Vader

Daft Punk

Bruce

Gary

Draco Malfoy

5 things I always wanted to do in life:

See the northern lights

Backflips

Pet a tiger

Wear a princess dress

Use the Force to fly things right into my hand

5 things I’m currently into (aka the usual):

Yuri on Ice

Food

Trying to finish things i started

I feel it coming by the Weeknd and Daft Punk

Avoiding people

5 things on my to-do list:

See friends

Go to Iceland

Get a life

Finish writing my victuuri fic

Win Euromillions

5 things people may not know about me:

I don’t like macarons

I like nature a lot but i don’t go often because i hate hiking so if i could teleport myself on a mountain it’d be great.

I was very good at german in middle school then had a really shitty teacher in high school that made me hate the language and now i don’t remember a lot of if and i’m pretty sad about it.

I can’t roll r’s

I love snow

BOOM! DONE è_é