#or 3. to try and pressure me into getting deeper into church stuff

[moneygoblin04]

Not doing great right now tbh. Probably proven by the fact that I got cut off by the tag limit. Fun fun fun fun fun.

[cladestruction]

PART I of my super long aotd thoughts (and prayers) commentary/analysis extravanganza🤪

warning: spoilers. repetition of words/expressions hehe. badly written (english is not my first language lol). looong text. biased opinions because this is my blog and i get to do with it as i please.

Press conference and failed plan: i love how there’s practically no time jump in the beginning, i find it both dynamic and realistic. as the world’s most famous band/people, they’re always right at the center of attention, even more after such major events like the ones in dsr, so the press conference is great: is sudden and painful to watch, it’s awkward as the boys try to answer the clearly triggering questions in their usual laid-back, disinterested manner, and barely succeed in doing so. also, this scene establishes three elements that i’m so grateful for: 1. Toki is safe with them again but still visibly fucked up, 2. the boys Don’t Remember what happened after they found Toki (the dethlights and stuff), 3. Nathan is the exception, he remembers but doesn’t quite understand wtf happened, and it haunts him. i love how Magnus is talked about in this movie and this scene, the public and the press don’t have much information about him and the band (i guess?) so calling it a tragedy is practically the easiest way to label it, but the reality is waaay deeper, and the fact that this comes back later on? i love it. i also like that the band’s plan announcement shows exactly what i wanted personally: how much Charles' guidance is missing. the boys are erratic and messy, and considering their actual behavior throughout the show it’s actually very rational for stars like them to want to jump right into action. bc it’s their job, their passion, and there’s pressure on them to do something: either talk about what happened, acknowledge their trauma and heal, or get to work and give people music so they can shut up and stop asking questions the boys are not prepared to answer. the tour fails before it begins and it’s great. the fact that Nathan only gets exhausted right after announcing they were back and ready to kick ass adds so much weight and drama, i love it. here we get a beautiful, stunning, amazing sequence with great voiceover and visuals. 10/10 i love the black/white/red sequence with Nathan’s silhouette falling and falling and a bunch of menacing shadows haunting him while the deththeme plays on the background. Masterpiece me thinks.

Crozier: the voiceover is AMAZING (i always loved his voice tbh). Crozier was kind of an annoying character to me throughout the series. he’s the typical american military authority and i’m not a fan, but i have to say i was very excited to see him get more depth in just one scene! i couldn’t help but feel for the guy as he failed to deliver what could’ve been his last words. it feels desolating to see him once again be left in the hands of these mysterious and shady people who are constantly preying on him. this sequence also gives much insight to the Tribunal, which is great to make the audience feel more on edge with their plan and see Salacia as a threat. the song of salvation is mentioned, the metalocalypse, Charles and the Army of the Doomstar. it’s great exposition without taking too much screen time. big fan of scenes like that.

The Church: what can i say, i love the (found) family dynamic. it’s always been there on the show, but this movie really took it to a whole new level and i’m living for it. Ishnifus’ funeral is a great detail. my man did nothing wrong in his short appearance on the finale of the show+dsr, and as a high priest, it feels only right to remember him and pay respects even if it’s for such a short scene. moving on, Toki with headphones is so important to me. he seems a bit recovered but it’s obvious something changed in the band’s behavior toward him. it seems it’s already normal for them to look out for the youngest and tend to him without as many reservations as they once would’ve shown, at least Pickles looks very used to it, even if it’s also clearly a lot of responsibility and he most likely has to deal with by himself (Murderface doesn’t really help and Skwisgaar is very cold and kept to himself. even if he complies with Pickles’ orders, he seems painfully closed off, and Nathan might actually be of help when present, considering Toki wanting to go to the bathroom with him and hinting that this is something they do now. but Nathan is not very present so yup, that’s that). moving on, Charles is…different. he was always calculated and cold but i kinda feel bad for Pickles (and Nathan later on) when they talk to him. Charles uses very mystical(?) language now and talks to the boys in a mysterious and ominous tone, it feels very impersonal, but it’s so good story-wise that i just can’t complain. Pickles’ reaction to Charles telling him that his role in saving the world is just: to be a friend to Nathan is AMAZING. Pickles is clearly nervous and expectant (it’s the end of the world, after all) but then he just asks “that’s all?” and it’s literally the BEST thing he could’ve said. he already IS a friend to Nathan, he has been so for years, even when things had already gotten ugly, so what more should he do? is it not enough? would he even be able to be such a good friend to Nathan if the frontman is being so closed off? the honesty in Pickles’ doubt is great and i love him so so much. moving on, that Edgar exchange with a very dozed-up Nathan almost made me cry. Edgar’s face when Nathan brushes him off is ugh, my heart hurt so so bad for him :( i’m sooo happy this wasn’t his last appearance and final interaction with Nathan. moving on, Nathan and Charles speak and it’s pure exposition, but i like it bc, again, is made clear and dynamic. i reiterate my point about Charles being too ominous-y (?) in his way of talking, making an already exhausted Nathan even more tired and overwhelmed. it feels even a bit out of touch and cruel of Charles to do this but, again, it fits just perfectly in the narrative so i like it.

The fucking PROPOSAL!!!: oh god, ok. i love Abigail, believe me. i remember being so desperate to see a female character appear on the show for more than 1 episode and not be killed off immediately that i screamed when Abigail came around. seeing her again in this movie, alive and well and receiving help really augmented my lifespan. that said, i am happy this is The Abigail Scene of the movie. she’s shown strong, confident, and most importantly, wise. she couldn’t say yes to Nathan, that’d be absurd, but she declined very elegantly. and though Nathan was already going through a lot, she was clear, direct and honest, while expressing respect towards him as a man and towards his feelings for her (though confused and not very well-founded, were honest). she wasn’t cruel but she also didn’t sugarcoat the stuff that Nathan Needed to hear. especially considering how he was acting, how uncharacteristic and weird he was behaving. and no, i won’t say “oh Nathan Explosion would NEVER get on his knees and beg” bc we all know that’s not true lol, but it was very erratic behavior, desperate and needy for all the wrong reasons, and please let’s again remember how much xanax/red wine/coffee this man had on his system !!! and oh, don’t even get me started on how important it was for Abigail to clear up how her kissing Nathan at the end of dsr was an act of shock and thrill of what they just went through. they barely knew each other but Nathan still went and saved her, and while Nathan was just out of all the fucked up shit that happened in dsr‘s last act, she kissed him. they almost dies, and in such extreme conditions they did what they did and that’s ok. but to think there would be more after that was, well, kind of an illusion. and that’s sad but true. in summary, Abigail is a queen and i love her with my whole heart and lungs. if you ask me, i’d love to have seen her more and i actually think her and Nathan could’ve worked out if things were different, or maybe they could be great friends. but for the short scene she got, i think she was great. Nathan breaking up with the fans right after is such a good scene too. he’s lashing out and it makes perfect sense for him to do so. and tbh i will go and say it: he wasn’t wrong in what he said. yes the fans are always there to support the band (i’ll talk more about this in the ending) but they also are constantly setting expectations. the fact that they’ll go and celebrate 99.5% of whatever the band does, the constant fear of losing them is still there, and for Nathan it’s infuriating bc it might get difficult for him to believe that these people will love everything he does, especially bc he, in this moment of his life, doesn’t feel loved.

last part of the church scene: Rockzo. i’m glad his scene was short, i dislike him and don’t enjoy him at all, but i will admit that after witnessing such a painful heartbreak/horrendous proposal, hearing Rockzo start singing Amazing Grace made me laugh very hard. great comedic timing, i liked it.

Dethklok tries to cheer up Nathan: i talked about this before, when they released the teaser clip and all. when i saw that with no context i did feel like Pickles was acting especially concerned toward Nathan here, and he even sounded a bit needy. now that i know it’s because of what Charles told him, it makes so much sense. he feels almost obliged to support and even comfort Nathan in ways that he hadn’t done before, but of course it is! the world is at stake! he is trying his best and he even goes against what he thinks, shown by how he actually doesn't appreciate Nathan treating them like crap and calling them “fuckbags” and “jackshit”. i love how those little details build up tension between them.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Answer asap (I feel bad saying that, but I'm stuck). Do you have any resources for dating/not dating non-christians? A dear friend of mine told me they care for me, and I feel the same for them, but... all the resources online warn again and again not to date non-christians lest they endanger my faith. I feel like going forward with this would be ignorant at best and would set us both up for heartbreak. And I fear my fear itself would lead to me trying to convert them. But I still care for them.

Hey, anon! Thanks for reaching out -- the rhetoric among many Christians against interfaith relationships, particularly with the argument that they’re “unequally yoked,” is something I haven’t addressed in years, and have been meaning to discuss again. 

Little disclaimer at the start that this stuff is so contextual, and it’s personal -- I don’t know your life as well as you do, or this friend of yours like you do. Maybe what i say doesn’t fit you and your situation. 

_____________

To begin, I firmly believe that interfaith relationships can be and often are truly beautiful, holy partnerships. (This includes relationships in which one or multiple members identifies as an atheist / otherwise doesn’t ascribe to a particular religion.) 

When both (or all) members are respectful of one another’s beliefs, and find as much joy in learning as in teaching their partner(s), their unique perspectives can deeply enrich one another. You can bear good fruit together that glorifies God and nourishes others. 

This being said, you definitely want to at least begin working through your worries and fears before starting to date this person. If you enter the relationship overwhelmed with fear or guilt about dating them, it’ll bring a lot of resentment and angst. The rest of this post points out things you’ll want to reflect on and read up on before entering this or any interfaith relationship -- and offers resources that can help.

_________

Interfaith Partners: Always “Unequally Yoked”?

I’m sure you’ve seen a certain phrase on those websites you mentioned, drawn from 2 Corinthians 6:14 -- “unequally yoked.”  I’m going to end this post with some alternative ways of interpreting this verse, but what Christians who advise against interfaith relationships take it to mean is something like this:

Just as two animals yoked to the same plow should be of equal strength and on the same page so that one doesn’t do more of the work, or get tugged away from the work by the other one, two partners should also be of equal “spiritual” strength and on the same page when it comes to their faith...

And of course, these people will say, a person who is Christian is definitely spiritually stronger than any non-Christian -- and a non-Christian might just pull them away from The Way, getting them to skip church or prayers or even stop being Christian entirely.

But there are a lot of assumptions there that don’t hold true in every relationship, right? First off, who says every Christian is necessarily “spiritually stronger” than every non-Christian? To claim that is to assume that non-Christians don’t also have access to spirituality or to the Divine -- which I’m going to push against throughout this post. 

Furthermore, the assumption that a non-Christian partner will definitely harm your own Christian faith doesn’t have to be true, as I’ll get to in a second.

So yeah, keeping these assumptions about an interfaith relationship being inherently “unequally yoked” in mind, and with a plan on returning to this phrase at the end, let’s move on to specific things you should think about before entering an interfaith relationship. 

______________

Must a non-Christian partner “endanger” your faith -- or can they enrich it?

If being open to learning about how our fellow human beings perceive the world, humanity, and the divine “endangers one’s faith,” perhaps that kind of faith was not made to last. Perhaps it has to give way in order to birth a new, deeper faith -- a faith that is bold enough to wrestle with God as Jacob did; broad enough to survive questions and doubts and times of grief; and wise enough to perceive the Spirit blowing wherever She will (John 3:8), not only among Christians.

If your partner truly respects you and your faith even if it’s different from theirs, they’ll do what they can to help you be the best Christian you can be -- or at the very least, they will give you the space and time you need to go to church, pray, etc. And you will do the same, helping them to be the best Muslim, Buddhist, or simply person they can be.

I highly recommend asking this friend of yours before you start dating what their thoughts are on your being a Christian, and/or on Christianity in general.

Is it something that makes them happy for you? is it something that makes them deeply uncomfortable? or something that they don’t have strong feelings one way or the other on? .

How “involved” would they be open to being in your faith? Would they be interested in going to church with you, as long as they could trust you weren’t trying to force them into anything? Would they enjoy talking about your varying beliefs together and how they impact your lives? Or would they never ever want you to bring up Christianity (which I imagine for you would be a deal breaker)? .

Be open and honest with one another about what expectations you each have about things like boundaries around discussing faith, about time and space you each want for practicing your faith, etc. As you seem aware, it’s better to get all this clear before you start dating, to avoid problems later down the road! 

For an example of what such discussions might look like, I found this story from Robert Repta, a Christian man married to a Jewish man. Their union, he says, has included working out what it means not only to be gay persons of faith, but also persons of two different faiths:

“Ultimately, what happened was that in our struggles to find ourselves, we ended up growing closer together. We both supported and challenged each other. We began asking each other bigger life questions and talking about religion, God, science. Both of our lives were evolving, and what started to happen was that we started seeing the similarities in our core beliefs more than the differences. Some of those beliefs even evolved along the way.

We both believed in God. We both believed that God is love. We volunteered together. He would occasionally come with me to church, and I would occasionally go with him to the synagogue. Eventually, I could see that the common thread between us was unconditional love. The same unconditional love of God.”

_____________

On pressuring a non-Christian partner to convert -- assumptions about Christian superiority & fearing for their afterlife destination

It’s really good you recognize that it might end up being hard for you not to try to get this person to convert! Before dating them, you should keep reflecting on this and decide whether that’s something you can let go of or not. If it’s not, then you’re probably right in thinking this relationship won’t work out. 

It would be highly disrespectful to this person you care about to pressure them to become a Christian in order for you to feel okay about being with them. (And for more thoughts on how evangelism and conversion as carried out by many Christians isn’t what Jesus had in mind, see this post.) Doing so would imply a lot of things, including that you don’t think they’re a worthy or equal partner unless they make this big change, that whatever beliefs or ideologies they currently hold are inferior to yours, etc.

In order for your interfaith relationship to go well, you would need to come to understand non-Christians as being equally made in God’s image, equally worthy of dignity, equally capable of doing good in the world. You’d have to come to believe that there is much of value within their own religion / ideology that you as a Christian could learn from. 

Let’s bring in our lovely Christian/Jewish couple from before: as his relationship with David developed, Robert discovered that 

“God is not conformed to this world we live in; God does not belong solely to the Pentecostals or the Baptists, to the Jews or Gentiles, to Muslims or Zoroastrians. Two of the most profound self-identifiers God calls himself in the Bible is “love” and “I am.””

Here are a few resources that can help you explore the idea that other religions are as valid as Christianity and also have much wisdom to bring to the world:

I highly recommend you check out the book Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor to help you explore how you can be a devout Christian and learn from and form mutual relationships with persons who are not Christian. You can check out passages from the book in my tag here. .

You might also like my two podcast episodes on interfaith relationships (in general, not romantic ones, but the same material applies) -- episode 30, “No One Owns God: Readying yourself for respectful interfaith encounters” and episode 31, “It's good to have wings, but you have to have roots too": Cultivating your faith while embracing religious pluralism.” You can find links to both episodes as well as their transcripts over on this webpage. .

There might also be some helpful stuff in my #interfaith tag or #other faiths tag if you wander around. .

Simply getting to know whatever religion this friend does belong to (or what ideologies and value systems they maintain if they’re atheist / non-religious) can also be super helpful. Ask them what resources they can think of that can help get to know their religion as they experience it. Attend worship service (virtually works!), seek out folks on social media who share their religion, etc. I bet you’ll find a lot that you have in common -- and hopefully you’ll find some of the differences thought-provoking and enriching to your own understandings of Divinity!

I’m guessing a lot of your worry stems from the assumption that non-Christians don’t go to heaven. If you believe that not being a Christian leads to hell after death, it’s very hard to view non-Christians and their beliefs as equal to your own!

That Holy Envy book discusses this genuine fear many Christians have on behalf of non-Christians, and how to let it go.  .

Here’s a post with links to other posts describing the belief that many faithful and serious Christians hold that non-Christians don’t all get whisked to hell. .

And a post on the harm done by fearmongering about hell. .

Finally, a little more on the academic side but if you’re interested in some history behind Christian views of hell that can help you see that there really is no one “true” belief here, check out the links in this post.

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Reinterpreting “unequally yoked”

I said we’d get back to this, and here we are! While the easiest to find interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14′s “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” is that it argues against interfaith marriage, there are other ways to read this text.

I adore this article I found on the passage from a Christian minister who is married to a Hindu monk -- “Unequally Yoked”: How Christians Get Interfaith Marriage Wrong.” Incredibly, Rev. J. Dana Trent writes that when she and her now-husband dug into 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what it was all about, she found that 

“An ancient scripture meant to deter us from getting involved with each other actually brought us together. Our core beliefs in God became the focus of our study and relationship, not the issues that divided us.”

She also explains that biblical scholars say this verse isn’t even specifically about interfaith marriage -- which becomes clear when you read the full chapter surrounding it! It’s more general -- about the hazards of “working with” an unbeliever.

And what exactly is an unbeliever? Paul and other “believers” of these very early days of Christianity had a different definition than we might today -- an “unbeliever” wasn’t synonymous with “non-Christian,” because Christianity hadn’t even solidified into an actual religion yet! Instead, a nonbeliever was "anyone exposed to but was not faithful to Christ’s teachings—someone not characterized by devotion, love, peace, mercy, and forgiveness.” 

In other words, if a person in those early days was told about the good news of Jesus that entailed things like liberation of the oppressed and love of neighbor, they didn’t have to “become a Christian” to accept that good news. And thus, Rev. Trent continues,

“Today, my husband’s deep Hindu faith has taught me to dig deeper into what Jesus would have me do. Perhaps Paul might have even considered me an “unbeliever,” as I claimed to be a baptized Christian, but my life did not inwardly and outwardly reflect the Gospel. Since marrying Fred, I re-attuned my life to Christian spiritual practices: spending more time in contemplative prayer, practicing non-violence through a vegetarian diet, limiting my consumption, and increasing my service to others.

Much to many Christians’ dismay, it took a person of another faith—a seemingly “unequally yoked” partner, to strengthen my Christian walk.”

Isn’t it beautiful to hear how this relationship between a Christian minister and Hindu monk has born good fruit for both of them? They help one another become the best Christian and best Hindu they can be, respectively. They are both so deeply committed to faith -- that doesn’t sound like an “unequal yoking” to me.

______

Whew, this got long! But it’s a big topic, and one I hope you’ll take the time to explore. Bring God into it; bring your friend into as much as they’re comfortable. And feel free to come back and ask me more questions as you go.

If anyone knows of other articles or other resources that explore the good fruit that can come from an interfaith partnership, please share! 

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[somarsword]

Sleep on the Floor - Part 1

ROGER TAYLOR X READER

Hiii! This is my first fanfic (that I’m posting) so please have mercy on me hahaha. Anyways, feedback is very much appreciated. Enjoy! :> 

Big disclaimer, I am neither American nor British.

oh also photo credits to  @hoopdiddydo_ taken from her post on twitter and pinterest.

Warnings: cursing? TRIGGER WARNING!!! Domestic abuse. Panic attack.

Word Count: 1.8k words

February 6, 1976 - New York

"Well, what do you say Y/n?" he asks, one knee still planted on the ground and holding out the small box containing the ring. This was not something you had ever expected to happen so soon.

The once lively and buzzing restaurant was now engulfed in silence, only the occasional whispers remained. All eyes were now trained on you, anticipating your response in silent excitement.

You watch the smile on his face falter slightly as he waits for your response, worry ebbing his features, reminding you that you have yet to respond.

Simon, a sweet guy, helps out at the homeless shelter during Saturdays, goes to church on Sundays, and someone you've been with for a little over 3 years now. Sure, you liked him, but this all seemed to happen too soon. Try as you may to properly assess your feelings all you could think of was, 𝐼'𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑠 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑖𝑛 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒. So reluctantly you nod, forcing a smile onto your face, albeit one that doesn't reach your eyes.

Cheers and claps surround you as he slips the ring onto your finger but all the noise is drowned out by the deafening ringing in your ears. Your heart begins to beat rapidly against your chest as you suddenly feel an overwhelming feeling of dread wash over you. Leaving only one word to remain on your mind.

NO

Soon enough, everyone resumes their meals, leaving you to listen to Simon's rambling, something you used to see as adorable but now just made you feel icky. "So I was thinking of it and maybe for the wedding we could-", but his words pass through one ear and out the other.

You stare at the plate set in front of you, absentmindedly pushing the food back and forth with the fork beginning to feel incredibly light headed. I can't do this. I need to think.

"I'll just use the restroom. Be right back" is all you say before rushing to the toilet. You push the door open quickly, not making it much further inside before your breathing completely picks up. Grasping the edge of the counter you choke out weak sobs as your throat constricts.

Just as you're sure you'll pass out, a man enters. His movements pause when he sees you, both surprise and confusion written on his face. He's quickly brought out of his daze, however, once he processes the state you're in.

In one swift motion, he's by your side, holding onto your other free hand in an attempt to comfort you.

"Can you try to match my breathing love? Think you can handle that?" He speaks slowly, watching you closely, making sure you understand him. You nod.

"Okay. Breathe in" he takes a deep breath in. You do your best to copy it.

"And out" he exhales.

••• -•- •• •--•

He repeats this for a couple minutes before your breathing returns to normal. You finally loosen your grip on his hands, pulling away.

"Uh thanks for the help. I really appreciate it." You finally say to the blonde man. He nods in response.

"What are you doing in the lady's comfort room though?" at your question the man gives a quick chuckle. With a questioning gaze, you look at him.

"Lady, this is the men's room" and sure enough, as you look around, you see the urinals lining the wall.

"Oh" is all you manage to say, your face flushing a deeper shade of red than you thought possible. Apparently, in your haste to escape, you managed to enter the wrong room.

Leaning back against the counter you stare down at your hands, your fingers grazing over the ring set on it. It gleams brightly, definitely not cheap.

Daring to break the silence you finally speak. "Sorry for keeping you here so long. Your date must be waiting" you say, dropping your hands to your sides.

You look up only to see the man's gaze on your ring as well, recognition in his eyes, as if finally realizing why you looked so familiar. He says nothing of the ring as he looks back at you.

"Oh, it's no worries love, I'm just here with my mates. I don't think those 3 wankers are worried anyway" He offers you a comforting smile, going to lean against the wall directly in front of you.

"The Ritz is a bit pricey for a night out with the boys, don't you think?" you ask, letting out a small laugh.

"I guess it is, huh?" He agrees, letting out a small chuckle of his own, shaking his head. "Kinda lucky it's paid for by the record label"

"Record label?" You ask, confusion laced in your tone and eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah. We're uhm-" he scratches the back of his head, realizing he's said something he wasn't supposed to, "Well we're touring at the moment so all our meals are paid for." You nod in acknowledgement, choosing not to pry into it much further.

Your gaze falls back to the ring on your finger, half expecting it to suddenly vanish and for you to wake up from this monstrosity of a night.

"Hey look, I know you're going through something, and you don't have to talk about it." the man speaks up again, "But if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to just feel free to call me"

Looking up, you finally see him holding out what seems to be a business card. You reach for it, nodding meekly.

"Thanks-" you start, before realizing you hadn't actually caught his name.

"Roger" he says.

"Right. Thanks Roger." You turn to your side a bit, stuffing his business card into your bra (a habit you had to stop doing when in front of people) right as the door opens. A man pauses by the entrance, and before you can look at him he starts speaking.

"What the hell is going on?" Simon growls, his voice an octave lower than usual. You snap your head up, immediately looking at him.

Everything happens so quickly that if you had blinked you would have missed it. He approaches both of you in quick strides before attaching his fist to the jaw of Roger.  Your eyes shoot open in horror as Roger hunches over coughing, a bit of blood seeping out his mouth.

Before you could properly react or make an apology to him you're roughly dragged away by Simon, leaving a surprised Roger behind.

••• -•- •• •--•

Simon drives all the way home, silently seething as he grips the steering wheel to the point where his knuckles go white. You cower slightly at the sight. In all your time together you've never known him to be violent, well physically at least, so this was new.

All the way up to the driveway he says nothing, only gritting his teeth and breathing heavily as he replays the image he just saw. Once you were behind closed doors, however, it was a different story.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUY IN THE TOILET?" He yells, causing you to flinch back at the sheer aggressiveness of his voice.

"Nothing. We weren't doi-" You begin but are cut of by his dark chuckle.

"Then what the 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 were you doing in the men's comfort room?" His voice is deeper and threatening. You say nothing opting instead to stare at the floor. His stance was frightening. 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑤𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑔𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚?

"Answer me" He growls, voice dripping with rage. When he receives no response from you he gets more fueled up, grabbing a glass cup that was left on the dining table before hurling it towards you. It hits your shoulder with an aggressive 𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐜𝐤 before falling and shattering on the ground.

He approaches you causing you to backup into the wall. Trying to make yourself disappear you slide down, covering your face in fear. He scoffs at your poor attempt to escape his wrath and pulls you up roughly by the hair, picking up a shard of glass as he does so.

"𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐓" you're too encapsulated by fear to register the giant gash he was painting into your stomach, slicing the dress that clung to your body in the process. After a few moments with still no response, he releases his grip on your hair, causing you to collapse on the ground, blood beginning to pool under you.

"Should've known you were a fucking slut. Clean yourself up" is all he says before walking out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Scrambling to gather your breath, you force yourself to sit up. Your hand flies down to the cuts on your belly, applying pressure on it in hopes of stopping it from bleeding any.

••• -•- •• •--•

You don't know how long you stay there on the floor, but it feels like hours. With as much strength as you can gather you trudge towards the kitchen, wetting a hand towel to clean up the cut.

The wind howls outside, causing the front door to rattle. The rattling suddenly snaps you back to the reality that Simon could be back any moment. With shaky hands you quickly press a cut up piece of cloth towards the wound, taping it down haphazardly. Once done, you rush towards the bedroom to pack.

You grab a duffel bag that was hung next to the door, zipping it open before crouching under the bed to retrieve the shoe box you've hidden under it. Drawing it out, you discard the lid and reach inside to pull out the small amount of money you had managed to save, along with the folder containing your birth certificate and other important documents. You stuff it all into the bag, changing your (now ripped up) dress and grabbing a few articles of clothing on the way out.

You make a beeline towards the front door, only stopping once your hand lay on the doorknob.

𝐴𝑚 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠?

You glance behind you. Everything you thought you ever wanted to have stares right back at you. A house, a (supposedly) loving boyfriend turned fiancé, and a stable job. So why did it feel wrong when he proposed last night?

Shaking your head at your own thoughts, you rip the ring off your finger and toss it on the floor before storming out into the dark and empty streets.

••• -•- •• •--•

February 7, 1976 - New York

The sky is now a deep shade of blue, sun beginning to rise from a night's slumber. You've been walking for hours, figuring out what to do. With barely any money on you, you had nowhere to go, so unless you could manage to walk all the way to the next state, you were dead. You could barely afford to eat. Why had you ever agreed to share a bank account with him? How could you have been so stupid as to not have kept more for yourself? Without Simon's signature on the withdrawal slip they wouldn't give you even a penny of your hard work.

𝑊𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘. 𝐼'𝑚 𝑟𝑜𝑦𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑤𝑒𝑑.

[thegodshavehorns]

Capture the Wind (3/5)

Chapter 3: Kriegspiel 

 At her next visit, the Seer doesn’t mention posters or Sylphs. You don’t bring it up. Why bother? She must already know. She has to know. She knows when you think about it. You’re thinking about it. Stop thinking about it!

“John,” she says, snapping you out of your distraction and back to your lesson. "Look at the board."

You sigh and roll your eyes. "What, am I in checkmate again?” you drawl sarcastically. And then, you stop, mouth open. Because you're not in checkmate.

She's in checkmate.

You don't understand. How is this possible? You hadn't even been thinking about it. “No way,” you say.

The Seer is all grins and teeth. “Yes, way. It's not that hard, is it, to beat a blind woman at chess?"

"But, you're not..."

There is no fanfare. She simply resets the board, into a new setup. “Again.”

This time, you lose again, as you try to somehow do what you did before without fully remembering what it was that you did. As she wins, she flicks the white king off the board like she would one of her ever-present coins. Rude. You sigh, and get ready to reset the board.

“John. It’s your move.”

You blink at her. “You took my king.”

She smiles. “The white king. When the white king dies, the game doesn’t end. It begins.”

And she takes a set of blue pieces out of that nowhere space where she keeps everything. They don’t look like any chess pieces you’ve ever seen, and she sets them up in an unfamiliar configuration.

“John. Move.”

Your new pieces move strangely. They teleport, they revive, they control the opponent’s pieces. You are not even sure you’re controlling them completely. “What is this?”

The Seer just keeps grinning. “Nyrblish 5th dimensional psion-chess. Much more fun than the human version.”

The board changes. It becomes three dimensional, spins into odd shapes, tesseracts, and you can’t quite make sense of what’s happening. “I don’t think I can play this.”

“Try.”

You try, but the board looks like something Escher would sketch in his spare time. Your head hurts, looking at it. “I can’t.”

“Do it anyway.”

“Look, Lady Justice, maybe you can do this kind of thing, but I’m only- I’m a kid! I’m a human, I can’t play chess in five dimensions!”

“Are you sure, John Egbert?”

“Yes, I’m sure I can’t-”

“Are you sure that you’re human?”

You stop at that. Your mouth goes dry.

“Well… well yeah, I-”

“You might want to think, John, about what is holding you back.” And the Seer packs up her chess, all five dimensions of it. And she leaves.

----------------------------- 

Your dad ruins everything.

Why did he have to clean your room? Make your bed? You can do that yourself, you’re fourteen for godssakes!

When you return home from coding summer camp, your poster, your poster signed by the goddess of Space, is lying on the kitchen counter, open for the whole world to see. There is a post-it note attached.

Son,

When I get home, we will Talk.

Shit shit SHIT. He found the poster. He found the poster

You are so dead. Should you destroy the evidence? No, it’s too late for that.

Maybe you should run away. No, that’s stupid, where would you go? Anna’s? The Church? That idea is stupid, so stupid, squawking-like-an-imbecile-and-shitting-on-your-desk-level stupid, and you are not going to do that.

You pace back and forth, trying to think what you are going to say. You don’t know what to do or who to confide in.

Anna can’t help you. The Seer probably won’t, since even though YOU didn’t write the name or ever speak it aloud, you’re pretty sure keeping the autograph of another god in the house breaks her rules.

But… she never got mad about it. And she must have known, right?

You decide to risk it. You sit on the floor in a meditative position, take a deep breath, and say aloud: “…Hey, Seer of Mind? I know I don’t usually ask you for anything, but… my dad found a poster with the name of the S- the Godmother on it. Do you have any advice?”

You wait for a while. Nothing. The house is empty and silent.

Then, your computer, from upstairs, makes the faint beep can only mean you’re being IM’d.

Anna?

You go upstairs and look at the screen. The chum-handle is unfamiliar.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]at 17:43 --

GC: JOHN, YOU H4V3 TO T4K3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY FOR YOUR OWN 4CT1ONS.

GC: TRY TO T4K3 TH1S 4S 4NOTH3R L3SSON.

GC: JUST L1K3 4LL TH3 OTH3RS.

GT: wait

GT: are you the seer?

GT: you use pesterchum?

GT: weird

GC: 1 US3 WH4T3V3R 1 N33D TO US3

GC: 1T’S T1M3 TO ST4ND UP FOR YOURS3LF, JOHN.

GC: YOUR F4TH3R 1S HOM3.

GC: DO YOU HAV3 WH4T IT T4K3S TO F4C3 H1M?

You can’t believe this. You can hear your dad’s car pull into the driveway.

This is what, another test for you to fail? Another opportunity to get beaten up? Did she ignore the poster just so that your dad would find it later?

Another lesson, just like all the others. Sure, another lesson in pain and bullshit.

You are sick of this. You are so, so sick of this.

You hear the door downstairs open, then close. You don’t want to do this, so you delay the inevitable by straightening your bookshelf and re-sorting your DVD collection.

It’s six-thirty by the time you head downstairs, every step feeling like you’re ascending a gallows.

Gods, you really don’t want to do this.

Your dad is sitting at the table, next to the incriminating poster, reading a newspaper and smoking his pipe. You know it has to be bad, when he’s smoking.

“Son,” he says, not looking up from the paper. “Have a seat.”

You sit, and he slowly, methodically folds up the newspaper, still puffing on the pipe. The sitting and waiting is like torture. Like that Chinese torture thing where they drip water on your head. You stare fixedly at your knees.

“Son,” he says again. “I know it can be hard, to be different from the other kids. And it can feel like no one understands.”

That was not what you expected your dad to say. You expected him to berate you about the poster.

“I know that there are some kids who will pick out anything that makes a person different from the crowd,” your dad continues. “And atheism makes you very different.” He sighs. “I wish you had come to me about this.”

You realize that your dad is giving you a very convenient excuse.

Your dad leans forward, resting his forearms on the table. “I do not want you to be pressured into being something that you're not.”

You decide to take the proffered ‘out.’

“Oh,” you grunt. “Okay. Sure.”

Your dad taps the poster with his index finger. “Son,” he says, but you interrupt him.

“I didn’t ask for the poster, Dad! It was a gift. I didn’t ask for it.”

Your dad smiles thinly. “At least now I’m getting more out of you than monosyllables.”

You lapse back into a sullen silence.

“It’s not the poster, John. It’s the letter that was with it.”

You blanch. Shit. You didn’t even think of that.

“It seems to be implying that you’ve gone to church, and that you are grounded. Which is not, currently, the case.”

You try to breathe deeply. Calm your thoughts, and lie through your buck teeth.

“I didn't go to church, but she wanted me to go to church... I mean, I might have gone once or something, but I had to make an excuse not to. I had to not go, so I said I was grounded.” You try to look your dad in the eye as you speak.

“Son, you just gave me two different stories about church in as many seconds.”

Wow, you’re just digging this hole deeper for yourself, aren’t you?

Your dad shrugs. “She sounds like a good friend. If she really is, then she will understand that you simply don't worship any gods, and it won't matter.” There is a pause, during which time you say nothing. “You should tell her the truth. If she cares, then I don't think that she is really such a good friend.”

You try to think of a good excuse, before you respond. “She is a good friend, Dad. I did not ask for the poster. She... she went to this event and I guess she thought it would be a nice thing to do, that's all.”

“Be that as it may. I think that you should tell her, but that is your decision to make.” Your dad takes a long drag on his pipe. “But there is something else we need to talk about. They did not stop beating you up, did they? The bullies from school?”

“No,” you mumble. “School was fine.”

“Your old man isn't blind, Son. I know what a bruise looks like.”

You sink into your chair. “I can handle it.”

Your dad fixes you with a very Stern Fatherly Look, and you sink down even lower, trying to disappear.

“How many months has it been? I should have spoken to you sooner.” He reaches across the table to put a Solid Patriarchal Hand on your shoulder. “Son, it is okay to admit that you need help. Real men know when the situation is too big to handle. It is not a sign of weakness. Do you understand me?”

Your dad still has no clue. But you don’t want him to think that you’re being beaten up, when you’re not, not really. You suddenly have an idea.

“It’s not like that,” you say, shaking your head. “It’s not bullying. It’s like, you know Fight Club? It's kind of like that. Only without the anti-government conspiracy and the multiple personality stuff. And I don't have a Brad Pitt. I'm just learning how to defend myself and stuff. I am getting tougher! It's not too big to handle. I am fine. I don't need help.”

Your dad gives you a Stern Fatherly Look, and you realize that he doesn’t buy it.

“Son, we are not leaving this table until you tell me the truth. I have already left this alone for too long.”

The truth? Well… what if you tell a partial truth? "Okay so there's this... girl. And she is really religious, and she thinks that she will help me find the gods if she teaches me how to fight and stuff. Martial arts."

Your dad sighs. “Do not tell me that my son thinks that he has to be beaten up to catch a girl's eye.”

What? Does he think you feel that way about the Seer? “No,” you state emphatically. “I don’t like, like her! And I do not think she likes me, either. At all, really.”

Your dad raises an eyebrow. “Well, at least I understand why you went to church, now.” Your dad sighs. “I don’t even want to know which gods this girl favors. If my son likes a girl that beats him up and calls it devotion, then... well, I may have to live with it. But you, Son, should not have to pretend that you are something that you’re not.”

“What? No, I’m not talking about Anna! Two different people.” This whole conversation is a mess. “And anyway, I don’t like them! I mean, I like Anna, but as a friend!”

“I see,” says your dad. “There is this one girl that you like enough to go to church for, and then there is this other, completely different, girl who you are willing to get beaten up by.”

“Yes, that is what is happening!” You are getting angry, now.

Your dad sighs and closes his eyes. “I am unsure whether to be proud or annoyed that my son is such a poor liar.” He leans forward, and takes another puff on his pipe. “You need to come clean with this girl, whether there is one of her or two. You are an atheist. If they really care about you then they will accept that.”

You count back the weeks. It’s been exactly four months and one week and two days since you first spoke to the Seer. Is your dad going to find out? You don’t want him to find out. You want deeply to prove that the Seer can be wrong, that you’re not as pathetically bad at keeping secrets as she thinks.

But it's been exactly 4 months, one week, two days. And, you realize that you have a choice. The Seer could be right… but it’s in your control.

You could say, “Yes, okay Dad.” And that would be that, for now. But it would just delay the inevitable: your dad would find out about the Seer tomorrow.

Or… you could make sure the Seer was wrong, for once.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight, and say, very quietly, “I’m not.”

Your dad pauses mid-puff. “Excuse me?”

You have to be brave. You have to do this. You twist your fingers into the fabric of your shirt, and say more clearly; “I’m not an atheist.”

Your dad takes his pipe out of his mouth, and lays it on the table. He looks grave. “You do not know what the gods are like, John. I am trying to protect you. Religion is dangerous, and you should stay away from it. I do not want to see you get hurt.”

This isn’t making any sense. “But Dad, it's not like pretending that the gods are not important makes them not exist. If they're dangerous, shouldn't we pay them respect? I mean, not make them mad, but just... you know, be normal about it? I mean, a lot of people are religious, Dad! Like, everyone! The only atheist I know is you!”

Very suddenly, your dad slams his fist into the table, making you jump. “We are not like other people!” Then, he abruptly slumps, and seems to try and compose himself. “I am sorry. I am not angry with you, John. I am scared.”

That takes you by surprise. You did not expect him to say that. “Dad? What are you talking about?”

Your dad looks haunted. “John, when you were an infant…” He swallows. “When you were an infant, I received a visit from the Flaming-Eyed God.”

And your dad tells you. About the warning, the threat, the gods made on your life. About how they told him not to pray, just like the Seer told you.

“John, the Mage told me that the other gods would do anything to keep you from doing… whatever it was they did not want to see happen. Do you understand what ‘anything’ means?”

You don’t want to hear this. “Yeah, but... I mean, what if some of the gods are protecting me from the others? Like the Flaming-Eyed God, and the Calibrator of the Gallows? I mean, I... I didn't know about any of this. But if I have this destiny or whatever, shouldn't I do what I can to like, fulfill it?”

“John.” Your dad sounds incredulous. “We are talking about the living gods. If they wanted to kill you, you would be dead before you could blink.”

You roll your eyes, but he continues. “The gods don’t mind atheists. We don’t draw their attention. They only hear you when—John, if you have been praying…”

You don’t say anything, but you know your guilt is written all over your face. You stare at the table, but can feel your dad’s eyes boring into you.

“John,” he says. “What have you said while you were praying?” You look up at your dad. He looks pained, like someone just stomped on his foot.

“Not much,” you say. “I usually couldn’t think of anything to pray about, really…”

He sighs. “Thank goodness.”

“But Dad…” Too late to go back now. “You’re wrong, kind of. About gods and atheists.”

“What do you mean?”

You interlock your fingers and look back at the table. “The gods do pay attention to atheists.”

You see your dad’s eyes widen. “John, have they spoken to you?”

Your stupid dad. You don’t look at him. “Yeah.” And then, because that doesn’t feel like enough: “I’m sorry. She told me not to tell you.”

“She…” Your dad’s voice is hollow, his expression fearful. You hate it. You hate seeing your dad looking so frightened.

“Lady Justice,” you clarify. “She said she’d be training me for some kind of destiny, or something.”

Your dad closes his eyes, and rests his forehead in one of his hands. When he speaks, his voice is breaking. You hate the sound of it. “I am sorry, John. I am so sorry. I should have told you sooner.”

Several long moments pass in silence. This is so uncomfortable. That the Seer’s prophecy is off by one day is a cold comfort. “Dad…”

Then, your dad looks up, and gets to his feet. There is something steely in his expression, something that wasn’t there before. “Son. Pack your things. We’re leaving.”

“What?”

“No questions, John.” His tone books no room for disobedience. “Do it.”

You don’t want to do this; this is crazy! But you've never seen your dad talk like that before. It’s kind of scary.

So, you get up, and pack your things. You don’t know how much to pack, but you figure a few days’ worth of clothes is probably fine. By the time you finish and come back downstairs, your dad has already packed his own possessions into the car.

“How long will we be gone for?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” he answers, and you worry a little that you didn’t pack enough.

Before you both drive off, you check the pesterlogs on your desktop. You don’t have any new ones from the Seer, but you do leave one for Anna:

GT: i’m leaving town for a few days

GT: so i will be afk

GT: but i will be online again soon.

GT: i have a lot to tell you.

And who knows? Now that the proverbial cat is out of its bag, maybe you can even tell her the truth.

[westudentflower]

Thoughts on relationships, careers, and life as a young adult in 2020

Sunday, February 2, 2020 (aka Super Bowl Sunday)

During service this morning, the pastor made the analogy that unlike the Super Bowl, everyone is playing on the field. No one is a spectator. We are all part of God’s world and his community. He also made the point that God doesn’t need our help to fulfill his will. Some of you are “helping God find you a spouse,” he joked. The congregation laughed. But instead of laughing, I thought to myself—is he implying that we shouldn’t go on Tinder? Yes, we trust God and that his Will be done—but that doesn’t mean we sit around waiting for the perfect guy to show up at our doorstep, right?

I’ve been thinking a lot about guys—or I guess I should say, the lack of guys in my life. More specifically, the lack of a specific type of guy in my life. Some of my low-key panic about this is probably a cultural/social thing, as I haven’t met many people who are 22 and have never dated before. But I want to share my life and thoughts and feelings with someone. I imagine meeting that special someone, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, but how exactly do you go about doing that? I don’t want to have to go to online dating apps, but it sure seems now that that’s the only place to have a chance of finding interested single men. There should be less stigma around using dating apps just to make friends and meet new people, my friend said. Still, I would much rather meet someone through more “natural”, in-person means, whether through school or work, or a mutual friend, or through volunteer or some other group (I just joined a tennis league), or even randomly on the subway, but today’s culture makes it more and more difficult for that movie magic to happen. I feel like there’s a stigma around talking to strangers nowadays, and flirting and approaching people - it might even be a side effect of the #MeToo movement. The first impression might be the only chance to feel an immediate connection, and if there’s no spark from those few minutes of small talk, then that’s it. And more and more people are going on dating apps and spending more time online and less time in person. At the end of the day, it might not even matter how you first met your partner. Still, I wish our dating culture was different and more accessible. Do I regret going to a women’s college? Sometimes, I have to admit. Especially in down moments like these.

Would I want to have sex before marriage? I don’t think so, though it’ll be a while before I’ll have to deal with that question yet. I feel like I would be very anxious to do it - like how do you actually get to that point? What does it feel like? Isn’t it gross? This isn’t something that’s ever talked about, with friends or family. I feel like a lot of things about relationships are not talked about.

After the tennis match, our team went to a brewery to drink beer. We talked about things from our favorite colors to bipolar disorder to relationships. One guy was seriously trying to convince me to get drunk sometime. Talking unfiltered makes you a more fun person, and it shows the “real you.” You need to live life a little! he would say. I can’t say I disagree with him entirely - I would want to get tipsy at least once in my life because I’m genuinely curious to see what it feels like. I don’t like the taste, and I know drinking is just a temporary high, but I think it would be an interesting, maybe even eye-opening experience to talk without thinking, especially someone like me who restricts myself in outward expression. And I do feel like I’m not “living life”—I didn’t have the typical fun college experience of partying and going out to bars and clubs, but I’m also not fulfilling my idea of living life, which would revolve more around doing crazy things like climbing mountains and exploring the city and zip lining and going backpacking and traveling the world.

I would say there’s a few things missing in my life.

1. Having deep theological conversations, like what does it mean to be saved and who is saved. I like it when the pastor gives philosophical/theoretical type sermons. Even as a Christian I still doubt, and I don’t always find apologetics to be convincing. The pastor gave a really intriguing sermon today on a tough Bible passage in Romans. God chooses which people are made as “vessels of mercy” and which are “vessels of destruction.” Is it unfair that Jacob was favored but Esau hated? Yes it is, yet God is still good and merciful and just. If he was fair, we would all be in hell. The very concept of justice depends on God. We don’t know the math behind his decision making, but we know he is motivated by something deeper than fairness: the justice of his will, the demonstration and exaltation of his nature. So does it even matter what we do? God does things we don’t get to decide. The pastor described that just like diamonds are forged through heat and pressure, virtue is forged through the truth revealed in the tensions present in the Bible. It’s not about having a systematic theology of how God makes decisions, it’s about being virtuous and having humility. If we demand to understand the inner workings of how God runs the universe, then we don’t actually trust him. Faith is not based on my approval of His work, but rather, my experience of His character. To me, it’s a satisfying answer that doesn’t answer the question. If God decides who is saved, and we choose to believe in God and in the Bible, were we then predestined to make this conscious decision? Is Christianity really a religion for ALL people, where ALL people are welcomed into God’s family? How can we blame our friends and family members for their unbelief or convince them to believe the gospel if God may have already molded them into “vessels of destruction”? Part of the journey of faith is struggling with these seemingly paradoxes, and I believe we are made stronger through these tensions, and these tensions can be used for a good purpose. But a lot of things we just don’t understand, and we have to trust that God is a good and a just God.

2. Intellectually stimulating work. I do like my current job - the firm does good work, even if I’m not super close to my colleagues and my job is more literature review aka google searching and basic excel stuff. But I think I could be doing more exciting things. I want to live in a different culture, get out of my comfort zone, try new things, and work in the government and in policy (which gave me more doubt as to whether law school was necessary to do what I want to do, which is also in doubt—my determination to do well on the LSAT and get into a top law school is being overshadowed by yet another existential crisis over what I would want to do with a law degree—I don’t see myself going the corporate or tax law route, and my imaginations about saving the planet through environmental law don’t seem that realistic or rewarding anymore…I could also make just as much meaningful impact working in the sustainability team at a large company, or doing policy analysis in a government agency, but those don’t seem as exciting either. So then what does??). Another regret I have is not interviewing for the Peace Corps my senior year of college. My roommate’s friend met her boyfriend, who did the Peace Corps in Peru, through a friend who also did Peace Corps—they met at a reunion event and now have an adorable 6-month old. Maybe I would be better off and happier if I lived and worked in a different country, rather than Boston? Not necessarily relationship-wise, but just doing something that’s more rewarding.

3. And the gap that hurts the most: A serious, romantic relationship. My generation grew up being told that as women, we can now put career over family. We can now have both. People are marrying, having kids later, more and more women are entering the workforce and having successful careers, we’re making good progress in terms of gender equality in the workplace. But I rarely hear anything about family being more important than career. Your career can change any minute, but your family is who you live for, your family is what sticks by you for the rest of your life - your family is who you go home to at the end of the day, it’s who you spend the holidays with, it’s who you spend your most treasured moments with. Our legacy lives on in our children; we were biologically made to reproduce. I would put family over career in a heartbeat — assuming I find someone I can know intimately, and who really understands me. I feel like nothing else—where we live, what we do—really matters, as long as we’re doing it with someone we mutually love and care about. Even long-distance wouldn’t be a problem—there are so many ways to stay connected, especially in today’s age of technological progress. There’s always a way to work things out, as long as that foundational commitment is there. I don’t know anyone who wants to live their whole life single, or not have any children. What is life without romance? Is there any meaning and happiness in a life without love?

What I can be thankful for in my life:

1. Wonderful friends and roommates. Last night I met up with a few college friends over hotpot to celebrate a friend’s birthday - I got to not only catch up with friends but also talk deeper over things I wouldn’t talk about with coworkers or other friends, including relationships. Which can be liberating. At church I also met a new friend from Shanghai, with whom we had an almost immediate connection.  

2. Money to buy the food I want and the things I want (mainly food) and do the things I want to do (a lot of work events are coming up like a Bruins game and ski trip and cooking class!)

3. Dreams and aspirations, and free time to reflect and pursue them

Being in a temporary stage of my life means that my life is unstable and uncertain, which is unsettling, worrisome, and scary. Sure, my life is fine. It could definitely be a lot worse—I could be burning in the Australian wildfires, dying from the coronavirus which has now killed over 200 in China, or being wrapped up in the Trump impeachment trials. Yet it’s not as great or exciting as it could be either. I don’t think I’m happy. Life is just—okay. And that’s partly what makes it unsatisfying and uneventful—nothing’s really happening. And I’m the only one who can change that.

[lilydodge]

This is my favorite photo from the photo shoot I did with the incredibly talented Clare Bayley but you’ll probably be seeing a bunch of different ones because I just want to share them everywhere! The typographic art is by corgi enthusiast and brilliant artist Chris Pryor. 

I want to update folks on exactly how this process has been the past few months, because I have left out some details in my posts until things resolved. I am not saying this to complain or criticize - just to give everyone a sense of how things have been behind the scenes, and how this sausage has been made, if you will.

In May, I had an appointment with my agency liaison to come down to her office. I’d been doing that a bunch - to check in about paperwork, mostly. It felt like having a personal assistant: someone to go down a long and complex list of things I needed to do, identify which ones had been done, which ones were next up, and what my exact next steps would be to get them done. I wish I had an agency liaison for everything in my life!

When I got there that day, though, she had more to chat about than my expanding binder of forms. She said there was a child who seemed like a perfect fit for me! I was totally thrilled - a placement on the horizon, already, in May!? She told me about this young woman and I got more and more excited. Then she said “the treatment team wants to meet you” and I started to get out my calendar to see when would work - but no, she meant now. The team was there now!

So we sat down together and chatted and I was already falling in love. This child and I had a ton in common, and her treatment goals sounded like the things I was most “excited” about working with. To be clear - I’m not ever going “yay, a traumatized child, how fun!” But in the trainings, they went over different scenarios, and I personally felt more drawn to work with, say, an older teen girl with abandonment and self esteem issues than a middle school boy with anger and aggression. And this young woman sounded like her needs would be well met by the skills most firmly situated in my wheelhouse.

I only knew her first name, her age, a bit of her background, and some of her interests. But I was falling in love. I thought about her all the time. The agency was very clear with me that this was all provisional - placements fall through all the time, and I wasn’t even licensed yet! But since they wanted to place this child asap, they were “fast-tracking” me. I worked so hard to stay in that paradoxical spot between open acceptance, que sera sera, and letting myself fall deeper in love with this kiddo.

At one point I saw some stuff on sale at Target that fit exactly with one of her specific interests. I told myself “don’t you dare buy that; nothing is guaranteed, and you will only be devastated if you buy it and don’t end up getting to give it to her. Don’t make this too real - don’t start physically preparing the room - relax and be patient.” Next thing I knew, I was in the checkout line purchasing them. I can only be so Zen. I ended up bringing her one of the items when I met her - on a Wednesday evening, during her treatment team meeting. I was so nervous! But after meeting her, I was even more in love, so beyond excited.

I kept this information pretty close to my chest, which was excruciating  - I’m not at all a private person (with my own business; I can keep other people’s secrets like a vault). But I told myself “do not share this information with anyone you wouldn’t want to process the loss with.” I told my support caregivers and some other people I trust with my whole heart, and that’s about it. Some people got brief brushstrokes - “there’s a potential kid and they are trying to fast-track me!” During this time, the agency was really good about managing expectations and helping me stay clear-eyed during a very tough time, having to throw myself 100% into preparing for a child while recognizing that it is not at all guaranteed. 

Then, I was going to spend an afternoon with her, to get to know her, show her my house, start building that relationship. I was getting a bit nervous because I’m a planner and preparer, but the evening before, I still hadn’t gotten the full details on where and when to pick her up. Then I got a call from my agency liaison. She let me know that this young woman had decided not to go through with the placement for a variety of reasons, all of which were totally understandable.

But it also felt like a great loss. I went into my room and cried pretty hard. I didn’t feel robbed - nothing had been ‘taken’ from me that I had any claim to - and I was so glad that this kid had choice and agency in such a tough situation. But it was a tough blow. I felt very sad. Chas was there when I got the call and he sat with me and held me for a little bit. I told myself that if I couldn’t handle this, then I should quit the program now. Big feelings, painful loss, frustration, changes, dashed expectations - that’s what I signed up for. 

I felt pretty awful for a day or so, but then those things I knew intellectually started to take root emotionally, and by the end of the week, I felt better. I was glad that she as finding something that worked for her, and I was grateful that I’d been fast-tracked for a while anyway, and I knew there was another kid in my future who I would love with my whole heart. The rest of the stuff I’d bought for her made its way to her through my agency liaison, and I heard that she loved it. (I was worried about the appropriateness of sending gifts - I did not want her to feel like I was pressuring her, or wanting to make her feel bad or guilty about not “choosing” me - so I told the agency liaison that she could have the items be from her, but she decided to say that they were from me, and apparently kiddo was glad to hear that I was still thinking of and rooting for her.)

All this happened in June. I had been preparing to have a placement by July - I talked to my manager about taking a week off, since school would be out at the time and I wanted time to bond, figure out summer plans, etc. I talked to my support caregivers and boss at church about what to do if I was placed with a kid before going on the week long service trip. I deliberately made zero plans for the month of July and beyond, aside from the service trip. And here I was, staring down the second half of the summer, having geared my entire life up to start parenting asap, and now back to waiting it out. 

I was also off the “fast track,” so my licensing hadn’t been completed, which was weighing on me. I did a fun photo shoot with Clare, but couldn’t post or share the photos until the last t was crossed and the last i dotted! July and August were pretty long months in this regard, though I did my best to take advantage of the continued freedom and had plenty of fun with my friends.

Skip ahead to the end of September. I got another call from my liaison about another potential placement - this one a much different situation - and I scheduled a time to meet with the kiddo, along with his caseworker and another agency liaison. We met on Monday at a pizza place. We ate pizza and talked about school. His favorite subject is Language Arts, which I used to teach! I knew he was checking out another potential placement on Wednesday so I figured I’d hear back after that.

My agency liaison also scheduled my final home walkthrough for that Thursday. This was the last step in the licensing process (but I wasn’t totally clear on that at this point). So on Monday I met kiddo. Tuesday and Wednesday went by like normal. On Thursday I met with the agency liaison at my house and she completed my home walkthrough paperwork. Then I got a phone call from the other agency liaison on Thursday afternoon saying that the other placement is far less ideal than mine, and caseworker wants to move forward with my placement. Did Friday work for move-in day?

I said wait - by Friday, do you mean tomorrow? He said yes, that would be tomorrow. I said yes, absolutely (while making a mental list of all the weekend plans I’d need to cancel). Then I told him that I was not technically licensed yet, is that an issue? He told me that I was licensed - the home walkthrough clinched it - and just because my licensed hadn’t been issued to me as a piece of paper, I was licensed. Of course the next thing I did was call some close loved ones to tell them in person, then post my announcement photos to Facebook.

At this point, it was 3:00 on Thursday. Agency liaison told me that the caseworker was still at court working things out - he called me as the process wound its way through - and that there was a “95% chance” that the placement would work out and kiddo would be at my house the next evening. He said he would call me back as soon as court was over within the hour. I got a call back at 6:30 saying that he hadn’t heard from the caseworker, but was still working on the 95% chance, and that I should be ready for kiddo to move in the next afternoon. He told me he’d text me first thing in the morning to confirm.

As I write this, it is now Friday at noon, and I’m still working with “95% certainty” that tonight I will be welcoming and settling in my new child. (Should that 5% fall-through happen, I will be sad, have a lot of weekend plans to un-cancel, and go back to waiting.) No one is in control of how chaotic the system is, how long court takes, and how tough it can be to get true certainty about anything. I can’t even imagine how it would feel as a child to be moved so abruptly and have so much of my life constantly up in the air. All I can do is hope and pray that I can start providing love, care, and stability immediately and make an impossibly painful situation as gentle as possible.

P.S. People keep asking me how they can help, and I am so grateful for that. In these first few days and weeks, the #1 thing I need is flexibility. Everyone has been so good about me abruptly canceling all my plans this weekend, but I’ll slowly start adding socializing back into my life once I get a sense for kiddo’s personality and how best to serve him with that kind of thing. Check out this document I made about how to behaviorally and emotionally support us. And keep an eye out for an updated Amazon list once I know what kiddo likes and needs!

[topimagines]

Perfect Only Last So Long- Tyler Joseph Part Two

“Babe, hey babe. Wake up.” Tyler shook you awake.

“W-what why?” you asked confused from waking from your deep sleep.

“It’s 6:30. You must have forgot to set your alarm.”

“Oh shit.” you jumped from your bed.

“Don’t worry. I’ll drive you to school so you can finish getting ready in the car.” Tyler said getting got of bed.

“No, go back to bed. I have my own car I can drive myself. I’ll skip breakfast and my makeup.” you said. You felt bad that he was getting up at 6:30 in the morning.

“No. Get dressed and ready and I’ll be downstairs waiting for you.” he said kissing your cheek then leaving your room.

You smiled to yourself as you watched him walk out of your room. You got dressed and put your hair in a bun before heading downstairs to see Tyler in the kitchen.

“Here’s an apple and a water bottle for the road.” he said taking your backpack off your shoulder.

“Thanks Ty. you’re such a sweetheart.”

“I try my hardest. Now let’s go so you’re not late.” he said leading you out of the house.

It was about a 20 minute ride to school so you did a simple makeup look.

“Don’t hit any bumps, I’m putting on eyeliner.” you warned.

He hit a bump right as you went to apply the makeup and it smudged on your cheek.

“Shit sorry babe. They really need to fill these holes with some cement.”

“Asphalt.” you corrected as you wiped away the small mistake.

“What?”

“They use asphalt not cement.”

“How are you so smart at 7 in the morning?” Tyler asked.

“Got a good night sleep last night.” you said as he pulled up to your school.

“Because of me right?” he asked confidently.

“I guess.” you said before kissing him on the cheek. “Kidding. 100% yes.”

“Well you can have 7 more wonderful nights of sleep.”

“Or naps. I only have a class first and second block today. Can you pick me up at 10? Then we can go home and nap.” you asked.

“Of course, I love you babe. See you later and there will be a lot of cuddles awaiting you.” he said leaning over the center console and kissing you.

The kiss continued until you heard a bang on the passenger window. You jumped and turned to see your two best friends laughing.

“Gotta go, love you.” you got out of the car and walked off with your friends.

“So is he staying over all week?” Kaylee asked.

“Yeah.” you said smiling.

“What did you two do last night?” Stephanie asked playfully nudging you. “I mean you were kind of late to school. Any reason?” she smirked at you holding back a laugh.

“Nothing you’re thinking of. We just watched a movie and went to bed.”

“I thought you said he was a good partier? That sounds like a boring ass night.” Stephanie teased.

“Yeah doesn’t seem like he would even know what a good party was only if it was at a church or something.” Kaylee added and Stephanie laughed.

“Fuck off guys. You know a relationship is more than someone to party with right? I mean Tyler is so sweet and we don’t just sneak around and drink.”

“Whatever Y/N. Are we still on for tonight? We have that project due next week and you we need to work on the poster.” Kaylee asked.

You totally forgot about it and you were supposed to have your part for tonight. She saw your delay and spoke again.

“You didn’t do it did you?”

“I’m sorry. Look I’ll do it when I get home. Come over at 5 and we’ll start the poster.” you said.

“You better Y/N. I’m seriously pissed off. Ever since you started dating Tyler it seems like we’ve become a side thought. I’ll see you at 5.” she said then walked off.

You felt bad. It was true, since you started dating Tyler you’ve been hanging out with him as much as you could.

What felt like a full day was three hours. You walked outside to see Tyler pulling up to the school. 10 o’clock exactly.

“Hey, how was class?” he asked as you hopped into the car.

“Boring. I hate french and english class so much. I mean why do I need to learn another language when I’m already fluent at english.” you said and he laughed.

“Only 3 more months then you’re done and onto better things.”

“Yeah, a life with you.” you said and he shot you a glance with a smile as he drove.

Once at home you changed into some sweatpants and a t shirt. You pulled out your research packet and laptop and started working on the project Kaylee was coming over to work on with you later.

“What’s your topic?” Tyler asked while watching you write down a few notes.

“Umm, it’s on social issues and how things are look upon as bad in high school.” you said not really paying attention.

“Elaborate?” he said confused by your initial statement.

“Basically me and Kayle are focusing on teens and how harsh they can be just because someone may be different. Like teens who feel out of place because they are depressed, or gay, stuff like that. We’re trying to break down walls people put up to people that are trying to express themselves. ” you explained.

“Oh that’s really cool. Need any help?” he offered.

“No offense Ty, but yes for you to stop talking. Kaylee is coming over at 5 and I have about 6 hours of research to catch up on.” you said.

Tyler stood from his spot next you on the bed and left your room. You didn’t mean to sound like a bitch and you felt bad that you asked him to leave you alone.

You finally finished all of the research required and noticed that it was quarter of 5. You went downstairs and saw Tyler at the piano you had in your living room. He was playing a soft melody and humming alone. You went up behind him and placed both hands on his shoulders. He jumped a little not realizing you had come downstairs, but immediately relaxed when you applied a bit of pressure.  

“God you give the best shoulder massages.” he said stopping his playing.

“Keep playing it sounds good.” you said softly.

He started to play again but this time with lyrics.

Oh Ms. Believer my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it’s colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead.

The lyrics were new. You had heard him hum before, but never words. You took in every lyric that flowed from him. It brought tears to your eyes as he sung.

We get colder as we grow older

We will walk so much slower.

After a short moment of silence he turned around and looked up at you.

“Are you crying?” he teased you pulling you down onto his lap.

“No.” you wiped a tear that fell from your eye then cleared your throat. “Yes, but it was just really good and I loved every second of it.”

“Well I wrote it for a special so-” he started, but your front door opened.

“Y/N I’m here. Oh sorry.” Kaylee apologized.

“It’s fine. Let’s go upstairs and work.” you said standing.

“Hi. I’m Tyler.” Tyler introduced himself to Kaylee.

“I’m Kaylee. It’s nice to finally meet you. Y/N talks about you all the time.”

“Alright enough talking. Don’t we need that poster done.” you said pulling Kaylee upstairs.

“Y/N I’ve never really seen him fro more than like 20 seconds. You got a good one.” Kaylee said sitting down on your bed.

“I know. He’s amazing, but we really should get this done.”

You wanted to finish the project so you could get back to Tyler. The day was nearly done meaning you only had 6 more days with Tyler. 6 more days to see him happy and for you to be happy. You knew once he left you would become the same old Y/N that your parents knew. You never really showed Tyler this side of you fearing it would scare him. He made you happy so you were always happy around him, but once he left the demons came back to you.

You didn’t think he knew, but maybe he picked up on a sign or two. As you thought more and more about the lyrics that came from your boyfriend just a few hours ago you started to realized he knew.

“Y/N are you okay?” Kaylee asked.

“What?”

“I’ve called your name 4 times and you have been staring at the wall. Are you okay?” she asked shutting her notes and putting all focus on you.

“Yeah, yeah. Just tired.” you said.

“You don’t have to lie, I’m your best friend. Talk to me.” she said.

You took a deep breath then spoke. “Do you ever wish time could slow or be stuck in one spot for a while so it won’t end until you’re ready?” you asked and she nodded.

“Is this about how you only have a few more days with your lover boy.” she teased. You rolled your eyes.

“I’m being serious, I’m not ready for this week to be over.”

“I get it. You just want to stay young, understandable, but you have dreams. I know you do and you can’t achieve them if you don’t grow up and move on with life.” she said. “I feel like this is deeper than just that Y/N. Are you doing okay, like mental health wise. I know you went through a rough patch before you met Tyler and I know you have your small moments every once and awhile.” she sounded concerned.

“Yeah, no I’m fine. Like I said I’m tired, I’m just overthinking things.” you laughed it off not wanting her to be worried about you.

“Okay. It’s getting late, I should head out. You know my number if you need anything. I mean it Y/N. Anything.” she said hugging you.

“I know, thanks.” you said and she left.

You sat on your bed for a minute before going downstairs to see Tyler in the kitchen. A smile came back to you right away. He always seemed to have that effect on you.

“Hey there love. How is the project coming?” Tyler asked as he stood at the stove stirring a pot of food.

“Great.” you said and he turned around right away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and you looked up at him.

“Nothing.” you smiled. “Everythings perfect.”

[heymich]

Questioning busyness, the gift of availability and its dangers

My life right now is “busy” some might say. Yeah I have 2 kids (5 and 2) and I’m homeschooling. 

The reality is that I’m a bit hesitant to be too busy. 

I recognize my limits and I’m craving for margin, and to slow down in this season of having little ones. 

I recognize I can’t do it all. And I hate feeling pressured by the so called “lack of time”. The reality is that we all have the same amount of time and the question is- what are we doing with the time God has given us?

Some might think that the best use of your time is to have a reasonable amount of busyness to make their time productive. I appreciate all those good intentions but I think in this season of my life, keeping my cool and remaining sane and rested is higher on my priority list than putting my kids in lessons. It sounds limiting but I trust my kids will have plenty of opportunity to learn at home and going out together and figuring out stuff together. 

For example... we plan to go skating with our own skates, when we feel like it. We will go out when we finish our chores. We will save our energy in the morning if there is a big outing in the afternoon/evening. We will rest in the afternoon/evening if we spent all day in the morning being out somewhere. We will go out in the afternoon after a busy morning only when we are up for it. I desire to be faithful in managing my home and the question in my mind is how am I going to do my home life well if I’m not even at home? 

Some might ask, well, “define home”. Or say, “Being at home is no fun”. 

Well home for me is considered my place of rest and refuge. It’s also my place of Lord’s ministry for me, to my husband, children and guests that enter our home. It is a place where private memories can be made, and where I feel generally relaxed about letting the kids roam just about anywhere and I can respond quickly to their needs. It’s where my primary work is done, meals are prepared, mouths are fed, babies are born and nursed, tears are cried, bums are wiped, laundry is done, songs are sang, books are read, lessons are learned, beds are slept on, people are prayed for, God is worshiped, and a place where fun memories are made. 

I’m just skeptical about being too busy and normalizing crazy busy as something that is a good thing. In my perception, it is hard to feel connected to others when everyone is busy. Even our neighbors who live close to us aren’t able to meet up with us-  we have different schedules and priorities. I’m at home either most days and I’m usually gone for as long as a few hours except one day a week where we are out the whole afternoon/evening for Bible study in a different city. This other family is a double income family with children in daycare and programs. No judgment. But as a result, I don’t get to enjoy being with my own neighbours even though we live under the same roof. 

I get we live in a commuter culture where drive all over the place. There’s things to do and places to go. Most men (and many women) go out to work somewhere. It’s hard to connect when we have our schedules overly crammed. Community somehow becomes whoever you “do stuff” with (e.g. meeting other parents during lessons, classes, activities, school). 

My life: we are at home, homeschool, my husband works from home. Meanwhile we limit our activities to only once a week community homeschool group. So far I haven’t added anything more than that on purpose. I want to be available. 

I’m not afraid of being considered lazy however I do think that could be an area of temptation of not being “busy” enough. My learning curve of being at home has been so steep I am always behind... however striving to have a “prepared home” for welcoming others is something I have on my mind to keep improving on (for the rest of my life probably). I find it a hindrance to accomplish a prepared home if I’m always running around being busy. This past week has been very busy and it is nice to finally be at home. 

Here a couple of cases of why I am glad we weren’t too busy.

1) One time my husband wanted to fill up our day with some fun activities and for some reason a plan didn’t work out and I was quite content with not being overly busy. We were in our neighbourhood when I received good news that our old neighbours had a baby. Because we had enough margin for that day to be available, we were able to go pick up some food and visit this family. I felt so thankful that we weren’t so busy and were available to serve as a family in an “unplanned” kind of way.

2) I was busy doing laundry at home. My husband interrupts me to let me know that my neighbour is needing help at the door. For some reason I didn’t want to answer the door (to my shame) because I’m not used to people trying to contact me at my door for any good reason. We discover that the neighbor’s baby was choking and I was able to automatically use my first aid skills to assist the baby and she was safe after the incident. We were all glad that we were at home when this event happened, what if we were not in our homes?

3) I’m glad we aren’t too busy so that if anyone ever needs to stop by and hang out, they know our door is generally open to visits and we aren’t rushing our company out the door so we can attend to the next thing. I do have neighbors who does periodically stop by to pray and chat and ask our family to go out. It is very satisfying to enjoy neighborly friendships. 

I’m not completely against plans and programs. I see the value of making the best use of the time. At the same time I long for this more slow based, friendly neighborhood life that doesn’t really exist in my life, to the degree of my desires at this moment. I feel torn when I go out to fellowship with people in my church building which is located 5 cities away. I long for table fellowship. I long to spend time with you in your home and learn from you and actually do life with you outside planned programs. Is that even possible?

Yes there are dangers to not being busy enough, or being “too available”. We learned in today’s sermon at church that widows should marry and avoid being gossips and busybodies. I get that. Thankfully God has allowed me to have a husband and children so I can keep (good) busy but I just want to avoid being too busy or crazy busy. Perhaps the fine line is drawn at different thresholds for every family, or every family simply has different priorities. Or they are on a journey to see how much they can handle. For me, enjoying a quiet life and being available to invest deeper into relationships with God and people means more to me than any busy programmed schedule can offer. It’s just really tough to achieve in reality at this moment with all the choices and technology available to us.

Just my opinion... 

[ninequestions9]

James, 27, Systems Administrator

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Things being up in the air. Nothing being nailed down in life. Not really having a clear direction of where to go or what to pursue next. I’m kind of frustrated with that.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I wish I was more naturally generous. It doesn’t come naturally to me to give money, especially tithing has always been a problem for me. I tend to cling to “This is my stuff. I’ve earned it.” I don’t hate giving gifts or anything like that. I’ve known people who are naturally generous, giving people. Not just of their money, but of their time or effort. There’s a certain light that comes from being a magnanimous person. Even just random people they meet, they’re constantly willing to give up their time or effort just to help people. That’s what I would like to have more of.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

A sense of humor to start with is very common. I don’t necessarily look for it in someone. Friendship is a much more natural thing that deliberately pursuing specific things in people. I tend to get along better with people who share my sense of humor or at least understand my sarcasm. If they don’t then they just tend not to like me. Other than that, I don’t know…not scumbags? Also usually some kind of shared activity or shared passion for something. The people that become closer friends are the people you spend more time with. Then probably the ability to think deeply on things or have deeper discussions. If you don’t ever get passed the shallow, superfluous then you don’t actually get to know the person. Can you really say your friends with someone if you only know what their favorite baseball team is? So a mutual willingness to engage in conversation and a commonality in that conversation.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Probably having someone else around to be brave for. Even for myself, when I’m living alone there’s less of a need for that bravery. Even killing bugs. I don’t like killing bugs by myself, but if there’s people around to kill bugs for then you have to be brave. You have to go in and just kill the spider. So yeah, having someone else around to be brave for.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Any kind of deeper relationship or any kind of deep personal discussion like that. In order to have any kind of conversation that matters, you have to be honest about who you are as a person and anytime you do that, when you put yourself out there, there’s that element of vulnerability because you don’t know how somebody else will respond to that. Everybody has a certain level of facade that they put up. Not necessarily fake, but who they are to everybody else…like you don’t always engage in the most personal discussions with everybody. So any kind of deep conversation with a friend or a romantic partner.  

6. What was your proudest moment?

I’ll tell this story because it’s the first one that pops into my head. Back in junior year of high school, I was in physics and we were learning about the kinematic equation, so properties of motion and how to calculate for different things. The challenge from our physics teacher for this lab was to get a marble into a cup. So basically, you’d set up a ramp at the end of a lab table and send a marble down it and you would set up a desk right underneath so it only had a short distance to fall. We had a speed gate at the bottom of the ramp that would tell up how fast the marble was going when it came off the ramp. So you would record where it landed on the desk and measure that from the end of the ramp. The teacher pulled the desk away and said “Ok now set up this cup where you think the marble is going to land,” which we had to figure out with these equations we were using. Immediately I was like “Oh, I know what to do.” I just went off to the side and started going through all the equations while the rest of the class was still puzzling through everything. So I figured it out and I told my team “Guys, we need to put the cup here. This is where the marble is gunna land.” None of them had really contributed anything to it so they just went off my word. We sent the marble down and it landed right in the cup. I still remember the look on the teacher’s face! He was so surprised that we got that. Nobody else in the class got it in the cup. So that was the proudest moment of my high school physics career.

    The answer I thought of after that was actually finishing student teaching. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I wanted to quit most of the time. That was probably more influential on my life in the long run, like actually sticking with it instead of getting a marble in a cup using equations I don’t even remember anymore.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Growing up it was always Steve Irwin. I loved animals when I was a kid….I don’t hate them now haha! I thought I was going to be a vet for a while when I was a kid….I mean I did take up hunting later on in life so I did kind of go in another direction….so now I love to eat animals….this is completely off topic! I loved watching his show, Crocodile Hunter was great! I always thought working at a zoo would be awesome and wrestling alligators. Actually as I’ve grown older and just gotten to know more of who he was as a person, it’s still a valid answer. He was such a genuine guy. You can see the legacy of who he was even in his kids today. Both of them seem like really great people. You know that person was a good dad. Both his kids want to follow in his steps. Both of them love and cherish their memories of him. Just a good genuine dude. I would still pick him as a role model today even though he’s dead.

    Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights as well. He’s so much of who I want to be as a man. His relationship with his wife, as portrayed in the show, is….they deal with a lot of difficult stuff and the way they always approach it with communication, being up front, and working through problems is like such a realistic portrayal in such a good way that you don’t usually see in TV. Normally the dad is such a douche. They make him intentionally a moron for funsies. He’s the coach of the high school football team so he doesn’t compromise on things that he knows to be wrong. He’s very strong with what he believes in and trying to maintain and do the right thing despite pressure from the town or from his players. He’s always willing to go above and beyond for his players. He’s the one they come to if they get into a tight spot. Even if they know he doesn’t approve of what they did, he’s always also the one they go to first because they know he’ll be the one to help them out. Someone like that is who I would like to be as a man, as a father, and wherever God brings me in the church, discipling people. That’s who I would like to be.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

I always feel like you can’t pass down life lessons. My parents, especially my dad, went through a lot growing up, so there was a lot of things my dad dealt with growing up that he never wanted his kids to have to deal with. In those ways, he was stricter on certain things or would try to direct us in certain things like “Hey you shouldn’t be doing this.” One of the frustrations he’s expressed a lot is how most of his kids didn’t really listen to him. He said “I was trying to save you these heartaches here because I know I went through that.” On some level, people have to learn for themselves. Parents or role models can impart specific lessons or wisdom, but at the end of the day I find the most valuable lessons we learn in life are those we have to learn ourselves and experience through our own choices. That was one of the reasons I felt I had to move out of my parent’s. In order to have those life experiences and learn those lessons. My parents got married early, had a kid, had no money, they bought a crappy run down house and struggled for years and years. I’m sure they would love to save me from that. I definitely don’t have that experience now, but even moving out and taking steps that are more risky and forcing myself into situations like that.

    Something more broad, just go out and do things that challenge you. Especially things that scare you. Those are the things you should be going for and trying to do. At the end of the day, the only way you’re going to grow is by being challenged or by doing something that you were afraid of. So go out and experience those life lessons and learn your own.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I don’t know how much of it is opinion based versus fact based. My opinion of who Jesus is ultimately shouldn’t matter. What matters is who he actually is. I feel like my opinion gets in the way a lot of the time. I feel like we tend to create a more palatable version of God. We like to pick and choose character traits or aspects of who he is. We make him smaller than he is and more manageable. When ultimately, who he is is who he is. My relationship with him is based entirely off of him. This is who he is and he loves me. I’m just in a position of being constantly blow away like, who am I? I’m nobody. Why would the God of everything love me? He’s my savior. He’s my friend. Those are facts, they’re not opinions. Ultimately, he should be everything. He should be number one in my life, but a lot of times he’s not. I put other things first and always end up regretting it. That’s who he is. Someone who’s constantly patient, constantly loving, even though I don’t deserve it.

[johnhardinsawyer]

Movin’ On Up

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

9 / 1 / 19

Luke 14:1, 7-14

“Movin’ on Up”

(The Humbling, Yet Holy, Work of Knowing Your Place)

If you’ve ever planned a big party, like a wedding reception, you have, likely, felt pressure to make sure that everyone is sitting in the right place.  For example, you don’t want two ex-es sitting at the same table with their new partners, unless you know they’re on good terms.  You don’t want the groom’s college roommate who has a habit of telling the wrong kind of stories, sitting next to the bride’s prim and proper grandmother. Chances would be slim of the black sheep of the family sitting close to a microphone during the toasts.  And chances would likely be slim of someone, who had been invited to the wedding at the last minute, ending up sitting at the head table.  You get the idea. . .

In today’s reading from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus is at a dinner party in the home of a well-respected religious leader.  They were there to celebrate the Sabbath meal, which, among Jewish people, was – and is – a sacred, but joyful, celebration of God’s gifts.  Parties in those days had some rules, especially about who sat where.  The head of the table, where the host sat, was the place of honor.  And the farther you sat from the host was a sign of where you were in the pecking-order of importance.

But at the Sabbath meal on this particular evening, Jesus notices that all of the dinner guests try to choose the places of honor – jockeying for positions as close to the host as they can get.  When Jesus sees this, he uses it as a teachable moment about manners, and how our presumptions should not lead us right to the front of the line, or the best seat in the house, or to the head of the table. Jesus says that it is wrong for us to make such assumptions about ourselves.  If we do this, chances are good that we will be asked to move down the line.  And those who choose to sit at the lowest place will have the opportunity to move up to the place of honor.  “For all who exalt themselves will be humbled,” Jesus says, “and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  (Luke 14:11)

This is one of those hard and odd sayings of Jesus that runs contrary to how things seem to truly work in the world.  I mean, who, in their right mind, would choose to humble themselves?  And, besides, it is pretty clear that those who exalt themselves are not always humbled and those who humble themselves are not always exalted.  There is inequality in the world.  Some people have more – more money, more opportunity, more influence. And, some people do not.  And, because of this, the “haves” make the presumption that their place just might be closer to the head of the table.  I mean, why wouldn’t it be?  And, the “have-nots”?  Well, in most cases, they aren’t even invited to dinner.  And this is just too bad, but that’s just how things go.  And yet, here is Jesus, wanting to turn all of this upside down.

I don’t know about you, but I can see some real-world implications here.  You and I might presume that because of our background or education or the people we know or where we live or how we worship that there are certain benefits that we have either earned or inherited.  Or, in keeping with the common practice of people of privilege, we might not even think about this stuff at all.  We just presume that everyone else sees things the same way we do or should share in our experience of the world because, why wouldn’t they?  But Jesus isn’t too sure about this.  Jesus wants us to think of ourselves in a different way.  And, sometimes, learning to think of ourselves in a different way can be a humbling experience.

The year before I started seminary, there was an incident that took place in the seminary cafeteria that had some racist overtones.  We never got the full story on what, exactly, happened, and it might not have been an intentionally racist act, but there were those who took offense.  So, the following year – my first year at seminary, all of the students were required to attend a racial sensitivity training event. I was appalled.  How dare anyone assume that I was racially insensitive. I was a child of the South, but I grew up with black classmates and I had black friends.  Yes, they lived in different neighborhoods from mine, but. . . I knew people.  So, I made an appointment to have lunch with one of the student organizers of the event, a lovely woman named Carol Ann.  I thanked her for meeting with me, said how bad it was that something offensive happened the year before I arrived at seminary, and then laid out my case as to why I felt that I was not a racist and not racially insensitive – you know, I had some black friends, and my ancestors didn’t own slaves, as far as I knew. Carol Ann was courteous, but – after I finished speaking – she sighed a great sigh. . .  It was a sigh that said so much – something like:

“This is not about you, John.  You’re a little too sensitive, too defensive. . . too fragile. Is this the first time you have ever had to think about all of the implications of the fact that you are white?  I am reminded of my blackness every moment of every day.  You’re making it about you, John, but it’s not about you.  This is about nearly 400 years of terrible history and all the garbage that comes with it.  And, even though you mean well, maybe it would be better if you spent more time listening instead of speaking. . .”  

In the moment, I was trying to justify myself, to feel better about myself.  But, in the years since, thinking about who I was in that moment, I have been humbled. There are times when it is so much more difficult – but also more loving and more faithful – to not speak too soon, to not make assumptions, to not get defensive, but to simply be quiet and not presume to take a more important seat, or perspective or point of view, than is called for in the moment.  This is a good rule of thumb, you know – not just for race relations, but for political conversations, marriages, friendships, parenting. . .  I am thinking about all of this because, as we commemorate the 400thanniversary of slaves being brought to America this past month,[1]and the 100thanniversary of white women getting the right to vote this past month, (black women (and men) did not get that right until 1965), it is clear that there are people who have been forced to take the lower, “less important” seats, people who have been put in their place – not by God, but by the other party guests – and this has not been of their own choosing.  These are people whose voices should have been heard, people whose gifts should have been celebrated, people whose faith just might run deeper because it has been tested in ways that those of us who presume the place of privilege know not.

I don’t know if you ever think about this stuff, but I really struggle with it.  Our entire society continues to struggle with it.  We see it in the news every day.  I am humbled by how much has been handed to me – a white male – and how much I have presumed – even unwittingly, about my place in the world.  As far I know, most people don’t like to be humbled, or moved down the table to a place where they don’t want to sit, or have someone from a lower place moved up higher than them.  It just doesn’t seem fair, does it?  But, as Jesus seems to be telling us, sometimes this is just what we need for the kingdom of God to break through.

There are some warm and fuzzy sayings from Jesus, but today’s lesson isn’t one of them.

I can imagine the fancy dinner guests gathered together for the Sabbath meal being more than a little shocked by Jesus’ teaching. I mean, the nerve of this guy! Imagine a dinner guest coming to your party and calling out the other guests on their manners.  But then Jesus takes his table talk to an even deeper level. He turns his attention to the host of the party – the well-respected leader of the Pharisees – and says,

When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.  And you will be blessed because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.  (Luke 14:12-14)

When we have a meal, Jesus is saying, or a gathering of people – or, if we were to expand the idea, a society, a culture, a country – what if we were to think more about those who are not gathered around our table (be it a literal or figurative table) than those who are?[2]  Who is not here that should be?  Who is not here that God wants here – the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, the gay, the trans, the straight, the Republican, the Democrat, the immigrant, the citizen, the popular, the lonely, the black, the white, the people of every beautiful color and hue of God’s wondrous creation. . . ?  In the kingdom of God, it looks different from how we might presume. In the kingdom of God, all of God’s children are welcome.  And those we would not normally invite?  Well, at God’s Table, they are the guests of honor.  This is what grace looks like – Jesus is saying – a gift that is given to us again and again, which cannot be repaid, but only humbly received.  We cannot repay Jesus for the grace that he gives us, but we can learn to share the grace he gives us.  Are we God’s honored guests?  I hope so, but the humbling thing is, so is everyone else.  And, if this is the case, why would we not work to make this so – on earth as it is in heaven?

When we come to the Lord’s Table, is there room for us? The good news is that yes, there isroom for us.  But when we come to this Table, it would be good for us to remember that access to this Table “. . . is not a right conferred upon the worthy, but a privilege given to the undeserving who come in faith, repentance, and love”[3]  We come to this table at Christ’s invitation.  He is the host of the meal and freely gives himself to us in a mysterious and holy way. There is no need for us to jockey for position to get any closer to him, because he feeds us with his very self. You can’t get any closer than that. And, as if that weren’t enough, when we celebrate this meal, Jesus doesn’t come down to feed us.  We are all raised up higher so that we can catch a glimpse of the heavenly feast[4]– a feast at which all are welcome and everyone is fed.  In other words, God invites each and every one of us to move on up – the ex-es, the college roommate, the black sheep of the family, the person invited at the last minute, you, and me. . .

When we come to the Lord’s Table, rubbing elbows and shoulders with all who have been invited, may this be a rehearsal for how we are to be in the world.  May we not presume to know our place, but may we truly know our place – as forgiven and redeemed children – on equal footing with everyone else.  And may God grant us the grace to look across the Table and see Christ at the heart and in the face of all who are gathered with us.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

-------- 

[1]https://pulitzercenter.org/sites/default/files/full_issue_of_the_1619_project.pdf.

[2]With gratitude to my friend, Amos Disasa, who used a similar turn of phrase in a sermon in late July, 2019.

[3]Book of Order of the Presbyterian Church (USA) – 2017/2019 – W-3.04.

[4]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord%27s_Supper_in_Reformed_theology#cite_note-FOOTNOTELetham200135-17.

[consciousowl]

Matrix Energetics: How to Bend Your Reality

If you think you understand quantum mechanics, then you don’t.​

Dr. Richard Feynman

With all the disruptions and upsets in life, you may have wished, just like such classic psychics as Yuri Geller, that you could bend a spoon simply by gazing at it. However, you have convinced yourself that you are perfectly ordinary. What you perceive to be real is far less solid or unchanging than you ever imagined. If you heard a lecture or saw a movie on quantum mechanics, or read a popular book, you may recall that the observer is fundamental to reality. Without an observer, nothing is real. When you observe anything, you are actually creating it. Your toothpick collapses from being a probability wave to a collection of particles. Since you observe it, it has entered your reality. So with everything else. You are living within the very world you consciously create.

What Is Matrix Energetics?

Matrix Energetics is a transformational consciousness technology created a couple decades back by the celebrated chiropractor and naturopathic doctor, Richard Bartlett. At the time, he was paid to physically manipulate people’s bones to diminish pain from accidents and injuries. It was all about doing something to or for someone else. Dr. Bartlett experienced a breakthrough after an unusual vision allowed him to suddenly start treating people by only lightly touching them. He no longer needed to employ pressure, or schedule multiple sessions to have people’s bones realign. He even treated scoliosis, which is a sideways curvature of the spine. Dr. Bartlett’s patients would be cured in a single session by a simple procedure of observation.

Dr. Bartlett began figuring out what was happening with him through the study of physics. He worked with an apprentice to find a way to transmit his gift to others. After a breakdown argument with his first student, he suddenly realized a surefire way for his apprentice to “get it.” From there, Dr. Bartlett formed seminars and ended up training thousands of people, including veteran body and energy workers, as well as little children.

How Does Matrix Energetics Actually Work?

Matrix Energetics appears magical or miraculous. It defies commonsense. For example, one student accidently slammed the door on her little puppy, such that its leg bent upward like a broken twig. Mortified, she drove the dog to the vet, using a time-reversal process. When she brought the puppy into the doc, it began walking about perfectly normal, as if nothing happened. No sign of blood. Matrix Energetics goes much deeper than the medical or biological approach, which focuses at the system, tissue, cellular and molecular levels. This new approach actually goes to the quantum, or subatomic level, the level of the mind, not the body. At that level, time flows both backward and forward, we can occupy parallel universes and we can travel faster than light. With this new approach, you make a careful observation, usually with two light touches on a body to create a measurement. You look closely at the body, soften your focus and then profoundly relax. You go within and reimagine the condition, perfect before the illness or accident. Then you observe again, talk with the subject and notice the changes.

How Do You Expect Me to Believe All This?

At this point, you may be convinced that this is just another urban legend gone berserk. You’ve looked at hundreds of people before; no one has ever changed. When you have to go to the doctor, you KNOW you have to go to the doctor. You can’t just relax and smile. You may not realize it, but you rarely see what is right in front of you. For example, you have seen your life partner for 20 years. You know what he/she looks like. (That’s the problem. You still keep seeing him/her as he/she was, not how he/she is today.) You are stuck in your pictures, your beliefs, your fixed notions of how it all is. Time to let go and do a complete refresh. Also, we are talking subtle energies. It works to start small with something that won’t assault your belief system at the same level as a flying saucer hovering 20 feet away! If you pay attention to itches and minor pains, perhaps as you are trying to go to sleep at night, you will realize that they never stay the same. They keep moving from place to place. That is because they are not “things.” They are pure energy.

When Will I Ever Find the Time to Master Quantum Physics?

If you ever tune into Dr. Bartlett, you will find that he is a delight to watch. He is hysterically funny, confronting and light-hearted, all at the same time. His speech is studded with quantum jargon, but he takes none of it seriously. 

Quantum is the physics of possibility. It allows us to look at the world in daring new ways.

Dr. Bartlett is emphatic that getting multiple doctorates is a stumbling block to actually applying the physics. You don’t need to understand any of it. He endeavors to have people simple “get it” in an intuitive way. Dr. Bartlett is intensely transparent and pragmatic. Do whatever works, much like a Zen roshi. Quantum Energetics seminars bring people up to a basic level of proficiency in a single weekend. You learn to see the world in a whole new way, much as Carlos Castaneda did with Don Juan. You open up to non-ordinary reality, intuitively picking it up from people on stage, as well as those beside you in the audience.

How Can I Do This without Getting Totally Stoned?

You will agree that, if you are with the Yaqui Indians in a peyote ceremony, or in the Amazon Basin with the Santo Daime church in an ayahuasca ceremony, you will have no problem accessing non-ordinary reality. Before you know it, you are a crow flying through the heavens. But, come on! Marijuana may now be legal, but for this, you need the really heavy stuff! If you are straight, good luck having anyone in your immediate circle hand you a tab of acid! Psychedelics simply disinhibit your blocks against raw experience. As has been quipped, “Religion is a defense against a religious experience.” We love conceptualizing, encoding our experience and interpreting it from a given framework. If you will simply drop your interpretation, even temporarily, you will “get it.”

Four Steps to a New You

You can begin experimenting with this approach as follows. 1.�� Observe. 2.  Relax. 3.  Reimagine. 4.  Observe again. Dr. Bartlett, as a chiropractor, began by defining two points on a person and talking with her. He would relax his perception and ask her to do the same. He would take a second to envision a new reality, and then look again. Whenever he does it, he always finds something surprising. He and his seminar participants laugh all the way home, feeling a million times better. You, too, can bend your own reality. The price is supremely low. Let go. Allow whatever wants to come up to come up. We love to be right. However, we love true fulfillment even more. Growth always wins! Have you ever practiced Matrix Energetics? What’s your take on it? We invite your comments.

The post Matrix Energetics: How to Bend Your Reality appeared first on ConsciousOwl.com.

[forthelalaland]

Good Friday: Siete Palabras

Siete Palabras or The Seven Last Words is a Good Friday tradition in the Philippines and in the Roman Catholic world that starts at 12 PM to 3 PM. These last words uttered by Jesus are languages of love. Siete Palabras presentation allows the people to seek him, the real essence of Lent, Holy Week, and Paschal Mystery through his unending love.

Although the family did not go to church, we were able to watch Jesus’ Seven Last Words. Thanks to the the live broadcast, television channels! And since I am already on the right track (claiming it!), I continued reflecting. Yes yes, someone is that dedicated changing for the better eh. And these are the things I picked up during the talk...

1: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

Uso ngayon yung nagmahal, nasaktan, then add your own statement. I guess, if Jesus lives today, his statement will be nagmahal, nasaktan, tinraydor, pero nagpatawad, nakapagligtas ng mundo, nagmahal ulit so that people will understand Him more. Having been similar to the likeness of God, we too must forgive. I know it is hard! But let us just pray for our emotions and move on.

2: I assure you, today, you will be with me in Paradise.

You are always in paradise if you have God with you. Life is beautiful despite all the challenges we are going through. Here, I saw how worthy one’s life is because God offered himself for us. We are all gold! That is what he sees in us even if sometimes, we hurt him through the sins and temptations we do. And so I pray for the value of life. Let us all live well with G from now on.

3: Dear woman, here is your son.

This is a language of true communication: listening, understanding and accepting. God talks to each one of us. We might just not realize but he does, in different ways. God is asking us to take care of the gifts we received like the mother nature, talents we have, and most especially, our fellow people. Just like Jesus, we are meant to share what we have for the good of others.

4: My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?

We have maaany questions to God! But you know, everything will take place in His perfect timing. Just trust him okay? For now, we could have just ask ourselves, what have I done in my life already? What can I do to make things better? Do I have a legacy here in this world already? What can I offer to the people around me? Be better for you, for others’ welfare, for Him.

5: I am thirsty.

Because Jesus feels it too. Similar to our thirst for material possessions, fame, and attention, He is thirsty with our love too. This word hurts me the most because I am guilty. There are times when I know what is right but I am so pressured to be left out so, you know what happens. I am sorry, G! No worries, I will try my best to quench that thirst you have in me. *prayingalot4diz!*

6: It is finished.

I always ask myself, have I finished something? For all of us seeks that fulfillment. Be it as life in general, work, or relationships. Every stops, finish lines, and endings, are still beginnings (start of something new, duh!!!). Does not mean something did not last, does it mean there will be a period already. This just symbolizes hope, for a new and better chapter. Yaz believe!!!

7: Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.

I agree guys! It is all about letting go of everything and just surrendering your life to G. We do not know what will happen next to you or to me. We cannot control everything in our hands. Well, we sorta do but we still need G. In Filipino, ipa-sa-Diyos natin. U gotta do your best and let God as He will do the rest. At times we do not know, at times life is getting hard, God knows the answer, He got our backs. Ipaubaya ang hindi kaya. He is greater than us!  Have a road wandering to His way, that is all we need to do. 💖

Through these Seven Words or Siete Palabras, I saw that there are many ways on how to love. Those simple compliments, little things, collective efforts, kind actions, and a whole lot mooore! These small stuff make someone else feel loved. And you got it, let us just give love okay? Hahaha!

I believe He loves me! He loves all of us! But this time, I know in myself it got deeper. I am devoted to making myself its best version and I am offering it to Him. Yes, I am doing it now, a start of something new not just for me, but for the world, and most importantly, to God. So help me po. Hehe xx

~Thank God it’s Friday! It’s Friday, it’s Friday! Happy weekend!~