#or at the very least a project that is actually completable and within my skill scope

[plaid-maniac]

If you ever get the urge to make a game or a mod of a game: DON’T

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Another Vox enthusiasts I see? Well if I may...

Vox with a GN Hacker reader who was turned entirely digital after manifesting in hell. They don’t even have a physical form they’re completely stuck within Hell’s databases, their skills are obviously useful to him so he offers them a place on the team which they immediately accept on the condition that Vox makes them a vessel to inhabit because holy shit are they going stir crazy.

I’m not entirely sure how Vox’s abilities work but given he can at the very least project himself onto screens and the like I get the feeling that he’d plug himself into the system whenever they talk. Mostly because it keeps them grounded, they’re alot calmer when he’s actually next to them and not looking in through a screen.

I hope this didn’t get too wordy or long I just wanted to be thorough because I have massive brain rot for this techno mf-

Take your time with this request! Kisses darling <3

-📽

Dude, does anyone else remember having Shimeji's or that internet episode from Fairly Odd Parents? Cause that's what I'm about to write!

Digital Pet [Vox x Digital Reader]

When you first manifested in Hell, you were completely unaware that you had ended up in Hell itself. Because instead of manifesting in the overcrowded circle designated for sinners, you instead found yourself in a digital landscape. Countless screens surrounded you like a million portals. You could see the different shapes and sizes of the devices being used in hell and could even alter whether or not you saw what was being displayed on the screen or what the screen could see itself like a window to Hell.

At first, you had a massive meltdown. From what you could tell, you were the only one in this digital Hell custom-tailored to leave you isolated despite having access to every device in Hell. You wondered what you did to deserve the extra punishment layered on top of not being good enough for heaven, especially since you hadn't done anything particularly evil when you were alive.

You lost track of how much time passed. You entertained yourself by jumping from system to system. You'd watch shows that sinners binged, and you'd watch the city from large advertisement screens that overlooked the sinner's circle of Hell. Anything to stave off the loneliness.

One day, that all changed when you felt an electric buzz make the hairs on the back of your neck stand. You heard the voice of someone swearing and immediately pulled yourself away from the screen you had been sticking your nose into. When you turned, you saw another demon who was still sparking with some bright electric energy as he dusted himself off.

For a moment the two of you just stared at each other in shock. As far as you and Vox knew, you were the only ones who could access the digital realm of Hell's database. Vox is immediately wary, but you are thrilled as you approach him quickly.

"H-Hi, oh my god!" you breathe as you look him over. He didn't look new to Hell, but you had never seen anyone else in the same pocket of space as you before. "Did you just die? Have you seen anyone else? Did you just get here? It's been so long since I saw another person that wasn't on a screen!"

Vox blinked as you rapid-fired questions at him. He looked you over as you rambled something about the irony of his face being a screen when he finally shook his head and held up a hand to stop you.

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down," he started. "What are you talking about? How are you even here? No one else should be able to traverse through the database of Hell but me."

Vox's interest only grows as you explain your situation. "I see," he hummed as he looked you over with new intrigue. "I wonder if you have similar abilities to mine and just got caught in the in-between..."

It was easy enough for him to lure you into a deal. The sheer amount of panic you expressed when he pretended he was going to just leave you there was hilarious at the time. In exchange for you "surfing the web" for him, so to speak, he took you on as an apprentice of sorts. Vox trained your abilities and helped you hone your magic. While you had every hope of one day figuring out how to manifest in the physical realm the way he did, Vox cleverly avoided any pursuit of the possibility.

He liked having full power over you and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't starting to grow attached. While you hadn't learned anything about manifesting physically, you had learned how to appear on his screens. He'd never admit it to you out loud, but he found the tiny image of you running around on his devices and talking with him to be pretty damn adorable.

Despite his manipulation, the two of you actually slowly became friends. He found himself genuinely proud of you whenever you popped up to show him something new you had learned. There was a weird warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest when you would bounce with excitement at your new discoveries.

Sometimes you'd ask him to play a certain show or song for you. Even after you learned how to control inactive devices so you could look up anything you wanted, you still liked to ask him to play things for you just so you could watch them in his presence. You'd send memes to each other and Vox had to quickly excuse himself when you sent him a crudely drawn image of Alastor slipping on a banana peel while he was in the middle of giving a presentation at a meeting.

Vox was emotionally constipated, but he wasn't stupid. He could tell that the warm feeling in his chest was growing and he knew you were the source. He clutched his chest as he stepped into his lair and saw you sleeping on his desktop toolbar, waiting for him to come home after a long day at work. He had promised you that you'd watch the new episode of a show you'd been watching together, but his gameshow had run late.

He sits down with a sigh and traces over your sleeping form, feeling something twist inside of him as his claw only met with the cold, flat surface of a screen. He wondered what it would be like to hold you. To touch you. To have you in his arms while the two of you lay on the couch while you made him watch stupid shows instead of...

"Fuck," Vox whispered to himself as he pulled away from the innocent image of you. He clutched his face as he slumped forward in his chair. He had a decision to make.

And so do you, dear readers! I want to make a part two to this, the real question is:

[strwbrythoughts]

time's up | dr. veritas ratio

The doctor - also known as your husband - has come to refine your problem-solving skills, particularly in mathematics.

A/N: This man is insufferable but I simp because smart + muscles = hot!!! Also can you see me projecting onto this and wdym i don't like triangles, ngl i accidentally switched to first person pov at the ending 💀 this is why i need to find time to write in my busy busy schedule

Divider by @/osqrie

"You have 15 minutes to solve these questions. You may begin."

The soft click of the digital stopwatch in his right hand sounded louder than ever to your ears. Your eyes went from his soft, smiling face - which in itself, was a rarity - towards the questions printed on the single sheet of white, A4-sized paper on your desk. They were all mathematics equations. Every single one was an integration-related question.

You always thought that you could escape the topics you didn't like after finishing your studies in the undergraduate level. Life had been pretty smooth-sailing after graduation; you opened a cute and cozy bakery, you married a genius, lived in a comfortable home, have and maintain a loving relationship...but this. This was the least of what you would expect. Being tutored and tested on the one subject you refused to take back in university.

Or perhaps it was your mistake when you told him your weak points in the academic aspect of yourself. That was a side effect of marrying a genius, you supposed...or a 'Mundanite' as he would use to refer to himself.

But you couldn't think of that now. You had a test to complete, and you didn't want to receive his punishment for not being able to do so within the given timeframe. His eyes could be felt on you, as if burning into your body and directly gazing at the very essence of your soul. The rise in your heartbeat and downturned gaze highlighted how nervous you felt to answer this paper.

After taking a deep breath to clear your head, you observed the questions carefully. There were 3 questions, and all of them were pretty easy to solve (or at least, that was what the instructions said). The first two questions were fine; only including polynomials and exponents respectively. As you got to the third question though...you couldn't say it was 'fine'.

It included one of your most disliked topics...trigonometry.

Granted, the trigonometry was pretty simple, but you never seemed to be able to wrap your head around how so many formulas could be derived from them. When Veritas explained it to you in one of your tutoring sessions, you asked for more breaks than usual since you had put a barrier in your mind; 'I will never understand this'; which in turn, made the topic seemed harder than it actually was.

The soft 'ding!' of the bell on my desk reminded you that you had five minutes left for this last question. You gulped, hoping your nervousness would be swallowed away as well. His eyes were glued to the back of your head; not that you dared to look behind my shoulder at the moment.

Every second counts after all, even if you had no clue what steps you should take to solve the problem on the paper.

Your brain seemed to malfunction and your memorisation skills failed you right this moment. You didn't remember the basic formulas, and you didn't know how to derive them from the triangles either. With no viable options left, you decided to unleash your expertise; cooking up your own theories.

'Ah, he's definitely punishing me for this...' was the only thought floating in your brain. Autopilot mode was switched on, and your hand glided across the paper, writing down whatever nonsense that seemed to be related to trigonometry, regardless whether they were correct or not.

The digital stopwatch in Veritas' hand had reached its last minute; the fifteenth minute. "Time's up," his voice bounced off the white walls right into your ears. "Put down your pen and stop writing."

Although reluctant, you did not wish for a heavier punishment. His words were followed by the sound of the pen being put onto the wooden desk. Within seconds, he was stood right next to your desk, using his index finger and thumb to pick up the piece of paper.

His eyes scanned my answers, going from left to right as he inspected each line of working. There was a faint smile on his lips...until it was gone.

Gulp.

He had definitely seen the absolute mess you made on the last question.

A slam onto the wooden desk; you swore you heard the wood crack a little bit. "Did I not teach you this last question?" You could barely reply. His tone was dripping with condescension, but you didn't take offence from it. Both you and him knew he had the right intentions, but his ways wouldn't be able to satisfy everyone.

"You did! I...I just didn't like it."

Veritas let out a 'tsk' thrice, seeming almost animated as he did so. "You do know what you have to do now, right? So come on, what are you waiting for? Is time not ticking?" He took a seat on his chair, eyes looking straight into mine.

You sighed, preparing your facial muscles...as you climbed into his lap. Ah yes, the 'one hundred kisses or you're not leaving this room' punishment. A classic, really. Your lips peppered his face, landing on each part like the first snow of winter; gentle and heartwarming.

"Lunchtime is nearing, so you better carry out your responsibility quickly and dutifully, dear. You'd hate to have lunch at 4 PM again, hm?"

Ah, crap! He was right! Better get to work now!

Thank you for reading!

[retellingthehobbit]

I went to read your comic on Ao3 and I noticed you'd started back in 2020. Aside from your clear and beautiful art progression, what can you tell me about the timeline of your comic?

Thank you! And yes, started this webcomic in January of 2020. “I sure hope nothing bad happens in 2020 that will hamper my ability to focus on a large personal project!” — me in January 2020 with all the naivety of youth. Top ten images taken minutes before disaster. This comic is like a deeply personal diary of my mental state, complete with the long empty hiatuses that are sort of like that part of Twilight where months of depression are represented by blank pages.

One of my favorite things about webcomics is how you can often see an artist’s style grow organically over time. I think it’s something that’s getting lost in the age of “Webtoon Originals,” where people are starting to expect webcomics to be produced by an actual production studio with a team of artists behind them and to maintain a consistent highly curated art style throughout. These professionally funded comics are fun, but they do lose the messy personal organic growth that used to separate webcomics from traditional print comics? But i could go on a whole tirade about webtoon haha 😂 !

The Hobbit is partially a story about someone learning how to express themselves. Bilbo starts the story as this stuffy little guy who is repressing a lot his own personality; he ends the story as a skilled artist writing elaborate prosy poetry about his adventures. I deliberately chose to start drawing the comic before I went to college, knowing my art style would change a lot of over that period!

Anyway here's the timeline as I remember it: Pre-development: I was working on sketches of the comic itself as early as 2016. Chapter 1 (A Bedtime Story/Tooks and Bagginses): (Posted on Tumblr in January 2020, on Ao3 later): Published shortly before I went to college. I was drawing in Paint Tool Sai, and hand-writing all the words instead of using a font. I set out to adapt at least the Unexpected Party chapter, but thought I'd probably adapt the entire novel within a year or two. ("It's a webcomic Michael. How long could it take? twelve months?") Chapter 2: (A Very Respectable Hobbit): Posted like a week after Chapter 1. This was when I still thought I could post a ten page chapter every week, haahahahahahahahahaha Fs in the chat.

HIATUS #1: DANCE BREAK: TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The exact timeline of 2020 is a blur for obvious reasons, but I do remember the updates became very sporadic over this period. Chapter 3-5 (Very Old Friends and An Unexpected Party chapters): there’s a global pandemic. During Spring Break my college abruptly kicks us all off campus and sends us home. I keep looking at the “post dates” on these chapters like what??? Really? I posted that at thAt time? But there was a global pandemic happening and I was so busy and overwhelmed with college???? When did I have the time? I have no memory of drawing these. My memories of all 2020 are so blurry. I think these chapters just manifested spontaneously.

The weekly/biweekly update schedule has been tossed to the wind, never to return. Alas. Chapter 6 (An Enormously Important Dwarf, aka Thorin’s intro): I was back “at college” during our “hybrid” year, so in practice I was extremely isolated. this was posted during a year after the first chapter, in 2021. I would never have found the motivation to continue if I wasn't so excited to draw Thorin! I also joined a "comic club" at my college which was comprised mainly of awkward video calls with like three people. On a weirder note, this chapter was posted a few weeks after the January 6th attempted coup. I was drawing in a a weird headspace.

DANCE BREAK #2: IT’S TIME FOR A YEAR LONG HIATUS:

I've started to often dislike the word “burnout” when it’s applied to art. It implies that the problem is that you were drawing too much or that you can’t find inspiration, when often the problem is much bigger than your art-- it's wider economic anxieties and social circumstances outside your control. It is very hard to think clearly and create things when you are worried about your future, about work, about housing, about a global pandemic, about constant demands on your time, and about being extremely isolated. In hindsight, I wasn’t “burned out”— I was in a situation where I could not think clearly or produce anything. Chapter 7 (The Lonely Mountain): posted a full year after chapter 6. For a while I considered having this be the “last chapter” of the comic!

Changing art styles was a thing I was really motivated to do, and was my last “bucket list” item for the comic.

HIATUS #3: I get really busy with junior year of college! I grow more and more disillusioned with Tolkien as I learn more about The Hobbit Law crushing labor unions and worker's rights in New Zealand, and how Amazon takes advantage of that. The Tolkien Estate also releases a statement saying they disapprove of any unauthorized use of Tolkien's works for profit or not, which isn't really legally enforceable but is also just an act of pure contempt XD. Chapter 8 (A Tangled Web): I get sent to the emergency room in an ambulance for Reasons and begin drawing this in the weeks after, as I realize I don't care about the Tolkien Estate or Amazon or Warner Brothers or whatever hollow marketable products they produce under the tolkien brand. I think this is the weakest chapter of the comic, both in writing and art, and in hindisght think the comic works better without it pacing-wise. However!!!! I was drawing it in a weird mental state, so. XD

Also, at this point I am drawing entirely in Photoshop. Chapter 9 (Ash and Smoke): Back at college for senior year— time for dragon! The comic starts updating with something that resembles a "regular schedule!" this year had more and more people on campus in person, and I started to slowly make college friends :). Also, at this point I am the President of the comic club, and we are now meeting in person and rebuilding our comic empire. Chapter 10 (The Heart of the Mountain): Some funky bits of writing I'd like to revise at some point, but I enjoy the art in this chapter. Chapter 11 (Polite Nothings): If I were to do this all again I'd shorten this chapter and combine it with chapter 12. One important note is that originally, I tried to keep all chapters under ten pages. This made it easier to post them to Instagram and Tumblr, because tumblr still had a “ten image limit” at the time. However at some point I realized that was more trouble than it was worth, and really made the pacing difficult/slow as I struggled to split the story into ten page chunks.

A lot of webcomics often fall into what I call a “wheel-spinning” phase, where the author is so focused on finishing smaller updates that they lose the pacing of the larger narrative—- and so the story stalls out. I feel like I dealt with a lot of “wheel-spinning” while I was at college, both in my life and in my comic XD. Chapter 12 (The Quest): My internship company gives me an offer to work full-time, which I accept. in the last semester of my last year of college, I take the most helpful elective class I have ever taken: a class on using 3D models in blender to aid with blocking out illustrations. This is the first chapter where you see one of those backgrounds! From this point on my background art will improve dramatically. I also have lots of internet friends and college friends!

As I grow more confident in my art I also make the decision to change the character designs, something I’d wanted to do for a while. Chapter 13 (The Necromancer): I graduate college! It's time for some Lotte Reiniger art. I stay in my student housing until my lease ends. The art starts to grow more elaborate as I have more time to spend on it. Chapter 14 (Terms and Conditions): my summer is free, so I spend it drawing gay little hobbits. I move up North to live with my grandmother until my work start date. This is the very last “normal-sized” chapter of the comic, where I hold myself to keeping it under 10 pages. I also think this is where my new more elaborate character designs actually start to look a lot better XD.

I was finishing up apartment-hunting at this time, so both Bilbo and I were goin over contract terms. Chapter 15 (Unattached): summer free time!! More gay little hobbits. I move into my New apartment and sleep on an air mattress for a while. I have a lot of time to draw and the art gets far more complex; this chapter was also twice as long as my usual chapters. I am still proud of this chapter, honestly, even though it's gotten less attention than Chapter 16/17-- it's one I'd been excited to draw for a while. A lot of this chapter was drawn on my beautiful powerful beloved air mattress. Air mattress, my beloved. Chapter 16 (the Song of the Lonely Mountain): I start my new job! I get a BED. Lots of exciting things are happening. I was really excited to draw and post this chapter, because it’s one id been dreaming about drawing from the beginning-- it was surreal to see it "posted" because part of me never thought I'd get this far. I even started a tiktok and posted the chapter there, certain that people would enjoy it. However, tiktok basically ignored it, alas! This is why tumblr is the only social media site. Chapter 17: I continue my new job. My roommate surprises me with the news that they will move out at the end of our lease, making me realize that months have somehow passed. I make a post asking for anyone looking for roommates in Milwaukee to contact me via dms (that offer is still open, if you’re looking to move here in early June.) I privately am very confused about why anyone would ever want to leave a comfortable settled home to go off on an adventure and then realize that I am behaving exactly like pre-quest Bilbo Baggins.

Chapter 18: the chapter I am working on now!!! Another chapter I have been excited to draw forever!! It’ll feature studio-Ghibli-inspired backgrounds, exciting landscape art, and so much fun! I’ve also started a Patreon where, if you want to see “one page a week” instead of “twenty pages every Mystery number of Months” you can subscribe there. (The first page of Chapter 18 has already been posted!)

But yeah! The TL:DR:

I think the moral of all this (to me) is that it’s hard to make art if you’re just not in a position to do it, and you have to allow yourself time to grow and change as a person XD. Sometimes you need to spend a few years thinking and getting better before you're ready to go on an Adventure. I started this comic when I was very Young and Naive to the Ways of the World. The quality (and dips in quality) reflect my wildly fluctuating mental/emotional states while trying to draw each chapter in the midst of a global pandemic. My art has improved a lot lately, and I think a large part of it is really just being in a situation where I *can* improve— having a decent job, not being in the middle of a global pandemic with no vaccine in sight, not needing to live in constant fever-pitch anxiety, having friends, etc etc. I am completely different person now than I was while drawing chapter 1.

Not to be dramatic, but I think you can see there’s a lot more joy in the recent chapters than there is in some of the older ones. It's weird to look at your art and realize you've gotten happier. XD

[knife-em0ji]

When The Moon Hatched is an insane book. It is a fae romantasy but this author went whole hog into building a world that works completely unlike our own, and I can tell she is determined to make it consistent and make sense within her own internal set of rules. I really respect her for trying to do something new, even if the prose is the brightest shade of eggplant I've come across in a while. It's not Good -- the weakness of the prose, especially when she tries a "High Fantasy" tone, holy shit, and the stodgy romantasy beats [even with the twist you can see from a mile away] make this a squarely mediocre read -- but she was definitely ambitious and trying something that puts her work apart from the gazillion other fae romances (there's like, no humans at all in this book, which I respect a lot). She definitely has a Vision, and there's nothing I love more than works produced by self made arteurs with only middling technical skill that are obviously passion projects. Yeah, the story itself is mid and the characters pretty stock when you get down to it, but the world is genuinely interesting and probably the least derivative I've read in any contemporary romantasy. You can tell that she probably read things like Discworld and was like, "I want to do this too! I want to create my own unique planet and then set a sexy faerie romance on it and it'll be my magnum opus."

And you know what??? Good for her. I love that. Friggin large popcorn dammit because reading this feels exactly like watching one of those one-off mid-budget fantasy/sci fi movies from the mid 00s - mid 10s that are firmly mediocre, but still live in your psyche forever. This is truly the Mortal Engines or Chronicles of Riddick -- or, actually JUPITER ASCENDING!!!! -- of the faerie romance genre. I'm only about halfway through, but I'm pretty sure at the rate this is going my opinion isnt going to change much.

Also. People complain that there's tons of made up jargon and they need to consistently refer to the glossary, which I personally don't see because to me it's really quite easy to infer what things mean based on context clues ??????? Like the book never goes out of its way to overly explain what anything is since the POV character has lived in this world for her entire life, so it's all just normal to her, and I very much respect that choice not to exposit more than absolutely necessary. Like idk those 70s pulp sci fi books must have really done a number on my pattern recognition and contextual reading skills, because I'm not having any difficulty at all following and inferring the meanings of the jargon. Like. I really need some of these people who complain about fantasy slang and jargon to try picking up A Clockwork Orange one day. That book is nigh impenetrable with made up slang LOL.

[runningatypufullspeed]

@vostokmcclellan you have no clue what you have just unleashed within me. You reap what you sow. You have asked, and you shall DEFINITELY receive

Intoduction to C,honny jash 🔥🔥🔥 (no way fire... like from *gets shot)

CLAPS HANDS TOGETHER OKAY. OKAY. so chonny jash is this really cool singer guy song cover man on YouTube he makes some really good goddamn music and if you like tally hall, will wood, lemon demon (all other alternative/indie music creators and bands) then you MIGHT like him.

I think his most popular work/the work that gets most people invested into his music in the first place would be his album CCCC (chonny’s charming chaos compendium) which is a cover album consisting of songs that were originally from tally hall before jash took the lyrics and the music and like. Molded it to fit his ocs. That’s the best way I can describe it.

The three main characters of this album would be Heart, Mind, and Soul, and people (including me) GO ABSOLUTELY NUTS OVER THEM jash’s writing and singing and like general music skills are so good if you want to get into this album I’d seriously consider checking out his mind electric video first (the twelve minute one, it has 3 songs in total and they all do a pretty good job of introducing all three characters respectively).

Not only is the music like REALLY FUCKING GOOD the entire. Differentiation between sepereate characters based off of jash's artistic skills thing + motifs/symbolism for each one is extremely well thought out and the relationships between the three of these guys are CRAZY and TOXIC and RIVETING and bottom line SUPER GODDAMN RELATABLE to the vast majority of those in his audience. I would definitely recommend it if you enjoy concept albums/piecing together a story based off of several songs for me it was certainly an arduous process but BOY was it rewarding.

The lore/message itself is mostly up to listener interpretation but I personally like to think of that album as being centered around how valuable self acceptance is, how important communication and understanding and empathy is in a relationship, learning to break free from the bars that society cages one within, and just general dealings/causations of psychological turmoil. I think that what I like the MOST about CCCC tho is how lax/free you can be with your interpretations. it allows a LOT of space for creative liberty and overall message variation, and I like that. I like that very much.

OH and if you enjoy witty lyricism/enjoy having a bunch of allusions that you can rabbit-hole yourself into then you’ll probably like chonny jash . His stuff is like a puzzle but in video/music form. Anyway chonny jash changed my life I think everybody should listen to and look at the lyrics of one of his songs at least once in their life this shit is so good

Tergun 🤤

AND . AND TRIGUN. TRIGUN ISN’T A VIDEO GAME it’S a space western anime. Well OKAY it was originally a manga from the 90s that got adapted into an anime in the late 90s and then ANOTHER newer anime in 2023 so it’s actually just a broad term for these 3 pieces of media .

This is very general btw and while all adaptations go about it in different ways all of them center around the same plot; humans completely NERFED earth so they sent out these ships in order to find another habitable planet, and this mission is called “project seeds”. Aboard these ships are a bunch of humans put into cold sleep but OBVIOUSLY they can’t survive without resources, so alongside the cold sleep people are these human-made organisms called “Plants” who produce the necessities + more that humans need to survive.

Still with me? Ok So everything’s all fine and dandy, but then suddenly due to an event that I cannot disclose because of spoiler related reasons these ships CRASH on a deserted sandy desolate planet, and the remaining humans are then forced to survive solely off of the remaining plants (since all the technology from the spacefaring age was lost in the crash).

Now that the worldbuilding stuff’s outta the way, the main character is this dude named Vash the Stampede who is constantly being chased and hunted down because of this CRAZY bounty he’s got on his head and this is where . The main themes of Trigun start to shine through. It’s about morality and the lives of other people, about the cycles of abuse that lead to why people do certain things and it dives quite deep into the psychological and philosophical aspects ESPECIALLY since this is like a “kill or be killed” world and the main character ALWAYS chooses NOT to kill, no matter what.

I started out with watching the newest adaptation (Trigun stampede) but there’s no right or wrong order to consume the three medias, so start with whichever one you’d like ,,,, assuming you do want to start watching it, anyway.

Judging from what little i know about ur interests, I think trigun would be more up your alley BUT ALSO chonny jash is so good ESPECIALLY CCCC AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU ENJOY A SMALLER AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS COUGH COUGH COUGH but it's ultimately up to you, this is all assuming you'd wanna delve into anything in the first place. anyway yeah rant over . 👍

[psychagoguedigitalmusical]

My way in - Analysis and Concrete Action Plans

Anyone can be inspired by art. But can anyone create art?

I think that's a complicated question. Generally speaking, of course anyone can pick up a paper & pencil and draw something, or type out some poetry from their stream-of-consciousness. But is the artist in this scenario satisfied with what they've put out into the world? I wouldn't be. The artistic inspiration often comes paired with a clarity of purpose. And when our own lack of technical skill prevents us from matching the clarity we have inside, it feels helpless. Like there's some sort of "skilled artists" club out there in the world, and somehow they all got the mysterious membership card somehow, and it's just a gulf that can't be crossed. "Man, it would be cool, but I just don't have the stuff." It wasn't until last year when I completed the first project I was ever truly proud of creating that I realized that the gulf is crossable.

Basically, what I'm saying is that before I can make art that I am proud of, I need to understand my current limitations and learn my tools.

I have some music experience and some theatre experience, but I primarily studied a STEM subject in school. My experience with the arts has been enough to dabble, but not enough to express, and basically everything is hard. Tag urself in this meme, I'm both people

So what's my plan for dealing with this?

First: What skills will I need in order to create a project on the scale of Epic?

Writing (Plots)

Writing (Characters)

Writing (Lyrics)

Music (Composition)

Music (Singing)

Music (Production)

(There's other stuff like social media, advertising, etc. but I'm intentionally choosing to ignore other necessary aspects unrelated to the creative process, because honestly a lot of that stuff is interchangeable and can be figured out as it comes up. No use overplanning. The most I'll do for now until I've got something to show is to keep up these blog posts and crosspost to other sites. Hi Instagram!)

I have done minimal creative writing before. I know just enough music theory to play the trumpet, but I can't improvise my way out of a paper bag and don't know a chord progression from a lydian triad. I don't even feel comfortable right now singing in general, even by myself. And even if I did, I doubt I'd be good at it, and my space at home isn't exactly conducive to practice mush of anything loud. Lots of challenges, but with the confidence that even these large gulfs can be crossed, it feels not quite so overwhelming as it might have to me as a younger man.

Second: What are the concrete actions within my power to start to cross the skill gap?

Writing - I'm going to make a spreadsheet. I will start with systematically analyzing each song from Epic, laser targeting some basic information from the text (starting with lyrics only, musical analysis later once I have a better idea of what I'm doing). I will be focusing on identifying how the situations, characters, philosophies, and relationships are communicated through the lyrics. After I get through everything in Epic, I'll probably do a similar exercise for some of the other seminal works of musical theatre, and even non-musical theatre. If I want to make a competent contribution to the artistic conversation, I need a solid foundation of artistic context.

Parallel to this, I will map out the narrative shape of Epic and other stories I'm drawing inspiration from. By discovering patterns, I can reverse engineer what Morvic's journey through the Realm of Shades could look like.

I am also personally taking notes whenever specific ideas about Psychagogue, its characters, situations, and its themes come to me.

Music - I'm less certain about this one. At the very least, I'll sign up for a singing class and emphasize that musical theatre is the style of singing I would like to focus on. Music theory and composition is currently looking like the actual most difficult part to me right now. At this point, I'm honestly struggling to find appropriate resources for learning music theory and production that will stick with me this time. But I also was never able to consistently work out until about a year ago when I found a sustainable way in, so if it's possible for that, it's possible for this. It'll just take more time. I have some tentative ideas for what this might end up looking like, but I'm keeping the horse before the cart on this one.

Ramble over.

Next post, I'll show off initial progress on the spreadsheet and what kind of progress I've made on learning music.

[googly-eyed-seraph]

where do we draw the line between the person who designs the art and the person who actually makes the art. as a former risograph operator who, every shift, was given at least one absolutely dogshittedly formatted file that i then had to completely rework to make it actually printable, in many cases having to recompile the entire thing, in many many cases having to spend hours printing and reprinting the file to make the masters align perfectly because the students printing didn't understand that the risograph inherently misaligns things and registration is never going to be perfect and didn't care, i've found that i have limited interest in artworks that don't credit the people who actually made the physical objects. dante rossetti got really angry because his drawing wasn't translated to engraving exactly as he envisioned. the engravers got really angry because his design was made with zero knowledge of how engraving actually works. there is a massive gulf in many cases between the final image/physical product and the original design. so many artworks are physically made by a team of people taking orders from someone who has no idea what the actual physical limitations of the medium are, but has a specific aesthetic in mind. architect vs engineer. author vs editor. the idea itself is paramount, as that's what wins the artist the credit, but without the fabrication, the artwork wouldn't exist. ai weiwei doesn't make his own art – workers do. he is a conceptual artist. to me it comes back to walter benjamin's theory of the artwork's aura. ai weiwei's own connection to the pieces, as someone who designs them and then visits a warehouse to check on their progress, is very different to the connection a worker will have to the pebbles they spent hours hand-painting to make them look like sunflower seeds. ai weiwei sees his concept realised. it is a good and interesting concept, and the piece is valuable. it is the result of his design. the people making the seeds see the product of their labour. it is the result of their actual work. the guy who came and terrorised me for weeks in my junior year looked at the pieces as they came out of the printer and saw his design. he saw it as his own work – he had, after all, decided to make a grid showing how the different inks we had looked when combined. i saw hours of my work. hours spent wasting ink and paper, trying to align every circle on a grid perfectly, as he rejected copies where i physically couldn't register the colours any more accurately. i saw the product of my colleague's work on the wall – he had spent hours of his own time printing a grid showing how each of the inks we had in stock looked combined. i had seen the collection grow – it was impossible to complete that sort of project within one week. my colleague had done it so that students hoping to use the riso would be able to have some idea of how their works might look printed. the guy who came to my shifts specifically because i did good work and didn't react when he talked over me and bragged about drinking whiskey in canada at the age of twenty had done it so his classmates would marvel at his originality and skill with printing.

[spoodlebat]

OC-tober day 3/4: Old OC/Redesign

This one took me a few days so I'm combining the two prompts ^^ It would have been the same oc regardless anyway so it makes sense to given the tasks. I very rarely draw mechs so I hope you'll excuse the identical style to Zerrinth's post; symmetry is just so much easier when it comes to designing and basic posing.

His name is Delta, and he's an OC who I've had for a very long time.

Extremely long ramblings, timelapse and original art under the cut

I'll frontload this with the character lore and timelapse; if anyone cares for my breakdown of the oc itself, that'll be the huge ramble at the bottom ^^

D-17, going these days by Delta, is an autonomous multi-function guard unit. Originally from a world shrouded in eternal night, he and his charge Amyss fled its destruction in their ship, the ArchWing, to the planet of Soniterra. Spending their time amongst my other ocs, they now live amongst its denizens in secrecy, studying the world of light and sound through void-borne awe and wonder.

Powered by a zynal core, Delta is mechanically minded and quiet most of the time; tweaks to his functionality by Amyss have given him something of a sassy streak, however, and he's not afraid to giving a gentle ribbing to (or occasionally completely devastate) a poor friend with sharp remarks every once in a while.

Able to rearrange panels and parts of his body, as well as altering the shape and location of the hardlight parts of his form, Delta is capable of minor shapeshifting. He can also very precisicly manipulate tools and objects, capable of working on engineering projects at microscopic levels without any form of magnification or complex set ups with ease. Combining these skills means he is a very capable engineer, and has even rebuilt a living body into a partial cyborg to save someone's life. Though the world he now lives on seems primitive and inefficient by his standards, he does not usually feel arrogant about it; the mechanics of its tech are so different and new to him that he is ever interested in studying it.

A highly capable combatant, D-17's original purpose was to protect the outpost he and Amyss lived within from creatures of void. Energy beams firing from his hands and sharp blades forming from his body kept him and his charges safe, but the planet's end signalled an end to his guarding duties.

Ok, rambling time ;w;

I don't know exactly when I made this guy, but I remember writing about him all the way back in primary school, in blue pen on lined paper that I kept in my little organiser tray. That would be about age 6 or 7, making this guy almost twenty years old in real time ;-;

This OC is old enough to drink and vote in the uk, good fuckin lord

His origins start even earlier, in fact; he's an amalgamation of a couple of simple characters I made as a small child, including one of those 'running along the side of the road' guys you'd imagine on long car trips. Timelines and memories are fuzzy after 2 decades, but I'd imagine those guys are from at least a year or so before I squished all those ideas under one single name. So a solid 19 years, and a potential 20-21 easily :') wow.

Delta is actually old enough that I hadn't done much drawing by this point in my life, and so I mostly wrote things instead. Those old papers are around here somewhere, but design-wise he's never been truly nailed down; just a basic mental image and the odd description or two. The one exception is an old pixel art piece I made of him in mspaint, back on the Family Computer (remember those? ^^). I was a huge fan of pokémon fusions at the time, and I'd spend ages mixing up their sprites to see what I could do. Eventually I moved onto making things from scratch (scratch spriting, what a fun term), and that lead to the one and only time I've ever drawn this guy. It took way too long, it's very clunky, and I no longer have the original file :c Lost long ago in the move between computer to laptop I imagine. Instead, I managed to find it in a gloriously 240p youtube upload set to a Linkin Park song ^^ ah child me, you never left.

All the way from 2010, here's the best surviving version I could find. And yes, the youtube bar at the bottom is in the shot; you want to fight me over it, go find and screenshot it yourself :)

It's weirdly posed, has literally only 1 shade of grey + shading for colour, the design makes very little sense, especially for the chest and torso, and he looks a lot more evil than I intended. Despite a few efforts that went nowhere later in life though, I just never managed to redraw or redesign him in a way I was happy with. So for a long time, this grey pointy spriteart has been all I ever saw of Delta. Figured he was long, long, LONG overdue an update, and so here we are :)

Though he might look very different now and have actual anatomy knowledge informing his structure now, who'd have thunk? I tried very hard to keep intact the core design features that 13 year old me added in. It's the same fella after all! Here's a quick list of basic ones, since most of them are subtle but intentional after all:

-Glass/screen face with digital expression; I think taking the top off frees him up to look cleaner, but underneath was always a smooth screen. This way he can see above himself too ^^ -'Bunny ears'; little antenna/paddles that originate from the endless runner character, who was originally something of a rabbit -Shoulder-mounted boosters. Pretty self explanatory. -Upper arm loops; this one was actually a coincidence! I guess 2010 me and 2023 me both thought the upper arm needed something ^^ -Elbow plates; these were like. A big thing. Originally able to shapeshift into blades and other tools, I had to keep them in. It wouldn't be delta without them. They're just less... accidentally lethal now ^^ old design was POINTY -Split shins; the original shins have a pair of plates on them that form a sort of 'cuff' above the foot. I honoured this by making the feet the same way, the ankle connecting between the two sides. -Spikes! His hips were feeling a little.. empty? So I gave him some electromagnetic spikey blade things he can use as tools, as well as some hardlight claw hands.

[willow-by-the-brook]

hello, and good day to everyone reading this! i just wanted to give y'all a huge thanks for everything you've given me.

before posting on here, i never found myself motivated enough to write regularly. i never wanted to hone my craft. i was uninterested in writing anything with dedication or putting any actual effort into my writing.

i used to think that there was no way i could improve my writing and that my current writing was no good. i'd start writing something but give up halfway through due to lack of motivation or direction.

writing also used to be something i was terrified of. i was often afraid that the work i produced was not of good quality, that the images i used would not be ones that would stick with people, or perhaps my writing was a pointless endeavour with no actual impact on the world and needed to be quit as it was of seemingly no use. writing also felt so intimidating. completing huge projects like this on my own felt like a burden i couldn't (and didn't have the right or skills to) lift.

so, from the depths of my heart,

💖Thank You💖

it is only because of your constant support and encouragement that I found the power within myself to continue writing. it is only because of the continuous support that you provided that I stayed consistent in my work.

your generous compliments on my poetry was something very rarely given to me. i felt immense joy seeing people enjoy the poems i produced, and that gave me the eagerness to write more and try to write better.

as you all embraced me as a community, writing stopped feeling like a burden and felt more like a gentle motorbike ride with some friends. i did not realise how much i had undervalued the presence of a supportive community within your activities. your dear, kind hearts were my main motivation to continue producing work that connected with you, and it also helped boost my confidence in my writing and expression. the care and love you give me have impacted me soo deeply as a person. i do not think it would be wrong to say that my life (or at least how i perceive my life) has changed drastically since i have begun sharing this place with you all. you have my eternal gratitude and you are burned into my mind's eye with dear affection.

i have come a long way from where i used to be. my quality of writing has improved by a wide margin. my writing used to be extremely decorative and surface level but, thanks to all the newfound motivation your kind souls have bestowed upon me, i have found the power to tap into raw emotion and simply let my heart take over. you have also allowed me to write my emotions with a consistent tone, quality and clarity.

you all have also positively impacted every other aspect of my life. thanks to your valued support, i was able to gain some confidence in my own abilities and talents and helped me find more joy in my simple life.

to each person who's liked more than 2 of my posts, your name is etched in my heart forever with love.

this has been a long time coming. sorry it took me such a long while to just say 'thank you'. i hope to find more opportunities to interact with all of your dear hearts in the future. your continued support and simple presence here means the world to me.

[frustrated-researcher-diary]

#1 Introductions

Hello everyone,

It seems a little bit strange to write my thoughts and make them public, but here goes.

Ever since I started university back in 2012, I sort of knew that I wanted to stay in academia and become a researcher. The thought of studying and learning being the main tasks of my job made me feel very privileged. That, and also the possibility of being a teaching assistant and helping students out. All of this has led me to pursue a PhD. Boy, I did not know what I was going on in for. Doing PhD and a Master of Science are two completely different things - and I really underestimated the challenges that were ahead of me.

In the latter, you are basically walking on a threaded path, so to speak. You get assignments, study on textbooks you are given, pass exams that you need to take within specific deadlines, and the grades should give you enough of a validation of the good job done. Everything has been organized for the students, whose sole requirement is to ... """basically""" (I am using many quotes to stress the fact that I know it is not easy - been there, folks) follow the path laid out for them and study, I guess.

On the contrary, when you start a PhD, you are walking in uncharted territory. Of course, your supervisors make sure that you do not fail spectacularly, but at the end of the day you are the master of your fate. (Almost) Nobody gives you a schedule, a list of things to do, or a set of deadlines. You need to build them on your own and stick to them. You need to work on your research, devote some time in the middle to side activities (teaching, projects, contracts with industries), publish papers, and yadda yadda yadda.

Although it was pretty rough, I actually managed to finish my PhD in January 2022. Then, my supervisors (I also call them bosses from hereafter) asked me to my surprise if I ever considered pursuing a post-doc. My instantaneous reply was that I had to think about it.

And I really did. It took me some months to actually convince myself that research was "still" the path for me. I am using the quotes because, sure, during the PhD you learn a lot and build many useful skills, but you also grow to hate what you do from time to time. This can happen for different reasons. In my case, sometimes the research was too complicated, and I realised I was not as smart as I hoped I was. Oftentimes, imposter syndrome kicked in, and I believed that everybody but me had what it takes to deserve to stay in academia. In multiple occasions, I just wanted to know where Reviewer #2 (who heavily criticized the n-th paper that I submitted to a journal) lived, reach their house and hurt them with every fiber of my being. Other times, I just thought that I could have avoided the hassle of doing the PhD in the first place and started working right away in the industry to save enough money to get a house - or save myself at least multiple headaches and recurring episodes of me questioning my life choices.

I knew that becoming a post-doc implied accepting an unsteady job that might not lead to me becoming a professor. I also knew it meant having a lower wage than the one I would have gotten if worked in industry, which inevitably makes the purchase of a house much harder. I also knew it meant mostly anybody around me among my friends and family would have understood what I really do for a living. Nonetheless, I decided to go for it. Despite all, I felt that I was a somewhat decent teacher and that I could have improved in the research department in the future.

So, I applied for the post-doc call in November 2022, which I luckily ended up winning. And boy, even in this case, despite me thinking about it for months, I did not expect it was going to be so hard. Just as a Master of Science is different from a PhD, also being a post-doc is different from being a PhD candidate. During the Phd, my bosses made sure that research was going well, that it was scientifically sound and feasible. On the contrary, during this first year as a post-doc they have given me more freedom in this regard - perhaps because they expect me to become independent and learn that I will not always have them by my side. I think their "experiment" failed. Very much. Indeed, it is almost the end of my first year as a postdoc now, and I can not stop feeling unmotivated and disappointed. I am also afraid that my bosses, who put so much trust in me, feel the same.

I submitted two papers to different journals. One of them got rejected: reviewers said that the paper was not novel enough, which is ironic, considering that it required me one year to actually finish it. I think the other paper is doomed as well. Some might think that, after a Phd, I should be accostumed to paper rejection, but it sadly seems that I have not reached that level of maturity. Now I just think that whatever I do is pointless and will get rejected anyway, so why bother?

To make things worst, there is this constant reminder that in order to have good chances of becoming a professor I need to have as soon as possible a good H-index, get awards, do some side activities (that I could not be less interested in). There is a conundrum. On the one hand, you are privileged to do research, and people understand that research is a risk-related activity - meaning that its outcomes may not always be valuable. On the other hand, you are expected to give valuable research results to become an academic.

As you might understand from this excruciatingly long rant (sorry), I am not feeling very well (and you may also believe that I am overdramatic - which may be true). I am questioning my choice of pursuing a post-doc and my whole life as well (I said I am aware of being overdramatic). I am 30 now, and I hoped that by this age I had everything figured out, from my working life to my romantic one (which is a whole other story). Instead, I am none of the sort. I still live with my parents trying to save enough money to eventually get a house, still trying to find a partner, and still trying to figure out what I really want to do in the future. A true testament to this is the fact that I am writing this on a Saturday night, as if I had nothing better to do.

I wanted to talk with someone about my feelings over this last couple of weeks, but I could not find somebody who could relate that much. As I said before, friends and family do not exactly understand what I do. I could talk to my bosses at Uni, but I am afraid of their reaction. There are my colleagues, but I feel everybody has a lot on their plate, and I do not want them to give them another issue. In any case, I do not want to give up. I need to find by myself the spark that pushed me to go on with this job. Eventually, I will find again the motivation and excitement that convinced me (and also my bosses, apparently) that becoming a post-doc was not a bad idea after all.

I decided to write this post (or should I say rant?) for two main reasons. The first one is to use this as a reminder in the future of the things that I felt. Maybe this post could be followed by other ones on a regular basis as an entry for a diary to keep track of my progress, I don't know. The second one is to be hopefully of aid to whoever reads it. If you, too, are a frustrated researcher (be it a PhD or a post doc) you are not alone. It may sound cheesy, but I believe that there are not enough posts and websites dealing with this. Everybody in academia goes through similar struggles and if they say otherwise.. they are lying. Hardly nobody has everything figured out, even in their 30s.

D.

Ps: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any mistake. Doing my best here 😅

[lilithlunastark]

Oh look..I have a Tron idea.. After my brain apparently forgetting the whole thing even exists till today when I rewatched it.

So now to the point, my idea is somewhat, or most likely, sad..for Sam at least. Happy endings are not very common within my mind.

Sam and Quorra have been together a while, she's doing all the save the world with her DNA stuff and he's running Encom, they are probably married at this point since its been a bit of time since they left the Grid.

Sam meets this amazing programmer, like Kevin Flynn levels of program skills or maybe more, while recruiting for a new division of Encom or maybe a big new project.

His an Quorra's relationship has been strained lately, they don't really spend much time together anymore because they are both way too busy and when they do have time to spare and spend together it's like they don't even know each other now.

So he and this programmer spend lots of time together working and he ends up starting to develop a crush that ends in full on being in love with her.

After awhile of working together he finds out that she is sick..like she doesn't have much time left to live, so he goes into the Grid to see his father, who he and Quorra "resurrected" with his Disc at some point, so he can ask for help to find a way to save her life.

Flynn does find a way but what they have to do is quite similar to what Sam and Quorra did for him and once done she can never leave the Grid, or more accurately can never leave the digital space, or she goes back to being sick and dying.

Sam and Flynn do what needs to be done and save her life but Sam is heartbroken that he can't be close to her like he's used to anymore, but he makes the sacrifice so she can live.

Sam returns to the real world and gets swamped in work for quite some time, like a month or two, and when he gets back into the Grid things around are starting to look a little different then before, he can tell it's her work, some program guarding the arcade takes him to Flynn in some new area they are working on building, the two talk awhile.

Eventually Sam ends up finding out his father reincarnation, technically, and the programmer are actually somewhat seeing each other and that leaves him completely heartbroken, like shattered to a billion pieces.

Okay, thats all I got..might be adding more here if I think of something tho.

Just to make it clear, if anyone wants to pick this up, that's fine with me..do tag me please, I wanna read it.

[charliedoesadvertising]

Goal 1: Improving Technical Skills

As someone who isn't very proficient in design at all, I would like to use this project as a means to practice designing advertisements such as posters or social media posts. Whether that is using tools such as Adobe Illustrator, something widely used within the industry (Superside, 2023), or any other tool, I believe being able to at least mock-up any of my concepts could be very useful for any future designers I work with as I will be able to provide more of an idea for the concept I create. Being able to create at least a primitive mock-up as well as the creative concept will build my toolkit of skills. This will allow me to be much more flexible and adaptable, as well as allowing stronger points for communicating my ideas and concepts when working with others.

Goal 2: Enhancing Project Management Abilities

As I have never completed a full advertising campaign concept, or mock-up, before, I really want to make sure I have as many pieces of information of it covered before actually crafting and forming the advertisements. As such, I have broken the project up into 3 main categories.

Research and Planning

Find Client and Advertising Concept to build upon

Develop Advertising Problem & Objective

Analyse Target Audience, Competition, and Market Trends

Create Key Campaign Objectives

Outline Campaign Goals (SMART Goals)

Decide on Key Messages and Unique Selling Points (USPs)

Choose Platforms that Best Fit Target Demographic

Develop Principal Benefit of Product

Develop and Analyse Brand Character of Client

Concept and Development

Sketch Initial Ideas and Create Mood Boards

Decide on Colour Schemes, Imagery, and Typography (Brand Image)

Draft Headlines, Taglines, and Key Messages

Draft Copywriting for Ads

Prepare content tailored for different media channels (social media, billboards, posters, etc.)

Design

Develop digital mock-ups and examples

Create sample placements (social media posts, banner ads, billboards, posters)

Finalise designs that best demonstrate creative vision

Goal 3: Refining Creative Solutions

I have never been very good at planning, in the past, I have tended to think of the concept mentally and delve straight into creating, rather than developing plans and drafts. Practicing proper process and following developmental steps was indeed more time consuming, but certainly made sure that I was covering many more pieces of information than I may otherwise have i the past. It allowed me to properly layout my advertising concepts and research, and help find any holes or pieces of information that I may have missed.

When I started this project, I had really wanted to expand and delve into creating art physically, through drawing and designing. However, I soon realised that that really is not my strong suit. I've decided to keep one of my hand-drawn designs for the advertisement as a means of stepping out of my comfort zone. It is definitely not the strongest looking ad, with pretty weak line work, but it is something that I want to put out there to show that it's something I can actually do, given the time. Perhaps in future I will delve further into art and drawing, honing my skills where needed; however I do not see that coming to fruition too soon. Hopefully I can one day get to a stage where I will not need to trace over a reference image to draw.

Goal 4: Expanding Understanding of Industry Standards

As someone who has only ever made singular advertisements before, rather than a whole campaign, I never realised the depth and considerations that are needed. To create every single aspect of an advertisement campaign is a large undertaking, and something that I had certainly not tackled before.

Overall, I definitely could've delved a lot deeper into more proper aspects, such as laws and codes of ethics, however I'm not properly trained in any such areas, so didn't have too much of a concept of what I should/ should not be covering. I'm glad I leant into that area however, it was certainly an interesting read and gave me a greater appreciation for the amount of restrictions that must be placed on real advertising agencies.

The project required a lot more brain power and focus than many other advertising projects I had done in the past, as I was creating everything from the ground up, except for DoorDash's existing brand. Therefore, this project exceeded how much work I expected to be undertaking before even getting to designing an ad. I can also now see why certain professionals pick specific niche's, rather than cover every single stage in an advertisements life.

Conclusion

Some of my biggest takeaways from this project were to never underestimate much work goes into the creation of an advertising campaign, how much skill is required to create effective designs, and how being a "jack of all trades" may be harder than expected.

Originally, I had planned on covering every aspect of this campaign to help expand my skillset and become more flexible in my future career. After completing this project, I have realised that that may be stretching myself too thin, and that for future works, I should find a specific field or niche within advertising to grow and work within. It may be wiser to strengthen myself in a field, rather than be mediocre at multiple.

Overall, this project was a great learning opportunity. Although the designs themselves may be weaker in comparison to that of actual advertising agencies and professionals, I like to think that they are a solid and promising start. Keeping and documenting every step of the process has allowed me to not only cover any and all bases, but also gives me something to look back on and be proud of. Watching everything come together into one large campaign document was a very fulfilling experience.

I may not in future decide to build an entire campaign again, however I am still very glad that I gave it ago, and had a good experience when doing so.

[gissyfanime]

A lot to unpack (An update to tell in the time and place.)

So, it's been a while since my last update but I have been wanting to talk about some stuff for a bit.

Firstly, I want to thank you all who follow me who has been very patient with me. Sometimes I'm not even patient with myself, truth be told. Secondly, in the past couple of weeks, I have been in a sorta rut when it comes creative works in general, Not to say I haven't been productive, the Fanime Realm website (despite some down periods) has been going very well. Just when it comes to my own projects, I'm just stuck on the floor at least until recently.

Carrot Fluffs Remake

I won't lie, I had been down creatively with due to things piling up from the period where the VA for Hirtemio and Soepekia couldn't do his lines due to computer issues to factors that made me want to get a new voice cast for everyone except those two characters to the idea of all of this under the time frame for the 10th anniversary for original fanime. I just feel a lil' burnt out with this specifically that I kinda wanna save it for the 11th anniversary. It's a shame since the #10 is the magic number but really, I do think it is for the best.

which leads me to something that I something that I kinda wanna bring up

Xariko's Tetris Mayhem

Okay… sooo, this fucking fanime. If you couldn't already tell, yes, the YT Channel hosting Xariko's Tetris Mayhem (Moeblob Crapshoot) is being run by me. So, for this fanime specifically just kinda went out of fucking no where and there are reasons for that. Aside from what I am about to get into for the next section, I wanted to make a fanime that started with the letter "X" (the fact there was none of that in the FR website was bothering the shit outta me for the longest while, SABEDGBEFKDBJOWEJWQO) Initially, I was hoping someone else would've done that but given everyone else has lives, I've decided to be the change I wanted to be. This is a more casual series, it's gonna be part me venting about certain this via "metaphors", part my obsession with Tetris, and part sudo-Yumejoshi stuff. Now, why start up new YT channel for this fanime?

Well…

General Stuff + Decentralization

You see, I have been feeling a bit of pressure (that I have kinda put upon myself, just to be clear.) when it comes to being able to complete a fanime. For those not in the now, I am one of the very few people within the fanime community that has a crap ton of finished series. Now granted, a lot of them are in the format I like to come back to since 2014 (The Visual Novel Style Format) but a lot of folks (at least in some fanime discords) do look up to me for having that many finished projects. And while I am happy that I am able to keep that reputation….. another part of me is like "….Oh shit… I have a reputation to keep…. oh dear lord". Soooo, that's why the main reason why I made Moeblob Crapshoot; it's a more relaxed channel for me to not having to worry about finishing a fanime. And don't worry, I will still upload to Eva Charat Staff as it is a channel for finished fanime (as well as wanting to get better with my animation skills, as slow as that is.); it's just Moeblob Crapshoot is will before fanime not in either of that ballpark.

Now, I know some folks are going to have their eyebrows raised with this decision, especially for those that want to keep their works more centralized but really, I'm not exactly the only person within the fanime community who make a separate channel for specific type of fanimes that is not on their main fanime channels. And plus, you wanna hear a not-secret? Before Moeblob Crapshoot was even a thing in my mind and sometime last year, I wanted to make two separate YT Channels for animations and other stuff I wouldn't want centralized on Eva Charat Staff. This was way before I came up with an actually good solution to my personal dilemma by planning on having those projects be exclusive to sites like WeVidi and Newgrounds respectively.

Anyways, sorry for this long read but I hope ya'll understand where I'm coming from. Hope you have a good one at take care.

[galacticwildfire]

Looking at your grades and realising the time to write your original novel and pray you find success is only running out by the day and becoming more necessary because fuck academia man

Slight rant below

A man who would hopefully be jailed in 2024 has a dream or produced drug fuelled thesis based on no evidence but his own perversions and it’s seen as fact, it holds the status of bible within its discipline, but I have an idea that slightly deviates and I’m a heathen

I mean fuck it, at this point I’d be better off devoting my time to writing five novels and praying one’s picked up rather than spending five years suffering through further study that I can’t afford and probably won’t get into at this point considering I had to drop a few units due to chronic illness and couldn’t get the penalty removed.

How the fuck am I meant to get documentation for bpd and pill induced permanent disassociation when they refuse to actually give me a paper diagnosis (because my doctors hate putting labels on things as much as my last situationship) but will still happily throw sedatives at me for it while telling me I have bpd but still refuse to give me documentation or a paper diagnosis.

Although considering I had a full ultrasound searching for pcos where they saw that my ovaries were covered in cysts, very clear pcos, and they didn’t even feel it was worth mentioning on the report I shouldn’t be shocked. How the actual fuck does a person who looks at ultrasounds for a living see the 14 follicles the technician pointed out on one ovary and write on the report that everything is normal. Cut to almost a year later and hormone testing told me yep, definitely pcos.

Thank god I have a new doctor now and am off those pills (Seroquel saved my life but also gave me a literal chemical lobotomy. I legit can’t remember shit and spend probably 80% of the day in a state of dererealisation and have worse comprehension skills than I did at 13). Not to mention the twenty kg weight fluctuations from going on and off it from 16-21.

As much as I dreamed of being a historian it looks like a masters ain’t gonna be happening with my gpa. I mean finding success in academia is just about as rare as finding success as a writer, at least this way I can save myself from going into even more debt because fuck Australia has some of the most expensive university fees in the world. And they decided to double the fees for humanities because “oh no, we need more people in agriculture and teaching” despite probably half of high school teachers doing a humanities degree and then a diploma of education.

With a bachelors I can still write history for public consumption I guess, non academic articles and all that along with books you’d find in public libraries, and considering academics absolutely fucking hate people in the public history sector I’m fine with that.

God it’s hard having always dreamed of going overseas and doing a masters degree and going into academia and then realising that the cost for living past the age of sixteen would be your intellectual capacity. I know I have brilliant ideas, and I can get them across in writing fiction, but academia would probably be the death of me.

At this point I’m seeing if I have the gpa to complete an honours, I have probably 8 months left on my bachelors without it. Considering I’ve written probably close to 300k words in the last year I’m aiming to get my own original manuscript done this year since they prefer beginner novelists to have between 80-100k for their first book. I’ve got a couple ideas but it’s time to decide on one and get it done. I’m debating between a sapphic tragedy and my own mythological story that would be part of an asoiaf like universe. I’m thinking the smaller project first since it would be a stand alone and to go from there. Turns out I also have 14k words worth of poetry when I compile them all into a doc so I’ll see what I can manage with that.

[curiousaboutcreativity]

The thing about creativity and art to me

Up until earlier this year I had been writing my fiction novel. It was many, many years in the making and in the final year of it, I was able to focus on it so much, putting other things aside, finding satisfaction in it every single day and having many people admire my conviction to really go through with it.

Well, I finished it. I mean, as much as I could finish it. I finished it as much as I could before I let outside forces in on it: feedback, revision, consideration, plans, time passing. At this point I'm not sure that I'll ever be done with it.

The thing that was done though, was focus.

I couldn't focus on completing my story anymore - that was done. And then I struggled to focus on walking the path towards publication. Among the many reasons for that included my never being super sure that writing a book was actually my thing. I wrote "a book" because I needed to write this story that lived in my head for 1-2 decades. But I never felt certain, that a book was the way to express my voice.

And then I hired an editor who confirmed that notion, which was good, in one sense. They were direct and honest. And it made me face reality. I still see a lot of truth in what they said.

But what they also did was to shatter my little bit of self esteem and hope that I had for the story and my skills. While trying to keep a friendly tone, they conveyed that I must have never heard of "show, don't tell" and that I should start attending some workshops since apparently I hadn't understood anything about writing. My story isn't publishable and even if I rewrote the whole thing for a few more years, there may be no hope whatsoever that I could ever publish it. The reason I wasn't able to write an exposé isn't because I struggled with conveying my story clearly, it was because my story wasn't clear to begin with. It might be enough to give it to a few friends and family who appreciate it.

It was a very hopeless, defeating conversation and it made me feel stupid and naive. I do accept and appreciate the truth in those words, but there was a cruelty underneath that said "You don't know how it's supposed to be done. How dare you" - at least that's what I perceived.

And then in the following days and weeks and months I started to go within. To explore what I want and what my voice is. I shouldn't focus solely on facing my creativity outward but I can't help but want to put something out into the world after all these years of only having worked creatively for others.

But creativity really - that's what I'm coming to understand more than ever now - for me is a way to exist mindfully in this world. The joy comes from being present with the thing that was or is being created. I didn't think I would ever say this, but I found a profound sense of fascination, awe and inspiration in taking photos of flowers. It's become a meditation for me.

My macro lens truly is teaching me a thing or two about focus. About looking closely. About discovering more of what's already there. The camera has become a meditation tool for me and is showing me that for me creativity is mindfulness. Mindfulness is creativity. I don't need to achieve. Observing, often, is enough.

Depending on where the focus goes, completely new images can arise, new details come to light, literally. New sets of colours and textures. And then the next day, it can all be gone, wilted or a new flower may have blossomed that was only a green speck the day before.

It's all transient.

So, my mind has been scattered as fuck. I have a thousand ideas and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with anything, as if I was stuck. And that's frustrating, to say the least.

But now, my mission for this season is to focus. Focus on the joy of mindful creativity. I have a new project for my story and I want to see if my voice comes through with this one. It's not going to be a book. I'm leaving the book behind. But as a wild creative multimedia scholar, freelancer and low key artist, I decided I'm going to not give a crap about how things are supposed to be done. I don't want to put my voice into a pre-arranged box that it can't fit into anyway. I'm exploring my own creative expression and I'm trying my darndest to stick with it and to leave the doubts by the wayside.

If any of this resonates with you, I would love to hear from you, your project and your experience. Let's fuel creativity.