#or even then just make there be only two sees guys available as romance options for femc and for march 5th let junpei

[akihikosanada]

i love the femc playthrough sososososo much to the point i see her route as the "real" persona 3 however i will never forgive atlus for making ken a romance option there . why did they do that

[adoribullpavus]

EXCITING NEWS GUYS

i have started development on my first ever renpy game. i'm so excited since this is something i've wanted to do for a while now, but renpy always kinda scared me. but i've finally put it into action and i'm really looking forward to the journey ahead.

the game is still in extremely early development, but i have planned an outline of the plot, written some scripts, and have come up with so many ideas i want to share with you all.

as you can see, it is a dai fan game. if anyone knows if i can get sued for this, please let me know lmao

i don't want to give too much away but here are some features i'm planning to include:

you can choose from 17 different characters to play as (12 will be available straight off the bat, and 5 will be secret routes that are unlocked via other routes). these are all characters from inquisition.

you get to decide who your character ends up with, or even stay single if you want to be.

you can end up in a polyamorous relationship with (almost) free reign as to which characters that relationship includes.

no two routes are the same. each route will have the same plot but you can make it your own through your choices. remember; just because picking option b worked for your dorian playthrough, doesn't mean it'll work when you're playing as cullen.

there are a LOT of choices that genuinely impact the direction of the story.

each character has a bunch of different endings and they're all carefully tailored to your decisions.

as the game is still in early development, with only a faint outline holding it together, plans can change. however, as far as i know, this is how many endings each character can have:

the dorian route has 8 endings and 7 secret endings.

the iron bull route has 11 endings and 6 secret endings.

the varric route has 10 endings and 6 secret endings.

the cullen route has 10 endings and 5 secret endings.

the sera route has 6 endings and 5 secret endings.

the leliana route has 11 endings and 7 secret endings.

the cole route as 3 endings and 4 secret endings.

the josephine route has 11 endings and 5 secret endings.

the blackwall route has 10 endings and 3 secret endings.

the cassandra route has 9 endings and 6 secret endings.

the solas route has 10 endings and 3 secret endings.

the vivienne route has 3 endings and no secret endings.

i have tried to provide as much freedom as possible when it comes to pairings, but there are a few exceptions:

dorian and sera are still gay/lesbian and can only be romanced by characters of the same gender - so naturally they will have less endings as their options are restricted.

cole doesn't have a lot of romantic endings as there were only one or two characters i felt comfortable writing him with (so far only dorian has a cole romance ending, and cole has three secret romantic endings). this could change in the future but definitely not for characters such as varric and solas who cole shares a very parental relationship with., or for vivienne due to the power difference between them that would make me extremely uncomfortable to write.

vivienne also doesn't have a lot of romantic endings but that's more to do with the fact i struggle to write her in romantic scenes. again, this could change.

the rest are all free to romance whoever they want. cullen can romance a man (or two or three). cassandra can romance a woman (or two or three). basically there's no such thing as straight in this game. go nuts.

i will keep you all updated as i progress. the game will take a long while to create and i would appreciate any advice/help/suggestions etc to make it enjoyable for everyone. i would also appreciate the support from you guys as i dive into my first game making experience.

but just remember i am a single 20 year old girl who's doing this in her free time. i don't have a huge team behind me so the game is going to take a lot of time and effort to become something playable.

follow the tag ' #the dai kissing game ' if you want to keep updated on the game's progress.

thank you guys!!

[vigilskeep]

Out of curiosity, what direction would you have taken Cullen's character in Inquisition? Or would you have included him at all? :3

oh man well

first of all i’m not sure i’m the best person to answer the question because i am profoundly uninterested in cullen. even in dao, his most cohesive appearance by a mile, where he features in my favourite origin, he um... he sure is there! he serves his narrative purpose! i don’t know what else to say

more in the spirit of actually answering your question, i think dragon age inquisition is as fundamentally incapable of making good use of cullen as a game that would make cullen part of its main squad inherently must be. dragon age inquisition is not capable of breaking down what is wrong with the templars, which is why you get... i don’t know why people call it a redemption arc even in quotation marks. he just shows up. he still supports the templars, and would rather you go to them, who shouted you down in the street, than the mages, who by all appearances straight up invite you over. he has not had to face the consequences of his work in the templar order or his treatment of mages; for all intents and purposes, from his perspective, all he did wrong was not notice that his knight-commander was an anomaly who was crazy. he is fundamentally the exact same guy who told me to my face mages were not people, except he’s polite about it now, because this is dragon age inquisition and we all just need to shut up and come together to defeat the Real Problems. it is completely canonically possible for him to have taken part in two circle annulments, one of which he personally instigated. dragon age inquisition does not care!

so to take cullen in a decent direction for his character—if you insisted on bothering to include him in yet another game at all—you would have to be writing him in a different game than the one where the hero has no choice but to lead an organisation with cassandra and cullen at their side, where every challenge to that organisation’s divine purpose is laughed off. (meanwhile one seemingly humble elven apostate, who actually has entirely other concerns, is the only compulsory mage. no rebel aligned mages are even optional companions in the game.)

i am interested in what it would theoretically take to write a compelling ex templar character. my own inquisitor is an ex templar! dragon age is a series designed to challenge your ideas of what backgrounds allies can come from, and designed to throw in your face that, for better or worse, good or evil, everyone on every side is also a person who believes they have their own reasons to do what they do. but if you wanted the ex templar character to be cullen, you have to challenge the foundations of his beliefs as a templar. you have to make him... actually regret being a templar? criticise the templars for anything other than imperfect service to the chantry and impolite wording of their deadly prejudices? you might even want to consider centring his personal quest on, hey, the terrible things he’s done and believed, not on the harm to the poor little stoic self-sacrificing templars

sorry this is coming across a little aggressive. you see why i’m the wrong person for the job. i don’t like cullen and he was an antagonistic force in the previous two games who my characters felt personally threatened by. i don’t see why i have to swallow that he’s one of the good guys now without him facing a single consequence, much like cassandra, who was introduced interrogating my friend. (but hey, this religious army has good intentions!) and i certainly don’t see why you would not only do all that but make him the face of a ludicrously flat, wish fulfillment romance only available for women of the conventionally attractive races (available for circle mages! with a throwaway line about how she’s not like the other girls to address it!) to get straight married and settle down with a dog and a picket fence. (i’m not saying there is no place for wish fulfillment romances whose only stumbling block is cutesy awkwardness. but that’s not what dragon age is for! where’s the teeth! it’s representative of a wider tone change in dai that i deeply dislike and if i get onto it i’m going to make this post so long. and with this man?)

idk i think cullen should have been the rogue templar breaking rules to hunt wardens in awakening and sigrun should’ve got to cut his head off. the end. that’s my ideal. sorry again

[felikatze]

Yoo, what game are you playing? Your post made it seem so interesting, I really wanna check it out

i'm playing Slay The Princess, a horror visual novel about a hero going to slay a princess to save the world.

"A fully-voiced, cosmic horror black comedy/romance. The Stanley Parable meets Call of Cthulhu with a dash of Disco Elysium." - Black Tabby Games' website about the game. And yeah, that applies.

It has extremely branching paths and a timeloop aspect (yall can figure i'm a sucker for timeloops) and it's morbidly fascinating to watch how the hero and the princess both shape each other in their mutual dance of longing and repulsion.

it's that combination of horror and romance that really gets to me, cuz i think repulsion and adoration are very similar. do not ask me why. it just is, to me.

an individual playthrough took me two and a half hours but i only saw a FRACTION of the options available, and a full playthrough of everything is supposed to take 15h, i think.

horror game tws obviously for: self-mutilation, suicide, murder, unreality, spooky ghosts who want to kill you so bad, burning to death, intrusive thoughts, some degree of auto-cannibalism, body horror (lots of it), the changing and twisting and warping nature of reality, etc etc.

it has in my opinion great hand-drawn illustrations with a fantastic breadth of design for just one singular character. it also features jonathan sims as the majority of the cast, if you like his stuff - if you enjoyed the magnus archives, you'll definetely like hearing his writing again. both he and the princess' VA, Nichole Goodnight, both did fantastic jobs of bringing all the different facets of these characters to life.

a lot of the game is listening to yourself bicker, so make sure you enjoy that before you buy it. I'd recommend ManlyBadassHero's playthrough of it (currently ongoing) if you just want to check it out first. ...i cant count how many games I checked out because Manly played them.... that guy is singlehandedly responsible for my love of rpgmaker games, damn.

also, despite it being a horror game, there were a good few moments that made me laugh, too (the razor is a master of comedy), and i found it to be very emotionally moving. Probably since it's a visual novel, but my anxiety disorder didn't give me a hard time playing it like it usually does with horror games.

i had a fantastic time with it and i'm 100% booting up another file to see even a fraction of what I missed on my first go-around.

[seasaltmemories]

6, 8, 13, 17 for FE :D

which ship fans are the most annoying?

ooh there are a lot of different ones I could put on blast, but most of my complaints boil down to the same point, ones that are just obsessed with stats like how many fic for the ship are on Ao3, it is a really cold and calculating way to look at fandom and often tends to not actually help or support the writers are artists who actually make the fanworks they want

Also like as someone who got used to fandoms where there might not been any fic period, seeing someone from a large fandom complain about only having 100 works or not evening breaking 500 just makes me want to complain about kids these days so badly

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Slow burn and similarly mutual pining is far from the end all be all of romance tropes and more often than not they are artificially lengthened for drama

Like there are plenty of problems that can emerge even after a couple gets together and to me that is the like interesting stuff, actually seeing characters have to grapple with the question of how to love someone not just if they do.

I have grown to appreciate it a bit more since one of my fic has started to slow down a lot more, but like it is best utilized if the characters have a long history where seeing that level of detail is necessary or if there are a bunch of hurdles that would necessitate it taking a long time to actually hook up

worst blorboficiation

Listen I still do not forgive the Three Houses fans who started making AUs where all the popular pretty boys instead got the two crest experimentation done on them when Edelgard and Lysithea were both right there, like you had options, you could hate one and still have someone you could do all the medical horror experimentation whump with

Like I try not to get into stolen valor debates about fandom bc it can be pretty vague and ineffective but like these were characters with plenty of tragic backstories you could lean on, why do they need to have all the tragic backstories available, it just seemed like the worst example of favoring your special little guy over characters that actually have the traits you desire

there should be more of this type of fic/art

I consistently in exchanges ask for Lima/Liprica stuff bc like to have that skeleton in the back of your standard FE heroine's closet made my jaw drop. In general Zofia is a lot more interesting than ppl give it credit for, bc for the "good peace loving nation" it is like probably far more corrupt than Rigel. For Lima to get away with just kidnapping a priestess of Mila says a lot about the social environment and I think fic that really dived into the messy elements of such a ecosystem could be fascinating

Also I think ideal Micaiah fanart either has her looking like a Catholic saint, all otherworldly and holy, or looking like she hasn't slept in a week and is about to snap. Like I do think she is supposed to catch you by surprise with her cute anime girl exterior but I'd like to see more of that in-game charisma and mess show up

[flowersdaggersviolasandblood]

Blood, Flesh, and Tears

Name: Torment (He/Him)

Race: Zariel Tiefling

Class: Paladin (Oath of Vengence)

Background: Haunted One

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!

So it's been a minute since we heard from Torment, so let's see where his neck of the woods been like. So I accidentally forgot that there was still stuck back in ACT 1 to do, so let's speed run through them since all it entails is getting Karlach, visiting Waukeen's Rest, and discovering the Gith.

So obviously I had Torment save Karlach's hide, resulting in Wyll changing into a more fiendish version of himself when Mizora came. We handled the Paladin's of Tyr and learned of Karlach's infernal engine. Because I know we'll meet Dammon at the Last Light Inn, I'm not too worried this time around about not doing her quest yet. And since we're going to the Underdark, we might find someone else who's familiar with infernal engines and patch her up. After dealing with her, we were able to save the counsellor in time to learn about Wyll's father. I didn't have him equipped in my active party, so Torment learned about his relation with the Grand Duke at camp. We found the Zhent mercs trapped in the cave and took their package and learned the location of their hideout. Because Torment took the package and didn't get the quest from the Zhent Hideout, Rugan was nearly killed. Sidenote, Rugan is too handsome to not romance, like goddamn lmao. If only more options were available!

Because I took out the Zhents near the waypoint and freed Rugan, I figured I kill the rest of them and loot their shit. After doing that, we met the Gith, got bad vibes from them, and now we're FINALLY ready to go to the Underdark and make our trip to Moonrise Towers. Before going fully under, I decided to pick up the Thay book and unlock it, giving it to Astarion. After realizing that I didn't have to complete the selune temple puzzle and just succeed at a passive perception check to pull a lever, we finally make our way to the Underdark. Even in EA, I barely made it this far, so all this will still be unfamiliar territory.

Also look at my boi and his polite stance 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Upon reaching the Underdark, we discovered a Minotaur trying to break through the gate, only to be obliterated by a active Selunite death trap. Once we deactivate the trap, we were free to not get blasted ourselves. There were few cute dialogues exchanged with the Party while we traveled. Such as how Astarion hates being underground and wants to be in the sun, which I think is a cute nod to his servitude to Cazador. Then there's Sahdowheart admiring the beauty of the Underdark, mainly because of her relation with Shar, goddess of darkness and loss. After squaring up with two other Minotaurs and a Basilisk (fuck that guy back in EA), I was able to find a cool longsword dedicated to Eilistraee, Drow goddess of beauty, song, dance, freedom, moonlight, swordwork, and hunting. For those who don't know Forgotten Realm lore, she's the only GOOD Drow goddess compared to the rest of the Drow gods and goddess who are mostly evil aligned.

This is what she looks like :D

After pulling the sword by giving it a bit of blood, we marched over to the Myconid grove.

After easing the Sovereign of this tribe that we mean them no harm, they gave up a job of vengeance. And being a Dark Urge Vengeance Paladin, this was right up my alley! Some Duergar slaughtered not only some Myconids, but also some Deep Gnomes who were mining in the area. Apparently the Myconids are protecting a fugitive Deep Gnome and were on the hunt for the little guy and killed whomever was in their way. The Sovereign Myconid asks that we kill in return the remaining Duergar nearby and avenger their fallen, which Torment happily accepted.

Before we left, we met a poisoned Deep Gnome who was suffering and under the care of the Myconids. I knew immediately that I was gonna kill them since they gave me the "persuasion" option to kill them. After failing a medicine check, Torment offered to end their suffering. Which is a "win-win" on both ends. The Gnome doesn't have to suffer and Torment gets his bloodlust appeased. After doing so, however, the Sovereign wasn't too happy we did that, but I was able to roll another successful persuasion check to convince them that it was what the Gnome wanted.

:)

While at this settlement, we met Blurg, a Hobgoblin part of some sort of society who came to the Underdark to explore and examine its depths. Though he was knowledgeable, Torment opted to (unsuccessfully) lie about the reason they were down in the Underdark. We also met a Dwarven merchant who is concerned for their missing husband who went off on a small errand and hasn't returned. Torment agreed to look for the missing Dwarf should he come up during their travels. Not only that, but we met a Myconid who is companionable :D

This little guy is named Sovereign Glut and his lost his entire tribe due to the Duergar. Glut wanted vengence for his lost people, and Torment agreed to let him join them on their hunt. I was able to find the nearby Duergar, and after going back to a previous save because they burnt Glut to a crisp (sorry my guy!) we were able to overtake them. However, getting this small bit of revenge wasn't enough for Sovereign Glut as he also wanted to overthrow the current Sovereign at the Myconid tribe we encounter. Glut was upset that the other Sovereign Myconid didn't help his people sooner which caused their downfall when the Duergar arrived. While Torment understood Glut's anger, he wasn't able to rampage against innocent mushrooms who are suffering lose much like he was. This did mean we had to kill Sovereign Glut tho ):

Once we came back to the current Sovereign, we was pleased with our killing and asked up to shed more blood. There's a Drow named Nere that orchestrated this entire raid and they wish for him to be dead. Torment accepts this quest, especially if following this path will lead them to a path that leads to Moonrise Towers.

Also Torment might be getting the hots for Halsin too :)

[stobinesque]

A part of why I ended up writing phryctoria is because I've read so many Steddie fics that double as coming out fics, and while I love many of them, and have absolutely no issues with it as a setup, the more I encounter it the more I end up thinking about my own self discovery process and I start to feel alienated from that kind of arc. Because if my first gay crush had liked me back I think that would have ended up being super stressful! Coming to terms with being who you are can be really messy and overwhelming and trying to also be in a relationship at the same time would be so, so tricky. And I do love both the fics that explore that, and the fics that kind of handwave it away. But it does make me crave a story where Steve gets to go through all that messy (and sometimes fun!) self discovery with support along the way (Robin).

In this fic I am writing Steve as a gay man, because I don't see that characterization for him explored all too often. But there's been a few posts recently about how bi!Steve almost doesn't read as bi in many fics, and I think it might actually tie back into the trend of having Steve realize he's queer because of a crush who is also the love interest for the fic—I think people end up marrying two things together when they do this: the romantic trope of "The One," and an attempt at exploring compulsory heterosexuality.

Comphet absolutely affects bi people, and can be a big part of why it takes some bi people a while to recognize their attraction for what it was. (This I think being the source of a lot of bi!Steve set-ups where he genuinely doesn't know it's an option available to him.) For me, I kiiiind of knew I was attracted to girls, but I didn't really notice because there just... wasn't any avenue to explore it. I was attracted to boys and had crushes on them, so I could easily engage in straight society and even if I found the occasional girl pretty, it took a whole lot to break through the noise. Even after knowing I was sexually attracted to women, it still took having an IRL crush to really internalize the fact that I was queer. But that wasn't because the girl I had a crush on was prettier or more awesome than any guy I'd had a crush on. She just happened to be the first person to break through the straight noise.

So when the first boy to break through Steve's straight noise is also the love interest of the story being written, people often end up writing a Steve who is pretty dismissive of his sexual/romantic history with girls. I don't think any of this is intentional: I think writers fall back on typical romance tropes of the love interest being singularly Made For the hero. But instead that gets mixed up with the comphet exploration, and it can result in a Steve who is not-quite-gay but also not-really-bi, because there isn't actually an exploration of Steve's bisexuality, it's an exploration of his attraction to men (or, more accurately, to one man).

And to pull in the biphobia aspect: I think people really just don't know how to write bisexuality (unless they're also writing polyamory). It's a bit taboo for characters in romance stories to discuss their attraction to people who aren't the love interest, so despite the fact that basically everyone I know that's in a (monogamous) relationship still talks about their attractions to other people pretty consistently, in fic you don't really see bi characters talking to other people about people they find attractive or even really thinking about their attraction within their own head. So Steve can only be bi because we know he has a history of sleeping with women—but we also know that outside of Nancy, none of those became meaningful romantic connections. So he exists in this weird liminal space where he can't be gay (because obviously a womanizer such as himself can't be), but he also can't really be bi (because his attraction to women isn't romantic enough). And if that's not the quintessential bi experience I don't know what is 🙃.

[dgcatanisiri]

Man, at this point, N7 Day just manages to DAMPEN my enthusiasm for Mass Effect...

Like in addition to my reblogged rants on the violent exclusion I've felt as a queer man in this fandom (from BioWare AND the "fans"), I've said since the damn ME5 trailer, including more Liara just makes my excitement drop like a stone.

I mean, I honestly didn't mind her voice cameos in Andromeda - they actually made sense there, Liara was a researcher of the protheans and put forward unconventional ideas, which would certainly draw Alec Ryder's attention - the man built an illegal AI, and then linked it into his own brain, he seems the type who'd reach out to the researchers whose ideas are off the accepted beaten path like her claims of the extinction cycle Liara admits them to be. Plus connective tissue to the trilogy. I was fine with that.

But between the trailer and now this audio clip... In giving all this attention to a character from the trilogy - and so I mean this BEYOND my own personal issues with Liara as a character - is just saying that the franchise cannot and will not evolve from the trilogy.

And that's going to choke this franchise more than anything else. We have already seen a lot of people saying that Andromeda was misjudged at release, but unfortunately, BioWare ALWAYS seems to base their next game on the initial criticisms, not the ones that have metastasized and grown beyond "this isn't what I was expecting so I DON'T LIKE IT."

To say nothing of, as mentioned in my aforementioned rants, the way that BioWare and the fans tend to just make me feel unwelcome as a queer man - y'know, there's the absence of M/M romances in ME1 and ME2, the fact that Kaidan's romance with Male Shepard is a beat-for-beat copy of the new Kaidan/Female Shepard romance, which, normally I'd be fine with, BUT, in this scenario, it means that male Shepard literally COULDN'T, because of the game not allowing, romance Kaidan in ME1, rather than it being an intentional choice, and that's something that deserves acknowledgement (to say nothing of the cut during the romance scene that removed any "I love you" until the Extended Cut came along). There's the mishap of Andromeda, where the game released with M/M romance being shorted compared to everyone else, where, until patch 1.08 was released, to ping the romance achievement, M/M players would have to play a sexuality not their own, because there weren't three M/M romances available, while every other variation had three options. And even in getting that patch, that still leaves the extensive issues with the two original romances, where one has a dance scene that has BroRyder and Reyes leaving plenty of room for Jesus, while SisRyder's practically up on him, and the other has a massive mess of a homophobic storyline that reduces the character in question to a turkey baster and thinks that reaching an endpoint of "gay dads" is all that is needed to win brownie points with the gay audience. All this followed up by the cherry on the shit sundae that was Mac Walters, the guy in charge of the franchise, laughing off the very idea of patching the Male Shepard/Kaidan romance into the Legendary Edition and changing the subject over to the model of Liara and how it changed over the series, as if that had ANYTHING to do with the topic. On top of the absolute REFUSAL to acknowledge Male Shepard/Kaidan as a romance in the marketing for the Legendary Edition, which I can only see as a desperate attempt to avoid being called out for the fact that Kaidan's romance with Male Shepard in ME1 does not exist, that the Legendary Edition carried forward the homophobia of 2007 without question. Or the fact that, when it comes to the official accounts celebrating the franchise, it's funny how I can't recall ANY occasions of M/M fan content being promoted. Plenty of M/F and F/F, but not the M/M stuff.

And we'd be here all day if I started talking about the homophobia in the fandom. I don't even mean the overt stuff where people brush off us "uppity queers" who dare ask BioWare to live up to its claims of wanting to be inclusive and supportive by actually making us part of the world they make, I mean the people who told us that we were making too big a deal out of the failure to include the M!Shepard/Kaidan romance, or that we're "unreasonable" for wanting more romance options than we're given, when M/M romances are consistently the ones with the fewest options, or that we're greedy when we acknowledge the disparity, since we're "just" a minority.

Yeah, Mass Effect is a franchise I love. But it's adamantly IN SPITE of the way it treats me as a queer man. And frankly, at this point, it's even odds if I even expect to add ME5 into my collection at all.

[loycspotting]

12. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

This is Ewan's last movie of 1997 and oh boy, is it a good one! And yes, the plot is just as zany as his previous two movies lol. Here are some fun facts before we begin!

Ewan's wife, Eve Mavrakis, is credited as Art Department Associate.

Once again the terrific trio of Danny Boyle, John Hodge, and Andrew Macdonald are reunited with Ewan to create movie magic! Sadly, Ewan and Danny's friendship took a huge blow after this project. The grudge would last for nearly two DECADES before they worked together again.

Stanley Tucci plays a minor role in the movie and will work with Ewan again in the future.

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Danny Boyle

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: Robert Lewis is experiencing the worst day of his life. He gets fired, dumped, and evicted all within twenty-four hours! He decides his only option is to speak to the CEO and demand his job back. Instead, he ends up kidnapping the man's daughter, Celine! In the midst of this chaos, two angels are sent from Heaven to help Robert and Celine fall in love.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Robert Lewis. Robert is a hopeless romantic and aspiring writer. He's a sweet guy who doesn't know how he ended up as a wanted criminal but thinks he's gone too far to turn back. Thankfully for him, there's one person who's willing to help him be a convincing kidnapper and get the ransom money he needs...his kidnappee, Celine! Ewan gives a great performance in this role. His chemistry with Cameron Diaz is even better than his with Nicole Kidman for "Moulin Rouge!" in my opinion. He has two kiss scenes and a shirtless scene. He performs a song and dance number which is really fun. He wears the kilt which to my knowledge is the only time he's done so on screen to date. Robert is more innocent compared to Celine so that brings about some cute moments of confusion. Best of all, he sobs like a baby in one scene and it was *chef's kiss 🤌*. He needs to do more comedy roles because he's genuinely good at it! All the actors had great chemistry and gave stellar performances.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 53/104 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? Yes! I'm a fan of his raspy screaming voice (and he does a lot of it), he sings, dances, and seeing him cry in fear is always appreciated. Is the movie worth watching in general? Also yes! It's funny and the actors play off each other so well. The story is unique and the soundtrack is great too!

Warning before Watching: There are some bloody scenes in the movie. Nothing super graphic but I still want to issue a warning for those who are uncomfortable by such depictions. Two characters get shot in the head and there's a close up of their wounds. There's a scene of a character intentionally cutting them self and drawing a large amount of blood. Lastly, a character is cut by someone else and there's a close up of the wound.

Where to Watch: "A Life Less Ordinary" is currently available for rent on Fandango at Home. You can also watch on Amazon Prime Video if you have a premium subscription or you can pirate it on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: It truly sucks that this movie wasn't well-received and was commercially unsuccessful. We need more movies like this that a take chance on a wacky story! I call them "silly goofy movies" and they are sorely lacking in Hollywood today. I implore you to give this movie a watch. It's a great time!

[mzgotron]

The Ultimate Strategy For Dating

By comparison, just 25% of those with a high school diploma or less know someone who uses online dating - and just 18% know someone who has entered into a long-term relationship with someone they met this way. As a monkey swings from one branch to the next, some people jump from one relationship to the next with no break in between. There might be only one thing that is more challenging than being with a man in the military, and that is dating or being in a serious relationship with a man in the military. There are many dating sites and apps including those for casual relationships, long-term relationships, and many others. The point is, mail order bride services and international dating sites are not the same things - they have lots of differences, and the main difference is in what female members of these sites are looking for.

And while each sign is different, members of the same element, in this case, air, have similar traits. Each element has three signs attached to it, which in turn make up the twelve members of the zodiac. A downside to this element is that they can sometimes live inside their heads too much; they can get very philosophical at the simplest of questions. If you attend an event, you can contact guests from the event through the website for free for two weeks after each event. נערות ליווי ברמת גן This is not such good news for Tinder, which is free but relies on premium subscriptions for its revenue. Most autistic adults that I work with tell me they are trying incredibly hard to be a good partner. If you want to make a real connection, spend time writing a good profile to show that you care about making a good impression. Warren’s wife would claim that she didn’t want limits on the Gazette’s publicity, she wanted them prohibited from collecting the information in the first place. Zendaya revealed on the red carpet that the first person she would message following a victory would be her other half - adorable!

Following their starring roles in 2017’s “Spider-Man: Homecoming” - in which Holland played Peter Parker and Zendaya portrayed his classmate Michelle - sources said they had started seeing each other. All your activities will stay on Facebook Dating and won't be shared on Facebook. Contact the Facebook Help Center. Ar-Ar dating is a similar technique that compares isotopic ratios from the same portion of the sample to avoid this problem. Also this technique helps in accessing different documents at different places where internet connection is available. That it helps your country. He also may have to move all around the country and possibly even around the world. I would for my country. Well, now you know all the essentials to create a dating website that matters. Well, yeah I do it all the time. I do that all the time. Yes, all the time. By the time you reach 50, you’ve likely experienced quite a few different relationships of varying lengths. Zoosk then “observes” who you’ve liked or clicked on on the app to curate more compatible matches going forward.

The newer Millennial dating app offers casual daters to find like-minded matches, although that does not mean there are no opportunities for serious relationships. 👤 Display Profile: If you want to chat only with the people you have liked, you have the option to go incognito, the best dating & chat app for you. Seventy-nine percent of you are interested in hearing about their hometown while 78% of you want to know more about their hobbies. The more people who liked and swiped right on a person's profile, the higher they were ranked. A guy who makes a lot of money. The most obvious place to find Christian singles who hold the same values and views on faith as you is at your church. The site also talks about connecting Christian singles to experience romance and find love online. They do say they are a Christian based services but so is Dave Ramsey. This is not to say that every intervention was successful, but there is strong evidence that IndieWeb’s community culture is acknowledged as equal to its material artifacts.

[lisiprom]

Immortal Life- first impressions

Played a bit of Immortal Life, since the EA came out today.

First of all it's similar to RF/HM (or actually any other farming-life-sim). We play as cultivator who's invited to Guiyun Sect to take care of Mist Valley ( because the sect is more sword focused and they're bad at farming and our protag-kun is pretty good at it). Some unfortunate shit happens and sect gets razed to the ground, except of protagonist and guys that came to take entrance test to the sect. So now it's our turn to rebuild sect and probably figure wtf caused huge-ass meteor falling down ( or whatever it was).

Gameplay is pretty similar to rf/hm with tilling fields, mining rocks, cutting trees. Standard stuff. And then there is cooking, which instead of puuting ingredients together and getting food actually requires player to actually do stuff. Even more fun it reminds me a bit of those Delicious Emily games ( and I loved those games lol). It will probably take some time to get used to that kind of gameplay instead of put stuff inside cooker->get MORE stuff.

Haven't played enough to see how the combat is so I'm probably gonna write another post when I get more into it.

There's also a relationship system but I don't know if it's only friendship or if there are romance options available. Also you can choose either male or female protagonist. Both are cute but I kinda dig dude more.

I really like is graphic and sound. Environments are nice and give that comfy (maybe ven a bit nostalgic?) vibe. Also I really like characters designs( but that might be my inner danmei fan speaking) and their 3d models.

There are few things that are a bit of pain in the ass. First of all: it can only be played using keyboard and mouse. Also mouse is used mostly to continue dialogues and its kinda annoying that you can't just push enter to proegress the text. I hope we will get controller support beacuse it would be more comfy ( also because personally I have a bit of shit setup on desk and it's fucking with my eyesight lol). Second thing is the map. It's a bit hard to read also for some reason when I closed the map my protag got 'stuck' and only opening and then closing map again, helped getting 'un-stuck'. Third thing ( and it's a bit of my personal complain) it's that the day feels super short. Maybe I'm just too used to RF5 where day is long so you cram a lot of activities, but in Immortal Life it felt like I tilled the soil, got crops, caught two fishes, got through cooking tutorial and suddenly it's end of the day. Also saw that some tasks are going top be timed so it's already making me feel anxious lol. Another thing is that translation feel a bit stiff and wooden in places ( and I noticed it even though I'm ESL-chan so yeah..)

Eitherway it's been fun so far and I'm gonna play a bit more over the (long) weekend ( unless I get stuck in RF5 hell again ;).

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: June 6th, 2021

I’m back with more ask responses! You can also check our Frequently Asked Question sheet if there’s something you’re wondering that’s not answered here.

FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

Thank you for the patience with these questions  ♡

Hey in very beginning of step 3 in the scene where Mr.Holden had a thought dancing on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself after MC and Cove were being cute (idk if it makes a difference but this is when they're dating)... Can we know what he was thinking/ wanted to say? It's been bugging me lol 

He would’ve gone into a “look how much you’ve grown”, “your dad is so proud of you”, “I’m so glad things worked out with the MC”, and etc spiel, haha. But he resisted the urge to fawn on his baby boy, at least for that scene.

If we planned to move away for college/future plans in step 3, is it implied that MC and Cove would have a long distance relationship for sure? Could MC have convinced Cove to come with them? How is the dynamic of their relationship going to be addressed in Step 4, if that makes sense? 

Cove is willing to follow the MC where they went after everything is settled for them there, and if they’re sure they want him to come! You’ll get to decide how things shook out during those transitional years just by making choices about it during the opening prologue of Step 4.

Hi! First off, how does it feel to have created one of the best games when it comes to inclusion for lbtq+ peeps? I've never felt as validated with my identity and sexuality when playing a game and I'm seemingly not alone ♥ Second, and this might be a little too specific, but what kinds of drinks does Cove like as well as dislike? Thank you, you're the best ♥

Thank you for very much! It’s really nice to hear the game felt inclusive. Cove likes regular water and fruit juices/smoothies most! He dislikes coffee and cola, and he’s not super into most teas either.

Hi, may i ask what gb patch stands for? Specifically the gb part lol

It stands for my old, silly username I used in places like Neopets as a kid, aha. The company name wasn’t super thought out since it was originally just me making VNs as a hobby. Luckily, “GB Patch” kind of seems like it could mean something reasonable, so I didn’t have to rebrand when it did become a more serious, commercial group.

If we chose to not propose to cove in the step 3 dlc would he propose or would the mc propose in step 4 or the wedding dlc? 

Yeah, you or Cove can propose in Step 4 if you’re not already engaged! The Wedding DLC takes place after the engagement so the proposal scenes aren’t there.

will you guys announce if the early access for the new game is out on patreon ? 

When beta builds of Step 4 or whatever start coming out on the Patreon we will mention it here on social media too.

Heyy I just had a quick question about Baxter if that’s okay :)?

I saw in an ask+answer that it’s possible to casually date Baxter In step 3, but what leads up to that? I have the step 3 dlc and I’ve tried playing them In a different orders and ways but it doesn’t seem to get anywhere ^^;

The Step 3 DLC is Cove-based because he’s the default guy. There’s a separate Baxter romance DLC that’s not out yet. That’s where you can get him to date you. I’m sorry for the confusion!

Will we ever get any LI's or side characters with physical disabilities or deformities? I think your games would be a great place to have them in since they're always so accepting and safe! 

Yeah, we do hope to have representation for that in future projects ^^. Thank you for the confidence in us.

Is it possible to get Cove to take the bed and MC to sleep on the floor? 

Not in Step 3, I’m afraid.

So, I have played the prologue of Our Life countless times and I haven't gotten the [Your Life] achievement, why is that? 

Steam sometimes isn’t connected properly when an achievement unlocks and so it remains locked on your account. If that happens, unfortunately getting the scene again won’t unlock it. The achievement becomes inaccessible because the game thinks you already have it. Playing with the same Steam account on a different device or fully deleting your game data (more than the only the save files) are the only work arounds we’ve found.

Since when you talk with Jeremy in step 3 it's mentioned he goes on dates with someone (which assume is JB because who else would take this boy on dates) that makes him happy, does that sort of make JB and Jeremy the canon relationship in the first game?

The default for XOXO Droplets is that JB casually goes on dates with each of the jerks! Shiloh would’ve been harsher if Jeremy was the only guy getting her attention, haha. But the player can change that default by dating just one person the whole game for their own story and who she ends up with for real has no default.

Hi, hello! Huge OL fan, thank you so much for the wholesome content, it was very much needed during these times. Managed to get several people to join team Cove, so that's very exciting, I always have people to fawn over him with. I have a little question and I'm sorry if it was asked before, but does it ever come up in the game what Cove has told his mom about us? (who knows, with so many options, one can miss it) Or, alternatively, will it come up in the Step 4 DLC? 

Thank you very much for sharing the game with people <3. It’s really great to hear people are liking it. Right now that doesn’t come up in game. Kyra is willing to keep her mouth shut and Cove isn’t gonna have that conversation either. At least not when he’s younger, but yes, perhaps when he’s a fully grown big boy in Step 4 you can ask him about it.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since it has been confirmed that there would be two love interests for OL2, would there be the possibility of forming a polyamorous relationship with both love interests? I’m sorry if you answered this previously, I’m just curious. 

We are considering it, but it’s not a guarantee yet. It’d be really great to have but it’d add so many extra alterations that’d need to made, aha.

Hello! You mentioned how Cove would be uncomfortable with kids at 23, but how old would he be when he’s comfortable with having/adopting kids? (Same goes for the other LI’s.) btw, love your game!! 

He’d want to be at least 25, but even older would be good. Derek would want to have kids when he and his partner could reasonably support them, the age itself wouldn’t matter. If they were doing good at 22 and wanted kids, he’d be up for it. Or they could wait until their 30s or whatever. Baxter is also more of a “when it feels right” guy rather than having a specific age requirement. Cove is just especially wary of being a young parent because of his own parents. I’m happy you like the game!

does step 4 immediately play after you press "end summer" in step 3? or is there another button/transition (like the story text thingy) before the epilogue begins? what happens after the epilogue? roll credits? 😂 

Step 4 will have transition section always and there will be an extra button, if you own the Derek or Baxter DLC. By default the Cove-based version of Step 4 just plays once Step 3 is over. However, having the other guys’ storylines will mean you get to pick which version of Step 4 plays; Cove Step 4 (the basic one), Derek Step 4, or Baxter Step 4.

Happy pride, thank you for all you do for us🥰

I have a quick question though, I recently got a MacBook after my old windows computer broke, and now steam says I cannot download it, but it has no issues with other games, what can I do to download it?? I’m sorry if my English is bad

Happy pride month! Unfortunately, Our Life isn’t available for Mac on Steam right now. To be an approval application Apple requires having special notarization and we as a small group haven’t gotten that. Itch doesn’t care and lets us release the game for Mac there anyway, Steam does care so we’re locked out of putting the Mac build up on their storefront. Feel free to email us and we can try to help the situation out further!

support@gbpatchgames.com

Hello! I was jus wondering if the Baxter and Derek DLCs are still happening? I haven’t heard anything about them on here or patreon in a while so I just wanted to make sure ^^

They’re still coming and we just released a new sprite sketch on the Patreon for the Derek DLC c:. But right now Step 4 is still much more of a priority. Once that’s closer to being done we’ll focus way more on sharing previews for the other guys.

is it possible to tell cove you love him (platonically) at step 3 fondness/selecting him as basically family? i just love the mc and liz sibling interactions and it got me wondering about it (especially if you've selected that option)

You and Cove can be as close as family, but there’s not a specific scene in Step 3 where you say “I love you” in a family context. But there’s always Step 4~

do you intend on ever adding a collectors mode to Our Life? Like a way to collect achievements and CGs for the gallery without it effecting any save files? 

We weren’t considering it before. But if a lot of players would find that helpful, we could start thinking on that!

Sorry if it's a silly question haha, but (in crush/love) is Cove really aware of how cute and cuddly he seems to MC? If so, what does he think or do about it? Or does he just ignore it? 

He isn’t particular aware. Cove never truly stops being surprised that the MC is interested in/attracted to him, haha.

Would you say that the alone ending of xoxo droplets is worth playing again to get? 

Nope, haha. The goal is to make friends/get a boyfriend and so the alone ending is kind of the bad ending for the game. Though there is a consolation prize if you get it by accident.

Is there any possible situation which would ever prompt Pran to bake for his girlfriend? Like I know it's unlikely I mean even if JB broke her leg somehow I'm pretty sure he'd still be like "I considered baking you a cake and doing the frosting the way I think looks interesting but you don't deserve a cake, no one does." right but also ahhh it would be super nice if some day he just surprised her with baked goods one day out of nowhere. JB would be so shocked it would be cute. So is there any possible situation where that could/would be a thing that he would do? 

He might bake out of spite, like if he felt he had to prove her wrong on something. Or if JB used some good reverse psychology on him. Or he might do it in a relatively nice way if he could make his GF so shocked by the kind gesture that his amusement with that overrode his insistence on not being sweet. Pran is very difficult in high school, aha.

Is the "one route (where) it can be seen that Everett will drop his seemingly eternal waging with Jeremy pretty easily and can start getting along without thinking much on it" the Lucas route? I'm curious! 

Yep! Everett will side with Jeremy if it’s between him and Lucas.

Hi I hope you guys are having a great day :) I just had to ask how Cliff would feel about Cove's partner/fiancé Mc calling them dad whether it be accidental or otherwise and secondly I also wanted to ask how he would feel about being asked to be the one to give the mc away at their wedding. 

He would be very touched and excited! I hope you have a good day too :D

Hello! I saw an ask relating to whether Cliff "moves on" after Cove's grown up and stuff (and he stays single), but what about Kyra? Will she be with anyone else or will she stay single? 

She does start dating again, but she takes it slow.

Hi! I absolutely love the art for characters in OL and I wonder is this fine to draw my MC in same drawing style and upload online later? Is this something artists would be okay with? Thank you! 

Yeah, you can certainly do that C:

Hey there!

I wonder if I'm just being stupid here.. Is Step 4 a DLC? And if so, where can I find it? I can't seem to find it on Steam :< Thank you!

Step 4 is a free epilogue! It’s not done yet, but once it is finished you’ll just update your game file and Step 4 will be there after Step 3 ends.

hi! are step 4 and the wedding dlc two different things?

They are. Step 4 is a free epilogue that’ll be a default part of the game once it’s done, the wedding DLC is an optional paid expansion that takes place after Step 4.

Why did Baxter not receive a step 2 sprite seeing how he shows up later

Sprites are time consuming to draw and take money out of the budget that could’ve gone to other things. His tiny appearance in Step 2 wasn’t worth all the effort to make a sprite, aha.

I just realized, what happens if if you get the patreon exclusive moment but at a later date, when you don't have the membership anymore, it's updated (like a bugs fix update for example)? Would you have to get the membership again? 

You would have to get the membership again to redownload the build. But there’s very little chance there’s going to be an update once it’s been out for over a month. If a build gets released with errors, players catch/report them within the first few days. So by the time the first subscription period ends, any problems that were noticeable would already have been fixed. And we’re certainly not gonna be adding new content to it once it’s been released for a long time. There’s no need to worry about missing out on something worthwhile in the future if you cancel your membership. It’s being made with the idea in mind that many players are gonna be getting it and then going.

Hello! Wanted to ask about gaming choice in step 3? Once upon a playthorugh I got the option to buy Cove a bracelet for his graduation present. I played the same basic character again and that option wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure where I went wrong. My Cove wears a bracelet on each hand and my MC is into fashion and jewelry. Do I need to put an earring on him or? Sorry, love your game so much. 

He also needs to have liked bracelets in Step 2 for that to be considered a good gift option for him. Sorry for the confusion! I’m happy you love the game :)

Is Step 4 being released at the same time as the Wedding DLC or will the first come before the latter? Thank you! 

I’m not sure. Ideally they’ll come out at the same time, but the wedding DLC has a lot of art to get done and we may have to release it after Step 4.

Can mc still get confession from Cove at the end of step 3 even if mc casually dates Baxter in step 3? Such as in crush mode? 

I don’t think so. Maybe that’ll change, but generally there’s differences to the Step 3 ending if you were dating Baxter and those differences likely will conflict with getting the Cove confession.

For the patreon moments/dlcs, will it be available for all tiers? 

It’ll be available for tier 2 (Fans) and up!

[crazy-loca-blog]

Disclaimer: Please note I’m neither a psychologist, nor a psychiatrist nor an expert in mental health. Everything I’m writing here is based on some reading I’m currently doing on this topic and on some personal experiences.

Even though I’m really, really happy and my heart is exploding because most of the LIs FINALLY stopped treating our MC as a friend and began to treat them publicly as a significant other (because you’ve deserved it for a long, long time guys!), I know that those people who are romancing Ethan are actually hurt and mad because he seems to be pushing our MC away AGAIN. But what if I told you I’m beginning to see this as canon for him? Like he’s actually not pushing the MC away because he wants to but because he is showing a part of his personality or something that is a result of his experiences as a kid instead?

A few days ago, I found a psychology article about attachment and how self-sufficiency can be very negative when taken to the extreme. For some reason, the article really stuck with me because I had never heard something like that and because I might have felt that some of the stuff on it represented me, to the point that I talked to some psychologist friends because I wanted to know more about it. And after reading the latest Open Heart chapter, I couldn’t stop wondering “what if this is the actual reason why Ethan seems to be pushing the MC away? What if he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing?”

These are some excerpts from the article (the original one is in Spanish):

“Being excessively independent and self-sufficient is a sign of having suffered great disappointments, to the point that we feel that we cannot trust anyone but ourselves.”

Sounds familiar? Another one:

“[…] when we show ourselves to be hyper-independent -and we don’t resort to the help of third parties- we are actually revealing something deeper. Some defense mechanism to protect us against the eventual possibility of rejection, damage or suffering.”

And what do you think of this longer one?

“[…] as adults, [these children] stick with their careers and what they feel they can control. Deep and intimate relationships turn into threats. Being vulnerable is not an option, because if they are rejected […] they may find the loneliness they know well. When they grow up, people who create bonds from avoidant attachment find it difficult to recognize their own needs. They are extremely independent, they can do everything on their own, but they really fear not being good enough for others, and ultimately they fear rejection. They are adaptive people, who can even be very successful in a society, but when it comes to intimate relationships, it is difficult for them to overcome those barriers.”

And a bonus, just because I can’t leave this out:

“This hyper independence can be linked to traumatic situations, even unconsciously. These experiences can translate into greater difficulty when setting up a couple project or a work project, or when committing to someone or something. Because of course, committing also means showing yourself vulnerable.”

Did you read them all? These quotes have the name Ethan Ramsey written all over the place! All of them are from professional psychologists who based their opinions on the Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development by Donald Winnicott and on the Theory of Attachment by John Bowlby. Based on this theory, Ethan would be an avoidant attachment type of person. In very simple words, he is “someone who […] often sees himself as independent and able to ‘go it alone’. He often maintains strict boundaries, can be emotionally distant, and has a hard time opening up to their partners or making and keeping close relationships.”

So based on all of this, I think Ethan may not even notice that he’s pushing the MC away because that’s part of who he is. He is so used to solve everything by himself, to be independent and to not rely on anyone when he has a problem (because that’s how he has managed to survive all of his life), that even though the MC constantly tells him that he’s not alone anymore he has trouble processing the message. The fact that he is also an only child may have even helped to exacerbate this behavior because, as he has no siblings, he had no choice but to deal with things by himself (and here I’m talking from the experience, I was an only child until I was 14 and I left my parents’ home right after turning 18, so you can tell I know a thing or two about growing up on your own).

His relationship with his dad also had an effect on him. Alan even described Ethan as a perfect son for a single parent. He always did his homework, helped at home and worked during summer. And he even said he didn’t have to motivate Ethan to do anything, that he did all of that by himself. But then the article says: “Parents who generate avoidant attachments with their children are mostly caregivers who are not fully emotionally available to them and therefore are concerned that they function from autonomy. That makes the child act in a certain way, to try to attract or to please those unavailable dads.” So what if Ethan did all of this not only because he wanted to do it, but also because he was involuntarily trying to please his dad? The article adds: “It is not a lack of love [from the parents]; it has to do with the caregivers having difficulties on terms of affective connection, so these children learn to adapt and be complacent.”

Should we also analyze Ethan’s social skills? We all know he hates parties and having to socialize could be a nightmare for him. Do you remember that he became friends with Dolores just because she kept in touch with him and she was the one who invited him to have a coffee? Or how Naveen took him under his wing not only as his mentee, but also as his putative son and friend? Or more recently… have you ever noticed how he basically never mingles with our friends, especially in book 3? Have you ever seen him at Donahue’s talking to anyone but the MC and Reggie? Did you notice that during Ines’ wedding he wasn’t with Harper and Tobias, with Naveen or with Baz? He is always by himself!

Let’s move on to his romantic relationships. Besides the MC, the only relationship we know about is with Harper. Have you ever wondered how their relationship was? For some reason, I’ve always felt it wasn’t as serious for him (we don’t have her side of the story). Sure, he cares about her a lot, but he never loved her, even though they dated for a long time. In fact, when I hear him talking about his relationship with Harper, I kind of feel like the only reason they were dating was to keep each other company. Did they have plans as a couple? Did they ever live together? Did they meet each other families? Did they ever talk about marriage? Did he ever tell her he loved her? I have too many questions, but for some reason I think the answer to all of them is “no”.

Finally, have you noticed how focused he is on his job? And please let’s forget about Ethan in book 3 because we all know the MC is solving every single case… I mean… he must have been an intern or a resident when he wrote his book! Let’s also remember how he was obsessed with diagnosing Naveen in book 1 or how in book 2 he focused himself on helping as many patients as possible before Edenbrook’s closure. Of course, let’s add that the man is a perfectionist as well (do you remember when he was mortified and ashamed for misdiagnosing a patient ONCE?).

So yeah, I’m beginning to think that all of this is not about Ethan being mean to the MC and repeating the same story over and over again on purpose. Instead, I think it has to do with his personality as a character and with his childhood experiences. But of course, we all know there is no way that PB makes any reference to this, I just needed to get it off my chest (and to stay awake until 5:30 am writing this) because when I connected everything I was like "OMG!" 🤯

Where can you find more info about this topic?

https://bit.ly/3toNBaA (this one in Spanish, but Google Translator might help you to understand it)

https://bit.ly/33qmbGP (this one is in English)

[wheresmynaya]

Hate to Date Ch.2 | Brittana

A/N - Back to back weekly updates? You can thank this damn head cold for keeping me in bed LOL. I’m so blown away by the response the first chapter received, like holy shit you guys love a good trope combo same as me! Happy that you’re all enjoying it so far, hopefully I can keep delivering. Have at it! 💙

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

“I cannot believe this.”

Puck looks over at Santana muttering to herself as she stares at her phone and quirks his brow. She’s shaking her head now as she scrolls and it makes Puck wonder.

“What is it?”

Santana’s eyes widen at the screen before she’s scrolling again. With the shake of her head, she continues to mutter.

“Like I cannot actually believe this is happening to me.”

“What?” Puck tries again.

When Santana doesn’t answer, he leans over the armrest separating them to take a peek at her screen, but she quickly yanks the phone to her chest.

Puck sits back a little and starts to smirk, “You getting nudes in class now or something?”

Several students seated around turn to stare at them – even Brittany. Santana can already feel the color starting to drain from her face as they stare. It’s not the possibility that everyone will find out she’s being sent risky pictures, because hello been there done that – but because this is way worse.

“Jesus, no!” Santana snaps, but her deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression doesn’t help.

Brittany shakes her head before turning back to her work. The other students around them follow suit, but Puck’s the only one that seems way more interested in whatever’s going on with Santana than taking notes. He continues staring at her while she furiously taps at her screen.

“Can you stop? You’re being weird,” Santana grumbles as she side eyes him while she puts away her phone.

“Me?” Puck lets out a laugh in disbelief, “I’m being weird? You’re the one talking to yourself.”

Santana gives him a look but he doesn’t waver. In fact, he scoffs at her attitude.

“Ever since you came back from your last trip home you’ve been all,” Puck motions at her with his hand, “Which like, you’re always a little on edge whenever you come back from a visit but it’s lasting so much longer this time. Not to mention that you haven’t had any of your late night visitors come around. Something’s up.”

Santana stays quiet though and turns to keep taking notes. Puck eyes her, trying to find a weak spot in her armor.

“I haven’t seen Denise around,” Puck ends up adding, “I figured after bringing her home with you that she’d have a least one more week before you’re kicking her to the curb.”

At the mention of Denise, Santana stiffens.

Puck notices and pushes further, “Shit. What happened? Did your mom like…walk in on you two…” Puck lifts his hands to gesture but Santana quickly swats them down.

“Will you just drop it?”

“I can’t! Not when you’re always huffing and puffing at your phone,” Puck reasons, “Just tell me what’s going on with you?”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because why?

“Because it’s too embarrassing.”

“Now you definitely have to tell me!”

“No!”

Suddenly Brittany’s turning around again, a flash of blonde hair whipping past, and a scowl on her face. Her piercing blue eyes cut her like ice as she glares.

“Can you both keep it down?” She scolds, “Some of us are trying to pay attention.”

“Some of us are trying to pay attention,” Santana mocks.

“Grow up,” Brittany says with an eyeroll before turning around.

Santana only sticks her tongue out, but despite the reminder that they’re still in the middle of class Puck is determined to get Santana talking. He’s such a little shit like that when it comes to keeping secrets.

“Just tell me,” He insists in a hushed tone, “I told you about that one time I nearly burned my dick off using your fancy shaving cream.”

“Yeah, I didn’t ask for that,” Santana replies bluntly, “I remember specifically saying that I didn’t want to know.”

“But that’s an embarrassing moment, so now you have to tell me yours.”

“That’s not how it works,” Santana says.

Just then, her phone lights up on her desk. She glances to it as Puck does the same. She knows what’s about to happen, but she shifts her stare to Puck hoping that he’s smarter than that.

Of course, he’s not and soon they’re both lunging for her phone.

Santana’s closer so she gets a hand on it first, but so does Puck and he tries valiantly to muscle her out of the way. It’s a lost cause trying to beat him but what she lacks in brawn she makes up for in brain. She’s quick to pinch him right under the bicep and Puck instantly pulls back.

“Ow! Fuck!” He groans.

Santana only smirks, “Don’t touch my shit.”

His face is still screwed up in pain as he rubs the spot while Santana slips her phone safely in her bag.

“That was dirty,” Puck tells her.

Santana just shrugs, “Would you expect anything less of me?”

Puck starts to grin, “Guess not.”

“Okay then,” She smirks and nods to the front of the lecture hall, “Now leave me alone. I’m trying to listen.”

And Puck does as he’s told – for a solid five seconds.

“Come on,” Puck pleads, “This is just a review. You don’t even need to listen.”

Santana sighs, “You’re not going to drop this?”

“No.”

“Fine,” Santana leans closer to Puck and whispers, “Swear you’ll never repeat this.”

Puck’s eyes widen like he’s just hit the jackpot, “I swear.”

“Okay,” Santana closes her eyes and settles her racing heart, “My mom is setting me up on blind dates because she’s tired of the kind of girls I bring home.”

Puck sits back and blinks, “Wait. What?”

“Yeah,” Santana says dejectedly as she goes back to writing, “It’s the same shit. She doesn’t think I take my future with her at the firm seriously because of my so-called reputation with women so now she’s taking over like she always does and trying to set me up with the perfect person. God, she makes it sound like I’m some sleezy player, but I’m respectful!”

“Now that’s hilarious,” Brittany comments just loud enough for Santana to hear.

Santana doesn’t pay her any mind though and looks back at Puck, “I’ve wine and dined every woman I’ve been with, you know that. I’ve opened every door, paid every tab, I even make sure they come first!”

“Totally, yeah.”

Santana slumps in her chair and thinks aloud, “I can’t help that I’m attractive, that’s what I told her. What’s so wrong about keeping my options open, right? What’s the point of being young and in college if she already wants me to settle down with someone already? It’s crazy and it’s ridiculous!”

Puck stays quiet for a moment longer like he’s still trying to grasp the concept, but only one question begs to be asked.

“Are they at least hot blind dates?”

Santana looks to him unamused, but she can tell he’s being completely serious and he’s so used to her judgment that it doesn’t usually phase him anymore anyway. So she sighs again and shrugs.

“I mean, yeah but that’s besides the point,” Santana answers honestly.

“Looks are important,” Puck assures her.

“Obviously, but I’m not that shallow,” Santana waves him off.

Puck shakes his head in disbelief, “So Mama Lopez has you going on blind dates...”

“Technically she’s only set me up on one blind date but she keeps sending through these potential romance partners,” Santana replies, “She has them formatted like a damn resume with a picture and bio, likes and dislikes, future plans. Every one of them has professional goals and despite them being relatively hot, they’re boring as hell!”

Puck starts to giggle as Santana shows him an example which earns him a punch in the arm.

“This is no laughing matter, Puckerman,” Santana says, “This is serious shit! I wouldn’t be surprised if she signs me up for The Bachelorette or something. This really is a new low for me.”

Puck looks back at her with a brow raised, “Oh no, my mom is setting me up on dates with beautiful and successful women. My life is so hard.”

“See that right there,” Santana points a finger at him, “That’s why I didn’t tell you in the first place.”

“Come on,” Puck jokes, “I can kind of see why she’s stepping in. Your dating history is on the same level as mine and that’s not a good thing.”

“Why?” Santana cocks her head to the side, “Because you’re a guy?”

“I – well…”

“Exactly,” Santana huffs, “I’m tired of the insane double standards. I like to date, so what? Doesn’t give her an excuse to meddle in my love life.”

“More like lust life.”

Santana gives him a look, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Puck brushes off, “I’m just pointing out the obvious. You don’t do commitments and you don’t do long term. You’re there for the fun parts and then as soon as they get attached, you break it off. It’s text book Lopez.”

Santana hates how see-through she feels and crosses her arms over her chest in defiance.

“You’re one to talk. When was your last relationship?”

“You know the answer to that,” Puck says with an unexpected seriousness in his tone.

Santana grits her teeth and looks away, “Point is I don’t need her setting me up. I like my life the way that it is.”

“She’s doing the work for you though,” Puck reasons, “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic here?”

“Of course not!”

Suddenly Brittany’s turning around again, “You two are unbelievable.”

“Sorry Britt,” Puck apologizes and taps his paper, “I’m all ears now.”

Santana doesn’t have anything witty to say in return though, because now she’s finally letting the gravity of the situation she’s gotten herself into weight down on her. Since returning home, she’s been brushing this whole blind date thing off but now that she’s talked about it aloud it’s like the veil of ignorant bliss has been lifted.

She really is in deep shit.

There’s only so many times she can try to evade Maribel’s attempts before she’s being ambushed – hell, it’s already happened once before! Her mother’s never been one to back down easily, so Santana doesn’t see the end coming anytime soon, not until Santana has a proper suiter by her side.

“I have to figure a way out of this,” She says suddenly before turning to Puck. “She’s already set me up on another date when I come home for winter break.”

“Damn, Mama Lopez works quick.”

Santana reached over and grabs his wrist. Her grip is so tight that Puck winces.  

“Ow! What the hell?”

“You’ve got to help me,” Santana tells him, “What if I’m stuck going on boring dates for the rest of my life?”

Puck laughs as he pries her fingers off, “Why don’t you just date one of the girls you bring home for longer than a couple weeks?”

Santana shakes her head, “I can’t do that. Have you seen these women my mom has picked out? The Art Majors I’ve taken home can’t compete with that!”

“Well then I guess I can offer my services.”

Santana rolls her eyes, “One: that ship sailed a long ass time ago. Two: no one would believe it. Three: I need someone that’s actually impressive.”

“Rude,” Puck puffs out his chest, “I’m impressive. Check out these guns.”

Santana shakes her head as he starts to flex.

“You okay back there, Noah?” Professor Martinez asks, “You forget you’re not at football practice again?”

Puck instantly stops, “My B, Prof Martinez!”

While they get back to focusing on class, Santana’s gears are still turning, trying to come up with a solution to this mess.

\\

After another few days of dealing with Maribel playing matchmaker, Santana’s had enough.

She and Puck are home trying to wind down after their long day of school and practice. Puck’s in the middle of ordering way too much pizza while Santana’s in the kitchen already halfway through her second glass of wine. She’s mindlessly scrolling through her phone when a text from Maribel comes through.

“This woman doesn’t quit,” Santana laughs as she joins Puck on the couch, “Check this one out.”

Puck leans over and reads, “Likes quiet nights at home, reading and horseback riding.”

“She’s a horse girl,” Santana states, “My mother has recommended I date a horse girl.”

“She’s the hottest horse girl I’ve ever seen,” Puck compliments, “And hey, at least she’d know how to ri– “

“Don’t even,” Santana stops him.

“What?” Puck snickers, “Let me see the next one.”

Santana sighs but shows him anyway. They go through a couple duds before settling on another pretty blonde that sparks both of their attentions.

“This one’s in culinary school,” Santana says, “Not really a career path mom would’ve included in here but maybe she’s an heir to the throne or something.”

“Which throne?”

“Who knows,” Santana shrugs.

“Dating a chef would be cool. You’d always eat good,” Puck starts to smirk, “You see what I did there?”

Santana looks unimpressed, “Stevie Wonder could see that coming.”

Puck brushes her off as he takes a sip of his beer.

“You’re mean when you haven’t been laid,” He frowns.

\\

Once the pizza comes, they lay out the boxes on the coffee table and camp out around it while they continue drinking. Puck has something random on tv but it’s so lame that it starts to be hilarious – or maybe that’s the alcohol talking. They go between watching the screen and scrolling through more of the profiles Maribel sends through.

“I don’t even reply to these things anymore,” Santana giggles.

“You’re leaving Mama Lopez on read?” Puck asks with his eyes all glassy, “Damn. That’s cold. Even your own mom gets the Lady Killer Lopez treatment.”

“That’s not a thing,” Santana laughs, “Besides, I reply to her just not when she’s trying to set me up with a future wife.”

Puck shakes his head, “How you gonna ghost her when you go home in a few weeks?”

“Maybe I’ll skip going home?”

“Bullshit,” Puck jokes, “Your mom would kick your ass then she’d kick mine for not locking you out of the apartment.”

“You right,” Santana chuckles, “I guess I’ll just figure it out when I get there.”

\\

After a few more slices of pizza and more drinking, Puck gets an idea.

“What if you tell her you already have a girlfriend?”

Santana starts to giggle, “And who would this girlfriend be?”

“I don’t know,” Puck shrugs, “She’s made up!”

“Made up? That’s the worst idea ever.”

“She can’t send you pics of hot chicks anymore if you’ve got one though?”

“But I don’t have one,” Santana reasons.

“So lie.”

Santana quirks her brow, “You want me to lie to Maribel Lopez?”

Puck raises his beer, “Got a better idea?”

Santana thinks about that for a moment but everything’s kind of wine-soaked and cloudy.

“I guess not.”

Puck grins, “Then this is the answer to all your problems! Tell her you have a girlfriend already!”

It’s not one of her brightest moments in the world, but are any ideas bright after a bottle of wine? She just wants the constant texts about prospective suiters to stop and at this moment in time, Puck’s a goddamn genius.

“Done,” Santana says triumphantly and goes to send the text to Maribel.

“Liar,” Puck laughs, “You didn’t actually, right?”

“I sure fucking did,” Santana nods and shows the screen to her best friend.

“Can’t. Got a gf. It’s pretty serious,” Puck reads then falls on his back roaring with laughter.

“What?” Santana looks back at the text. The screen’s a little blurry so she squints, “Did I spell something wrong?”

“I can’t believe you actually sent that,” Puck says. There’s a brief moment of clarity where Santana regrets her decision but it’s quickly interrupted by Puck adding, “You never listen to me!”

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that…”

Santana looks back at the screen contemplating whether or not she should follow up with a jk or just leave it, but the alcohol is making her move slower than usual. By the time she decides, there’s a next text from Maribel.

“Shit!” Santana throws the phone at Puck’s chest, “You read it. I can’t.”

Puck sits back up and does his best impression of Maribel as he reads, “Lovely. Can’t wait to meet her.”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

“You’re so screwed,” Puck laughs, “What are you going to do?”

“Hell if I fucking know! This is your fault.”

“Hey, I didn’t send that message. You did.”

“You know how I feel about peer pressure!” Santana argues, “Mama didn’t raise no bitch.”

“You’re right, she raised a dumbass!”

“Fuck off!”

Puck laughs while Santana goes to stand and starts pacing but instead of straight lines, her path is curvy and she nearly trips over the leg of the coffee table.

“Sit your ass down. You’re making me dizzy!”

“I’m making me dizzy,” Santana snaps but slumps down on the coach. She tries to relax but her thoughts keep whirling, “Shit. What did I just do?”

Puck glances warily in her direction, “Okay. You’re killing my buzz. You need to chill.”

Santana shakes her head, “What I need is a hot and smart girlfriend who can put all these women my mom is trying to set me up with to shame now because apparently I have one of those!”

Puck raises a brow, “Where the hell you gonna find someone like that?”

Santana only shrugs as she downs the rest of her glass.  

Puck nods, but something about Santana’s comment gets him thinking.

\\

It takes about a week before Puck’s finally ready to present Santana with his solution. He’s like a giddy kid on Christmas morning as he leads Santana to a vacant study room one day before her cheer practice.

Santana grows even more curious as they walk by the smaller rooms available for booking and head down to the very end where the larger rooms are situated. She wouldn’t say she trusts Puck’s judgement because he’s partly the reason why she’s in this mess, but part of her really is curious about this big idea he has.

Or maybe the curiosity is actually desperation?

When they get to the last door, Puck pauses and turns to her.

“You ready?”

Santana gives him a curious look before shrugging, “I guess?”

Puck nods and swings open the door in a showy fashion.

There is a single table with two chairs set up on the near side of the room and Puck leads the way over, pulling the chair out for Santana so she can sit. She’s looking around cautiously, trying to figure out what’s going on here when Puck calls out.

“Okay ladies, you can come out now!”

“Huh?” Santana deadpans.

Suddenly, a side door opens and line of six women come sauntering out. Santana’s looking at them, trying to figure out if she can recognize who they are. Instead, she finds them giving her flirty looks accompanied by brilliant smiles. Santana’s momentarily starstruck by their beauty, but then she turns to Puck and remembers that she has no idea what’s going on.

“What the hell is this?” She asks him.

“Well,” Puck smirks as he takes the seat next to her, “These are the most eligible girls on campus that you can take home to impress your mom.”

Santana’s jaw drops, “Are you kidding me?”

“I’m so serious,” Puck replies, “I listened to what you said the other night. You need hot, smart, and put together – someone who can put all the ones your mom suggests to shame. Well, look no further because here they are!”

“Why does everyone feel the need to ambush me with beautiful women?” Santana mumbles to herself before looking at Puck, “How did you find these people?”

“I’ve got my ways,” Puck smirks, “They tick all the boxes – mostly – so you just have to pick one to be your girlfriend. Problem solved.”

“Problem not solved,” Santana says, “I don’t want a girlfriend!”

“They know that,” Puck replies, “They’re all wannabe actors. They see this as an opportunity to go all Jared Leto.”

Santana wrinkles her nose, “They’re going to send me a dead pig?”

“What? No, they’re going to go all method acting on you! They know the relationship is all for show is what I’m trying to say,” Puck explains, “They’re just going to pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“So they’re basically escorts.”

“I mean,” Puck glances to them and back at Santana. He lowers his voice to a whisper, “I think one of them actually is. I’m not sure. No judgement though, do what you gotta do.”

Santana shakes her head, “No. Hell no.”

“Why?” Puck asks, “It’s like your personal episode of the Bachelorette. You love that show!”

Santana’s eyes widen, “Will you keep it down? I don’t love that show. I just like the drama.”

“Yeah whatever,” Puck waves off, “Just ask them a few questions and see which one you like the most and you’ll have a girlfriend. Boom!”

“I said no.”

“Come on, why not?”

“Why not?” Santana laughs, “Because I don’t want my life to be like that show. In fact, I was hoping it’d never happen to me and yet…here we are.”

Puck cringes but tries to smile through her anger, “At least we’re not on tv?”

Santana’s in disbelief, “Yeah. I guess there’s that.”

“You know, I worked really hard on this,” Puck frowns, “You know how many study sessions I’ve missed trying to find these people? I’m missing one right now, Britt’s so disappointed.”

“Boo-hoo,” Santana waves off, “I’m not doing this. I’m not about to pretend to date a random. First of all, they’re pretending to be someone they’re not on top of pretending to be my girlfriend. Second of all, I don’t know any of these people well enough to bring them around my family. It’s a shit show waiting to happen. God, you know what would happen if this got back to my mom? It would be way worse than what I’ve been doing.”

“How would it get back to her? Who would even tell?” Puck questions, “The girls have been sworn to secrecy!”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Santana argues, “Maybe her husband?”

Puck scoffs, “Coach wouldn’t – “

Santana gives him a look, “Who told her about the time cops busted up our Halloween party because some asshole tipped them off? And what about that llama that I helped your dumbass set free in the freshman dorms when you were drunk because of a ridiculous bet?”

“Shit, you’re right,” Puck slumps in his chair.

Santana stands and pats Puck on the shoulder, “This whole thing is a hard no. Good try though.”

“Thanks,” He sighs before calling out to the women, “Sorry, ladies! Deal’s off.”

The women all stop smiling and grumble beneath their breath as they exit the room, casting dirty looks at Puck and Santana.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that,” She says, “I didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“So winter break starts next week,” Puck mentions as the women file out of the room, “What are you going to do now?”

Santana shrugs, “I’ve been thinking of hanging back for Christmas so I can catch up on some work. Maybe make a little progress on that big assignment for Professor Martinez’s class.”

Puck’s brows rise, “You’re gonna stay home? I thought that was off the table?”

“Just for Christmas. I’ll definitely have to make an appearance for New Year’s,” Santana replies, “Maybe I’ll tell my mom I’ve gone home with my imaginary girlfriend to visit her family instead?”

“That could actually work,” Puck chuckles.

“Maybe,” Santana smirks, “Anyway…now you’ve got time for your study session with what’s-her-face.”

Puck laughs at that as he throws his arm around her shoulders, “You know I’m determined to figure this out for you, right? You asked for my help and I’m committed.”

“Yeah and I appreciate it,” Santana chuckles, “Go. Don’t want to keep Brittany waiting, she might draw a frowny face on your homework.”

Puck gets to thinking, “Don’t joke. She just might!”

\\

While Santana continues to ponder on this dilemma, she contemplates swearing off alcohol for a long time. If she hadn’t been drinking with Puck that night then maybe she wouldn’t have dug herself into an even deeper hole. The longer she thinks on it, the more frustrated she becomes, but what can she do?

The next time Puck approaches Santana with a potential solution, it’s through a single text message a few days later:

Puckerman: Meet me at Rise & Grind at 3.

Santana eyes the message suspiciously. Judging by his last attempt, who knows what her best friend has up his sleeve this time. Still, she agrees because honestly she doesn’t have anything better to do and she’s curious. What could he possibly do to top his little Bachelorette stunt from the other day?

When she arrives to the café on time, Puck’s waiting for her outside the entry doors.

“Yo!” He calls out to her.

“Hey,” She greets in return before nodding at the doors, “I’m not about to walk into a blind date, am I?”

Puck laughs, “Mama Lopez got you all traumatized now?”

“I’m just saying,” Santana replies, “I don’t know if I can handle another one of your great ideas so this better be good.”

“Damn. Where’s the faith?”

“Why do you think I agreed to meet you? You’re lucky I even showed up,” Santana answers as she follows Puck inside.

“Okay, so hear me out – “

Santana freezes when Puck leads her to an occupied table. More importantly, a table being occupied by none other than Brittany S. Pierce herself.

“What the hell is this?” Santana snaps and turns to Puck, “Why is she here?”

Brittany also looks to Puck for an answer, “I could ask the same thing.”

Puck’s all devious grins and confidence as he pushes at Santana’s shoulders so that she’d sit across from Brittany. He grabs a spare chair from a nearby table and takes a seat between the enemies.

“So I’m sure you guys are wondering why we’re here,” Puck starts to explain.

“No shit,” Santana grumbles.

“I mean, I was meant to be here,” Brittany says and looks to Santana, “Just not with you.”

“Believe me, there are many places I’d much rather be,” Santana rolls her eyes and looks to Puck, “What is this about? I thought you were presenting me another one of your great ideas.”

“I am,” Puck insists, “If you’d just shut up for two seconds, I can explain.”

“Big ask,” Brittany teases, “She loves hearing the sound of her own voice.”

“Says you!” Santana snaps, “Seriously Puckerman, why’s she here?”

“Like I said, I’m meant to be here,” Brittany replies, “I booked this table.”

“Okay okay,” Puck interrupts Santana’s next insult, “The reason why you’re both here is that I think you two need each other.”

“Need each other?” Brittany’s brows rise comically while Santana’s just laughs.

“I need her like I need a nail to the head,” Santana says flatly.

“Same,” Brittany agrees then looks to Puck, “I thought we were here to make up for those study sessions you’ve been missing?”

“Of course you thought that,” Santana shakes her head, “What a nerd.”

“Hey,” Puck says sternly, “Didn’t you kick a girl out of your bed because she made you late for class?”

Santana’s jaw drops at the low blow, “I can’t believe you just said that.”

Brittany starts to smirk, “Who’s the nerd now?”

Santana rolls her eyes and goes to stand, “This was a big fail, Noah. I don’t know what you were thinking but this – “

“I didn’t even explain yet,” Puck interrupts, “Just sit, okay? You two are already going to have to work together so you might as well start getting along now.”

“Back up,” Santana flinches, “What do you mean work together?”

Brittany gives them both a blank look, “I’m so confused right now.”

“No surprise there,” Santana quips to which Brittany scoffs.

“Okay look,” Puck starts again, “I may have spoken to Professor Martinez and now you two are sort of working together for the assignment.”

Santana’s eyes widen, “How the fuck did you manage to pull that off?”

“It was weirdly easy actually,” Puck shrugs, “A little fear and intimidation tactic to get Brittany’s partner to agree to the switch then I just hit up Prof Martinez to confirm.”

“I didn’t agree to a partner switch,” Brittany adds then cuts a glare to Santana, “Especially when that partner is you.”

Santana rolls her eyes at the blonde before looking to Puck, “Seriously, I’m this close to kicking your ass.”

Brittany sputters a laugh, “As much as I’d love to see that considering your bite-sized stature – ”

“I’ll show you bite-sized.”

“See!” Puck interjects, “You guys are already hitting it off!”

Santana and Brittany both stop to glare at him.

“Clearly, we are not,” Santana points out.

Santana’s starting to get really worked up about this now, she can feel her face heating with rage. Honestly, what the hell was he thinking? This might be even worse than the whole imaginary girlfriend idea!

Brittany on the other hand speaks more calmly, “I don’t know why you’d think it would be okay to switch partners without my permission or what you’re trying to drag me into but I’m not here for it. This grade is important to me. My education is important to me.”

“I know,” Puck says genuinely, “Seriously, I know. That’s why I did it. Kind of.”

“Kind of?” Brittany frowns.

“Yeah, well it’s part of the reason why I did it,” Puck replies cryptically, “I think you two should work together, because you’re each other’s best chance at getting the grant. You’re the best in class!”

“I’m better,” Santana slips in.

Brittany gives her an amused look, “Sure.”

Puck shakes his head and looks at Santana, “I know you need this a lot more than I do.” Then he looks to Brittany, “So do you. And as cool as it would be to ride on Santana’s coattails for this, I don’t think I’d feel right sharing the benefits if I didn’t work as hard.”

“You’d have to win first,” Brittany comments.

“Right,” Puck agrees, “And it’s a slime chance of that if we’re teaming up – but you two? Together?”

Santana and Brittany share a glance, but they quickly avert their eyes back to Puck.

“Professor Martinez was right about what could be if you both put your differences aside,” Puck tells them, “If you two work together on this, it would be an easy win. You keep it the way it is, maybe none of us would get that grant.”

Brittany seems to really take in his words and consider the offer, while Santana watches him curiously. Since when has her best friend ever worried about riding her coattails for a good grade?

“Plus,” Puck adds, “It’ll help make your relationship a lot more believable.”

“Our what?!” Santana and Brittany gasp in unison.

“Your relationship,” Puck says, “You’ll be spending lots of time together working on this assignment, late nights at the library or whatever, sparks are bound to fly so a budding romance wouldn’t be the craziest thing ever. I mean, minus the whole hating each other part but you could just blame it on the sexual tension. Everyone’s already thinking it anyway.”

“Wait what?” Santana blinks blankly, “What do you mean they’re already thinking it?”

Puck ignores her, “You two working together on this assignment is the perfect cover! Like, how many lab partners have you hooked up with because you’ve spent so much time together? Personally, I’m at like a solid three and a half.”

“How can there be a half?” Brittany asks.

Puck only winks, “We got interrupted.”

Brittany looks taken aback, “Right…”

Santana, on the other hand, looks at Puck like he’s got two heads, “Have you lost your goddamn mind or have you been hit too many times out on that field and you’re now concussed?”

Puck sighs, “I’m serious.”

Santana stares back with her jaw tensed, still trying to decide how she feels about this proposition.

“I’m still on the relationship part,” Brittany mutters.

Puck looks to Santana with a proud grin on his face, “This’ll work.”

Santana doesn’t really know what to think at the moment. She hasn’t had enough time to process, but the logic is there – sort of. Call it a momentary lapse in judgement, but she let’s the thought roll around in her mind.

Unlike the girls he tried to set her up with the other day, she actually knows Brittany – she knows that she’s apparently a genius otherwise she wouldn’t be giving Santana so much grief. That’s at least one box checked so far?

“You’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this,” Santana notes.

“Dude, you have no idea!” Puck replies excitedly, “It’s my best work yet. Look at her, she’s everything you asked for.”

Puck and Santana glance at Brittany who’s growing even more confused by the second.

“What exactly did you ask for?” She looks between the two skeptically.

The question goes unanswered though as Santana quickly interrupts.

“Puckerman, no.”

“Santana, yes.”

Brittany cuts in, “Can someone answer me?”

Santana looks to Puck, “Don’t.”

Puck doesn’t listen though, “Long story short, Santana needs someone to pretend to be her girlfriend for awhile so her mom will take her seriously.”

Santana’s face goes red as she gives Puck a death glare.

Brittany looks to her and smirks, “I’ve seen the women hanging off of you. It’s going to take a lot more than a fake girlfriend to do that.”

“You know what? Fuck you,” Santana mutters.

“I know,” Puck says to Brittany, “That’s why she needs someone hot and smart and impressive to convince Mama Lopez that she’s in a legit relationship and she’s serious about her future and stuff. She needs you!”

Santana’s heart plummets to her stomach. She can’t believe Puck’s just airing out her business like this to Brittany of all people. She can’t wait to give him a good kick in the crotch when they’re out of here, maybe remind him about what it means to be loyal.

“Okay, you know what?” Santana snaps, “Fuck you both,”

Brittany’s even more intrigued now though, so much so that she begins to smirk.

“So you need me?” She asks devilishly, “This is getting better by the second.”

“I don’t,” Santana rolls her eyes and stands, “You’re out of your mind, Puck.”

“Wait!” Puck tries, “I’m not finished.”

“Nah, I’ve heard enough.”

“I’ll listen,” Brittany says which makes Santana stop.

“You’ll listen?” Santana’s in awe, “Why would you entertain this?”

“Because I’m interested,” Brittany shrugs, “And I think it’s hilarious that you, Miss Santana Lopez, the supposedly smoothest talking femme fatale on campus needs help from little ole me.”

Santana can’t help but roll her eyes.

“Which is satisfying in of itself, but what’s in it for me?” Brittany questions as she looks to Puck, “Why do I need to be in a relationship with her?”

Santana goes to sit back down, drawn in by the banter, “I don’t know why you say it like that as if several women wouldn’t kill to be in your position.”

“Well,” Brittany starts to smirk, “They must not be as smart and hot and impressive as me or they’d be here, right?”

Santana rests back in her chair, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“That’s what I thought,” Brittany grins and looks to Puck, “So what’s in it for me?”

Puck looks between the two before settling on Brittany, “From what we were talking about yesterday, I think you know the answer to your question, Britt.”

Surprisingly, Brittany suddenly softens.

“You’d benefit from this just as much,” Puck continues, “It’s Santana Lopez after all. You know she has some pull around here.”

“Right,” Brittany answers quietly.

There’s something beneath the surface, Santana can see it, but she’s not sure what and she’s not sure why her pull means anything to the blonde. Brittany only nods like she and Puck share some secret and that tugs at something deep within Santana. But before Santana can try and delve into what that secret might be, the spotlight’s back on her.

“And New Year’s is coming up,” Puck mentions to Santana, “You really want to go home empty handed after telling your mom that you’ve got this serious girlfriend now?”

Santana groans, “Fuck that.”

“That’s what I thought,” Puck nods, “Think about it. You both need each other in more ways than one but hey, what do I know? Just the dumb jock here. You’ve got to admit though that this could work.”

Santana and Brittany exchange a look as if they are contemplating whether or not they’d actually be able to stand each other long enough to make this relationship believable.

“You wouldn’t need to do it forever,” Puck adds, “Just a few months or so.”

“True,” Brittany nods, “No way I could last any longer than that.”

“You got that right,” Santana agrees and looks to Brittany, “If you agree to this, you’ll have to fly home with me often. That means being around my family and there’s a lot of them. They’re going to be all up in your business too, can you handle that?”

“Easy,” Brittany shrugs, “Parents love me.”

Santana’s slightly impressed by the fact that Brittany’s seemingly confidence about this already. Most of the girls she has brought home either panic or don’t panic enough. She’s interested to see how much of this confidence holds up though when the time comes.

“And on campus,” Santana adds, “We’re going to have to act like a couple here too. We can’t slip up because word might get back to my mom and that’ll fuck up the whole thing.”

“It’ll be difficult,” Brittany replies, “But I’m sure I can manage, so long as you do your best work for Prof Martinez’s assignment. I need that grant.”

“We’ll get that grant,” Santana assures her.

“So,” Puck prompts, “What do you say? You two girlfriends now?”

Again, Santana and Brittany look back at each other. Santana eyes her analytically and she can’t believe she’s actually considering this. Ever since Brittany’s transferred here, she has challenged Santana academically at every turn, it’s been a nightmare. She’s never been one to share the top spot and now she’s expected to work with her? It’s crazy talk.

But the longer she stares, the more sense it starts to make because Brittany really does check all the boxes – no matter how much Santana hates to admit it. Obviously, the smarts are there otherwise they wouldn’t be in this rivalry mess but that’s not all there is. Brittany competes with the Brainiacs and she’s on the robotics team, she tutors in her free time and other nerdy shit Santana wouldn’t dare get involved with.

Not to mention, Brittany’s smokin’ hot. Like objectively speaking, Santana thinks. She’s got legs for days and this mega watt smile and those eyes – as much as she hates to make eye contact with her, it’s not the worst view in the world.

When Santana finally drifts back to reality, she lets out a deep sigh.

“Yes.”

“Really?” Puck clarifies.

“I’m not going to say it again,” Santana grumbles.

“And you?” Puck asks Brittany.

She hesitates first before nodding, “Yeah.”

“Yes!” Puck exclaims and looks to Santana, “See, I told you I was committed to figuring this out! Break out your phones, let’s make this Facebook official!”

Santana nods warily then looks to Brittany, “The first hurdle will be the annual New Year’s Eve party my mom puts together so we can use the week before as a practice run. Unless you’re heading home for Christmas?”

Brittany shakes her head, “I’ll be here.”

“Great,” Santana replies, “God, I can’t believe I’m even talking about this. I can’t believe I have to pretend to be in a relationship with you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Brittany says, “Like you aren’t even my type.”

Santana’s first instinct is to scoff, but she can’t help but wonder what Brittany’s reason for agreeing to do all this might be. Surely her parents aren’t also trying to set her up on dates with randoms? Either way, whatever it is – maybe Santana can have some fun with this? After all, what’s the point of fake dating your archnemesis if you can’t make them suffer a little?

“Please,” Santana smirks, “I’m the embodiment of your type.”

“Yeah. Right,” Brittany laughs, “You like them easy and ditzy.”

Puck only wears a proud smile as he watches from between them.

“Love the bonding, guys! No one’s going to suspect a thing!”

[xsugarysweetsx]

Alrighty,~ Congrats again on 2k!! You produce awesome content, so you deserve every single one of those followers, as well as all the love you get ^_^ 

I would still like to request Option 3 for your event if it's not too much to ask. ^_^  For a BC character, please 🙏

Appearance: I'm 5 ft 7 (170 cm) and I would describe my body type as lean (long limbs, B cup, a bit of muscle, lightweight). I have green eyes, blonde hair that reaches just below my shoulder blades. I like to wear a lot of darker colors (black, dark red, navy, petrol green). And I don't like to wear make-up. 

Personality: I'd say that I'm a fairly assertive person (but if I'm proven wrong, or otherwise know that I'm wrong, I become relatively meek). I do like giving people advice or help if I can, and while at work I do like being productive. I have been told that I can seem "scary" because of the aura I portray though, but suppose that just comes with the "assertiveness" 😅 I like to think that I have a long temper and that I'm an understanding person, but I can be very stubborn; especially when it comes to following my own goals. 

In terms of likes: serenity (overall; as an atmosphere, but also as a quality in people). I like knowing what I’m doing, or at the very least, I like to know which I certainly don’t know. (Which in the grand scheme is very difficult, yes.) I also like allowing myself some time to breathe and unwind. Good food, good people around me; life’s simple pleasures. But I do also like to be out there, trying different things and activities, even if it’s only for one time.

Hope that's enough ^_^ 💕

*******************************************************

I match you with Fuegoleon! Unironically, I think you guys have a lot in common and I can honestly see you together so please enjoy~

A/N: thank you so much I hope you like this!

******************************************************************

“Come on Y/N I know I can do better! I can handle more!" Leo called to you as you stood up straight once again from the attack. It was training day and Fuegoleon wanted you to help out Leo on attacks.

"Leo you know we're only training on building your strength for now. Once you get the hang of it we can move to something more, come on let's take a break" you wave him over and he came whining, wanting to continue his training.

Coming to your side you ruffle his hair as you walk over to where your boyfriend was. You were lucky enough to be dating Fuegoleon Vermillion. He was much more than his title as a royal or as a captain. He was a gentleman, kind, and strong, and so many other attributes you loved.

"Good work today, both of you. Leo I can see your improvement and Y/N you're a wonderful teacher, as expected" he complimented you both

"Thank you, brother!"

"Thank you dear" you smile giving him a peck to his cheek. "so how was the-"

"Captain Fuegoleon~" oh boy here she came. Yeah recently got new recruits into your squad. And unfortunately, you had a new girl with a little crush on your boyfriend. She wasn’t subtle about it either she was very outspoken about it and has even hinted at them dating.

Now for someone who was a very intelligent man but when I came to this he was a bit dense. He simply replied with “I’m flattered by your feelings but I am currently in a relationship already, sorry."

you appreciate the effort but you still get annoyed by her. So at this point, you simply just stand up and go over to Fuegoleon and put on some PDA for her. Standing behind him you wrap your arms around his shoulders and rest your chin on top of his head. You make sure to look at her with a nice smile just to get the point across

"Yes, what can I help you with?" he asked

"Well, I...um...," she tried to concentrate on him but "n-never mind I can figure it out on my own" and with that, she was on her way back

"Y/N, I think you're scaring off the new recruits..." Leo pointed out

"huh? Me? Scary?" you ask confused

"Yes, you can sometimes have a very intimidating aura just like our sister," he explained as a chill ran down his spine.

I took your head to the side to believe him right now. You always try to perceive yourself as a nice person, or maybe you did have sort of a scary aura. It was the word is and powerful than any, some like Leo compare you to his sister. Huh, maybe that's why she liked you so much...

"Y/N, may we take a walk please?" Fuegoleon offered, standing from his seat. You nod with a smile and take his hand in yours. he took him to the direction of the gardens where a small walkway with available. It was very peaceful with many flowers, shrubs, trees. In fact, this is the same spot where he asked you out on a date. Only this time he was a bit more dazed out than usual. Like he was thinking but also hiding something.

"You alright there? You look a little zoned out," you ask him

"I'm fine, just thinking is all." he reassured you with a smile "although, I did want to speak with you. Nothing big, just a conversation with you."

"Oh? And what would that be?" you asked intrigued by his secrecy

"Just thinking back to when we first met was all. You had challenged me saying you could bring me down in 2 minutes or less. Little did you know I'd take you down in mere seconds," he chuckled "You know what I thought after I beat you?"

"Oh goodness, what? That I was a fool?" you chuckle

"No anything but that. I thought you were...cute." he admits "The fire in your eyes and how determined you were to prove you had what it took. And I found it very endearing, you truly are a wonder Y/N"

Bringing you to a fountain he sits with you on the edge and gazes down to the water. You take your seat next to him and gaze down as well.

"Awh Fueggy, you're so sweet." you smile

"I'd like us to marry" he said casually

"W-what?" you were shocked to say the least. That was something else you loved about him, but it also made you laugh. He was blunt and sometimes the sweet talking thing wasn’t his strongest suit.

“Was that not the appropriate way of asking?” He asked you confused “I had asked Yami and Nozel how to bring up the question and they told me to simply ask you.”

Sigh, poor baby “Fuegoleon, those two are the last ones you want to ask for romance advice. The way you would want to ask if just fine with me.”

“Oh alright then.” Standing up and closed his eyes and concentrates his hands dance in front of him as he writes Inter he ground with elegant fire “how about this?” He asked

In the ground he had wrote “please, be my wife?” Standing up you walk around the message and to him and peck his cheek “now this is more like you, but are you sure? There are plenty of eligible royals and girls of wealth”

His warm hand comes up to cup your cheek with a soft smile “why should I find them when I have you? I’m sure if it, I want to marry you….”

“Alright then, I will marry you, Fuegoleon” a loving, but passionate kiss was shared between you both in the garden.

*******************************************************

I hope this was okay! ♥️( it most likely wasn’t :( )

[dgcatanisiri]

Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.

So, what the heck, here it is.

A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.

If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.

The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.

To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.

I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.

In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.

But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.

As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.

This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.

Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).

That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.

This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.

This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.

And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.

So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”

And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.

There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.

We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.

This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.

Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”

This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”

Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.

Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”

And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.

This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.

It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.

Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.

All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?

The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.

So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.

There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.

All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.

And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.

(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)

When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.

The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.

Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.

I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.

BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.

And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?