#or i'm off the deep end and anxious and sad about everything for no reason and insecure and doubting myself

[heirloommtomatoes]

i think i’m gonna give birth control three months and then say byeee!! i miss myself! i miss myself so much! 

[ddiidi]

bf!Bangchan x gn!reader (ot8 mentioned)

Masterlist

When he calls you clingy, so you distance yourself

Previous Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Next Pt. 3

!Warnings: angst, swearing, fun at the end bc reader needs fun in life (lmk if i missed anything)

Important!Side-Note!: Should I do a happy ending for them?

It has been 3 days since that incident. 3 days and still not a single message from Chan, not even an apology for yelling at you, nothing. You've been texting him every now and then, to ask if he's okay, eats and sleeps. He never replied to any of them, nor has he seen them, so you spend most of the time packing your stuff and working from home. You were glad you had a job you also could work from home for. Every now and then, you went over to the building, to check a few things, walking extra detours, to make sure, you won't bump into Chan.

A few of the other members texted you the past days, asking if everything is okay and why the haven't seen you around for a while, to which you just replied with "Busy with work and private stuff, dww:)". It made you happy they actually care that much about you, just because they haven't seen you in a few days, but also anxious and sad, since they care, but chan hasn't even shown any intress in you the past days. You weren't even able to tell him that you're moving.

More days pass, and a few days, turn into a week of no textes from Chan. At this point, you wondered if he even knew that you still exist.

So here you were, in your old apartment, stuffed with boxes, not being able to get your mind off chan and his well-being, even though, you're still deeply hurt from what he said, you couldn't just not not care about him....He pointed out two of your insecurities, just like that as if it was nothing and he doesn't even care...not about you not your feelings.

You let out a deep sigh. You should be getting ready for a day with your friends. Not think about some man, who happened to be the love of your life, who calls you his partner, but doesn't even know how to cherish you.

You let out another, heavy, sigh as you drop to the floor to put on your shoes, Let's just focus on having a great time today, you thought to yourself and left the apartment.

Well, maybe it was not the best decision to go out today...

Chan for his part, had to listen to a lectur from Felix, after you ran out, crying. "Chris..you really shouldn't have said all that to her. I understand that you were annoyed or whatever, but that was no reason to yell at her" "Really now? They were just being a fucking, clingy and annoying crybaby that couldn't take no for an answer, for whatever reason." chan sighed out, at the younger member. "That crybaby...was really uncalled for chris. They're your partner, not some random person on the street you can yell at. I wouldn't wonder if they took that "Leave me alone" to heart and actually leave you after that action." "But I-" chan starts, "I'm just saying chris. You better fix this before it's too late. After what you pulled, partners are faster gone than you could blink" with that, Felix leaves the room, leaving Chan alone, again.

Since that talk, Chan locked himself in his studio, thinking about the best way to apologize for what he said. But he couldn't find one. No matter how long he thought, days, a whole week, there was nothing but regret. He just had to apologize in person and beg for forgivness, hoping that you'd actually forgive him.

So there he was, with a giant bouquet of flowers, fresh clothes and hope.

He had the code to your apartment, so he opened the door, ready to be greeted by the warm, wide open hallway, but was greeted with the cold gray of bunch of boxes instead and the first thing he felt, was panic."Y/n? Y/n are you there?" he yelled, as he ran through your whole apartment, but as he saw that even all your date polaroid pictures where gone, he couldn't help but panic even more.

He let's the flowers fall on the floor, running to your room and nearly collapsed when he found..nothing. Where were you? Did you actually go? Did you actually leave him? All these questions consumed his head and that's when he broke, crying to the point he couldn't breath. He took out his phone and called the first number he saw in his recent calls. It peeped a few times, before someone took the call.

"Hey Chris everything alr-" "They're gone! Felix they're gone, they're not here i don't know what to do! I've never meant it I was just-" chan cried and gasped out at felix on the other line. "Woah there calm down, try to breath I don't understand a word. Relax, I'll be there okay? You know there is an explination for everything, that's what you always say, so try to relax it's okay" Felix tried to soothen the older man, while grabbing his keys and running out to his car. Chan didn't reply anything to that and continued soobing.

I have your location, I'll be there in 5." that's the last thing chan heared from felix, before he collapsed on the floor in your apartment.

And you? You were drinking coffee with your friends, while your bestie told you guys a story how she saw a horse that nearly drowned.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

@finnbbl @wolfs-howling

[elllisaaa]

minghao bf thoughts pls 🫶

BF!MINGHAO who's always by your side no matter what, who doesn't seem like it sometimes but who always has an eye on you.

he's holding hands with you all the time, no matter where you are, who you're with or what you're doing. minghao especially does it when he can feel that you're anxious. the way you relax immediately when he swipes his thumb over your hand and squeezes it makes him feel better too - he loves to know that he's able to be some kind of comfort to you. when you do the same for him and grab his hand, minghao is immediately reconforted. holding hands is one of the only marks of affection he gives to you in public, never because he's ashamed of you, but simply because he prefers to keep that private, to keep your love private. so he will not really kiss you on the lips when you're with other people - he saves them for when you're alone - but he gives you so many kisses on your cheeks, the top of your hair or your forehead. it feels even sweeter and intimate to the both of you and you smile at each other everytime he kisses you. minghao kisses your hands a lot too - soft kisses to every one of your knuckles before he intertwines your fingers with his.

"let me hold your hand darling, i don't want to lose you in the crowd."

he loves to have deep conversations about serious subjects with you, it's very interesting because you get to know more about the ways you're both seeing the world in different ways. and everytime minghao is blown away from how well you're completing each other. you're not always agreeing on everything, but it still fits perfectly. and he also can't get over how clever you are. whenever you have a new fixation or obsession, he lets you ramble about it and asks details to get to know more. even when the subject is pretty tough and complicated, he wants you to tel everything. and when it's his turn to explain something in-depth, he always makes sure that he doesn't make you feel like you're dumb for asking some questions or not getting on the first try, he always makes you feel at ease. minghao also has so much respect for you. whatever you do, he will support you through it and give you advice. you want to start a new hobby ? he'll help you buy the supplies you need. you want to change jobs or major ? it's okay, it's a big step but he'll be with you all the way. and he never fails to remind you that he's really proud of you.

"you did so good love, i'm so proud of you."

talking about being proud, minghao praises you a lot, for about anything. and he especially makes sure to compliment you about the things he knows you're insecure about, because every little part of you is perfect in his eyes and he can't bear the thought of you not loving yourself as much as he does. and it all feels so natural that you can't help but believe him. whenever you both have a day off, minghao loves to spend a lazy day at home with you. you pick out a book for each other, he makes you some tea, and you spend the whole day reading, quietly talking and just basking in each other's presence. one of you often ends up falling asleep, and when it's your turn to take a nap, minghao adores watching you sleep. he brushes his fingers against the soft skin of your cheeks, runs his hands through your hair and kisses your eyelids tenderly. you just look so peaceful like that, he cannot help it. his need to take care of you translates in the way he always insists on helping you when you're sick or sad. he stays by your side to help you even if you tell him that you can take care of yourself, he loves to do it for you.

"don't move darling, i'm going to prepare you some tea, yeah ? it'll help you sleep better."

BF!MINGHAO who's in need for control, who needs you to behave. he will give you what you want if only you follow his rules.

we all know that minghao loves art, and as an artist, i think he would love shibari a lot for two main reasons. first is that it allows him to have full control over you and do whatever he wants. second, it looks very aesthetically pleasing. he has a lot of different ropes, of different sizes and colors, so he can switch up depending his mood or yours that day. he always makes sure that the knots are not too tight, and that you know you can say your safe word at any times, to not hesitate to tell him if you're uncomfortable. minghao loves to tie you up in ways that exposes his favourite parts of your body to him, or in ways that render you unable to move and lets him do anything he wants. he fucks you with your wrists tied to your ankles, pretty knots all over your legs while he's having his way from behind. he will also pull on the ropes for some more leverage. one of his favourite parts is when he frees you from the ropes and they leave red marks all over your body.

"you look so pretty like this, all pretty just for me."

minghao takes foreplay very seriously, he wants you literally soaking wet by the time he pushes his cock inside of you. and this man knows how to use his fingers for sure. he also knows how much you like them and he loves to tease you with them. he circles your clit until you're cumming from only that, he run his fingers against your folds but never puts them in, he insists that you don't need more than one of his finger. he could spend hours with his fingers deep inside of you without getting tired of it. minghao also makes you beg for them too, asks you to spell it out for him before he lets you have them. the best part is that the both of you are enjoying it just the same - you cum (most of the time) and he gets to feel you squeeze around his fingers. though he isn't above edging either. when you're being a brat and getting on his nerves, you think you finally got him right where you wanted when he gives you his fingers, but he doesn't let you cum until he's satisfied with how much of a mess he made of you.

"don't get all shy on me now darling, you wanted my fingers now take it."

he loves to experiment too, loves to help you discover everything that you like, loves when you let him test something too. he always makes these nights special and sweet so you know how much he appreciates you because even if he's gonna be fucking you in an hour, he's still a gentlemen. when he has the time to really take care of you, minghao loves to use a blindfold on you. he knows that it heightens all of your senses, and he has so much playing with your body when you can't see. you react to every one of his touches even more, whining every time his fingers trace your skin, moaning every time he kisses you, shivering every time he speaks to you. it doesn't happen often though because minghao does love to have your eyes on him while he's fucking you. it's something he's very adamant about - keeping eye contact. even when he's deep inside of you, your legs trembling around his waist, he still asks you to keep your eyes open. it makes it even more intense and intimate for him, he feels even more connected to you this way. cumming at the same time while looking in each other's eyes is what gets him going the most.

"eyes on me darling, i want to see you when i make you cum around my dick."

[cantstoplovingjude]

To Steal You Away: Elbert Greetia Premium

This is from Ikemen Villains EN, Cybird owns everything.

Kate: "The rain just won't let up, huh?"

Elbert: "...It seems that way."

There was a small garden at the baron's estate.

After we ate lunch, we thought we shouldn't stay cooped up inside for too long, so we grabbed an umbrella and headed out for a walk.

Elbert: "...Are you in love with Will?"

Kate: "Huh? What?!"

(Where did that come from, all of a sudden?!)

Kate: "We don't have that kind of relationship..."

Kate: "It's just... he's the one who gave me the courage to be honest with my feelings, without worrying if they were good or bad."

Kate: "So I really appreciate that."

Elbert: "Is accompanying me on this mission a good thing?"

Kate: "Oh."

He tipped his head to the side with a somewhat anxious look on his face, and I couldn't help but smile.

Kate: "Yes. Of course, it's a good thing."

Elbert: "I see..."

(He looks kind of happy now... It's rather cute.)

My heart fluttered at the soft, pleased expression on his face.

I wondered why my heart felt so moved the more I caught glimpses of his kindness, his strength, the expressions I didn't ordinarily see...

And that dark look in his eyes.

Elbert: "...I almost wish it wouldn't stop raining."

His murmur sounded like it was inadvertent.

Kate: "You don't want to go home?"

Elbert: "Once we go home... you'll go back to Will."

His deadly serious gaze was fixed right on me, and in that moment, I was very aware that my heart was racing.

(It's like he doesn't want me to be with William.)

Kate: "Why do you care about that, though?"

(What am I even asking him?)

Elbert: "Because..."

Lord Elbert trailed off, almost like he was frightened by something.

Elbert: "I can't tell you."

Elbert: "Because if I admit it, then-"

Just then, the rain grew stronger against the umbrella, drowning out the sound of his voice.

Kate: "Hey..."

Kate: "What did you say there, just now?"

(And what kind of answer do I want to hear?)

My heart pounded faster, echoing the increased intensity of the rain.

I couldn't tear my gaze away from his eyes that were as blue as the deep ocean.

Elbert: "Please..."

Elbert: "Don't look at me with those eyes..."

Kate: "...Oh!"

Lord Elbert grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me to him.

The umbrella slipped from his hands and fell into a puddle beside us.

Kate: "Lord Elbert...?"

Elbert: "No, you mustn't..."

Elbert: "Don't look at me... Don't say anything."

He hugged me tightly, one hand caressing my hair and pressing my head against his chest.

(It's like he's afraid of my gaze.)

I was trapped in his arms, unable to move.

Even though Lord Elbert was forcibly holding me there...

...the way he clung to me, as if in fear, felt inexplicably endearing.

Kate: "Lord Elbert..."

He said he didn't want to take me home.

And when I asked why, he evaded my question.

There was a reason for it.

And whatever it was, wasn't good.

(What's wrong with me...)

My pulse raced and all I could think about was wanting to hug him back.

(Does that mean having him tell me he doesn't want to take me home is a good thing?)

Elbert: "Oh..."

Just then, his arms relaxed around me.

And I noticed I didn't feel the rain on my skin anymore.

(The rain...)

I looked up at the sky.

There were still a few scattered raindrops here and there, but the clouds were thinning and the end of the rainstorm was drawing near.

Kate: "It looks like the rain's finally going to stop."

Elbert: "Yes..."

(It should be a good thing that the rain stopped. Because now we can go home.)

(So then, why do I feel so sad?)

(Huh...)

Without waring, my vision became distorted.

And I began to feel very dizzy.

(Wh-what's going on...?)

Elbert: "Kate...?"

Kate: "I'm sorry, but... I feel dizzy..."

Elbert: "What...?"

And just like that, I lost consciousness.

==========

The next time I woke up, I was back at Crown Castle.

Roger explained that the wine I drank at lunch must've been laced with sleeping pills.

It was probably something the baron used in his crimes.

Apparently I'd drank quite a dose, because I'd been asleep for two days after I collapsed.

(I was able to walk back to my bedroom, so the effects seem to have worn off by now, though.)

After I collapsed, Lord Elbert found a route home and carried me back.

(I want to thank him.)

But at the same time, I couldn't forget how he'd said he didn't want to take me home and hugged me so tightly.

My heart skipped a beat, making me pause.

Just then, I heard a knock at the door.

Kate: "Yes...?"

Elbert's Voice: "Roger told me you'd woken up. Are you all right?"

(Lord Elbert...)

I could hear the concern in his voice. I forgot my hesitation and opened the door, inviting him in.

Kate: "Thank you so much for carrying me home. I'd doing just fine, thanks to you."

Elbert: "...I'm glad to hear that."

He smiled faintly, filling my heart with warmth.

(Seeing him smile makes me feel so happy.)

Kate: "I was just about to come thank you."

Elbert: "You don't have to thank me."

Elbert: "The reason I helped you was... because of an ulterior motive."

Kate: "What do you mean?"

(Hearing him say that feels so strange.)

Kate: "What ulterior motive could you have possibly had?"

Elbert: "...It's a secret."

My heart fluttered again when I saw the fleeting, troubled smile on his face.

And I heard another knock at my door.

Kate: "Yes?"

William's Voice: "I heard you're awake."

Kate: "William?"

I felt Lord Elbert grow still behind me.

William's Voice: "I was about to go to that play, so I wanted to see how you were feeling."

(Oh, right. Today's the play.)

Kate: "Um..."

I wasn't sure how to respond, but before I knew it Lord Elbert reached out and hugged me from behind.

Kate: "H-huh?!"

(Lord Elbert?!)

Elbert: "If I tell you not to go... will you stay here with me?"

Kate: "What...?"

He whispered into my ear, filling me with bewilderment.

My heart was beating so fast I could barely think straight.

Elbert: "You smile a lot when you talk about Will."

Elbert: "I want to see you smile more as well."

(I can't believe he's saying that...)

(What should I do...??)

William's Voice: "It's all right if you don't feel up to it. I know the effects of the sleeping pills only just wore off."

William's Voice: "You can take it easy tonight. There'll be more chances."

Kate: "Umm..."

I felt Lord Elbert's hair tickling my neck.

The feeling of his warmth rubbing against me reminded me of our night together in that mansion, of lying together in bed.

I thought of his warm kindness, his melancholy profile, his arms hugging me tightly in the rain.

(What do I want to do?)

(I just...)

(I can't bring myself to leave him behind.)

Kate: "...I still feel kind of groggy."

Kate: "I don't want to get sick in the middle of the performance, so we can go another time."

William's Voice: "All right. That's fine."

William's Voice: "You should listen to the voice inside your heart."

William's voice seemed to suggest he knew exactly what I was thinking, which only made my heart pound harder.

Once his footsteps faded away, I slowly turned around.

Elbert: "Kate."

Kate: "Lord Elbert..."

(Now what should I say?)

The air between us felt so delicate, like it might crumble from even one word.

He stared at me silently too.

But then...

My stomach growled.

Elbert: "......"

Kate: "Not again..."

Kate: "Come to think of it, I guess I haven't eaten in two days?"

Elbert: "...Haha."

Elbert: "Shall we have tea time, then?"

Kate: "Yes please!"

And with that, the tense atmosphere melted away, filling me with utter relief.

Why did he stop me? And why did I stay behind?

Both of our feelings still felt vague to me.

But for now, I just wanted to stay like this... immersed in the joy I felt when we smiled at each other.

End Premium.

[crying-fantasies]

No woman, no cry

Masterlist

Many of the stories I do have a specific song that is the base, the bone and the heart of the whole work.

Personally, I feel this song, and any version of the same, to be the goodbye message for a loved one made by the person that is going away, be it for any personal reason or because they are never coming back, trying to comfort the people they are leaving behind, in case of the original one made by Bob Marley a man that is saying goodbye to his little sister, as the "woman, little sister", meaning him, the man of the house, has to go away, "but while I'm gone, everything is going to be alright" and the younger sister now has to grown up, she has to be the new head of the family, be the woman that guides the family, while he reassures her that "everything is going to be alright" over and over, going straight to the "in this great future, you can't forget your past" in how the man wants his dear sister to still be herself and be her best version too, don't forget him, but don't linger in him, the sadness will pass, and she'll be okay.

Now, I'm not exactly a MCU fan, but the version of the trailer for Black Panther 2 and the movie itself destroyed my soul and heart in the most bizarre and beautiful way, and once again you all don't have to like what I do, and that's okay, The Tems version has it's own beauty, giving off vibes of a mother calling for his beloved partner and her children, at least that's how I always felt about that version, but that trailer with the two cents of KL and his "Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We're gonna be alright" in such desperate way.

Maybe that's why I liked this song for Roddy's story, I feel terrible for what I made him go through, maybe I'll always be, but given how things go in that universe and that roulette page on Google where I put it up for destiny's picking who's SO was going to die, well, I was flabbergasted when the first one resulted being Rodimus, I was like: "no me jodas, este man no tiene respiro ni en el fanfiction" but remembering how I wanted to be fair, I went with it, making one of the most sad stories I've done so far.

I feel for Roddy and his little family, he is the epitome of trophy husband if you ask me, and also the type of "he is your husband but also your kid", and given the circumstances, this song goes well with Roddy.

He gets married young, in cybertronian perspective at least, and he chooses someone everyone else asked him: "are you sure? Like, really sure?" Not because of thinking it was bad, but because they were worried for him, by that time the fact that sparks prolonged a human average lifetime for hundreds of years by different bonds (in this reality the Amica endurae and the conjunx endurae rites have this effect in organics), so Rodimus, while being a anxious ball in the inside, said proudly "of course I do!"

Rodimus, being married young, is also a young father, and in the meantime has everyone expecting him to take his title of Prime back and stop wandering in deep space, be a good creator and leader and settle down finally to do things right, he doesn't listen, and ends up going to a dangerous place that destroyed his life.

Rodimus, a young widow and single creator to a new spark that still needs his carrier, has little to no time to mourn before Cybertron is about to fall in another war and the integrity of his only family alive is in danger, full of sorrow and anger he does something he regrets even now, making his legacy as Prime as one deeply criticized and loved in equal parts, stripping Earth, the thirteenth's, Optimus' colony of all the advantages the former Prime gave to the humans, leaving them to take care for their own problems and their own fights, humanity suffers for it, of course, but while he didn't have any hatred to humanity before the incident he now has it as humans of the Lost Light were found in labs on Earth, obviously long deceased, their own people cutting them to pieces in order to know why they didn't have any negative reaction to energon or the natural radiation cybertronians have.

The fact that he left Earth, his conjunx's planet, to the mercy of other organic aliens after humanity tried to conquer and ended up being conquered, is something that haunts him but not something he is exactly judged for as the "they had it coming" comes from mechs and femmes, Rodimus ends up asking for help to the newly recovered Optimus Prime to help Earth once again, and he does, Earth is saved, but still not learning their lesson.

He made mistakes out of anger, out of his own misery, like he did before, but this time, I wanted him to have an ounce of love his beloved would have given him if only in memories, "everything is going to be alright" you would say, comforting him "while I'm gone, everything is going to be alright", as he tries to feel that little fragment of what could be your heart, you soul, something that he could relate to a spark he just swears is still deep in his own, "do you feel me?" the fragment of your soul would call, "do you hear me?" and his spark tries to spin in the same wave as yours shine just enough to find him, trying to answer back desperately, yes, yes I do, "we're gonna be alright" and all he can do is hug Sunset near just knowing his bitlet is soon gonna be a big mech in no time, he wants to cherish the feeling of his little helm above his spark chamber, repeating your words, data banks providing with the recording of your heartbeat, the way your breathing would rouse his armor, how your body is pressed against him, giving himself comfort to go on another day.

[agirlwithdemonblood]

The Celebrity Next Door: Chapter 17- Defending Love

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Chapter Summary: Y/N will do anything for her new family, even if it means cutting off those who won't support them.

Warnings: Angst, panic attack, sadness, super sad.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

"They're not your family." "The only reason Jensen is here is for his flavour of the month." "It won't last. You two won't last."

Every time someone doubted Jensen and I, those thoughts echoed in my head. I hated feeling this anxious and overwhelmed. Normally, I could handle my tough days, but now everything felt fragile.

My anxiety only amplified when I had something real to lose. Jensen and I had something strong and deep. Just the idea of messing it all up made me nervous and scared.

I had mixed feelings about ow Jensen affected me. I hated how much I loved him and how I felt like I was never good enough. Instead of being happy he chose me over everyone else, I kept feeling like I wasn't worth it.

I don't know how long I walked, but it was late. The city was lit up, but the sky was dark. I ended up at the park by the water, where I used to go to find some peace and quiet, surrounding myself with alone time. But now, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted Jensen with me. I really did, but the words that tortured my mind were still there constantly. It wasn't fair for him to do this, to be with somebody like me.

My phone buzzed over and over. I pulled it out, and sighed when I saw many missed messages-some from friends, some from family, and most from Jensen.

I knew I couldn't ignore him. He was probably at my parents house, worried sick, just like when I cut my foot and he wouldn't leave-he's always dramatic, but caring.

It didn't take long before I heard him rushing toward me. He came running, out of breath and hugged me tightly to his chest.

I tried to keep it together. It was hard enough to have his conversation with him, and only became more difficult the more he comforted me. But I couldn't hold back anymore. Jensen's comforting smell and touch made me break down in tears. The sobs wracked through my body, it was painful and earth shattering, I felt like this feeling was going to kill me.

He held me close, kissing my head over and over, trying to pull me back to him. Eventually, my tears slowed and he lifted my chin to look at him, worried and loving.

"Jensen, we can't keep doing this." I asked, shaking my head.

He flinched, hurt by my words. "What? Move to Texas? I told you we can take it slow."

I pulled away and walked towards the river. "No, this. Us."

He looked heartbroken as he came closer, touching my arm gently. "Please.. Don't say that. I love you."

I turned to face him, feeling guilty and ashamed. "You think you love me, but maybe I just took advantage when you were vulnerable, I entered at a really tough time in your life."

He reached out to hold me again. "Please, honey, That's not true. You know how much I love you, I wanted this, I want you. Your mind is just beating you up, please you have to trust me."

I held back a sob and winced at the look on his face, so hurt and vulnerable. I wanted to hold him, to hug him tight but I knew it wasn't right-I wasn't right.

I put on a fake smile and gently pushed him back. "It's okay Jensen, we got caught up in the feeling of having somebody there, but I'm not right for you. This isn't right."

He stood there quietly as I walked away, my heart shattering as I felt like it might be really over. This was for the best... Right?

Wrong.

Jensen's arm wrapped around mine as he spun me to face him, his eyes filled with hurt and anger. "No. NO! You're wrong. I love you so much, but come on. You know us! Just for one moment, forget everything that's been said. Forget about my stupid titles or how our relationship started. When it's just us, you know how I feel about you. You know it's real. Please..."

I listened carefully as his words swirled in my mind. Closing my eyes, I visualized exactly what he meant. The moments in bed, the kisses, the tight embraces. The way he looked at me, as if I were a priceless work of art. His deep care, his unwavering fight for us. He was right. This was real. My doubts were tearing us apart, and I couldn't let that happen anymore.

Taking a step closer, I noticed him swallow hard, struggling to contain his emotions. Tears filled my eyes as I smiled, reaching for his hand. "Jensen, when I met you, I expected the stars and maybe some planets. I never imagined you'd give me the whole galaxy. You've given me everything. You are everything. I'm just scared you'll regret this or realize i'm too much, that I'm falling apart."

He pulled me close, his voice cracking, body trembling. "You are everything and more. You're too good for me, but here you are-mine. I could never regret this or walk away from you. You saved me."

I nodded, resting my head against his chest, finding comfort in his warmth. Wrapping my arms around him, I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Jensen."

He kissed my head deeply. "Don't apologize. I love you baby, forever."

"I love you too, Jensen."

He stood upright, wiping his tears with a smile. "Should we go back? You're family's probably worried."

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, we should. I'm not ready, but we should."

"I've got your back, honey. You're not alone."

Not alone. Never again.

Returning to the house filled me with dread. After talking with Jensen and calming down, I realized how wrong they really were. They didn't know me anymore, know us. I had changed, Jensen had changed me, and this family had changed me. If they couldn't support that, I was ready to say goodbye right then and there.

I held Jensen's hand tightly as we entered the home, instantly my family rushed towards me, one by one. Christina was first, tears streaking her cheeks. She had always been a sweetheart, craving love and acceptance. So when Stephanie and our parents yelled at one of us, she sided with them out of fear of rejection or being different. I could tell she was genuinely sorry as she hugged me tightly.

"I'm so so sorry."

Returning her hug, I sighed. "I know. But what you all said was harsh and untrue. Do you understand that?"

She nodded firmly, tears still flowing. "I do. We were out of line, completely."

My mom and dad approached Jensen and I, "We support whatever you two decide. We'll be there for you, okay?"

I nodded, wiping away a tear from my face. I glanced at Stephanie, scoffing internally. The thing I learned about Stephanie was that sometimes she could be a very bitter, opinionated and stubborn person. She always believed she was right, needing to be taught why her words or actions hurt others.

Turning away, I began to climb the stairs. "I forgive you guys, of course. You're my family. But Jensen is my family too. His kids are my family. I won't choose which family to be with."

Stephanie finally spoke up, anger in her voice. "Because you'll chose them?"

Glaring at her, I smirked. "Yes, I'll chose them. And unlike you, Stephanie, choosing them doesn't mean excluding those who want to be included. But those who don't support us or aren't a good influence on MY family? I won't hesitate to cut them out. Don't test me."

With that, I walked upstairs, heading to the children's room upstairs. Leaning against the doorway, I watched them play, engaged in their silly games and conversations, and I couldn't help but smile.

They might not be mine, but I was going to treat them like they were. I'd do anything for them, that's what family did.

And they were mine.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 18  coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[lianahayze]

Shadow and the Midnight Misery: Chapter 13

Hi everyone! Welcome to chapter 13. If you've missed a chapter or just want to reread, here's the masterlist. Enjoy!

Chapter 13. Pictures

I'm sweaty.

I don't know if it's because it’s hot or if it's my nerves, but my skin is sticky, and I have to adjust myself in the seat when I feel sweat rolling down my back. I lift up my legs slightly, wincing as they make a wet noise.

I look at the people as they pass. None of them look uncomfortable, so it makes me think it's just me. Still, I'm generally never this hot.

I'm back at Garver. With my journal in my lap, I'm waiting to meet with Dr. Norris. The secretary told me she's running late, and, for some reason, it’s put me on edge.

"Shadow?"

I look to the right when I hear my name. A girl with red hair walks towards me. I squint. She looks familiar, but I can't quite place it. Its only when, she sits down next to me that I remember.

I smile. "Tally. Hi. How are you?"

"I'm fine. How's life on the outside?"

"It's fine." I pause. "Actually, it's kind of shit, but I guess things could be worse.” I almost say that “but at least I’m not stuck here” but realize that it would probably be insensitive.

"Why are you here, then?"

"See Dr. Norris." I clutch my notebook. "I have a lot to talk to her about."

I laugh nervously. I don't know how I'm going to tell her about my last couple of days, but I need to. More importantly, I sort of want to.

"That's good," says Tally. "I don't meet with Dr. Norris, but I hear she's great.” I shrug. Whether she's great or not I don't know. It's not like I have a lot of experience with shrinks.

"Everything around here is the same."

I notice that she sounds slightly sad as she says it. Though I wasn't expecting anything to have changed, I wonder if she was. Maybe she's bored? Would it be rude if I asked her how long she's been here?

I decide not to be so blunt. Instead of asking her directly, I say, "You really seem to have a good feel for the place."

She nods. "What would you expect," she says, "especially since I've been here almost six months?"

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Six months? What exactly did this girl do? I remember her saying something about drugs, but what she so hooked on them that she’d actually been in her for six whole months?

Shock must be evident on my face because she giggles, saying, "It's okay. It's a long time, but I'm getting to know myself better than I have before. Everything will work out in the end."

She sounds confident, like she has a plan. Still, I can’t help but wonder about her. Besides the drugs, maybe there’s some other reason why she’s been here for six months?

"Shadow?" I look over at the front desk. The secretary is standing up, leaning forward. "You can go ahead back."

I thank her and turn back to Tally. "It was nice talking to you again."

She smiles, but there’s something about it that makes me uneasy. “You too, Shadow. Maybe we’ll run into each other again.”

I try to come up with something to say but am unsuccessful. In the end, all I can do is nod, stand up, and head to Dr. Norris’s office. I glance over my shoulder and look at her; the expression on her face creeps me out, but I wave back at her.

I walk down the hall, stopping in front of the office. It's becoming a habit, taking a couple of seconds to calm myself. Therapy is supposed to make me feel better, but all it does is make me feel anxious. I know Dr. Norris is here to help me and that’s she’s probably seen worse, but it’s absolute torture, talking about myself for an hour. I can do it for interviews, but this is different. In interviews, I can lie, stretch the truth.

But here, all bets are off.

I take a deep breath and knock; as always, Dr. Norris meets me at the door.

Large smile on her face, she says, "Shadow, you seem to be doing well." Do I? I feel like I look like crap, but that could just be all of the sweat. "Come in." She moves out of the way and I walk into her office. She shuts the door as I sit down. She goes to her own seat, saying, "So tell me: what's new?"

Before I even say anything, she's typing on her computer. It unnerves me even further, but I do my best to ignore it.

"Um. Not so much." I put the notebook down on the desk. "I've, uh, tried to do the whole journaling thing."

"Yeah? How's it been going?"

I’m not sure how to respond. Mostly, I get two or three sentences down before I give up, but effort should count for something. I just don't want to tell her it hasn't been going well and get a lecture.

"Well. I've been trying."

"Trying is good. Do you think it's been helping?"

Again, I don't know how to answer, so I settle on a little white lie. "I think so."

"How?"

"It's... It's good to get my thoughts out."

"That's good. How are things with the band?"

The band. Hmm. The rest of the last rehearsal had been weird. Maybe it had been because of my lack of energy, but I really hadn't wanted to be there. I'd gone along with whatever they'd wanted to do, happy not to be making the decisions for once. They'd also kept looking at me like they didn't know how to handle me, like they were afraid I was going to snap at any moment. They'd been on the defense, and even in my tired state I'd been able to tell.

"I still don't really talk to them, and we argued the last time we met up, but--" I shrug "--honestly, I just don't have the energy for it anymore." Leaning back in my seat, I sigh. Part of me just wants to say fuck it and let them think whatever they think. After all, I've done my best to convince them I'm fine, and they still don't believe me. At the end of the day, if they want to think I'm just some drugged up alcoholic, that says more about them than it does about me. As long as I can still work with them--even if we're no longer friends--does it matter?

"What was your argument about?" asks Dr. Norris.

"Wyatt thought I was high."

"Were you?"

I know she’s required to ask, but it doesn't stop me from being annoyed. "No. I was just tired."

"Are you not sleeping?"

I wonder if she's asking because she can prescribe me pills or if she's asking because she wants to learn more about my sleep pattern.

"Most of the time I am--at least, I don't toss and turn all that much."

"That's good."

"Sometimes I do struggle to sleep, though. That’s not a new thing, though. It happens every once in a while."

"That's happens to most people; it's completely normal. I'll have other patients who, ever six to eight weeks or so, will go several nights in a row barely getting any sleep, but, once it's over, go back to a normal sleep pattern. There's probably an explanation, but as long as it's a repeatable pattern and doesn't affect them too much, it's not really cause for concern."

But do all of those people have hidden childhood traumas?

Actually, given the fact they meet with Dr. Norris, they probably do.

"I don't think it happens every six to eight weeks," I tell her. "It just sort of happens every once in a while."

She's typing as we speak. I watch the keystrokes to decipher what she’s typing but come up with nothing. "Is it happening more often?"

I shake my head. "I don't think so." Then again, it's only been a couple of weeks since I've been trying to limit drugs and alcohol, so who knows? Maybe it will start to happen more frequently, but I really hope not.

"When you have these sleepless nights, do you notice anything that happens that day before? Are you eating anything out of the ordinary? Are you drinking more than usual? Anything like that?"

I don't think so. If it were just a matter of eliminating something to stop my nightmares forever, I would have figured it out by now. Instead, they just happen. No real rhyme or reason.

"Do you just have trouble falling asleep or do you have trouble staying asleep, too?"

She's spending a lot of time on this, and it's starting to make me nervous. If I'm not careful, she'll start asking me questions about stuff I don't want to talk about.

I think before I answer. "It just depends."

Naturally, her next question is, "On what?"

"Uh." I fidget around in my seat. What does it depend on; what does it depend on? What can I say to get her to move on?

"I dunno. Maybe it happens when I'm sick?" That’s clearly not the case, but I run with it. "Like, if I have a cold or fever?"

The way she looks at me makes me worry that she can see right through my lie. However, a second later, she says, "That could have something to do with it." She goes back to typing. "There's definite correlation between being too hot or too cold and getting a good night's rest. Do you feel like you've been running a fever recently?" I shake my head. "Have you checked?"

"No, my temperature's been fine."

Well, current moment notwithstanding. Dr. Norris's office is a little cooler than the lobby, but not by much.

She starts to list symptoms. "Fever, sweating, chills... All of that's common with withdrawal. So, if you wake up freezing or covered in sweat, it's probably not how physically cold or hot your room is."

It would be hard for me to have withdrawals, considering I haven't fully given up everything. "I don't think that's what it is."

"Sounds like you've thought about it. What do you think it is then?”

My heart starts to pound. I begin to get queasy as I look anywhere but at Dr. Norris. I don't want to talk about this--I really, really don't. I just want to convince her that I'm fine enough not to need these sessions, and that's not going to happen if I tell her everything.

"I just think... Maybe I have a lot on my mind." Probably wanting me to continue, she nods but doesn't say anything. "Maybe it just happens when I'm stressed?"

"Maybe."

I think back. I'm not sure the exact date of the last time I had one of those dreams, but there's a good chance I was probably overwhelmed with something. I try not to get stressed out a lot, but, when I do, it's not something that just goes away. It stays with me for a while, sometimes several weeks.

"If you're not getting enough sleep, you might be thinking about not getting enough sleep and thinking about it is going to make you not get enough sleep."

"So, I could be doing this to myself?"

“Potentially. For example, when I was younger, I went through a period where I had some pretty bad back problems following an accident. I wasn't sleeping, and because I wasn't sleeping my body couldn't repair itself. Because my body couldn't repair itself, my back hurt more... So forth and so on."

I'm surprised that she's sharing with me. I thought the whole point of this was for her to get me to talk, not the other way around.

"What I'm trying to say," she continues, "is that it's important--really important--for you to try to maintain a normal sleep schedule. It might be difficult for you right now because you're waking up in the middle of the night or tossing and turning, but make sure you're going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. It'll help."

I tell her that I’ll try.

"So, what are you worried about?" I tilt my head to the side, not sure what she means. "Are there any challenges or anything coming up that'll make it difficult for you to stay sober?"

Beyond that stupid dream, I don't believe so. The other night, I'd really wanted a glass of wine--that would have put me to sleep--but instead I'd chosen to nurse my glass of water all night. It hadn't been as satisfying, but at least I'd been hydrating.

"You mentioned the band earlier. Have they been supportive?"

I almost laugh. "I think they think they've been supportive." She asks me what I mean. "They were super overbearing when I first got out, but now we don't talk."

"Is that okay?"

I shrug. "It's what it is." I can tell she doesn't appreciate my answer, but she doesn't say anything. I lean forward. Hands on the notebook, I begin bending the pages. "You want me to talk to them."

"I think you should, but not if you don't think it'll help you with your recovery."

I take a moment before responding. "I talked to Dean." Then, realizing I’ve never told her about Dean before, I add, "He's one of my friends outside the band. It was a good conversation."

"Does he know about your stay here?"

I shake my head. "I want to tell him, but..." I lean back. "I dunno. It's hard." I cross my arms. I look forward past Dr. Norris to the window. It's a nice day outside, but I'm glad I'm indoors. I've never been one to spend all day outside, but now I don't want to go out unless I absolutely have to.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out but otherwise ignore it. I slide it onto the table facedown.

"It's just that I still think they were in the wrong."

"What were they in the wrong about?"

"Forcing me to come here. Giving me crap about when I show up late to practice. Actually, I don’t think I even have to be late. At the last practice, I was on time and Wyatt was still rude. It's starting to feel like they're doing everything to get me to quit so they don't have to fire me."

As soon as the words have slipped through my lips, my eye widen. I gasp. Wait, could that be what they're doing? If they're being assholes to get rid of me... Well, it certainly explains a lot.

Dr. Norris must have been reading my mind, for she asks, "Do you think they'd do that?"

"I don't... I don't know." I look at her. "But maybe that's something I should find out." My phone goes off again, this time the buzz creating a loud noise as it vibrates against the wooden table. As I reach for it, Dr. Norris says,

"Okay, so we're at time. What do you want to accomplish over the next week?"

"Huh?" I take a quick peak at my phone. Just an email. "Oh. Um, working with the band?" It’s the correct thing to say—what she’s expecting me to say.

"Are you sure?" I nod. "You're comfortable attempting that within the next week?"

"Yeah." I don't really want to do it, but I know I'm going to have to eventually.

She stares at me for a moment before making her decision. "Okay. I'll expect a full report when we meet next." We both stand, and she walks me out. "Don't forget to schedule an appointment on the way out."

I tell her I'll see her soon and head out. Once I've made my appointment for next week, I head out to my car. Just as I'm about to get going, I remember my phone. I check it, opening the email.

Shadow-- Hope all is well since the last time we spoke and that you had a chance to review the article proof. Call me when you get the chance, but the article's going in a different direction than what we originally intended. Talk soon. --L

I frown. What does she mean, they're doing something new? I still haven't looked over the original. It's on my to-do list and I should probably get around to it before publication, but I just haven't.

I buckle up and back out of the space I'm in. As I make my way down the winding hill, I find Larissa's number and call her. I put it the phone in the cup holder as it rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Shadow. I just got your email."

"Shadow! Hi, do you have a couple of minutes?"

"Yeah, I'm just in my car." She asks me if I'm alone, which makes me even more nervous. "Yeah. Just finishing up some errands. What's going on; why are you changing the article. The one you sent me looks great."

A small lie never hurt anyone.

I hear her sigh. "So, we've had a couple of things come up, and I was advised to reach out just to get your side of the story before we run it. It's just standard procedure."

I get it. If she prints something false, especially for an interview piece, it won't look good on her.

"Maybe we should set up a few minutes to talk," she says. "I don't want to bother you while you're driving."

"It's fine; it's not going to be another hour before I get home. What is it?"

I wait for her to speak, but she never does. Thinking the line has dropped, I look down at my phone and tap on the screen. She's still there; why isn't she saying anything?

"Hello?"

"Shadow, there have been some pictures." Pictures? What is she talking about? "After we posted online about the upcoming article, someone messaged us saying they had some photos of you."

My heart starts racing. What type of photos could they possibly have? I try to think back to all the recent parties I've been to. Most of the time I wake up sharing a bed with someone--often times someone I don't know. Are there pictures of that?

Maybe they’re just pictures of me partying in general. I don't try to hide my lifestyle from my fans, but I don't always broadcast it. No one likes a sloppy drunk, especially if they're a well-known person.

Trying to piece it together myself, I ask, "Who sent them?"

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry." The strange thing is that she actually sounds it. "I can't share them with you, and I can't tell you where I got them from, but I'll describe them to you."

"Okay." So focused on my phone, I'm barely paying attention to the road. I almost blow through a four-way stop but manage to break in time. I let out a sharp breath.

"There's a rumor going around that goes in hand with this, but we'll talk about that in a sec."

"Larissa, just tell me."

"I--I mean, we--have pictures of you--several pictures of you--leaving and entering a place called Garver Institute. Are you familiar with it?"

I slam my foot on the breaks so hard that if I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt I would have flown through the windshield. There's no way she could be serious. Garver? Someone took pictures of me at Garver? But who? I was completely out of it when I was there for those three days--and I assume it was for those three days, not one of my appointments--but I would have noticed someone snapping pictures of me. Even if they’re using a phone, people think they're being secretive, but they aren't.

"I know how easy it is to Photoshop stuff and people are always going to start rumors, so I wanted to give you a chance to speak." I don't say anything. "I want to give you the chance to comment before we run it. Making updates to the article won't take me any time." Again, I say nothing. "Shadow? Are you still there?"

I should answer her. I should tell her something--anything!--even if it's not the truth. Make up an excuse.

But what do I do instead?

Panicking, I hang up the phone.

-

Thoughts? What do you think will happen next?

-L.H.

[actualtext]

Dec 8, 2022

Reflection

1. What is going on inside your head right now?

I feel like the more I know about anything, the worse I feel. For example, learning about my homelessness. Or learning about anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. I feel like knowing about these things and being able to identify them when they are occurring only makes me feel self conscious and broken.

I think the assessment made me realize I'm not taking as good care of myself as I previously thought I was and that makes me kinda sad. Haha I thought I was doing so well but there's so much to improve on and that thought makes me feel tired. I've been sleeping a lot more than usual since we last spoke and I still feel sleepy. There are circles under my eyes thats I've noticed lately..

2. What negative emotion keeps cropping up the most lately?

Mostly that no one wants me around. It's a silly thought because my friends love me, deep down inside I know they do. They make it obvious whenever I see them. But when I'm not with them I always feel like maybe they don't like me or miss me. It especially hurts me when I try to make plans with them and they have to cancel for some reason. It feels like they just don't want to be around me.

3. What has made you the happiest lately?

I told myself I wasn't going to date anymore after the traumatic event happened with my cousin, because I would be leaving soon but also because I wasn't ready to trust men. I tweeted something about how it was kind of difficult to function normally after a traumatic event had occurred, and an old friend liked my tweet. This old friends name is Jaime, we dated briefly but I went off to college in a different city and he stayed behind. We hung out a few times since the incident with my cousin and I told him what went down. I've been talking to him a lot lately about how I've been so bummed out and he always does something to make me laugh and feel better. He's a very comical character. Always makes me laugh so I think the rekindling of our friendship has made me the happiest lately.

4. The last time you felt this way, what did you do?

The last time I felt extremely anxious, I ruined a friendship. My pal Leo didn't know how to tell me that he would be less involved in my life cause he got a girlfriend. I thought he just hated my guts. I kept asking him if I had some something, and if he hated me. He wouldn't ever give me a straight answer so I thought the worst. Ultimately I came off as clingy and overbearing cause I was doing everything to not lose him, and then I did. 🙃

5. What holds you back the most from moving on from negative emotions?

Probably me forgetting about any reassurance I've received. I have a terrible memory so sometimes I'll forget how someone consoled me and go back to feeling how I felt before the consolation.

6. Which emotions are you trying to avoid right now? why?

Right now I'm trying to avoid feeling like a complete screw up. I was asked recently to participate in a panel discussion, but what I hate most about those is the part when they ask about where I am now. I feel stuck as if I haven't accomplished anything lately and that kills me. It's true, I haven't accomplished anything lately, but I wish I was okay with that, rather than feeling like less of a worthy person because of it. I don't wanna do the panel. I'm probably going to cancel, even thought I would consider it an achievement.

7. What is your inner critic telling you lately?

That I'll end up like my mom, severely depressed and unhappy. She had a hard life though, and while I have also had a hard life, it's not as bad as hers was. I feel like I'm in an ocean of sad feelings and I'm trying so hard to stay afloat as opposed to drowning in it but I'm getting so tired of fighting the current trying to pull me under.

[borderline-gays-club]

its crazy how easily I could fall into being home/houseless. Like seeing these people on the streets who are just visibly fucked up and talking to themselves or having internal/external outbursts just makes me so fuckin sad. I kno people who are always talking about houseless people like theyre dangerous or scary or whatever but like first of all its not hard to get there, and second of all they are merely one of the many outcomes of an incredibly flawed system that we ALL live in, and is a reflection of the system that controls our everyday lives, and is NOT a reflection of the individuals who end up in these horrible situations. And for me, all it would take is losing my one friend in whatever way. I think this is why I'm constantly anxious in general bc I'm still convinced that it'll eventually happen: and specifically they'll leave me with good reason too. I know for a fact that will send me into a spiral deep deep in the pits of my body and I dont know if I'll be able to come out of that. Its so weird, because parts of me wants that ultimate fuck everything, chaotic, self destructive self I used to be. I don't really have internal drive to keep up this act, its all external. Which is kinda the problem with BPD anyway lol. Like my life doesnt really matter to me unless it matters to someone that I care about. Living with this shit every damn day, I still can't believe I'm still fucking alive. Becuase it just feels like this massive brooding energy that is constnatly following me. I just can't seem to shake it off. And even with this past year of immense growth, I'm still in so much pain and agony. Not everyday tho I guess.

[insistonyourcupofstars]

Oh I'm definitely not crying over your tags (that's a lie my heart is physically aching). I was about to say how do you get me like no one else but I remembered that you are... me? Just maybe in a different side of the world. And I feel some kind of comfort that you of all people feel the same as I do and are able to express and understand the emotions and thoughts that I haven't been able to put into words, and you just... understood.

It really is crazy how we always do our BEST to make everybody around us comfortable when we may not have felt a sense of comfort in a long time. And putting others first is a good thing until it starts to take from your own health and time to take care of yourself. And the part about wanting to analyze people who don't really know you but are so kind to you and they actually want to talk to you and hear about your day not as a compliment but because they actually want to is true and freakishly so. And I don't know what to say, stars. It's kind of sad that we aren't used to something that is supposed to be the normal for everybody else. Like, it's okay. We should allow ourselves to take chances and step out and accept that other people are kind too. I have no idea what to say I know I said it too many times but I love you stars so so much. And sorry I wrote an essay.

We are truly the same person in two different bodies. I will say, therapy the past few years has really helped me become the person I am today. Believe it or not, I actually was a lot more emotionally closed off to my family and friends because I was... just one of those kids growing up that was always lonely. My parents both had pretty traumatic childhoods, so they did everything in their power to make sure I didn't have what they did, and it worked. I, even to this day, am very close with my parents, and we get along great! However, my mom never let me play with the kids in my neighborhood, I was never allowed to go to sleepovers with school friends, and I was always around adults because I am an only child. So, I was actually a lot more emotionally mature than most of my peers, but I just couldn't interact with them naturally. I craved deep friendships and relationships, but I was also very awkward and clingy, so kids would very my friends, but they were never deep. I bounced around from friend group to friend group every school year (pre-k to 7th grade) because people either left or they straight up said they didn't want to be friends with me anymore (still remember that to this day. 2nd grade was rough man). When you constantly give your heart to people, hoping they'll cherish it, and they end up shattering it, it is horribly difficult to keep your heart on your sleeve.

I digress, therapy really helped me open back up (I still struggle deeply with abandonment issues - part of the reason this week was really hard - but I have been getting better), and I have been told I'm very introspective, so being able to verbalize my feelings has been a goal of mine.

Yeah, it has been brought to my attention that I to an unhealthy amount put everyone's happiness and comfortability before my own, and I really need to work on that. I've just now have started to set boundaries with my best friend, and my therapist brought up that those boundaries have been broken already, so I need to keep setting them up and communicate with her.

AND FOR WHAT? WHY ARE YOU KIND TO ME? WHY MUST YOU LOOK SO FOND OF ME? AND WHY AM I WANTING TO LEARN YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY????

ngl, I've kind of been a bit of a Mastermind ™️, just a little machiavellian, in getting this guy to open up to me because he is so anxious with emotions, so I've been very vulnerable in turn and it's a whole mess.

Mais, I adore and love you, and (clearly) I LOVE essays 💛💛💛💛💛

[arctickat2400]

My Girl <> Tom Felton

Anonymous Request: can u plsss write a tom felton imagine where they meet on set of a movie or show they’re both starring in and they start hooking up, but the reader is around 21/22 and tom feels she’s too young or whatever so won’t commit to her? then he finds out she’s falling for him so he decides to like abandon her and start publicly seeing another older actress and the reader is heartbroken and completely changes from like happy and sweet to quiet and isolated. then tom realises he’s actually in love with her and has to try and make up the hurt he caused her? lots of angst and fluff (maybe even a smudge of smut if ur comfortable) plsssss i love ur writing sm !!

Note: Thank you so much for requesting this whoever you are! I hope I was able to satisfy your request. I've never written something like this before, and half the time I was in the car traveling while writing it and the other half in a hotel, so yeah, we'll see how it turns out. Sorry there's no smut, I'm not that kind of person. I will but rarely add smut to my writings, but I'm a fluff kind of girl and don't write smut very well. Anyways, enjoy!🖤

* * *

Walking around the set, saying hi to the cast and crew, you made your way to your next scene. You feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket and see you got a text from your friend back at home. Laughing at something she said, you begin to text back, but not before your phone drops to the floor on the impact of running into someone. You stumble, but the person steadies you. Looking up, you see that it’s Tom, your co-star, your boyfriend, and yet still your crush for who knows how long.

“Hey, Y/N. Probably should watch where you’re going. Never know who or what could sneak up on you,” Tom chuckles, receiving a giggle back from you. He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a sweet kiss of greeting. A shiver cascaded down your spine. Every time you were with Tom, or even near him, you could feel the sparks, and your stomach felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Well, hi, to you too, Tom. Where are you off to? Our scene is that way,” You question, pointing in the opposite direction that he’s going.

“Oh, really? These big places always confuse me. Walk with me?” Tom smiles, holding his arm out for you. Your smile widens and you take his arm as he guides you to the set together.

“Y/N, I was wondering, would you like to go out with me tonight? After today’s shooting is done. There’s a nice restaurant down the street, not too far from here.” Tom mentioned and you felt all giddy inside.

“Tom, I would love to!” You almost screamed with excitement but tried to hold back the best you could. You haven’t been able to go out much lately with the movie and all, so you’re always so excited when you’re able to go out and have a nice evening with your boyfriend.

* * *

Once your scene with Tom was done for the most part, you both parted ways. “See you later, my love,” You told him, kissing his cheek and walking away, missing the wide-eyed look on his face.

Tom went to shoot a different scene and you went back to your trailer to get ready for your date with Tom. It was a short shooting day, so Tom was coming to pick you up at 7. You had a little over an hour to get ready as you picked out a cute black, off-the-shoulder dress and some converse. After touching up a bit on your hair, you sat at your vanity and waited.

Tom was rarely ever late coming to see you. That’s why you were surprised when the clock struck 7 and Tom hadn’t come to your trailer yet. Maybe he just got caught up in a scene or talking to a crew member, you thought.

You waited and waited. You even texted him, however, with no reply. You didn’t want to seem clingy, so you just left it at one text. You became worried when you realized Tom was half an hour late. Setting an alarm for 8, you decided you’ll text him again. But, for now, you wait. You looked over your script, trying to memorize your lines for tomorrow’s scenes.

Jumping suddenly at your phone’s alarm, it was already 8 and Tom still hasn’t shown up yet. You shot him another text, asking about his whereabouts before stepping out of your trailer to go and find him.

“Hey, have you seen Tom anywhere?” You asked a passing crew member, but he said he didn’t know, that the last place he saw him, though, was his last scene set. You thanked him, then made your way there, not finding Tom, but finding his friend.

“Hey, have you seen Tom? I’ve been waiting for him for an hour, but he never showed. I’ve been looking around for him, but can’t find him.” You told him, sounding a bit exasperated.

“No, sorry, I haven’t seen him. But, I think he mentioned going out with a friend. Have you checked his trailer?” He asked, a little worried himself. He knows that you and Tom are together so he’s a bit suspicious of Tom’s unknown whereabouts.

“I was just about to go check there. Thanks.” You told him, waving with a smile even though your heart was racing.

You head out of the building and zigzag through the various cast and crew trailers until you reached Tom’s trailer, knocking before climbing the stairs to open the door. He’s never had a problem with you just going in.

“Tom, it’s been more than an hour. What’s going-?” There wasn’t a chance to say anything else as the shock of the sight in front of you silenced your voice. Tom kissing your best friend, Emma Watson, was the thing you feared most. You had a feeling there was something between Emma and Tom, but you wanted over everything for that to not be true. But, here you are, staring at your best friend and your boyfriend, making out.

You didn’t have time to say anything before you were out the door, tears rushing down your cheeks.

“Y/N! Y/N, wait!” You heard Tom’s voice behind you.

“What, Tom? What could you possibly say to me right now? How could you?” You were yelling at him, infuriated.

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out. I was going to tell you,” He started, but you weren’t going to give him the time of day.

“No, Tom. Just, no. There’s nothing you can say to make this better. Just don’t,” Is the last thing you said to him before walking away, sobbing, back to your trailer, missing the way Tom was staring as you walked away from him, heartbroken and guilty all at the same time.

It’s been days since you talked to Tom. Luckily, you haven’t had to shoot any scenes with him. If you see him walking towards you, you’d walk the other way. If he tried to talk to you, you still wouldn’t give him the time of day and you’d just walk away.

Ever since that day, you wouldn’t greet the cast and crew like you used to. Of course, if someone said hi to you, you would respond, but the smiles became short and fake. You isolated yourself. You would shoot your scenes, then go back to your trailer when you weren’t needed, which seems like all the time lately.

And ever since that day, when you caught him cheating with your best friend, Tom’s been miserable. He hates himself for what he did to you, for hurting you, especially because it was for a stupid reason. He’s vowed to make it up to you, to get you back, because he’s realized that he loves you. So, he will do everything he can in order to get you back, to show you he loves you.

You were walking back to your trailer after a long day of shooting, getting towards the end of the movie, when you were stopped by a very anxious-looking Tom.

“Y/N, please, let me talk to you for just a minute, please,” He begged, although he didn’t really give you much space to agree or not.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, Y/N, I did what I did for a stupid reason; because I thought you were too young and we wouldn’t work because of the age difference. I didn’t think I could commit to this relationship, and I’m so sorry for what I did, not telling you before and making out with Emma and you having to see it. Katie, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. If I could I would take it all back…” But you interrupted him.

“But, that’s the thing, Tom, you can’t take it back. It’s done, I saw it. And with my best friend, of all people. I always knew there was something going on between you two," You took a deep breath. "I can’t deal with this right now, so please, just leave me alone,” You told him before turning around and continuing back to your trailer, leaving behind a sad and heartbroken Tom.

You step up into your trailer, plugging your phone into the charger, and seeing a flash of red in the corner of your eye. How could you have not seen it before?

Laid on your bed were a perfect bouquet of red roses and a note on top. You picked up the bouquet, the beautiful scent filling your senses. You knew who they were from even before you saw the note.

My love,

I know this doesn’t make up for what I did, but I am sincerely sorry. I hope you will give me the honor of giving me some of your time so I can explain.

Tom

Just then, looking down, you noticed a small black velvet box that must have been hidden underneath the flowers. You hadn’t noticed it before. Setting down the flowers and note, you picked up the box, opening it to see a beautiful silver ring with a sparkling diamond in the middle, For me, there is only you, engraved on the inside. Tears were once again beginning to form. You had to go apologize for not letting him speak his case. Some part of you said he didn’t deserve you or your time. But another part is saying he does deserve you. You love him and, even after what he did, he still deserves a second chance.

After slipping your shoes back on and shoving the ring into your pocket, you run out of your trailer and towards the sets to try and find him. You knew he had a scene to shoot soon so he should be around somewhere.

Just as you turned a corner, there he was, that sad look on his face with a mix of guilt and who knows what else. He spotted you and your eyes met. All these emotions were flooding through your mind. Your heart was saying one thing, that you need to run to him and let him explain. But your head was telling you to turn around, run away. You tend to listen to your head over your heart, unfortunately, so you turned around and began walking back, tears beginning to fill to the brim.

“Y/N,” The sound of Tom’s voice made you stop; something about it struck you and made you freeze on the spot. He walked towards you and took a deep breath and continued what he had started before. “I hate myself for what I did to you. I know I can’t undo it, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I love you, Y/N. After what I did, I saw you crying, and something in me just snapped, and I haven’t been able to sleep or eat, and…”

“Wait, you love me?” You turned suddenly and looked up into his eyes, tears spilling over onto your cheeks. Tom’s hand makes its way to your cheek, ridding away the oncoming tears as he looks into your eyes with a sincere, sad smile.

“Yes, I do. Baby, I love you so much. And I will do anything to make everything up to you. I will beg you for your love until you take it and love me back…”

Next thing you know, your lips were on his, your lips moving together in perfect sync. You both pulled back for air as you slipped your hand into your pocket and pulled out the promise ring. Tom looked down and smiled.

“Do you mean it?” You questioned him hopefully, looking up into his eyes, his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck.

“I mean it all, my love. Indeed, for me, there is only you. I love you and I always will.” Tom declared, taking the ring from you and slipping it onto your ring finger. Tom placed his forehead against yours.

“I love you, too, Tom,” You exclaimed, your sweet smile that no one has seen for the past several days resurfacing.

“I will make it up to you, my love. In any and all ways that I can, I will make sure you know how sorry I am and how much I love you.” Leaning in, he placed a passionate kiss to your lips, adoring the way your lips feel on his.

“The flowers were beautiful, by the way,” You smiled up at him, and the way he looked at you made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the whole universe.

“Only for my girl.”

[rosachaotic]

Remember when i said Talbott and Cereza werent over? Yeah.

I promised yall i would write a continuation of this. For those dont remember that happend, here

Anyways enjoy the fanfic!

Warning: none?? Its more just angst then fluff.(but sorry for my bad english and wording im not very good at writing and I wrote this on mobile)

It's been two months and few days since the big argument Talbott and Cereza had on the hospital wings.

This all happened because Cereza tried to do all the investigation and take down R by herself, but of course that plan failed and it backfired on her very badly. She fought the wizard in white and almost died because of it, losing her consciousness after he ran away, fortunately she was found by Moody who was searching for her after her twin brother said she went missing and was taken to the hospital wings.

She was scolded for it of course, and after that her friends went to visit her. All of her friends were worried for her, especially her twin brother Michael who jumped into her hugging her tight, crying, not realizing her whole body was in pain before he quickly let her go.

After a long chat with her friends and twin brother Talbott got in but he didn't look happy, he asked for everyone to leave him and Cereza alone because he wanted to talk to her, everyone left confused to what was going on.

Outside people could hear both Talbott and Cereza arguing with each other, Talbott was disappointed that Cereza lied to everyone including him about not having any information that could be useful for Circle ot Khanna and that she did is by herself he thought she was dead she could have died because of her reckless decision, Cereza tried to explain herself by saying she thought what she was doing was the right because she wanted to protect everyone which didn't make Talbott feel any less worse but the opposite. Both kept arguing with each other until Talbott storms out of hospital wings not looking at his friend's faces who were waiting outside, Penny tried to stop him but he just ignored her and walked away, once everyone back inside to the hospital they saw Cereza holding back her tears but she did a very job at it once everyone was inside and started crying.

----

Cereza rarely saw Talbott after what happened, she only saw him on the classes they shared but even then he didn't even talk to her, she decided to let it be not wanting to bother Talbott and she thought that this was the end of their relationship. This broke her alot, the happy girl that was always smiling and giggling all the time wasn't there anymore, not only she felt bad for what she did but she thought she lost one of the people she loved the most.

That was until Cereza got a letter in the morning, Andre gave it to her and said "It's from Talbott." She quickly opened the letter and read the paper that said:

"We need to talk. Meet me after dinner in the courtyard."

-Talbott

She thanked Andre for the letter who nodded and said "I hope everything works out for you guys." And left, Cereza also hoped that things would work out but she couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What did he want to talk about after dinner? Why did it have to wait?

"Does he want to end our relationship once and for all?" Cereza thought all day, Cereza knew how to be patient but this waiting was killing her.

During dinner she barely ate anything, Rowen(M!Rowan) was trying to make her eat something but she couldn't.

"You have to eat something, you can't sleep with an empty stomach." Said Rowen, worried for his best friend trying to make her eat. He knew about the letter, Cereza told him about it and he knew how nervous and anxious she was because of it.

"I can't, this wait is killing me.'' Cereza said anxiously.

She then looked around, noticing that Talbott wasn't at the ravenclaw table or at any table of the other houses.

"Did you see Talbott walk in?" Asked Cereza, still looking around, Rowen shook his head.

"No, I didn't, I don't think he is coming for dinner today." Rowen took a bite of his food as he said that.

"Why? Do you know about something??"

"No, no, but...Penny said she didn't see all day, he didn't go to any of his classes." Cereza felt her heart drop, this wasn't like him, he would NEVER miss any class, if there was something Talbott was proud of himself is that he was an excellent student.

"This isn't like him…" Whispered Cereza."I cant, i have to go."

"Wha- B-But dinner time isn't over yet!"

"I'm sorry Rowen, but I have to go."

"...Okay, good luck Cere!"

Cereza nodded and left the great hall running, she opened the big door to the corridor and rushed past the students to the courtyard.

As she got outside she looked around.

There he was, sitting on the tree trunk looking at the stars just like he would when he waited for her for their dates.. Cereza sighed with relief knowing that Talbott was okay...or was he?

She took a deep breath and walked toward him, stopping right before him.

"Hey…" Talbott jumped at hearing Cereza's voice, he was probably so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her walk in.

"Oh, Sorry I didn't hear you coming in…" Said Talbott awkwardly.

"Its okay…"

"..."

"Penny said she didn't see you all day, you also didn't come for dinner as well."

"I felt sick all day and I wasn't hungry."

"Oh...I'm sorry, I hope you're better now."

Silence took over, the only sound they heard was the cold night wind, making things kinda awkward. Until Talbott coughed and said

"Sit here with me." He tapped right next to him, Cereza then climbed the tree trunk and sat right next to him.

Again, the awkward silence.

Cereza then looked at the sky, it was a pretty starry night, she could see some shooting stars.

" The night is beautiful tonight isn't it?" Asked Talbott, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. It is beautiful."

"It reminds me of when we used to have our dates here, you would make wishes for the shooting stars."

"Stupid wishes, I know." Cereza giggled at her own stupid self.

"I never thought they were stupid." Said Talbott.

"Even the one where I wished for a giant puffskein?"

Cereza shook her head smiling a little bit and she also noticed Talbott was smiling a little as well, she missed seeing him smile, but they weren't there to watch the stars.

"Hey, if that's your wish, who am i to judge?

"Talbott-"

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I-I know you said you wanted to talk to me in your letter, but I want to say something first." Said Cereza nervously, while staring at the floor.

"...Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and then looked at his warm striking hazel, who met her golden eyes. Then she finally said:

"...I'm sorry."

"...Wha-"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Talbott. It was very dumb of me try to all of that on my own and it was and it was insensitive and bad of me not to tell you guys the information I had about R."

"Cereza-"

"I should have trusted you all to defend yourselves without my help, I shouldn't have lied to you guys about not finding anything."

"Cereza listen-"

"I shouldn't have done that, I could have died and i didn't thought about how you, my family and the rest of our friends would feel about it if I died, you were right when you said things wouldn't get any better if I-"

"CEREZA!"

Cereza jumped at Talbott who raised his voice at her, he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him, his eyes staring at her but he didn't look angry he looked sad.

"Just...listen to me please."

Cereza nodded and whispered "sorry" and let him talk.

"Look...after what happened, i couldn't stop thinking about that night on hospital wings. That night kept playing in my head over and over every time I went to bed...I felt awful"

"Huh-"

"I felt awful, Cereza. After I calmed down I realized what I just did and how I shouldn't have talked to you that way, but it was too late, I was already at my dorm and I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"..."

"I was ashamed."

"Is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"

Talbott nodded, he took a deep breath as if was holding himself to not cry.

"I thought you hated me."

"..."

"So I avoided you and everyone else as well, it was painful."

"Tal I-"

"I should have thought of your feelings, how were you feeling that made you do all of that yourself."

"...You had all the rights to react the way you did, it was a stupid and dangerous decision that I made."

"But I still shouldn't have said those things to you."

"..."

"I let my emotions take over me, my heart dropped when I saw Moody carrying you to the hospital wings....blood all over you and you unconscious and i thought i lost you..."

"..."

"When i heard you were alive, I was so happy and relieved...but when i heard about why you did that when I heard Michael talking to Moody I...I dont know what came over me, i was angry and disappointed"

"...I know-"

"Not only on you, but mostly on myself"

"..W-why? Why were you angry at yourself??"

"Because I thought I failed you, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't be there for you."

"But it wasn't your fault-"

"Let me finish..."

"..."

"But that doesn't excuse what I did, i didnt think about what you were feeling, how you were feeling. Your feelings that made you do this and your feelings after it...I called you selfish but I was even more selfish…"

"Tal…"

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's cheek, who jumped at her touch but then rested his face on her hand holding her hand even more close to his face. He closed his eyes while he felt her warmth on his skin again after so long.

"I'm sorry Cereza, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for everything."

"I forgive you."

Talbott's eyes quickly opened as he looked at her, he was surprised but it also looked like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. She continued:

"But...do you forgive me as well?"

"Of course I do."

Cereza also felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders as well, she smiled as she felt tears run down her face and she had to take off her glasses to clean it.

"I-I thought...I thought you called me to end everything between us." Said Cereza as she cried while she tried to clean her tears off her face. She was shaking a little and her breath was also shaky.

"I would never do that." He whispered. "If anything, I was more afraid of you wanting to break up with me."

Talbott got closer to her and hugged tight on to his body, catching her by surprise.

Cereza returned the tight hug, smiling while tears rolled down her face, Talbott also had tears rolling down his face who tried to hide by hiding his face on her shoulder but his shaky breath and the way he sniffed quietly gave it away he was crying. Cereza's hand went to Talbott's hair and was caressing his hair.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Whispered Talbott, not wanting to let her go.

"I thought the same thing…" Cereza whispered back, kissing his head.

Both of them stopped hugging each other as they cleaned their faces but still kept close, Talbott's hand travelled to Cereza's face and caressed her cheek, his hand was cold as always but Cereza never cared about that, she liked his touch.

They both stared at each other, they both knew it was awkward the way they stared at each other but they did not care, their gazes were filled with intense love.

Talbott kept his hand on Cereza's cheek and kissed her other cheek gently but his face didn't move away, in fact he kept face very close to hers moving only a little to her lips, their noses were touching each other and they could feel their heavy breaths, Cereza closed her eyes as she felt her heartbeat go very fast and her face was red, Talbott heart also felt like it was going to jump from his mouth and even his ears were dark red. He brushed his nose on to hers but then kissed her nose, he caressed her cheek once more smiling, Cereza then opened her eyes and saw his smile and smiled back at him. Both of them giving loving smiles at each other.

"I love you." Said Talbott.

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's face and to his cheek as well, as she sighed and smiled again.

"I love you too, meu amor.'

Talbott's smile grew as he heard again the loving way Cereza called him using her first language, while they didn't have their first kiss yet what matters is that they were both together again.

"Just promise to me that you will be more careful." Said Talbott.

Cereza nodded.

"I will...but, do you promise to never leave my side?" Asked Cereza, Talbott chuckled and said:

"I promise, my sunshine."

[jademakean]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

  Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace  “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

۵

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

[freakynct]

「 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐 」

— 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 —

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: sugar daddy!jaehyun, daddy kink, slight violence, mentions of blood, oral [male receiving], hair pulling, deep throating, dirty talk, praising, crying, some angst and fluff

after the last encounter with jaehyun you tried to distance yourself from him as much as possible. you couldn't allow yourself to fall in love with him and you were pretty sure that that was really close to happen. every time you would stare into his eyes or stand close to him your body would react in a way that it never did with anyone else and since you knew he didn't feel the same way you wanted to spare yourself a broken heart.

it wasn't easy finding a new sugar daddy, because even if you still wouldn't want to admit it, you still needed the money to get you through college and pay rent and since you had been ignoring jaehyun's calls, your bank account wasn't particularly happy. going on dates with other men was the worse of everything though. boring old man that couldn't keep their hands to themselves or keep an interesting conversation going. you had lost count of how many times you had fake laughed during the past week. but you had to settle for someone, so you decided to go for the overly sweet forty seven year old man called richard. and he wasn't all that bad, he would always buy and pay for anything you wanted and he did treat you really well, even during sex, sometimes even too much, and you were pretty sure he was addicted to eating you out. but you never felt the same way with him as you did with jaehyun. the fire and intensity that you both had could never be replaced and that's what had been bothering you, not being able to stop thinking about him. and just like any sane man he had stopped trying to call or text you but you still felt hurt by it, even if you were doing the exact same thing to him. and as if he could read your mind, your phone buzzed over the glass table, and you read the name "jaehyun" on the screen. for some reason, this time was different and your hand actually reached to pick up the phone, staring at it. you sighed and gave up, swiping right to answer it, slowly placing the phone next to your ear, no words being able to come out of your mouth, only hearing light breathing on the other side of the line.

"y/n?" his voice startled you but at the same time a huge weight was lifted from your heart, finally hearing his voice after so long. "are you there?"

"yes." was all that your body allowed you to say, waiting nervously to hear his sweet voice once again.

"princess." your heart sank at the pet name, your eyes fluttering close for a brief moment while that word played over and over inside your head. "why haven't you returned my calls?" you could hear the sad tone in his voice, or maybe it was disappointment, you couldn't tell. but you couldn't think of anything to tell him, too embarrassed with the whole situation and you immediately regretted answering the phone in the first place. "i've missed you." you let him pause between his sentence. "don't you miss me?" you could swear you felt tears forming in your eyes, threatening to fall down but you ordered them not to, swallowing dry before gathering courage to finally answer him.

"i do. i miss you." you almost whispered to him, your nails digging into the skin of your legs out of nervousness.

"come meet me tonight. i need to see you." your mind was telling you no, you couldn't allow yourself to fall back into his arms just to get hurt in the end but your heart was telling you otherwise and as usual, it spoke louder than your brain.

"okay. same hotel?" you got up, pacing around the room, too anxious to stay seated.

"no. i'll send you the address to my house." and before you could choke up on his words, he hung up, leaving you speechless, still holding the phone against your ear. he had never wanted you to meet up with him at his house, in fact, he had told you that he never let anyone go there, he always met his sugar babies at a hotel, his house was for his own eyes only. but here you were, getting ready to go there for the first time ever, nervous out of your mind, your blood burning inside your veins.

‏‏‎ ‎

the uber suddenly stops and you look out of the window, a big house with what you assumed was a very expensive car in front of it. you thanked the man that drove you there so late at night and exited the vehicle, stepping slowly closer to the entrance, your uber disappearing into the darkness, leaving you alone with your thoughts, standing like a crazy person in front of his door, way too afraid to knock. but as you were contemplating turning around and leaving, the big door opens, jaehyun's much bigger body standing right in front of you and it felt like you were seeing a mirage. he wasn't wearing his typical black suit, only a white dress shirt and black pants covering his skin.

"you always do this. standing in front of doors without knocking." his voice finally breaks the silence, a small smile adorning his lips.

"you always seem to know when i'm behind them too." you answered back, your eyes timidly meeting his brown ones and your words seemed to make him chuckle.

"i have security cameras, you know? i saw you arrive here." you crossed your arms in front of your chest, both from feeling cold and from being annoyed that he always seemed to have an answer for everything.

"you were creeping then." you were suddenly pulled by your arm, your body now standing dangerously close to his and he lowered his head so he could be face to face with you, and you noticed the smirk on his lips.

"why do you always have to talk back? hm?" you didn't realize, while you were once more lost in his deep eyes, that he had pulled you inside the house, closing the door behind you and gently pushing your back against it. "i've missed you so much, princess. why did you run away?" his voice sounded soft in your ears, his thumb caressing your cheek as he leaned closer to seal his lips with yours, but you turned your face away, causing him to step back, confusion evident in his face. "what's wrong?"

you quickly walked pass him, running your hands through your hair. you took a minute to look around his house that didn't seem much different from the hotel room you used to meet at. very spacious and luxurious, various expensive paintings adorning the walls and the lights were dimmed, making the shadows in the room a lot more prominent.

"we can't keep doing this, i'm sorry. that's why i wasn't returning your calls." you turned around to face him, looking for any sign of anger in his face but all you found was his soft eyes looking back at you, not wanting to believe the words that came out of your mouth.

"w-what? why? did i do something wrong?" he took one step closer to you but you also took one backwards, too afraid of what you might do if he stood too close to you again.

"no, you didn't. i just… i already found someone else. another, hm, sugar daddy." you wouldn't lie, it was hard for you to let those words come out but you were letting your brain talk instead of your heart this time. you watched as jaehyun's jaw clenched and his whole posture changed. he straightened his body up, the soft and gentle eyes that he had before turning into a dark shade and becoming more hooded as he stepped closer to you slowly but this time your feet were glued to the floor and you couldn't seem to move away from him.

"you were with other men?" his voice seemed to have changed too, getting a lot deeper and raspier and you realized how close his body was standing to yours. all you could do was swallow in dry, his thumb rubbing against your cheek and you had to hold yourself back not to lean against his touch. "why are you doing this? don't i treat you well?" your heart ached at his words, you wanted nothing more than to admit your feelings to him but you knew for a fact that his sweet words didn't equal him having those same feelings for you and you didn't wanna make things worse for you.

"yes, but… richard treats me well too." you could feel your voice growing weaker by the minute and your eyes widened at jaehyun's chuckle, his head thrown back as he sucked in his breath before staring back at you again.

"richard… oh baby." he cooed at you, his hand making its way to your hair, intertwining his fingers with your locks, causing you to gasp slightly. "you really think that richard could make you feel as good as me? hm? you think he could ever give you what i can?" his lips were so close to yours and you thought you had stopped breathing for a second. "did you have sex with him?" the question caught you off guard and you saw in his eyes how much he was hoping for you to deny it but as soon as you nodded your head he let go of you, turning around and running his hands through his hair, grunting before closing his fist tight and hitting the wall next to him, making you jump up from surprise. 

"jaehyun…" your voice was calm, trying to not make him even angrier as you stepped closer to him, holding his hand in yours and watching as his knuckles turned bloody. he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment, collecting himself.

"i can't believe you let another man touch you." you could see the disappointment evident in his face and you lowered your head, staring at your own feet to try not to get hypnotized by his gaze.

"we're not dating… you're just my sugar daddy." and you could feel how those words weren't just hurtful to you but also to him as he moved his hand away from yours, making you lift up your head again.

"just your sugar daddy?" you could sense how his voice was weaker than ever but you never thought this situation would be as hard for him as it was for you. as a matter of fact, you thought he wouldn't care if you disappeared at all, but it turns out you were wrong. "tell me something y/n. did you talk on the phone with richard for hours at night? did you tell him all about your problems and insecurities?" you noticed he had started moving towards you and you were walking backwards. "do you think about him when you're feeling lonely? does he think about you?" your back was now pressed against the wall, his body standing tall in front of you, so close you could feel his breath against your face and all you could think about was closing that small gap between the two of you. "do you love him?" and you knew that last question wasn't rhetoric like the others, you saw in his dark eyes how he was waiting for your response. you felt your mouth drying up and this time not even your brain could save you from this one.

"i love you." you let the words roll out of your tongue in a whisper and you felt his body tense up. the fact that he didn't say anything was making you nervous, feeling the cold sweat forming on your fingertips. but suddenly his lips were against yours, pulling you into a kiss so deep that you almost lost your breath. his hands grabbed the sides of your face and you finally had the contact you had been craving for so long. his lips moved perfectly together with yours, the desperation in each other being very evident and he only moved away so both of you could breathe, his forehead leaning against yours, his brown eyes staring deep into yours.

"you're not gonna run away from me again, are you?" you shook your head, your heart feeling heavy from not hearing him say the same words back to you but you completely shut down any words of advice that your brain might've been sending to you and you decided to listen to your heart only. at least just for tonight, you were willing to get your heart broken in exchange for jaehyun's warm touch.

he took your hand in his, the blood now drying up in his knuckles but he didn't seem to care. you followed him as he pulled you through his house, going up a spiral of stairs and then into a few hallways until you were finally inside his most sacred place, his bedroom. spacious and organized, nothing like what you were expecting but again, his house was so big that he probably had someone that cleaned it and arranged it for him. you heard the sound of the door closing behind him and once again the tingles were back to hunting your stomach. your body shivered once you felt his hands carefully being placed over your hips, pulling your back to rest against his chest.

"get undressed." his voice was now a lot deeper and you knew exactly what that meant. if you weren't feeling anxious before you were definitely feeling now. his hands left your body and he walked passed you, sitting on the big black chair next to his desk, opening his legs slightly to get more comfortable. "don't be shy, princess." his words encouraged you to move over in front of him, your shaky hands making their way to your top, slowly pulling it over your head and letting it drop to the floor. your jeans were next, your hands sliding them down your legs and you cursed yourself mentally for not bringing something sexier and easier to take off, because this wasn't the most flattering strip you could've done. but jaehyun would beg to differ, as his eyes weren't able to leave your body, watching every move you made attentively and licking his lips, even when you struggled to get your pants off. and you stood there, underwear covering the most important parts of your body and you thanked yourself for at least wearing a matching set. you saw jaehyun's finger wave at you, commanding you to come closer to him and you obeyed, your smaller and vulnerable body standing right in front of him. his hands were once more placed on your hips, pulling you even closer until you were standing between his legs, his hands caressing every bit of exposed skin on your body and you couldn't deny how much you had missed it. they made their way up your back, unclasping your bra in one swift movement and slowly sliding the straps down your arms, exposing your breasts to him and it could've been your eyes tricking you, but you were pretty sure you saw his eyes sparkle.

"you're so beautiful." he said before placing a gentle kiss to your stomach and your hands grabbed his wrist as his hands wrapped around your breasts, caressing the flesh and causing you to flutter your eyes closed at the feeling. "i missed you a lot, you know." his hands ran down your back once again until they were resting over you ass, squeezing it, and you jolted forward slightly. "you're my best girl." his fingers hooked on the side of your panties, gently and slowly pulling them down your legs, causing you to now stand completely naked in front of him. he sat back on his chair, eyeing you down and you suddenly felt too exposed, your arms quickly embracing your own body to try to cover yourself and you received a tsk from him.

"don't cover yourself, baby. let me see you." he tucked your panties inside the pocket of his pants and his eyes burned on top of your body as you slowly let your arms fall beside you. "don't you think you should apologize to me for leaving without saying anything?" you were pretty sure your cheeks were burning red at this point and you nodded, a little "i'm sorry" escaping between your lips and you heard jaehyun chuckle.

"that's not the type of apology that i want, princess." his smile quickly dropped and a serious expression took over his face. "on your knees." he pointed in between your legs and he didn't have to say it twice, his stern words being enough for you to immediately settle between his open legs, your hands caressing over his thighs. "you're gonna be a good girl tonight, right?" his fingers brushed over your hair and then lightly over your cheek as you nodded your head. "then what are you waiting for?" his eyebrow raised at you and you were took by surprise by his change in demeanor. he was always more gentle and sweeter with you, he definitely never spoke to you like that, but given the circumstances, you didn't expect him to be any less mad at you and for some reason this rougher persona that he had on when he was angry was very appealing to you and you were starting to feel your excitement pooling between your legs.

your hands nervously opened the button of his pants and he lifted his hips slightly so you could pull them down his legs, leaving him with only his underwear to cover is hard cock, waiting patiently for your touch. you slowly dragged your fingertips over the outline of his member but jaehyun was quick to hold your wrist in his hands, causing you to look up at him.

"i thought you said you were going to be good. quit teasing and get to it, baby. don't test my patience." his authoritative tone made your body shiver and his hand let go of your wrist, allowing you to keep going.

"sorry, daddy." you almost whispered and you felt his body tense up at the words. it had been so long since he heard you speak to him like that but you smirked at how his cock twitched under the fabric. he couldn't hide the fact that he loved it now. he was quick to bring in his hand under his underwear, pulling his throbbing member out, so eager to get your lips around it, and so were you.

"you think you can just call me daddy and i'll go easy on you?" he tapped the red tip against your lips and you instinctively parted your lips to let your tongue wander outside of your mouth, trying to reach for what you wanted so bad, but jaehyun kept pulling it further away from you, making you pout and look up at him.

"daddy, how do you expect me to apologize if you keep taking it away from me?" your nails digged slightly into the skin of his thighs, causing him to hiss.

"stop being whiny. i'll give you my cock when i think you deserve it and right now i don't really think you do." you whimpered at his words, watching attentively as his hand moved slowly up and down his length, making it so much more appetizing.

"so i'm just supposed to sit here? i thought you wan-" and before you could finish your sentence, his hand was on the back of your head, pushing it forward as he slid his cock inside your mouth, your lips quickly wrapping around him tightly.

"if you can't shut up i'll just make you." his fingers were intertwined with your locks, forcing more of him inside your throat and even as you tried your best not to gag, it was impossible as he gave you no preparation beforehand. he pulled your head back by your hair, finally letting you catch your breath as you coughed and he looked at you as if trying to find something. "you get now, what happens to little brats who don't listen to daddy?" you coughed for the last time and looked up at him with doe eyes, nodding your head. "speak up, princess."

"yes daddy." 

"that's my good girl. not so hard now is it?" you shook your head and he smirked at you, grabbing the base of his cock and waving it in front of your face. "so what do you say when you really want something?" he tapped the tip of his cock against your lips one more time.

"please daddy." you saw the smirk turn into a smile and you knew you had pushed the right buttons.

"there you go." and you parted your lips for him, letting him guide his length slowly inside your mouth this time, your lips sucking around him gently and pulling a groan out of him.

he didn't force your head this time around, resting back on his chair and letting you work on him to earn his forgiveness. your tongue moved from the base of his cock to the tip, taking the red and swollen head into your mouth and sucking it carefully. jaehyun's dark eyes didn't move away from you for one second, his gaze intense over you, watching as your pretty lips wrapped beautifully around his length, taking as much as possible into your mouth and groaning every time you took the courage to take more of him into your throat, your eyes sparkling up at him as you tried to hold your tears in, only letting go of his cock to gasp for air.

"you're doing so well for me, princess. keep going. i want to fill your little mouth with my cum." you felt the tingles travelling down your stomach to your core, your juices sticking to the inside of your thighs as you rubbed them together, trying to relieve some of the tension between your legs as you took him inside your mouth once again, his thick and hard cock heavy on top of your tongue as your lips worked up and down his length, picking up the pace this time, your hand mimicking the same movements at the base of his cock, feeling him twitch slightly as he groaned and bit painfully hard at his bottom lip.

"good girl. your wet little mouth feels so good around daddy, princess. that's it." his words of encouragement only made you work even harder on him, eager to watch him fall apart which by the looks of it, would happen very soon. you could see the beads of sweat forming on the little bit of skin exposed on his chest and his hand had moved once again to your hair, impatiently helping you move around him as you felt him thrusting slightly onto your mouth, his groans getting louder until you were feeling his warm liquid coating your tongue, your lips still firmly wrapped around him until he was done. you removed him from your mouth, carefully not to drop anything.

"let me see, baby." his thumb applied pressure over your chin, encouraging you to part your lips and so you did, showing him his cum glistening over your tongue, watching as he smirked down on you. "swallow everything, princess. don't waste anything." and a command was a command, swallowing down every last bit of the salty substance and opening your mouth back up, sticking your tongue out to him. "hm, such a good little girl. come here, princess." his hands tapped over his thighs and you quickly got up to straddle his lap, his warm big hands caressing down your back until they landed over your hips. jaehyun looked down, noticing the sticky mess between your legs and chuckling, his middle finger running slowly between your wet folds, making you let go of a whimper.

"you wanna cum so bad, don't you? look at you, you're dripping." his finger stopped on top of your clit where he started to apply more pressure, moving his digit in slow circles. "you like sucking daddy's cock this much? hm?" you had been so turned on this whole time and it didn't take long until you were feeling the knot in your stomach tightening just from having his finger gently touching you. "does richard make you this wet?" you whined at the question, thinking about the old man was the last thing you wanted to think about. "does he make you cum this fast?" at this point your hips were already grinding down on his hand, wanting to get as much friction as possible. "answer me." his stern voice made you shake and your nails digged into his shoulders.

"no daddy, only you." you were so desperate to cum that you felt the tears forming in your eyes but jaehyun wasn't giving you the necessary pressure or pace to throw you over the edge and you knew he was doing it on purpose. 

"then why did you chose him over me? why did you leave?" he finally started moving his fingers faster on top of your swollen clit and you shut your eyes close, jaehyun allowing you to rock your hips harder against his hand as your moans got louder. "you say you love me but you left, baby." your body was overwhelmed with emotions and you felt like you were going to fall apart at any minute. you felt your warm tears creating lines over your cheeks at the same time that your orgasm approached. your heart ached but your body was on fire. and suddenly, with a few more flicks of his skillful fingers you were coming undone on top of him, your head resting on his shoulder as your juices coated the palm of his hand, the orgasm hitting you so hard that it made your body shake on top of his and once the pleasure was over, all you had left to feel was pain as you grabbed onto jaehyun and tears fell down your face, your soft cries filling up the room. you felt jaehyun's arms wrap around your smaller body, pulling you closer to him as his hand caressed your hair.

"shhh baby, it's ok. i'm here." but you couldn't seem to stop crying, your chest moving up and down against his and your eyes turning red. you never thought this would happen to you and if you did, you probably would've never signed up for that stupid website. because this was so much more painful than not being able to pay for college or working at your last job. you felt your body being lifted but jaehyun's arms were still there, holding you, comforting you.

you closed your eyes and next thing you know, you felt warm water soothing down your body and you realised you had stopped crying, the old tears now drying on your skin. you opened your eyes and there he was. he always seemed to be there, even if your pain was caused by him, he was also what made it all seem less painful.

"you're feeling better?" you looked around you and realized you were sitting in a huge bathtub, filled with warm water as he was sitting on the floor, outside of it, his arms resting on top of the sides of the tub and his hand tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"yes. i'm sorry, i don't know what happened to me." you felt your cheeks burning up from embarrassment, thinking about how ridiculous you must have looked crying like that on his arms.

"i do. i know what happened. and you don't need to hide your feelings just because i'm your… sugar daddy." he shrugged his shoulders and as you looked into his eyes you saw how soft they had become once again. sitting like this next to you, he didn't seem so intimidating anymore.

"you know you're more than that." your hand softly grabbed his, that was resting on the tub, playing lazily with his fingers, trying to avoid his eyes as much possible. "at least to me you are." you felt your voice growing weaker. the fears of him not loving you back rushing to you once again, until he placed his finger under your chin, encouraging you to look at him and you saw that he seemed more nervous than usual.

"you know i feel the same way, right? i'm just… i'm not good at showing it. or saying it." you felt your heart that was once cold and broken, picking up the pieces and warming up again. you felt like crying all over again but decided to hold it in this time. you moved closer to him and your lips connected softly, in a gentle kiss that you waited so long for. the warmest smile appeared on his lips and you remembered it from your first date with him, all of the memories from that night flashing before your eyes, thinking about how much things had changed since then.

"are you going to stop seeing that richard guy?" you chuckled at his question, as if that was even an option.

"yeah. i don't think i need him anymore." you smiled as you played with the water, looking up at him. "but he did give good head." you laughed and splashed a little bit of water over his face, causing him to close his eyes for a brief moment.

"was he better than me?" you chuckled and rested your back against the tub.

"feeling insecure?" you teased him and he shot you a warning look which made you giggle.

"just making sure i didn't have to remind you of what it feels like to have my head between your legs. it has been a while after all and your brain might be confusing things." he gave you a sarcastic smile and you shook your head, smiling.

"he could never be better than you. trust me."

[byuncock]

Do you still love me? // Baekhyun

pairing: baekhyun x oc/reader

genre: angst, slight fluff?

word count: 1.6k

a/n: unedited! inspo came from a oneshot that is no longer available to read.

The cafe was filled with such a happy atmosphere. You were feeling everything, but.

You looked over to your boyfriend as his attention was solely on the one person sitting across from him. Which so happens to be his ex.

The both of you were out for your anniversary celebration, but it seems like you were the only one excited noting the outfits as you looked down at yours then looking over to Baekhyun's laidback hoodie and sweats. Good thing anything he wears makes him look stylish.

For some reason his ex keeps glaring at you from time to time. You havent even talked to her beside a simple introduction of hello's and my name is.

Your mood for the day has been ruined and dampened even more at the fact that he was paying attention to his ex more than you. You heave out a sigh while staring ahead just wanting them to finish talking so the both of you could just end the day even though it's only the after noon.

Hearing the sigh Baekhyun turns towards you while his friend is still talking. He stares a bit feeling bad that you had to deal with this on a special day.

He turns to her, "Well, it was nice seeing you again. If you don't mind leaving us since we are celebrating our anniversary after all" Baekhyun shoos her politely.

She let's out a flabbergasted "Oh!" and nods at the both of you then leaving. Baekhyun turns his head towards yours and gives a peck at your temple.

Feeling annoyed you stood up to leave not before telling him, "Let's go home, Baekhyun"

You were washing the dishes. Deep in thought about when things went wrong with your relationship with baekhyun.

He's been distant since around a month ago you ponder. Then the affection started decreasing weekly along with dates and communication you investigate.

As you were deep in thought Baekhyun was standing at the entrance of the kitchen the whole time with his arms crossed while staring at you. Also, deep in thought of what words to start off.

"Hey, we need to talk" he starts off as he uncrosses his arms and walks closer to you leaving a good distance.

Coming back to reality you looked over to him then down at the sink since you were still washing the dishes, "What did you wanna talk about?" letting out nonchalantly.

He opens his mouth, but the words are stuck. He closes and swallows, trying again, "I don't think I want to continue this relationship anymore" he lets out softly. As if he was hesitant even saying it, scared even.

You knew this was coming. Were you surprised? No. Just disappointed. You ceased washing the plates and turn to look fully at him, "Why?" genuinely curious even though you were breaking inside.

He stayed silent while looking around. Trying to find the words you assumed. "Do you still love me anymore?" you questioned in a whisper.

He stares at you straight in the eye, "I don't think I love you anymore" he finally lets out. Breaking you completely.

It was suddenly getting harder to breathe. You feel the tears creeping up. But you swallowed a large lump and nodded. Going back to finish washing the dishes, "Alright then, I guess this is it?" you questioned.

Not letting him say anything else when you added, "I'll pack my stuff when I'm done with this" you turn your head at him with a forced small smile.

Then he left.

-

It's been about a few weeks. Or a month. You don't really know since you lost count of the days. Not having the energy to even care about anything else besides your broken heart.

You were staying at your friend's place, who is kind enough to let you move in, but because of reasons you didn't want to do that to her. Letting her know you'll only be staying there for a short time until you find your own place.

The sun has set and the moon is shining brightly. Though the weather has been nice lately your mood hasn't got any better. So you try to cheer yourself up by having walks daily either in the morning or night.

This time around you were feeling extra sad and heartbroken which led to all memories with Baekhyun and self doubt. Must be your incoming monthly cycle.

You were walking out at night aimlessly. Which should be dangerous, but you didnt care at the moment. Not until someone grabbed your shoulders from behind and turned you around, startling you.

You were so shock you didn't really get to process who the person was before they pulled you into their embrace. The scent giving it away.

The tears you've been trying to keep at bay for the past week had finally been let go.

Baekhyun hears you sobbing and hugs you tighter while whispering apologies and I love yous in your ear.

You were so upset and hurt that he broke it off just like that. All the anger and sadness coming out through your sobs and actions. You pushed him away while looking at him.

"W- What ar-are you doin- doing?" you asked while hiccuping. Now that you were finally able to take a look at him you cried even harder.

He was flabbergasted, didn't know what to do, but pull you in his embrace once again while apologizing, "I.... I'm sorry my love.... I'm so sorry"

He tightened his hug while whispering apologies and sweet nothings.

While you just stood there. Limp. Bawling your eyes out at the same man who broke your heart.

So many thoughts were bombarding your already tired head. Why is he here? Why is he hugging me? How did he recognize me? What the fuck?

Baekhyun let you cry in his arms while he soothes your back. Waiting for you to calm down before he speaks again. When you do he lets out softly, "I would like to speak with you. If that's okay?" pulling away at arms length so he can look at you. Trying to decipher the emotion on your face other than sadness.

You were so confused, "What do you even want to talk about?" giving a deep frown as you try to back away from him and have a decent amount of space in between.

Baekhyun didn't like that. Even though you created distance he still managed to graze his hands down to yours to intertwine them.

"I wanted to apologize" he started quickly. "I know I broke your heart and told you I no longer loved you, but baby was I so damn wrong," he tightened his hold on you.

Millions of emotions ran through you. Still confused obviously. But now. Upset. How can he just do that? One second decides he no longer loves you and breaks it off then come back because he was wrong. Who does that?

He was eagerly waiting for any type of reply, but all he received was a troubled look and thoughts running through your head.

"These past weeks we've been apart felt like hell. I realized I made a mistake shortly after I broke it off with you, but I didn't want to get back to you so soon because I wanted to be sure that I still love you. Which I do, which is why I was trying to plan something until I ran into you" he pauses. Letting you soak in what he said before continuing.

He saw your eyes move from the ground up to his eyes. He took that as a queue to talk again and hopefully convince you how sincere he is.

"Something in my gut told me to do it now or else I wouldn't have got a chance later. So I took it." he pauses again and slowly gravitate you towards him into an embrace so the both of you could look directly at each other.

"Now I am hoping you can forgive me and give me another chance because I love you so damn much. I'm a fucking moron to ever thought I didn't love you anymore. Please, baby. Give me another chance and let me be with you again." he softly lets out with his lips just a centimeter away from yours.

His eyes occasionally drift between your eyes and your lips. Somehow his arms were wrapped around you.

You were still soaking it in. Everything was too much at the moment and in the state you were currently in didn't help.

The whole time he talked you didn't even reply back with anything besides all the emotional looks he caught.

You were deep in thought. So deep in thought you forgot what was happening until you feel his arms tighten around you.

You can tell the situation was making him anxious and your lack of response made it 10x worse.

"I don't" you croaked. Clearing your throat you tried again " I don't know" you finally let out.

He ended up placing his forehead against yours and stared deeply into your eyes. "Please" he begged with a crack in his voice. He closed his eyes and his expression seemed like he was holding back his tears.

You didn't feel bad.

You pulled away from him. Making sure you were six feet apart and he stood there with his eyes closed. You can see a tear run down his pretty features.

"My number's still the same" you whispered. You stood there for another few seconds then turn to leave.

If he wanted you back then he better work his ass off.

You were not going to experience that heart break again. You wanted to be sure that he means it so if the both of you do get back together there wouldn't be doubts. There wouldn't be second thoughts of what if Baekhyun falls out of love with you again. Because you have no idea if you can handle that the second time.

-

As you are walking back to your friend's place. Your phone vibrates.

~

a/n: lmk your thoughts!

[darling-dummy-blogs]

A Dummy's Heartbreak- Victor Li (PT 2)

Summary: Cassandra calls up Victor telling him that she misses him leaving Victor conflicted with his emotions. He decides to go over to her house to check on her. The two end up rekindling something as the night goes on…

Paring: Victor Li x Cassie (OC)

Genre: Angst (With a bit of Fluff)

Warnings: None!

Fandom: Mr. Love Queen's Choice

Word Count: 2.5k

Notes:

Will be mainly focusing around Victor's perspective 

Will go into details about why and how they ended up breaking up. 

Possible Part 3…?

Massive thanks to @little-butterfly-writes for helping with brainstorming ideas for the break up 💜 (Go follow her, if you haven't already~)

So sorry for the delay with this part! With everything taking place, it's been hard to focus and write when I've been anxious and emotional over the situation within the MLQC fandom. Hope you enjoy <3

“I Miss You. I Miss Us..."

Hearing those words made Victor’s heart leap within his chest. He had hoped and dreamed of hearing these words almost everyday after the break up.

Victor remained silent for quite some time, unsure of how to reply to her words. His light breathing was the only thing that could be heard over the phone.

"...V-Victor? Are you still there?" She spoke out once again to him, the nervous tremor in her voice could be heard.

He swallowed, trying to process the words and managed to clear his rapid thoughts as he replied in a soft, yet quiet tone.

"I'm still here…" Before adding the words he wished to speak to her that day she left Loveland, "I miss you too… More than anything. But why are you suddenly telling me this now? It's been four months, Cassie."

"I-I know… I know it's been a while since I spoke to you… I just… Today… I-..." She trailed off, growing rather quiet.

His eyes trailed off from his desk to look at the calendar. His eyes landed on the day in question. His gaze softened. A deep frown appeared on his face.

"...Our third year anniversary…" He finished for her, his voice coming out rather hoarse, the sadness he felt at that moment made his heart ache.

He could faintly hear her sobbing on the other end of the line.

"I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't have called you. I just… I had such a rough day today, I-I couldn't focus.. I-I couldn't do anything right…"

She took a moment to catch her breath before continuing, "A-and then I realized what today was and it all made sense as to why I was acting like this, why I couldn't stop thinking about you.. Why I… miss you…"

"Cassie…" His voice came out soft once again, hearing her cry, utterly broke his heart. "Breathe… It's okay…" He tried to soothe her.

"I'm right here.." He spoke again. "I'm here for you. You know that."

Hearing those words from him, made her sob more, only louder this time. She knew that. Of course she did. But it still hurts that he isn't physically there with her.

"Cassandra." He spoke again, this time slightly firmer than before. "Listen to me… Breathe… I know it hurts. Trust me, I know more than anyone that it hurts."

He paused, as his eyes landed on a picture frame that laid upon his desk, one that he refused to put away since he had last seen her.

The frame contained an image of Cassie's bright smiling face. A photo Victor snuck in while she wasn't looking during one of their dates.

Staring at that photo, made his vision gloss over with tears. She looked so beautiful in that image.

She always did in his eyes. But he could never forget the look on her face, on the day of their break up.

He spoke again, "But you are strong. You can get through this. I know you can…"

"...Not without you by my side, Victor…" She spoke in a solemn tone as she had managed to calm down her sobs, sniffling.

"I-I've tried everything to get you out of my head, but nothing worked. I drank wine, just to try to forget about all the memories we made. But you still won't stubbornly go away…" She let out a sad chuckle at the end.

Victor grew silent again. A single tear slipped down his face as he stared blankly down at his desk. Taking in her words.

At that moment. He knew what he needed to do. He swallowed, as he wiped away his tears, speaking in a firm yet serious tone.

"Where are you right now?"

"I-I'm at home… Why?" Confusion clearly shown within her words.

"I'm coming to see you. Right now." He stood from his chair, gathering his suit jacket and left his office immediately.

--

The drive from Loveland to Cassandra's hometown felt long however, it wasn't too long as Victor pulled into the driveway of Cassie's home.

The anticipation of seeing her once again after such a long departure, made his heart flutter. He took a moment as he parked his car, looking at the house in front of him.

The sun barely began to set as he stared for what seemed like an eternity before unbuckling his seatbelt and stepped out of his car. Smoothening his jacket as he made his way to the door. Hesitating before ringing the doorbell.

A few moments passed by and the door flew open. The two made eye contact. Both stared at each other with wide eyes as though they had never met before.

Victor took in her appearance. He could tell she looked tired; the dark circles under her eyes, followed by how red and puffy her eyes were from crying. He could see the tears that stained her cheeks.

Gosh how he hated being the reason that she was upset. He mentally scolded himself for hurting such a loving girl such as herself. For fighting with her over a matter that she was feeling insecure about four months ago.

At that time, he didn't know what he had done to himself. But when she walked out that door, with that look on her face. He knew he regretted everything he had said to her in that argument.

He blamed himself for the longest time for saying such things to her.

Days if not weeks after the break up he did nothing but drink his sorrows away, threw himself into work to occupy and fill in the hole that she once held. Giving everyone at LFG hell to keep his mind from thoughts of her.

Sleepless nights filled with him crying over her, a side he refused to let anyone see. He wouldn't even want to let her see him like that.

His emotions got the better of him then. But now, seeing her within arms reach.. He wanted nothing more but to hold her and wipe away her tears. To take away her pain…

His eyes filled with tears, but he remained calm. She stared at him quietly with tears in her eyes as well, yet she refused to say anything. Fearing if she did, he'd disappear or she'd start bawling her eyes out once more.

She took a deep shaky breath, speaking out to him

"Come in…"

She opened the door wider for him. Waiting as he silently stepped inside. She shut the door quietly behind him as she wiped at her eyes hastily.

Cassie then gestured to the couch once they were in the living room, sitting down in the exact spot she was sitting before she called him.

He sat down next to her. However after realizing how close he was he slightly scooted away to give her some space.

Both of them remained silent for far too long.

Cassie proceeded to break the ice as she spoke, bringing her legs up to her chest while looking at him, "Why are you here, Victor..?"

"...I had to see you." He spoke as he kept his gaze low to the ground.

"I still don't understand… Why though?"

"Because Cassie… I missed you. Just as much as you missed me. I wanted to see you in person because I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"...Well.. I'm not okay…"

"..." He looked up from the ground to meet her gaze. A tear slid down his face. "...And I'm sorry for being the reason as to why you aren't okay…" He looked down at the ground once again

She frowned at that statement. "Victor…"

"No. I know that I'm the reason. That's why we broke up to begin with. I-I was too harsh with you.. I always have been."

She looked away. Shaking her head as tears filled her eyes. "That isn't the reason we broke up."

"Then what is it?"

"...The reason we broke up was because I was mad and upset with you for what you told me that day. It wasn't that you were harsh with me… because you were far from that."

She looked at him, moving closer to him, hesitating a second before cupping his face within her hands, making him look at her.

"Y-You were an amazing lover. And I loved you so much.. And if I'm being completely honest with myself. I still do love you. I believe that I always will…"

Her hands lightly caressed his skin, he brought his hand up, resting it on top of hers as he stared into her eyes.

Her lips trembled as she continued speaking. Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "But we broke up because of the awful rumors and ideas about my relationship with you that were being spread by numerous people online, especially by Chik. The argument we had that night took part of it but it wasn't the full reason."

"I didn't want to ruin your reputation. And I didn't want others to tear me down… I was insecure and I didn't want to be selfish by continuing to be with you… to have you to myself... that's why I told you that night if you wanted to end it. Then we would..."

He removed her hands from his face, holding her hands within his own, frowning. "Cassandra, you weren't being selfish nor were you going to ruin my reputation. I can now understand why you chose to break up with me."

"I didn't care about what those people were saying online about you, me or our relationship. I never cared about others' opinions but my own… It has always been like that. That was until you came into my life. Your opinion mattered most to me… That's why that day when you told me you were insecure about those rumors, I brushed it off."

"...Because I would never believe their words about you, because I know you. And I love you more than anything in this world. I just wanted to be with you…"

She stared at him in shock. Tears glided down her face as she listened to his every word.

"In hindsight… I should have cared a little more, knowing that you are more vulnerable and easily hurt by others words than I am… That was my error and for that I am sorry…" Tears slipped down his face as he added, "I-I never wanted to lose you, the way that I did."

He let go of her hands, moving to wipe at her tears, resting his forehead against hers. "I still… want to be with you. That's all I've wanted since you left."

He admitted, gazing deeply into her eyes. She stared into his eyes, nearly getting lost in them as she was unsure of how to respond to his words.

She swallowed as her breath hitched when she realized how much closer he was to her, which made her cheeks flush bright red.

Victor took in her expression, his eyes trailing down her face, taking in every feature. His eyes then landed on her slightly parted lips.

He missed everything about her, but in this moment, he missed the soft touch of her lips against his …

He leaned in closer, all self control he had at that moment seemingly lost as their faces were just mere centimeters apart.

She swallowed as her heart fluttered. As much as her heart wanted this, her mind wouldn't allow it.

She turned her head away just as their lips were about to touch

"...We shouldn't.. As much as I want to, it's still painful…"

He frowned, as he pulled away gaining control of himself once again, he looked down. "...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have.. I don't know what came over me..."

"It's okay, really… It's just… Hard…"

"I know…"

An awkward silence took over the two of them. Neither of them knew what more to say to one another.

"I should probably get back to Loveland.." He spoke, standing up after a moment in their awkward silence.

She looked at him, her hand reaching out to his. "No! Stay… Please…"

He looked down at her hand that held onto his. Moving his hand to softly lace his fingers with hers, looking at her.

"Are you sure you want me to stay?"

She nodded, giving him a small smile. "Y-yeah… I could really use the company… I was just about to put on a movie to watch…"

The corners of his mouth lifted upwards as he let go of her hand, sitting down once again beside her. "Alright, I'll stay. What movie are you thinking of watching?"

She smiled wider as she moved to grab the remote to the TV. "Mm.. I'm not sure honestly… Hmm… How does Beauty and The Beast sound?"

He let out a chuckle, knowing how much she adored that movie. She always loved watching it with him in the time that they were together, "Still love that movie? Even after watching it countless times? I guess some things never change."

Victor lightly teased her, smiling more as she rolled her eyes, pouting playfully at him.

"Of course I do! It's my favorite movie of all time, no matter how many times I watch it, it will always be my favorite. Now are you going to watch it will me or not?"

He looked at her as he laughed softly. "I'll watch it with you."

"Great." She giggled, as she then found the movie, pressing play as the movie began playing. Victor then made himself more comfortable, seeing as he'll be there for quite some time.

However, not even halfway through the movie, Victor feels Cassandra's head rest against his shoulder.

He didn't realize that she made herself comfortable and had curled up at his side. He looked down at her, his gaze softening as he realized she fell asleep.

He smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. "As usual… You always tend to fall asleep at any given time…"

Victor then shifted his hands to wrap around her, as he stood up. Being cautious as to not wake her. He lifted her up into his arms.

Taking her up the stairs and into her bedroom, he gently set her down on the bed, tugging the covers up and over her, making sure she was fully tucked in. He gazed down at her, moving a few strands of hair away from her face. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Goodnight Cassie… I love you."

He whispered before standing up straighter, turning to leave.

However a small tug to his shirt sleeve, stopped him in his tracks. He turned back to look at her, her eyes opened as she gazed at him sleepily.

"Stay… Please…"

How could he say no to that? His heart skipped a beat as he nodded. Moving to lay beside her, wrapping his arms around her as she moved to curl up close to him, her eyes fluttering close as her head rested against his chest.

He gently moved his hand to gently stroke her hair, as he often did many nights when they were together. He let out another chuckle as he leaned in to whisper into her ear...

"I'll always be here to stay...Dummy…"