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spirituallyunhinged · 4 months

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SO in this post i wanted to kinda track myself up until now to better see my progress throughout my practice but, as my own shit memory works against me constantly, im sure i’ll remember more as i go or like randomly in the near future

also its kinda my intro for this blog atm so thats cool (this took several hours n ik im missing key stuff but like its totally fine)

Rough timeline of my practice

got really into tarot

i watched so many videos on youtube with a friend of mine during like the end of 2020 to like beginning 2021 i think it was closer to 2021 tbh (this was also so many crisis times for other things too but once i went to college n ended up on calls with my friend we kinda got into it together)

2021

bought my own tarot deck and started doin readings for my friends n myself

side note: after reading for myself like twice n had no idea about veiling i gave my friend a few — the second time i did this i ended up gettin kinda possessed by their guide it was crazy n id love to be able to do it safely but it left me mad sick n i havent figured out how to do it without the sick afterwards but yea i ended up veilin hardcore for readings for a whileee after

stopped considering myself as a being apart of organized religion

while i was raised in the christianity kinda ive had multiple points durin my life where ive fallen off or gotten back on BUT after actually fading away from it i just decided i didnt wanna deal with the labels thing — tbf i wasnt really thinking i was anyways but i just kept puttin it off so i didnt have to deal with it :)

started gettin into like witchtok n witchcraft

i was super fascinated by witchcraft n i still am

went home for the summer and decided to pack it all away so my fam wouldnt notice

ended up still on the passive learning about witchcraft n tarot but like it was very little cuz i was goin through it

went back to college n my roommate was into tarot too

this was legit the best n i did so many readings for strangers when my roomie didnt wanna

started listenin to guided meditations on youtube n tryin to meditate myself

i struggle with it so bad tho hence the guided vids but yea no i hated it alot n dropped the everyday one like a week into it (now i do more like flow state meditation n i hate it alot less i want to do the silence one but i actually despise it)

i made a protective spray for our room

i was dumb about it tho n had to use a water bottle i stabbed holes in cuz i had only a tiny ass spray bottle (this one ended up goin with me everywhere

figured out out room was kinda haunted n while bein kinda scared i was more pissy about it

we left to the cafeteria n talked about it before goin back n i ended up talkin to our ghost n then we were vibin with em but ooo before we were cool they kept fuckin kickin my bed corner as i was about to sleep for legit two weeks before i brought it up n found out my roomie saw them knock shit off the desks n we both had been hearin the corners humming fuckin randomly until we looked over there like oh it was a time

i got into makin moon water n charging everythin i could get my grubby mits on

i kept stealin rocks from the campus n my friend gave me some theyd gotten for me when theyd gone out n about into nature it was great

ended up constantly veiling and worryin about protection on myself

this was due to being overwhelmed by the energy of large crowds i got like constant headaches n it was bad :D

oh subplot of the protection i ended up using the like shield technique before i was veiling and it was effective but like i didnt think it was enough n THEN i started veiling like all the time 🫠

got really into cleansing

this is something im still really into but at the time i did it like once a week n now i do it every time im in the shower since i saw a hack about using the waters properties as well as the cleansing stuff so yea that was it for me so yea while i still cleanse when i feel like i need to usually i cleanse myself everytime i shower

got into candles and candle magic more

bought some protection based books

i def read them but like ehh i use some of the things from em but i only got two n one seemed kinda intimidating since it was very hecate based which was so cool but like idk they were that guys personal stuff n i didnt wanna intrude (?) it was weird ik but eh its fine

sun cleansing! + a lil bit of sun water makin

kept drinkin the moon water until the aries one set me off for like two days of physical shaking

i didnt stop drinkin it but like i think about it more now instead of being like welp i made it im finna drink it all rn for fun 🤩

struggled with astrology— birth charts specifically

i still dont really understand birth charts n they confuse me :) so i had costar on my phone instead for a while

durin a readin for my roomie from another friend i ended up gettin kinda possessed again

this wasnt my fault i wasnt veilin cuz i thought i was safe… i was very wrong which lead to me veilin anytime someone was gettin a reading from my roomie

got a concerning amount of obsessed about soulmates

big yikes past me was still goin through it BUT in their defense past me kept gettin weird ass intuition based things about what i think was a potential soulmate kinda situation n then that person kinda kept sendin shit into my energy n latched on a lil bit but all good now 🫡

dreams dreams dreamsss

had so many vivid dreams that seemed to hold a shit ton of messages n everythin from “the divine” which then transferred to from my spirit team lmao

incense since my roomie loved it — smoke cleansed n protected the room with salt alot

started hearin things during my roomies readings of ppl

like i started pickin up on the shit their readings were sayin without doin anything which like this was primarily through songs but also really jarring yellin sometimes

went home for the winter break n accidentally brought our ghostie with me cuz i was worried theyd be alone n my roomie was takin the plant so

at home i was able to better sense the house ghost that was in the spare room i was sleepin in at the time

2022

went back to school n the veiling had to be bumped up to like all the time

aura colors!! like had to focus on ppl but ooo was so cool

was wearing protective charms n charged jewelry all the time

used so much music in my divination (shuffle that shiiitt)

woke up late at night n saw some like bad energy tryin to fuckin seep through the celling at me

was havin issues with a girl who wanted to like take over my place to be with my roomie n im pre sure that was from her but eh

said girl asked me to help her protect her room n i did cuz u wanted to be nice

did some candle magic for her n read her tarot like all the time too

had to take a theology course n an ethics one

the theology one was really into the old religions n mushrooms n like all sorts of stuff like that n the teacher was a Buddhist so it was so good

had a dream for my roommate n it was so vivid n weird cuz i did shit i would never ever want to do

when i woke up i realizedthat we had talked about her doin that thing like a month ago n i realized what the message was actually about but holy shit weird

learned about spiritual guides some more n tried to meet them

kinda worked kinda didnt but like i was using a guided meditation off youtube so after tryin again had some success (mainly through dreams)

went home for summer again n put it kinda on pause

it was during this time that i had a dream for another friend of mine who was all up in my energy at the time n it was actually fuckin terrifying

i have no idea what the dream was about but i had it woke up scared to some tall ass ppl over my bed like sternly tellin me to tell the other person n i asked them if i told them theyd leave n let me go back to bed without the terror — they said yes n was like “TELL THEM” kinda loudly n it was actually scary but yea i frantically typed that up n sent it to the person n once i did their ppl immediately left n i was immediately okay again

went back to school with a new roomie n more into protecting my room every few months

was learning n vibing with my spirit guides oh n more dreamss

saw a figure of a lady over my roomie late at night was pre freaky at the time

when i brought it up to her she was like oh 😀

stopped protecting so hard

instead of every time i cleansed i put up shields i kinda just put em up when i really needed em — stopped veilin all the time but like i kept up with the protective jewelry n rocks

in retrospect i think ive been doin it subconsciously n when im not my guides take care of it more now which is super nice im ngl

i learned about alters/shrines n that kinda worship

used that knowledge to make an alter for my spirit guides that was in my closet

made incense offerings n various food stuff

i remember giving them a huge ass chocolate easter bunny for help with something one time

did a protection spell in a teacup that sat on their alter too for a while

used a pendulum like all the time

read some tarot at a party for like five ppl

2023(?)

also sometime around here felt called to give a smoke offering for help with something n gave it to some greek pantheon figures

i really shouldve seen the hellenic polytheism coming like dammit it was so obvious

was like giving physical offerings i think pre often before learning that you could give energetic ones without a physical offering too

i was charging the physical offerings like every time before learning about how some ppl just give energy when they cant give physical stuff

a relative got really sick n i kept giving energetic offerings n incense for like almost a month

said family member decided to not go through any more treatment n once i found out i tried giving more but after visiting with my whole family i went back to my dorm n i got this feeling n heard “2 weeks” with like finality n it was like such a heavy feeling that came with it n i tried to put it off but like i knew that was all the time she had left with us

i ended up going home n spending as much time as i could there but yea it was like two weeks later when she passed n i was really not okay about it n i was angry that i hadnt given enough to get her to stay but ik there wasnt much we could do n i think my offerings mightve helped but couldnt have put that kinda thing off much but yea oof that was rough

took a week or so where i shoved my practice away after askin about her n makin sure she was okay

after that week or two i started doin more energetic offerings

saw a relatives dog right after he had been put down like before i knew he was gone n saw him run around the kitchen then walk over to my family member id lost earlier that year

dont remember anything else rn other than cleansing all the time n energy offerings like every night to my spirit guides

2024

reworked my alter

did some protective candle magic for my friend

basically on my own so been learning n havin some experiences here n there but having trouble with specifics rn

learned more about spirit guides

learned more about other forms of divination

mainly bone throws, dice, cartomancy, n some others i can’t remember

energetic offerings every night for my guides n talkin to em them

got wayyy better at hearing my guides

became really aware of the spirits id been seeing all of the sudden when talkin to my ma

once i realized id been seein them or like their energy n i focused i could see some features like what they tend to do n hair colors specifically

got really into learning about hellenism n devotional work

granted u had learned about it before as well but i came back into learning about it with a fervor

had some spirits turn up right before i went to bed

asked them to come back in the morning so that i could read tarot on it

started doing some worship type stuff for the greek pantheon through energetic offerings n while doing certain tasks

randomly tasted iced coffee for a few hours which i never have so i asked if someone wanted an offering n got a yes so did that which was cool

set up new alter/shrine spaces

started giving energetic offerings to my new shrines as well

last week of may i gave specific offerings because i was panicking about some medical issues n couldnt sleep it was a whole thing so i reached out to Hypnos for help sleeping and Asclepius and his daughters for help with the medical thing

this was a great idea from panic filled me tbh n ive been sleeping wayyy better n feelin better

ive been givin offerings since to them along with a few physical offerings

since then ive been tryin to learn n worship in my own kinda way

also ended up on new meds (im chronically ill lmao) n then because im allergic to em i ended up overnight in the hospital haha so i ended up turning to some if the gods for help

i gave a bunch of energy offerings since i was ya know not at home n then once i was free to do ish again i poured some offerings down the sink in the hospital

ive been attempting to add to my shrine rn but since i crocheted the cloth my spirit guides’ shrine has so i wanted to do that but i made like two version n hated em so far so im still workin on it

thats it for the moment but ill try to update it as i remember or like as ish happens!

#spirituality #idk what im doing #doing my best #spirit guides #energy work #i cant think of tags rn i spent so long on the actual post n i need a break

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bnnuy-wabbit · 6 months

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The cockroach incident? 👀

ok. picture me, your average flightless, featherless, biped animal. This happened roughly 2 months after i decided i wanted to drop out of college, but 2 months before classes were over, so i really was just Not Having It. I hated most of what i was studying and saw no point in continuing. I was 5 states away from my family, living in a shared apartment with a deadbeat roommate who was in the same house as me like once a week. It was the middle of the hottest summer i have ever experienced in my entire life. My apartment complex was this old moldy hole, full of spiders the size of a closed hand, bats in the attic (i had never even SEEN an attic but here we were and mine had BATS in there). and a brand new cockroach infestation. I was slowly going insane very quickly.

On top of all that I had a very stressful practical anatomy test to study for. It was hard ok? over 300 names to memorize across several different animal species. I was studying solely through videos because the teacher didn't let us actually study with the anatomical pieces. So there i was. 1am on a sunday. Sitting at the kitchen table, a white, plastic lawn table, broken. if you put too much weight on it it just came undone. Sweat is dribbling down my asscrack. I am studying to the sound of friday night funkin songs because it's the only thing that could keep my adhd ass awake while i binge studied.

Out of the corner of my eye i catch some movement and i see a Giant Flying Cockroach approaching rapidly. It was the size of my pinky EASILY. It lands on the wall opposite to my room's door. It stays there, its little antennae moving and flickering DISGUSTINGLY. I stare at it. I can't move. At that moment i am 300% sure if i move itll move and i really dont want that. I stare at it. unmoving. for half an hour. it doesnt move. but of course, im intelligent enough to know that sooner or later one of us WILL have to move, and the other one will die. So i figured, well, better for it to be me! So i get up. slowly. carefully. i walk towards the kitchen to get the broom. really fucking slowly. still staring at it constantly (it didnt move). i get closer to it again, broom in hands, shaking like a leaf. utterly terrified of the horrid animal in my house.

it begins to move.

i stop moving.

it stops moving.

every single time i moved it moved. i couldnt get my broom any closer to it without it Walking Around. It wasnt even running away or scuttling. it was just walking little steps, like it was mocking me. mocking me and my existence. mocking my every daily toiling.

i went god im SO FUCKING FUCKED! This is it! This is how i die! Death by trashbug!

so i stop moving. i dont move. i stop breathing. i become stone. my white ass camouflages within my landlord white surroundings. once again i go back to staring at it and its horribly long antennae. I just stare at it, trying to find the courage within me to stab the fucker. But one thing you need to know about me: i am a scared little animal who just happens to be very big. my soul is very small. it is puny even. i am proudly a coward. but being a coward doesnt fix the fact that there is a very scary bug threatening my livelyhood and my hopes and dreams and that im ALONE and have to deal with this myself.

and so i whack it. i whack the beast. i stab it. i shove the broom up like REALLY HARD against the ceiling. i am confident i smashed it because i very vigorously whammed a broom on the wall. it was very loud!!!! still, i keep it there for a moment, trying to gather the courage to let it go now because thats another entire beast. thats another task within itself. but like. im confident i killed it at this point. im confident my efforts paid off in the end and that courage wins every fight etc.

so i let it go!

and what does it do? It FLIES OFF! And i yell. i begin yelling. my throat gets hoarse.

the thing didnt even get a scratch! On top of that, it just flew STRAIGHT INTO MY ROOM.

At this point im this 🤏 close to a mental breakdown.

so my first idea, of course, is FUCK I SHOULD CALL MY MOM. She picks up despite the fact that it is now almost 3am. that does very little to comfort me because 1. shes 5 entire states away. thats half a country. 2. shes also terrified of cockroaches.

so yeah. dead end.

i tell my mom "im going to ask my elderly neighbor for bug spray" and she says "its past 3am dont wake up your elderly neighbor for bug spray".

so what do i do? i desperately bang on my elderly neighbors door for 10 minutes. Her 2 dogs bark a lot. Never once does she open the door, but i could very much hear her flipflops squeak on the floor, so she was just Standing There. I beg for her help, i ask for bug spray, im full on crying at this point and my voice is hoarse from the yelling from before. She begins praying like im some sort of apparition i guess. I can hear her praying to god or some shit and then leaves me to be. she doesnt ever reply to me directly. So i sit against her door like a very normal person, curl up on fetal position and lose my shit right there. i am shaking. i am crying. theres snot running down my face. im bawling.

eventually i drag myself back home. stand at my bedrooms door and i look at the fucking mess my room is. depressed grad student, ok? keep that in mind. theres dirty clothes all over the floor. actually. let me Show.

as you can see there are Many places for a cockroach to hide. so i decide to remove everything from my room. item by item. until i either find its hiding spot or die trying.

i find the cockroach. or rather, it finds Me.

It sneakily crawls up my leg just as i was about to move my clothing pile.

I scream. It fucks off.

I remove every last fucking thing from my room.

i flip the bed upside down, under it i find a lone galoshe. I figure that's where it was hiding. im too scared to touch it seeing as the thing has already flied several times and tried to CLIMB ME. I'm tired and Already out of my mind. I have no more fucks to give. Scared (still, as always) i sack the boot and throw it off my apartment. like, i just yeet the thing out. lock the door. Look at the clock. its like 3.30. i spent over half an hour hastily empting out my bedroom.

Honestly at that point i wasnt even sure the cockroach was in the boot. i felt i couldnt be sure it was dead until i found the body. it was late, so i called a friend to call down and broke into my roommate's room because my room no longer had furniture in it. I slept in his crusty ass sheets, the very ones he was fucking his very annoying girlfriend on top of a week earlier (he only had 2 sets and he hadnt washed anything bigger than socks in like a month. the apartment was small. his laundry was my business and i was Very Aware of its existence in the middle of the living room). so yeah. they were cummy. they were crusty. it was cracker solid. i could Not care less though.

i slept shittily until 7am. i ran to the store first thing in the morning to get the strongest bug spray i could find and also bug repellent.

I sprayed the entire house. I mean this. The walls were slick with bug spray. You could NOT breathe inside my room. Not even the kitchen was spared. I walked out of it smelling like mothballs and cancer and walked straight to the university so i could study to my effing anatomy test (it was monday, the test was on tuesday), eat and watch my classes.

I did just that. The entire day was unremarkable.

Oh actually. the elderly neighbor complained in the complex whatsapp group about a certain incensitive and unruly neighbor disrupting the peace late in the night. LM fucking AO.

I got home late, but still decided to clean my room from the chemicals. my roommate was home for once, so i told him what was going on, that id be cleaning the house because of the bug spray. I deep cleaned the whole house. I took special care of my room tho. At the end there was nary a speck of dust on my furniture (1 wardrobe, 1 bed, 1 beach chair). my clothes were folded. it smelled CLEAN IN THERE for the first time in weeks. i lit up the bug repelent. it was one of these babes.

I was SURE it was dead. the room had soaked all day in bug spray. i caught every single crevice in that room. i even sprayed INSIDE my box bed. it had to be dead. there was no way it wasnt dead. right???? right???????

i sat on my bed. i changed the sheets so it felt really good. i grabbed my computer and went back to studying. i was just vibing, man. i was just vibing.

The cockroach appeared from nowhere, climbed the wall, got sucked by the fan, flied, whacked me in the face.

I yelled, grabbed the my newly acquired spray can and then yelled some more. Then i remembered my roommate was home. I banged on his door until he opened it. shoved the thing on his face and dragged him into my room (me. tall guy. btw. dense. him, taller guy, confused, thin as a rail. just funny. to keep in mind). he went holy shit, thats big.

he sprayed it and everybodys biggest fear at that moment became true. again. it started flying. again. it went all over the room. he sprayed all over the room. it landed on my pillow, he drenched my freshly washed pillowcase in bug spray. it landed on the window, he sprayed the window until it was no longer see through. it scurried across the floor, he sprayed the floor. it went under my bed. then he stopped. i lifted my bed. he got it with his flipflop.

the evil was finally defeated.

but so was i... my clean sheets man......

#asks #storytime #sometimes i like picturing my life as a tragicomedy #thanks for the patience! took me a bit to recount this lmao #long post #i almost lost my sanity this day

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soemthingsparkly · 1 year

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scar totally makes like batman and spiderman jokes at grian or just like

scar: hehe hows the masked hero? having fun saving people?

grian: scar. im not a superhero.

scar: see thats exactly what a secret vigilante would say

(at one point grian just gives up fighting the superhero allegations)

also, if theyre in college where do they practice? i don't know how college housing accomodations work but i doubt the other students would be very happy to hear them practicing lol

Oh yeah, Grian is very much "I'm not a superhero, Scar," over and over again until he's on tour one day as Ariana and in the middle of a busy meet and greet, she decides to take a step outside for some air and she meets a fan who is hiding in the alleyway.

At first she freezes, thinking she's been spotted and will be asked for an autograph or to sign something, but the fan looks equally caught out.

But the fan quickly explains that she had a panic attack in the crowd and needed to get some air. She had no idea Ariana was going to emerge from this specific fire door, or any fire door at all.

Ariana relaxes. She says that she gets it, she gets pretty overwhelmed in crowds, too, and sits next to the fan.

They sit in silence for a couple moments, before the fan says, "this is the first time I've been out to a public event since my dad chucked me out. I was terrified. I've been a total hermit since then. But when I heard you were coming so close to my hometown, I needed to come and see you."

But Ariana is stuck on the first part. "Your dad chucked you out?"

"I asked him to call me Nina and he threw a fit. Gay was fine, apparently, but being a girl..."

Ariana blinks. "Oh... That... Sucks."

"Yeah," the fan, Nina, agrees. Then says, "I kind of didn't want to be here anymore after that. Boy or girl. I just wanted to... Stop."

Ariana's throat thickens. She pinches her bottom lip between her teeth.

"But you helped, you know? Hearing your music and watching your interviews. You've always made such an effort to be yourself and that means a lot."

Nina blushes a little and looks embarrassed. She reaches forward and holds onto the front of her converse. They're black with a small blue, white, and pink flag on the inside arch of her foot - hand drawn, it seems.

"You kind of saved my life," Nina admits. "I know that's heavy, but–"

"Are you a hugger?"

"Oh," Nina let's go of her shoes. "Yeah?"

And Ariana scoops her up in her arms. She holds Nina tight and, like a flicked switch, the girl clings to her in return.

Ariana is aware that she's digging her fingernails into the muscle of Nina's shoulder, but she can't let go of her just yet.

Not yet.

Not when Nina could've never been here in the first place.

"Thank you," Nina whispers and it sinks beneath the persona and enters Grian's ear.

He leans back and takes her hands in his. "Thank you, okay? For being here. For being here even though you were shit scared, okay?" Grian is aware he's dropping most of Ariana's affectations but he doesn't care right now.

In fact, "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anybody else? Like, don't breathe a word of it to anyone."

Nina tilts her head, then nods. Grian digs his phone out of the belt strapped to his thigh. He opens it and finds what he's looking for and takes a deep breath.

He turns the phone towards Nina.

"This is the real me."

And it is.

It's Grian, short-haired, low-ride tank-top wearing masculine bassist of Boatem.

It's a photo Mumbo had taken a few weeks and sent to the Boatem group chat. Grian had been riding Scar's shoulders in an attempt to replace the lightbulb in the tall, one-and-a-half story hallway of the student house.

Even without the bulb in place, he's bright and glowing.

Nina is staring at the photo with wide eyes. She looks back to Grian– Ariana, wondering if this is some kind of cruel practical joke.

Grian shakes his head and points to the small tattoo on his ribs, visible in the photo with his arms raised to reach the light fitting. He then raises his own arm and lowers the material of his bodysuit.

There it is, a small tattoo of a simple paddle boat.

Nina bursts into tears.

She hugs Ariana– no, Grian, again.

"Just, nobody, not even my crew or my band mates know, okay? You're, like, one of the only people in the world who knows now, so please, please don't say anything, okay?"

Panic is starting to rise in Grian's chest as he watches Nina process his reveal and request.

But she wipes her eyes and nods. "I won't, I promise. You're... Amazing."

Grian smiles. "You are."

And then they exchange numbers and Grian mentally shifts back to his Ariana mindset again. Nina squeezes his hand.

"Thank you, Grian."

"Thank you, Nina."

And they part ways, Nina to catch her train home, and Ariana to return to the meet and greet.

And as she goes back inside, she's reminded of the way Scar greets her whenever she returns to Boatem– home.

"Saved anyone today, G?"

And she smiles, because this time she knows she can say, "Yes. Yes, actually."

And it would be true.

I got a little carried away, I'm gonna answer the second part in a reblog of this answer, hehe. Watch this space!

#jaz talks #hermitblr #hermitcraft fanfic #grian fanfic #ariana griande #the best of boatem au #boatem band au #boatem

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lostacelonnie · 10 months

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so days ago i had a dream i never really wrote down for some reason so ill drop it in your askbox <(￣︶￣)>

this dream was set in college and the room looked similar except it was like at a high af floor building (this is relevant later) and there was clearly some Scott Pilgrim Shit going on because i had a crush on someone in the class and i was speedrunning what the teacher was explaining and my dream self decided to talk to them and they read my mind or something and gave me a quest to....

play the horror game they made(i have no horror tolerance) before a certain timelimit passed where they would get bored of this timeline and hop to another one "adhd-style" and if i managed to beat the horror game they made in time they would teach me how to timeline hop too and bring me along

i somehow started dual wielding both programming and gaming but my ass was so fucking scared at the horror game because it switched gameplay entirely everytime i opened a door and for some reason it induced eldritch fear in me

eventually a crowd gathered around me to give me moral support but then i had finally beaten the game after some arduous few minutes of me almost shitting myself(figuratively) because of a room where the doors jumpscared you and i just stood up with power brimming out of my soul and i walked up to them and they looked at me like "you are worthy. congratulations are in order" and then they raised their hand and the floor fucking collapsed?

i was sent to an alternate version of the classroom where the floor was part floor and part water and people were boating to get to their seats and leave the classroom and i looked for them around the water version of the classroom but couldnt find them and then i fucked up my boating skilps and fell off flying the tall as fuck classroom and below was a dance competition in a mall that i landed on and the judge said i had nice af moves and asked what my name was and i said "im sorry i just fell here by accident.... ill be taking my leave...." and the judge looked kinda sad and annoyed that i wasnt an official competitor and i wanted to leave quietly but the place was crowded

and instead of leaving through the door i saw a power outlet and since no one was near it and entered it and fucking entered the Cable Dimension which kinda hurt to be in but i managed to move to a different place of the mall and there was a game convention and they were showing this timeline's version of honkai impact as like a non-mobile action game similar to devil may cry and ultrakill and i started playing the demo there because holy shit blorbo from My Timeline????

the gameplay was odd because kiana's moveset was highly different but she looked like white comet still

like she had her normal white comet moveset but Cooler and an ability to turn the game into a 3rd person shooter by pulling out her gun but her bullets had a mechanic where if you hold the fire button instead of tapping and swing the aim fast with the mouse, releasing mid-swing would cause you to shoot a bullet that would curve to the opposite direction (with slight auto aim) and change the way it impacted the enemy

i remember like doing a heavy attack in this version of honkai impact with wildly different gameplay where kiana used a paw from white comet to send the enemy flying like to the left and i used a swinging bullet to the right immediately after the heavy attack and the bullet curved around and hit the enemy from the back and sent them back to kiana

also kiana had glowing orange strings she could throw enemies around and swing around spiderman-style with it was odd

my time on the honkai demo was over so i went to check out another game and it was a fucked up vr fighting game where your physical strength actually mattered and was required to cast your special moves and i met the person from before and i called them out and they just fucking one shotted me in the game somehow

i asked how the fuck they did that if the game is based on actual strength and how they timeline hopped and they just told me "I am this timeline. You are living in me."

so i guess i had a dream where i dated a timeline(?) and they showed me a version of honkai impact that was a mix of ultrakill and dmc and i dont know how to feel other than that this is another idea i could use to draw a yuri webcomic out of if i could draw

HELP ME........ TIMELINE YURI...... big fan of the Cable Dimension btw and also Finally. Honkai Impact 4th. honkai/ultrakill crossover when

#10/10 would read the webcomic #dihydrogen monoxide

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m1lfwarrior · 10 months

Text

Me porto bonito -miles earth 49 x reader

um ion rlly got a plan tbh might fuck around put it it into diff parts if yall like it

um warning i do bring up fire arms n shit so uh ya bai

oh n reader is the host of the symbiote silence😼

it was a warm night in the streets of Brooklyn, and y/n was walking alone home with nothing but streetlights to guide her. Her feet ached from the tall shoes she wore to the club.

'I can't believe she left me again..what am I supposed to do when it gets worse'

'I told you she wasn't shit, this isn't the first or last time this happens'

Stuck in her mind speaking to the second organism living in her body about how her supposed best friend left her alone for some guy she just met the same night;she doesn't realize she is in front of a dark alley near her house...

A dark, gloomy alley where grunts are coming from deeper within.

Her hands got clammy and teeth clenched despite her nervousness, she uses the symbiote to sharpen her hands into claws. She takes cautious steps deeper in the dark alley.

Upon reaching the source of the grunts, she sees a boy clutching his in pain with heavy breaths.

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide as he looked at the girl while scrambling for a piece not too far from him

"BACK-back...up. I'm-I'm not scared to use this" his hands shook, and his words got caught in his throat and came out as a weak croak.

Y/n put the claws away and sat there with her hands up trying to think about what to do

ignoring every thing her symbiotic partner has to say about how ridiculous it is for her to have her hands up, she resorts to the best choice

"look... I don't live far and im a med student, I can help you...if you'll let me"

she spoke cautiously while slowly bringing her hands back down to the side, watching the boy weight out the chances of her lying.

Finally, after too many seconds for y/n's liking, he furrowed his eyebrows and nodded, giving her the consent to take him

"could you...you know, put the gun down?" he dropped the gun hastily putting it on safety

"how... how are you getting me out of here" he questioned her, still weary of trusting her but deciding she's her best bet at staying alive.

y/n wordlessly picked him up, silently thanking the added strength her opinionated symbiote provided.

2nd pov

Speak of the devil.

'Should've left him behind he doesn't even want our help, I mean, he pointed a GUN at us'

and she shall appear

"he's just scared, I don't blame him" you quietly muttered a reply, hoping the boy in your arms is too out of it to process the fact you're technically speaking to yourself.

But luck is never on your side it seems, so that just wasn't the case "who are you talking to" the boy who's starting to become weaker by the second questioned quietly.

'shit'

'Really should've just left him' silence's voice almost had a hint of disappointment under the teasing she was sending towards you; however, you ignore her, not wanting to seem even more crazy to the boy you were trying to help.

'You even lied to him, you're no med student, you're just a girl in a liberal arts school with an “acounting” job'

You try to ignore her attempt at getting to your head, but the truth is she's right. You don't have a clue how you're going to help with the short first aid course you took first year of college before your parents left to work out of the country.

Brought out of your own thoughts, you come upon the small house you get to call your own.

"Silence" signaling the symbiote to hit the light switch, you gain a look from the boy as you gently put him down

"n...no one spoke.." he weakly reaches for the gun you're taking away from him, clearly becoming more weary by the second. You finally decided on what to do.

"Honestly, I don't know you, but you are on the verge of death, so I get it that you don't trust me. But could you please try not to move around too much on some help me help you type shit?" he looked at you through knitted brows, pain evident in his features, and nodded.

His reluctant agreement satisfied you enough to walk away and get the first aid kit to at least clean his wounds and get time for yourself.

Of course, that isn't possible when you have a conscious organism in your body.

You look in the mirror to the contorted version of your face. You've gotten used to the large white eyes and the slits in the place of a mouth that emerged whenever silence wanted to speak without popping out beside you.

"So what's the plan, miss med student?" despite her name, she is very much not silent however her voice is almost whisper like, certain words getting elongated due to her scarce knowledge of English.

Your breath hitched at the time appropriate question, but instead of answering, you close your plump lips tight and search for the first aid kit. "Oh no don't tell me, you don't have a plan, do you?" now at the side of your face large white eyes now closed into disapproving slits; "look, silence I don't know how you can expect me to just-"

Hacking coughs resonated from your living room, suddenly reminding you both you're horribly out of time, silence looks at you one last time before disappearing back into your body, quickly going back to searching for the kit.

...

Miles was doing just as well as anyone would think, overrun with the stinging pain of multiple stab wounds, throbbing bruises, and gaping cut along his stomach; just peachy.

He hates being trapped in a strange house with a girl who claims she is a medical student, but has been sitting behind him this past semester. Unfortunately, he has no choice but to unsuccessfully attempt to slow the bleeding and grip to the bit of consciousness he still possesses.

It's now been a good minute since the girl miles still doesn't trust a bit has gone elsewhere, presumably to get something to help him with or to kill him, hopefully the former rather than the latter.

To miles this feels like hours, an excruciating wait to his unknown fate, but finally a door is heard.

...

By the time you have returned to the couch, mystery boy isn't so mysterious, even with his face littered with various small bruises you can still recognize him as the Morales boy; his father was brutally killed in action not too long ago.

'Well look at that a familiar face, wonder if he realized you're not a med student yet"

you shook your head, trudging forward towards the couch containing the injured boy.

"so how you planning to patch me up, med student ?" the venom in his voice answered the question asked by your built-in in companion. You take a deep thought ful breath as you crouched in front of the dying boy, staring for a little longer than appropriate.

"just um.. Close your eyes, try to relax, and please trust me ok miles?" he gulped down whatever spit he had in his mouth and closed his eyes.

You put your hands on his abdomen, grazing the gaping slit on it "silence" ; before anything happened miles put his head up about to open his eyes to say something, but before he could complain white and orange tendrils enveloped his wounds.

He shot up, eyes open as grunts escaped from his throat due to the unfamiliar and invading feeling.

Once it was over he sat there, his chest rising and falling rapidly, "what-what the fuck are you!?" he half hardly sat up and pulled out his back up piece now overrun with energy unlike you who slowly got up to get a cup of water.

"Sorry, not much I can do about the scars.. I'm sure girls will love them though" you spoke too calm for someone with a gun pointed at them. While reaching up for a cup, your senses went hay wire at the tool pointed at you.

"i really don't think you should turn your back on him"

"no matter, thanks to you, I'm basically immortal"

By now, miles was sick of watching you seemingly talk to yourself, "YO ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION FORE I PUT BULLETS IN YOU" ; his outburst only intensified the pulsing headache you had and upset your symbiote, causing you to get nauseous.

"I'll answer your questions, keep the gun if you want, but it won't do you any good." you make your way over to the unsoiled couch and gestured him to take a seat causing him to shake his head "no I'll stand" you nod and take a sip of your cup.

"A couple of years ago" you wanted to start the long story of how you and a symbiote came together to create silence, but... "Get to the fucking chase" miles wasn't having it.

So you decided to let her explain it "silence" and at the call she popped up from your neck, a floating slimy ball of white and orange with white slits for eyes and red ones for a mouth.

"The name's silence, pleased to meet your acquaintance" his eyes wide in disbelief of what he was seeing.

...

What the fuck how did I get in this situation...all I wanted to do was make money for my mom; now I'm in this empty cold ass apartment with a girl too calm for her own good and her...pet?

...

"I know you are confused boy but believe me I don't bite..y/n here won't let me" a sick chuckle left her 'mouth' at her less than funny joke(?). "I can smell your fear boy loosen up y/n was just trying to help even though I told her not to, no hard feelings,”silence was now floating around the girl he now knew as "y/n" if that's her real name, "you can calm down and put the tool down"

"And how-how did you..meet?" he was hesitant in listening to the creature but eventually put his weapon down on the ground;although, refusing to kick it away. "So let me tell you," y/n said now recharged and ready to explain her and silence's story.

(tbh ian coming up wit a long ass backstory for an alr thingy js kno parents were scientists and insane and aint een realize they kid fused with their experiment)

As miles sat there trying to process the insanity he just heard; y/n gets up and walks closer "im not one to make people pay me back for doing stuff for them unannounced," she paused and swallowed hard "but if you could keep this a secret, I'll do anything".

Miles finally looks at her eyes and purses his lips, "anything?" his tone critical and questioning.

Y/n nodded and furrowed her eyebrows ready for whatever conditions he may have, "what do you know about...the prowler?" miles questioned now watching how he worded things incase she turned back on her deal.

...

Your palms were red with the strength in which you squeezed your fists closed after miles gave his perquisite for keeping your secret.

“You want me to be your personal little nurse cuz you wanna run around playing criminal?!”

Miles didn't enjoy you insulting his demands and scoffed, "you either do this or," he paused and picked up his phone,"I air out your secret to the whole school." there was a certain daring tone in his voice, the kind you shouldn't doubt.

"Do you realize how that sounds miles?" you shot back clear disbelief in your voice “‘'meet y/n l/n the freak with the parasite–" silence shoots out of your back "I'm a fucking symbiote chill out" you quickly apologized "– that heals and talks' doesn't that sound like insanity miles?"

He shrugs, clearly willing to take the chance of being viewed as insane by the school for spreading such rumor. Miles knows it's gonna get blown out of proportion and get turned into some sort of std, he knows you have no choice, and he knows you know it too, no matter how much you deny it.

So, against your better judgement, you accept his request and agree to become his personal healer.

On the condition he wont be a stranger at school.

Thus your skewed odd friendship started.

#miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #black reader #idk man #ermmm what the scallop #injury

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smwprivate · 2 years

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Warning: Word vomit and gushy post

I don't say this often but I am really proud of myself. I got myself through college and I seriously did not think I would. I had a really hard freshmen year and then when things picked up covid happened. In 2020, after getting on academic warning I had one more quarter to get my grades up or else I was going to be expelled. I was so scared. I thought it was the end of my college life. I decided to take control of my life by starting therapy and getting help for school. I dropped down to only a few classes per quarter and worked my ass off to finish. I ended up passing winter quarter! After that I decided to listen to my heart and change majors. I wanted to be a psychology major... I went into college as a psychology major and made friends in the program but after a while I fell out of love with it. I felt dread and fear whenever I thought of going back to those classes. It was terrifying to realize something you went to school for and spent 3 years studying was not for you. I dont know what it was but I decided to look into education. I researched and found someone to talk to about being a teacher. I realized then that THIS was what I was meant to do. I felt so silly, id always wanted to work with kids and be a teacher i have no clue why I didn't do it. I knew there was something missing in my life. I was pursuing a child development minor so I could work in a school as a school psychologist...hindsight is 2020 though. Anyways, I enrolled in the program and once I got back on campus I had my first quarter of the ed program! I was so scared to start all the way back at the beginning. I had spent 3 years in a different program and I had no idea what it would be like. I ended up having s great quarter and FINALLY getting my love of school and life back! I thrived and continued to thrive for the next 6 quarters. I have had the best time being in a classroom and learning. Flash forward to now. It is the day before spring quarter ( my last quarter before student teaching) and I am filled with so much excitement. I did it! Im on track to graduate and Ill be a teacher by December!! I have worked my ass off to get to this point. I am sooo proud of how far ive come. Im in the throws of graduation planning and getting ready for student teaching and life beyond. I am soooo excited to teach. Anyways, this was long but i needed to write it out. I can honestly say I am proud of who I have become and what i am doing. My family is proud of me too. My mom told me today how proud she was of me and that kinda prompted this rant (she knew all thr shit from before). Anyhow... I just wanted to write this out. Lets do this

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bornsexyesterday · 1 year

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kidney inspection for your ocs while im at it too tell me about them

THANK YOU FOR AN EXCUSE KIDNEY ANON <3 uhhhh ramble under the cut 4 ppl that care.

okay so my brain is focused on eon and leo rn so uhm.ill ramble abt them bc they r the only ones w a coherent storyline (kinda)

leo is basically your standard high school drop out because he is a( tired b( traumatized so he just ends up working a bunch of retail jobs but quits them frequently because he gets bored or he cant stand the people there because he cant be bothered to go to college and eon is basically an ex mormon that moved to the town leo lives in for college and because he wanted a change of scenery.

So basically he got another job at like some 24 hour food service place thats not super popular where he meets eon because they come to the place every other day around the ending of leo’s shift to the point where leo just prepares their order before they arrive because eon asks for the same thing every time.

so one time leo has it already prepared when eon arrives but it turns out they wanted something else and they both end up talking because the day in particular had been slow and decided to hang out after leo’s shift and BOOM.they become friends

then sometime later leo becomes gay for eon because they arent annoying or boring and dont judge him for being a train wreck. The only problem is that eon had told him that they dont really date people because a(they are scared of commitment b(trauma and prefer they just do things with other people not because it means anything but because they enjoy the company

uhhhhh thats!all i have thought out uhm tldr they r slowburn 100% they are both idiots and dance around eachother uhm.thank you for listening <3

#This took me way too long to type oops #ask tag #kidney anon #oc tag

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reawritesthings · 3 years

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domestic pleasures | wanda maximoff

summary: you were new to westview and you automatically caught wanda’s eye. overtime, you allowed wanda to take good care of you.

pairings: mommy!wanda x fem!reader

word count: 2.2K

warnings: 18+ MINORS DONT INTERACT. degrading, mommy kink, vaginal fingering, eating out someone. slightly overstimulation. slightly forced orgasm. wanda uses her power. dom!wanda. teasing. reader is in love with wanda's boobs. (if i have missed anything, please tell me) :)

authors note: IM BACK with another. the comments and the feedback for lemon tree was shocking. thank u everyone for reading it!! i wasn’t expecting that reaction. anyways, enjoy this :) feedback is appreciated

You never considered yourself lucky, especially in a new town that looked beautiful when the sunset toned the streets. You were a broke college student, desperately trying to make ends meet with groceries, bills and books. It was stressful to find some work in a town full of people who minded their business, except a family of four.

You hardly saw them until Wanda came knocking on your door, offering you meals that she made for her family. Wanda knew from the many nights she saw you from your window that you never ate a full course meal.

Her flower wasn’t nurturing the right way, and she hated it. Wanda didn’t like seeing her flower work too hard. But she did love the choice of outfits you wore.

An oversized shirt that always curves over your bum, giving Wanda a perfect view of your laced panties. She loved watching you, admiring you from afar. You were oblivious to her gestures, just like she wanted you to be.

When she saw you one night taking small bites of her lasagna, she swore that she heard a moan escape from your lips. It captivated her to continue to bring you food so she can listen to those pretty little moans of yours.

Over time, her motherly instincts switch on. She monitored your eating pattern, especially when you were in the middle of your finals. She watched you take scoops of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth and chugging energy drinks into your system.

You were hurting her flower, and she didn’t like it one bit. Wanda then decided she would take matters into her hand. When Wanda asked you out of the blue to come over to fix her printer, a ready-made meal was waiting for you.

It was a small fish dish with tons of vegetables. You weren't a fan of vegetables; half of them weren't your favourite either. You tried to pass the offer but, Wanda was very persuaded. She insisted you stay and eat with her, as a token of thanks for fixing her printer.

You didn’t want to be rude so, you sat with her, watching her cut up her potion. Wanda noticed that you hardly touched your greens, which made her angry. She didn’t show it, as she didn’t want to scare off her flower.

Wanda simply got up from her seat and accidentally brushed your shoulder, apologising straight after. She bent her body towards you, allowing you full access to her chest. You gulped in pleasure at how beautifully shaped her tits were.

“If you eat your greens, you can touch,” Wanda whispered, biting your earlobe. She watched as you gripped your thigh, smirking at how easy it was to persuade you to do something.

You sat there and, Wanda made sure you ate every vegetable on your plate. Each time you ate a vegetable, she kissed your neck, praising you for obeying.

“You can do it. We don’t want to see what happens when you don’t listen, sweetheart.” She mumbled against your skin, making you squirm in your seat.

Wanda slowly started to suck on your neck, feeding into you like you were her dinner. She heard a little whimper come from your lips and licked the mark she created.

“One more, sweetheart.” She praised, brushing her thumb against your cheek. She tangled her hands through your hair, pulling it slightly as she saw you fiddle with the last vegetable.

You quickly ate the last vegetable, looking up at Wanda for praise. She sent a sweet kiss to your lips, humming words that made you feel warm inside.

You instantly felt your body respond to her touches. She was seated next to you, and you felt lost. You didn’t know what came over yourself when Wanda pulled you onto her lap. You instantly snuggled into her, letting your face buried between her chest, as she brushed her fingers up and down your back.

You lightly kissed her breasts, smiling at how big and comfy they were. Wanda smirked and bounced them up, causing you to moan.

“Since you ate all your greens and study real hard today, you get to have some dessert. How does that sound?” Wanda whispered into your ear, seeing you nod almost immediately.

“You are so responsive to my orders, aren’t you?”

You nodded, feeling a blush appear.

“Such a good little flower.” She cooed, pulling you off her and pushing you down onto the floor. She opened her legs and watched your eyes widen at her movement. You saw that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

“Be a good little girl and take your dessert. I’m going to make sure you taste every last drop, understood?”

“Yes, Wanda..”

Wanda tutted, “Mommy. You call me Mommy.”

“Yes, Mommy.” You whispered and slowly brought your face to her entrance. You placed your hands around her thigh, and in a straight line, you licked her core. Wanda had no time for you to tease her. She was horny enough from just seeing you obey her. She grabbed a handful of hair and forced your mouth to suck on her cunt. You moaned at the force, trying to suck on every inch of her folds.

Wanda knew you were new to this, as your technique were wonky. She arched her hips towards you, thrusting her cunt into your face making you have no access to breathe. You allowed your tongue to explore her, trying to graze every spot to please her.

Wanda moans found your ears and, you moaned against her core, sucking on it harshly like it was the last edible thing on earth. Again Wanda thrust into you, making you accidentally bite her core. Wanda moaned louder, and you continued to latch onto her bud. You knew she was getting close as her folds clenched around your tongue. She managed to pull on your hair once more and gave you no warning that she was close to an orgasm.

Wanda, in no time, thrust once more before flooding your mouth with her cum. You tried your hardest to suck on every sweetness she gave you. Your lips were attached to her core for a little longer before she moved you away, brushing her finger against your swollen lip.

“You gorgeous thing. Those plumped lips are so useful to me. You were so good, sweetheart. You made Mommy feel so good.” She whispered, pulling you up by your shirt.

“You did so well, darling.” She hummed, allowing you to rest your head in her chest. Wanda watched as you gave her light kisses to her chest, grinning at how easily it was for you to be a submissive.

Wanda slowly moved your face away for her, causing a little whimper to escape your lips. Wanda only grinned at her flower, loving how needy you were for her.

“Go get some rest, darling. Those essays won’t write themselves.”

You nodded and slowly got off her lap, “Yes, Mommy.”

Wanda bit her lip at your tone and watched you stumble your way out of her home. She took the glass of water from the table, taking small sips as she amusingly watched you tumble and walk into things.

“Goodbye, little one.”

—

That night you were sorely in the zone to complete one of your essays. A temptation inside you sprung to light after you left Wanda’s that afternoon. You could still taste her in your mouth, and you craved more.

You felt lost without her near. You never depend on someone like you did with Wanda. She was turning you into something that you read in novels, and you liked it.

A little too much.

It was quarter to midnight and, you just finished a second essay. You were tired from studying and decided to take a little nap before returning to your books. However, that nap didn't exactly happen when you found yourself cradled against Wanda's chest.

You awoke and found your face buried deep in Wanda’s boobs. Unaware of how that happened, Wanda pushed your face back into her chest. She knew that you needed her touch, and just like the submissive you were, you took full advantage of it.

“You overworked yourself, sweetheart.”

You hummed, looking straight up at her. You eagerly tried to kiss her lips but, Wanda pulled back and smacked your thigh. You jumped in confusion, putting your head down as you didn’t like it when Wanda was mean.

"You naughty girl. Are you that desperate for Mommy’s lips? You want Mommy to taste whatever you are feeling in your panties.”

You let out a loud moan as Wanda harshly pressed her finger against your soaking core.

“My sweetheart. You are soaking. Did Mommy make you wet, darling?”

You sheepishly nodded and tugged on her bra as Wanda slapped your throbbing core.

“M-Mommy,” You moaned against her breasts, finding a way for you to tug on her nipple. Wanda hummed and saw how close you were getting to her nipple and slapped your core again, but with more force.

“Not yet. You must let Mommy taste you first. Is that what you want?”

You nodded quickly.

“Desperate little thing. You are such a slut, darling. Look at you, trying to hump Mommy’s fingers. How badly do you want Mommy’s fingers?”

“So badly. Please. Please.” The sounds of your begging made Wanda pinch your core. You let out a moan and squirm at the pain.

Wanda slowly pulled your panties down, watching some of your juice trails down your thigh. Wanda’s fingers managed to clean the excess. Without any warning, she stuffed her fingers straight into your mouth.

“Suck.” She demanded and, you obeyed, moaning at the taste of your sweetness.

“You ready for Mommy’s fingers? How many does my flower get?”

“As much as Mommy likes.” You moaned, and Wanda let out a chuckle at how much of a good submissive you were.

Wanda took one last look at you before taking her fingers out of your mouth and slammed them straight into your hole, hearing you cry in pain.

“Taking them so well, darling. Do you know how many fingers are inside you?” Wanda asked, her eyes darken.

You shook your head, pleading with her to go faster.

“Let’s count, Sweetheart.” Wanda whispered, and used one finger to hit one of your spots.

“How many was that, gorgeous?”

“O-One..”

Wanda grinned and did the same again but with three fingers this time causing you to moan louder.

“F-Four?” You manage to say and Wanda shook her head.

“Would you like Four fingers inside you?” Wanda whispered into your ear, fucking your core hard.

You barely gave her a response. Wanda took that as a yes and added another finger inside you. You felt your hole stretch like never before as Wanda slammed her fingers inside you. The tears spilling in your eyes made you grip Wanda's hand.

Wanda smirked and removed your hand from hers. She laughed as she gripped your jaw, so she could see you fall apart.

"My sweet angel. You look so beautiful." Wanda whispered and gripped your jaw harder. You let your tears fall from your cheek as she thrust her fingers in and out of you. You felt your orgasm near as your folds tugged on her fingers.

Your eyes began to see stars as Wanda used some of her magic to add more harsh momentum. You had no idea of Wanda's being a witch and, Wanda loved your obliviousness.

You started to ride her fingers, feeling your high coming through. Wanda kissed your tears away, planting a small kiss on your nose before slapping your thigh to indicate that you could cum.

"Go on, darling."

You cried out in pleasure as you let yourself loose on her fingers, sobbing as Wanda helped you ride your high. Your walls still clenched around her fingers, as you didn't want her to pull out.

Wanda smirked, loving how you took her so well.

“You are so well behaved, Sweetheart... taking my four fingers very well. You are a good little slut, aren't you? So glad I found you."

You opened your mouth, and Wanda laughed at your loss for words.

"How about we run you a bath? Does my little flower need a bath?”

You nodded and hissed at the pain as Wanda took her fingers out of you. She kissed your lips and then your neck, praising you whilst she gently made her way down to your swollen core. She gently kissed your swollen bud and gave you a sweet lick before picking you up.

Out of embarrassment of crying, you buried your face in her neck and watched her carry you towards the bathroom. You still let some tears fall as you felt the pain. She gently placed you on the counter, brushing your hair out of your face as she pinches your thigh teasingly.

“My sweet darling. Look at you. You were so good with Mommy today. You are the most gorgeous thing when you are crying. Those little sobs were for me, and Mommy loved watching you fall apart.”

You felt your cheeks burn with shame as Wanda degraded you. You wiped your tears on your jumper as you heard the tap run. Wanda cooed you, peppering your face with kisses.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” She chuckled and helped you into the tub. You hissed at the pain when the warm water hit your core. Wanda slowly pushed you down, leaning over to wash you.

“No more crying, sweetheart,” Wanda whispered and gently began to bath you. You nodded and stayed put and allowed Wanda to care for you.

“Thanks, Mommy.”

Wanda smiled and placed a small kiss to your cheek. “Anytime, darling.”

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff imagines #dark!wanda smut #scarlet witch smut #scarlet witch x reader #wanda maximoff x fem!reader

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

SLEEPLESS

a/n: omg! it's been so long since i last wrote something for harry so it feels a bit weird but in a good way to be back. i've been spending more time offline so writing hasn't been going that fast like before, but im working on a few other stuff too! just please be patient with me, im trying my besti swear! so now enjoy this oneshot of two oblivious and stupid roommates who start sharing a bed...

pairing: Roommate!Harry x reader

word count: 8.1k

masterlist

Living with three boys has its perks but also a lot of downsides too. It’s not how you planned, you were set to move in with one of your friends from second year, but she bailed on you last minute, leaving you with no place to live when most of the houses were already taken for the next at least one year. You were bracing yourself to sleep under a bridge or something already when your heroes came along.

You went to high school with Harry Niall and Louis, but you weren’t exactly in the same friend group, just knew about each other. Then you ended up in the same Lit class freshman year with Harry and he was basically your pass into their little group. You hit it off pretty easily and you always wondered why you didn’t become friends before college. Later you had two more classes with him in the second semester and it was just all a coincidence that he found out about your living situation.

“Why don’t you move in with us?” he prompted one afternoon when you were studying together in the library.

“I’m not sharing a room with any of you, Harry,” you sighed, shaking your head.

“You wouldn’t have to. We had a fourth mate living with us but he dropped out about a month ago. You could take his bedroom.”

“Are for real? You should talk about it with the boys first, don’t you think?”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind it. They like you too and if I’m being honest, the place could use the touch of a woman,” he smirked and you just rolled your eyes, but you were incredibly thankful for the offer.

So after talking with Niall and Louis about it and once they gave their amens on the situation, you officially moved in with the three of them.

You’d be lying if you said there hasn’t been times when you thought about choosing the bridge, living with boys is not exactly a dream. They are messy, sometimes loud and oblivious about certain things women do and need. You’ll never forget Niall’s face when you packed the shelf above the toilet with your tampons and pads. The horror in his eyes as he examined all the different sizes and types.

“But why so many? I don’t get it why you need the large ones and the mini ones too,” he huffed.

“Because I vary them according to the strength of my flow.”

“Bless you,” he scoffed and just walked away.

They tend to leave their clothes around the house and they don’t always realize when it’s time to let some fresh air into the place either. Harry has a sixth sense wanting to use the bathroom when you’re in and Louis always forgets to get rid of his spoiled food from the fridge. Tini things that surely got you thinking if it was a good idea to move in with them. But then there are times when you can’t even imagine sharing a home with anyone else than these three idiots.

The way Harry always leaves you a cup of coffee on the counter when he has an early class on mondays and wednesdays, how Niall always waits for you to get home after your night shifts at the restaurant you’ve been working at, but he always just says he was watching Supernatural on TV. You love that Louis goes out of his way to get you your favorite pastry for breakfast on sundays when he goes for his morning runs. But the absolute best is that you never feel alone or bored with these three around. Something is always happening and they make sure to involve you in everything, making you feel like part of their little pack.

Tonight is Thursday and Thursdays are movie nights in your home. It’s been a tradition since the first week and you haven’t missed any of them. Sitting on the couch at your usual spot, you laugh as Niall growls in annoyance when you suggest to watch another rom-com.

“Not again!” he protests, sitting on the floor by the coffee table you and Harry thrifted a few months ago after the previous one was broken at a smaller party held in the house.

“Why? I bet Harry would love it!” you grin, glancing at the guy in talk who is now entering the room with a big bowl of popcorn.

“Of course he would, because he is a pussy! And the two of you always team up, dragging Louis with you so I can never watch something I enjoy!” Niall whines as Harry sits next to you, not too bothered by his friend’s cries.

“Come on, I bet you enjoyed Crazy, Stupid Love last week!” you laugh, remembering how he whined for the first part, then fell asleep at the end.

“Love, if you think that was enjoyment, I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend,” Niall scoffs and you gasp at his reply.

“Hey!” you snap at him, but can’t help laughing. This is how it always goes with you and Niall, the non-stop bickering can sometimes drive Harry and Lou insane.

“Okay, so what do you want to watch?” Harry asks, throwing some popcorn into his mouth as he gets comfortable, an arm resting on the back of the couch behind you, the other one busy with the snack in his lap.

“There is this new horror I’ve been dying to see!” Niall’s blue eyes light up right away, but you’re fast to break that shine.

“Nah, no way. I’m not watching a horror movie.”

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking hate them and they scare the shit out of me.”

“That’s like the whole point!” he protests, but you shake your head no again.

“What are you fighting about again?” Louis asks, walking into the room after his quick shower, the smell of his body wash filling the room for a few moments.

“I want to watch a horror movie, but Y/N is a little baby and she doesn’t want to.”

“I’m not a baby! I just don’t enjoy watching people get killed or demons sucking the life out of someone!” Niall just rolls his eyes at your response.

“But it’s always what you or Harry wants to watch, why can’t I choose just this once?”

“That’s not true, we watch movies you like too!” you retort, but Niall gives you an unimpressed look. “We watched that crime thing, that was your choice!”

“That was three months ago, Y/N,” he sighs and as you do some quick math you realize that he is right.

“Hey, he has a point. Let’s just watch what he wants this one time, yeah?” Harry curls his arm that’s been on the back of the couch around your shoulder and he pulls you to his side, squeezing you gently.

“But I hate horrors,” you pout, knowing well that it’s already kind of settled, you lost this battle.

“It’s just a movie. And if you get scared in the night, you can sleep at mine,” he offers with a wink that surely makes your heartbeat fasten a bit.

If you’re being honest, you’ve always had a tiny crush on Harry, even back in high school, when you didn’t really know him. He was the cool guy, but not the douchebag type, more like the one that was nice to everyone and earned their respect and liking. Getting to know him just proved that he really is a great guy, but you figured he would never feel the same way about you. These three guys only saw you as their sister and that was in a way kinda worse than being friend zoned, but there’s nothing you can do about it, so you just decided to come to peace with your situation. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get flustered when you see him wander around the house in just his boxers or when he gets a little touchy with you, which happens a lot, because that’s just how he is. Hands on your shoulders, a little squeeze on your hips, the gentle touch of his fingers on your back, they happen all the time and they get your pulse up every time. You can only hope it’s not that noticeable.

Niall finally gets what he wants and you agree to watch that stupid horror movie. It doesn’t start off too bad, but it quickly escalates and makes you shudder every time the screen gets a little darker or the music is foreshadowing that something is about to happen.

“Jesus fuck!” you jump a little when the killer appears out of nowhere in the scene.

“You alright?” Harry asks, peeking down at you.

“I fucking hate this dude,” you mumble, rubbing your face with your hands, to get your shit together. Harry chuckles lightly next to you, his arm pulling you to his side close and you gladly sink against him, the warmth of his body giving you some comfort and a sense of safety.

Your eyes are on the screen, but your mind is dancing around how his fingers are delicately running up and down your arm, drawing circles and little shapes on your skin. It could put you to sleep easily, even with the woman screaming on the screen after seeing her husband get killed.

“Just imagine the guy with a funny mustache,” Harry murmurs, leaning closer to you so he doesn’t bother the other two guys with his comment. “Or maybe in a ridiculous outfit.”

“Like… in a onsie?” you ask, squinting your eyes at the screen.

“Could be, yeah,” he chuckles quietly. “Just imagine him running through the woods in a onsie with bunnies all over it.”

You can’t push your laughter down, covering your mouth with your hand so you don’t bother the others. Harry just smirks, giving you a squeeze as you’re still melted against his side on the couch, legs pulled up to your chest, while his are spread out in front of him.

“Definitely not that scary,” you giggle and Harry hums in agreement.

“Would you mind getting a fucking room, you guys? You have two, in fact!” Niall snaps at you playfully, when you start laughing again.

“Sorry, sorry!” you clear your throat, your cheeks heating up at the comment, but luckily it’s dark enough to hide your embarrassment. Niall is always quick to make dirty jokes and tease you in a way that makes you nervous, especially when it involves Harry as well. He has made plenty of comments about you and Harry since you’ve moved in, implying that the two of you sometimes act like a couple or that you should hook up. Harry is always quick to shake them off, that’s how you know he couldn’t even take the thought seriously.

At the end of the movie you feel like it wasn’t bad, not with Harry holding you close at least.

“Will you be screaming tonight, Y/N?” Niall teases you, making you roll your eyes at him.

“Either way it’s gonna be your fault.”

“I can live with that!” he laughs, bidding his goodbye before he shuts the door of his bedroom behind him.

You do your usual evening routine, get ready to bed and by the time you’re done in the bathroom all the boys have retired into their rooms. The hallway stands dark in front of you, only a tiny bit of light coming from your bedroom since you left your bedside lamp on in there, but you still can’t help the eerie feeling that washes over you. That movie didn’t sit right with you and now you have to face the aftermath of it.

Switching the lights in the bathroom off you sprint into your bedroom, pictures from the movie flashing in your mind of the killer just jumping out of nowhere. You shut the door and lean your back against it for a moment, taking a deep breath. Tonight is going to be long.

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t fall asleep. You’re way too alerted, opening your eyes at the tiniest of sounds around you, which is unfortunate, because your window is looking over the main street, unlike two other rooms in the house, that are facing the small backyard. Harry and Louis have the luck to have those rooms.

Every time you’re about to fall asleep something from the movie sneaks into your thoughts and you get scared to death. Soon, you realize you won’t be able to sleep on your own tonight.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you wonder if Harry really meant that offer that you can sleep with him or not. Part of you is convinced it was just a joke, but when you hear someone shouting down the street you push your doubts aside and you quickly find yourself making your way to Harry’s room.

You knock on the room lightly, not wanting to wake anyone else up. The last thing you need is Niall seeing you go into Harry’s room in the middle of the night.

No answer comes from inside, but you won’t just leave it at that. Opening the door you’re facing another dark room, barely making out the furniture, but you already know the route by heart. Making it to the bed your eyes finally adjust to the darkness and you can see Harry lying on his side, sleeping peacefully. Squatting down you place a hand to his shoulder and give him a tiny shake.

“Harry?” you call out quietly, but his answer is just a huff. “Harry, it’s me,” you try again, squeezing his arm. He furrows his eyebrows before slowly blinking his eyes open, finding you in his sight.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks in that groggy, low voice you love hearing in the morning so much.

“I can’t… Did you mean that I can sleep here if I’m scared?” you ask, afraid that he might just have a good laugh and send you back to your room. For a long moment, he just blinks at you before nodding his head and you feel relief washing over you.

“Sure,” he hums.

“O-okay then I’ll bring a blanket and take the floor and--”

“Shut up, you are not sleeping on the floor,” he growls, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into bed with him as he scoots over, making you space on the mattress.

It’s a bit weird at first, lying in bed with Harry, especially because it’s just queen sized, so there’s not much space between the two of you, but it seems like Harry doesn’t mind it so why should you?

Your nerves are a lot calmer with Harry next to you, but maybe it’s still because of the movie or because you’re a bit anxious about the whole situation, you just still can’t relax enough to fall asleep.

“Y/N, no one is gonna kill you here,” Harry speaks up surprising you because you thought he has already fallen back asleep.

“I know, I know,” you whisper, trying to sound convincing, but you can’t fool anyone, especially not him.

He huffs deeply and before you could realize what’s happening, Harry’s arm is curled around your waist, pulling you against him, spooning you from behind, the warmth of his body wrapping your figure almost entirely.

“If a murderer comes, they will have to fight me first, alright? Now sleep,” he mumbles against your hair, squeezing you gently. All at once, you couldn’t care about killers and dark shadows around you, because Harry was right there, holding you tight and there was nowhere you wanted to be more than right there.

You slept like a baby. Harry’s closeness kept every nightmare away from you and the morning came with ease. Harry’s phone wakes the two of you up at eight, because he has a morning class at 9.30. The two of you are completely tangled up in each other, lying on your side facing each other, Harry’s arms are wrapped around you, while yours are hugging his waist. Groaning at the sound of his alarm, he rolls to his back to reach for the phone on the nightstand and then he finally turns it off. It’s bright outside, the darkness of the night finally long gone. You’re still groggy when Harry rolls back, his arm coming back around you like it’s the most natural thing in the world and in a sense, it feels like that. But as you both slowly wake up, you realize that you might be a little too close. Slowly but surely you let go of each other, rolling to your back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Hope I didn’t kick you in my sleep,” you smile at him, peeking over at him, hoping to break the awkwardness of the situation.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, rubbing his eyes, before pushing himself up and off the bed. You follow him with your gaze as he steps to his dresser and grabs a pair of clean underwear. “I’ll put on a coffee while I shower, want one too?” he asks, though you know he could make one for you anyway.

“Sure, thank you,” you nod and he nods back, yawning as he walks out of the room, leaving you lying in his bed, a bit confused and kind of aching to be held by him again.

Two days pass by, everything is going as per usual, neither you nor Harry brings up that you spent the night in his bed that one particular time. Now it’s saturday and you all were planning to go out, but a sudden storm has cancelled your plans, so the evening turned into a cozy, lazy hangout instead of a wild party at some frat house.

Louis decided to work on a paper that’s due in two weeks, Niall has been relentlessly swiping on Tinder while you and Harry are spawled out on the couch, watching some shitty action movie that was on TV, since you both were too lazy to choose one and put it on. Deep down you’re a little happy you don’t have to spend the evening in a crowded, smelly house, drinking cheap alcohol.

Harry gets up from his seat to grab himself a drink just when Niall growls in annoyance.

“What is it?” you ask.

“They keep unmatching with me after we’ve talked a little!”

“Have you thought about the reason?” you smirk at him, knowing well that Niall probably isn’t the easiest to talk to, he surely takes it too far too soon.

“Well they probably don’t like that I ask them if I can go over,” he shrugs, making you laugh.

“You’d go over in the pouring rain?” Harry asks, returning to his spot on the couch. He puts his drink to the coffee table and instead of sitting into his previous position, leaning against the arm of the couch, he lies down, laying his head to your thigh, making your breath hitch for a moment.

“Of course not!” Niall rolls his eyes. “But I thought it would make them think I would do anything for them.”

“It makes you seem desperate,” Harry retorts, earning a questioning look from his friend. “What? It does!”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does,” you nod in agreement. “Going over in the middle of a storm just to fuck? Sounds like you’re having a hard time finding someone.”

“Women are so fucking complicated, and for what?!” he growls, before storming off to his bedroom, like an angsty teenager, leaving you and Harry alone.

He doesn’t move, his head stays on your thigh using it as a pillow. His curls are tickling the soft skin on your thigh and you have to fight the urge to play with his hair or scratch his scalp. You stay like this for the rest of the movie and when he gets up you almost want to pull him back.

“Alright, I’m fucked, I’m gonna go to bed,” he yawns, stretching his arms out into the air as he heads into his bedroom. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Harry!” you call after him as you watch his frame disappear down the hallway.

Sighing, you slide down on the couch, cursing under your breath that you’re still so hung up on Harry. You really thought that you had it under control, but lately those damn butterflies are acting up in your stomach at everything he does.

“I’m pathetic,” you mumble under your breath just as the sky rumbles outside with a blinding lightning, making you jump with a squeak. “Shit,” you huff, already knowing that falling asleep will be a pain in the ass. Again.

You’ve always hated storms, they make you think that something bad is about to happen, a tree is about to fall into the window or a lightning will blow up the building. It’s kind of stupid, you know it, but you just can’t help it.

Tossing and turning, you jump every time a lightning flashes somewhere outside and a few seconds later the thunder rips through your whole body, almost making you fall off the bed.

“Oh God,” you let out a shaky breath. You have no idea how long it is until the Storm finally stops and you’d really like to have a good night's sleep. So pushing your anxious thoughts to the side, you get out of bed and head over to Harry’s room once again.

It’s such a deja vu from a few nights ago, as you gently knock on the door you wait again, but this time you actually get an answer.

“Yeah?” you hear him call out from inside and you slowly open the door, peeking your head inside. Harry is lying in bed, his head propped up against the headboard as he is scrolling through his phone. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks, putting the phone aside as he sits up.

“I just, I-I know it’s stupid, but I was thinking… I don’t know--”

“Y/N, just tell me, alright? Come on in,” he gestures for you and you slip into the room, closing the door behind you before sitting to the edge of the bed next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep during storms…” you admit, looking into his eyes, hoping he gets the hint where you want to head with it. He stares back at you for a moment before he scoots over, lifting the covers up, giving you the green light to join him.

Relieved, you climb over to him, making yourself comfortable as he wraps the blanket over you, his arm immediately coming to cradle you, this time pulling you to his chest so your head is laid upon his shoulder, a hand gently placed onto his hard chest, probably right above where his butterfly tattoo is adorning his abdomen.

This is now easily your favorite place. Safe and tight in Harry’s arms, protected from anything and everything, like you’re in a little bubble as soon as you get on his bed.

Lightning strikes outside again and you shiver a little. Harry probably notices it, because he tightens his hold around you, as if it’s his way telling you that he is here and nothing bad is gonna happen. Eventually, you’re able to shut the outside out and only focus on Harry’s warmth, the touch of his hand on your arm and his even breathing. And then finally, you drift off to sleep.

This morning is different from the previous one you spent here. There’s no alarm since it’s Sunday, neither of you have anything in particular to do, so you wake up feeling rested, the Sun shining through his half drawn in curtains, no trace of last night’s storm can be noticed from where you’re lying in bed, the sky is as clear as ever. Sometime during the night you got tangled in a way where Harry is the one now cuddling you, his head lying on your chest, hugging you as if you were a giant teddy bear, his leg thrown between yours, lightly snoring against your sleep shirt. You can only see his mop of hair and the urge to play with them is back, but this time, you give in.

Leaving one hand on his back, you move the other one to his unruly locks, gently playing with one before you comb your fingers through it, lightly scratching his scalp. Harry hums in pleasure, shifting from his dreams back to reality, but he doesn’t move, just keeps humming as you massage his scalp.

“It’s not a good morning, it’s the best,” he mumbles groggily, making you chuckle at his words.

One of his hands is flat against your ribcage and the damned butterflies start dancing when you feel his fingers gently stroke your side as you keep playing with his curls. This feels so idyllic, as if you’ve been like this forever. You wish that was true.

Groaning as he stretches, Harry rolls to his back, making you instantly miss his body pressed against yours. He rubs his eyes, sighing deep as he blinks up at the ceiling a few times, then he turns his head to the side, looking at you.

Just when he is about to say something, outside his door it sounds like someone just broke a pile of plates and it’s followed by Niall’s usual annoyed growl. You both get out of bed to go and check what happened, not even thinking about how it might appear that you both are coming from Harry’s room in the morning.

Harry flings the door open and there is Niall, collecting pieces of a plate from the floor, his breakfast scattered down the hallway as well while he curses under his breath.

“What happened?” Harry asks, picking up a bigger piece from the plate.

“Fucking tripped,” he growls back, glancing up just for a moment, then back down, but then he processes that you’re standing behind Harry, in his room, in the morning. “What the fuck are you doing in Harry’s room?” he bluntly asks, quickly forgetting about the mess he just made.

“What?” you ask nervously, your pulse quickening in an instant. Harry stands up, seemingly not too bothered by Niall’s question.

“You slept in his room?!”

“She did,” Harry answers, leaning against the doorframe.

“Wait, are you two fucking?” Niall’s eyes widen, snapping back and forth between you and Harry.

“Just because two people sleep in the same bed, doesn’t mean they are fucking, Niall,” Harry chuckles, seemingly amused by the situation that’s got your stomach knotted. Louis’ door opens and he walks out, his hair a little messy, but already dressed, a mug halfway filled with coffee in his hand.

“Wha’s this circus out here?” he asks, looking around, his eyes scanning over the mess on the floor.

“Did you know these two are fucking?” Niall asks him and Harry lets his head drop back at his words.

“Are you?” Louis simply questions and you shake your head no.

“We are not. Y/N can’t sleep in a storm so she came over to mine.”

“Funny, she doesn’t come to me when she’s scared,” Niall scoffs.

“I never came to you because you don’t understand that sleeping together doesn’t mean sex,” you retort, though your ears are practically burning from the rising anxiety inside you.

“Wait, whoa. This wasn’t the first time you two slept together?”

“She was scared after your stupid horror movie too,” Harry shrugs.

“Wow, so are you guys a thing now or what?”

“Niall!” Harry growls and you’re not entirely sure what bothers you more. Niall’s shock and interrogation or the way Harry seems so cool and unbothered, like it’s no big deal. Maybe because for him it really isn’t, it’s only about the sleeping, nothing else, even though the cuddles are a little beyond the lines of friendship.

“What? I’m just asking the important stuff! Am I not allowed to tell dirty jokes to Y/N because you’ll cut my prick off?”

“You shouldn’t tell those anyway,” Louis chimes in and you nod in agreement.

Seeing that the conversation is just getting more and more awkward with each passing moment you decide to pull yourself out of it. Pushing yourself past Harry you mumble an excuse me before rushing back into your room, the three boys eyeing you curiously as you shut the door behind you, finally putting a physical barrier between you and them.

You shouldn’t be this offended, it’s not like any promises were made and you should have known better and not fall for him more than you already did. It was silly of you to think that there was anything more behind these nights spent curled up against each other, or when you woke up tangled and melted together. It was never what you hoped it to be.

Then and there you decide it’s better if you distanced yourself from him, or at least go back to how it was before. No bed sharing, no cuddling and preferably no bitter feelings.

It all goes well, because you have a pretty busy week after that day, you always have something to do and it’s not like you spent the night with Harry randomly, so it was evident that you stayed in your room so far.

But about a week later another storm was threatening to strike. The sky was gradually darkening all afternoon and now it’s only five o’clock, but it feels like eight. It’s Sunday, you’re quite exhausted since you were working until three. Niall was out somewhere with some of his coursemates and Louis went home for the weekend, won’t be back until Tuesday. It’s just you and Harry, who’s been sprawled out on the couch in only his sweatpants while you’re making yourself an early dinner so you can go to bed soon and have a good night’s sleep.

It doesn’t take long for the rain to start pouring, you’ve just gotten out of the shower when the first thunder rips through the place, making you gasp in fear. Harry’s head snaps around, looking in your way where you’re standing at the bathroom door, a questioning look in his eyes, but he doesn’t say a word. Ignoring his gaze, you just make your way into your bedroom, not even thinking about what could be on his mind. Is he thinking about whether you’ll ask to sleep with him again or he doesn’t care about it at all?

By the time you are ready to go to bed, the storm is fully raging outside, making your insides tremble every time you see a lightning or the thunder breaks the quietness in the house. You make one last trip to the kitchen, finding Harry leaned against the counter as he eats an apple.

“Going to bed early?” he asks as you pour yourself some water.

“Mhm,” you nod, avoiding looking at him.

“Everything alright?”

“Sure, I’m just tired,” you force a small smile onto your face just when a thunder rumbles outside, making you jump. Harry is watching you curiously and kind of expectantly, but you’re doing your best ignoring it. Instead, you just grab your water and head back to your room. “Good night.”

“Night, Y/N,” he calls after you, and you can feel his burning gaze on your back right until you close the door behind you.

Your plan to sleep a good ten hours goes right out the window. It doesn’t seem like the storm is about to calm anytime soon, so you’re stuck to suffer through it on your own. You’ll be damned to go to Harry’s, that would be an instant heart break and you just can’t take that right now. Long, torturous hours pass by with you lying awake in bed and part of you wants to go running over to Harry, but you force yourself to stay. It’s not happening tonight.

You fall asleep sometime after two in the morning when the thunder and lightning have stopped. Unfortunately, you need to wake up early in the morning, so when your phone’s alarm shakes you out of your sleep, you feel like absolute shit. Dragging yourself out of bed appears to be the hardest thing right now. As you make your way out, you are met with an all too familiar figure sitting at the small dining table, two cups of coffees in front of him, one obviously made for you.

Harry’s eyes snap up at you curiously, taking in your terrible looks as you head to the bathroom.

“Morning,” you mumble under your breath.

“Good morning’,” he nods in your way and though he doesn’t say anything else, you can tell he has a few thoughts about your current state.

Once you’re done with your morning business in there you join him at the table, barely able to keep your eyes open.

“Rough night?” he asks, eyes examining your face.

“Kinda.”

“The storm?”

You don’t answer, just nod your head. He remains silent, but you can feel that he is dying to ask another question.

Why didn’t you come over?

You’re glad he doesn’t actually asks you, because you wouldn’t be able to give either a normal answer or say anything without starting to cry. Instead, you just grab your coffee and head back into your bedroom to get ready for the day.

That week on Friday all four of you are invited to a party. At first you want to cancel, but some of your friends from classes will be there too and it’s been ages since you’ve been to a great party, so you decide to tag along with the boys.

For the first half of the evening you go your separate way, spending time with people you don’t actually live with and see every day. One drink follows the other, though you make sure you don’t go farther than getting tipsy. You’re not in the mood to deal with a nasty hangover in the morning.

Sometime after your third or fourth drink you run into Niall and he pulls you into their little circle that also involves Harry. When he sees that you’ve joined them, his eyes light up and goes out of his way to get next to you.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” he whines, slurring his words as he wraps an arm around your shoulders to keep you at his side. He is definitely drunk, that you’re sure of.

“It’s been just about two hours, Harry,” you roll your eyes, but can’t push your smile down. You’d be lying if you said you’re not enjoying having him so close. Your dynamic hasn’t been the same since you stopped sleeping in his bed. Not that it was such a regular activity, it only happened two times.

“But I missed you, I feel like we haven’t… haven’t talked in so long!” he huffs, knitting his eyebrows together. “Have you been avoiding me?” he asks leaning closer, so your conversation can somewhat be private.

“That’s silly. Of course I haven’t!”

“But it feels like that,” he pouts with glossy eyes. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“Sure,” you nod, the bitter taste of lying filling your mouth.

“Alright, cool,” he smirks and pulling closer he kisses into your hair before he engages with the rest of the group again, keeping his arm around you as if it wasn’t a big deal.

For the rest of the evening you simply don’t leave his side and not because he doesn’t let you, but because you don’t want to. Harry is not the only one missing the other, this week you’ve noticed that even though you’ve been keeping yourself busy, your thoughts always took you back to one particular, curly haired boy. Despite everything that’s been going on, he is your friend first and foremost who you love spending time with and talking about anything and everything.

Both of you are intoxicated, Harry a bit more than you, but you’re having a blast playing beerpong or ruining Niall’s chances with girls he is trying to pick up. You’re genuinely having an amazing time and it wouldn’t be the same without Harry.

Arriving back home your little group splits, everyone using the bathroom after the other and you’re the last one in line, because you always take the longest. By the time you’re finished, Louis and Niall are both locked up in their rooms, but Harry’s door is still open, some dim lighting illuminating the hallway. As you approach it, you find him throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper, but his head perks up when he sees you.

“Good night, H,” you sigh, quite tired and in need of a good sleep, but before you could head into your own bedroom, Harry grabs your wrist and pulls you into his. “What is it?”

“Sleep here,” he simply prompts, already leading you to the bed.

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“I-I… I don’t--” you stutter, feeling flustered from his offer.

“Come on, you can’t say no,” he tells you, already crawling under his covers and then he holds them up as the invitation.

Taking a deep breath you follow him and make yourself comfortable in your almost usual spot. Harry’s arm falls over your waist in an instant, spooning you from behind as he hums pleased. But a few moments later he lifts his head, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

“You know you can say no, right? I was just joking.” Looking back at him you give him a small smile. Even drunk he makes sure you aren’t doing anything you don’t want to, but how could you not want it? You’ve been aching to sleep next to him all week, especially after the last storm when you suffered alone in your room.

“I know, Harry.”

“Alright, okay,” he nods, his head dropping back to the pillow. “I missed this,” he mumbles with a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Mm, sleeping alone sucks,” he hums and in a split second, your heart breaks.

Harry didn’t want to sleep with you, he just wanted to sleep with someone and you were the one there. It has nothing to do with you.

You want to blame him, you want it to be his fault that your chest is now aching, knowing that it truly doesn’t mean the same thing to him it does to you, but you know you can’t. It wouldn’t be fair, so once again, you’re left with a sinking heart wrapped up into Harry’s embrace that suddenly feels burning.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Harry.”

When the morning comes Harry is still sleeping deep beside you, an arm thrown over your waist, puffing warm air against the side of your head with every breath he exhales. Seeing him so peaceful warms your heart, but then you realize everything that happened last night, how he only used you because you were available and not because he wanted you.

You don’t want to wait for him to wake up and face him, your emotions would surely bring the best out of you. So carefully, you unwrap yourself from his hold and sneak out of his room, back into yours.

There’s no way you can face Harry right now, so before he could wake up you leave, planning on spending the day in the library, working on your assignments, hoping the school work will take your mind off of how badly you’ve been friendzoned.

Sometime after eleven Harry actually texts you asking where you went and you just tell him you have a shitload of school stuff to deal with. He asks if he can join you, but you tell him you’re with a group of your classmates, even though you’re sitting in an almost entirely empty library. He luckily doesn’t push it and leaves you to be. Hopefully he’ll be fine when you take another step away from him for a while to get your head straight and sort your emotions out.

You get home quite late, but not late enough, apparently. Because walking into the house you find the boys clearly getting ready to watch a movie.

“Just in time!” Niall beams. “Join us, Princess!” he laughs, grabbing himself a cola from the fridge.

“Oh, no, I have some things to work on--”

“Come on, you’ve been in the library all day, you can have a break!” Louis tells you and you know you won’t be left alone, they are just so persistent.

So you join them in your usual spot, which is of course next to Harry, though you’re trying to avoid his gaze that hasn’t left you since you arrived and by now you’re certain he knows you’re avoiding him. There’s a reason why he asked you last night if you’ve been doing it lately, he is not stupid, but this is not the time to deal with it.

With your inner crisis bubbling inside you, you completely forget to ask what you’re watching. A few minutes into the movie it becomes quite clear however.

“Is this a fucking horror movie again?” you ask, snapping at Niall, who just starts laughing.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Harry will gladly let you sleep in his bed tonight,” he teases, making your whole face heat up at his comment. Harry slaps his chest before he turns to you with concern filled eyes, but you pretend like you see nothing, turning back to the screen with your jaw clenched.

You’re fucked.

The movie is a fucking shitshow and leaves you traumatized. When it’s over, you think about why didn’t you just stand up and go into your room when you realized it’s another horror. For a change, this one was filled with demons and monsters that hide in the shadows, just what you need before going to bed. In the night. In a totally dark room.

Exiting the bathroom you’re already planning on watching something lighthearted and cheerful in your room, hoping that would make you forget the movie you just saw and give you the chance to actually sleep.

Walking past Harry’s room you see that it’s still open and you catch him expectantly looking at you when you appear in the doorway as you walk down the hallway, your eyes meeting for just a split second before you disappear from his sight and shut your bedroom door without a word behind you.

No matter how many random videos you watch on YouTube, some scenes from the movie are just imprinted into your mind and they have you trembling in fear. Every shadow looks like a demon or ghost, hiding in your room, ready to haunt and kill you and you’re on the verge of actually crying. It might not be only because of the movie, more like everything else that’s been bottled up inside you, added to the fear the movie has brought to you.

Shutting your eyes closed you try to take deep breaths and for a bit it actually seems to help, but that is until you hear the door opening. It gives you an instant heart attack and you can’t keep your tears back anymore.

A whimper leaves your mouth as the door opens and you can only see a shadow entering the room, totally not recognizing Harry in the dark.

“Y/N, hey, it’s just me! It’s okay!” he quickly clears, seeing how shaken up you are. He rushes over to the bed, one hand cupping your cheek, the other one finding your hand and before you could think, you grip it hard.

“You scared the living hell out of me!” you cry out, sobbing.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to check on you.”

Silence sets between the two of you that’s only momentarily broken by your shaky breaths as you try to calm yourself down.

“Why didn’t you come to mine after the movie if you were so scared?” he then asks, surprising you with how straightforward he is.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you mumble, blinking the remaining of the tears away as Harry stares down at you intently.

“Why would you think you’d bother me? I like having you there.”

“But it’s… Doesn’t matter,” you sigh in defeat, but it just concerns him even more.

“No, tell me!”

“Harry, just go back to your room. I’ll be fine.”

“You definitely won’t and I’m not leaving until you don’t tell me what’s going on,” he protests firmly and you lose your patience to keep lying to him.

“You just wanted someone to sleep with yesterday, okay? You didn’t need me. And… I don’t want to depend on you more than I should.”

Harry stares back at you with a blank expression and you feel like this is going to be the end of your friendship. You have to come clean about your feelings and he’ll tell you that he doesn’t feel the same way. But then he speaks up and the tables turn faster than ever.

“Y/N, I wanted you to sleep with me last night. Not just anyone. You.”

“What?”

“I really thought we have been on the same page, but apparently, we’re not even in the same book,” he sighs, confusing you even more. “Wasn’t it suspicious how things have been between us lately? The way we slept, the mornings, did you think these are normal things to do?”

“I-I thought that… it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“Well it did,” he replies and you breath hitches in your throat. “I was trying to take it slow, see how you’d react to everything and I thought you were feeling the same way. But then last time you didn’t come to my room when there was a storm and I thought that was your way of telling me that you want to pause whatever’s been going on.”

You’re just blinking in shock, listening to his words. This is nothing you expected.

“But then you seemed like you opened back up last night and you agreed to sleep with me, thought we were back on track, but then you were nowhere to be found in the morning, avoided me all day and now you would have rather spent the night crying here alone than to come over to me. What did I do? Just tell me, because quite frankly, I have no idea what we are doing anymore, Y/N,” he sighs, clearly tired of this insane game you’ve been playing without even knowing.

“So… you did all of this, because… you…”

“Because I like you, Y/N. But there’s a possibility it’s already way more than just a strong liking,” he admits with a soft chuckle that melts you in an instant.

“Oh god, I could cry again, but not out of fear this time,” you tell him, making him laugh as you scoot closer to him on the mattress. “I feel the same way, Harry,” you softly tell him, your hands finding the base of his neck while his hands have wandered to your waist so now he is pulling you towards him until he ends up in his lap. His face is now so close, and even in the dark, you can see the cheesy smile on his pink lips.

“You’re not saying this just to keep me here because you’re scared to be alone, right?” he asks, clearly joking, earning a wholehearted laugh from you.

“No, but I guess that would be a major benefit of it.”

“I’ll protect you from all the demons and killers under one condition,” he smirks, his face already inching closer, his nose is already touching yours.

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

“I get to kiss you.”

“Deal.”

You barely say this one little word, his lips are already on yours, kissing you in a way that almost knocks all the air out of your lungs. You press yourself up against him, his arms curling around you, holding you tight as if he is already protecting you from everything that scares you, though you can’t really think about the stupid horror movies now that you’re kissing Harry.

He pulls you down with himself making you lie on your back as he holds himself up above you, his lips parting from your just enough so he can look into your eyes.

“How about I kiss you every time you feel scared?” he prompts, pecking your lips gently as you pull your legs up and his hips settle between your thighs, while your hands dance down his back.

“Alright, I’m in,” you smirk at him and for a moment he just stares back at you, smiling wide, in complete awe that it’s finally happening. Then he cocks his head to the side before speaking up.

“Are you still scared?”

“Very,” you nod. “I’m shaking.”

“Good,” he grins before his lips press onto yours again.

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #harry styles oneshots #harry styles one shots #harry styles au #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic

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bokutosworld · 3 years

Text

convenience store stranger | suna rintarou

pairing: suna x f!reader word count, genre: 2.1k words, college au. fluff. another meet cute story lol. warning: none summary: in which your late shifts become less boring and more interesting when a cute stranger stumbles in at 2 AM. a/n: my first time writing for suna god im scared but i really liked how this turned out!!

The first time he meets you happens on one of his late night convenience store runs. It was exams season and Suna’s been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter. To say he was exhausted would’ve been an understatement.

He’s barely making it through on the third night and if he didn’t take a break soon, he was sure he’d have passed out on his desk. With his mind hazy from reading too many words and trying to understand a semester’s worth of lessons in one night, he decides to stand up and get some fresh air.

Which is how he found himself currently standing at aisle four of the only convenience store that was still open near his apartment. He scans the rack for something that can wake him and his brain up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing but he could definitely feel eyes burning holes in the back of his head.

He settles on a pack of jelly sticks and a cup of spicy instant noodles and heads towards the counter. You mutter a greeting when he reaches the cashier and begin scanning his items.

When he hands over the cash for payment, your fingers brush with his cold ones, making you recoil harshly as if he was repulsing.

“Something wrong?” He laughs when he sees your reaction. “I know I look like a mess now but I won’t bite you.” He bends his knees slightly, tilting his head to get a look at your embarrassed face.

“No, I’m sorry.” You avoid his intense gaze, continuing to pack his purchase. When you look at him, he’s still staring with his piercing eyes that it almost takes your breath away.

Shaking your head to bring yourself to reality, you give him his items. “Your hands felt cold and I was just shocked.” You feel that same electricity sparking between you again when he takes the bag from you. “I.. well.. thank you. Have a great evening.”

“It’s 2 AM,” Suna chuckles and you sigh before correcting yourself and bowing to him in goodbye. “See you around,” he shouts over his back as he walks out the door. It was the first time he saw you in that store and he was sure it wasn’t going to be the last.

The second time he’d actually planned it according to your shift. If his past trips to the store were anything to go by, he’d learned that you always took the evening shift. It was something he discovered after being called out by your co-worker on the third time that he restlessly looked around the store during a visit.

He should be on his bed, phone in his hand as he mindlessly scrolled until he fell asleep. But with the memory of his interaction with you lingering on his mind, he wanted to see you.

“Hey, got time for a customer?” He greets the moment he steps inside the empty convenience store. You look up from the book that you were reading and quickly stand to welcome him. “What are you reading?”

Hiding the book from his view, you retort, “Aren’t you going to buy something?”

He grins, taking in your tired disposition and the bags that had formed under your eyes before retreating to the shelves. When he returns, he slides over a can of energy drink, iced coffee, and a large bag of chips.

You assume he’d leave immediately once he’s paid for everything. You certainly didn’t expect him to take out the coffee and give it to you.

“This is for you.” He opens his own drink and leans by the counter. “Doesn’t it ever get boring here? I mean it’s midnight and you’re alone. I’m betting not many people even drop by at this time.” He faces the door, crossing his arms around his chest and staring at both of your reflections at the glass.

Worn out from your classes in the day, you take his coffee offering, instantly feeling the rush of caffeine flow through your veins and waking you up. “The job pays relatively well. Besides I can’t really work in the mornings, I have uni.”

“So you’re a college student too.” He turns around and extends a hand out to you. “I’m Suna Rintarou.”

You introduce yourself as you shake hands with him. And as soon as pleasantries were exchanged, he immediately launched into a story about how his earlier day went. He was a natural conversationalist and despite this being your first time talking with him, you didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness. You didn’t know what it was about him but his presence made you feel comfortable.

You learned about what he was studying (to your surprise, Psychology), how he spends his weekends playing volleyball (he was a middle blocker and an excellent one at that, he boasted), and how he ended up here during the night he first saw you (the all-nighter went well and he passed all his exams).

He rips open the chips he bought and offers you some as you lay your story before him. He munches as he listened to you rant about how you loathed your course (Business Management) and the many case studies and papers you had to do each day. He nods his head in understanding as you explain why you needed this part-time job (to pay for apartment fees).

You were having so much fun in his company that you didn’t notice the time pass by. (He arrived to the store at 12:32 AM. The clock on the wall now reads 2:32 AM). And for the duration of his stay, you were surprised that no one ever came by. He only ever left your side when a taxi driver walked in.

Suna steered clear from the counter and kept his distance as you did your job. From your peripheral, you could see that he watched you like a hawk from the side and it made you somehow conscious. When the customer exited, you playfully threw a tissue at him,

“I couldn’t concentrate when you were standing there and looking at me like that!”

He went back to his position but this time, he leaned close with his hands on the counter. “Like what?"

Well how could you say to him that you thought he looked effortlessly hot in his sweatshirt and track pants? And was that an adorably messy bedhead? How could you say that you liked the teasing smile that he’d been giving you throughout the night?

You chuckle and shake your head, “Nothing.” You reach for the book you were reading prior his arrival and took your seat. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow? You should go back.”

“Do you not want me around anymore?”

“It’s not that, I…”

He cuts you off, “Good, then it’s settled. I’m not going anywhere. I like talking with you too much to go back home. Let me entertain you some more.” He sits down at the chair on one of the tables near the counter and then goes back to chatting with you.

Since that night, Suna had been scheduling more trips to the convenience store. Sometimes, he’d really only visit to bother you. At times, he’d bring his books and laptop with him so he could work on a paper while you restocked the shelves and cleaned around. On rare occasions, he’d help you out on a business plan and the customers who’d enter the store would be amused at the sight of you and him huddled behind the counter with your serious thinking faces on.

He’d become a part of your life that it felt unnerving not to have him around on your shifts. And it certainly showed on your face how disappointed and heartbroken you were when consecutive nights passed without his visits. Your co-worker even called you out on it.

“So where’s the cutie been?” She asked one time when the two of you were at the back lounge while you logged in for your shift. You groan at the nickname she gave him and she laughs at you.

“How would I know?”

“Don’t you guys talk almost every day and night?”

“Only on nights that he visits me.” You pause, thinking about the possibilities why he could’ve stopped coming. And before you knew it, you were ranting. “God, are we even friends? I don’t know his number. Did he ghost me? Is this considered ghosting? It’s been a week. I’m scared I did or said something.”

She’s watching you pace around the room. “Maybe he got bored of me. Or maybe he realized I’m not really worth his time and dipped. Sleeping is much better than hanging out with me at 1 AM anyway.”

You’re stopped in your tracks when she suddenly grabs your shoulders. “Overthinking is not a good look on you.” She makes you take deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sure he’s just busy right now. He’ll visit again soon.”

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.”

The look she gives you is incredulous, her mouth gaping wide at your statement. “Are you serious?”

“What?” You ask, not anticipating the next words that would come from her.

“It’s obvious that you like him.”

The next time you see him was on campus. You don’t know how long it’s been since he last spent time with you on your shift. (Though if you were counting, you were definitely sure that it’s been two weeks and three days since then.)

You tried not to think too much about what his absence could mean but the pang in your heart never left. Those two weeks that he didn’t show up allowed you some time to think about your conversation with your friend. You like him.

Back then, you were too quick to shut down the idea. Denying any ounce of feeling for the boy as you saw him as no more than someone who had too much time on his hands to bother you on your shifts. A good friend is what you specifically used to defend your relationship with him.

So then why was it that your heart was beating so rapidly as Suna waved at you from across the cafeteria? Why couldn’t you stop smiling as you watched him make his way to your table and sit down beside you?

“Hey there.” He slings his arms around and pulls you for a side hug. “Long time no see.”

You almost couldn’t hear him over the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. He’s still smiling and waiting for you to reply. “Yeah, been a while. I’ve gotten the peace and quiet back in my shifts.”

He breaks out in laughter while opening a snack bar. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by. I just came out from a major presentation that I’ve been preparing for during the past weeks. And guess what?”

You perk your eyebrows at his question. “What?”

“Our group did great.” He raises a hand for a high-five and you indulge him. “The teacher liked our slides and our analysis of the topic. Ah, I feel so good right now!” He leans back with his hands behind his head, but he suddenly jerks.

“We should go out!” Suna grabs your hands and looks at you expectantly. “You’re free the whole day tomorrow right? You’re not working the shift? Let’s celebrate. It’s my treat!”

Feeling overwhelmed by his invitation and his overall excitedness, you laugh and pull back. “Calm down, Suna. I don’t know about tomorrow.”

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Not really but..”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.” He tucks a loose hair behind your ear, leaning close with his voice barely over a whisper, “It’s perfect. I’ve wanted to take you on a date for a long time now.”

“What?” You stare at him wide-eyed.

“Come on, you’ve never thought about us?” He finds the situation entertaining. Your flustered reaction reminds him of the night that he met you.

“Why do you think I’ve been coming to the convenience store when I could be sleeping at that time? I like being around you. My day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t at least see you or tell you about my day or listen to you rant about the latest episode of your favorite series.”

You like him.

“Go out with me.” He kisses the back of your hand. “Please?”

The corners of your lips unconsciously curves up and Suna sends your heart doing somersaults when he says something about how he’s finally got to see the beautiful smile he’s been wanting to see for weeks.

Your friend was right. You do like him.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #suna x reader #suna imagines #haikyuucafe #haikyuucreations #suna fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu fics #suna x y/n #suna x you #haikyuu x you #suna rintaro x reader #hq suna #suna rintaro #haikyuu!!

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brewsterispunkk · 3 years

Text

(never) lucky

one.

pairing: (eventual) clyde logan x reader

wordcount: 4.9k (a lot ik but im not sorry)

warnings: mentions of terminal illness.

a/n: WELL HI. i would like to first apologize for it taking me this long to update this fic. like actually i am sO sorry. secondly, i’m not sure about this one. i don’t know if i like it and its not beta-ed and yaknow. ya girl is an amatuer. anyway. love yall, and enjoy. i would love any and all feedback on this baby fic of mine and im excited to be updating again.

The phone had barely rung two times before you answered, thumb punching the accept call button as soon as you glanced at the caller ID. Pulling the phone up to your ear, you looked ahead at the cornfields and the open road in front of you. Your mom’s crackly voice filled your ears.

“Darlin’,” she sighed on the other end. So, she’d gotten your message. You thought to yourself.

Mentally, you kicked yourself for giving her any notice in the first place. You knew she’d try to talk you out of it, like she had successfully done the previous two times you’d tried moving back home.

“You got out, honey.” she’d say. “You got to do what I never did. You went to college, you got your degree, you moved to the city. Don’t throw that away. There ain’t nothin’ for you here.”

And after your Gramma’s first stroke, it had worked, no matter how guilty you felt for being states away while she recovered.

It had been a minor stroke, the summer before your junior year of college. Not fatal, or with too many lasting health complications, but it had been enough to scare you. It had been enough to scare you into almost dropping out of college and moving home, but your mother and grandmother had insisted that you go back after she’d begun the road to recovery.

Of course, that wasn’t the only reason you decided to go back, a small voice in the back of your head whispered. Two dark brown eyes danced in your mind's eye; freckles scattered sparsely across tan cheeks, the deep rumble of a laugh, the crackle of a tape on an old car radio. You dispelled it before you allowed your mind to wander further.

That’s in the past. You insisted, chastising that quiet voice trying to bring up old ghosts. You wouldn’t let your mind go there again. He left. You reminded yourself, instead resolving to focus on the road in front of you, and the nagging voice of your mother in your ear.

She sighed your name.

“I told you not to come, honey. This is the whole reason we were going to wait so long to tell you–”

“I’m already on the road, mom.” You interrupted her. “I moved out earlier this week, and I’m already on my way home. No use in trying to change my mind on this when it’s already done.”

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you were met with radio silence; Your mother was speechless. There’s a beat of silence before she speaks again. Secretly, inside you’re smug. You’ve managed to outsmart her.

“You’re on the road right now?” She asked in that familiar disapproving short tone.

“As we speak,” you shifted, holding the wheel with one hand and slouching in your seat. Your mother sighed again.

“Stop that,” she said, displeasure evident in her voice.

“Stop what, mama? Driving?”

“Stop sounding so smug,” She scolded in that tone that all mothers have perfected, before addressing you by your full name. “This is gonna upset your Gramma. The last thing she wanted was you puttin’ your whole life on hold for this.”

“‘For this?’” You asked in disbelief. “Mama, I can’t believe you waited a whole month to tell me the cancer was back in the first place! As if it was none of my business!”

You could practically hear her eye-roll through the phone.

“Now don’t be ridiculous.” She simpered. “We didn’t wanna upset you is all. And we certainly didn’t want you doin’ something so rash, like this.”

You rolled your eyes. This woman was impossible.

“I’d been considering leaving for a long time. This was just the final nail in the coffin. It was a long time comin’.”

“But you seemed so happy--” she countered.

“I don’t care! I deserve to know if my grandma is dying or not, and you have no right to keep it from me!”

You were met with silence. It was your turn to sigh.

“I’m sorry,” she conceded softly. “I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I was just scared of something like this happening. You can’t expect me to believe that this whole thing didn’t cause you to up and move home out of the blue.”

“I know, mama, but it’s the truth. I wouldn’t make such a big decision like this out of the blue. I’m not a child.” You paused, before continuing, “I put in my notice weeks ago. I’ve missed home. A lot. The city is…so loud. And there are no mountains near Chicago. The land is so flat, and–”

“I know baby, I know.” You could hear her shuffling around on the other end of the line. She was no doubt calling from the landline in the kitchen at the old house. Thinking of it, your heart yearned. You missed it so much.

“It’s just that this was your dream, baby. And I just know your Gramma’s gonna blame herself for you giving that up.”

“Mom, I’m not giving anything up,” you emphasized the last part, trying to get it through her head. “I still have my dreams, Chicago just wasn’t it. It took me a while to realize that, but I have. And I have no idea where I wanna go or what I wanna do next, but I do know that I miss home. I was planning on coming back even before I found out.”

“Alright,” she began, but you wouldn’t let her continue. You needed to get this out.

“And, that combined with the fact that Gramma’s cancer is back means there’s nothin’ you can do to stop me.”

“Alright,” she sighed on the other line. “I suppose there’s nothin’ I can do about it now. How did you find out in the first place? You never mentioned in that hysterical voicemail you left–”

“I had reason to be hysterical, don’t you think? Findin’ out from Jimmy Logan and all.”

“Jimmy Logan?” she asked in surprise. “Now what were you doin’ talkin’ to him? Did he finally buck up and get a cell phone?”

“Yes, he did,” you chuckled, “Mellie finally convinced him. Anyway, after she helped him get his contacts in order, the first thing he did was give me a ring, saying how sorry he was to hear about Gramma bein’ sick again.”

“But how? I didn’t even tell Jimmy Logan. The only people we told were the ladies in prayer group.”

You laughed.

“Oh, you know how word gets around. Jimmy heard it from Earl at the hardware store, who heard it from Irene, who heard it from her momma, who, if I’m not mistaken, is in your prayer group.”

“Well,” your mother huffed. “I suppose that is how it goes. I’ll tell you one thing, your Gramma will be happy to see you, no matter the circumstance.”

“I know,” you sighed, glad that the air was at least a little cleared between you. You were still hurt that she’d kept something as important as your Gramma’s illness from you, but you understood where she was coming from. She just wanted what was best for you, wanted you to have everything she didn’t.

“Speaking of the Logans,” your mom said. “Have you told her you’re coming home?”

You laughed into the phone.

“Yes, Mellie knows I’m coming home.” You were surprised that she’d even assumed you hadn’t told the youngest Logan about your returning. She’d kill you if you didn’t.

“Good. I know she’s missed you. Last week while she was doin’ my hair, she told me a girl’s weekend every few months and a phone call just wasn’t cutting it.”

Mellie’s face flashed in your mind, and the feeling of dread at returning home started to dissipate. She had that effect on you; Ever since you met nearly 20 years earlier. You smiled, as your mind drifted back to then.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

You’d never imagined coming to a new school would ever be this hard. You’d expected it to be like how you’d seen it happen in TV shows or books or those kids movies you liked so much; Where after a rocky start with school bullies, the new kid fell in with the perfect group of friends and everything was fine. That was what you’d anticipated: The melodrama, the excitement. What you hadn’t expected was the monotony and loneliness.

Entering the third grade in october–two and a half months into the term–was never easy. At least that’s what your grandma had told you, and her being your grandma, you were inclined to believe her.

“It’s not gonna be easy,” she’d told you. “And kids can be real mean, darlin’. Especially when you’re new and they don’t know you. But, you just show them how kind, and special, and smart, and funny you are, and you won't have a single problem fittin’ in.”

And you’d expected it to be that easy. And, boy were you wrong.

On your first day at Daniel Boone Elementary, you’d expected to be met with a little wariness (what with being the new kid and all), but had hoped, in the end, to make at least one new friend to tell your mom and grandma about when you got off the bus and went home. Instead, you got the usual strange introduction to the class by your new teacher, and that was that. No kids even came up to talk to you. You ate your PB&J sandwich alone at lunch, and spent recess alone on the swings.

The following months went by in a similar manner: no new friends in sight. All the girls in your class were either too preoccupied with your hand-me-down clothes to play with you, or too shy to. And the boys wanted nothing to do with the weird new girl with too-knobby knees and too-big teeth because even if you liked the exact same things as them, you were still a girl, and that meant you had cooties.

So, at home you’d drift away and pass your time the only time you knew how: through stories. Whether it be babysitters’ club books or PBS kids documentaries on your grandma’s old box TV, your head was always in the clouds. You’d be cryptic when your grandma or mom would ask about school, and they’d begun to notice. Before the snow came and the world froze over for winter, you’d also begun to explore the property behind your grandma’s house, getting lost in nature as you used to.

By spring, your grandma was at a standstill.

The snow was thawing, and after a winter indoors, she was at her wits end. She could recognize a depressive episode when she saw one, and the fact that she was seeing it in you, her eight-year-old granddaughter, made her heart break all the more.

She had been just about ready to call an intervention with the school’s principal and psychologist when it happened. You met the person who would change your life.

You’d met Mellie Logan once before, roughly a month after your arrival in Boone County, when you were still new enough to be considered the least bit interesting at Daniel Boone Elementary. She was a year older than you and about a head shorter, with the same shade of rich brown hair as the older boy you’d recognized her sit with on the bus; Her brother, Jimmy Logan who was a middle schooler, but not the least bit embarrassed to sit by his little sister on the ride home, tugging playfully on her braids. She was in Ms. Granfell’s class down the hall, with whom your class shared a recess and lunch time, along with some of the 6th graders.

It had been on the bus that you’d had your brief first encounter with Mellie Logan. She and about five other kids got off a few stops before yours, down Elm street, and rather than the fact that she had one older brother, that was about all you knew about the girl, and that was all the thought you’d given to her.

The encounter was a small one: your backpack had been in the aisle as the kids filed in from the school at the end of a school-day in early November and she’d muttered a quiet “pardon me,” as she passed you to her usual seat at the back of the bus where her brother was already seated, and that was that. You barely knew her.

Now, though, as you sat in the school principal’s office, bright fluorescent lights shining over the deep mahogany desk, you felt that all of that was going to change. Mellie sat beside you, eyebrows knit together obstinately as she stared directly ahead of her at the clock on the opposite wall, frowning.

It read: 1:23.

You sighed. That meant that you were missing library time with the rest of your class while being holed up in here, waiting while the principal made calls to each of your parents that they had to come pick you up and discuss the incident. Your stomach sunk in annoyance as you crossed your arms and slumped down further into the armchair next to Mellie.

Great, now they have even more of a reason to think I’m weird, you thought to yourself.

That was the last thing you needed. You were already having a hard time fitting in in the first place, with kids making faces at you and snickering when it was your turn to answer a question or read aloud to the class. You didn’t need to be known as the weird new girl who’d also gotten into a fight with a fourth grader.

You groaned in realization that that was exactly what you’d be known as from now on. You ran a hand over your face. And just wait until your mom found out, until your Gramma found out.

Your life was over.

At that, Mellie looked over at you, her formerly sour expression turned questioning at your sudden outburst.

“What’s the matter with you?” she asked, moving to sit on her hands. Her legs were swinging back and forth off of the edge of the seat of the chair. She looked more bored than anything else, which was wild to you, considering the insane amount of trouble you both were about to be in the moment both of your parents walked through that door.

You looked at her like she was insane, her freckled face a picture of nonchalance, and sighed. Your heart was at the pit of your stomach as you watched the small round clock tick by, each second drawing closer to what was bound to be the end of your eight years on this planet.

You hadn’t intended to get involved. You really hadn’t. But when you’d seen the trampled, embarrassed look in his brown eyes, you didn’t know what else you could do.

It was, surprisingly, not in your nature to be confrontational at this point in your life. Though you’d later grow to be quite the headstrong person, the years spent walking around on eggshells with Keith had taken a toll on your personality. You liked to avoid conflict with even your family, nevertheless with the mean fourth graders you’d always hear snickering at people during lunchtime. But when you’d heard them picking on the lanky boy with messy dark hair something within you had snapped.

It was breakfast for lunch day, aka: the best day of the week, and when the bell rang signaling the beginning of lunchtime you moved as fast as your legs could carry you to the cafeteria.

You stepped into the line behind a tall, lanky boy who had to be at least a few years older than you. You recognized him from your bus; He lived on the same street as Mellie and her brother, and like you, always sat by himself on the bus. You thought that he was probably the only kid who was as quiet as you. In fact, you weren’t sure you’d ever even heard the stoic boy utter a word in the month and a half you’d spent riding home with him. His face always seemed to stay the same too, you’d noticed.

Not that you’d been watching him, you lied to yourself.

Right now, though, the boy smiled at you as you came up behind him. A tight-lipped, shy one at that, but his dark eyes shone with genuine kindness that you were almost too flustered to know what to do. Such kindness, even small ones like this, had been few and far between in your time in Boone County. It’d been lonely, and this little boy’s smile made it feel a little less so. A part of you wondered if this town had been similarly lonely for him too. You smiled back.

The sound of giggling broke you from your blatant staring at the boy in front of you. Two girls had entered the line behind you. You didn’t know their names, but you recognized them from the time you had spent people-watching during your month or so of eating alone. The taller one was blonde, with long straight hair and thick braces covering her teeth as she smiled right past you and to the boy standing in front of you. Her counterpart was shorter and a bit stouter, with short pin-curls that practically stuck to her hair. Your stomach dropped as you took in the looks on both of their faces. Their smiles were anything but kind as they looked right through and onto the boy who was oblivious to what was coming.

You weren’t though. Just last week, you’d the pair of girls push a little girl in your class off of the monkey bars for “taking their spot,” when you knew for a fact that that girl had been there for all of recess already. Before that, you’d seen them ridicule another girl for her new haircut that had come out much shorter than expected until she cried. These were two girls you knew not to cross, and here they were, sights set on the boy in front of you whose name you didn't even know. And you were caught in the middle of it.

“Uhm, excuse me?” The blonde girl asked, reaching across you and tapping the boy on the shoulder. Her face was twisted in barely held-in laughter, while beside her, her friend’s face held an identical.

The boy turned, eyes wide and curious. Kind. Obviously unaware of exactly how nasty these two could be.

“Y-yeah?” He asked, voice cracking when he stuttered. The blonde looked over to her friend and then back at him.

“Your name’s Clyde, right?” She asked, head tilting.

“Uhm, yeah, tha’s right.” He smiled, bashful. Ears twinged red.

Clyde. That was the boy’s name. It fit him, you thought.

Her friend popped in. “Say, ain’t you a Logan?” She asked, face spread in what seemed like a kind smile.

Something you didn’t buy. You thought as you grabbed an orange from the selection of fruit.

“Yes ma’am,” he said, moving down the line. He picked up a strawberry milk carton before moving further down where the french toast sticks were. You continued to eavesdrop, feeling the most awkward you had in a while as the conversation continued with you, quite literally, in the middle of it.

“Well, Clyde Logan,” the blonde continued, reaching for an identical carton of strawberry milk. Her face was smug. “There’s something Quinn and I have been meaning to ask you for a while now.”

“What’s that?” he asked, curious. He looked at her, eyes open and welcoming and you dreaded the next words that were going to come out of her mouth. It wasn’t gonna be good.

“We were just wondering,” she snorted halfway through, hand coming to her mouth. “Sorry, we were just wondering if you’d done something to upset your momma?”

He chuckled awkwardly, obviously confused, and flicked some dark hair behind his ear. “Pardon me?” he asked, brows furrowed.

“Oh, nothin’. It’s just you had to have done something to have earned a haircut like that.”

Beside her, her friend had given up on controlling her laughter. Wheezing, her friend–Quinn–interjected.

“Or maybe your hairdresser hates you? What did you do to make someone let you walk out of the house like that?” She giggled.

“Don’t be silly, Quinn. The Logans can’t afford a hairdresser. It had to have been his momma. I mean, really Clyde, you had to have done somethin’ bad.” The blonde chimed in again.

“Although, maybe it’s not the haircut, Heather.” Quinn piped in casually, serving herself french toast. “That’s not fair to his momma. It’s those ears. They stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Mhm,” the blonde, heather, nodded. “I think you’re right. And his nose. It's so big. That’s what makes you so unfortunate looking. Not the hair at all.”

Clyde looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Surprise coloring his features, the smallest frown upon his lips.

“Or , you know what,” Heather considered, piling bacon onto her lunch tray. “It’s probably that curse your sister wouldn’t shut up about last year. What’d she call it?”

“The Logan Family Curse.” Quinn chimed in. Heather laughed.

“That must be it!” She giggled in that snotty, preteen way. “Who knew that the Logan family curse was being cursed with bein’ uglier than a mud fence!”

“Or having ears the size of Dumbo’s.”

Looking over at Clyde, you saw his eyes glassy with unshed tears as he looked down at his lunch tray. Crestfallen. It sent white hot anger surging through your chest, and before you could register it, you were turning to face the two girls beside you in line.

“Just because he has straight teeth and you don’t doesn’t mean you have to be mean.” You glared at her. Her smug face morphed into one of anger as her eyes hardened into a glare.

“Excuse me?” she asked. Beside her, Quinn’s eyebrows rose to her hairline.

“You heard me, brace-face.” You stood your ground, glaring right back at her. She gasped at the insult, not ready for a taste of her own medicine. An identical look of horror crossed her companion’s face. From behind you, you heard a familiar high voice call out.

“Clyde? Where are you–” Mellie looked confused, her eyes following the lanky, dark-haired figure racing out of the cafeteria, leaving his lunch tray deserted in line next to you. Her gaze hardened as she looked over at you and the two girls in line. She stomped over, arms crossed.

“What did you say to him?” She demanded, looking between you three. When no one spoke up, she asked again, louder.

“What did you say to my brother?” She seethed. Heather looked at Quinn, an amused smirk on her face.

“Oh, you mean Dumbo?” She asked.

“Nothing–we just gave him some beauty advice,” Quinn descended into the same annoying laughter as her friend.

What happened next was a blur to you. There was a hand in someone’s hair, another pushing someone's shoulder, and the sound of a hand smacking against someone’s face. You were pushed backwards–by who, you didn’t know–and your half-full lunch tray came down on top of you, covering you in scrambled eggs and syrup. Heather screeched like a banshee, and Quinn started crying. A lunch monitor ran over to break it up, and before you knew it, Heather was being sent to the nurse and you and Mellie to the principal’s office.

Which brings you to now.

You sat, smelling of eggs and syrup, and waiting for your life to end. After a few minutes of silence, you looked to the scrappy, brooding girl next to you.

“Did you have to hit her?” You asked, breaking the silence. Scoffing, she turned to look at you.

“Uhm, yeah I had to hit her.” She spat out incredulously. “She was makin’ fun of my big brother. You don’t let people mess around with your kin.”

“But–” you began before she interrupted you, seemingly not hearing you at all. That was something you’d grow to find out was a habit of hers whenever she talked about something she was passionate about.

“And I’d do it again, too,” she said, stubbornly. “I don’t care what Mrs. Findlay says. If you ask me, Heather Campbell had it comin’ and needed to be knocked down a few pegs. I’m only sad I got caught.”

Her matter-of-fact made you giggle a little bit. After all, you couldn’t disagree with her; You’d seen Heather and Quinn unleash their wrath before. Many times in the short time you’d been in town. They needed to be put in their place. And you were glad you’d had at least a small part in doing it, even if it did put a target on your back and was bound to make your life hell indefinitely.

“I am sorry you got involved, though,” Mellie said. “It ain’t fair you got roped into all a’ my trouble-makin’.”

You chuckled a bit.

“Nah,” you sighed. “Before you walked up, I did say some pretty nasty things to them. I guess I deserved it.”

Mellie, looking surprised at that, snorted.

“You?” she asked, eyes wide in apparent disbelief. “You said somethin’ to Heather Campbell?”

“What's that supposed to mean?” you asked, brows furrowed. “And yes, I’ll have you know, I did say something to her.”

“Nothin’.” Mellie said, “it’s just that in all the time you’ve been here, I ain't heard you speak but about two times.”

“I couldn’t let her talk to him like that when he didn’t do nothin’ to deserve it.” You said. “Besides, I was tired of hearin’ her run her mouth all the time and no one sayin’ anything.”

“Well alrighty then.” She said.

A beat of silence passed, the only sound being the ticking of the clock. Then, “what did you say to her?”

You snorted.

“I called her brace-face.” You admitted sheepishly. Beside you, Mellie howled in laughter and after a moment, you joined her.

“You know,” she said pensively, smiling at you, all trace of a sour mood gone, “I think we’re gonna be good friends.”

You smiled back at her, the first real one in a while.

“Me too.” And you meant it.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

Your mother’s voice snapped you back to reality.

“And what about him?” she asked carefully, words thick with meaning. “Does he know you’re comin’ back?”

You sighed. “Mama, why would he know I was coming back? Why would he care I’m coming back?”

“Darlin’, I didn’t mean it like that–”

“He didn’t bother telling me when he came back. I had to find out from Mellie, a month after the fact.” You continued, that familiar white-hot feeling in your chest resurfacing. “Besides, I’m sure Mellie mentioned it to him. She’d have to if he’s gonna continue this disappearing act of his.”

“That’s not fair, baby, and you know it.” She scolded, ever the mother. It didn’t matter that you were twenty-five, she’d always put you in your place when it came down to it. “He’s been through a lot.”

“I’m sure he has,” you agreed half-heartedly.

“And–”

“--Not that I’d know about it! He hasn’t spoken so much as a word to me in years. Not for lack of trying on my part either, you know that mom.”

“I know, baby, I know,” she said. This was a conversation you’d had before. And no matter how many times you did, she’d always brought up the same points.

And now, Clyde Logan had been home for six months, but felt like a ghost. Your family hadn’t heard a thing from him. According to your cousin Zach, Jimmy had wanted to throw a coming-home party for him, but had canceled it last minute.

You knew better than to ask Mellie about it. She was your best friend, yes, but you wouldn’t put her in that position. You wouldn’t make her choose sides or play middle-man between you and her brother. And she knew better than to bring it up with you, too. She saw her brother’s idiocy, and, more importantly, she saw how hurt you were after all that had happened. So, Clyde generally wasn’t brought up between the two of you. Not in great detail, anyway. No matter how much you knew she had to reign herself in over it. Your best friend was a fixer at heart, and that instinct didn’t go away when it came to her best friend and her brother.

“Let’s just drop it, mom.” You said. “I am not coming home for Clyde Logan, of all people. I’m just happy to be coming home again.”

“Well, that makes two of us.” she laughed lightly on the other end. “How far out are you?” she asked.

“I’m about halfway through Indiana right now.”

“Whew,” she whistled. “What a drive.”

You laughed at her sarcasm. “Oh yeah, nothin’ but cornfields for miles. That is somethin’ I won’t be missing, that’s for sure.”

“Good.” she said, “You’d better get a move-on if you wanna be home before nightfall, then. I’ll call your cousins and see who can make it for dinner.”

Your heart leapt at the thought of it, seeing the family again. You’d missed living in the same county as them all; Not having to drive hours to hug your grandma, to hear your aunt Nikki’s laugh, or to engage in yet another political conversation with your uncle Mike.

“That sounds perfect.”

“Alright then. Your Gramma’s gonna be surprised, that’s for sure. And i’m warnin’ you now: She will not be as easily swayed as I am at your comin’ back.”

“Yeah, I know.” You shook your head. “I’ll start preparing my speech now.”

She laughed, “you better!”

“I’m gonna let you go, babe. Call your aunts. Love you.”

“Love you too, momma.” You sighed, as the call ended.

The late May sun shone through the clouds, as you steered off of the freeway to continue south. Toward home.

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