#or the ones i have i've only got like 1 song from them and idk if you'd like it you know?

[magentagalaxies]

going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao

[earlgreytea68]

LOOK AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT SO MUCH FOR (TOUR) DUST SPOILERS, OKAY?

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Set list:

(1) That Pink Seashell spoken word thing actually opens the show

(2) Love from the Other Side: I assumed they'd play this first, and they did, and they looked very happy with the reception that it got

(3) The Phoenix

(4) Sugar, We're Goin Down: I overheard two guys when I was leaving saying, "I only came to this show for that Sugar song, and it was the third song they played," whatever to those two guys lol

(5) Uma Thurman

(6) A Litttle Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me

(7) Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: I know they always play this song when they play Chicago but the way the show is set up, there's this spoken intro that references a light being left on in Chicago, and then they launch into this song, and so I feel like maybe it's permanently in the set list for this tour, we'll see.

(8) Grand Theft Autumn: Patrick told the story again of how he wrote the lyrics while jogging with Pete. Here is exactly what he said, because I recorded it, hahaha: "I wrote this song out here, jogging, trying to figure out the words. This was back when I wrote a lot of the words. And Pete was jogging with me and he was like, 'Eh, maybe change this, maybe change this.' Before we knew it he was writing all the lyrics." And then Pete said, "Imagine us jogging" lolololol

(9) Calm Before the Storm

(10) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race: They added a little Peterick-y moment in here? I don't remember them playing at each other during this song in previous performances? It was cute, it was during the instrumental part before Patrick leads the singalong, maybe I've just always missed it? They played it each other and kind of did some kind of kick thing with their legs??

(11) Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes: Honestly, always a delight to hear this song, this is one of my favorites <3

(12) Heaven, Iowa: THIS SONG LIVE, I SWEAR

(13) "The Take Over, the Breaks Over": OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO PLAY IT, I WAS SO HAPPY

(14) Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet: <3 Guess they got over being scared of playing this one lol

(15) Fake Out: I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I WAS THAT THEY PLAYED THIS ONE OMGGGGGGG. Also, there was some plan I wasn't aware of to, like, hold up cell phones with pink paper over the lights so the crowd lit up pink???? I have no idea who engineered that but it was CHARMING and at the end of the song Pete said, "Thanks for that, guys, that was beautiful," and the stage was on darkness so it seemed absolutely spontaneous on his part and I think they really did like the effect, so, Idk, future shows, keep doing it????

(16) Patrick did some kind of piano interlude where he played "Don't Stop Believin'"????? It was random but he was super charming, I think the rest of the band used it as a break, it was just SO GREAT. Part of his intro was: "Pete was putting together this show and he said to me, 'Hey, you should play piano.' And I was like, 'I kinda only play songs I wrote. I don't really play piano. I don't know how to play piano.' And he's like, 'Eh, you'll figure it out.'" And then Patrick sat down and played gorgeous piano ugh THANKS, PETE.

(17) Last of the Real Ones: I am glad Mania got some love.

(18) Save Rock and Roll

(19) PETE RECITED BABY ANNIHILATION WHAT. I SWEAR TO GOD. I SO DID NOT EXPECT THIS AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT HAPPENED. If you're going to the show, pay attention, because I looked away and apparently there's, like, a magic trick at the end of the monologue where he disappears behind a piece of black silk?????

(20) Crazy Train cover: I...don't know what to say about this randomness hahaha but it happened??

(21) Dance Dance

(22) Hold Me Like a Grudge: I think Patrick adores singing this song, I really do.

(23) G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: I KNOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, EITHER.

(24) My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)

(25) Thnks fr th Mmrs

(26) Centuries

(27) Saturday <3

The show ends with a little piano version of So Much (for) Stardust played over the sound system, so pay attention for that.

The set is super Alice in Wonderland-y and I adored it, it's playful and fantastical and has all these whimsical touches and interludes and I just thought it was delightful and at one point there were bubbles, and I heard some people complaining after the concert that the fantasy thing didn't suit their style of music and really, I was surrounded by downers after the concert, I thought they were perfect hahaha. Like, ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. They looked so, so, so tangibly happy, all of them. Patrick sounded fantastic and he looked like he was having a blast, he smiled the whole time.

I have a lot of videos but they seem like they're all pretty terrible, but I'll see how I feel in the morning lol

[reidspharb]

The Moment I Knew

*Part two

Summary: Spencer misses your 25th birthday and that’s when you realize your relationship can’t be fixed.

Word count: 800 or something idk ICBA shes a short one

Warnings: angst, Reid is a shitty boyfriend in this one

Note: hi this was written at 3 am and I’m new to writing so if this sucks sorry anyways but I got this idea from Taylor Swifts song by the Same name and I thought I would write it so yeah enjoy

Sure, you were so happy all your friends were there and everyone was having a good time… but you couldn’t help but think about Spence.

It was 10 pm, the party started at 8 and he still wasn’t there like he promised. You couldn’t help but think about him coming through the door right now, gifts in hand as he did on your last birthday with that baby I’m right here smile.

You knew he couldn’t be here, and you knew how much he valued his work, but, he wasn’t even on a case far away… he was here, in Virginia, and he couldn’t even call to wish you a happy birthday.

Your eyes were locked on the door most of the time as you socialized. People asked about him, about your relationship, and the most you could give them was a sad smile and a dishonest word about how great everything was going.

“So how have you been,” your friend Sarah said as she laughed and took a sip of her drink “I mean I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

you plastered on the brightest fake smile you could and mustered up an answer just normal enough to get you by.

“I've been okay, you know, with work and everything.”

All you could think about was him, how he said he would be there. He told you- no he promised you weeks in advance that he would be here. But he’s not.

You felt stupid, standing there all dolled up in your tight black dress and red lipstick. You thought maybe if you dressed up nice he would make sure to be there, but then again, there you were with no one to impress.

You knew it was hopeless, there you were on your birthday staring at the door and watching the clock tick as everyone around you danced and laughed. You looked around the room, trying to spot him in the crowd but who were you fooling, you knew he wasn’t there.

As you listened to your loved ones sing happy birthday around you, you could only hear his voice in your memory. When you blew out those candles your only wish was for him to be there with you. You should’ve been so happy, but he was the one thing missing.

Then it was 1 am, and you were barely tipsy. you already had a nervous stomach, you knew drinking would only make it worse. By now you were sick of everyone being around you, you just wanted to be alone. You stumbled to the bathroom over some discarded red cups and locked yourself in there, tears burning at your eyes when you saw yourself in the mirror.

You did your makeup the way he liked it too so that if you sent pictures he really wouldn’t miss it, such a naive thing to think you told yourself. You heard a knock on your door and there were your two best friends, Tegan and Oliver, mixed with the emotions of seeing them staring at you with so much pity in their eyes and Spencer being away made you break down.

Tegan held you as you sobbed, mascara dripping down your cheeks with every tear.

“He said- he said he would be here…”

“I'm so sorry, love bug, I wish I could grab him and rip him into pieces. You deserve so much better.” Said Oliver, holding your cold hands.

You felt so embarrassed, sitting there in front of your friends crying about some stupid boy. But he was the one who meant the most to you and he wasn’t there.

The next morning you woke up on your couch, head pounding. Your apartment was trashed, there were plastic cups scattered all over the room. As you stepped over them to get ready for the day, you felt a sharp pain in your chest as you heard Spencer’s familiar ringtone playing from your phone.

“Hey doll, it’s me” he sighed on the other line of the phone.

“Hi, Spencer.” You mumbled. You knew it would hurt to say his whole name instead of the nickname you’d been calling him since the day you met him.

“I'm so sorry I didn’t make it babe I was caught up in paperwork and I lost tra-“ you interrupted his rambling, you didn’t care anymore.

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later Spencer.” You hissed into the phone before hitting the red button on the screen and setting your phone back down on the counter.

That was the moment you knew.

That was the moment you knew that this would never work out.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

okay so TENATIVE predictions for season 4: it looks like they're going to be playing into the mandela effect. half the universe remembers the umbrella timeline, half the universe remembers the sparrow timeline, and the ONLY thing both groups remember is Ben.

I've been praying since day one that Ben will have memories of both lives in his head, and judging by the fact he appears to be Going Through It in the trailer I assume that'll be the case.

since Ben is at the center of the conspiracy, I almost want to say he's who they're supposed to be rescuing? like, maybe instead of One Ben Two Lives, it's Two Bens One Cup. I don't think they'll do that, though. They're probably trying to rescue Jennifer. HOWEVER I do think it would be really sexy if Nick Offerman and Megahn Mullally weren't playing a couple but were instead playing the same person from different universes (hence being named Gene and Jean), and they somehow found each other and that's why they're leading this conspiracy.

Mystery Jennifer is stressing me out. obviously by the glowing she's got something going on. I'm thinking there's a possibility she was erased from the family's memories after Ben's death- the trailer makes it seem like Reginald made Allison rumor them after the fact. there's probably a decent chance they all knew her, she lost control of her powers, Ben died, Reginald locked her away and erased all traces of her. maybe in the sparrow timeline she died instead, or maybe she was always locked up there and Ben was drawing her from memories that were already starting to leak through from the og timeline, but either way probably in trying to uncover how Ben died they figure out they have to save her. idk!

also, six is like. a random number of years I'm sorry. why wouldn't they just say five years later? maybe another thing to do with Ben bc umbrella Ben was number six? I'm probably reading too much into that one.

I'm truly SO scared they're gonna reveal none of them have spoken during the time skip. Five doesn't deserve that 😭😭. in my perfect world him and Viktor have an apartment but the show writers 100% forgot they said those two were best friends when they were kids judging by the rest of the series rip. when the Gene and Jean characters were first announced I thought maybe Five got stuck in the foster system and they took him in, and that could still be the case (maybe that's how they noticed the universe is a lie in the first place, the boy loves to Yap) but I think it's less likely now idk

if Diego and Lila's daughter isn't named Gracie....what was this all for. what was this all building towards. what's the point. LMFAO I know the popular fanon one is Anita (personally in my head I've been calling her Poppy and I Don't Know Why) but like Gracie is the only name that makes sense, Diego is Too Much of a mama's boy to accept anything else.

this one isn't a prediction it's just a demand- I DEMAND a white violin icon moment set to extraordinary girl by green day. they can 100% get away with just doing an instrumental version since Viktor's not a girl lmfao, but it literally Haunts Me that they didn't do that at the end of season 1 (or at LEAST play the opening of letterbomb when Viktor was in the basement hallucinating) so they NEED to make up for that. it's the last season. play the fucking song oh my God.

there might be too much going on to bring the sparrows back in any meaningful way, but like! I liked them! I especially wanted more Marcus last season, he and Viktor had good chemistry. and Fei was an icon. Why Are We Hiding Sloane Tho. I considered maybe they were rescuing Sloane, but like, Luther just seems a little too happy for that to be the case? that's why I also think Diego and Lila's kid isn't the one being rescued like I saw some theories suggest- Diego is so excited and Lila's grinning in the car scene. can't imagine their 5 year old is missing.

Five is absolutely gonna die. like I'm sorry since episode 1 there's never been a believable outcome where everything's okay and he lives. HOWEVER I think there's a very strong chance the series could end with the timeline is finally saved and set right, and grandpa Five died- but then right at the end 2002 baby Five shows up and gets stuck in the safe timeline. Five has been a walking paradox the whole series. it'd be bittersweet to lose the Five we love, but know that he's still technically getting a happy ending because he doesn't have to live through the apocalypse and become an assassin. I think that's like the best outcome we can hope for.

I think it'd be EXTREMELY funny if Reginald is just super nice now that Abigail is back. like the entire excuse for 30 years of insane behavior was that he missed his wife. bestie there are better ways to cope than abusing superpowered kids </3 but lmao I'm intrigued by him and Viktor being together in both trailers! I've always gotten the feeling that Viktor is one of his 'favorites' (to the best of his ability anyway), and from the brief childhood flashbacks we see that he had baby V acting as an assistant for him, so I'd like to see their relationship expanded a little bit. honestly I just want a lot about Reginald cleared up- he does give off the distinct impression that he actually cares about his kids, even though he's abusive. I'm assuming the explanation will be something along the lines of 'well I always planned to bring you back and safe in the New Universe', that he was approaching it as a 'they have to suffer now to save the universe, and then they can be happy' mindset. that would be interesting. but I'm also a little worried they'll wave his behavior off with 'oh he's an alien he just can't understand how he affected them', which, would suck writing-wise.

I'm worried about Allison- I'm sure they're gonna want her to have a full redemption by the end of the series, but what she did to Viktor and Luther last season...like I just don't know that they'll pull off a meaningful redemption, to where it's believable that they forgive her (other than the fact they're both softies and push overs). not with the shorter season, anyway! I *think* the person Viktor was punching in the trailer was Allison. but I'm worried that instead of actually fixing the issue the writers will just have her do a sacrifice play. especially since, bless her, she's the least sacrificial person in the family, so I could see the argument that it'll be a meaningful character growth moment, but like...if they don't actually have her believably fix her mistakes it'll just feel like a lazy writing move. also, I love her and I don't want any of them to die. as I said, the only death I'm willing to accept is Five's WITH the promise of baby Five getting a happy ending.

I want the Handler to come back, even if it's only for one scene. sorry, I think her absence was one of the low points of season 3.

I think if Grace appears in this season at all it won't be the robot version we're used to, but an older version of her human self that Diego met in the 60s. could be very bittersweet. I just don't think the robot exists in this universe bc honestly if my husband revived me from the dead but then I found out he's been living without me just fine, but made a robot copy of a pretty young fling he had after my death and seemingly can't live without her. I'd be a little pissed! sorry! lmao that said I also have personally been headcannoning that Grace is actually a cyborg and not a robot this whole time, the kids just don't know because of all the insane protocols Reginald set up, so if they do something with that instead I'll be really excited.

Diego and Lila's daughter deserves powers<3

alright I think that's all I got for now. but I wanna hear more theories!!

[gomapda]

sidewalks we crossed [side B: him.] (pt. 1)

this is broken into parts because tumblr has a limit of 1000 blocks.

side A found here!

author's note:

oh goodness. it's been a while.

i really did intend on posting this soon after i published the first part, but then life kind of got in the way. i graduated from grad school, moved to south korea, and have been here since. i'm still a carat, and i really do think about this fanfiction all the time, mainly because this story is truly me bearing my soul to the internet and my friends who have access to the original google doc.

this one is a lot less edited and looked over, but it's because this portion of the fic reminds me of something i'm still in deep grief for. so, for those of you who will read this, i was originally going to have a third installment, but i think i'll leave it at this two. it feels good and true to leave it here.

this was supposed to be published yesterday on seventeen's anni, but i was busy spending time with my korean host family who i've not been able to see that often since moving out :')

maybe i'll write short stories including these two because they are so special to me, but this main story has come to a close. the real final push was jihoon releasing "what kind of future?" officially, the very song that inspired this fic, in honor of his beautiful friend and human, moonbin. bin-ah, i hope you're sailing among the stars and looking over all of those who love you and who you love in return.

and to you, who may be reading this, thank you for being here.

✧⋆°｡☾☼꙳ ੭ * ‧ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ‧ ⨯ ς(>‿<.). ⁺ ✦ * . ˚ ⨯ ੭ * ‧☼☽⋆｡°✧

tagging @fiantomartell since you asked me to whenever i published this. it's been a long while, but.

pairing: lee jihoon/woozi (seventeen) x f!reader

genre: romance, fluff

summary: an accidental like, an off-chance comment, a purposeful message. you were in an unrequited love with your childhood best friend and decided to run away from him and your feelings and years later you find yourself in the same city with the same feelings when he stalks your instagram.

rating: 13+

length: 30k (bro WHAT LOL)

tags: idol!jihoon, childhood friend!reader, unrequited love (but not really), reconnection through instagram, this is just different scenes pieced together (including a ton of flashbacks), reader’s nicknames are all bug-themed, reader has depression and it manifests as suicidal ideation sometimes, this is basically real life (aka seventeen exists and debuted 150526), but the years are a little bit off for the trainee period, jihoon left busan later and trained for shorter for the sake of my story hehe, cursing, pining, mamamoo + ateez are the besties of reader, member x member pairings, jihoon and reader are both dumbasses, reader is extremely book smart but has one brain cell when it comes to romantic feelings, jihoon writes music like he’s been divorced 12x, word genius lee jihoon, idk how doctoral degrees work, i only got my masters and it was a non-thesis track lol, also idk how trainee auditions work either, miss communication is a lady we all know too well, super cute soft shit too tho tbh, no beta we die like men, i spent 5 hours trying to format this for tumblr and i’m still unsure

inspired by “drivers license” by olivia rodrigo and “what kind of future?” by woozi

inspo spotify playlist found here!

──────────────────

side b: him.

The rapid beating in his chest drowned out the slam of the door behind him as he rushed down the stairs of your home, desperate to just get away as soon as possible. Your parents weren’t home, so he didn’t have to worry about looking like an absolute fool in front of them.

You knew. You fucking knew.

You knew how much he was in love with you and this was your way of rejecting him.

He was stupid, so stupid. If he just put his feelings aside then you wouldn’t leave. You wouldn’t have to leave. But this was all his stupid hormones and brain chemistry and his fucking heart. He knew that it wouldn’t pan out. You never saw him as anything more than just a dear friend, a brother. You made that clear.

Since the beginning, your pinkies intertwined promised a forever, but you both had different ideas of what that was. And he was stupid to believe there was a chance.

He ran.

He ran so far and so hard that he couldn’t make sense of left or right or forward or backward. All he knew was that he needed to get away from you.

But he couldn’t.

He passed by Old Man Park’s home with a winding tree you were convinced held fae people that would only come out when the entire town was asleep (there was a 50km radius, you said).

He ran by the rusted bars of the playground you two snuck off to instead of going to cram school where you attempted a flip and promptly landed on the crown of your head, wood chips tangling themselves into your hair, tears mixed with laughter and pain streaming down your cheeks.

The library where you would spend more time in the children’s section than anywhere else because you would practice your ‘reading voice’ for your future children’s bedtime stories.

The baseball field where the realization that he was in love with you hit him harder than any fastball pitch ever could.

You were everywhere.

And he needed to get away.

He went to your house to share the news of passing the trainee audition, that was the whole purpose of seeing you.

However, that wasn’t the only thing he planned on confessing.

If you asked him to stay, he would have.

But instead, you rejected him before he even got one word out.

So, he packed his bags up for Seoul, a place untarnished by you. A city that not even your light could reach, no matter how radiant you were.

──────────────────

Years later.

“Jihoon-ah, aren’t you working too hard?”

He glanced up at Jeonghan who was probably let into the studio by Bumzu. Jihoon glanced at the clock to notice a bright 4:02am glaring back at him. “Ah, hyung. I didn’t even notice the time.”

“I figured. I brought you some food.”

Jihoon glanced down at the two bags in his hands. His eyes narrowed. “Hyung, I don’t eat as much as you think I do.”

“I’ve seen you eat three full meals in one sitting. Get away from your desk and we can eat.”

Jihoon sighed before he reluctantly left the seat he hardly moved from for over seven hours. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan replied happily, snapping the wooden chopsticks into two. He started chewing on one of the danmuji, the sound of its crunch reverberating in the studio. “Oh. And also, the wi-fi’s down at the dorm, so.”

“So, you’re here to steal my bandwidth.”

“I brought you food. I paid my toll.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Alright, sure.”

“So, are you in the composing stage or the writing lyrics stage?”

“...Lyrics.”

“Hm. What are you writing about? Or rather, who are you writing about?”

Jihoon stabbed the grilled fish. “...You know who.”

“She’s really got a grip on you, huh.”

Jihoon grunted in response. Obviously.

Jeonghan continued, “I saw that one of the local newsletters interviewed the group home that she volunteers at. She was voted as volunteer of the year. Again. She smiles with her entire body. Seems like a good person.”

The younger of the two picked away at the fish, not bringing it onto his makeshift plate. “Yeah.”

“Do you still stalk her on Instagram?”

Jihoon let out a loud sigh.

“That’s a yes, then.”

“You know it’s not as bad as it used to be. I used to check, like, every few weeks, but now it’s gone down to just a couple times a year.”

“She hasn’t blocked you yet?”

“Hah. I don’t think she even knows that my account is reactivated.”

“Well, you never needed to reactivate before. Her Instagram used to be public. The rest of the members and I used to scroll through wondering how a bright girl like her could be associated with such a deadpan guy like you.”

“Wow. Thanks, hyung.”

Jeonghan merely brushed off Jihoon’s sarcasm, already used to it. “She only made it private this last year, right? Since she complains about her program being out to kill her on her story. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t realize you’ve been watching her stories.”

“I don’t think she checks who watches her story since she has over a few thousand followers.”

“She attracts people, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, she always has.”

“Can I see her profile again?”

“You’re not going to do something weird, right?”

“Ey, Jihoon-ah.”

“That makes me really not want to.”

“Ey.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes before pulling out his phone. He opened Instagram and clicked on the “Search” feature and saw your profile appear at the top without even needing to type anything. He signaled for Jeonghan to scoot down the couch so he could sit down and handle the phone in his own hands. Jeonghan peered over his shoulder as he scrolled through your profile.

“Oh, is that Japan?”

“Yeah.”

Jihoon clicked on your post.

But it wasn’t opening.

So, he clicked again. And then again.

And his phone decided to catch up with his thumb’s movements.

The once white heart was now red.

His grip loosened on the device of betrayal and it clattered to the ground. “Oh shit.”

Jeonghan bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He placed his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. “I’m sorry, but. This is karma for not letting me see her profile on my own.”

“Hyung. Hyung. What should I do?”

“Just unlike it? I’m pretty sure that Instagram doesn’t send a notification as long as you unlike it before she sees it.”

“How do you know?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “Jihoon. It’s not the end of the world if she happens to see it. If she blocks you, then you know, and you end up writing another heartbreak masterpiece—” Jihoon couldn’t even appreciate the comment. “—but. Who knows what’ll happen?”

“...”

“Uh. I’ll just… do it for you, then.”

Jeonghan picked up the phone, facing the screen towards Jihoon, the camera scanning his frozen features to unlock and Jeonghan tapped the red heart to empty it again. He placed the phone back on the younger man’s thigh, but Jihoon remained in the same position as earlier, eyes glazed.

“Jihoon-ah.”

“Hyung.”

“Let’s just wait, yeah? The food’s getting cold. So, let’s finish eating.”

“...Okay.”

──────────────────

Jihoon picked at the rice bowl in front of him, his mind light years away, chest filled with concern for the future. Was auditioning for a company worth it? Even if he started the process now, wouldn’t it still take a while to even hear back?

“Jihoonie.”

His heart constricted once he heard the voice of the person who made him unsure. He caught you blinking owlishly at him. “Y/N.”

“Hrmm. You seem quite a bit down, my friend. You’ve barely touched your first bowl of rice. It’s concerning.”

“Just thinking.”

“Oh, don’t do that. We know that usually ends badly for people.”

“Well, someone between the two of us has to have brain cells.”

“I pride myself in simultaneously never thinking and also being the top student of our school.”

“You work miracles, Y/N.”

“Hey, now I know you’re down because you didn’t call me a flipping nerd. Your best moods are usually accompanied by your worst words.”

“You make me seem like an asshole. You slander me to other people, don’t you?”

“Of course. I can’t have them know just how utterly wonderful and fantastic you are. I’d rather you have that butthole reputation if I get to keep my best friend all to myself. I’m a selfish lady, you know.”

Did you even know how much your words affected him?

“You’re neither selfish nor a lady.”

“Oh, but I am. I’m a selfish lady who’s only checking on you because I refuse to be wrought with worry for the rest of the day. So, come on, Jihoonie. Let’s go play darts.”

“Last time we played you almost stabbed my hand.”

“Your fault for reaching for the board when I was about to own you. Come on. Let’s go. I’ll make a pinky promise with you.”

Jihoon snorted. “Of what?”

“I promise to do whatever you want if you win.”

Jihoon scrunched up his nose in response. You were always so naive with him, trusting him wholly. But a part of him was grateful that you did. He merely sighed and stood up.

He might as well use your promise to his advantage.

──────────────────

“She didn’t block me.”

“Oh, really?” Jeonghan glanced up at Jihoon who suddenly broke the silence.

“Who’s she?” Soonyoung’s ears perked up.

“You know. His firefly,” Jeonghan replied.

“What? Why would she block you?” Seungkwan directed his question at Jihoon, who was simply trying to edit lyrics in his own studio, which was being occupied by several SEVENTEEN members.

“Jihoon accidentally liked one of her posts last night, but we unliked it. Oh, sorry. I unliked it because he was completely frozen.”

“The notification probably didn’t go through,” Seungkwan supplied. “I’m pretty sure unliking a post makes the notification go away.”

Jihoon had set his phone aside earlier in hopes of not constantly checking it. His mind may be unsteady, but he was always self-disciplined.

Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Soonyoung glance down at his own phone screen that buzzed a second prior.

“Oh. Jihoon-ah, she liked one of your posts.”

Before his mind could even catch up, Jihoon flung himself to his phone, his self-discipline be damned. He frantically clicked on the notification and it redirected him to his Instagram page, where he saw your name among the list of likers. He wasn’t sure whether his heart was racing or whether it stopped completely because the buzzing in his ears overtook all of his other senses.

He even ignored the boys’ laughter around him.

“Is… Is social media actually facilitating real connection right now? Are we about to prove all of the ahjussi and ahjumma wrong? Are we about to witness history?”

“Seungkwan-ah.”

“Sorry, Jeonghan-hyung.”

“She… She didn’t block me. She saw me. What is this? What do I do? Do I just ignore it? Or should I let her know I saw it?”

Soonyoung snorted. “Yah, I’ve never seen Jihoon this nervous for any performance ever.”

“His heart’s probably racing more than it did the Golden Disc Awards.”

“WHAT DO I DO.”

“Jihoon-hyung,” Seungkwan started. “I think the first thing you need to do is breathe.”

So, he did. In. Out. In. Out.

After what seemed like years, Soonyoung spoke up. “So… Are you gonna message her?”

Jihoon sat in contemplation for a moment before he decidedly shook his head. “No. It’s time to write a song.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows rose at that. “You’re gonna go back to work after all of this?”

Jihoon bit his lip. “No. This is gonna be a solo song.”

The corners of Jeonghan’s lips curled up at his dongsaeng. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.”

Jihoon nodded almost mindlessly.

Everything about her usually is.

──────────────────

“Jihoonie~ Wake up~”

He groaned loudly under the bed covers.

He heard you snicker, the only warning before you landed with a loud thump as he let out an “oof!” from beneath you.

“Get off me. You weigh like a million pounds.”

Rather than listening, you spread your limbs and trapped the adolescent boy beneath you, nuzzling further into the outer casing of his cocoon. “Nope. Just yesterday you yelled at me for not eating enough when you flung me off of the couch by accident because I stole the remote. So.”

“I’m suffocating. You’re killing your best friend.”

“Oh, but to die with a beautiful girl on top of you, isn’t that the way to go?”

There was a moment of silence where Jihoon contemplated catapulting your entire being off of his bed before, “Pretty sure that’s your dream, you damn pervert,” came his muffled reply.

“Huh. You might be right there.”

“Get! Off!”

His hand easily found your weak point between your first and second rib and you cried out as you toppled down onto his bedroom floor. He emerged from the confines of his sheets with hair sticking up every which way.

You grinned lazily up at his disheveled state and he glared right back at you. “Why are you in my bedroom?”

“Because your mom said to come and get you! We’re going to Muju today, remember? In time for the Firefly Festival!”

“Right. It’s your yearly family reunion.”

“Yes, I will become one with the bugs. My fursona will arise again. Or is it bugsona?”

“Is a buggy better than a furry?”

“You’re asking me to choose between two evils, my dear Jihoonie. Come on, get up. I’m excited to spend an entire weekend with our family.”

It was way too early for his mind to whirr as fast as it did at the simple implication of ‘our’. “Alright, firefly. Get out of my room so I can get ready.”

“Okay! I’ll go help Mama downstairs.”

You were committed to calling Jihoon’s mom as Mama instead of Eomma, as the latter held a tone for you that was nothing less than stressful.

Jihoon smiled at your joy, but stopped when he noticed you freeze in place. “...What?”

You shifted the weight in your feet before speaking. “Mm. Just had a thought. With a smile like yours, who would ever need the summertime?”

You grinned at him while his heart stopped. You always spoke without a care in the world; never carefully crafting your thoughts before speaking them aloud. You were spontaneous. Wild, even. Sometimes it ended with you in some kind of trouble, while other times, like this one, ended with him in trouble instead.

You scurried out of his room before he could respond.

He released a dragged out sigh as he felt his cheeks warm.

Forget summertime.

He wondered whether the earth could be sustained through all of the seasons at the sheer brilliance of your smile.

But he ought to thank the summertime.

Because it meant, every year, without fail, he would wake up to you, he would smell the breakfast you helped his mother cook, he would hop on a plane to travel to a different province and see the night sky alight with hundreds of fireflies, your face aglow with soft awe and wonder.

Yeah.

He needed the summertime.

──────────────────

“What? Jihoon-hyung is talking to the girl that just upped and left him and fled the country?”

“Chan-ah, your wording needs work,” Seungcheol chastised. The other members that were near enough to hear nodded, while others were distracted by their own activities.

Jihoon buried his face in his hands. “Eugh, I don’t even know anymore. It’s not like we’re actually talking; she just reliked one of my posts. It’s like, she went back and let me know that she saw me. But is that supposed to be a warning? Is it supposed to be a white flag?”

The youngest member of SEVENTEEN shrugged. “Hyung, I think that you’re putting a lot of meaning behind something that was just a small gesture.”

“Nah, Chan,” Seungcheol interjected. “Jihoon has been in love with this girl since he was a kid. This is more than just a small gesture, after what she did to him.”

Wonwoo spoke up. “Hey, don’t forget Jihoon was the one who left Busan first.”

The accused groaned.

“Wonwoo, you’re just biased towards her because you think that she and Jihoon would make a good couple and you believe in an ideal love.”

“Hyung, I just think that if Jihoon can write what he writes about her, there’s something there.”

“You romanticist.”

Wonwoo shrugged. “Jihoon-ah, I think you’ve tried to reach her with your words time and time again, but maybe it was never made clear that she was the one it was for. You mentioned that she really thought you were in love with your noona—” Jihoon grimaced at the memory. “—so, maybe she’s just unaware.”

“She can’t be that oblivious,” Soonyoung interrupted. Jihoon knew Soonyoung was almost fiercely protective over him because he was the one who witnessed Jihoon’s aftermath firsthand. Soonyoung may be over-the-top some days, but whenever Jihoon needed it, he would help ground him.

Wonwoo’s eyes flicked between the two of his fellow 96ers. “We were all kids once, Soonyoung. We were all so focused on ourselves we couldn’t really see what was happening around us.”

Soonyoung pursed his lips. “...I guess. Jihoon, what do you think?”

Jihoon stared at his hands. “Does it matter whether she knew back then or not?”

They all collectively raised a brow.

“Whattaya mean?” Seungcheol asked.

“I can make a ton of assumptions about her. That she was actually in love with me and was scared. That she was rejecting me in her own cruel, yet kind, way. That she had no idea and the timing was just completely off. But all of that, I don’t actually know. All I do know is that… I want to see her. And not just from afar anymore. But part of me also hates her. But all of me misses her. I don’t know. I guess I’m just too stupid to figure this out.”

A heavy silence passed over the group.

Soonyoung broke it. “If you’re stupid, then I’m the biggest idiot on this planet.”

“That’s not comforting, that’s just a fact.”

“Hoon, you wound me.”

──────────────────

Award shows were weird.

At first, everything was an out-of-body experience for him and could barely process what was happening. He even couldn’t believe that he and his twelve members managed to earn their matching pinky rings and the right to produce and perform, let alone be nominated for an award. When they went on the stage, they did their best to be as refreshing of idols as they could be.

But it was much more daunting than they were used to.

Their debut year went by, and although there were many nominations, they remained only that.

In middle school, he would often tell you that you had a strange fixation on being number one in your graduating class. He said that he didn’t get it, that being in the top 5 was already something that was admirable.

He would never forget the look you gave him when you said, “One day, you’ll know what it’s like. You’ll know what it’s like to almost have something and then not. It’s the kind of feeling that eats away at you, Jihoon. The feeling of, ‘But what if I did more?’”

He merely rolled his eyes and called you dramatic.

That is, until he experienced it firsthand.

The first time ever was when he was doing a music competition for clarinet and compared himself to his bandmate, who received several achievements while Jihoon found that he simply didn’t have the body to be able to hold the same lung capacity.

Then he felt it: that driving force.

You both pushed yourselves further, to higher heights.

And it ended with him sick and bedridden.

And you, heartbroken and unsure of life.

The two of you would reprimand each other for trying too hard, but even with accountability, that envy, that desire for an indisputable win, that fear of failure, would still sneak its way into you both. You, with your academics. Him, with his musical endeavors.

For several years after their debut, at award shows, Jihoon would clap, the rhythmic beating of his hands echoing that in his chest, his smile lined with bitterness, his ears rang with the whispered voices.

‘Those people didn’t deserve it. You worked so much harder. These people don’t even produce their own music. Or maybe it’s because they have real producers and composers, unlike you. Who are you to think you deserve that award?’

One night, after another show of no wins, he collapsed onto his bed, unlocking his phone, intent on watching an anime episode before falling asleep. His members were discouraged and no one wanted to discuss what more they could even do.

Even if they did everything right, maybe it still would never be good enough.

When he opened up the YouTube app on his phone, he saw a recommended video. Your name written out in English caught his eye and he realized it was Part II of a podcast you had done with the channel before. It was a Korean-American podcast and you would share your experiences in the Korean language, connecting with your culture despite being in a foreign country.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he clicked on it, hoping to find comfort in a person he always had, in someone he probably always would.

Several minutes in and he realized just how thick that red string must be between the two of you.

“You know, I thought I undid a lot of my perfectionism before coming to college. Korea is the birthplace of comparison and pressure, I’m sure of it. It was ingrained into me from childhood. So, I did what I could. I got out. Learned to broaden my horizons. But when you attend a school like Yale, your environment really just kinda forces you to be perfect just so that you can survive. Because if you’re not, then you’re cut.”

He thought back to his trainee days.

To his current days.

How similar.

“I remember being at an event where we were being presented awards for our achievements. I remember that I was in the running for one of them, and I won’t say which one so this doesn’t come back to bite me. But at this one event, I remember no other guests were invited, only the nominees and peers in the same field. And when they announced the winner, everyone applauded, of course. However, I won’t ever forget the sight that I saw.”

You chewed on your lips, gazing upward trying to find the right words to say, a habit you’ve had for years.

“The winner had the biggest grin on their face, proud of themselves, as they are allowed to be. But when they turned back to the crowd? I think they saw something. I think they saw that our smiles were forced, that we were judging them, judging ourselves, trying to determine whether they actually deserved the recognition or whether we should have been the ones to win. And… their smile faltered. It was quick, but it was noticeable. And I think the only reason why it even faltered was because it was only those of us who were nominated or could have been. Like, it’s easy to cheer on someone for a prize that you didn’t want, but as soon as you have stakes in the game? Well. That’s a whole different story. But when they lost that smile, it felt like something shattered.”

Your eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall.

“They say it’s lonely at the top. I haven’t been there in a long time, but. I don’t even know if that’s where I want to be. These people have done super cool things, and who’s to say that I would’ve gotten the same results if I had tried? And maybe, maybe they have enough competitors. Maybe they need someone who celebrates them. Someone who knows the hardships of working in this field. And maybe that’s what I can do. I just want to do what I love and what I love doing is social work. Celebrating other people. Learning their stories. Not saving the world, but trying to make it into one that might be worth saving. If I happen to get recognized because of doing those things and they give some kind of trophy for it, then alright. But that’s just a byproduct of the greatest award I’ve already given myself, which is just letting myself do what I love.”

And those were words he carried with him as he went to bed that night. 

When they won their first award. Their first Bonsang. Their first Daesang.

Award shows were weird.

It was all about performance.

Performing on stage, prepped through sound-check, clean-cut choreography, and pre-recorded live vocals to grab the audience’s attention.

Performing when at their designated table, giving reactions at a timely rate for both the fancams and large screen cameras.

Performing when behind the stage, being the best hoobae or sunbae they needed to be, adapting to whatever situation they may be placed in.

He knew how to perform. He was good at it.

It was why he’s in this industry.

But there are some things that don’t warrant worrying about an audience.

As he watched the seven members of BTS walk towards the stage, reaching for their Daesang. He clapped to match the rhythm in his chest, sure and steady, at ease. His smile, genuine and wide. The voice in his head, not unlike yours mixed with his own, provided gentle comfort.

‘They deserved it. They worked hard, just like you did. Their ability to collaborate with other musicians is astounding. It would be an honor to work with them. And you, too, have won, you’ve given yourself the greatest award by continuing to do what you love.’

──────────────────

Jihoon once again found himself at the recording studio, however, at a more reasonable time. He was trying to finalize all of the details on the songs for their comeback album, so he was spending his days in the recording studio and ending it in the dance studio, fully exhausted to where he would only have enough energy to shower and trudge back to his bedroom, just to pass out on his bed.

He heard the door to his room open but didn’t make an effort to turn around.

“How’s the song coming along?”

“The album is nearly complete—”

“No, the solo one.”

Jihoon finally glanced up at Seungcheol who now stood beside him. “I haven’t had as much time to work on it. Why?”

“No, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“You’re a good leader, hyung,” he said quietly.

Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Of course, I am. But I’m mostly just curious because you’ve never written a song about her specifically that only had you singing it.”

“…that’s not true.”

“What? Which one?”

“The first song I ever wrote.”

“Oh what? What was it?”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s an old song that I think only I remember anyway, plus, I only had vocals at the time. No instruments or anything.”

“…huh. What was it about?”

──────────────────

You wiped your snot away from your face, unable to differentiate between mucus and tears. Your unrelenting sobs weakened to light shudders.

His voice carried from above you, his hand entangled in your messy knots as he rubbed soothing circles against your temple. You curled yourself further into the tear-stained pillow he so lovingly dubbed, “Y/N’s Breakdown Headrest” which also doubled as “Y/N’s Punching Bag” when your emotions were forged from fire and not a dam that couldn’t hold anymore of the taunts and cruelty from your own parents.

His thigh was a mere hair’s breadth away from grazing the top of your head. He had a tendency to bounce his leg, one you continuously called him out on, but he wouldn’t ever stop his bad habit.

That is, unless you needed him to.

And he always gave you what you needed.

So, he sang to you a song of hopes and dreams and the magic of forever and always. Lyrics of never-ending friendship and pinky promises.

──────────────────

Jihoon paused, wondering how you comforted yourself now, wondering if you now had a Breakdown Headrest 2.0, before he spoke again. “It’s about what all the songs I write are about. Love. Although, more lowkey, not as direct.”

“Love and her are synonymous to you, aren’t they?”

“She’s the one who taught me most of it,” Jihoon said nonchalantly. “A truly honest and genuine form of it.”

“Wow, how romantic of you,” Seungcheol laughed.

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’m letting you know I only have the patience to tolerate all of you guys because of her. She believes it’s her divine mission to be as annoying as possible.”

“She sounds terrifying.”

“Yeah, she’s taught me how to be patient and remain calm. But she was also incredibly patient with me. Honestly, it feels like all the things that make me likable are all from her.”

Seungcheol made a “oOooOooOOOooOOooo~” noise before Jihoon got fed up and kicked him out. Of course, his reprieve was short lived as more and more members flocked into his room, a constant moving traffic of his twelve brothers.

He imagined you meeting them.

With Seungcheol, you would probably tease him relentlessly, trying to come up with new names for the S. Coups game, while also thanking him for being so protective and steadfast, praising him for his taste in emo music and asking him to sing My Chemical Romance with you.

With Jeonghan, you both would sneak off to devise plans on how to create chaotic dynamics in between the members and cause more infighting while eating stolen snacks or spend hours just sitting around, doing fuck all, because why not.

With Jisoo, you both would speak in English (with you affectionately calling him by his English name “Joshua!”), sharing music as well as probably arguing between Los Angeles and New York, since that was a common feud topic Jisoo brought up.

With Jun, you would try to get as many reactions out of him as possible or get him to write down the list of all of the authentic Chinese restaurants around Korea or you would sit with him at a piano and watch as he played OSTs to Chinese dramas, applauding all the while starry-eyed.

With Soonyoung, you both would either be each other’s soulmates or the banes of each others’ existence, both fiery and passionate; however, you were always good at matching the energies of those around you, so you would let him ebb and flow while you merely followed, likely to call him, “Hoshingi,” just as Jeonghan does, and you would probably love caring for him the same way you did with elementary school students.

With Wonwoo, you would watch him play his PC games, probably in awe of his prowess or you would discuss lyricism and poetry, both exchanging flowery words for no reason as you would try to pick his brain as to what really lies beneath the surface, whether he truly is as straightforward as he seems, and be intensely satisfied that he simply is as he is.

With Seokmin, likely to sweetly call him “DK~”, you would ask him to sing for you since you loved Broadway style voices, and since you both were so generous with your kindness, there would be no doubt that the two of you would somehow manage to start up a non-profit that manages to eradicate all the bad in the world.

With Mingyu, you would discuss filming and the latest movies to watch and you would ask him how he finds the motivation to do many different hobbies at once especially when busy with being an idol; you would probably try to trick him into listening to you tell ghost stories as if they happened to you.

With Minghao, you would share your favorite poets and philosophical ideas, sharing the life lessons that you two have learned and realized you managed to hack life’s code at a younger age than most, you both realized the real importance of being alive: contentment and love.

With Seungkwan, you would probably be laughing so hard at his wit that you wouldn’t have much time to breathe, you would try to figure out how exactly he managed to memorize so much information surrounding K-Pop and why exactly he was so passionate about it or if neither of those, you would ask him if he could get you the plug for those Jeju hallabong oranges.

With Hansol, you would call him “Vernonz,” since you loved names that began with the letters V and Z, and ask him about his parents once you found out they were both artists, and you two would definitely discuss the effects of late-stage capitalism and social media on humanity.

With Chan, you would do your best not to baby him, but you hold a lot of fondness for those younger than you, you would try to figure out how he is so particular about his attention to detail and whether it is something that is pressuring him (and if there was some way you could alleviate it).

He imagined you there, integrated into his life again. He imagined you showing authentic interest in every one of his precious members, unlike most interviewers they would be forced to interact with every comeback. You would learn all of their names, find out their favorite foods, the best way to make everyone collectively laugh, and ultimately, how to help all of them feel comfortable around you and inevitably love you.

And once they did, he could say that his most beloved people were finally all together.

He fell in love with you, but you’re the one who taught him how to walk into it with his eyes wide open. So, he did it with his members. It took practice, having to actively choose them. With you, it may have always been a choice, but it was as natural as breathing, even if there were times he felt like he was being suffocated (or wanted to suffocate you).

He remembered the first time he became aware of it. Most people talk about how love comes, there was always talk about rose-tinted glasses and how it softened the world around them, unable to forget the brilliant smile on their face, but no. You always shattered expectations.

From anyone else’s standards, his realization came at an inopportune time. But it was so clear. It wasn’t as though you had sparkles around you as you emitted a warm glow, it wasn’t as though your hair was perfectly touched up with no strand out of place, it wasn’t as though you were perfectly dolled-up with eyes lined and lips colored. No. It was just… you.

And that's when he knew.

Because there was no filter to block the sheer clarity he was hit with when he finally accepted he was in love with you.

──────────────────

When Jihoon saw your crying form, a slurry of words filled with concern and instructions were the only thing leaving his mouth as he packed his things up. He only deviated once he gave a quick farewell to his noona who left with her dad.

Jihoon bit his lip. Would you be okay? Maybe he’ll just rush home now and shower then call you later at night. Or maybe he should go prepare his bedroom if you decide to visit. Yes. He should do that.

Jihoon turned on his heel to make his way back home, his newfound mission resounding in his mind.

However, your cousin’s voice reached his ears, “Wait—Jihoon, I can give you a ride.”

He looked back at him, saw the way your shoulders still trembled, and shook his head firmly. His fist clenched, the baseball preventing his nails from biting into his palms. He spun it once. Twice. And up into the air.

“Here, firefly.”

You caught it by instinct.

Your gaze met his.

He felt his heart ache at the sheer brokenness apparent in your eyes, rimmed with red and puffed skin. He grit his teeth. He hasn’t seen you cry this hard since the day your parents told you that your number two class ranking was nothing to be proud of and that they expected more from you.

His jaw clenched so hard, he heard an audible bite.

“Why are you giving me this?”

Your voice sounded so soft, like a child. A visceral instinct within him wanting to lull you into a peaceful rest with a lullaby.

But he wouldn’t do that.

Because that would be embarrassing.

(That was a future Jihoon problem.)

“It’s your win today.”

He much preferred the look of confusion on your face to the look of agony you held just a few moments ago.

“Huh?”

He swallowed thickly, his brain unable to keep up with the words tumbling from his mouth. “Even when you feel like you’ve lost, even when you feel like you have nothing to gain, just the fact that you’re still here, that’s a win. So. Scream. Cry. You can do what you want. It’s your win.”

Your gaze trailed down to the baseball, too large to wrap your fingers around entirely. It was probably much denser than you thought it would be, the weight foreign in your hands, unlike his.

You sniffled.

A soft smile formed on your lips.

And Jihoon realized he preferred that look on your face than any other he’s seen.

Pretty.

He rapidly turned on his heel before he even gave a second to try and unpack that thought.

The weight of his baseball gear was really doing a number on his heart, he realized belatedly.

That night, he didn’t prepare his room. He didn’t even call you.

(Not that you reached out.)

He merely stared up at his ceiling, his heart in a constant flux of rapidly beating or stopping completely.

He groaned loudly as he played through the day’s earlier events, thinking himself stupid for giving you a fucking baseball. You don’t even like sports. Did he think he sounded cool when he said all of that cringey stuff?

It’s your win?

But despite the feeling of wanting to curl in on himself, he couldn’t help but still agree with his earlier self.

You did win his heart, after all.

(He threw his pillow at the wall.)

──────────────────

“You’ve been liking her posts more easily.”

Jihoon merely grunted as he tapped away at his computer, Soonyoung on the couch beside him. “I decided to just… stop overthinking. Well, more like just stop thinking in general. I’m too tired to try and pretend I’m smarter than I actually am.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “You got it bad for her.”

Jihoon glared at him, who was scrolling through his (Jihoon’s) phone. “Be careful what you say. For the amount of songs that are about her, she covers basically 60% of your salary.”

Soonyoung laughed. “Guess I owe her a lot, huh? If she didn’t up and leave, you wouldn’t have come here and we would’ve never met. So, I guess I’m grateful to her. Plus. She’s cute.”

“She’s more than that.”

“Yeah. I can tell,” Soonyoung went quiet for a moment. “She… A part of me really doesn’t want to trust her. I keep remembering that day, you know. Where you just… didn’t seem like yourself. Barely there—” Jihoon cringed at the recalled memory. “—but she also just seems so genuine that it makes it hard. I want to be your bro, you know? Bro code and all—”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“—And I’m nothing if not a bro. But I don’t think you’re the type of person to be hung up on someone who’s not trustworthy. Like. You lose interest in people easily if you don’t see them on a regular basis. But her? It’s been years, bro.”

“Okay, bro.”

“Just letting you know I support you in your decisions,” Soonyoung stated, but there was an edge to his voice that sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than Jihoon. “If she’s really who you say she is. If she’s the one who’s captured that stubborn heart of yours. Then I’ll do everything I can to help you out—Oh, she posted again. Wow. She posts often and yet still gets over a thousand likes. It hasn’t even been a day. Oh wow!”

Jihoon twitched but tried not to show his eagerness. “What?”

“They’re doing a donation drive for the group home that she works with. Ey, how can someone who does volunteer work to help kids and teens be a bad person? Jihoon, are you kidding me?”

“Young-ah, you’re the one who said it, not me—”

“So close-minded, Hoon.”

Jihoon rolled his computer chair over to Soonyoung, snatched his phone back, and smacked the annoying gnat’s hand in the process. Soonyoung yelped in pain, but laughed it off. He saw your post (noticed that Soonyoung ‘liked it for him’) and a figurative lightbulb lit up over his overworked head.

“This looks like something Bumzu-hyung would post on his story. Maybe I can ask him to share it. Oh, but this is her private page. Oh wait. She tagged the group home.”

“Thanks for the play-by-play.”

Jihoon ignored him and clicked the profile to see they had the exact same e-flyer post. But he knew that you’d probably notice there was an influx of donations (hardly anything got by you) and he didn’t want to bombard you with unsolicited help.

But it’s for a good cause!

But he might be trespassing on her territory.

Everyone cares about youth and kids!

This group home wouldn’t have even caught his eye had it not been for you.

He groaned inwardly. “I don’t know whether I should ask Bumzu to reshare or what—”

“Dude, just ask her if you can share it and then wait for her reply. It’s not like there’s only a one day donation thing.”

Jihoon blinked at Soonyoung. “You’re right.”

Soonyoung immediately sat up straighter, pulling out his own phone from his pocket. He opened up his voice memo app. “Say that again, I need to record that so I can set it as my ringtone.”

Soonyoung pressed the Record button, extended his phone receiver to Jihoon, who leaned in promptly and said:

“Fuck off, Kwon Soonyoung.”

──────────────────

“Kwon Soonyoung, what the hell are you doing?”

“What do you mean? It’s not like I planned this.”

Jihoon glared at the boy before him who was somehow wearing matching clothes again. He specifically came home after rehearsal to change into something different and yet, here he was, matching with this endless energy ball. Jihoon specifically changed out of his all-black garment to choose a long, plain blue button-down overshirt and ripped, dark jeans. Something different from his usual style of a t-shirt and shorts.

Yet, there Soonyoung was, in nearly the same outfit, minus the overshirt being a blue flannel.

“I think this just means that we’re soulmates, Jihoon-ah.”

Jihoon pulled back his fist as if to hit Soonyoung, but the latter didn’t flinch at all, only laughed at the expense of his friend. The other members were downstairs waiting for them so Jihoon didn’t have enough time to change out of the outfit. And it felt almost ridiculous to give this more attention than it deserves, as if he was losing by admitting that it bothered him to the point of needing to change clothes.

But Kwon Soonyoung, the man that he was, would not let him live it down.

“Wow, we look like a couple. We should go on dates, huh? Get some sushi or–ack!”

The shorter of the two pressed his foot against the back of the other’s knee and Soonyoung nearly came crashing down had it not been for his instincts to catch himself.

Jihoon huffed down the stairs, shaking his head at the situation and readying himself to be made fun of by his members. Once he got through that door, it was game over.

And he was right.

Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Dino were the ones who rallied the rest of the group to heckle, which only added insult to injury, as those three were the ones who had the longest rap sheet to make fun of. Jihoon kept his disgusted face on as Soonyoung wrapped his arms around his shoulders, announcing to (what seemed like) the world about how he’s ‘matching with his best friend.’

Jihoon came back with a slew of half-hearted insults at the rest of his members, but they unfortunately outnumbered him. He is rarely on the receiving end of this level of teasing, but he was dragged into it thanks to Soonyoung, who was eating it up.

Even in the midst of it all, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel thankful that he even had someone to accidentally match with who would wear it with such pride and not shy away from it. Sure, it might seem dumb and annoying, but it reminded him that he could have that kind of playful relationship with others outside of you. He had other friends in school or at baseball, sure, but none were as comfortable, as relentlessly fun. He thought there would never be another you.

And there never was, but that feeling of acceptance, of joy, of gratitude.

He was able to find it outside of you.

Which was a heartbreaking realization before, but now he only hopes you’ve done the same.

And mere hours after his own outfit debacle, Jihoon sees your instagram story to find you accidentally matching with Hyejin, her making the same face that he did not too long ago. But you had a shit-eating grin, no doubt proud of causing a disruption in your friend’s life.

Your caption read: “oh, you and your soulmate are tied by a single, red thread? that’s nothing compared to the matching threads we got on right now. eat your heart out, makoto shinkai.”

Beneath it in smaller letters: “if you can’t tell by her face, this was not planned at all, but man, am i really rolling with it.”

Jihoon snorted at the serendipity of it all.

Perhaps the string of fate really isn’t just a single thread.

──────────────────

It was a rare day in which Jihoon found himself at home.

Which meant he had a lot of time to think about you.

(You replied to him. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. But he was, pleasantly so. Of course, it included a thumbs up emoji which was the visual manifestation of the acquaintance zone, but he would take what he could get.)

Album preparations were underway, and although there is a part of him that feels as though he should be scrambling, especially as their anniversary date was literally tomorrow, he thought back to a voice from his youth.

Years ago, he laid in his childhood bed, struck with a nasty fever from pushing his immune system too far by attempting to balance school and various music competitions. There was a half-asleep you, exhausted by misplaced guilt, with your fingers intertwined with his, who said: Jihoonie, Koreans always say ‘fighting’. I told you that this morning, and I knew you weren’t feeling well. I could’ve stopped you. And now here you are. I said ‘fighting,’ but why? Why do we have to fight? Life isn’t a battle to win. You don’t have to overcome anything, okay? You can just lay here and be with me. Please don’t get sick again. Please remember to rest. Some days, it’s okay to just be.

So, here he was. Simply being.

Whenever massive events (like SEVENTEEN’s six year anniversary) happened, he made sure to spend the 24 hours prior doing nothing than just being, to gain enough energy to last the following day.

Otherwise, the nagging guilt would get to him.

You were always weaving stories with even the thinnest of threads. Your knack for adding dramatic flair, amping it up to eleven, was a nightmare sometimes. For example, when he got sick and you kept repeating that you should’ve said something instead of letting him go on stage only to nearly faint afterwards. You took on too much responsibility for things outside of your control, which only caused you to lose your grip on what you actually could.

His chest tightened at the thought of you losing your grip completely. There were very few things in life that terrified him, but you potentially ending yours was one that plagued him until he learned how to remain steady when you were feeling unsure, and even still, it tore him up inside. But he knew that it wasn’t his battle to face; he wasn’t meant to save you. You reminded him of that time and time again, so instead, he learned how to let you live the life you weren’t sure you wanted. He observed warily.

As a teenager, he knew just how bad these thoughts could get for people at that age. He knew how people fell prey to the lies that they were unworthy of life and love.

So, he simply tried to be as honest as possible. He would do his best to not invalidate your experience, but he refused to enable those insidious feelings. He would come off as abrasive, he was sure, but your ability to detect bullshit was like no other. Your parents had a big hand in that. So, instead, he was truthful in his own way, in his own language, one that you learned to understand.

A few years ago, you did a two-part YouTube podcast at Yale. The first one was released a couple of months prior to the second, and he’s sure at least one hundred of the views are from SEVENTEEN (not all him, his members also took away a lot from your words).

He listened to that podcast time and time again. He heard the life in your voice, the curiosity of the future outweighing the pain of the past. You said that life was, at first, a means to be with the people you loved. But you slowly came to believe that life was something that you would choose to love every single day, and so you did.

He hoped that you still did, but trusted that, if there were days that would come where you did not, you would reach out to someone to wait with you until the storm passed and you could choose to love again.

His chest filled with pride thinking about how far you’ve come.

But he couldn’t help but wish there were some things that remained from back then.

That glimmer of hope spurred him to become mindful of the object he was fiddling with in his hands. He held up a bracelet of years ago, hardly worn by time or by him. He wasn’t sure whether he was still allowed to. It was one-half of a pair, but if its partner no longer existed, then.

However, he never had the desire to throw it away.

The metal charms felt both foreign and at home in his hands as he fiddled with them, the faint clicking sound of the chain barely registering as his mind was in an entirely different place. His eyes focused once again on the charm of the sun caught between his fingers.

If only catching you was as simple, he mused.

Jihoon sighed and covered his eyes, desperately trying not to cringe at his internal monologue, habitually reaching for the Chopper plushie that you gifted him years ago, squeezing the body to diffuse the embarrassment he felt.

He remembered when he saw the charms at some random shop he heard about from others and thought you would enjoy, so he decided to scope it out in advance for the two of you. It was easy, on his way home after spending a few hours on his own to rehearse his clarinet, a regular occurrence.

Although there was no doubt the two of you gravitated towards each other, you both valued your independence and alone time.

──────────────────

“We’re giving us the chance to miss each other, Jihoonie.”

“Who said I’d ever miss you?”

“Well, gosh darn. Guess I’ll cover for you and miss you twice as much.”

“…You’re dumb.”

“Yes. Can I have some of your fries?”

──────────────────

He retaliated by taking the ketchup bottle and squeezing them all over the tray of fries and you immediately retracted, believing that fries should be dipped in its respective sauce (unless they were loaded fries, of course, which warranted using a utensil of sorts).

He chuckled to himself. Fifteen was one of the most turbulent years of his life, but there were plenty of moments (like fries drowning in ketchup) that reminded him it wasn’t all intense.

Your fifteenth year started off with that charm bracelet.

Two weeks before then, you were so moody that he nearly gave you your birthday gift earlier than he intended, just so he wouldn’t have to see you be so upset (for which, he has only a vague remembrance of what could have made you so upset). Of course, it might have been easier if he had simply brought up his concern and asked how you were, but he knew you would have brushed it off as nothing.

He paused.

Did he know that though?

Or did he just assume?

He clicked his tongue, annoyed at his own self-reflection.

Communication was easy in theory.

Application, however.

He often found it difficult, matching your pace.

You were always so quick.

Quick-witted. 

Quick to anger.

Quick to assume.

Quick to run away.

He heard a soft knock at his bedroom door (which meant it wasn’t Mingyu or Soonyoung) and he grunted in response. The door slowly opened (that ruled out Seungcheol and Chan) and revealed who decided to greet him in such a manner.

Ah, he was right.

“Woozingi~”

“Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Jeonghan moved to sit at the edge of Jihoon’s bed, with his legs crossed. “The members are wanting to get dinner tonight altogether since we have a schedule tomorrow. The staff said they’ll pay since it’s our six years.”

This had Jihoon propping himself upright. “Barbecue?”

Jeonghan snickered. “Yeah, it’ll be good to get ready in a few hours. But I just wanted to stop by and tell you in person since I know you like to mute the group chat.”

“That’s because it’s constantly going off,” Jihoon grumbled.

“Yes, that happens when people are trying to have a conversation, Jihoon-ah. You should try it sometimes. Especially since it sounds like you have communication issues.”

Jihoon winced. “Hyung. Your timing is terrible.”

“No, it’s impeccable. Just not for you. Anyway, a word of advice.”

“Hm.”

“You don’t have to fear rejection anymore,” Jeonghan started, slowly, the words seeming almost foreign in his mouth. “Regardless of what happens with her, you have people in your life that care about you as you are. You don’t have to try and match her. I don’t want you to subconsciously fall back into a habit of appeasing her because you’re afraid of scaring her away again.”

Jihoon blinked slowly. “I wasn’t expecting actual advice, so I’m a little stunned right now.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “I’m gonna be honest. The other members told me to come talk to you because the rest are either too scared or don’t know what to say.”

“Hah, we’re back to our trainee days, huh?”

Jeonghan grinned, probably recalling the amount of times that he was the emotional support pillar of the boys before they each learned to open up to each other. “Speaking of, I remember when I first met you. You were a teen with a cold-hearted exterior and a lot of opinions as well as the weight of the world on your shoulders. You had the responsibility to carry the music of twelve other guys and you had just lost something that was precious to you. You threw yourself into your work and that became your identity.”

“I—”

“I know you’re not that way anymore, but I’m just reminding you that, no matter what happens with her, no matter how she may respond, you aren’t that cold teenager who had to bear the weight all on your own. You’ve grown and are surrounded by people who can help ease the load.” Jeonghan paused for a moment. “Also, if I could think of a member who laughs easily at anything, you are one of the first that comes to mind. So, it concerns me that you haven’t been laughing lately, even when Mingyu accidentally sneezed out his ramyeon noodles—“ Jihoon snorted at the memory from last night. “—and, if I can assume anything about her, I don’t think she’d be very honored to know that it’s because of her. So. Come back to us, Jihoon. If she’s really meant to be in your life, she can match your rhythm. Don’t leave us in the dust.”

“Is this a long-winded way of saying ‘bros before hoes’?”

Jeonghan burst into laughter. “Maybe so!”

──────────────────

“Our Jihoonie~”

The teenage boy grunted in response, shooting up a look at one of the older members. “Is there something that you need, hyung?”

“You speak so formally, it’s off-putting.”

“That’s because someone refuses to act his age.”

“What a tough Busan guy,” Jeonghan teased.

Jihoon’s face twitched.

“Bumzu-hyung is looking for you. Said he wanted to finish up some more lessons.”

“Agh. I knew he was going to have criticisms. I’m barely getting a grip on this music production stuff, so I don’t even know if what I’m making is good enough to sell. Everyone might hate it.”

“Even if everyone else hates your music, just know I’m one of your biggest fans.”

“...If my music is hated, then we won’t make any money, which means you’ll be poor. What? Is it your dream to become poor?”

Jihoon expected Jeonghan to laugh and tell him that he was right and that money mattered. But instead, Jeonghan replied, “Jihoon. Your music is good. And if we don’t make money because other people aren’t able to see it. Then what’s the point? You say that it’s your responsibility as to whether SEVENTEEN succeeds or not, but, we’re thirteen members. Three units. One team. We’re SEVENTEEN. Stop acting like it’s all about you. Maybe my dream used to be becoming rich. But now, it’s just doing this. With all of us.”

──────────────────

Jihoon stared at his hands, at the charm bracelet. “Is it selfish to want this life and her as well?”

“Maybe it is. But, so what if you’re selfish?”

“Isn’t being selfish supposed to be a bad thing?”

“Just hope that she’s as selfish as you are,” Jeonghan shrugged. “By wanting her in your life, does that mean you want to be with her romantically?”

Jihoon paused. “You know, I’m not sure. I think I would be over the moon if we could even just be a part of each other’s lives. To have that line of communication open. But as the people that we are now. I think I’d like to meet the new Y/N. She probably has more in common with the new Lee Jihoon than the old her anyway.”

“You two have grown apart, aren’t you worried?”

Jihoon went silent for a moment, trying to pick out the right words. “Rather than grown apart, it feels like we’ve simply grown in separate spaces, by taking different routes, but our lives seem too intertwined for our paths to never cross again. Plus, she’s one of the few people that I could really be myself around. It’d be nice to have another safe space like that outside of SEVENTEEN because who else can I complain about you all to, that wouldn’t cause conflict between us?”

“Ay. What is there to complain about?”

Jihoon gave his hyung a pointed look.

“Alright, alright,” Jeonghan started. “But be honest. Real talk. You really think she wouldn’t spread it to Dispatch?”

“She has always valued people’s stories more than anything, so it really annoyed her when other people would take out-of-context excerpts and twist them. So. That’s how I know she wouldn’t spread it. Also, if she was that kind of person, she would’ve done so by now. She has a ton of blackmail material on me.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Interesting. You said she likes stories, so is she a writer like you?”

“Not in the traditional sense. She’s more of a speaker than a writer. In high school, of course, she had her awkward moments like everybody else did, but even then, she was a tier above the rest. I don’t know how to say this kindly, but she doesn’t really think before she talks, but she doesn’t usually have to because what comes out is almost always what she intended.”

“So, she must be eloquent then.”

Jihoon clicked his tongue. “Just because things come out as she intended doesn’t mean she wouldn’t intentionally be mean or annoying.”

──────────────────

“You like unnie, don’t you?”

Jihoon spluttered. Shit, shit, shit. He tried to gather his thoughts, but failed. He wasn’t good with spontaneous spoken words, that was always your realm of expertise. He needed time to think of the right thing to say, but you never waited for him. “F-Firefly, I—”

You barked out a laugh, and he nearly retaliated at the harshness. He wasn’t sure why exactly you were being so harsh. “Hey, it’s fine. I don’t blame you. She’s pretty high up there, above us mortals. From now on, I’ll do my best to help you out, yeah? That’s what best friends are for. Plus, you’re like family, like a brother to me, so.”

Jihoon sank back.

Family? Brother?

He wondered why that left a bitter taste in his mouth. But that didn’t make any sense. Wasn’t being called family the highest praise?

So why the hell did that piss him off?

Instead of speaking his actual thoughts, his mouth had a mind of its own. “I can handle myself, Y/N.”

You sneered at him.

God, you were so infuriating sometimes. 

She wasn’t like that.

She was the soothing waves of Busan, ebb and flow, constant and expected. She was everything you weren’t. She was older, more experienced, graceful, calm, soothing.

She was beautiful.

But she didn’t have that burning fire you did. Didn’t have him reacting the way you managed to every time you opened your damn mouth or rolled your eyes—there you went again!

What the hell was wrong with you?

Rapid escalation, raised voices. You, accusing him of not trusting your judgment and hiding his crush from you, saying that you wished he trusted you. Him, arguing that he didn’t need to share every little thing, that it wasn’t about his trust for you at all, and that God, he did! He did trust you! Of course, he did!

So, why didn’t he tell you about the stupid crush?

It wasn’t that deep, but you were convinced it was, and he was too tired to even try and correct you. So, sure, he could be “in love” with his noona, like you believed. Because then he wouldn’t have to untangle the mess in his chest. He could shove it under the rug like he always had, always would.

You slammed your fists down onto the table before you walked away from him, in a rampage. Like a damn wildfire trying to clear everything in sight.

You were a volatile thing, explosive, even.

But.

You fizzled out just as fast.

He awoke around midnight to the soft knocking at his window, your silhouette perched on the thickest branch the tree outside his childhood home had to offer. He had half a mind to not open the glass pane but he saw you shiver and his body leaped out of bed without a second thought.

“I’m sorry, Jihoonie,” you said, a few moments after you clambered into his room.

“Okay.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for being friends with me anyway.”

“Sure.”

So, he wrapped your favorite blanket around you, the one he kept in his room for nights like this. Color slowly returned to your face and he saw the stains of tears on your cheek in the moonlight. You muttered words of apologies and told him about your day, not having the chance to earlier.

You were better like this, quiet, but not silent. Like a crackling fireplace beckoning all to come and listen, to be enveloped in warmth and light.

He never once called you his family.

But he’d be damned if you weren’t his home.

──────────────────

“Funny enough, despite the fact that she’s more of a speaker than a writer, even more than that, she’s a listener. She listens to more stories than she tells them. I think that’s helped with her pride. If she knew she messed up, she would always apologize, even if she hated doing it.”

“Well, that’s one lesson you haven’t learned from her yet.”

Jihoon pulled a face and Jeonghan laughed in response. The older of the two snatched away the Chopper on the opposite end and started throwing the doll up and down.

“Alright, lover boy. What I got from this conversation is that you’re still in love with her, but you gotta make sure she’s worthy of your love, alright? Heed my warning, don’t be afraid of being rejected by her. It’s already happened anyway, and here you are: world-star idol with twelve bros behind you no matter what.”

Jihoon cracked a smile. “You’re right. I got lucky.”

Jeonghan tossed Chopper back in his original vicinity. “I think Dokyeomie wanted to ask something from you too, but I don’t remember what it was, so maybe you can go get ready and he’ll come find you.”

“What a useless messenger.”

“Your luck can’t be perfect, Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan quipped. He turned to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. “I hope to hear her story one day. Hear her side of things.”

“…Me too, hyung.”

──────────────────

“How much is the corn dog?”

“Hmm… Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

Jihoon mustered as much displeasure as he could hold in his six-year-old body. “Y/N, you can’t pay with stories, that’s stupid.”

“It’s my shop!”

“Jihoon, we’re just playing pretend,” your cousin added, his eyes darting between the two of you, likely worried about needing to do damage control.

“Hyung, her idea is dumb!”

“Why!” You whined. “People pay with money all the time, but you can get money whenever! I don’t get to hear stories! I like stories! My parents don’t read to me every night like yours do, Jihoon!”

Jihoon stomped out of the playroom in annoyance, ears grated by the sound of your crying and your cousin’s failed attempts to console you. Stories couldn’t buy the new toy race car that he got. Stories couldn’t buy him candy at the corner market near the kindergarten. Stories couldn’t buy a GameBoy.

Stories didn’t matter.

Money mattered.

Still, nearly a decade later, you never failed to ask for your unconventional form of payment every time he took a portion of your lunch. He knew you packed more for him anyway. And he knew you would always ask for a story in return.

And he intentionally packed smaller meals so he could tell you about how the History teacher had botched up his classmate’s test and accidentally graded off by one, about how the clarinet solo he was learning required a finger pattern he wasn’t used to, about how that one guy—oh, the tennis player?—no, no, the flautist—isn’t it flutist?—it doesn’t matter—yes, it does, Jihoon—anyway, he asked out a girl—the senior?—yes—oh wow, how bold.

And you would smile in return, sliding your food choice of the day within his reach.

He learned that you hated money; it was the one and only thing your parents ever gave you consistently. Simply, it was the manifestation of their love (or lack of) for you.

So, he paid you with recountings of the mundane. You never complained, even when he felt as though his storytelling skills were lackluster. He held your rapt attention; your eyes wide with wonder, voice laced with curiosity.

Eventually, he asked you why.

Why stories?

“Because without them, I wouldn’t have learned that you love the X-Men series because of Hugh Jackman, that you prefer winter over summer, that the first ever K-Pop group you listened to was Brown Eyed Girls, that when you tell me a funny story, you wait until I react before you start laughing.”

And you gave him that smile that made his heart stutter.

“Money is everywhere, Jihoon. But there’s only one you. That’s all there is to it. People, at the core of it all, are just stories. So. That’s why. People will always matter more than profit.”

──────────────────

After Jihoon readied himself for the group dinner, he plopped himself down onto the communal couch and found himself scrolling through Instagram. He stopped at your latest post, a candid shot of you reading a children’s book to several six-year-olds, your face aglow with excitement, a high chance the photographer captured you mid-way through some silly voice attributed to the character on the page.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Can I borrow your microphone for the day?”

Jihoon didn’t even have the chance to think twice before the words left his mouth, “Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room.

“Is… Is this a hidden-camera?”

“...never mind. Just put it back when you’re done.”

“It’s blue, by the way.”

“I don’t care—”

“It makes me feel happy because it’s the color of the sky and of the ocean, which means it can be super calm or super exciting. It’s also one of the colors of our Caratdeul.”

“Okay, Dokyeom-ssi. Get out.”

“Yes, hyung. Thank you.”

Jihoon thought about how, if given the chance, you would ask Seokmin if he liked the paleness of 9am or the depth of 6pm? If he liked the gentleness of serenity or the vibrancy of cerulean? Or if he appreciated all that the shades encompassed before fading into greens and indigos?

But he wasn’t you.

You were the inspiration; the muse.

You were the reason to write.

He was just a storyteller.

──────────────────

“THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS HERE. THANK YOU TO THE PLEDIS STAFF, OUR MANAGERS, OUR CHOREOGRAPHERS, OUR MUSIC TEAM, OUR DANCERS, OUR STYLISTS, OUR CAMERA WORKERS, OUR FAMILIES, AND OUR SEVENTEEN MEMBERS! HAPPY SIX YEARS. HERE’S TO MORE!”

Everyone in the rented out restaurant cheered before drinking together. Even the sound barrier breaking screams of Soonyoung wasn’t enough to dampen Jihoon’s pride and spirit over how far they’ve come as a team. He looked around at his table, several members already seemingly drunk, and couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Jihoon-ah, make an exception for tonight and drink!”

He shook his head fervently. “There’s going to be several of you who are going to regret drinking when we have our V LIVE tomorrow. You’re going to look super puffy.”

“I can already feel it,” Seungcheol laughed, his eyes slightly glazed. “But the food and the beer are too good to pass up.”

Speaking of, Jihoon made sure to snatch a piece of kalbi to put onto his plate before Mingyu could. The younger one gave him the stink-eye while Jihoon merely smirked and tilted his head back, challenging him. Mingyu decided to change his target and grab at Seungkwan’s piece, who promptly smacked his hand with a “Kim Mingyu!”

Laughter went around the table as they reflected on the last six years, the amount of embarrassing moments that were brought up were positively correlated with the amount of shots that were taken.

Jihoon grit his teeth as he tried not to fold in on himself, remembering how they threw him up as a cheer and nearly ended his life by creating a Jihoon-shaped hole in the ceiling. He was so much smaller back then, easier to launch without thinking.

They laughed about the incident where Mingyu was nearly beaten to death by Jihoon with a guitar, which Jihoon argued that he still believed he was in the right. They discussed one of their first performances as a team, where they performed NU’EST’s “Hello” and they all had helmet hair. They poked fun at Seungkwan for his revolutionary English skills when he said, “are you kimbap kidding?”

They’ve grown so much.

International interviews with BuzzFeed, Seventeen the magazine, and others. GOING SEVENTEEN as a show has grown alongside them, more than just showing Carats the behind-the-scenes, but has now turned to variety that garnered the new fanbase of Cubics, and has been an honest highlight to Jihoon’s career, where they can just go wild and laugh with each other, just as they always do.

They talked about how they used to sneak in food, how they used to help each other get ready for school, how they still have the same playful spirit as they did back then, but with more trust that has formed between them (although, less for Jeonghan since his cheating at games has only gotten worse).

Jihoon leaned back, full of food and laughter and gratitude.

He wouldn’t trade his life with his team for anything.

(Not even you.)

However, that didn’t mean Jihoon didn’t want you to be a part of his already complete life.

He was a selfish human being.

He hoped you would be one too.

──────────────────

May 26th.

Six years ago, “Adore U” came out, marking the beginning of the journey of a thirteen member boy idol group named SEVENTEEN.

Now, here he was, trying to not be bullied into drinking another shot of soju after already consuming several in a short period.

Their anniversary V LIVE ended not too long ago and they did not have a schedule the following day, so the team decided to celebrate on their own, playing Mafia and messing around. A few hours ago, Jihoon would’ve hardly been able to tolerate the noise level, but since his hearing has been compromised due to his heart beating so loudly in his ears from the alcohol, he was plenty fine.

He shooed away his members and retreated back into the corner of the room, pulling out his cellphone and ignoring Mingyu making stupid kissy faces and noises. Jihoon shot him a look of disgust, but Mingyu merely laughed it off and went to go bother his next victim, who seemed to be Boo Seungkwan, a prime choice indeed.

As soon as he refreshed his Instagram app, there you were (with a highlighted gradient ring around your profile picture, your head tilted back with a soft smile grazing your features as you took in the endless sky above you).

He clicked on the circle and saw you and your friends there, a dimmed photo but your collective smiles large and wide. He recognized Hyejin and Wheein easily (the former with a disgusted look apparent on her face and the latter with a deep dimple), as they were two friends who were a common occurrence on your feed.

And there you were.

alexa, play congratulations by post malone ft. quavo 🥳🎓 #PHinisheD

The corner of his lip quirked up at the cleverness in your caption.

Perhaps it was because of the alcohol in his system, he swiped up to send a message:

i figured u would be a day6 or eric nam kind of fan

His brain short-circuited.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

Who was he to think he could directly message you like this? Also, who the hell was he to figure anything about you? He hasn’t even spoken to you. Jesus Christ, what has he done?

Before he could stop himself though, his thumbs decided to speak his thoughts.

sorry that was dumb of me to assume

of course u would like post malone considering u could rap the entirety of eminems album

What the hell, dude.

You were going to freak out and call him a creep and then block him.

You’ve literally never done that.

He tried to calm his heart.

However, not even ten minutes later, he realized he couldn’t take that risk.

sorry that was stupid

ignore me

congrats y/n

He felt nearly every goosebump that crawled along his skin, creeping up to his neck, threatening to choke him out. He breathed in deeply through his nose, hoping no one bears witness to him.

“Yah, Jihoon-ah.”

His eyes trailed up to see Soonyoung with a look of concern, mixed with a twinge of panic and anger.

Ah, it would be him.

“What did she do?”

──────────────────

For people who didn’t know him, Kwon Soonyoung comes off as, well, not-so-bright.

But that wasn’t (entirely) true.

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

He knew how to read a room, but oftentimes, he would purposely choose to simply do what he wanted anyway. Hardly did he ever prioritize another person’s comfort and complacency over his expression of his individuality. He knew what it took to be a performer, and he never denied himself the opportunity to be one.

So, him simply staring at his friend in silence with eyes that alone could have earned him his moniker of “Tiger’s Gaze,” was a major indicator that something was amiss.

Also, the fact that his friend was shrouded in near darkness, eyes rimmed with red, only a corner lamp illuminating his pale features.

“She went to America. She’s never fucking coming back.”

Soonyoung tried not to wince at his friend’s broken tone. Jihoon cursed like a sailor when they were trainees, but it was a habit that he slowly lost since he would often be reprimanded for his speech. He had to do the work to censor himself.

Well, the K-Pop industry was not a stranger to censorship, he mused.

“Wasn’t she already at an international school, though?”

“Yeah, but I just… I thought she would come back after graduating from that boarding school, you know? She wanted to go to Seoul National University, but. Fuck, dude. What if I’m the reason she stopped? What if she stopped following her dreams because of me? What if I–”

“She made her choice, Jihoon.”

“This is all my fault.”

“How?”

Soonyoung saw confusion flit across Jihoon’s face, but it quickly settled with a shake of his head. “It just is, alright?”

“Jihoon–”

“I’ll never be good enough for her. Fuck, I just thought if I tried, then maybe I could be, and– God, who do I think I am? Of course she’d never want someone like me–”

“Dude! Shut the fuck up, will you?”

Jihoon sat there in stunned silence.

“This might not even have anything to do with you. And if she really went to America because she’s trying to avoid you, then she’s a massive bitch–”

“Don’t fucking call her that–”

“I can do whatever the hell I want. Just like she’s doing whatever the hell she wants.” Soonyoung’s anger was slowly morphing into rage. Who was this person in front of him? He was so used to the sure, secure Lee Jihoon who would never truly get riled up.

But one mention of you and suddenly he would spiral.

Who the hell did you think you were?

Leaving this man who loved you so fucking wildly, to the point where he was just one moment away from begging on his knees for your return.

Soonyoung felt disgusted, but it was more of a ringing concern in his ears.

“Jihoon, you’re acting crazy right now. So what if she doesn’t come back to Korea? Are you gonna wait like a fucking sad dog out in the rain? Hoping that she’ll come pick you up again? You’re missing your own fucking life here.”

“I just–”

“Yeah, yeah, you love her. I get it. But… If she were to see you right now, do you think she would even want this kind of love? This obsessive, insecure kind?”

Jihoon’s face was now contorted in pain and Soonyoung tried so terribly hard to keep his face neutral. Soonyoung was plenty capable of being a soothing person, especially to his fellow members, but he was so riddled with frustration that he knew that he would come off as disingenuous if he even tried to pretend to be.

“Let her go. If she comes back, then she will. But don’t let her come back to someone who is incapable of even picking himself off of the floor.”

“...Okay.”

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

Aware of how much Lee Jihoon was in love with you.

Painfully so.

──────────────────

“I just–”

“You just what?” Soonyoung’s eyes bore into his friend’s face.

Jihoon recoiled at his tone. “I replied to her Instagram story and it was some dumb comment, but what if she thinks I’m being too much and she backs off and–?”

“Jihoon-ah.”

“...Soonyoung-ah.”

“She’s human, right?”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, no shit.”

“Then why are you acting like she’s this untouchable goddess? Who cares if she thinks you’re being too much? You’re putting her on a pedestal she probably doesn’t even want, dude.”

──────────────────

“Why’d you reject the guy?”

You glanced up at her best friend. “What’re you talking about?”

Jihoon cocked his head to the side. Was it already so quickly forgotten by you? It happened at lunch and it was kind of rowdy. Poor dude. “The guy who asked you out to the dance. You said you thought he was cute before and that he was good at tutoring math.”

“Yeah, I might know him, but he doesn’t know me.”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow. “I thought you guys tutored together.”

You clicked your tongue. “Yeah, we do, but. He doesn’t know me. I know him because I ask him questions. I ask him about himself. But he never once asked me a question about me. If he did, he would know that I hate public gestures. He would know that I don’t like receiving flowers. He didn’t even care to ask any of my friends about what I liked. The main reason as to why he asked me to go to the dance is probably because I made him feel good about himself. I might know him, but he doesn’t know me, and that’s one of the most annoying things.”

“What, that people don’t know you?”

“No. That people assume they know me.”

Jihoon paused for a moment.

“People think that I’m this super wholesome good kid who gets perfect grades.”

“Well, one of those things is true.”

You cracked a smile at that. “Yeah, well. The more people assume I’m on a different level from them, the lonelier it is. I just… I don’t want to be lonely, Jihoon.”

“It’s alright. I’ll make sure you aren’t.”

It was chilling, how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, as if you knew a secret he didn’t, as if you already prophesied a future that rendered his words empty. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Lee Jihoon.”

──────────────────

Jihoon nearly bit his tongue.

Ever since he no longer had the security of having you be by his side, he became exactly like one of them, forcing assumptions onto you.

You were out of sight and he was out of his mind.

He told you that you could always be yourself around him, and here he was, creating a caricature of you in his head that he knew didn’t exist. To push forth the narrative he wrote. One born of insecurity. “...I don’t understand how you’ve been so right lately?”

“I really do wish I had my phone around to record you when you say that,” Soonyoung said off-handedly. “So, you’re not going to try to unsend those messages?”

“You can unsend messages?”

“Uh–”

Jihoon immediately unlocked his phone to go to his messages. There, he saw your chat. He long-pressed the message without much thought and his thumb hovered over it.

But he hesitated.

“...Just watching from afar isn’t enough for you anymore, is it?”

Jihoon stared up at his friend, who had a look of (almost) pity etched across his features. Jihoon swallowed the lump in his throat. “...No. I don’t think it is.”

“Well, if she rejects you in any kind of way, I can comfort you.”

“No thanks.”

“Yeah, thought you’d say that.”

──────────────────

Almost exactly sixty minutes later, Jihoon witnessed a miracle.

“...She replied.”

Seungkwan glanced up at Jihoon. “Who?”

Jihoon turned his screen to his younger member, who leaned forward to read his screen. Only to audibly gasp and cover his mouth with his hands. “You messaged her?!”

“Yeah, like an hour ago. Keep up.”

“Hyung, you didn’t tell me–”

“Ah, Boo Seungkwan.”

The corner of Seungkwan’s mouth twitched and Jihoon merely smirked. He turned his attention back to your messages, smiling fondly at your usage of 🥳 after greeting him a happy anniversary.

Oh shit, wait. You knew SEVENTEEN?

And he portrayed that sentiment exactly when messaging you.

(With some typing errors.)

(He may or may not have taken one, two, several shots once the anxiety settled back into him.)

(His alcohol tolerance was nonexistent.)

The messages were now rapid-fire. He found out that you were a Carat and that you favored Yoon Jeonghan.

He snorted at that, of course you would.

A lightbulb lit up over his head. Ah. He could do something for you.

He jumped up from his seat on the couch, away from Seungkwan who was watching over his shoulder the entire time who chose to remain silent because he knew he would be kicked out if he said anything compromising. “Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Woozi Woozi~?”

“Can you do something for me?”

Jeonghan stared at him, frozen. Then after a moment to process what exactly Jihoon said, the older one crossed his arms over his chest, a scandalized look in his wide eyes. “Depends on what you’re asking for.”

“YAH.”

“Lee Jihoon, don’t yell at someone you’re trying to ask a favor from. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”

Jihoon held his tongue, but his expression must have given it away because Jeonghan laughed and said that he would rather not die, and asked Jihoon to continue with what he was saying. “Y/N just graduated and she basically said that you’re her favorite SEVENTEEN member–”

“WOW! I like her already.”

“Hyung.”

“Okay, what do you want me to do for both my cute fan and my even cuter dongsaeng?”

“Just a video to congratulate her.”

“My videos are rare, it’s not easy to get something like this, you know.”

“Hyung, please.”

Jeonghan cackled, but quickly acquiesced. “Alright, alright.”

Soon enough, he found himself in a rhythm speaking to you. It was so easy, there was no residual awkwardness (on his end, at least) and it felt so natural. The banter was still there and so were your emoticons, escalating from the “:)” of your childhood to the iPhone emojis. You seemed so close, within reach, attainable.

That felt dangerous.

He could feel it. He could feel that desire to spill out everything he could. He spent years coming up with the words he wished he could’ve told you, some of them now award-winning songs, and it feels almost euphoric to know that he could tell you it all.

But.

He wasn’t sure, still. How receptive you would be. Would you run away like you did in the past whenever things became too much, too overwhelming? He always reminded you that you could never be that, but he wasn’t sure whether he was of the same capacity.

He wants you in his life. There is no doubt about that, especially not now.

But what if you leave again?

He cannot mess this up. He can’t.

So, he kept things light between you, jokes and jabs.

But that didn’t stop him from pushing for more, disguised in a (not-so) innocent attempt at ensuring that he would be able to have open contact with you in the future.

And that’s all he needed. A future with you in it.

That wasn’t too much to ask for, right?

──────────────────

Yes. Yes, it was.

After a few days of no response from your end on KakaoTalk, your Shikamaru profile picture almost mocking him with his permanent deadpan look, the answer was resounding.

But Jihoon’s entire identity was based on his stubbornness.

So, he decided to take a chance and message you on Instagram.

Only to retract immediately saying you didn’t have to reply.

Stupid.

Thankfully, though, you responded within 30 minutes, admitting that @narutofanfreak123 was not exactly a username you wanted to share with anyone above the age of twelve. You both quickly resolved the miscommunication (wow, Jihoon thought, imagine if we had this before).

He chuckled at your choice of KKT username, @MadameFirefly, oddly touched that his nickname for you still held enough weight to be your moniker for a messaging app.

He did his best to casually ask what you were planning on doing in the future (not like he wanted to see if he could somehow fit into it, or whatever).

Jihoon was left staring at his phone screen, the weight of his phone now burdened by the weight of your choices. Seoul? Or New York City?

──────────────────

“You didn’t have to miss the dance just because I got a B on an exam, you know.”

“Your parents are insane for grounding you to the library for a B on an exam, you know? And for a hagwon that’s way above our grade level.”

You shook your head, not willing to admit out loud that you agreed. “What I mean is that you don’t have to keep me company while I study when you could go off and meet cute girls and sweep them off their feet.”

“Why would I do that when I can watch you and your snot-nosed face trying to do college level calculus?”

“It’s all so that I can get into Seoul National.”

“Firefly, you could get into any school, even outside Korea.”

“Maybe I’ll do just that,” you laughed. “Finally get out of here.”

“Just let me know and I’ll stow myself into your suitcase.”

“Oh please. You’ll probably be the one traveling internationally doing whatever you do. A world-renowned musician.”

“Alright, you can be in my suitcase instead then.”

“Okay, can you leave breathing holes for me?”

“No, get better lung capacity.”

You clicked your tongue at him and he laughed. “Seriously, though, Jihoonie. You could be spending your teen years the way the movies do it. You could be ‘swearing you’re infinite’ while a slow-mo cam focuses on you as you dance, surrounded by beautiful people definitely too old to be cast as teenagers.”

“No thanks.”

You put your forehead down onto the table. “Please. Do it for me. Get a girlfriend because I can’t.”

“You know, you’re probably why I can’t get a girlfriend.”

No. You definitely were.

You shot him an annoyed look. “You could easily go and find someone who’d be smitten with you. But instead you’re about to watch me get a nosebleed over how hard I’m working my brain here.”

“Maybe I’m a sadist and want to watch that happen.”

You threw your eraser at him, but easily missed, the rubber object bouncing off of the table and onto the carpeted floor. You whined at the idea of having to leave your seat and Jihoon just rolled his eyes and picked it up for you.

Sure, he could be dancing with his friends, with cute girls, with whoever. He could be surrounded by endless snacks and overly sweet punch, the dance no doubt smelling like youth and pride and reckless decisions. He would see that there are plenty of people in his life outside of you.

But, no.

If he did, you would be left here, in this almost deserted library on a Friday, pouring blood, sweat, and tears into what your parents have convinced you matters more than your health.

You gave him a large grin as he passed you your eraser before you went back to focusing on your work.

Yeah, he’d much rather see this instead.

──────────────────

Later that evening, he found himself again in his recording studio.

Our past that didn’t line up,

If I could go back in time,

Rather than roughly, but warmly,

Would I be able to let you go?

He stared at the lyrics he wrote, feeling discontent. He wanted to be the kind of person who didn’t feel any kind of residual emotions towards you. Who would be able to meet you where you were and wish you well, no matter where you decided to go.

One of his biggest regrets was storming out of your childhood home the way that he did. He could’ve had answers but instead he was left with hostile emotions and questions.

He could only hope he would’ve done something different.

But now that he is faced with letting you go, he’s not sure how easily he would yield.

He took a moment to bury his face in his hands and tried to think about this from your perspective (something he had to practice while living with twelve other boys). He breathed in deeply and thought about the you that you are now, about how the person he fell in love with could easily be gone, and you were nothing but a shadow of what remained.

But that didn’t feel right either. It seems as though the person that you’ve grown into, that you’ve flourished into, is someone he would’ve wanted to get to know regardless of whether you had history or not.

Perhaps that is because of the artifice of social media, or perhaps it’s because you carry an air of authenticity with you that has now been given the opportunity to bloom instead of stifled in the environment you were raised in. Whether or not you were mere remnants of his past, it does not mean that the person you are now is any less lovely.

He groaned loudly.

Emotional labor is hard.

How is this something you enjoy doing?

──────────────────

“You really want to become a social worker, huh?”

You shrugged. “I mean, yeah. It feels like the best use of my skills. I like being able to potentially help people like me and well, there are a lot of people like me, you know. I don’t know whether I want to become a private practice therapist, but that seems like a solid option for now until I know more about what else is out there in the field.”

He would disagree, but he decided not to. “I just can’t deal with all of those emotions.”

You gave him a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about? You’re one of the most sensitive people that I know.”

Jihoon felt ruffled by that. “What? What are you talking about?”

You quickly put your hands up in mock defense. “I’m not saying that being sensitive is a bad thing. I’m saying that there’s no way you would be my friend if you couldn’t handle emotions. I have way too many of them, I’m not that blind to that. Also, I’ve read your poetry and heard your music and that’s some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Like, even the way you hold your clarinet is emotional.”

“I think that’s you projecting yourself onto me.”

“Say what you want, Jihoon. You’re a sensitive soul, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Yeah, well, sensitivity isn’t what gets you awards, you know. Skill does.”

You huffed in response. “Yeah, well, once you build up the second, the first is what will create a legacy that will be one to remember for ages to come. I’m speaking it into existence now. And I lay claim to the title of being your first fan. I will support you the entire way, no matter what you do. Music, baseball, comedy. Whatever!”

Jihoon snorted. He wouldn’t dare become a comedian, but it made him feel good that you thought that was a viable prospect for him. “Whatever industry I’m in, I’ll probably have to protect you from all of the bad people. You’re too soft. Even just last week, I mean…”

“What? You mean, when Nahyun made fun of me during my presentation in front of everyone?”

Irritation washed over Jihoon. 

The self-proclaimed It Girl decided to try and belittle you while in the middle of your presentation, as you were explaining the measurements that you used in your findings, she asked whether you had ‘measured’ your weight recently because ‘you really ought to’.

He never wanted to get into a fight more than then, especially when your other classmates laughed along. It was a subpar, typical, low-class mean girl line, but it filled him with rage.

You were completely unphased by it, continuing on with your presentation, not even choosing to spare a glance in her direction.

Luckily, the teacher, not being a prick himself, called out Nahyun and pulled her aside after class to apologize to you. (Jihoon would’ve preferred a public execution apology.)

Jihoon stood just a few feet away as you accepted her half-assed effort. You paused for a moment and muttered something to her, something that only she could hear. Nahyun merely pursed her lips afterwards before walking away. Irritation rushed through him again.

“Seriously, though. You’re too soft, firefly.”

“Hm. I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“No. I just think everyone else is too hard on themselves. And each other.”

“...You’re gonna be a great therapist.”

“Thanks. Hire me.”

──────────────────

Jihoon had his own fair share of meetings with professional counselors (especially in the midst of living such a hectic life as an idol), but he was worried whether you would be as cut and dry as they were, whittled down by years of academia. It seemed almost like they were reading out of a textbook, using vocabulary words like ‘empathy’ and ‘self-care,’ so he never saw it fit to return if it wasn’t necessary.

However, the places you’ve poured your time into left only glowing reviews for your passion and compassion for the field that you were in.

Jihoon was roused from his thoughts at his phone ringing on his desk. He looked at the Caller ID and saw a name he has been in and out of contact with for over a decade, it was your cousin. He picked it up. “Yo, hyung. What’s up?”

“Are you busy right now, Jihoon?”

“No. It’s a slower day today. Do you need something?”

“Yeah, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in Seoul in a few weeks. Your noona and I are planning on celebrating saying goodbye to our single days by drinking way too much within the span of 12 or so hours. I wanted to see if you were down to join.”

“I probably won’t drink, but if it’s for you, hyung, I’ll go.”

“Nice. And you can feel free to leave after the dinner, we’ll just be at an apartment we’re renting out in Gangnam, since I don’t trust those fools to walk around the streets of Hongdae.”

“I’ll probably do that, I don't want to accidentally be caught by Dispatch.”

“Right, right. We wouldn’t want to sully the name of the best producer in all of K-Pop.”

“That’s a title I don’t think I’ll ever get.”

Your cousin laughed. “You never know, you might get that award sooner than you think, kiddo. Alright, I’ll keep you updated on our schedule. But uh…”

Jihoon knew his hyung well. He was about to bring you up again. “What about her?”

“I just wanted to ask whether you’d be interested in a meet-up with her. Not that we’ve asked her or anything, but I know we’ll probably meet up with her at some point, and I know it’ll feel weird if we’re not all together, you know? The four of us.”

“Yeah… I want to say that I’m courteous enough to wait for her response, but I just know that I’m willing to meet with her, if anything. Even just one last time.”

“That… sounds kinda sad, but. I guess I’ll take it. If you’re down, we could even make it a surprise on her end.”

He imagined your deer in headlights look but couldn’t think further than that. “Sounds like we’d really be putting her on the spot, if that was the case.”

“Hey, she’s rarely played it safe. Same with you. Might as well keep the flow going. And if anything, I’ll take the brunt of it all. She can’t stay mad at me for too long.”

“We both know that’s literally not true.”

“Okay, fine. Your noona can take the blame.”

“Wow, very excited to see how this marriage will go.”

His hyung laughed. “Amazingly, I’m sure.”

A thought occurred to Jihoon and he realized it was strange that he was mentioning it as an afterthought, as if it was something to be expected, something natural and normal. “Oh, hyung. By the way, I’m talking to Y/N again.”

Jihoon heard the undeniable ‘beep beep beep’ of being hung up and he stared confused at his phone screen until he saw another phone call from your cousin. He picked up with a, “Hello?”

Your cousin sounded much more flustered than he did just seconds ago. “Sorry. I hung up because I dropped my phone by accident. Say that again. You’re what?”

“I’m talking to her again. Kind of. I guess. Like, Instagram DMing went to KakaoTalk.”

“Jesus Christ, you slid into her DMs?”

“Can you not say it like that?”

“Can you say that that didn’t happen?”

Jihoon relayed the entire experience to him, only now realizing he didn’t even share all of the details with his members because it would’ve been too much teasing fodder from them. But your cousin, his hyung, was the kind of fellow that wouldn’t do that, even given the opportunity.

──────────────────

“Hyung,” Jihoon started one day, across from said person in a local Busan restaurant. “I don’t get how you’re single.”

“Why, you wanna date me?”

Jihoon’s eye twitched and your cousin laughed. Jihoon bit on his straw, the family style meal between the two young men long since devoured. “People compare us, you know.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s there to compare?”

“I don’t know. So many people around us know how cool you are. You’re good at sports, you’re smart, you have a lot of friends, you’re handsome. Everyone always says you’re one of the best listeners they’ve ever met.”

“The trick is to not pay attention sometimes and just nod.”

“I’m gonna tell Y/N you said that.”

“I’m sure she knows,” he laughed. “Well, I'm honored that you think all of those things, but those are all traits you have too. You do realize that, right?”

Jihoon grunted. “Not… really.”

“Well, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean others don’t. My cousin definitely does. She’s a good kid and has a good heart. Same with you. If you ever decide to do anything about those feelings of yours, just know that I approve.”

Jihoon nearly choked on his drink. “Wh–?”

“Oh, it was a secret?”

“Hyung!”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say anything to her, don’t worry. And if you ask me, I’d say that you’re the only one on this planet that even has a chance. Well, except that girl from the cake shop.”

Jihoon sneered.

Fucking Woo Soyeon.

With her shiny hair and long eyelashes and doe eyes and tanned skin from her beach volleyball playing.

Giving out discounts to you like nobody’s business. Calling you cute and flirting nonstop while twirling a lock of her hair. Saying you’re her favorite customer. He could swear Woo Soyeon would throw a knowing smirk at him every time you stuttered a little too long when saying thank you.

That damned girl behind the counter, the one whose beauty and voice (“It’s just so velvety, you know? Like the chocolate cherry cakes.”) he knew you were smitten by.

She was even taller than him, especially in her heels.

At the ripe age of 15, Jihoon understood what jealousy was.

Because of fucking Woo Soyeon.

“Watch out, Jihoon. I can hear your thoughts all the way from over here.”

“Sorry.”

Your cousin laughed. “Trust me, you mean a lot more to her than cake counter girl. My cousin wanted all of us to go see the Christmas lights in the city together. You don’t see her inviting that cake counter girl, do you?”

Jihoon felt a weird sense of pride well up in his chest. Then immediately deflated. It felt stupid to feel like he won against a person who’s just trying to sell cakes to a loyal customer. “Hyung, how do you do it? You’d never let yourself get angry or jealous over stuff like this.”

The older of the two cocked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t get jealous over a cake counter girl.”

“Says who? I get jealous. It’s normal, you know. Jealousy isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s just what you do with it, right? Like, just because you’re jealous of cake counter girl, does that mean you stop Y/N from going to that shop?”

“What? Why would I do that? She loves that shop.”

“Exactly. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling the emotion, it just means you learn how to handle it as it comes. And once you practice it enough, it becomes easier and easier.”

“You make it sound easy, but it’s not.”

“Hey, I’m not anything big and special myself.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Hyung, you’re a superhuman.”

“No, I’m just human and letting myself be that,” he corrected. “Trust me, there’s plenty of good people out there. A lot of them just aren’t making the decision to do so. It’s easier to be cruel, but. I want to prove that you can be kind and still be a man. We get to define what that means. If I decided to be cruel, to become what society says is ‘a man,’ then I have no doubt Y/N would lose trust in me, and probably, all men.”

Jihoon noticed that his hyung stared at him for a second.

“Actually, maybe not all men.”

Jihoon felt embarrassed, but also honored, at the implication. “Thanks, hyung. You know, for not making fun of me. And for admitting that you also feel those kinds of things.”

“Absolutely, I’m glad I could help.”

“I’m seriously still surprised that you’re single.”

“Yeah, well. That might not always be the case if I can figure out what to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… you know your noona?”

──────────────────

Jihoon couldn’t help but shake his head at the way the events unfolded. Your cousin told him about his feelings for his future wife, but it still took a few years for anything to come out of that. He wondered whether being childhood friends had anything to do with it, as if the longer and deeper the bond, the riskier the chasm was to try to jump across.

However, your cousin still managed to do it.

“How did you do it, hyung?”

“Hm? What’s up?”

“Just… how did you manage to tell noona how you felt?”

The older man laughed. “You really think that it was me who confessed? No, no. It was her. I think she was tired of the back and forth that was happening between us. I mean, so was I, but I was a coward, but thankfully, she wasn’t. Now because of her saying that she loved me first, I get to be the one who says it last. Then we start again. It’s a dialogue, you see. It doesn’t matter who starts the line, as long as it continues.”

“Oh…”

“Am I proud that I was a coward? No. I sometimes wish it was me who said it first so she wouldn’t have any room for doubt. But we can’t go back and change the past, only commit to a better future. All of this to say, though, Jihoon, it’s been long enough of not saying anything between the two of you. I don’t think you want to wait any longer.”

“…yeah. I agree.”

That night, hours after preparing for the album, Jihoon’s fingers tapped away on his Notes app.

This waiting, it’s not easy to endure.

It was past 4am now.

But he didn’t want to wait any longer.

So, he switched apps and instead of a blank Note, he began typing into a message box.

i know its late. rehearsal never ends until 3am and i know that when u get texts you wake up even if ur phone is on silent bc the vibration wakes u up so im trying to type this all in one message so that it doesnt wake u up (hopefully) but i didnt want it to seem like i left u on read because i was upset or something. but i didnt want to message until i had the time to have a full conversation but i dont think thats happening any time soon anyway. when you see this i hope it makes sense im not sure if i am

A response from you was the last thing he expected, but you always managed to surprise him.

The first time he heard your voice directly in his ears, he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. But he tried to keep his voice level as he asked you about where you were leaning towards for your career.

The relief that rushed through him.

The hope that ignited in him.

That was the spark needed for him to explode.

And so he did, into words.

“I’m proud of you, you know?”

He heard your throaty stutter, one that only came out whenever you were really caught off guard. “Uh—what?”

“You got a whole ass PhD. From the best university in Korea,” Jihoon still couldn’t believe the two of you went to the same school. “You got offered a job at a super big school in America. One that’s super big in the field that you studied. You graduated from an even school for undergrad, a school that even I know the name of. And just… I know that people expect you to achieve because you’ve always been a genius, always so brilliant, but. You also work really hard. So I’m proud of you.”

He could barely hear your, “It’s not that big of a deal—” over the pounding in his ears.

“But it is, firefly.”

And suddenly he was brought back to all the years before. Where he spent more years in love with you than not. How that nickname encapsulated exactly as he saw you: inspiration, guidance, hope.

“I mean, I just—”

Your flustered response only encouraged him to continue. “You don’t have to believe me. But that won’t stop me from feeling it.”

“Jihoon, I—”

He didn’t realize just how much he’s missed hearing you say his name. But more than that, “I’ve missed you.”

There was a pause on your end, but he was done with his.

“I’ve missed you a stupid amount. Like us stealing your dad’s car to drive to McDonald’s at 3am and then running a red light on the way there. And then somehow almost hitting an entire flock of seagulls—” which he would never admit to being the reason he never wants to get behind the wheel again. “And then going to some random, deserted parking lot. And then realizing we didn’t know the way home, so we drove aimlessly, for, like, 45 minutes. And then panicking when we kept seeing the gas needle going down. That kind of stupid.”

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was naming a memory that you no doubt remember as well, it was near traumatizing. But there was something in him that didn’t want you to forget. He didn’t want himself to forget. Because…

If I forget someday, as if nothing is wrong,

Our future will be empty and sad.

It’s not that I want to forget you.

Ah, he made a mental note to switch to his Notes app later.

“I… I missed you too.”

Jihoon couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his cheeks, almost to the point of straining them. It was already so late and he still had enough function in his brain to know he ought to cut this short now. Otherwise, he’d be on the phone with you for an ungodly amount of time. “I have to sleep now, but. I just. I couldn’t not tell you. That’s all.”

“Okay.” Your voice sounded so small, he had to press his phone closer to his ear to ensure he didn’t miss anything.

“Get some sleep, firefly. Or should I call you, Dr. Firefly now?”

“That sounds like a cartoon villain.”

He laughed hard at that. You would say that. “Alright, we’ll just go with firefly then.”

‘We’ felt good on his tongue.

“Night, night, Jihoonie.”

“Sleep well, firefly.”

He told you he needed to sleep, but with the way that he was running on sheer endorphins from finally releasing some of that pressure inside of him, sleep was the furthest thing on his mind. Instead, he imagined you getting some well-deserved rest, wondering what kind of dreams you hoped to have.

You were falling asleep, he was falling in love.

──────────────────

In less than 24 hours, he was going to see you in person for the first time in years, no more needing to find YouTube videos or podcasts or news articles or social media posts.

Tomorrow, he’ll be face to face with you.

And the dorm was in chaos.

“He should wear the white button down!”

“No, he should wear something funky, with cool patterns!”

“What? Absolutely not, hyung! Jihoon-hyung looks best in plain clothing, his skin shines that way!”

“Well, he’s been avoiding his skincare, so that might not be the best route to go down.”

“Hoon is handsome no matter what!”

Jihoon was exhausted. Why were his members more invested in this than he was?

Even Soonyoung was getting giddy. And that was a problem. When it came to you, Soonyoung was his voice of reason, but after he relayed the phone call he had with you, Soonyoung was easily won over by your: ‘I missed you too.’

“I knew it!” The tiger had exclaimed.

(Jihoon wasn’t sure whether he did.)

Junhui was thriving off of the chaos and was now leaping across the wooden floor, with Jeonghan quickly on his tail, trying to coerce him into stopping and failing miserably. Seokmin was still trying to convince Seungkwan that a funky pattern was like how, in nature, peacocks showed off to their mates—“he’s not a bird, hyung!”—while Soonyoung kept interjecting saying that Jihoon was attractive no matter what so he could just wear a plastic bag (which earned him a gentle slap by Seokmin). Mingyu disappeared for a moment after Wonwoo’s off-handed comment about Jihoon’s skin, only to return with his skincare products that Jihoon knew were going to be slapped on him soon enough. Seungcheol kept repeating in an exasperated tone, “Stop fighting, we already got a noise complaint this week,” while Jisoo and Minghao were probably off in Jihoon’s closet trying to establish an outfit for him without his consent. Hansol was on his phone, noise-canceling earphones on, completely uninvolved in what was going on. Chan was only goading on whoever was the loudest in the moment (currently, Junhui).

Jihoon piped up. “Do I get an opinion on this?”

In near perfect synchronization (including the boys in his room), everyone responded with a, “No!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

God, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

[continue reading here]

[avianyuh]

Hi! Can you please write headcanons for BTS members where they overhear that a txt member has a crush on their crush? They get jealous and insecure because reader is close to their age, so they don't confess because of this reason but tries to distance reader from them. Thank you ❤️ ❤️

BTS Getting Jealous of Readers Relationship with TXT

{A/N;Hellloooo, so for context, reader is an idol and has a flirty relationship with the member. I'm assuming you mean that the reader is close to TXT's ages, so I'll guess around like 2000? For Jin and Yoongi it'd be weird to go any younger than that imo so the set age is like 2000/01 for all members. Some of these are confessions, some aren't. Like I said, age ranges are tricky so idk, like for the maknae line it was fine because they'd be only 3-5 years younger (if its 2000) so it's not a problem. Hope you enjoy :)}

*Honestly, the rest are mid, just skip to JK for some drama*

Jin;

Jin had met you backstage at an award show

You immediately became friendly

This was further amplified by the fact that you needed up being on a few of the same variety shows

So Jin had thought that everything was going well

Problem was that you were a bit younger than him

8 years to be exact

So he thought it was kind of weird at first to be anything more than friends with you

Your company had ended up being bought by HYBE

So Jin had started to run into you around the building a lot more often

But that also meant that you'd be around other groups a lot more often

This included TXT

You had filmed a promotional dance challenge with TXT for your comeback and had become pretty friendly with Soobin

Jin didn't think anything of it and to him he SHOULDN'T care, right?

So he forgot about it for awhile

But then one day BTS and TXT sat down together

(idk where just go with it lol)

And you know...everyone starts to gossip

And Hoseok was like, "So...you guys got anyone special in mind???"

And TXT being in the presence of their seniors are like "😳"

But the Yeonjun being himself, blabs

"Soobin thinks Y/n is hot"

Now Jin

Jinnnnnnnn

Why would he have beef with a dude 8 years younger than him?

But you know he's thinking in his head, "Pfffpt, as if he has a chance"

And his face on the outside is like this, "🥸", but on the inside he's a bit of a combination of, "🤬&😨"

But as I said, he knew that you'd #1; Probably be more comfortable with someone like Soobin and #2; Be safer getting a relationship exposed with someone like Soobin because you're the same age and it would probably be 5% less of a scandal.

So, he kinda watched from the background for a few weeks

Noticed how you acted around Soobin and noticed that you seemed happy with him

But you noticed that Jin had become distant

You'd see him around and he'd find a way to get out of having a conversation with you

So one day, you confronted him

"Did I do something wrong?", you asked him one day as you passed each other in the hallway.

Jin stopped walking and turned around to face you. He looked at you for a minute, silent, not knowing what to say.

He hadn't expected you to notice the change in behavior

It broke his heart to distance himself from you but he didn't now how to get over his feelings for you.

"No, it's just..."

"What Jin?"

"I've been going through some things lately, it's nothing personal"

He just couldn't do it.

Yoongi:

You had been an idol under BigHit

The first few years, the two of you didn't interact much

Most likely because you were 7 years younger than him and there was no reason to talk to you for quite a long time

But recently, Yoongi had approached you

Mainly because he had heard a song that you had produced and wanted to compliment you on your work

You became friendly and had actually been invited to his studio a few times

(which many know is a huge honor)

If Yoongi was being completely honest, he had developed a bit of a crush on you

You had a lot in common; both produced music, worked at the same company, had the same profession, etc...

But like already stated, there was just a little problem

You were way younger than him

(and we've seen the way he acts around people younger than him, he acts like a grandpa lmao)

So, he had every intention of keeping it platonic.

But then, after filming the Suchwita episode with TXT

After filming, Yoongi was jokingly asking a very drunk Yeonjun a lot of questions

And Taehyun was teasing Yeonjun about basically anything

And then Taehyun accidentally mentioned your name

And Yoongi was like, 'What about Y/n?'

And Taehyun was like 'Tehehehe, he likes Y/n'

And Yeonjun was all blush-y and passed out so he wasn't even denying it

And Yoongi was kinda jealous not gonna lie

So he played it off well and sent them off

And he checked his phone, saw that he had a text from you

And you know how you can clear messages, lmao, that's what he did

He knew that you and him probably wouldn't work

And similar to Jin, he was too afraid of the backlash to an age gap if it ever came out that the two of you were dating

So he needed some distance.

Hoseok:

Hobi had become very protective over you since you had meet back in 2018

You had debuted the year before and had nervously approached him backstage and told him how big of a fan you were of BTS

And Hobi just thought that you were so cute

So you had become friends

But honestly...flirty friends

He had his suspicions that you liked him

And he liked you

But he never really knew of a way to express any of his feelings

You were a bit younger than him, and speaking in seniority terms, his group was older than yours

So to him, it was a tricky slope to navigate

Well...until now

Hoseok had been in the practice room with Yeonjun (sorry but like anyone in TXT younger than Beomgyu is just awkward to write about lmao, like imagine Hobi (1994) beefing with Heuning Kai (2002) )

Anyways....

Hoseok was having one of those heart to heart type things with Yeonjun and Yeonjun had actually mentioned you out of the blue.

And Hobi (loving to talk about you cuz like we said, there was something there) was like , "Do tell :))))"

So Yeonjun was like, "Well, I know you and Y/n are close and I was wondering if you could give her my number?"

And Hoseok was like,"Why? For a work-related thing?"

And Yeonjun explained how he was interested in you.

So Hoseok did give him your number (he couldn't come up with an excuse not to), but right after he came up with an excuse that he had to leave.

And he rushed over to your dorm.

And he was knocking frantically, and you opened it all confused

And BOOM

Grabs your face and kisses you.

Start of a power couple.

Namjoon:

So apparently Joon is an extrovert??

Yeah he's an ENFP

I was shocked to find that out a few months ago

Anyways

Extroverts love to party and all that jazz

And you know how idols have album release parties, etc...

Well, that's how you met

At an album release for someone else

But you bumped into each other at a table and you laughed and apologized and by the end of the night had exchanged numbers

Well, since then, you two had spent a lot of time together

But you had also been in the midst of a comeback recently

And while promoting, you met TXT at one of the comeback showcase thingies (idk Inkigayo or something sorry I can't think of the name)

And your managers were like "Omg you should film a dance challenge with *yep you guessed it* Yeonjun!!!"

{A/N; IKKK, Yeonjun is breaking a lot of hearts I guess I'm sorry}

And you and Yeonjun became good friends too after that

Namjoon saw the video and thought it was cute, but didn't think much of it

As TXT and BTS are label mates as you know *fighting🫶*

But then one day he was walking down the hallway past a dance studio room and overheard the TXT members talking about you

So Namjoon being nosey hid outside of the door where they couldn't see him and listened in

"Yeonjun, you should take Y/n out on a date", Beomgyu said as everyone laughed

Namjoon felt like going and unliking the video he saw of the two of you, he was so jealous {A/N; LMAO, that line sounds so dumb, but it made me laugh as I wrote it so I'm keeping it in😭}

He snapped out of his jealous rage and headed back to his studio.

Trying to be rational, Would the two of you even work? You are a bit younger than, you're only year younger than Yeonjun, would you be better off with someone like him?

But when he arrived and closed the door as he walked in, he looked over at his desk and saw you.

There you were, sitting in his chair, smiling up at him

"Joonie!!!!, I texted you but you didn't text back", you said as you got up to greet him.

But before you could pull him into a hug, Namjoon bent down and pulled you into a kiss.

Jimin:

Jimin had always been a supportive label mate

To TXT and your group

Actually, Jimin kind of had his suspicions that you liked him

Mainly because every time he would see you, your group mates would nudge you and giggle.

He thought it was cute, but actually after getting to know you, he had developed some feelings for you

Neither of you would confess though

Yeah, you were 5 yeas younger, and that's what kind of held Jimin back

And in return, Jimin was five years older, so you would never make the first move.

But what if an event pushed him to?

Like I said, TXT, BTS, & your group were all label mates

So, you knew BTS, which obviously meant that you knew your other label mate

So on that side of the pond, you were very friendly with Beomgyu.

And just like with Jimin, you were oblivious

Avianyuh? What do you mean oblivious?

Well...Beomgyu liked you too

LOVE TRIANGLE

I'm just kidding

Now the one person who did know about Jimin's feelings for you was Jungkook

Who was very friendly with TXT

And one day, Jungkook calls Jimin and he's like, "Hyung...you have some competition"

And Jimin's all confused so Jungkook explains that Beomgyu mentioned that he liked you

And Jimin is like, "Oh shit", because he knows that the two of you are friendly

So he immediately heads out the door to your apartment and he calls you and is like, "I have something important to tell you, can you meet me outside"

So when he gets there, you're standing near the entrance to your apartment

And he starts with this long speech, 'Y/n, we've known each other for awhile and I think that there's something between us and-"

You cut him off with a kiss

#BigHitpowercouple

Taehyung:

Taehyung isn't about competition

I actually see TAehyung as being a very forward person

Like, I know I keep writing all of these requests for crushes and shit, but honestly with Taehyung I don't see him being one for crushes.

Like I think if he wants you, then he'll just confess

So this will be brief

He's probably been friends with you for awhile

But he kind of develops feelings for you

And one day, probably like Jin, he'll be sitting down with the TXT members

And one of them (probably Yeonjun idk) mentions that he thinks you're cute.

And Taehyung is straight up like, "Oh I think she has a boyfriend, sorry"

And then the next time he sees you, he confesses

And you're like, "Where'd all this come from"

And he's honest

"One of the TXT members was talking about you and it got me thinking..."

👏Kim Taehyung everybody👏

Jungkook:

He gives me drama queen vibes

Like he loves the chase of a relationship

Unlike Taehyung, I think he loves having a crush

Blabbing to his friends about her

Having his members tease him about it

Plus he's the youngest (so for me this is less weird and I can start some beeeeef)

You two are four years apart

Not bad, but ehhhhh some people could side eye idk how judgmental people are lmao

I think more people would be bothered about the fact that you were a fourth gen idol and he was third

So like, the public views him as more experienced than you

But you know how I said that I think JK enjoys having crushes

Well, I also think he's very hard on himself

And BigHit has protected him a lot from public scrutiny so I think a relationship where you two aren't the exact some age would maybe ruffle a few feathers

So he hasn't really made any moves on you

And a tiny part of him is afraid of getting rejected

So for now, it's some harmless, shameless flirting

Won't hurt anyone, right?

Well, trying to not crush on someone, but continuing to flirt with them can cause some problems

And TXT and Jungkook are close

So one day, Jungkook was talking with Soobin and blah blah blah, Soobin ends up saying he thinks you're hot

And JK is like, "Ummmm, why?"

And Soobin is low-key offended for you because he gets the impression that Jungkook was calling you ugly

*I told you there'd be beef*

And Jungkook is like, "Idk out of all the people, why her", now what he really means is; I like her, so why do you have to crush on MY crush?

But Soobin still thinks JK is just being a major dick

And Jungkook is now feeling like HE has competition

Kook loves competition, but he hates losing

So, he goes home

And now he's all bothered

And then the next day, he sees YOU with SOOBIN

And you're giggling and Soobin's looking at you all loved up

And JK wants to punch him

And then you see Jungkook and wave him over

And Soobin is giving JK a death glare, and JK's giving him back one

And now you're looking between the two of them and you're just confused

So JK is like, "Y/n, can I speak to you for a moment?", and as he asks, he isn't even looking at you, he's looking at Soobin

And son you follow him down the hall and Kook presses you up against a wall

And he gets all up in your face you're like, "😳"

And he starts asking you all of these questions

"Are you into him?", "How could you not tell me you were dating him?"

And now you're REALLY confused

"I'm not dating Soobin, what're you talking about?", you say.

"You aren't? But, but he's all over you", Jungkook asks.

"Wait a minute, even if I was...why would you care?", you ask him, crossing your arms.

Well shit, now he's outed himself

"I, uh, just wanted to know, that's all..."

"...that's all?"

"Do you want to go out with me", he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Took you long enough", you said as you walked away.

[moremaybank]

Hello! I hope you are doing good and i‘d like to make a request if they are open (if not just tell me it‘s fine). So the reader is Kies little Sister and she‘s like the Kook Princess 2.0. She isn‘t really close to the Pogues but she likes them. Jj always kinda found her hot and stuff but he knows kie would freak out if he‘d hit on her Little Sister. She‘s only like 1 year younger of course (no pedophile). Then Jj and John B are on a Party. Kie and Pope are hanging out together somewhere idk. Then John B and Jj see that Rafe is touching Kies Lil Sister even tho she says stop and stuff. He puts his Hand on her Waist and stuff. Jj of course go inbetween and starts a fight with Rafe (physically but only a few Punches and stuff). And Reader is basically like: Why do you care? And then yk what happens lol. It‘s like kinda soft and not rough or anything but she‘s not a Virgin. It‘s just passionate and sweet and gentle yk? Have a Great Day/Night 🫶🏻!

POGUE PRINCESS — j.m

pairing jj maybank x fem!carrera!reader

summary jj gets into a fight with rafe while defending you. you go off at him because he's always so reckless with his life, and it leads jj to confess something you never would have expected.

warnings 18+, unprotected sex, fingering, creampie, language, physical violence (jj fighting rafe), rafe grabbing at reader (doesn't go further than that), reader arguing with jj

jj masterlist

little carrera. kook princess, next in line for the throne. you weren't the traditional type of kook, though.

you were kind, always very thoughtful and giving toward the pogues, and you took great strides to help them out any time you could. you were never one to follow the whole 'kooks versus pogues' feud. to be quite honest, you thought it was complete bullshit. why should the pogues be punished for being less fortunate than the kooks who came from wealth? it wasn't their fault, and they shouldn't be treated like parasites for it.

this meant that you were a big advocate, much like your older sister, for equality among the people of the island. you did everything you could to help the pogues.

for instance, you were the one that got the kooks to raise money for backup generators on the cut. you had always considered it unfair that the pogues had to suffer after each storm, especially when they did the majority of the work to keep up the livelihood for the entire island.

you were also the one who started a nonprofit that provided scholarships for kids on the cut. you were inspired by kiara's friend, pope, who had become your own friend, and who was the genius of the group. you saw how hard he had to grind to secure his future, and it inspired you to help him and kids like him, who had to work tirelessly for the slim chance to secure their future.

all in all, you had a huge heart, and you weren't too shy to share it with the world around you. and this is exactly what led jj to fall for you.

completely and utterly head over heels for you.

-

"you're staring again," john b spoke, approaching his best friend and handing him one of the beers in his hand. he watched as jj kept his eyes on you, following your every move as you danced along to whatever song was blasting through the speakers.

the boneyard was jam-packed, and countless inebriated young adults were littered along the beach as they partied.

"how could i not?" jj replied, taking a sip of his beer as he watched you laugh at something sarah had said to you. "i mean, just look at her, dude. she's perfect."

your smile had always been a pick-me-up for jj. it was magical, so much so that it brought a deep warmth to him every time he caught the slightest glimpse of it.

"you know kiara's gonna murder you if she ever finds out that you've been lusting after her baby sister, right?" john b questioned.

"it's not lusting, john b. she's different than anyone i've ever met. i have actual feelings for her."

"well, either way, you know y/n's off-limits. kie's gonna have your damn head."

jj shrugged nonchalantly with a slight smile.

"worth it."

he watched as you caught eyes with him from across the party, giving him a small wave with a flushed face. his heart fluttered, and he waved back at you.

oh, the things he would do to hold you, and kiss you, and tell you how remarkable he considered you to be.

he flashed back to the first time he went to you after getting into an altercation with luke and how that was the first night he realized how he truly felt about you.

"oh my god, please tell me you didn't get into another fight with some asshole kook," you joked as you let jj climb through your bedroom window.

he gave you a small smile, it barely reaching his eyes as he tried to front with you as if he was okay.

"hey," you frowned when he failed to respond, "you okay?"

jj nodded, "yeah, i'm good. just need you to patch me up," he spoke quietly.

"j..." you began, "what happened? you can tell me."

you cradled his bruised face in your hands, and your eyes searched his blue ones, the signature shimmer in them completely snuffed out.

jj sighed, avoiding your gaze. "nothing, y/n. i'm fine, alright?"

"i don't believe you."

once again, he failed to respond, and you grabbed his hand in yours as you led him to sit on your bed. jj followed slowly, dragging his feet tiredly as he made his way to sit on your mattress. he slung his backpack off his shoulders and dropped it onto your hardwood floor before taking a seat.

"you can't say anything," he murmured, his gaze glued to the floor as he dragged a hand over his injured face.

"j," you spoke, "i would never. you can trust me, okay? i promise."

you sat there and listened to every single word that fell from his lips. you felt your heart crack as he opened up to you about his home life. you knew he was struggling to even speak on everything luke had put him through on an almost-daily basis, and the fact that he chose you to vent to wasn't lost on you. if anything, you felt eternally grateful that he trusted you enough to tell you everything he felt, good and bad. and you hoped he knew just how much you cared for him. you held him, spoke sweet nothings into his ear as he cried, tended to his wounds both inside and out, and made it a point to make sure he felt as special and adored as he deserved to be, and then some.

and jj would never, ever forget that intimate moment the two of you had shared and the safety and security you gave him simply by being there and lending an ear.

jj had to tell you. he had to confess how much he loved you, with every fibre in his being, no matter what your sister — or anyone else for that matter — had to say about it. he didn't care that you came from different worlds. as long as you were in his, everything would be okay.

-

come a little closer by cage the elephant blasted through the speakers as you made your way over to the keg, hoping to top up your red solo cup.

"well, well, well," you heard from behind you, and you instantly recognized the voice. "little carrera. damn, you look good."

you rolled your eyes, turning around to face the owner of that voice, the one you dreaded hearing every time the two of you crossed paths.

"rafe."

"how have you been?"

"i was great until you got here," you responded wryly, avoiding his gaze as you swirled the beer around in your cup.

"come on, y/n. don't be like that. you know you love when we partake in this little back-and-forth thing we do," rafe smirked, inching closer to you. "don't act like you don't."

you scoffed, finally levelling his gaze. "it's not acting, cameron. take the goddamn hint."

"nah. don't lie, princess. you want me. you're always wearing those skimpy ass little shorts whenever you come over. batting your eyelashes at me and reeling me in. you don't have to hide your feelings anymore. i'm here. let's do this."

rafe made to grab your waist, but you backed up, removing yourself from his reach.

"oh, so that's how you wanna play this?" he asked.

"leave me alone, rafe. how many more ways do i have to say it before you understand?"

"drop the act." rafe's surged forward, gripping your hips quite harshly as he tugged you closer to him. "you're coming with me whether you like it or not."

"get off me!" you said, shoving his hands away. you felt cold, and you wanted nothing more than to get as far away from rafe as humanly possible. before you had the chance, though, you heard someone starting to yell as they made their way over to the two of you.

"hey! don't you dare fucking touch her!"

your's and rafe's gaze found jj fast-approaching you both, and when he reached, he was quick to strike rafe across the face with his fist. you watched as rafe fell to the ground, clutching his injured jaw while jj tumbled on top of him. his hands were fast, punching and pummelling rafe's face in.

jj's blood was boiling, and he ignored each of your protests. either that, or he just couldn't hear you at all over the rage that consumed him.

"jj!" you exclaimed. "stop!"

you looked over at john b, eyes pleading for help. he nodded, and after struggling slightly, he managed to pull jj away from him. his hands pushed at jj's chest as jj tried to shove past him.

"yo, chill! she's fine, alright? calm down!" john b ordered.

jj's eyes trailed over to you, unable to read the expression on your face as his breathing started to slow. he noticed that rafe had disappeared, assumably having left, and he slowly walked over to you, pulling you aside as his hands found your face.

"you okay, pretty girl?" he asked as he inspected you, looking for any signs of pain or discomfort.

angrily, you turned away from his touch. "what the hell is wrong with you, jj?"

"yikes. gotta go," john b murmured before rushing away from the two of you, knowing you were about to let jj have it.

"what do you mean?" jj questioned.

you sighed harshly, "when are you going to learn that you can't just be out here starting shit with the kooks? what if they have you arrested?"

"are you fucking kidding me right now? rafe was trying to force you into doing shit that you didn't want to do, and you're mad at me?"

"yeah," you stated, "you know what? i am. because you're always doing such stupid, reckless shit that could land you in trouble. and you don't seem to care! you can't keep putting yourself in a position to get in shit!"

"i was trying to protect you!"

"news flash, idiot! i don't need you to protect me! i can do that just fine by myself."

jj scoffed harshly, "yeah, but you weren't! and i'm not just gonna stand there and watch while rafe — or anyone for that matter — hurts you! you clearly don't know me at all if you think i will."

"god, jj. this doesn't concern you. why do you even care?!"

"why do i care? because i'm in love with you, you idiot!"

okay, jj knew he was going to tell you how he felt tonight. but that was not the way he planned on doing so.

awkward.

"what?" you whispered, the anger dissipating from your features you looked up at him.

jj sighed, treading carefully as he inched closer to you. he tucked a loose strand of curls behind your ear, his thumb stroking over your cheekbone and lingering there for a moment.

"i love you. and i know you probably don't feel the same way because you're you, and i'm me, but i can't help it. you're perfect. you're smart, so damn smart. and you're kind. your heart is so big, and you care about me. you never make me feel judged or ashamed to be me. and now i'm rambling because you make me nervous as hell and i—"

you cut jj off with a kiss, not just to silence him but to tell him that you felt it too. the passion, the strong bond, the once-in-a-lifetime connection.

you felt all of it. and you felt it for him.

you felt his muscular arms wrap around your waist and pull you flush against his chest as he deepened the kiss. you let him, your hands sliding from the napes of his neck into his blonde locks. his lips felt like heaven, and you struggled to understand how you lasted so long without being able to taste them. it was almost as if kissing him was now your life force and the fact that you had survived up until now was by pure miracle.

you hesitated to pull away, but you did.

"i love you too," you breathed, watching the reflection of the moonlight from the water on the beach illuminate his azul eyes. "you wanna get out of here?"

jj grinned, his dimple coming to light as he nodded. "let's go, baby."

-

you and jj stumbled through the chateau door, blindly making your way to jj's room there. jj led you backwards, and when the back of your knees hit the mattress, you sat down, breaking the kiss.

"we don't have to keep going if you don't want to. i don't care about the sex. all i care about is being here with you," jj said, smoothing your hair away from your face as he assured you. the look of tenderness in his eyes had you swooning, enough to make your heart clench.

"get over here, maybank," you smiled, fisting your hand in his cotton t-shirt and yanking him toward you. you leaned back while he climbed over you, his arms on either side of your frame to ensure he didn't crush you with his weight.

your lips locked fervently, your hands slipping underneath jj's shirt and to his back as you pushed him further toward you. you could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabrics that separated the two of you, and suddenly, it wasn't enough. you pulled away, tugging at the hem of his shirt and signalling that you wanted it off. jj caught your drift, smirking slightly as he shrugged it off. you followed suit, discarding your top onto the floor.

his eyes landed on your bra-clad chest, his hands moving up your torso to cup them. you let out a quiet moan at the action, and jj took this as permission to slip your bra off. he slid one of the straps down your shoulder, pressing a wet kiss to it before he did the same to the other. his fingers then found your back, unhooking your bra and freeing your tits.

"goddamn," he breathed, palming them once again and feeling the gratifying weight of them in his hands. "you're so fucking perfect, baby. look at you."

he laid you back against the pillows with your head propped up, trailing kisses down your neck as he made his way to your chest. he adorned them with his lips, nibbling here and there and marking you as his. he took one nipple into his mouth, his teeth grazing over it as it perked up. he sucked at it and let go with a pop before moving to the other one and doing the same.

once he was finished, he pulled back to look at the love bites he'd left on you. "you look so pretty when you're all marked up, princess," he cooed, fingers trailing over the bruises as they made their way down to the button of your jean shorts. he undid them with ease and slipped one hand inside your panties slowly. his fingers prodded at your entrance and he felt the slick pooling out of you.

"this all for me?"

you nodded in confirmation, "all for you, jj. want you to touch me, please."

"touch you how, baby?" he questioned, slowly sinking his middle finger into your entrance, "like this?" you gasped softly, and he smiled as he began to thrust it into you.

his movements were gentle and teasing as his digit massaged your walls. he curled it up with each pump, flicking it against your sweet spot as he warmed you up.

"more, j. need more." your hands rested on his muscular biceps as you looked up at him pleadingly. he granted your wish, slowly inserting his ring finger as he picked up the pace he had previously set. your toes curled, and you threw your head back, feeling him rub against your g-spot. you ground your hips against his hand, letting the friction of his calloused palm stimulate your swollen clit.

jj watched as you let the ecstasy fill your entire body, feeling you buck your hips as you searched for more pleasure. he encouraged you as you did so, "that's it, pretty girl. use my hand to make yourself cum. coat my fingers so i can taste you."

"shit," you cursed in response, your nails digging into the flesh of his upper arms. you rolled your hips against his palm over and over, chasing your high. he felt you clamp down on his fingers, and when you made eye contact with him again, he nodded, telling you to let go.

"c'mon, baby. you're right there, i can feel you. let me see how beautiful you are when you cum for me."

you let out a breathy moan as you came, squeezing jj's upper arms while you held on for dear life. your walls gripped onto jj's fingers like a vice as he let you ride out your orgasm.

once your breathing calmed, jj pulled his fingers out of you and sucked them into his mouth. he lapped at them while he held his gaze on yours and groaned in satisfaction when your release coated his taste buds.

"so fucking sweet, pretty girl. inside and out," he spoke.

you sat up, and he kissed you, letting you taste the remnants of your release on his lips. your hands trailed down his torso until they found his shorts. you palmed his bulge through the article of clothing, taking notice of its twitch when you came into contact with it.

"can i fuck you, baby? sweet and slow so i can show you how you make me feel?"

"there's nothing i want more."

jj grinned, forcing one of your own on your face as he began to rid himself of his shorts and boxers. he freed himself, and your eyes landed on the thick cock he had the pride of calling his own.

he pushed you back down gently, making sure you were nice and comfortable on the bed. he leaned forward, pecking your lips softly while he guided himself toward your entrance.

"you ready for me, princess?"

you nodded, kissing him again to grant him permission. he pushed into you as he returned the kiss, bottoming out before he started to move his hips. his arms caged you in, cradling your head with his hands as he fucked you deep, his pace relaxed and concentrated on satiating your every desire.

"tell me how you feel, baby. that feel good?" he rasped, maintaining eye contact as he plunged into you over and over.

"so good, j. want you closer, deeper." you wrapped your legs around his torso, your heels pushing at the top of his ass so you could keep him pressed to you.

he obliged, leaning his forehead against yours as he pressed his lips to yours continuously. the passion he felt for you bled through every one of his actions as he fucked you and made you his own. every kiss was magic, every touch was searing, and every thrust was a silent i love you.

you could feel him surrounding you in every sense of the term, and you never wanted this moment to end. you felt so close to him, closer than you ever had with the flames from your past. jj was like the missing puzzle you'd been searching a lifetime for but could never seem to find. and now that you'd found him, your heart would never be able to let him go. the loss would be too great to bear.

"i love you so much. never letting go of you, wanna keep you forever," he spoke as he rutted into you leisurely. his cock was massaging you so perfectly, and you felt the electricity buzzing between the two of you. "you're my princess. tell me you're mine."

"i'm yours, j. i belong to you, 'm all yours," you whispered, cupping his face as you looked into his eyes.

the words were true to your heart. you truly were his. this blonde goofball had captured your heart long ago without you even realizing it, and no one could ever compare to him.

there was no one like jj.

"that's right, baby. and no one else can ever have you."

he granted another kiss on your lips, before moving down to your neck. he kept moving as his lips searched for your sweet spot. he found it right below your ear and began to suck another hickey into your skin as he somehow rolled his hips deeper into your core.

you cried out at his depth, your hand tangling itself in his hair and pushing his mouth further onto your skin. you tugged at his locks, and he let out a muffled groan as you spurred him on.

"right there, j. i'm so fucking close, shit," you whimpered, begging for more.

he came up from the nape of your neck, "yeah? you gonna cum for me, sweet girl?"

you nodded furiously, unable to form a coherent sentence while he fucked you closer and closer to your orgasm.

"i feel you, baby," he spoke once you started to squeeze him, "let go for me. that's it. just like that, mama." his teeth grazed over your sweet spot once more, and you unravelled for him.

your nails dragged down the flesh of his back, surely leaving behind a few marks of your own on him. your eyes clamped shut as the euphoria overtook you, and you hugged him to you as you came on his cock.

"cum for me, j. give it to me. make me yours for real," you pleaded, smoothing his hair out of his face as you felt him twitch inside of you.

"shit, baby. gonna give you all my cum," he grunted as he thrusted once more and erupted inside of you, painting your walls with his release. he stilled when he did so, his head dropping into the crook of your neck as he came down.

"holy shit. i'm kinda jealous of all the girls that you've fucked like that," you said, letting out a soft laugh.

jj chuckled against your skin, "you really think i fucked any of those girls as good as i fucked you? no way."

you grinned, shaking your head in exasperation as you looked at him. his hair was a tousled mess, he was covered in sweat, and his lips were swollen from all the kissing. still, though, he had never looked more gorgeous.

you watched as his eyes roamed over all the hickies he'd left you with, and his eyes widened slightly in panic.

"what's wrong?" you asked.

"your sister's gonna kill me."

jj tag list (join here!): @maybankslover @kittyqrt @v-velvetykisscs @hobiibobii @rafesdior @fool4him @hemogloban @pankhoeforlife @rafesmuse @lyn07 @houseofperfecttaste @qualitybelieverflower @dudenhaaa27 @princessbetsy123-blog @tori-loves1 @alexxavicry @kenzi-woycehoski @elijahssuit @skydisneylover @adoreyouusugar

[jack-kellys]

racetrack in uksies!!

well guys! i did it- i finally started paying attention to the newsie i was pretty sick of for a while! and i was generously rewarded. here is some stuff i observed from josh barnett's racetrack higgins:

disclaimer: racetrack, in the script, is quite literally only noted as "RACE, a little tough guy". there is no one way to characterize him, and no features about him are universal/should be universally accepted beside what he says.

that said. this mf is a damn little tough guy!!!

his place as one of jack's main two lieutenants (the other being crutchie) is a lot more solidified in how he acts around the other boys, he certainly comes off older and more in charge

king of new york has him singing out from downstage to the audience as all the chaos (swinging from lamps...tapping...spinning and shit...) he incited occurs behind him. like it is his song this time which is cool, and makes sense- he's the last "original" (sorry davey) leader left that the newsies can look to and it shows.

his trio consists of specs, albert, and himself it looked like. sometimes finch but that's for more lighthearted moments. they all have trousers and not knickers, signifying their older age, and they frequent the aisles together. also specs is definitely some kind of leader based off of what he does in the show and his demeanor.

race and al are like...the soakers. they are picking fights or mocking fights when they are together LMAO.. at the gate when the headline goes up albert is like Right Up At It to make the delanceys rattle the bars to make him step aside (no one else does this). race and al also imitate jack socking the delanceys with crutchie's crutch, al fake punching race in the gut and race making a face lmfao. they also together circle around the delanceys when they're shoving crutchie around.

^something i've noticed every time but only now clocked as intentional: race's cap is the only one, out of everyone's, that has a ripped seam at the brim. it's frayed, it's been there a while, it's intentional as hell. this kid's a fighter, and he's literally rough around the edges. love it SO much omfg

another fun thing about this race: he. fucking. does. not. like. davey. for the entirety of act 1.

"hoi poloi" is mean. he says it at davey instead of around him to the boys at the circulation center. tbh the newsies in general give davey a sort of sus once-over when he mentions having a mother, but race is leading that charge and like... not for laughs exactly?? idk it felt like more at davey's expense.

race gets fucking pissed at "well if you look, and see brooklyn, then they're with us!" he pushes davey's chest and says either "don't be smart with me/right now." I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS. it is everything to me– it shows how short race's temper can be when he's stressed, pushing it onto davey– because davey got them all into this, didn't he? so what right does he have to make jokes right now, especially about brooklyn, whose backing would ensure that davey's idea of the strike wouldn't get all of them beat into the ground? (because. let's face it. of course race is going to blame davey and not jack.)

while davey is singing his piece of seize the day, race confers with jack, and (this staging was sooo good for woodside last night) points at les, who is standing right in the window between where race and jack are standing a ways away from the kid. like a "why the fuck did he bring the kid here". race definitely thinks that davey doesn't understand who's really at stake here, which is so.. protective<3.

king of new york is like a mini arc for them. at the top of the song, daveys still at the center table, race is there too, and like. he punches davey's arm. of which davey is literally like "ow", and then rubs at it through... half the whole song. what's funny abt him getting hit then is that he sings his lyrics pretty soon after, so it's like a literal push from race to get more involved (since they're the only two leaders left). as davey does get more involved, messing around with les and involving him w/ the rest of the boys, race warms up to him a lot more and their last time near each other, race gives him a smile and ruffles davey's hat. atta boy, if u will.

i think race's general refusal to trust davey with his boys is just so. fucking sick. race can trust him with the strike inner workings if jack does, crutchie actually is shown talking to davey a lot more than race and trusts him via that, and jack trusts him because jack refuses to leave anyone even remotely like his boys behind (and he recognizes they need someone like him if they want to succeed). the four of them r so. intimate to me.

but. what is also quite fascinating to me.

is that everything i've said so far about the lack of trust, the hot-headed nature, the protectiveness... y'all know who we usually 'assign' those traits to, right?

spot. conlon.

like this race is like.. if 92sies spot was in the musical..mixed w/ 92sies race LMFAO!! and you fuckin know what? i loved him for it. i have always loved characters like that, i think they're fun, very... greaser vibed, hard-hitting, etc. this spot is almost more ready to hit than protect, and the holding out on the strike therefore seems like manhattan/jack needs to prove himself to brooklyn vs. spot having to look after their newsies first.

anyway yes congratulations to uksies racer for making me enjoy the character again!!!

FUN FACT: earlier this week, someone was. literally on their laptop during. the fucking show. in richmond, which is p close to the stage. so during one of his exits, he went up to the person and said like "close your laptop. that's fucking disgusting." josh>

[yakumtsaki]

-Welcome to my ancestral Greek House, darling! -Oh baby it's so beautiful, huhu!🌞

I don't wanna know where the fuck you lived before, Meadow, but yes, we have arrived, part 1 here. And now it's time to christen our new household:

Perfect! Cheerleader Kea why are you here?

-Are those Sophito's kids?

They sure are.

-Wow, really dodged a bullet there.

You sure did.

-NOT ONLY DID I LOSE THE INAUGURAL FIGHT I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO ASPIRATION FAILURE

Wtf do you want me to do about it?

-YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT

NO WAY

-YES

NO

-YES

I can't say no to my sims, it's an actual problem. HELLO GUNNAR, I HATE YOU

-Don't talk to him that way!!! -Nah it's fine, no worries, bro. Wanna get down?

GROSS. Barth seriously, please, WE CAN DO BETTER

-Can you? They seem perfectly matched to me!

Felina will you please fuck off?

-Can't, Meadow got me super into bird watching.

At night in the rain??

-Ok busted, I just wanna watch Barfolomew flop yet again!

HE'S NOT GONNA FLOP. THERE'S NO WAY HE FLOPS WITH FUCKING GUNNAR

-Wanna bet?

STOP IT

S T O P . I T .

NO WAY

BARTHOLOMEW YOU ARE THE WORST ROMANCE SIM OF ALL TIME HOLY HELL

-What you doing, bro?! -You said you wanted to get down! -I meant drugs! -What! That's not what that means, you stupid turtle-faced moron! -WHAT DID YOU CALL ME

Bartholomew if you end up getting beaten up by fucking Gunnar Roque I will legit die.

-That's so hot, bro, call me more names!

GUNNAR WTF

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME, GUNNAR YOU WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM GO BACK TO THAT

-Oh Gunnar, in my family we value the exquisite Komei jaw, there's something so rebellious in your lack of chin! -Ya, call me a turtle again!

GOD

OK THEN, we are officially turtle lovers. Bartholomew let me tell you, I caved this time because of your pathetic aspiration but this is NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN. I've worked hard to make you people attractive and I'm not about to throw it all away on Gunnar Roque's spawn!!!

-Maybe we'll be childfree!

I'll do you one better, how about Gunnarfree! Now Gunnar fuck off back to the gutter you crawled from. -Sure thing, bro, later. -You can't keep us apart!

I CAN AND I WILL

Jojo's wolf mania has clearly inflicted some generational trauma on his family as Barth rolls this fear of Gunnar becoming a werewolf, which would clearly be an improvement on his looks.

-STOP TALKING ABOUT GUNNAR LIKE THAT. Now back to my song.. I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May.. I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? My Gunnar, my Gunnar, my Gunnar, talkin about my Gunnar..🎵

Literally kill me.

-You know what my favorite thing is about our relationship, darling? -What, huhu?🌞 -The way we both have appropriately sized chins!

Fel seriously why are you like this, what did I ever do to you??

-OH, LIKE YOU DON'T REMEMBER!

Remember WHAT

-THE WAY YOU JUST STOOD BY AND LET BARF RUIN MY PARTY

Are you serious, you're still not over that bs??

-I'LL NEVER GET OVER IT. AND WHEN THOSE CHINLESS BABIES ARE BORN YOU'LL HAVE GOTTEN WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!

Well screw you, I won't let that happen! I'll find someone else for Barth!! Someone who has a chin!!!

-IT'S NOT GONNA WORK OUT WITH ANYONE ELSE YOU DUMBASS, THIS IS BARF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

YOU'RE WRONG AND I'LL PROVE IT

-Zat's ein wunderbar eyepatch, Barthölömew, ja? -I HATE YOUR GLASSES. SLEEP WITH ME

-So the funniest thing happened at class today- -YOUR PORES ARE HUGE, YOU NEED MAKE UP. SLEEP WITH ME

-Oh, I knew your parents back in the day! -TERRIBLE HAIRCUT. SLEEP WITH ME

-WAHHH I'LL NEVER HAVE A FAMILY -NO YOU WON'T. I WANT TO BEAT UP MY SISTER. SLEEP WITH ME

Oh my God you are USELESS

-My negging tactics will work, you'll see!

-Soon I'll be the one making out in our front yard!

Ya idk Barth, this is the most pathetic picture of all time. I'm seriously considering cheating and changing your aspiration, like it's unreal how bad you are at it.

-I'm not bad at it, moron, I'm being strategic! Now it's time to invite them over and see my work bear fruit!

God you are so gross, maybe you do belong with Gunnar.

FUCK ME IT WORKED. SARAH WTF

I can't believe this is happening and neither can anyone else by the looks of it-

-YET HERE WE ARE. 2/20 I guess??

-I told you! Stick with me and we'll neg every dormie on this campus!

That's not a goal I want to achieve, Barth!

-See you later, Barth, I'm very satisfied, I'll leave you a 5 star review!

Now that I'm thinking about it, between Gunther, Cyn, Sophito and Barth we've really been operating a Greek House/Brothel for 4 gens, go us!

I'm still having a hard time believing Barth is actually good at being a romance sim, especially because Sarah has been completely desperate ever since Cyn stole evil wizard Matthew Hart from her, so I immediately invite over Sam Thomas-

-AND IT WORKS AGAIN THO GLITCHED. WTF. Ok Barth so I guess you actually ARE competent?? Who knew.

-I knew! I always believed in Barth!

GET OUT OF HERE SUNSET

And now, time for a tragedy in 3 parts:

So next day I'm feeling confident enough that we invite over Klara, my top pick for Barth spouse and she is INTO him, let's do this, Barth!!!

SUNSET

-Heeeeeeeeey Barth, what's up?🥰 -Ich habe urgent hömewörk das dö.

KLARA DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING THEM ALONE

-Congrats on your great first semester grades, Sunset! -Wanna congratulate me on my first kiss, too? -What?

OK THEN FML I GUESS. I mean I knew this would happen the day he brought her home from school and they were dancing for like 4h but still it's very upsetting.

Let's figure out the degree of relation here so we know how grossed out we should be, so they are connected through Daniel-Jojo. So her grandfather and his great-grandfather were brothers, which makes them 2nd cousins once removed. It honestly doesn't sound THAT bad, but I think the word 'removed' is really doing the heavy lifting here.

Anyway, we took a small break to kiss our cousin, now let's go back to our date with our future wife!

-Are you enjoying this magical slow dancing in the kitchen, babe? It's a move my dad taught me. -Ja, ich was here to see your höe vater.

Oh right didn't Klara turn down Sophito LOL. But his even more degenerate son she couldn't resist, Klara wtf!

-Just give me 1 second babe, I'll be right with you-

OH MY GOD COME ON. POOR KLARA

-Sorry, Klar, this is lasting longer than expected, why don't you put a movie on and hang out? -Ja, ök.

KLARA

-All done babe, come here! -Ohöhö! -Blood is thicker than water, Klara!

SUNSET FFS

B R O

Klara I can't believe this title goes to you of all people but you are without a doubt the biggest cuck we've ever encountered, I am legit shocked by this sequence of events.

-5/20 IN 2 DAYS. AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS A FLOP ROMANCE SIM. EVERYONE DID. EVEN MY GRANDMAS MADE FUN OF ME. WELL I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!!

Great! Barth is at 5/20 woohoos and I'm at 2/2 for supervillain origin stories this gen, it's all working out!

[parisofpeoplez]

Taylor Swift and Vienna Eras Tour

So, Eras Tour Wembley Night 2 just happened and I am sad

I am sad and I am upset and I am also happy for all of the Swifties who got the chance to attend but I am so upset that I had one chance to see Taylor and that was taken away from me, and thousands of other swifties...

And I'm seeing other swifties defending Taylor and her team, and being so insensitive and mean to the Vienna fans and I'm just in shock. Everyone moved on from this so quickly and the Vienna fans are still trying to deal with the immense sadness that we're all feeling.

I'm hurt. Hurt that she didn't even acknowledge the Vienna cancellations in any way whatsoever. She didn't have to state the reason, just an acknowledgement to show that her fans are seen, that she cares about them. Just that would have been enough for us.

And no, I'm not being an entitled person asking for my favourite artist, the only artist whose music I've listened to for YEARS, to atleast tell me that she was looking forward to performing for us. She isn't answerable to us but she is a celebrity with millions of fans who support her and stand by her no matter what. So no I'm not entitled in asking 1% of that support back from her.

Years of dreaming about going to a Taylor concert and this was my first chance. I was supposed to put on my eras tour outfit, wear the jewellery I bought for the concert, anticipate the outfit changes and surprise songs, scream fuck the patriarchy with 50k fans, scream the cruel summer bridge, cry. What do I do now?

Even if she couldn't say anything, a surprise song for us in the Wembley concert would have been nice. Just one song.

I'm just hurt and sad and upset and I haven't been able to listen to her songs ever since the cancellations. I can't bear to look at the concert videos. Yet I open them like a glutton for punishment. Idk what to do. She's been my favorite artist for so long. Her songs brought me comfort when I moved to a new country. And now those very songs hurt me. It hurts and I hate this feeling and I hate that I'm not even seen. I'm just another person who spent money on her.

In the grand scheme of shitty things happening in the world right now, my problem is very much a first world problem. Sometimes I feel so stupid thinking these thoughts. I just want to move on from these feelings. But I don't know how to process these emotions. If anyone has any tips please feel free to share.

[wrongcaitlyn]

very random question but what do you think is "THE" nico lyric in tyt? like, the one that would go trending in those tiktoks that are just someone lying down sad or stuff (idk if im explaining myself, i mean like this) or like the lyric 90% of angels have tattooed?

also i need you to know that my mind has been occupied w the idea of sadie, alex and nico winning best new artist, best alt album and aoty at the same grammys awards (graveyard, tgw and alex fierro would all be released in time for the same grammys, right? idk im so bad w this stuff) for the past week. (i feel bad for thinking abt nico on a grammys setting but hey he mentioned assisting on chapter 18 and i need him to have a healing positive experience /nf)

OKAY OKAY SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND BC I HAD TO PROPERLY THINK ABOUT IT THIS IS IMPORTANT

my first instinctual thought is "always an angel, never a god" which i do think is definitely one of THE lyrics. like. everyone knows it. it's everything to the fandom. it's everything to nico. i honestly think that lyric sums up nico's lyricism in general so well like??

but that was only recently released, so im gonna choose a lyric from each album,,, just bc i can

for haunted, the forever underrated album, i think it'd either have to be from long sleeves, the fandom favorite, or for symbolism, "i'm your ghost right now your house is haunted" from i know it won't work. for long sleeves i think it's less so of a standout lyric, more just a standout song, but also "it's been a long time coming" just fits a lot of different scenarios... very healing acceptance sorta vibes

then from doomsday, i don't think there's necessarily a lyric that i feel like a lot of people would get tattooed, but i DO think that this is me trying is like. THE song from that album. i think it's just such an easy song to resonate with, especially in nico's depressed as hell fandom. so this one is less so they have a tattoo of it and more so they have a wallpaper with the quote "i've been having a hard time adjusting, had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting" bc yk that'll always hit hard. and also "you're a flashback in a film reel" which is soooooo

then for future albums... no spoilers okay but im just gonna count them in my head. 2 from nda4. 1 from nda5. 3 from nda6. 6 from nda7.

but final final answer: always an angel, never a god

(also this has me cackling thinking about people who may have gotten tattoos in relation to apollo in the past, and he's just like. wiping all of that from existence. well not LITERALLY but like he's making it very very clear that anyone who supports all his old music is a shithead and so you've got old fans being like shit shit shit)

and then OH MY GOD??sdLFKJSDF THAT WOULD BE SO FUN AGHHSDFJSD you have actually just made me realize that. yes. they will be in the same eligibility period... for some reason i was convinced that graveyard was a year before tgw and alex's self-titled so that's like... WOAH. THEY'RE ACTUALLY COMING SO SOON?? i write down these dates in my outline and im like haha yea that's months away and then like. its actually coming soon. anyway im not entirely sure if alex's will make the cut (as in, i think i may have been planning on him releasing it in fall of 2020, which would be past the eligibility period,,,, but then the thought of them all being nominated for stuff..... god thats so excitingskdljf)

unfortunately i do have some plans for like which albums/people will be winning things, HOWEVER... i will definitely be excited to write the 2021 grammys bc. grammys shenanigans with the iconic trio. love them sm.

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

Ok so this is the canon au sick Cyno concept i was chewing on yesterday - and even if it doesn’t become a fic I love the thought

so! Tighnari is leaving the main city for the day, I’m assuming to go back to the forest ? (Idk how this part will work with them being in school but regardless It doesn’t matter point is nari is in the city lol) and he happens to catch a glimpse of Cyno…leaving the bimarstan..

tighnari is a little taken aback cuz he knows cyno would never willingly go and so he goes after him, only to find him pale faced and looking seconds from passing out. When Cyno sees him he’s overcome with relief and almost just collapses then and there.

now this is where my mind goes two different directions fully. 1. Cyno got injured on a Matra or Marta training related mission, and because he was with the others he was all but forced to go to the bimarstan. Maybe it was over crowded that day, full of crying and the smell of blood and antiseptic sprays and it just was far too triggering. Maybe he sees something specific that reminds him of his past and he’s pale faced cuz he’s seconds away from throwing up everywhere from panic and trauma alone. Not to mention depending on what injury he sustained it would make sense he’d be feeling nauseous in general. Tighnari finds him and is concerned and confused, does Cyno pass out? Does he puke? Both? Neither? Either way I imagine Cyno clings to nari and just wants to go with him, to wherever it’s safe. And nari ofc wants to double triple check that Cyno is truly okay (maybe Cyno continues to feel unwell and tighnari is too concerned to just send him back to his apt)

2. Cyno was on a mission to rescue some students. Students who are in the same school that Tighnari is a part of (I forget the name) maybe the mission fails and they are too late, and instead they are tasked with taking the unrecognizable remains back to the bimarstan. Maybe Cyno hasn’t seen tighnari in a few days but remembers him mentioning that he was working on something special. Maybe because the bodies aren’t recognizable when he over hears a random student asking “has anyone seen Tighnari recently” cyno im his exhaustion begins to panic and think of the worst. Maybe because of his newer status as a Matra and the fear and guilt of this mission gone wrong, and being in this hospital he just slowly and quietly begins to panic. Leaving the place feeling sick to his stomach (maybe he also ate something bad idk) and just…on his way to confirm nari is alive. He knows jes being irrational but maybe this is the first time he’s seen that many disfigured bodies of students like him. And the thought that I could be nari- of all people…so you can imagine when tighnari pops up right in front him while he’s half ready to dry heave in an alley he practically feels like he’s seen a ghost. And from there it’s the same song and dance of Cyno needed some extra medical and emotional help from the one person who makes him feel human

Okay these are absolutely BRILLIANT, and if it's okay with you I need to incorporate at least one of them into the Akademiya Days series 👀

Argh, I'm late finally responding to this, but I've been thinking about these ideas nonstop since I first read this ask and!! I'm absolutely obsessed!! I don't even know where to start!!

Tighnari's immediate concern for seeing Cyno at the Bimarstan, that immediate dread of "if he willingly went there, it's got to be really bad" or "he must have so much anxiety right now" and he immediately abandons wherever he was heading to run over and check that Cyno is okay. And just Cyno's utter relief at seeing Tighnari, like a weight lifts off his shoulders!

I can't decide which concept I like more, because these are both absolutely brilliant.

We either have a really injured Cyno who just had so many horrible memories resurfacing, and he just needs to sit down because he's so pale faced and lightheaded. He's shaking and he doesn't even know if it's because he's in pain or because he's on the verge of having an anxiety attack. I can see Tighnari either deciding "right, you're coming home with me" because he definitely wants to look after Cyno and he thinks getting him out of the city and to somewhere he feels safe will help him a lot mentally. Or Tighnari decides to just cancel his other plans immediately to go back to Cyno's apartment with him to look after him and take care of him.

Or we have properly traumatized Cyno who's suddenly questioning his decision to become a matra because he's just been so shaken up by what he just saw. He's already in the clutches of so many horrific memories from just being at the Bimarstan, and now he's been faced with the severed body parts of students like him and, even worse, like Tighnari. And his stomach is just suddenly in his throat and he has to excuse himself to hurry outside before he starts dry heaving. He's half panicking, really nauseous, and just so ashamed, but more than anything he just needs to know Tighnari is okay and- suddenly Tighnari is right there in front of him and asking if he's okay, and relief is so immense that Cyno has to puke in the nearest flowerbed.

These are absolutely fantastic argh!! I really want to write them!!

[urgrossdaughter]

You haven’t watched the latest episodes of doctor who??? I’m disappointed :(( I watched them as soon as they came out, I can only hope it gets better :’) I’m enjoying this new season, it’s not as great as the early ones though. Who is your favourite doctor?

The last doctor who i watched was upto the last episode with peter capaldi, and that was 1-2 yrs ago :( i tried to watch the ones after that but its just like, it got too difficult 😭 even the ones with capaldi were difficult because it jhst became so modernised and obviously thats expected but still idk😭😭 i just like the cosy vibes of doctor who and then suddenly it felt like fluorescent lights. Yk?

I'll definitely watch the new seasons once i rewatch bbc version upto capaldi since u say u like them!!!

Fav doctor is like asking me my favourite book or movie😭😭 i love christopher eccleston and david tennant and matt smith those are my FAVVVVVS. I cannot choose between them. Ah no yeah no i cant choose. Can you choose? Id love to know ur favourite doctor and why!!!!! AND WHOS UR FAVOURITE COMPANION.

My favourite honestly id say sarah jane smith possibly purely because i knew her character from her spin off show and i thought she was such a badass and then seeing how she reminisces and continued her sci fi saving stuff WITHOUT the doctor- that was amazinf and brave!!

But if im looking at just the companions I've actually watched, cus i havent watched the old seasons, lol. I would sayyy Amy because shes so like multifaceted and i love that. She loves rhe doctor but she loves rory but he doesnt get her as much but she still loves him and she loves the doctor but shes so loyal to rory and she feels so strongly and she wants to be so MUCH and i know these traits are all in the other companions too but i love how it is expressed with amy! How she doesn't reallt get everything, and she gets a tragic but loving ending. And i mean, fish fingers and custard! A delicacy whicj couldn't have come about if the 11th doctor didnt have wrird cravinfs at her house. I love rose too. I also love clara but shes bottom of the list and i cant wrap my mind around why exactly. But yeah.

WAIT NO DONNA IS MY FAVOURITE. SHE DIDNT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND WAS HIS ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AND THE DOCTOR DONNA SONG

Oh my god. Im reallt showing my nerd side rn why did i write a fucking essay🧍🏽‍♀️ im still posting it

[greenandhazy]

okay this is random but I find it really funny how neatly my favorite MDZS/CQL ships fit into a very distinct pattern and I got curious about, like, broader fandom opinions.

So. there are TWO instances in canon where you have a trio of people--Person A is widely considered to be very kind and just, and basically his main/only flaw is trusting the wrong people. Person B is his longterm friend, who is a little grumpier/angrier/slightly more judgmental, but also fundamentally good, and equal to him in power (and fairly close in height). Person C is a Villain with a traumatic childhood past marked by rejection and physical injuries, associated with the Wen and later the Jin. He is devoted to(/obsessed with) Person A more so than anyone else in his personal storyline, and he murders Person B via tricky means and conceals that fact from Person A. (And then, depending on the 'verse, C is also then murdered by B's fierce corpse.)

I filtered for the relationships on AO3 and got some fun results. In both cases, the most popular two-person ship from these trios are A/C, followed by A/B, and only then by B/C--although, interestingly, A/B/C is the least popular combination when it comes to 3zun, whereas SongXueXiao is in third place, being more popular than SongXue.

Statistics!! as of 5/26/2023

Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue/Meng Yao:

there are 4,115 fics tagged for Lan Xichen/Meng Yao

if you exclude 3zun as an additional ship tag, that drops to 3,808

92.5% of XiYao fics lack the 3zun tag (which makes it the most "independent" of any of the ships mentioned in this post)

there are 1,969 fics tagged for Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue

if you exclude 3zun, that drops to 1,718

87% of NieLan fics lack the 3zun tag

there are 1,581 fics tagged for Nie Mingjue/Meng Yao

if you exclude 3zun, that drops to 1,286

81% of NieYao fics lack the 3zun tag

in total, there are 1,002 fics tagged for 3zun, compared to 6,812 fics that feature some combination of the three but not all of them, a 6.8 to 1 ratio. (although I didn't filter for fics that featured all three 2-person ship tags without also featuring the 3-person ship tag because... idk, seemed like a pain.)

Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan/Xue Yang:

there are 2,817 fics tagged for Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang

if you exclude SXX, that drops to 2,367

84% of XueXiao fics lack the SXX tag

there are 2,328 fics tagged for Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan

if you exclude SXX, that drops to 1,897

81% of SongXiao fics lack the SXX tag

there are 744 fics tagged for Song Lan/Xue Yang

if you exclude SXX, that drops to 313

42% of SongXue fics lack the SXX tag (which makes it the least "independent" of any of these ships by a LOT. XiYao is only 8% ahead of the next most-independent ship, while SongXue is 39% behind the next most-dependent ships.)

in total, there are 1,015 fics tagged for SXX, compared to 4,577 fics that feature various combinations between them, a 4.5 to 1 ratio.

I think it's really interesting looking at the ways these break down similarly and differently! like, for 3zun, there is a VERY big gap between the most popular pairing and the second most popular one, with 2nd and 3rd place being very close, whereas for SongXueXiao, there is a muuuuch narrower margin between between the two most popular ships, and then the greatest gap is between the second-most-popular duo and the least popular duo.

I also think it's noteworthy that I've been in fandom for half my life and have never managed to have the strongest feelings about the most popular ships for my favorite characters lol, but there's no fun statistics for that.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

the way i thought hobi and taehyung will show the most support to jm during face and here comes taehyung with his closed mouth. I saw pjms saying thanks to him for letting jm see armys on his fanmeet but the way taehyung made me disappointed I'll never ever go back to liking this guy like never. He's there jm's bandmate and that's it. I don't care if jm loves him he's never gonna be same for me. Once i thought vmin were defination of soulmate but the way he behaved during face??? Nope, never, nada. I did got emotional yesterday seeing his bald head but that's that and I have that sympathy for all the humans no matter the person.

He has made it very clear that he's close with his wooga, jk and hobi and that's it. I just know they were having conflicts and somehow it got fine during the time jm went to his music show (the only one who showed some public support to him maybe apart from his wooga idk what they did but I'm sure they must have done something). I can bet my kidney that of jm didn't go to his music show he would have NOT asked jm to come to his fanmeet. i have Hardly ever been wrong about jm i just know that's how it was or would have been. Imagine being this selfish. This is why i wish jm drifts from those two cause They're just undeserving of his friendship his love and his support.

"I did got emotional yesterday seeing his bald head" I'm sorry this made me laugh

I've mentioned this when JK and Taehyung released their albums: JK and Taehyung never went anywhere to support Jimin, they didn't show up for him. Jimin was actually the one who showed up for both of them. He made his social media posts, and also was physically supporting them during a few of their activities. He's always been the one keeping both friendships afloat, and this year was just further proof of that, for me. In fact, JK ignored like crazy even existed until he had to do his own promo; same as Taehyung who only mentioned like crazy when he released his album.

I don't think he invited Jimin only because he went to the music show. That could've been his reasoning, but in my opinion he invited Jimin because he was the only one available. I'm sure he would've asked Jungkook to go, if Jungkook didn't refuse to involve himself professionaly with the other members.

I also came across this earlier today lmfao. I had forgotten about it.

If it was Jimin, he would've chosen a song from all of the members. Even when he went to the lee mujin show he was like, "Taehyung and Jungkook should come here since they have nice voices. Yoongi too". And Yoongi doesn't even sing... bffr Jimin!!

During some suchwita episode, Yoongi said that they went to celebrate Jungkook's bb #1, but none of them ever mentioned anything about celebrating Jimin's. Around those days, they got together because Jin was in leave if I recall correctly? But it's like... Jimin posted a photo at Hoseok's release party, then at Jungkook's release party; a couple with Namjoon while he was filming his stuff last year. He was publicly seen at Lolla, NYC, Taehyung's music show. There is factual, definite proof that he was cheering them on and happy for them in almost every step of the way. Meanwhile we had to assume, we had to imagine that some of them congratulated him. We should assume, we should imagine that they also went to dinner to celebrate his #1.

And it's like... the people want FACTS..! I was never one to assume that the things I believe to be true, are the reality. I don't want to imagine, I don't care to imagine that something nice is going on. I need to know that it's happening.

[likeadevils]

I know we stopped we controversial opinions a few days ago, but I was taking a break from tumblr 😞

idk how controversial this is, but I think question…? is a precursor of ttpd in terms of muse layering. I don’t think that the ootw references were there just as a chronological indicator for the events of the songs, I think they clearly point out at Harry, but I also think that the song has shades of Matty because I think that in her mind, and you can see that in the songs about Matty before the anger about him settled in, that Harry and Matty were similar in her mind

i stopped because my computer broke down and copy/pasting the format on mobile was murder BUT computer is back!

rating system:

is it rare?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with swifties? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with normies? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

do i agree with it? . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

additional thoughts: i've seen this floated! definitely a contender in the "if a pre-ttpd song is about matty" conversation. the normie score is the only thing i'm going back and forth on, but i think it would be controversial to low-information swifties? cause it does sample ootw. so the normies here represent low information swifties more than like, your mom who knows shake it off and wanegbt and thats pretty much it.

question is one of the songs that i can see a good argument for being about matty. personally, i lean towards harry more for vibe reasons? like (with the current available information) matty seemed all in in 2014, whereas harry was sorta wishy washy the whole time they dated. and question reflects a state of hesitation leading to taylor walking away-- kissing in a crowded room is a point of tension for him, he's sneaking out in the middle of the night, etc. from what i've seen with matty, that dynamic was flipped-- after they broke it off, a big complaint he would return over and over to is how secretive he had to be about the whole thing.

there's also "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" is just mean when it's about matty (again, with the public information). the conclusions i draw from how they interacted in 2014 is matty was way more into her then she was into him, she got spooked by that (and the drug addiction), so she left him, and then he spent seven years floating in her orbit trying to win her back-- to my count he made public comments about wanting to work with her and/or talk to her again in 2015, 2016, 2018 if you count the journal about dating popstars thing, 2019, and 2020, before finally reconnecting in 2021. in the context of matty, "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" means "i left you after you said you loved me, and you're still not over me", whereas with harry it's "i left because getting slut-shamed for dating a man who won't even say he loves me was to much, and then we spent the next three years trying no contact and then getting back together with each other cause neither of us could stop thinking about the other." like, the harry read is petty, the matty read is cruel. and that's not to say taylor can't be cruel (i actually really hate when swifties argue that taylor COULDN'T have done x because that's MORALLY WRONG), but unless more evidence comes to light, i'm gonna assume petty.

send me your controversial opinions and i'll rate them