#or whatever problem his murder gremlin brings home to deal with

[thatorigamiguy]

Toothbrush

Jaune was quietly working away at some notes in his hands, researching better ways to refine his fighting style when he felt a sudden weight on his left shoulder. A smile formed on his face as he looked up to see Neo sitting on his shoulder with her usual smug smile on her face.

Jaune: “Oh hey your back! You get all of your errands done that you needed to do for Roman?

She nodded her head in response, though she put her hand to her head before leaning back in feigned exasperation before letting out long suffering sigh.

Jaune: “All boring work huh? Well at least your done for the day, so that's something right?”

Neo shook her head side to side in a “fair enough” gesture, before giving Jaune an actual sincere smile as she leaned down to pecked a quick kiss on the top of his head. Jaune's smile widened at the gesture, before he went to ask her one last question.

Jaune: “Oh, did you get the thing I asked for?”

Neo rolled her eyes, as if to say “Of course I did, who do you take me for?” before hopping down from his shoulder and presenting his requested item with a flourish: two double packets of toothbrushes.

Neo: (Signing) Grabbed them on the way home. You know babe, I'm not usually one to do anything for free, but I'll make an exception just this once.

Jaune ignored her remark, she always said the same thing every time he asked for a favor and he typically paid in back with ice cream, before grabbing the packets out of her hand.

Jaune: “Perfect! Thanks Neo, you're the absolute best!”

Neo: Of course I'm the best, no need to state the obvious Jaune.

Jaune rolled his eyes at her response, before planting his own kiss on her forehead. She giggled in response to his affection, a feeling of warmth bubbling through her as her eyes rapidly shifted colors.

Jaune: “Well, I definitely owe you for going out of your way to buy toothbrushes for me. Give me a few minutes and we'll got get a bowl from downtown, how does that sound.”

Neo was already nodding in agreement, before she paused with a confused look on her face.

Neo: ...Buy? What do you mean buy?

Jaune shot her his own confused look.

Jaune: “You know, buying these toothbrushes for me?”

Neo looked at him blankly, her eyes slowly shifting colors as she tried to comprehend what he was saying as the two stared each other down.

Jaune: “...Neo. Did you steal toothbrushes?”

Neo: Uuuuh... yeah?

Jaune gaped for a moment, before giving her a very unimpressed look.

Jaune: “Seriously Neo? Toothbrushes?”

Neo: What? You thought I was going to actually pay for them? Come one Jaune, I'm a thief by trade, of course I was going to steal them!

Jaune: “You used a highly developed set of skills to steal, of all the things in the world, 'toothbrushes'? Look, I get that you and Roman are criminal masterminds and that I'm not exactly innocent either, but toothbrushes?”

Neo: (Glaring) Hey, get off my ass about it! So what if I stole some toothbrushes, big fucking deal! And why are you complaining about what I steal? I stole us a couple PlayStation Fives last week and you weren't complaining then!

Jaune: “That's because one is a 500 Lien console that's nearly next to impossible to get without sacrificing a newborn child, and the other a couple packets of toothbrushes that cost two lien a pop, at best! Neo, that is literally comparing apples to oranges, and besides, stealing petty shit like toothbrushes? That's small time stuff Neo! That's what amateurs and two-bit crooks do to get by, not professional thieves! You're better than that!”

Neo gaped at Jaune, before flushing as she really thought about it. Okay, maybe stealing toothbrushes was an absolute waste of her talents, and she really can't flex on people when there's nothing to be recognized. Finally, she threw her hands up in a huff, before shooting Jaune with another glare.

Neo: Okay fine! So stealing them was below me, what do you want me to do about it?

Jaune quirked a brow at her question, before crossing his arms as he gave her a very stern look.

Jaune: “Simple: You're going to return them, and then buy them.”

Jaune was met with another blank stare, before Neo's eyes shifted into an angry looking red.

Neo: THE FUCK I AM!

But Jaune stood his ground, his stern expression not wavering as he stared down the angry shortstack in front of him.

Jaune: “Oh Yes, you are.”

Neo: Oh no, I'm not!

Jaune: “Oh Yes, you are!”

Neo: OH NO, I'M NOT!

Jaune: “OH YES, YOU ARE!”

Neo: OH NO I'M-!”

                                               =============

Cashier: (Smiling) “And your total with come out to four lien and twenty-five cents! Will that be in Lien or Card?”

Jaune returned the cashiers smile with his own, before gently nudging a scowling Neo into handing over the five lien in bill in her hand. The glare she shot his way could have melted steel, but Jaune merely gave her an expectant look in response. Their brief stare down lasted only a second, before Neo looked away in a huff as she all but shoved the bill into the cashiers hand. The Cashier didn't even falter once at her abrasive attitude, quickly opening and opening the register as she produced change for the odd couple.

Cashier: “and here's is your change sir, and I hope the two of you have a great day!”

Jaune: “Thanks, you too!”

Neo: You fucking suck, you know that right?

Jaune: “Keep up the attitude, and I'll skip out on buying us ice cream altogether.”

Neo winced, before looking up at Jaune with a pout.

Neo: Jerkface.

Jaune merely rolled his eyes in response, before he picked Neo up and perched her on his shoulder.

Jaune: “I love you too Neo.”

                                            ==============

Jaune wasn't disappointed in the fact that Neo stole, it's that she stole way below her expectations and that she should be focused on stealing bigger and better things. So I guess he kind of has his priorities straight, but I'd honestly expect less from the man who stole a fucking military airship. The idea for this entered into my head because the thought of Jaune and Neo arguing over stealing insignificant shit sounded like something that would be completely normal for them argue and banter over and it amused me.

[fictional-orphan-smackdown]

Round 2, match 1!

All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut

Peter Parker/Spiderman (He's from a lot of things)

Orphaned twice over

Both of Peter's parents are dead so he's raised by his aunt and uncle, his uncle dies as part of his origin story. His aunt often dies eventually too, but she may come back depending on continuity (ex. Peter in the comics made a deal with the devil to sacrifice his marriage and child to bring Aunt May back)

It’s Spider-Man guys. Coolest guy ever.

The Baudelaire Orphans (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

The epitome of orphans, they’re the best

“I’m having a very terrible childhood right now”-Klaus

The story deadass begins with them being told that their parents died in a fire and that they're orphans now. They then bounce from guardian to guardian who tend to always meet a gruesome fate at the hands of Count Olaf. Not only have they been orphaned once, but have been orphaned multiple times and are called "The Baudelaire Orphans" by not only characters in the book but by the narrator himself. They're called "The Baudelaire Orphans" so many times that it might as well be a defining character trait of theirs, and honestly it sort've is. The series doesn't even end with them finding a home or guardians of any kind, it ends with the Baudelaires fate being completely ambiguous with them literally sailing away from the island they were stranded on in the final book (yeah this series is quite the journey, I highly suggest it). These poor three kids are probably the most orphaned kids of all time since their orphaned in a new way almost every book and they deserve at least one win in their unfortunate tale.

These guys are like the poster-child of orphaning, we open the series with them finding out that they're orphans and also have no access to their money so now they hop around from place to place from weirdo caretaker to another weird/crazy/murderous caretaker and it's all fun and games and murder and decieving and surviving and thriving and---my point is, these three are a wonderful trio of siblings who love and rely on one another through all their trials and tribulations.

Literally every single one of their problems come from being orphans. They’re continually referred to as orphans and the plot of the first half of the series is them being shuffled around to guardians.

These kids are so orphaned they never even get a found family outside themselves. At least most stories featuring orphaned kids see them fulfill some sorta epic destiny or have them find a new home or set of loved ones of sorts. The Baudelaires? They're thrown from one fucking failure of a home into the next, ignored, hunted, etc.. It's been years but like, even in the end, they still have to set sail alone. As individual characters, they aren't bad either. Violet's the dependable big sister who's knack for inventions comes in handy, Klaus is a well-read chap and Sunny is a lovely gremlin. They make a good trio.

Every single guardian they try to obtain throughout the series turns out to be someone who wants the large inheritance left for them and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

They basically fend for themselves the whole series when no adult will listern to them. The whole series is them being resourceful and clever the whole series despite the misfortune. Violet is a brilliant inventor, Klaus reads and collects knowledge, and Sunny learns to be a good cook over the series

their parents die tragically in a fire and then everything awful proceeds to happen to them

I haven't read these books in years but if any orphans deserve to win a smackdown it's these fools, they are constantly in the trenches in those books goddamn. Also that baby is like a shredder they have that on their side, I think that beast literally solo'd a snake?

(This one was specifically for Klaus, but I'll put it here still) He and his sisters being orphans is kinda the point. As in many books, it's the trigger for them to change lives and navigating hardships. The thing is, their hardships just grow worse and "unfortunate" (read "dreadful") events keep happening to them as they stick together instead of the story getting better. Klaus and Violet become Sunny's subtitute parents and get through their more and more miserable lives together keeping hope things would eventually get better

Arguably more famously orphaned than Bruce Wayne, if not for how their story happens while they’re orphaned children versus an orphaned adult. Definitely have the most famously tragic post-orphaning story. All three are incredibly brilliant in their own way, including the literal baby. Pursued relentlessly by the leader of a maniacal theater troupe and letdown by a slew of adults, so it’s all the more impressive how amazing they each turned out to be. Book series was so good it got turned into a pretty great movie and then a successful TV show years later. Also can’t forget how these three are orphaned repeatedly as the distant relatives who take them in get killed off in increasingly inventive manners. Let’s be honest, ain’t no characters out here orphaning like the Baudelaire orphans.

this series taught me so many cool words and phrases and I love each of the 3 main characters so much

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are peddled from caretaker to caretaker over the course of 13 books, always being chased by the evil Count Olaf who wants to steal the Baudelaire fortune that the children are meant to inherit once they reach a certain age.

Spoilers ahead, the Baudelaires siblings story starts with them going from being the Baudelaire kids to the Baudelaire orphans, after their parents pass away in a mysterious fire. But they arent the only paternal figures that they lost, they go from tutor to tutor, almost all the good ones dying in front of them, and even the ones that survive at first their future is uncertain since the last time the kids see them they are blindfolded in a burnind building, and we never found out who make it out alive and who didnt. Even the main villian, Count Olaf their first tutor, and the only constant adult in their life after their parents death ends up dying in front of them. These three are orphans ten times over.

They are THE orphans. They have lost not only their parents but multiple guardians that they went to live with as well.

They're THE Orphans. The childhood book orphans we all read, Orphans Prime if you will. They lose their parents, every caregiver who's ever kind to them, then say fuck it and live on a deserted island on their own to raise themselves abd fully embrace their orphan status. On the island, they learn their parents survived the shipwreck then died again - double orphaning even.

OH MY SWEET LITTLE CHILDREN THAT FUELED MY LOVE FOR READING AND THE MACABRE Violet- Won her first of many invention competitions when she was five with an automatic rolling pin (comprised of a window shade and six pairs of roller skates). Extremely innovative and genius, foiled by her kindness to others. And she knows how to make a Molotov cocktail. Klaus- Absolute monster of a bibliophile, conducts research for fun, and has a photographic memory. He is known to want nothing more than "a good book, a comfy chair, and the warm glow of a reading lamp". He also is a Herman Melville fan, which is points for him in my book. Sunny- Most people know her only for her penchant for biting, but Sunny is a distinctly distinguished character. She has sharp wit (as long as you can read it through her babbles), her poker skills are phenomenal for a baby, and she has quite the knack for cooking! Also yeah, the teeth. She climbed an elevator shaft with them once.

They are constantly going through it, give these kids a break for real

[sheewolf85]

October Drabbles Day 8 - Haunted House

Characters: Edge, Stretch, OC spirits Pairing: Spicyhoney Rating: M Warnings: typical haunted house shenanigans, spookiness, semi-graphic depiction of a rotting corpse spirit, implied/mention of murder of lesbian couple for both homophobic and racial motives, implied/mention of child murder, rotting spirit is not a child, horror/comedy, more on the horror side with a dash of comedy, Edge isn’t taking anyone’s bullshit.

Find the list of prompts here.  

Read on AO3 here.

When Stretch first moved in with Edge, he was surprised to hear him say that his house was haunted. Stretch would never have taken Edge to be the superstitious type, but to each their own.

He’d spent multiple nights with Edge before and had never experienced anything past groaning pipes and settling floorboards. Once or twice he came across a light he thought he’d turned off that was still on. He could see how things might convince a superstitious person that there were spirits and whatnot around.

He’d been living with Edge now for a month, and still hadn’t come across anything that he couldn’t explain with science. Edge never seemed scared or bothered by anything, but he did ask Stretch rather frequently if he’d had any unsavory experiences when alone in the house.

He hadn’t. Thus far, living with Edge was nothing less than a dream come true. They shared sweet kisses in the morning before Edge went to work, and while Stretch wasn’t fluent in kitchen, he did speak other household chore language. Laundry, for example, became something Stretch actually enjoyed doing.

After two months of living together, something happened that Stretch couldn’t explain.

He’d finally dragged his ass out of bed two hours after Edge left for work, drank a cup of lukewarm coffee, then took a shower. When he pushed the shower curtain aside, the mirror above the sink had fogged up as usual. He stepped out onto the mat and began drying himself off. When he turned to look at the mirror again, something had been written there, smudged through the fogginess to create the word, “LEAVE”.

Stretch stopped short and stared at it for a few silent seconds, a strange sensation that he was being watched tugging at the back of his mind.

Okay. This was okay. It was probably just Red playing tricks on him. He wasn’t upset that Stretch had moved in, as far as Stretch knew, but he was definitely fond of eerie tricks.

Red had taken to the human tradition of Halloween very quickly and had apparently decided that the holiday was created just for his arrival on the surface. He went all out, and the level of douchebaggery in his tricks and pranks increased tenfold this time of year.

So yeah, it was probably just Red.

Stretch shook himself to get rid of the tension still lingering in his bones and wiped the steam from the mirror.

He didn’t bother mentioning it to Edge that night when he got home. Not only did he want to avoid causing an argument between Edge and his brother, he also didn’t want to add fuel to Edge’s belief that his house was haunted.

A week later, something else happened. Stretch was in the basement changing laundry over from the washer to the dryer when he heard distinct footsteps descending the stairs. He even felt the presence of another person in the room with him.

“hey, babe,” he called out, “didn’t know you were coming home early.”

No response.

He turned around only to find the room empty. Okay. Maybe Edge went into Stretch’s lab instead? He made his way into the other room to find the lights off. He switched them on, but that room was empty as well.

Just as he flicked the lightswitch back off, he heard someone skitter across the room behind him. It was almost as if a child ran across the room.  He spun around only to find the room still as empty as it was before.

He swallowed down his fear and took a deep breath. “okay, red, this isn’t funny. you can stop now,” he called out. He went back and finished putting the wet clothes in the dryer. He picked up the hamper full of warm, dry clothes and turned to take it back upstairs when he felt a rush of air as if someone had just run past him. Not a second later, rapid footsteps ran up the stairs.

Stretch was facing the stairs. He could see them clearly, and there was no one there.

Not even Red could have pulled that off.

With a shudder, Stretch clutched the basket closer to himself and hurried up the stairs. He turned on Netflix while he folded clothes and slowly calmed himself down. There was an explanation for what he experienced; he just wasn’t sure what it was yet.

Going back downstairs later to retrieve the next load of dry clothes was full of tension, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. Stretch laughed at himself when he made it back upstairs. Perhaps he was just tired.

Once again, he chose not to say anything to Edge when he got home that evening. Edge didn’t ask, either, and so they went about their night as usual.

Over the next few weeks, Stretch began to experience more bizarre things that he couldn’t explain. Things he was sure he put away were out again. Lights he knew for a fact that he’d turned off were suddenly back on. The water in the shower would suddenly change temperature, become either scalding or freezing, and more than once Stretch nearly dusted himself tripping trying to avoid the spray while simultaneously trying to turn it off. Interestingly, it never happened when he and Edge showered together.

After the third ruined shower, Stretch finally decided he needed to bring it up with Edge.

“hey, babe?” he asked one night at dinner.

Edge looked at him and hummed. “Yes?”

“so, random question, but does the water in the shower ever just...randomly change on you?”

Edge raised a brow. “Change, as in what?”

Shifting in his seat, Stretch wondered how he was going to explain this. Edge might not believe him if it never happened to him. But then, it wasn’t like the shower was targeting him specifically.

“like the temperature. a couple times now it’s gotten really hot or really cold all of a sudden. i almost fell out of the tub last time it happened.” He speared a piece of asparagus and nibbled on the end of it.

“When was the last time it happened? And how many times has it happened?”

“uh...last time was yesterday, and it’s happened three times now.”

Edge nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

Stretch took a drink of water to swallow the fear he knew now was irrational. Edge could seem angry when he was actually only concerned.

“i didn’t know it was a big deal. i’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. And no, it hasn’t happened to me. Not in a long while.” He sighed and tapped his fingers against the table, looking deep in thought. “I’ll go down and check the water heater after dinner.”

Stretch nodded. “okay. thanks, babe.”

Well, at least Edge didn’t seem to think it was part of the haunting.

After dinner, as he’d said, Edge went down to the basement to check on the water heater while Stretch put leftovers away and generally cleaned up after dinner as best he could without using water.

When Edge came back up, he pulled Stretch into a hug and kissed the side of his skull.

“I think I fixed the problem, love. It shouldn’t bother you again, but please let me know if it does.”

Stretch nodded and gave Edge a proper kiss before going back to cleaning. Edge helped him with the dishes and in no time at all the kitchen was once again spotless.

Whatever Edge had done seemed to fix the shower issue, but it seemed other, even stranger things began to happen at a much quicker pace than before.

While watching Netflix a few days later, the channel suddenly changed to one playing some horror movie involving ghosts and demons. Stretch wasn’t big on those kinds of movies. Even if he didn’t believe in them, he could still get spooked by them.

He changed the channel back, but only a few minutes later it flipped over again. The third time it happened was when Stretch turned the TV off altogether and went to read a book instead, all the while feeling like he was being watched. If he didn’t know for a fact that Red was in a different country at the moment, he would have blamed the whole thing on that gremlin.

He briefly wondered just how far they were capable of teleporting. A few miles at most was Stretch’s limit, but Red had pushed his limits time and again growing up in Underfell. He could probably go longer distances, but across a whole entire ocean was probably still pushing it.

He was probably just being paranoid. The remote had been sitting next to him; maybe he sat on it wrong or something.

Or maybe Edge was right and his house was haunted.

No, that wasn’t even possible.

Stretch maintained his belief that it wasn’t possible even after seeing shadows out of the corner of his sockets when he was home alone, hearing whispers when in his lab while Edge was at work, more footsteps and floors creaking and nearly getting pushed over by some unseen force while vacuuming.

Whatever the fuck was going on, it wasn’t a haunting, and Stretch was going to find a way to live with it because he was not moving away from Edge. Not a chance in hell.

--------------------------------------

He had been living with Edge for a full six months when it happened.

Stretch couldn’t say he would ever get used to seeing a flash of another face in the mirror behind him when brushing his teeth before bed. It had happened more than five times already, and each time left him feeling vulnerable in a soul-deep sort of way, as if whatever he’d seen was more than his sleepiness and imagination playing tricks on him.

That night, however, the face behind him was more than just a flash. It lingered, and the longer Stretch stared, frozen by shock and terror, the more it came into crystal clear focus.

The face was human, feminine, and half decayed. One eyeball was missing, dark red slime seeping down her cheek and partially into her slack mouth. Dark hair was stringy and mussed up as if she’d been dragged through something terrible.

She seemed to be standing behind him and just slightly to the left. She wore a nightgown that somehow seemed to have once been white but was now covered in blood and dirt.

Stretch finally managed to close his eyes and held them shut tightly while he counted to ten. When he opened them again, she would be gone. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then opened his sockets.

She was still there. Only this time, her hands, one finger bent unnaturally to the side, hovered over his shoulders.

Fuck. Okay. This was normal, right? Normal for someone who hadn’t slept well for a few nights. He just needed to make sure he got some better rest tonight. He’d have to tell Edge they could only go three rounds tonight.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something pale shift slightly just as the image in the mirror reached forward. He jumped and turned, expecting it to be something silly he was about to laugh at. Instead, he scrambled back out of pure terror when the woman from the mirror was actually behind him, standing--no, floating a few feet off the ground--there with her good eye going pale and her mouth dripping with blood.

“Holy motherfucking shitballs!” he screamed out as he tumbled backward and fell on his ass next to the bathtub. He pushed himself back, limbs flailing, until he was against the wall, all the while shrieking as whatever the fuck he was seeing began gurgling like it was trying to talk through a puddle of water.

Suddenly the door flung open and the woman disappeared.

“Stretch? What happened? Are you okay?” Edge knelt down beside him, his eye lights bright crimson pin pricks. “Are you hurt?”  He reached out to feel around Stretch’s arms and back, probably searching for anything painful.

“i saw… i think i saw... what the fuck did i just see, edge? what was that? that wasn’t real, right? i was hallucinating, right?” He realized as Edge carefully felt along his spine that he was shaking like an excited chihuahua.

“I don’t know, love. Can you describe what you thought you saw?”

Stretch hissed when Edge felt around his lower back where he’d landed when he fell. Edge immediately softened his touch before finally helping Stretch to stand up.

“uh… i don’t know… a woman? but not like… not really human? i don’t fucking know, dammit.” Stretch squeezed his sockets shut and leaned into Edge, grateful when his arms held him tightly. “i don’t think i’ve ever been that scared. not since we got up here. not since... but that wasn’t the same. i was numb then. i’m not numb now.”

He was crying, Stretch realized. Properly crying and rambling like an idiot. He sniffled and finally managed to wrap his arms around Edge and hold on.

Edge nodded and rubbed his back gently. “Did she have dark hair and a missing eye?” he asked softly.

Stretch froze, all of his shakiness suddenly gone as cold, crippling dread filled his soul.

“how did you know?” he managed to whisper.

“Her name is Megan. She was murdered on the property about forty years ago and buried in the backyard.”

“you’re fucking with me.” Stretch pulled back sharply and somehow managed to keep his balance. “why are you fucking with me?”

Edge sighed. “Love, I assure you I am not fucking with you. I told you before you even moved in that my house is haunted. I know this isn’t the first paranormal experience you’ve had while living here.” He took a small step forward, a test to see if Stretch would back away again. When he didn’t, too confused to do anything, he reached out to gingerly take Stretch’s hands in his own. “Megan is one of three spirits here. She was the first one to appear to me as well.”

Stretch managed to swallow dryly as he began to tremble again. “but this is the first thing that’s happened. i haven’t… nothing--”

Edge lifted his hands to kiss the backs of them. “Stretch, I want you to think about something, okay? Think about when you told me about the shower temperature. Don’t you think it’s a bit odd that it literally targeted you? It happened to me when I first moved in as well, but hasn’t in a long time. It never happened when we showered together.”

“but after you messed with the water heater it stopped,” Stretch countered.

“No, love. It stopped after I reminded Penelope that you’re welcome here and I refuse to allow her or any of the others to scare you away from me.” He pulled Stretch close again and kissed his forehead. “Megan always was the most stubborn of the three. It wouldn’t surprise me if she and Penelope came up with this idea together. It seemed rather effective.”

All at once, the absurdity of the situation seemed to catch up to Stretch. It started as a small chuckle that quickly became a fit of near-psychotic laughter.

“how… in the fuck… can you be so fucking chill about this?” he asked through his laughter. He stepped away from Edge and sat down shakily on the side of the tub. “you have… fucking bloody mary… coming at you… and you just… what? you just tell her to go away? and it fucking works?”

Edge sighed and sat on the toilet beside him. “Actually, she’s not Bloody Mary. She’s Bloody Megan, and telling her to go away never worked. I think we finally came to something of a truce when I woke up to blood dripping down the walls and just started cleaning it up. I got a great deal on this house when I moved in because nobody else wanted it. I wasn’t about to run screaming when I’ve known how to get blood and marrow stains out of almost anything since I was four years old.”

Edge paused a second, thinking about something, before he smiled and spoke again. “Actually, that’s probably why she’s finally shown herself to you. You haven’t been scared away yet, so she thinks she has to get more creative.”

Stretch’s laughter finally died down to small bursts of giggles every few minutes. “most of your brother’s pranks are scarier than shit they pull. i actually thought they were your brother a few times.”

Edge huffed a laugh and nodded. “Yes, I thought the same. I actually called my brother in the middle of the night, after I’d lived here for about two weeks, to tell him to cut his shit out. He of course was innocent and acted highly guilty.”

So it was true then. Edge’s house was haunted. Stretch was living in an actual, real haunted house.

Holy fuck.

“babe, i have to confess that i thought you were just superstitious when i first moved in.”

Edge nodded. “I thought so. I really have been doing my best to keep them in check, but I still haven’t decided if Megan or myself is the more stubborn one. I think it’s highly possible that we’ll never know. To this day, she will still try to scare me even though it hasn’t worked yet.”  He stood up and held out a hand. “Now, why don’t you finish brushing your teeth and come to bed?”

Stretch took his hand and stood up. “yeah, okay. uh… edge? d’you think you could… maybe… stay in here with me?”

Instead of mocking the way he’d feared, Edge only nodded and guided Stretch back to the sink. He kept his eyes off the mirror as best he could while he finished up.

Once he was done, he followed Edge back into the bedroom and snuggled up close to him. He didn’t let himself think too much on what he saw in the bathroom. Whenever his thoughts tried to drift that way, he’d squeeze his arm around Edge’s chest and Edge would squeeze back, chasing his fears away.

“i love you, edge,” Stretch whispered into the darkness.

“Love you, too,” Edge answered. “Go to sleep.”

The next morning, Stretch was woken by nightmares of the night before. Edge had already left for his morning run, so Stretch got up and stretched out his bones before sliding his feet into his slippers and putting his robe over his thin pajamas. He made his way downstairs with a yawn, trying his best to ignore the unnerving sensation of being watched.

As he turned the corner into the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Scrawled across the wall in what looked like fresh blood were the words “GET OUT”.

Okay. This was okay.

No, this was definitely not okay by any stretch of the imagination, but he wasn’t going to let it scare him away.

He had to give credit where credit was due, however. If he were in Edge’s shoes and just bought the place, he would have tucked tail and ran after the first time he saw that shit.

Instead of the screaming and running that he really wanted to do, he simply stepped back out of the kitchen and went to the living room to sit on the couch and wait for Edge to return.

When he finally did a half an hour later, Stretch was about ready to cry. All the while he’d been waiting, he’d heard whispered voices begging for help, demanding that he leave, and threats to hurt him. Footsteps had paced back and forth across the living room right in front of him, clear as day, with nobody there to make them.

As soon as the door opened, Stretch was up off the couch and in Edge’s arms. He was shaking again, but he felt himself calm down as Edge pulled him in tightly, stepping forward enough to shut and lock the door behind him.

“Love? What happened?”

Stretch sucked in a deep breath. “did you happen to go in the kitchen before you left?”

“Of course. I always do. Why?” He glanced up toward the kitchen and began leading them both in that direction without letting go of Stretch.

“Ah. I see.” Edge sighed. “That’s the second time this month.” He finally let go and stepped back. “I suppose it’s good that you showed me this before I went to shower. Do you want me to teach you the best ways to remove blood stains?”

Stretch figured he was going to have to get used to this if he wanted to keep living with Edge. Which wasn’t even a question, so he just nodded.

Edge gave him a kiss before going to gather the supplies they needed. Stretch followed him and paid close attention as Edge explained each step of his process.

-------------------------------

Over the next few weeks, the evidence of the house being haunted became less and less scary. He hadn’t been very scared of things moving around in the first place, but now that he knew what was actually going on, they seemed more unnerving.

One night a few months later, Stretch thought of something. As they sat on the couch together during a lazy Saturday afternoon, he reached out a leg to poke at Edge’s femur with his toes.

“hey, babe? got a question for ya.”

Edge looked up from his book and nodded. “Alright.”

“you said there were three spirits here but then only named two. who’s the other one?”

He watched as Edge marked his place with a bookmark and set his book aside. He then opened his arms, and Stretch took the invitation with delight. Settling himself in Edge’s arms was always a treat.

Once they were situated and comfortable, Edge placed a kiss on his skull and began speaking.

“Megan and Penelope were partners. They would have been married if humans had half a brain and made it legal. When they got together, Penelope already pregnant from another human who didn’t know how to take no as an answer. They decided to raise the child together instead of aborting or adopting; I believe it was Penelope who wanted children, but that’s only my assumption.”

Stretch didn’t like where this was going. He remembered all the times he’d heard what sounded like a child running up or down the stairs. He swallowed and let Edge continue.

“They named him George. When George was seven years old, their home was broken into by racists and homophobes. Penelope had dark skin, and I suppose that made her more of a target. I will never understand human logic. Regardless, the three of them were murdered and buried in the backyard.”

Edge hugged Stretch tightly. “Their remains have since been moved to a proper cemetery, but they loved this home. They were happy here for a long time, and I can’t blame them for wanting to stay.”

Stretch nodded. “yeah. damn, that’s so sad. is the kid the one on the stairs?”

“Yes. He’s also the one who moves things. He’s very mischievous, but also responds well to stern but not harsh requests to put whatever he’s moved back. If you yell at him, he’ll get angry and hide your shoes.”

Stretch laughed. “sounds like you know from experience.”

Edge nodded and kissed him. “Yes. Multiple experiences. I’ve learned my lesson, however. Shouting doesn’t accomplish anything with these spirits the way it did with my soldiers in the Underground.”

“do you think they’re getting used to me yet?” he asked hopefully.

“I think they were used to you within the first week of you being here, but they don’t like change. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a spirit. They have absolutely no control over anything that happens in their safe space. They’d like to be left in peace, but as I’ve said before, I got a good deal and I’m not leaving. I treat them with as much respect as I can for people on another plane of existence, but I’m also not going to take their shit when they act up. They can deal with me--and now you--for as long as we choose to live here. If they don’t like it, they can leave.”

Just then, the lights above them flickered. Stretch shivered, but Edge just chuckled.

“Yes, you heard me, Megan.”

This was going to take a lot more getting used to. With Edge beside him, Stretch was confident he could manage.