#ordo's guilt

[thelightismine]

having recently re-read the Republic Commando books for the fiftieth time (but the first time as a proper adult), amongst many other things that jumped out at me this time, I've been pondering the Many Failings of Kal Skirata™ - and one thing that kept me awake the other night was the realisation that...it takes Kal ages between adopting Ordo and the rest of his brothers, right??

So I went back and did the math. Kal adopts Ordo in True Colours, soon after rescuing Vau on Mygeeto, at 471 days after the Battle of Geonosis (ABG). An excerpt from the scene below:

"I never adopted you formally," Skirata said. It had been bothering him in recent days, ever since he began to think of the war as having a definite timescale. "Any of you." "Does that matter?" Skirata now felt that it did. No Mando'ad would nitpick over the bond between him and his boys, and as far as the Republic was concerned clones didn't even qualify as people, but his plans to give them a decent future had now become very, very specific. [...] "Yes," he said. He reached to grasp Ordo's hand and recited the short, no-frills gai bal manda - "name and soul," all it took to unpick history and give a child a new parentage. Mandalorians were habitual adopters. Bloodlines were just medical detail. "Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad, Ordo." Ordo stared at their clasped hands for a moment. He had a crushing grip. "I've been your son since the day you first saved my life, Buir." "I think you boys did the saving," Skirata said. "I don't want to imagine where I'd be without you." Skirata was now busy hating himself for not doing this before, not making the ultimate commitment, and he fretted about his five other Nulls scattered around the galaxy.

And having re-read this section in detail, it now baffles me even further that it takes him - wait for it - ANOTHER YEAR AND ~THREE MONTHS to adopt the other five Nulls??

Yes, that's correct. Kal adopts the other five Nulls in Order 66, in the scene where they all come together 'on screen' for the first time, which is set 940 days ABG. That is 469 days after he formally adopted Ordo.

At the time KT wrote these books, according to Legends, one standard year is 368 days, with 12 months of 30 days each. If I've crunched correctly, Kal adopts the other five Nulls roughly fifteen and a half months later than Ordo.

And OHHHH:

The meal was as much a rare celebration as a meeting, and the Nulls even had a few glasses of Chandrilan wine. "I should have done this many years ago, adi'ke." Skirata raised his glass. "Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad - Mereel, Jaing, Kom'rk, A'den, Prudii. There. It's formal, legal. You're my sons and heirs." "And we won't bankrupt you," Jaing muttered. "Not with the amount you're skimming, ner vod," Mereel said raising his glass in return. "Thank you, Buir'ika. An honor." At least one cause for guilt had been lifted from Ordo's shoulders. He was no longer the only Null formally adopted by Skirata. It was a legal detail, nothing more, but Ordo didn't want to be singled out as the favorite. He already felt he had a far easier time than his brothers.

what do you MEAN you just went on and forgot to do it, despite seeing them and speaking to them regularly for over a year, Kal?! yikes

Reading this back again, all I could think was - poor Ordo. It's explicitly stated here that he had been feeling and still feels guilty. Imagine living with the knowledge that your father had only formally adopted you, and not the other five of your closest brothers, for OVER A YEAR- (I will keep yelling it I'm not over it)

When they all make jokes about him being the Number One Son. When they all tease him for being the favourite. How do you think this knowledge affected Ordo’s relationship with his brothers?? Not wanting to mention it?? Do you think he ever did?? How do you think they reacted if they knew he was already adopted prior to this??

Not to mention, how does Kal not see this as something that might cause an issue for Ordo?? With how much he loves him??

I find their reactions interesting, because if they didn't know, they play it very cool. I'm leaning towards they did know, Ordo didn't just sit on this knowledge for over a year, maybe couldn't - because otherwise, why is no one asking why Kal left him out of the list? Why is their only reaction calm pleasantries?

Possibly because they don't care about formal adoption that much - it's worth noting Ordo's reaction is also to kind of brush it all away: "I've been your son since the day you first saved my life, Buir."

(I think it also opens up a bigger discussion about Ordo's role within his brothers as...almost a shield between Kal and his brothers, able to take the brunt of Kal's...manipulations to spare them the same attention - I wonder if they don't care as much about their adoptive status because it doesn't mean nearly as much to them as it does to Kal, because Kal doesn't rule them as much as he'd like to think he does. It’s interesting how Ordo is both uncomfortable with the position as Number One Son but also sees its…strategic value?? He states earlier in the scene that he'll swap drafts with Kom'rk because it's "his turn" to explore the Outer Rim, but as far as we know, he never actually does this - despite missing each other dearly, often, do the other Nulls willingly take missions that get them away from Kal? Which is why Ordo is almost never shown being anywhere that Kal isn't? Also the irony that so many people laugh at Maze for being a highly trained ARC being "wasted" in an office job, but Ordo also as far as we see never does anything flashier, nothing that couldn't be handled by a less superior officer, nothing that's far from Kal's side...)

ANYWAY

I’m just baffled as to how Kal didn’t think immediately after adopting Ordo “and now the other five” - my man, what took you so long?? If you love them all as you say you do??

HMMMM

[dusksimulacre]

The Noble Vampires

Dupes: William Fangmann/ Elle DeVampiro/ Rose Bloody / Vlad Bloodvein/ Vicki Vampiress/ Inna Cents/ Armando Vatore

Originals: Count Cooper Baena/ Contessa Shannon Copur/ Contessa Arcadia Andrews/ Count Vladislaus Straud/ Lady Victoria Goth/ Duchess Lucine / Count Armando Roennigke

There was once a group of spellcasters who grew bored of affluence and waving wands, and began experimenting with blood magic, calling themselves Ordo Sanguis.

They were disillusioned with Magic Town, and the rules it held, so they set sail for a far away shore. With only 9 servants as crew, it became clear that they were expected to chip in- so of course they created duplicates of themselves to do all the hard work.

Quite quickly they realized that their food stores would not last the journey if they had to feed the new extra mouths, so Ordo Sanguis began feeding them potions instead... mixing in a little bit of blood to maintain their control.

But, you see, Duchess Lucine had long been suffering from a rare Porphyria-like disease [in another timeline, this blood-mixing would have turned the Ordo themselves, but alas] so when the duplicates drank their sustenance potions they were overwhelmed with insatiable hunger and madness.

By the time their ship touched shore in a forgotten hollow, the servants were all dead, and Ordo Sanguis spent their last few days trembling in the magically-constructed Straud Manor, being picked off one by one.

The Dupes tore through the magic communities, decimating whole families of Magicians, witches and wizards, absorbing their magick and slowly gaining a small semblance of control and power.

Vlad was guilt ridden; all his friends were dead and there was more blood on his hands than he ever expected. He swore to Greg and the other Mooncasters that he would fight these horrifying creatures until the bitter end, but eventually he just gave up.

He was the first Spellcaster to be turned, and that made him the most powerful.

This is the GIF i made last year of these guys, before I used G-Shade.

[mamuzzy]

I tried to think about more about my Nulls with ASPD blurbs or after a bit more consideration, a bit more broad picture of Cluster B personality disorders (antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcisisstic), and my inability to separate the Nulls from Kal Skirata when talking about them, and it's not just my bias because I love them with all my heart.

It's because it's all tied together. Kal himself is mentally ill too right from the start. My theory is Kal is on the Cluster B spectrum too.

Narcissisctic spectrum because of the grandiosity of plans, his self-importance of his plans, the savior complex: he has to be of the center of the great plan of rescue of the clones, because this is the only way he can redeem himself of his previous mistakes. Remember when Ordo destroyed the datachips? He wasn't devastated because now there wasn't any means to save the clones from rapid-aging. He was devastated because now HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO KNOW NOW WITH HIMSELF. HE was purposeless. Kind of contradictory that his purpose of his life was about entirely of someone else, but it wasn't entirely selfless. He just can't be a bad guy of his own story, but he has to be a martyr. It won't work without it.

Kal can't be a bad guy. He just can't be a bad guy of his story. If he was, that would mean, EVERYTHING he did in life was wrong, was evil, everything was his fault, was his fault alone, including his parents death (which is insane they died in bombing but there is no logic in survivor's guilt), his fault that he was all alone, his fault that he was abused, his fault that he didn't know better, he fault that his wife and kids left him (kinda yeah) and now his fault that the clones don't have a chance for longer life. He is a bad guy in everyone's story. But it's okay. It's okay. He just have to create another personality, explain himself, why Ordo's is still the perfect little angel in the whole world who can never do wrong to cope the loss, because being angry at him is not an option, he can't be angry at him, angry himnonononononoangrynohecan'tbeangrynothatwouldtriggernonotriggertriggernofuckingtriggerfestbackandfort and move on and find another way to achieve this goal and never give up. <-And there is a nice little bpd mentality for you, mushrooms and gentlefairies. (probably there was a little bit a chanelling here, but I think there is a reason I meowmeow this miserable wet cat)

Personality disorders have symptoms during childhood too, IN FACT most of the reasons that are not genetic, start in during childhood due to societal and environmental causes, parental neglection, abuse, contradicting upbringing, emotional repression, traumas.

We saw the Nulls as children but not too much, but we barely seen anything about their later cadet years we have only shown a few mentions through dialogues, narratives, and because often is from the memories of Kal Skirata, people often dismiss it like Kal says so it must be untrue and ableist.

BUT.

What we actually saw is Kal's childhood and training!!! And traumas often carries through to another generation...

Vode, if you enjoyed my previous blurbs you are going to love my next one about him. Before I actually talk about Nulls and their Favorite Person and another topics like amorality, and aggression, I really should talk about PERSONALITY itself, and I think Kal Skirata is a beautiful guinea pig for that.

[shadowslocked]

4Halo Agenda Headcanons

Both will stay up late talking about ways to improve the egg network or going through new gear to find what’s most useful.

Half the reason they end up staying up late is because one or both will suddenly get distracted by something going on or another topic. It’s hard to say when they’ll get back on topic

Bad has definitely fallen asleep while talking to Forever; Forever tries his damndest not to find it endearing

Forever has also found Bad asleep on the floor of his secret rooms or even once at his XP farm - both times he’s carried Bad to bed

Forever will poke fun at Bad whenever it gets too late, both to tease but also to try to low key get the other to sleep

On the occasions Forever does end up staying up too late, Bad will tease him relentlessly before telling him to sleep

This becomes a bit more concerned when Forever takes over the Ordo and starts staying up late planning, Bad not wanting the other to spiral especially after what happened with Leo

They’ll tease and prank each other, but are an utter nightmare when they’re ganging up on one person. Foolish can confirm this.

Forever eventually picks up on Bads furniture stealing habits and is utterly amused any time he catches Bad eyeing furniture during a convo. Teasing ensues with Bad taking mock offense at the accusations. Forever has def caught him stealing furniture from others and pretended not to see.

Bad has fixed Forevers braid when it gets messy after they’re out together

Forever and Dapper end up bonding over machinery, with Dapper showing off the most and Forever taking notes. They like seeing the extension of the create mod and how far they can push it.

Bad and Richarlyson like doing arts and crafts together, often found painting together as they talk. Bad doesn’t often get to sit down and just relax, and it becomes one of his favorite pastimes

As much as these two want to help both are plagued by failure, by feeling like they weren’t enough. Such as Bads guilt about Trump dying of neglect leading him to start making sure the eggs had all their tasks done; Forevers guilt about not saving Tallula motivating him to build the hotel. They’re desire to be better for the eggs is what binds them

Forever likes going after people that don’t want him because a part of him is terrified of being in a real relationship - which is why he denies extra hard any interest in Bad because, even if Bad doesn’t have an interest, he doesn’t want to take the risk of developing real feelings

That said he’s very aware of his interest in Bad

This isn’t even headcanon Forever canonically thinks Bad is attractive

Has caught himself, and been caught by others, admiring Bad with a soft smile. He’ll quickly divert topics

Has to be careful about how he compliments Bad because Richarlyson, the gremlin, will immediately try to snitch on him. More than once Forever has had to chase Richa away from a very confused Bad

Does not hear the end of it from Baghera when she finds out. Forever has unlocked an all knew suffering

Bad is fairly oblivious in the beginning, not connecting the dots until he realizes how much he thinks about Forever. Switches immediately to pretending that isn’t true, he does not see

Accidentally calls Foolish Forever one time and his entire life is over. Foolish pounces on the smallest chance to tease Bad about having a new crush, which Bad denies furiously. It doesn’t work because he starts stammering and giggling nervously, the only saving grace being no one can see his blush too well

Skeppy: Bads relationship is an on-off again type, where he’s not sure where either of them stand. He still cares a lot about Skeppy! Wants him in his life! But he isn’t sure he wants Skeppy in his life the way he did before (romantically). He feels frustrated that Skeppy missed out on the train despite how much Bad reminded him, and can’t help thinking that Skeppy may not care as much as Bad does

Bad feels a lot of guilt about developing feelings for Forever, feeling like he’s betrayed Skeppy in some way despite their relationship not being strictly romantic. There’s some resentment I tried in there too.

It’s only when he’s alone that those thoughts weigh on him, it’s very easy to forget his worries when out or with Forever

Dapper and and Richa definitely scheme to get their parents together and will poke fun

Their favorite is “knock out parents into each others arms”

[glacialswordsman]

@inblazes | closed starter.

Tink, tink, tink.

With every step Kaeya made into the otherwise peaceful night within the city of Mondstadt, the little spheres that decorated his anklets clinked against the metal. It wasn’t a loud sound by any means, as Kaeya was generally light-footed, but any trained ear would still be able to hear him as he silently walked the paved paths of the city that led out the gates.

Restless—he was terribly restless. Ever since Kaeya’s return from his getaway with Ajax in Sumeru, things felt…off. Initially, he was content to be home, all his worries having been left behind in the Nation of Wisdom all thanks to that darling man with ginger hair. He and Ajax have gotten closer ever more as they spent weeks together, away from their duties and away from everything that had been haunting them. It was just the two of them, salvaging their relationship and coming out stronger than they had ever been. Together. It was well-needed, no matter how much Kaeya had believed he didn’t deserve any of it.

It was evident in the way he had been smiling so brilliantly once he returned to Mondstadt. It was so apparent that he was able to see the expressions of relief many folks wore when they welcomed him home. He did notice some…apprehension, lining some of their faces, and honestly it should have set off alarms in his head the moment he felt something was off. However, he paid it no mind, as he was instead reveling in the feeling of practically walking on air compared to the previous months.

Ever since his most recent fight with his br—…

... With Master Diluc.

Recalling it sent a sharp pang through the Alberich man’s chest, yet he recovered quickly and pressed on as he headed towards the Angel’s Share to indulge in a few drinks and catch up with the usual barflies, as well as Charles—and that’s where those feelings of restlessness began.

Stepping upon the worn, dirt roads towards Starfell Valley, Kaeya winced as he remembered the day of his return.

He remembers swinging the door of the Angel’s Share wide open, gleefully calling out to Charles and announcing his return—only to suddenly freeze in his spot as his eye didn’t catch familiar brunet locks, but instead a mane of flames. His jovial expression fell immediately and instead gave way to something else entirely.

Shame.

It was as though a bucket of frigid, glacial waters was dumped right over his head, the air surrounding him shifting and becoming absolutely chilling towards anyone nearby.

Kaeya felt like he had been glued to his spot for ages, yet in reality, it was only a few seconds. However, it was a few too many. He had been caught off-guard and failed to slip on his mask quick enough, fumbling with it before finally donning it with a cordial smile towards the Ragnivindr man.

It seems his time in Sumeru made him lax.

He had approached the bar and ordered a bottle of Dandelion Wine to take back home, even offering his greetings to Diluc, before leaving the Tavern altogether to return home.

The guilt of that interaction, though, was not the only thing that made him restless. There was something stirring, something that he couldn’t quite put a finger on—but it made whatever had been docile up until now start howling within him. He was frustrated, feeling as though his every instinct had dulled since his vacation. It all became clear, though, once he thought back on Ajax and realized that what he sensed during their very first encounter is what he's sensing now. The Abyss.

It’s not the Chasm, no. It’s not as though something had been unearthed—but rather, it felt as though something had been…

Completed.

Even the Ordo caught onto some strange movements regarding the Abyss Order, and while normally they would be more cautious on how to tackle this situation, Kaeya was more than willing to investigate it for them. It was, admittedly, a little suspicious of him to take up such a job on his own so quickly, but he needed to know. He needed to put some of these tumultuous feelings within him to rest, and the only way to do that was by understanding what was going on. Thus, the reason for his late-night trek towards the Thousand Winds Temple, in search of someone that may have the answers.

[johncarrera]

Thinking about how any egg death would be devasting in so many ways. Like yeah, it would be very sad for both the audience and the islanders but also like... It could very much start a goddamn war?

If Leonarda dies, you just angered two incredibly powerful demigods, one of which is literally feared by the rest of the island for terrorizing em with mines. Imagine what Vegetta would do if his daughter died? Not only that, Foolish can genuinely be a threat if he wants to. We're seeing how far he's willing to go for the "funsies'' and to rescue a capybara. What if it was a quest to avenge his family.

Then you consider all of the eggs with single parents. Philza, Fit and BadBoyHalo. The Angel of Death, a Veteran Mercenary who survived a wasteland with no rules and the Grim Reaper himself. We've seen how far they go when their eggs are threatened.

We've seen how BBH, one of the best PVPers and richest players, reacted to Dapper losing a life to a code attack. We've seen how Philza reacted to the codes mimicking his children. Fit has gotten so attached to Ramon that he deviated and got distracted from his original plan, his original mission on the island.

Not only are these people super dangerous, they're also extremely attached to their eggs thanks to carrying the burden of parenthood by themselves. They'd go insane if something happened to them.

And then, you get to the polycules.

Etoiles, the crazy pvp monster who more than anything wishes for a good fight. The man who 2v1d the codes. The one who wasn't sure he'd get into the whole egg thing but now cares so much for Pomme.

Baghera, Pomme's mother. The one who got attached to her the fastest. Genuinely super underestimated, she's hella smart and observant and had a whole ass wall with notes about the island.

Aypierre, who I don't know that much off but I wouldn't want to fight the man who made a Gegg factory and completely invaded and destroyed the federation's base because he wanted a picture.

And do I really need to talk about the brazillians? These people break the Federation's rules every single day. They are rich, smart, powerful and so fucking determined. Mad scientists, escaped convicts, the leader of Ordo Theoritas and his right-hand man, the creator of project NINHO. These people would go to hell and back for their friends. And boy, do they care about the eggs. Cellbit and Forever were almost crying when Bobby died. Mike still feels guilt from letting Richarlyson lose his first life.

If Richas dies for real? The server will explode the very next day.

And that goes for every egg.

If ElQuackity ends up killing one of the eggs as retaliation? His ass is dead the second anyone spots him.

But not only that. Thanks to his affiliation with the Federation? That could mean all-out war.

[mamuzzy-creates-stuff]

For the requests, could you please do

❤️ Deadshot x Fives (first kiss / realization)

or

🖤 Ordo x Echo (kissing while crying / goodbye kiss / desperation)

please? :3

@ithillia how about both >:3

Kissing prompts from here.

SECOND-FIRST KISS Fluff FIVES x DEADSHOT (OC) Wordcount: 310

And then the gap closed. Fives’ big, soft lips touched Deadshot’s own so gently, yet it landed in his brain with such impact, it cleared every thought, every doubt, every guilt so clean like a very much anticipated airsupport.

BOXING Angst ORDO X ECHO Wordcount: 779

Ordo's eyes narrowed with disappointment then covered himself entirely with the blanket. “Go.” Echo sighed and pulled back his hand into his lap. This wasn’t the way he wanted to go. While watching him hide, counted to ten, maybe in hope that Ordo would come out. But realized that maybe his hesitation wouldn’t make it easy for either of them.

Fics under the cut!

SECOND-FIRST KISS

(Fives x Deadshot)

Though leaned in for a kiss, patient as ever, Fives watched in waiting instead, loving brown eyes fixated on the other’s amber one that skittishly looked for any clues what he was supposed to do now.

Deadshot only saw others did it but he never…

He had never…

He didn’t have any memory about kissing someone.

And suddenly he felt guilt for thinking about a hypothetical someone else, while Fives was here, in front of him.

Was it something normal to feel like this? Having an entire artillery gun pouring hot rain in his chest? And the fluttery feeling in his stomach resembling to the same moments before jumping out from a LAAT/i? And what was he supposed to do with his hands? His brain started to get blurry from the feeling of anxiety, the possible rejection, regret from both sides…

And then the gap closed. Fives’ big, soft lips touched Deadshot’s own so gently, yet it landed in his brain with such impact it cleared every thought, every doubt, every guilt so clean like a very much anticipated airsupport.

The heat went into his cheeks as Fives’ reached out to caress his skin around the scar, gently tucking away the wild locks framing his face and kissed him once, then again, mouth parted Deadshot’s lips so gently, the subtle touch of the hot tongue sent shudders down his spine.

And somehow he knew. He did this before. And he needed more. Even if his mind failed him countless time, his body remembered. How to lean into the touch of the other man's calloused hands like those palms only existed to hold him so dearly. How he needed to tilt his head so their nose won’t collide. How to part his mouths even more to invite Fives’ tongue to meet his.

Fives’ lips didn’t have the right to taste like perfection.

And because my hand slipped, the second one is a bit longer. Our favorite crack-ship and I'm pretty sure the only one fic with them so far. :D

BOXING

(Ordo x Echo)

Echo carefully slipped out of the blanket, watching for not to wake up his lover by the movements. He made sure the fabric covered Ordo’s head entirely, without a single traitorous opening where light could breach inside, wanted to tuck him even more only the blanket moved on its own. A pair of searching eyes looked at him from the dark, like a wildcat before deciding for coming out of a cave.

“Sorry. Got a call” Echo whispered apologetically and tapped his comm. “I have to go.”

But he didn’t get an answer. The eyes only followed his every movement. Was he judging? Sulking? He couldn’t tell.

Echo was comfortable enough to kit up in the dark, the hissings of the plates sticking to his blacks, then the familiar click-clacks of adjusting the fittings.

After eight and a half minutes - Ordo counted - Echo sat down to the edge of the bed and slowly reached his hand to gently touch Ordo’s head through the blanket. His heart ached feeling the man tensing up instead of snuggling his way into his lap.

“I’m going” he said in the end.

“Okay.”

“Would you come out for me, please?” the young ARC trooper pleaded.

Ordo shook his head.

“Not finished.”

“Uh… with what?” asked Echo confused.

“Boxing.”

“Boxi- what?”

Ah. It made sense now. Ordo wasn’t talking about the combat sport. He remembered that’s how the nulls and the commandos called it: Distancing themselves. Moving away from the pain. He wish he had this ability to use it right now, to endure the thought what his lover must have feel right now, so intensely he has to hide it away in those hypothetical boxes. And what he felt right now. Every passing second was precious and he didn’t wanted to end it with a fight. Or being too demanding.

“I may not have time for wait that out.”

Ordo's eyes narrowed with disappointment then covered himself entirely with the blanket.

“Go.”

Echo sighed and pulled back his hand into his lap. This wasn’t the way he wanted to go. While watching him hide, counted to ten, maybe in hope that Ordo would come out. But realized that maybe his hesitation wouldn’t make it easy for either of them.

“Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum” said Echo, lovingly, yearning. Already missing him. Who knows when will be the next time they see each other.

He was almost at the door, bucket in one hand, when he felt the presence but survival instincts kicked in too late when he turned around and found Ordo towering over him, this time darkened face staring at him up-close. Echo could only gasp and found his breath stolen by a needy kiss as the Null pushed him to the wall behind him.

Ordo’s broad fingers clumsily entwined with his glowed ones, but still had power to pin him down, naked upper body pressed to Echo’s armor, while the other hand slammed next to his hand, caging him entirely. Only Echo didn’t want to free from this cage. The intensity of the Null sometimes catch him off guard, but he trusted him enough not to fear it. That Demon. He let the helmet fall down from his hand and slipped up to hold and caress the wet and hot cheeks of his lover.

Echo parted his lips and found Ordo’s tongue slip inside quickly, searching for him, yearn to find love, to find safety, devour Echo in a whole just to prevent him to go and leave him, AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN, always leaving him behind! Like all his brothers do, like his new kih’vode do, like Jusik does, like… like… Buir would do when his time is up! Everyone left him who he held dear without the certainty of return! And all he could do is wait! Wait patiently. Helplessly.

Ordo teared his lips from him with sudden sob breaking up from deep inside his lungs and throat, and rested his head on Echo’s pauldron, where his shoulder supposed to be. Miserable crying blended with hick-ups, sending tremors through his whole body. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I’m sorryi’msorymsorrymsorry…”

Echo could easily free his hands now to embrace him and cradled him, bore his head into Ordo’s short hair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” Echo own words trembled with the repressed cry as he tried to smile, but also held back the comment of Ordo not being able to finish with the boxing.

“…msorrymsorry…”

“I’m not angry, Ordo. You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I love you. I love you so much.”

Echo wasn’t sure what Ordo was even sorry about. But he could wait out this time to find out.

Mando'a Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum. - I love you. I hope you liked them ⸜(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)⸝

[glacialswordsman-a]

" in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you. " ( you can choose the verse )

| prompt

To my beloved Ajax,

I’m sorry.

By the time you read this, I will be no more. Ever since I joined the Fatui, I knew this would have more than likely been the outcome of what I had been working for. For many years, ever since I had been found by Pantalone, I had a singular goal in mind:

To destroy the Fatui and its Delusion Factories.

I had tried to think of other ways to go about this goal, to see if I could potentially find a method without having to sacrifice myself, but there was nothing that I could have figured out. Perhaps if I told you my plans after Fontaine, after our confessions, we could have thought of something together, but I couldn’t do that to you. How could I possibly pull you into my own mess and ask you to help me destroy the livelihood of all you had known?

No, this was my burden to bear. Alone.

I’ve never told you what happened—the how and why Pantalone found me.

That night was my brother, Diluc Ragnivindr’s, 18th birthday. We He had lost everything that night.

A caravan that Diluc and our father, Crepus, were escorting was attacked by a foul beast named Ursa the Drake, and our father fought valiantly to protect everyone. Especially Diluc. In order to protect them, he relied on the power of a pyro Delusion, and it had backfired on him from the amount of power he exerted while using it. I wasn’t there.

In fact, I was too late when I got to them, and watched as my brother granted our father a swift death to put him out of his pain and misery. Had he not, Crepus would have suffered until his very last breath.

I’ll never forget my own reaction to it. Instead of running to console my brother and grieve with him, I stood back, simply watched…

And smirked.

I was morbidly fascinated by the fact that even the man who had graciously taken me into his home would ever rely on such a terrible power. Not only that, but I also felt a sense of liberation, and when I realized my initial reactions, pure and unadulterated guilt and shame crashed down against my shoulders.

Diluc had gone off to report this to the Ordo Favonius of Mondstadt, which we had both proudly been a part of. Yet, that same day, he quit and never looked back. Meanwhile, I helped clean up the mess while I stewed in my thoughts and realized I needed to come clean to my brother, and now to you.

That evening, I admitted to Diluc that I was planted in Mondstadt as a child so I could serve my nation’s purpose. My nation of Khaenri’ah. My father had left me purposefully at the Dawn Winery so I could learn as much as I could about them and the nation of Freedom.

He said I was their only hope.

But all I could think of at that point was how I had betrayed my family. The family that had lovingly taken me in and provided me with warmth, care, and happiness. From the very first moment they accepted me, my life was nothing but an absolute lie.

Understandably, Diluc wasn’t happy, and I had anticipated his anger. He had just lost his father, and now his own brother was confessing his sins on the same night. Idiotic, wasn’t it? I wasn’t thinking clearly, but if I hadn’t told Diluc as soon as possible, the guilt would have consumed me whole.

I just…didn’t think I would have nearly lost my life for it. I would have deserved it, and even as I write this, I do not blame him for his reactions. They were understandable, even if I could have been killed. Yet the Tsaritsa blessed me with a Vision and saved me from Diluc’s fiery wrath. The moment that whitish-blue light shone and revealed the state of my grievous wounds, Diluc froze.

I took that opportunity to run away, run as far and as fast as I could to anywhere but there. The Dawn Winery and Mondstadt were no longer my home.

Instead, I headed towards Liyue, where I had nearly succumbed to my wounds—yet as luck would have it, Pantalone found me in the nick of time.

I wasn’t going to squander this opportunity. This was the chance I needed to repay the Ragnivindrs, and to repent for my Sins.

However, I didn’t factor in the possibility of how I would come to find the Fatui as another home. I thought it was going to be easy and that I wouldn’t grow attached, but oh, how wrong I was. I had grown close to Rosalyne and thought of her as my mother, I came to think of the Regrator as my brother, and the Jester as some weird uncle.

Most of all, though, I fell in love with you, Tartaglia. My dearest Ajax.

Thus came the realization that there was no way out for me. I was stuck again, all out of my own doing. There was no way I would ever confess this to anyone, no less the Tsaritsa. I knew my life would be forfeit if I had, so either way, I was a dead man walking. So, if I’m to die, then I’d rather it be out of my own choice.

Every time we visited the Delusion manufacturers, it was under the guise of quality check-ups and making sure everything ran smoothly, but in reality, I was discreetly planting bombs. I’m surprised I managed to do so without getting caught. There were some close calls, admittedly, so it’s truly a miracle that I’ve gotten as far as I have now. All that’s left is for me to destroy the root of what made everything go wrong, and what better way than to pay homage to my father, the late Master Crepus?

I’ve always found it ironic how I, too, ended up with a pyro Delusion. I suppose the only difference is that I’m actively choosing to kill myself with it.

… I wish I could see my big brother one last time. Would he have forgiven me for everything, including this? I cannot help but wonder.

There would be a large blank space in the middle of the writing, before it eventually picked back up again. Some of the words became a little splotchy from the ink spreading due to what appeared to be little droplets.

Had Kaeya spilled something…or were those tears?

I know what I have done is unforgivable. The lies, the façades, the masks.

The death of probably hundreds that were working in the factories at the time of retribution.

But please know this, Ajax… The one thing I have always been honest about were my feelings for you. You have brought light and warmth into my life, and I’m sorry for how greedy I have been in trying to cling to it. I shouldn’t have accepted your feelings, I shouldn’t have held you, I shouldn’t have kissed you—maybe then, you’d hate me less for this.

Maybe then, you’d eventually come to forget about me.

I suppose the only saving grace that comes from all of this is me being able to remember our time together, being able to think of your smile one last time as my story ends in an explosive grand finale. Ever selfish until the end, I know.

On one hand, I have a sense of peace in knowing what’s to come, as I finally get to decide my own fate. But on the other hand, I still wish there had been another way.

…

In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.

I love you.

Forever yours,

“Pavlín” Brighella, the Twelfth Harbinger, one half of the Innamorati.

Kaeya Alberich.

[ryehouses]

In AST - while I absolutely adore the sibling vibe of "I'm going to come save your ass and then not even let you know" I gotta ask - did the Skirata boys ever approach Boba?

hello! thanks for the question!

oof okay. this is a little bit sad, but immediately post-ast? probably not. at this point in the narrative, the skiratas don't really have any reason to approach boba directly.

in one of the pov snipets i've already posted, there's a little bit between ordo and mereel about how they don't necessarily feel like boba's one of the brothers, because boba has never wanted anything to do with them or with any of the clones. ast!boba's never gone looking for the skiratas and he has distanced himself not only from other clones but also from mandalorians in general, so the skiratas have more or less left him alone.

they also definitely didn't expect to see boba at the summit, though, so they're also kind of reckoning with "oh, maybe we didn't know him at all, actually" and a little bit of lingering guilt, because yeah, boba didn't go looking for the skiratas and he hasn't really done anything to help them, but they also never went looking for him either.

so maybe down the road there's room for the skiratas and boba to meet! especially once din gets involved, because now he's on a one-man mission to reconcile a bunch of different mandalorian clans and has no patience for the "well we hated each other thirty years ago" bullshit.

[shynmighty]

oh oh oh, 53 holding the other’s jaw forrr Aeseca and Rass? :3

53 from this list it is!

I'm hanging onto @friendly-neighborhood-lich-queen's ask because, let's face it, I'm totally going to write 20 & 28 for Aeseca/Rass (because I, too, am obsessed with them!!) but I gave this one priority since it was requested twice!

Anyway, I wrote this as somewhat of a companion piece/sequel to this one, hope you all enjoy it!!! 😁

53: Holding the Other’s Jaw Pairing: Aeseca Silverblade/Rass Ordo

Nar Shaddaa was a riot of lights and noise. From where Aeseca stood across from the Promenade, a vast array of colored signs cast the rooftop in a fluorescent glow, flickering from purple to blue to yellow and back. She pressed a finger to her temple to stave off the oncoming headache brought on by the constant noise and bright flashes at the corners of her vision.

A standoff with a Hidden Chain informant had ended in a showdown atop that very roof just a few minutes earlier, with backup arriving from Odessen to see the slippery Rodian captured just before he could escape. Aeseca could feel her heartbeat start to return to normal as she wandered to the sidelines. Behind her, Alliance officers led by Theron Shan took the Rodian into custody, escorting him to the shuttle they had arrived in.

The mission was a success. Shae would be pleased. All in all, a good day for the Alliance.

Even so, Aeseca could not suppress the less comfortable, pinching sadness deep in her chest. No more mission meant she and her companion would go their separate ways. Even if they partnered up again, there was no telling when that might happen.

Then came crushing guilt. As a Jedi, this developing attachment was strictly forbidden. She knew that, and yet it had been so effortless to cultivate. Even one-sided as it was, something would have to be done before it became a bigger problem.

Aeseca glanced at him as the shuttle’s ramp ascended. He had taken off his helmet and slung it casually under one arm. To her surprise, he was already looking at her, the corner of his mouth slightly upturned as he approached.

“Don’t say it, Rass,” She told him.

“Don't say what?” The Mandalorian replied with barely feigned innocence.

“Whatever joke about shuttles you’ve been preparing,” the Jedi cast a level gaze at him from the corner of her eye. “Specifically, crashing them.”

Rass chuckled. “You know me too well.”

Behind them, the shuttle became airborne. Other ships that saw the Alliance insignia emblazoned on the hull gave it a wide berth as it soared into the clouds overhead, leaving Aeseca and Rass alone on the rooftop. Despite the echoed cacophony of the city around them, the area seemed somehow quieter than before.

“What’s on your mind?” Rass asked.

Aeseca frowned, cycling through all the possible responses before deciding to deflect. “What do you mean?”

“Just the way you’re frowning at me,” The slight, infuriating smile remained on his face. “You’re not the only one who’s picked up a thing or two.”

Her gaze dropped to the ground, but somehow even his feet were too difficult to look at. Turning away from him, she leaned on the rooftop ledge. The city, foul and dazzling as it was, seemed easier to take in.

“I’ve just been thinking,” she said, stopping short of admitting that it was him she had been thinking about. “I guess I haven’t really been feeling like myself lately.”

“Want to talk about it?” Rass was leaning on the ledge beside her, and she could feel his soft brown eyes searching her. She deliberately remained facing the city. “Can’t say I can solve big, important Jedi problems but I can listen.”

Aeseca sighed. “It’s not a big, important problem. I just feel…” she stopped herself from saying anything about him directly. “I feel disconnected. From myself. I worked so hard to get where I am, I was so single-minded in my goal – to be a good Jedi. But I have doubts, and they’re making me question everything I’ve achieved.”

“You are a good Jedi, I’ve seen that firsthand,” Rass said. “Whatever your doubts, they can’t erase everything you’ve done.”

“I wish I had your certainty,” Aeseca remained stubbornly facing away. She knew speaking in half-truths would only lead to his partial understanding.

This was accompanied by a somewhat terrifying thought: that if she looked at him now, she might just tell him everything. That she was falling hopelessly in love with him, how part of her wanted to cast the Jedi code aside completely for him, that she would realign the galaxy if he asked her to, and that these illicit feelings became more overwhelming by the day.

“Aeseca,” His voice was accompanied by a soft touch, his gloved fingers gently pressing against her jaw as he turned her head to face him with one hand. A short eternity passed in the space of her meeting his gaze. The glow of the city shone in his eyes making them look even brighter. If he had not been holding her jaw, she might have had trouble staying upright. “I’m not just handing out empty platitudes, okay? You’re remarkable. You… amaze me.”

For a brief moment, Aeseca knew what it felt like to fly over the city. Her heart was unleashed from her very chest and was doing a barrel roll somewhere in the clouds overhead. The rest of her was frozen in place, wide-eyed with disbelief and delight. At the same time, he was looking down at her with sincerity in his eyes she had never seen before. He thought she was remarkable. She amazed him. Perhaps there really was a chance he felt the same…

There is no passion, there is serenity. The thought brought her back to the rooftop. Once again, she was a Jedi, and he was a Mandalorian, and she reminded herself that this was all wrong. In her enjoyment of that moment, she had already gone too far.

“I need to go,” the words escaped her weakly, in a whisper. She took a reluctant step back, ignoring the feeling of Nar Shaddaa crumbling around her as his hand slipped away.

“Go where?” He asked as she retreated.

“To Tython,” she called over her shoulder. Her fists clenched at her sides as she battled the tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

She would go to Tython… and try to forget.

[mearchy]

SevFi might be one of my favorite ships just because any version of it is so ridiculously toxic all the way through. Such potential. It's so crunchy.

Sev is a sniper (they literally recruit for ice-cold killers for this job traditionally). He's singled out for his aggressive brutality, called a psychopath by other clones and by his own trainer. He paints his armor to look like someone clawed at him with bloody hands and left it covered in gore, and only his brothers know whether he used paint or real blood. He's quiet, socially withdrawn, which just contributes to the overall impression, but is driven to succeed at any cost. He's doggedly devoted to his fucked up father figure who sees him as little more than a tool, he regards failing him as the worst thing he could do. He loves his brothers so fiercely, knows they'll understand his grim humor and play into it. He does have a sense of humor, it's just so dark most people don't see it or are unsettled by it when they do.

Fi is also a sniper, but unlike Sev, is cross-trained as a medic. He's singled out because he's constantly smiling, joking, listening to bops and generally being more extroverted and good-natured than most clones. Yet he outlived his first squad, watched the brothers he grew up with die, and in his new squad he will make sure that never happens again. He's ferociously dedicated to these men from almost the beginning of their first mission, is willing to go toe-to-toe with Delta Squad over Atin and Kal. He'll throw himself on a grenade for brothers he doesn't even know. He has the father figure relationship Sev wishes he did, but still yearns for more, wants so badly to be normal. He collects souvenirs from his deployments like he can turn their progenitors from traumatic battlefields into trips abroad. He makes jokes out of everything.

They are polar opposites and yet. AND YET. Two sides of the same coin to me. I can see the way their relationship would look so clearly and it's atrocious. Sev desperately needing it to be a secret because it's Not Vau Approved, Fi desperately wanting a normal life, wanting true love. The way the hate would be so one-sided - as soon as Fi understood Sev, his anger would fizzle out because he could never hold a grudge for long, not like Sev could. The persistent guilt eating its way into any relationship they might have, most of it Sev's. The aggressively upbeat manner Fi would ramp up just because he knew it got under Sev's skin. The fact that it would get even more under Sev's skin because he'd be so deeply convinced he could never deserve love or affection and not know what to do with it, would lash out. The way Fi would be so desperate for that romantic connection he'd put up with Sev's bullshit, take every little inch Sev gave him and every look under that cold exterior as evidence that he really was special, one of the only people Sev would let close outside his squad. He'd be the Nice Guy as Sev pushed and pushed, until he hit his breaking point and reminded Sev that he, too, was given a job that requires him to track targets, watch them live their lives and shoot them dead without any semblance of self defense, never asking questions. Fi shows his affection towards Ordo with punches and insults, so he understands violence as a form of comradery and affection even if Sev can never quite draw lines or stick to them. Sev has a soft heart and Fi has beskar under his sunny disposition. They would piss each other off like nothing else and yet become so sickeningly reliant on each other that they couldn't help but circle back and circle back...

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

cant sleep but i am thinking abt silvie and niko rn.

i love their sibling relationship so much. the guilt and trauma of their childhood and finding each other again after soo many years and its awkward and they try to navigate it as best tgey can.

so in my rewrite au, silvie and niko are very much involved in the narzissenkreuz questline along with my other ocs (and its awkward for all of them bc niko used to a bit antagonistic towards the main 3 bc. fatui. but thats a different story)

so ive said before that silvanus and nikolai are descendants of rene and in the final questline they find their relation via jakob bc they are both similar to him with the neo human bullshit

another oc i have, that was part of the ordo had a kid with him and they both fed the kid abyssal/god flesh to save their life just like rene did for jakob in hopes it would stick and not end up like the carter situation

and it works and the kid ended up living. and their neo human/abyssal dna is based down to silvie and niko years later. diluted, but enough for their chronic illnesses to be created

so in the end, the two of them are then ones to fight narzissenkreuz/rene, their great greatl freat greatl grandfather, down in the primodial see :) family reunion :)

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

We have in our day the infinite extension of guilt without the necessary categories for redemption. By and large, we do not live among happy people. They do not know it, but they need the Reformation doctrine of justification by faith alone…

[galactia]

Kaeya doesn’t remember his father fondly. He doesn’t want him back, or idolize him, or call him anything but actually what he is - a man who abandoned him on the side of a road, after filling his head full of sorrowful stories about a five-hundred-year-old hopeless cause. As ‘grieving as a smoking ash pile’; ‘father’, in quotation marks. That is what his biological father is to him. 

Kaeya isn’t ashamed of his heritage, by any means, at least in a private sense. He doesn’t want to erase what is Khaenri'ah about himself. He was only a child when he was left to decide what to do with the mission the man who was supposed to raise and love and guide him left him with. It was easy to let a golden childhood drown out the guilt and questions and anxiety. The older he was, the more aware he became of exactly what he was meant to do; what all of the stories and lessons and history he was told was supposed to help him do. 

And what was he supposed to do? Still be loyal to a cause the man who discarded gave him? His clearest memory of his father is from the night he left him - “I’m sorry, Kaeya.” he said, as his cloak slipped away and left Kaeya standing in the rain, with nothing but the clothes on his back. 

A child spy. A child. How dare him. 

Kaeya may not ascribe to the faith of any gods, or think the Ordo is all virtue and glory as people think, but his loyalty is to Diluc, and Jean, and the people in Mond. The orphans and the old and those just trying to live their lives and forge their paths. That’s what he wants to do, after all. 

If tomorrow his father showed up at his doorstep and told him it was ‘time’, he would tell him fuck off. He isn’t going to get innocent, good people caught in the crossfire. He isn’t going to betray his brother, for anyone.

[litgreadersroom]

Chaptered Works

Incomplete fics marked in italics

Head or Heart by transparentwaves Superpower by constantrepeat Violet Girl by throughthejunobush Violet Guilt by GeorgiaMD17

Oneshots

Don't Forget Me by Sirius Ordo (tpdlady306) Girls' Vote by PureLucidEvil Last Night by whatisreggieshortfor To Many More by adam_memeleri

Rahim/Other

For The Love of The Game by Queen_Of_Boops (Shannon)

[longbobmckenzie]

Rahim Fanfiction Masterlist

IF YOU’VE FOUND THIS POST AND WANT MORE, PLEASE VISIT THE UPDATED VERSION AT THE LITG READERS ROOM! THIS PARTICULAR POST WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATED.

Continuing our series with a Rahim masterlist! If you have any LI requests, let me know and I'll prioritize them!

There aren't many Rahim fics in general, but here's what I could find!

Chaptered Works

Incomplete fics marked in italics

Head or Heart by transparentwaves Superpower by constantrepeat Violet Girl by throughthejunobush Violet Guilt by GeorgiaMD17

Oneshots

Don't Forget Me by Sirius Ordo (tpdlady306) Girls' Vote by PureLucidEvil One of Us by Melonballer99 To Many More by adam_memeleri

Rahim/Other

For The Love of The Game by Queen_Of_Boops (Shannon)

For other characters, find the masterlist here!