#other than maybe libby

[chaoticwhoknows]

currently reading the atlas six and my current favorite pov is tristan solely bc he is like “everyone here is batshit crazy and im saying that as a guy with insane daddy issues, who was raised by a witch gang leader, and who just quit my job and broke up with my billionaire heiress fiancée to come to a mysterious academic cult” and it’s the realest shit. why is he the most normal. why is he the only one who is phased by anything that has happened so far. also he Fucks (literally)

[moonsaurora]

yall know anyone can do the knocking method right..like are yall forgetting queen mary where they had a 30 minute knocking conversation? or literally any time there’s a random knock in a haunted place? like just cause cody was doing it alone awhile ago doesnt mean they’re faking

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Calling of Light

final book in the Shamanborn trilogy

about a young woman training to be a royal spy who discovered she had powers after bringing her best friend back to life

now, as the new king’s new shadow, must finally find a way to stop the Soulless, save her best friend from a magical rot, and stop the ever-encroaching dead forest

elemental & spirit magic

bi MC, no romance

read an arc from netgalley (but it’s since released)

[tristancaine]

every time I remember how the atlas trilogy ended I get so angry all over again lmao

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Me (having just finished reading a book): I need another book to read now PLEEEEEEAASEEE *ignores unread/unfinished books on my bookshelf*

[lovelookspretty]

lover of mine

drew starkey x actress!reader au

— in which drew and y/n, secretly exes, must fake date in order to keep the peace at a mutual friend’s wedding, but the forced proximity makes them question whether they ever truly moved on.

warnings: a really long chapter part thing i fear . kisses .. maybe .. IM NOT SPOILING THIS

prev next

authors note: erm guys .. if im rushing this then do NOT pay attention !! I WANT THEM TO BE OKAY AGAIN JUST LIKE U GUYS I FEAR. I CANT HELP MYSELF. but do NOT think this is the end because this is NOT!! we still have to get through the rest of the second week + the wedding. and if u think about it, DAMN a lot happened in week 1 omg goodnight

anyway, if u still arent part of the tag list, feel free to let me know thru replies, anons, or dms !! notifications are always on <3333

you keep your distance from him the next two days. you know you have to face him, and sometimes you do, but you’re stiffer than before. he knows better than anyone to maintain that gap until you’re okay again.

it just feels like your breakup with him all over again, but this time, for a different reason other than having too much time apart. this time, you’re all he spends time with but there just happens to be something getting in the way of that. another girl. it isn’t fair.

drew’s been trying to show in little ways that he’s sorry, but it doesn’t cut it for you. not yet. and you don’t want to lead him by a string and take advantage of him caring about you. but him bringing you breakfast, then trying to avoid you throughout the day until you’re back in libby’s bed again—it’s just frustrating.

you don’t even want to be there anymore. you don’t want to have to deal with this. but it’s for leila and theo, their day is coming up soon. you just want them to have a good time and then you can all separate ways and live your own lives again. how it’s always been and how it should be.

the guys are getting ready to visit town while the girls stay back. this isn’t for you though, and you’re grateful. gia proposed a self-care day after a package was shipped to the home, a large box of cookies, and safe to say you all agreed to the plan.

“i’ve been trying to get back into reading but i feel like i have no time sometimes,” leila’s telling you and the girls as you set up shop at the kitchen island.

there’s an array of face masks, moisturizers, rollers, oils, creams, other things they’ve wanted to try. gia even brings her diffuser and places it nearby as the tv in the living room plays.

“i recommend ‘doomsday’!” libby perks up from across the table. “i read it last summer and let me tell you, i bawled crying for a month straight.”

“y/n, you read,” leila says as she files her nails, crossing a leg over another. “what are your recommendations?”

“hey,” theo greets leila as he and the boys join you four at the table, each with their respective girlfriend besides libby and oscar, and technically you and drew. he hovers behind you but just merely nods his head to say hello. “we’re gonna head out.”

“oh, okay,” leila says with a small frown, but kisses him goodbye. “drive safe, alright?” you’re winking at roman who points at you to say to behave, but he kisses gia’s cheek before he’s following theo out.

you answer leila from earlier with a shrug, “i’ve been wanting to find ‘the last love letter’ but i haven’t really been reading lately. been too busy.”

gia mouth gapes open as she slams her hand on the table, nearly knocking something over. “shut up, i’ve been wanting to read that too!” she shrieks as libby tells her to be more careful.

you can only giggle at her while she gets off her seat and comes up behind you to pull your hair and tie it back.

“that book is literally nowhere, i swear the author only made like five copies of it.”

“have you guys read ‘self sabotage’?” leila asks as she and libby, already prepared, begin to place their face masks on.

you’re on the couch with the girls as libby records you on her phone. the box of cookies are opened and after careful review, you’ve all decided what to try first and what comes after that, and so on.

“now?” you ask libby if she’s ready, and she nods. you, leila, and gia take a cautious bite out of the pieces you’ve broken off of the first cookie. it only takes you a few chews in to realize how heavenly it is. gia even pretends to faint beside you.

“holy shit,” leila says as she covers her mouth, taking a look at the cookie with wide eyes. “are you serious?”

libby lunges at you with her phone to take it from her, “well now i wanna try it!”

you’re in a fit of laughter as you try to turn the camera around before she can sink her teeth in, but she’s too fast. your eyes widen at the girl, “libby, slow down!”

and eventually, you’re full of cookies and half of them are still yet to be tried. you agree with the girls to continue this matter tomorrow if the boys don’t eat it all themselves, and you know they will. you’re just glad you’ve already tried all the ones you really wanted to before then.

when the guys get home, it’s exactly what you anticipated. they bee line directly to the cookies on the coffee table, but not without greeting you all first.

theo groans as he takes a bite, roman right beside him to stuff a whole chunk in his mouth. “this is better than sex,” he murmurs while roman snaps his fingers several times. leila can’t help but nod in agreement.

“i feel cookie-drunk,” you say with your hand on your stomach, and gia curls up into your side as she holds onto hers. “what’d you guys get?”

roman is quick to reach into his bag and pull out a couple of keychains, as if he just got reminded about something. he tosses one at gia’s head, and you look over to see what it is.

“the world’s okayest girlfriend,” she reads aloud, and she chucks it back at him, no longer accepting the gift that roman laughs about. she gets up to see what else is in his bag, leaving drew to plop down next to you and libby, who’s on the other side of you this whole time.

she’s cleaning the ice cream off her spoon when she speaks up for you and her, “what’d you get?”

“few things,” he says as he lets you look inside for yourself.

you pull out a long box and open it. it’s a chain bracelet, sterling silver. it’s nice, and you nod with raised brows. there’s other things inside that you only glance at, but when you look up at him you notice the new pair of sunglasses that’s resting on his head.

you pull it off of him silently and place it on yourself, unspokenly thanking him for the temporary gift you’ll give back later but you like them so now they’re yours for a few hours.

drew purses his lips and closes his bag, assuming you’re done, so he gets up and starts heading upstairs. you look over at libby. without hesitation, she asks, “you okay?”

you hesitate, and you know she’s only asking this because this is one of drew’s brief interactions with you since a few days ago. but you shrug it off, “yeah, i’m okay,” you say.

libby doesn’t miss a beat, she’s not convinced at all. she knows you well enough to understand what ‘im okay’ really means is ‘i’ll be okay’. that it’s not okay, but it will be eventually.

she’s seen this look on you before, during the hardest parts of your relationship with drew. she can feel the unspoken words between them, the ones you don’t even need to say out loud.

“right,” libby says with a soft sigh. she wraps her arms around you, pulling you into a comforting hug. “you’ll be alright,” she whispers. you know she won’t pry further, but knowing that whatever drew did, it was enough to hurt you again.

after a few moments, she pulls back and, with a small smile, asks, “wanna help me with dinner soon? leila thought it’d be nice to eat out in the backyard tonight, by the pool.”

you hum softly, nodding your head, “yeah, that sounds good.”

libby grins, “awesome. ‘cause it’s pizza night and i cannot do it alone.”

the next few hours blur together. you’ve successfully prepared the pizzas with libby and slid them into the oven. now you’re cutting into them and displaying them outside on the table.

it used to be bare, but someone since morning has gone out there to help decorate the backyard to make it just a little flashier. there’s a cloth on the table, which is scattered with candles, flowers, dishes, platters of cookies, fruits, a charcuterie board, and there’s a helpful variety of drinks.

fairy lights blink across the backyard, even over the pool, and it illuminates the whole place. you place the different pizzas in between each candle piece, which libby lights as you do. when you call everyone outside, you join together at the table.

and once theo leads you once again with the ‘i’m grateful for my future wife’ shit, you get to dig in. you’re pretty sure it was longer this time around and even roman started to just eat until he was kicked under the table by drew.

“fucking finally,” libby murmurs under her breath after theo concludes his speech, to which causes him to pick up an olive off the plate and toss it at her. “yeah, you’re so lucky i like olives,” she whispers to herself as she rearranges her napkin, “fucking loser.”

“libby,” you scold, though you can’t hide your laugh. she’s grinning when she looks up, silently laughing with you.

when you turn to drew on the other side of you, he’s taking large bites from his slice. he tilts his head back with a groan, then takes a longer look at the pizza as he chews.

“s’it good?” you ask, and he nods rapidly, and soon his body moves with it. you bring yourself to smile, grateful that people you care about like what you’ve cooked.

you reach over to take your own slice from each pizza and just stack it on your plate, planning on going through them one by one from the one on too being the one you least want to eat, and the last at the bottom being the one you’re most excited for—a ‘save the best for last’ type of thing. it’s silly but you do it anyway.

drew’s finishing up his bite when he leans into you gently. “i have to talk to you later, by the way,” he says, and it sort of startles you because at this point you’re just talking to libby.

you look at him with furrowed brows, but again, you’re not mad. you’re not upset with him. at least not in this moment, you can’t be.

and it looks like he’s grateful because he can see it too. “if that’s alright with you,” he says, then takes another bite. you just nod at him in silence, and watch as he turns back to oscar who’s on his other side before talking to him.

you look straight ahead where roman’s sitting, and he sends you a look. he heard drew talking to you, he knows it must be about something important, but it’s not what’s on your mind right now.

you shrug it off. “—tell you later,” you mouth to him, then turn to libby when you realize she’s talking to you again.

after dinner, gia and leila clean dishes while literally all of the guys clean up outside as a thank you to you and libby, who lay across the living room with bellies filled with food.

there’s a movie playing on tv that you can barely pay attention to, but you’ve been laying there for about an hour so if you really want to, you could. you just play into the laziness that you’re allowed.

you hold your phone above you as libby rolls around the carpet, or at least that’s what you last saw her doing before you looked away. you’re scrolling through texts with your manager as if a new message will come in.

“did elyse get back to you?” libby asks, a face-full of carpet and it sounds like she’s just a few feet away. “about the thing.”

“no,” you mumble, then turn your phone off and set it face-down on the carpet, just like libby. the side of your head is laying on your arm as you look at her. “i could go for another cookie.”

“you ate three!” libby’s muffled voice raises.

“and i’ll make it four,” you tell her, raising your volume back. you consider getting up but don’t feel like it. you can actually lay here forever—maybe.

“y/n,” you hear his voice. it’s drew.

and you get up immediately. he was so softspoken, so cautious with you. he’s entering the house with the other boys who must’ve finished outside, meaning it’s time to have his talk. you almost ask if you guys can just have it there if it’s not that important, but if that’s possible then he wouldn’t be trying to get you alone.

you look over to libby, who—at the sound of drew’s voice—peeked her eyes out to see what he wanted. she looks to you, and she understands why you have to go. she convinces herself to get up and find the remote so she can turn the volume up.

you know it’s for you and drew, and a part of you wants to nudge her or be offended, and you do. is this going to be normal behavior in the house? turning up the volume just for you and drew when you guys need to have these ‘talks’ that are just screaming practice in disguise?

you’re almost embarrassed but you know that you’d rather have this than let them hear you two upstairs.

you follow him to your room, or technically his room as of three nights ago, and he lets you inside first. there’s a chilling feeling when you realize what’s about to happen and you feel like he’s literally about to murder you.

the room is clean, for the most part. you didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t take care of this room regardless if you’re in it or not. his bed isn’t made and his backpack’s on the edge of it, opened and rifled through.

you look to him when you’ve entered, and he nods toward the bed, as if to say he would rather you sit there while you listen to what he has to say, so slowly, you make your way over and settle down on the edge.

drew pulls out a chair from the desk across the bed and turns it around, pushing it closer to you. you’re surprised that he’s doing a whole setup just to talk to you. maybe he really is going to kill you.

“i haven’t been honest at all . . . since we started talking again,” he begins as he sits down in front of you. you stay there and close your mouth. you want to hear what he has to say, even if it ends terribly. you need to hear what he’s been thinking. “so i’d like to tell you everything about this past year if you’re okay with that.”

you shrug and gesture to let him have the floor. “please,” you insist with a nod.

he sighs as he fiddles with his fingers in his lap. “there’s . . . mila," he starts, and even though you knew this conversation was coming, it still stings when you hear her name.

“i guess you could call it a situationship or whatever,” he says before he catches himself, realizing how that sounds. “i mean, to me, it felt like that. but i think—” he pauses, chewing on his words. “no, she definitely saw it as more. she always viewed it as a relationship.” he glances at you, watching for your reaction, but you just sit there, waiting.

he rubs a hand over his face, frustrated with himself. “we just weren’t on the same page. i was . . . i was using it to distract myself, if i’m being honest. and i know that’s not fair. i knew it even then. but it felt easier than than facing what i was actually feeling at the time.”

he continues, “i told myself it was nothing, but i knew, deep down, it wasn’t fair to her. she didn’t deserve to be strung along like that.”

you feel your chest tighten, but not from jealousy. it’s you knowing that someone else had been hurt in this too, someone who had clearly thought there was more between them. “does she know? about this?” you ask him.

he flinches slightly, as if the concern you’re showing for mila makes this even harder to explain for him. he hesitates, “i officially ended things with her three nights ago. the night you confronted me about her. i told her it was over, that i couldn’t keep pretending things were fine when they weren’t. she didn’t take it well. and honestly, i don’t blame her.”

you’re quiet for a moment—so he’s decided to keep you and him a secret from mila? to spare both his and her feelings? you aren’t sure if you should bring light to it or just push it aside. you did say before that it was ultimately his decision.

“i’m glad you told her,” you say carefully, but there's a pause before you add, "but i can’t imagine how confusing this must be for her.” you shift in your seat, rubbing your palms on your knees. “i mean, from her perspective, this whole thing must feel like it came out of nowhere.”

he swallows hard, nodding. “yeah, it wasn’t fair to her. not at all.”

there’s a beat. he looks at you, his expression more vulnerable than you’ve seen in a long time. “i told her about you,” he says. he’s quiet, as if he’s afraid of the confession. “i told her that i’m . . . that i’m still not over you. that i don’t think i ever really was.”

what?

you blink, startled by his words, though in a way, you’re not entirely surprised. you’ve felt the tension between you two from the moment you started talking again, but hearing him admit it, finally saying it out loud . . .

his voice is rough, like he’s forcing himself to continue. “but that’s why things with mila were never real. not for me, at least. i kept telling myself i could move on, that i could just forget, but every day i’d realize i wasn’t. i couldn’t let go of you.”

“but you broke up with me, drew,” you remind him. “that doesn’t necessarily sound like you’re in love with me.”

“i didn’t break up with you because i didn’t love you,” he says, his brows furrowed. “i do, more than i’ve ever loved anyone else.” his eyes meet yours briefly before dropping to his hands, which he’s fiddling with in his lap. “like, it was the opposite. i felt like i wasn’t enough for you. like i was failing you.”

you feel your breath hitch in your throat, but you don’t interrupt. you sit up on the bed.

he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he speaks. “our jobs, the schedules, the distance . . . it was tearing us apart, you know? and every day, i’d think about how i wasn’t giving you what you deserved. we were supposed to click, supposed to last, but i felt like i was just holding you back.” his voice is quiet, and he rubs his forehead slowly. “and i couldn’t stand the thought of you waiting for me when i could never give you the time you needed. it was eating me alive.”

you stay quiet, but tears prick at the corners of your eyes. his words hit hard, and you feel like everything that was left unsaid was finally coming to light now—there were arguments that could’ve been avoided, the misunderstandings that built up. he was overthinking, spiraling, and instead of talking to you, he made the decision for both of you.

“and i just kept thinking, like . . . ‘she deserves someone who can be there for her, really be there. someone who can come home to her every night’. i wasn’t that guy. i’d go days without seeing you, weeks even, and it broke me.” he swallows hard again, shaking his head. “i convinced myself that you’d be happier with someone else. someone who wasn’t always on some stupid set, always busy.”

your heart aches as you watch him, his guilt written all over his face. you lean forward and whisper, “but you don’t get to decide that for me, drew. we make decisions together. or at least, that’s how it’s supposed to work.”

“i know,” he mutters, his tone regretful. “i know that now. but back then, i thought i was doing the right thing. i thought i was . . . protecting you, i guess. from me.”

you shake your head, wiping at the tears that are now falling freely. “protecting me from you? drew, i never, ever wanted anyone else. i wanted you. i didn’t care about the schedules, or the distance. i would’ve waited, and we could’ve figured it out. together.”

his eyes finally meet yours again, and for the first time, you can see the depth of his regret. “when we broke up, i tried. god, i tried to move on. i tried to find something, you know? but i was always looking for you.” he takes a shaky breath. “every girl i met, i’d compare them to you. i’d look for pieces of you in them, trying to find something familiar, something that felt right. but it never worked.”

you knew he had tried to move on, but hearing that he was always searching for you in others, that no one ever compared. it leaves you speechless for a moment. if that’s what happened, then why invest so much time into mila?

you finally gather the courage to ask, “mila. did she . . . was she like me?” your voice is soft, almost hesitant, but you need to know.

“no,” he admits, shaking his head. “not really. mila was cool, and she’s . . . she’s great in her own way. but no. she wasn’t like you.” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words. "but i remember i wanted her to be."

he didn’t try to replace you with mila, but it was clear that he had been searching for something, anything, to fill the void you left behind. and it never worked.

“no one’s ever going to compare to you, y/n,” he continues, “i realize that now. it took me a while, but i’ll always search for you in everyone, and it’s never going to be the same. it’ll never feel the way it felt with you."

for the first time in a long time, you feel like you’re finally getting the truth. the real, unfiltered truth about why things ended the way they did. he wasn’t running because he didn’t care. he was running because he thought he wasn’t enough for you. and now, he’s sitting here, telling you everything he couldn’t say before.

“i’m sorry,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper now, on the verge of crying. “i’m sorry for walking away. for not talking to you about it when i should’ve. i was scared. scared that i wasn’t enough for you, and scared that i never would be.”

you can feel the tears still lingering in your eyes, but there’s also a strange sense of closure. you’ve needed to hear this for so long, to understand why things fell apart the way they did. and now, you finally do.

“i messed up,” he says, “i messed up everything, and i know it. but i never stopped loving you and i’m . . . i’m still in love with you.”

you stay silent, blinking away the burn in your eyes, trying to absorb what he’s saying. part of you feels relief, but another part of you is cautious. you’ve been hurt before like this. by another and by him.

he watches you closely, and it feels like the longer the silence is, the more anxious he gets. “i know this doesn’t fix anything, and i’m not asking you to forgive me or take me back. i just needed to tell you the truth. i needed you to know that mila . . . ? mila was never you. no one is.”

the room feels too small suddenly, too full of emotions that you don’t know what to do with. you take a deep breath, trying to collect your thoughts, but all you can manage to say is, “why now, drew? why are you telling me this now?”

his gaze softens, “because i didn’t want to lose you again. not without you knowing the truth.”

you can only look down at your lap. your vision blurs as you try to focus on your fingers, interlocked and tense in your lap, the pressure in your chest is tightening by the second.

you don’t trust yourself to speak just yet, so you hold everything in, to find the right words, but nothing comes out.

when you finally lift your head to look at him, the tears are already pooling in your eyes. you blink rapidly, trying to keep them from spilling over, but it’s useless. without saying anything, he stands up and pulls you into him, wrapping his arms tightly around your frame.

you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding as your face presses into his chest, and it’s like the dam inside you finally breaks. the tears fall freely now, your body shaking as you cling to him, feeling the warmth of his arms around you—something you’ve missed so desperately.

and it’s not just about the last few days. it’s about the past year of missing him, of pretending you were okay when you weren’t. and you can tell drew needed this too. you can feel it in the way his grip tightens, like he’s afraid to let go, like he’s trying to hold together everything that’s broken between you both.

you stay like that for a long time, the sound of your quiet sobs muffled by his chest, his hand slowly rubbing up and down your back as if to soothe the ache inside you. it’s a comfort you haven’t felt in so long, and it is exactly what you’ve needed.

toward the end of it, your face still pressed against his chest, you mumble something, your words half muffled by the fabric of his shirt. he loosens his hold just a little, enough for you to pull back slightly, just enough to breathe. “i . . .” you take a shaky breath, your hands still gripping his arms, and when you finally meet his eyes again, you whisper, “i never stopped loving you either.”

the words hang between you, raw and honest, and as soon as you say them, you see the way his expression softens, like it’s the only thing he’s been waiting to hear.

his lips crash into yours, urgent and insistent. his fingers tighten against the back of your neck, pulling you closer, as if he can’t get enough. his lips coax yours open, deepening the kiss, and he swallows the whimper that escapes you.

his other arm wraps around your waist, pulling you into his lap as he sits back on the bed. he kisses you like he's been starved of you, his tongue swirling against yours, his hands exploring every inch of your face, your neck, your hair. this is what he’s been waiting to do.

his hands trail down to your hips, pulling you flush against him, and he breaks the kiss, only to trail his lips along your jaw, down your neck, his breath hot against your skin. “stay with me tonight?”

you can’t get enough of him, and although you know that everything can’t be completely fixed over just one conversation, sleeping and waking up in the same bed as him isn’t hurting anyone.

you nod, a soft smile on your face that causes him to grin. but he pulls away slowly hesitating for a moment, his smile growing a little wider as he reaches past you into his backpack, his fingers rummaging around as if he’s searching for something precious.

you watch him, curiosity bubbling inside you. what could he possibly have?

“hold on,” he murmurs against your lips, his voice low and filled with warmth, and you smile as you press another kiss to his.

finally, he pulls out a book, holding it out toward you with a look of pure joy on his face. you take a look at it but almost don’t even catch it the first time until a second later. your heart skips a beat as you recognize it—the last love letter.

“shut up,” you say, taking it into your own hands to see if it’s real. and of course it is.

he nods, a soft smile spreading across his lips. “i heard you talking about it with the girls before we left earlier,” he explains, but he knows you can tell already that much. there’s a goofy look on his face as he wipes underneath one of his eyes. “i knew how much you wanted it and i saw a copy in town, so . . .”

“no, shut up. i can’t take this,” you exclaim, feeling tears welling in your eyes. “star.” the words spill out, a mix of disbelief and overwhelming gratitude. it’s not just the gift; it’s the thought behind it that strikes a chord deep within you. you trace the cover with your fingertips as if it’s a treasured artifact.

he watches you intently. “i wanted to,” he assures you. “i heard it, i thought it would mean something to you.”

your gaze shifts from the book to him. “thank you, it does,” you whisper, your voice shaking as you blink out a few more tears.

you set the book aside momentarily, throwing your arms around him once again. the embrace feels like a lifeline. you hold him tightly, your heart racing as you bury your face against his shoulder, inhaling his familiar scent.

he wraps his arms around you, holding you just as tightly, as if he’s afraid to let go. the world outside fades away, and in this moment, it’s just the two of you, wrapped in each other’s arms, a bubble of intimacy where everything feels right again.

after a long pause, as you pull back slightly to meet his gaze, you can see the softness in his eyes. “you really didn’t have to do this,” you say again, looking down at the brand new book. “but it means the world to me that you did.”

he grins, “i know it’s just a book, but i wanted to show you that i’m here—like, really here this time.” and you are so glad he is.

“i missed this,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

he closes his eyes for a moment, and you continue to explore the pages of the book, though your thoughts keep drifting back to him. aw you run your fingers through his hair, it dawns on you how much you've missed this—this connection, this easy banter, the comfort of being together.

“i missed us,” you finally admit, looking into his eyes, and in that moment, everything feels right again. it all floods back to you.

he shifts slightly, leaning in closer, and his arms slide to wrap around your waist as he lays his head on your shoulder to take a look at your book with you, his voice in relief as he mumbles, “me too.”

and you’re happy, it all just feels like your dream again.

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[wosoluver]

Hi!!! Just wanted to say I love your writing and I have a request for Obi if you would be so kind. It’s kind of dumb but I just saw the picture of her with Gondolf on my fyp. So the inspiration comes from that.

Little Family - Maybe Obi & R are close friends that act in a way around one another that makes anyone looking on think that maybe there’s something more. Anyway R gets a gift from a young fan which is a teddy bear after a match during the international break and carries it around camp with her like if it were her kid. Obviously being close “friends” obi joins in on this, much to the teasing of their teammates who are pointing out when are they going to get married or something along those lines. Let’s just say that a teddy bear is the reason two long time friends confess their feelings.

Little family

It's super short - Part 1

Lena x reader

Lena Oberdorf Masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Oh my goodness! Can I keep it?!" you asked the young girl in the stands. She nodded eagerly to you. "Thank you, so much! Is there anything else you want me to sign?" initially you had stopped by to sign her shirt and the flag she held on to, after the game against the Netherlands.

"Can you get Obi? So she can also sign it?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes of course! I'll go get her." you walked over to your friend that was doing nothing but talking to your teammates and pulled her by the hand.

"Where are we going?"

"A fan wants to meet you. Look what she gave me!" you said showing her the stuffed animal. "she's the cutest." and soon there was Lena, signing the young fan's shirt and offering a picture.

"Y/N! Come here for the family picture!"

and you came close to them once again, holding your bunny up as she took the selfie.

After getting done with the fans, you headed inside, arms looped around each others.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

You had grown quite attached to the bunny, that you had named Libby. So here you were walking into training the next week, with her in your arms.

"Do you go anywhere without it nowadays?" said Lea, your friend and teammate in both the national team and at Bayern.

"Why would I?"

"It's just a kids toy." she said.

And you jokingly let out an offended gasp. Covering Libby's ears.

"Don't listen to her baby!"

Lea only rolled her eyes, heading outside for training. You followed her, after placing the bunny sitting amongst your things.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Are you sure you and Lena are just friends?" asked Georgia curiously. In truth she wasn't the only one confused about it. You two were always together, would never see one, without the other. Even your team's that once separated you by miles, no longer did, after Lena making the move to Bayern.

"Yeah." you kept your answer short and simple as always, afraid to say too much and end up letting out more than you should. Like how much you actually loved her.

For Obi the lines had also been blurred, it had been for sometime now.

When you got out of the shower after training, you saw Lena sitting down, on her phone, holding onto Libby. While you were gone, the girls had teased and questioned her quite a lot.

Her only defense was to say she was taking care of it, on your behalf.

Which was true.

But she adored holding on to it, since she couldn't hold onto you, the same way. It was the next best thing and it smelled just like you.

You smiled ear to ear at the sight. See her going along with it, and actually caring for something you loved, despite others thinking it was kind of stupid.

Felt like you had put a little family together. Even though it was just a plushy bunny, instead of a child and she was just your bestfriend, instead of your wife.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

This request was so cute! Thank you for sending in 🩷 Part 2 already out! It's a social media!au

Please send me more requests guys!

[formosusiniquis]

i'll play giles, you be spike

ao3 summer reading starts on monday, your local children's librarian (me) is grabby handing any inspiration they can and running with it.

"There's a vampire in the nonfiction section." Steve says in a harsh whisper that feels louder than if he’d just shouted it from across the room at Robin like he’d wanted to in the first place.

She finishes her spinny chair rotation before saying, "And other rejected Bailey School kid titles. What game is this?"

"It's not a game!” He drops the stack of go-backs he was about to put on the shelf in a thump on the counter. His preference for taking small stacks instead of wheeling the whole cart has served him well both for his sense of dramatics and for his ability to stealth. “There is a Kiefer Sutherland Lost Boys vampire in the nonfiction stacks. Or he’s really more like the dark haired one."

"There really is something for everyone at the library." She says with a dreamy sigh, bringing her folded hands up to her face.

"Robin! Could you be serious for five seconds?"

"Could you? Why are you jumping to vampire when it's obviously just a goth patron?”

He leans further across the desk so he can whisper more aggressively in her face. “Because he was in the 800’s Robin, nobody just goes into the 800’s.”

“Plenty of people go into the 800's, that's where all of the poetry and short stories are?”

“Oh yeah, all the poetry and short stories Diana buys. You tell me the last time you remember a new poetry book hitting the collection that wasn’t for Adelle back in Kids and maybe I’ll believe you about vampire guy.”

She sputters, because he’s right, and he had to listen to her complain about how she never would have heard of Gay Poems for Red States if their digital collection on Libby weren’t so much better stocked than their physical collection. And he’s right about this. 

“You’re not right about this, but let’s pretend you are. Why don’t you go out and live your Bella Swan fantasy then, dingus.”

“Because he’s super hot and intimidating-”

“-and you want him to bite you.”

“And,” he says loud enough that Mrs. Willis over on the computer shushes him. “And you don’t get to make fun of me just because some perky blonde hasn’t shown up to help you live out your little Tinkerbelle fairy fantasy.”

“Excuse me,” a warm, raspy voice pipes up from behind Steve, he doesn’t have to turn to be certain of who it belongs to. But he does, because he gets off on that edge of self-embarrassment and also it’s his literal job.

“How can I help you?”

The bulky leather jacket the guy has on, even though it’s May and basically already the summer, must have him hot. There’s a flush staining his face that is not a point away from Steve’s vampire theory even if he knows Robin is already thinking that it is. He’s wearing a shirt that says Corroded Coffin which is where vampires live, he knows that much even if he never can successfully keep up with Dracula Daily any year he tries.

“Yeah, so I made a bet with a friend that I could find a really specific piece of information before her by going to the library instead of using the internet.” Robin sucks in a sharp breath between her teeth, the sound of Steve’s wince. “I’m playing the long odds, Google kind of sucks now, so I think I’ve got a chance.”

“Steve can help you out,” Robin volunteers, standing up on the foot rest of her wheely chair to give his shoulder a shove. “He’s the best at finding things in the dark, secluded stacks where the cameras can’t see you.”

“Um…”

“Did you already know what you were looking for?” Steve asks, just to stop what is currently happening. “If it’s just the book not being where it’s at I can help you find it. Nonfiction is a pain, and people are always trying to be helpful and put things away; but I guess Hawkins Elementary isn’t teaching decimals like they used to.”

He couldn’t be rambling any worse if he were actually Robin and not the other timeshare owner of their worst brain cell.

Hot vampire guy just watches, a little amused but his smile is closed lipped, because he’s obviously trying to hide his vampire fangs. Not that Steve has a problem with being the hapless victim at the beginning of the Buffy episode, everybody has to go sometime and  if it’s via a hotter Spike it’s better than the way he always assumed he would die (as a casualty of one of Henderson’s sketchy science experiments.)

“I have a confession,” hot vampire guy says, they’ve made it back to where Steve remembers him standing before. 

“Yeah,” he prompts, idly scanning the shelf in front of him. Hopefully projecting whatever air of openness that gets strangers to confess their darkest sins to him unprompted at nine in the morning, so that this hot stranger feels comfortable admitting that he’s a sexy creature of the night.

“I don’t actually need anything from this row, our bet was actually about whether or not you and your coworker are an item.”

Well that wasn’t at all what Steve was hoping he would say. Hot guy -- probably a human hot guy since it is five o’clock and the sun is still high in the sky -- isn’t looking at him. He's straightening up the short story collections and bringing them up neatly to the edge of the shelf, letting his fingers gently flirt with some of the spines in lingering and wanting glances.

“Yeah, we're not together, and you're not her type. Sorry to be the bearer of that bad news.”

Hot guy sputters, mouth opening wide in his haste to deny his interest and revealing moderately sharp but definitely human canines and incisors.. Unfortunate, since Steve doesn't trust anyone who isn't a little obsessed with Robin like he is.

“She seems great,” he says when he's finished spitting all over the books, “she's just not really my type either. Seems like she's more into literary fiction and I’m looking for a guy who’s into campy horror and bad sci-fi.”

“The Star Trek novelizations aren’t bad sci-fi,” he says by rote, having spent too much time with the most annoying nerds in the world who only appreciated door stops that had ‘literary merit.’ Then the rest of the sentence catches up with him. “Oh!”

Hot guy smiles, and smug isn’t something that Steve usually finds attractive but it’s working on him. “I’m Eddie,” he says, “and if you’ll give me a second to win this bet you can tell me how you feel about maybe going out with someone who only plays a vampire on paper.”

[wyrmswears]

Hiii!

I know the au ain’t about Jay, but does he have an animal form? How did Edd & Eddna found him or he does not exist?

I do apologize for the amount of questions not being libber related😞

Pd. I also love wolf children i imagine Libby just recreating the feral Yuki scene right?

Hellooooo!! Had to think about this for a bit; I really didn't give Jay too much mind when making this AU lol. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed getting to flesh out this AU further using your questions so thank you so much for asking! :D I made the AU for Libber and Ice but it's always fun to expand on other characters and how the changes the AU makes affects them.

This post turned out longer than I expected (oops. I love infodumping about my AUs, sorry lol) so the answers in their entirety are under the cut! Spoilers for Prime Empire and Dragons Rising (though nothing particularly about s2) are mentioned though.

The short answers are: Jay is still adopted, Libber left him at the Walkers' doorstep before dying. And yes, Jay has a wolf form like Libber does, but he can't access it until after the Merge.

The long answers:

The second question is easy - the comic on my other post initially had a third page that would've answered this but I found it difficult to get to flow well so I scrapped it. When the Walkers arrive home after coming across Libber, they find Jay on their doorstep. The idea is that she had left him at a safe place as a final act before succumbing to whatever killed her. (Much like in Wolf Children, I don't have a particular cause of death thought out.) Ed and Edna don't make the connection between the child on their doorstep and the wolf on the highway of course, because why would they?

As for whether Jay has an animal form... On one hand I find it very amusing when characters of non-human heritage turn out to be just normal humans, and Cliff Gordon is still completely human in this AU, but I also think it'd be boring to ignore his heritage completely for the sake of the bit. After mulling it over I've come up with this:

Jay grows up showing quirks that align with him being half raijū, but nothing that can't be explained by him being the elemental master of lightning or just a peculiar (and probably neurodivergent) child; these are things like a fascination of thunderstorms, abnormal resistance towards electrical shocks, hyperactivity, a tendency to chew on things...

He has no idea that his biological mother wasn't human until after the events of Prime Empire when Wu, now aware that Jay knows he's adopted as he used it to reason with Unagami, requests to speak to Jay privately. He explains that, if Jay has an animal form then he shouldn't feel like he has to hide it from the team as he is sure that they'd accept him, much like Libber's teammates accepted her. This is sweet and all, but Jay is very confused what he means about having an animal form. And thus begins the explanation of who or what exactly Libber was.

After learning that he isn't completely human, Jay isn't really upset - hell, Zane and Lloyd have both dealt with the same thing and it turned out fine - but he only talks about it with Nya. This is part of my general characterisation of Jay where I feel like he doesn't keep too many deliberate secrets, but does only mention certain things about himself on a need-to-know basis meaning that, while he doesn't care if the team knows he's adopted, only Nya, Zane, and Pixal know that he is (Zane and Pixal for being present at the end of Prime Empire). Nya 'needs to know' because she is his yang thank you very much. Nya helps him to research about raijū and they find out that they can come in a variety of forms. Jay thinks he'd look like a noble and mighty creature, maybe a lion or an eagle. Nya thinks he'd be a chihuahua.

Nonetheless, that seems to be the extent of it; Jay doesn't figure out if he has an animal form or how to use it, and all that's changed is that Nya has become a lot more aware of her yin's oddities. That is, until Dragons Rising.

I think after the Merge, Jay has no issues with accessing his animal form: much like his mother, he's a wolf-like canid. If you told him, he'd probably never believe that he had spent the first 20-or-so years of his life with no clue to his heritage and no abilities related to it when his natural state of self after getting amnesia is to flux between forms. Maybe it developed as one of the strange effects of the Merge, or maybe its a new ability as a result of his environment, much akin to Cole's rock golem. Nonetheless, it serves as a message to Nya that this isn't the same Jay she knew before the Merge. He flaunts his heritage to the team that he never told and has changed, both physically and as a person, without her there to see.

As for the P.S, I'm not entirely sure what scene you are talking about - there's quite a few where I imagine Yuki could be described as feral lol - but Libber is overall quite alike to Yuki in my mind, particularly when she is younger and less concerned with hiding her wolf side.

[imanes]

doing a lil august reading wrap up because apparently i read 13 (!!) books. in chronological order (bolded are those i recommend):

city of stairs by robert jackson bennett: quite the interesting read. i think the character work in this one is a standout, as well as the world building. the good thing is i have no idea where this trilogy is going so it's exciting. the audiobook for the second book arrives in 2 weeks on my shelves on libby so I'll be reading the sequel soon

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer: this one took me a whole entire year to read and finish lol. no comment. or maybe one comment: i think i'd have found this book a lot more eye opening if i had read it three years ago so right book wrong time i guess? i do recommend it i just think it didn't impact me as much as i thought it would

the blighted worlds by megan e. o'keefe: this one hit me like a truck!! i was so obsessed. it's a sci-fi space opera with an element of horror and an interesting romance sub-plot. basically everything i love lmao. i really do recommend this book it might actually be my fave of the month

sanctuary by ilona andrews: i have to stay up to date on all things kate daniels-related to this spin off was high on my tbr. it was a lot of fun but it petered out toward the end

where the dark stands still by a.b. poranek: a bit of a let down not gonna lie. the gist of my opinion is that it felt underdeveloped and in turn i felt under-interested in whatever was going on

shadows of self by brandon sanderson: once again i am begging the protagonists of this series to stop being aggravating

the fractured dark by megan e. o'keefe: continuing my obsession with the devoured worlds trilogy... unfortunately i have to wait on my libby hold to get the audiobook of the next one (i read with my eyeballs and listen at the same time to help with concentration)

the right to sex - feminism in the 21st century by amia srinivasan: i read this book because i know of two people who broke up with their significant other (one of them resulting in a divorce) after reading this book so i had to know what srinivasan had cooked in there and yeah she did cook.

the way of kings by brandon sanderson: just part of my re-read in preparation of the release of wind and truth in December. this month we tackle (again) words of radiance teehee

just for the summer by abby jimenez: womp womp womp. idk what it is with romance authors these days they're in a competition with themselves to portray the healthiest love stories but this one teetered on the wrong side of boring one too many times and the volume to therapy-speech in this one was staggering.

the ex vows by joyce jessica: twas a cute poolside read, it's nothing revolutionary but it was pleasant enough and it didn't make me roll my eyes like just for the summer jdkjgsk at least the love interest had a personality and a life... i mean it's fiction so it's not a life but it appeared as if he contained multitudes or something

funny story by emily henry: I'll go ahead and say it nobody writes a contemporary romance quite like miss henry because she's got the secret recipe for the right balance between heartfelt feelings and amusing situations + her dialogues feel a lot more natural than most (though if i had to nitpick she always has this side character who's a fountain of wisdom and gives you life-changing monologues but i guess such people exist out there)

the thief by megan whalen turner: the megans are really out in full force because this is another book written by a megan that i loved so much. yes half of this book is a fairly episodic journey across made-up countries, yes i ate it up, yes the second half is worth the wait (if you were out of patience, which i wasn't, bc i was having fun) and yes the plot twists are chef's kiss. "gen's ambitions are his own" is the perfect summary. everand has all the audiobooks so you know what I'm gonna do... that's right... listen and read at the same time

as an aside the tandem reads i do with both books and audiobooks happen only when i like the narrators. if i find a narrator i like i stick to them like glue because they're few and far between as far as my picky ass is concerned. i never do romance audiobooks they're the worst...

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

could you please do some random tig hcs?

random tig head canons

sure! hope you like them <3.

gigi is super obsessed with pasta. she eats it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. she even has this thing called dessert pasta where she eats it with chocolate sauce (its disgusting but she likes it)

gigi once dared xander to make a really weird sex toy cause he's so good at making things (what it was it up to you)

jameson has beat the record for the amount of concussions a human can get in a life time. this dude has had like 25 of them

nash goes around making sure all of his brothers have condoms so they don't end up being teenage dads.

max and gigi are the type of people to write really aesthetic notes.

grayson loves wearing gold sheet masks. he's convinced it makes him glow like a pregnant lady

in tbh, jameson said he was considered the second hottest hawthorne. i know people will say grayson's the first, but i think xander is hotter (sorry not sorry. he's hot but xander >>.)

avery and jameson love giving each other shoulder kisses when they're cuddling in bed.

savannah loves cardigans with her entire being. she likes to look put together in public, but when she's alone in her room, she'll throw on a cardigan.

savannah is super into literature. she's constantly buying books (classics, poetry). she has a tumblr account where she post her poetry

a duck once flew into grayson at such high speed that he fell on the ground and tumbled down a hill (this has never happened and will never happen to anyone but grayson)

max has horrendous taste in men (other than xander). max and avery will be taking a walk when the most horrendous, disgusting looking man who looks like he hasn't showered in 50 years, and could probably pass for a goblin passes by and max goes 'smash'

at events and balls, when max and gigi are bored, they look at the crowd, pick out a person, and decide whether they're a smash or pass

jameson loves munching on ice. he's always eating it

xander and avery have matching tattoos. i don't know what it would be, but they definitely have one.

thea is a petty bitch and has a burn book (no, she is not a girl boss. she's a mean girl who thinks everyone loves her when in reality people despise her guts)

grayson takes freezing cold showers because he once read that it's good for you hair and skin

xander, jamie, and gigi have twerking competitions. they get max and avery to judge.

when avery has a nightmare. she likes to go out on her balcony and stare at the stars. they make her feel close to her mom

xander is super into greek mythology. he has read the percy jackson series and has made extensive research on the topic.

xander journals at night lying on his stomach, in his bed, kicking his feet in the air.

max loves kicking guys in the balls (only pieces of shit, not nice guys (she may or may not have once kicked xander in the balls))

gigi wishes she had a dick for one day so she could stack donuts on it.

nash teases jameson by coming up behind him while he's eating, picking up his spoon, and 'helicoptering' it to his mouth saying here comes to airplane (in a voice that one uses to speak to a baby)(if that makes sense)

grayson has the weirdest but cutest laugh you will ever hear.

jameson knows how to speak in tons of different accents. he changes up his accent everyday. one day, it'll be british, the next, scottish

jameson is a sucker for gold jewelry. this dude has gold chains, necklaces, rings, watches, cufflinks, etc (he looks hot wearing them)

libby loves going strawberry picking. she finds it super relaxing and she loves eating them

grayson owns a typewriter (*cough* the tortured poets department *cough*)

when avery is out with alisa, people will take pictures of her (alisa), post them, and caption them mommy (people simp over her so hard)

they all have a group chat (the hawthornes, avery, libby, max, gigi, savannah, and alisa, (maybe even rebecca and thea)) for emergencies only (or at least, thats what they told themselves when they started it), but gigi is alwyas spamming cat memes, xander is always complaining about his missing eyebrow, and max is always begging her 'sugar mommy' avery to buy her books. basically, the gc is a mess and is the most chaotic thing you'll ever see.

xander wants everyone to call him 'dibbles' but no one does.

they sell merch. there is literally never anything in stock, though, because it's always sold out.

grayson is the type of person to take 249123 different types of vitamins to keep himself healthy

gigi snores so loud, you'd be able to hear her from the neighboring state.

[averyiconthequeen]

averyjameson: overwhelmed

Both Avery and Jameson are going through tough times in their lives, which takes a toll on their relationship.

warnings: angsty, also maybe a little suggestive content idk !!

There is something special about Italy, and to be honest, it cannot be accurately described in words, you can only feel it. Every time you’re here, everything just seems different.

It was spring break and everyone had been terribly busy with studies and work for the past few months, so it was decided to meet here at one of Avery’s villas. Grayson's idea. From now on, he didn't run away from his family, but wanted to be close to them. He also wanted to take a boat ride with Lyra on Lake Como and watch the sunset. Isn't it amazing how love and therapy changes people?

Everyone was supposed to come except Nash and Libby. Of course, they wanted to spend time with everyone, but when your kids turn three and they start talking non-stop and being everywhere, all you want after a while is just some alone time together. So, they decided to leave the twins at Zara's and go somewhere quiet and enjoy the silence, at least for a couple of days. But really, it was out of the question, because they will definitely miss the babies too soon and show up on Zara's doorstep the very next day. Not like it’s their first attempt to do so.

Grayson and Lyra had already been here for a few days and were now lost somewhere in the gardens. Xander had only arrived a few minutes ago and was now on the phone with Max, who should be arriving in a couple hours as well.

“I don't want to sound dramatic, but I'm pretty sure I won't survive here without you among these...” hearing the door open, he turned around. “It's Avery. Alone.”

“Okay, I love you. Hopefully I’ll be okay when you arrive, it’s like being around divorced parents.”

“First of all, no, it’s not. Second of all, it’s only their freaking business. And finally, if anything new happens, let me know! Love you,” she hung up and he smiled. Yes, they were that kind of couple. Gossipers. And what’s wrong with that? It’s not like they’re judging someone, just… discussing.

“My second favorite person in the world!” Xander made his way to the girl he hasn’t seen in almost three months.

Avery smiled brightly, taking a few steps to him as well and hugged him. She missed him dearly. They texted each other almost every day in their shared chat with Max, and knew everything that was going on in each other's lives, but seeing him in person was different.

He helped Avery carry her bags to her room and they fell into a discussion about the new series they’d started watching. After an hour of talking about everything, they went downstairs, and Avery knew Xander wanted to ask her, but for some reason he held back.

When they got down to the spacious, bright kitchen, which overlooked the lake, they realized that Lyra and Grayson still hadn't returned. Interesting.

“Are you still mad at my brother?”

Of course, it was only a matter of time. Honestly, she thought he would do it as soon as he saw her. She also knew that Jameson wasn't saying anything to him about it, even though Xander was worried. Did it hurt him? A little bit, yeah. Xander had shared more with him than the others, but he figured Jameson probably had his reasons right now and didn't push him.

He knew the situation in a nutshell. Only that something had happened and that Jameson and Avery were trying to pretend it hadn't. That was enough to put two and two together.

“I wasn't mad at him,” she denied, but Xander didn't believe it. He knew her too well, and when it came to Jameson, it was always so obvious. “Maybe I was mad, but not anymore.”

It was almost two weeks ago. Jameson got a minor trauma at practice. Minor bruise, but it will only remain minor if treated immediately. The trouble with this guy is that he almost never stops until he gets what he wants, a win. Almost. His number one rule: don't make Avery worry too much. She wanted him to be safe, and when he could control it, he wanted to be that safe for her.

However, the thing is, when you're in your 20s, you decide it's now or never and push yourself until your anxiety eats you up. “You can do more, you have to do this, you’re worthless if you cannot achieve this, there’s too little time ahead”. Emotions and there are a lot of them.

All too much, still not enough.

And that's why he broke his number one rule. He kept going until the pain got worse and he ended up in the hospital.

They argued for a few minutes and for the first time, their code word “Tahiti” didn't resolve anything, because when they started talking clearly, things got even worse. It ended with Avery running out of the room, and Jameson not even trying to stop her. They didn't speak for two whole days after that.

It happens in every relationship; there comes a point when you fight and don't make up right away, on the contrary, you stay angry with each other and you don’t want to listen, even if you’re clearly not right. The question is who goes through these obstacles together, and who only remembers each other after a few years, being far away and thinking whether it could’ve turned out differently? This is a kind of test of how strong the love is, whether it is true love, whether there is trust and respect in it.

Avery and Jameson loved each other. That was why Jameson had shown up at her apartment at night on the second day of their mutual silence. She was studying for an exam that was due in two days, and even though she knew the material perfectly, it was her only distraction from her anger at him.

Oren let him in. Jameson appeared in her living room just as Avery was about to text him. They stared at each other for a few seconds, and that night was the first time they made up without talking about it. At least they didn't have so much anger in them anymore.

It could hardly be called reconciliation, however, because even though they were back on the phone every night, talking about how their day had gone, those conversations had gotten shorter; despite the messages in the middle of the day that they missed each other, something had changed, and it frightened them both. That was partly why they had come separately.

“Well, he's going to be mad. You know, when he finds out about Matt,” Xander shrugged, looking at her with again, so worried eyes.

Avery gasped and was going to say something when she heard his voice.

“Who’s Matt?”

Jameson Winchester Hawthorne stood leaning against the door, with disheveled hair, frowning eyebrows, and those challenging and bright green eyes, and all Avery wanted to do was walk over and kiss his stupidly handsome face.

Max arrived shortly after Jameson did. There was an underlying tension in the air that had never been present before when Avery and Jameson were in the room. It didn't take long for her to grab Xander's hand and ask the just returned Lyra and Gray to show where they were hanging out today.

It was just the two of them now, and it was clear that either they were right now resolving whatever they had going on or they were continuing to pretend.

Avery sighed and turned away from him, facing the window. She couldn't bear to look at her boyfriend, because this unpleasant feeling suddenly has returned, and she still wanted things to go back to the way they were before. All of this made her too emotional and she didn’t like it at all. It was stupid, wasn't it? Felling so much over such a small thing. Only it wasn’t a small thing.

“So, we have secrets now, Heiress?” he came closer, and now she could feel his warm breath on her neck and smell his perfume. It wasn’t fair.

“We don’t. I just didn’t get the chance to tell you.”

Well, it wasn’t a lie. First, she'd forgotten with all her studies and work, then they'd had a fight, and she just hadn't thought about goddamn Matt.

Jameson gently took her hand and turned her around so that they were now looking at each other.

“What's wrong, Avery?” he waited patiently for an answer, trying to ignore that look in her eyes. Either she wanted to punch him in the face or kiss him. He wouldn't mind both.

As for her, Avery did, in fact, want to do both, but more to punch him because he asked “what's wrong?” instead of saying “Tahiti”. Why are they like this?

She wanted to say, “Nothing I couldn't handle on my own,” but that would only make it worse. Avery indeed could handle a lot of things on her own, but she also knew how important it was for him to be there for her, no matter what.

Matt was in her Economics class and wouldn't leave her alone for a week. He flirted with her and made inappropriate jokes. Avery knew he knew she had a boyfriend, it was obvious without saying, but he still didn't stop. After telling him she wasn't interested and repeating that she was in a relationship, he still texted her, somehow finding her phone number.

“Matt is a prick who didn’t leave me alone. Oren handled it.”

“Sounds like something I should know, huh?”

“Oren handl…”

“Avery,” Jameson took a step back, running a hand over his face tiredly. “This isn't us, Heiress. You had so many chances to tell me, so why didn't you?”

He looked somewhere over her shoulder and this was her chance to finally see him. Jameson was tense and looked so stressed, and if she hadn't known him, she would have thought he was angry with her.

Avery wasn't trying to hide anything from him, no. Max found out about Matt by accident. She'd called her the moment Avery had gotten the weird message from the guy, so she'd told her right away. Xander was with Max that day, so he found out by accident, too. After their conversation, Avery almost immediately loaded up on work and her school assignments, and by the time she was done, thoughts of Matt didn't even visit her. All she wanted that evening was to hear Jameson's voice on the phone and experience no more stress.

“I was thinking more about exams than him. And you were busy training every day, you were already pushing yourself...”

“I'm never busy for you, you know that, Ave,” he shook his head and looked at her again and immediately regretted it. He had broken his second rule: don't make Avery cry.

Why did her eyes fill with tears? She didn't know the answer to that question herself. Suddenly all the thoughts she'd been trying to ignore, all the stress of the endless work, of being scrutinized by everyone, of worrying about him and fearing about their relationship, came crashing down on her at once.

“I know and I was going to tell you, but it's all sorted now,” she wanted him to know there were no secrets from him. They were in a shitty position as it was. “Jameson, I will never give up on us, I want you to know that. But it scares me. And it hurts me that you won't let me in,” her voice cracked and she closed her eyes to keep from crying. What was the point of these tears anyway?

“Avery, no,” she suddenly felt his fingers gently stroking the skin under her eyes, and the touch somehow made her breathing much easier. “It's not like this.”

Sometimes you get so confused about life that you don't know what you want out of it. People like Jameson always want more, and that feeling doesn't go away, and in the end, you’re just getting overwhelmed.

“You're too hard on yourself, and I get it, you want to be the best. I get it. But what's the point of this,” she placed a hand on his still slightly sore rib and looked into his eyes, a sadness in them. “If it can make you lose everything you've worked so hard for?”

Avery was right. But that thought, the realization of it, only came now. There was nothing pleasant about the fact that he'd been injured, but there was nothing surprising about it either; it happens sometimes. He lost control on a corner and went off the track, managed to get back but ended up feeling pain in his rib. However, the fact that he had continued the drive, feeling the pain, knowing the consequences, was foolish. It was a practice run, not even an actual race. So, what was the point of it? Plus, he lost the chance to race for three weeks after that, which made it all worse.

He was blinded by thoughts of future victories, of responsibility for the team (ironic, right?), of not doing enough, and it ended with him missing out on the feelings of the most important person in his life. Jameson knew how worried she was about him, and yet always so supportive. God, would he have gotten through all of this if it wasn't for her support? He knew for a fact, it would be so much harder without her.

Jameson wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him, resting his chin on the top of her head. She was just as overwhelmed, and then some asshole wouldn't leave her alone. What kind of boyfriend was he after that?

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I felt on edge, so angry with myself and I couldn't stop it. Or didn't want to. Fucking masochist, you know me. I was so caught up in it."

“We both were,” she wrapped her arms around his torso. “I felt so exhausted, you won’t believe how many times I was thinking about dropping out and quitting everything. We didn't even try to listen.”

“I won’t let it happen again,” he promised and Avery believed him. After all, she won’t let it happen again either.

Sunset crept into the room, illuminating it with golden light. Avery and Jameson stood there, holding each other, their quiet voices seemed to be the only sound in the entire house. They were finally listening to each other, talking more about their feelings, smiling, joking, kissing.

It still felt different, but in a good way now. It was as if a new lesson that life had taught them had been learned.

“Do you remember the first time we were here?” asked Jameson, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“You mean the time you went to jail three nights in a row?”

“Yeah, that time,” he grinned. “Can you blame me? One girl wouldn't stop throwing dares at me.”

“Yeah? I'm sure it's not her fault you don't know how to not get caught,” she remarked playfully.

“Anyway,” Jameson took her by both hands and led her to the balcony. “I'm talking about our first evening here, almost like this one, the sunset, music- and you told me I was the hottest person you'd ever met-”

“I didn't tell you that.”

“Mm, right,” he kissed her palms and placed them on the back of his neck, wrapping his arms around her waist. “After my first arrest, we were dancing and I promised that every time I fucked up, I'd make it up to you, so you'd have no choice but to forgive me and love me even more. So, I'm gonna do it, and you're so not ready for it. Completely Queen treatment.” Jameson spun her around, making her laugh.

“Well, now my expectations are super high.”

“Good,” finally, he leaned to kiss her. It wasn't a gentle kiss; it was as if they were making confessions to each other all over again, as if no matter how many “I love yous” came out of their mouths, it wasn't enough. All the stress, the unnecessary thoughts, the anger all faded away and it felt like they were on top of the world again.

They were dancing slowly and listening to the silence around them, Avery's head resting on his chest, and he held her like he never wanted to let go.

“Heiress?”

“Hm?”

“I kind of want to punch this wanker- What’s his name again?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

I was feeling really sad, man, and didn’t want to deal with it, so i decided to let it out in the writing :) also Xander called Avery his second favorite person in the world guys 🥹🥹 and they hugged. their friendship >>

my other works:

averyjameson: safe place

[riddles-n-games]

For those that want to commit to making a fic but have no creative ideas (no shame, we all get that way sometimes), I got you. Here's a list of AUs I came up with while avoiding my draft (that I still want to write, mind you) that mostly can apply to long fics, if you're willing to:

Avery and Jameson as a stunt woman and actor. Avery is stunt double to snobby up and coming starlet Emily Laughlin who has been cast to star alongside new heartthrob, Jameson Hawthorne as the lead and his brother Grayson. Optional detail, Libby has a catering service which is chosen for the duration of filming in part due to Avery's recommendations. Anyways, of course, Emily is quite possessive of the two and has been somewhat hostile to other female coworkers but still relatively lowkey about (at least for now). Anyways, mild interactions happen at first as everyone is getting to know everyone, who they are, what they've done before this movie, etc. Cue Avery and Jameson's first meeting. Avery thinks he's somewhat attractive but he's at least friendlier than his counterpart. Over the course of the course of filming, they interact some more, they joke around and become decent friends. He also definitely flirts with her (just a little) but Avery dismisses it as she knows Emily already gives her a hard time when Jameson spends time with her at all between sequences. Well, Jameson clearly doesn't take at all to that and after one especially big action scene, he commends Avery's efforts. Let's say that after this, he asks her on a date and she shyly accepts. They end up secretly dating and keeping on the downlow. Now, there is still more drama with Emily and people tease Avery about Jameson but she just shakes it off. That is, until one day they are doing another scene where the stunt doubles are needed and unfortunately, she gets hurt. Jameson rushes for her and kisses her relievedly. But all Avery can think about is the fact they just exposed their relationship. You take it from here what happens next.

Going off the idea that Libby has a catering service, maybe set in the same universe or not, what you're feeling up to; Nash is a celebrity chef and yes, he's been able to stick it to Gordon Ramsey. He's particularly popular for his beef meals and legendary barbeque techniques. Anyways, say they meet at a culinary event and he's a guest while she's serving. They bump into each other and a mess happen but he apologizes and helps her clean up. Of course, there's a spark. He definitely is interested. He personally sends an invite for a cooking comp where he'll be a judge; one because he sees Libby has potential and two, he gets to see HER around. She accepts; you come up with the rest.

Coffee shop AU for Libby and Nash. They literally SCREAM this AU; it's so them and Libby needs to have a cat that absolutely adores Nash. And also, like my previous headcanon; he has the occasionally over sugary latte that makes Libby's eyebrows raise in concern. But he sticks to a simple tea most days.

Also, here's an underused one; equestrian AU. Equestrians can get really competitive and snobby. Plus, our fave boys come from a rich family, this could easily fit them to a T. And instead of academic rivals, you can totally have a standoffish Avery and Grayson in this with a playful Xander and Jameson added in the mix. Not that I'm promoting Averygrayson here, I'm just saying that the way he acted towards her in TIG could be mimicked here in that way.

That's what I got for now. Buh-bye!

[lyrakanefanatic]

Thoughts that I wanted to share about the brothers Hawthorne/ the grandest game bc I don’t wanna make a million posts about each one 💀

1: Phone girls dad literally shot himself ON. HER. BIRTHDAY. 😭😭

2: Skye Hawthorne MIGHT be in the grandest game, because when Avery got bombed and Ricky and skye got arrested for it, they found out that it actually wasn’t them which means they prob got out of jail (maybe not Ricky but probably skye) and she might be controlling one of the players

3: WE’LL PROBABLY GET TO SEE A SUNSHINE X GRUMPY TROPE!! (Mathias and Gigi)

4: we’ll see which 7 contestants avery will pick for the game!! (While I was writing that instead of contestants I accidentally put tributes 💀)

5: we might learn more about Toby’s backstory (or just the Hawthorne backstories in general, like Zara’s, nans or Alice’s)

6: speaking of Alice, SOMEHOW THAT OLD GRANDMAS GOING TO BE ALIVE

7: this isn’t really a prediction but more just like a possible hint for the grandest game, but when grayson tells his brothers about the riddle “what begins a bet? Not that”, Jameson says this

He says “what’s the opposite of a handshake?” And I found a picture online that shows multiple different options of what could be the opposite of a handshake

Basically most of the words on there kind of show “misinterpretation” or just different words for some sort of mistake, so would that mean that the “beef” (im just gonna call it that bc I don’t rlly know what went down) between tobias and thomas thomas was maybe accidental?? Or maybe they got into a disagreement that ended in thomas ending his life? All the book really shows is that one paragraph (that I highlighted in green) that talks about what Jameson thought of the riddle, and then Jameson was talking to Avery about the game (probs bc jlb didn’t wanna drop too many hints lmao) And then if you add it in with the “abet” theory ⬇️

It said that one of the opposites of a handshake were “refusal” and “disagreement”, so what if tobias had wanted thomas to aid one of his crimes and thomas refused, and maybe tobias gave him an ultimatum which is why he shot himself?? It’s so confusing bc what would tobias even do that was so horrible that thomas had to shoot himself, I really don’t know. but if anyone has some theory’s on this pls lmk! 🫶

8: holy guacamole 7 was a long one, but anyway i feel like there are definitely more hints on the grandest game in the brothers Hawthorne then there were in the final gambit, even though in (i think tig is the one that clue was from?) the inheritance games “special” edition bc idk what their called it said “hints in the final gambit”. (although one loose end from tig was David Golding, and @riddles-n-games had a good theory about that) But i read the final gambit entirely and didn’t find a single clue other than David, so that’s kinda weird (unless somebody else found something else they found interesting in that book?)

9: Eve might also be behind one of the players, or just trying to get involved with the game so she could get the cash prize or whatever else it is that that psycho needs 🙄

10: we’ll (most likely, bc I’m 99.9% sure that she’ll be in tgg) see what phone girl looks like and see which one of us were right 😜

11: kinda random but i will bet a whole 5 dollars that phone girls name is either gonna be flower related, or just straight up be lily. Or maybe both, but just think of how ironic that would be (there are calla lilys all over the cover of tgg… 🤷‍♀️)

12: LIBBY NASH WEDDING!!! 🤭🤭🤭💗

13: so off topic but WHERE DO GRAYSON AND JAMESON GET THEIR MONEY FROM??? like I’m sure jameson probably gets some cash from his billionaire girlfriend, but what about grayson?? he says in tbh that he’s “buried in work” but what kind of work does he do?? and who does he work for?? 🤨

14: Okay this is gonna be the last one bc i need to shut up, but does anybody have an idea on what some things in the grandest game cover might symbolize? we know about the lilys and the opal rings, but other than that i CANT seem to figure out anything else on there 😭😭

and okay that’s all thank you for coming to my ted talk 🫶😊🙌

[millionancientbees]

Something I think a lot of ppl forget when they’re dealing with suicidal people is that a lot of us are suicidal because we can’t afford or access basic needs, let alone creature comforts.

Before sending your suicidal friend to the mental hospital to maybe be severely traumatized by even less autonomy and also potentially lose their jobs and housing, have you:

-spent time with them so they’re not alone with their thoughts and organized a care group of their friends to help take care of tasks that are overwhelming?

-made a post or group chat to raise funds for bills that are looming and making them feel like they’ll never be able to succeed at life? Tried to help connect them with resources? Offered to sit down with them while they make calls? Offered to take a look at their debt and see if it can be refinanced? Etc, based on your skills, who you know, what you have the resources and comfort and closeness with the person to allow

-taken them to do some fun things? Gotten them out of their house and into the sun?

-gotten them something sweet or comforting or good smelling or whatever? A simple $5 candle can be a reason for someone to smile and feel cared about.

-gotten them tools to manage their sensory needs? Are they over or under stimulated? I will become immediately suicidal if I hear too many sounds while hungry or tired or upset or overheated or or or

I’m not saying the hospital is never the answer. I’m not saying don’t take people who are immediately in danger. I’m not saying you have to do this for people who are behaving in a way that will hurt you. But if you care about someone who is suicidal, this is something to think about.

I have literally been suicidal for as long as I can remember (and I remember a lot of my very early childhood) and some of the small things that have legitimately kept me alive over the years include:

-my friends buying me noise canceling headphones

-my friends taking me on a vacation

-my partner letting me read out loud to them when they were playing video games every night

-my friends buying my art or sending me money to help pay bills, get my car fixed, etc

-my sister giving me rides to my doctor appointments and buying me a little treat afterwards

-my friends sharing their audible/netflix/hulu/libby accounts with me so i had something to focus on other than wanting to die

-friends taking me out to dinner and letting me talk about my special interests

-my friend giving me houseplants and teaching me how to keep them alive, which required spending quality time together whenever I needed to learn something new and gave them an excuse to bully me into leaving my depression nest when nobody else could

-my friend buying me a vape when I was breaking apart and had nothing to do with my hands and nothing to calm my very upset nervous system and $2 in the bank and also I was going through withdrawals

-my friend teaching me how to drive and helping me get my license so I could have some autonomy

Like it really can be that simple. We sometimes forget that therapy and meds can only do so much at a time, and some people get treatment for their entire lives and still struggle a lot even when they do everything right, especially when they’re dealing with complicated issues like other disabilities, chronic pain, poverty, abusive situations/ongoing trauma, etc.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

-

reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

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watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

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playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

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making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand