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hoperoiselover · 8 months

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WOOO NEW CHAPTER, I'M SO EEPY, BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY! :] <3 READ CHAPTER ELEVEN ON AO3 HERE!

TW: child abuse, swearing, religious themes, Scopophobia, Alcohol, smoking, mental breakdown, Scotophobia, manipulation

stay safe <3 also i want to make a shout out to the comment on AO3 that said, "Eliana, leave ur man, and come be lesbians with me", you have no idea how much I love this comment

CHAPTER ELEVEN, TO LOVE

“Why am I missing over TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS IN MY ACCOUNT?!” Mervin screamed at Eliana making her jump and scoff.

“Your account? You mean ours. And shut you-”

“NO NO NO. NOT OURS. JUST MINE. I changed the pin, so only I can access withdrawals,” Mervin glanced at Eliana and opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of booze.

“WHAT?! MERVIN, YOU KNOW I NEED ACCESS, SO I CAN BUY FOOD FOR US,” Eliana snapped, she snarled at her husband.

“It’s your fault Eli. Now you have to ask me when you need money, or when I let you have money,” Mervin opened the bottle, and swished it side to side. The alcohol spun in the bottle.

“Th-this... THIS IS FUCKING INSANE! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO ASK YOU OR WAIT FOR YOUR PERMISSION TO BUY THINGS THAT WILL BENEFIT US!” Eliana slammed the broom on the floor, and swung her arm to the side.

“SHUT UP! Look, you’re fucking hiding something from me Eli… and trust me… trust me. When I find out what it is. Ohh… you’re going to fucking pay,” Mervin whispered into her ear and grinned.

Eliana froze and grinded her teeth together, “I fucking h-hate you…”

“And I hate you more sugar plum,” Mervin hummed, walked away, and took a sip from his bottle. His dress shoes making a tapping noise as he stepped on the wood floors.

Eliana cursed under her breath and leaned against the kitchen counter. She took a shallow, shaky breath and cried to herself as she covered her face with her hand.

“D-damn you Mervin Marshall…. D-damn you…” She was pissed. This man. A person she had loved so dearly… turned into a fucking bastered.

Eliana screamed and hit her fists down against the marble countertops. They stung in pain, and Eliana growled through her teeth. She hated that man with her entire being. She would kill him if she could, yet Eliana could not. Not when she had a son to protect and now another little one to worry about… Jonah… Adam… may god protect those two. Eliana promised to try her best. Her heart pounding in her chest as her ears rung with rage. God bless this mess.

Jonah had been covering Adam’s mouth with his hand. The screaming from the kitchen made him shake. Adam stared at the door with confusion and frustration. “Shhh go to the closet…. Hide in there…” Jonah whispered to Adam. This was the quietest Adam had ever heard Jonah’s voice.

Adam wanted to stay with Jonah. He fidgeted with his hoodie as Jonah lowered his hand from Adam’s mouth.

“B-” Adam cut himself off. The sound of dress shoes on wood soon became more apparent. Jonah’s face looked terrified. He grabbed Adam’s wrist, shoved him into the closet, and closed it before Adam could react.

Jonah’s door opened, a man in his late thirties holding a bottle of booze stood tall in front of the small child, “Jonah, what are you doing?”

Adam watched from the closet’s crack. He kept quiet and watched, a slight tremor in his hand.

“O-oh, I was just playing with my toys, Pops…” Jonah looked at his father, his posture straight and his playful demeanor seemed to melt off of him.

“Mmh, playing? Okay son… Say, can you do your old man a favor?” Mervin sat on Jonah’s bed, kicking a toy car to the side.

“O-oh! S-sure… What is it, Pops?..” Jonah looked at the toy car as it rolled to a stop. Jonah’s voice was laced with anxiety.

“Jonah, eyes on me when I’m talking. Come sit with me,” Mervin snapped his fingers at Jonah, and patted the bed where he wanted Jonah to sit.

“S-sorry Pops…” Jonah looked back at his father and sat next to him on his bed, “S-so what is th-the favor?..”

Mervin smiled and placed the bottle of alcohol on Jonah’s nightstand, “Well, your Mother spent money on something today, yet I have no idea what it could be… do you know what she spent it on?” Mervin grabbed a cigarette pack from his suit pocket and took a cigar out. He shoved the pack back into his pocket.

Jonah made a nervous humming sound as if he was thinking. “Ummm, nope! I don’t know what Momma spent money on… sorry Pops..”

“Hmp.. I figured,” Mervin grabbed a lighter from his pocket and lit the cigar. He closed the lighter, shoved it in his pocket, and placed the cigar in his mouth, inhaling the fumes and blowing them out a few seconds later.

“Jonah, you know how I feel about liars…” Mervin grabbed Jonah’s jaw with his free hand, his breath reeked of booze and tobacco, “So don’t be a fucking snake.”

Jonah gasped and whined, “B-but Pops…. I-I don’t know… h-honest! I-I don’t like liars either…” Jonah didn’t try to pull away from his father’s grasp, he only shook and let fate take its unfair course.

Adam watched in anger. He wanted to protect Jonah from that man, but he stayed put… Adam’s feet felt like they were stuck in concrete.

“Sure kiddo. Sure… You’ll believe whatever I say, and just nod your little, naive head. You don’t know anything really, do you?” Mervin hummed and shook Jonah by his jaw a bit. He looked down at Jonah with soft eyes. There was something off about them. They way his eyes never shone unless he was drunk, or how he only smiled when he got his way.

“You know that I love you right Jonah?” Mervin let go of Jonah’s jaw and patted his head, entangling his fingers through Jonah’s dark brown hair.

“Pops… of c-course I do…I-… I love you too…” Jonah rarely heard Pops say ‘I love you’ to him, “P-pops are you and Momma okay?...”

Mervin chuckled slightly, “Don’t you worry your stupid little head. I have everything under control…” Mervin looked away from Jonah and took another inhale from his cigar as he patted Jonah’s head more aggressively.

“O-okay Pops…” Jonah held in a cough and winced at the pressure being applied to his head.

The two sat there as Mervin continued to smoke his cigar, the smoke filled Jonah’s nose and lungs. He coughed into his sleeve and Mervin looked at him.

Adam felt like coughing too, but he did not want to be caught by Jonah’s Dad. He muffled his cough with his sweater and whined.

Mervin sighed and looked at the closet for a bit.

“Jonah you know you can’t hide anything from me right?” Mervin put his hand on Jonah’s shoulder, and held his cigar in between his fingers.

Jonah whimpered softly and flinched, “Y-yes Pops… I know..”

“Then who is in your fucking closet.” Mervin smiled, his voice low and rough.

Jonah looked at Mervin with horror. He tried to look confused, but he would be lying and lying was bad. Yet he could not let Adam be found, “W-what?... What d-do you mean Pops?...”

Jonah fidgeted with his fingers, and he could feel anxiety grabbing at his chest, squeezing his frame, and trying to make him break.

Adam’s eyes widened and he stepped back. Would the man open the door? What was going to happen? Could he trust the man? He stepped into the corner of the closet and closed his eyes shut.

“Who. Is. In. Your. Closet.” Mervin stood up and gripped tighter on Jonah’s shoulder.

Jonah winced and shook softly, “N-no one…”

“BULLSHIT! I SAW SOMETHING FUCKING MOVE! I HEARD THE COUGHING!” Mervin pushed Jonah aside harshly and walked over to his closet, swinging it open.

“Ow! P-pops!..” Jonah cried and looked at his father with tears in his eyes.

There was ‘no one’ in the closet. Mervin growled and slammed the closet closed. He looked back at Jonah with rage.

“You and your goddamn mother, always hiding shit from me,” He walked back to Jonah and loomed over him.

Jonah was confused and scared. Where was Adam? Did he leave? Jonah looked up at Mervin with wide fearful eyes, tears making their way in them. He whimpered as his posture shrank, and his optimistic self was gone.

“MERVIN LEAVE YOUR SON ALONE. GO GET DRUNK SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU HYPOCRITE!” Eliana had heard Mervin’s yelling, and she had rushed over to Jonah’s room, swinging the door open and bringing the hostile attention towards her and not her son.

“Oh my FUCKING GOD. ELIANA MIND YOUR GOD DAMN BUISSNESS AND FUCK OFF FOR ONCE!” Mervin rolled his eyes and turned towards his wife.

Jonah shook and whimpered the tears in his eyes started to roll down his cheeks.

“YOU CAN YELL AT ME ALL YOU WANT BUT DON’T… DON’T YELL AT OUR SON!” Eliana walked in the room and pointed at her husband.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE, POINT AT ME. YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN ME,” Mervin’s yelling made Jonah cover his ears and cry. He wanted to hide and be comforted by his mom and Adam...

“SHUT UP MERVIN. YOU’RE AN AWFUL MAN. YOU’RE A SMOKER, ALCOHOLIC, ABUSER, AND AN ASSHOLE… YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF! SO SHUT UP, GET OUT OF JONAH’S ROOM, AND GO SUCK A DICK FOR ALL I CARE!” Eliana wanted to slap Mervin. Her teeth made an awful grinding noise as locked her jaw in rage. She couldn’t believe the audacity this man had.

“...Why do I bother letting you stay here with this mistake?” Mervin spat his words at Eliana and growled. His cigarette separating the two.

“And why did I marry you?” Eliana spat back with the same anger in her voice.

“Because I gave you something you’d never have alone,” Mervin grinned and grabbed the bottle of alcohol. Jonah’s cries accompanied their yells and toxic words like a tragic opera.

“And what could that possibly be?” Eliana snarled.

“A son.”

Eliana looked at Mervin with rage, “Shut up. He’s the only good thing you’ve done in your life. Don’t ruin him.”

“He’s our son. So I'm allowed to do what I want, just like how you spoil him rotten,” Mervin rolled his eyes and inhaled another puff from his cigar.

“...” Eliana looked to the side.

“Ah, ah, ah, look at me when I’m talking to you,” Mervin smiled and used the side of his hand to make Eliana look at him.

Eliana scoffed and slapped his hand away, “Just… get out.”

Mervin chuckled softly, “Sure Eli, and make that brat shut up.”

“Shut up yourself,” Eliana mumbled and walked over to Jonah, picking him up and bouncing him gently.

Mervin left the room and slammed the door shut, his dress shoes’ tapping got more faint the further he got.

Eliana sighed and looked at her son sadly, “Shhh,... it’s okay…. He’s gone… don’t worry… Momma’s here… I got you baby…”

Jonah hiccuped and sobbed as he hugged his Momma, his cheeks had tear tracks and his eyes were puffy and red.

“Adam?.. Where are you honey?..” Eliana looked around the room for him.

There was no response except Jonah’s cries. The poor boy shook in his mother’s arms and sniffed. The closet’s doors slid open and Adam peeked from the door crack. Eliana frowned sadly at the poor boy. Adam was shivering, and he too was crying.

“Oh Adam… come here chico…” Eliana sat on the bed and held her son close, providing a free arm for Adam.

The boy went over to her, got on the bed, and hugged her and Jonah. He shivered and whimpered.

Eliana’s heart broke, “It’s okay… you’re safe with me… my sweet boys… you’re safe…” She rocked the boys gently and hummed to them. They were too young to be going through this, and Eliana felt like she was a part of the problem.

“A-adds?...,” Jonah whimpered and sniffed, looking at the blonde. He felt Adam’s hand touch his back along with his mother’s.

“M-mhm…” Adam nodded as he hugged the two.

Jonah sobbed softly and tightened his hug.

Eliana continued to hum softly and started to run her fingers through their hair. She smiled softly at the two boys and kissed their foreheads.

“Sleep chicos…You deserve to rest,”

Jonah sniffed and cuddled closer to his Momma. He was so grateful for his mother. She was like a guardian angel to him. Then again, aren’t parents supposed to be guardians? Adam looked at Jonah, then to Eliana, receiving a warm smile from her, and he felt safe for once. The Angel’s eyes seemed to disappear and all there was left watching over him was Eliana.

Adam closed his eyes, leaning his head against Jonah’s shoulder. He slowly drifted off to sleep. Adam’s body ached, and his eyes burned. The love he felt from Eliana’s comfort felt almost nostalgic: like a lost memory. Her fingers ran gently against his scalp making him yawn. He knew love like this before, but who gave him that love? Adam knew only one life, so why did he think there was another one before the T.V, before The Angel got him, before Jonah and Eliana? Maybe he was going crazy, but that was okay, because whatever happened before happened. Now he could start something new and be with new people who cared about him. Adam smiled softly as he let sleep take over his mind.

Tomorrow was another day.

The small bedroom was quiet, the only noise that broke the silence was the crickets coming from outside. Mark layed wide awake in bed, Cesar sleeping next to him. He hated the night and the dark, but his nightlight and Cesar’s company made the night more bearable.

Mark held his dog plushie close to his chest. His mind felt like tv static, anxiety making it hard to breathe. He quietly prayed to himself, he didn’t want to wake up Cesar. The dark was filled with all sorts of creatures that fed off of people like Mark; those who still believed. Sarah believed in the boogeyman and fairies while Make knew of the true monsters and demons that littered the house when everyone else was asleep.

He could not stay still anymore. Mark crawled out of his bed, his feet sent a shiver up his body when they touched the cold carpet. He went over to his window and stood on the little lion stool.

Outside the house was lifeless. The orange light coming from the lamp posts made the streets look like a horror movie. Mark whimpered quietly. He knew going outside at night would only lead to being exposed to those monsters he hated yet feared so much. The graveyard taunted him. When Cesar and him had left, he swore he could feel something pulling at his lungs. The feeling of eyes watching him only faded when he stepped inside his house. He shivered and got down from the stool.

Mark looked at his bedroom door. It was slightly opened. He liked it like that, yet at the same time he wanted to close it. Reason being he felt like he could notice the monster before it entered his room but if he closed the door he might be stuck with the monster. He sighed and whined softly, his green eyes filled with worry.

Mark walked over to his door and peeked out of his room and into the dark hallway that led to the void filled stairs. He shook softly, pulling on his hoodie strings for comfort.

Mark looked back at the sleeping Cesar who was now cuddling with Mark’s plushie. He felt some tension fall off his shoulders just for it to come back when he heard the floorboard creak. Mark gasped and jumped, turning his attention to the dark hallway and he stared. Mark’s breathing was uneven, his mind screaming at him to go back to bed with Cesar. Yet the boy couldn’t. His feet were stuck in the carpet, as if its fibers wrapped around his legs like a vine.

He could hear it.

Can you hear it?

“Mark.”

“Come join us.”

“We can be a happy family again.”

“Join us.”

“We have missed you.”

“Our baby boy.”

“Wake Sarah and Cesar, I’m sure they would love to join us too.”

“Join us.”

“JOIN US.”

“JUST COME DOWN THE STAIRS ALREADY.”

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loverdotpng · 1 year

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I hope your eyeliner is waterproof girl

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hellofastudysession · 2 years

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the only thing i'm choosing to remember from episode i is the sketchbook's they/them swag ❤️

#personal #/j jj jjj #they were not kidding! that DON'T HUG can SCARED!#i'm going to liveblog this because i have so many words inside me all the time and they need to come out #if you wanna block it ill use uhhh #norrie liveblogs #as a tag WHY DIDNT I COME UP WITH THAT TAG EARLIER #anyway. just watching episode i on SILENT is so utterly unsettling the puppetry and designs oughh #THE CUT TO 3D AND THRM GROWING UP OH MY GODDD #what if you wanted to have a nice fucking cake but god said meat #the music screaming? mmngrh #really love especially how part of the horror was the sketchbook arbitrarily limiting what they could create 💚

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kaleschmidt · 7 months

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slay the princess is toxic doomed yuri. 2 me. ok?

#Grave's Digs #......it wont go into the tags will it. um. hi guys !#oughh i love the princess. there are so many things abt her. spinning her forever ok?#...also not going into detail bc it's Spoilers for ppl who dont know shit abt it. trust me on this one ok?

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rileyclaw · 2 years

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2 and 6!

also. 12 and 24>:)

2. who is your favorite character to draw?

GUS GUS GUS GUS

6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!

OH PLEASE IM SO SHY i cannot tag them but I will call out a few folks who have inspired me greatly,, belmerann, flavouredtissues, sabertoothwalrus, raystel, and Hayley Wong (a board artist whose work I really admire)!! go find their art they make me go OUGHH. if i named everyone whose art i go crazy over this text post would be obnoxiously long sorry

12. Draw one of your favorite characters in 15 seconds.

oh you're EVIL for this one. 15 second hunter for you, full of traumas

24. how many followers do you have? (on your art blog)

STOPPP . currently i have... 18,621??. y'all scare me!!! I had 17k like last month!! who are you!! i just throw silly haha art out into the void and come back and people are clapping what is going on

#the artists are all from both tumblr And twitter #art ask meme #riley talks

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ugetelynx · 7 months

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Ooughhh I was rereading a friend of mine’s post that I was tagged in awhile back and I’m feelin emotions again,,,

Give me a minute to just be a sad sappy fucker okay I’m emotional tonight

But like when I first created my tumblr account and started posting my serennedy stuff, I didn’t think I’d end up being surrounded by such a sweet group of people and get to interact with so many talented artists and writers. I have never been one to gain a massive following like some artists on different platforms like insta.

I always thought I’d just be that random follower who never shuts up in your notifs lmao (sorry Eric n Leto ily 😭) but it slowly spawned me becoming mutuals and even friends when I didn’t think I’d be anything more than a follower to most people and I’m now dming and interacting with people without me getting anxiety over it? It just- it means a lot to me

The serennedy community has introduced me to some of the sweetest people and it just- oughh I love all the people I’ve had the pleasure to meet. I love being able to share my art and my stupid ramblings about Luis/Serennedy to this little community and just. Yeah.

I love you guys and I’m so thankful for who I’ve been able to meet via tumblr and the serennedy community

#this is so sappy no one look at me #im emotional as hell tonight im sorry #ily guys sm

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darlin-djarin · 8 months

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Do you have any recommendations of fics for people really interested in mandalorian culture, or just ones that feature Mandalore/mandalorians heavily?

oughh so i don't actually read fics very often, if at all, but there are a few that are about mandalore. some are probably ship fics so i hope that's alright

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Mandalore at Night (Greetings From!) by @ereborslionheart

veeeery beautiful fic, absolutely insane about it, dinluke, most of it takes place on mandalore and there's a lot of cultural comparing and contrasting between jedi culture and mandalorian culture

Luminous Beings by Insomniac_with_dreams

so good ughhh, also dinluke, a lot of it spends time with the covert, luke learns a lot from them

Maleficus by CTRL_D & EmilianaDarling

mind the tags!!, also dinluke, takes place on mandalore, it expands on mandalorian perception of jedi (in a spooky way), absolutely loved it

Shaping Beskar by @mando-din-lorian

mind the tags!!, bobadin, not yet finished but it has a lot of focus on bo-katans perspective and her leading the mandalorians

Riduurok of Convenience by @wixiany

pazaxe!, focuses a lot of family, also on mandalore, SO many mandos, ongoing as well

a study on nature and nurture by @hinderr

grogu centric, mind the tags!!, i absolutely ADORE this fic series but not too many mandos show up until the middle/end after grogu is saved

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damn lmao most of these are mature oops. anyway these might not be what you're looking for, and i'm sorry abt that 💀 i just don't read fics all that often, usually i read just my mutual's fics. i hope you can find some fics you're looking for!

#star wars #fic recs #oil.

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pansear-doodles · 11 months

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Wait sorry I misread the prompt, what other rw artists have given you ideas/inspiration for your own work?

Oh my goodness you have no idea how many people in this fandom whose works I enjoyed, appreciate and inspired from, this includes my friends. Looking through rain world fanart everyday is my morning newspaper and these people are my highlights (the whole newspaper is yellow this way)

I really do wish to enlist all of them, but I'd be here FOREVER, so I'll just give a handful of who's at the top of my head rn (if youre not included in this list then im sorry but i insist you're up there in my clouds aaa ; if i mispronounce you then please lmk- i always use they/them and has become a habit)

im not tagging them because h (i hope im not weird)

dddeerbo - I am inspired by their shape language and how they design characters. I am willing to commission them again in the future (if I have enough money)- perhaps my version of Artihunter this time OR I want to see them draw my cookie run dogboys in their vision.

Kelocitta - (in a previous ask, she was the inspiration for my drive for artihunter), but aside from that, I am thoroughly impressed by their shape language and the choice of colors

Northflowo - I am not an animator but I am impressed by how smooth their animations are. It has somewhat encouraged me to join the Plioscene MAP, which is also my first ever MAP participation.

Lyss-Butterscotch - Inspired me with their gijinka designs, which encouraged me to make my own and give more attention to how I design my own iterators

Shkika - Like lyss, has been a motivation to give more attention to my iterators. I really enjoy the stories she makes.

Mewguca - a good friend and makes cute designs! their art is so soft and squishy, and very friendly-looking. has been very encouraging to me.

anomalouscorvid - I've been quietly observing faer designs outside of rain world and I can say its very creature (positive). I've been meaning to try my hand on more creature-like designs on other rain world creatures or other experimental styles.

sunfish - inspired by their painterly works- you did all that in mspaint?? wtf

bitteraerie - one of my first inspirations in the fandom- i enjoy its designs, shapes, colors and- once again- you made all that in mspaint????

dieselpvnk - HOW YOU SHAPES, COLORS AND IN MSPAINT WHAR HELLO?

fauxbia - I am extremely impressed by how they work around their colors in gradients and the textures she got. i think shes a good friend and has been a light to my encouragement to continue drawing.

ninten-draw - extremely cute drawings and makes really good comics. I enjoy their choice of colors AND THEIR COMICS.

faeling - their drawings are cute, edible and inspirational in terms of story telling and characterization. (i am grabbing some of their ideas as we speak)

chillysaint - colors, shapes and oughh do i really want to hug their scugs. i respect them heavily.

snail-fen - extremely encouraging but also has cute and shaped designs (i think you are starting to see the trend here lol). I love their stories and concepts (ruff n ruff is like my garfield comics (i say this in a positive way))

macchitea - HOW YOU DO COLORS I WILL EAT I CANT BELIEVE IM COLLABORATING WITH YOU ON PLIOSCENE

inkycorvid - extremely encouraging and gives me little bits of cool rw fandom knowledge

gionori - funky looking designs AND EXCELLENT CHOICE OF SHAPE AND COLORS

aquaticnebulae - GIVE ME YOUR DRIP DESIGNS

#ask #i love rw artists sm i can easily recognize their art styles and consciously categorize their portrayals as characters i can be likened to #rain world

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verycharismaticdragon · 1 year

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Tag 10 People You Wanna Get to Know Better

tagged by @mu-qingfang-stan-account ty <3

relationship status: single (as in "too scared to try finding someone to date considering the state of queer rights here rn")

favorite colors: *james pokemon voice* its lavender (but honestly purple in all shades. my life have improved immensely when i started dyeing my hair purple and getting clothes to match)

favorite food: this is so broad uh... if its sweet stuff I gotta go with ice cream because whatever u want. it got u. and if we are talking about proper meal foods i think i gotta say chicken. shes so versatile what cant she do

song stuck in your head: oughh i cycle thru so many... i guess Leia (Rondo cover) came up a lot in the last few days

last thing you googled: spelling of some word, dont remember which. i often do this bcus im not confident in my spellings, esp with longer words, because I only learned them visually and that doesn't necessarily mean all letters or in the right order. wait i think it was resurrect, i keep forgeting if its two "s"s or two "r"s in there (yes i googled it again to spell it rn)

time: 13:40

dream trip: listen this is just gonna be sad if i answer it, so lets not

last thing you read: I'm currently super mega slowly rereading Scum Villain - like, taking notes every page slowly - so that's been going for the past month or so. If we're talking finished, then pipi's You Fei.

last book you enjoyed reading: I did enjoy Fei a whole lot! As usual, I'm a sucker for priest's ability to entwine some absolute clownery with so much subtle (and sometimes not subtle) heartbreak. Also the more I hear from my friend who branches out into BG cnovels/cdramas the more I realize how special a female protagonist like Fei is.

last book you hated reading: a danmei novel that shall remain unnamed bcus it was recced by a mutual. meanwhile i regret finishing it. the plot was such a friggin soap opera. literally almost Every soap opera trope. i'm surprised nobody's clone showed up, it wouldnt have been out of place! the ship dynamic was good so i finished to get their happy ending but. kinda felt that it wasn't worth it in the end.

favorite thing to cook/bake: gotta be meringues, as long as you know the perfect time for your particular oven theyre literally SO easy to make. and tasty. I like making blini too but they are kinda stressful because you gotta stay on them the entire time.

favorite craft to do in your free time: cross-stitch, it's somehow just the right proportion of mindlessness and engagement for me

most niche dislike: there's this special kind of annoying fans that make me dislike thing that they are fan of literally just because it becomes associated in my mind with their annoyingness. (I don't know how to explain every nuance of how they are annoying, but most often it involves being shitty about something else, that I already like.) And it kinda pisses me off not just on its own, but also on behalf of the thing they are fan of. Like - it usually doesn't deserve my ire! it's literally just the fans, and only some specific ones! But I can't stop my brain from cringing at the sight of the thing. ugh. So: hate it when this happens.

opinion on circuses: im more interested in the aesthetic concept of circuses than in any real ones.

do you have any sense of direction: yeah im pretty good with it, both in "reading maps" way and in "understanding where things are located relative to each other and alternate routes/shortcuts" way

tagging: god please I always forget every single person I ever seen or talked to when it comes to tagging. Literally any of my followers, I'm interested, I wanna hear about u, if you'd like to do this say i tagged you and go off

#tag game

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werewoofie · 11 months

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Tagged by @magz ! thank you for tagging me!! :D

Rules: "Tag 10 people you want to know better."

Relationship Status: > Dating Woowoo @ archaeognatha <3

Favorite Color: > I like all of them but I've been leaning more into yellow and orange lately :>

Song stuck in your head: > Sushi-go-Round by Utsu P

Song last listened to: > After Dark by Asian Kung-Fu Generation

3 Favorite Foods:

> Raspberry and lemon figure-8 danish (one side is lemon jelly and the other is raspberry it is SO good) > homemade mac n cheese >popovers

Last thing you googled: > Sharps bin

Dream Trip: >oughh if i didn't have to worry about money/the responsibilities i’d be neglecting by being away i want to go everywhere to be honest... i want to try food from all over the world... I wanna try every edible fruit to exist there are so many fruits that can't be shipped here because they don't have a long shelf-life/would be incredibly expensive and difficult to ship refrigerated... i wanna try jackfruitttt > i also wanna visit all the oldest trees in the world!!!!

Anything you want right now: > I want to get my hair cut so baddd but I'm worried that I'm gonna get stuck with a bob or pixie cut instead of what i wanted (like what always happens when i go to my mum's hairdresser) > want to get my ears pierced > want to get top surgery :") > wanna have my bf visit > wanna buy some things to re-organize my house...

Tag 10 people you want to know better: @abbenai , @transfemmes , @tostarenan , @paparoach , @shinyevie , @ankhisms , @corazonada , @3winged , @heartbeatemoji , @archaeognatha no pressure if you don’t want to/don’t have time though!! :>

#i went hunting for my old text tag cause its been so long since i just... talked on here really #really gonna smack my past self for making it just an emoji =_=#sooo new text tag if i can remember it....#remember it next time i mean #rory text post time

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thiswillcostyourheart · 2 years

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@soullessserenity

#(This is quite a lot) #(You ARE heard. Sensei) #(As someone on the ace spectrum myself (and also aro) I can 100% understand this) #(My experience isn't exactly this. and my reactions aren't as intense as Uruu's. But I think there is still quite a bit here I can relate)

HELLO!!! OH MY GOD SERENITY THANK YOU FOR THIS INCREDIBLY THOUGHTFUL AND HEARTFELT COMMENT;;;; 😭😭😭 i really truly appreciate it so much !!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭🙏💙 i know it is a lot and i value it so much that you read and listened through all of that, it means so much to me that you call me by name and make me feel heard, wahhh you are so sweet;;;;; 😭😭😭💙 hiiii aro/ace spectrum friend!! ;;o;; im really happy it’s 100% understandable to you wahhh!!! 😭😭😭 im so happy you describe uruu’s reactions as intense, im happy that comes across;; 😭 im very happy you can still find quite a bit to relate to, thank you so much for taking the time to think about it and let me know...!! 😭

#((I originally had some more personal tags about my own experience being ace)) #((But I don't wanna derail things too much so...)) #((I'll stick with 'I can understand this feeling of not understanding what people are talking about when it comes to this stuff')) #((And also 'I know fully well people irl would judge me and not even understand what *I* am talking about if I ever told them this about-)) #((-myself)) #(And I really appreciate the 'YOU decide what you want' addition) #(Because it's true. Me possibly never dating or having sex with anyone is MY business. Not any of my family members' business.)

owwww thank you so much im really grateful you can understand the feeling ;;;;; 😭😭 oughh yeah it’s very difficult to talk about this kind of thing when it feels like people would judge and not understand, and unfortunately it feels like so many would do that irl ;;;; >< people don’t start to understand unless we talk about it and share what our experience is like, but it’s exhausting to do that all the time, it’s not our responsibility to explain ourselves all the time ;;; yet, when someone hears and listens and understands, for me it makes the sharing worthwhile;;; and you’ve done that for me, and im so grateful to you for it ;;; 😭😭😭💙

i am SO grateful you really appreciate the “YOU decide what you want” addition because this is SO important to me!!! \;;----;;/ and you are right!! it’s your life, and your family members have no place to say anything about what makes YOU feel happy and comfortable in it!!

#(Aaahhh these tags are probably all over the place with me trying to balance talking about something kinda personal-) #(-but at the same time trying not to get TOO personal y'know?) #(Specially since this us so personal for sensei too) #(I think sharing stuff like this is important) #(Both to feel heard and for others with similar experiences to know they aren't alone) #(Thank you sensei) #(I wish I could hug you right now) #(There is a lot going through my head right now but I will leave it at that) #(Before I go too off topic) #((This has been sitting in my drafts for so long... Oops))

nsvhdjhm ouuuu yes i understand the challenge of talking about it without getting /too/ personal ;;;;;; 😭 but im really so grateful to you for thinking about it and talking about it!! ;;____;; thank you for understanding how personal it is, it is indeed important to me to share it ;;; bc i have to seek that feeling of being heard and understood, in order to feel accepted as myself and as a person;; T___T and as you said, because i want anyone else who may feel something like i did, to be able to find this and feel like they’re not alone ;;; even if they don’t say anything, even if they’re like i was many years ago, a young person scrolling the internet searching for something to make them feel heard--i want it to be there for them to find, even if i never know about it.

thank you so much for your sweet words, thank you for still calling me sensei here, it’s an honor and im so touched that you would want to hug me, cries i send a virtual hug to you too;;;; 😭😭😭💙💙💙 it means so much to me that you took the time to think of and say all of this and i am really truly grateful to you, you make me feel healed and understood 😭😭😭😭 thank you so much and ALSO this reply has been sitting in MY drafts for so long as well so i totally understand a;gbvgsfgb but please know i have been incredibly touched and grateful ever since receiving this, thank you so much for all your kindness!!!! 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏💙

#reply

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