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#out of the ones which havent come up before this so i can not be over 365 again now. dear lord
nastybuckybarnes · 2 days
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Kingdom Fall  -  Three
Pairing: Farmboy!Bucky X Princess!Reader
Summary: When an invading Kingdom forces you to flee your home, you find yourself stranded in an enemy kingdom on a farm, and the farmboy is nothing like you thought he would be.
Warnings: Violence, Angst, Fluff, Injuries, mentions of SA, Mentions of Murder, 
Word Count: 2.3K
A/n: baddaboom shes posting another one look at me go i havent posted this much in YEARS its so strange being back. As Lisa Rowe once said ‘its good to be home!’
~*~
You awake the next morning feeling peaceful and well-rested, a welcome ache between your legs that reminds you of the night prior. 
You reach across the bed, a smile finding your lips when you feel the warm body of the man beside you. 
Peeling your eyes open, you push yourself into a seated position and look at him with nothing but softness in your gaze. 
“Good morning,” he whispers, his voice thick with sleep.
You lean forward and place a gentle kiss to his lips. 
“Good morning to you,” you reply softly. 
You roll onto your side and lightly trace over the muscles covering his chest, content to spend this time with him.
As if hearing your thoughts, the Gods decide to shatter your peace. 
There’s a harsh knock on the door that has ice shooting through your veins. 
James’ eyes dart from you to the front door, and then he’s pushing to his feet. 
“Stay here,” he murmurs, tugging on his trousers and heading toward the door. He picks up his tunic along the way, but doesn’t bother fully buttoning it. 
You slowly rise to your feet and tug on your white slip, eyes darting around the room for your sword, only for you to realize that it’s currently in the kitchen, leaning against the wall. 
If you move quickly enough, you can grab it now and hide behind the wall before he gets the door open. 
With quick feet, you do exactly that, following silently after James and grabbing your sword, then pressing your back against the wall, out of sight. 
He pulls the door open, brows frown together. 
“I’m looking for a woman. Has she come by here?” A man asks. He wears the garb of a knight, though not one of this kingdom. 
James doesn’t know much about you, but he knows that he never wants to put you in danger. And if the man standing before him means to harm you, he won’t let that happen. 
“No, I apologize,” James says easily, going to close the door only for the blond on the other end to stop it with his foot. 
His eyes are trained on the daggers on the table. More importantly, the gems decorating the hilt. 
James follows his gaze, but by the time the pieces click in his mind, it’s too late. The stranger is forcing his way into James’ little house. 
“You have seen her. Where is she?” He demands, unsheathing his sword and aiming it at the brunet. 
James raises his hands in surrender, taking slow steps back. 
“I know not who you speak of,” he insists, though he feels increasingly nervous. 
“The woman of which those daggers belong. Where is she? I will not ask again.”
James stumbles over the uneven floors as the blond swipes his sword, falling to the floor as the blade bites into his bicep. 
“Then I suppose you will have to kill me,” He says simply, though his heart is in his chest. 
“No!” You exclaim, darting out from behind the wall and sliding between the men, sword raised right as the blond swings his down. 
The two swords clash and the brunet behind you winces at such proximity to death. 
The blond’s eyes widen at the sight of you standing before him in nothing more than your nightdress. 
“Princess?” He asks, withdrawing his sword immediately.
“You will fall back,” you command, rising to your full height and glaring at him. 
His brows pull together, and he looks at the man on the ground in confusion. 
“This man has lied about your whereabouts. He knows you are here, he cannot be trusted.”
“You will stand down. A life for a life, this man saved me. I owe him a debt.”
Steve glares at you and you match the look, not backing down. 
“I could order it,” you remind him, “though we are not on my land, you are sworn to obey me.”
He grinds his teeth together but slowly takes a step back, huffing out a breath of disbelief. 
“Go check to make sure you weren’t followed. Secure the area,” you order, turning your back to him to signal the end of the conversation. 
You reach for James’ hand and help him to his feet, watching as he and Steve face off for a long moment. You turn to the blond and quirk your brow at him, waiting for him to obey your orders. 
Finally, he turns on his heel and marches outside, mumbling profanities the entire time. 
You turn back to the brunet and inspect the wound on his arm, a frown on your face at the idea of him being hurt because of you. 
“Princess?” He asks, a little stunned at the fact that you didn’t tell him you’re royalty. 
You sigh and lead him by the hand to the bathroom to clean and dress his wound. 
“It's not deep. It should heal fairly quickly,” you murmur, cleaning the wound on his arm and avoiding his eyes as you prepare to tell him the complete truth. 
“I’m Princess (Y/n) of Aresia. The third Eldest of Queen Cathana.”
His brows pull together at your words.
“Cathana the Cruel?” He asks, to which you nod. 
“Mother has many names, that being one of her most famous. It was given to her many years ago after she slaughtered the family of a man who raped my youngest sister.” You slowly bring your eyes to his. “I do not think her to be cruel for what she did. I think she was merciful, and those people were lucky that my older sister and I were not permitted to seek justice.”
He nods, entranced by the passion and fire in your eyes.
“Your King,” you sneer his title, “stormed out Kingdom. Set fire to the Palace, to the village. His aim is to take what never was meant to be his. And so I ran. I fled the city under order of the Queen. All my sisters did. We were to flee in different directions. I know not if any of them have survived. Steve... the man at the door... he is sworn to me. He has sacrificed many things to serve the royal guard, to serve me. One of the only men to ever be trusted by the royal family.”
As you explain it, it all makes so much more sense. 
He should’ve known, really. Given your clothes and your weapons and the way you carry yourself. It should’ve been obvious to him. 
“I have spent the days learning the lands, reading the maps. My sisters have fled across the continent, but I intend to reclaim what is mine. I would like to find them along the way, but I know not for how long I will be safe here.”
James shakes his head, reaching for you once you’ve finished tying the fabric around the wound on his arm.
“I would never do anything to put you in danger, that you must know,” he says, his voice borderline desperate. 
A small smile tugs at your cheeks and you nod, reaching up to hold his face gently in your hands. 
“I know that, James. But it is not you who I fear. Not anymore. Now that Steve is here, it is only a matter of time before your King realizes at least one of the Princesses is alive. I would not be surprised if he had his men searching the forests and the villages for me as we speak. I have enjoyed our time together, but I cannot stay any longer.”
His hands come up to cover yours on his face.
“Then I will go with you.”
You chuckle weakly and shake your head.
“My path surely leads to battle. You are not a warrior, James. I cannot put you in that sort of danger.”
He shakes his head, “I can learn. Have Steve teach me. I will swear an oath to you if I must, but I will not let you walk into battle without me by your side. I will follow you if I must, but I... I've only just found you, (Y/n). I will not lose you so soon.”
Your heart is warmed by his words and you sigh softly. 
“I suppose it would be helpful to have another warrior alongside us on our journey. And you know the lands better than myself and Steve. But if you are to join us, you must obey my commands.”
A small smirk finds his lips and he kisses the inside of your wrist. 
“I think last night is a good demonstration of how good I am at following orders.”
Heat blazes in your core at the memory and you shake your head at him. 
“Right. I will go find Steve and inform him that he will be training you,” you whisper, pulling out of his grip and heading toward the door. 
You tug on your dress on the way, a million thoughts swarming through your head as you make your way toward the blond soldier scouting the perimeter of the farm. 
“Steve,” You call, jogging over to him when he stops walking. 
“Yes, Princess?”
You step in front of him, looking up into his blue eyes.
“That is not how I wanted our reunion to go,” you murmur, reaching for his hand and holding it tightly in yours. 
“And how were you expecting it to go?” He questions, a single eyebrow raised. 
You look up at him then lunge into his arms, wrapping yourself around him tightly. 
He stumbles back a step then falls onto his back in the grass, arms wrapping around your protectively, always protecting you. 
“You’re alive,” you whisper, holding onto him as if he’ll disappear in an instant. He chuckles softly and maneuvers the two of you into a seated position, pulling you onto his lap and holding you against his chest. 
“I made you a promise, Princess,” he reminds you gently, rocking you side to side. 
You slowly pull away and look into his eyes, a thousand questions racing through your mind.
“Have you heard anything of my sisters? My mother? Do you know if there are any survivors?” 
He sighs heavily, smoothing your hair away from your face with one hand.
“I know that several of your sisters have survived, and your mother is being kept alive within the Palace. I know not how many members of the guard have survived, but I know they are scattered throughout the tunnels beneath Aresia and the surrounding forests.”
A weight lifts from your chest and you hug him tightly again. 
“Then there is hope,” you whisper. 
He chuckles and presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head, “So long as you are alive, Princess, hope will remain alive with you.”
You walk the perimeter of the farm with Steve, discussing all that you have learned and what you have planned so far, and he shares with you the information he was able to gather.
There’s a gathering of warriors not far from James’ farm. Steve had spent some time with them while hiding from the Lornillian guards. 
You turn to the blond when you approach the small house, holding his hands tenderly between your own. 
“James has offered to come with us. To fight alongside us. I have agreed.”
Steve blinks at you then laughs as if you told the funniest joke in the world. 
“What use have we for a farm boy? I doubt he can even wield a sword.”
You smile up at him, “which is why you shall instruct him.”
Suddenly the situation is not so funny to Steve.
“Me?”
You nod, “yes, you.”
“But-”
“We will need every sword we have, Steve. He is strong, and he is willing to fight. He has... protected me... been kind to me. I will not order you to do it, but I will let you know that it would mean a great deal to me if you would.”
He watches you for a long moment with those endless blue eyes before huffing a sigh. 
“I almost wish you had ordered it,” he murmurs, opening the door to the house and motioning for you to go inside. 
You nod gratefully and enter, smiling warmly at James.
He looks between you and Steve for a long moment before dropping his eyes to his hands, suddenly not so sure of himself. 
It’s obvious that there’s a history between the two of you, and anyone can tell how much you mean to the blond by the way he looks at you. 
How can James ever hope to compare to this warrior? Someone so strong and so brave. Willing to fight for you and die for you.
“We will begin your training tomorrow. We will use wooden staffs... branches or anything of the sort. You must learn to wield a sword and take a hit. Once you do, we will begin combat.”
Steve turns to you after speaking, his eyebrows pulled together, “when do you want to make for the tunnels? Meet with your people?”
You gnaw on your bottom lip for a moment, trying to contemplate the timeframe before you.
The longer you wait, the stronger their army will be. But it could also grant you a stronger army in the process. Give your people more time to gather themselves, gather supplies.
The Lornillian army may have the upper hand of the Palace, but you and your people know the grounds, and that is something that will be key to reclaiming what is rightfully yours. 
“We will remain for one more moon cycle. Then we will leave.” You turn to James again, reaching for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“You do not have to join us. You have a duty here,” you whisper, looking deeply into his eyes. 
He nods, a small smile on his face. 
“I now have a duty to you, as well, Princess.”
Steve watches the exchange, his stomach flipping with unease. 
He does not like the way the farm boy looks at you. 
No one should be looking at you like that. No one but him.
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hella1975 · 3 months
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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bitegore · 3 months
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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nerdie-faerie · 4 months
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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penisbilt · 5 months
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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ducktollers · 5 months
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got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D
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#delete later#sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree#and theyre desperate#and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out#bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people#and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary#and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn#cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time#😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances#didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate#uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation#and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after#and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it#there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over#time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19#yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x
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killjoy-prince · 3 days
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I now know the context for the 'Doctor... you're huge' line
#prince's gaming tag#hi can i ramble for a bit? bc im losing my mind and i didnt screenshot that scene bc i was too focused on what was happening#so like i got to control both characters in this pic for a bit mainly aventurine and he was summoned by Sunday for a negotiation#or so we thought but Sunday wanted to know what his plans were and casted Harmony on him#and then asked him some questions where if he lied there would be dire consequences#and that whole fucking scene had me TENSE like holy shit#and then it was revealed aventurine was lying and it turns out Sunday knew this bc Ratio ratted him out!!!#so it wasnt an negotiation or an interrogation but an execution like aventurine said#so now unless he does what sunday wants hes gonna die in 17 system hours#and like. holy fucking shit. holy shit!!!!#like ok im still kinda confused about the lore of the game and what actually the aeons are and the factions and all that#like theyll say some unfamiliar word and therell be a word above it like its explaining what that word means#but its just another in universe word so im still confused#but with this interrogation scene i got enough of what was going on to get the high stakes#and im just like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA rn in my head bc what the fuuuuuuuuck#now i wonder if this is gonna be why he becomes a boss fight for us#oh also i was right. when aventurine is serious his voice isnt as grating to me so its only when he's forcing his facade that i cant take i#but this interrogation scene was really fucking good#anyway i finished aventurine's pov and im back to trailblazer's pov. I get to see Topaz!!#who i havent met before but apparently the crew has. i guess i didnt do the mission where she was introduced oops#but i hadnt heard her voice before so i thought it was higher pitched and was very glad to hear it wasnt#oh and i gotta pull for aventurine when he comes back bc i need someone who can cast shield on everyone and hes the man for it#the only preservation character i have is march and caelus if i choose that path but i need him on another one rn so march is the main one#but she can only put up one shield at a time which is not enough as the fights get harder
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toastsnaffler · 1 month
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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kathrynmjaneway · 3 months
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duskerot · 5 months
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world's normalest guy spends $100 on nendoroid parts
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our-lady-of-mcr · 5 months
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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myownprivatcidaho · 2 years
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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
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willczek-art · 2 years
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~* Late Happy Holidays and early Happy New Year! :D *~
Y'know, last year when I complained about not getting to animate I really didn't think I would end up with A Full-On Animation Assignment, even two if you count my current project!
Also two more zines this year, including first merch ever! :DD I really enjoy these and hope I'll get to contribute to more next year! :P
Thank you everyone for sticking around! I wont be super active for the next 2-3 months, finishing school and all~ But when that's over we'll definitely celebrate with a round of requests or whatever fun thing I can do for y'all ;P Until then, see you in messy sketchdumps~
[I edited last year's template, which doesn't seem to be available anymore ;-;]
[2023]
[2021] [2020] [2019] [2018] [2017] [2016]
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dullahandyke · 1 year
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-_-
#11 days to the leaving and only now am i drawing up what all i need to study#chronologically it makes sense to leave latin n music to the last bcos i have like a whole week after history to study for just them#and before that all of my exams are basically in the same week with allowance for the weekend#so i should focus on eng n maths particularly#n then bio and irish and history#but like. my history latin n music teachers r the only ones assigning work. for the exams i have the most time for. lol#like i can ignore the history n music teachers for the most part but like my classes w my latin teacher r one on one i CANNOT brush that of#so im here studying me fucking virgil ig instead of figuring out what im doing w the comparative#sigh. ok priorities ill make up that list of shit i gotta do for each subject#gotta suss out which movie im watching for eng and what poems n stories im studying for irish n what modules im doing for history! lol!#can u tell ive not been paying attention for like. 4 months.#remember kids: cramming is a cool and fun thing to do <- is in a pit#when the leaving cert ends i am going into my room never to be seen again for like a week.#and im getting me mam to buy me something for it. maybe a binder if i come out to her by then#oh well thats future talk. for now. figure out what to study. as ive already said twice#im playinh kh bgm to indulge in the hyperfocus while still getting study done n its kinda working#but mostly i just wanna play kh again...#i havent wrapped up the hades cup n i wanna restart com bcos i think i might know how it works better now#watched a one card deck challenge for recom and its the remake so some shits different but like. i get it now maybe#if nothing else gba com looks rlly rlly cute. the pixel art <£
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gardenerofstars · 1 year
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literally why does leaving people that cause you literally so much harm hurt so much
#finally wrote back to [redacted] after a full month after he reached out and asked to reconnect and catch up#we havent talked in years#he says he is 52 months sober now#which is. impressive#thats like#over 4 years#but still like. aah#listening to his playlist on spotify rn#i said i wanted to reconnect but i literally shouldnt#he knows where i go to college and im scared he might come find me next year if we talk too much#he was always there for me. even if he wasnt ever what i needed or deserved to have to put up with#im so ashamed of him and the situation that i cant even talk about in therapy i dont know why im tyoing all of this in a tumblr post that m#friends can see#sometimes u gotta#idk let these things out. i guess#remember to delete this later#we talked a little bit today. he said hes impressed with me that i made it to college#he said hes proud of me#no one says they are proud of me#he sent me a picture of him before and after gettign sober. he looks like ten years younger#its kind of insane#he said hes studying the bible now. what the fuck#“Remember me when you're big n famous. Well. Remember the good parts of me”#<- actual quote from him#fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this#i dont even know if there are any good parts#man who i love so much and who was the only one there for me but who i am so scared of#actually looking back at messages we have talked a little bit in the last few years i have just blocked it out or something#last time i got a message from him that i remember i started shaking in the dining hall and had to make a friend come get me#🦷
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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