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weirdestbooks · 3 years

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Secret States Chapter 1

A Normal Beginning

America's POV I rubbed my eyes as I began waking up. I had finally gotten enough free time, without my insomnia keeping me up, so I was able to get an hour of sleep. That's not a lot, but way more than I normally gets.

"I can't believe I actually slept." I muttered to myself as I pulled myself out of bed, holding my chest where pains remained due to COVID and the capital riot. I looked around my room, which was pretty empty. I had a desk that was covered in paperwork, along with my laptop. Next to it was a printer. The desk and printer sat between two bookshelves, which were filled with books, non-fiction and fiction alike.

There was a couch next to the bookshelves, underneath a window that looked outside.My bed was opposite of my desk. It was plain, with blue covers and red sheets. I had a bedside table with a lamp, and a picture of me with my kids.

Unlike what most other countries thought of him, I could be and was mature. I love my kids, all sixty-two of them. My states and territories, along with DC, NASA, NATO, Liberia, Palau, Marshall Islands and Micronesia. I even considered Philippines and Cuba to be family, even though I wasn't sure they, especially Cuba, returned those feelings. I would tell them, but I didn't want to make things awkward between us.

I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing my Stars and Stripes, along with my black eyes. My black eyes were very odd. No other country had them, only the organizations, although I wasn't technically a country myself. The United States of America was called the Union for a reason.

I didn't always have my black eyes though. They looked like any other country's eyes until the large waves of immigrants that changed America from having one culture, to having so many, I can't claim a nationwide culture.

Even though both my father, the United Kingdom and the Soviet Union are also technically unions as well, they didn't have the black eyes I do, which lead me to believe black eyes were a sign of having no or many cultures, as opposed to a main one.

This theory was only further cemented when New York developed black eyes as well. Although, he was pretty sure Soviet had one black eye, which was the reason for his eyepatch.

I got myself ready for another day of mind numbingly boring meetings with the rest of the world. I hated how other countries always liked blaming me for things or just making fun of me. I know my country had done horrible things and I hate myself for being unable to stop the government from doing them, but the other countries didn't need to bring it up.

At least my family stood up for me, along with my friends, like Germany and Japan, although how Japan could be friends with me after what I did to her mother was a question I could never find the answer to.

I shook the pessimistic thoughts out of my head, muttering "No pienses así América. Estas tratando de compesarlo. Deja de culparte cuando las cosas van mal." (Don't think that way America. You're trying to make up for it. Stop blaming yourself when things go wrong.)

I opened the door to my room, before almost being barreled down by American Samoa and Hawaii. American Samoa and Hawaii were dressed very similarly, with t-shirts and shorts, although Hawaii wore a lei. Hawaii's flag had a Union Jack in the upper left hand corner, with blue, red and white stripes. American Samoa's flag was dark blue, with a white triangle that had a red outline coming from the right corners. In the triangle was a bald eagle holding a war club and a fly whisk.

"Faʻamalie Tama. O aʻu ma Hawaii sa na o le taumafai lava e faʻatumu le isi vaega o atumotu o le Pasefika e faʻamalosi ai atumotu Caribbean." (Sorry Dad. Me and Hawaii were just trying to get the rest of the Pacific islands to prank the Caribbean islands.) American Samoa said. Due to not having an official language, I was able to understand and speak all languages spoken within my borders. This wasn't a small amount, with approximately 350 languages spoken in the US. I loved this however, as it allowed my children, especially my adopted ones to speak their first language, or just whatever one they preferred.

"Mai hopohopo makuakāne, e hōʻoia wau ʻaʻole e ʻeha kekahi!" (Don't worry father, i'll make sure no one gets hurt!) Hawaii stated as she grabbed American Samoa by the arm pulling her brother towards Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands room. I smiled at my kid's antics as he walked towards the stairs. As I walked downstairs I bumped into another person, causing them to drop their papers.

"Sorry D." I said as I helped the district gather up her papers. The District of Columbia, or Washington DC, was wearing a pencil skirt with a button up dress shirt. Her flag was white, with two red lines though the center and three red stars at the top.

"It's okay Dad." She responded, smiling, "I'm glad you finally got some sleep though. You know I can help you if you get overwhelmed. I am the capital after all."

"You do enough as it is. You're also up early. Are you heading to the capitol building to try and convince Congress to grant you statehood?" I questioned, handing DC back her papers which consisted of plans on how they could redraw the capital to allow for Washington DC to become a state.

"Yeah. I'm upset that Trump prevented it from happening, but hopefully with a new president I can get closer to achieving statehood. I'm going to head out now. Vermont's making breakfast. Love you Dad, goodbye!" DC said as she walked out the front door.

"Love you too" I responded before sticking my head in the kitchen.

"Bonjour Vermont" I said as I looked at the nation-turned state. Vermont was wearing a green and blue plaid shirt along with jeans and worn out boots. His flag was blue with a coat of arms in it, the central image being a pine tree.

"Bonjour Papa" Vermont said as he took another couple of pancakes off the griddle. "Je prépare des crêpes pour tout le monde, alors ne vous inquiétez pas pour la cuisine. C'est une journée de repos pour vous." (I'm making pancakes for everyone, so don't worry about cooking. It is a rest day for you.).

"Merci Vermont." I said as I walked into the dining room, being met with the faces of NATO, New York and Delaware.

"Hey guys. Did you get any sleep York?" I asked them as I sat down.

"Like your one to talk Dad. And I did." New York said as he sipped a pot of coffee. New York was wearing a suit and had a blue flag with his coat of arms on it.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure York gets some sleep before he collapses." Delaware said. Delaware was dressed in a shirt and jeans. His flag was a colonial blue, with a yellow sideways triangle with his coat of arms on it. The flag also showed the date he ratified the Constitution, December 7, 1787.

"I was founded by twelve countries, why's this the family that I have to be a part of?" NATO asked. NATO was wearing a suit, as he also had to participate in meetings with other countries. His flag was blue with a compass rose, with four lines coming out of the four cardinal directions.

"Really?"

"Come on NATO, you know you love us."

I laughed at my kids' protests to NATO's comment as Vermont came out with the pancakes.

"Foods ready. Where's everyone else?" Vermont asked and he put a plates of pancakes on the table.

"Sleeping." Delaware said.

"Del, we're Americans, we don't sleep for this long." Vermont said, crossing his arms.

"The South are messing around in the backyard, but surprisingly, the West is still asleep. I think the Midwest is doing something with the crops. The four corners are doing something. NASA on the phone with Navajo talking about names for that Mars mission he has." NATO said as he began to eat his pancakes.

"How do you know what everyone's doing?" New York asked.

"I don't. I have no idea what the territories, Mid-Atlantic's, Hawaii or Alaska are doing." NATO responded.

"Sam and Hawaii are trying to convince the Pacific islands to help them prank the Caribbean islands." I said, thinking back to the conversation I had with the two islands earlier that morning.

"Are the former territories going to be involved?" Delaware asked.

"That I don't know. I'll let you know if any of them tell me something about it" I said. As I said that, an alarm on my phone went off.

"Time to go?" NATO asked.

"Yep. Del, you and the Thirteen are in charge, along with Vermont. Alaska has been having nightmares again, so help him with that if you need to." I said as I got up from the table.

"Got it." New York said as he took another large sip of his coffee.

"Á bientôt!" (See you soon) Vermont said.

————————————————————————

Canada's POV (BTW, I am not describing the flags of any countries that are well known, only the states because they aren't as well known) I sat down next to my brother Australia as I walked into the meeting room.

"Hey, have you seen Ame recently?" I asked Australia.

"No, but 2020 was crazy for everyone, he's probably just dealing with COVID stuff. UN did cancel all in-person meetings in 2020 because of COVID. Thank god for the vaccine." Australia said, rubbing a hand on a burn scar.

"Mes fils!" (My sons!) I heard my mother announce from behind me. I looked over to see my father, UK; my younger brother, New Zealand; my uncle, Ireland; and my mother, France.

"Bonjour Maman. Comment ça va?" (Hello Mom. How are you?) I said. Maman smiled.

"Très bien. Avez-vous vu Ame?" (Very good. Have you seen Ame?) She asked.

"Non." Canada replied.

"What are you talking about? I heard Ame's name, but I don't know French." New Zealand cut in.

"Sorry Kiwi." Maman said.

"I heard my name. Are we talking about me?" I heard America's voice from behind me.

"Ame!" Australia said. I turned around to see my brother, who had his hands in his pockets. He had his sunglasses on and had a slight smile on his face.

"Hello America." Père said.

"What up Pops? How's everyone been?" America asked, sitting down next to Australia.

"COVID's been tough. I'm glad for the vaccine though." Père answered as he and Maman sat down.

"Thank god for the vaccine is definitely on everyone's mind." Maman said. UN then walked into the room followed by NATO, ASEAN, EU and AU.

"Hello everyone. I am hoping to continue our meetings for now, but if there are any complications involving COVID we will head back to online meetings." UN stated. "We will begin with the countries most affected by COVID. First up will be the United States of America, followed by the Federative Republic of Brazil and the Republic of India."

————————————————————————

The meeting was incredibly boring, just everyone talking about their cases and vaccinations, the same thing we've been doing since COVID started. After the meeting, I walked out with my family as they discussed random topics.

"Man I wish Uncle Scotland, Uncle England, Uncle Wales and Uncle North could attend these meetings. Then we could really have a family reunion." New Zealand said.

"Your Uncles would make a mess out of the meeting. Nothing would get done." Père stated.

"So we should definitely let them come. It would make it more fun!" America said.

"Yeah Britain, let our brothers come. They would definitely add spice to the boring meetings." Uncle Ireland said, draping an arm around Père's shoulders. America and Uncle Ireland always loved joking around trying to get a rise out of Père. I think it stems from their independence, but they are still close regardless.

"We should try and get together, we are vaccinated and we can wear masks if anyone gets truly worried about it." Australia suggested.

"Let's. I need to see someone other than myself. Maybe tomorrow?" I asked. Everyone gave nods of agreement, aside from America.

"America?" Maman asked, questioning his lack of a decision. America bit his lip.

"I'll have to check, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to." He said, but still seemed conflicted. I was worried about my brother. He had a lot of COVID cases and seemed to be a lot more tired than usual. But if something bad was happening, surely America would tell someone.

"America, can I speak to you alone?" A voice behind us asked. I turned around to see a country with a flag very similar to America's, but instead of the fifty stars there was one big one.

"Sure thing Liberia. I'll be right back, guys" America said, walking over to Liberia.

"I didn't know Liberia and America were friends." Père commented.

"Ame's friends with everyone." Australia said. He then paused and continued, "Well not with North Korea or Iran or Russia-Okay maybe he's not friends with everyone, but he has a lot of friends."

#weird’s wattpad stories #statehumans #countryhumans #countryhumans america #secret states by weird #writing

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outlanderfandomfollies · 4 years

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Diana Gabaldon’s Commentary on Casting Sam Heughan as Jamie Fraser | November 4, 2013

Goodness, can’t leave you lot to your own devices for long, can I? [g] Given the amount of traffic I see in the stats for this blog and my Facebook page, I conclude that the Casting Wars are still boiling along.

Well. Look.

1) People are entitled to their own opinions. Naturally, I’d prefer these opinions to be expressed—and received—civilly, but up to you, of course. I believe in the virtues of free discourse.

2) I—of course—am likewise entitled to an opinion. [cough]

Now, my opinion is based on rather more information than most others expressed here, because

a) I created Jamie Fraser and thus—presumably–have a pretty good idea of what he really looks and acts like.

b) While I haven’t yet met Sam Heughan, I’ve seen Rather a Lot of him (about 95%, at a rough guess), both in terms of

a. Photographs, and

b. Film, and

c. Bits and pieces, like audition tapes

Naturally, everyone forms mental images while reading. Everybody. I do it when I read other people’s books, too. Now, I can’t imagine why anyone—having read OUTLANDER—would form an image of Jamie as a 7-foot tall Bozo the clown on steroids, but you know….whatever floats your boat.

Why anyone should expect a film company to a) telepathically extract your personal vision of a character and b) try to replicate that onscreen is one of the Great Mysteries of the Universe, and I’m not about to try to solve it here—I got a book to write, among other things, and there are only so many hours in the day.

So I’m just going to say This about That:

Y’all have not seen Sam Heughan “be” Jamie Fraser.

I _have_.

[See more under the cut.]

Now, when they told me who they’d chosen and that they were sending me the audition tapes, I was in the car, driving from Phoenix to Santa Fe with my husband. Unable to get to my computer until we got to Santa Fe, I was madly googling “Sam Heughan” on my iPhone (my husband was driving, I hasten to add).

Frankly, I thought he looked bizarre. He’s 6’3”, that’s fine…very chiseled face, but oddly chiseled, and what’s with the large forehead and cleft chin?!? Jamie doesn’t have a cleft chin and his nose is not all that long, though it _is_ straight…and good grief, I know we wanted somebody who could play a 22-year-old virgin, but this guy hardly looks like he has hair on his behind, let alone the dangly bits…but…

But.

But you know, I _do_ understand what it is that actors do.

(Do you know that, btw? What they do is magic. They can become somebody they aren’t—and their physical outline is just Really Not That Important. (Within limits. Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher is a long way outside those limits…).)

So I sat down at my computer, sort of looking warily through my fingers. Willing to suspend disbelief if I could, but kind of dubious, you know?

So here he is, dark-haired, in a long-sleeved gray T-shirt, and I’m thinking, “Boy, he doesn’t look _anything_ like his IMDB photos, he actually looks pretty human, that’s a relief…”

And five seconds later, Sam Heughan was GONE, and it was Jamie Fraser right there in front of me. True. No costume, no makeup, no props, nothing but cues from an offstage casting director, and…it was him.

He did two scenes. First, a confrontation with Dougal, right after Dougal’s ripped his shirt off in the tavern.

“Devil take ye, Dougal MacKenzie! I dinna owe ye that!” Blazing blue eyes, swelling shoulders, and…bam. Showed this small bit to a (male) friend recently, who blinked at the screen and said, “Man, he’s powerful!” He was.

Second scene was even better; it’s the scene where Jamie explains to Claire exactly why he’s about to punish her. [g] And he had it all: patience, seriousness, annoyance, patience, humor, menace, humor, and…enough sex to drop anyone with functioning ovaries in their tracks.

Now. In the months since then, the production people have been kind enough to show me the occasional glimpse of this or that. I _have_ seen the red hair in its full glory (it took seven tries—and 27 hours in a salon chair, I was told by the victim), and speaking as someone married to a red-head (himself Jamie’s original body model) and with two more in residence…it’s definitely the right kind of red.

Red hair—as I notice a few red-heads have been mentioning—looks Way Different, depending on the light. Unless it’s truly carroty (and Jamie’s is Definitely Not), sometimes it looks almost brown, sometimes it’s red-gold and sometimes it’s all different colors and sometimes it has almost-blond highlights and sometimes…well, let’s put it this way: it doesn’t look like Bozo the clown or Shamus the Wrestler, it looks like Real Hair, just red. (And if you really worry about this, do go and google “red deer images” and _see_ what the heck a red deer’s pelt looks like.)

But beyond the physical details (which are, um…Really Good, and decency prevents me going further, save to say that while Jamie certainly doesn’t look like Thor (gag me with a spoon), he—and Mr. Heughan—look Very Nicely Muscled indeed)….Sam Heughan can _act_. And he totally nailed it.

So. Feel perfectly free to express your own opinions. (I don’t know quite what people expect as a result. Surely they don’t figure that Starz will say, “Oh, no! Robyn MacGillicuddy Stimson thinks Chris Hemsworth should be Jamie! Get Hemsworth’s agent on the phone!” Or at least I hope they don’t think that…) You’ll change your mind in due course.

Or I’ll pay you a dollar. [g]

I love to read Diana’s early impressions of Sam Heughan! The “bizarre” remark about his appearance was so strange! (Elsewhere, Diana even said she initially thought he looked “grotesque”!) 😂

I was reading a post recently where someone completing mischaracterized part of Diana’s initial impression of Sam Heughan. They apparently did so to promote a certain “agenda” about Sam. Consequently, I thought I’d post one of her earliest (and most thorough) commentaries about her early impressions of Sam. (For some of her even earlier comments about Sam--from July 5 to 9, 2013--see POST1, POST2, POST3, POST4, POST5, POST6. BTW, these comments are consistent with Diana’s November 4th commentary. After seeing Sam transform himself into Jamie, Diana was clearly a fan.)

[edited]

#sam heughan #jamie fraser #diana gabaldon #commentary on casting #outlander

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ommsims · 3 years

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story process challenge

i was tagged by @xldkx to do this challenge, created by @herpixels , like a month? a month and a half? ago and it’s been sitting half finished in my drafts for nearly as long. *sigh* (regardless, i love stuff like this so even if it takes me forever to get to it, i appreciate the tags! 💕).

i decided to answer all the qs because it took me damn long enough to get to this, so i might as well put some extra elbow grease into it (plus it was fun!). btw it’s all going under a cut b/c it is long. i apologize in advance.

1. My Writing Process - used to be a hot damn mess. literally word docs strewn throughout my pc. However, I recently switched to using Onenote (it’s what i use to organize my d&d campaign notes) and hoo-boy is it so much nicer. this is how it’s set up and it’s honestly night and day. i can have a page with outlines, a page to organize & order screenshots, and a separate page for drafting text, and i can easily toggle though them without having to switch windows? a big thumbs up from me.

When it comes to actual writing- I used to write my drafts in novel format, which i enjoyed but it made “converting” them into tumblr posts time consuming and frustrating. I ended up scrapping most of the text in the process, retaining pretty much only the dialogue.

Anyway, nowadays I write in more of a screenplay format: dialogue only + key scene information with the occasional note to self.

I do keep a master “arcs” page with key events and each individual character’s arc from beginning to end and secondary “outline” pages with slightly more detailed outline for each leg of the project. No screencaps b/c spoilers galore!

My typical work flow process for a scene goes: (1) brainstorm scene ideas, (2) take screenshots, (3) organize screenshots into a rough storyboard, (4) add 1st draft of text, (5) edit photos, (6) edit text, (7) upload to "drafts” here on tumblr, (8) let sit for a bit (9) take a final look at things/proofread and edit as needed. It may sound counterintuitive, but i find it much easier to write dialogue for a set of images rather than attempt to take images based on prewritten text. I feel more comfortable editing and tweaking tone and content in the text this way. Otherwise, I get frustrated when I “can’t” shoot a scene exactly as it appeared in my head.

2. How I build my scenes - A lot of what i do is rooted in gameplay, therefore my sets are usually (a) play-tested and (b) not super pretty. I’ve certainly improved at decorating & building over the years but more often than not I download lots off tumblr and the gallery because I don’t have the patience, aptitude, or time to build all of my own sets. That being said, I frequently gut builds only to build a number of completely unrelated mini sets inside to reduce the number of times i have to replace lots. I also keep a list of “important locations” and where certain characters live / will move to, to help keep this all straight as there aren’t nearly enough lots per neighborhood or even per world in this damn game...

my least favorite part of scene building is actually decorating. lol. Don’t get me wrong, I love clutter. I honestly do. but fuck me if i expect myself to spend hours meticulously decorating a set, spend another 3 hours toggling back and forth b/w BB & live modes adjusting things to get rid of the damn routing errors. (yeah, yeah, i know i could ignore them, they’re not important, especially in those scenarios where i’m using a set for screenshots and nothing else, but idk. it really grinds my gears.) and then have to replace the lot like a week later because there aren’t enough lots in the game. *sigh*

3. CC/Pose Making - i do not consider myself to be a cc creator nor a pose maker but i do dabble occasionally. And to be completely honest i’d much rather spend my time doing other stuff, so it’s not high on my list of priorities atm. plus there are so many talented cc creators in this community; i can usually get by with what’s already out there.

4. Getting in the zone - Honestly, I do a lot of brainstorming for plot & dialogue in the shower. I don’t have any particular playlists to get me “in the writing mood” but I do enjoy listening to music as I work. Either instrumental stuff or simply artists/songs I like. If something just so happens to “fit” a scene I’m working on, one i’ve got planned, or even just gives me vibes for a certain character or group, I add a quick note to the top of said scene’s draft. Most of the time I stick it in the recesses of my brain and add a quick link when I finally get to the point of posting the draft to tumblr. For whatever reason, when I have one of those “oh this song is perfect for X” moments it’s essentially ingrained in my mind for the rest of eternity.

5. The screenshot folder - this will most likely give some of you out there major anxiety. but i swear it’s an organized chaos. :)

yep. 32.9gb of screenshots & related things...

So with the raws from a single random scene selected, you can see i take roughly 10 screenshots per image posted. not terrible i guess but i’m working on it. Typically I take screenshots and once I’m done editing a scene I’ll move them from the general folder to a more specific project folder.

6. Captions - I’ll answer this in three parts:

for my townie story. not really. I prefer using the text box. I tend to write (& re-write) the dialogue for each one of these scenes several times over as I add more “scenes” into my drafts. It would be incredibly inefficient, time consuming, and would waste a lot more space on my pc to have to save .psds of each image just so i could edit dialogue when I decide: “oh hey maybe so and so needs to bring up X in this scene” and then change my mind an hour later.

for niko, noor, & co. I’m a text on image type gal here. don’t really know why, but it gives the project a different energy. ironically it makes it feel more laid-back to me. which i guess makes sense, it’s a much more light-hearted “story” than my townie project. which is, imo, very soapy haha.

for legacy stuff. all text goes below the images in the text box. reasoning: it’s gameplay, I don’t brainstorm, outline, or pre-write for this. I play the game, take screenshots, plug ‘em into my drafts and write some commentary / dialogue to go along with it.

7. Editing - i am a creature of habit and have not majorly changed my editing process in probably a year and a half (when I began using reshade and had to adjust my color correcting psd). it’s a super basic system:

drag & drop my “color correction” psd.

run actions in ps. (i made my own “all-in-one” actions to really streamline the process; i have different “actions sets” for my premades’ story and for other things that get posted to tumblr. even if no one else notices it, i like the little details that keep my projects separate and “identifiable”.

voila. all set to upload.

sometimes i crop images, add “text effects”, or do more in depth editing (i.e. editing a phone screen or adding rain etc.) but overall i try and keep it simple for myself.

8. Throwback - i posted an image of one of the first (but never posted) scenes I’d written for my townie project up above. but as for how would i redo a scene i’d already posted. well i’m currently re-doing my townie story so i guess i’ll just say you’ll see how it’s redone when i get to part 1! 😉

anyway, no tags because i’m so embarrassingly late to this party but if you hadn’t gotten around to this tag, wanted to do it but didn’t get a tag, or started it and left it to sit and now you’re thinking “oh god that was months ago should i even post this anymore?!?” consider yourself tagged by me and go ahead and post it for all to see!

#tag train #story process challenge #it's long. it's rambly. but that's me.#this one was a challenge! a challenge but fun.

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

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|Trigger Finger|Mafia AU| M|JJK|

MOB/MAFIA AU/SMUT/HUMOR-ISH Underboss OC X Mob associate Jungkook

Kook’s already whipped and thirsty AFFFF

Jonnie’s in this a little..he’s her body guard as per usual...not that she needs one! So actually he’s her babysitter per Joon needs a damn raise!

**This is a one time flashback within the “Family Ties” Universe...which is a Taehyung centered Mafia series with BTS cameos...if you're new here! Jk is mentioned for the first time in part 3 BTW!!

It is referenced that Luxx (OC’s Nickname) and Kookie have hooked up in the past...this taps into that. As well as how he got his “job” within the alliance/training and blah blah blah ……

1.2k Sneak peek

Also the OC is from Boston....

“I’m just saying!!! Hook your boy up Jeon!!!!”

A snort leaving Jungkook’s lips as he refilled the vodka sprayer,eyes fluttering in the elders direction “Joey...I mean this in the least offensive way possible butttt...you need a certain...look for this whole “Sugar baby concept”.A cheeky little grin stretching across his lips as he patted Joey on the cheek fondly!

“If you're trying to tell me I need to get back on my gym,tan ,laundry then I have no issues with that! Especially if it will help me pull some bad-”

The sound of the back door creaking open halted all conversation, Joey instantly reaching for his gun, as the club wasn't even close to being open. More importantly the doors should have all been pad locked, all it took was the sound of your Louboutins to click along the marble for Joey put two and two together!

Only problem is... that actually made the situation worse, as you weren't one to do drops in so if you were here unannounced that means someone fucked up! Still for some reason none of this registered to Jungkook he’s only ever meet you maybe 5 times and it’s been years. Granted he obviously knew what was done behind closed doors, his actual job only went as far as the strip club was concerned.

After a few moments of observing Joey’s sudden shift in demor...it clicked... “Oh shit…” Gazing back at the latter wide eyed, smacking him in the shoulder lightly. “Wait..is that-” Before he could even ask the question you circled the corner, hips swaying, as your curls bounced behind you. The champagne colored bandage dress clung to every curve on your body, nothing even remotely subtel in the way Jungkkoks eyes traced every outline.

“In through your nose... out through your mouth….” Slipped past your glazed lips as nonchalant as could be...

“I’m sorry what?” Brows scrunched in blatant confusion earning a slight chuckle to rumble in your chest. As you glanced over at him through the tiniest sunglasses imaginable, so much so they were clearly for aesthetic purposes only. Your lashes alone damn near peaked higher than the frame itself… but they were Fenty so that justified it all!

“That’s how you breathe..seems as though you’ve forgotten how to do so...” Eyes slowly leaving his only to shuffle centimeters over, not missing the almost amused smirk that tugged on Jungkook's lips in response.Teeth Grazing his bottom lip as he admired the way you seamlessly transitioned between the two.

“Joeyyy!! Baby come ere! Give me hugs! “ Extending your arms in his direction as you sauntered to meet him halfway. It was almost comical how flabbergasted he was in response to your warm demeanor, you could damn near hear him exhale from a mile away. If you didn't already know he fucked up ...you deffiently did once you saw his face, the man looked like he saw a ghost, no matter how big the smile was that stretched across your face!

Slowly maneuvering around the counter, weapon still in hand “Really? What were you planning to do with that?Bust a cap in my ass or somethin’? Lemme see” Reaching out for the gun, still keeping it in his hand as, while his thumb rested along the magazine. Slowly bringing your index finger up to stroke the trigger..then next thing ya know…..

A noise only comparable to a shriek swept through his throat as he dropped to his knees, right in front of you...eyes searching your’s for a million in one questions he already knew all the answers too. The sudden change in atmosphere earned choked out gasp from Jungkook, who glanced back at you comply wide eyed. Not even sure how to process what the fuck just happened I mean you just asked for a hug 2 seconds ago damn!

Jungkook also found himself questioning why he was somewhat turned on by the sight of you, all dolled up with a 9 in hand...especially considering the fact that you just randomly shot his boss! But damn, if you didn't look good doing it!

“LUXXYY!!!’ You knew that Baritone anywhere…

“Oh my god Joeyyyyyyy!!” There was actually a hint of annoyance lacned within your tone, as if he ACTUALLY shot himself….

“ You just shot yourself in the arm why the hell would you do that ya dick! That looks painful, Namjoon this looks painful, doesn't this look painful?” Glancing over at him innocently, hand gesturing in Joey's direction.

A scoff leaving his lips as he held the bridge of his nose between his index and middle finger, clearly you’ve manged to already stress Namjoon all the way the fuck out! All it took was the two of you being in Vegas for all of 2 hours….

“I mean...it does look kinda sorta painful…” The younger spoke up with a slight snort, and you couldn't help but smirk back at him, cocking your head to the side slightly. Eyes narrowing in his direction.

“Hmm… smart kid...I like you..who the hell are you by the way…? “

“I’m..Kookie, or Jungkook whichever you prefer..” You could tell right away he was a cocky little shit,and for good reason. He was attractive, very actually, nice hair, tattoos..great teeth, you figured the red corvette outside was probably his.

He couldn't be older than 21 and made around 45k a year, and for most people his age who actually WORKED...that was impressive! But clearly not impressive enough for you to know who the hell he was and the look on your face said it clear as day. Which ripped an exaggerated sigh from Namjoon’s throat

“He’s Dom’s son Luxxy!!” you could already tell he was rolling his eyes…

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….hmmm..” Eyes slowly trailing him from head to toe, somewhat impressed actually, it’s been years since you’d seen him. Jungkook didn't hesitate to return the gesture either. “Well “Dom’s son” head to the back...were about to have a little office meeting...oh also make me a drink...something fruity but I actually wanna taste my liquor…”

“White or dark?”

“Surprise me..”

“Yes ma'am” You could hear the smugness in his voice as he smiled back at you, not hesitating to do as you asked..or commanded I guess I should say.

Brow arched in amusement, a slight humm leaving your lips before slowly bringing your attention down to the man that was in front of you weeping on his knees . Yanking his head back by the nape of his neck, so he had no choice but to look you dead in the eyes.

“Oh my god Joey stop cryin’...I shot you in the arm, your lucky I didn't aim for your scrotum...actually speaking of....that brings me to why I’m actually here “ Pausing slightly while you let your fingers gently caressed the hair at the nape of his neck...the gesture polar opposite to the current situation at hand but ...you were known for that!

“First off...... you're bleeding out, all on my marble and that’s not cute... so Joonie’s gonna take you to the hospital.” Smiling fondly in his direction, Namjoon didn't hesitate to flip you off, not that you blamed him, brining your focus back to the man of the hour!

Yanking his head a little more until you heard a slight whimper leave his throat “And when they ask you what happened..tell them it was an accident...just like you accidentally managed to let my girls gargle cock on the clock!”

Ya know he actually had the nerve to look back at you surprised, he must've forgotten this place is wired up the ass “ Oh please! Save it..I’m not in the mood for a soap opera Joey, listen, I do enough extra curricular shit in this club on my own..”

Moving your hand down to cup his jaw, adding just enough pressure the the hinge to make him squirm “I’ll be damned if the reason I go to jail is because Barbie got caught letting some unhappy stock broker snort coke off her clit!” Abruptly releasing his jaw from your hands, jerking his head back slightly as you released your hold.

“Where’s my drink “Dom’s son!!!?””Echoed through the empty three story building only hearing a noise comparable to pain to leave namjoon’s throat…

“Oh fuck meee...this suits Armani, I really don’t feel like carrying your bitch ass Joey your already bleeding all over the damn place!”

“Is she- is she always that feisty???”” Kookie becked, eyes glued to the way your ass swayed from side to side as you walked away. Tongue teasing at the corner of his mouth.

“ALWAYS…” Slipped through clenched teeth, as Namjoon, leasurily made his way in Joey’s direction.

Only jungkook seemed a lot less..stressed out and a lot more intrigued by the concept…. That was his sassy,sexy and blatantly dominant boss...Jungkook liked having control but there was something about watching you TAKE control...that had his stomach flipping in 83788 directions!

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE FOR NOW…

IF YOU LIKED IT..”LIKE IT” FULL THING WILL PROB BE BETWEEN 7-9K…..OHHH feel freee to send me some smut scenarios, I may try and work them in….

ALSO IF you are a “Family Ties “ reader..Luxx and Tae were NOWHERE near a thing at this point.

ONE SHOT PLOT

#jungkook #jungkook smut #junkook mafia #jungkook mafia au #bts #bts smut #bts mafia #bts mafia au #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #kpop smut #kpop mafia au #jungkook one shot #namjoon mafia au #namjoon

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junietwohundred · 5 years

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Dev Diary: Writing is ineffable, in that I can’t be effed to do it

Another weekly report from Bee Foundry Games, where nothing goes as planned and the code doesn’t matter.

Last week’s goals:

More writing. That’s easy to do in the early mornings, and there’s a lot of it to do.

How do I make characters join and leave a party? I want Aziraphale to stick to Crowley like glue…but only sometimes. I think there’s a “follow” script later in the tutorial, so…

Finish repeating the tutorial. Pay attention to follow scripts.

Bentley: how do? Is it a more advanced version of the party? Is it just demonic magic? I don’t know!

So, how did that go?

1) Nope. I’m feeling drained and listless and I can’t make myself write descriptions even when it’s 7 a.m. and there won’t be anyone else in the office for another three hours. (Tech companies, bless.)

2) Figured it out. It’s not fancy, and it’s not in the tutorial, but I can add and drop a character to a followers list and they’ll follow the POV character wherever you go. In my experiment, Crowley can’t leave the Plant Room without Aziraphale saying “I think I’ll come with you,” and then hanging out with him forever. I think the plants creep him out.

3) Finished the tutorial (which has no follow scripts) again. It drove home how familiar I’ve become with some of the functions of Quest, because even with mucking around in the code on my own, it took me half as much time to finish as when I first did it.

4) Oh heavens. I wrote a “drive” verb for the Bentley object that moves the Bentley and the POV character (as well as whoever is following them) to the desired destination. It even prints a message tailored to whether it’s Crowley or Aziraphale alone, or both of them, getting into the car. It asks you which direction you want to drive and moves you there. But it doesn’t actually put you in the Bentley, so wherever you go next, you see the Bentley as though you were standing next to it, and saying “go SW” will take you southwest without the Bentley. If I make the Bentley an object that can contain other objects, I can make the “drive” script put the characters in the car, but now the exits that were accessible from outside are inaccessible, because you’re sitting in an antique car-shaped box. God hates me.

Also, there’s a bug where if you’re leaving Mayfair in the Bentley for the first time, saying “east” (Soho) or “southeast” (St. James’s Park) will both take you to Soho. I’ve figured out that it’s because the way I’m interpreting user input will take any input with an “e” in to mean “go to Soho,” but I don’t know another way to handle the user input, and did I mention that this only happens the first time you leave Mayfair? If you go west from Soho back to Mayfair, saying “southeast” will take you to St. James’s Park. Either the drive script stops working after the first move and the characters are on foot without my realizing it when they get back to Mayfair, or something is seriously screwy.

Real talk: I’m a software QA in my regular job. I pick apart programs other people make and say, “This is what I did, and this is what happened. Make it so doing those things doesn’t make that happen and makes this happen instead.” And then I give the code back, and the developers make everything better. Except there are no developers on this project - there’s just me, fucking up the game in mysterious ways.

I did learn some things this week:

I learned how to make the game perform an action every certain number of turns. If I want Hastur to pop in and steal your ice cream ever five turns, I can do that. (I don’t want that, btw. You deserve your ice cream.) My next step is figuring out how to make my understanding of “turn” mesh with what the program is doing, because I think it’s every time you enter a command, and it thinks it’s every time you move. There’s even documentation to back up that I’m right. And yet.

I asked on the Quest forums, and someone helped me write a function (read: wrote a function for me) that allows me to make room and item descriptions dynamic, depending upon which actions have been performed or, say, which items have been removed from a tabletop.

I hate lists with only two items, don’t you?

So, what’s the plan for this next week?

Write descriptions and flavor text. There’s no excuse not to; I’m just being lazy now.

Make the Bentley work like a car and not like a thing you’re toting around.

Fix the SE/E problem.

Annotate my game outline with what conditions must be set for the player to continue.

I’m trying to stay small this week; I had a disheartening afternoon of work on the game today and I’m feeling pretty low overall, so I don’t want to burn out.

Until next week!

#GOdevdiary #interactive fiction #text adventures #good omens #bee foundry games

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shettie23 · 5 years

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7 Steps to Create a Marketing Plan

Assemble it and they will come. It's a good-natured assessment. Be that as it may, with regards to maintaining your very own business, it comes up short a piece.

As you definitely know, you essentially can't simply open for business and cross your fingers that individuals discover you. Rather, being a fruitful entrepreneur implies always showcasing and advancing your business in order to get more eyeballs on your item or bodies through the entryway.

Yet, the words "advertising plan" are sufficient to send shudders down anybody's spine. It sounds excessively specialized and totally overwhelming, isn't that right? In any case, I guarantee you, it isn't as scary as you may suspect it may be—and you certainly don't have to have a degree in promoting so as to make sense of it.

Pursue these seven basic advances, and you'll be furnished with a showcasing plan that makes certain to enable you to take your business to the following level!

What is a promoting plan?

Before you can bounce directly in with making your arrangement, it's essential to have a strong comprehension of what precisely it is. Normally included as an extended bit of your general strategy, an advertising plan is exactly what it seems like: a report that subtleties all that you have to know so as to effectively advance your business.

Some enormous enterprises have to promote plans that are several pages, though a little one-individual business may just have a bunch of pages. There's no definite length for this kind of report, insofar as you've incorporated the majority of the important data.

Also, it's essential to take note that your showcasing plan should traverse one year. This is sufficient opportunity to come to those enormous, long haul targets, and short enough to stay adaptable when your conditions and objectives change after some time.

Since you know the stray pieces, how about we jump into the subtleties. Here are the means you have to take so as to sort out the basic components of your business' promoting plan.

Stage 1: Know Your Business

You expected to do this identical thing when chipping away at your marketable strategy, so this initial step shouldn't be excessively troublesome. All things considered, no one realizes your business very as you do.

Think about this segment as your chance to give a general diagram of your present business tasks, just as your inside and outer condition. To what extent have you been fully operational? What's your business structure? It is safe to say that you are an LLC or an organization? Do you lead business on the web or through a customer-facing facade? What sorts of items and administrations do you offer?

Inside this area, a few organizations likewise do a SWOT examination—which subtleties your qualities and shortcomings as an association, just as any open doors for development, and dangers that could thwart that progress. It's an extraordinary method to get a preview of your present circumstance such that it is useful and totally reasonable.

Stage 2: Determine Target Market

"Target advertise" is likely an expression you heard rehashed in any kind of showcasing class you at any point took or article you've perused. What's more, in light of current circumstances—it's a key component for thinking of viable and effective promoting procedures.

In this part of your promoting plan, you should list everything without exception you think about your optimal client. This incorporates fundamental statistic data, for example, sexual orientation and age. Be that as it may, you ought to likewise dive further into their practices and choices.

For what reason do they purchase from you? What challenge or torment point would you say you are fathoming for them? How would they invest free energy? What outlets do they go to get data? Accumulate any intel you can discover, and incorporate it in this area. Knowing your clients all around will be useful when distinguishing advertising strategies and techniques. Btw check this article out:- ‘’Identifying brand voice’’

Stage 3: Analyze Competitors

Wouldn't it be decent in the event that you worked in a vacuum and never needed to stress over any contenders encroaching on your space or taking your clients? Shockingly, a business doesn't work that way. Odds are, there are as of now organizations out there planning something unfathomably comparative for you—which means you'll have to work that a lot harder to stick out.

Try not to get threatened! This is something each entrepreneur manages. So being outfitted with a wide range of information about your rivals will be useful in discovering approaches to separate yourself from the group.

Start by portraying—in detail—the item or administration you offer to customers. This is your opportunity to develop the essential diagram you gave in the principal segment. At that point, illuminate how your item or administration measures up to the existing challenges. What positions you as the one source customers or clients should go to? What makes you unique? As you may envision, you'll have the option to use this differentiator to viably showcase your business.

Taking an amplifying glass to your rivals can be unsettling—especially on the off chance that they're truly flourishing. However, it's a significant advance to not just accumulate the majority of the data you need, yet in addition to exhibiting to any potential speculators that you're mindful of your opposition and arranged to handle that challenge head-on.

Stage 4: Set Goals

Here comes the fun part—explaining your showcasing related objectives for the year. What goals would you like to achieve? Are there explicit targets you need to hit?

Contingent upon your present circumstance and aspirations, objectives can go from elevated and self-important, (for example, multiplying deals or expanding a piece of the overall industry) to littler, more scaled-down desire (like getting 100 new Instagram adherents on your image's record or beginning a blog for your business).

The significant part is to zone in on the achievements you need to reach consistently, regardless of whether it appears to be conceivable or not. Try not to cloud your psyche with coordinations right now—this comes in the following stage.

Stage 5: Outline Strategies

Since you've plot precisely what you need to achieve, it's a great opportunity to detail the systems you'll use to really arrive at these targets.

I prescribe taking every objective independently, and posting the related activity things legitimately underneath it. This enables you to see precisely the main priority so as to propel yourself toward that achievement. It's likewise an extraordinary method to understand whether this objective appears to be sensible or if it needs a bit of altering. You need your objectives to persuade and sweeping, however not all that troublesome that they're simply disheartening.

We should stay with the case of getting more devotees on your business' Instagram account. This is what this could resemble:

Objective: Gain at any rate 100 new devotees on Company XYZ's Instagram account by December 31, 2016.

Beginning Number: 458

Activity Items:

Be increasingly dynamic in the space by posting at any rate three new photographs each week.

Draw in with clients by reacting to remarks on photographs just as remarking on photographs posted by comparative, applicable records.

Research industry and network-related hashtags that we can use in our own presence on the pull in progressively natural rush hour gridlock.

Host an Instagram challenge for our supporters.

Isn't it obvious? It's not so mind-boggling as you might suspect, however despite everything it gives an unmistakable, accommodating guide to set you in good shape to achieve your objectives.

Stage 6: Set a Budget

In case you're in any way similar to me, this is the part you fear the most—the numbers. I've never been a math prodigy, and simply "spending plan" is sufficient to send me running for the slopes. Be that as it may, as you definitely know, it's a vital fiendishness with regards to maintaining your business.

In your out and out field-tested strategy, you nitty-gritty the whole monetary side of your business. Be that as it may, in your advertising plan, remain concentrated carefully on showcasing related exercises. What amount do you intend to spend on advertising and advancement all through the following year, and what amount of will the activity things you recorded above cost you? In particular, where will this cash originate from?

Spending plans aren't fun, yet it's essential to be straightforward with yourself here. You'd preferably find you have to change or tailor something to make it moderate at the present time—as opposed to a half year from now when you've surrendered your charge card!

Stage 7: Get to Work!

There you have it! These are the means you need so as to make a showcasing plan for your business—you simply need to assemble them all. As referenced before, advertising plans fluctuate from essential and easy to thorough and complex. What's more, recollect, as, with everything else, it truly relies upon what's most appropriate for your very own business.

In any case, paying little respect to whether you intend to wind up with a record that is two pages or 200, these means should kick you off!

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imaginarydaydreams · 6 years

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Space Station Explorers

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Pairing: Seven x MC - Saeyoung Week Day 2: After End/Space Station Date Written: 7/10/18 Thoughts: I’m still on time! I’m on time, I swear!!! Day 2 entry for @saeyoungweek, where you guys explore a space station in the After End. Shout out to @mysticmylifeisamess-enger and @thatrandomlittlegirl for short notice beta reading ;u; Btw, the song is “A Wish for Peace” from my all-time favorite game, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Series.

Outside the window, the sky was tinted black, the faint twinkling of stars just barely visible over the thick clouds overhead. A flash of lightning struck through the haze, the roar of thunder quickly chasing after. Their fading rumbles were quite easily drowned out by the splashing rain as it hit the wood floors of the balcony. On the other side of the glass, a young woman sighed, frown pulling at her lips as she took in the disastrous sight before her.

“What’s with the heavy sigh, my star?” She looked over her shoulder at the man walking towards her, his hair slightly damp from the shower he just took. He approached her and rested his chin against her shoulder, following her gaze as she stared back at the rain streaming heavily across the glass. “I’m just a little sad that we couldn’t go stargazing tonight. Everywhere online said that tonight was one of the best nights to see them. But ah,” she gestured back to the window, the raindrops marring the view to the outside, “looks like we’re not going to be able to do anything for a while, huh?” She huffed and got up from her spot, moving towards the bed and flopping on top of the mattress. She sighed and brought up an arm to cover her eyes. “What a way to spend our anniversary…” “Don’t worry, my sweet space cadet,” he said, moving towards the bed as well and sitting beside her. She raised a brow at him as he ruffled her hair, laughing lightly at the pout she sent his way. “Your Defender of Justice has just the thing to save the day! Just wait here for a second.” He flashed her another smile, golden eyes practically glowing under the dim lighting, as he reached over the side of the bed. She followed his movements, staring at him questioningly and preparing to shift in case of a surprise tickle attack. When he moved back, she noticed something round in his hands as he placed it between the both of them. Her gaze was immediately drawn to it, running a hand along the glass globe and marveling at the unique spread of hand-painted constellations across its surface. In the corner of her eye, she caught his smile widen ever so slightly as he continued to watch her intently. “I thought about it,” he began, placing a hand atop hers and giving it a light squeeze, “and, since we can’t go to the actual space station, let’s just create our own!” He gestured to the dome like object and she noticed the way his eyes lit up—a fondness that was reserved only for those he truly cared about. “So I made you a custom star projector. I was going to give it to you later but there’s no better time like now. Go on! Take a closer look!” She leaned in to take a closer look and…he was right. Along the surface, she realized that there were a few…extra constellations that she was sure he never mentioned whenever they would sit under the trees at night. Her finger ran along the “new” constellations—here, a Honey Buddha Chip sparkled next to a Dr. Pepper can; there, she saw the cartoony outlines of the other RFA members under their signature logo; and in another spot, she laughed as she traced the outline of a cat. However, in the corner of her eyes, she spotted a very familiar shape. Upon closer inspection, her smile grew larger as she saw the little starry figures of her and Saeyoung aboard their own spaceship, leaving stardust as they zoomed across the skies. Her heart swelled with love at just the amount of thought and effort put into this present and she looked back at her sweetheart, giving him one of her smiles that he adored so much. “Saeyoung, this is absolutely amazing,” she said, “I love it!” “Oh but that’s not the best part, MC,” he grinned, “watch this!” He flipped the switch on the bedside lamp, bathing the room in pitch black before another click illuminated their surroundings in a soft azure color. The makeshift stars that dotted the roof caught her by surprise as she stared at them in fascination. They slowly swirled as the projector turned, dancing as if they were plucked from the night sky and brought down to waltz across the ceilings for a private audience of just her and him. They were beautiful, stunning, and, for a minute, she almost felt as if she was out stargazing with Saeyoung like how they normally would on a clear night. But that wasn’t what caught her attention. What caught her attention the most was the soft melody that filled the room—a music box lullaby as slow and calming as the beach waves that lapped at the coast of a home she thought she had long forgotten. The nostalgia carried her through her many adventures as a child. Memories of a partner who stuck by her side and cheered her on; the many hours spent exploring new territories, collecting rare treasure; the quiet nights spent in the joyous company of friends…all of them flooded her heart with a blooming warmth and a childish spark that she thought she lost throughout the years. Tears began to form at the corners of her eyes. She didn’t remember telling anyone about these memories. So…How did he know? He continued to watch her every reaction, drinking in the sight of her awe, watching as her eyes sparkled so beautifully under the stars that he created for their enjoyment. “Saeyoung,” she whispered, a wobbly smile gracing her features as she turned to look at him, “this is…it’s…” He chuckled as he reached over to wipe a gathering tear from under her eye. “I remember you mentioning how this was your favorite song from your childhood game. You had such a wistful look in your eyes whenever you spoke about it.” He moved to press a kiss to her hairline before resting his forehead against hers. “So, as part of your special anniversary present from your very special hubby, I built it into this star projector. “You told me before that this game was about the strength of bonds between partners. How, through anything that was thrown their way, they managed to persevere for the sake of their future.” He let out a soft laugh at the sound of her sniffle and pulled her closer to him. “There’s nothing stronger than our bond, MC. We’ve fought for our future together and, in this moment with you, under these stars that spell out our love for each other, I say that it was definitely worth all the hardships.” He felt her tremble in his arms and he hugged her tighter, held her closer as she continued to smile brilliantly through her tears. Not even his homemade projector could rival the way that she brought light into his life. And even casted in blue under the soft light in this dimly-lit room, she still truly shined as bright as the real stars outside their window. She tilted her head up and pressed a lingering kiss against his jawline, a soft, barely audible whisper fading into the music. “I love you so much. Thank you for coming into my life.” She shifted from her spot to move closer to him, nuzzling into his chest as he held her, both relishing each other’s presence. A comfortable silence passed, basking in the soft glow and music as they counted the stars that decorated their ceilings. The storm continued to rage outside, but in that moment, there was only the world made for just them. As they snuggled, he made a vow. One day, he prayed to the gods above, he would be able to take her to the real Space Station and give her a wedding befitting of his galaxy queen. But… But, for now, he would have to settle for giving her a universe of his own creation and hope that the feelings still carried across the expanse of space between the two of them.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfic #mysme fanfic #707 x mc #saeyoung x mc #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #mysme saeyoung #mysme luciel #mysme 707 #stories weaved from the stars

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littledreamybeth · 7 years

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Heartbreak

Your feedback is always welcomed :) I’m almost hitting 1,500 followers and I really cannot believe it! Thanks you guys so so much! <3 Btw this is the picture that is mentioned in the story! Enjoy! And check out my other works! (Pictureis not mine!!!)

“Damn girl! Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes!” My best friend Ella calls as I finally enter her car and plop down onto the seat with an exhausted sigh. The belt to my shoulder bags slips down my shoulder and I position it on my lap. Ella has gladly volunteered to take me from college this time or I had to deal with public transportation which I definitely did not want to spend my last nerve to. My life is chaotic enough at the moment and I can’t have other things to tear me down. Recently, I have been very sensitive to everything and even a little unnecessary stuff can be a cause for my outburst. For example, yesterday I was out of ice cream and I immediately started to cry because it was the only treat that relaxes me when I come back home from a very long day in college. Crazy isn’t it? To cry over ice cream?

“Chill, Ella. I’m sorry! I just had this very important conversation with my professor and it took a little while. It’s not going to happen again.” I lean my back against the seat and close my eyes. All I need is silence now. My head is killing me and I really desire to slip into my pajamas and sleep.

“Is it okay for you if I turn the radio on? It’s just boring and you ‘re not going to talk to me anyway,” Ella asks and she gets a nod from my side.

“Sure…” I say nothing anymore.

After she turns on a fancy radio channel, Ella starts the engine and we drive off. It will take us approximately 20 minutes to arrive at my apartment and while driving I spend my time with observing the buildings we pass by. The movements of the car along with the nice music coming from the radio is a perfect mix to make me fall asleep and I think it isn’t a bad idea to take a little nap. However as I am about to drift off, a voice I have not heard for a while sounds through the radio. His velvety voice. Kiwi starts to play and Ella immediately turns it off.

“I’m sorry, babes. I didn’t know,” she apologizes and blushes even though it’s not her fault. She’s the only one who knows about him and our break up. Nobody else in the world has an idea that I once used to date the most popular and successful British artist.

“No problem…” I croak. Hearing the sound of his voice after so many months of our break up causes another wave of pain in my heart. There is still this familiarity in his voice that I could have listened to for hours. I close my eyes and try to prevent tears to leave my eyes.

“(Y/N) are you okay, sweetheart?” Ella inquires with a hint of concern on her face.

“Just take me home, Ella,” is all she gets as a response from me. The walls I have tried to build the months after Harry has left me begin to crumble down just by a simple sound. Even though it is hard to admit, I still miss him so much although he was the one who gave up on us. He was the one who suggested it was the best way to go separate ways and he made this decision without my consent.

“You know, you don’t have to stay alone tonight.“ Ella soothes me. “You’re more than welcome to join Brandon and I to hang out. He loves you like a sister and a little bit of distraction will do you good. What do you think?” I would like to accept her offer however seeing couples being lovey dovey around me is something I cannot deal with at the moment. Not that I’m not happy for Ella and her boyfriend, I love them both as they were my siblings but it makes me realize that I have no one who cares for me anymore. Harry was gone. The love of my life is not here with me anymore. And it hurts beyond imagination.

“Thanks, El but I really need to be at home. I have lots of studies and projects going on and the sooner I deal with them the better.” By now she is parking in front of my apartment. I give her a soft kiss on her cheek. “See you later,” I tell her and get out.

The ache between my chest still remains as I run up the stairs to my apartment. I take out my key and unlock the door and enter my messy home. Another regular day where I just walk in to an empty apartment. Normally, Harry would always be there before me, cooking a meal for the both of us while he used to sing along to his favorite songs. I loved to watch him in this state. The silence in my apartment is just a reminder of what’s not there anymore.

I place my bag onto the ground and get rid of my jacket and shoes. Right after that, I go to the kitchen to grab a snack and a bottle of water. I head to my bedroom and sit in front of my desk and dwell myself into my studies. It has become my daily routine. Waking up, going to college, coming back and studying. I desperately search for ways of escaping reality and for me this routine is the only way to achieve my goal.

I take my notes and writings in my hand and start studying for the upcoming exams. However, from time to time I feel myself drifting off. A memory hits me suddenly, leaving me breathless.

“Come on babe, I need some loving here,” Harry pouted, laying on his stomach on my bed and waiting for me to cuddle with him.

“One minute,” I said, nibbling on my pen while trying to work on a paper sheet.

“(Y/N)…” He sighed and gets up, moving towards me and all I feel is his strong arms wrapping themselves around me and his breath on my neck. He placed soft kisses on my skin which caused a shiver running down my back. “You already said that 10 minutes ago.”

“I know, H. I’m sorry,” I sighed, rubbed my eyes and let him take my paper and placing it far away from me. He grabbed my hand and led me to my bed where he lied down at first, then opened his arms and I slipped between them. I loved being this close to him because he always radiated a sense of security and home. His one hand ran up and down my arms while his other hand was placed at the back of my head. His lips touched my forehead ever so softly and I felt complete in that moment.

“That’s how I like it,” he whispered. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and inhaled the sweet scent of his cologne.

“I wish I would be always like this. You and me.”

“It can be,” he told me. I looked up at him, our eyes met to a loving gaze.

“How?”

“When I marry you someday. And of course, when my job gets less chaotic.” His answer made my heart swell. Being with him forever until death did us part was something I wishedso badly.

“Will you still perform on stage then?”

“I think I will never stop making music but you know I don’t have always to perform in front of people. If things get serious between you and I and I can promise it will, I will definitely want to settle down and start a family. With you, love.”

I leaned in to connect our lips to a gentle kiss and we spent the rest of the day with many cuddling sessions and talking.

I shake my head and my heart feels so heavy. “You promised…” leaves my mouth.

The desire to continue my studies leaves and I push everything aside and stand up. It has become dark outside and the clock on my walls shows that we have 7 PM. I position myself on my bed, take my pillow and press it against my body. I really wonder how Harry is doing right now. Is he thinking about me like I do? Does he miss me? Does he regret the decision he has made?

I’ve seen plenty of pictures online and he never appears broken or sad. Quite the opposite: he always looks happy and is smiling on every photo the fans shoot. He seems to cope very well with our break up, leaving me being the one who probably suffers under such hurtful heartbreak. I have loved him so much, still do and I gave him everything I had without flinching an eyelash.

Even though it is hard to keep myself away from checking up on him, I still do because after today there is no way that I can relax when I do not see him.

I am about to take my phone as my notifications on Twitter goes on and I see that an update account that I use to follow has posted a picture of him. It leaves me breathless and my heart slams against my chest. He is currently in Shanghai it says.

He looks absolutely and indescribably beautiful and tears just begin to stream out of my eyes as I observe his perfectly shaped face. His hair is messy and curly as I remembered. His outfit consists only of black material which outlined the color of his eyes even more. I always have loved it when he wore black. It suits him so damn well and honestly there is nothing he could not wear without looking like a complete idiot.

A salty tear wets my display. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into silence, ”I’m sorry I could not be enough for you when you’re still the one I want.” I scroll further and find more pictures of him posing with his fans and signing autographs. The more I look at them the worse I feel and it ends with me burying my face between my hands and starting to sob.

There is no way I could ever move on. Harry has taken my heart and claimed it as his own, there was no chance I would ever get it back. While he would continue his life like nothing had happened between us, as if I do not exist, having another girlfriend, marrying her and having children, I would be still longing for him. My love for Harry is endless and it will always be that way. Even on my death bed I hope the last few words that will escape my mouth would be me telling how much I loved him through all these years.

“Why?” I sob. “Why did you leave me Harry? How will I live without you?”

It feels like it was yesterday as he ended things with me, tears covering his handsome face. I could tell he didn’t want this as much as I do but he still walked through that door and never came back.

“I’m sorry and I love you.” was the last thing I’ve heard from him. All the things he said about marriage and settling down with me have been nothing but a lie. A bittersweet lie. He made my hopes up only to crush them afterwards.

I have a look at Twitter again and the update account says Harry will perform at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. After reading the post, I click on Harry’s profile. I decide to send him one last message and after this one I will never ever bother him and try to continue living my life. As easy as it sounds, it is still the hardest challenge in my life.

I open the DM because I have no other possibility to contact him since I deleted his phone number after he left me. Why do I even do this to myself? Why do I torture myself like this? And what did I do to deserve being treated like this?

I’ve always supported him throughout his solo career, telling everybody that I know how brilliant his music is and even convinced them to buy his album and give him a chance to prove himself. I’ve been there when his mood was on downfall and anxiety played around with his mind. I’ve built him up with my love, with my admiration and devotion for him and he took all of this for granted.

Call me pathetic, stupid or whatever for still wanting him after he left me out of nowhere but if you had loved him as much as I do you would understand. You would understand that you would do anything in your power to keep someone with an amazing personality as Harry’s in your life. But I had failed. I have tried but obviously it was not enough.

I sob hard as I type short sentences, my fingers trembling as I try to form proper words. What would you tell someone if you know this would be the last time you would ever contact him? There are so many things in my mind, I could simply write an essay about my feelings however I don’t want to bother him any longer. He might become sick of me.

“I’m proud of who you become, H even if that meant to break my heart. I will always love you forever and I will never forget you. You will be endlessly in my mind. Go and rock that stage, my little dreamer. X.”

I contemplate for a little while if it’s a good idea to send him this message, it kinda sounds cheesy but what have I got to lose anyway? The person I have treasured and who had a huge amount of value in my eyes is gone anyway.

With a heavy heart and a bit of uneasiness consuming me, I press the send button and the message appears on the screen one more time. I observe it a few minutes and after that I inhale deeply, turn off my phone and lay it on my desk far away from me. I wonder how he will react to my message but for now I cannot deal with it.

I snuggle back into my bed, taking my pillow as a replacement for Harry. I cuddle against it and imagine he was still here with me, embracing my body with his strong arms and keeping me safe during the night.

“That’s it,” I whisper before I slowly drift to sleep. One tear flows down my sore cheek. “It’s over.”

If (Y/N) had known that on the other side of the world, a young man with green eyes and a wonderful dimpled smile is crying over her message like she had over him hours ago.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #harry styles au imagine

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hhemeraa-a · 6 years

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Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

(1.) Is there anything you dislike about the character(s) you play? OC or otherwise? How difficult he can be. He doesn’t make plotting or interactions easy for anyone and it’s hard to be spontaneous with him unless he’s under some influence. It gets bothersome at times when you see muses you as the mun like, but know your OC would never have anything to do with them.

(2.) How many languages can you speak? I can only speak English. I took over 2 years of Mandarin but still couldn’t properly speak it, though I can read it pretty decently. Same with Japanese - took 4 years but at most can just read it. I understand a lot of Spanish and some Korean. I took Arabic in high school, but I suck at it. Only know like 3 words now.

(3.) Where did you first go on vacation? I remember as a child when my parents were still together, we went on a road trip from Chicago all the way to Disneyland in California. We went through Colorado, I got to hand feed a giraffe, I fell on a cactus, I cried about not being able to go on the monorail, had my first BBQ sauce pizza (which I hated) -- I think that was my first vacation.

(4.) Do you have any potentially-unpopular opinions about your character or the fandom that they’re involved in? Since Myles started off as a Starfighter OC, I guess you’re asking me if I have any unpopular opinions on Starfighter? Do you have 8 hours? I understand that Starfighter is/was supposed to be a smut comic and was actually supposed to stop after “chapter 1″ but got so popular that the author decided to continue writing it. I understand that a majority of the plot is based around two dudes fuckin’ and I understand that expecting or asking for more than that is silly.

BUT THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL JUST WASTED. THE WHOLE REASON I EVEN FUCKIN JOINED THAT FANDOM WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT BETTER AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I fucking did. Hamlet gives such a great basis and outline for amazing world building that just ends up falling flat because the story is focused on well detailed dick draws (which are great btw, I won’t slight her for that). The concept of the last surviving humans fighting against an alien collective using their own tech against them just gets my dick hard, but all of that is sort of thrown to way side and lost under “who emotionally betrayed who” and “I love you now even if I didn’t at the beginning” nonsense. You can still have a great romance story OR EVEN PWP?? But establish it in a world that makes fucking sense. There are all of these aspects that we’ll never get answers on that she’s just thrown into the story as a vehicle to get to the next sex scene and it just rustles my fucking jimmies.

I had to stop writing in the fandom because I honestly am incapable of writing with the new people who come in -- nothing against them and their writing abilities, I’m sure they’re great, but everyone always comes in like “I’m looking for an Abel for my Cain” or vice versa, or just some smutty locker room pwp and weird Commander Daddy Doms -- just things I’ve read over and over and over again that have just become absolutely bland.

DID YOU KNOW??? There are whole constellations?? of crystals floating through space? Shattered diamonds and acidic clouds?? Did you know?? that there are 3 different theorized ways to bend space and time to create warp drives? Could you imagine being the final ship BSG style trying to float your way to what essentially might be your grave in space avoiding stars that are literally eating each other so that you can fight an alien race that has destroyed not only one, but many of your species homelands???

BUT WAIT, LEMMIE GET A DICK IN THIS SPACE CRAFT FOR A MINUTE AND WE CAN BICKER ABOUT HOW U LOOK LIKE MY EX.KJDHGJKGHKDJGHS IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD. DONT GET ME STARTED, I FEEL VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT SPACE.

(5.) How many kids would you like in the future? 0 is also an acceptable answer! z e r o -- I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another life??

(6.) Have you ever broken down into tears because of writing a roleplay scene? No, idk, I don’t get that emotional about things? Last time I cried was because I was on drugs after my surgery and there was no ice for my tea.

(7.) Where did you first get started roleplaying? Gaiaonline.com sgjkdhskgjs I still have my account.

(8.) Quick! Make a list. FIVE FILMS TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE. That I haven’t seen already??? uhhhh UHHHHHH 1. Schindler’s List 2. Breakfast At Tiffany’s 3. Shape of Water 4. Hurt Locker 5. 13 Assassins

(9.) If we had to ask your friends to explain you in five words or less, how do you think that they’d describe you? avoidant, funny, no-shit taking, emotionally strong, positive ((I guess????))

(10.) What is one of your life mottos that helps you get through each and every day? “No regrets.” “No excuses, nobody cares.” “But will it kill you?”

(11.) Do you feel comfortable writing NSFW themes? Hahahahaha WELL. Yes - I’m comfortable with plotting out the nasty nast, but when it comes to actually writing it? It takes me forever because I get really really really embarrassed. I once talked to Lex about lube and it was just me screaming uncomfortably for about 15 minutes, but ask me about nasty fuckin and I gotchu.

Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

(1.) Hardest thread/plot you’ve ever done and why? Did you complete it? (2.) A song that triggers a memory and what happened (3.) Favorite subject in school (4.) Do you have any potentially-unpopular opinions about your character or the fandom that they’re involved in? (5.) Would you chose to be immortal? (6.) Have you ever considered veganism / vegetarianism? Why or why not? (7.) Who/What was your first OC? Describe them. (8.) Be honest... how honest are you with your friends? Your family? (9.) What would be your superpower and would you use it for good? (10.) What did you do before Tumblr? (11.) Guilty pleasure food

Tagged by: @celestialspitfire Tagging: @banditborn / @corpusdxlicti / @sonderrow / @portalipsis / @viclate / @vicariousphotographer / @dcsidcrium / @paxeuropaea / @catastrophicur / @sokrovennyi / @inionnaforaoise / @sukkubxs / @evildcers / @fluffmiester / @flieuthi / @moonsought / STEAL IT AND TAG ME

#;; we've all done this before (dash games)#I wasn't going to post this today #but I just feel sO MUCH

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yoitssabrinee · 7 years

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To Mercy We Plead

I am actually quite dissatisfied with how this turned out, but it got a little too long (is 7 pages and 3263 words long? lol) so here’s the first chapter of what I think is decent enough for a Prompto + Reader thing? Yeah lmao

Many thanks to @inconsistencys and @projectcherry12 for their help, feedback, and all the references they have provided me with--i could never do this without their help and support (and for Christ’s sake please follow them they are amazing people ok thank u) and also i need u guys to point out what i did wrong here and what i amiss because i am seriously delirious rn oh my god

p.s. this is unedited btw lmao i’m still in the dark about what to write for the summary so here’s to nothing!

SUMMARY:

A lifetime of repentance would never erase the regret building inside you as long as the person you’ve hurt are still bound to their past. But maybe redemption is on your way, and you’d be damned to let that chance go. (Prompto Argentum + Reader)

WARNING: Mentions of bullying, harassment.

prologue - part 1 - part 2

It was eight in the morning.

Sun was way up in the sky; the air smelled fresh and nice; the sky was clear; and it seemed to be the perfect weather for a stroll in the park, or maybe a casual walk through the city sidewalks, staring at street-side stalls selling kebabs and ice cream cones or just simple trinkets like key chains and cheap bracelets.

Yet here you were, face down and backside up, spine sore and screaming in pain at the hit it took from the blunt object across the room.

That made it the fifth time you’ve been kissing marble floors in a span of nearly one hour.

Your vision was swimming, unshed tears prickling at the corners of your eyes and body singing with exertion, but you’ve mapped and memorized the layout of the room so clearly from days moving all around it to know which corner was which even when you had your eyes closed—the trick here was to maximize your hearing sense so you could make out the movements of the other recruits, who were crowding the outline of the stage, silently snickering behind their hands.

Lips thinning in defiance, you quickly whirled and jumped into position, scrambling for the makeshift wooden sword laying just a ways away—previously knocked out of your hand—from you and biting back a sob as you stumbled forward, facing the opponent that had been handing your ass back to you in the past fifty-five minutes.

You knew this was not part of training—it was just a simple reflex-based move, dammit—but still your face felt hot with shame.

Not to mention that it was an extremely important day, and you totally blew it.

Baby blue eyes watched you and your opponent’s forms from the side line, silently judging your performance the whole hour you had been on that floor, eyes squinting whenever you took a hit on whichever part of your body that was left open for your rival to strike. It was humiliating—both from having Cor the Immortal’s eyes on you and seeing disappointment crinkling them every time you hit the deck, and catching the glint in your audience’s narrowed orbs as they silently cheered on your loss.

You were a hundred percent sure you just failed the test.

Cor’s voice rang across the expanse, “You’ve got five minutes left. Make it count.”

Make it count.

Like hell you would.

With a yell you charged, wooden sword swiping forward with unrelenting force, your intentions loud and clear—bring the enemy down in one fell swoop and spare yourself from yet another day of insult and embarrassment.

But, of course, this was one of the top fighters you were dealing with—top jock of the elite Special Forces, newly initiated as recruit barely six months ago but he was already making his way up with amazing performance. At this rate even you wouldn’t be surprised to see the likes of him flanking Cor’s side as his right hand man.

Which, to your dismay, just solidified everybody’s—minus yours—opinions on him as he sent you sprawling a final time to the floor, concluding the day’s events.

It was barely nine in the morning.

The applause that followed nearly made you deaf, but you were too busy willing yourself not to cry as you stand up, using the sword as support to steady your stance before you made your way toward the threshold. Ignoring all the pointed looks aimed your way, you trotted toward where the Marshall was standing, clipboard in his arm.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to plead to him to give you a second chance. You’d do anything to make up for that lack of performance, the absence of focus that was the main point of all the training you’ve endured for the past nine months. Yet the moment you stood before him, saluting and addressing him by title, the look on his face gave him away. At this rate even disappointment was an understatement; you turned your gaze to the floor, finding interest on the cracks between the tiles.

Hours of toiling and getting decked in the shins at ass o’clock by colleagues who just wanted to bring you down had all amounted to nothing.

You heard him call your name, and when you lift your eyes from the floor you were met with icy blues boring deep into your skull, his lips thinning into a straight line. “I want you to know that you have potential. I want you to know that I know that potential is somewhere in that body of yours, waiting to be brought out.” He was silent for a spell before he continued, “But I also want you to know that today, you didn’t meet the expectations I’ve set up for most of the recruits that have joined us here today. Your posture is off, your stance needs more work, your overall performance is lacklustre at best, and I’m not even going to touch on the way you handle yourself during mock battles.”

You nod, then finding whatever strength you had in you, you said, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

He took another moment longer to stare at you before he let out a long sigh, signing something off on the clipboard. You didn’t want to see what it was, but you were fairly sure he had just written you off as a ‘fail’.

You dug your teeth into your bottom lip, feeling fresh tears stinging your lashes.

“Right now you’re not ready for that. Not yet. I’m sorry, but you know what this means for you, right?”

You nodded, not daring to lift your eyes to meet his, fearing that the tears would actually spill should they make contact.

Cor let out another sigh.

“You’re dismissed.”

And just like that, you failed the exam that would initiate you into the Crownsguard as an elite.

(s)

The Discussion tab was brimming with visitors, as usual; since the last time you were there, it had reached the triple digits in a span of a week, stated by the ever rotating digital numeral widget tucked at one corner of the website. Today, you were contributing another number to that widget by surfing through the page, fingers finding the ‘Post New Thread’ button on default and flying over the virtual keyboard to type.

It only took a couple of taps to get to where you usually frequented on the forum, having the website bookmarked for convenience on your phone. Since the minute you left the training room, every recruit that had passed you at the halls kept turning your way; you were past the point where you wanted to just snap and tell them off. You never know what they were saying, but you figured anything that they have to say was about you—and anything about you was never a good thing.

Especially since every eye seemed to be judging your every move.

Somnus’ Assembly for the Desperate and Needy—it was one of the only refuges you have, ever since you were initiated as a beginner into the Crownsguard forces; one of the only places where you could express yourself and your words without being looked at as if you were mental. Ever since your accidental stumble into the website during one exceptionally spiralling day, months prior, you have been a frequent, if not a little too infrequent, visitor of the page, occasionally posting threads retelling your troubles or giving out advice to those who you think might need it—or, you know, just drop in others’ threads and comment. In that place where nobody knew anybody except for their tales of toil and distress, no one would give you the side eye because no one knew what your history was and they would never judge you based on what you used to be.

Some, if not all, of the visitors have disclosed their own personal details to give vivid descriptions to their stories, but you weren’t on that level of comfortable to even share your past to the internet world. At least, not yet.

The ‘New Thread’ text box was only filled with a line of words, after a couple of minutes of deleting, then retyping, then deleting before retyping again, because every word you used seemed to expose too much, tell too much of your side. You just wanted to be frank, straightforward, and honest, but at the same time you didn’t want to give away anything.

In the least, you wanted a side where you could keep all your secrets without being appraised. The website have been your saving grace.

{toothless-vore has posted a new thread!}

Your lips quirked into a small smile at the sight of the bolded letters gracing yet another tab of new thread discussion on the page, a tinge of relief washing over you at finally letting a piece of distress out. You were about to swipe the webpage out, having done away your trouble, when it suddenly refreshed by itself, and your thread indicated that a visitor had read it, and commented on it.

You opened the post, wondering what it was, then felt the smile at your lips growing wider as you read:

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:11AM}

∑(;°Д°) omg are u ok?? im sorry that happened to u!! are u alright???

It was only a simple thread, the top post lined with only one sentence, read: just failed exam, conked out atm, feelin real down and need lots of choc. But to this person who had gone by the username yellow-birdboy, it was a big deal. Funny how you have trouble making friends in the real world, but on the internet, people like this wanted to hear what you have to say and read all your stories with immense interest, especially since none of you know each other that personally to invest time in strangers on the net. One of the perks of being anonymous and hiding behind fake names, you guessed.

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:12AM}

yea m fine, nothing i cant handle dw ( ´ ▽ `)ﾉ

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:15AM}

i know u can, but lemme know if u wanna vent yea?? im always up for a lil motivation!! ( •̀ᗜ•́)ง

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:19AM}

thnx boo, preciate it (✿´ ‿`)

This Birdboy user wasn’t entirely new in your list of followers and subscribers; in fact, he had been among many who was—supposedly—enamoured by the way you “carried” yourself, as they put it—to them, you seemed like the strong type of person, full of wisdom waiting to be imparted to those who wanted them. You weren’t an admin, not even a moderator, of the forum, so you didn’t know why they would actually take a liking to you, but seeing the increasing numbers of subscribers on your profile, you might as well be one.

It was just that Birdboy—you liked to dub them as that—was one of the few who cared enough to chat you up, lifting your spirits with chats that would carry you into the morning and making you laugh at horrible puns they cooked up for your sake. Contrasting ironically with how the daylight would often turn that smile upside down.

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:21AM}

talk bout motivation, it seems like tmro is my 1st apptmt ( •́〰•̀)

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:23AM}

oo yea, u mentiond that like last week!! did ya kno who u gonna meet?? ( ◕▽◕)

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:25AM}

idk but if its anything like a therapy i doubt the doc wd be any nice ( •́ᗣ•̀)

aaaand i heard its gonna be group ( ; ≧ 〜≦)

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:27AM}

ooh

looks like its gonna be

team-ing w ppl, dontcha think?? ( >ᗜ◕)୨

You didn’t even realize you were bursting with laughter until the occupant of the bed across yours turned to give you a long, weird look. You immediately clapped a hand over your mouth, snorting into your palm as you tried to calm yourself, fingers of the other hand furiously typing out a response:

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:28AM}

WTF that was bad that was really really bad n u shud feel ashamed of urself omg

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:29AM}

HEY!! ( •̀ᗣ•́)

well at least it made u laugh right?? ( ;´ `)╯

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:31AM}

yea lol

thnx birdie <3

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:33AM}

no prob!! ( ◕▽◕)

oh yea, spk of apptmt, i just scheduled one too

n guess what?? its tmro ヽ( ; ⁰▽ ⁰)ﾉ

im so scared lol

It was an agreement, basically; if one made an appointment to go through counselling therapy, then the other would support it by making one, too. A promise made during a night where hushed, cynical whispers turned into full-blown brawling sessions that escalated into you—and the party involved—going through the weekend in detention, allowance to go home or anywhere lifted until all of you behaved accordingly.

Not like you actually have a home to go to, but you had plans, and you were quite bummed when it happened.

{toothless-vore has posted a reply!} {10:35AM}

aw yes u did it bud!!

gud luck 2 both o us then!!

{yellow-birdboy has posted a reply!} {10:36AM}

yep! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

hey i know this is sudden but i gotta go so ttyl!!

n tell me everything bout ur session latr tmro ok??

You barely typed out ok!! cyaa when the phone was wrenched out of your hand, and you watched in horror as a tall brunette before you—dressed in Crownsguard fatigues minus the jacket issued to every initiate—swiped through the screen, reading everything that was on it while sporting a sideways grin—the same grin that you’ve come to hate, because you damn well know who this was, and you weren’t about to give in to her. Not yet.

Probably over your dead body. Some day.

“Give that back, Adicus.” There’s venom in your voice, and any lesser human would have just handed you what you wanted without even looking at you twice—except you were the lesser human in this case and you knew that the sternness in your tone would do nothing again this person who was literally taller—and bigger—than you were. The two women flanking both her sides did little to assuage your fears; they were larger than you, albeit a little smaller than their taller leader. “Or else.”

But your threat only fell into deaf ears, as this Adicus flung back her chestnut tresses to look at you through raised brows, lips set in a snarky grin. “Or else what, tough one?” she spat out, something dripping from the tone of her voice that made you shiver involuntarily. “Nice of you to try to come at me with that look and tone, considering you just got your ass handed by Melphites and failed your initiate exam.” Then she put a hand over her chest, face scrunched in mock hurt. “Ooh, the pain! Don’t worry, I know exactly how it feels. Too bad for someone who claimed they wanted to protect the people, they just keep failing, y’know? It’s natural.”

Tristus Adicus. You remembered her from your heydays in grade school—the figurative leader of the group you had approached and befriended before a certain fiasco prompted your transfer, thus cutting off your (supposed) friendship with her. She had been in awe of your boldness—that was what she had been telling you, until the moment came to light where you just know it was her doing that had drove you to the spot you were currently in.

Karma had handed you whatever you deserved in return; you didn’t think karma would be this awful.

You were standing now, noting how obvious the height differences were between the both of you as you stood before her, fists clenched, trying to reel in your emotions as to not give yourself—and many others—any trouble. “Adicus.” You weren’t about to lose yourself to her provocations, no matter how bad it was. “Give that back. Right now.”

Provocations be damned. You just failed one of the most important events in your life; you weren’t about to get yourself kicked out of the Crownsguard entirely.

Then, whether it was by common or it was just another Adicus brand of provocation, you didn’t know which, she dropped the phone on your bed, and it bounced once on the springy material before you quickly pocketed it, keeping it out of sight.

She stood where she was, firmly holding her gaze against yours, that lopsided smirk still adorning her surprisingly gentle face before she said, “Just to be clear, I’m still not done about that last time we had it. So be prepared; I might come at you any time of the week, and no one can do anything to stop it.”

Then she left, bringing her two-person entourage with her, and only then you realize how the other girls had been watching the scene, expecting a spectacle, and slowly dispersing under your intense look. But you couldn’t give a damn. You flop down onto your bed, reached under it for the backpack you’ve kept your personal things in, and started rummaging through it.

You opened your phone to see the typed out response still in the Reply text box, but Birdboy had gone offline. As expected. You sent the response anyway, and set about going to tomorrow’s session, hoping it wouldn’t be as bad as the stories the internet had told you.

(s)

“You sure you don’t want me to come along?”

It was comical to see that mop of blond hair—spiked up as it was—bobbing up and down as its owner bent his head over the open zipper of the bag, checking its contents for the second time. The dark-haired young man leaning on the doorway next to him kept watch, eyes sometimes straying to the open front door, adjacent to his bedroom, possibly to keep intruders out, but really, what kind of intruder would be stupid enough to invade the apartment, especially when there were guards posted literally everywhere?

“Yeah, I’m good,” the blond said, finally zipping up and slinging the pack over his shoulders, heading for the front. “Thanks for having me over last night. You wanna go out for dinner again sometime after the session? My treat.”

He was saying it casually, partially gloved hand lifting up and down to emphasize himself, but the boy with the dark hair knew better. The slight shake in the blond’s voice was enough to give him away.

He reached out to touch his friend’s shoulder, bare from the sleeveless top he wore since yesterday. Sign of how distracted that blond partner of his could be, when nervousness and second-guessing began to lead his thoughts into panic. He needed distractions, he needed help. And as much as he could get it, he would find help.

He patted the freckled part of the appendage, smirking at the nervous way the blond was smiling—trying to calm himself.

“Don’t worry, Prompto,” Noctis nodded his head at the jittery blond. “You’re doing great. I know you could do it.”

And Prompto smiled—for real.

He knew he could do it.

#what is this #lmao #this #seriously trash??#idk man #prompto #prompto argentum #prompto x reader #final fantasy xv

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chicklette · 7 years

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Writing Meme

I was tagged by @buckities :)

+Where do you publish your work? Mostly Ao3. Now and then i try to refresh my ffn page, but nah.

+What medium/application/etc. you use? Word for writing, gdocs for saving. I also run p. much everything through grammarly and some other languagey software.

+Do you collaborate with others? I feel like my relationship with my beta is collaborative. I can talk ideas out with her and she’ll say things like ‘oooh crying’ or, ‘honey, no.’ I write better when I have one person to bounce things off of, and terribly if I have more than that.

+How much editing do you do before you publish? D: allll the editing. I *try* to leave newly written things alone for a day or two before I reread/edit, and since I usually write out of order, that works out ok. But most of the time my first draft is just the bare bones stuff, and then I have to go back through and add things like scene and setting and give the characters little things to do with their hands or sew in their facial expressions. SO that usually happens on round 3-5 of editing, but really I edit little bits here and there every day. Before I post anything, I go back through all the notes from all the betas and incorporate their suggestions as well. I try to have at least two betas - my cheerleader beta who is *wonderful* and either a sensitivity beta (btw, I could use a regular sensitivity beta if anyone is interested) or just a second set of eyes to say lol no when I’ve done something terribad.

+Do you listen to music while you write? I write a lot in my head, and when I’m doing that, absolutely. But when I’m sitting down to spew words on paper, nope. I’ll drift off and wind up with a page full of song lyrics.

+How do you decide what to write about? I try to write the fics I want to read, so usually, it’s something that I haven’t found in fic - a pairing or subject area or circumstance that I can’t get enough of.

+When do you write? Alll the time. If I’m at my computer, my doc is open. I’ve been amazed at how many words I get in just throwing something down here and there when I have the time. I also try to block off a couple of hours every weekend to do edits and produce new content, if possible.

+How often do you write? Pretty much daily, but I recently took a few days off and it was nice. I felt like I had something to say when I sat back down to write again.

+Do you take requests? I don’t...no? I’ve had a couple for a different fandom, and I spent so much time fretting over whether it was what the person wanted that I got really stymied. I mean...shoot me a request? If the idea grabs me, I’ll write it.

+Is there a genre or type of story you want to write but are hesitant to? I wish I wrote better pining or fluff or humor because honestly, fake relationship AUs (with pining and bed sharing pls!) is where I want to live, but I suck at all aspects of that trope.

+Any inspirational quotes, videos, tricks, articles, etc that help you stay motivated? I’ve been anti-outline my entire life and for the fic I’m writing now, I actually settled down and made one and it’s been a massive help. Some deeply lovely human made this whole excel workbook that lets you create an outline as bare-boned or as detailed as you like. I discovered it when I was maybe halfway through the fic I’m writing now, and it really helped me clarify which scenes go where, and where the story was going. Hint: It is not the story I started writing.

+Go to page 7 of your WIP, skip to the 7th line, and share 7 sentences: Sam/Bucky no powers AU:

“You should come over when you’re done,” he says.

Bucky looks up at him from where he’s sitting on a bar stool. “Yeah?”

Biting his lip, Sam sucks it into his mouth before releasing it. Bucky’s mouth falls open and Sam smirks. “Yeah.”

It’s four in the morning when Sam shifts awake as the bed dips beside him.

“Sam,” Bucky says, and then he’s marking Sam’s neck with hot, wet kisses from behind. “Sammy, you awake?”

Taking a deep breath, Sam turns over and Bucky dives into his embrace.

“Jesus, you taste good,” Bucky mutters, sucking kisses across Sam’s collarbones.

tagging @buffyscribbles @tisfan (pick a wip, any wip) @ellie-nors @theprinceofprinces

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troglobite · 6 years

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hahahaha update on everything

now that i’ve researched everything for ages and talked with my mom abt it bc i’ve calmed down completely

RESOLUTION:

i just need to exercise more. and maybe eat avocados and dark chocolate more often.

i evaluated my entire diet.

eggs? good for you. and NONE (literally NONE) of the food i eat on a daily basis has trans fats in it.

the butter we use has no trans fats and specifically outlines the GOOD fats that it has

and so i’ve determined the only thing i have to do is exercise. it’s known for helping to raise HDL.

and so are avocados and dark chocolate.

and i believe they also lower LDL.

the thing is it’s probably even more out of whack than usual (it’s still not notable; it wouldn’t be classified as like High Cholesterol [particularly bc they’re the only two cholesterols outta whack, everything else is normal &my blood pressure is great] but it’s outta whack, particularly HDL) bc i’ve been sedentary AS FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK for like a solid month.

it could even be different NOW bc i spent a week doing a lot of shit, including a REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT bird watching hike and an hour and a half of yoga.

so i’ve determined i’m going to do 30-40 walks and also start doing yoga at home and that’ll be that

and then we buy some delicious dark chocolate and avocados and start eating more veggies that i CAN eat (which won’t be hard) to balance out the good fats from the dairy that i eat (which isn’t much and also isn’t super fatty) and i think....i’ll be good.

it’s literally the ONLY thing in ALL of my bloodwork that’s Off

so basically my process was:

1. hating my dad and panicking bc trauma triggers 2. hating myself bc i’m gross and awful and Judgment 3. panicking that i’m gonna die and there’s nothing i can do/change, and anything i would have to do is impossible 4. worrying abt heart attacks forever 5. researching a lot and getting frustrated bc like a shitload of the foods they tell you to eat for good cholesterol ARE THINGS I ALREADY EAT 6. reading more abt exercise in particular 7. calming down but still going downstairs to eat more cashews and pine nuts (i ate a really nasty tasting cashew and now i’m just horrifically nauseous no matter what i eat so that’s fun) 8. checking the ingredients list of all of the foods and realizing NONE OF THEM HAVE BAD FATS OR EVEN A LOT OF FAT except for the nuts and seeds which is the point 9. setting a plan out for myself and realizing that these numbers are a little bit of an outlier and that things should go back to relatively normal and i should be able to manage it, and also i want/need to exercise anyway 10. getting mad at everyone in the world for telling me i should go vegan when that diet would probably kill me, and the animal products i eat are actually keeping my heart, eyes, skin, and bones really healthy, sooooo.....

anyway i’m here i’m good. my whole body hurts from laying in bed watching figure skating and then the critical role oneshot.

i have a back and neck tension headache and also i’m SUPER FUCKING TIRED and that cashew was AWFUL and so now i’m super nauseous too

doesn’t help that i took a pill to eliminate any trace of a yeast infection after doing ANOTHER round of antibiotics so i’m probably also just dizzy and nauseous from that, as well

i also ate very little today and what i ate was pretty fucking reasonable.

so the progress i made in accepting and trying to love my body has worked, but now i need to factor in exercise into this program which is fine. i bet my cholesterol kicked ASS in high school, btw, what with 4 years of PE and just kicking all the asses. i wanna get back to that.

anyway i’m jittery and feel Awful for a variety of reasons, so i’m just gonna. try to chill and go to sleep.

but i’m. i’m good.

and also i can continue baking. so. i’m good.

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checheisacat-blog · 7 years

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Japan Trip June 2016 Day 1: Flight from LAS to NRT, exploring Ikebukuro, Nomihodai at Kin no Kura

Hi everyone! This is the first in the series of posts about my trip to Japan from 06/07/16-06/23/16. I'll be blogging about one day of the trip per post (or whatever fits within tumblr's limits lol) and probably go into a lot of meaningless details since I'm writing whatever I can remember lol.

ANYWAY.

I traveled last year in mid-June with my boyfriend Earl, my friend Mika, and her boyfriend Ralph. I'll probably refer to them from here on as "bf" and "my friend and her bf" since idk I don't like using people's names when I'm not talking directly to them LOL. It was me and my bf's first time to Japan, but my friend had been there multiple times in the past so we let her have the reigns when it came to booking flights, hotels, shuttles, etc. and planning what we were going to do each day. I was really glad to have her help since I was pretty clueless lol. The only time I'd been out of the country before this was to stop in Mexico during a cruise for a few hours, and I'd never traveled longer than 5 days before (which was with family) so I was pretty nervous about the whole thing. I didn't do /as much/ research beforehand as I probably should've so I relied on my friend's expertise a lot lol. My bf is pretty laid-back when it comes to traveling and usually lets me make all the plans/decide what to do so he was fine with whatever lol.

So our departing flight was scheduled to leave 7:35 AM from Mccarran airport in Las Vegas. We were scheduled for a 3 hour layover in Vancouver, from which we would leave at 1:40 PM and land in Tokyo at 3:45 PM there. I woke up around 3 AM on the day we were supposed to leave lol although my bf didn't sleep at all, he opted to stay up playing video games instead of only sleeping a few hours, and also so that we wouldn't accidentally oversleep and miss our flight lol. We took a cab from my house to the airport at about 4 AM and arrived there about 3 hours ahead of when our flight was supposed to leave.

But of course we were delayed at baggage check-in since apparently Air Canada's system was down or something? Sooo the trip was already off to a good start LOL. We ended up sitting at baggage for close to 2 hours until they got their system back up. The whole time I was really worried we would miss our flight and we were all pretty irritable and tired and just wanted to get on the flight already. Thankfully they delayed the flight so everyone could check-in their baggage, get through security, and get to their gate. After some trouble we finally got on our flight!

The flight from Vegas to Vancouver was pretty uncomfortable lol. It was a 3 hour flight but the seats were small and you couldn't really sleep on them comfortably. Also the water tasted super disgusting. They didn't provide anything in the way of entertainment. So basically a standard short flight lol

When we landed in Vancouver, we got some food that tasted pretty mediocre and looked around a bit. The Vancouver airport has an aquarium, but I didn't get to see it or take a picture lol. I thought about getting some souvenirs like idk maple syrup, but decided against it since I thought I could buy whatever I wanted on the layover on the flight back (which turned out to be a mistake but whatever lol). The flight leaving out of Vancouver was delayed a bit too, but we eventually got on our plane to Tokyo!

This flight was a lot more comfortable. I'd never been on an overnight flight before but they provided (small) pillows, blankets, and screens with entertainment and also served two in-flight meals. I napped a bit but mostly entertained myself with the games and talking to my friend since both of our bfs were sleeping lol.

The meal was surprisingly edible. They give you a choice of meat or a vegetarian option. It comes with a "main course", a salad, dessert, piece of bread, water bottle, and optional beverage. I asked for both apple and orange juice since that's the kind of person I am lol. The beef option I got was basically gyudon, and it was actually decent! Really small portions though lolol.

A few hours before we were supposed to land, they served "breakfast". I chose the chicken option this time which was basically bland chicken over rice with some seaweed over it. The vegetables and onions on the side were okay though.

After what seemed like an excruciatingly long flight we finally landed in Tokyo! I was surprisingly not feeling as dead as I expected lol. We saw some cool things at the airport but I didn't wanna stop to taking very many pictures since we still had to get through immigration/customs which I was nervous about lol it went off without a hitch though!

I also saw my first Japanese vending machine! I was super excited over these like a stupid tourist LOL I basically ended up taking a pic of every vending machine I saw. At the end of this series of posts I might just make a post dedicated to all these vending machines.

My friend booked us our shuttle from the airport to our hotel with Airport Limousine. Well, not actually to our hotel lol. We were staying at a hotel called Hotel MyStays but they didn't have a shuttle there so we took the shuttle to the Sunshine City Prince Hotel a few blocks down from where our hotel was.

I got my first vending machine drink while we were waiting for the shuttle at the airport! It was a magical experience.

We saw lots of cool things on the ride over! Most of my pics are blurry though lol since the shuttle was traveling pretty fast and I was using my phone camera. It took about 2 hours I believe? We left a little after 5 so by the time we arrived the sun was already going down.

Caught a glimpse of Tokyo Disney!

Dragging our luggage through the street was an... interesting experience. It totally sucked lol especially since we had no idea where our hotel was from where we were dropped off. My friend ended up going off to find it while we waited with our luggage in the middle of the street lol. It ended up being not far at all but it felt really far due to having to drag all our luggage.

We eventually got to the hotel though! You have to go up through an elevator to even get to the lobby lol I wish I took a pic of this part but I was too busy handling my luggage. My friend checked us all in! Since the rooms are small it's two people to a room, so we got two separate rooms.

Here's the room my bf and I stayed in! We were prepared for it to be small but it still kinda took us by surprise since we were trying to figure out where to put our luggage and the eventual mountain of souvenirs we would accumulate LOL. It was actually a really nice room though! They had a lot of amenities like a stovetop, microwave, coffee maker, iron, and TV. It took us a while to figure out the Japanese air conditioning lol which was desperately needed since it was summer and really humid, especially compared to where we live... in the desert.

The bathroom was really tiny lol. I think I hit my knee in the shower literally every day for the first week we were there LOL and I'm not even bigger than the average Japanese person, I'm just not used to tiny showers. It must've been a lot worse for my bf since he's a lot bigger lol. The toilet was nice though and came with all the amenities that Japanese toilets usually do, like buttons to control the heat, flushing, etc.

After we all settled in and showered (I felt really gross lol) we headed out of our hotel to explore Ikebukuro a bit before calling it a night! It was nighttime by this point but we were meeting Mika's friend Mary who was living in China at the time but came over to Tokyo for a few days to hang out. It took her a while to meet us though so we wandered around Ikebukuro to gawk at stuff like tourists lol.

There was actually a King of Prism Cafe and I took of picture of it even though I didn’t watch KoP until like 9 months later LOL it’s seriously awful

We saw some arcade machines which quickly became my bf's favorite thing!

We ended up walking all the way to Ikebukuro Station lol which is pretty far from our hotel actually.

After we met up with Mary we all went to eat at a restaurant called Kin no Kura, which is an Izakaya! We did Nomihodai/all you can drink although I don't really drink lol although it included non-alcoholic beverages as well. My bf and I weren't really hungry lol we were more tired. I was feeling pretty cranky from being awake for so long and my bf was practically falling asleep at the table. We powered through it though and ate a bit just to have something in our stomachs.

I look so awful and angry LOL. Too bad this is the only pic of us there, I didn't really feel like taking pictures haha can you tell I don't deal with tiredness very well? I want to go back to this place to experience Nomihodai without being super cranky and tired LOL the drinks were actually pretty good.

Anyway after a long ass day we finally went back to sleep. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep but I ended up falling asleep pretty quick. I woke up in the middle of the night a few times and ended up waking up early, which I expected due to jet lag.

So that's the end of Day 1! Sorry this post isn't very interesting lol the day wasn't that eventful since it was mostly consumed by traveling. I'm glad we got to our hotel mostly without a hitch though and I was super ready to conquer Tokyo the next day!

btw I took LOTS of pictures during this trip (over 3000 lol) but I'm gonna try to narrow down the pics I put in these post, mostly because it's tedious as hell to add pictures into tumblr posts LOL. I'll do my best to show pictures of all the important stuff though!

Here's a general rundown/outline of my trip and how the posts will go!

Japan Trip June 2016

#japan trip

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turtlesandfrogs · 7 years

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Depression self-help

This post is long, because it outlines the process that I followed to figure out tools to help with depression. It should be noted that the strategies at the end are not one-size-fits all, but were suited to our needs. If your situation happens to be close to ours, it should be helpful, but you also need to consider your own unique situation to begin figuring out what might help you. If you’re not in the mood to read the whole thing (and probably very few are) scroll down to TL;DR:

This is a longer post, so possibly best viewed between episodes of depression, and will be written from that perspective. Before I say anything else, I will say that I haven’t been officially diagnosed with depression. I do have a family history of depression, as does my partner, and we’ve both have had periods of time that meet the criteria. I write this in hopes that it might help others; but I also recognize that it might be utterly useless for people.

First off, when I first started doing this, I started by looking at risk factors for depression, to see what I could affect. Here’s what is likely a non-comprehensive list of risk factors (that I bet will change over time):

1. Personality traits (pessimism, low self-esteem, being dependant rather than autonomous or helping support those who support you)

2. Trauma and/or stress

3. Major life changes, even if they are considered positive (eg, getting married, having a kid, moving, etc)

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide.

5. Being queer in an “unsupportive situation” (BTW, this is one of the reasons why I think teachers have a duty to not be bigoted, to educate themselves, and to be kind and supportive to queer students, but that’s another post)

6. Personal history of mental illnesses

7. Abuse of drugs, including alcohol

8. Serious or chronic illness, such as heart disease, cancer, stroke, etc

9. Certain medications.

The CDC also lists the following, with the caveat that it’s not exactly always clear which causes what. I tend to think of them as things to work on that might help:

10. Smoking

11. Alcohol Consumption

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity

13. Sleep Disturbance

14. Epilepsy

15. HIV/AIDS

And here are some other possibilities that I have heard of through the news, but haven’t read the actual source research, nor are they in official institutional lists:

16. Spending time on social media.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc

With these, it really seems like a which-came-first question, though I do believe that they can form a self-perpetuating cycle.

Sources: the Mayo Clinic, NIMH, the CDC.

Of these, some we can’t do anything about, some we can work through and change, though will be really hard, and some are almost impossible to improve until a person gets older and gets more rights. After I found all of these, I started looking for which applied to me/my loved ones, and seeing how we could address them. This is of course one of the times that finding a support person is really helpful- even if they also have depression. Professional help and medication is also a really important and useful tool for a lot of people, but not everyone can/will seek professional help and medication. Some people don’t need it, some people are afraid of it, some people can’t afford it. This post is about how you can help yourself, the focus is not on professional help and medication, but that isn’t because I have anything against them, it’s just because it’s not what I’ve done or had experience with.

Any way. Here’s the condensed list of items that applied to the situation I was working with:

1. Personality traits (pessimism, low self-esteem, being dependant rather than autonomous or helping support those who support you)

2. Trauma and/or stress

3. Major life changes, even if they are considered positive (eg, getting married, having a kid, moving, etc)

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide.

11. Alcohol Consumption

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity

13. Sleep Disturbance

16. Spending time on social media.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc

Still quite a list! And that’s one thing to realize about depression- there are often many factors. Yes, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that can often be addressed successfully through medication, but sometimes the depression can be managed through addressing life situations, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and so on. If nothing else, if you can address some of the factors during a not-as-depressed point, it can help make the next time better.

The next step I took was to see how I could affect these factors:

1. Personality traits -> Challenge and change thought patterns (at the time, I didn’t know about CBT, but now that I do, it’s definitely something I engage in)

2. Trauma and/or stress -> Talking to people, therapy

3. Major life changes -> Talking to people, therapy

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide. -> Bummer. Accept that there is a genetic component, sometimes you’ll feel awful for no reason at all, and realize that some things that are considered normal in our society just don’t work for you. Recognize that you have to work harder than other people to take care of your mental health. Recognize that it’s not your fault, you’re not weak, and you are ok, and loved.

11. Alcohol Consumption -> stop drinking

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity -> start moving, and start eating more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, and nuts and so forth. Eat less calorie dense food/ get more nutritional bang for your calorie.

13. Sleep Disturbance -> Get better at sleep hygiene, reset sleep cycle, encourage a healthier circadian rhythm

16. Spending time on social media. -> Reduce usage.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc -> Break the addiction/reduce usage.

Now, in addition to this, I’ve heard the idea over and over that depression is a result of different brain chemistry, specifically low levels of serotonin and dopamine. Oxytocin is another brain chemical I was interested in, so I spent some time looking into how to boost these chemicals in our brains.

When I looked into serotonin, it basically boiled down to: doing things that I know should make me happy, even if I don’t want to at the moment; exposure to bright light; and exercising more. When I looked into dopamine, for some reason there were far fewer reputable websites talking about what you can do to increase your levels. What I do know is that dopamine is connected with rewards, accomplishments, etc, and that exercise and meditation can both increase levels of dopamine. So can slapping a fake smile on your face. Oxytocin is another brain chemical, this time associated with love and a sense of connection- and it’s fairly easy to trigger a release of oxytocin- pet a dog for 5 minutes, or give a hug to a human. Boom. Endorphins are yet another chemical related to feeling good, and it turns out that exercise also boosts them, as does stretching, and pleasant physical contact with another human being. And supposedly, eating chocolate and avoiding sugar. These I put in the category of “try them, record mood data for at least a two week period, and continue if the personal evidence suggest that it’s useful.”

Whew. That was a lot of typing. What this seemed to boil down to, for our unique situation, is the following list:

TL;DR:

1. Get a SAD lamp, and use it for at least 15 minutes a day. Low effort, kind of expensive (unless you get it for free like we did), but it had positive impact.

2. Exercise. If you can’t “exercise”, stretch. We started by trying to do daily walks. Then we added yoga, calisthenics/body weight exercise, acroyoga, aerial, running. Stretching, walking, yoga, calisthenics, and running are all things you can do for cheap or free. They also all can be done with others, which is helpful in boosting those happy brain chemicals.

3. Stop drinking alcohol and eating sugar. Easier said than done, especially in our society, but it made a big impact- both on our mood and our wallets.

4. Improve your sleep. For us, this meant making a rule that we had to get off electronics an hour before bed, and stick to a regular sleep schedule. It also meant exercising more.

5. Start working on automatic thoughts and develop a sense of usefulness and purpose. This is one we are still working on- CBT is big here. We both found we had a lot of automatic negative thoughts; one of the first steps is to challenge the truthiness of these thoughts; ask whether they are helpful/adaptive; and then make yourself think/do positive alternatives. If you’re interested in CBT, this is one place to learn more about it. Part of this also involves scheduling things that are enjoyable, and getting help if you need it to actually make it happen. As we all know, inertia is a big problem in depression, which is why having loved ones who can pull you out into doing things you enjoy is really useful. You can do CBT by yourself (ha, ha) if you have a journal, or as we do with a partner, or with a professional. It depends on where you are and what you need.

6. Reduce social media and internet usage. Not going to lie, this is hard. But there are blocking apps that make it much easier.

7. Do those things that improve your mood. Otherwise known as self care. Otherwise known as doing things that make you happier, less sad, or help you go through life. Otherwise known as things that we collectively suck at in our culture, too beguiled by advertisements that tell us what we “should” want and need.

Step-by-step directions for doing it yourself:

1. Figure out which risk factors apply to you.

2. Look at those risk factors, and see how you can affect or address them. Maybe you need therapy for past trauma; maybe you need to work on your self, talk, maybe you need to improve the quality of your sleep. You won’t know until you look.

3. Develop a strategy for addressing your risk factors, and recruit help.

#personal experience #depression #depression self care #self care for depression #fighting depression

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