#overcome with emotions and having a panic attack and therefor fails to do what it's supposed to.

[vilecemetery]

this is my fancast for kaz brekker

[finelinevogue]

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

[darthlorddiamond]

Armitage Hux Fluff Alphabet (Part 1)

This is the fisrt part of this alphabet, you can find here the second part.

Armitage Hux One Shots MASTERLIST.

Black Diamond��s Story MASTERLIST.

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Although you have many different activities during the day, Hux will always look for an opportunity to try to be close to you during the workday, either accompanying you while you´re on the Command Bridge or taking you where you need to go.

When you´re alone, you spend most of your free time together, be it cooking, reading or chatting.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Hux is an extremely noble person and is something you greatly admire about him. The way he´s committed to his work seems extremely remarkable to you, apart from that, he´s also a very affectionate person with you, a gentleman and is always attentive to anything you need, and you consider that everything he does for you is quite tender (Completely leaving aside the fact that he´s a completely radical person at work and nobody could tell that he´s like this with you).

Regarding Hux, the fact that you´re such an affectionate person with him means everything, from how you caress his hair, to the fact that many times it´s you who ensures that all his uniforms are impeccable, no matter how long you have been together, he never will understand why you´re like this with him or what he did to deserve you.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

All the time, although most of the time it´s Hux who comforts you.

When Hux feels bad, it's usually because something didn't go the way it should or because he had some sort of run-in with Ren that put him in a very bad mood, but never allows work problems to enter your quarters.

However, it´s more common for you to have some type of emotional problem, almost always related to the Force and the feeling of being pulled into the light and this is when Hux comes to comfort you. He always has the right words to make you feel better or failing, he knows quite well how to keep silent to listen to everything you have to say.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

You don't think much about the future, all you want is for things to go well and for Hux to stay safe, however, Hux does think about the future with you by his side. To this man, you´re his complete adoration and all his world outside of all First Order work, so being by your side after a difficult day is what he desires most.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Most of the time, your relationship is fairly equal. Both of you divide the housework of your private life quite well, there are nights that you will prepare dinner and he breakfast.

However, in the sex aspect, you´re the dominant one, I share the links of my NSWF alphabet part 1 & part 2 so that you know more about this topic.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Very rarely do you get into an argument, but when it happens, most of the time it's because of Ren.

You spend a lot of time with Ren, either training or on a mission, and there are times when Hux can get quite jealous about this and that's when an argument begins.

They are almost always extremely heated discussions, where you can end up mad at each other for a couple of days but one of you´ll always end up apologizing.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Always, all the time.

You always show gratitude to Hux for all the details he gives you and for the patience he has in dealing with your bad character, while Hux will always feel eternally grateful just for having you by his side.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

In the beginning, you kept enough secrets to Hux, you didn´t share with him everything you knew or who you were. Talking about your past was a complete taboo, but little by little you began to open up more to him, although sometimes it still takes a little work for you to talk about who you were before entering the First Order.

On the other hand, Hux is 100% honest with you, he has never hidden anything from you or lied to you about anything, from the beginning you knew who he was and all the problems he went through at the Academy and with his father.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Meeting Hux changed your life. You never thought that you could share your time or your life with someone and the fact that this man will show you affection made something inside you change, at least in private. Hux has inspired you to trust someone more fully and to be able to show what you feel.

For Hux, well, you are everything to him, so many things he does, he does with you in mind.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Hux isn´t a very jealous, but if any man, especially Ren, approaches you, he´ll immediately lose his temper. If it´s some other member of the Order, he´ll approach you and put one of his hands on your waist, but if it is about Ren, the matter will end up being a discussion between you.

In the meantime, you aren´t jealous at all, you know that Hux is with you and that he wouldn´t notice or care for another person.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

In the beginning, Hux and you didn´t get along well. You were Ren's apprentice and therefore, Hux felt an aberration for you. Your first kiss and those that followed were under this hate/love situation. On one occasion you were in his office, discussing plans to locate the resistance, and began to discuss which options were best. The discussion continued to escalate and when you least realized, you´re already on top of each other, in a kind of "hate kiss but keep doing it".

Your kisses most of the time are quite intimate caresses, mostly by Hux, but there are also times when both try to dominate the other through a kiss.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Hux was the first to say it and it was after a few months that you started dating and both were already beginning to feel very comfortable and confident with each other.

One night, after an intense sex session, Hux prepared a bath for both of you, placed himself behind you, so that your back was pressed to his chest and while you were in the tub enjoying the hot water, he kept caressing your skin and kiss your neck and head, until at one point that he only whispers to you "I didn´t understand what I had done to deserve you, to you be with me. You´re everything I always dream, I love you so much and I would never allow something bad to happen between us".

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Not to mention it.

As much as both cannot imagine your life without the other, it´s very difficult to commit marriage.

For Hux it would be a dream to be able to marry you, however, he´s a General and you´re a Sith, so your union within the First Order is more than prohibited.

But aside from this small inconvenience, both agreed to stay together, perhaps you didn´t organize a wedding, but in private you expressed votes for each other.

[ft-stories-lgbt]

Two men in love

Pairing : Gratsu

Warning : blood and violence

*

“If I asked you now

Will you be my Prince?

Will you lay down your armour

and be with me forever?”

The Irrepressibles – Two men in love

Love.

For the longest time, Natsu thought that he knew all about it. He was fully aware of this special emotion since living in Fairy Tail meant sharing love and trust with every member and being proud of it. He knew how important it was so their guild could stay united and stable.

So, he loved them; every single one of them. Hard and equally. Because this is who he is: when he puts his mind into something, he has to do it perfectly.

But as for many things—and really, Natsu should have known— there is an exception. An anomaly which was painted out of the spectrum which the dragon Slayer had seen.

A new colour.

For him, this exception was Gray.

On every level, Gray had managed to destroy everything Natsu believed into; like the fact that the love running through Fairy Tail's veins wasn’t capable to make everything better for a damaged soul. That it was not because Natsu came and found peace in Fairy Tail with ease, that anyone could pass that door and feel whole again. That some people were sometimes so deep in their grieve, love was simply not enough. At least not the kind of love Fairy Tail has to offer.

And therefore, Natsu tried to understand. He tried to understand through fists and tears. He tried to understand through yells and curses. He tried to understand because to him, everyone deserved to feel peace. He wanted the same for Gray.

But somewhere over the years he fell and failed. Because his life presented him a new colour, Natsu soon discovered a whole new palette from it.

He fell because he found a new kind of love, he never thought he could have.

And he failed because when he finally understood why those blue eyes were always so sad despite the smiles and the laughs, it was already too late.

*

It’s raining.

He is drenched from head to toe and the cold air around him isn’t helping. He tries to catch his breath as he stares at his enemy in front of him, panting with a hand pressed to his side. He knows he has a few seconds with him before his opponent will strike again, so he takes the opportunity to look around him quickly.

Lucy and Erza are on his right, fighting three members of the dark guild they were sent to dismantle. It should have been simple. This was not their first time fighting like this, but the information they got turned out to be wrong— the guild being much more powerful than what they were supposed to be and now they were barely able to stand on their ground.

Natsu never loses faith in their team but he knows that if they don’t find a solution in the next few minutes, they won’t be able to return in Fairy Tail in one piece.

A block of ice to his left steals his attention, and his eyes fall on Gray and Wendy. They are only fighting one person but he knows by the frown on Wendy’s forehead, and the way that Gray is particularly focused on the man in front of him, that this is far from being an easy fight.

In other circumstances, Natsu would have made fun of Gray for it, getting him more riled up and he would have put an end to this battle.

But this is not a regular fight, and the way the ground suddenly grumbles under his feet only reminds him that he still has one to finish.

He jumps a few times, watching the way the earth is moving like waves, a few holes making their appearance occasionally. They are traps and he never know where they are going to appear but the Dragon Slayer makes a point to never stay too long in one place.

He doesn’t know what kind of power the others are fighting against, but if they are as powerful as the one he is dealing with, he understands why none of their fights is over yet.

“Let’s end this,” the man in front of him says.

And Natsu cannot agree more at the statement as his fists light with flames again. He is exhausted, his body hurts in a way he hasn’t felt since the war against his brother, but one thing is sure: he won’t lose. He won’t die.

Not like this.

*

Natsu coughs in his hand as he lets his body lean against the tree behind him. His fingers are tainted in red when he retreats his hand from his face. He can’t really focus on it though because his head is pounding, making his vision blurry. He takes a moment to close his eyes, trying to retake control over his shaking body, and when he feels steady enough, he opens them again, eyeing the body on the ground next to him. The guy is not dead but he’s definitely unconscious and Natsu is glad that he somehow managed to end this fight.

He withdraws his gaze from the male to look around him. Erza and Lucy are nowhere to be found, which is alarming. And despite the pain he is currently feeling, he finds himself somewhat standing without the help of the tree, ready to go find the girls.

He manages to make three trembling steps when he hears Wendy’s voice yelling. The force of it brings a shudder along his spine and when he finally turns to see what’s going on, he freezes.

Natsu isn’t sure if it’s because his head is hurting, but it feels like everything is suddenly in slow motion.

He sees the way Wendy’s body violently hits the ground before she stills, her hair falling on her face making it impossible for Natsu to know if her eyes are open or not.

He sees the way Gray makes a move towards their younger member, worry and fear taking over him.

He sees the way the man they were fighting smile, because, with that, Gray leaves his sides open for any attack.

He sees the way the same man makes two blades appear from his hands and the way he is making his way towards Gray. Gray who is very unaware of what is happening.

And the Dragon Slayer could have yelled for Gray’s attention. To warn him of the upcoming danger.

But instead, he finds himself moving. He doesn’t know from where he has managed to draw that remaining force. After all, his body is in a bad shape, so if he has to guess, he will say: fear made him move.

He already has one guildmate on the ground, unmoving, and two others missing. The last one standing has now his life threatened.

The very last one standing, who has shown him a whole life full of strange and new colours, is about to fall as well.

And Natsu isn’t ready for that. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for it. Not when it’s about him, his little exception.

The movement he makes and the tantrum of his feet on the ground are what catches Gray’s attention. Natsu watches as his eyes widen at the sight in front of him. He watches as the Ice Mage stands up, stretches a hand towards him, as if this simple gesture can make a difference in what is about to happen. His mouth opens and although the dragon doesn’t hear him, he can distinguish his name coming out from the lips.

Natsu keeps his attention on the man though, and quickly he finds himself between the blades and Gray, acting as a shield.

He suddenly feels cold, the last of his fire going away with the body of the man he protected Gray from. Relief washes over him as the danger is finally put at bay. He’s ready to turn to Gray, to make sure that he is indeed okay but instead, he feels a harsh strain in his side and then his knees meet the ground. It’s at this moment, he sees one blade buried on his right side and the other in his shoulder.

Strangely enough, he doesn’t feel any pain. He can see the blood dripping out of his injuries and he is aware that the amount of it that he is losing should make him at least panic a little. But the exhaustion takes over it and he can’t bring himself to care about it.

There are warm fingers on his cheeks that make him lift his head slightly. His eyes meet Gray’s. The glint in them is dancing with so much fear that Natsu wants to make fun of him, but when he opens his mouth he coughs.

“Idiot-wh-what did- why did you do this?!” Gray panics as he moves to take some of Natsu’s weight on him.

Natsu doesn’t complain and lets himself completely melt into Gray’s arms.

“Y-you’re warm,” Natsu somehow manages to say. “And I-I feel c-cold.”

“Natsu,” there’s desperation in Gray’s voice.

“That’s fucked up,” Natsu finishes painfully which earns him a few more coughs.

He closes his eyes, hoping that it will help with his dizziness.

“Open your eyes, Natsu. You can’t fall asleep right now. Natsu, please, open them!”

He feels himself overcoming by a daze of fog. Everything around has started to quiet down.

Just a moment, he thinks, just a moment so he can compose himself.

But instead, he finds himself in the darkness, with the distant of Gray’s voice ringing in his head.

*

Well... Surprise ?

Thank you to my sweet, my rock, my magical little Fairy @watcher-ofthe-sky for your help with this one! You're ideas helped me a lot!

Also I might add another part to this piece of shit -as I fondly call this writing- if you are interrested in it !

*

@fuckyeahgratsu

[insessionwitheleni]

LESSONS LEARNT FROM BEING DIAGNOSED WITH AN INVISIBLE CHRONIC ILLNESS:

29/05/2020

I received my Crohn’s disease diagnosis in May 2016, after experiencing months of extreme physical pain, emotional exhaustion & mental confusion (I was NOT having a good year!). Prior to this, as one should be in their 20’s, I was relatively carefree & quite active. Almost overnight, that healthy energetic person disappeared. Her place taken by someone scared & embarrassed. Suddenly, I wasn’t spending my free time with friends or at the gym, but sat in hospital waiting rooms surrounded by distressed strangers. I was being prescribed various medications with unpronounceable titles & terrifying side effects, & was expected to immediately begin taking these – no questions asked.

Fast forward to today, those dark times are luckily behind me (for now at least!). I am still popping pills on a daily basis – but have learnt to pronounce these by now! I also have to inject myself with a really scary drug fortnightly, avoid certain foods, & accept that my body will no longer allow me to be as active as I would like to be. I still get bouts of feeling very afraid of what the future may hold. BUT, things do not feel as bleak as they did back then. And I have definitely enjoyed holidays, night-outs, long walks & a cocktail or two in the recent years, so no need to feel too bad for me!

There have been three major life lessons my ongoing Crohn’s journey has taught me so far:

        LESSON (1) ---> ‘DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER!’

So many life-changing & chronic physical health issues are entirely invisible to the naked eye. Crohn’s, colitis, diabetes, epilepsy, fibromyalgia, asthma, migraines, food allergies, multiple sclerosis, to name a few. Need I highlight the obvious? Mental health issues are almost always invisible too. Depression, PTSD, OCD, social anxiety, personality disorders, post-natal depression, the list could go on & on. It’s so important to remember: ‘not every disability is visible!’

It still impacts me to this day how some people look at me when I’m being instructed to walk through for a blood test as a priority, or when I’m stood in front of them in the pharmacy queue. I am only presuming of course, but it does often seem like they are thinking ‘Why is she going first? She looks fine, I’m clearly more sick than she is.’ Why on earth am I made to feel like I am doing something wrong, just because I am not visibly unwell!? (Saying that, I could also be getting funny looks because of my daunting Greek surname, who knows?!)

My point is, be considerate & don’t judge people. The very same person who has just posted that gorgeous selfie on social media, may have been overcome with pure desperation just minutes later. The ‘rude’ person getting on the train may be experiencing an intense panic attack. That friend that keeps turning up unannounced may be in desperate need of distraction from their physical or mental health worries. The driver behind you that honked his horn the second the traffic lights turned green, may be on his way to a life-changing hospital appointment, or in desperate need of the loo!

So please be kind! We never really know what someone is going through.

         LESSON (2) ----> THE ‘SPOON THEORY’

Any of my clients reading this will know all about the famous ‘spoon theory’ from me waffling on about it during sessions. For anyone that hasn’t heard of this before, the ‘spoon theory’ suggests that healthy people have unlimited ‘spoonfuls’ of energy/effort/ability each day, however people with an illness or those going through some form of trauma, do not. Therefore these must use their numbered ‘spoons’ wisely as to avoid ‘burn-out’. As someone with an invisible illness, I thought I’d benefit from a personal reminder that some days are going to be harder than others, & so chose to get a spoon tattooed on my forearm!

I’m not suggesting you all get tattoos, don’t panic! I am however suggesting that you show yourself compassion when going through a challenging chapter. For example, if you are struggling with low mood at present or physical pain, it is literally impossible for you to be as productive as usual. So instead of piling more & more on your to-do list & feeling terrible for ‘failing’ at these ‘simple’ tasks, why not remove some items instead? Spend your precious spoons on the tasks that will benefit you here & now. In practical terms, if you feel you have 3 spoons today, you will not be able to use 10! It really is as simple as that. So adjust your to do-lists accordingly.

Tomorrow is another day, give yourself time!

          LESSON 3) ---> ‘GRIEF IS A ROLLER-COASTER!’

What has grief got to do with illness? Well…everything! 

There is a great & complex amount of loss that comes with illness. You are no longer the same person once you fall ill, especially if this illness is chronic. You can lose the ability to do certain things or go certain places. You can lose precious time at medical appointments or sorting through medications. You can lose touch with individuals that don’t seem to understand the magnitude of what has happened to you. You can lose faith. You can lose hope. You can lose independence. You can lose confidence. So OF COURSE you are going to be grieving!

The main theory around loss suggests that there are seven different stages of grief (feel free to explore further in your own time, it really is interesting). These are:

1)     Shock

2)     Denial

3)     Anger

4)     Bargaining

5)     Depression

6)     Testing

7)     Acceptance

As promising as the final stage seems, unfortunately bereavement is an ongoing process & definitely not linear. What this means is, once you reach ‘acceptance’, you don’t necessarily stay there. It is also worth mentioning that each & every individual experiences grief in their own unique way, & that external factors can massively impact this too. No wonder bereavement is such a complicated process!

What does all this mean? Well it means, if you have lost something, it is OK to feel angry about it. If you have been made redundant at work, it’s OK to not throw yourself into job applications & interviews the very next day. If a loved one has passed away, it’s OK to feel low about it 3 years later, or 5, or 10!

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. It’s OK!

[jazillia007]

Thoughts on 2x13 - Part 2

Beth and Rio:

So while watching this episode I thought the moments BEFORE the kidnapping and shooting were actually interesting and a good follow up to what had happened in episode 12.

From Beth's point of view, she is nothing more than work for Rio. And honestly, when it comes to the crime part she IS a lot of work for Rio. And I was with Rio for being pissed at her, finding out all the rotten eggs she left behind left and right.

Still she goes to Rio to ask for help and it was heartbreaking to me to see the dismantled apartment but I also thought it was so in character for Rio. He can't trust Beth. With the FEDs breathing up her and therefore his neck, it's only logical for him to abandon his apartment.

I don't really know though why she broke in again. What did Beth try to achieve?

Then Rio is calling her and it was... awkward. I wouldn't call it sweet. It was also a bit weird that Rio made it sound like she called him when actually he called her.

He also tested her. Is Beth gonna lie again? And she did. She wasn't able to tell him that she is in his apartment to ask for help. I don't really understand this either other than for the writers to establish there are cameras in his apartment.

It's not well-written.

Then he hangs up on her and I thought it would've been much better if Beth had called him (if she had his number) and then Rio would've ended the call. But this way it was a bit meh.

I also wouldn't have minded if this would've been the last we would've seen/heard of Rio in season 2. Because honestly I believe if he wanted to he could just disappear for a while until the FEDs calm down.

And then to have him come back in season 3... that would've been nice.

But that's not who Rio is. Beth is his weakness. And despite his own codes he can't stop himself from helping.

That's what this season established.

This season did everything despite them being dysfunctional and problematic that Beth and Rio are more than business partners and that Beth is more to Rio – despite him being usually very careful – and Rio is more to Beth. I'm not talking about some big love story here with a happy ending. But of a complicated relationship with many layers and definitely conflicts but conflicts they overcome.

But then the writers decided to destroy (?) it.

(SPOILERS FOR KILLING EVE SEASON 1 AND 2)

Beth and Rio and the last scene:

As I said before I could've seen Beth and Rio ending up in a situation where they either shoot eachother OR have to decide to shoot the other one or not. But it all depended on how well-written it is.

I'm watching Killing Eve as well and I really don't want to compare Killing Eve with Good Girls because writing-wise there are worlds between these two shows. Killing Eve is well-written, delicate and perfect. Meanwhile Good Girls certainly has its moments but is sloppily written most of the times.

BUT what these two shows have in common is that they have two seasons which ended on similar notes. And I was so in awe when I watched the Killing Eve season 2 finale and right afterwards the Good Girls season 2 finale. Because it made clear why I loved the Killing Eve season finale so much while I didn't like the season finale of Good Girls.

And it all comes down to how it's written and how things are foreshadowed.

The relationship of Eve and Villainelle from the beginning is a relationship of obsession and fascination. It would take up too much time to write about them and all the layers involved but we can say their relationship is as dysfunctional as Beth and Rio (and up until the shooting scene in 2x13 even with the not well-written parts Brio as exactly that made sense to me as well).

There is this cat and mouse game between these two women which ends up with Eve in Villainelle's apartment (and Beth ends up in Rio's apartment) and Eve stabs Villainelle. She panics, trying to find something to stop the bleeding and Villainelle is defending herself by firing in Eve's direction before fleeing.

It's such a culmination of what had went down in season 1. It was shocking but also very much in character with how Villainelle and Eve were established. It was a twist but it didn't feel cheap or just to keep viewers watching. It felt organic.

In the Good Girls season 1 finale we had a similar scene and it felt very organic to me as well. Beth had set up Rio to go to jail and of course she hadn't thought things through. And it all got back to her, with Rio sitting in her dining room with her shitty husband all beaten up. And he gives her the opportunity to shoot either him or Dean to make them even.

It set up very well the dynamic of their relationship. How dysfunctional they're but at the same time can't get enough of eachother. The season ends with the viewer not knowing what Beth is gonna do. It could've felt cheap but it didn't.

We get the end of that scene in the beginning of season 2 and Beth can't do it and Rio is taking the gun from her, telling her she did her best. And then he is shooting Dean and they're even now.

If you think about it. That's who Beth and Rio are. It's messed up, especially when you think about it that even though he shot Beth's husband, she still ends up hooking up with him. But let's talk about that later.

I think 2x13 was trying to mirror the scene in 1x10 and 2x01. And that's where the writers failed. Meanwhile the writers of Killing Eve achieved it effortlessly.

The whole setup in Killing Eve season 2 was leading toward the last scene in 2x08. Something that was completely missing in Good Girls season 2. You can't make a U-Turn without explaining why or giving hints throughout the season. It's not how good writing works.

In season 2 of Killing Eve, Villainelle is so obsessed with Eve she basically stalks her, destroys Eve's already fragile marriage and shows Eve's husband who Eve is dealing with. Villainelle is sliding a lipstick in Eve's bag and when she is using it she cuts her lips because Villainelle put a razorblade in it. She also comes to Eve's home while she isn't there, brushing her teeth with Eve's toothbrush and then comes back and forces Eve to swallow „poison“.

In one word: Villainelle is fucked up. But in her world, she loves Eve. She believes that Eve is hers and that they're two sides of the same coin. And she isn't completely wrong. Because she gets Eve to kill Villainelle's attacker which to her is like a confirmation that they're now in this together and meant to be.

It all accumulates in the last scene when Eve discovers Villainelle could've defended herself and she denies Villainelle any companionship. Villainelle is genuinely surprised, hurt and disappointed. And she does the only thing she knows she is good at: she shoots Eve. And it's shocking, yes, but it's organic. Villainelle told Eve from early on: „I like you but I don't like you that much. […] Don’t forget: The only thing that makes you interesting is me.“.

So while the season 2 finale of Killing Eve was certainly emotional and shocking (that image of Eve lying in the ruins, both literally and as a metaphor for her life...), it never felt out of character or not something this show wasn't leading to.

Unlike the season 2 finale of Good Girls. NOTHING what happened in the season 2 finale leads to Beth shooting Rio.

Villainelle and Rio are completely different people. Villainelle is a serial killer and a psychopath. Rio isn't that at all. Does this mean he is not problematic? No, he is. He threatened Beth and the girls, especially in season 1, and he held a gun to Beth's throat. But it all made sense. He didn't know who these bitches are. Only that they didn't gave him his money. So we could all understand and follow his actions.

After 1x10 and 2x01 scene, it was also understandable that Beth would worry for her life. Rio just had shot her husband. It doesn't matter it was in character for him as a crime boss. I would be scared out of my life, so I did understand Beth's fear and her question „are you going to kill me?“. It must've baffled her when he replied „I'm gonna teach you.“.

After that Beth is causing problems not only for herself but also for the girls and most certainly for Rio. Which is why it disappoints me that Beth can admit her mistakes to Ruby but in the end puts the blame on Rio? I understand she is emotional and feeling cornered. But she asked to come back by leaving those pearls in season 1. Girl, you need to own your decisions and mistakes!

Anyway, despite all the problems there is also this undeniable attraction between her and Rio which accumulates in them hooking up in the bathroom with Dean only a few metres away from them. And from there the writers tried to emphasize even more that Beth's and Rio's relationship is the exact opposite of what Beth and Dean were. Dysfunctional but weirdly functional as well.

From season 1 onward, Rio listened to her, he called her out on her bullshit but he never disregarded her ideas before listening to them. He respected her albeit showing up at her house at random times (and sending her body parts...). But he also never stopped calling her out when got way over her head. He told her she is a drug dealer. Beth needed to hear that because she only experiences the tiny part of his world where she can get high on the power she is having without really experiencing repercussions.

After they hooked up Rio tried to manipulate her and that was – for me – a moment of „oh, did he use her all along?“. Yes, I had these thoughts multiple times, but mostly in season 1.

But then they both act like a jealous couple and my worries were all gone. And then 2x09 happens and the way the scene is filmed in the bedroom and even prior it's genuine and raw. They close the door and leave their crime personalities outside the bedroom and they kiss and it's all perfect. And then Rio brings back the Dubby and it all paints a completely different picture we're supposed to get of these two. It's all so completely different from how season 2 of Killing Eve set it all up.

Beth and Rio albeit having problems would always come back together. Yes, even with Beth still lacking in the crime life department and not being able to admit her mistakes, overall they would always comeback together in this problematic relationship and make things work.

When the walls of rotten eggs Beth has collected, start to crumble around her and Rio probably already knows about it, I completely understand his frustration and anger and that he is done and over with her. But at the same time he knows he isn't because he can't look Beth in the eyes when he is telling her „pretty much“. He believes they're two sides of the same coin. They're both lonely but they could be lonely together at the top. But Beth is left behind with the feeling „I'm alone in this“ and this man who made her feel things again only sees her as work – which she IS like I said before. She doesn't reflect on her wrongdoings which is extremely frustrating. A character flaw can only be relatable to a certain point and then it just gets ridiculous. She is a 40ish year old woman, for god's sake.

I expected the writers trying to mirror the scene from 1x10 and 2x01 but every fan theory was better and made more sense character-wise than what we actually got in the end.

I was so confused as to WHY Rio would feel the need to kidnap Beth. Also, how did he do it? Someone on Tumblr mentioned it: how could he be so sure Beth would forget her phone in the car? Beth was looking for her phone... was she certain she had in the backpockets of her jeans? Did Rio take it from her and put it in the car? Or did she really leave it there?

It doesn't add up. And it doesn't make sense Rio would be so drastic to kidnap Beth when he could simply call her. Tell her to come to his apartment. That he will help her. Why make Rio act so OOC?

I also believe that Rio genuinely thought of Turner as a „gift“ to Beth. This is your rotten egg, you have many but this is the one who will constantly cause problems, so get rid off it and we're even.

Was he planning to record it? Did he record it? Did/does he plan to use it as leverage against Beth? Just like he used „Boomer's“ body?

Basically killing two birds with one stone. Pulling Beth in deeper, making her go through with the last step she tried to avoid and having something in his hand to make sure Beth won't set him up again. Which in the end COULD'VE been a setup for any scenario in the future seasons where Beth decides that Rio is her rotten egg.

But to do so now... even with her thinking she is nothing to him, makes no sense.

Especially since season 2 set up Turner as the main antagonist for Beth who is constantly after her and closing in on her. I was sure she would kill him. But then to turn it against Rio and telling him HE is her problem? I don't have to repeat myself but: IT MAKES NO SENSE.

I'm not going to defend Beth shooting him. Yes, she was emotional. And I would've bought it as a reaction under immense stress if she would've shot him once. But 3 times?! That's a bit much. Yes, he called her „bitch“ - SHIT! He was genuinely shocked and surprised by what she did – and lunged himself at her but probably to stop her or/and to take the gun from her. It was terrible to watch.

Overall with Dean and Boomer getting redemption so easily, it was terrible to see NBC treat a male poc like this. It was an obscene moment to see Rio bleed like this, choking up blood and making the viewer believe that he will just die right there, in this very moment. And to make Turner get up so slow and pull out the phone taunting Rio about helping him or not. It was pretty clear the only evil person in this room is Turner, not Rio, and I can't wait for Rio to let Turner know „yes, I owe you... I owe you a slow death.“.

When Rio laughed I think many thought the writers wanted to portray him as crazy. BUT I don't think they did. When I had an accident and the shock afterwards subsided I made a lot of jokes lying there in the ER with my leg broken. The doctors had to give me a sedative to calm me down. So I think with Rio there is a mix of „this bitch really shot me“ and the shock setting in and subsiding and laughing is working as a transient response.

As for Beth, it was so weird to me that she would run for Turner right away. Okay, the writers apparently decided that Rio is the problem and suddenly Turner is the person she should trust? Because she thinks after Boomer turned himself in she is off the hook? And why give Turner the gun? It's just moments like these that make it clear she is anything but ready to be the „King“. Yes, she is in a exceptional situation and who knows how we would react? But still... trusting Turner is a bit too much and we were proven to be correct when he basically told Rio that this is definitely not over and Beth they will see how it goes.

As for Beth shooting Rio: I will say I thought she looked genuinely upset and shaken by her own actions. Again, not defending what the writers did with Rio and Beth in this scene, only observing. Because from all the comments it sounded like she was gleeful and happy she did what she did. And I will say: that's not the case.

But I also think the writers didn't give us enough moments of Beth really thinking about and regretting what she did and of course when she tells Annie and Ruby that „he is gone“ (do they know she shot Rio?) it's not really showing Beth as empathetic. How about not giving us Beth and Dean eating ice cream but give us Beth struggeling with what she has done? I hope we will get that in season 3.

Although I thought it was telling that while she was laughing and disappointed when Dean didn't die after Rio shot him, in 2x13 she walked home in daze right into Dean's arms and cried. Let's put aside she is in Dean's arms. She cried. She didn't cry when Dean got shot but she cried after shooting Rio, believing he is dead.

Again, I'm not sugarcoating what she did. I'm just pointing out the details I noticed and the little differences between 2x01 and 2x13.

Also, I thought the scene in the park was not well-written. The image was good but I think it would've worked better without the other moms and again it should've been longer to show that Beth is realizing that she shot a father. A father of a young boy who became friends with her daughter. A father she defended when Dean implied Rio would kidnap their daughter. It could've been powerful scene but it got watered down.

In the end, the shooting scene didn't work for me as a mirror scene like it did in Killing Eve because the setup throughout the season was non-existent.

Are we supposed to think Rio played Beth the whole time? Are all the moments which felt like something special are nothing? If so they did a pretty bad job at it (how lame was Beth's „WHO is he?“ when he left all his stuff in the storage room?) And frankly, I don't believe it. In a sad way I really think that Beth and Rio do have genuine feelings for eachother but they're also stuck in this situation which will always lead to misunderstandings (because they never really TALK!) and constant danger of betrayal.

And now with Beth taking the last step but shooting Rio it's gonna be interesting how this will play out in season 3. In a weird way, Rio should almost be proud of Beth because she „killed“ the King. He didn't think she would be able to do it and certainly thought she would take Turner down but in the end she made a completely different decision. And if anything that's at least a bit in character for Beth, that she does things Rio can't predict. Just like he didn't predict she would leave her pearls in that warehouse.

Personally, I wanted Beth and Rio to end on a tense note for season 3 but I didn't want it to go full-on trust issues, revenge and rivalry. Simply because this is not how season 2 was written like up until 2x13. And to make a u-turn like this just for the shock moment is just lame. I get it, this episode was basically written in case Good Girls wouldn't get a renewal but still it's the laziest writing I've experienced in a long time.

I think if the shooting scene would've played out differently. With Beth shooting Turner. Like something that makes sense, it could've turned out to be a very satisfying season finale. And it would've been interesting to see how Rio is using the footage to start their cat and mouse game in season 3 yet again (I think he wanted her back after their fallout in 2x12 hence why Turner as the gift for Beth). I don't think with how season 2 played out, it makes sense for Beth to hurt Rio. So I can't find anything satisfying or good about this finale. Unlike Killing Eve which left me behind very satisfied despite Villainelle shooting Eve.

Two similar scenes and season finales but executed so differently, that in one tv show it's utterly shocking yet perfect meanwhile in the other tv show it's sloppily written overall and anything but perfect.

And here I am so very curious how season 3 will play out for Beth and Rio. Apparently I like torturing myself.

P.S.: If you plan on writing me any anon hate, save your words! I’m ready and happy to discuss the season finale with anyone who is willing to discuss it like adults. Ain’t nobody got time for anon hate.

[vibefrost]

Killervibe Week - Day 5: Villains

Posting a bit late, but I finished nevertheless. Basically just a fluffy fic about Cisco going rogue and Caitlin having to help him remember himself again. Anyway, enjoy :)

Caitlin Snow was not one to panic easily. Sure, she became a little frazzled every now and then and constantly worried over both miniscule and major situations, but she knew how to keep her head in a desperate situation and stay calm in the face of danger.

However, when the danger was wearing the face of her best friend, she found it was a lot harder to keep her cool than it normally was.

Why did it have to be Cisco, of all people? Caitlin thought with dismay, yet it never would’ve happened to him had he not pushed Caitlin out of reach of the meta, therefore saving her from the fate that ultimately befell him. She’d been unnerved by Reverb on earth-2, but Cisco’s doppelgänger was nothing compared to how Cisco was now—an evil, cunning, bloodthirsty super-genius bent on destroying the Flash.

They’d already apprehended the meta who caused all of this, Rage Runner, as Cisco had dubbed him before getting struck by his powers. Caitlin and the rest of the team had finally gotten him to describe how his power worked, and he explained that it simply enhanced the negative emotions inside a person to a point where they no longer had any good left in them. They continued to question him about how to reverse the effects of his powers, to which the meta simply shrugged at them, a malevolent gleam glinting in his eye at their obvious distress.

“Looks like the effects are permanent,” he cackled in a typical villainous fashion. When it became clear Rage Runner wasn’t going to be of any further help, Barry simply rushed him over to Iron Heights where he wouldn’t be a hindrance to them anymore.

“So how do we save Cisco from permanently becoming a cold-hearted villain?” Barry asked.

It was a question all of them were pondering, yet no one had a solution.  

“We just need to find him first,” stated Caitlin, although she was dreading their confrontation more than anything. How could she look into his eyes, eyes that used to be so full of wonder and happiness and love, knowing that he now hated team Flash with his entire being?

“Good point,” Iris agreed, and together they began forming a plan to lure Cisco to Star Labs, with Barry as the bait once again.

However, Cisco never showed. They waited and waited, Barry running around in plain sight in front of Star Labs, waiting for Cisco to come and fight him, but Cisco never appeared.

“You don’t think he’s hurt, do you?” Caitlin couldn’t help but fret to Iris, after Barry came back inside with a disappointed shake of his head.

“Right now, I’m honestly more worried about if he’s hurt other people,” Iris responded truthfully, and then left to call her dad to tell him their plan failed.

All throughout the night Caitlin slept fitfully, her thoughts anxious and unsettling as they all revolved around Cisco. She decided that he must’ve known about the trap they were trying to set and purposefully didn’t show, which only worried her all the more that he was cleverer than most villains they faced.

No, he’s not a villain, Caitlin corrected herself, but she knew that if they couldn’t save him, he may just turn out to be the most formidable villain they’d ever have to face.

The next morning the team decided to extend their search, using their satellite to pick up every little variance in any vibrations it could detect. It came up with nothing, which led them to draw the conclusion that Cisco was lying low, biding his time, and there was nothing they could do. Yet that very afternoon he breached right into the middle of Star Labs and kidnapped Iris from right under their noses.

Caitlin couldn’t stop kicking herself for not seeing it all sooner. If he was after Barry, the best way to defeat him was to attack his heart, or in other words, kidnap Iris and threaten to kill her. They should’ve been more prepared, more cautious, but she had a feeling that none of them had really considered Cisco a real threat.

Until now.

He sent a video transmission to them just a few hours later after the abduction. It was short and to the point, and as he made the demands that Barry give himself up to him, Caitlin found her eyes filling with tears at the cold, listless look haunting his face, so much different from the friend she knew and loved. Is the old Cisco still inside somewhere? she wondered with desperation.

Once the message was over, Caitlin knew that they had to listen to his requests—no one wanted to take the chance that he would actually kill Iris. But as Barry prepared to go to the meeting point Cisco had given him, a sudden idea began to form in Caitlin’s head.

When Killer Frost had taken over the first time, it was Cisco who had helped her remember her humanity and what it felt like to love again. What if she could do the same thing for him, too?

“Let me come with you,” she pleaded, catching Barry by the arm before he could leave.

“What? Cait, I can’t let you do that. He said just me—I don’t want to gamble with Iris’s life,” Barry protested.

“Yes, but I was thinking that maybe I could save him.” She then proceeded to explain the epiphany she’d come to just seconds before.

Barry frowned when she finished speaking, his expression full of uncertainty. “You really think the old Cisco is still in there somewhere, and you can bring him out?”

“We have to try—this may be the only way we can save both Iris and Cisco,” Caitlin implored.

It didn’t take too much longer for Barry to heave a weary sigh. “All right, let’s hope this works.” He scooped up Caitlin in his arms and took off running, arriving at their destination in only a matter of seconds. The place they were meeting Cisco at was an open field on the outskirts of Central City, completely secluded and isolated from the rest of the town, yet Iris and Cisco were nowhere to be seen.

“Where are they?” Caitlin heard Barry murmur anxiously beside her. No sooner had he spoken the words when a large breach opened up right in front of them that Cisco and Iris walked through.

“Barry!” Iris cried with relief as soon as she saw him.

Cisco, however, barely gave Barry a second glance. “Why are you here?” he snarled at Caitlin, his eyes flaring with an emotion Caitlin was unable to identify.

“I…I came to talk with you,” Caitlin answered, taking a tentative step toward him. “Please, just let Iris go and listen to me.”

“No.” He held out his hand as though he was going to blast her off her feet, but he didn’t—at least not yet.

               “Cisco, please,” Cailtin pleaded as she took another step. “This isn’t who you are—you’re a kind person, one who cares about others and loves helping people. You don’t want to hurt Iris.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Cisco agreed. “I want to hurt the Flash.”

“But you won’t,” insisted Caitlin. “Because he’s your friend, and you’re our friend Cisco.” She walked just a little bit closer, tears beginning to sting her eyes as she clearly saw how ragged and lifeless he looked. “Don’t you remember all the good times we’ve all had together?”

“I don’t want to remember,” he growled, and then cringed. Cailtin frowned at his unpredictable response, but was then struck with realization. The emotion she had seen in his eyes earlier was fear. He was scared of her, which must’ve meant he knew she could help him overcome the meta’s power and be good again, and it was working.

“We need you Cisco,” Caitlin continued with confidence. “You hold the team together, plus who else could come up with as creative names for villains and new gadgets like you?”

“I-I can’t…” Cisco’s chest was heaving and his eyes were closed tight. “That Cisco’s gone.”

Caitlin took another step forward, so that his outstretched hand was nearly pressed against her chest. “No, he’s not. You’re still him, Cisco, you just have to fight it. Fight it, please!”

Cisco finally released Iris as he brought both hands to his head, as though it was about to split open.  “Stop!” he cried, not even noticing how Barry swooped in and took Iris away.

“No, I can’t stop, because I need you Cisco,” Caitlin responded earnestly. “You’re my best friend, and I care for you so much. Please, come back to me Cisco, please, come home…” Caitlin kept softy repeating her plea as she took the final step forward and hugged Cisco tightly, determined not to let go.

At first he struggled, trying to push her arms away, but he then eventually gave in and began to sob, his arms winding around Caitlin.

“What have I done?” he whispered in horror. “I’m such a terrible person…”

“No, you aren’t,” Caitlin was quick correct. “This is the meta’s fault, not yours.” She wasn’t sure if Cisco fully grasped or understood the meaning of her words, but he hugged her tighter, and Caitlin knew that he was finally his true self again.

Later that night, Cisco profusely apologized to all of them over and over again, to which they all immediately forgave him. He then pulled Caitlin aside, and told her with sincere gratefulness, “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

Caitlin couldn’t find the words to express just how grateful she was that he was back to normal again, so she simply hugged him tightly, taking comfort in the knowledge that no matter how dangerous or unpredictable the situation was, they could always find home in each other.

[dalyunministry]

Word Ministration

By Sister. Savita Manwani

Today’s Topic: Storms in our lives

Scripture Reading : Mark 6:45-52

We often face trials and troubles in our lives. When we are in a troubled state or disturbed state, we often say that we are facing a “stormy weather” or “storms in our lives”.

There were a couple of times when the disciples of Jesus faced storms on the Sea of Galilee. One such incident we can read in Mark 6:45-52.

The disciples were just back after the 5 loaves and 2 fish miracle. They just had their first lesson of faith. Now the Sea of Galilee was terrible and unbelievable. When the storm came, they saw Jesus walking on the sea. When Jesus came, he calmed the sea.

Many a times we look at the problem, we see our problem greater than Jesus and then we begin to think negative. But it is only our faith in Jesus that helps us to overcome the stormy situation.

Today, we may be born again Christians, following Jesus in obedience. But being obedient to God and following Jesus’ leadership in our lives is the right thing to do. That does not mean that it will be an easy life.

In fact, we will have storms in our lives. The storms that Jesus leads us through will make us strong and mature. The obedient as well as the disobedient face storms in their lives. When storms come, we tend to fear and sometimes we will go into a panic. The situation seems to be absolutely hopeless. We tend to fear and worry about what might happen about our future, our children, our parents, our spouses, etc.

Storms of life may be too dangerous like tsunami and hurricanes. Sometimes we will be in physical danger because of persecution, accidents or illness. Other times we are in emotional danger with our “storms” threatening to overwhelm us with fear and/or depression. Other times we are in spiritual danger with Satan’s attacks challenging us to give up or to sin.

Yes, fear may come but we can overcome such storms and rise up like eagles even in the midst of stormy situations. But, there are certain principles we need to follow in order to survive during the storm.

Life can bring along stormy weather, but if Jesus is the captain over our lives, we can trust that He will work for good in our lives in absolutely every circumstance.

▪ Six Principles are drawn from this troubled sea.

Sometimes the weather report speaks of facts but faith says you can go beyond. We believers have the 7th sense and we survive because of the divine power.

1. Focus not on what is happening to you but focus on what is happening in you.

Sometimes the weather report speaks of facts but faith says you can go beyond. We believers have the 7th sense and we survive because of the divine power.

After calming the sea, Jesus said “Be calm”, to his disciples. Probably it was difficult for Jesus to calm the disciples unless they co-operate. The disciples were disturbed because they were focusing on what was happening to them.

Three things happen when you focus on what is happening to you:

a) It leads to failure syndrome – it is a feeling that you will fail in everything you do. It leads you to withdrawal mechanism. Never harbor this syndrome or else you will be loosing opportunities.

b) Hyper-reactions – We over react to situations which lead to health related problems and we land up with high stress, increased blood pressure, leading to heart attack and death. Our relationships within the family and friends circle may also get affected because we try to take out the stress.

c) Wrong strategies – We begin to follow wrong strategies in our lives making us more hateful and revengeful. So, in order to avoid the above things, we need to focus on what is happening in us rather than on what is happening to us. Focus on what is happening in you…

Are you being fearful like the disciples? We know that their faith was overtaken by fear they literally saw Jesus as Ghost.

They became more fearful probably because of the thought of death. We need to check what is happening in us and pray accordingly.

2. Don’t talk about the mountain/ your problem

Many a times we talk more about the problem we are facing because it seems very big to us. We tend to forget that Jesus who is with us, is bigger than our mountain or our problem.

The disciples faced a sudden windstorm that caused extremely high waves which were quiet frightening. This was perhaps their biggest problem. They might have also talked about what will happen to them if the storm is not calmed. It was almost a near death experience for them.

They might have talked about the strong wind, the waves, the dark night, the water getting inside the boat, the lives of all on the boat, etc. making their problem seem bigger. But little did they know that Jesus would come to help them at this hour.

Remember, the more we talk about the mountain, the more bigger and bigger it grows. There may be a delay but there is no denial. So just hang on!

We should stop talking about the mountain. Rather we should start talking to the mountain. Only when we talk to the mountain, it will start to move. You may be praying for a miracle from months and years but nothing seems to happen. My dear friends, never give up praying. For one day, God will cause a miracle to happen.

Have a miracle in your mouth and not a mountain in your life.

3. There is a devil at each level

Fight becomes tougher with the devil but victories become easier and easier.

For the disciples at that time when they were frightened and least expected any help from anywhere or anyone, Jesus came to their rescue as an angel. And the presence of Jesus was the antidote for fear.

In times of fear and uncertainty, it is calming to know that Christ is always with you (Mathew 28:20).

Remember there is always an angel waiting for you. Today, we need to recognize who is our angel. For some, their pastor may be an angel, for some the associate pastor may be their angel, still for others a cell member may be an angel. We have somebody as an angel in our life.

Today, find out the angel in your life. God has kept one angel to console and counsel you during the stormy situation. If there is a devil at each level, there is also an angel at each level. ..Amen..Hallelujah

4. If God closes one door, He will open another one – much wider, brighter and better

Isaiah 55:8 - “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

When one door closes, do not worry. God has a better plan for you. The disciples did not remain locked up with their problem. Jesus made a way of escape for them. Little did they know that this Messiah would choose them to be his followers who would later turn the world upside down. It is not God’s desire to see you locked up in problem but He will make a way of escape. He will open doors of opportunities and bless you. The Lord’s thoughts are greater, so don’t worry.

Therefore, willfully and whole heartedly trust in Christ’s ability to help. Know that He is there for you.

5. Every stumbling block is a stepping stone”.

If someone curses you, God takes those curses and changes it into blessings. If someone throws a stone at you, take it and use it to build your church. If someone is hitting you think it is for your benefit.

Jesus’ disciples faced lots of trials, tribulations, temptations, oppression, persecution, imprisonment and every such thing that could have easily turned them away from Christ. But every such obstacle was an opportunity for them to shine for the glory of God. They overcame every situation in their life. Therefore, do not retaliate and fight back.

Nothing should cause an obstacle in receiving your blessing.

It is God who enables us to overcome the obstacles and gives us victory. Therefore, step up every block and be victorious. Never see the block and turn back. Never leave God’s way and follow Satan’s ways.

6. It is not what you are going through that matters but where you are going to that matters.

What we are going through will not last forever. The storms in our lives will not remain forever. The situation will change.

Your destiny…. Where you are going is important. We are all destined for a purpose and our goal is to fulfill that purpose in our life. After the purpose is fulfilled God will not keep us alive. Heaven is our destiny. Going to heaven where God resides, where Jesus is, where angels are praising and worshipping.

Where there are no sorrows, no pains, no worries, no problems, no death and no Satan.

We must say, if I am alive, I will be with God and if I die, God will be with me. We are going to such a place of heavenly bliss so our focus must be on where we are going and where we are going is eternal.

We need to follow these six principles when we face storms in our lives. Remember, if you have Jesus as the captain of your life boat, then believe that He will calm the storm and will give you peace. So my dear friends, do not fear troubles. Do not waiver in your faith. Be bold and be strong for the Lord is with thee.

Do not fear the storm but face it boldness. To maintain your faith when situations are difficult, focus on Jesus’ power rather than on your inadequacies. Having Jesus on your side you can overcome any and every storm in your life.

With every storm in your life you will not be the same. After the storm you will be stronger. May God bless you all.

So be in a state of gratitude for everything that shows up in our lives. Be thankful for the storms as well as the smooth sailing….Amen

Let us pray:

Lord, we thank you for speaking to us this day. We thank you for the storms in our lives. We know Lord that the storms in our lives are not going to last forever. We trust in you O Lord believing that you will navigate us through the storms of life. And in situations when the oceans rise and thunders roar, you will enable us to soar above the storm and Be still and know you are the God who is in control of every situation. We entrust ourselves into your hands and under your mighty wings we take refuge. In Jesus’ name… Amen.

[tophealthtipsblog-blog]

Benefits of Taking a Mindfulness Course

 Maybe you feel like your life is heading in the wrong direction and they are nothing you can do to change it.  If you are experiencing these emotions you need to think about enrolling in a mindfulness training class. You will, therefore, learn how to enhance the awareness of your surrounding and control your emotions.  Here are the benefits of taking a mindfulness course.  

 You will enhance your concentration after taking a mindfulness training class.  Maybe you are the kind of person who leaves things incomplete. Such a person mind tends to wander off during interactions with other people. If you have been experiencing the poor concentration problem then you know it has a negative impact on your productivity.  You should consider taking a mindfulness training class to overcome this problem. You will, therefore, enhance your productivity by being able to focus on one thing until you finish.  Check out  mindfulness uddannelse or read what  mindfulness entails.

 If you are struggling with anxiety problem you should consider enrolling for a mindfulness training class. Maybe you are constantly worrying about things going wrong.  Such people are scared of trying new things due to the fear of fail. If you are not careful, you may develop anxiety disorder, which may result into other health problems.  For instance, you may start experiencing panic attacks. Therefore, you need to find the professional mindfulness instructor who will help you learn how to monitor your anxiety.  You will discover that some of your fears are irrational and you can stop worrying about them.  The professional mindfulness instructor will teach you how to stay calm even when things are not going according to your plans.  Thus, you should consider taking the mindfulness training class to overcome anxiety problems.

 To learn how you can become more grateful you should consider taking the mindfulness training course. Maybe you find yourself always thinking of the items that you desire to have. Therefore, you may find that you are purchasing items that you hope will make you happy.  You will find happiness when you decide to show gratitude to the things that you have and the people in your life. Once, you enhance your mindfulness you will discover that you do not need material things to be happy.  You will learn how to treat other people better, and you will have a happier life.  Hence, if you desire to learn how you can become more grateful, you should consider taking a mindfulness training class.    

 Thus, you should seek the help of the professional mindfulness training instructor to learn how to have a happy life. You will learn that despite your current circumstances you can still be satisfied. Continue reading more on this here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-schoeberlein/mindfulness-practice_b_2629114.html.

[andrewdburton]

How to build confidence and destroy fear

My mission at Get Rich Slowly is to help readers achieve personal and financial freedom. I want to help you master your money and your life.

Generally speaking, we focus almost exclusively on the financial side of the things. This week, I’m going to shift gears and share some of the things I’ve learned about overcoming fear, finding happiness, and achieving personal freedom. (Don’t worry. We’ll get back to the hard-core financial talk very soon.)

In December’s discussion of wealth habits, I talked about what T. Harv Eker calls “financial blueprints”. Actually, I talk about them all of the time. Understanding your money blueprint is a vital part of changing your relationship with money.

Our blueprints are created through lifelong exposure to money messages received from people around us, especially our family and friends, and from our country’s culture and mass media. Eker says the unfortunate truth is that most of us have faulty blueprints that prevent us from building wealth.

“When the subconscious mind must choose between deeply rooted emotions and logic, emotions will almost always win,” writes Eker.

He says that most of us are motivated by fear, especially when it comes to money. We don’t call it fear, though. We say we’re motivated by security. Eker notes — correctly — that fear and security are essentially two sides of the same coin. The tough truth is that money doesn’t dissolve fear.

Eker writes:

Fear is not just a problem, it’s a habit. Therefore, making more money will only change the kind of fear we have. When we were broke, we were most likely afraid we’d never make it or never have enough. Once we make it, however, our fear usually changes to “What if I lose what I’ve made?”

Like Eker, I’ve found that fear motivates a lot of people. Instead of making decisions based on goals and desired outcomes, most folks make fear-based decisions. As a result, they get less out of life than they’d hoped, less out of life then they might if they knew how to overcome their fears. (For more about this, see last week’s article about scarcity mindset versus abundance mindset.)

I’m not judging. I’ve been there. For years, I let fear rule my life. But over the past decade, I’ve learned how to quell many of my fears. Better still, I’ve learned how to act in spite of my fear. As a result, my life (financial and otherwise) has drastically improved.

Today, I want to teach you how to destroy fear and build confidence. To begin, let’s talk about death.

Note: Long-time readers have seen some of this material in other forms. This is my attempt to gather all of it into one place.

The Regrets of the Dying

Australian singer-songwriter Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for many years, spending time with men and women near death. As she worked with her patients, she listened to them describe their fear, anger, and remorse. She noticed recurring themes.

In 2009, Ware wrote about her experience in a blog post that went viral. She turned that article into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. When people die, she says, they often express one or more of the following sentiments:

“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” People (especially men) often find themselves trapped on what economists call the hedonic treadmill. They work to achieve material wealth and status, which should bring happiness but doesn’t. Instead, they want more. So, they work harder to achieve even greater wealth and status, which should bring happiness but doesn’t. And so on, in an endless cycle. People trapped on the hedonic treadmill are never happy because their reality never meets their ever-increasing expectations.

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” In order to keep the peace and avoid rejection, we sometimes bottle our emotions inside. But refusing to be open and honest leads to a life of quiet desperation. Sure, the barista at the coffeehouse might laugh if you ask her to dinner; but it’s also possible that dinner could lead to the love of a lifetime. On your deathbed, you’ll regret the things you didn’t say and do far more than the things you’ve done.

“I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.” In Aging Well, George Vaillant summarizes more than fifty years of Harvard research into adult development. “Successful aging [is] best achieved in relationship,” he writes. “It is not the bad things that happen to use that doom us; it is the good people who happen to us at any age that facilitate enjoyable old age.” In The Blue Zones, his book about populations of people that live longer than most, Dan Buettner writes that two secrets to a long and healthy life are making family a priority and finding the right “tribe”. At the end of their lives, people who failed to foster friendships regret it. (Here’s my summary of The Blue Zones.)

“I wish I’d let myself be happier.” Happiness is a choice. Your well-being doesn’t depend on the approval or opinion of others. Happiness comes from one place and one place only: You. This idea, which is well-documented in happiness research, is the key to personal and financial success. (On Thursday, we’ll explore this notion at great length.)

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.” Ware says this regret is most common of all. “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it,” she writes, “it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.” We spend too much time doing the things that others expect of us. (Or the things we think are expected of us.) But living for the approval of others is a trap. We can never hope to please everyone. In fact, it’s nearly impossible to please anyone – other than yourself.

These regrets share a common theme. In each case, the dying lament having spent too much time seeking outside approval instead of focusing on their own feelings, values, and relationships. This is true regardless of wealth and social status.

Ware isn’t a nurse and she’s not a scientist – her observations are based on experience, not empirical data – but from my reading over the past decade, her conclusions match the research into happiness and human development.

Money can’t buy happiness – at least not directly. Money is a powerful tool, it’s true. Abused, it brings sorrow and suffering. Used wisely, it opens doors, delivers dreams, and fosters joy. Although wealth is no guarantee of well-being, the more money you have, the easier it is to flourish.

But here’s the truth: You don’t want to be rich – you want to be happy.

On your deathbed, you want to have lived a life without regret. To do that, you need to face and defeat your fears. You need to find joy in day-to-day activities, and use that happiness as a platform to procure passion and purpose. You need to forge freedom, both personal and financial.

The Source of Fear

Our lives are filled with fear.

Some of our fears are physical. We’re afraid of spiders, snakes, and dogs. We’re afraid of heights, crowds, and enclosed spaces. We’re scared to jump out of airplanes (or even to fly in them), to go swimming, or to touch a drop of blood. We’re afraid we might be mugged.

Some of our fears are psychological. We’re afraid of failure, darkness, and being alone. We’re afraid of the future. We’re afraid of death. We’re frightened of being judged by others, and scared to ask someone for a date.

Some fears are rational. I, for instance, am scared of bears. This is a healthy, rational fear. Bears will eat you. When you ignore your fear of bears, you can up like Timothy Treadwell, the man profiled in the film Grizzly Man. (Sorry if that’s a spoiler for anyone.)

If you’re walking alone at night and a thug demands your money while holding a gun to your head, you’ll feel afraid and rightly so. This is a natural, rational fear.

These healthy fears have a biological basis, and are the product of millions of years of evolution. A fear of snakes (or bears) has helped the human race to survive. A fear of heights keeps you from spending too much time in places where you might fall to your death.

But sometimes rational fears can become irrational or excessive. It’s one thing to be nervous while walking on the edge of a crumbling cliff high above a river; it’s another to suffer a panic attack on the seventeenth floor of a well-constructed, glass-enclosed office building. (Or to worry about a bear attack in Paris!)

Still other fears are mostly (or completely) irrational, yet they’re very common. An estimated 75% of all people experience some degree of anxiety when speaking in public. I’m one of them. I’m aware of no biological basis to be afraid of giving a speech in front of 500 strangers, yet doing so makes most of us sweat and stammer.

Healthy, rational fears keep you alert and alive. Irrational fears and anxieties prevent you from enjoying everything life has to offer.

If It Bleeds, It Leads

If our lives are filled with fear, that may be due in part to the prevalence of internet, television, and radio. Our fears are fueled by the modern mass media, which makes money highlighting extreme and unusual events.

Here, for instance, is the front page from the 18 January 2014 on-line edition of USA Today:

Human trafficking! Attacks on Americans! Identity thieves! Remains of dead boy! Elsewhere on the front page, there are stories about extreme weather, a new truck that burst into flames, the background of a high-school gunman, a gay teacher forced to resign, and so on. And this is a normal, uneventful day.

If you pay attention to the news, you might think terrorist attacks are common, bicycles unsafe, and that it’s dangerous to let children play unattended in the yard. Yet statistically, terrorist attacks are exceedingly rare, riding a bike increases your life expectancy, and your children are safer outdoors than you were when you roamed the streets twenty or thirty years ago.

The events in the news are newsworthy only because they’re the exception, not the rule. They’re statistical outliers. Yet because we’re fed these stories daily, we think these things happen all of the time. As a result, we’re afraid to live normal lives.

I have a friend who’s reluctant to leave her home. Because she’s been assaulted in the past — an unfortunate event, but a statistically unlikely one — she lives in fear of being assaulted in the future. It’s true that by appearing in public, my friend runs the risk of being assaulted again. It’s far more likely, however, that doing things outside the house would bring her pleasure and fulfillment.

To some degree, each of us is like my friend — but not as extreme. We are all filled with fears, and these fears hold us back.

To live a richer, more fulfilling life — a life without regret — you must first overcome your fears. You can start by exposing yourself to new experiences, by interacting with your environment and allowing it to change you.

It all begins with the power of “yes”.

The Power of Yes

For a long time, I was afraid to try new things, to meet new people, to do anything that might lead to failure. These fears confined me to a narrow comfort zone. I spent most of my time at home, reading books or playing videogames. When opportunities came to try new things, I usually ignored them. I made excuses. I wasn’t happy, but I was complacent. I was safe.

Then I read a book called Impro by Keith Johnstone. It changed my life. (Fun trivia: Here’s where I learned about the book.)

Impro is a book about stage-acting, about improvisational theater, the kind of stuff you used to see on the TV show Whose Line Is It Anyway? I’m not an actor, nor do I want to become one, but several of the techniques described in the book were applicable to my everyday life.

In one section, for example, the author explains that in order for a scene to flow, an actor has to take whatever situation arises and work with it. She needs to accept and build upon the actions of her fellow actors.

Once you learn to accept offers, then accidents can no longer interrupt the action. […] This attitude makes for something really amazing in the theater. The actor who will accept anything that happens seems supernatural; it’s the most marvelous thing about improvisation: you are suddenly in contact with people who are unbounded, whose imagination seems to function without limit.

I thought about this passage for days. “What if I did this in real life?” I wondered. “What if I accepted offers and stopped blocking them?” I began to note the things I blocked and accepted. To my surprise, I blocked things constantly – I made excuses to not do things because I was afraid of what might happen if I accepted.

When online acquaintances asked to meet for lunch. I’d refuse. I was scared they might think I was fat or stupid. (Or that they might be an axe murderer!)

When a local television station asked me to appear on their morning show as a financial expert, I was afraid of looking like a fool, so I refused.

When a friend wanted me to join him to watch live music at a local pub, I declined. I’d never been in a bar (yes, I’d led a sheltered life) and was nervous about what might happen.

When another friend asked me to bike with him from Portland to the Oregon Coast, I said no. It was a long way. It seemed difficult and dangerous.

These are only a handful of examples. In reality, I blocked things every day. I refused to try new foods. I didn’t like to go new places. And I didn’t want to try new things. Or, more precisely, I wanted to do all of this, but was afraid to try. My default response was to find reasons something couldn’t be done instead of ways to make them happen. Because I focused more on possible negative outcomes than potential rewards, I avoided taking even tiny risks.

After reading Impro, I made a resolution. Instead of saying “no” to the things that scared me, I’d say “yes” instead.

Whenever somebody asked me to do something, I agreed (as long as it wasn’t illegal and didn’t violate my personal code of conduct). I put this new philosophy into practice in lots of ways, both big and small.

When people asked me to lunch, I said yes.

When people contacted me to make media appearances or do public speaking gigs, I said yes.

When friends asked me to go see their favorite bands or to spend the evening chatting at a bar, I said yes.

As a result of my campaign to “just say yes”, I’ve met hundreds of interesting people and done lots of amazing things. I’ve eaten guinea pig in Perú and grubs in Zimbabwe. I’ve climbed mountains in Bolivia and snorkeled in Ecuador. I’ve learned to love both coffee and beer, two beverages I thought I hated. I’ve learned to ride a motorcycle. I’ve shot a gun. I’ve gone skydiving and bungie-jumping. I published a book. I sold my website (and bought it back again!). I wrote a monthly column in a major magazine.

These things might seem minor to natural extroverts, but I’m not a natural extrovert. I’m an introvert. These were big steps for me. These experiences were new and scary, and I wouldn’t have had them if I hadn’t forced myself to say yes.

In recent years, I’ve come to look at saying “yes” like playing the lottery. Every time I do something new, there’s a chance I’ll win big. Let me explain.

The Lottery of Life

My work nowadays involves meeting and chatting with folks from all walks of life. They email me to say, “Want to have lunch?” and I say, “Of course!” We talk about podcasts or travel or bicycling or comic books. Whatever strikes our fancy. When we’ve finished our tea or Thai noodles, nothing seems to have happened — not on the outside, anyhow.

What’s happened, though, is that we’ve both received lottery tickets. By meeting and chatting and sharing ideas, we’ve been given tickets in the lottery of life.

I also get a ticket whenever I try something new. (Because I now try new things all of the time, I’m accumulating a lot of lottery tickets.)

I get tickets when I say “yes” to things that are scary or difficult too. When I spoke at World Domination Summit in 2012 — something that scared the hell out of me! — I got a lottery ticket. When I flew to Ecuador to talk with people about Financial Independence, I got a lottery ticket. When I introduce myself to strangers or “important people”, I get a lottery ticket.

But note that these tickets are rarely handed to me. To get them, I have to take risks. I have to move outside my comfort zone. As much as I enjoy sitting on the couch in the evening watching Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Kim, neither one of us receives a lottery ticket for doing so. To get tickets, we have to do things.

The prizes in life’s lottery are many and varied.

When I learned Spanish, for instance, I received a winning lottery ticket that has paid off in all sorts of ways. I made new friends (my tutor, my English student), traveled to new places (Perú, Bolivia, Argentina, Chile, Ecuador), read new authors, tried new food, watched new movies, and so much more.

When I was in Quito a couple of years ago, I rode the teleférico, the cable-car that carries visitors 4000 feet up the side of a nearby volcano. During the fifteen-minute ride, I chatted with two couples that spoke only Spanish. If I hadn’t learned Spanish, I couldn’t have understood them, much less conversed. But because I do speak Spanish, I enjoyed a pleasant chat about one couple’s life in Venezuela and the other couple’s life in Quito. Plus I garnered a restaurant recommendation for later that evening. Yet another small prize I won simply because I took the time to learn another language.

That’s an example of receiving a small payoff from the lottery of life. Sometimes, however, you hit the jackpot.

In 2008, I received an email from a blog reader. He’d be in Portland the following week and wanted to know if I had time to meet for lunch. “Sure,” I said. “Let’s do it.” I met the reader and his wife at a local Thai restaurant. We had a great conversation. I was impressed by his story and his drive. I gave him blogging tips. He told me stories about traveling the world. His wife showed me how to stretch my injured hamstring.

Over the next year, my new friend shared a couple of guest posts at Get Rich Slowly. He stayed at my house one night when he got stranded in Portland.

Eventually, this guy — whose name was Chris Guillebeau — moved to Portland. Our friendship grew. In 2010, I joined Chris for a train ride from Chicago to Portland. On that trip, he shared a crazy idea. “I want to create a conference and hold it in Portland. I want you to be on the planning team,” he said. For the next three years, I helped to organize the World Domination Summit, which grew into a grand party for 3000 people.

Saying “yes” to lunch with one stranger had a ripple effect that continues to spread throughout my entire life. Because of that one action, I’ve met hundreds of incredible people, some of whom have become close friends. I’ve traveled to Norway. I’ve spoken on stage before one thousand people. Chris and I collaborated to create the Get Rich Slowly course. (And the payoff continues: I’ll be presenting a three-hour workshop on Financial Freedom at this July’s edition of WDS.)

Not every meeting or experience pays off so handsomely, of course. In fact, some are disasters! But most provide some sort of reward, and sometimes those rewards are enormous. Prize-winning tickets are so common and fruitful, in fact, that I’ve almost become addicted to playing the lottery of life. I relish making new acquaintances, going new places, and trying new things.

I used to think I was unlucky. Good things happened to other people, never to me. Everyone else had more fun than I did. Now, eight years since learning to say “yes” to life, I know the truth. Success breeds success. When you do something well, you open doors to new opportunities. When you fail to act, doors remain closed.

Wishing won’t make you happy or wealthy, and good things don’t just happen. Luck is no accident. Luck isn’t magic and it’s not a gift from the gods. You make your own luck.

Luck Is No Accident

What we think of as “luck” has almost nothing to with randomness and almost everything to do with attitude. According to psychologist Richard Wiseman, only about ten percent of life is truly random; the remaining ninety percent is defined by the way we think. Wiseman says we have more control over our lives — and our luck — than we realize.

John Krumboltz and Al Levin, the authors of Luck is No Accident, agree. In that book, they write:

You have control over your own actions and how you think about the events that impact your life. None of us can control the outcomes, but your actions can increase the probability that desired outcomes will occur. There are no guarantees in life. The only guarantee is that doing nothing will get you nowhere.

This has certainly been true in my own life. When I sat at home, afraid to do things and meet people, I was “unlucky”. Once I took action, my fortunes changed.

Wiseman says that “lucky” people share four attributes:

Lucky people make the most of opportunity. This is more than just being in the right place at the right time. Lucky people must be aware when an opportunity presents itself, and they must have the courage to seize it.

Lucky people listen to their hunches. They heed their gut instincts.

Lucky people expect good fortune. They’re optimistic. They think win-win. They make positive choices that benefit themselves and others. They tend to assume the best.

Lucky people turn bad luck into good. They fail forward, learning from their mistakes and finding the silver lining in every cloud. There’s a Spanish saying, “No hay mal que por bien no venga,” which can be roughly translated as, “There is no bad from which good could not come.” Lucky people believe this.

In Impro, Keith Johnstone writes:

People with dull lives often think their lives are dull by chance. In reality, everyone chooses more or less what kind of events happen to them by their conscious patterns of blocking or yielding.

This, my friends, is truth — perhaps the fundamental truth.

Our attitudes produce our luck. Choice is the backbone of life and meaning. This theme will appear repeatedly at Money Boss, and not just when discussing luck and fear.

At the heart of happiness is choice. We make meaning in our lives through our choices. At its core, freedom is about the ability to choose. And our financial states — for good or ill — are largely defined by choice.

Everyone chooses more or less what kind of events happen to them. Learn this quote. Learn to love it. Because you already live it, whether you know it or not.

Allow me to pause for a moment to acknowledge that yes, some people enjoy better circumstances than others. Systemic poverty is a genuine problem. It’s a barrier that some people have to overcome in order to achieve success. And yes, shit happens. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow. To me, these things are obvious and should go without saying. Yet, if I don’t explicitly mention them, I’ll get nasty comments and email.

Action Cures Fear

Saying “yes” is the first step to fighting fear and living a life without regret. But saying “yes” isn’t enough by itself. To cure fear, you must also take action.

Cody is a personal trainer in Portland, Oregon. He coaches athletes to lift more and run farther than they believe they’re able. Cody says one key to achieving peak performance is acting in spite of fear.

When lifting weights, for instance, many athletes — especially novices — become intimidated. They may be physically capable of living a given weight (and may have even lifted that very weight in the past), but they’re afraid to do so; they think about what might happen if they drop the bar. Others might imagine the pain and suffering that comes from running a marathon, the long hours of work ahead, and allow those thoughts to stop them from attempting the race.

Cody says that successful athletes overcome their fear by turning off their brains and taking action. Instead of waiting for the moment when fear subsides — a moment that might never come if she keeps thinking about it — the veteran forces herself not to think about what she’s doing. She simply does it. She lifts the weight or scales the wall or dives into the pool. She keeps running and doesn’t think about the distance that remains.

    At the start of the classic science-fiction novel Dune, our young hero is put to a painful test. To calm himself and focus his mind, he recites this litany against fear:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

If fear is the mind-killer, then action is the fear-killer. To overcome fear, you must reach a point where you’re no longer thinking — only acting. Thought creates fear; action cures it.

Cody’s insight isn’t new. Motivational speaker Brian Tracy has said, “If you want to develop courage, then simply act courageously when it’s called for. If you do something over and over again, you develop a habit. Some people develop the habit of courage. Some people develop the habit of non-courage.” (Tracy’s famous advice for doing what you fear? Eat that frog!)

In The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz writes, “Action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fertilize fear…When we face tough problems, we stay mired in the mud until we take action. Hope is a start. But hope needs action to win victories.”

Schwartz advocates a two-step plan to build confidence and destroy fear:

Isolate your fear. Determine exactly what it is that scares you.

Take action. Figure out what action will counter your fear, and then do it.

“Hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear,” Shwartz writes. “Take action promptly. Be decisive.”

Often what we’re actually afraid of is the unknown. We like certainty, and choosing to do something with an uncertain outcome makes us nervous. That initial step into the unknown can be scary. But after the first, each subsequent step becomes easier and easier. When you act, you remove the mystery.

For years, I was frightened to speak in front of crowds. I avoided it. And when I agreed to speak, I put off preparation until the last possible moment. But when I began to say “yes” to offers and opportunities, I had to learn to speak in front of crowds. At first, I didn’t like it. But over time a funny thing happened. The more talks I gave, the better I got — and the more I enjoyed it. I’m still not great at it, but my fear fades a little more each time I step on stage. Action is curing my fear.

Action Creates Motivation

At home, Kim wakes at five o’clock to get ready for work. Most days, I just lie there. “I don’t need to get up,” I think. “I’ve nowhere to go.”

But I’ve learned that if I don’t get up, I regret it. If I stay in bed, I don’t make it to the gym. I miss work deadlines. I have less time to do the fun stuff, like hiking, and reading, and riding my motorcycle.

So, I get out of bed. I get dressed. As unappealing as it sounds, I go outside for a walk or a run — even when it’s raining (as is frequently the case back in Portland). The first few minutes suck. I’m tempted to turn around and return to my cozy bedroom. Before long, however, I find I’m actually enjoying myself. I return home invigorated, eager to get things done.

photo by Antony Mayfield

If I were to wait for motivation, I’d sleep all day. By forcing myself to take action, I find the motivation that was missing before.

Feeling Good is a popular self-help manual by David Burns. The book helped a younger me through an extended bout of depression. Part of the solution was to overcome my chronic procrastination, procrastination brought about by fear. In Feeling Good, Burns describes the problem.

Individuals who procrastinate frequently confuse motivation and action. You foolishly wait until you feel in the mood to do something. Since you don’t feel like doing it, you automatically put it off. Your error is your belief that motivation comes first, and then leads to action and success. But it is usually the other way around; action must come first, and the motivation comes later.

You see, action primes the pump. It creates momentum. It instills confidence.

Another way to boost confidence is careful preparation. Anxiety is largely self-doubt and insecurity — an underlying belief that you cannot handle whatever is before you. Anxiety often causes fear and procrastination. Because of this, preparation plays a key role in mitigating fear.

When you prepare — to speak to a crowd, to hike through a bear-infested forest — you decrease your doubt. You can’t eliminate the possibility of failure, but you can drastically reduce the odds. You rehearse possible situations. You practice the required actions. You allow your imagination to explore (and cope with) worst-case scenarios. Preparation helps you to do your best.

And that’s the important thing: If you always do your best and you do what’s right, then you needn’t fear the results. Sure, bad things will happen sometimes. But if you’ve done well and done what’s right, the negative outcome isn’t your fault — it’s just how things are. If you’re unprepared, however, you must own the negative results.

When we’re prepared, we feel competent. When we feel competent, we feel confident. When we’re confident, our fear fades into the background.

Action Is Character

A decade ago, I was full of hot air. And I was lazy. And depressed. This wasn’t a good combination for getting things done. I talked a lot about the things I wanted to do, but I never did them. I found reasons not to. I even had trouble keeping up my end of the household chores, which frustrated my wife.

I was a Talker.

Maybe you know somebody who’s like this. A Talker seems to know the solution to everything, has great plans for how she’s going to make money or get a new job. She can tell you what others are doing wrong and how she could do it better. But the funny thing is, a Talker never acts on her solutions and her great plans. She never gets that new job. She’s out of work or stuck in a job she hates.

To everyone else, it’s clear that the Talker is full of hot air, but he believes he’s bluffing everyone along — or worse (as was my case) isn’t even aware that he never follows through on his boasts and promises. Sometimes a Talker conflates talking with doing. When confronted, a Talker has excuses for not getting things done: He doesn’t have time, he doesn’t have the skills, the odds are stacked against him. When a Talker does do something, he often takes a shortcut.

That, my friends, is the man I used to be.

Something changed in the autumn of 2005. I began to read a lot of books. Not just personal finance books, but self-help books and success manuals of all sorts. As I read the books, I discussed them with my cousin, Nick. During our conversations, I’d sometimes lament that X was a priority in my life — where X might be exercise or getting out of debt or reading more books — but that I never had time for it. Instead, I “had to do” a bunch of other stuff instead.

“Well, then X isn’t actually a priority,” Nick would say, which made me angry. I’d argue, but Nick would point out that the things we actually do are the priorities in our life. What we say doesn’t matter; it’s what we do that counts.

It took me a long time to learn this lesson, but eventually I began to align my life with my stated priorities. Instead of just talking about doing things, I did them. I stopped looking for shortcuts and started doing the work required to get things done. Unsurprisingly, this worked. When I did things instead of talking about them, I got better results.

Today, I am a Doer.

In his notes on The Last Tycoon, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Action is character.” Fitzgerald meant that what a fictional character defines who that character is. Superman is a superhero because he does heroic things, not because he talks about doing them.

The same is true in real life: You are defined by the things you do — not by the things you think or say. If you never did anything, you wouldn’t be anybody.

We Are What We Repeatedly Do

We are what we repeatedly do — not what we once did, and not what we did only once.

One mistake does not define you, nor does a single act of kindness. These events may provide glimpses of a potential you, but who you really are is revealed by what you do on a daily basis.

You can say that health is important to you, but if you don’t eat and act healthfully, it’s just not so.

Thinking about writing doesn’t make you a writer; writing makes you a writer. If you’re not writing, you’re not a writer.

You can say your life’s too busy and you want to slow down, but so long as you keep scheduling things, you’re showing that you value your busy-ness more than the downtime.

I’ve self-identified as fit for almost seven years. For most of that time, I have been fit. I’ve eaten well and exercised often. But during the past couple of years, my attention has been focused elsewhere. My priorities have shifted. During my RV trip across the U.S., I allowed my diet and exercise regimen to slip until today they’re average at best. I can see it in my body and feel it in my mind.

Talking about fitness and having been fit in the past won’t make me fit today. To be fit, I have to do the work to become (and remain) fit. Fitness will return when I choose to eat right and exercise once again. Not just once, but every day.

If you don’t like who you are, choose to be somebody new.

We are what we repeatedly do.

Note: This quote — “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit” — is frequently attributed to the philosopher Aristotle. However, Aristotle never wrote this. Instead, the quote is Will Durant’s summary of Aristotle’s philosophy.

Summing Up

Whew! That’s a lot of information. Let’s summarize what we’ve learned today.

On their deathbeds, people generally regret the things they did not do rather than the things they did. They also regret having spent so much time seeking outside approval instead of focusing on their own feelings, values, and relationships. In short, dying people regret having been afraid.

Some fears are physical. Others are psychological. Some fears are rational. Many are not. Healthy, rational fears keep you alert and alive. Irrational fears and anxieties prevent you from enjoying everything life has to offer. In part, our irrational fears are fueled by the mass media. We’re bombarded by news of the exceptional and the unusual, so that we come to believe life is more dangerous than it actually is.

A mighty weapon in the war against fear is the power of yes. By teaching yourself to accept opportunities in life, you can gradually overcome your irrational fears. You can teach yourself to become bold, to try new things, to meet new people, and to enjoy a more rewarding existence.

This is one of the secrets of lucky people. What we think of as “luck” has almost nothing to do with randomness and everything to do with attitude. Everyone chooses more or less what kind of events happen to them. You make your own luck.

It can help to imagine that life is like a lottery. Any time you do something — especially something new — there’s a chance that your life will be vastly improved in the long run. When you say yes, you’re given a lottery ticket. Often that ticket won’t pay off. But sometimes you’ll hit the jackpot.

Saying yes isn’t enough by itself. To cure fear, you must take action. Action boosts confidence. So does preparation. When we’re prepared, we feel competent. When we feel competent, we feel confident. When we’re confident, fear fades into the background.

If you always do your best and you do what’s right, then you needn’t fear the results. Sure, bad things will sometimes happen. But if you’ve done well and done what’s right, the negative outcome isn’t your fault — it’s just how things are. If you’re unprepared, however, you must own the negative consequences.

The bottom line? Action is character. You are defined by the things you do — not by the things you think or say. You are what you repeatedly do. If you don’t like who you are, you must choose to be somebody new.

What have action and fear to do with personal and financial independence? Everything!

The first step toward freedom of any sort is facing and fighting your fears. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” Eleanor Roosevelt once said. “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

From these humble beginnings, you can progress to greater things.

Next, we’ll explore personal well-being. We’ll talk about what happiness is, how it’s achieved, and what you can do to maximize happiness in your life. Because happiness too is an important part of achieving personal and financial freedom.

The post How to build confidence and destroy fear appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/building-confidence/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[growing420]

Repersonalization – The Way Out of Anxiety Fluxed Depersonalization

Smoking marijuana usually leads to an increased sense of well-being, a desire to socialize, and a need to eat out fridges. However, this is not the only finish line out there. Despite being rarely discussed or acknowledged, panic reactions and subjective, lasting shifts in perception can surprise a vulnerable victim. Generally, one refers to such an awry turn of events as depersonalization/derealization, which are glitches in one’s perception of themselves and the environment respectively. However, these debilitating adverse effects are not limited to cannabis use, but can happen with almost any hallucinogen or in any situation that aggravates the right set of emotions. As for prevalence, those with latent anxiety, depressive disorders, or repressed, pent-up emotions are at highest risk. Because psychedelics, including weed, are non-specific amplifiers of the inner state, those with negative emotions tearing them up on the inside will tend to have a tough time handling events upon the drug’s onset.

Upon onset, these emotions surface, so becoming more evident and harder to dodge than in the sober state. This eruption of emotions catalyzes the process of analysis and resolution (psycholytic therapy takes advantage of this), but for the unprepared individual who is just looking for a good time these can become overwhelming and frightening. Because you are confronted with an uncomfortable perception and seemingly alien and peculiar thoughts and sensations, it becomes too much to handle at once, and so you start panicking while trying to get a firm grab on all the racing thoughts inherent to anxiety attacks. The shock generated during this violent emotional upheaval imprints the experience into your memory, and by constantly contemplating it and fixating on the experience you enter a loop of agony that is difficult to break – this is why depersonalization can persist for much longer than the effects of the trigger drug itself. Feeling like going insane or losing control are the words that many choose to describe this lurid state of mind. However convincing the symptoms may be, do not be inclined to believe that psychosis is knocking on the door, because it isn’t. All of what you are feeling can be summed up into one word – anxiety.

Depersonalization, rather than being a malady on its own, is just a symptom of intense anxiety. Once anxiety reaches a certain point, your brain dissociates your senses in order to protect itself from an information overload. Therefore, in order to get rid of your depersonalization you will need to address the anxiety propelling it, and you can accomplish this by developing an effective and sturdy defense mechanism. Depersonalization is not permanent, for anything in life rarely is, but it takes some time to fully overcome it. By implementing some of the upcoming techniques into your daily life, the time of your complete recovery will drop significantly and you will learn to be in complete control of your emotions, so rendering any future anxiety threats innocuous and the return of depersonalization impossible:

1. Exercise and distract yourself – probably the most universal panacea out there. Not only does regular physical activity yield a healthy body, but a happy mind too. Many neurotransmitters, as well as factors promoting the growth of new neurons, uplifting to the mood are released during exercise. These include serotonin and endorphins as well as brain-derived neurotrophic factors. In addition, exercise helps you to break away from the agonizing loop of obsessive thoughts about your current well-being. By having to pay attention to where you are stepping, in case of running, your focus shifts away from the ominous content of your mind towards something more enjoyable. In this way, you are erasing the emotional imprint sustaining your anxieties. This process resembles conditioning; the process which Pavlov used on his dogs to make them salivate whenever he rang a bell. Just like Pavlov’s dogs, your anxiety becomes intensified in the presence of certain stimuli, which can be anything from a thought of having future panic attacks to the smell of cannabis. By avoiding or defeating these triggers, your anxiety fails to be invigorated. Because the conditioning becomes weaker in the absence of the stimuli, the longer you manage to resist/dodge your anxiety triggers the more time you are giving your mind to reset and return to a calmer state. Recovery is, essentially, all about maintaining a cool head for the longest time possible; therefore, distractions are quite helpful.

2. Exposure therapy – probably the most important step to recovery. A better alternative to avoiding triggers is desensitizing or reversing your response towards them. This approach is more rewarding in the long run because it grants you more freedom – instead of avoiding triggers, which can be inconvenient and interfere with one’s daily life, you face them and confront them. One must begin with analyzing the sources of anxiety; you have to find out what your specific triggers are. This can again be anything from engaging socially to having irrational thoughts. Once you pinpoint the irritant, gradually begin exposure. What the exposure to gradually increasing in intensity stimulus does is give you opportunity to reach a level of fear where you are still able to think and rationally explain the situation to yourself. In this manner, you overcome the irrational nature of anxiety because you come to realize that the core fear is absurd or slipping logic.

3. Consider supplementation – vitamin deficiencies or mineral imbalances can often cause more distress than one would even think is possible. Water soluble vitamins such as C and B are most vulnerable to depletion, so make sure there are plenty of these in your diet. Furthermore, there are many supplements and herbal remedies devised to mitigate anxiety, which are not the cure themselves, but can serve as catalysts in the process of recovery and provide temporary relief.

4. You are what you eat – eating excess sugars can have an impact on your mood. Sugar acts on the endogenous opioid centers; therefore, excess intake may prove to be quite habit forming and mood-destabilizing. Furthermore, it tends to cloud one’s mind and may increase the unpleasant sensations of stimulation intrinsic to anxiety. Replacing soft drinks with water may, therefore, prove useful.

5. Meditation – gives your mind a rest. Meditation is a good way to curb your anxiety and to enter an analytical state of mind, which might prove useful in understanding and localizing your sources of anxiety. Additionally, this practice can bring visible neurological changes to your brain; specifically, the cerebral cortex (region associated with many higher cognitive operations) thickens.

This recipe will enable you to fully overcome depersonalization. In complement to the above presented information, two of the main ingredients for recovery are time and patience. In order for your defense mechanism to become proficient enough to rid you of all anxiety you will need to become familiar with the sources of your anxiety as well as with the different forms it can take, which requires you to spend a little time in this state, for you cannot fight an enemy without knowing anything about it. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill out there that will take all this horror away after a single administration, so reducing recovery time is the best you can do. Do not lose hope or think of this time as a lost fragment of life because the process of recovery will teach you a lot and prepare you for any future stress, so making the rest of your life much more enjoyable as well as malleable. Do not be afraid to experiment with various anxiety-combating techniques because you never know which one will suit you the best.

The above presented techniques are only few of the many, so feel free to research them further and find those that fit you best. For the sake of your prognosis, do not be afraid of depersonalization being permanent because it will pass in couple of weeks or months at most. In the meantime, try to appreciate the new perspective and make the best out of the moment no matter how depressing it may seem. A positive outlook can be of great help, so do not underestimate the placebo effect. Believing in recovery will take you a long way.

Source by Patrick Andersen

from 420 Growing News http://www.growing420.net/2017/06/11/medical-marijuana-24/