HTTYD 2 is ten years old today, it was my first exposure to the franchise and despite its many glaring flaws i can't help but love it and hold it so close to my heart.
This scene is a great example of why.
I love it so much. It's a heart-wrenchingly beautiful reminder that as good as he is, Hiccup is not some perfect hero. He is still just a person, a flawed human being who has cracked under the pressure of his circumstances and is barely given time to grieve his fathers' death.
(I adore scenes like this — It humanizes characters so much more, and just adds to that layer of perceived realism.)
And you can see the regret on his face as soon as he says it. But in that moment he doesn't do anything about it; he's still processing Stoick's death, and he only snaps out of it when he sees Toothless is under the Bewilderbeast's control again and Valka has to hold him back from attempting to go after him.
What he said and did to Toothless there was a momentary lapse in judgment fueled by grief. And later, as he breaks Toothless out of the Alpha's control, you can see he feels terrible about it. About how, even if it was brief, he pushed away his best friend. And he loves Toothless so much.
The way he talks to him literally breaks me every time I rewatch it.
"It wasn't your fault, you'd never hurt him, you'd never hurt me."
"Please, you... are my best friend, bud. My best friend."
And when Toothless comes back he just looks so elated to see Hiccup.
Though, Something that's even crazier to me is the fact all this takes place over less than a week. Once he gets toothless back and Drago is defeated, he is immediately made chief. And with the state berk is in, he is given presumably no time to properly mourn Stoick, or to fully adjust to the presence of his mother.
(though I feel his and Valka's relationship will never be what it could've been. He knows she chose not to come back, and that is a blow to their newly formed and fragile bond that, as much as they love each other, is not something she can ever fully make up for.)
But at least through everything, since the beginning, the one real constant he's had has been Toothless.
They're friendship was built off a mutual feeling of out-of-placeness, then unconditional trust and unwavering loyalty.
they love each other so much it makes me wanna throw up
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina
{☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader
{☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort
{☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
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Bleach’s Issue with Queer characters (3/3)
So then there’s Giselle (and to a less canon extent Shutara) who I think Kubo erroneously categorizes as similar to both eachother and to the above gay men stereotypes. And I think understanding Kubo’s approach to Giselle hinges on what he set up (but didn’t follow through on) with Shutara.
I’ve mentioned before, but I’m pretty certain think Shutara Senjumaru is meant to be a kabuki onnagata*. Not in-world, mind you; I don’t think she is somehow employed as an actor in a literal kabuki theater. (i would hope that was obvious, but one can never be too sure...) Just like Tier Harribel isn’t literally a light skinned, dark haired person doing gyaru/ganguro fashion, her presumably naturally tan skin and blonde hair is based on the general aesthetic. Shutara likewise is channeling distinct look and feel that draws from a mix of oiran, geisha, and kabuki aesthetics. (granted all three are closely related in influencing one another’s aesthetics in the first place)
But while the look and even the demeanor tend to play all three ways, I think the particular fixation on clothes, costuming, and the somewhat adjacent theme of “disguise” that Kubo has shown to put emphasis on in this kinds of situations, as well as the fact that he gave her a distinctly masculine name, Senjuumaru, point to her being some form of queer, albeit something Kubo seems to pretty clearly lack the understanding to better articulate himself. Is she a trans woman? Gender fluid? A male identifying transvestite? There’s not enough real material for us to draw that particular line, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to conclude that she’s not a cis woman.
*Kabuki is traditionally an all-male theater form, and “onnagata” refers to actors who specialize in playing women roles. Generally all actors train in the delineated masculine and feminine styles, but an actor’s career sticks to just one or the other...
...There is a whole big thing about how cultural institutions like kabuki and takarazuka theaters’ creation of socially acceptable and even celebrated, public and professional genderqueer spaces creates a myriad of gender dynamics that just don’t exist in the West, and it’s something that has made the attempt to adopt a globalized understanding of queer identity a little trickier in Japan:
In the West the gender binary was rigidly enforced such that to explore alternatives was basically uncharted territory (that’s an oversimplification, but you know what I mean; There’s a lack of contiguity with those who came before) but with japan there were already nonbinary spaces in place, and the lines around those don’t neatly line up with the ethnocentric western ideas some people try to pigeonhole those into. In general, it gets dangerously close to just flat up colonizer rhetoric.
(forgive the outdated reference image, but honestly I don’t know what even counts as a recognizable example of a “““trap”” character these days. And I use that term with GREAT reluctance, but I want to differentiate the exploitative cliche usage of a trans caricature from any actual representational trans character.)
Anyway... That all just leaves Giselle. And let’s be real, there’s no excuse for this one. Maybe that seems like a weird anticlimactic place to take this series of posts... like, after all this, maybe it feels like I should’ve had some equally obtuse logic to explain this one away as a matter of escalation or as a Rule of Threes. But no, not really. I just think it’s a little unreasonable to treat the massive screwup that was Giselle’s portrayal as part of some sort of bigger ongoing trend, when it’s really more of an unrelated outlier in a bigger umbrella subject.
She is in fact a bad case of the long standing anime/manga fetishization of transwomen as a concept, as a spectacle to be gawked at and made the butt of jokes or to be included specifically as an anomaly. And in Giselle’s case her specific depiction as a depraved, physically/sexually abusive villain on top of that is an explicitly toxic combination.
In spite of that, I still don’t think Kubo actually meant for it to reflect poorly (not that that matters or diminishes its harmfulness) I think he genuinely just has no real grasp of what that kind of characterization means. I say that largely because of the way he treats a lot of her role in the plot. Not that she’s integral to moving it forward, but that she occupies space and survives in the plot as long as she does, even when she could've been conveniently (and frankly more neatly) written out;
He seems to like drawing her and gives her a range of expressions and gestures (something he doesn't afford all his characters, even some of his major ones)
He likes to expand on her powers and gimmicks beyond what was necessary if he'd been aiming for minimum effort
He even paired her off against his personal favorite character, Mayuri.
Point being, Kubo seems to personally like Giselle as a character, but he took a horrible insensitive and ignorant path in writing her character.
But an undeniable fact is, she’s not alone as this kind of villain, she’s just the only one that happens to be trans.* Mayuri himself, Aaroniero, Szayelaporro, Zomarri (just a little bit), Tousen (at the very end), Tsukishima, As Nodt, Gremmy (a little), and Askin all to some degree dip into this shtick Kubo does where his villains aren’t just sadistic but ecstatically so, to the point of intoxicated, gleeful derangement. Yet in spite of that, those characters are all usually meant to be “cool,” not detestable.
Remember, Mayuri was initially written as, hands down, the most despicable characters in Bleach —he was abusive and sadistic, misogynistic, actually physically grotesque, predatory, dishonorable sneaky & underhanded, complicit in a genocide, just in general a clearly communicated mad scientist villain, and he was all of this in direct and deliberate contrast to Uryuu’s chivalrous personality type(already established in his defending Orihime from Jiroubou) as well as Nemu’s noble stoic subservient victimhood— and yet he’s also Kubo’s favorite character in the series. Kubo doesn’t actually write Giselle any particularly worse than the others, BUT he also doesn’t disassociate her being trans from her being villainous, and again, even incidentally, that manages to perpetuate a harmful narrative in the overall.
*(Actually, I’ve kinda touched on it before but I sort of suspect Mayuri could be trans, in which case; OOPS, that makes two, and that doesn’t make it better....)
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Obviously a complicated subject to navigate but the theme of "a person's worth" in the canto is a very interesting adaptation of the book and I'm enjoying it very much.
Heathcliff's attitude towards and understanding of his own upbringing shapes how he acts with the second generation- it's a sort of experiment for him, as he sometimes likes describing it in scientific terms. Talking about the boys with Nelly he draws this distinction between Hareton and lil Linton, that Hareton is an incredibly smart child and very aware of his own situation and degradation- especially as he meets other people his age, namely the younger Cathy, for whom he quickly develops feelings for, and love becomes yet another thing he cannot be allowed to participate in.
While in game it's someone else who ends up saying these lines, what they're actually referring to + what they represent in the book is actually shown through Hindley, the degradation, relegation to servant and denial of education as well as the condemnation that to Hindley is the most cruel and most important: losing the worth "necessary" to be loved.
In the end book!Hindley's efforts go through in making Heathcliff a horrible person just like him, though neither his nor game!Hindley's plan ever manages to actually deprive Heathcliff of his sister's love (though they certainly work in making him believe that!), but book!Hindley's plans are further defied by Heathcliff becoming rich and educated, and book!Heathcliff's plans go off the rails even further as Hareton is not only smart, but also manages to become a legitimately good person- which is where I think it's very clear how game!Hindley is inspired by Heathcliff's book self. This line describes game!Hindley's behavior towards Heathcliff and Catherine just as much as it describes book!Heathcliff's towards Hareton and young Cathy.
But in the end the point is there's this awareness of being hurting and turning a person into something they're not, something worse.
I think it's also very important to note those first rate qualities he talks about are very heavily referencing Hareton's ability to learn. While Heathcliff doesn't talk about this when referring to himself by this point it's obvious his own learning abilities are something he's quite proud of, all through the book he's adapting and changing to what he's faced with (from his first appearance as a child, where he doesn't even speak the same language as the family, but learns soon after, to his final plan for his own burial) and by comparing himself to Hareton he's recognizing those same qualities in him. And I feel like with what we've seen of game!Heathcliff ever since the first chapter, and what we see of him in the different identities and mirror worlds, this is gonna be quite important in part 3- all the abuse has never deprived him of his ability to improve, to learn new things, to trust in new people, just as it's never deprived him of the love he no longer feels worthy of. So! Hope we'll get to see you realize that soon, Heathcliff!!!
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Play the Song: Part 1: Meet the Flash
Task Force 141 needs a new sniper and despite their complaints, they're assigned Flash, a joke-making, ABBA-listening, 20-year-old sharpshooter with better aim than the whole team combined. In other words, Ghost is practically handed the love of his life but he needs time to adjust because she's a firecracker.
Warnings/Tags: Age gap (20/30-32), gore, descriptions of injury/blood/wounds, swearing, weapons, literally only fluff and banter, minimal angst, soft baby girl Ghost, asshole Soap, lighthearted, I can fix him he just needs a hug, warning for an excessively bad taste in music, slow burn, protective ghost, family dynamic, big brother soap has an attitude problem, father figure Price, Gaz is just there because he’s on the wiki I have no idea who he is, eventual smut, praise, thigh riding, unprotected (wrap it up people), idk I’m sure it will get dirtier as I go, shifting POV
Side note: All of these characters are fictional! Please don’t be weird about their real life actors, leave them out of this and be respectful!
A/N: I have been resurrected from the tumblr tombs once again to write about a man that I’ll never have. I have no idea how cod or war in general works and I don’t care enough to learn so enjoy my bullshitting.
Words: 1.5k
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
★ Ghost
It was a hot day in Las Almas, with the temperature pushing almost 100 degrees, Ghost’s single shirt has stuck to the sheen of sweat on his chest beneath the annoyingly thick Kevlar bodyguard and left him second-guessing his faceless persona in desperation to rip the damp mask off.
Their sniper was down, and much to Ghost’s displeasure they were on their way to pick up a new team member fresh off the academy grill. The manila folder in his hands was thin, but the few sheets inside were enough to sell her to the coordinator, he had to admit that she seemed impressive but the minimal amount of field experience would have immediately disqualified her as a candidate if it was his choice.
“Sniper specialist”
“98% accuracy rate”
“trained in 6 fighting styles”
“Distinguished Graduate Award and Clements Award winner”
“Works under special requirements”
He squints down at the last line, fighting the bouncing of the truck over the rough terrain to read clearly, special requirements. Ghost huffs a frustrated breath at the lack of further explanation and hands the papers to Soap next to him.
“Do you know what the special requirements are?” He grumbles, eyeing Soap’s hunched shoulders. They had just gotten the call to clear a residency that would hopefully contain the information on the next run and they would be heading straight in with a newbie. No one was happy.
Soap shuffles through the papers, barely taking the time to skim the words before he’s shoving them behind him to Price in the back seat.
“Why the fuck would I know? Do I look like the coordinator?” Ghost raises an eyebrow at the attitude but decides to let it go. He knows from experience that poking would get him nowhere.
Ghost turns his head to Price in hopes of a clearer answer but he just shakes his head and hands the papers back.
“You’re missing a few pages there Ghost.” Price says closing his eyes and resting against the seat. Soap, suddenly done with the conversation rolls his eyes and turns to watch the sparse rolling landscape out the window.
“This is the entire file, I opened it on the way here.” Ghost retorts, looking down to flip through the paperwork. It takes him a moment to see it but when he does his hands freeze. Signaled by the sudden stop, Price sits up and looks over the seat to read the page in Ghost’s hand.
“Oh shit”
Somehow both of them had missed the single line at the bottom of the first page,
“Missions completed: 0″
Realization slowly dawns on him, this recruit has absolutely no field experience. When the coordinator said fresh off the grill he meant it. Ghost turns to relay his newfound information to Soap but snaps his mouth shut at the sight of his pissy expression.
This new realization leaves a pit in Ghost’s stomach. He hadn’t signed up for training, the recruit couldn't be over 25, a vast difference compared to their already existing team. He’d asked for their best sniper, not a child.
_____
The van’s wheels grind to a halt in front of the small outpost building and Soap slams the door open, eager to get the process over with. As if on cue the doors open wide to reveal the coordinator and their new recruit. Ghost balks, through the shimmering heat he can make out two shapes, one being the coordinator and the other he assumes is the recruit. The top of her helmet is level with his shoulder pad and with the rifle being half her height, she looks more like a child than a soldier.
“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me. Jesus Fuckin’ Christ that's a child!” Although he wasn’t quick enough to stop him, Price still gives Soap a hard shove to the shoulder. Soap turns around in his seat ready to hit back but Ghost grabs his fist and levels him with a glare. Even with Soap’s strong accent muddying his tone, the words ring clear past the approaching pair. The recruit stands tall though, power-walking through the sand and stopping in front of the open sliding door.
If it wasn’t for the giant rifle and other military paraphernalia strapped to her chest Ghost would assume he was back at a countryside bar in Kentucky. Her golden blonde hair has been weaved into a thick braid hanging halfway down her chest, framing her freckled face in soft layers and shining in the mid-day sun. The recruit’s blue eyes shone with a wild flare that left Ghost shifting in his seat. Upon noticing a slight gap between her front teeth he feels the corner of his mouth twitch upwards, only to frown at the lack of southern drawl when she finally speaks.
“I go by Flash, and for your information, my 20th birthday was this summer and I’m probably a better shot than all of you. Now that’s out of the way, are we ready to go gentleman?”
The entire team freezes in shock at the new and unexpected information. Ghost chokes on his next breath of air and his dignity is saved by Soap’s sudden yell.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 20?” Flash’s façade falters for just a second at the brute yell before Price is shoving past Soap to get out of the car and stand in front of the pair, blocking them from view.
Price and the coordinator exchange a few short words before Ghost clears his throat and interrupts.
“No.”
____________________________________
★ Flash
Flash had been warned about joining Task Force 141, as soon as the news was announced whispers floated around the academy, leaving Flash the center of attention. She was stopped nearly every day to be questioned about the lone wolf Lieutenant Ghost and despite her constant pressing that she had not met any of them, let alone the one known most for his evasiveness, the pestering continued. Flash was tired of being a show pony. She had an itch that needed to be scratched and it wouldn’t happen through obstacle courses and teaching. She needed to be out on the field and she was prepared to do whatever she needed to do to prove herself. What she hadn't prepared for was outright denial.
Everyone’s attention shifts to Lieutenant Ghost, and the man in front of her winces before speaking.
“Ghost it is not up for debate she’s already signed on.”
“Well, fuckin’ take her off then Price!” The loud Scottish man yells again.
After an awkward pause, the coordinator shifts on his feet and directs his attention to Captain Price,
“Captain this decision is final, paperwork has already been filed, and the academy has handed her off.” He clears his throat before speaking “And if I may, Flash has the highest scores of all time on nearly every leaderboard back at the academy, she’s no beginner.” Flash feels a swell of pride and makes a note to thank him later.
“It’s not happening” Lieutenant Ghost’s voice is cold and has Flash’s newfound pride deflating. So much for making new friends.
Captain Price sighs before turning to speak directly to Lieutenant Ghost,
“Ghost it seems like we don’t have much choice. Soap move to the back, Flash can take your spot.” He heaves a sigh and Flash can see him bracing himself for a backlash but its not from who she expected.
“This is utter dog shit, I’m not working with a child!” Soap drops his head into his hands before heaving himself out of his seat and into the back. Flash’s smirk falters when she realizes who she’ll be placed next to but she takes a breath and steps into the van, ignoring Captain Price’s outstretched hand.
Captain Price shoves himself next to Soap and the coordinator gives them one last salute before pulling the door shut.
It’s a tight squeeze in the van, the third seat of the second row has been ripped out and replaced with a few precariously balanced boxes, leaving her pressed up against the side of the Lieutenant. Although the sweltering day had given her a rosy complexion the heat of his body made her face flush an even deeper shade of pink.
_____
They bump along the road for a bit before it dawns on Flash that she’s on the way to her first mission. She can’t help the grin that slowly makes its way across her face.
“What’s that shit eating grin for?” Soap grumbles from the back seat obviously still sore from being forced into the back. Flash cant help the giggles that force their way up when she spots him glaring at her through the rearview mirror.
“Nothing.” She replies with a simple shrug and drops her gaze down to her lap, still smiling. Ghost’s rigid posture doesn’t relax but when he looks down at her she can almost see a glint of humor in his blue eyes. She stares back, “What?”
“Nothing.” He mimics.
Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
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