#people always wanna be timeless and relatable but that's BORING

[waxflowerwoes]

random late night thought but i wish people watching the pjo show would like.. stop comparing to the book. like. idk. adaptations are tricky and it's okay if the series emphasizes different parts of the story or changes things to make it work better as a tv show. it's not the end of the world if something's slightly different as long as it fits in its own context and makes sense inside of the series. idk, just judge it on its own merits ig.

[glimmerglanger]

Sooo, I got this prompt from @anstarwar

Hi! I just stayed up til o’dark thirty finishing MYB and just had to hop over and say WOW. Love your writing! If you’re still taking prompts for supplemental stories I’m super curious what happened to Bly when he “woke up?” I just can’t help but think it’d be so devastating for him....I wanna give him a hug....anyways thank you!

AND OOOOF. Well, it’s not going to be a...happy time? For anyone? You’re probably going to want to give him more of a hug after this?

This snippet deals a lot with mind-control related trauma, being forced to kill someone against your will, suicidal ideation/a suicide attempt, and survivor’s guilt. People don’t always handle trauma in a neat and tidy way. This is… NOT neat and tidy, anger is one stage of grief, and something people who are hurt lash out, so lots of warnings for all of that. Past Blyla. A lot of hurt.

~~~~

Bly had some information to work with, by the time the thing in his head just stopped working, between one breath and the next. The thing had controlled his body for a timeless stretch, piloting him around the ship, to his quarters and to the bridge.

It read all the reports issued by the Imperial Command, and so Bly saw them, too.

He’d read that the Vigilance had been taken, taken by traitors in a mutiny, and he’d wanted to cheer, because of course Cody had found a way out, a way around the things in their head. 

He’d read that the Emperor wanted the heads of CC-2224 and the traitor Kenobi and so he’d known, too, that General Kenobi had somehow survived. That Cody had been strong enough to - to not pull the trigger on the Jedi he loved.

Not like Bly, who had leveled his blaster on Aayla’s back and squeezed the trigger and--

He wished he could grab his blaster again, but his body fought him, over and over again, until it just stopped. 

Bly was standing on the bridge when the thing in his head just...went away. There was no warning, no way for him to prepare. One moment, there were restraints around every piece of him and the next they were just gone.

Someone whimpered, across the bridge as Bly stared forward, breathing raggedly, swaying on his feet. His hand moved, automatically, towards the blaster at his hip. His fingers curled around the grip and he had it in hand before Ambler hit him around the chest and bore him to the floor, panting, “Don’t - don’t - please.”

“Get off of me,” Bly rasped out and they were poor first words, ragged and wet. He couldn’t breathe properly. His eyes stung and burned. The entire world had gone blurry. He reached for the blaster again - he’d shot Aayla in the back, his General, his everything, he’d shot her in the back and--

“I can’t,” Ambler said, knee on Bly’s wrist, the weight making his fingers spasm open. “I can’t, sir, I’m sorry.”

And Bly tried to say something, anything, else, but the words wouldn’t come, not for a long time.

#

Ambler refused to give Bly his blaster back, even after Bly got his breathing under control. Bly stared at him, the initial surge of emotion that had come with freedom fading away. He could control it. He had to control it.

Ambler had done the right thing, Bly decided, behind his helmet. He had things he needed to do, before he-- 

Made up for things.

He shook that thought aside. His brothers needed him. They didn’t have a General anymore - he’d seen to that - which meant--which meant they needed Bly to keep them safe. To help them figure out what to do.

He cleared his throat, ignoring the tears drying all over his cheeks under his helmet, and ordered the nat-borns on the ship restrained. And then he started looking for the Vigilance. Cody had gotten them free, he had no doubt. Somehow, the crazy son of a bantha had freed them all, and--

And he was wanted by the Empire. Kriff, they were probably all about to be wanted by the Empire.

Which meant they needed to be together. They’d be safer in greater numbers. “We had a message about some kind of attack on Kamino,” Burr said, from across the bridge, as they tried to figure out where to go. “But the message got cut off.”

“Head there,” Bly said, his voice a ragged mess. It was as good a place to go as any.

#

They found ruination on Kamino, but no sign of Cody or the Vigilance. No sign of any of their little brothers. Whatever had happened on the planet was long over by the time they dropped out of hyperspace.

But there was a buoy, tiny and transmitting on a strange frequency. Circuitboard decoded it while Bly sat in his quarters, staring at the wall, trying not to think of anything, definitely not the way Aayla had looked in his bunk, blue skin peeking out from beneath drab gray blankets, lekku curling softly with pleasure, and--

The buoy was transmitting coordinates, Circuitboard said, when he commed Bly. Bly looked down to find that he’d torn his sheets into long strips. He’d been twisting them, winding them into a long rope.

He stared down at his shaking hands, just for a moment, and gave the order to head to the coordinates, rising to his feet. He felt he should be on the bridge, at least for the start of their journey.

By the time he got back to his quarters, someone had taken away the damaged sheets. They’d taken away a lot of things. The room looked almost bare. Prickle - his new medic - was waiting inside the room, arms crossed, and said, “I can stay in here with you, or you can come to the medbay with me, the choice is yours.”

“Do what you want,” Bly told him, hollow inside, and curled up on the bare bed, not thinking about Aayla’s fingers stroking over his brow or the marks on his cheeks or--

Or anything else.

#

Cody left them a trail of breadcrumbs to follow, like they were playing one of the hunt-and-find games they’d indulged in back on Kamino, years ago. Cody’d always been better at hunting than hiding.

Maybe that was still true, because Bly found the Vigilance in orbit around an ugly gas giant on the borders of Wild Space, a small little flotilla around it. There were two other Venator-class ships by the Vigilance, and for a beat Bly wondered if the entire thing was an Imperial trap, his he and his brothers were about to be shot out of the sky.

He didn’t raise their shields. 

And a moment later familiar voices came over the comms, shouting words of welcome and relief.

#

Cody insisted that Bly come over to the Vigilance. Bly wasn’t sure he technically had to obey Cody’s orders, anymore, but if anyone was in charge of all of them, it had to be Cody, and so he went. 

He stared at the wall of the shuttle, even after it landed. He managed to get to his feet when Cody opened the rear hatch, turning to look at his brother - his batchmate - opening his mouth and then closing it again, before asking, “How the kriff did you do it?”

Cody looked back at him, expression tightly controlled, and said, “It’s a long story.”

Bly just stared at him. He felt...hollow inside. Cody winced, a little, and then exhaled. “Come on,” Cody said, reaching out and gripping his shoulder, “I’ll tell you.” 

#

Bly listened to all of it. He had a feeling, deep in his head, that Cody wasn’t going into the details, but it didn’t really matter. Bly got the gist of it. Cody really had saved his Jedi. Nearly blown up his head to do it, but he had, while Bly had drawn his blaster and--

“Where is he?” Bly asked, sitting in General Kenobi’s quarters - the ones Cody had been living in for years - and staring forward, eyes burning.

“On the bridge,” Cody said, with a little shrug. 

Bly nodded. He remembered what Aayla had looked like, last time she’d been on the bridge, her eyes tired as she looked over holos, one hand bandaged from a fall, lovely and alive and--

“I should get back,” Bly said, standing, because his men were in Cody’s care, now, and, obviously, Cody would take better care of them. Cody’d almost killed himself, proving that, while Bly had just raised his blaster and pulled the trigger and--

“You’re going to stay here,” Cody said, like it wasn’t even a question, in the same tone that had led to them fighting more than once when they were shinies on Kamino, Cody always thinking everyone should just listen to him-- “Catch me up on everything. Get some rest, for a day or two.”

“With all due respect,” Bly said, tone too flat to be sharp, “I’m rested plenty.”

“I talked to Prickle,” Cody said, and Bly wondered why, staring forward, not looking at Cody, even when Cody tried to step into his field of view. 

“That so?” Bly asked, trying to muster the energy to care and failing. He should have cared about them whispering about him behind his back, but he just--

Didn’t.

“That’s so,” Cody said. “And so you’re staying here.”

“Fine,” Bly said, gaze flicking momentarily towards the blaster at Cody’s hip. “Whatever you say, sir.”

He caught Cody’s wince out of the corner of his eyes, and a part of him wanted to apologize immediately but-- He’d done so much worse. Things he’d never be able to apologize for, he’d lifted his blaster and--

“Good,” Cody said, firm. “Let’s get some dinner.”

#

Bly pushed mush around his plate. He ate a bite, maybe two. His appetite had died with everything else that mattered, systems and systems away from where he currently was. 

Cody made noises about him needing to eat more, but he’d just have to live with what Bly could manage, unless he planned to bring in a tube and force it down Bly’s throat. Maybe he would. Bly considered the idea dispassionately.

In the end, Cody just frowned over him and took Bly back to his quarters. Cody brought along an extra meal, and something in Bly’s gut twisted hard, just looking at it. He felt like there was something inside him, a dam, perhaps, and that it was starting to crack, all down the middle.

He didn’t want to know what was on the other side of it.

“Why don’t you get in the fresher,” Cody said, and Bly shrugged. The fresher looked the same as the one he’d used for years. There was even a Jedi robe hanging on one of the hooks along the wall and for a moment he could imagine--

But it wasn’t Aayla’s. The weave was too heavy. And she’d preferred darker, richer colors. Earth tones. He stared at his fingers, clenched in the fabric, and made himself release it with a shudder. He took off his armor. Set it aside. Stepped under the water.

Aayla had loved the decadence of a water shower. She’d insisted he join her in one, more than once, the two of them wedged in together, laughing as they jostled for space and it always ended with her in his arms, hands sliding on the slippery walls, her fingers clenching at his shoulders, and--

He’d shot her. In the back. Hadn’t even hesitated. Ordered her body pushed into a shallow grave and she’d probably been ravaged by scavengers and--

Bly jerked out from under the water. He dried off, pulled back on a set of blacks that looked clean. Cody’s, he assumed. They mostly fitted; after years of different experiences, their bodies were no longer exactly the same. They’d built muscle differently. Some of them were stronger than others.

Cody had managed to fight the thing in his head.

And Bly had--

He tried to hold together the splintering dam inside his head, stepping back out into the main room. He wondered where Cody expected him to sleep, and the consideration fell out of his head when he realized they weren’t alone anymore.

Cody was sitting on the end of the bunk, talking to General Kenobi, low and earnestly. And Kenobi--

Was alive. Standing there in his tunic, his hair with more white in it around the temples than Bly recalled, a lightsaber on his belt. And seeing him split the widening cracks in Bly’s chest even further. He felt his jaw grinding as Kenobi looked up and over at him, inclining his head a little as he said, “Commander, I’m...so sorry, I--”

Kenobi cut off at a sharp, ragged-edged sound. Bly realized after a moment that it was coming from him. Laughter. 

Kenobi shifted his weight back, just a little, as Bly rasped out, “You’re sorry?”

He was distantly aware of Cody standing up, reaching out and putting a hand on Kenobi’s stomach. But that seemed like it was happening somewhere else. Everything, the entire world, was Kenobi’s expression, his too-wide eyes and the way all the color had washed out of his face. 

“Bly,” Cody started, and Bly felt his mouth twist up, felt the last little pieces of resistance in his chest wash away. 

“You’re sorry?” Bly repeated, taking a step forward. “She’s dead and--you’re sorry? You?”

Kenobi took a step back. “I--”  

“It isn’t fair,” Bly snapped, moving closer, and oh, it wasn’t, nothing about this was fair, it was brutal and wrong and -- “She’s dead, and you’re still here. Still just fine, aren’t you? Just like always? And you’re sorry?”

Cody stepped between them, one hand extended out towards Bly, mouth moving when he said, “That’s--”

“Why did you get to live?” Bly demanded, trying to bat Cody’s hand out of the way. Cody grunted and reached to grab him. “When she died? Why couldn’t it have been her? Just -- it should have been her, not you, she was--”

His words cut off when his shoulders hit the wall, both Cody’s hands in the front of his blacks, something dark and snapping in Cody’s eyes when he snarled, “That’s enough. Not another kriffing word, do you hear me?”

Bly opened his mouth, and never got a chance to say anything, because Cody jerked back from him at the sound of retching from the fresher. Cody swore, viciously, and pushed him against the wall again. “You stay right there,” Cody snapped, heading for the fresher, reaching for his comm and spitting something into it that Bly didn’t hear.

When Bones showed up, a few moments later, to collect him, Bly went along willingly enough. Whatever anger had moved through him had dissipated as quickly as it had come. He just felt… empty again. Completely empty.

[magpiefrankie]

I was in Lidl today and suddenly thought of a new doctor who headcanon so now I'm gonna share it and also some others because why not?!

- The Doctor has become something like a cryptid in the UK. With various people over the centuries having written accounts of this mysterious character known only as 'The Doctor', a person who wherever they travel, chaos is sure to follow. It's known that they travel in 'The Blue Box', and is almost always seen alongside one or more people they call their 'companions'. People claim to have met the doctor, that they saw a man in a long coat appear from a box that wasn't there a second ago. I also like to imagine former companions(especially Jack)giving fake anecdotes about their time with the Doctor, just for fun. The Doctor sees them and sometimes can't even remember if it's true or not. People from America travel over in hopes of spotting this mysterious Doctor. People see a man in a trench coat and either run for their fucking lives because they know shits about to go down, or they try to follow and join in because?? Magic blue box and chaos?? Fun!! Oh hey, you remember that girl Rose who straight up disappeared from the flat below you? You always think you notice a blue box in the corner of your eye as you walked into the building, and there was always a strange whining sound that was too mechanical to be pipes but sounds like nothing you've ever heard before. Yeah, it's because she was taken by the Doctor, chosen to be their companion, destined to leave one day and never be seen again. The missing posters come down but the people never come back. Peoples opinions vary on this shape-changing being - Parents warn their young girls to stay away from the Doctor, lest they get abducted, stolen away in the night. Teenagers try to find them, desperate to get away from their boring lives and overbearing parents and have a little adventure. Grandparents tell the kids personal accounts - the time their sister was saved by the Doctor, the time they thought they saw a blue box on the corner of the street but when they tried to look for it they couldn't see it.

- Everyone is Very Aware of aliens, it's just one of those things that you don't talk about. It's always bothered me how nearly every time a human sees a Dalek in newer episodes they go 'oh wow, what could this be? I have ever seen this before in my life!' as if millions of Daleks didn't get released above London and then sucked back into Canary Wharf where they magically disappeared from? Or like how Daleks are in the streets...very often. Or when that huge stadium of people straight up disappeared during the London Olympics then came back a bit later and it was never explained? Or how they all lived with what they thought where ghosts for an amount of time I don't remember but it was long enough anyway, and then those 'ghosts' became metal men? And the metal men?? Appear a lot?? Like in that one with Missy and they're all on the streets?? You'd think someone would go 'oh hey look is that thing I thought was my dead great aunt carol a few years back, what the fuck?'. At this point, I'm sure every person in the UK should be related to someone who died of alien related causes. And hey, remember the huge spaceship above London that time? And that other time? And the time the spaceship broke Big Ben? Or the time the Christmas star of death zapped a load of people? I think I've made my point - people know about aliens. So I'm gonna say that everyone is fully aware of aliens, they just...don't talk about it. It's a Thing.

- The TARDIS can control who the perception filter works on. This isn't really a big thing, just a little continuity issue I noticed, and maybe there was an explanation but if there is then I missed it. Please correct me if I'm wrong! But if you remember when Ten created the perception filters using the TARDIS keys for him, Jack and Martha - Martha knew of the effects of a perception filter, but she still couldn't help its effects in her. Yet the companions suddenly gain the ability to always see the TARDIS once they join the Doctor. Even though, using the same logic, they should still have their perception shifted despite knowing it is there. The way Martha puts it, she says 'it's like I know you're there, but I don't wanna know' or something similar to that. So conclusion - the TARDIS can decide if it wants people to see her. We know that she/it is sentient and conscious, so I don't see why not!

- So we know that due to the nature of Timelords, they don't really have a concept of gender like we do. Their biological sex is changeable, and because of that they don't have the same social constructs as we do. So, the reason they refer to themselves as male or female to humans is because of our own perceptions of gender, and the TARDIS translates it to be what would seem natural to us. So a male presenting doctor would call himself he, and female presenting would call herself she, because that is how we as humans perceive them. I imagine in Gallifreyan they maybe don't have separate pronouns, only one. I also imagine that 'Timelord' is just a very literal translation of their actual title, just because...well for one it's in English, which makes no sense, and also it's such an obnoxious title ahshsjsj.

- Sometimes the Doctor checks in on Donna to make sure she's okay. They still feel guilty about wiping her memory, even though it saved her life, so maybe they help her out in whatever little ways they can anonymously. Yaz asks Thirteen who the seemingly unimportant woman she's so interested in is, and Thirteen just smiles sadly and says 'An old friend'.

- The timeless child didn't happen. Pretty self explanatory - I just hate it, so I pretend it doesn't exist! Yay!

- Oh also the way I see Thirteen and her companions in my head is so different to how they're actually written because...Chibnall bad. MY Thirteen would never hand someone over the the bloody N*z*s, no matter what they had done, let alone someone they'd known their (very long) life and had loved? MY Thirteen wouldn't brush of Graham's fear about his cancer returning, nor would she support the hugeass Amazon metaphor (also when she blows up that guy, after giving him like a seconds warning?? What?!?). It actually hurts listening to Twelves goodbye speech and then watching Thirteens portrayal. The basis of their character is that they're kind, they do they best they can and they always help those in need. Twelve wouldn't have gone 'Oh no, I don't know what to say, silly old me, I'm so socially awkward bye' if someone he cared about came to him with their fears, because he can be silly and awkward and 'why are you wearing heels, do you need to reach a shelf?', but not when it's something like that. Also why is she so awkward? The Doctor has always been weird, but the difference is that in the past they have always known that they're weird and literally put it in just to embarrass/confuse people. And yeah, sometimes the Doctor genuinely doesn't understand 'human things'. But they do know how to act normal? The Doctor is perfectly capable of appearing human if they really needed to, but they have no problem saying shit to confuse people. But when Thirteen is awkward, she's just...cringeworthy awkward.

Sorry if my wording is bad and some of my memories of episodes are a bit wrong! I didn't check sources or anything I'm really just rambling here. This got way longer than I intended so well done(!!!) if you bothered to read all of it.

(I know my pronouns are all over the place, but when talking about the Doctor I tend to use 'they' when speaking of not any specific Doctor, and then 'she' for Thirteen and 'he' for the others.)

[jlf23tumble]

While we excitedly wait for some amazing new mom Harry fic would you maybe rec some of your favorites that are already out there?

Oh, man, I was born to answer this ask...actually, I've done it before AND I even made a "the signs as mpreg Harry fics" for @vibey-lesbian, but timeless masterposts about Harry Styles as a mom can always stand an update! I legit planned to do this earlier this morning, but work kicked my ass, and I am literally FINALLY free to do it, so let's all get inspired for @momrryfest2020, hmmmm???

I hemmed and hawed about how to sort all these because it can be a little overwhelming, so I think I'm gonna just do rough categories, under the cut!

Canon Canyon: Could it happen this way? You tell me, y/n!!

Little Wonder, @sweariwouldnt. I love that Kim from Modest is a tagged character in this, but all in all, this is sweet and fluffy and so cinematic, that scene with the pills! The abortion discussion!

The Sunshine Stays, quickedween/ @becomeawendybird. I don't know how to describe it, but this fic is a pretty and warm and cozy sweater.

Put It Into Words, orphan_account. Love me a good babymoon, and this features some body worship/praise plus canon a/b/o, which always makes me smile because yeah! Why not!

got a river for a soul, cabinbythesea. DIRTY TALKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Teddy Bear Princess series, noelle1224. I promise you, the entire series is worth a read, but pregnant princess is where shit kicks OFF.

Funkink! Most of these involve dirty talk, roleplay, and happiness

When the Wolves Come Out, @rosemarianthyme. I'm gonna put this down under breeding kink, and maybe that's a stretch because it's not the main focus, but for the love of god, read and enjoy!

Baby Tell Me, @star55. This author has written quite a few amazing parent fics recently, but this one is on the kink side, girl direction, the entire SERIES, geddit!

slow and steady, @cabinbythesea. MORE DIRTY TALK, we love to see it!

I Just Wanna Taste It, @homosociallyyours. I feel like this is 10000000% canon, and I love the entire concept because on one hand, the WS video is all WaTeRmElOn Is PuSsY, but on the other, prego belly vibe, god, the mind of Harry Styles, the levels, the fine lines, if you will.

I May Be Crazy, Don't Mind Me (Say, Boy, Let's Not Talk Too Much), @shapeoflou. This feels so canon, yet it is not: basically, Harry working some pregnancy kink talk into the mix.

Angskink! Most of these involve dirty talk, roleplay, and sadness

Fertile Ground, Blake/ @newleafover. THIS STORY, MY GODDDDD, it's perfection, it's short, it's one of my all-time faves in terms of the emotion and ground covered, just masterfully done, I love that I can reach out and chat with the author about garlic (among other things), like, constantly, do yourself a favor and read every fic they’ve ever written, you won’t regret!

I Want Your Belly, @sulkingroom. Both Melissa and @vondrostes have written some INCREDIBLE Harry/other pregnancy kink fics lately (Terran's zayn/xander/harry, help), but Jesus, this one! Yeah! Adam out there, making dreams come true!

violence of my own touch, 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis. Honestly? Anything Chi has written for these two is a must read, but the overall ANGST in this fic, ouchhhhhh.

i cannot reach your heart, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. This fic is a heart-clencher, the dirty talk, the aftermath, and it’s the second part in a series, but the whole thing is worth the read and the tears on two levels.

AUs that feel like real-life AUs, pure romcom vibes only

Answer All Your Wishes, @sadaveniren. I don't know the U this is based on (Tom Fletcher/Giovanna Fletcher, blogging????), but if you want to see pinterest Harry living his best WAG life, here you go!

Falling for me won't be a mistake, @rearviewdreamer. Workaholic doctor Harry Styles let's it all hang loose on vacation, oopsie baby!

You look so beautiful in this light, @hopelesswriter. One of the very few fics that uses mommy as a kink name instead of daddy, and I sure hope there's more to come!

i'll make this feel like home, @zouisclimax. I love that this list features not one (1) but two (2) amazing fics where Harry carries another man’s baby, yet it all works out.

hard to confess, by @hereforlou. THIS FIC, mannnnnnnn, it makes you want to slap some people back into reality, but the way it all unfolds, the dramatic bathtub scene, yeah.

Roses in Bloom series, mybeanieandme and radadusta. Honestly, this is like watching a movie that already exists, and credit to the authors because it feels like it's an AU based on a U, yet I don't think it exists? Is Stevie Nicks at that baby shower? I still need to revisit, but i don't think so, boo.

taste on my tongue (just can't get enough of you), messyjessy08. Yes, I would seriously watch the hallmark/lifetime/logo wherever it ends up movie of new mother omega harry squirting milk in a sexy way.

Time to move on to individual author territory!

ballsdeepinjesus bb: one of my fave authors in this fandom, period, and they produced not one (1) but two (2) related-ish masterpieces

oh baby baby, the reason i breathe is you. God, even just reading the tags makes me smile, Harry and his life plans and how it all works out in a 9k fic, be still my heart.

deep in my heart i know there's only you. The tag about competitive parenting classes? Just know I pictured it during that SNL skit.

Supernope City: another fave author, someone who just knocked it out of the park in this genre, too

Can't Hide It, You Might As Well Embrace It. There are only two (2) Harry Potter AUs that I will read, and this one is one of them!!

Needing You More and More, Let's Give Love a Try. The other fic on this list with the specific trope of "Harry's pregnant with another man's baby, but it doesn't even matter".

Jaerie Junction: I can't even begin to tell you how much I love the way Jaerie gets into pregnancy kink at a level that speaks to my soul, here are JUST A FEW gems!

Next Exit. Gimme that sweet, sweet gotta-pee desperation.

never boring. Lactation kink at a Christmas party? How is this perfection only 2k??

I'm not that other guy. Lactation kink at work?? How is this perfection only 3.6k??

freaks from the internet. GOD, THIS SERIES RUINED ME, SO GOOD (basically, omega Harry has a breast-milk-selling side hustle, and his ex is...intrigued)

I Think You're Already Home. This one was a WIP that I would drop everything to absorb: famous agoraphobic alpha Louis Tomlinson secluded in his home, hiring omega Harry Styles to birth his child? OKAY!

to change how you see and what you believe. The dirty talk! THE ROLEPLAY!! AND THEN IT HAPPENS!!! Plus yoga.

Finally, some epic tales that just ended or are still in progress:

Say Something, @kingsofeverything. LISTEN, I have been this fic's fan since it was a random idea on Lauren's blog, bring on the timestamps! Basic idea is 50YO divorced omega Harry, with three grown daughters, meets 28YO alpha Louis through a heat-help service, and oopsie baby!

little bitty rattle (and all our dreams are comin' true), @itsmiz. The long-prayed-for (by me) sequel to the Sometimes Green and Sometimes Blue universe, pregnant omega Harry (and all kinds of related insecurities)

[nikosomething]

Heyyyy! I'm back again. Sorry it took a while to send this ask! Mmm I'd choose the lan sect cuz I need some form of structure in my life lol. I'm not too bad with rules either. But I'd definitely hate their food. I eat wwx levels of spicy and hence I'd like to join the jiang sect haha. Also, their sword forms look nice? YASSS We'd LOOK SO GOOD! 💙🖤 ooh I like what you read. I like reading pining, arranged marriage aus, crack fics, post canon fics, missing scenes, I like canon divergence aus that concentrate on characters other than wwx and lwj. I also like fics with sad endings haha. (1/4)

I'm a big multishipper, too! There's no ship that I don't like? My favorites would be wangxian and sangcheng though. I'm always up to reading these two ships, but I'd read anything really. I feel yah, I do. I can't pick a junior either. I love them all dearly but I tend to get bored if lan jingyi isn't there in junior fics? I need Jingyi to be a major part of the fic if I'm to like it haha. (2/4)

I loooooove Asian cuisine. My favorite is Indian! All that spice, you know? I hope you ate good food since you made yourself hungry answering that lol. Your answer about the seasons is so detailed and beautiful? I love?? Mmmm my favorite season is the rainy season. It's the best. I love the melancholy, the cold and the sound of water tapping against the windows. I'd rather stay at home than venture outside in the rain tho! Winter is the most comfortable time for me, really. I hate the summer! I love the cold and end of the year is my favorite time! (3/4)

Now questions! Have you read any other mxtx works? Also, if you could change one thing is mdzs, what would it be? Do you have any post canon wangxian headcanons? Oooh, what's your favorite wangxian moment in CQL? General questions- do you celebrate Christmas? If you do, are you excited and how do you celebrate? Do you drink coffee or tea or neither or something else? What other shows have you watched except CQL this year? Aight, that's so many questions haha. (4/4) See you soon- 🐰

_______

Heyyyy my dear bunny! I missed ya! But don’t worry, life gets busy sometimes, so take all the time you need <3

Whoahhhh so cool that you can eat intensely spicy food!! I am trying to get used to spicy stuff, but I got a looong way to go haha I detect every gain of pepper or chili or whatever so I am only making slow progress, but I do enjoy spice - up to the level I can take without ending up all red and teary-eyed haha I enjoy good food a lot, too. I like to have some variation so I’d probably be unhappy if I had to only ever eat the Lan cuisine, too hahaha

Ohhhh arranged marriage, people keep recommending it to me - I shoudl really give it a go at some point! Any good fics you wanna recommend? And omggg sad endings!!! Whoah, I bow to you! I’s always pick a happy ending but then again the ending has to fit the need of the story, so I suppose if a happy ending would feel forced then pls gimme a sad one, perhaps even one we can all learn from And yessss, there are so many amazing characters in MDZS I totally get why you’d wanna read about them!! <3

Ah Sangcheng! It’s quite the popular ship I feel. I think it’s cute and a close friend of mine really loves them, too. I bet they’d be excited if I got into that ship as well haha What do you love about Sangcheng? (sell it to meh hahaha, get me hooked) JINGYI!! Yes, he’d the spice we need in the junior fics! He is just so much fun! I think all of them together make such a perfect and well-balanced mix! Perf flavour hahaha What’s it with all the food references here. Am I mildly thinking about food again? Whaaaat Ohhhh Indian!!! (here we go again w the food hahaha) Damn I love Indian food! I cant take the spice so I always go for the noob dished, but they are amazing,t oo! What makes you hate the summer? Do you dislike sweating? You make it sound so cozy ahhh, I am happy we get to spend your fav season together, then, my dear bunny!! I love these timeless days between christmas and the beginning of the new year. It feels like everything is catching its breath and makes whatever you can think of become a bit more possibe

MXTX-related Questions

So far I haven’t read any other works of MXTX, but I think I wanna get to the one with the demonic guy in red and the white soft one next. What was it called? Heaven something? Now TMI tells me ‘City of Heavenly Fire’ which is absolutely not helpful. Uhm.. I could look it up, but then u wouldn’t witness my absolutely entertaining struggle of trying to make my brain work. The Scumbag Self Serving System (did I get that one right) is the first novel if I am correct. And then there is the Heavenly Helper... No... uhm Mysteries of Heaven... Heaven’s Helping Hand... I don’t think it’s getting any better here. I even watched the Donghua trailer wtf why can’t I remember hahaha... Voices of Heaven (that sounds like an American Singing Contest) Okay... imma look it up now.  HEAVEN’S OFFICIAL BLESSING! that one. I was so close Have you read any other works? <3

If I could change one thing in MDZS, what would it be? I would want for XXC and XY to not die, thank you. But then again how about non of my baes die? Okay, lemme try again, to get an impressive and seemingly deep reply... Have Meng Yao realise what kind of a horrible butt his dad is early enough to prevent most of the bad things that happen. I am not sure - but what’s your idea on this one?

My favourite WangXian moment? In CQL it’s the one where they are both at the Cloud Recesses, watching the snowflakes dance through the air. Their bond feels so deep there! Or the one where they are at the lantern thing and WWX get’s LWJ the bunny lantern. Just... the pure happiness. Or the one where they are bold husbands and run away from Carp Tower. Is it even humanly possible to pick just one moment?? Which one is it for you?

General Questions

Do I celebrate Xmas? Yes, I do! I go to my mom’s place for Xmas, where we have dinner and then her boyfriend puts on his super old, super old and worn-out Santa clothes (which is very endearing, cause he is always having the time of his life). Then he hands us our presents which are gathered under the decorated Xmas tree and we have to cite a poem or sing to earn each present. Afterwards we all unpack together, excitedly thanking each other, have dessert and then watch a movie or a video of our past christmasses someone put together It’s all very wholesome. How about you?

Coffee, tea or something else? I like Moccachino, cause it’s an amazing hybrid of coffee and cocoa!! It’s best with coconut milk! That kind of coffee makes me feel all cozy and comfy, but I handle it like a treat. I only drink one, while a close friend of mine drinks several cups of milky coffee a day. I also love cocoa, but I drink it like others drink espresso. I tiny highly concentrated cup. No more. Like a shot of chocolate hahaha I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but sometimes I crave it. As for tea, I looove herbal tea! Peppermint and Fennel Caraway Anise are amazing. Also freshly brewed ginger tea. And green tea with jasmine/flower blossoms or white tea. Big love for these. All of which without sugar so the flavour comes out to speak of its very own beauty I also like mate tea to keep me awake! Otherwise I love water or - omg - freshly pressed apple juice! The! best! Try it if you aren’t allergic! AHHHH that is honestly THE TREAT for me. Rare treat. I don’t even have it once a year. More like every four years or so. But dang. The. best. How about you? <3

Which shows have I watched this year? Many. Lots of cooking shows (on Netflix), cause, you know, food. xD By now I probably know almost all of them. There was a time when I was thoroughly up to date with ALL cooking shows on Netflix. One of my big dreams is being wealthy enough to hire a cook. To cook for me every day. Yes, yes. Otherwise lots of Asian shows. I can recommend:

Hotel Del Luna (omg, do urself a favour, judging from what I know about your taste I think you will like it a lot) also The King Eternal Monarch (good one, very good one)

I also watched Eternal Love and Eternal Love The Pillowbook, which were okay, but they aren’t my favourites Cinderella and the Four Knights was sweet Accidentally in Love was fun but has some major plot holes in my opinion I enjoyed She-Ra Who Are You moved me quite a bit ahhhh Extraordinary You was quite the ride, too!

What are your 2020 shows?

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? I did dabble with some water painting a few years ago during Christmastime, actually. I made a few different Christmas poster things inspired by ones I saw on there. Like, they had different Christmasy quotes or song lyrics and some had pictures of Christmas trees or something. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? I don’t do scrapbooking. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? I’m always cleaning under the keys on my laptop. Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? Uhh. I wouldn’t want to know everything. I like continuing to learn and discover new things. There’s also things I never want to know. I also like mystery in the sense of surprises. Like, I hate spoilers and I don’t want to know what any presents are before I open them.  What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? If I see an annoying or stupid post I just keep scrolling.

Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? I think it looks much better dyed red.  Do your parents disrespect you? My parents are respectful, pretty chill people. I mean, we get in disagreements and bicker sometimes, who doesn’t, but I wouldn’t say they disrespect me. Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? I mean, you can love someone but that doesn’t excuse their toxic, bad behaviors. It doesn’t mean people can treat you or others cruelly just because you love them. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? Hm. I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a grand opening. Not that I can think of at the moment. Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? Nope. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? I’m lactose intolerant, so having dairy will definitely do that. Otherwise, I just have stomach issues and get stomachaches and pains for whatever reason. Ever had a living nightmare? These past few years in particular. Do you have a lot of haters? Ha. I’m so irrelevant. I’m sure I’m not even on anyone’s radar for them to feel that strongly about me. Outside of my family, I feel people are indifferent to me. I don’t make a big impression. 

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? Yes. There are people who can’t stand to see successful, happy people. They want to try and tear them down. There’s also just a lot of trolls who think it’s fun to hate on people. Do you have supernatural abilities? Uh, no. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, “I wish I would have” a lot? All the damn time. There’s so much I wish I did and didn’t do and I’m always kicking myself so to speak for it.  Are you doing the most you can with your life? Not even. I’ve completely let these past few years pass me by as I just waste away.  Do you let people walk on you? I’ve had it happen in the past. Are you ok? I always just wanna start belting out to MCR when a question like this comes up. Do you have a friend you miss right now? Former friend, yeah. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? I don’t have any friends anymore, but nah dude. I’ll send you a text or hit you up on social media if I need to reach you, ha. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? I guess in a way because I don’t post personal shit. I used to post like sad quotes and lyrics and images back in the day, but I stopped doing that years ago. I very rarely post anything anymore and when I do, it’s something funny or #relatable that I saw and shared to my timeline. Or a check-in to somewhere if I think it’s of interest. Mostly; though, I’m just on there scrolling through my feed and “liking” things here and there. Do you feel God’s presence regularly? Yes. Do you experience chronic pain? Yes. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? I know He does. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? Ugh, yes. Worst feeling. I hate that feeling of jolting awake.  What would your dream career be? I have no idea. Are you a daydreamer? ”You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t? Uhh, I wouldn’t say that. My daydreaming is more me zoning out and dwelling  about things from the past, thinking about current things, or imagining up scenarios.  Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile? My mind just wanders off like that. Is the snow falling where you are right now? It doesn’t snow here. :( What is your favorite part of nature? The beach, particularly the ocean. Though, we all know I’m not about getting into the ocean. That deep water and the creatures that dwell down there aren’t for me. Just thinking about that... :O I do love looking out at the ocean and just watch/listen to the waves crash in and out. It’s very, very calming. I let my thoughts get swept away with the waves. I also love the cool, ocean air and smell. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? Yes. Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ooh. That would be nice. I actually want to move to another city permanently. What city would you like to visit? There’s countless places I want to visit. What has been your favorite city that you’ve visited? Various ones in California.  If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? Pfft, I’d go now if I could. I don’t need kids for that, ha. I’m the big kid. I love Disneyland, so I’m sure I’d love Disney World as well. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? Yeah. As a kid and as an adult, haha. My favorite was a few years ago when we got pictures with Chewbacca and Darth Vader.  Do you own a birthday crown? No. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? I just let it air dry. It takes forever, though. Do you straighten your hair? Not anymore. I used to. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? I have a few stuffed animals on my bed that always just sit on my bed. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? No. Do you need to clean out your closet? I actually just did that a couple weekends ago. Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? Yep, everyday.  What’s your favorite coffee shop? Starbucks. Is your Pinterest page cluttered? I have a few pinned things, but I don’t use Pinterest much for that. I use it to find and save photos for my phone background, typically. Do you want to start a collection? I have a few collections. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? No. Are you a leader or a follower? I feel like I’m just sitting on the sidelines watching the crowd go by.  Who’s your favorite person? Not a person, but my doggo. (: Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? I liked a few from the first few seasons like Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Tim Urban, and of course, Kelly Clarkson. Did you used to name your Barbies? Yep. What unnatural hair color looks best on you? I love dyeing my hair red. Is your life boring? ”I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life is kind of boring, need something that I can confess.” Do you usually feel better around people or alone? Depends. I like spending time with my family, but I also need my alone time. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? Oh, like the friendships I ruined a few years ago because I’m a shitty person? I wouldn’t even know where to begin at this point. Like...what could I even say. I know they’re hurt and probably hate me, and I don’t blame them at all. They deserved more than I what I gave them. The more time goes by, the worse it is. I still don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to try and fix things. Like...I don’t think things would change and we’d end up in the same spot because I’m still a mess. And I feel horrible for feeling this way, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to. :X I wish I went about things differently, most definitely, but having some people out of my life now is the worst thing.... Do you ever think about Heaven? Yes. Are you ready for Heaven yet? I pray it’s not my time, yet.  Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I pray I go to heaven when it is my time. Do you have a tree outside your window? Yes. Do you feel better now than you did last night? I feel the same, really. Is your sleep schedule messed up? Ohhhh yeah. It has been for years. It switches up, though. Still all bad, but different. Like, currently my bedtime is like 5, sometimes 6, in the morning and I sleep until 1. Does your body have any problems with it? It has a lot wrong with it. Are you doing ok spiritually? I’m working on strengthening my relationship with God. Have you taken any huge risks lately? No. Silence or songs? I don’t like complete silence ever. I need something, whether it be the TV, YouTube, or music. I sleep with the TV on for that reason (and for some light because I can’t have it completely dark either). Tea or coffee? Coffeeeee. Books or movies? I enjoy both. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? Disney movies are timeless. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? Something Disney. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? I’ll talk shit about them to myself or someone I’m close with like my mom, ha. I don’t confront people. Well, unless it’s someone I’m close to who says or does something rude. Do you have trouble staying organized? With my life, yes. It’s showing externally now; though, too. My room has gotten cluttery and I hate it. It never used to be that way.  What has been your most favorite adventure? All the trips I’ve taken. What has been your greatest mistake? I’ve made a long list of ‘em. Are you happy with your life right now? No. Do you take anything to make your feel better? ”I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay I know it’s all in my head.” Sorry, ya’ll know I’m always breaking out into song. Anyway, I currently don’t take any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills. Are your parents still together? Yes. What color socks do you have on? White. Are you under a blanket right now? I have one wrapped around me. Are you hopeful? :/

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@thecicadasong yeah i havent actually had like, Anons trying to get fresh w/ me about what i Should be drawing (i think ive gotten anon hate like, twice? once for passing along a tweet abt respecting homeless people, another time i have No idea why they were trying to roast me but they were also...weirdly bad at it) but the very rare occasions someone’s tried to tell me i should be drawing different stuff for whatever reason Stick With Me b/c i’m often still steamed abt shit that mightve happened years back but it was THAT annoying lmfao & i reaaally hate when ppl get patronizing &/or when i can tell they’re acting like whatever angle they’re taking is going over my head or they think i’m clueless & i can’t even tell they see me that way lol and i’m like, oh my god i mean it doesn’t make me concerned if i Only Appreciate Boys b/c they’re mostly who i draw b/c yknow......my drawing corner is some rando over here just entertaining myself & Xpressing myself. and a real limited amt of my Interests = the ones im able/interested enough in to draw, & then i tend to wanna draw them a million times lmao....it’s not necessarily the One Unfiltered Reflection of all my interests and all the characters i like, cuz it’s not the only way i think abt shit and express things, & if somebody thinks that my Portfolio not being >50% Girls means that it’s b/c i’ve totally hated girls all along.....that’d be their prerogative i guess. also good lord but that’d be a bad litmus test anyways like.......alllll the misogynist dude artists who draw plenty of ~female characters~ like Yikes City ahhhhh god thats such a fucking cursed realm like. the people so sexist they should be banned from depicting girls and women in any medium. and banned in general God Anyways And Yeah like. the terrible relationships thing too.........like really, this is what you think is appealing???? its too clear sometimes when some man writing this kind of stuff has NO real idea how to think of a woman as an actual person and if they’re trying to write from that perspective it’s like “oh, let’s throw in a ‘smh boys are so stupid and sexist’ thought to realistically depict what it must be like to experience misogyny” and “something about a bra idk” and then call it a day, and if they’re trying to write Romance it’s just like....this Incredible Love that’s truly out of nowhere and they never bother explaining what sustains this, or they decide that the reason bitches liked pride & prejudice is totally because she thought he was a jerk and they fought but then it was like wait nvm we’re in love, right?? and they make that into like, some dude being able to be a total asshole and a really detrimental force in some girl’s life and somehow this Intensity can just be translated into Romantic Intensity no problem, it’s fine that like, they’re not even friends and who knows how to believe they can just get along in regular life and the guy is probably super disrespectful and diminishes her but whatever its fine All Of This And More.....there are so many terrible and annoying ways they do m/f relationships and it’s Really easy to just make it decently written!!! i mean of course sometimes there’s m/f ships that i think are tolerably written and i don’t hate it but also don’t particularly care one way or another but a small / hetero-leaning fandom will like Never Shut Up About It and it’s like ok please shut up about it......i mean really i definitely don’t ever go into any new piece of media expecting to give a shit about any Guy Girl couple. it was a pleasant but total surprise that i really like jeremy/christine (which is not me disavowing the nb lesbian jeremy hc by any means lol) and it was NOT complicated why!!! really in fact a couple of the biggest reasons i found it Especially Good is like, ten seconds in total lmao and it’s “jeremy and christine cracking up by squawking at each other on the couch” and “jeremy doing that Ecstatic Stimming Twirl after kissing christine for 0.003 seconds” lmao.....like!!!! consider showing that the characters can actually have genuine fun interacting with each other for longer than five seconds!!!! give us a single reason why they’d be drawn to each other As People!!! it’s notttt thaaaat harrrrrd aaaaaaaaaA THE WEIRD CHARACTERS yeah i love a true Quirky character and not in the like.....bad clichéd quirky way but like. just someone who’s weird!! the nerdy awkward guys who manifest this by like....maybe being a tiny bit socially clumsy are like, boring and whatever a dime a dozen. but when people are funky and in a sort of fun way and it’s genuinely part of how they interact with others....it’s real relatable lmao i don’t have any very Weird Persona at this point but back in the day i did a bit moreso b/c like, firstly interacting w ppl tended to make me Nervous so it’s like ah hell i’ll do a bit. and then also there’s the classic “well i have this Weirdness abt me that i can’t turn off that ppl seem to dislike, so i’ll put on this extra layer of weirdness that i can try to be vaguely entertaining with.” and then you aren’t popular at all still lol but at least you’ve got your niche amongst whoever does actually like you.....Weird Quirky Guys characters are fun and like, it’s funny that nato of the black suits is Like That in terms of being a lil weirdo who just kind of does his thing in his corner and might Say Something About Anything Apropos Of Nothing as his conversational style and he’s apparently that superlative student type but doesnt seem to actually give a shit and just has his specific interest and depression.......it’s like oh jeez!!! relatable lmao!!! everyone who has a kind of Veneer of communicating a bit erratically and maybe just always throwing out random shit when interacting with others to hope something sticks......but also the strangeness doesn’t even have to be at all performative b/c it’s rarer but super fun when there’s characters who do have that kind of more inherent weirdness that they can’t turn off that really puts people off despite like....them not really doing anything lol....now THAT’S what i call A Timeless Mood it’s funny lmao like i totally have clear Character Types and i always go for those ppl on the same general wavelength as me but it can be a bit Unpredictable and nuanced which ones will actually be adopted into the faves category......like naturally i go for the un-cool passionate excitable types but if someone’s real like, mad energetic or demanding/loud im like oops you lost me. i like people who like to / want to Socialize / have relationships but sometimes if they’re too outgoing / have that natural success at it all / are obv free of anxiety im like, again, you’ve lost me. you truly never know!! only the Most relatable can survive!! one that might seem like they should be a fave on paper might super annoy me lol or just generate Zero interest.......it’s nice to be surprised by which characters really strike a chord lol

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Known for her confessional indie-rock, Deanna Petcoff announces debut album To Hell With You, I Love You out April 8 2022 via Royal Mountain Records, as well as sharing emotive lead single ‘Devastatingly Mediocre’.

The word that jumps to mind when hearing her music for the first time is “yearning”. A whirlwind of emotions, her debut record To Hell With You, I Love You is a reckoning with the loss of a relationship, documenting the aggressive highs and deeply emotional lows that come from falling out of love.

Written about how dating can be mundane, Petcoff says about the new single: "I wrote this song when my friend was dating the most boring guy alive. He really was so normal, met the bare minimum of being a decent person, and yet she was so infatuated with him. At first I wrote this as a joke because I always called him devastatingly mediocre just to tease her, but when I showed it to my band they loved it and we decided to make it something real. I think it actually holds a lot of meaning for a lot of people-- it's so easy to fall in love with someone just because you want to be in love, regardless of whether or not it really works."

The playful video was directed by Michael Pugacewicz and Paige Foskett, where they said, "We wanted to capture the essence of repeating a vicious cycle with dating - how easy and relatable it is to keep dating the same person over and over until you learn whatever lesson you’re supposed to learn. We felt like this song really begged us to lean into the campy early 2000’s Avril Lavigne skater boy visuals, including the use of a handy cam to elevate the timelessness of this type of love interest, especially since we are seeing a comeback of this era. It was fun for us to put Deanna on a pedestal and give her the power in this video."

To Hell With You, I Love You:

01. Failing Upwards 02. Trash Bag 03. That's What I Get 04. I Don't Wanna Wake Up 05. As Much As I Can 06. Devastatingly Mediocre 07. I Don't Wanna Get Over You 08. I Didn't Lie 09. If You Were Me 10. Sing With Me

Photo credit: Nadia Doss

[the-bad-studyblr-blog]

5 jun 2019: stuff to learn

hm also, i think i wanna actually use - or rather, write on - tumblr for a little while... I’m gonna try out a couple of MOOCs and I figured it’d be cool to compile a couple of notes from those courses because I’ve been super bored and sad lately. It’ll certainly be far more productive and less emotional+expensive than stanning... gotta replace a bad habit with a better one, right? that’s how it works? 

hey maybe this WILL turn out to be a studyblr of sorts then! or not. idk. anyhow, the MOOCs I wanna try out first:

coursera:

Learning How to Learn: Powerful mental tools to help you master tough subjects [https://medium.com/swlh/8-timeless-skills-to-learn-now-in-under-8-hours-to-change-your-life-forever-75e7b339373a}

Programming for Everybody (Getting Started with Python)

Learn to Speak Korean 1

edX: 

Microsoft: DEV262x Logic and Computational Thinking

Microsoft: DEV236x Introduction to Python: Absolute Beginner

there are other things i wanna try too - writing, drawing, storytelling... unfortunately I’m not in the habit of being creative or funny or amusing. I hope it’s something that I can become more of though. I think i’d like myself more if i was funny. I suppose that’s what this is about. I want to learn all these things just so that I can have something to like about myself. So that I can be useful and needed by other people too I guess?

it feels a little strange. a lot of art was produced as a manifestation of pain. the little snippets of beautiful writing in the writing tag is often from that place. i dont think I have it in me to make something like that. ugh but now am i romanticising pain??? it’s clear that we all prefer to not be hurt and that it’s a blessing to have lived without suffering so i really need to stfu lol

if im being honest, there’s a lot of self-sabotaging fear I guess. I’ve never accomplished anything I wanted because I never truly committed to those things. Heck, I didnt even use this tumblr in the lead up to the IB exams like I had wanted to. hm. adding to that, I’ve just always been accustomed to not saying or sharing things, of always relying on somebody else because that way, I’d never have to take on any responsibility for ANY potential backlash? actually, I think a part of it is that im always confused by what is offensive and what is not? I don’t want to be hurting anybody, especially not by accident... I’m a wuss :/ can i really overcome my wussiness to just come up with something?

oof i cant believe i always avoid saying this but most of all i just wanna do something related to music. singing, songwriting, music production... i just have ZERO background in music but there’re a lot of resources on the internet so there’s no excuse anymore. i just. need to get over myself. and suck. 

[ethanxmonroe]

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SURVEY

1. If it’s 1am and you’re still awake and wanting to talk to someone, who do you call and what do you talk about?

I’d probably call Ian, mostly because I’d know for sure that I wouldn’t disturb him. He’s one of the people I know would be awake because that man is absolutely insane and apparently doesn’t require a regular sleeping schedule. If I’d catch him, which doesn’t always happen because he might be out with friends, we usually just talk about our day or about why I’m still up because let’s be real here…I’m boring. I like my sleep. So I tend to go to bed around 1 am, maybe 2 if I’m feeling frisky and I get way too lazy to talk around that time so something would most likely be up or I'd just be missing him.

2. Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

It really depends on the situation. Sometimes you wanna be held, sometimes you wanna hold someone, you know? So I really have no preference. It’s just something that comes with the mood or with what’s more convenient. I’m happy being both.

3. If you could only listen to one band/artist for the rest of your life, who would it be?

Oh shit - that one’s just mean because so many come to mind. I love all those classic 80′s rock bands but even there I couldn’t just choose one and I feel like I’d get tired of them either way if I had to listen to them for the rest of my life. I’ve always loved Led Zeppelin, maybe Queen - those are the most timeless bands that I could think of just now.

4. What kind of drunk are you?

I’m an awfully excited drunk. I love everything and everyone - believe me, it’s bad. I just get really emotional about life, my loved ones or anything really! Some might say there’s no difference to the way I usually am but everything is just ten times more heightened. Unless I get pissed off, I’m a very peaceful, happy drunk usually.

5. Are you a team player or do you prefer to go solo?

That is also something that depends on the circumstances. In general, I am a team player for sure but when it comes to work related stuff, I like to do my own thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with people who inspire me and I accept help and all that but I have no problem doing things by myself and being in control over it. Sometimes that’s the only way I can keep my head in the game but I can definitely deal with both.

6. When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?

The thing is, I knew pretty early on that I wanted to work in the theater world and do makeup but I also really wanted to become a professional football player for the longest time - don’t ask me what happened.

7. What’s your ultimate feel good/pick me up TV show or film?

Anything by Disney! I love myself a good Disney movie when I’m feeling down. There are too many of them that I just adore so I couldn’t possibly choose just one! If it’s not Disney, it’s gotta be Rocky Horror though! Or The Wizard of Oz…that’s an all time favorite of mine, too.

8. What is one scent that reminds you of home? Why?

Nature. Just the raw scent of nature. Fresh air, the woods - anything earthy and clean. I spent a whole lot of time playing outside or going on camping trips back when I was a kid. I wanted to live out in the wild when I was a teenager, I’ve always felt really connected to it. Another scent is my mom’s perfume though, she always moved around the house like a whirlwind so every room smelled like her and what can I say - I’m a proud momma’s boy so that’s one scent that’s gotta stick, right?

9. If you were given a blank piece of paper and a pen, what would happen?

I’m a doodler so doodles would happen for sure! It’s always, I always scribble and draw on pieces of paper. I also like making lists so I might just go ahead and write one accompanied with random doodles and sketches.

10. What are your top three most used emojis?

😘 🙄 😜

[thotyssey]

On Point With: Elizabeth James

Sporting a diversity of glam looks and a stage presence that’s both weirdly funny and seriously smart, this queen has been turning the party in both Brooklyn and Manhattan for a few years now. And with her “always look ahead” attitude, she’ll be evolving and conquering our venues for years to come. Let’s get into Elizabeth James!

Thotyssey: Hello, Miz Liz! How’s the week been so far?

Elizabeth James: Good morning love, my week has been great. Oh, the promise of spring! This has been a pretty mild winter so far, only that one blizzard that turned out to be kinda meh. Did that one ruin any of your gigs that night, or plans? No, I was actually off that night so had a great dinner and watched old movies. Perfect! As a way-booked queen, do you get to have a reasonable amount of downtime, or is your life like 93% drag-related? I work a lot, whether it's on stage or not. Liz is somewhat all-consuming. But my days off are usually Monday and Tuesday, and I really make it a point to disconnect and put my focus on things outside of my career. That keeps me fresh, but it took a while to earn those days off.

I bet! You certainly put a lot into Liz. How long have you been doing drag now?

It's been four years now, New Year's Eve is my drag anniversary. That's interesting! What made you want to try drag on NYE? I lived in Nashville, TN at the time, and a guy we knew asked my friend Kaleb and I if we would host his party in drag. When my first song ended, I remember running back stage and telling my friends “Something special just happened.” I was hooked. I heard that you named yourself “Elizabeth James” after a certain photograph.

Yes. One of Elizabeth Taylor taking a nap in James Dean’s lap. But that was long before drag; I thought I would name a puppy that, or maybe an adopted daughter. Never thought I would do drag. Truly.

I love that her face is on the gossip mag he is reading:

That is adorable! Human, but still glamorous.

'Human but still glamorous' I think that maybe the perfect description of Me. Absolutely! Mostly glamorous, though. 

You've spoken about how you had to cut ties with your mom and stepdad at a young age because they didn't accept your sexuality. Do you think they'll ever be able to get over that hump? No, I don't. But I also don't think I'm missing out on anything by not having a relationship with them. Things happen in your life that may seem wrong at the time, but end up being such a blessing. If they hadn't done that, I would still be living in Kentucky trying to make them love me. And now you're in NY and everybody here loves you... it's their loss! Having a Trump in the White House validates people who have intolerance towards “alternate” lifestyles, of course. Everything is validation to the ignorant, because they don't understand the true meaning of their choices. And very little chance getting through to them. Gilda Wabbit is also from Kentucky, is it possible that there are more Kentucky-born drag queens in New York than there are in KY? So funny to think about how I thought of it then. Drag, like being an artist or dancer or something, isn't a thing you realize is a possibility. I imagine there are just as many drag queens in every location of the world; they just don't see the possibility.

I'm sure that's true. So what brought you to NY specifically: did you want the lifestyle, or were you maybe looking for a career in performing in some capacity?

I was offered a job as Liz, and things literally just fell into place, so I did it. Best decision I have ever made! Where was that? Sugarland, of course! I worked with a blogger at the time in Nashville name “Holly Hollywood,” and her publisher sent us around to interview different people in nightlife across the northeast. New York, and more specially Sugarland, was our last stop. I was offered a job on the spot and a free couch. I arrived in Chinatown October 15th at 11am with a suitcase and $35. It was [originally] $75, but I paid my phone bill and got a bag of Cheetos at a gas station on the way up.

The first time I ever saw you perform was at the old Boots & Saddle on Christopher Street. You did lots of guest spots at first, and eventually hosted your own weekly show there.

Boots was a hell hole, but It did teach me how to carry a show. Sink or swim, you are there for two hours. After sinking a few times, you make it a point to swim.

I will also say that [”head” Boots queen at the time] Victoria Chase was always so good to me, and taught me so much about the business. And I miss her directness. 

I always liked your sense of humor as a performer, kind of warm and kooky, but smart. Untitled Queen compared you to Goldie Hawn. Is that your natural state, or does that have to be turned on when you're on stage? 

I'm fully myself. I love performing, and I love making jokes. And the only way for me to be good at either one is to be me. The thing that Liz does for me is give me the freedom to put my mind in the shoes of different people. And of course, my life is what I talk about on stage and in my comedy. My look informs my performances, and my performances are informed by my life.  You certainly do not have a specific look; I've seen you go very high glam and very downtown chic, and everything in between and beyond. People tell me all the time I should be one look. But the people who enjoy what I do enjoy change and diversity. I love to push things and try new ideas. It doesn't always work at first, but I always find it. 

Do you have style icons?

It's tough to give a name. But I think my style is more so influenced by inspiring personalities. One well-written line of dialogue or lyric can give me weeks of visuals to play off. Interesting! You hosted a Rocky Horror screening back in October.

Yes, for Pace University.

That movie must've been an influence style-wise, right? Even that... I was sort of a hybrid of different personalities from that. I'm not an impersonator, I don't have that level of self control. I will never directly copy. There is no point to it. I bet you could do a mean Cher, though. Oh, I love her! Do you know, in 5th grade when “Believe” came out, my teachers would pull me out of class into the empty halls of my small town Kentucky elementary school to do my Cher impersonation!? They loved it! I laugh about that all the time. Drag was my destiny!

I can see that! So, I imagine you must miss Sugarland and another now-closed Brooklyn venue where you performed, TNT, quite a lot. No, I really don't miss them. I had a blast there, and those times in my life were important, but I don't hold on to things in that way. No point, just slows you down. I love my shows much more now. I had worked at those places from the time I arrived in New York, so I was a different person, and it was time to move forward. Things don't close because they are doing well. And nostalgia is boring.

I know what you mean about nostalgia. It's especially boring, I think, when people just try to recreate something that was successful in its time. I'm thinking right now of all these live action remakes of classic Disney animated films, which I don't see the appeal of at all. 

But you wouldn't, because you have your set of memories about those works. So the “new” isn't necessarily for you, it’s to inspire the young ones who don't care about the versions we grew up loving. (This is clearly the proverbial “you” and not pointing directly at you.) But I think it's weird that a live action version would be more appealing to today's youth than animation. I figured animation would be timeless.

I think the energy of live action feels fresh to people. That’s why Reality TV is so big: it feels in the moment, when done correctly. But animation: come on, I love colors! whats your favorite classic animated film.... classic meaning anything before the glory and awe of Pixar?

As far as Disney goes, probably Pinocchio? Creepy and beautiful and sweet and devastating, all at once.  Pinocchio is amazing.... the color stories through it are really special. What's  your favorite? Peter Pan... But [as far as characters go] I liked Cinderella the most, because i felt she had a quiet sass. But the pixie dust is beautiful!

Okay, let's gab about gigs! I actually wanna start with Manhattan. You and your partner-in-crime Ruby Roo are the toast of the borough! In the West Village, your Sunday night show at the Duplex with her, "Two For The Show," just turned three years-old, and you have quite a following there. What's the best part of doing this show for you?

Duplex is such a special baby. We were so new when that show happened for us, and we have grown up with that show. So it’s now finding a solid ground of success three years later, and Ruby and I both seeing our past dreams come true is incredible. And the staff there, including Tony our manager and the venue’s owner, have let us figure it out and learn our craft through it. That doesn't happen in entertainment very often, where you either HIT or you’re out.

You two have the longest-running drag show there, and all the other queens on the roster also happen to be Lips girls. Do they ever try to recruit you into that fold?

No, I think everyone understands that’s not a good fit. But those girls work hard and are 100% professional, Ruby included. You and Ruby are now also lighting up Hardware in Hell’s Kitchen with SLAY Saturdays! I imagine that's a pretty different scene from the West Village and Brooklyn. How well do you mesh there--or do you not think about it in those terms? You have to think about it in those terms--because this is a business, and one size does not fit all. Hardware is a different thing, but from Night One we had people coming out to say how much they loved coming to Brooklyn to see us. We unknowingly already had a great following in that area. 

Plus, everyone in HK has dreams in their eyes, they sparkle when they walk in. Its fun to see. All the Broadway babes! Yea they’re glittery! But Brooklyn is my home, and nothing beats home, and all the charming people in it.

Which brinks us to BK! Your long-running Wednesday party and show at Metropolitan Bar, CAKES--starring you, DJ Horrorchata and Untitled, is fun--and there's bare butts, so it's even more fun in my book. Is it usually a chore to get guys to enter the Best Butt contest?

Not at all.... I hate audience participation in most cases, but that’s so much harmless, sexy fun. And you tell a room of cute guys and girls they can win $50 for showing what they just shared on Instagram, they are always down. It amazes me how every Wednesday is such a blast, great way to start my work week! We have also added Hannah Lou as our DJ, alongside Chatta. Oh, nice! She seemed to be DJing every party in Brooklyn now. She’s a hard worker and talented-- I like her a lot!

You also host a show called ”Air Play” at Metro’s sister bar, Macri Park, right?

It's the first and third Friday at midnight. I do two sets and I keep it low-key. It's like my living room, and I love it.

And now: RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9! Is hosting a Drag Race viewing party, and the whole culture of the show, a necessary evil for you--or do you get into it? Its a cute time. I’ve hosted at a new place each year, just because, why not? This year i am at a place in Bushwick called The Well, and I believe it’s the best venue for a viewing in Brooklyn. The setup, the sound: it’s right. And it’s a great stage for a good follow-up show, hosted by me of course. Do straight or mixed audiences get just as in to the show as a room full of queens? That show is for everyone. I’m happy to see it on VH1; I think it’s only going to grow the audience.

So this is a dangerous question maybe, but who's team are you on, queen-wise? Aja. Nothing against anyone else, but the girl deserves every bit of good fortune given to her. She is so incredible, and has worked her ass off for everything she’s ever had. Special person, true discipline. Shes amazing!  Anything else to mention? I work 4-5 nights a week. Follow me on Instagram or add me on Facebook--I post everything! And I really am proud of all my shows. So come to the one that works best for you!

By the way, I like the video you put together awhile back to Echo Friendly’s “Same Mistakes.” It’s very stylish and bittersweet. Any more projects like that in the future for you?

I am currently working on a few projects... TBA.

And I caught an old clip of Misty Meaner joking on the mic that you hate everybody. Were you in the room when she said that? I wasn’t there, and I don’t hate everyone. I’m just not available to everyone. I would never think you hated anyone, you're always lovely! So, lastly: what’s your favorite part of drag?

Knowing people believe in you.

Yasss. And what's least favorite thing about drag in NYC, or in general? Drag in general: being hot. And in NYC, it’s taking the subway in heels. But I have to live that fantasy through, so don’t tell me to put on a flat. Like the prostitute once said, "it’s not the work, it’s the stairs."

Keep climbing, gurl, and thank you!

Elizabeth James co-hosts “CAKES” with Untitled Queen and Horrorchata at Metropolitan Bar on Wednesdays (10pm), and hosts “Air Play” at Macri Park monthly on first and third Fridays (midnight). With Ruby Roo, she co-hosts “SLAY Saturdays” at Hardware (10pm) and “Two For The Show” at the Duplex (Sundays, midnight). This season, she hosts the “RuPaul’s Drag Race” viewing party at The Well (8pm). Check here for other scheduled appearances. Follow Liz on Facebook, Instagram & YouTube.

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