#perfect man doesn't exist

[silly--fangirl]

me: *reading about lucien* *giggling, kicking my feet, swooning*

me, after then looking at real men: THEY DON'T MAKE THEM HOW I LIKE IT

[goldensunset]

i really do think terra would be the final boss for therapists. yeah i know everyone in kh has low self esteem and scrambled memories and repressed ptsd and guilt etc etc don't get me wrong they all need serious help. but there's that and then there's getting your very being split into three parts remaining separate for over a decade. mere fragments of his being trying to hold onto themselves. he was torn apart mind body and soul. and this is BEFORE you factor in the problems he already had and the strong anger and grief etc etc. he walks into the therapist's office and they're completely baffled within the first five minutes of listening to him talk because literally what is he even saying? how do you even begin to dissect that

[uncanny-tranny]

I don't think we can "cure dysphoria" in people simply by putting less emphasis on what a "good man" and "good woman" or whatever else means, but I can't help but wonder if that would just take the pressure off of us to be perfect.

A lot of my dysphoria didn't stem from this, but I think it would have helped immensely if I was shown guys like me. If I knew I was valued as I was, and not for trying to "prove myself" worthy of love, transition, and, ultimately, happiness.

I don't think we can magic away peoples' dysphoria, but I don't think it will help to keep so much pressure on trans people and dysphoric people to be perfect all the fucking time no matter what.

[running-in-the-dark]

I know I've thought about this plenty of times before, but it really sucks being someone who likes things very intensely and defines themselves by their interests a lot, when you were/are always surrounded by people who do nothing but make fun of everything you like.

[earl-grey-love]

Yknow thinking about Joan this morning, I realized I forgot to put my boyfriend from mad m. on my carrd. Oopsie daisies.

[welcometogrouchland]

Also, vaguely related to the last post: I do think sometimes ppl overstate the like. Importance of religion/Christian culture when writing about the Wittebane brothers-

(not that it's not a very strong element of the story that Philip is a critique of Christian institutions, but rather bc, based on what we know, both of them stopped holding explicit Christian values at some point during adulthood, if they ever really cared and weren't just witch-hunting for social clout/material gains like the reenactment in thanks to them shows. Philip only uses it as an ideological shield to buster his own notion of heroism, as in, he knows Christianity is Good but he can't be bothered to actually demonstrate it's values (like not murdering your brother) which fits with his primary metaphor as a colonist/modern conservative.(bc something something social norms and dominant groups and excuse to commit heinous crimes you know are heinous but are apathetic towards) and uh. I think it's safe to say Caleb wasn't super concerned about things like sex w/in marriage when he was already bumping a supposed 'servant of the dark' (Evelyn, my faceless darling beloved). Okay, tangent over)

-but I will be the first to admit that, as an ex-catholic, sometimes applying a twisted version of the imagery associated with Christianity to a story about murder and betrayal fucks severely. even if I don't think it would hold great significance to Philip as a person/character if he were to creepily hum "oil in my lamp" as he lights the ring of fire that he and Caleb have their death match in (he's sooooo culturally Christian who considers himself an enlightened atheist on Reddit core)...the idea and how it'd look to us as an audience? Based.

[purplesaline]

Trigger warning for medically assisted death

I learned something today. As a Canadian I'm incredibly lucky that we have access to MAID (medical assistance in dying). Not to say it doesn't have it's issues, which it does and I have no problem being very loud about those issues, but when you have a family member suffering from terminal cancer and they've exhausted all possible treatments that have a chance if prolonging their life those issues don't really come into play. That's not what I learned by the way, just a little bit of background.

What I learned is that gathering to be with your loved one while they die is very similar to a funeral. In fact, for me at least, it's more effective than a funeral.

Funerals are supposed to be a way to allow people to say goodbye to someone who has died, to get closure. More often than not there wasn't a chance to do that before the person died. It allows you to get together and remember the person and grieve, and for a lot of people that works really well. It's never really helped me much though. Between my ADHD "Now" and "Not Now" time blindness and object stasis (it's not really onject impermanence bit that's a discussion for another time), and my belief that there is no after life, we just.. end, a funeral doesn't provide me any of that closure it seems to for most people. The only thing a funeral does is cause me pain because I'm overwhelmed by seeing so many people emotionally hurting.

But gathering as a family today with my mom, getting to say goodbye to her and have her say goodbye to us, having the support of other people who loved her as much as I did while we watched her fall asleep and then stop breathing, and then going back to the house with everyone to eat and help each other co-regulate? That was as much closure as I think my weirdly wired brain is ever going to be able to get.

I don't have much experience with death. The only two people in my life who have died were very old (80+), so I didn't know how I would handle being there today. I thought it might be too hard, seeing everyone be so sad. I wasn't worried about my own grief, I long ago accepted this outcome and I'm very happy she had the option to die with dignity and go out on her own terms, but I was worried about how I'd cope with other people's grief.

It wasn't hard though, it was quite the opposite. It was one of the easiest things I've ever done. I think a large part of that was that no one was uncomfortable seeing other people upset (like they usually are), and we were all really happy for her and grateful so there was no resentment or denial, just sadness and relief.

Actually I take that back. Lance was very distressed to see so many people upset and not be able to fix it. I had him in his vest for the first time in years (mom was in the hospital and I didn't want to leave Lance in the car case while I could have managed without him it was so much easier with him there. I took a couple of decompression breaks and we went and visited some of the other patients which always makes me happy).

But other than Lance no one else was uncomfortable and it was really just an incredibly cathartic experience and I'm really glad I chose to go (mom gave us the option. She said she'd like us there but it was okay if we didn't want to be). I knew I'd regret it down the line if I didn't go, and that instinct was spot on.

I'm sure that not everyone will find the experience as positive and healing as I did, but if you ever find yourself in the position to choose whether or not to be there with someone as they die and you're one the fence about it I hope this helps you make a more informed choice, whichever option ends up being the best one for you.

For me, this experience granted me a peace above and beyond my acceptance of her death that I wasn't expecting, and I'm really grateful for that. If I was a spiritual person I'd even say I was blessed.

I love you so much mom. You fought so hard and I'm so glad that your last moments got to be peaceful ones.

[gschamig]

I just think it's so sad that we don't get to experience the same things because we don't speak the same language cause there's this German artist who makes tiktoks and compliments the viewer at the end of each video and I just wish I could share that show

[allmyoldhaunts]

ok the ted lasso episode really got to me. there is love and acceptance on the other side of things

[jewishcissiekj]

Oh waitttttt I love Medstar

[somewhat-bored]

Cleo x Ellington shippers, hear me out:

Same dynamic.

[yangjeongin]

i swear i love lovestay so much but i will either cry or come close to tears Every time i hear it i have  problems

[catsnuggler]

Shocker of shockers, but the folks who know salmon seasons, know where the watering holes and rivers are, know how to grow crops with little to no annual rainfall or irrigation, built sturdy homes that weathered well, know how local animals sound and how to imitate them and hunt them effectively, could tell nutritious roots from deadly poisons, could make life-saving poultices from plants that seem innocuous to the untrained eye, whose ancestors lived there thousands and thousands of years just might, you know, maybe, possibly, small chance, just uh, theoretically speaking, know a thing or two about how to live and, furthermore, not die, in their own homelands. You know. Just saying. Maybe. Just a thought. Just throwing it out there.

[freezing82]

I was wondering if there's anything Ben Barnes can't do. He's a real artist. He can play the piano, the guitar and the drums. (I won't be even remotely surprised if we find out he can play any other instrument.) He has an amazing soothing voice and his acting is always stellar. Not to mention the fact that's he's an absolute gem of a human being overall. Well mannered, thoughtful. Handsome and sweet. Practically perfect in every way. 💗 I guess in 20/30 years time we're gonna find out he's an alien or something LOL

[arcadequeerz]

my family asks me where I see myself in 5 years and i just have no idea.

[ja0813]

VINCENT THE MAN YOU ARE