#personal rant in tags. reader beware:

[hamable]

“Don’t trust anything you think about your life after 9pm” I chant almost religiously as I consider buying a desktop and learning how to do VFX in Unreal Engine bc I’m spiraling about my current college/career prospects

[holyviolence]

soon im gonna post a playlist of how it feels to live in late stage capitalism and absolutely fucking hate it. this has no bearing on how i feel about my life.

[alexandriastark76]

What is haunting alison or whatever it was in your tags?

Thank you for asking! I’ve been waiting to rant about this for a while now!

Beware though, dear OP cause we go into a deep dive about abusive behaviours, non consensual acts, stalking, obsessive behaviour, psychological manipulation, gaslighting, rape, and overall graphic themes which (sarcastically) is dark romance for you.

Please do not go further if you are a minor or are triggered by heavy topics like these

Stay safe <3

So, Haunting Adeline is a mature themed book written by H. D. Carlton.

According to the summary at the back, this is what you get:

The Diamond.

Death walks alongside me but the reaper is no match for me. I'm trapped in a world full of monsters dressed as men, and those who aren't as they seem. They won't keep me forever. I no longer recognize the person I've become. And I'm fighting to find my way back to the beast who hunts me in the night. They call me a diamond. But they've only created an angel of death.

The Hunter.

I was born a predator, with ruthlessness ingrained in my bones, when what's mine is stolen from me in the night, like a diamond hidden within a fortress. I find that I can no longer contain the beast. Blood will paint the ground as I tear apart this world to find her, and bring her back to where she belongs. No one will escape my wrath, especially not those who have betrayed me.

(In my opinion, this already gets very cliche but let’s carry on I guess)

Actual summary however, is:

The book is about how Adeline forms a “relationship” with her stalker while she discovers who killed her great-grandmother (who also had a stalker), while from the stalker's point of view, he is looking for an organization that kills children while stalking and searching.

This isn’t bad, per se, but it is a very hypocritical setting for what happens later on.

Now, as we move onwards with the book, we see that Adeline Reilly lives in her gran’s house where she is being stalked by her stalker Zade Meadows. She seemingly goes on date (and has sex) with a guy who (she doesn’t know about it though) is a very intimately involved personnel in a child trafficking ring. Zade knows this, so, he kills him (if i recall correctly), cuts his hand off and mails it to Adeline with a rose and warns her to not go on a date anymore.

This happens a couple of times, her doing things (not specifically just going on dates, because she doesn’t go on dates anymore either) that grates him, and so on.

Direct excerpts:

This isn’t disturbing, at least according to the range of ‘dark romance’.

But this is where it gets bad.

One day, Zade comes over blinded by rage that Adeline let another man touch what is “his” aka Adeline herself (let’s not even talk about how dehumanising that is), and rapes her.

And I’m saying rape, because there is no other word with which you can describe it.

He walks in dead of the night, holds her at gunpoint and forces her to undress and then forces himself on her. And proceeds to assault her with that very gun.

Excerpt if you want:

This is where shit gets disturbing and frankly, disgusting, even by the dark romance standards.

Note that I keep saying the dark romance standards because readers have a habit to excuse such behaviours and actions by claiming that it is “dark romance” this is what means to read “dark” romance. That such disturbing themes are going to be there, and we should’ve “read the trigger warnings”.

Now, one might wonder, that there should not be any issue with CNC, but, let’s go back.

The question that rises is, is it truly CNC?

CNC is a kink among the BDSM community, which features Consensual Non Consent.

CNC, is a role play of sorts, which has pre-discussed boundaries, safewords, and proper communication between the people taking part in it. Which, might I remind, did not happen.

Zade storms in, there is no discussion, and assaults the girl who he calls “his” by the way.

Common argument against this made by fans are, “Adeline liked it, so it isn’t actually non consent.” Does reading Exhibit 5 make you feel like she liked it? She literally describes it as:

“My body is full of rage, humiliation, and shame—I know this. But it’s like my brain can’t process those emotions, so it’s just choosing to feel nothing at all.

Is this what trauma does? Knowing you’ve been violated but your body chooses to go numb instead?”

I beg your finest pardon but this does not sound like a person having enjoyed a deliberate sexual assault.

Finally we come to the topic that what is the issue of people with this book.

People, fans, readers, are not only idolising this behaviour (stalking, the apparent “CNC” and the rough way of assault) and before anyone comes to blab that “no one is idolising this blah blah blah”— one simple search on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok and the BikerTok apparently with Haunting Adeline edits will show you how much teenage girls and other people are fawning over a rapist. (If you still have doubts that Zade is not a rapist simply on the account that he helped trafficking victims, then you need to seriously re evaluate your moralities)

Such toxic/stalking behaviours have been labelled “sexy and hot” which frankly disgusts me that there are so many young people seeing this and becoming susceptible to abuse and toxicity.

No one wants to ban this book, we simply want people to stop romanticising it. What he does is not right, and to hold that shitty behaviour on high accord simply because the Stockholm Syndrome setting sets a rapist and his victim together, does not make it right. Real life stalkers are not pretty or sexy, why should we not hold the fictional ones accountable and then?

People will torch up actual morally grey characters for much less and then go lust over a fucking rapist.

Just because other readers are holding him accountable and criticising him does not make them snowflakes, it makes you look like a fan blind to the pretty privilege.

Booktok has developed a bad reputation because of readers like these, and considering most of the booktok does act as an apologist, it isn’t wrong to say that most of the booktok is ignorant to such characters and their atrocities.

In conclusion, we don’t want to censor the book, or criticise rhetoric writer for writing themes like these, it isn’t the worst of the “dark romance”, we simply want the author to tag it properly (it was NOT CNC) and for readers to not romanticise a rapist.

Hope that answers your question OP! Also, note that when I said You so many times, it was simply about the fans of this book series.

<3

[cookiesupplier]

Hell Aint So Bad - Part Twenty

pairing: Noah Sebastian x ofc (Ellie)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, mentions of torture, thoughts of religious ideology, minor violence, swearing, cheating. Also, for this chapter, CLOWNS.

summary: Ellie was lost in the world, homeless with no idea what to do and nowhere to go.. Who would have thought that one day, she’d end up working in hell itself.. And what does this even mean?

author’s note: Unbetaed, readers beware. And again, I leave you with Noah at the end.. I'd apologise, but...

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @emmmm127 @laurpartyprogram

Ellie had a good night with Nicholas, they sat, and they talked, but not about Noah. He kept to his agreement to avoid continuing with the subject of the other demon lord, and she appreciated that. Instead, they talked about everything else under the sun, almost. Movies, music, what was happening in the mortal world, and how reincarnation in effect worked now that it was in reality something that she had to think about. It was about the soul, about being reborn, a new life, that she wouldn’t be her as flesh and blood, that she was a new person. Which brought about the big question she just had to ask him. Could she become a cockroach in her next life? That was entirely something that she would not look forward to, ever, and if that was a possibility, she called bullshit on Jolly and Folio’s reasons for not doing it. Absolute bullshit!

Apparently, with the way Nicholas had explained it to her, with his amused grin after her little rant, only those who reincarnated without learning their lessons ended up that way, which shocked her. Ellie had been under the impression that they didn’t allow that, and Nicholas had shaken his head. There were levels of punishment, and while there were some that were here for eternity, there were others, that got to a point that any form of punishment became derivative and pointless. The souls themselves demanded reincarnation, and if those that punished them came to a point that they caved and gave in, that was exactly what happened. Maybe it wasn’t a cockroach, maybe it would be something equally detestable to the soul, but either way, it was always a vile gamble they had to make.

So, thankfully, if she chose to do this, she wouldn’t end up as a cockroach, and for that, she considered it a blessing, but also, the thought of becoming someone else, and having no control over what could happen in another life, she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She needed time to think. At that, Nicholas had nodded and agreed, that this wasn’t a decision anyone should take lightly. Hearing all of this, made everything with Jolly and Folio staying back from reincarnation make so much sense, she’d never questioned it too much before anyway, selfishly if she was honest, never wanting to consider the thought of losing her friends while she was here, but this just settled even more for her.

As a whole, the night just left her with so many questions, and yet, also, helped give her a little hope. Funny. Talking about being dead, finally talking about it, and what it meant, gave her hope.

The next morning, it wasn’t as hard to get out of bed. Not only that, Ellie got up, and she got dressed, made her food at home instead of a delivery this time… and then even managed to make it to work for the first time in over a week.

Ellie paused at the door to the office, taking in a breath, she could do this, she’d talked to Nicholas for hours last night. They were her friends, they were still her friends, it wasn’t like any of them had truly changed after all, it was just, different. Yes, in some ways it felt like her world had been turned on its head, literally upside down, inside out, all over again, just like when she came here in the first place. Just like when she first became homeless. She’d survived it before, she could survive it again. Ellie was a survivor, she always had been, right from childhood. She’d survived her birth mother who didn’t want her and abandoned her, a father and stepmother who had neglected her, friends that, were only her friends when it was convenient for her. When she’d needed them most, they’d all conveniently disappeared from her life. The streets had been no easier, though, surprising, Ellie would say living on the street, it was there she found kindness in some places than she had in the rest of the world. Then she had come to Hell. A whole new stage in her life, well, death.

Pushing the door open, she walked into the office to find Jolly and Folio already there. Not that it was that surprising, she was about an hour later than she would have usually arrived to work on a normal day.

“Sorry I’m late, only about a week, but I made it I guess?”

Glancing between them, there was a hesitation there, she could see it, they were wary. Ellie supposed she couldn’t blame them, she’d been avoiding them, for all they knew she was here to blow up and scream absolute fury at them for their part in the deception.. and that was, well…

“So, I was thinking, for lunch, pizzeria, down the road, who’s in?”

It wasn’t just that she forgave them for not telling her, it was that, and she wanted her friends back. If they had to build their friendships back up from scratch, she’d do it, if not…

She missed her friends so badly, and she felt so alone right now she needed them, her friends.

“Holy shit, YES!”

Folio was the first one to speak, which didn’t surprise her one little bit, as he was right there, jumping at the chance to rush over and wrap her up in a bear hug. His arms wrapped around her so tight she would swear that she couldn’t breathe for a second there, not that she really needed to, but even while dead, as a soul, it was kind of a second habit.

“Folio, can’t, breathe.”

Hearing him chuckle in response confused her for a second until she was patting him on the back and heard Jolly from off to the side, who was patting Folio’s shoulder,

“You’ll get used to not really needing to, Sweetheart, but come on, let her go, I want a hug too.”

When Folio let her go, she blinked at him, Jolly’s words sinking in, but despite knowing that he was right, and she didn’t need to, the human innate instinct to breathe kicked in, and there she was taking in a deep breath, letting the air fill her lungs. Looking over to Jolly, eyes wide, he just smiled to her warmly,

“Don’t worry, we all do it. Just because we don’t need to, doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good. It actually feels a bit like a high if you can stop breathing long enough before taking that first sweet breath. Such a rush. My record for not breathing is half an hour.”

“TWO HOURS!”

Folio exclaimed with a bright grin, proud that he could claim the title here, as competitive as ever, Ellie just laughed, shaking her head, ridiculous. Of course, he would take pride in that. However, the fact that Jolly actually threw in the titbit about not breathing about experiencing a high, prompted her to raise an eyebrow at him, which was, wow, cheeky. She wondered what other things they could get up to being dead that they hadn’t told her about before.

“That was while you were drunk, and right before you passed out on the floor. No one can prove whether passed out from the liquor or the lack of oxygen, or both.”

“Despite the fact that neither of those things is supposed to have quite the same effect on him in Hell as they used to?”

“Exactly.”

Jolly raised an eyebrow as he smiled, Ellie got his point crystal clear as Folio rolled his eyes, waving off the entire back and forth between them, declaring them as bullying him and deciding that making fun of him was pointless, he was better when it came to this no matter what. Even against demons, they might have fantastic lung capacity, but they actually needed to breathe. They were alive and while they could probably rival Jolly’s half an hour, apparently not Folio’s two hours, not at all. Human, souls, while their bodies functioned normally, sure, but it was just different here, in Hell, it was confusing to think about really, not needing to breathe, but still feeling hungry and eating. See, confusing! Where was the line? All Ellie could think, when it came down to it, was magic. Answer to everything, right? Right. Otherwise, she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. As it was, bonding with these two in a whole different way than before, over being dead and what that meant for them, it was going to be interesting indeed.

Giving into a Jolly hug was sweet, his arms wrapping around her soft and warm after being accosted by her Folio hug, giggling softly as he hugged her tightly, and said softly,

“Good to have you back Sweetheart, I’ve been going crazy dealing with his zoomies every day.”

Smiling as he let her go, Folio and his zoomies, honestly, he was like one of those tiny little puppy dogs sometimes, running around with no off switch. Not that any of them told him that. Mostly because if they dared, he’d probably get that puppy dog awful pout on his face and whine at them about it. But at least it also made him easier to handle, fun, games, and treats! Even so, she was sure Jolly would have been just fine without her, he had been before her, and he would have been again, when she’d said that to him, he’d just turned and given her a look, just because he would have been, didn’t mean he wanted to be, because life changed with friends, and friends changed you.

The souls that came through the office for the morning were thankfully pretty quiet, and easy to handle for her first day back with the guys, and they could skip off to lunch, which, ever since she had mentioned the pizzeria, Folio hadn’t let her forget it. Her shout, he made sure to remind her, not that any of them had to pay, but still, it was a principle of the thing. She said she would, so, that was how it went.

Once they got to the pizzeria, Nicholas joined them,

“I’d asked how you knew where we were, but then I’d come back to mind reading.”

They had all laughed at that, it had become an ongoing gag in the months she’d been in Hell, every time it had come up, they’d had a good laugh about it. It felt good to know that despite her issues, that joke wasn’t going to disappear any time soon either. She was okay with that, it was nice to know that they hadn’t treated her differently, even if she did notice they had tip-toed around some subjects. As it was, it was on the top of her tongue right now, to ask about whether the resident food thief of the group was going to show his face at any point during lunch. She didn’t though. As much as Noah was always in the back of her mind, the thought of bringing him up, asking about him, made her feel a little sick, she didn’t want to know.

So she just kept the thought to herself.

It was a cowardly move, she knew, but he also wasn’t here.

He wasn’t here, and she hadn’t gotten another message from him since Nicholas had arrived at her doorstep last night.

She knew she hadn’t, because she’d been checking her phone, compulsively.

As much as Ellie might not want to admit to that, she had been. Yes, she has said to Nick that she didn’t know if she could forgive him, but that didn’t mean her feelings for the man, the demon, had completely disappeared. As painful as they were with the massive secret, the fact that he’d lied to her for months while involved with her, and no matter how he swung it, he had lied to her. The others were her friends, Noah had been more. Ellie missed him. It hurt thinking about him, but she did miss him.

She didn’t want to see him, but she missed him.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if dying, made things easier to handle, instead of just as complicated as ever?

Seems she wasn’t that lucky, not even close.

Didn’t stop her from enjoying lunch with Jolly, Folio and Nicholas at least. Sure it was pizza, again, but it was a meal that was easy to share with friends. You could order any number of toppings on a pizza and people would pick off what they didn’t like, it worked just fine with Ellie. Despite this, they still ended up with three pies on the table between the four of them. That's what happened when one of them was a demon, and two of them were grown men, one of which was a hyperactive puppy that would take a challenge and try to eat them all under the table with a look. There was no look today.

Ellie’s weakness was garlic bread anyway, so she was good, she got some of the extra cheesy kind to share.

They spent lunch laughing and joking, talking about the last week, about the souls that had passed through, and joking about everything that Ellie had missed out on. Apparently, there had been one guy who had walked through the office in a clown costume, in a full-on clown costume, squeezing a honking horn in his hand with each step he made. That was his only means of communication. Just hearing about him truly gave Ellie the heebie-jeebies and made her glad she hadn’t been then, when Folio saw her shudder as they talked about him, he raised an eyebrow.

“What, clowns are creepy, okay, don’t look at me like that!”

“Well, this one certainly was.”

Jolly agreed, with a nod, Folio agreeing immediately  as well before Nicholas gave him a look with a glance to Ellie,

“What..”

She looked between the three of them and cringed slightly,

“What did he do, oh no, oh damn, he’s in Hell, still in his clown costume.. Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

Nicholas reached over and patted her hand gently.

“You better tell me, otherwise I will think of the worst-case scenario,”

“Serial killer.”

Folio supplied succinctly,

“Kids?”

“Nope, no kids, never kids.”

“Oh, good, 'cause that was the worst case.. Good.. good..well, I mean, not good.”

Her face flushed as she babbled a little, shaking her head, she had just not wanted him to kill kids.

“You know what I mean.”

The guys chuckled at her awkwardness, but they were okay, they were all okay, and no more talk of creepy serial killer clowns please and thank you. No. No more.

It was later that night when she was in her comfy PJ’s, the long warm ones, sort of, not that they were a matching set, they were mostly just lounge pants and an old soft worn shirt of Noah’s, it was comfy, and he’d left it here one night so she’d appropriated it. She’d not worn it all week, but after today, and how much she missed him, she was, she was just weak, okay? So, while she was staring at her phone, considering texting him, but no clue what she’d even say to him… she was wearing it, her finger tapping against the side of her phone as she stared at the screen, and then she heard a knock at the door.

Sighing, she got to the door and opened it, only to be greeted by the sight of a demon lord on the other side.

“Noah.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[mariana-oconnor]

Tagging on AO3

Because I've come across this a number of times in the past few weeks and I know other places work differently:

On AO3, you don't need to add variations of your tags.

What I mean by that is if you are tagging a certain ship, you don't need to tag "Name A/Name B" and "Name B/Name A" and "ABShipname". AO3 has a system that's pretty well established now that, with the help of many tag wranglers* (All Hail the Tag Wranglers) behind the scenes, does that for you. All of those tags are linked together so if a person filters by one of them, they see all fics tagged with any of them. In fact, it's probably better for you to stick to a single tag, because that means potential readers can scan through your tags more quickly to check what's in the fic, making them more likely to read it if it's got tags they like.

Not only does it link tags with the same meaning together, the wonderful tag wranglers (their praises be sung) also create a sort of hierarchy of tags, so multiple more specific tags are all included under a more general umbrella tag.

For example, if you are tagging your fic where beloved side-character Tom Fakename is a werewolf, you can tag it "Werewolf Tom Fakename" or "Tom Fakename is a Werewolf" or "I made Tom Fakename a Werewolf Because I Love Werewolves LOL" and all of those mean the same thing. BUT your fic will also appear if someone filters by the more general tag "Werewolves"**. And all those fics, as well as fics where Tom Fakename (or his fan favourite ship partner Matt Blorbo) are tagged as being werecats, wererabbits, werebats or were-stick-insects can ALL be found if you filter by the tag "Were-creatures". Weirdly, were-creatures doesn't seem to come under the Shapeshifters tag, but I assume that was the result of careful consideration on the tag wranglers' (may their days be filled with joy) part.

In summary:

"Matt Blorbo/Tom Fakename" = "Tom Fakename/Matt Blorbo" = "Fakebo" = "Tom x Matt" (only one of these tags is needed***)

"Were-creatures" > "Werewolves" > "Werewolf Tom Fakename"

"Were-creatures" > "Matt Blorbo as a Werekitten is Something That Can Actually Be So Personal"

(You can tag with multiple of these if you want, but you only really need to be as specific as you'd like)

Of course, the tag wranglers (may the fandom gods bless their names) are only human and literally do not have time to read every 100k fic out there to check every single tag is absolutely correct, so sometimes things do get mixed up. However! You can aid them in their mighty task by using the tags that already exist where available and appropriate for you!

When you start typing tags into the little input bar on the AO3 New Work screen, you'll see a dropdown list of tags that are similar to what you're typing. If one of those has the right meaning for what you want to tag and it works for you, you can click on it, and your fic is already connected to the great tag web in the right place. Of course, if it ruins your comedic tagging rant, feel free to ignore this.

All good things come with a downside, though, beware the autofill!

Sometimes, when you're typing Werewolf Tom and you press enter, there may be another fandom with a character called Tom Otherguy who people love to make a werewolf (Tom Otherguy is just crying out for werewolf AUs, you know how it is. He's just a werewolfy li'l guy). And if you press enter, you'll find that rather than you tagging your work simply "Werewolf Tom", AO3 has autofilled the most popular tag that starts like that: "Werewolf Tom Otherguy".

Naturally, this can confuse both readers and the tagging system, so in general I'd recommend always including a second name where available****. I.e. it's better for everyone involved if you tag your fic "Werewolf Tom Fakename" rather than simply "Werewolf Tom" so it's clear at a glance who you're talking about and AO3 doesn't accidentally jump to conclusions. Just to be sure, make sure you check your tags after you've entered them, in case one of them autofilled without you noticing.

*To learn more about the tagging system and tag wranglers (bright stars of the fandom sky), check out the AO3 wrangling guidelines. Or, if you're interested in becoming a tag wrangler yourself, they will post information here when they're looking for applications.

**The "Alternate Universe - Werewolf" tag is a little different because it depends on whether your fandom has canonical werewolves. It comes under the umbrella tag of "Alternate Universe". Likewise with the "Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known" tag.

***Canonical pairing tags (the ones that appear in the filter list) are written in alphabetical order by surname (If they have a surname). Therefore "Matt Blorbo/Tom Fakename" is the standard tag for that pairing. Or "Matt Blorbo/Zara Diedforplot/Tom Fakename".

****If the character only has one name then usually that name will be followed by the name of the fandom in brackets to distinguish them from other characters with that name, i.e. Name (Fandom). Some characters have nicknames they are more commonly known by and those are usually inserted between their first and last names in inverted commas, e.g. "James "Bucky" Barnes". Other characters have nicknames and half a dozen other names, e.g. "Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo III". If you have irritating motherfuckers (affectionate) like these in your fandom, I'm going to assume you already know about them.

Disclaimer: I am not a tag wrangler, nor have I ever been one. All information above is presented as I have come to understand it from having used AO3 for over a decade. If any of the information above is incorrect, please let me know so I can correct it.

TL;DR - You only need to use one version of a tag, AO3 will make sure anyone searching for variations can find your fic, and be careful to check your tags before you post to make sure they're right.

[misterxsamsa]

SIM✪N | 18 | POWERED BY SCHIZO MANIA I post exhaustive rants about JTHM, all its literary moving parts, and ideas left unexpanded upon that deeply interest me. As well, you can expect general horror content, especially for Saw. READER BEWARE! YOU'RE IN FOR A SCARE!

TAG NAVIGATION: #SHUT UP SIMON! - PERSONAL POSTS #ANALYSIS HELL - LONG JTHM DECONSTRUCTIONS #EYE CANDY - COOL ART OF ALL KINDS [This is a sideblog; I interact from @romantic-manifesto!]

[adelaidedrubman]

OC SONG ASSOCIATION

was tagged by my beloveds @nuclearstorms @florbelles @strafethesesinners @marivenah @confidentandgood to play! i think this has most made the rounds and i’m a little late because i did way more than necessary, but will send a few tags out to @henbased @blackreaches @belorage @heroofpenamstan @ishwaris @shallow-gravy @vasiktomis @purplehairsecretlair @dihardys @jackiesarch @beautiful-delirium @bluemojave and anyone else feel free to tag me if you wanna do this!!

rules: pick one (or all) of your ocs from any fandom and post the song you think would play when they are introduced to the audience and why.

and yes, i did end up doing two with long explanations because i’m the worst <3

the beast in me is caged by frail and fragile bars / restless by day and by night rants and rages at the stars / god help the beast in me

the beast in me has had to learn to live with pain / and how to shelter from the rain / and in the twinkling of an eye, might have to be restrained / god help the beast in me

sometimes it tries to kid me / that it’s just a teddy bear / and even somehow manage to vanish in the air / and that is when i must beware of the beast in me / that everybody knows / they’ve seen him out dressed in my clothes / patently unclear if it’s new york or new year / god help the beast in me / the beast in me

this would be the selection for a hypothetical jessie first introduction if her canon story didn’t start in the middle of the action. wildfire as written begins on a retrospective tone, with jestiny briefly reflecting on her regrets from arrest night before the reader is thrown into the action thereof. but the audience is essentially given from the get go that society does collapse and that jestiny survives it, so perhaps the film adaptation starts with a brief shot of post-collapse jessie — she’s a bit aged and decidedly more battered and scarred, hair grown out to mid length, bare gray wall behind her that does not betray specific location, her face blank as she stares into space lost in memory. dissolves into a shot of pre-reaping jessie as the first lines play (“the beast in me / is caged by frail and fragile bars”), a shot of her behind the wheel of her shitty 2003 ford taurus driving into hope county (complete with some shining-esque tracking landscape shots of the road snaking through the mountains). continues into a montage of her getting established in the county: shaking hands with whitehorse at her job interview, moving boxes into her small house on the outskirts of the county, hiking an isolated mountain trail by herself, coming home at the end of a day to pour herself a glass of bourbon and drink alone, dressing in her police uniform, ending on a shot of her looking out the window of the arrest night helicopter as the final lines play (“god help the beast in me / the beast in me”) before she looks down at her phone to read the fateful texts informing her that her mother has died, wildfire chapter one as written plays out from there.

i chose this song in part for its genre appropriateness, with classic country being one of jessie’s preferred genres and fitting for her character. and for meaning, it establishes from the beginning that jessie is a person attempting to contain some inner destructive force. perhaps in the context of the older, more worn jessie we see, “the beast” she’s containing is her younger self as she tries to move past the violence she’s committed while knowing she’s not far removed from still being that version of herself. in the context of younger jestiny first coming into the story, it gives the audience the sense that this is someone whose grasp on normalcy is relatively tenuous and easily broken — it will quickly become clear to the viewers, after all, that jessie is very flimsily hinged, and it takes her precious little to lose the plot and enter her joker era. the song also captures well the sense of loneliness and weariness that comes from attempting to contain a darker inner force: most of the shots the audience gets of jessie she’s alone, and her few interactions with others are superficial — a handshake and a smile, which with the track playing over gives the audience the distinct sense it’s a very empty front she’s putting on while something more sinister is ever presently lurking in the background (“sometimes it tries to kid me / that it’s just a teddy bear / and even somehow manage to vanish in the air / and that is when i must beware of the beast in me”). it gives the impression that perhaps this is why jessie is isolating herself. maybe she does so because she feels she’s dangerous to others.

for a strict text as written adaptation of wildfire however, the first song that would play would be mama’s broken heart by miranda lambert.

i cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors / i screamed his name ’til the neighbors called the cops i numbed the pain at the expense of my liver / don’t know what i did next, all i know i couldn’t stop

word got around to the barflies and the baptists / my mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook / i can hear her now, sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it / don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up / run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady / ’cause i raised you better, gotta keep it together / even when you fall apart / but this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

wish i could be just a little less dramatic / like a kennedy when camelot went down in flames / leave it to me to be holding the matches / when the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame

can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation / sometimes revenge’s just a choice you gotta make / my mama came from a softer generation / where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face

powder your nose, paint your toes / line your lips and keep ’em closed / cross your legs, dot your eyes / and never let ’em see you cry

(cue wildfire readers booing at the on-the-noseness of it all). and like the first song, this is also a song jestiny would herself listen to (although not as openly as the johnny cash).

mama’s broken heart would play at the end of wildfire chapter one, as after surviving arrest night and waking up in dutch’s bunker jessie (also still dwelling on the news of her mother’s death) while attempting to get into disguise rifles around for a pair of scissors to cut her distinctive long red hair. we see her chop off her braid and continue to snip, drop the scissors onto the floor, look into the mirror to see the uneven roughly chin length mess she’s made, and begin laughing until tears have gathered in her eyes. the first line of the song plays (“i cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors”) then zoom out and credits roll, end of episode one.

the song gives the sense that the haircut is the first impulsive destructive act in a long spiral to follow (perhaps even foreshadowing some things to come, holding the matches and etc.). and it captures the sense of heartbreak driving a bender of aggressive lashing out — in the song’s literal text a breakup, in jessie’s case the death of her mother. and the song also works to highlight the implied distance jessie felt from her mother in the first place, her own inability to contain herself with polite dignity puts her fundamentally at odds with her mother and makes her struggle to relate to her and live up to her wishes. the hair cutting works as a metaphor for this (amongst other things), the final line of chapter one (“her mother would have hated it”) suggests that now that jessie’s mother is dead, she’s cutting away a symbol of her conformity to the image her mother wanted her to uphold. this certainly isn’t her mother’s broken heart (she’s gone now after all) it’s jessie’s — and without the disapproval of the one nice folk she feels she owes anything to, jessie is now going to act as crazy as she wants <3

[jaspxr]

Hello!

Welcome to my milestone ~ birthday month ~ Valentine’s day celebration, lovely people! I truly cannot believe so many of you like and reblog my little collages, and I’m so happy and thankful for each and every one of you that have become my friends, besties, pals over this short period of time! As a thank you for every nice comment and ask and willingness to read my unhinged CM rants, I have organized this lil Valentine’s day themed love-fest! I hope you enjoy and find something you like on:

The Love menu:

✨☁️🍯🧸✨ ~ philia ~ affectionate love ~ send me your favourite character and a scenario/colour/etc., and I’ll make you a little visual of sorts ✩‧₊˚

☕🤎🧸📜🎓 ~ pragma ~ enduring love ~  send me your favourite character and I will make a Valentine’s date mood board for them x reader ✩‧₊˚

🌿🍄🧚🏻‍♀️🍄🌱 ~ storge ~ familiar love ~ send me your fic and I’ll make a fic rec friday moodboard for you

🍒❤️🍫 ~ eros ~ romantic love ~ send me your OTP and I will make a Valentine’s day date mood board for them ✩‧₊˚

*. °🌸🎀🩰🍧*. ° ~ ludus ~ playful love ~ ask me a q., send me a game ✩‧₊˚

🌹🗡️❤️ ~ mania ~ obsessive love ~ send me your favourite villain/unsub and I’ll make you a mood board for them ✩‧₊˚

🧸🪴🩹☕️ ~ philautia ~ self love ~ send me five of your favourite things, and I’ll make you a personalized moodboard based upon them and your blog ✩‧₊˚

☀️✨💛🌻 ~ agape ~ selfless love ~ order a fic or a character moodboard for someone else (or let me have free reign :) ✩‧₊˚

The Love-Fest Valentine themed Requests are open JAN 30th ~ FEB 10th, and other requests until the rest of the month.

Happy Valentine’s, Galentine’s, Brolentine’s day everyone and thank you for being my friend!

 *. ° Conditions *. ° : This celebration is meant to be CM centered. If you’d like to send something else in, I will try to do my best but I don’t guarantee that I’ll take your request. The only real condition is to be patient with me. While February is my birth month AND a celebration of love, it is also the busiest month for my work, so it’ll take me some time to make these. Also, it would be nice if you followed me if you request something. (Also also, I still haven’t watched the last couple of CM episodes, so if you request any of the later-seasons characters, beware that they may not be entirely canon accurate.)

*. ° the tag if you want to block it: #jaspxr600

[your-world-with-nct]

— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

[smdarling]

Welp I did NOT actually write Day 5 of Kinktober today (although I might start in a few minutes but also I might go to bed idfk we’ll see, and I think Day 5 and Day 6 are gonna be a two part story anyway so writing them both tomorrow wouldn’t be Terrible)

I’m definitely gonna catch up tho even if I miss today, and I am super proud of myself for four days in a row especially concerning how Fucking WTF my life is lately (which actually is A Pretty Big Part of why I‘m doing Kinktober in the first place - I need to make A Very Big Point/Concentrated Effort to do things For Me, for My Life, That I Enjoy, that are Productive For Me. Suddenly and unexpectedly stepping in to be a family caretaker for my grandma . . . It’s not what I planned to be doing right now, duh, and I’m definitely willing to do it but I can’t like. 10000% put my life on hold. I have to find a balance. Smutty fanfic is At Least A Start on that).

Also tangentially why I haven’t even started Day 5 yet at 4am on Oct 6.

(My grandparents raised me. They had 9 kids of their own. My mother was their primary caretaker for about five years, until my grandpa passed away June 28th. 16hours after he died my mother was in the hospital after OD’ing on heroin and two days later they found her lung cancer that was in remission officially March 2016 metastasized to her brain and is terminal.

She obviously can’t be a primary caretaker for my grandmother anymore. And I tried to do both, for her as well as my grandma, but my grandparents raised me for A Reason namely my mother has always been Terrible to me. She tried to have me arrested and I stepped back 100% from her life. I know it could be the cancer, almost definitely is A Lot the cancer, but it wasn’t the cancer four years ago when she tried to have me arrested for lying (??????), or even one year ago when she cursed me out in front of my grandpa’s siblings when they were visiting or or or or. I get to walk away from her. (Also my own physical health took a sharp nosedive from stress at the same time wonder why lolololol)

But like. My grandparents had 8 other kids. One of them, my uncle, is wheelchair bound and has a lot of his own problems. Most of the others do pretty well for themselves, 5 owning their own houses etc. My uncle is somehow the most supportive one???

None of the others have been here since my grandpa’s service to Actually Help, my grandma or my mother or me. Except showing up (little to no warning which thanks, scheduling appointments etc for my grandma and myself is much easier when I know not to schedule them when y’all are visiting) for a couple days (or a few hours) and going on and on and on about how this that and the other thing is Wrong then fucking off again.

Today I overheard an uncle and an aunt (siblings-in-law) talking because they were talking ten feet away from me, a different room sure but they left the door open???? about how I’m taking advantage of my grandma and bringing up elder abuse and talking about how they plan to force my grandma to move out of her house, conspiring with other family members.

I am Beyond Rage. 

Also, like, the whole health nosedive thing? For about three years I had a very active eating disorder, like refusing to eat and/or purging most of my meals. It’s only about a year that I haven’t purged regularly and eat regularly. Well, that much puking did Something (probably, not sure yet) and sometimes when I eat I’m in INCREDIBLE pain. Stress has made that 80%+ of the time I eat anything instead of like maybe 15 or 20% if I don’t eat much. And stress plus sudden food=pain has meant a strong resurgence of eating disordered thoughts. A big trigger is being asked about food like “are you hungry?” I feel obligated to say yes, to eat and pretend I’m fine. My grandma keeps forgetting “please don’t ask me that” cuz Stress on her end.

After being thrown the fuck off by overhearing that convo (and also mildly terrified at the idea of my grandma being with them without me), when “let’s go out to eat” happened I went, and another big trigger for me is “must eat like expected in front of people”. 

So by the time we got home, I was in INCREDIBLE PAIN. I was also at the front end of an an anxiety attack over the eating disorder/pain issues, and that spiraled into panicking over wtf are these assholes I’m related to gonna try?? And can they FUCK OFF ALREADY LIKE SERIOUSLY????

I had to lay down cuz Pain. I couldn’t sleep cuz Pain And Anxiety. I ended up laying in bed for six fucking hours freaking the fuck out mentally. Which wow that Sucked.

Pain eased, I moved past scared into Just Bloody Furious. I went for an hour drive.

I should go to sleep now (or at least try).

And I might. I might also write Kinktober Day 5 now, or at least get started.

But either way, I’ll catch back up and keep up with it.

If only because it’s something that starts to balance being a caretaker for my grandma and still living my life, which is is essential to me being able to be a caretaker long term. Which apparently my fucking family would rather I didn’t (because fuck my grandma I guess? Like obviously they’re not gonna do it so..... like what, just abandon her?? Leave her alone? After her husband of 66 years died and while her daughter is dying?????) so I’m all the other reasons aside, my primary motivation now is PURE VENGEFUL SPITE. Which also incidentally, I’ve gotten more things in my life done successfully when spite is my main motivator than I have with anything else driving me. 

TLDR my family can FUCK OFF and as a BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO THEM I will absolutely write A LOT OF KINKY FUCKERY this ENTIRE GODDAMN MONTH

[cookiesupplier]

Hell Ain't So Bad - Part Eighteen

pairing: Noah Sebastian x ofc (Ellie)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, mentions of torture, thoughts of religious ideology, minor violence, swearing, cheating.

summary: Ellie was lost in the world, homeless with no idea what to do and nowhere to go.. Who would have thought that one day, she’d end up working in hell itself.. And what does this even mean?

author’s note: Unbetaed, readers beware. AND we're back, I bring you angst.. hope this makes up for the break.

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666

Tags are open feel free to ask.

“Your funeral was pathetic just so you knew, boring as shit, your father didn’t even bother to cry, you little brat.”

The whole room fell deathly silent, the only person there who seemed to be feeling anything that seemed like that could be construed as positive was Gia, and that was only because she saw the look on Ellie’s face. Her stepmother was feeling a spark of positivity alright, the expression that crossed her face was positively vicious. The horror on Ellie’s face had the older woman completely delighted, and Ellie, after a moment, just looked over to Jolly.. He’d tried to stop her. He… did he know? Then there had been Folio, blinking, she looked to him next, he had muttered even before Jolly, oh shit. Yea, she heard.

What, what was happening? Ellie was struggling to take in lungs full of air even as the world continued to move around her, whether she liked it or not, not even Hell could stop that. The other woman was advancing on Ellie and starting to rant about all manner of grievances that she demanded to be heard, obviously feeling like she had the upper hand now. Ellie was caught way off kilter with her shock at what was happening, and stumbled back, feeling like nothing, like that small little girl she’d been when she first met Gia all over again.

“Oh you pathetic, stupid little brat! I always told your father he should just get rid of you, but no, we were stuck with you, and for what, nothing but a waste of space, time and money. God, look at you. Even here you're just absolutely usele-”

Her tirade, however, ended in a screech when two very imposing demons appeared out of nowhere, one by Ellie’s side, Noah wrapped his arms around her, and the other, Nicholas, was grabbing Gia to drag her away from Ellie. For the first time that Ellie had ever seen him, Nick was in his demon form, and that was why her stepmother was screaming at the top of her lungs at the sight of him. The skull-like face with all the sharp angles and deep holes for his eyes that she could see the seeming fires of Hell burning in, the ones she’d always promised Ellie growing up, the horns from his temple, the fang-like teeth, the velvety blood-red skin. It was altogether a far more menacing look than you’d ever expected from Nicholas, he was always so quiet and unassuming when it came to demons, but she supposed that was the point, he was a demon lord. Even if his position wasn’t to torture and punish people like Noah, he was high-ranking in position and had to be able to have control over other demons that looked up to him. Demand respect. In this case, however, he was invoking fear, the fear of her stepmother.

Ellie wasn’t afraid of him though, she’d never been afraid of Nick, not even when she’d been wary in the start. Instead, right then, she felt vindicated by the scream that was ripped from the woman that she’d once thought might one day be like a mother to her. A mother when her own had literally just abandoned her with her father, walking away like she was nothing. Instead, Gia was nothing but a monster…. But Ellie now also felt… she sighed, she just felt empty.

When Noah grabbed her to pull her back with the way Gia was advancing on her, Ellie had been in too much shock to do much of anything but give in, slumping into his arms like a dead weight almost. Unlike the day before, he didn’t insert himself between the pair, instead, he allowed Nicholas to grab at the woman and pull her away to the exit as she screeched and attempted to escape, working as a team between them rather than just the domineering force. Not that the woman had any luck attempting to get away from the demon that had a hold on her, Nicholas’ grip was firm, and once he had his hands around her arms, he just dragged her right out the door to a holding room, that was where he would leave her, until, no doubt, Noah had a private torture area prepared for her. Unlike the best friend, whom Nicholas hadn’t been aware of the details of their falling out, he had known exactly what kind of treatment had happened to Ellie growing up. That part of her file was very well documented.

This one was always going to be on Noah’s list of special attention and Nicholas was well aware, she just hadn’t been scheduled to die for some time, now however, with the accident timing, that had brought her here a lot sooner than anticipated. Hence, the need for holding. Preferably they would have diverted her to another office, anyone but here, but last-moment deaths were very hard to predict, and that led to this rush to corral her, but they had not gotten there before she verbally assaulted Ellie.

Once Nicholas had disappeared with Gia the office was quiet again, and those left were looking at Ellie, Noah still holding her in his arms, however now that he didn’t need to pull her away from Gia any longer, his arms had relaxed and were just trying to soothe her. He was holding her cradling her to his chest, hands running gently down her back and up her arms as she was limp against him. Ellie just let him do it, she felt empty, practically a zombie at that moment, her mind, zonked as she was struggling to catch up with what she had just heard…

But then she did.

She was dead.

She was dead, and… slowly, slowly her head tilted to look up at Noah, Noah’s human face that was looking down at her so concerned.

“BabyGirl, are you okay?”

The apprehension on his features was as obvious as plain as day, but why? Was he worried about the way her stepmother used to treat her? They’d talked about her family since before, that time in her life was something that she’d told him about already. He’d encouraged her, reluctant as she had been at the time, to talk to him about. Oh, she was aware he’d been compiling that list of his, he hadn’t been shy about it, he’d been blatant about keeping his list of personal torture victims when it came to those that hurt the ones he cared about. The privilege of one in his position, and he had drawn the information out of her more overtime. Especially after Carla had arrived. He’d never asked about her specifically, but he’d noticed, not that Nicholas had told him.

Shaking her head, no, no, this couldn’t be about that, this was about so much more.

Pushing her hands against his chest, as she stepped back, he went to stop her for a second, but then she shoved a bit harder at him and his hands that were trying to hold her, comfort her, fell away, giving her her space. She growled at him, a pathetic human growl, as she looked up at him.

He’d known. Glancing to Jolly and Folio now. Nicholas might not be here, but she had no doubt him too, they’d all known.

Looking towards the other two, both of them, souls, souls just like... like… Her. She’d never thought twice that she could be dead, too. No, she’d gotten a job, been brought here, hired, why, god, why would they have ever even hired anyone living.. In HELL of all places? Why would they have needed to?

“You knew.”

That wasn’t a question, her eyes narrowing as she glared up at Noah, and he sighed heavily, obviously feeling the weight of her upset right now,

“BabyGirl-”

“Don’t you BabyGirl me, Sebastian!”

She was shaking as she swallowed, her hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly at her side, but Noah at the very least appeared cowed at the way she snapped at him for the way he addressed her now.

“Ellie.”

Glaring at him.

“You, knew. Do you deny it?”

He took in a slow breath, whether he was considering on whether to tell her the truth or not, she didn’t know, all she knew was that she was waiting, waiting for something, anything.

“Yes, I knew.”

Glancing to Jolly, Folio,

“You all knew?”

Her friends were immediately nodding without hesitation, their guilt as plain as day on their faces, they had known and not said anything. Sure they’d been helping her from the start, supporting her from the start, but they’d always held back something, looking back, she knew she was going to go over every conversation, wondering about what they said, what they didn’t say. If she should have seen something, what she missed, what was right there..

“You all lied to me!”

Swallowing, eyes stinging with tears as her attention returned to Noah now, her throat felt thigh, swallowing again compulsively to stop herself from breaking down under the weight of everything. It felt like there was so much around her, and yet there was nothing, nothing at all at the same time.

“No, we didn’t-”

When Noah tried again, oh that asshole, her glare on him was something viscous,

“A lie of omission, Noah, is still a fucking lie.”

Spitting the words out at him with white-hot anger at the fact he was trying to defend the fact that they had been involved with each other for months and the entire time he’d been lying to her. He knew, he knew how betrayed she’d been in the past before. Maybe he hadn’t known the entire time, but they’d talked about it, how she felt, how much she’d been hurt, only yesterday she’d confronted Jeremy, and he’d defended her, and he’d said nothing.. He could have told her then, he could have been honest with her.. She’d have been angry.. Why hadn’t he been honest with her?

Fuck, she knew how to pick them, didn’t she? Never, had she thought, anything about Noah would remind her about Jeremy, but the thought that she’d fallen for another asshole that had done nothing but lie to her the entire time they were together?

Looking Noah square in the eyes,

“I fell in love with you, Noah, and you lied to me, the entire time we were together, you lied to me.”

Shaking her head.. She didn’t know if she could ever forgive him, not when he had known what she’d already been through, and he’d still done it anyway…

When the hot traitorous tears finally spilt down her cheeks, and a foreign strangled noise escaped the demon in front of her as Noah went to reach for her but she didn’t let him, instead she turned and ran out of the office, out of the building. Ellie couldn’t be here, not with him, not with any of them. She needed to be alone.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics