#personally I think the opinion that you shouldnt get married unless you can and will have a baby right away is bogus

[sanctity-in-sexuality]

What do you think about a couple going into a marriage with the intent to immediately start practicing NFP? My boyfriend and I have been discussing our future plans and considered the idea of delaying the first child for maybe about a year or so in order to have time to focus on getting settled into a new home/anticipated career changes and to build a strong financial foundation. We would absolutely be open to life and so NFP wouldn't be something to be anal over; even if we conceived a child immediately upon getting married, we would be eager and capable of supporting them, but we just thought that it may be wise to wait a little because life would be very hectic with lots of major changes at once if that happened. We know one couple who has done this exact plan and the husband reports that it worked perfectly for them. But we also have a trusted unmarried friend who strongly advised that starting off a marriage on NFP isn't great because you'd ideally don't want to be "holding back" anything once you get married, and that NFP should be the exception rather than the rule. We talked to our priest as well and he said that while there's nothing wrong with it in that you wouldn't incur sin, he also agreed that there's significant merit in NOT starting off on that note. We are not insistent on the idea to begin with and are both very open to this perspective as well, but I'm curious to hear more people's thoughts on this, especially from married persons. Thank you!

Hello,

The priest has the right idea. Your reasons can be prudential and justified, but it is turning down a potential opportunity for sanctification that might benefit you in other ways. Imo, this is a situation in which there is an objectively best option, and then an inferior but still acceptable option that might be subjectively best for your current state in life.

My husband and I actually did something very similar to what you described. We got married shortly after graduating college and agreed that we would like to avoid pregnancy for the first year-ish in order to create a good, solid foundation of marriage before bringing kids into the picture. Namely, both of us settling into our first professional jobs, building good habits together, learning how to balance marriage with post-college adult life, and establishing a Catholic community in a new city so that we wouldn't become isolated once we had a baby. It worked out well for us. (Unfortunately, we did end up having to wait an additional year for unrelated health reasons).

Now, having a baby right away within our first year would be a kind of trial by fire that would have afforded enormous opportunity to grow together spiritually and test our trust in God, and perhaps objectively this would be best. However, we didn't feel like we were in the right space spiritually or mentally at that time to handle that level of challenge in a healthy manner, so avoiding was subjectively the better option for us until we felt better equipped. This was after a lot of careful thought and discussion.

Deciding whether to avoid or conceive requires prudence and should rarely be an easily-made decision. If you ultimately decide that is better for your family to wait initially, as you have outlined, my main advice to do so healthily is to revisit the decision with every cycle, and do not let it become the assumed "default". If you decide to avoid, it should be for the overall well-being of the whole family (e.g. not just so you can go on extra vacations). Avoiding conception specifically should feel at least a little bit like a personal sacrifice - denying something you desire (a child) for the time being in the name of overall family well-being. And you should be actively working to fix/overcome the obstacles that are proving a justifiable impediment (e.g. seeking counseling for mental health).

So long as you are open to life should it come unexpectedly, fully intend to have children, and are actively working to make that possible under prudent circumstances, you are fine.

God bless!

[saetoru]

I read a post on twitter that said Takemichi is the most selfish person ever in tokrev universe. That he got the perfect ending where everybody was alive and still friends/in contact but he had to go back to the past anyway just to save one and, in doing so, got most of his friends killed. And I honestly agree with it a lot. Like he should definitely just have gotten married and went about his life. I honestly believe the manga is just going downhill so fast and it really all started when they killed Draken (or even Emma). It sucks they ruined such an amazing manga just for some shock factor. I was wondering what your thoughts were on this…

i have this one opinion. and im always scared to share this opinion bc people always get mad, and i mean everyone hates me anyway so idc but i also hate not getting the last word LMAO so i know id argue back and i dont have rly have the energy to argue over an opinion on such a subjective manga, but im gonna share this opinion anyway.

i think takemichi is at least just a little bit selfish. his determination and charisma and the way he cares and takes everyones burdens as his own are all hero qualities, yes, but at the end of the day, he's messing with the past in order to save his love. and that ending with mikey being away was likely the happiest ending they could get, i agree. thats unless mikey got the help he needs, but that doesnt seem to be happening any time soon.

but mostly, my opinion is that you shouldnt mess with time at all. i think takemichi should have never thought to mess with the past to change the present because in basically every time travel movie / book ive seen, read, or heard of, the lesson is that you cant change the past bc if you try, either the same thing will always happen, or someone else will suffer in the process of you trying to change your life. which i think is what takemichi shouldve realized. in the end, someone else likely wouldve died—and they did, or hina would just always end up dead, so why mess with timelines ??

you cant ever know which event likely caused something in the future bc you cant predict and account for all the possibilities, which we've seen over and over in tr. every time takemichi thinks he's figured out what the cause of mikey and toman turning bad was, there's something new he has to change, and it's just so risky, and he's putting other lives on the line whether he means to or not.

but i definitely agree that the timeline where mikey was away was the best one, as much as it saddens me to say, bc in that timeline, all his friends are happy and thriving. i just simply think that there's not likely a way every single person can be saved, so you have to pick the one that's best for everyone, which was probably that one.

[multishippingtrashfire]

zukka soulmate au opinions/headcanons?

I apologize Anon for how long this has sat in my inbox, but soulmate AU’s are really not my forte, so i had to think long and hard. (no sexy pun intended)

Background information

- Soulmate marks sit on the same place on both parties

- They are there their whole life

- I believe in multiple soulmates, so if one soulmate dies, i think another exists (aka, Hakoda and Kya, and then Hakoda and Bato; Kanna and unnamed Grandpa, and the Kanna and Pakku)

Zuko

- Zuko DREADS the notion of soulmates, only because Zuko believes it is also the universe’s divine order to make his life as sucky as possible. So in Zuko’s mind, he’s like the perfect way for the Universe to punish him further would be one of 3 ways:

1. His soulmate would be the Avatar, because of course he’d be on an impossible quest to literally find and surrender his soulmate for death at Ozai’s hands (also a betrayal to his nation) 

2. His soulmate would be a woman, (because I truly canonically believe that Zuko is a gay)

3. He wouldn’t have a soulmate

Of course none of these guesses are correct, he should’ve looked behind door number 4: His soulmate is from another nation and has had the Fire Nation ferociously take everything they’ve loved (aka Sokka)

Fire Nation tradition also dictates that Soulmates are for common people, not for Prince’s, so his soulmate mark (a glistening black sword), is to be covered at all times anyway. He is thankful that his Soulmate mark is non-nation identifiable, which saves him from Ozai’s wrath if it was obviously Water Tribe or Earth Kingdom. Also sucks, because Zuko isnt even sure where to start looking (not that he would), so he just traces the mark with his fingers as bathes sometimes, wondering if his soulmate is doing the same. 

When Zuko first meets Sokka, he doesnt realize it, he just sorta is like “no point in brutally hurting this person, let me just shift him out my way”, which in my opinion is more restraint than most people get from Zuko at that time. 

Zuko doesnt even know Sokka is his Soulmate until he sees the sword after training Aang at the Western Air Temple, and it all just clicks and Zuko wants to throw himself into the Sun because Sokka has Suki and Zuko just wants him to be happy. 

So really, he was right, he will be alone. 

Meanwhile on Sokka’s side

Sokka’s family have always been very supportive of him and soulmates. Katara’s mark is something that looks like a kite (it’s Aang’s staff but they didnt know that before meeting him) and Katara is wishful for her soulmate. She spends nights dreaming up what it could possibly be or mean.

And tbh, Sokka is against the idea because he’s devoted to the idea of being a warrior, of doing what’s right by his people. And his soulmate mark of a what looks like an exploded burn (the lightning strike Zuko takes protecting Katara) doesnt convince him, because only another selfless person/warrior would understand him in his opinion and he knows those are hard to come by. He doesnt care if his soulmate identifies as a guy or girl or in between. 

Then there was Aang, Katara’s necklace wrapped around his ankle as his mark. And Suddenly, Sokka was confronted with the realization that Aang and helping him become the Avatar was apart of Katara’s fulfillment and that his little sister was growing up and Sokka could see the way Aang and Katara looked at each other. He knew they say lifetimes when they looked into each other’s eyes. 

And then Zuko chases them around the world and Sokka totally acknowledges that Zuko is mental and a dick, but he also gets why Zuko does it. In their travels they heard the story of the banished Fire Nation Prince and his impossible assignment to return home and Sokka understands. He knows what it is to have to feel like you have to prove yourself to your father (Sokka thinks he has to prove himself to Hakoda; Zuko literally has to prove himself to Ozai, per Ozai’s words), what it means to be fighting for your nation as something greater than yourself, and Sokka would never admit to Katara but he empathized with Zuko. 

Sokka wonders if it’s Suki, but Suki tells him honestly that her mark is the mark of the Kyoshi Warriors, because she’s dedicated to this, this is what fulfills her. She loves Sokka and loves romance with him, but she knows Sokka is destined for greater love. And she tells Sokka that companionship is something that he shouldnt miss out, just because he thinks its not the ways of the warrior. Wearing a dress and fighting in fans and makeup wasnt his idea of the ways of a warrior either and he learned how that turned out. 

He thinks it may be Yue, but her mark was always the moon.

And then Zuko abandons Ozai and tries to offer himself up to the Gaang. He’s turnt away, and even burns Toph’s feet before coming back again and tries sacrificing himself to stop combustion man. Sokka is at least a little bit impressed that he would continue to offer himself up to berating judgement of their group because he’s decided what’s right. Then Zuko becomes Aang’s firebending teacher and everyone gets hang out with him and Sokka likes the guy even more, although he’s weird around the sword (he blushes everytime he sees it) 

They never really talk about soulmates, and Sokka’s soulmate mark sits on his thigh, so it’s not exactly easy to see unless he’s undressed. 

Then Zuko takes the bolt for Katara and survives and suddenly Zuko has hung the Sun in Sokka’s sky, because he was so selfless, he was willing to die for Katara. He knows the shape sitting on Zuko’s chest anywhere. Zuko is his soulmate. And then Sokka realizes maybe he was late to this party and that was why Zuko was weird.

When he first sees Firelord Zuko alone afterwards, he asks Zuko how long he knew. And Zuko lets him know that it was long enough that Chit Sang, Hakoda AND Suki knew (which meant by then Toph had probably figured it out too). Basically everyone but Sokka, Katara and Aang had been privy to the information. 

Then they unpack some of that pesky childhood trauma they’d been carting around and talk about how they both thought the soulmate thing wasnt for them, but then again both of them were completely unusual and extraordinary people, so maybe they just had a more unusual extraordinary soulmate story to live out. Sokka promises Zuko a lifetime and Zuko promises Sokka everyday in between now and when the Sun goes out. They can see it in each other’s eyes. 

Sokka says that Zuko’s scars are beautiful, something Zuko has felt made him a monster all this time. Sokka is the first person to acknowledge them truly and he tells him how enthralled he is by the stories they depict of Zuko. How he was selfless and did not fear the burn of flames because it was more important to do the right thing. 

 And Zuko says Sokka would have the world in the palm of his hand with his intelligence and that spirits knew giving him bending too would basically just make him the avatar anyway. Sokka has always felt inadequate and Zuko makes him feel like he could win a hundred battles blindfolded. 

Zuko sends a search for Sokka’s sword (and recovers it) and Sokka uses it to ask Zuko to marry him.  

They get married at Sunrise, because Zuko sets the Sun in Sokka’s sky and they celebrate until Sunset/moonrise, because their union blessed by the moon herself. It casts an iridescent glow over the Fire Nation. 

It’s love. 

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

People, I would really fucking appreciate it if everyone would stop giving their two cents on whether a couple of whatever age should or should not have kids yet, without previously being asked for said opinion.

The two fucking weeks I was in Colombia do you know how many times a day people gave me their opinions on why I shouldn't have kids yet? A lot. It always started out with someone asking "so, when are you going to have babies?" Before i could answer everyone else would start to say things like "oh no don't you dare have kids now!" "You will regret it" "don't you dare turn into a stay at home mom, what if you go through a divorce" "kids change everything" "oh no kids no!" "Don't you have kids now" "don't have kids even if you can" " you have to do this and that before having kids!" "Be a smart woman and don't have kids yet" "be smart!" And for someone who has been hearing that all her life I would just smile and nod, smile and nod, over and over again.

Maybe for someone who isn't ready for kids yet or doesn't wants them and hears the opposite of this, these words would probably be welcomed. But the thing is recently I have really been considering what and when do i want kids and i know in my heart i do want to be a stay at home mom, either if thats this year or in 5 when i finish school, at this point I'm fine with whatever happens first, but hearing everyone and my mom say how stupid I would be if I had kids now is very distressing for me because I value my parents opinion so fucking much, I still ask my mom if a should or shouldn't do things like dying my hair or what clothes I should by, so to know that if we decided to have kids lets say..this year I know for a fact they wouldn't be happy, gives me stress.

Believe it or not, most people know themselves and their capabilities fairly well, even if we want a child now (we do) i know i can't right now, i'm not emotionally prepared quite yet, i need to work on myself first (be more confident in my korean cause..you know emergencies and shit) we want to travel a little bit more, we need to learn a little bit more and gain a little bit more responsiblity in terms of learning how to take care of ourselves before we bring a little wobbly body into this earth because i am fairly sure our eating habits arent parent worthy, etc. We know this, we know our life style and our limitations so please stop telling us why YOU think we shouldn't have kids now. (Cause all your reasons are pretty selfish and pessimistic tbh)

All in all what I'm saying is, giving advice isn't wrong, but when its so ... Invasive and so constant and slightly aggressive, maybe try to chill. If they're adults maybe don't tell them when to have kids or not unless they're not suitable for having kids and won't be able to provide them with a good safe home. At the end of the day, it's my decision and I will chose when to pop out a kid or not, or adopt a kid or not. Just don't pressure People with your own personal reproductive believes.

As a summary:

If jeff and drake dont want to adopt, let them. If anna wants to be a single mother, let her. If we want to have kids now, let us. If sam wants to be a surrogate but doesn't necessarily want kids of their own, it aint your business. If Jo and chris have been married for 10 years and still dont want kids or themink they're ready, then shut up about it. If Max and dave got pregnant but dont want or cant properly care for them and they choose abortion, it isn't your place to tell them what to do. As long as the kids come into a loving, stable and good home,or dont come at all theres no problem, as long as No one in these scenarios or other scenerios suffer, its all good. let people live and stop pressuring them to follow that sequence of life you think is the norm.

Idk if i was able to get my point across but i hope i did. Just in case though: dont tell people if they should or shouldnt have kids unless they ask for your opinion.

[thecelibateshoewhore]

Dating in the Church (Part 1)

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33 NKJV).

 “You have been raised to life with Christ. Now set your heart on what is in heaven, where Christ rules at God’s right side. Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth. You died, which means that your life is hidden with Christ, who sits beside God. Christ gives meaning to your life, and when He appears, you will also appear with Him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4 CEV).

Happy Valentine’s Day to all those who’re celebrating! If you’re familiar with my writing, you know that I don’t take the typical approach — basically, the worldly viewpoint — regarding love, dating and celibacy because I’m committed to using my spiritual gift to serve God and His people. That said, be sure to read my previous posts about love and dating if you haven’t already: On Marrying the Wrong Person and On Love, Loyalty & Less Than God’s Best.

This series was inspired by a retweet that came across my timeline, which attempted to address why dating in the church is difficult. First, understand that there’s no biblical position on dating — at least not in the formal sense. There’s no particular scripture or passage that addresses how single believers should date. However, there are godly principles in scripture that can be applied to dating. It’s natural to want companionship, but many believers overlook the necessity and blessing of being single. This is the time to give God your undivided attention and allow Him to mature you in your faith and in your spiritual gifts. Y’all know I’m longwinded — I could write a book on this subject (in fact, I am)! Pull out your Bibles, as I’m going to assume that you’re familiar with the scriptures referenced. The first point listed was:

“We keep promoting this misnomer that marriage is more spiritual than natural.”

 Uh, since when?

 My first thought reading this was, why would any church, which is a spiritual institution, ever downplay the spiritual aspect of marriage? To do so would imply that God isn’t needed for or within a marriage, which is essentially a carnal standpoint. And perhaps that is the problem. Taking on this “natural” approach has led to many believers choosing the wrong spouse or getting married to simply appease their physical (as in sexual) and/or financial needs. God also never intended for us to desire marriage more than we desire Him.

I’m not negating the natural component of marriage. I’m negating that a church should promote marriage as more natural than spiritual, and counsel believers under this notion. To do so isn’t biblically sound. In fact, it’s counterintuitive to the ministry of marriage. (Yes, marriage is a ministry and I’ll explain why later on). Due to the laws that now govern our society, marriage has become a business transaction because Uncle Sam wants his cut in the same manner as if we were to start a business or purchase real estate. That is why when a government institution performs a “marriage ceremony” in accordance with the laws of its jurisdiction, it is known as a civil marriage or a civil union. Many secular marriage proponents believe that it’s not a spiritual or religious institution at all. For them, marriage should be attainable by any person(s) who wish to apply for a marriage license regardless of spiritual affiliation and compatibility.

 For this reason, it’s important to note that there’s marriage and then there’s marriage God’s way. If your desire is for a godly spouse or marriage, then you must understand and adhere to God’s principles regardless of what society is doing. A church that promotes marriage as a natural institution is promoting idolatry. Why? Christ is removed as the center or focal point and replaced with worldly rules and expectations. As Christians, our relationship with the Creator is the crux of our faith and should govern everything that we do, including how we date and who we marry. For believers, it doesn’t make sense that our spiritual component is the core of our lives (and human experience), but not the basis of how we learn marriage inside of the church. I’m not saying that unbelievers shouldn’t marry because it’s a vital aspect of human society. I’m also not saying that only Christian marriages are successful. I’m saying that as believers, we can’t fully experience marriage the way God intended unless He is the foundation and inspiration on which it stands. If we start to condone or accept the world’s ways, which contradict God’s truth, then we risk applying a distorted standard to how God wants us to live.

Furthermore, Colossians 3:1-4 reminds us that the basis of our faith is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It connects us to Christ as our foundation by guiding us with a basic ethical response to living in modern times. Set your mind on Christ! We are living in times where people profess faith in God, yet promote ideologies that are against His word. God is not the one confused. His word was, is and will always be true. Any church that proclaims to be the body of Christ should know not to conform to the expectations of society. God doesn’t lower Himself to meet the desires of man. Instead, we rise up to the standard that Christ set for us. When people state that churches aren’t effective because they’re “out of touch,” the solution isn’t to water down the message so that it’s easier for the masses to swallow it. The solution is to cultivate an environment that promotes real discipleship, healing and deliverance that is also built on sound truth! We don’t have a dating problem in the church, we have a discipleship problem. (Tweet This!) Before the church can minister to your dating needs and grow you into somebody’s spouse, you first need to master being a disciple of Jesus Christ.

 Before we can address dating in the church or “godly dating,” we must first understand why we’re dating in the first place. That is, what is the end goal? For most, marriage is the end goal. That is why it’s important to understand God’s purpose for marriage. For starters, God established the blueprint for marriage as a {spiritual} covenant (contract or agreement) between God, man and woman in Genesis 2:24. There were no courthouses or marriage licenses in the Garden of Eden. In fact, Genesis 2 outlines God’s design for marriage, as well as the governing principles that we should apply to it:

(1) God designed marriage as a covenant. Like most things, in order to understand how something works, the best source to ask is the One who created it! The foundation of a godly marriage involves daily communication with God. If praying and reading scripture isn’t a part of your daily life during the dating phase, chances are you will have cracks in your spiritual foundation that will impact your marriage. (2) God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship. Eve was created as a companion or “helper” because after naming all the animals, Adam wondered why there was no suitable companion for him (Genesis 2:18-20). Also note that God first gave Adam a purpose and a responsibility, and then gave him a wife to support his needs. In. That. Order. (3) God designed marriage as a depiction of our relationship with Him. Simply put, marriage is a ministry. Although He is pleased with sexual harmony between a husband and wife, that’s not why God designed marriage; He created it as a testimony for Him. If you’ve never witnessed a godly marriage, this might be hard for you to comprehend. Witnessing a union between a husband and wife who’re under the submission of Christ is the epitome of what it means to know God and know Him intimately. God created us for purposes that are larger than ourselves to serve Him and His people. In the same manner, He created marriage to illustrate the spiritual relationship between Christ (the bridegroom) and the church (His bride). Just as a husband and wife join as one flesh, we also join as one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:18). Just as the church yields to the authority of Christ, the wife yields to the authority of the husband who’s also submitted to Christ. And a husband is to love his wife in the same manner that Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5: 21-25). Finally, just as a husband and wife produce offspring, believers are called to go out, multiply disciples and bring people back into the body of Christ as joint heirs.

 For believers who’re married, it becomes the primary, permanent, exclusive and intimate relationship between the two people who took those vows. No person or thing comes before either spouse (Matthew 19:6). It takes a lifetime to understand this level of commitment, which is why marriage isn’t required for everyone (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). Marriage isn’t a requirement for heaven or salvation. But, for those who choose marriage, choose to pursue it God’s way.

 If you’re a believer who’s not ready for marriage, you might be “casually dating” (not to be confused with fornicating). Casual dating is defined as any relationship where a couple is not exclusively dating each other. It doesn’t mean having sex or one-night stands. Even without sex, however, this kind of situation can bring unnecessary complications. My opinion is that casual dating isn’t inherently a bad thing if both parties clearly define their expectations and maintain boundaries, but I believe it increases the likelihood of misunderstandings and disappointment because as people evolve spiritually and emotionally, what they desire in a mate often changes. Sometimes this occurs at the other person’s expense.

 I purposely didn’t cover sex in great detail because I plan to address it later in this series. If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment below, and let me know that you’re ready for part 2.

 “Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect” (Romans 12:2 ERV).

 I love you.

 xo,

thecelibateshoewhore

[skiasurveys]

love surveyyy

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? take a guess.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? i am currently. first time.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?  the one i am currently in is the longest which is right now 1 year and 3 months <3

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yeah and i have for the good and also for the bad.

5: How is your relationship with your ex?  i dont talk to any of them anymore. I deleted their numbers and have deleted them off social medias, i somehow still have them on snapchat..

6: Have you ever been cheated on? not that i know of

7: Have you ever cheated? NO

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?i would only do that if i didnt believe what the others said. but most likely i wouldnt lol

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?  trust and companionship 

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?  no i think breaks are just a code word for breaking up and wanting to fuck other people 

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?  if by definition of hook up you mean fucking, no i havet ever hooked up with someone. I only have sex with someone im dating.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? dating someone i didnt like but only doing it because i thought i should and everyone liked the guy. smh.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? kids shouldnt be having sex..

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?  im bias cause my boyfriend is 6.5 years older than me but im over 18 and so its not really weird then. but i dont like huge age gaps. as long as youre both legal adults and theyre not like 18 and 36 than whatevs.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? nah

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yah i think so. if you talk to them everyday maybe. but i think you need to do more than just texting. Like video chats but idk i think its kind of hard. i can see it happening if you met online and then eventually met irl but just thru via internet nah. idk i just feel like physical relationships are better than none. thats me though.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? cheating and drugs. and lying about hardcore shit.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? when you stop feeling things for them, stop caring. or if you can see that its going no where. or if you just know they are not good for you.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? yep. 1 year and 3 months.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? eh. if youre mature  i guess. but someone you were super in love with..then you end it..can be hard to stay “friends” without someone still hoping they can work it out. Maybe like where you talk and are mature but not friends. im sure anyone whose mature can talk to an ex without it  being weird. unless you broke up for diff reasons.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? yeah sure

23: How many relationships have you had?  4 including the one i am in. 

24: Do you think love can last forever?  i do

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?  no

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  no. unless it was a super good reason..with proof. but im 20 i dont really care what they have to say about my relationships. Unless its to help me. (eg. hes abusive/etc)

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?  Only date someone you actually like.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?  trust and lots of effort and communication. You have to be the type of person to handle that stuff though. i cant do it 

29: What do you notice first about another person? how they treat me and how they smile.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?  no. Obvs something hardcore like sociopath or psychopath would be a deal breaker but 

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? yea

33: Do you want to get married one day? one day

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?  dumb. i love my boyfriend and we want to be together forever but shit happens and also i just find it kind of stupid. Unless they like died and you wanted a memory of them i guess.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?   no

36: Are you still a virgin? no

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? both are equal to me.

38: Do you enjoy love films? yeah they can be good. it depends though i hate stupid troupes ( eg. nerd girl dates hot boy. nerd boy gets hot girl. )

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? yea

40: Have you ever had a valentine? yes. and actually in my last relationship he dumped me on valentines day after spending about 70 dollars on me! lmao. Oh well it was a short relationship and looking back at it i laugh lmao. thank god im not dating him anymore.

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  going out somewhere..having fun and enjoying eachother. doesnt even have to spend a lot of money either. 

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? no

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? both. I am not gonna choose my man over my friends but i will not choose them over my boyfriend. If he needed me asap i would go to him, and vice versa if they needed me i would go to them. I need a balance of friends and my boyfriend. 

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? yeah very actually 

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? no

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?  nope.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?dont have one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song?  there is a lot of them.

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yeah. oh well shit happens. i always feel bad but sometimes you cant be with someone or you dont want to be with them.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? this is a dumb question. a poor nice guy. lmao

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?  i think so. yet im really dumb with my own stuff. its that whole heart over mind. mind over heart. of course i can tel my friend to dump her bf if hes being stupid cus im not romantically involved but with me and my relationship issues its diff.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? yeah. i gt jealous even now when im with my bf, especially couples who are super good with eachother. and girls who are independent and not jealous cus im always jealous.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?  eh. my boyfriend doesnt have it on there but its not like he hides our relationship. i dont think its overly important. unless youre hiding it.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? overly attached. i think.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? no.

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? suicide is never silly.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? sub.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? no

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? stupid.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? depends on the situation. <--- same

62: How do you define “cheating”? if you have to hide it, youre cheating.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? no. just dont brag about it or be like “damn they fck better than you” this hasnt happened to me but i know if it did i would be angry lol

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?  yeah. i dont want my boyfriend to spend money on me because he thinks he has too.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yes

[lookwhatilost]

i saw this valentines day ask meme earlier and i wanted to reblog it but i also dnt want people prying on gp and i know nobody will send me anything here bc i have like no followers, so im going to answer it under the cut and if you wanna b #nosy, then you’re at your liberty to do so

also im drunk answering these so theres that

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

lmfao

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

yes, sadly 😪

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?

unofficially we were on and off over the course of almost 4 years but officially the longest we were together was only a handful of months... but i generally tell people the unofficial version bc i feel like they’d downplay the significance of it otherwise

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

yeah but in the sense that i let good things inside me wither and die when i shouldnt have

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

he’s living with someone else but makes a point of letting me know that he’s still th*rsting over me... it’s rly embarrassing

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

idk for certain but most likely

7: Have you ever cheated?

no

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?

if i was aware, no, but i feel like i’d be totally possible for me to start going out w someone like that without being aware of that reputation beforehand

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?

your heads need to b in the same place i think... what with priorities, values, etc. i know some people can happily ignore conflicts like that & jst know to never bring them up but i can’t ever picture myself doing that.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

i’ve never had a “fling” in my life and i dnt intend to

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

if you need space from someone, then it is what it is, but i dnt think i would ever use the term “break” bc it’s too grey. i’ve seen friends. i know what’s up.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

harry’s the only person ive been with in any capacity

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

a lot but i think i would say, like, letting it go on for as long as it did bc i thought i didn’t have anything else going for me. granted, i didn’t, but sometimes it’s better to be invested in an ex that you aren’t speaking to, than be invested in a relationship that’s dragging you down

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

never tbh sex is dumb as shit

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?

fuck no

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?

i believe you can instantly recognize that you connect to another person but that’s not, like, love lmfao

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?

yeah but i’ve no interest in that

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

in a relationship i dnt think i would interpret anything as an objective deal breaker aside from the Big Shit like cheating etc. but if i was considering dating someone i think the biggest deal breaker would be political differences.

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

i’ll let you know when i figure it out

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

no

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

under the right circumstances, sure

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

i would encourage them to. i personally wouldn’t want to get into a romantic relationship that didn’t already have the foundation of a strong platonic one

23: How many relationships have you had?

one

24: Do you think love can last forever?

no but i dnt think there’s anything wrong with that either

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

absolutely not

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

my parents are so out of touch w who i am that their approval or objection carries no weight beyond that so... no

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

all advice is useless. conclusions have no meaning unless you draw them yourself. if i could go back in time, i would kill hitler.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

yes but personally ive no interest in one

29: What do you notice first about another person?

this is gnna sound dumb but whether they have a threatening vibe to them or not. for context: i work in service

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

i’m bisexual but i dnt see my attraction to men as anything more than begrudging & a nuisance

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

not in principle, but i have a lot of mental illnesses myself, and if i was in a position where my mental disorders and my partner’s were jst endlessly feeding off of one another... yeah that would definitely upset me

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

harry was definitely emotionally abusive to me at times but he was jst stupid tbh and retrospectively i dnt consider it to be abusive. jst, like, it was a very bad dynamic and it coaxed shitty things out of both of us

33: Do you want to get married one day?

not rly

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?

i wouldnt

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

easily

36: Are you still a virgin?

i wish

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?

personality obvi but physical attraction still needs to be there lmfao

38: Do you enjoy love films?

no they’re bad

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

ive gotten roses twice

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

what even is that

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?

i dnt have a specific vision but it would involve day drinking lmfao

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?

yeah. 3/10 tbh.

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?

it’s a balancing act! ive been guilty of putting my friendships on the back burner in favor of romantic relationships and i dnt want to do that again!

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?

not anymore

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

this is a loaded question bc all my friends follow this... if i say yes, it’s awkward. if i say no they’ll be like “well why the fuck not?”

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?

have people i liked romantically not returned my feelings? yes. have i gotten all indignant and entitled abt it? i’d like to think not.

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?

literally i can’t even think of any

48: What's your favorite love song?

momentarily? knock you down by keri hilson. it’s cute & a throwback

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

doubt it

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?

lack of proximity to available people that i’m compatible with, the fact that i have standards

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?

poor & nice... no shit sherlock

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

all dating advice is a shout into the void. i dnt bother

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?

i think exposure to that kind of stuff hits on a very real insecurity that stems from a rly long pattern of being mistreated in my romantic endeavors, but it’s not jealousy lmfao it’s something much more insidious than that... like i feel like im being taunted for having extremely severe emotional trauma related to that and it’s rly not a can of worms i want to open

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?

it’s not like important-important, but suffice to say, i would be suspicious of someone who was vehemently against it

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?

i’m trying to learn there’s nothing shameful abt being attached to the people you care abt, so yes & no

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?

yeah but i dnt feel particularly bad abt it either

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

when you’re suicidal you dnt care much for what is or isnt silly, let’s be real

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?

ideally my relationships dnt have a dynamic like that

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?

i have a weird fixation on dates and remember significant ones from, like, 10 years ago. february 9th 2009 was a big one, actually. so no i generally dnt forget dates unless i didnt commit them to memory in the first place

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?

stupid

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?

my family isnt important to me

62: How do you define "cheating"?

doing anything #physical with someone other than yr partner, or like, carrying out any sort of emotional relationship w someone you aren’t dating (like you’re telling someone else that you love them & wanna get w them or whatever)... some of it is rly cut n dry but other times its very, well, grey

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

i mean it’s not but like... holy shit dude you’re not 15 anymore.

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?

who dznt?

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?

probably. who knows. i cant believe answering this ate up almost a whole hour

[itsdumbgirlthings]

Day 4-7

Tuesday, January 7, 2020 22:32

look at that. I missed more days. This is going swimmingly

Today was memen’s bday and overall it was lovely.

It was a pretty frustrating day otherwise though. I was frustrated with both my father and my older sisters.

But memen herself and her birthday was the highlight and made the day much more manageable despite everything else.

I just really hate how Donna needs to be in control of everyone’s bday. I know she means well, but sometimes she just needs to relax and let everyone else celebrate how they want to celebrate their own birthday. Also what is her problem with driving and money? She’s so stubborn it hurts. Like she is not willing to compromise even if it benefits the whole group. She will be stubborn unless it benefits her. Dividing up the check was like pulling teeth. It came down to 6 cents and she was asking how we were going to divided that. We’re already agreed that everyone is paying for what they got, splitting taxes and such, and there were still cents unaccounted for, so now she had to recalculate everything.  

Daisy needs to come to terms that she lives a whole state away. She’s married and even has her own house. Why is it suddenly my fault that I forget to include her in plans when she has a whole life of her own now? Its no one’s fault. Its life. People move on. We can’t stay a pack forever. If she really wanted to be there for memen’s bday then she would come here herself. I shouldnt have to tell her anything, thats not my responsibility. She lives 4 hours away. I asked her this past weekend when she was going to be back and she said not until this coming weekend. Did she forget it was her sister’s bday in between those days. I assumed nothing. I asked when she will be back. I wasnt going to tell her to leave her home and come here when she was planning on being back this weekend. I understand that she’s not the happiest down there, so why did she get married and moved there if she’s not happy? She said she wasnt working or doing anything anyway so why didn’t she make a point to come here on her own? Did she have to wait for me to tell her of a plan? Maybe she could’ve made plans herself. Would she only want to come up if there was a plan? We always have plans for our birthdays. This is why I’m so frustrated. We have always had a plan for the day of the birthday and weekends prior and after the day of the birthday. There’s usually at least 2 plans. She didn’t have to wait for anyone to tell her anything.

Then theres my dad. I was at home, trying to fix myself something to eat, and he comes storming down the stairs asking me about my letter from Probation and all hell broke lose once I tried to reassure him that I was going to talk to my probation officer soon, I have already talked to her, I have receipts of payments, she has receipts of payments and he still was angry!

The lack of communication between my parents and I, my older sisters and I, are getting really old. Im getting so frustrated lately. 

Actually communicating with people have been frustrating. I remember why i didnt talk to people or asked anyone of anything in the first place. I really feel like most people can rant to me and explain to me and complain to me about anything and everything. Then I start to do it and I just feel dismissed. I feel that way about Sara too. 

I know I cant expect everyone to be as approachable and understanding. But I just feel like they’re not even making an effort to be. I just feel like almost everyone is staying stagnant while I’m trying to change for myself. I dont want people to change for me, but I know that they have the ability to become better versions of themselves and I can’t understand why they are not reaching for those opportunities. 

Complacency, Control, codependency.....

The past few days have been great though. Stephen hit me up today. I usually hit him up and he called me and asked me if I can blaze and my heart melted.

I feel like i need to trade a good relationship romantically with a frustrating relationship with my family. I can never have both. It cant ever be perfect like that. That everything just falls to place and becomes less stressful. I know its me too. I let them get on my nerves. But I used to not do that and I became the person I am. Anxious, depressed, self-doubting, self-harming, suicidal. Now im actually trying to know and understand my worth. But i feel like everyone has pretty much confirmed all my fears and the reasons why I want to kill myself. They do think i am a burden. They do think that i somehow have ill intent by not inviting them to memen, francis and I’s plans. They do think I cause problems. My dad thinks im disrespectful. I can’t expect to change them but they expect me to change for them. I can’t expect them to treat me differently but the want me to treat them a certain way. It’s a double standard. All the reasons that makes me anxious are real. All the reasons that made me depressed are real.  Others expect me to make an effort but I can’t expect others to make an effort the same way. I need to accept others for the way they are, but I can’t expect others to accept me the way I am. 

So what do I do. I’m gonna not care how things affect others just like they obviously dont care how certain things affect me. They’re not responsible for my emotions and I am not responsible for theirs. All I can do is explain and defend myself. And yes it is worth it everytime. I dont care if it cause more of a problem. They’ve said their piece and im not just going to shut up anymore and not say mine. I have as much of a right of defending myself as anyone else. I have a right to speak my mind and for others to listen to what I have to say. I listen to what others say and by golly, they will hear me too.

Anyway, Stephen and I had a great day yesterday. I had a good brunch with Allie and Sara. I had a good time with memen and francis at spizzico and the point today....Overally, life is good and I cant complain. I just need to rant sometimes so I dont keep all this is my heart. Maybe I can understand them better too. I am honestly more concerned. Thats where the anxiety comes from. I don’t know. The more I interact with my older sisters, the more I like having the space between. They’ve just been different. I thought they’d be the same as they were when they were my age. I thought when I turned into my 20s I’d be hanging out with them, and they’d be proud of me. But recently they’ve just been more judgmental. It feels a little hypocritical of them. I hoped that I could be more open to them and now i just want to close my self from them. I was hoping they’d be more sympathetic. But I just feel like a burden. I just feel like I’m leeching off others. Feeding from their energies and finances. 

Except for memen and francis, right now, I have very little to live for. I dont really mean that anymore. I wanna live for me. They just bring me down when they see me getting up and I’m a little proud of myself for that. 

Nah, somedays I just reeally want to kill myself to spite everyone. Honestly, fuck you guys. You know I can’t make it on my own out here and yet you still kick me out. You know I can’t make it out there and you still tell me I can’t stay long enough because I’m suicidal. You know I can’t make it on my own in the world right now and yet you make me feel worried about living here and expect me to call you friend. You know I’m having a hard time trying to wrap my head around everything and you dismiss what I have to say, then lecture me of your own philosophy as if it was truer than my own without even giving me a chance to speak my mind completely. 

I’m just done with being dismissed. with not being heard. I’m done with others having strong opinions and once I express my strong opinions it gets only negative responses. I just want to express myself and have someone like me to be understanding on the other side just like others can express themselves in front of me and I have nothing but respect.  

I just want to be validated. I just want to be heard. I just want someone to sympathize, to see me as I am. They dont need to accept me, they dont need to like me, but I just want to be seen as a person who can have her own opinions and her own morality too. I just want to be seen. I just want people to stop looking at me as if I’m translucent. I want people to see my genuine self and go about their day. I’m not a bad person. 

I just want someone to tell me, you’re doing your best. 

I’m doing my best. 

[snowssunshine]

All the numbers!!!!

honestly the anon that sent this,,,, i love you with all my heart

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yeah i think so02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

either my girlfriend or my mom

03: Do you regret anything?

yesssss04: Are you insecure?

ohhhh yesss

05: What is your relationship status?

taken!06: How do you want to die?

the dumbest way possible07: What did you last eat?

i had a sandwich earlier

08: Played any sports?

im playing softball right for my school right now so yes

09: Do you bite your nails?

yeps10: When was your last physical fight?

well idk if you would call it a fight because it was one-sided but around november-ish

11: Do you like someone?

yeah i think i might like my girlfriend12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

surprisingly no

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

i dont think so14: Do you miss someone?

yes, someone i shouldnt15: Have any pets?

2 doggos, 2 kitties!16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

just kinda meh17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

yeah i think so i dont remember18: Are you scared of spiders?

yeah i guess19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

no20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

school bathroom whoops21: What are your plans for this weekend?

hang out with my friend for my birthday22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

idk how many but i do want kids23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i have 2 ear piercings24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

math,science, foreign language25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

sadly yes26: What are you craving right now?

for the pain to stop27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i dont think so no idk28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yep29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

not sad tears i dont think30: What’s irritating you right now?

a lot of things31: Does somebody love you?

god i hope so32: What is your favourite color?

purple i think33: Do you have trust issues?

ohhhhh yeaahh you know it34: Who/what was your last dream about?

it was about my friend group and my brothers friend group35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my girlfriend36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

oh you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

for me, its easier to forgive sadly

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

defiantly not39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

well if were talking proper kiss then like 13/1440: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no? what kind of question is this wtf?51: Favourite food?

toast? or crackers?52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

nope53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

probably “i love my doggo”54: Is cheating ever okay?

unless it is nonconsentual for your partner, no

55: Are you mean?

i dont think so56: How many people have you fist fought?

none57: Do you believe in true love?

idk man58: Favourite weather?

rainy59: Do you like the snow?

yess!!!

60: Do you wanna get married?

i think so61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

i dont like baby but babe and bab are fine62: What makes you happy?

ange63: Would you change your name?

yes64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

no

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

if i like them aswell, as them out.

if i dont, move on with my life and i ope they do that too66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yeah

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my dad

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my girlfriend

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i dont now

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

no, but there is someone i would live for, which in my opinion, is more difficult