#pick natural skin
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My hand slipped—
Anyways, drew what I think Alastor might look like as an angel.
Couldn’t decide which looked better so have both.
#hazbin hotel#alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#art#my art#fanart#Alastor as an angel#no he is not happy about being angel-fied#he doesn’t have his microphone because it broke#but it’s little spade looking thing would instead be an upside down heart#the eye would still be there (because angel motifs are eye related)#I’d have added more eye motifs if I could find a way to fit them in naturally#so he gets heart motifs instead#courtesy of Pentious’s angel form lol#(his antlers are supposed to be upside down hearts but it’s kinda hard to see)#also please don’t crucify me for the skin tone I just color picked from his demon form and made it less dead looking
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yoooo ^_^
#kittys#i like this pic bc u can see all my skin stuff. if that makes sense#skin picking marks. stretch marks. scar. all natural skin baby
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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors
Me: *Is super stressed over life.*
Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.
Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.
Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.
Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.
Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.
Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*
Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...
Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL
#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website#trichotillomania#dermatillomania#onychophagia#bfrb#body focused repetitive behavior#ocd#guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin#apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week#and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative'#because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers#so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!'#currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days#actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly.#i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it#but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that.#but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me.#and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh#anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling#sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.
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“What do you mean he’s scary!! Look at him!”
— taking artistic liberties to scrunkle the face of @shepherds-of-haven’s Blade Bronwyn - a man with 0.6% body fat lol
#shepherds of haven#if games#blade bronwyn#this is mc privelage at work#hc mcs but especially the ladies are like no he’s fine!! look he’s a lamb!! but if someone else tried this they’d get their wrists broken#being an artist (like being a writer) makes your proclivities rly obvious because in this instance you can tell that I love#babying men who could kickflip me into the sun#picking fights with famed assassins like… wow blade ur so confident for your height! and leave#blade likes girls with good hearts and Halle is not quite that but she IS an efficient worker so she always comes back with the win…#and a bunch of rescued orphans and mages and stuff it’s… not a reflection of her personality but rather her work ethic which even then#is reluctant and put-upon#she didn’t want to be a captain let alone commander she was meant to be using this gang of do-gooders to fulfil her fate and then bounce#but they’re all so wholesome and now she loves them despite her better judgement#and he’s so cute!! with his poetry and plants and the googly-eyed clam he keeps on his desk and talks to about his feelings!!#what’s a girl to do?#there’s only so strong you can be in the face of a man who tells you straight-faced he’d mcfucking die for you#talking the talk and walking the walk even to the most wary of wilderness orphans#as always blade you are a nightmare to draw I lost sleep over your skin tone#my foe of four years aka blade’s left elbow is cunningly hidden#their child would be a serious force of nature and also really tall#fanart#shoh#can you imagine the name? between austere ket names and whack mage names…#these are my parents: blade and halwendi. my name is steele mechanicus and I DONT want to talk about it#just realised that if his brother saw this shit he’d get blade stoned for being a public hussy gosh sorry better make an honest man of him#new blade hairstyle is a shaggy wolfcut bc I think it’s cute on him lmao#this is a really autistic couple honestly#not quite sure where to put his hands#like when you flip a shark upside down
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okay so i went on a walkie (my body needed to go on one, remember to take care of yourselves and listen to what your body needs btw!!!!) and i'm outside again and. i just. i am so enthralled by the beauty that is all around me. the clouds are slightly tinted yellow as the sun goes down. the leaves are glowing in the evening sun. the contrast of the light and darkness depending on where you look on the tree is so beautiful. i love being alive and experiencing the small joys of nature. i love the warm weather. i'm wearing shorts out here!!!! life is so beautiful.
#i get this way every summer it seems#i just get so enthralled by the sunlight and the way it looks on leaves#the fact that i get to experience this joy for as long as i live is INCREDIBLE to me#i will one day be old and still looking at the same sky#i hope that my eyes stay good enough to see the leaves and pick up on all the little details but alas i know the fate that awaits us all#but at least i can experience it now#the joy of watching this little dragonfly flit about#the beautify of the pine leaves and pinecones in the evening sun#the warmth of the sun on my skin (not now since the sun is setting but)#it's 8 pm where i live and there's still pnelty of sunlight#i so dearly love trees and light and sun and summer and i think that the whole thing is beautiful#i love love LOVE the way sunlight plays on leaves#i know i haven't shut up about sunlight and leaves for the past five minutes that i've been typing this but.#it's truly the most mesmerizing thing i've ever seen.#i love nature so much holy guacamole everyone#i love BUG i love SUNLIGHT i love LEAVES#I LOVE BEING ALIIIIIIVE AND EXPERIENCING JOY !!!!!!!!#i've been looking at the sky while writing this ofc (i'm on a computer)#and.#we're all seeing this right#isn't it pretty????#la vie est belle
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I just realized how much nail polish I've accidentally eaten in my life and I think I'm probably going to die young
#the problem with wearing nail polish all the time and being uncoordinated and having a skin picking obsession#is that if you get nail polish on your skin you can't just wait for it to flake off naturally#and the easiest way to get it off is to scrape it with your teeth
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my parents gave me my first fidget cube today and I like it more than I was expecting but more importantly this object fills me with the primal need to destroy it. like cute joystick but I Need To Rip It Out. I wish I could explain this instinct with words and tell you why this object specifically is so destroyable to me. but I promise if you were me and you were holding this object in your hands, you too would understand.
#I think it sets off the same compulsive nature that makes me do things like pick at my skin; tho the cube is MUCH less distressing#like I can just sit here and use it as intended and I'm fine#but in the back of my head I know... one of these days I'm gonna rip it apart with my bare hands. I need to. it's inevitable#possibly important context is that it's not a cube shape. it's 12 sided but the same concept#idk if a normal cube would be the same to me
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Fuck you *humanizes my fankids*
#Okay Sayori's was already decided on but for everyone else I just went with my gut#Skitter always felt more dark skinned to me... Not that it's a bad thing#He's really nice! And just a sweet kid in general#(for those with white fur for muzzles and ears I get to pick the skin tones)#(that goes for non-skin colored muzzles/ears too aka Sayori)#Also the eyes got turned into natural colors. So did the hair (if it was unnatural)#The only one not changed too much is Sakura funnily enough... I just removed the gradient and turned the pink red#sonic#sonic oc#sonic fankid#digital art#sonic fanart#🌸mine#AND YES SAYORI COUNTS AS A FANKID#Oh! Almost forgot to mention... The lab kids have pointy ears. The normal ones don't#And the ones with smaller pointy ears are more half and half
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Quite confusing when the person who really REALLY wants you to try medical cannibis for your seizures ("it's fine, they take the thing that makes you high out!") gets very angry at you and says you're "basically getting meth from a drug dealer" when you mention you would like to see if ADHD medication helps you
#like. ??#im not getting high off dexamphetamine???#is it. the ~its natural~ that makes the first one okay?#you know what else is freaking natural? botchulinum toxin.#im sorry but i dont think natural means anything lmao#anyway. this was. a confusing conversation.#i wonder if thats why he stopped taking his adhd meds? idk#ALSO very confusing coming from someone who drank probably litres of beer in a single day.#im sorry i would like to stop picking at my skin until it bleeds or usinh my nails to cut my nails down to the pink bit
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So when I went to Canada to meet my internet boyfriend of over a year, he introduced me to old friends he had in HS that were visiting. This "friend" made a joke about how we were playing cowboys and indians. The entire group kinda played stupid and didn't react. He doubled down and was like "yeah, cause he's native and She's Texan". One dude (who had a huge closeted crush on the racist btw) broke the tension by saying "oh I thought cause of the football team haha"
Anyway I called that racist dude a faggot by the end of the night and idk what came over me tbh, it just came out. Everyone was making fun of his jacket and I said "don't be such a faggot about it". This was years ago and I would've handled that more tactfully now but I'm just word vomiting rn.
I really fucking flew to another country and called a racist a faggot for making a joke about me and my Nigel.
#he was drunk and like?? what was the joke even really?#that I was gonna massacre him?#the irony that vaqueros WERE Mexican and Black for the most part#I have mexican features but I'm too light skinned for the uninitiated to think I am Mexican straight off#latinos are like 50/50#something about my face says “I speak spanish” that like half the latinos around me pick up on naturally#anyway what is real life
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having sensitive skin is such a struggle cause all the effective deodorants make my armpits itch 😭
#everything I've tried either isn't effective enough at preventing smell or it irritates my skin 😭#and the only one I've tried that worked decently and didn't irritate my skin was discontinued 💀#I haven't tried any of those all natural vegan organic aluminium free things that some people swear by#so maybe I'll have to give that a try#if anyone has had the same issue as me and has found something that works please let me know#but I have a feeling that most people who swear by natural deodorant are the kind of people who could pick up a regular#antiperspirant and stay smell free for all 48 hours that it says on the packaging 💀#personal#idk why this feels so embarrassing to talk about 😭 like sorry for having a human body lmao
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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do any of you use Alkemia perfumes? (or have any other recs for someone getting into the perfumery hobby tbh)
I ordered two of their sample sets (gentleman's club and dark academe)
I like a couple of the scents- particularly Highwayman from gentleman's club, but I'm finding that it doesn't linger on my skin for even an hour. Is this typical for alkemia scents? I really enjoy leather/smoke notes if anyone has any recommendations for those
#the life and times#perfume#cologne#perfumeries#alkemia#I'm wearing Nature of the Beast today to see how it dries down on my skin#trying to train myself to pick out different notes#i'm not terrible at it so far#but i'm also not the best either#i'm having a huge amount of fun though
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“Avalon, how many Nature Auras did you buy?”
Me, frantically shoving leaves up my sleeves and into my pockets like a godless heathen: “...um. Yes.”
#I have so many Nature Auras because they are PERFECT#LEAVES BITCHEEES#I picked up a few skins! I don't have dragons for them...save for one but yeah
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Wordcount of the day: 961
Added 458 to Ch100 WiP before work, but while at work decided to go a different route from a certain point, so copied what I wanted to keep into a new doc and did another 503 from that point. Things started going towards a direction I wasn't sure I wanted to go yet, so I'm sure the process will repeat itself a few more times until the chapter is complete.
I know I already have a bunch of WiP's, but I've been in the mood to write something short and sweet. Just no ideas on the who or what. None of my saved Pinterest prompts are jumping out. I want to do something with fluffy cuddles, and most of the ones I have saved are Bakura-level sarcasm.
#writing progress#961 combined#curse me and my tkb obsession#i love writing him#but from an 'i'm an emotionally challenged sarcastic asshole' perspective#so when i want to write something cuddly#i feel the need to pick someone else#but i has no idea who i want to write#or in what situation that would make it cuddly#i could do a non-chaptered pre-longfic cuddly that shows the strange relationship nature between oc and tkb#but i would rather write something that would actually get read#not that i would know the hit/kudo count since i turned off stats on ao3 with a site skin for my own mental health
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still have fur detailing to do on the spots (and there are. so many spots) but the overall design is coming together
#feel like the spots and countershading could both be lightened a shade but we'll see where that lands#since the tiger one I've started doing countershading on its own layer instead of painting it by hand onto every coat#and it both looks better and goes more smoothly because I only have to deal with the seams once#and I can make little adjustments without having to redo the whole base#I think I might make a couple tortoiseshells and colorpoints for tiger/cheetah#also I know the tearstain markings are like The cheetah thing#but I've never liked how they look on a human shaped face so I'm not doing them#the tricky thing will be picking a second natural coat for cheetah#they're such a genetic bottleneck there isn't much color variation#like with tigers obviously had to do a white tiger#but most cheetah variants are markings based which isn't how I do things#I'm not painting a whole king cheetah marking for a single skin#isabelline was my original plan but now that I've added chocolate it might be too similar#might just do a hypothetical white cheetah even though I don't think cheetahs work like tigers#it would still look neat#maybe I'll do a sort of melanistic gold-charcoal thing#who knows
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