#pick ur muse pick ur poison

[rcjoice]

@wornclean liked for a spotify starter! (c u around//pwr bttm)

"i'm looking forward to the day when i can see your face and not wonder what it was i did that made you run away."

[apollos-boyfriend]

do u have that gif of jordon fading into the bisexual flag i need it. thanks in advance

i have three actually

[ardenssolis]

[Ozy can be just so ridiculously difficult as a Servant, and sometimes for no reason other than just being ridiculously difficult because he is used to having his way and doing what he wants. You can’t command him to do anything because that’s a quick way to have his temperament go from 0 to 100 in five seconds, thus, most of the time, one has to find a way to get him to do things without him feeling as if he is being commanded. This is why anyone who summons him has to be aware or have some semblance of awareness of what they’re getting into. Even the Average Joe who has no connection to magic or what goes on in the mage society should have a basic idea of who they’re summoning. Some of it should really be common sense, honestly. You call forth Achilles, well he’ll listen to a point, but you can’t tell him what to do either. He will just blow you off and now his feelings towards you went from chill to “>B /”. 

You have to ask them to do things. 

Sure you can use a Command Seal but that’s proven to be the very last thing you want to do, especially for proud individuals as it will significantly weaken them if you force them into compliance. This is the same principle for Ozy as well. You have to come before him and beseech his assistance the same way one would if they were one of his subjects. In doing so, you place control in his hands and stay on his good side. It also gives a higher chance of him actively helping since you, as his subject, know how to show your respect for his position and power. Even feigned, depending on if goals align, he’ll still be privy to helping if only due to him getting something out of it (you can’t hide that you’re faking respect – he will know as shown in canon).]

[blue-rphub]

whose tongue will you kiss us with

THATS FOR ME 2 KNOW & FOR U TO FIND OUT !!!

[bucketkicked]

blog-wide meme or starter call 🩷🩵

Pick ur poison and please let me know what muse you want it for if you’re a multi, too.

[strawberrystepmom]

ok fine if ur gonna make me think about sith geto then I will also think about him being such an emo fuck in the all-black robes and the belt giving him a slutty little waist and maybe also how he uses the force to choke u slightly. just sayin. this is poisoning me now THANK U

i literally love you so much and would die for you but this is fuckery and you know it because now i wont shut up about him. geto suguru my muse no matter the au but consider the following:

sith lord suguru isn't completely certain of how you ended up in his group of attendants, the tittering group of women that live to serve him hand and foot. he doesn't know what system you're from, he doesn't know your backstory. it doesn't matter, your purpose is to serve and it has been since you were likely plucked straight from your mom's breast and introduced to a life of servitude.

none of it matters - you're no one.

but he can't help but ask questions, anticipating your answers, because the one thing he doesn't feel emanate from you in his presence is the one thing he craves you to feel the most.

fear.

you do not fear this man.

not with his blazing lightsaber slicing through enemies, the smell of charred flesh following him in his conquests. not with the dark helmet he uses covering his face. not when you're the person he hand picks to see him without it - feeling most comfortable to be vulnerable around an unarmed woman rather than any man under his command.

he is well aware that you cannot trust the whims of men who all want power but you can trust a woman who isn't aware she has any.

least of all over the sith lord himself.

"you look like something is on your mind," he offers one evening as you work to polish his boots and he watches with narrowed eyes. looking up from your work, you meet his eyes and shake your head.

"no, my lord. nothing is on my mind."

he chuckles and rises from his station, discarding the data pads and battle plans before him and approaching you. you stay with your legs tucked beneath you, still diligently working until his shadow crosses your body. you feel cold inside of it but he still senses no fear. no hesitation. no disgust.

perhaps you're just stupid and that's why you're nothing more than the girl who polishes his armor.

"you know that i can sense when someone is lying, right?"

he looms over you but you stay still in your position, only lifting your head to gaze up at him. you're one of the few people who has ever seen him without his armor and the sight is tantalizing, although you are aware you're so far beneath him you don't have the right to feel that way.

nevertheless, he reaches out and cups your chin between his thumb and index finger. he narrows his eyes and inspects you for a moment as you do him, eyes dancing over the steely set of his jaw and those discerning molten amber eyes.

he scoffs and drops your chin, clenching his fist as he draws it back to his own body.

"get back to work."

[dementedspeedster]

🍲 - gimme ur take on the besties

Accepting || Send 🍲 to see if my muse would share food from the same dish or finish your muse's leftovers.

Thad will share his food with Deb, which is a significant action to him both as a person and a speedster. Thad doesn't typically like to share food with other people. He's selfish and stingy with food. Partly due to the fact he burns so many calories as a speedster and needs as much as he can get, but also because he typically doesn't care enough about the person in order to share with them in the first place.

But with Deb he is 100% willing to share his food with her, to cook for her, or give her his leftovers. Deb also has access to his fridge and has her own ice cream stored in his freezer. Thad likes to make sure Deb is fed and not giving herself food poisoning. Yes, he's certain that Noah's making sure she eats or making sure she doesn't give herself food poisoning with her own cooking, but he likes to make sure himself. He's also willing to cook for her.

Though while he does cook for her sometimes, he also is one who steals her leftovers and picks at her fries will she is and isn't looking. (Of course they have an agreement that he can and vice versa.)

[sunsbled-archive]

anyways out of all my muses rn all i can offer is...

stupid sexy demon king who doesn’t really care about anyone except his nephew

the man who is to cryptids what barney stinson was supposed to be to women

giant sad dragon man who constantly has to fight off his corruption

sweet baby boy who is too good for this world & pulls a reverse tomb raider

serial killer with severe memory issues and unresolved issues who is still somehow very sweet 

[purifyesarchive]

perhaps . . .     like  for  a  short  starter . . .

[petalparker]

ONLINE PDA III [MCU! P. PARKER SMAU]

Summary: Between getting cats out of trees, helping old ladies cross the street, stopping thieves, and alien invasions, Peter Parker still finds time to be disgustingly cute on the internet with his girlfriend. In other words, just another random social media au.

Face Claim: Shin Ryujin, so reader is of Korean/East Asian descent.

Pronouns Used: She/Her

Warning(s): Swearing, Implied Sex

Disclaimer: All media content is used for FICTIONAL and ENTERTAINMENT purposes only.

⟨ FIRST | PREVIOUS ] [ NEXT ⟩

PROFILES

POSTS

liked by p.parker and 927 others

y/nbabyyy back to black 🖤

harryosborn p.parker does her hair feel like hay?

↳ y/nbabyyy harryosborn i hope u fucking trip manwhore

↳ mjhatesu y/nbabyyy he's not a manwhore but harryosborn, i do not tolerate y/n slander

↳ p.parker harryosborn i don't tolerate y/n slander

↳ flashthompson harryosborn hey! only i can pick on y/n 🤬

↳ y/nbabyyy harryosborn what eugene said 😤

↳ harryosborn i can never fucking win

↳ y/nbabyyy harryosborn sucks to suck, osbitch

liked by y/nbabyyy and 457 others

p.parker study? ✖️ play hide and seek in the library? ✔️

flashthompson stop making out in the physics aisle, i need a book and ur gf since she's my physics partner 😐

harryosborn stop making out in the physics aisle, that's mj and i's spot 🙄

↳ p.parker harryosborn why are u guys so disgusting

↳ harryosborn p.parker have u looked in the mirror? we are one in the same

mjhatesu adding this to my collection of pictures that are supposed to be romantic but just come off as creepy

↳ p.parker mjhatesu why do u hate me

↳ mjhatesu p.parker firstly, i hate everyone (not y/n). secondly, a hand popping out of nowhere is fucking creepy

↳ harryosborn mjhatesu u hate me? 🥺

↳ mjhatesu harryosborn i... tolerate u more than other ppl

↳ harryosborn mjhatesu that's not what u said last night

↳ mjhatesu harryosborn i take it back

↳ y/nbabyyy harryosborn deserve

liked by p.parker and 692 others

y/nbabyyy late dinners with my lover <3

mjhatesu so u enjoy shitty meals?

↳ y/nbabyyy mjhatesu he makes them with love 🥺

↳ mjhatesu y/nbabyyy and u totally aren't absent bc of food poisoning today

↳ mjhatesu p.parker u should love her better and order takeout next time; harry will venmo u cash

↳ p.parker mjhatesu I DID NOT POISON MY GIRLFRIEND

↳ mjhatesu p.parker then where is she 🔪

↳ p.parker mjhatesu ...with me...at home

↳ mjhatesu y/nbabyyy YOU SKIPPED BC U GOT RAILED TOO HARD?!

↳ y/nbabyyy p.parker i'm breaking up with u

liked by harryosborn and 849 others

p.parker harryosborn told me to shave

y/nbabyyy i kiss ur jaw everyday; there is literally nothing to shave

↳ harryosborn y/nbabyyy keep it pg-13 jfc

↳ y/nbabyyy harryosborn stop acting as if u and mj didn't make out in the quantum physics aisle yesterday

liked by y/nbabyyy and 793 others

p.parker i want to try all new things with u y/nbabyyy

y/nbabyyy ditto bug boy ❤️

↳ p.parker 🥺💙

nedleedsleads u guys make me sick 🤢 /pos

flashthompson this post just called me single in 7383 different ways

↳ y/nbabyyy that's bc u are

liked by p.parker and 739 others

y/nbabyyy p.parker and i's first ceramic baby!!! his name is pedro parker 💚

mjhatesu pedro parker? where's the hyphenated last name?

↳ y/nbabyyy mjhatesu it was for the alliteration 💀

↳ mjhatesu p.parker ur on thin ice

↳ p.parker mjhatesu WHAT DID I DO ⁉️

p.parker when can i have custody of pedro?

↳ y/nbabyyy p.parker hmmm... never <3

↳ p.parker y/nbabyyy ... i demand a court hearing

liked by y/nbabyyy and 1,279 others

p.parker y/nbabyyy you're my favorite muse

flashthompson looks like a stalker to me. y/nbabyyy blink twice if you're being held hostage

↳ y/nbabyyy flashthompson 😐😑😐😑

↳ p.parker y/nbabyyy how could u babe 💔

↳ nedleedsleads y/nbabyyy p.parker top ten anime betrayals

↳ flashthompson oh my god... did i ruin their relationship? fuck yes

↳ p.parker flashthompson 🖕

mjhatesu hm for the photocard on the right

↳ p.parker mjhatesu not for sale 🙅‍♀️ they're for my private album

↳ flashthompson p.parker that statement doesn't make u look any less of a stalker...

Tag List: @mskatharinak

[summcrshcndy]

“are you dumb or just fucking stupid?” florence asks, her brows crinkled as she takes a sip of her vodka cranberry, crossing her legs as she looks around the bar for a way to get out. “i’m not INTERESTED and need for you to get the fuck out of my face.”  most of the time when she went out - she got hit on. and most of the time - men were relentless. she couldn’t help that she was beautiful. but not this relentless. but this time felt like a little more than normal and her skin was beginning to crawl. in hopes that he’d stop, she turns her back to him and keeps her glass in her hand. 

[fanficimagery]

Ba-by Vlog doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Summary: Imagine being part of the inner circle of friends that's known as the Vlog Squad. You've known Zane the longest, but his friends became yours instantly when introduced. You've been there for them through all their ups and downs, so you're not exactly surprised when they insert themselves into this next chapter of your life.

Words: 4.7K Warnings: Language.

For the passed few weeks you've felt like utter crap. You've had no energy, you were constantly nauseous, and the small bean growing in your womb caused a big fight with your boyfriend of three years that ended with him walking out on you.

Your friends have been calling and coming over to check on you, but you weren't in the mood to hang out, especially while they filmed their bits because it usually involved something outrageous and you didn't want to chance being hurt.

But apparently, Zane has had enough of your excuses.

[unlock ur door. omw.]

You had sighed at his text, but did as you were told. Then falling back on the couch, you awaited his arrival.

Fifteen minutes later, your front door is being opened.

"Baby," Zane groans. "What is you doing? It's three in the afternoon, you're still in pajamas, and you look like death."

You smile weakly at him. "Love you too, bitch. And I'm tired. I haven't been feeling well."

"Well get up and get showered. We're having a kick-back at David's and everyone misses you."

"I don't know, Zane. I honestly don't feel so good."

"It's because you've been cooped up alone all week. Now come on!" He steps around your couch and grabs your hands, he then yanking you into a standing position.

The moment you get your bearings and inhale deeply, you get a whiff of something that upsets your stomach. Gulping down the sudden rush of saliva in your mouth, you lean back with a grimace. "Zane, is that- why do you smell like bacon?"

"Because I got hungry. Duh."

"No, Zane," you say, stepping away from him and covering your mouth and nose with your hand. "I can't- back away. "

You cough and gag, and turn to rush out of the room. You've barely made it to the bathroom, falling to your knees and throwing open the lid to the toilet before barfing your guts out. You stay there until you're done vomiting, only to flush the toilet and fall back on your butt.

Zane is standing in the doorway, expression curious. "Y/N, what's going on?"

Shakily wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, your eyes tear up as you meet Zane's gaze. "I-I'm pregnant."

A beat passes and then the most brilliant smile takes over his expression. "Oh my god! My baby is having a baby!?" Weakly grinning, you nod and then stand to rinse your mouth out at the sink. After doing so, Zane pulls you into a careful hug. "Is that why you haven't been hanging with us?"

"Yeah. Well that and the fact that Dillion split after hearing the news. Apparently having a baby was too much for him."

Zane tenses and when you pull back to look at his expression your heart softens towards your friend. "I'm going to kill him."

You huff. "No you're not. He's long gone by now. Probably went back home to his mother in Texas."

"I can't believe that asshole!"

"What's done is done. Let it go."

"The others are going to be pissed, Y/N. I can't believe you kept all this bottled up."

"Let me tell them," you say. "The pregnancy has to be kept under wraps until after the first trimester is over, but the news about Dillion.."

"Yeah. Okay." Zane glances around and then, "Why wait until after the first trimester? How long is a trimester?"

"I'm a bit superstitious," you shrug, smiling sheepishly. "The first three months of a pregnancy are crucial. This is the time where chances of a miscarriage happening are at its highest. I don't want to tell everyone I'm pregnant and then something happens, and then everyone is walking on eggshells around me."

Zane hums. "I get that. But three months? I'm gonna die keeping this secret!"

"Shut up." You playfully swat at him, but then quickly backpedal when you get a whiff of bacon again. "Jesus. I've only known about the peanut for three weeks and he's already turned me against bacon. I really hope he or she doesn't make me eat weird shit."

"I don't know about you, but I'm excited to see you hormonal and crying at every little thing."

"Fuck my life," you groan. "This is gonna be a tough three months. Our friends are gonna be suspicious as fuck."

"Yeah they are. Now go get dressed and drive your ass to David's. I would drive you, but I don't want you barfing in my car."

"And if I barf at David's?"

Zane shrugs. "Food poisoning? If they ask about your absence, just admit to the breakup and make up an excuse about not processing it as quickly as you thought."

"You know what? That's actually not a bad idea."

"Obviously."

"Don't gloat. Now get going. I'll be there in half an hour."

"You better or I'm gonna stir the pot and convince the boys to fly out to Texas to confront Dillion."

"God you suck. Go. I'll be there."

The first three months pass fairly easily. The morning and afternoon sickness is easily remedied by your doctor, and now the sonogram picture weighs heavily in your hoodie pocket.

Zane has been a good friend through it all, he helping you keep the secret while keeping your friends all focused on what a dillhole your ex had been. But now it's time to come clean and you're on your way to pick up Zane who had asked beforehand if he could document your pregnancy.

As Zane settles in the passenger seat, he mounts his camera to the dashboard. "Are you ready for this?" He asks.

"Not really, but I'm tired of making excuses for not drinking and sleeping all the time."

"Alright, so just like we planned." He turns the camera on and after giving you a reassuring nod, you paste on a smile before both of you look towards the camera lens. "Hey guys, Zane here and today's video is going to be a little different. As you can see, Y/N is here with me and I'm sure you've all been wondering where she's been since she hasn't been in anyone's vlogs."

You wave at the camera. "Hey guys. Sorry for going awol on you, but I'm back and I've got some news to share."

You grin over at Zane and he practically beams towards the camera. "We're pregnant, bitches!"

You snort and swat at him. "I'm pregnant. Zane's just super excited and has been a great help these past few months."

"Girl, whatever. That baby is gonna be calling me daddy. Just you wait and see."

"God I hope not."

"Uh," he scoffs. "Rude!"

"Shut up. You still love me." He hums and you take over explaining the next bit. "Anyway, today's the day I'm finally telling my friends, but we're only going to record the ones I think we'll get a reaction out of."

"Josh Peck, obviously," Zane muses. "Then David, Natalie, and Jason."

"Carly and Erin."

"You also wanted to record Kristen, but she, Scott, and Todd are still on tour."

"I know." You pout. "I'll tell everyone else, but I'm not sure they'll be as excited and I don't want to record them and have it be awkward."

Zane laughs. "I can just picture Ilya blinking and not knowing what to say."

"Right?!"

The two of you laugh and then taking a moment to calm down, you say, "So yeah. That's what we're doing today."

"Oh! Show them the sonogram."

"Oh yeah." Pulling the picture from your pocket, you hold it up to the camera and Zane helps you so the camera can focus on the image. "That right there is the little peanut. I seriously can't wait until I can find out the gender. Zane wants me to do a gender reveal party, but I don't know."

"Uh.. were doing it, baby. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

"I swear it's like he's the pregnant one sometimes."

"Mhm. So, viewers, sit back and relax, and let's get to telling people we're having a baby!"

"Oh my god. You're too much."

Instead of turning the camera off, Zane lets it continue to record with promises to chop down the footage when in edit.

Then as you're driving over to meet Josh at the hotel he's currently staying in while he's in town for a few photoshoots, Zane gets you talking to the viewers about your current situation and why he's taken it upon himself to help you out. You end up crying when talking about your break-up, but Zane cracks a few jokes that soon have you laughing.

At Josh's hotel, you grab one of the gift bags from the trunk of your car and Zane leads the way up to Josh's room. Once there, immediately seeing the camera, Josh's eyes narrow.

"What's going on?"

You and Zane laugh. "Nothing. I got you a present just because and Zane wanted your reaction."

"Uh huh. I'm not gonna open it and be attacked by bees, am I?"

"No."

"Okay. Good." Josh leads you towards the couch and you take a seat next to him while Zane sits across the two of you. "So what's the occasion?"

You shrug and hand over the bag, but before josh can open it, you say, "All of you guys have supported me while I've been going through this post-breakup funk and I just.."

"Just open the goddamn present!" Zane urges.

You snort and in retaliation Josh sluggishly pulls the ribbon off the bag handles. When Zane makes a noise of aggravation, Josh laughs and then pulls out the tissue paper. He reaches for what's inside and he's barely fully opened it before a beaming smile blossoms. "No!"

"Yes," you laugh, tears already filling your eyes.

"Really?" He asks, then reads the personalized indie aloud, "Plot Twist! Coming January 2020."

"Oh my god. Congratulations!" Josh hugs you, clearly excited. He gets even more excited when Zane hands over a sonogram. "Look at the little peanut!" He coos. "How far along are you?"

"First trimester is officially over," you say.

"Yeah? Who else knows?"

"Well besides baby's deadbeat dad, I was the first," Zane says. "And you're second."

Josh's smile falters, his gaze subtly darting to the camera before settling back on you. "It's okay to ask. Zane's documenting the good, the bad, and the ugly."

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. "So I'm guessing Dillion didn't take the news well?"

"You'd be correct. We were having problems before I found out the news, but a surprise pregnancy really wasn't in any of his future plans."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," you assure Josh, wiping tears from your eyes. "He took some time to think about what he wanted to do and baby Y/L/N will be solely mine when he or she is born. Dillion plans to sign away all his rights."

"Oh man." Josh reaches in for another hug and you sniffle into his shoulder. "Whatever you need, just let me know. I'll help you out as much as I can."

"You really don't have to, but I appreciate the thought."

Zane turns the camera off, setting it aside. "Okay so that's one friend down," he muses. "Who's next?"

"I don't know. Lets see who's available?" You bring forth your phone and immediately start texting your friends, side-eying Josh who keeps smiling at the onesie in his lap. You receive a few texts back, grinning. "So Carly and Erin are at David's. Looks like I can kill four birds with one stone."

You then bid Josh farewell, promising to keep him updated with your pregnancy and to call should you need anything. You let Zane take over the driving and end up at David's in no time. But instead of heading inside, Natalie waves you over towards the Tesla where they're getting ready to leave. So after grabbing four gift bags from the trunk of your car, you head on over while Zane rearranges everyone in the Tesla. Carly and Erin are moved into the back seats, Natalie is seated with you in the middle, and Zane sits in the passenger seat while David drives.

"Okay so what's the big deal?" Erin immediately asks as Zane films everyone present.

"Just hold on a few more seconds," you say while passing out the gifts. "You all have to open them at the same time. Well not David because he's driving, but I'm sure he'll know soon enough."

"Enough chatting and open the gifts!" Zane says.

The girls all laugh at his anxiousness, but they open the gifts nonetheless. You see when they pull out the onesies and unfold them, grinning as you see Natalie read hers and it takes a moment for it to click: And so the adventure begins. January 2020.

"Shut the fuck up!" Erin screeches from the back seat. "You're pregnant!?"

"What?!" David's head snaps in your direction as Zane cackles, but then he quickly stares back towards the road. Instead, he looks to Zane. "I'm gonna be an uncle?"

"Is this a joke?" Carly asks

"Nope. The eggo is preggo." You pull out the sonogram and pass it around. "I'm now four months along."

"Look at Natalie," Zane laughs. "She's crying!"

"You better stop those tears right now!" David jokes, glancing at his best friend-turned-assistant. "You're gonna make the pregnant lady cry!"

"Too late."

"I'm sorry!" She laughs, wiping her tears. "It's just- you're pregnant." Natalie beams, her excitement shining through her eyes. "We're gonna have a baby!"

"Uh excuse you," Zane scoffs. "You are not having a baby. We're having a baby," he says while gesturing between himself and yourself.

"Wait, what?" Carly exclaims and you sigh.

"You really need to stop telling people that you're my baby's father." Without even having to look around, you know your friends are curious about who the baby daddy really is. "This pregnancy is why Dillion and I broke up. He intends to sign away his rights."

"Oh fuck him," Erin immediately huffs.

You crack a smile and let Natalie grab your hand to squeeze. "Hey. Whatever you need, all you have to do is ask. We're here for you."

"Yeah," David says. "That kid of ours is gonna be spoiled as fuck."

The entire car laughs and you flash them a smile. "Thanks, guys."

The camera gets turned off and Zane turns around in his seat. "Okay so where are we going because our last surprise for the day is Jason."

"Uhh, nowhere in particular," David says. "I just wanted to drive."

"Well drive on back to your house because we need to get Jason's gift and take it to him."

"Oohh. What did Jason get? Or did we all get the same thing?"

"No. Josh got a onesie that said plot twist and the due date beneath it. You guys got the adventure onesies, Jeff got a shirt for Nerf that proclaims Nerf the cool older cousin."

"Aww!"

"Todd, Scott, and Ilya got bottles of Vodka, but the label on them says do not open until I am born. January 2020."

"And Jason?" David wonders.

"Jason got the most heartfelt gift," Zane chuckles. "Even I teared up when Y/N showed me."

"It's because I actually do have a father/daughter relationship with him. I know it started off as a joke, but it actually cemented into a familial bond. So I framed a sonogram in a picture frame that says hello, grandpa on top and I can't wait to meet you on the bottom."

"Dude," David says. "He's gonna cry."

"Counting on it."

SIX MONTHS PREGNANT

Walking into David's house, you can't help but smile at the all the pink and blue. It's the day of your baby's gender reveal, Natalie having set it all up since she was the one entrusted with the envelope from the doctor.

Out back there's a chalkboard where everyone's writing their names under whether they think the baby is a girl or boy, pink and blue cupcakes, pink and blue candy, and pink and blue balloons.

Everyone's dressed in white and the way the whole reveal is going down is that everyone will split into two groups and stand on either side of you. Then armed with confetti cannons, they're going to pop them so that the colored confetti arches over you. All the while, David and Zane are going to be recording and taking pictures.

"Wow. You've gotten fat." The words surprise you, however, the person they come from doesn't. Jonah.

"I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?" Those within hearing distance snort and laugh, and you grin at your friend. "Don't fuck with me, Jonah. My hormones are up and down, and my comebacks are meaner."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't mess with preggers. I got it."

You shake your head in amusement as he walks off, one hand resting on your hip and the other absentmindedly rubbing your stomach.

"Wow. You've really popped." Jeff joins you then, expression soft as he gently hugs you in greeting. Out of everyone, he was the one to surprise you the most. He had taken it upon himself to change your diet after finding out you were pregnant, and even got you exercising to keep you and baby as healthy as can be. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good," you tell him. "I'm really excited to find out whether I'm having a son or daughter."

"Do you have a preference?"

"Nah. As cliché as it sounds, I'll just be stoked as long as he or she is healthy."

Jeff grins. "Nerf's little cousin is going to be perfect. Just you watch." Your baby kicking startles you and makes you wince, and you rub the spot you felt it at. Jeff continues to watch you. "You know, I never understood why people are obsessed with touching someone's pregnancy belly, but now I think I understand."

You chuckle at him. "Do you wanna feel? Baby is kicking right now."

He glances at you in surprise before slowly nodding. Then taking his hand, you press it to where the baby is more active and watch his facial expression showcase his awe. "That's freakin' crazy, man."

"Try being the one experiencing it. The first time I felt the kick, I started crying. Not because I was happy, but because it freaked me the fuck out. Jason had to console me." You laugh as you remember calling Jason to ask him if what you felt was normal. He obviously wasn't a woman, but he was married before and experienced everything with his now ex-wife.

"Hey! If Jeff gets to rub the belly, so do I!" Heath marches up, swatting Jeff aside and placing his hand where Jeff had his. Seconds pass and his eyes widen. "Holy shit!"

"I know."

"Alright, bitches, gather 'round!" Zane shouts, recording. Next to him, David follows with his own camera. "If you haven't written down your name under whether you think the baby is a girl or boy, do so now. David's decided to make things interesting."

"Yes because finding out the gender of my baby wasn't interesting enough," you deadpan.

"Shut up. Yes it is," Natalie says, coming up beside you and shoving Heath away from your stomach.

"So the way things are going down," David starts, "is that whoever guesses the right gender wins a thousand dollars."

Your friends cheer, with the exception of Natalie who can't play because she already knows what you're having, and after the hype has gone down it's time.

Standing out in the middle of the back yard, you wait patiently as your friends split up. Heath, Mariah, Natalie, Corrina, Josh, Jason, and Matt stand on your left while Scott, Kristen, Carly, Erin, Todd, Jeff, Jonah, and Ilya stand to your right. Everyone anxiously waits with their cannon in hand, and then Zane and David count down.

"Three.. Two.. One!"

The cannons pop.. and pink confetti rains down.

There's screaming and shouting, and tears immediately fill your eyes as you laugh joyously. Erin, Matt, Todd, Josh, Jason, and Jonah are more excited than the others- they being the ones who had guessed you were having a girl.

"Baby, you is having a baby girl. How are you feeling?" Zane asks, camera in your face.

"Like I'm gonna barf," you laugh. "Holy shit. I'm having a girl!"

NINE MONTHS PREGNANT

For the last hour and a half, you've been washing and folding baby clothing for the umpteenth time, and repacking your hospital bag. Lately you've been in the nesting stage and your friends found it rather hilarious.

Just after you've placed the hospital bag atop the changing table and have taken a seat in the rocking chair, a rather intense cramp causes you to lightly groan and cradle your stomach. You've been cramping since early morning, but you're still two weeks away from your due date so you think nothing of it.

Natalie soon enters the room, smoothies in hand. "Let me guess," she says, "you've been washing again."

You grin tiredly. "I feel so restless," you tell her, accepting your banana drink. "Thank you."

"No problem." Natalie then takes a seat on the floor, her back against the open door as she glances around the nursery. Each piece of nursery furniture was purchased by your friends and assembled by a professional. David, as a present afterward, got a mural of the entire gang painted on the wall and peering down into the crib. Half the group thought it was creepily hilarious, but you found it rather endearing. "So what's on the agenda tonight?"

Still rubbing your stomach, you hide your grimace behind the smoothie cup. "I, uh, I actually think I need to go to the hospital."

Natalie's head whips in your direction. "What?"

"I've been cramping all morning and thought they were Braxton Hicks," you admit. "But they've only gotten more painful and closer together."

"Holy shit, Y/N. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because if you freak out, I'm gonna freak out. So stop freaking out!"

"O-okay!" Natalie quickly stands, taking a moment to center herself. "Has your water broken?"

"No." Your voice wobbles, but you quickly gulp down the knot forming in your throat. "Am I- do you thinking I'm overreacting?"

"Nope. But whether these contractions are the real deal or not, I rather have the nurses look you over and decide themselves."

"Agreed."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll just- I'll grab the bag." Natalie walks over to the changing table and shoulders the bag's strap. She then walks over to you and helps you out of the rocking chair. "I'll drive and you make the phone calls to everyone."

You hiss in pain. "Sounds like a plan."

          - X - X - X - X - X -

Waddling back and forth in your hospital room, you mentally curse your option to not have an epidural. Natalie has been a trooper, calling and texting your friends to let them know this was the real deal. You can't have too many people in your room before the actual labor takes place, so everyone plans to visit for a few minutes and then rotate with the others. For the birth, though, Natalie and Zane were staying.

"Knock! Knock!" The door opens and in walks David, Jeff, Zane, and Jason.

"Oh fuck you and your dumbass smile." The boys all laugh and Natalie hides her smile behind her phone. After all, she's been the sole target of your mean remarks since you've been admitted so she's just happy to see someone else targeted. "God I hope your daughter doesn't inherit your meanness."

"I'm so sorry," you tearfully apologize to David. "But if I hear your laugh one more time, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Aw baby," Zane coos. "Have they given you anything for the pain?"

"She decided against the epidural," Natalie advises them.

"Wait, what?" Jason asks. "Seriously?"

"I heard stories," you mumble. "The cons outweighed the pros, so I told the doctor I didn't want it."

"God you're brave," Jeff huffs. "I've heard horror stories."

"Not. Helping," you grit out when yet another contraction hits. Hissing, you stop pacing and bend over the side of the bed. Natalie rushes over and starts to rub the small of your back as you start to cry.

"And that's our cue," David says. "We'll send in the next group. Erin and Mariah are super stoked."

"That's because they're not the ones pushing a baby out of their vagina!"

Zane sticks around, planning to record part of the birth, but also knowing full well that he and Natalie are to stay near your head. You don't plan on having any vagina shots on film or picture.

          - X - X - X - X - X -

Thirteen hours.

Thirteen long excruciating hours and baby Wren Y/L/N has finally entered the world.

Natalie and Zane held your hands throughout the entire birth, letting your insults slide off their backs when their encouraging voices grew aggravating. Natalie took pictures and videos for Instagram when baby Wren was placed on you directly after being pulled out, and Zane excitedly cut the umbilical cord when asked if he wanted to. Baby Wren was then taken away to be cleaned up, weighed, and measured, and your friends gave you some privacy for the after birth and clean-up.

Now your two friends are dozing on and off in some recliners the nurse had wheeled in, and you're curled on your side as you stare at your sleeping baby in her bassinet right next to your bed.

A gentle knock sounds on the door and it opens to David's grinning face. "Can we come in?"

"Yeah." You tiredly wave him in. "Just be quiet."

The rest of the gang enter behind him, pink balloons and teddy bears in hand.

"Oh my god. She's adorable!" David gushes, already filming Wren as she sleeps. "Jesus, Y/N, you're a mom."

"Total MILF," Todd giggles. Kristen rolls her eyes and swats him upside the head. "Ow! What? I was joking."

"Whatever. Keep it in your pants, Toddy. I doubt Y/N is looking to get pregnant anytime soon."

"Try never," you muse. "Giving birth fuckin' sucks."

"But it's totally worth it. Right?" Mariah asks, touching Wren's tiny hand.

"Eh."

"Can we hold her?" Jason asks.

"Yeah. Go ahead. The nurse should be back in, in a few. It's close to her feeding time anyway."

Jason picks Wren up, gently cradling her in his arms. Seconds pass, and David and Jeff start to snicker at Jason's sniffling. "You're already loved so much, you have no idea. Welcome to the Vlog Squad, kid."

Everyone softly laughs and then take turns holding your baby. She grunts and yawns, and sucks on her tiny fist, and she has everyone wrapped around her tiny finger in a matter of minutes. As your own eyes then start to droop, they flutter back open when you feel a weight settling next to you on the bed.

"Hey, David."

"Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?"

"Like I pushed an eight pound baby out of my vagina and haven't slept in forever."

He chuckles. "Just wait until you're all healed up. You'll look back on this day and say it was all worth it."

"I don't know about that, D. There's still months of Wren waking up every three hours demanding the tit. I don't know how I'm going to handle it."

"You'll figure it out. You always do," David says. "And when you're feeling overwhelmed, call someone. Everyone loves you and Wren, and I'm sure you'll have no issues finding a babysitter."

"Yeah. I guess you're right." Wren lets out a brief cry and you glance over at her, only to be met with Jeff's panic-stricken expression. "Quick! Someone snap a picture."

Your friends all laugh at Jeff, which only upsets Wren even more. She cries louder, but the sudden knock on the door and a nurse walking in causes your friend to sigh in relief. "Feeding time!"

"Alright, losers," you muse, slowly sitting up, "that's your cue to leave. Jeff, hand over Wren."

Jeff walks over and cautiously passes you the baby, he then lingering to brush his thumb over her brow. "She really is something, Y/N. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Jeff." As your friends all walk out with quiet reminders that they'll be back later after you've bonded more with Wren, you stare down at your baby tucked into the crook of your arm. "Well, kid, I would say it looks like it's just you and me, but I'm pretty sure all your aunts and uncles would say otherwise. Grandpa Jason was right. You have no idea just how loved you already are."

[dikiyvter]

✍ for d.iluc OR for atticus pick ur awful poison

[ x | accepting ] Cala doodles your muse in MSpaint | @lionfanged

[ivcsisms]

        - ̗̀ NOW INTRODUCING:  IVES ❝ IVY ❞ SERRANO !

new york’s very own ives serrano was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to danna paola ! you may know her as @poisonivy or hitting the front page of tmz as social media star joins top 1% of only fans earners after just one day on the platform. according to tmz , she just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being manipulative , but also alluring . things that would paint a better picture of you would be strawberry champagne, rose petal blunts, and red glossy lips paired with gold jewelry . ( cis female + she/her  ) 

    ♡ — ›   𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲 / 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬    &   𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬    &   𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬    &    𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 

hi cuties !! i missed u guys sm !! i was around before the revamp so some of u already know me / ivy but to those that don’t hello i’m tay !! i can’t wait to meet y’all n ur muses soo i’m jus gonna get into it and give this a like if u want me to come bug u for plots !! or if u wanna hmu on discord u can find me at tay#6638. if u want a very long-winded, overly detailed account of everything in her life u can read the bio / stats page i linked above but if u don’t want to read all that shit here’s the basics: 

okie so the first thing u need to know abt ivy is that she is literally always lying like.. her name isn’t even rly ives ! it’s her middle name but still. she started using it when she was a stripper ( which she started doing like on her eighteenth birthday ) and her stage name was poison ivy, and then she created her online persona using the stage name and everyone just knew her as ivy so she went with it

she wanted to hide her real identity at first for like safety reasons but then as she became more and more popular she kept lying to hide her shady ass past bc she’s definitely been arrested a few times for like possession and petty theft/shoplifting type shit and also she doesn’t want anyone to know that she grew up poor, and that all of her money doesn’t come from a trust fund like she says it does

and that’s because most of her money comes from scamming and blackmailing rich men ! also from being a sugar baby but generally most of her money comes from being manipulative and using her looks for evil. she always jokes that her job is literally jus being pretty !

she got most of her ‘fame’ from instagram and other social media, and she’s done a little bit of modeling but more than anything it’s just like being the face of a campaign or a brand ambassador or smth bc she’s too short for the runway so u know like mostly print stuff. 

but most recently she’s been in the news for blowing up on only fans which honestly is the platform she’s probably most excited about being popular on bc u know.. money. she started the account like... mostly as a joke just like ha ha what if i had an of and she posted some pretty tame like lingerie pics and made a bunch of money super quick and just decided This Is What I Do Now bc she was a stripper for a while so it’s not like it’s anything that new to her

definitely spends too much time on tik tok !! social media in general tho too, she’s like always on her phone and is one of those people that can’t just hang out without posting selfies/videos on every social media site and then not-so-secretly obsessing over the engagement on it 

since her fame doesn’t really come from like ... talent ( i might make her a singer again later but for now she’s just Pretty ) she’s always doing crazy shit to keep her name in the press, whether it’s feeding into dating rumors or starting public fights with people, she’s always just trying to stay relevant and get attention ( plus the insta engagements lead to more sponsorships and brand deals sooo... all press is good press to her ) 

she is so selfish, and will always put herself first in any situation. she literally will throw u under the bus or take advantage of u without even thinking twice ok she’s so used to being manipulative and self-centered that she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it sometimes 

that being said she’s super charming and tries to keep a bit of a balance with her reputation, like people expect her to be pretty erratic and unpredictable, but she tries to at least seem nice most of the time so that she isn’t just like... universally hated. she’d much rather be hated by a small group of people that have a reason to hate her but have a mostly ok public reputation, ya know ?? 

and some people definitely have good reasons to hate her bc she takes advantage of / steals from her rich friends a lot ( not her good good friends but like acquaintances ) 

if you actually manage to get through her walls tho she is a super loyal friend and will literally do anything for u, it just takes a lot to get there like she doesn’t open up to a lot of people and is super super selective of who gets to see her be vulnerable and express her true emotions. like how she’s really feeling bc she can fake cry on command so she can be tricky and make u think she cares when she rly just wants something 

she’s also a huge partier and much more pleasant when she’s drunk or on drugs, except for the times when she gets too drunk and will pick a fight with anyone who is unfortunate enough to cross her path. 

she’s very toxic in relationships and therefore never seems to stay in them long, but also dating people / making people think she might be dating someone more famous than her is one of her favorite techniques for getting attention, so she tends to jump around a lot and have those awful on again / off again type relationships 

she’s also bi so her ass is rated e for everybody 

a lot of times she pretends to be dumber than she really is so people don’t suspect her of being the manipulative mastermind that she is, and also she’s so good at lying that sometimes even she believes her own bullshit. she also purposefully keeps an air of mystery about her, especially when it comes her her childhood/background type stuff, she’s just really vague and will usually change the subject when it comes up 

she wakes up every day and chooses chaos, that’s the gist of it really !

connections 

so i have this connections page from before and i’m still fixing / updating it BUT it has a lot of rly good ideas on there but here are just some like general ideas i would love !!

pr relationship / flirtationship / fake enemies ( like they pretend to hate each other or fight on social media for the attention ) 

exes on bad terms ( ig they could be on good terms too but i like drama ok ) 

someone she stole from 

someone that hates her for some other shady shit she did

party friends !!

mom friends that will make her Chill tf out 

bad influence friends ( either they bring out the worst in her or she brings out the worst in them / peer pressures them to do things ) 

on again / off again exes !! 

fwb / casual hookups 

friends to lovers or even better is enemies to lovers,, pls 

nd of course just like general friendships !! fake bitches need friends too !!

[hanazou]

grey and white 😏 PLS IM ALSO A FYO KINNIE I NEED SOMEONE TO COMMIT CRIMES WITH

printing response... ` -* , ✒

📝 ; as of now, I've no musings but HAPPY TO KNOW U TRUST ME AS A PARTNER IN CRIME, BAE ☺ pick ur poison, I specialise in defamation and blackmailing. what about u, fellow fedya kinnie?

[gglitcha]

RULES:   share   five   songs   that   represent   ur   muse  !   repost ,   don’t   reblog .

1.    THE   WORLD   BELONGS   TO   YOU ,   JONATHON   COULTON  .

they   said   it’s   you ,   who   put   the   gravity   in   the   ground  .   they   said   it’s   you ,   who   all   the   stars   revolve  ��around  .   scientists   were    wrong   and   you   suspected   all   along   it   might   be   true    ------    the   world   belongs   to   you  .

no   one   escapes   the   things   they’ve   done ;   a   fate   that   fits   the   crime  .   you’ve   got   a   plan   for   everyone  .   where   do   you   find   the   time  ?

because   it’s   you ,   dancing   the   planets   on   a   string  .   because   it’s   you ,   who’s   got   to   handle   everything  .   there’ll   be   hell   to   pay   unless   we   all   behave   the   way   you   want   us   to ;   the   world   belongs   to   you  .

2.    ARTIFICIAL   HEART ,   JONATHON   COULTON  .

they   gave   me   a   test   to   make   me   the   best   that   i   could   be  .   they   knew   all   along   that   there   was   something   wrong   with   me  .   we   picked   out   a   spot   and   made   a   hole  .   wire   and   glass   and   stainless   steel  ...   now   i   can   imagine   how   i’d   feel  .   

there’s   blood   on   the   bed ,   but   here   in   my   head   i’m   feeling   fine  .   it’s   easy   to   sleep   now   i’m   not   buzzing   all   the   time  .   so   funny   the   way   i   was   before  .   once   i   was   blind   but   now   i   see  .   once   i   was   him ,   but   now   he’s   me  .

you’re   happy   again ,   i   nod   and   pretend   to   think   it   through  .   i   don’t   need   to   think   at   all   if   i   don’t   care   for   you  .   it’s   not   an   emergency   for   me  .   i   look   at   the   walls   and   they   go   clear  .   i   cover   my   eyes   and   disappear  .

i   got   a   new   heart ,   i   got   a   new   heart ,   i   got   a   new   artificial   heart  .   it’s   not   a   real   heart ,   it’s   not   a   real   heart ,   it   is   a   real   artificial   heart  .

3.    I’M   GONNA   WIN ,   ROB   CANTOR  .

my   life   is   a   constant   entrapment   of   tunnels   which   tangle   and   wind   and   beguile  .   and   regardless   of   where   i   may   tumble   or   funnel   i   wonder   what’s   really   worthwhile  .   sometimes   life   can   seem   like   a   merciless   dream   and   i’m   falling   with   nothing   to   hold  .   

but   i’m   gonna   win,   i’m   gonna   try.   i’ll   never   lose,   i’ll   never   die.   you’ve   seen   me   before,   you’ll   see   me   again.   i’ll   never   give   up,   i’ll   never   give   in…   ‘til   i’m   bloody   and   bruised.   ‘til   i’ve   broken   my   bones.   ‘til   i   won’t   be   abused.   until   i’m   laughing   alone.

how   do   you   feel  ?   you’ve   been   concealing   your   worries   from   the   world …   but   you   can   reveal   them   to   me.   

4.    I   CAN’T   DECIDE ,   SCISSOR   SISTERS  .

oh ,   i   could   throw   you   in   a   lake ,   or   feed   you   poisoned   birthday   cake---   i   won't   deny ,   I'm   gonna   miss   you   when   you're   gone  !

oh ,   i   could   bury   you   alive ,   but   you   might   crawl   out   with   a   knife ,   and   kill   me   when   I'm   sleeping---

that's   why   i   can't   decide   whether   you   should   live   or   die  ...   

oh ,   you'll   probably   go   to   heaven  ------   please   don't   hang   your   head   and   cry  .   no   wonder   why   my   heart   feels   dead   inside ;   it's   cold   and   hard   and   petrified  .   lock   the   doors   and   close   the   blinds  .   we're   going   for   a   ride  .

5.    I’M   THE   BAD   GUY ,   WANDER   OVER   YONDER  .

i’m   not   the   damsel   in   distress  .   i’m   not   your   girlfriend ,   or   the   frightened   princess  !   i’m   not   some   little   bird   who   needs   your   help   to   fly  ...   nope  !   i’m   the   bad   guy  .

all   these   former   villains   that   you   see  ?   each   of   them ,   with   shaking   knees ,   has   knelt   before   me  .   so   i’m   not   your   teammate ,   or   your   partner   in   crime  !   WHAT   AM   I ,   GUYS  ?!   (   she’s   the   bad   guy  ...   )

oh ,   it’s   magic ,   to   watch   a   planet   shrivel   up   and   die  !   oh ,   it’s   thrilling ,   to   be   the   villain  ...   i   crush   all   your   hopes   and   then   i   WATCH   YOU   CRY  .

and   let   me   tell   you   why  !   see ,   i’ve   always   had   a   weakness ,   for   barrenness  and   bleakness  ...

tagged   by  :   @adoranoia​  !!   ilysm   thank   you  ...   for   justifying   my   infodump   about   her   evil   anthems   <333 tagging  :   steal   it   from   me  ...   i   would   like   2   Perceive