#please be nice to me 🥺

[gunsatthaphan]

"I'm not afraid."

[flowercrowngods]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 (these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)

day 04: here come the tears

a/n: the people have requested a surprise eddie pov and i have decided to pull a eurovision and ignore the public vote, just a little bit. but you get a tiny eddie pov, as a treat 🤍

Steve is crying. It's 1:07 a.m. and Steve is crying. And there is nothing Eddie can do about it as he's lying in bed, his heart breaking further with every passing second that they lie there in silence, quiet sniffles carrying over the phone. 

Steve is crying and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not talking to him and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not okay, and neither is Eddie. They're both breaking. 

And Eddie doesn't know what to do about it, how to fix it. How to make it better. How to tell Steve that he misses him, how to ask him to talk to him, how to keep him. To stop him from slipping through his fingers further and further until all there is is silence. 

"You know," his mind wanders back to years ago, his heart cracking at the memory. "I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time. Forever, really."

He remembers the way Steve's eyebrows shot up, his eyes round with... shock? Surprise? Or maybe something bad? 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah," Eddie had chuckled, fiddling with the straw in his drink to give his hands something to do. "Remember that kiss?" Steve nodded. "Well." Another chuckle, awkward this time, and possibly too revealing. 

Steve grinned at him, a self satisfied smirk that wavers just a little. "So you're saying you did fall madly in love with me, Munson?" 

Eddie's breath had hitched a little because Steve remembered those words so perfectly that had since doomed Eddie completely. But he covered it up with a laugh so easily, he was sure Steve didn't notice. 

"Maybe," he grinned. "But eh, that's in the past." 

It wasn't a lie; not really. But wasn't the truth either. 

The truth was that Eddie had moved on. The truth was that it's the kind of crush that was never really a crush. The kind that is a Forever more than anything else. 

The kind that will always be there, a flame burning inside my chest that carries your name and keeps it alive, keeps me warm. The kind of flame that will always be ready to become a bonfire again. Just say the word, Stevie. It's written in the universe. Say the word and I'll be yours. 

"Good," Steve said after a while, and Eddie remembers frowning, remembers that he wanted to ask what that tone was, what Steve was thinking. If he was worried or disgusted or felt betrayed that Eddie's been so hopelessly and helplessly in love with him. 

But all he said was, "Yeah. Remember Chrissy? We're kinda official now." 

And Eddie had known then just as he does now, that he'll be a happy man with Chrissy. She's his best friend, a sunshine on bleak days. She's no Steve, but she makes him happy. He had to move on from Steve – to try – and allow himself his own kind of happiness. He'd never expected to find it with Chrissy, but he loves her so much. He's grown to love her in the past years – not the movie kind of love, not the all-encompassing Steve kind of love, because that flame inside his chest can still only carry one name. 

But life is not a movie. And love is not always a fire. But he's still warm, still content, still happy. And so is Chrissy. She knows about his flame, says she understands. Eddie thinks he has one of her own, but he never asked; just held her that night, creating more of that silent happiness.

…Is he happy? Lying in bed, listening to Steve's quiet breaths that are barely audible over the phone, remembering the kiss, the confession, the Forever that he tried to move on from, he wonders what he's doing. Wonders if that contentment is worthwhile if it somehow lead him to losing Steve. 

Did he miss something? Did he fuck up without realising? 

He can't ask; Steve won't talk. 

All he can do is lie there and feel that flame that still carries Steve's name after ten, eleven, twelve years scorching his insides. 

All he can do is wonder if the whispered, "Good night, Stevie. I miss you," is some kind of goodbye. All he can do is lie awake all night and wonder where they started losing each other. 

~*~

Missing Eddie is worse than loving him. Missing Eddie makes it feel like all the heartbreak songs are written for Steve and his pain that will persist.

It’s been three months since the engagement party, and the sharp, biting heartache that cut into his lungs every time Steve tried to take a deep breath has dulled now, turned into a constant ache, an emptiness, the sorrowful traces of where an I love you turned into an I miss you. 

He’s barely talking to Eddie anymore, and with every passing day he just misses him more. 

Steve types the words I miss you over and over and over again, but never hits send. Just stares at them, wondering if Eddie knows. Wondering if he’s doing the right thing. He isn’t. There is no right thing. Nothing is right. Not without Eddie. 

He scrolls up in their chat, past Eddie’s questions if he’s okay, past his very own I miss yous, up and up and up to the strings of hearts, to the inside jokes, to the gentle teasing, to the You’re my favourite persons, to the happiness and joy and good, good times. 

He scrolls and scrolls until his phone vibrates and tells him there’s a new message in the chat. Steve frowns, his hollow heart racing as he scrolls down again to see Eddie’s new message. 

Eddie Munson: — Can I come over? 

Steve frowns. 

— why? are you okay? 

Eddie Munson: — No. — Nothing is okay. You’re gone and you’re not talking to me and I miss you and I’m losing you and I don’t know why — I dont know anything. — I just wanna know, wanna talk, wanna understand — I wanna fix this. I fucked up, I think, and I wanna make it better. — I need to talk to you — Please. Please can I come over 

Steve swallows hard, as he reads the incoming messages over and over again, watching the little bubble that says Eddie’s typing still. Watching as it disappears and reappears, reading until his eyes begin to sting and his vision is blurred with tears for the first time this week. 

Letting them fall as he types, 

— no. please dont 

Eddie doesn’t reply to that, and Steve breathes out long and hard, throwing his phone to the side, not caring where it lands on the couch as he slumps over to the other side, turning up the music even louder. 

Oh, can you tell I haven’s slept very well Since the last time that we spoke. I said, ‘Please understand I’ve been drinking again And all I do is hope.’

It consumes him, this song and the way it was written for him. The way it was written about him. Because he has no right to ask Eddie to stay. He’s the one who’s leaving. He’s the one not telling Eddie what is wrong, why he’s pulling back so suddenly. 

I’m not strong enough for the both of us. What was I supposed to do, You know I love you. Please, stay.

Please stay. Please, please, please stay. It’s about him. It’s about Eddie. About them. 

And Steve listens to it over and over again, not caring that his neighbours will know it by heart by know, will be so tired of him wallowing for weeks and months, and will come knocking soon. He doesn’t care, not when Mayday Parade are singing, All the love’s still there, I just don’t know what to do with it now. 

He types that into Eddie’s chat. Doesn’t hit send. Sends it to Robin instead, and gets a shaking hands emoji in return. It makes him smile as he re-starts the song. 

~*~

That night, he wakes around 2 a.m. to a missed call an hour ago and one new message on his mailbox. He lifts his phone to his ear with shaking hands and bated breath, a pit opening in his stomach when he hears the Judas Priest song that’s been in his Sad Eddie playlist since the beginning. 

His heart cracks open when he hears Eddie’s sniffle, a heavy sigh, and another sniffle, followed by a little, Fuck. 

“Stevie? I’m… You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to just— to just disappear. To slip through my fucking fingers, or float away like a— a dream, when you wake up, and you wanna go back to sleep because it was a good dream, and you— I don’t wan’ you to be a good dream Steve. You’re like… Fuck, man!” 

Eddie’s voice is breaking, and so is Steve’s heart as his hand begins to tremble and he sits up in bed, closing his eyes, squeezing them shut because he doesn’t want to see the world as Eddie’s rambling at him. 

“I miss you. I miss you so much, and I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t… I don’t wanna miss you. How do I get you back, Stevie? Please just… God, please just talk to me. I’d do anything for you, you know that. Just tell me, just say the word. Just… Just say the word, please.” 

There’s silence after that, only Judas Priest’s Here come the tears over and over as the song is ending. Steve is crying as he listens to Eddie’s silence. 

“Just. Just… Please, Stevie.” 

The call ends then, the line cutting to the staticky voice instructing him to save or delete the message. Steve saves it. He doesn’t know why. 

He also doesn’t know why he’s scrolling through his contacts with trembling hands and hits Call when he reaches Eddie. 

The call doesn’t even get to the second ring before it’s picked up already. 

“Stevie?” Eddie sounds breathless, wild, and just a little hoarse. Like he was still crying. 

“Hi,” he says lamely, still shaking, a little breathless himself, and with absolutely no idea what he should say. 

“I’m… Hi.” 

Silence falls, and Steve wipes at his eyes. He’s still in bed, just sitting there with his phone pressed to his ear, and the ball that’s coiled inside him is growing larger and larger with each passing second that he doesn’t say Sorry, that he doesn’t say I miss you, too. That he doesn’t say I love you. 

“Can I come in?” 

He blinks, the question throwing him off his thought spiral. “Huh?” 

“I’m sort of… outside your building right now.” 

Why, he wants to ask. No, he wants to say. You’re gonna see, you’re gonna know, you’re gonna hate me forever. 

“Okay,” he breathes and climbs out of bed, blanket around his shoulders despite the summer heat, because suddenly he’s freezing. He buzzes Eddie in, listens to him on the phone as he walks up the stairs, neither of them thinking of hanging up, and opens his doors with shaking, trembling hands. 

tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @imzadidragonfly @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae @tuesdaycats @totoroinatardis @ilovebookshowboutyou @musical-theatre-gay @theluckyalien @copingmechanizm @srra @changelingbaby @sassygoop @obsessivelyme @r0binscript (sorry if i missed anyone just give me a shout if i did <3)and thanks to everyone who said nice things about this 🤍🌷

come back tomorrow/later for [redacted] | read here

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

miles kane saying “you cunt”

[p-011-yn]

An Unnamed Third Life Poem

written for my reading for pleasure class

Roses are red, violets are blue,

but those are not what I’m offering you.

Poppies are small, not meaning much,

but joined by a lilac, they have the right touch.

That pit caused me pain, and caused you some, too,

the sands are rough, and the skies are blue,

this water is cold, and so is your sword,

but I’m loyal to you. You have my word.

[star-mum]

OPLA Phone Theme

this took multiple days please love it 💖

[scionshtola]

and there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody it won't leave my head

thank you @nightmaskart for this amazing art of Mir and Aeran!

[scouting4love]

The 3ds online shop closed today

[k-issclub]

🥺w-what are you doing with that knife ..?

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Tagged by @kladivonacarodejnice to post a selfie, thank you! 😊

I'm 27 today. And i look pretty too so that's something. 🤭

Tagging: @lollobendix, @rotting-sword-maiden, @faroffpromise, @healution @wonderinghobbit, @flower-crow, @akasztofavirag-por, @gaznull, @istilldobutiusedtotoo, @cutefreakshow, @fra-helviti, @lord-worms-shakespeare-class @bonewhiteglory and @viking-badger

[lavender-femme]

something something lesbian pride flag hair

🪸men | minors | terfs | do not fucking interact 🪸

[manipulatorkaleidoscope]

Joke that has the target audience of me and me only

and yes, I did jump on the trend bandwagon. What about it

bonus under cut

[skylarbee]

https://www.tumblr.com/shit-talk-turner/735266502098468864/guys-about-the-louise-footage-from-dublin-i-was

Oh Christ, I don't know how true this is but I fear that sooner or later it will happen, I feel it unfortunately

look, she talks a lot of bullshit all the time and tries super hard to make it seem like her life is perfect. her insta posts and stories about alex are beyond the maximum levels of cringe. and when someone tries this hard to convince everyone that she's this happy in her relationship and tries to show everyone that her boyfriend is THE best boyfriend and keeps talking about how much they love each other... we all know that things are really not looking that good. there would be no reason to feel that offended after a hate comment or two and have a breakdown on her stories if she was 100% confident that she's loved beyond limits and her relationship is perfectly stable and ready to take the next step. she throws fits about some teenage girls writing comments and doesn't even acknowledge "paparazzis invading their privacy". her whole life revolves around alex, of course she says things like these to keep fans engaged. besides, we know how jealous she is of miles, of course she'd say that in dublin. we shouldn't trust a word she says.

i get that you're worried and knowing that they've been together for quite a while, alex might've gotten lazy and too comfortable and not be bothered to try to find someone new. it's what men do, and at 55 they cry about their wives and kids because they realise this is not the life they wanted at all.

i don't think we should panic about anything she says. if something major does happen, i at least hope that fans that looked past her mistakes, won't look past the fact that she chose to be neutral (and make this too about herself) regarding a subject which is 1000x more important than her pathetic relationship and the scenarios she creates in her head. and will also think about what kind of man they are the fans of if he chooses to be with someone as horrible as her. free palestine and fuck deloulou :)

[felizusnavidad]

hey mutuals, will you please decorate my christmas tree, pretty please? that would mean the world to me, thank you, goodnight

[piglinmyfeet]

I've been picturing Gem and the Scott's as a group of stereotypical flower power hippies so here's gem! (I may add Scott and Impulse at a later date, dunno though)

They are gonna violate all principles of "flower power" by the end of the series, it's inevitable, we all know it. Kind of ironic honestly

Here's the outfit I based it on btw, I changed the pattern, colours and other stuff obvs

I really tried with the shoes guys, I promise, but I am unfortunately a quitter, so sorry I just dismembered her and took away her legs instead. Upsy daisy 😊✌️

[soggy-wet-catgirl]

wish a tentacle monster would pat me on the head while it rails me so hard i can’t think,,,

[weiwuxianismybae]

Disciples of Baoshan-sanren (or anyone related to her) who leave her mountain are destined to die a terrible death.

Or are they? Let's look at that starting from the recent to the oldest, Wei Wuxian included.

Xiao Xingchen re-entered the world at the age of 17 and made a name for himself by helping anyone who asked for his help. After a night-hunt where he showed his prowes, clans small and big invited him to join them and yet he declined them all. He wanted to start his own sect with his dear friend Song Zichen. Sect based on same ideas instead of blood relations.

So, what happened? Well, read the chapters 28-42 (or ch. 7-8 in Seven Seas translation) for a full story. In short, he tried to help Chang Ping and caught Xue Yang, but because that demon was working for the Jin (you know, the most influential clan) he was allowed to live (and to continue to work for the Jin). The Jin even threatened Chang Ping to retract his accusations to let Xue Yang roam free again. And what did that lead to? Xue Yang took revenge on Xiao Xingchen in the most gruesome way: he targeted his dear friend and destroyed Xiao Xingchen's dignity (you know, made him kill innocents, something that goes against his core believes). Xiao Xingchen would not have met his terrible end if not for the influence of the Jin clan. But who gave them that influence? Sure, they're rich, but so what? If the cultivation world was as righteous as they say they are, then the Jin clan would not have held as much power as it did because of all those bootlickers (looking at you clan leader Yao).

Wei Wuxian...... do I need to say anything? The whole book is about how he got screwed over by the cultivation world. One moment, he was praised as a war hero, and the next the son of a servant dared to call out his betters for their hypocrisy, and he was called a heretic, a demon.

Jiang Cheng, “Wei WuXian! Don’t you understand? When you’re standing on their side, you’re the bizarre genius, the miraculous hero, the force of the rebellion, the flower that blooms alone. But the second your voice differs from theirs, you’ve lost your mind, you’ve ignored morality, you’ve walked the crooked path. You think you can be immune to all those condemnations as you stay outside of the world and do whatever you want? No such precedent has happened before!”

(ExR ch. 73)

(And who helped with that, Jiang Cheng? Anyway...) Would he have met his tragic end if not for the elitism and corrupted morals of the cultivation world?

Cangse-sanren and Wei Changze. I'm not gonna speculate on this since we are not given much. The only thing we know is that they died during a night-hunt and since Jiang Fengmian found Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling, it is reasonable to assume that they died somewhere near Yiling. And what else is near Yiling? Burial Mounds! Who knows, their deaths could very much have been an accident. However, how did Burial Mounds come to be? It's an ancient battleground; wars happen all the time, so who cares. But! Who made it worse? Who used it as their personal body disposal ground? The Qishan Wen clan!

Wen Chao continued, “The Burial Mound is right in Yiling. You Yunmeng people have probably heard of its name as well. It’s a mountain of corpses, an old battleground. If you find a spot wherever on the mountain and dig your shovel into it, you’ll be able to dig out a corpse. Any nameless corpses would be tossed here as well, wrapped in a mat only.”

The sword array descended slowly, approaching the black peak. Wen Chao, “Look at the dark air. Tsk, tsk tsk, the hostile energy is strong, isn’t it? And the resentful energy is thick, isn’t it? Even us at the Wen Sect weren’t able to do anything about it. We could only surround it and prevent people from going in. This is still daytime. At night, really any—thing can be found there. When a living person goes in here, both the body and the soul, they cannot return, unable to get out for all of eternity.”

(ExR ch. 60)

Instead of liberating the resentment, they made it worse. Sure, they say that liberation was not possible, so they sealed it away. But still, why make it worse?! If not for the disregard for human lives, the Burial Mounds would not have become what it is and Wei Wuxian would not have had to go through that hell on Earth.

Yanling-daoren. Well, we know even less about him than Cangse-sanren, but this time, I want to speculate! Let's look at this excerpt from chapter 40 (ExR):

Xiao XingChen, “You’re right. The first disciple who left was very outstanding. When he first left the mountain, due to his mastery over his skills, everyone praised and admired him, and he became a famous cultivator of the righteous path. But afterwards, people don’t know what he went through, but his personality changed drastically, and he suddenly became a villain who killed people without blinking twice. In the end, he died under thousands of swords.”

So... what did he go through? Well, we don't know, but that's why we're speculating! How does cultivation world see Xiao Xingchen and Wei Wuxian? Let's look at chapter 43 (ExR):

Lan Yuan was Lan SiZhui’s birth name. He protested, “I was not making excuses for him. I was simply suggesting that we may not want to make conclusions before we understand the entire situation. You know, before we came to Yi City, a lot of people also claimed that the YueyangChang Clan’s Chang Ping was killed by Daozhang Xiao XingChen for revenge, right? But what was the truth?”

Xiao Xingchen was praised all over, but in the end one conformation that the sword used on Chang Ping was Shuanghua and everyone came to that conclusion. What did Lan Wangji say again?

Lan WangJi slowly shook his head, “One should not comment without understanding the whole picture.”

(ExR ch. 30)

Riiiiiight. For the context, Wei Wuxian asked Lan Wangji his opinion on the situation after he heard that lingchi was performed with Shuanghua. So, it's logical to assume that the cultivation world saw Xiao Xingchen as this hero that after a defeat (to the Jin) turned on innocents (Chang Ping). But he did not! It was Xue Yang exacting his sick version of revenge.

And Wei Wuxian? Well, I already said it, didn't I? Hero turned monster. "How dare he! He is just a son of a servant!"

So, it's realistic to assume (in my head that is) that Yanling-daoren went through similar shit as Wei Wuxian, but without the life motto of "Remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free." Or being as forgiving and good as Wei Wuxian.

Are Baoshan-sanren's disciples destined to die terrible deaths after leaving her mountain? I don't know. Something that all these people have in common is that they were respected and held in high regard and then died horrible deaths with their reputations in taters. You can call it destiny or moral failing of the cultivation world ¯\_(ツ)_/¯