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internetegoist · 1 month

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Of Shidou Ryusei ; And how his character connects towards sexual trauma

(Content warning: Major mentions of SA/CSA and abuse, minor mentions for NSFW behaviour. Most of them aren't in graphic detail, but please please be wary of it 🙏 There's also spoilers for CSM and A Clockwork Orange)

Shidou's character is one of those that sticks with you throughout the entire series. It feels like we know everything about him, yet there's something so mysterious about his behaviour that makes you wonder, what's with this guy? We know how he acts, his violence and vulgarity injected in his brain and blood, but yet we don't know why he acts the way he is. It is very heavily implied that he went through a sort of restriction, born in a bird cage which he freed himself from through going to Blue Lock, but what is that restriction? What was the bird cage which trapped him? What was it that was holding him back from searching for freedom and exploring the world?

Since then, there's been a large speculation of theories on what his backstory could be. But one of them I want to talk about is about how his backstory is connected to SA, and how he could have experienced it at a young age. At first, I was extremelyyy hesitant to follow it due to how it made me a bit uncomfortable to discuss about, and how I saw a majority of people supporting the theory use it for shock value rather than a chance to devolve into darker topics. Of course, not the case for everyone who supports the theory, just from my own personal experience in the fandom.

But now, I can see the extremely, deeply discomforting vision on how this could be true in a way. From both his favourite manga and movie involving SA as an integral part in the story, to the concerning side of him being slightly revealed in the Egoist Bible. (Eg. crying at the end of the day, when he's feeling nothing or when he's empty, as well as his dislike of gifts)

Due to my heavy interests, I wanted to explore this theory into a more deeper matter. I decided to analyze more of his behaviour, as well as doing some of my own research. I must say, Shidou's behavioral manner can be one that is similar to those of SA survivors, especially male survivors.

Okay okay, enough yapping around. Let me get straight to the point.

Shidou and his instinct's responses

Generally after experiencing sexual abuse, one's entire personality will change. Every behaviour change is different for every sexual abuse survivor. Sometimes they'll isolate themselves more often, sometimes they turn into a much aggressive and violent person. Because the world has failed them, the world is putting them in a place where they are no longer safe and are more vulnerable. Because when your entire sense of self and personal power is taken away by your abuser, you are left with nothing but fear and new survival instincts. Why I bring this up is because Shidou's entire personality is built on instincts. His instant response to even the slightest hint of dislike or threat is to immediately beat them up, no matter who they are. A noteworthy thing to mention is that one of the main responses from males following sexual trauma is anger, because it is more socially acceptable for men to react that way. Attacking someone is the best way of defense, and Shidou follows this way of defense entirely. This also follows up with the stigma with the male ethic of self-reliance, in which help-seeking behaviours can be seen as cowardly or unmasculine.

It's most likely the reason why he also dislikes Kunigami's philosophy of heroes; Considering the fact his entire character is based on wanting to be free from restriction, he must have lived in an environment and/or went through a sort of restriction which influenced his ideals of "I can fend myself, I won't need anyone". The world he has grown up in was nothing but survival against the abuse he went through, so for what purpose should he believe in the principle of a savior, if he himself could have never been saved? It doesn't help either when in real time, there have been many cases where survivors of sexual abuse are either never believed when they speak out about it, or never speak out at all in fear of not being believed.

And besides the fact he uses violence as a defense method, one thing I noticed about Shidou is that during the time he was locked up by Ego for inducing violence onto Rin. We see him, perhaps for the first time, being calm and offering a promise that he'll make sure to stop fighting and hitting others, as long as he is let out of that prison he's trapped in. You see, a common reaction victims will use during the process of the SA is to freeze. To stay silent and still. It's like how animals freeze to avoid fights or further harm to themselves, or play dead in order to prevent getting eaten by predators. Although the outer self may seem to be in a calm state, the inside are on high alert, because they are afraid on what will be their abuser's next moves. The option to fight or run away may seem easy to those who haven't experienced SA, but to the victim it may seem harder than you think. Because freezing is a body's instinct response to abuse, and it'll stay frozen until the abuse is over, it's almost like a human's way of playing dead, so that the assault induced will end sooner. Among the instincts of 'fight, flight, freeze', Shidou seems to use fight the most out of the three. However, when necessary times come necessary measures, Shidou, perhaps for the first time, switches to 'freeze' instead of 'fight'. Not only because he basically, cannot physically fight anyone at that moment, but also because he is afraid. Afraid of being restricted yet again, afraid of not having the chance to live his life, which is to play football. The worst position to be in when you're being hurt or abused is limitation. You can't move, you can't fight, you can't run away from your abuse from happening. Nothing but hope that the abuse happening to you will end soon, that your abuser will stop hurting you. That's exactly what is so terrifying about the freeze responses.

Shidou and his sexual behaviour

If any fan knows anything about Shidou, it's that he's not afraid to speak out what's on his mind, especially lewd and inappropriate words. More or less, this can be connecting to something called hypersexuality. Accordingly, hypersexuality is defined as an intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours that can't be controlled. Hypersexuality can not only cause distress, but also problems in school and workplace.

Survivors of sexual abuse cope in one of the two ways: Either by avoiding sexual or intimidate interactions entirely, or seeking said interactions on a large and unhealthy scale. According to this article, a majority of men who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction have been either physically or sexually abused in their childhood.

We see Shidou quite literally compare scoring a goal in football, to sexual intercourse. (And also the part where he says he's gonna blow his load, with Sae also dismissing it, but it's just partners supporting each other!)

By now, we know that two things that Shidou is unable to separate from each other is life and football. Both the act of life and the act of playing football is interconnected. Because football is something that allows him to leave a mark, allows him to be known by the world. Because football is a biological phenomenon to him, rather than just a sport.

And yes sure, this is supposed to be a connection to his philosophy of leaving a mark on others, so that you can be remembered. But also remember what he says in his monologue: "Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children." The way humans create life is through intimacy, through intercourse. The two people engaging leave a mark on each other through creating that life, that child.

And while speaking about his monologue of leaving a mark, Shidou also mentions that wounding others are a way of leaving behind a proof of existence. Inducing abuse whether it'd be physical, emotional or sexual, can also be one of the ways to make someone remember you.

The abuser leaves the mark on the victim, the mentioned mark left on them can be seen as PTSD or trauma symptoms.

Abuse is not something you can just simply turn away, forget or overlook. Whether the effects of trauma are short-term or long-term, they are there, they are a proof of existence that it happened. Shidou's inability to separate the physical act of football and the biological act of life's desires, especially sexual desires, can be seen as hypersexuality. Hypersexuality can also be seen as a mark left onto the victim. And it's extremely lengthy to recover and remove those marks left on you.

Of Freedom and Shidou Ryusei

I think Shidou Ryusei and his obsession with freedom is something so interesting about his character, yet so many people tend to ignore it as a significant part of him. Because imagine if one day out of the blue, your entire bodily autonomy gets taken away from you, you're trapped in a cycle of repetitive abuse onto you. When it's finally over and you have control over everything again, the world suddenly feels so utterly different. So what do you do? Of course, cling onto that freedom that is now yours.

Bite any other hand that may seem like it's trying to take it away, because if there is one thing you do not ever want to repeat, it is someone isolating you once more against the world. So hold on tightly to the freedom you now have, and make sure it stays with you for eternity.

All of Shidou's favourite things, his favourite film, manga and song, are also connected to this in a way.

It would take too long for me to get into detail about both Chainsaw Man and A Clockwork Orange, but I want to say that both media and their protagonists have approaches to freedom of life and choice.

In Chainsaw Man, Denji is a child that has been depraved of even the basic of human needs; Just like Shidou, he wants to claim everything in his current life and not return to when he had nothing when he was a child. In A Clockwork Orange, Alexander who in the beginning of the movie has been committing heinous crimes with no one to stop him, is captured and put through inhumane experiments in order to rehabilitate him. His entire freedom is taken away from him and for the next hour, we see him go through immense suffering and torture by those who he had wronged to the point he attempts to commit suicide through jumping off a window. In the end, it doesn't seem like his mindset has changed at all. It makes us question whether or not letting someone be free to do anything they want is the better option even if it hurts others, rather than attempt to isolate them in order to transform them into a better human being.

I would like to talk a little about his favourite artist. For a bit of context, hide is popular for being an icon of rebellion against Japan's conformist society, and one of his songs PINK SPIDER, is listed as Shidou's favourite song according to the official Blue Lock Egoist Bible. I've seen a lot of interpretations of what the song truly means, but the main story is that it's about a spider trapped within and kills anything near it. Because it wishes to free itself away, it steals a butterfly's wings. It attempts to fly, and fails, and tries again. Whether or not the spider did actually succeeded in flying away is unknown to us. But, that's not all!

Around the chapter where Shidou scores a goal, the commenter calls it a 'rocket diving header'. This can lead to one of hide's other songs in the same album as PINK SPIDER, rocket dive; a song with the similar approach of freedom but with different tones. Compared to PINK SPIDER, rocket dive has a more cheerful approach. In the end of the song, the star mentioned in rocket dive successfully flies away and appears as a new shooting star in the sky.

Which brings me to point out something: Shidou Ryusei's birthday is on Tanabata, a type of Japanese celebration called the Star Festival which is celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month.

His name, Ryusei, is also a homophone for shooting star in Japanese.

Shidou, born as a star on the day where two lover stars meet, yet when he was born, he was not allowed to fly and join the others in the sky.

But he overcame everything, achieved that dream of having the freedom to do whatever he wants. And even though he went through all that pain, all that abuse, and most likely had to learn how to escape by himself through football before Blue Lock, he made it come true, like a spell.

And eventually, he learnt how to fly, and let the world knew who he was.

#cw child abuse #cw csa #shidou ryusei #blue lock #bllk #ryusei shidou #shidou ryuusei #character analysis #bllk analysis #character study #character examination #i deeply apologize for the repetitive words and any mistakes i made it's so late i can't be bothered to fix it until tomorrow #this is my first time writing such a long analysis and posting it publicly. please be nice to me.#i worked on this shit for TWO WEEKS and will probably not like it later but you know what it's better to never post anything at all

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write-it-motherfuckers · 7 months

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#tumblr please fix your shit #everything's still fucked

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soapyakships · 1 year

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happy bday ichika :D

#prsk #prosekai #prjsk #project sekai #ichika hoshino #my art #OH SHIT #I FORGOT TO ADD THE FLANNEL PATTERN NOOOOO #edit: fixed :D #theres still a mistake i see so clearly with my eyes so im just hoping no one sees that..#so if you do #pretend you never did please...

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estrellami-1 · 1 year

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If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, and Eddie exchange looks. “Can you tell how long?” Nancy asks.

“Less than a day,” El says, sounding apologetic. “Other than that…” she shakes her head and slips the blindfold off. “I am sorry.”

“You’ve done more than enough, El,” Robin soothes. “Thank you.”

“We have to go after her.” Nancy looks pleadingly at Steve. “You want to save her, too, right? Not just Will?”

“I do,” Steve nods. “I didn’t know how long we’d have. I’d hoped we’d have more time, but it looks like we’ll have to go in twice: once for Barb and Will, and once to kill Vecna.” He looks around the room, focusing on the three boys. “I know Will was the artist, but Lucas, I know you can draw too. If we get you a map, can you find points and direct us?”

Lucas sets his jaw and nods. “I’ll do my best.”

“Okay. Here’s the plan, then: you three, stay here with El.” He looks at Dustin, Mike, and Lucas. “We’ll have walkie talkies, so we can keep in constant communication. El, how long can you stay in that space?”

She looks at him steadily. “I can do it.”

Steve looks at her, then nods. “I trust you. Robs, you’re with me?”

“Just try and get rid of me, Dingus.”

Dingus? Jonathan mouths to Nancy, who shrugs.

“Nance, Jon, and Eddie. You’re with us. We’re getting in and out as fast as we can. If all goes according to plan, we’ll have two more people coming with us on the out. They’ll be weak, but between the five of us, we can and will get them out safely. Robin, you stay here, direct the weapon-making. Make sure I get a bat. I’m going to go get walkie talkies, masks, and a whole lot of first aid supplies.”

“Got it,” Robin nods, then points at Eddie, Jonathan, and Nancy. “You three, with me.” She leads them to the backyard, and Steve knows she’s bringing them to the shed, where his old sports things and various tools are.

He looks to the boys. “Keep working on those plans. We’ll need them for the second attack. El, do you want to rest before we begin?” She considers it, then nods. “Okay. You know where the bed is. I’ll be back in less than an hour, alright?”

She nods and begins climbing the stairs. Steve looks around once more, taking stock, then grabs his keys and walks out the front door.

He gets to the store no problem, walks inside and starts filling his basket. Seven walkie talkies, seven masks, seven pairs of goggles, antibacterial cream, bandages, a suture kit, some ice packs. Two bottles of pain pills. He thinks about it, then makes his way to the front desk, smiling at the employee. “Hey, could I use your phone for a minute, please?”

He looks at Steve, unimpressed, then shrugs and gestures towards it. Steve thanks him and dials his home number.

“Hello?”

“Dustin. Do me a favor and get Eddie?”

“Yeah. One second.”

He hears Dustin yelling for Eddie as he walks outside, then a minute later, Eddie’s on the line. “Hello?”

“Hey, Eddie. I grabbed some pain meds, but I’m wondering if they’re going to be strong enough. I can pay you, but could you…”

“Yeah, no, I’ve got it. And no, dude, you’re not paying me. Not for this. I’ll head home and get them right now.”

“Perfect,” Steve says. “Thanks so much, Eds, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Uh, y-yeah, no problem. I’ll, uh, go now.”

“Okay. I’ll probably beat you back. See you there.”

“See you,” Eddie agrees, and they hang up,

Steve looks around for a few more minutes, finds a package of nails, adds those to his basket and goes to check out.

He’s well aware he probably looks like a serial killer, but he knows from experience the cashier is blindly scanning his items.

His luck runs out when Chief Hopper walks in and ambles towards the checkout counter. Steve does his best to keep the sigh internal. “Chief,” he says, giving him a little nod. The chief returns the greeting, peering over into Steve’s basket.

Steve suddenly becomes very interested in the gum options.

“What’s all this?” Hopper asks, inclining his head towards the basket.

Steve shrugs. “A few different things.” Please accept it, please accept it, please accept it-

“Like what?”

Dammit. “Uh… well, I noticed I didn’t have a first aid kit, and I figured I probably should, y’know? And I wanted to do some work around the house.”

Hopper grunts. “The masks and walkies?”

“Um.” Steve blanks. “It’s for a game with my friends?”

Hopper sighs. “If I get a call from your neighbors-”

“You won’t,” Steve says. Promises.

“Fifty-one sixty-four, sir,” the cashier says. Steve’s never been more grateful to be interrupted.

He pays, grabs his things, and sends Hopper a salute on his way out the door. He notices Hopper watching him as he leaves the parking lot, and he forces himself not to speed on the way home.

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spectrecowboy · 26 days

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he's 'boutta make a name for himself

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casualavocados · 3 months

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We agreed that I'm in charge of the bars. But you come here all the time to watch me. How am I supposed to lead my people? Use your head, okay? Suit yourself.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 04

#kiseki: dear to me #kisekiedit #kdtm #kiseki dear to me #ai di x chen yi #chen yi x ai di #nat chen #chen bowen #louis chiang #chaing tien #jiang dian #userjjessi #uservid #userspring #userrain #userspicy #*cajedit #*gif #what if they'd actually leaned into the gang stuff and crime and survival of it all #and chen yi and ai di growing up in this environment #what if they spent time on the actual plot do you know how good this show would be if they did that?#and spent time on the changes they went through during their four years apart while ai di was in prison??#where can i subscribe to the chen yi and ai di getting shit done ON screen half of the show #chen yi feelings realization ON screen while fixing his mistakes in the gang and thinking about how ai di took the heat for him #give it to me. please. and thanks.#IM BEGGING AGTUALLY. IM TEARING OUT MY HAIR FROM HOW GOOD IT COULD HAVE BEEN #because they are such real characters!!! because their storyline is INTERESTING! compelling and well written and near devoid of tropes!!#because their actors literally embody these roles so well theyre so believable and its easy to understand the depths without seeing it!!#BUT I WANT TO SEE IT.#I. WANTED. TO. SEE IT.

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pookiesatoru · 1 year

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contains : princess / fem!reader, head knight!gojo, implied secret relationship. this is just... angst i guess with a sprinkle of fluff... overprotective gojo *moans* this is about 1k of brainrot word vomit hhhhhhhhhhhhh :D not proofread cause i'm lazy, pls ignore any mistakes!

time moved by far too slow for satoru. for someone whose day passed in a blink of an eye with all of his responsibilities, today was far too slow. it felt like watching paint dry. it felt like a snail moving across the pavement. it felt like a century had passed before the bright light of the sun finally started to set. dusk slowly turning into night, and as the moon took its place in the night sky, was he able to escape from his duties and finally able to walk to your bedroom, hands held in tight fists by his sides.

"you two may leave. the king wants me to be stationed here for tonight." a lie. but the two guards didn't know any better. why would they ever think their head knight would ever lie to them in the first place.

what they don't know, won't hurt them, was what gojo told himself, watching the two salute him and proceeding to walk down the corridor far away from your bedroom. he waited till they were out of sight first and then listened out for the clunking noises the armour made as they walked down the stairs. when it was finally silent, he opened your door, shutting it behind him quickly.

you almost let out a scream at the sudden intrusion into your space. fear from the attack on your life only a night prior still too fresh in your mind. but the white mop of hair on top of the males head had you sighing in relief, aware that it was not an intruder but in fact satoru. but that relief didn't stay for too long. you were well aware that the king would have placed guards outside your door to keep you safe after what had happened and you could not afford to let your relationship with satoru be revealed just yet.

"satoru, what are you doing here? my father–" your worried whisper was cut short rather abruptly.

"fuck your father." if satoru was in a better mindset than he is now, he never would have spoken of the king, your father, in such a way and he's never been more glad there were no guards standing post outside your bedroom to judge his vulgar use of words towards the monarch either.

"are you hurt? did they touch you?" immediately, he's bombarding you with questions, eyebrows furrowed deeply as his eyes start to dart over your body. inspecting you. "would you let me have a look at you. please?"

you nod slightly, but turn your head to the right side a little, fearing what he'll do when he sees it.

his takes large but quiet strides towards you, hands that shook with fear now reaching out to hold your wrists. he inspects your skin, slowly, letting his hands and eyes travel across your skin, and it all seems fine until he brushes the strands of hair out of your face and finally notices the freshly dried blood on your cheek. it looked deep. no, it was deep. gojo was no stranger to cuts and bruises, even with a simple glance he could tell it was deep. it would leave a scar behind and it would take time to heal.

"i..." he inhales shakily, trying to keep his voice low as he could. an attempt to keep himself calm, to keep himself from lashing out. "i-i should have been there."

"satoru..." you began, only to be cut off again.

"i should have fucking been there." remorse. that's all satoru could feel. remorse for not being by your side like he had promised many moons earlier as you two hid from the maids attempting to prepare you for bed. remorse for not being by your side to keep you from harm. but hidden in that remorse, was also anger. anger that anyone even dared to touch a princess – not just any princess. his princess. the very princess that would become his queen in the future. the very princess that should have everyone in the land bowing to her. the princess he loves and swore to keep out of harms way.

"i should have fucking protected you. shit– i should have been there. i should have been protecting you like i said i would... i'm sor–"

"toru. i'm okay. please look at me." you place a gentle had over his chest, albeit over his armour, you swear you're able to feel how furiously his heart is beating. it doesn't take a genius to see all the emotions swimming in his eyes.

worry. hurt. pain. regret.

"satoru - the strongest knight in the kingdom... my favourite knight - gojo. i am okay. i promise you." the praise earns a brief smile from him before it fades, his thumb brushing the deep cut on your cheek ever so gently but it makes you inhale sharply anyway. it causes gojo to flinch, withdrawing his warm hands immediately but you reach out for his wrist with both hands desperately. "n-no! it... it jus' hurts because it's fresh... please, i just– i just need to feel you, toru. please, don't be afraid to touch me."

it was all gojo needed to hear from you. all he needed was your permission to touch you and he does. he cups your face in his hands, watching as the tension and stress leaves your body, jaw loosening and eyebrows relaxing. he watches as your eyes close for a few seconds before fluttering open. you place a kiss against the palm of his hand. "will you please stay the night with me? i'm... afraid they will come back." gojo watches you tense up at the mention of the men who tried to hurt you last night. his response is immediate.

"of course i will." his thumb finds its way to the wrinkles in the middle of your eyebrows, rubbing the spot a little. "do not frown so much. you will start looking older than you are, princess."

his teasing earns a smile from you, and he's glad when he sees you soften in his hold. the both of you stay silent for a while, finding comfort in the silence and each other. you've always felt safe with satoru, and tonight is no different.

"princess," he begins, pulling you in by your waist ever so slightly, your body pressed up against his armour. "i swear on my life, i will kill any bastard who dares lay so much as a finger on you again. i promise you. i'll execute them myself." you do not bother replying to him, instead sealing the promise he's made by standing on your tippy toes to press your lips against his.

#was supposed to be inspired by that one scene from the glory (iykyk) but it didn't go the way i wanted to this happened instead lmaooo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo angst #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #if this is shit please don't come @ me i've never written straight up fluff / angst before and i'm so nervous abt posting this weeeeeee #going into hiding now #i need to fix my tags but i am far too lazy so sorry about that

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