#pls go read the fic and shower Kate with love!!!

[firefly-party]

That's a piece I did while collabing with the lovely @kueble ❤ The fanfic with the finished, full color pic can be found >> HERE! << You can also hop over to Kate's AO3 to read the fic and see the finished drawing too :3

[asterekmess]

(I was gonna save this for tomorrow, but FUCK IT) Eyyy, still being salty over here. Pls block the tag ‘rant’ if you don’t wanna see anymore of these. Or maybe ‘anti-scott mccall’ though, tbh, I’m not sure how much fun it would be to follow me if you aren’t anti-scott mccall. I’m pretty vocal abt disliking him.

ANYWAY.

I wanna talk about the concept of Derek being a ‘creeper’ because of all his wandering around the lacrosse field, at lydia’s party, etc. And by talk about, I mean ramble about incoherently. By which I mean, please know that I’m not trying to insult or fight anybody who makes this joke or uses this concept in fic or whatever. I’m just ranting bc I love this boy and his trauma makes me sad.

ANYWAY. (This is insanely long, so I’m adding a “Read More”)

I just have a lot of feelings about people seeing Derek as a stalker/creeper because he keeps showing up at lacrosse practice and in Scott & Stiles’ rooms, etc. It gets mentioned in loads of fics (I see a lot of “Creeperwolf” which I think is supposed to be an endearment?) (And there’s lots of fics that talk about how ‘you used to be/are really creepy, following us around’ Again, not judging) (Dude it’s even a whole tag on AO3 ‘Creeper Derek Hale’) and it’s joked about a lot in fandom (the vine with the ‘every step you take’ song and the swans on the building comes to mind). I see it a lot, and dude, it hurts me.

Let’s look at Derek’s current mental state and what he’s been dealing with, going all the way back to Paige. (Or, tbh, his birth) Derek is a werewolf. He was born a werewolf, to a family of werewolves. He grew up within the supernatural world, in a whole different culture to humans (honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it.) and presumably the number one rule in all of werewolfdom is “Keep the Secret.” Now, Derek’s fuckin’ 14/15 (I put his birthday on Christmas, like most of fandom, and if his house burned down when he was 16, in the spring, and he was dating Kate for a while before, he would’ve dated her when he was 15, and we don’t know how long there was between paige and kate, but let’s give him a summer of mourning. So. 14ish with paige) and he starts dating this human. He’s kinda shit at keeping the secret, implying that either he’s only dated werewolves before, or she’s his first girlfriend ever (also implying that maybe some of the people on his basketball team are werewolves, bc they don’t seem to notice his weird way of talking [pack members maybe? fuck, my heart]) and he’s maybe not as careful as he should be. (More implications arise, and we begin to build our own history. If Derek was never taught not to say dumb shit like ‘i caught a scent’ then was he even in public school before freshman year? Were the Hales all homeschooled before high school to help keep the secret? How soon do wolfy abilites arise? Do they hit with puberty? Fuck, I digress.) He says some dumb shit, and Paige gets suspicious. Of course, he doesn’t know that, and he has some kind of meltdown about her eventually finding out his secret. We hear from Peter (who’s villainized, so we’re not supposed to necessarily believe what he says, but what we see in the flashback doesn’t make a huge amount of sense either so *shrug*) that he enlists Ennis to bite Paige, believing that if she is bitten she won’t spill the secret and she’ll be more inclined to accept that Derek is a werewolf. Now, she fucking dies. Paige dies in Derek’s arms because of this, and he finds out at the last second that she already knew the secret. He feels guilty enough abt getting her killed but now he’s got a whole new batch of guilt from finding out that apparently he’s so bad at keeping the secret of his ENTIRE SPECIES that she found out he was a werewolf. She could’ve exposed them all at any time. He had to be terrified. Next, he’s 15/16 and he meets a gorgeous older woman who presumably showers him in affection, and all the horrors that go with that whole situation (I don’t wanna go into detail, because obviously). But again, whether Derek tells her himself or she just knew or she finds out, whatever it is, Kate knows Derek and his family are werewolves. AND SHE KILLS THEM ALL. Derek has no clue what the fuck is going on. All he knows is he is the only link between Kate and his family, which must mean that it’s his fault she knows about them. Once again, he’s revealed the Big Secret and people Died. He and Laura bolt to NY for six years, where presumably they live in hiding thinking the Argents are coming after them to finish off the Hales. Then Laura gets sent a funky letter and goes back to Beacon Hills. Now, we have a lil more confusion (i’ve got a whole buttload of issues with the timeline, but let’s not get into that now) because he says he came looking for Laura, but later he mentions that he knew she was in Beacon Hills and was searching for...whoever burnt down their house...that whole plotline confuses the shit out of me (derek knew kate did it. he blamed All the argents, but he knew kate was involved. So why was Laura looking for the pendant. and if he didn’t tell her then why was he looking for the pendant?? And what did the pendant have to do with the deer and the spiral?? Halp.) but whatever. He shows up and finds his sister dead, the hunters arrive in town the next day, and suddenly there’s an angry alpha Attacking Humans.

We’re finally in the present. Derek has lost what little family he had left, except for a catatonic uncle. He already has two instances in his past where the worry of keeping werewolves a secret has caused deaths. And now there’s this teenager. No, actually, two teenagers. One who was bitten, and one who shouts out “You’re a werewolf!” in the middle of the preserve, instantly figuring out a centuries-old supernatural secret. Derek is fucking terrified, and things are only getting worse. This kid who got bitten? Derek follows him to see if he’s really a wolf, to find out if he knows what’s happening to him, if he believes the other teen. He finds the kid JUMPING OVER PEOPLE’S HEADS in broad daylight in front of everyone. Derek might’ve had a couple verbal giveaways but this is just ridiculous. Then, even better, the kid goes on a date on the FULL MOON with THE YOUNGEST ARGENT. There’s about a billion reasons to follow Scott to the party. It’s a FULL MOON, for one. HE’S WITH AN ARGENT for another. And of course he can’t just walk into the party. He’s fucking 22 for fuck’s sake. This is a high school party. He’d get arrested. And of course he doesn’t introduce himself to Scott beforehand. He has no way of knowing if this kid is on the Alpha’s side. He’s the Alpha’s Beta, it would make perfect sense for him to be obeying the Alpha. OR since he’s with the Argent, maybe he’s working with them. Maybe he’s a plant of some kind. a hunter pet. Laura was used as bait to catch Derek, why not Scott too? But he sees quickly that Allison has no clue what’s going on, at least with Scott, and he takes her home and steals her jacket to lure Scott into the Preserve where he can’t hurt anyone. Then, when he sees Scott get chased by the hunters, with no Alpha coming running to protect him, he decides “Alright, guess this kid’s my ally. Gotta protect him.” Yeah. He says some weird shit. But the evidence points to Derek not knowing much about bitten wolves. He tells Scott that he doesn’t know how to train a bitten wolf, but he does know how to help Scott recover memories (the memory loss appears to only happen in the early days of shifting, which lends more credibility to the possibility that born wolves don’t start shifting properly until later in life [puberty being the most likely milestone] and he therefore has experience with that, but not with the kind of control Scott needs, that he’s known his whole life). Born a werewolf, he’s never considered the bite anything other than a gift. He also just lost his entire family, so sue him for trying to find some kind of connection between them. (It honestly makes total sense for him to use the term ‘brothers’ bc he KNOWs Scott won’t understand the concept of ‘pack’ yet) So, now that’s decided to help Scott, to protect him, he goes back to the school. SURELY now that Scott knows what he is and how dangerous he is when stressed, he’ll reign himself in during lacrosse, or even just back out of it altogether. There are lives at stake here, be them human, or if Scott exposes the secret, werewolves. SURELY this kid wouldn’t put everyone in danger over a fucking game. But no. Not only does he keep flaunting his abilities, but he SHIFTS ON THE FIELD. If Stiles hadn’t Dragged Scott out of there, the entire supernatural world would be EXPOSED by this ONE KID. Derek passed Terrified about a hundred miles back. He’s gotta be fucking out of his mind with fear. I don’t blame him even a little for threatening Scott. If Scott’s not gonna do the right thing on his own, then threatening him is worth it if people don’t DIE. Then, bc Scott’s a pissy baby and goes to shout at him and be a fuckwad, and Stiles is nosey and neither of them have boundaries (I love Stiles, but fucking seriously, digging up a grave?) Derek gets ARRESTED. He pleads with this lanky teen who is brave enough to climb into the cruiser with a WEREWOLF. Who’s FRiends with a Werewolf. Who figured it out so quickly. He pleads with him to understand how dangerous this is, to stop his friend. And Stiles looks like he’s gonna, but Scott bolts bc of the wolfsbane (Which...listen if I’m being really salty, a deep bitter part of me genuinely wonders if he was that freaked out, or if he overheard Derek beg Stiles not to let Scott play, and Scott ran away from Stiles so he wouldn’t get told no, bc he wanted to play.) and by the time Stiles finds him he’s already dressed for the game. And DEREK WAS RIGHT. Scott DID lose control. He DID shift on the field. At LEAST one human saw him shift, and the coach for the other team knew something was up too. He DID expose them, and he did it further bc Jackson is suspicious now. Now, I’ve reblogged a gifset of it before, the moment when Derek shows up at the lacrosse field and finds Jackson standing in it after Scott’s run off, staring at a glove with a claw hole in it. He is watching his worst nightmare come true. Scott has exposed them and Jackson is going to figure out werewolves, just like Stiles did. He knows right that instant that people are going to die. I’ll reiterate what I said in the tags on that gifset. It’s extremely likely that Derek bit Jackson out of self-preservation. Jackson had been threatening to tell the hunters and the entire world if he didn’t get what he wanted. The safest thing to do was give Jackson the bite so that at least he would be putting himself in danger too if he exposed werewolves. He forced Jackson to have to keep the secret for himself because he knew Jackson wouldn’t do it for anyone else. (And he knew Jackson had some self-preservation, compared to Scott, and wouldn’t want to expose himself.)

Listen, I just. I just get so sad watching Derek sneaking into people’s rooms and standing on the edge of the field and showing up in the locker rooms. He’s trying to help. He’s trying to protect. He wants to be there in case Scott does something stupid (which he does, again and Again) to protect him, even after Scott REFUSED to help him stop a SERIAL KILLER because there wasn’t anything in it for him. Even after Scott fucking blackmails him by leaving him hanging on a grate with wires plugged into his side and his abuser on their way back to hurt him, he still helps him protect Allison (who watched him be tortured and did nothing. [He still has the capacity to acknowledge that it’s not her fault. That she couldn’t save him. He doesn’t blame her for it and he certainly doesn’t want her to die.]) He wants to keep his Betas safe. He stands in the parking lot waiting for them to test Lydia because he doesn’t want them to have to go through with killing her alone (and he only tries to kill her because she DOESN’T pass the test [although I admit it’s a dumb test] and because the kanima is KILLING people. More people have died and I don’t know how the fuck Derek manages to keep standing, let alone having such capacity for empathy and optimism and sarcasm after everything he’s dealt with. He’s constantly being hunted by hunters or humans, or fuck even Scott himself, since every time Scott gets upset he blames Derek for everything (I’m still fucking disgusted that he turned up at Derek’s place and accused him of murdering his own sister.) And STILL he shows up. No matter how many times he’s shoved away and ignored and yelled at. He shows up and he stands on the fringes and he waits for the chance to help.

And what’s creepy about that?

[pies-writes-and-more]

PIES’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR JUNE 2020

Click HERE for the amazing fics I read in May 2020!

NOTE: If you’ve got an incredible fic that you are super proud of or if you think that I should read something you’ve read, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! I’m really big on StevexFem!Reader, BuckyxFem!Reader, WandaxFem!Reader, CarolxFem!Reader, and Stucky fics!!! (And of course any fics with gender neutral readers is ALWAYS welcome :) )

If you do end up reading these fics, please tag me if you reblog them or comment on them!! I’d love to see your guys’ reactions :)

PS. if these links dont work for some reason, please let me know so I can update this list because I was very distracted halfway through making this so it might not be perfect!

SPECIAL MENTION FIC/POEM RECOMMENDATION

Okay so I’m not doing this because I’m trying to give myself a shoutout however, @wxstedhexrt​ and I have been collaborating in a poetry inspired fanfic collection called Falling! Tis a BuckyxFem!Reader series and if I do say so myself, it’s fucking adorable. 

The real reason I’m mentioning it is because @wxstedhexrt​‘s poems are some of the most real and gorgeously written things I’ve ever met so please give them a look! 

She has this series on Achilles and Patroclus, this collection about the word Silver, gorgeous poems from last year (involving Icarus, Apollo, and Helen of Troy), and so many more!!! Check out the tag #poetry or #mywriting on her blog!!! Send her some love :)

ANYWAYS BACK TO THE FANFICS!

1. Homecoming by @scentedsongrebel | Steve Rogers x Desi!Reader “You bring Steve to Mumbai to meet your family“ Yall want some wonderful representation in your fic reading!!??? READ THIS ONE! It’s so fucking wholesome and I love the whole story line of Steve learning more about his partner’s culture so that he can impress her family. Fucking adorable. 100% fluff with a wonderfully diverse reader and author!!!!

2. Iced Tea by @kaunis-sielu | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader I don’t think there’s an official summary for this fic ( @kaunis-sielu pls correct me if I’m wrong) BUT LEMME TELL YALL. I AM A SUCKER FOR BIKER FICS. WE LOVE BIKER STEVE. This was 100% FLUFFY and we LOVE IT. Amazing job!!!!!!

3. let me show you by @moteldwelling | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader bucky gives reader a “redo” on her first time, and takes her virginity. Listen here people. This smut took my soul and dragged me to hell and back. I am a SUCKER for Bucky fics but this one like took my life away. We love a man who makes sure his lady is having a good time when being intimate with her!!!!! we stan a good boi. Anyways if I keep thinking about this fic, I’mma need to go shower so I’mma end this here. Go read for yourselves and then cry with me about why Bucky Barnes isn’t in our lives. 18+ readers only of course! 100% HOT. FUCKING. SMUT.

4. Under the Rainbow, Draga mea by @binkysteebnpewter | Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader Again, I don’t think there’s an official summary for this (pls correct me if I’m wrong @binkysteebnpewter) and YES, I KNOW i put this in my May recommendations but I finished reading the series in JUNE so it is HERE AGAIN and DESERVES to be HERE AGAIN BECAUSE WE LOVE FICS WITH 100% GAY SHIT AND LOVE <3 I am a fucking sucker for the love that Wanda and this Reader have together. If you’re not convinced, ask @wxstedhexrt how much I cried reading it lol. anyways an amazing series that I will continue to go back reading again and again because i LOVE wlw fics <3 

5. Oh no, that’s bad by @andyl394 | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader You’re a college student, you’re mad angry, Bucky ruins your paper, that’s not good is it? I read through this 20-part series like there was NO TOMORROW and god DAMN. We love hilarious social media AUs but this one really killed me. I always love Bucky who is soft and shy in fics but the Bucky in this fic was a LITTLE SHIT and i had so much ANGST. Anyways, if you read this fic, you may want to slap the characters BUT I PROMISE THERES AN ADORABLE HAPPY ENDING!!!! 100% INCREDIBLE

6. Home by @evanstush | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader It’s been 2 years since the last battle and it’s now Morgan’s 7th birthday, and well, Tony being Tony, he prepared a small party for her little girl, inviting everyone from the team, including you. So Kate decided to rip my heart out with this fic and have me on my knees sobbing so that’s cool. That’s it, that’s all I have to say. JK, this fic actually is like half and half FLUFF and ANGST but lord is it worth it. Kate, you know I adore you so much and your fics play a big part in why! God this girl deserves more love on these stories because holy shit I’m DEAD.

7. Baby Self by @honeyloverogers | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Alternative to Babies! Assemble, What if it was you that got turned into a baby instead? YALL WANT FUCKING FLUFF!?!?!?! 1000000000% FLUFFFFFFF AND CUTENESSSSSS (with like a little bit of a piece of shit lady who comes around but like its cool because a baby says fuck lol) THIS WAS A FIC WRITTEN LIKE NO OTHER. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. IT WAS SO PERFECT. Think of endgame and that moment when Scott turns into a baby??? Yeah now scratch that and think of Y/N if SHE turned into a baby and the avengers couldn’t figure out how to turn her back right away so now everyone has to take care of this baby HGOIDHFOISHFOISDHF the baby fever was so real in this fic ughhhhh <3 

8. Insecurities by @evanstush | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader You’re 7 months pregnant, and you can’t help be so insecure about some things. And here’s Kate again bringing me back to life with more wholesome fluff and a wholesome husband who loves his wife so fucking much and ugh i- i read this fic over and over sometimes and it just makes me realize how much i want this adhfoiasjdfoi <3 I aint pregnant but if I WAS i would want this steve to be comforting me ugh 103874203847% FLUFFFFFFF <3 

9. Requested fic (idk if it has a name??? sorry) by @donutloverxo | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Request: Hey, as for the headcanon requests how about Steve giving a lift to a girl in need when it's raining heavily or smth? I don't know where this idea came from 😅 Did yall need some confirmation that Sarah Rogers raised her son the fucking right way?!?!? WELL HERE YOU GO. THIS MANS OUT HERE BEING AN ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART <3 ugh we love wholesome drabbles really <3 amazing workkkkk!!!!!

10. Leather and Lace by @queen-kass-the-writer​ | Steve Rogers x AFuckingKickAssFem!OC :) Steve Rogers hardly expects anything to come out of a sleepy night at his new favorite dive bar until a pristinely dressed little lady saunters into the bar with a delicate smile but a wicked uppercut. Biker!Steve x Helena Alright so this is a little different than the above fics because THIS IS AN OC FIC :D now if any of yall know me I don’t tend to read OC fics HOWEVER Kass is INCREDIBLE at churning out fics. I had gave her an idea of a Biker Steve fic and like BAM she made it :O (seriously i don’t know how that is... to have an idea... and actually produce it?!??!) It’s a hilarious story of Biker Steve being head over heels Helena which is adorable (and a character named after me being Bucky’s shithead date lol hilarious) YALL BETTER READ THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT’S 100% WONDERFUL

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Okay so I know that this list is FAR shorter than my last recommendations list. I suckkkkked at reading fics this month lol. I’m definitely going to try and read more in July so here’s to hoping! Love you all a ton :D

[usagichanp]

lexthan

*rubs hands together* I was hoping someone would ask me that

This is gonna be a long one folks.

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Life long partners, babey.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think they had crushes on each other for a while. They didn't officially say "I love you" till a few months into their relationship, but they thought it sooner.

How was their first kiss? - I wrote a lesbian Lexthan version of their first kiss, though I don't think canon Lexthan's first kiss was like that. I imagine it to be not really planned out; just like they're talking to each other in the car and lock eyes, then slowly lean in and kiss. Since they've had kisses before, it's not a catastrophe, and it's actually fairly soft.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ethan. Wrote a whole ass fic about it.

Who is the best man/men? - I know who the best man is in my fics (it's my man Marsh, for those who have read it), but idk about the canon Ethan's best man. Maybe Danny (the Smoke Club Boy) but I'm not sure if they'd be friends enough to be his best man. He might not have one.

Who is the bride's maid? - Hannah. Duh.

Who did the most planning? - Ethan, but Lex chipped in too. Tom might help as well if asked lol

Who stressed the most? - Ethan. Though their ceremony isn't big, he still wanted it to be a good memory down the road (it was)

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

First they had just a courthouse wedding where they signed the papers, then had a tiny wedding ceremony with only close friends. Even if they could afford a proper wedding (Canon Lexthan prolly couldn't afford it) I don't think they'd want a big affair anyways. It's be exhausting.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lex's mom. Obviously.

Sex:

Now we're getting to the good part lads

Who is on top? - Ethan is a fucking switch. You can't convince me otherwise. He tops maybe like... 60/40 or 65/35. But when Lex tops, she tops bitch.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ethan likes instigating things since he's a horny teenage boy, but it Lex doesn't want to, he stops. Sometimes Lex instigates, but usually when she does she's in the mood to top.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I'd give it a 7.5, depending on the situation. While they try to tone it down around Hannah, when they have alone time they'd totally go for it. Ethan's glovebox in his car has a box of condoms in it at all times. What can I say, as I said before, they're horny teenagers

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

They don't like seeing each other hurt so they wouldn't like BDSM. They're not vanilla but nothing too crazy- blindfolding, light bondage (aka tying hands up with rope or cloth), scratching, light spanking, pegging

How long do they usually last? - It depends on how much time they have to have sex. They've done quickies in bathrooms or whatever before, but if they have all night then they're pretty good at prolonging it.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely. It is said in multiple fics (I think?) of mine that Ethan makes sure Lex has the same amount of orgasms as he does. Always.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

They certainly can have slow, soft, romantic sex, but Ethan is also 100% capable of rocking Lex's world so hard she can't walk right for a week. (That happens in my first fic, Cassieopia, albeit off screen)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

1) I fucking love that metaphor 2) They don't get much physical affection at home, so they fucking love snuggling and cuddling- whether it be after sex or just hanging out. Sometimes they cuddle as a form of stress relief after a shitty day.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 2, maybe 3.

How many children will they adopt? - I think they might prefer to have children naturally, but in my California series they gain custody of Hannah when she's 12. Does that count?

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lex forces Ethan to learn how to change diapers. That being said, Lex isn't half bad at changing them either, since she helped change Hannah's when she was a child.

Who is the stricter parent? - They're not exactly strict parents, but both Lex and Ethan can definitely scold the kid. ("hAnNaH! tHaT bEtTeR bE fUcKiNg fLoSs!!!!!") That being said, both take care to not be abusive to their child, especially Lex. She doesn't want to be like her mom, so she tries to keep her temper in check.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ethan has good reflexes, and has stopped his kids from falling and hitting their chin on a playground structure more than once. (Fun fact! That happened to me when I was 3. I fell from a steel elephant shaped jungle gym at a German zoo, hit my chin on a steel bar, and bit through my lower lip/knocked 3 teeth out. I still have the scar years later lol)

Who remembers to pack their lunches? - Lex. Though the lunches aren't always the healthiest.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they're both loved, but maaaaaybe Ethan a bit more.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Neither would attend PTA meetings out of the goodness of their hearts. If Lex or Ethan would go to a PTA meeting, it'd most likely be because they wanted to yell at a teacher or principal. They might go seperately or together depending on the severity of the issue.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ethan wouldn't admit he cried, but he did. So did Lex.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Oh bitch, Lex and Ethan both said fuck the law. If it was just like, an overnight jail cell for some stupid misdemeanor, they might try to break their kid out. Otherwise, Lex would probably the one paying the bail because Ethan would try to punch the cop in the face if the cop talked shit about Ethan's kid. That reaction is not exclusive to cops.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither of them are exactly 5 star chefs, but they can hold on their own. Lex is better at cooking breakfast and Ethan is better at cooking dinner- but if he's exhuasted from work, Lex can cook dinner for him.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither are picky. Both of them grew up young scrappy and hungry just like their country without really the chance to be picky. They had to take what they could get.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lex. She's good at calculating totals in her head. I wrote that in an unrealeased fic.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rather rarely. Perhaps on special occasions or to bond. Ethan has ruined the kitchen with his kid trying to bake a cake for Lex at least once. Maybe more.

Are they more of a meat lover or salad lover? - Meat lovers, babey. Fuck that fancy plant bullshit.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ethan. I wrote that in the proposal fic.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Depends on what you count as "going out". Lex likes going to McDonalds, but Ethan is the one who suggests eating at actual restaurants.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ethan, but both have had near misses.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both had fairly messy rooms as teenagers so they're not super anal about having sparkling clean rooms. That being said, when someone comes over Lex does try to tidy the place up a bit. At least enough to make it seem like they have their shit together. Ish.

Who is really against chores? - Ethan can be a bit of a lazy bones sometimes, but Lex isn't exactly a huge fan of chores either. However, she is used to doing chores since she practically raised herself and Hannah.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They take turns. Both hate it.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Ethan, because he doesn't want to incur Lex's wrath.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lex. As I said above, she actually actively cleans the house beforehand. Not to the level of that freaking out mom from the comedy video who's name I can't remember tho.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ethan. He has a nack for finding random bits of money. Score.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lex, though both take relatively quick showers to save water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They actually like doing it together. It's nice to get some fresh air, and they enjoy each other's company.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ethan goes over the top, partially to annoy Lex. You know that Christmas tree Chris Pine vine? Yeah, Ethan would fucking do that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Live a better life together than they did in Hatchetfield. White picket fence and California dreams shit.

Who is more likely to sleep till noon? - Ethan, but Lex is known to sleep till 3 in the afternoon if she's really tired.

Who plays the most pranks? - Ethan. That's literally canon.

I can babble about them all day lol

[kendrixtermina]

for the ship thing thoughts on claumitri and ingrid/dorothea?

ingrid/dorothea?

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs - IDK why everyone wants Ingrid to be sapphic when she’s the one (1) character who explicitly says that she’s not sapphic. Or at least, shoots down Dorothea’s flirting in the B support. I think there’s value in having a non traditionally girly character who’s still hetero, many girls who want bfs get told that they will never get one if they don’t act stereotypical and that sucks. Or you could even read her as aspec given that she’s not too interested in pairing up or being attractive, and that the Glenn thing was arranged. She can still admire him and be sad he died without necessarily having the hots for him after all they probably grew up together. Also I don’t really see the particular appeal of those 2 characters together, they don’t have that much in common and Dorothea has a bajillion better options including sapphic ones. 

How long will they last? - As long as it takes Ingrid to say she’s not interested

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I kind of see why Dorothea might think she’s hot or mistakenly assume she’s into girls as the whole tomboyish look is something ppl sometimes do to communicate that, and she probably finds something relatable about their experiences re: slimy jerks. She does indisputably kick butt and have pretty hair

How was their first kiss? - I’ve had the experience before where the other person gives it a nice, proper try but you can tell they’re not really into it

For the rest of this meme I will not be a spoilsport and entertain the thought/ try to think about what it would be like if they DID get together. It’s certainly inconceivable to read it that way, perhaps Ingrid simply wasn’t ready yet at that time/ or it was an internalized thing.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - I’m certain Dorothea explicitly tried that on screen in the paralogue XD

Who is the best man/men? - Ingrid might try bringing Sylvain, Felix or Dimitri if we’re in a timeline where he lived. 

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Petra or Bernie

Who did the most planning? - Dorothea

Who stressed the most? - Ingrid

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.  Neither would be much for ostentatiousness but I think Dorothea would want a bit of romantic florish

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Their jerkish ex suitors, even if they are important nobles of [winning faction]

Sex:

Who is on top? -  Definitely Ingrid

Who is the one to instigate things? - Dorothea

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now  

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head  - I can’t see Ingrid being very kinky, but Dorothea might ease her into it. 

How long do they normally last? - a while

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Very much so

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. Dorothea really wants to have a relationship so once she gets one she’s gonna want PDA, Ingrid will probably be more stiff and proper - but I can see how a situation where she explores this/eases into it might be interesting to read. It’s not like Ingrid is completely unromantic given all her lofty ideas about honor and how she likes these high fantasy-eque books. It’s somewhere in there

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Would probably not have babies. 

How many children will they adopt? - Dorothea canonically looks after oprphans at least in Silver Snow so now entirely unlikely like two or three

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Ingrid being the responsible one

Who is the stricter parent? - Ingrid

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ingrid

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Dorothea

Who is the more loved parent? - Dorothea

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Ingrid

Who cried the most at graduation? - Dorothea

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Dorothea

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Ingrid

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither

Who does the grocery shopping? - Ingrid. 

How often do they bake desserts? - Often enough. Gotta appreciate how so many people in this game heartily enjoy their nom stuff, even the girls. I think Lorenz is the only one noted as not having much of an appetite. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - This is Ingrid we’re talking about. We’re not partying until there’s a roasted stuffed pugket involved

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Hm. On the one hand Dorothea’s the romantic on the other hand Ingrid takes her obligations & loyalty seriously. But I think Dorothea would be the sort to really enjoy being the surprise-ee so let’s say Ingrid

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Dorothea

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Neither. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both

Who is really against chores? -  Neither. 

Who cleans up after the pets? - Ingrid, mostly cause it’s her pets (Horses & pegasi chiefly)

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Dorothea

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Dorothea

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ingrid. She has a jar where she collects all the spare change

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Dorothea

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both, though probably Ingrid more often cause she likes the outdoors

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Dorothea strikes me as the decorating kind so regular

What are their goals for the relationship? - Probably to find their freedom together  and also help the poor. I suppose that is something they might have in common

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Ingrid

Who plays the most pranks? - Dorothea

claumitri

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs - Sure why not?  There’s nothing in particular that makes me think “Wow those would go super well together” but also nothing to the contrary. I’ve seen good fic for it.  I guess they’re just the two dudes who get the most characterization and also sorta get along/interact, so there’s a lot to work with.

How long will they last? - Hm. Dimitri would strike me as someone would like to be serious and longterm about things. They would need to work out the politics first but there’s no reason why they couldn’t last

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I’d say it wouldn’t take them that long to get started, but somewhat longer to really get to a deep level. Largely because Claude is quick to build surface friendships but slower to really show his real feelings, but also Dimitri wouldn’t necessarily realize that he’s holding something back or press the issue. It helps that they are both just likeable people tho. Dimitri is not going to pass up a chance for a heart-to heart talk. If he got through to that hidden more idealistic side of Claude I think they’d click and get something lasting going. They would definitely always have disagreements about their methods and are fairly different in how they deal with their feelings, but they both have the will to work with ppl with different opinions and build bridges. 

How was their first kiss? - Claude probably quipped something about how it was surprisingly passionate. Dimitri turned into a tomato that same instant. 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Dimitri

Who is the best man/men? - Dedue and either Nader or Byleth.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Not applicable. But if it were, probably Hilda and Mercedes or Flayn. 

Who did the most planning? - Claude. He likes them feasts. 

Who stressed the most? - Dimitri. Thankfully Claude is chill enough for both of them and knows to distract him

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.  

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lorenz’ and Sylvain’s jerk fathers. They might be important nobles but they’re jerks. Edelgard, Arundel and Rufus would already be dead in the AM timeline but if they weren’t they wouldn’t be invited anyways. Claude seems like might actually counteract Dimitri’s tendency to take bad treatment out of politeness. Felix might say that he won’t come but then show up anyways.Or there would be some conspiracy to kidnap him and make sure he comes. Lysithea came up with the plan and recruited Ingrid, Hilda and Sylvain to help her.

Sex:

Who is on top? -  Hm. I could see either doing it. Perhaps Claude would suggest that they switch it up for novelty. But Dimitri is definitely the little spoon, despite his actual size XD

Who is the one to instigate things? - Claude

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now  

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head  -  The discussion would be absolutely hilarious cause Dimitri’s easily embarassed and Claude is a bit of a troll. But he wouldn’t go overboard or make Mitya uncomfortable Claude generally knows when to stop the gremlin act see that one scene with Flayn 

How long do they normally last? - average but it would be pretty intense

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Not necessarily I can get either getting a kick out of just being the one administering the pleasure. 

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. - You’ve got one person with super strength and one with super toughness/regeneration. There is potential here. 

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. Methinks Dimitri would be pretty affectionate while Claude’s certainly flirty but the genuinely vulnerable/emotional stuff would have to be in private behind closed doors

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Perhaps Claude found some magic mpreg magic right next to where he got the magic cure for Lysithea…

How many children will they adopt? - No jokes aside Dimitri strikes me as the sort to want kids and also to make a point to choose to adopt. The people of Fodlan better get ready to get some adopted Almyran or Duscurian war orphan as their next king. Dimitri would just proudly stand by his adopted kid and Claude would handle the political fallout. 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Dimitri

Who is the stricter parent? - Dimitri

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Certainly not Claude

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Dimitri

Who is the more loved parent? -  Both but in different ways. Dimitri is the affectionate parent who comforts the kids when they’re upset, and Claude is the designated fun parent that you can openly talk about everything with. 

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Dimitri

Who cried the most at graduation? - Dimitri cried so much

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Claude

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Claude

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Claude

Who does the grocery shopping? - Claude

How often do they bake desserts? - Probably not that often

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Claude certainly likes a good serving of nom stuff. And Dimitri’s huge, probably needs some fuel to keep functioning

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Claude strikes me as the surprise plans sort

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Claude

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Dimitri

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Not Claude. Dimitri tries but he’s clumsy

Who is really against chores? -  It’d not that Claude’s against it perse he just gets distracted thinking about stiff

Who cleans up after the pets? - Claude

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Claude

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Dimitri

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Dimitri

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Claude

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They do it together. Both like walking out in nature. 

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Dimitri isn’t much for decoration and Claude forgets about the holidays half the time

What are their goals for the relationship? - Just to be happy. Dimitri would want to have some separation between that and the politics - but it’s certainly helpful for the peace between the countries if the Kings are an item and they both care alot about promoting peace perhaps in slightly different but potentially complementary ways. 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Claude

Who plays the most pranks? - Claude

[spidergwenstefani]

Good Neighbors

This is for @winterhawkkisses​ because moving is v stressful and you asked for happy ending fic recs and I haven’t read enough fics lately to deliver on that so I just wrote one. Pls enjoy this no powers AU featuring two dumb boys pining uselessly.

“You don’t have to do this,” Clint says to the back of his new neighbor’s head. Or not head, exactly. He hasn’t been able to drag his eyes much further above his waist.

“Where does this box go?” the guy says instead, shouldering open the apartment door. He turns enough to give Clint an easy smile, and Clint’s own box goes tumbling out of his hands without his permission.

“Shit,” he says, because the tape has managed to burst open and now there’s silverware skidding noisily across the hallway tile. “Shit, hang on-”

Hot neighbor is at his side in an instant, tucking his hair behind his ears and giving Clint the kind of gentle smile that he’s just now realized has been absent from his life for too long. He sets the box back upright, gathering up a handful of forks and nestling them back in the bubble wrap.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.” Clint hadn’t even realized they had skipped over introductions. He scoops up an armful of utensils and dumps them back in the box with considerably less care.

“Clint,” he offers.

“Nice to meet you, Clint,” Bucky says, and he picks up the box, leaving Clint empty-handed. Bad call. Now Clint’s got nothing to do but run his mouth as Bucky crosses the threshold and officially becomes his first new houseguest.

“Are you on this floor?”

“Thirty-one B. Right across the hall.” There’s no furniture in the place yet, and Bucky does a full scan of the empty living room before setting the boxes down against the far wall.

“So we’ll see a lot of each other, then. Well, and you’ll see a lot of Lucky. I think you’d get along. Oh, and Kate. You’ll see her too.”

“Kate?” Bucky asks, taking a moment to plant his hands on his hips and catch his breath. Clint can’t help but drag his gaze across Bucky’s arms. Natasha keeps telling him that the torn-off sleeves look is out, but somehow he feels like Bucky, with his half bun and dark skinny jeans, could convert her with one look at his AC/DC shirt. Clint finds himself picking anxiously at the waistband of his moving day sweatpants.

“Yeah, Lucky’s ours. Together. He’s our dog.” The barest hint of a frown tugs at Bucky’s mouth for a moment, and then it’s gone. Aw, no. Clint really hopes Bucky doesn’t hate dogs.

“You have more boxes?”

“Um, yeah. And a mattress.”

Bucky’s back to friendly smiles that tug at Clint’s heartstrings.

“Let’s do this.”

>>==========>

Clint’s hand hovers a few inches over the shiny brass 31B. There are voices coming from inside. A lot of voices, like Bucky’s got a party going on. Clint should probably leave them to it. He should probably go back to figuring out how to hook up his DVR and just use google maps to figure out what his new address is. Bucky probably doesn’t have time to-

There’s the slide of the lock and then the door is swung open, both Clint and Bucky freezing in surprise at suddenly being face to face.

“Sorry-” Clint starts, at the same time Bucky says “I was just about to-”

They pause again, and then Bucky’s giving him his easy smile.

“You go first.”

“I- I was just going to order pizza, and I couldn’t remember the address for the building.” Clint finally remembers to drop his hand from where it was poised ready to knock. He clutches the take-out menu in both hands, his daydream of Bucky joining him for an empty apartment floor pizza picnic now long abandoned. He even showered before coming over, just in case his dreams played out for once. He put on jeans.

“Well, I can give you the address if you want, but I was about to ask you if you wanted to get in on the pizza happening on this side of the hall. My buddy Steve watches TV like a geriatric, so we’re making him marathon Dog Cops and-”

“Yes,” Clint says a little too fast. “I love Dog Cops. I love pizza, too.” Bucky smiles wider and steps back from the doorway, waving Clint inside.

“Great. I’ll introduce you to the guys.”

Bucky’s apartment is the mirror image of Clint’s, which he should’ve expected. There’s furniture in this one, though. And more than just a camping lantern to light the living room.

“This is Steve, the dinosaur,” Bucky says, gesturing to an absolute beefcake of a man perched somehow delicately on the arm of Bucky’s overstuffed couch. “That’s Tony next to him, and Sam’s in the kitchen.” Tony seems to be using one of Steve’s massive thighs as a pillow instead of the perfectly good couch cushion, which Clint wouldn’t dream of blaming him for. He offers a jaunty wave, and Clint’s eyes catch on his t-shirt. It’s the same AC/DC one Bucky was wearing earlier in the week. He’s got a blazer thrown on over it like it’s 2005, so the ripped off sleeves aren’t as noticeable, but it’s definitely the same one.

“So you’re the neighbor with the dog,” somebody says, and Clint manages to swallow his sudden disappointment down and turn to meet Sam.

“No dog yet,” Clint says, shoving his hands in his pockets and saying a silent prayer to whatever deity of wishful thinking drove him to actually shower today. Bucky and company are a freakishly attractive group. “But, yeah. That’s me.”

>>==========>

“Clinton Francis,” Kate says sternly, giving him a look over the rim of her sunglasses. “Putting out a dog bed, a mattress, and a coffee machine does not count as moving in.”

“I’m working on it,” Clint says, swinging his legs over the roof ledge and reaching back to give Lucky’s ears a scratch. “There’s a fridge-”

“Which was there when you moved in,” Kate points out. Clint ignores her.

“I made friends. Like, three of them. Three and a half.” He’s not sure if he’d count Tony as a friend. He seems nice, if a little overwhelming. Clint just can’t quite get himself to befriend the guy who’s almost certainly dating Bucky. He had to spend half his conversations with Tony just willing himself not to stare at the damn shirt.

“That’s pretty good,” Kate concedes, pushing her sunglasses back up. “You need to go find some furniture, though. You can’t just live out of boxes for the foreseeable future.”

“I know.” Clint swings himself around on the roof ledge so he’s facing in, taking Lucky’s face in his hands so he can do something other than look at Kate. Lucky drools happily on his arm. “I’m going to Salvation Army tomorrow. I could just live up here like a hermit instead, though. I mean, check out that view.”

“Check out that view,” Kate says, and Clint looks up from smushing Lucky’s face around to see Bucky standing hesitantly in the roof access doorway, carrying a propane tank and sporting a Metallica t-shirt with notably absent sleeves.

“Hi,” Bucky says, floundering for another moment in the doorway before finally starting across the roof. He sets the tank down next to the grill, sliding it under the rain cover. Clint has to look away as Bucky squats down, thighs straining against his skinny jeans.

“Your new neighbor is sex on legs,” Kate hisses, and Clint can pick it up easily enough so he figures she’s barely managing below a stage whisper.

“I bet his boyfriend thinks so too,” Clint breathes. Kate arches an eyebrow at him over her sunglasses, but Bucky’s finished whatever he was doing with the grill so Clint doesn’t dare risk an explanation. He goes for introductions instead.

“Kate, Bucky. Bucky, Kate.” Bucky wipes his hands on his jeans, giving Kate a half wave. He’s still a few yards away and seems reluctant to come any closer. Maybe because Lucky’s panting hopefully at him. Wow. The poor guy must really hate dogs.

“Nice to meet you,” Kate says, sliding her sunglasses up onto her head so she can give Bucky the whole batted eyelashes and sparkling eyes song and dance. Clint puts his full focus into rubbing Lucky’s ears. “I’ll probably be around here a lot. Maybe we’ll see more of each other?”

“Um, yeah.” Bucky’s eyes stay on Lucky and Clint. He doesn’t seem too enthused. “Yeah, maybe.”

>>==========>

Clint took his aids out hours ago as an easy way to block out the hammer-induced headache. If Kate hadn’t insisted on dragging him all the way to Ikea to supplement his Salvation Army finds, he wouldn’t even have the cheesy art prints to hang up in the first place. They do kind of brighten the place up, in a way. The wall clock is helpful, at least, and the dog on one of the prints might not have a smile as sweet as Lucky’s, but Clint decides he’s growing on him.

Lucky still holds the title of Best Dog, though. The puppy in the painting doesn’t do shit to let Clint know when somebody’s at the door.

“Coming,” Clint calls out, setting his screwdriver and Ikea manual aside to answer the door. Lucky settles back down on the dog bed he’s dragged out from the bedroom. Best Dog. “Hang on, I just-” The door swings open to show Bucky, his hands stuffed in his pockets and a sheepish look on his face.

“Hi,” Bucky says. “Sorry, I-” He’s talking fast, and Clint loses track of his words pretty quickly. He trails off anyways as he notices Clint watching his lips. “Um.”

“Hang on, let me get my ears in.” Bucky looks a little confused at that, but he steps into what is gradually becoming an actual apartment as Clint finds his aids on the newly salvaged coffee table. He hooks them back in, switching them on as Bucky stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, wringing his hands. “Okay, go ahead.”

“I was just coming over to see if you needed help. I could hear the hammering earlier, and, uh, then the swearing. I know the sound of a Grönlid when I hear one.”

“It’s an Ektorp, actually,” Clint says, and Bucky smiles even as he wrinkles his nose.

“Really? Gross.”

“Yeah, Kate said the same thing. I could use a hand, actually.” Bucky’s got a half frown on again, and Clint follows his gaze over to Lucky, curled up on his bed. “Um. Kate left Lucky with me for the week. I hope you don’t mind.”

Bucky crosses the half-assembled living room to crouch down in front of Lucky, who thumps his tail at him.

“You don’t happen to know Swedish, do you?” Bucky asks, scratching his fingers gently over Lucky’s head. His tongue lolls out and Clint feels a little like he’s melting.

>>==========>

There’s a wildly unexpected amount of World War Two books on Bucky’s shelf, and Clint finds himself running his fingers over the spines, sort of wishing he could glean deep knowledge about Bucky just by touching his possessions.

“So, you got a hard-on for Churchill or something?” It’s absolutely not any of the things Clint wanted to say, but he can’t exactly take the question back. He slides a book out at random, pretending like he gives a shit about trench warfare just so he doesn’t have to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“Oh, yeah. That top hat? Are you kidding me? Absolutely dreamy.” Bucky sidles up beside him and their shoulders knock together. Clint turns in time to see Bucky take a drink of his beer, and he can feel his cheeks burning as his eyes slide over the graceful lines of Bucky’s throat. He’s unfairly beautiful at any given moment, but seeing Bucky alone in his apartment, in his natural habitat, brings out a sort of softness in him that Clint’s pretty sure is quickly ruining him forever. “No,” Bucky says after a moment. “Those books are mostly recommendations from Steve. He’s the real war buff. World War Two is kind of his thing.”

“And here I was thinking Steve was just regular buff.” Bucky bumps their shoulders together again as he laughs, and Clint kind of wants to just knock his head against the bookshelf. “So what’s your thing, then?”

“The Cold War,” Bucky answers, ducking a little lower to show Clint the bottom few shelves. Clint follows him down and ends up face to face with a picture frame. “That was my focus in college. There’s just something about the drama of it all, you know? The spies, the intrigue. It’s kind of romantic in a tragic sort of way.” The picture in front of Clint has Bucky, Steve, and Tony in it. They’re standing together in the sunshine like somebody asked them to pose, but clearly Tony’s just said something funny because Bucky’s broken eye contact with the camera and Steve is actually falling over, clutching at a Metallica t-shirt that looks painfully familiar, although it still has it’s sleeves.

“Romantic?” Clint drags his eyes away from the picture frame to see Bucky looking pensive, running his thumb over a bookmark sticking out of one of his books.

“Maybe that’s not the right word,” he says, and then he turns back to Clint with one of his easy smiles. “C’mon, then. Are we watching Dog Cops or not?”

>>==========>

“This place is really coming together,” Bucky says, and Clint smiles at him as he hears Sal’s pick up on the other end of the line.

Thank you, he signs, because he’s taught Bucky that much. He starts putting in his pizza order from memory, keeping half an eye on Bucky as he wanders around the apartment. He has the living room all set now, and his sturdy little table from Goodwill might be a little small for the dining room, but at least it’s something. He even has a bed frame now, although he hasn’t put it together yet. Bucky busies himself with examining the dining room chairs, the ones Clint mentioned his repair plans for in passing. He seems to deem them sturdy enough, because next, he joins Clint in the kitchen.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many take-out menus in one place,” Bucky says, jerking his chin at the collage on Clint’s fridge. “I didn’t even know half these places existed.”

“Yeah. Kate says I’m going to have a heart attack by the time I’m forty.” Bucky just hums in response, frowning a little at the menu for Joy Garden. “I mean, I won’t. I exercise. I eat fruits and stuff.”

“Yeah, obviously,” Bucky snorts. “I still can’t figure out how your shoulders can be that amazing without you skipping leg day every day.” Clint hip checks Bucky out of the way so he can stick the Sal’s menu back up in its proper spot on the fridge.

“I do archery, actually. I work in the range most days. My favorite bow has a draw weight of about two fifty, so that takes care of most of my workouts.”

“Jesus,” Bucky says, actually looking a little pink “Two fifty? That’s- That’s more than I weigh.” Clint shrugs, knocking their shoulders together in a poor attempt to get the shell-shocked look off Bucky’s face.

“Well, you’re tiny so that’s not saying much.”

It breaks whatever spell he was under, and the look on Bucky’s face tells Clint he’s about to get a vicious elbow jab before Bucky freezes again.

“Does Kate ever visit you at the range?” He sounds almost sad when he says it, turning his head away and tucking his hair behind his ears.

“She works there too, so she doesn’t have to.” Bucky’s gotten a little too quiet all of a sudden, and Clint’s not sure exactly how to fix it. “You should come visit us, sometimes. Give her a chance to show me up.”

“I’d believe that when I see it,” Bucky says, and Clint blinks at him.

“What?”

Bucky frowns fully, like he’s thrown by Clint’s confusion.

“You’re pretty amazing. If you do archery that often, I bet you’re great at it. And Kate doesn’t exactly have the shoulder mass to be much competition.” Clint’s mouth might actually be hanging open at this point.

“You really think I’d be better than Kate?”

“Well, yeah.” Bucky’s still frowning at him, and Clint kind of wants to kiss him.

“You so have to watch me shoot. Kate will be so pissed that I finally get to have someone cheering me on for a change.”

>>==========>

“Okay. Okay, Clint- Clint, wait.”

“I’m waiting,” Clint says, doing a piss poor job of keeping the laughter from his voice as Bucky follows him down the street. He reaches out a hand and Clint slows enough to catch it.

“Wait.”

“I’m waiting.” Bucky twines their fingers together, misjudging his distance a bit and ending up leaning heavily on Clint’s shoulder. He pauses for a moment, then laughs too, burying the sound in the sleeve of Clint’s t-shirt.

“You should come out with us all the time,” Bucky says, and Clint shivers just a little at the feeling of his lips moving through the fabric.

“Maybe I will,” Clint says. Bucky is probably the touchiest drunk he’s ever met, and the novelty of having a new member in his usually karaoke night gang was likely what made Clint the target of all his affection. He’s spent the night being hugged, leaned on, poked, and petted, and now that he’s walking Bucky home, they’re actually holding hands. Clint knows he should feel guilty about it. Well, he thinks he should feel guilty about it. He’s not exactly sure why at the moment.

“We’ll make Tony come next time, too. He’s wild.” Bucky’s holding Clint’s hand in both of his now, but the warmth of him doesn’t hold up much against the guilt that washes over Clint like a bucket of ice water.

“Yeah, you probably should.” Clint extricates himself gently from Bucky’s hands, earning a whine for his troubles. He pats him a little on the shoulder, which seems to soothe him enough to keep him walking toward the apartment. “I bet you like having Tony at karaoke night the best anyways, right?”

“No, you’re my favorite now.” And that’s all kinds of guilt right there. Clint shakes Bucky off just a little more, putting a respectable distance between them while still giving him a shoulder to lean on. All his floaty fuzziness from before has dropped right down through his stomach like a one-ton weight. “Tony only sings boring dad rock. You pick fun songs. Billy Joel is way better than Metallica.”

“I thought you liked Metallica,” Clint says. Bucky leans his head on his shoulder, and he decides to allow that, at least. He shakes his head against Clint’s sleeve.

“No. I just wear the shirts because they’re Tony’s.”

“Yeah,” Clint says. “Yeah, I figured.

>>==========>

Clint’s always found something about summer storms kind of lovely. Maybe it’s how the air hits the perfect temperature for opening all the windows and perching on the fire escape. Maybe it’s how the city simmers down to a calm sort of happiness while the rain drums away outside. Maybe it’s just the way New York doesn’t reek for once.

The city lights have bled into a hazy glow with the drizzle, and Clint takes a cold beer with him to sit outside and listen to the white noise of the city. Lucky curls up on the rug beneath the window, not as interested in figuring out how to walk across the grate with his paws.

“You alright?”

Clint almost jumps a mile at Bucky’s voice, his hands slipping on wet metal as he tries to turn back to the window. He manages to spill about half his drink on himself before finally turning around to face Bucky.

“Sorry,” Bucky says sheepishly, waving a hand full of envelopes and a small package. “I ended up with some of your mail, and- I guess I could have left it outside, but Mark over in twenty-one A said that somebody’s been taking his shit so I thought I’d bring it over. And then you didn’t answer, and the door was unlocked, and you’re just sitting out here in the rain, so…” Bucky trails off, glancing down at Lucky a little desperate as if he can offer any kind of help. Clint kind of feels like somebody’s got a vice grip around his heart.

“It’s nice out here,” he says. “You can join me, if you want. Unless you think you’ll melt.”

“Only one way to find out, I guess,” Bucky says, although there’s still something kind of shaky in his smile. He sets Clint’s mail down on the floor, giving Lucky a pat like he needs him to stay on guard, and then Clint’s scooting over so Bucky can climb over him and settle down in a dry enough spot. He nestles in right next to Clint, pressing them together from shoulder to ankle.

They sit in silence for a while, watching the cars go by and people walk past below. It’s still peaceful with Bucky next to him, but Clint feels a little like there’s an electric current running through every part of them that’s touching.

Bucky shifts for a moment, to get more comfortable, or maybe he’s just about to leave. Either way, he slides his arm out from between them, and Clint finds himself sucking in a breath at the contact.

Bucky freezes, his eyes locking on Clint’s, and the white noise of the city suddenly feels deafening, pounding in Clint’s ears like a stampede. Or maybe that’s his heartbeat.

He swallows, and Bucky’s eyes drop down to Clint’s mouth. He licks his lips automatically, the moment pressing too hard against his chest for him to find any breath.

Bucky leans in then, not fast at all, but Clint still can’t find the time to think before their lips are pressed together. There’s nothing rough about it, no clashing of teeth or biting of lips, but the urgency of Bucky’s lips sliding against his feels far from gentle.

Clint kisses back, letting Bucky’s sighs against his lips fall into rhythm with the drum of the rain and the thud of his heartbeat. He doesn’t think about it. There’s a ghost of a thought. Maybe he thinks about not thinking about it, but it’s not until Bucky groans against his mouth and gets a fist in his shirt that Clint pulls back.

“Fuck,” he says, and he hates how rough his voice sounds. “Bucky, we can’t-”

“I know,” Bucky says, and Clint hates how cold his chest feels when Bucky’s pulled his hands away. He hates how he plays with the hem of his own shirt, the Def Leppard one that Clint’s seen Tony wear at least five times by now. “I know, I’m sorry. I just- fuck.” Bucky hides his face in his hands, and Clint flounders, not sure if he should comfort him or not. “I’m sorry,” Bucky says again, his voice muffled. “I didn’t want to- God. I know you and Kate are happy together, I just-”

“Kate?” Clint almost shouts, because Kate is the last person on his mind right now. “Why do you care about Kate? What about you and Tony?”

“Tony?” Bucky drops his hands to look at Clint in shock. “What about me and Tony?”

“What about you? You’re dating.”

“I’m not dating Tony.” Bucky really is shouting now.

“You have pictures together! You wear his shirts!”

“To piss him off! He hates when I rip the sleeves off, and I only do it because it drives Steve crazy too, and they’re this close to realizing how in love with each other they are and- why am I talking about Steve and Tony? You’re dating Kate!”

“I would never,” Clint splutters, and it’s his turn to shout. “No, gross. She’s like my sister!”

Bucky’s face has about twenty emotions in it at once, and Clint can’t tell what any of them are. Bucky opens his mouth and Clint feels like he’s about to get yelled at again.

“You’re not dating Kate.” Bucky’s voice is suddenly much quieter, and he talks slowly. “And- and I’m not dating Tony.”

“So,” Clint says, because it seems like the right word to prompt him forward. Bucky frowns at him, his brow furrowing with genuine confusion.

“So why the hell aren’t we kissing?”

Clint blinks at him. He raises his eyebrows, opens his mouth to answer, and then closes it again. It’s been… Christ, it’s been nearly a year since he and Bucky met, and all this time Clint thought he was with Tony. He can almost feel the gears turning in his own head, clicking new things into place. Clint looks at Bucky, his hair damp with soft summer rain and his eyes boring into Clint in the fading evening light.

“I don’t know,” Clint says. He leans forward, pinning Bucky against the metal of the fire escape and tangling his fingers in his hair. “Why the hell haven’t we been kissing for almost an entire year?”

“Shut up,” Bucky says, but it sounds like a plea, and Clint is happy to oblige.

[lesbiankiliel]

Lukelando for the ship asks?

let me love you anon I really hoped someone would ask that^^

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - ETERNITY

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it took a couple of months on Tatooine for friendship to turn into love^^

How was their first kiss? - read all about it in my fic  Like a ray of sun (the very very first was a distraction to divert some stormtroopers but the second is the one they treat as their actual first kiss as it’s the one where both of them knew they were kissing because they wanted to kiss each other)

Wedding:

Who proposed? - both of them had planned it on the same day and time (read all about it in Like a ray of sun)

Who is the best man/men? - Han for Lando, Wedge for Luke

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Leia was definitely one, and they probably also had Evaan Verlaine and Shara Bey there

Who did the most planning? - Lando, with Leia’s help

Who stressed the most? - both about different things

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. (Luke would’ve been fine with something smaller but Lando is the epitome of Go big or go home)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - any empire sympatisers like this is a gays only event go home

Sex:

Who is on top? - they switch

Who is the one to instigate things? - depends on the day

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - decently

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - they try but it’s more about quality than quantity

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 1, Rey (again, read all about it in Like a ray of sun, I explain there how it happened)

How many children will they adopt? - totally depends on which au I’m thinking about

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lando bc he’s the sort of stay-at-home dad (Luke has the Jedi Temple and technically Lando works from home at Cloud City)

Who is the stricter parent? - Lando, but only a tad

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - both

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Lando

Who is the more loved parent? - Rey loves them equally

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - lmao Luke has no trouble doing that seeing as he is Rey’s Jedi master at first (Ahsoka takes over when it’s discovered that Rey works better with dual lightsabers)

Who cried the most at graduation? - Luke (”my baby is a Jedi knight now!!!”)

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - oh definitely Lando (he’s all “I’m proud of you, Sunshine, but try not to get caught next time” lmao)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - depends who’s home first to do it

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Lando

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lando, mostly

How often do they bake desserts? - every now and then

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - both in moderation

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Lando, hands down

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Luke

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - neither, they’re both careful

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - whoever feels like doing it

Who is really against chores? - ehhh neither, though neither really enjoys them

Who cleans up after the pets? - Luke got the porgs, he cleans after them

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Luke xD

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lando

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Luke (he’s lucky like that)

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lando

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - you don’t really walk porgs, actually

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Lando does it as often as possible

What are their goals for the relationship? - be happy, raise Rey to their best ability, I guess (I honestly don’t know what to say here)

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Lando on his days off

Who plays the most pranks? - both equally ;)

[mythicamagic]

Laito x Yui please ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

Laiyui ~

Disclaimer: I don’t condone abuse. Whenever I talk about Laiyui, I talk about it as it is presented to me in the various games. These headcanons are for after the development of their relationship and even if irl it is extremely unlikely or impossible for them to be happy, these games are a work of fiction. Please don’t think of this as a commentary that - ‘love saves all’ or that I’m ignorant on Laiyui’s toxic relationship in HDB.

We good? Cool, now lemme write some fictional fluff.

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful (for HDB, but I do like what avenues you can explore with it, when writing angst fics) | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! (For DF and after development) | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Until death do them part

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - They take the longest amount of time than any of the other ships. Laito has a twisted perception of love and it takes a LONG time for him to even think himself capable of proper emotions, it’s an ongoing process. Yui’s feelings are a tangled mess, but she comes to want to stay by his side even after what he’s done to her.

How was their first kiss? - They’ve long since forgotten it, it was unwilling on Yui’s part.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - It’s an amicable decision. Hear my weird head canon out and disregard the canon events of the games for a sec -                 Laito has a looot of problems sorting out what love actually is, and they would have been together for years by this point. The thought of marriage has been a boring one to Laito in the past (who wants to get tied down to one person?) but after everything they’ve been through, when Yui hesitantly brings up the subject one day, Laito realises that he doesn’t mind the idea. In fact she’d look pretty sexy in a wedding dress and it’s not like he has to be serious about it, right? So he agrees, but after they’re married, he finds he genuinely quite likes the idea.

Who is the best man/men? - Possibly Ayato and Kanato, though they’re not really into the idea.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - There are none.

Who did the most planning? - Yui, but it’s a very simple wedding.

Who stressed the most? - Yui, mostly because she can’t read if Laito genuinely wants to get married, even after years together, he’s not always honest with her and presents a happy countenance.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. - It’s a very simple wedding filled with candles at night.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Karlheinz

Sex:

Who is on top? - It varies…they don’t really do missionary much. They’re very creative with their positions and never keep the same one for long.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Laito. 

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - They have multiple sessions one after another so it depends. Sometimes it’s a quickie in a hidden corner somewhere, and other times it’s a long drawn out experience. 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes, though sometimes there’s denied orgasms

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. - It really depends on Laito’s mood though.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - None for a long time or one.

How many children will they adopt? - None

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Yui

Who is the stricter parent? - Yui, Laito isn’t strict at all. In fact he finds any chaos they bring amusing.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Yui

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Yui, but if she’s busy Laito might try and have a go at it.

Who is the more loved parent? - Both. Laito essentially learns how to parent by watching Yui and replicating what she does. He doesn’t know what to feel about being a parent, and for a long while he fakes his reactions around the child to appear cheery all the time. Eventually though, he does grow relaxed and does find that he holds affection for the child.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both, Laito flirts with the teacher, and Yui gets annoyed.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Yui, though Laito felt ..something. Maybe pride? Who can say.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Laito, but only after teasing them for awhile.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Yui, but she occasionally cooks with Laito, he’s a decent enough cook. 

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Laito

Who does the grocery shopping? - They go together sometimes, though Laito will find some way to make a game of it.

How often do they bake desserts? - Since Laito loves macaroons, Yui makes them quite a lot. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Both

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Laito, if only to embarrass her by going over the top with the romance.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Both

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Neither.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Yui…though Laito tries to get her to wear a maid uniform for it.

Who is really against chores? - Laito. He finds them a little boring.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They don’t have pets

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Laito

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Yui

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Laito. He then walks right up to Yui and slips it in her back pocket very purposefully.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - They bathe together and take a long while for…reasons.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Laito doesn’t mind walking so long as there’s some interesting sights to take in.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Not all the time. Yui is the only one who pushes for it, but knowing his philosophy on the church, the decorations are sparse for Christmas until he makes a game of it and revels in the mistletoe and a few human traditions that end up amusing him.

What are their goals for the relationship? - To stay together and try to identify honest emotion and love when they feel it from each other, after a lifetime’s worth of abuse having twisted Laito’s mindset and slightly jading Yui. 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - They both do, depending on what activities they got up to before bed.

Who plays the most pranks? - Laito

[kakkoweeb]

if you still wanna do it, miyakage (atsutobi) for the ultimate ship meme please 😁

omggg i don’t know how much of a grasp i have on this just yet (more miya content pls) but i’ll try ;u;

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship! — MiyaKage (AtsuTobi)

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - as much as i would love to see angsty atsutobi break up, i’ll have to pass on this one again

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - huh, i feel like there’d be a lot of preliminaries to get through—mostly because miya’s a tease and everything romantic pretty much flies over kageyama’s head

How was their first kiss? - smooth. atsumu knows what he’s doing faaar too well. kageyama breaks down on the inside lmao

Wedding:

Who proposed? - for now, i’m thinking it’s miya. and then i’m thinking…flustered kageyama yehaa

Who is the best man/men? - *slams fist on table* OSAMU.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - well there’s yachi. again lmao IDK hq needs gIRLS

Who did the most planning? - i think miya would ask about what kageyama wants a lot. like, they’re looking at the options for this and that and he’s like “tobio, which do you want?” for everything and he just smiles at kageyama earnestly scrutinizing all of the options and trying to pick one do you ever cry

Who stressed the most? - they actually…both seem pretty chill to me. if i had to compare though, kageyama would probably fret a tad more. atsumu’s too confident and excited to get anxious

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big – no listen okay i chose two because on the one hand, atsumu seems flashy bUT CAN YOU IMAGINE JUST A SIMPLE WEDDING BECAUSE THEY DON’T NEED NO BLING JUST EACH OTHER hmmmmm

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - nobody, but the real question is: who kept saying he wouldn’t attend but attended anyway, sat at the back, and cried? that would be oikawa.

Sex:

Who is on top? - i still believe in the power of variability.

Who is the one to instigate things? - i also still believe that they become equally likely to instigate once they get used to each other.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - i don’t knowwww the smut fics i have read don’t have timers lmfao

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - yeha boi atsumu’s not gonna let tobio down no sir

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - no

How many children will they adopt? - hmm, for now i can see them adopting one and treating him/her like an absolute princess

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - i still don’t know what this means. everytime i see it i just see kageyama holding a bunch of diapers with the velcro taped to his skin and clothes. miya laughs.

Who is the stricter parent? - kageyama’s a stern strict. miya’s a happy strict (enforcing rules with a smile) but still somehow ends up stricter

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - kageyama “thE CHILD IS SO FRAGILE” tobio. miya’s alright w them exploring a bit but he’s on guard, just in case.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - kageyama values the child’s nutrition and gives the child lots of milk

Who is the more loved parent? - ,no,,,,

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - nearly all the other halves kageyama ships are talented players and i just cry “NATIONAL TEAM” every time, so both!

Who cried the most at graduation? - kageyama’s snifflin’ all the while. miya holds the tissues and is coherent enough to snap photos.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - imagine miya smooth-talking the police. he’d be capable.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - they both do, but kageyama does more often, i think.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - miya, probably. tbh i don’t see kageyama as a very picky guy. if it’s not explicitly gross he’ll eat it

Who does the grocery shopping? - they can both do this. take turns? do it together? hell yeah

How often do they bake desserts? - bAKING ATSUMU HOOO occasionally, perhaps, when they feel like some cupcakes are in order

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - a good mix of both!

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - atsumuuuu. kageyama does as well, but it’d hardly be a surprise bc atsumu knows him too well

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - still atsumu. he wants to show kageyama the world shining shimmering splendi

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - atsumu is cool until proven loser so this would be kageyama. he cooks more often too so by laws of statistics, 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - they can both do this

Who is really against chores? - everyone gets lazy at some point. they have their moments

Who cleans up after the pets? - chores are meant to be shared

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - kageyama accidentally makes a mess tryna do something special for atsumu and doesn’t wanna get caught so he hides the evidence. badly.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - nah the abode is perfect, no stress here

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - atsumu. he buys dinner with it lol

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - they’re both pretty brief, maybe

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - FAMILY DOG WALKING.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - every year is a christmas lights competition with the neighbours auuu we’ll show these losers who’s boss

What are their goals for the relationship? - hoo boi. contentment, perhaps. and bringing out the best in each other

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - i feel like all these hq guys have their lives together, so nah

Who plays the most pranks? - mischievous miya 

haven’t 100% eased into the ship yet but doing this gave me…material 👀 thank you!!

[aftgonice]

EmiMike for the Ultimate Ship Meme~

Thank you dear :*

All answers are actually going to be a sort of filler for my EmiMike fic “Something between us”, so idk I hope some of you have read that and will be happy to read this!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - forever once Michele gets his head out of his own ass

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was instalove for Emil but it takes Michele a while to even notice Emil, but when he does he falls in love quickly

How was their first kiss? - it was sweet and chocolatey and on a Barcelona hotel room floor ;)

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Emil, but only because he beat Michele to it

Who is the best man/men? - Emil’s best man would be one of his childhood friends, the one who first went to bungee jump with him; Michele’s best woman would obviously be Sara

Who is the braid’s bride’s maid(s)? - (that typo bothered me lmao) well there’s no bride and fuck gender rules, but it’s Mila, Phichit, Leo, Guang Hong, some of Sara’s non-skating friends, some of Michele’s loud neapolitan friends

Who did the most planning? - do I really have to say it? It was Emil, but surprisingly Michele helped a lot

Who stressed the most? - Michele! It’s not that he was getting cold feet or anything but the idea of being the center of attention bothered him (and yeah, he’s a figure skater so he should be used to that, but it’s different because on the ice you can pretend those emotions are all an act, but at your wedding? your emotions will be on full display, and he’s not that comfortable with that. but he loves his Czech boy so much he quickly forgot everyone else)

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Michele’s father

Sex:

Who is on top? - Emil is on top for a few months or years, but eventually they try Michele on top and it works out great after a few times where he got too nervous, so now they just switch 

Who is the one to instigate things? - surprisingly, it’s my demiboy Michele who instigates things the most

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - umm ngl at the beginning they’re both too excited and thirsty to last very long! Especially while they’re being long distance, they rarely have the patience to draw things out in that sense. They still last long enough though, and when their relationship is more stable they make sure to take their sweet time with each other

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - YEP, although sometimes Emil will give Michele one more just for the heck of it

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - none

How many children will they adopt? - two siblings (not twins)  

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Michele :’)

Who is the stricter parent? - Michele

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Michele (Emil might or might not help them achieve their dangerous stunts)

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Emil

Who is the more loved parent? - they’re both equally loved, but the little girl is slightly more affectionate towards Michele (she’s a little bit like him, so they can be introverted together)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? is that like meeting teachers? I guess they both go around 50% of the time

Who cried the most at graduation? - Michele (he tried to hide it but Emil took pictures)

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Emil (but they wouldn’t get in trouble)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - …do you need to ask? The Italian one

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Michele doesn’t eat anything that doesn’t come from the fruit and vegetable market (farmer’s market? idk how you people call it)

Who does the grocery shopping? - they go together mostly, otherwise Michele

How often do they bake desserts? - after they retire from competitive skating they (actually just Emil) bake once or twice a week 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Michele is a salad eater, Emil meat lover

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Emil

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Emil

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - :))) we all know who that one is, no need to reply

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Emil

Who is really against chores? - nobody, they split the chores so that they each don’t have to do their least favorite ones

Who cleans up after the pets? - Emil (”you wanted the dog, you clean up after him”)

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - none of them

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Michele

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Michele

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Emil (he starts singing and forgets to wash)

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - they try to go together if they can, also with the kids when they get them, otherwise Emil goes in the morning and Michele in the evening

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - mmh well whenever the holidays happen? lol

What are their goals for the relationship? - to just be happy and loving and trusting of each other

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Michele

Who plays the most pranks? - Emil :’)

Send me a ship and I’ll do this!