#plus I was abt to go to sleep
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hey caitie! i messaged you but i wanted to make sure you saw that a few days ago, i wrote a short fic based off of one of your drabbles (i made sure to tag you and the post of course) but with the whole plagiarism discourse i wanted to make sure i wasnt falling into that terrible notion that i was actively taking someones idea and making it my own. i really can take it down if it makes you uncomfortable and im sorry if i overstepped
omg!!! I totally got your message but it completely slipped my mind to respond, I’m so sorry!
You’re absolutely fine my love, I really only would be irked if you hadn’t provided credit… but since you did, I don’t mind at all🤎🤎 honestly I’m not too involved with the plagiarism stuff aside from simply… being aware of it, and I honestly don’t feel like it applies to a situation/idea like this one. I hope you didn’t take it as such bc it wasn’t meant to be a vague at all.
but I really, really appreciate your concern!🫶🏻
(link to kennie's post here!)
#I do agree that plagiarism is rough asf but like. jacking off is like … I don’t own that one#I do admit it always better to ask before you post but like#as long as the recognition is there i don’t think u did anything wrong!#it’s not like I poured hours of my time into that little thought post#and also while I’m here I think there’s a big difference between stealing a whole plot or theme vs. a thought post u credited to someone#dunno#There’s a lot of overlap and I was gonna mention this in the tags of maos post but I didn’t wanna seem like I was arguing#bc I’m NOT#plus I was abt to go to sleep#but you’re a dear and it’s sweet of u to care such that you do🩷#some people don’t and that’s what gets me#anyway again I’m sorry for the delay I totally forgot abt u I ADMIT#but all is well#caitie answers#dirtycommunistbaddie
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insomnia? do u mean my true crime podcast time
#u know bc now I can convince my brain I slept a little bc I had my eyes closed for like 2h while listening to it#it’s like u can almost gaslight it into thinking that that podcast was actually dreaming bc we for sure were asleep yes#also this sucks bc it’s ahead of its schedule; I can’t sleep during summers so like what is this then#the climate change is affecting my insomnia cycle damnit#real unfortunate tho if it keeps going for longer (just been like 2ish weeks now) bc I got a thesis plus other shit to do#(also to anyone who’s unclear on the subject; yes I have slept during these 2ish weeks I'm not dying i'm just hella tired bc it’s not good#refreshing long sleeps bc mf it takes like 5 hours to fall asleep)#(except today bc it’s 7am and I’m giving up on it & hopefully will have a nap sometime during the day idk)#(im tired and getting increasingly more stressed abt becoming more tired and then not having the energy to do things that I fully neeed to#get done and how the stress just yes helps ah nice)#(sorry for ranting in thr tags; weird state of mind here bc of aforementioned)#march 2024#2024
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Ok. Y'know I don't talk abt current events and stuff all that often. The internet has always been a sort of escape from irl stuff for me, plus i'm not an activist or anything. I'm just Some Guy. But with what's happening rn with Israel and Palestine and how staff keeps doing shady shit both in regards to what's happening rn and with other stuff they've done before, it just makes me feel uncomfy even being an active user here
I've never given them my money or anything, but just being here is starting to make me uncomfortable. They haven't said anything abt these things outright as far as I know, but knowing how things are going on other socials (like deviantart, which I stopped using bc of the blatant pro-israel shit staff there posted recently among other issues, or youtube being. Y'know. Youtube) I have no doubt they're very much pro-israel as well. Stopping Palestine related tags from trending and nuking pro-palestine blogs might as well be a statement on what their stance is even if they try to hide behind technical issues
I just don't want to feel like I'm inadvertently supporting genocide just by being here and using the site. Maybe that's a bit of a reach bc I don't support them financially but idk. It's not like I'd really have anywhere else to go anyways since pretty much every major social has gone this route. My mutuals are all here too and I don't wanna leave y'all. This is like 99% of my social network
Idk if I'm just overthinking. It's late, I'm tired and I'm rambling and I should be sleeping bc I have shit to do tomorrow but I can't stop worrying abt it. Idk
#ramblings#neg#i'm generally just thinking abt leaving social media all together bc i genuinely don't wanna support this shit in any way#i already did it with da#but idk if that's the right thing to do. and it's not like one guy leaving the internet is going to do much#plus i don't wanna leave my mutuals behind. i don't wanna stop sharing my art. but i still feel bad#i'm probably just overthinking but it's not letting me sleep#man i sure wish i wasn't living in historical times right now!#ugh#idk if i should trust how i feel abt this at almost 12 am. i need sleep#and i'm also stressed abt my personal life#so. yeah#delete later probably idk anymore
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Thoughts on the little mermaid
I may be misremembering but didn't it feel like very painful to walk at some point after her transformation? Like the fact she's dancing makes me wonder if she's doing it by choice (my immediate image before I even realized it was probably the little mermaid was that she was delirious for some reason, maybe bc Cinderella wasn't like "yeah she's dancing and seems to be like. At peace" she just seems lost??)
Trying to figure out about the walking thing bit TV tropes reminded me: in the story mermaids DONT have an afterlife, iirc they fully become inanimate sea foam. How does this interact with Neverafter?? It seems like she persists between stories so I doubt it's like 'when mermaids die they stay dead instead of existing again' or whatever but at the same time this could be like way more fucked up if they do get another life? Bc while it's Unnatural for everyone one else it's like afterlife isn't super far from reincarnation they're not Close but there's a comparison to make about life/death/life again or whatever but if that part of mermaid lore is Canon in neveragyer uh. Well that's. Something
Also at the end spoilers for little mermaid the original one doesn't she like... become a daughter of the air. I fully forgot this Part and came back to write this but anyway that's interesting I forget where I was going with it though
read the Wikipedia article and it says that she "will be able to dance like no human has ever danced before. However, she will constantly feel as if she is walking on sharp knives" can we please get someone to prescribe her some painkillers
In the original story she also dances like for the prince... which... is curious. Is there a prince present on toy island?
SPEAKING OF toy island is like 12-14 year Olds right? So this brings up the question: how old is she? Did she just lice in the sea near the island or did she end up there because she's a kid or both?
Ylfa sister??? It would be really cool to contrast "transformation that makes you feel ugly and dangerous but gives you the ability to literally lessen the damage you take" and "transformation that makes you supernaturally graceful but causes you excruciating pain when you make use of that grace" like. Neither is Less Bad but they're so... hhhhhhh
Edit: generally the little mermaid is 15. Which would put her a Bit above the generally given age range (8-14?) Of toy island. Also the stepmother isn't special most of these girls don't have names
#Neverafter spoilers#I want to get her some good shoes with heel support and good cushioning and prescription drugs. Is this too much to ask.#(<- is in pain every time I stand for like more than 5 minutes. Please help her...)#Also. Sea witch. Let's go in the ocean everyone#And tbh if she is like 12-14 this makes the mer-king a lot less... scary? Not the right word but Like. If this is the case he has a point#Not a Great one but big diff between being weird abt his adult daughter being gone vs his potentially child daughter being gone yknow#I wanna meet her....#Stepmother: ohhhh I'm nameless this is so sad#Cinderella: literally got her name from being covered in ash#Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty and Snow White: kinda just. adjective plus noun. or 2 adjectives#For Snow White. Puss In Boots. Frog Prince. Mother Goose. Little Red Riding Hood. Ma'am a lot of pure descriptors going on.#Pinocchio is like the only actually Name that isn't purely a descriptor though it's kinda like. Related to wood maybe
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my PA for ajovy got denied (booo) but the reason it did was bc a neurologist needed to prescribe it which i already had an apt set up for and gad yesterday (yay!) and the appointment went really well and i like the provider a LOT of migraine management (YAY!!!) so now i am once again waiting for an ajovy PA to be approved lmao
#nervous abt needles but jax offered to help plus ajovy has auto injectors so we are going for it#but i really liked the provider she was good and very easy to talk to and stuff!! and am excited to work w her and try things#also got a referral to their sleep clinic bc my sleep is still Bad and also sleep is a big trigger for me#so im hopeful to see what i can figure out/learn from that#this is the year of blue getting health shit figured out lmak gonna get my tonsils removed etc etc lets Go#she also said i could be a candidate for botox if that seemed interesting but i like how like. open ended she was w things#like she gave me a lot of good info but also everything was my call#she also was good when looking at my mri and explained why she isnt concerned abt ms based on mri and symptoms#and in a way where i actually agree lol like. esp bc i get so anxious i can just latch on to something#but she took the time to answer my questions and explain and show what theyd see if it was ms vs my brain lesions from migraines#and Yeah! i was super stressed and like gad cleared my whole afternoon in case it was a bad time#but it wasnt! im v happy w my new neurologist!#wild to have TWO whole doctors on my care team who i like and trust???? as a fat person??? wow#(trust is w a grain of salt lol i dint entirely trust any doctor But)
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how is everyone feeling on this fine monday?
#personally i am feeling like shit :D#most of my friends. hm. i mean theyre allowed to do other stuff but mondays used to be OUR days and today. was not that#lets leave it at that#and my best friend is feeling similarly rejected but also in general Not Well#and its starting to grate on me#like logically i understand that its good and healthy to get help and talk abt stuff like this#but sometimes i just wanna tell her to suck it up like the rest of us (<- me who is very bad at getting help)#which is mean and unfair so im not doing it ofc#PLUS they didnt have the book i wanted at the library#and also i almost forgot how much my class sucks i hate all of them (<- loud)#also me and another friend are super excited abt a project thats up soon#but due to my best friend's mood she wasnt excited at all and that kinda killed my enthusiasm. for now but. still#UGH I HATE THIS#a biscuit's rambles#oh well time to go listen to too loud music and rest and paint and then listen to tma some more#maybe thatll restore my social and general battery#and i mean i did only sleep 4 and a half hours so idk what i expected tbh
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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laundry is getting done (so izzy cosplay will be available for Halloween tomorrow)
I'm awake
And I'm writing the silliest modern au fic based off my own first trip this month over the GW bridge to get to Queen in Philly (tho notably the only similarity is that the bridge is involved and that they're going to see Queen in Philly, but the setting is really all I needed for the plot to go from random modern au smut to vaguely PWP lmao)
I don't feel good. But I don't feel worse. That's something
#text post#getting caught up on world news too but i don't really want to talk abt that bc i don't feel i should be#im trying to stay up to date and aware and keep reading up on new information i didn't have before but like.#that doesn't mean im informed enough to say anything so im gonna leave it at this bc sometimes our voices dont matter like#especially if we're still working on learning and keeping up like we don't NEED to speak out of turn just to say we spoke at all#plus im going to be spending 8 fuckin hours asking ppl survey questions abt these topics tonight#and getting screamed at for it or forced to listen to random lectures that never stay on topic#and fuck up my call time so then im still not Doing My Job Perfectly and it's a whole fucking thing#...i need more sleep but i gotta be up for now so away to the fic draft go i bc no one needs to see anymore of my emotional rambling
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.
#man im really tired of having feelings for him. i should really just keep my distance and go back to dating apps#i long for the connection we have and hate having to build up something brand new#but im really tired of feeling butt hurt everytime he sleeps with our roommate#like yeah we broke up over a year ago. and still casually do shuff. its just hard for me to turn off that side of my brain#i just want to feel loved and be held by someone without having to build the foundation all over again#ive been depressed the past few days because of it. i act irrationally and cant control my feelings#overall its better if i just let them fuck around and i try to find someone new. only problem is im anxious and not a good conversationalist#plus i hate messaging people over phone. too much anxiety abt what im saying and if the other person enjoys me or not#anyways it sucks seeing the subtle evidence that they went at it while i was away. i have no right to be upset but i cant help but think of#him as more than a friend. i cant and shouldnt but we had dated 6 years previously. its a bit difficult to turn that switch off now#dammit i guess tonight im gonna sleep alone again and try not to cry. whatever gotta get over myself and move on. have to stop only thinking#of my self and being so damn possessive all the time#ash rambles#fuck i feel worse now after typing all that out yippee..
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...
#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭#this is dumb. like i have a lotta steps to go bc i can even consider this a possibility but i met with one of the ppl#im talking to for a phd. hes from a big impressive uni and his research is so fucking cool#and he thinks my cv is competitive for scholarship and he wants to support me as a student#so 🥺#i did not sleep much. i was having stress dreams plus i was a lil dehydrated lol#and i was watching a talk he did over and over until i got why he was so excited about it. bc it was real fucking cool once i got it#and we talked for like 80min abt our interests and potential projects. and now i have to take some time and start a proposal#bc im gonna do at least 2 scholarships and the deadlines are happening pretty fast. so rip my free time#but like it could potentially include genetic engineering and adaptive evolution so like so so cool#i mean its a lil risky bc he is only just establishing his lab. so its not like hes had a bunch of students but i think at this point#even if hes not so hands on i can probably drive myself forward#we'll see what happens. it would be super fucking cool to do some genetic engineering nonsense. and fucking adaptive evolution#ugh and get to live in the uk again 😭 i miss the gray english skies#so yea thats 2 potential projects im really invested in now#so like. it depends on if i can get the scholarship. which will be intensely competitive#so idk. we'll see. and ive got a meeting with another guy monday#but its the dude from Arizona and i dont wanna live there so im hopefully the project isnt as cool... but i think it kinda is so rip#ugh. its been a wild day. im so tired.#but happy. but also sad i wont have as much free time for drawing#but again happy bc im gonna learn and up my writing skills and chase my weird wild dreams :-)#unrelated
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the lyrics to detect my love sound oddly ominous, not gonna lie...
#rex rambles#mysta rias#nijisanji#luxiem#I had a whole like 1.2k+ post going on abt how ominous they felt wrt his feelings on the whole corporate vtuber thing#but it sounded really stupid so it's trapped in my drafts to never see the light of day lmao#you're a gatekeeper to my heart#and like... other lines abt how he felt cooped up and driven insane#corporate vtuber culture feels like idol culture but with a fresh coat of paint and more direct liver to viewer interaction#without any of the pr management team that idols have to micromanage their every word#plus side: you stay tf in character#negative side: if you're ooc for a second it becomes a scandal#as the plus/negative is for idols not vtubers#had a rough night and am finally going to bed so don't worry abt any half finished thoughts here#also I've only been here for like 2 weeks so though I don't know the extent of the culture and all that#what I have seen and have dug into... capital y yikes guys#this is why I stayed away from idol spheres incl kpop and that shit for the most part#Stan culture scary. I'm only here for the funny words from the magic men#anyways I need to attempt to sleep
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okay well i don’t know what to do w myself now
#personal#the physics chronicles#made it out alive w an 86 when i thought i’d end w an 82 at best so. YIPPEE#my prof is refusing to tell me if he allows makeup/online/early exams tho he’s just saying he strongly does not recommend me taking it when#im going to miss two weeks which. I GET THAT but i honestly do way better studying on my own than having to listen hours on end to a prof#drone on so i feel like if anything the two week absence would be in my favor. but i obviously can’t tell him that LMAO plus i now#understand how he formats exams like i really think i could pull this off at the MINIMUM#<- accidentally cut off early anyway at the MINIMUM i am confident i would be able to pass w a c as long as i wouldn’t get a fat zero on one#of the exams. i just need to know if he allows the makeup/online/early exam and if the answer is no fine i’ll be on my merry way just tell#me 😭#this is abt physics 2 btw i see now that i did not say that anywhere. seriously tho this is just endless space stretched out in front of me#like i know i should give myself a chance to relax but i don’t have anything to do.. there’s my myth class and ig i could focus my#efforts on the american lit clep? but myth class is LAUGHABLY easy (not bc its humanities but bc im fairly sure i could say literally#anything and this prof would give me 100% and a ‘good example’ comment im honestly p pissed abt it but anyway) and ends soon anyway like#what after that… there’s my job that’s literally it and ALSO if i don’t have a class making me get up at 6 am i’ll be sleeping in forever#until work comes around this is no life to live!!!
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leaving in two days!!! super excited and a little nervous but mostly excited :00
#we hate airports but dont rly mind flights#even though it IS going to be a 16hr flight. we will be fine i think#we r gonna sleep for at least half of it#the main thing we r worried abt on the trip is getting fatigued/tired and not being able to keep up#bc we r going to be walking atound a lot#plus a bit worried about the heat and potentially dysphoria#but overall i think we will Make It#logan.txt
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Can I plz request some solo phone backgrounds of the guys more specifically Kendall and Logan?! 🤩🤩🤩
just posted it here!! i'm not sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but i threw in a little bit of both babie and manband kendall + logan for funsiesヾ(•ω•`)o although if you were looking specifically for showverse!kogan, i'm so sorry i didn't get to include any (；′⌒`) nonetheless, thank you for the request and i really hope you like them!!! 💜
#apologies for the delay :'< i promise i'm also working on other requests but i'm just dealing with an injured wrist so it's taking slower#plus i'm tied up with work for the weekdays from 9 to 5 and spend half my free time carked asleep bc idk hashtag old man things ykyk#whatever the case i'll try to finish them before the end of the week. and it does really help out to be more specific with the requests 😅#anonymous#btr#big time rush#kendall knight#logan mitchell#gif#mine#requests#all the windows down#do pretty girl don't speak#depending on the type of edit it usually takes me a minimum of 3-5 hours to get a set done. even longer if i get all pedantic about it rip#so my usual gameplan is just plug in 4-6 hours of sleep wake up at 2 AM bc that's when my brain functions best then spend all night making#stuff. after that it's straight to work which i have to prepare for at 8 AM. i am not going to survive in this planet long but oh whale#(stfu allen no one asked abt ur life hashshahs sorry for ramblies i'm so heady from exhaustion rn)
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nooooo no it’s great no personally i LOVE when things just stop fucking working -__-
#in neg city#it’s literally like one thing after another with me nowadays#like first i have to bend over backwards to get a suit#which ends up being something that i don’t even think my sister LIKES bc i facetimed her abt it today and she sound so unenthusiastic#it made me wanna hang up the phone and just not go to the fucking wedding#but it’s like yay don’t have to worry about spending money on that now right?#WRONG bc now my computer isn’t charger and w how bad it’s been acting up lately it’s either one of two things:#either it’s the charger (which i’ve already ordered a new one which i won’t get until friday) OR the computer won’t take a charge anymore#either way that’s money i’m spending and if it’s the second one then i’m really fucked bc i was hoping to have another money of income#or cushion making that purchase bc like. i need a computer to get through my days it’s necessary#so if it just craps out now then it’s like i gotta get a new one NOW instead of waiting until long after the wedding#not to mention there’s the hair stylist and makeup artist for the wedding itself#plus my haircut#plus my ebt hasnt been filled yet AT ALL THIS MONTH#so really i’m just constantly stressing myself out with money and rlly it just never fucking ends does jt#i’m so tired i just wanna be done with life if i’m being completely honest#the way i’m living now is kinda hell on earth#ugh. whatever. need to sleep
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u know what. The sleep thing is legit bothering me (I woke up at 3 AM after Not Enough Sleep so my nerves are Shot) I think I’m gonna keep a sleep tracker to see how much I sleep and when to try and confirm if there’s actually a Problem or What 🥲
#like there is a sleep clinic in town surprisingly it’s right next to my stomach drs office so I’ve seen it!#I imagine it’s expensive tho#so we r going to try self treating it I am gonna look into melatonin or something for real this time and not quit taking them after 2 days#🫣 I have a bad habit abt that but I’m gonna get BETTER abt it ok#sanchoyorambles#the closest thing I could find abt sleep problems that sound like it is a circadian disorder called non 24 sleep wake disorder and I’m like#that sounds exactly like what it is but that is scary and I don’t want it to be the case so I am now doubting my own judgment and Brain#like what if I’m Wrong like I’m not a doctor surely it’s just a result of insomnia….never mind the fact of how consistently bad my schedule#has always been even when I had alarms and jobs for months and it kept happening 😭 those are irrelevant right#I don’t waaaant another diagnosis I have enough thank uuuu#been avoiding looking into my very irregular cycles and mood swings for the same reason tbqh I don’t want to know anymore I know Enough!!!#I have problems!! no more please!!!#I mean it’s gonna be a problem whether it’s labeled or not but u guys know what I mean I think#plus the insurance thing which I am not thinking abt bc it’s awful and bad . doesn’t exist if I don’t see it etc
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