#which is mean and unfair so im not doing it ofc

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

how is everyone feeling on this fine monday?

[earlyspringtranscendence]

biggest pet peeve (HUGE) is during the blood&guts surrender/submission cage match when max pulls out his ring & tony goes ‘oh my god he’s got that ring—that ring’s like a weapon!’ tony my heart and soul is jericunts bat just a little toy or like what

[lipglossanon]

OMG MY TUMBLR KEEPS CRASHING WHILE IM TRYING TO TYPE THIS OUT RAAHHHH anyways, i saw this edit earlier of a re4r mod that like, adjusts the camera and so there’s this one clip where u can see leon just straight up manspreading and it was so hot HES SO HOT i just wna sit on his lap and cockwarm the shit outta him, you feel me?

and ofc this is gna turn into another thirst for stepbro leon bc why else wld i be here 🤭 i just imagine like, leon trying to study for college exams or smth and reader is laying on his bed, scrolling on her phone, bored out of her mind before suddenly feeling that familiar neediness springing up when she looks over at leon, sat at his desk, studying his books and notes, man spreading a lil in his chair and looking so studious, and asks, “leon..can you take a break? i need you” she says while pouting but only gets a, “no, sweetheart, i’m sorry, but finals are coming up” (this just reminded me that i have finals coming up too NOOOO💔💔💔) and ofc she’s whining and making somewhat of a fuss abt it but is just getting ignored by him which slightly annoys her before she tosses her phone aside and gets him, crawling under his arms and sitting in his lap. at this point, leon just lets her do it since she isn’t really doing much. right? WRONG. she starts to quietly whine in his ear, talking abt how much she needs him and it gets to the point that it’s annoying him that he eventually grabs her by her throat with a mean glare and a slight squeeze

“you wanna be a needy slut, huh? want my cock so bad?”

and she just nods eagerly, thinking she finally got her way as he pulls his pants down, pulls her shorts and panties down to just hang off her ankle before sliding his cock into her already soaking wet hole before cooing at her with mock sympathy, “there, happy?” but she’s just too cockdrunk to pick up on it as she nods and tries to move against him, but before she can even move so much as an inch, he’s holding her hips harshly and bruises are probably going to show up later

“you have my cock, now be a good girl and sit still, or you won’t get anything”

and she’s on the verge of crying out about how unfair he’s being before she sees the look in his eyes, as if daring her to disobey him before she meekly nods and tries her best to not move around as leon goes back to studying, thrusting up occasionally just to get a little reaction out of her before going completely still again

😵‍💫😵‍💫 brainrot, SORRY IF ITS NOT GOOD I AM NOT A WRITER😓😓 i was also having thoughts abt exec!leon fucking virgin!reader bc i can not get that one part of the fic outta my head..but that’s gna hv to wait for another time bc i hv a 5 page rough draft to write for my writing class tomorrow😀😀👍

-🪷

🪷 anon, never apologize for writing because you’re brain has beautiful thoughts 😵‍💫 😵‍💫 (and like a link to that mod vid—for scientific purposes of course 😌 😜 )

And you wanna know what’s insane?? I’m literally in the middle of writing a cockwarming fic for stepdad Leon 😱 so surprise I guess *jazz hands* 😜

But oof Stepbro Leon making her sit there while he studies for finals 🥴 🥴 I’m gonna have to take this and add it to my list (which is predominantly Stepbro Leon; he got everyone in a chokehold 🤤)

Haha no worries!! Thank you for sharing cause that’s so hot like it’s not even funny 🥵 🥵 and exec Leon is way more popular than I thought he’d be (very pleasantly surprised! 💜) and good luck with your rough draft!!! 💕

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Hi! If you aren’t busy can I request Fyodor and Dazai with prompt 6? ( sfw )

also have a lovely summer and take good care of yourself whenever you can!

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs Pairings:Dazai X Fem!reader Genre:Fluff,Comedy,Angst Format:One Shot Warnings:a tiny bit of Nsfw content in the middle,but nothing too fancy,mentions of giving birth,mentions of women's private part,cursing,slight Angst maybe…? Word Count:778 A/n: ofc honey! tbh im a bit bruned down on Fyodor so I just went and wrote Dazai instead! hope you don't mind <3 this is not proofread,and English isn't my main language so sorry if theres any mistakes in the content below

my 100 follower Event!

During the last nine month,Dazai has learned one thing: Pregnant women are scary. "Goddammit!it hurts!" you said,while pressing your husbands hand,gazing at your doctor who was sitting in front of you, with a furious look on your face. "Its ok Mrs.Dazai.just a few more pushes and the baby will come out" the doctor said,while looking at your vagina which was getting wide open, because of the contractions you were experiencing. "what do you mean,"the baby will come out"? am I some sort of gum machine to you?" "what?no…its just how it works" "I don't care about how it works! just hurry up and get him out of me already!" you said,getting angrier,which made your face even redder than it was before. the doctor didn't say anything,but you could easily read his mind through his annoying gaze. what a loving mother. Dazai exchanged a look between you two,and got closer to you. "honey,why are you arguing with your doctor?" "shut up you horny peace of meat! what kind of dumbass would get his wife pregnant on their wedding night?" well,Dazai did,obviously. you sent daggers towards him and then closed your eyes,letting the memory of that night surround you. you,in a long,fabulous dress,with a light make up on,your hair waved down,freely dancing in the wind,were the definition of one word. breathtaking. Dazai was literally dying.being your husband was one of the best things that could've ever happen to him,but he wanted more. he was greedy.for your love,your body,your amazing scent. and of course that made him lose his mind when the ceremony ended and you two became alone. you were going insane,from the pleasure he was giving you.he didn't even let you take a break,was on top of you all the time, thrusting into you while whispering sweet things into your ear that made your heart beat even faster,just like the first time you layed eyes on each other. "taking me so well,my pretty wife.you look like a real fucking saint,making me want to become a sinner" he breeded you and breeded you and breeded you, and the results is what youre witnessing at this moment. "honey,im here for you! just hang in there a bit more and it'll be over before you know it" well,easy for him to say.nothing alive was going to come out of his holes.

"hes almost here!push!" you gripped the mattress under you while starting to curse your husband that made you go through all this shit.you were still young,too young to get stuck with a baby and give up on your job,and your dreams. "I hate you Osamu!im going to ask Chuuya to murder you if I make it out of here alive!" Dazai nervously laughed and put his hand on your shoulder. "ok baby.come out of here alive and you can do whatever you want" "ugh! its…all your falt! oh my god its coming out of me!" the doctor carefully placed his hands under your baby boys body. "one last push ma'am and its over!" "aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh my goddddddd I swear to god Osamu im going to cut your dick off when I get out of here!" you were going blind.it felt weird,it felt painfull,it felt unfair, and all these negative feelings ended when you heard your son cry. he was here,in your doctors arms,crying as he was meeting this unfamiliar place for the first time,gasping at the strange feeling of breathing the air for the first time he was experiencing. he was red,a few drops of blood in his belly, he looked beautiful. and you were the one who gave birth to this beautiful angel. "Osamu…look at him!" you whispered,unaware of your eyes that were raining heavily while looking at your son. you were a mom now. Dazai smiled at the sight in front of him.he was a dad now,and things were about to change because of the arrival of this little angel to your life.he wanted to get better for you two, he will get better for you two. he placed a kiss on your forehead,getting a hold of your hand that was shaking from the experience you went through a few minutes ago. you didn't realize it,but you became a bit weak. "I know baby…I know.thank you for doing this,now get some rest, Im sure he doesn't want his mommy to become sick,right?"

reblogs are wildly appreciated <3

[allamericansbitch]

So you can either ignore this whole ask or only answer certain aspects because I totally get if you don't want to.

While you were gone/your inbox was closed, there were ofc (as always) a lot of things happening in the fandom and there aren't many blogs line you that have constructive criticism (someone who can criticise taylor when it's due but not blame her for unnecessary things) so all the blogs and in general everywhere I was on (tiktok, twitter, etc) was either completely babygirling taylor for her actions or hating her for every single breath she was taking. So I have some following things that happened in the last two weeks and if you'd like to, I'd love to hear your honest opinion on them and if you think criticising taylor for these things is valid.

1. "Taylor is a mean girl because she dragged Lana on the stage when she won aoty and made fun of her since she was nominated in the same category."

2. Taylor's gonna bash/drag the hell out of Joe in the new album. It's unfair when she names songs like 'So long London' when he was there for her when the whole world hated her."

3. "Taylor (apparently) smoking at the superbowl after party in the club while she knew people were recording her is so irresponsible and she's such a bad role model for young girls when she smokes in public"

Please don't feel pressured to reply to all of these and if it makes you uncomfortable, dont reply at all :) Love you <3

I think this is fine to answer because tbh i think all of this is pointless and has no merit.

it bothers me more that taylor is friends with lana, who's a zionist and racist (also other things), and actively praised her during her speech. i feel like that's the issue people should've focused on.

Taylor has every right to write about her life and going through a breakup of a 6+ year relationship is hard for anyone, so of course she's gonna cope with it the way she knows best which is through writing. the real issue is how the fans act/react to it. they act like her emotions are just 'tea' and that they should fight anyone who does her wrong, just overall being incredibly immature and disrespecting her art and craft. it's one thing to listen to the album (what we assume it'll cover topic-wise) and be like 'oh this is why the relationship ended, this is how she felt at certain moments and im sure he also has his side', that's healthy and mature... it's another thing to be like 'he never valued her, he was terrible, joe is a terrible person i cant believe him she's so innocent and hurt' and that's the way it's probably gonna go, just immature mindsets, making blind and harmful assumptions, infantilizing her and her role in the breakup, diminishing her songwriting to map out a relationship no one truly knows about, and never actually will. they disguise their behavior as analyzing her art when in reality they're just analyzing gossip and reducing her art to feed their parasocial behavior.

she's a grown woman who can do as she pleases, there are way more important things to be angry about, from her own actions that are actually serious to just around the world.

[jaeger-pups]

Eren sending Zeke selfies when he needs some mild validation attention.

E: which is better?

Z: ?

E: which pic.

E: pick one.

E: my bad if ur at work...

Z: I'll be off soon so it's fine

Z: you look amazing in both though

E: amazing? Lol really?

Z: ofc ;)

E: yea but you always say that. how'm I supposed to believe you? 😅

Z: you never take a bad pic.

E: ur right lol. It's my good genes. From mom.

Z: ur not wrong 😏

E: you really like both tho? :o

Z: yea Eren. Ur pretty.

Z: as if you don't know lol

E: ...guess I just like hearing you say it.

E: or... seeing you type it? 😅

Z: ah. That what it is? ;)

Z: I like what you did w/ your hair. It's different.

E: me too. I finally got it down so I can do it myself.

E: Mikasa or mom used to have to help me.

Z: yea? it looks really good.

E: thank you, big brother ☺️

Z: I need to pick you up after I'm off?

E: Eh? :o what for?

Z: thought you might wanna come over? Aggravate me for a bit? 🙃

E: lol you just wanna hang out w me

E: that's so sweet 💕

Z: unless you have plans, which is fine

E: no no I'm free, heh☺️

E: we can hang out

E: hope work was ok

Z: it was.

Z: 😁better after your selfies tho.

E: 😌stoppit.

Z: im serious lol

Z: no one compares

E: hm. 😇 I have more.

Z: oh?

E: yea...

Z: sfw, or...?

E: not at all sfw actually. 😌

Z: ah. 😏 ok.

Z: so I should definitely come get you once I finish here at work, hm?

E: If I don't send them before then👀

Z: ...I've still got like twenty minutes left here💀

E: plenty of time 😇 I've got some good ones

Z: you could torture me like that w/ no reservations? Im a little disappointed, Eren.

E: you'll get over it 🤭 you love me

Z: I do. But don't think I haven't noticed how you like to use it against me

Z: I know what you're up to, little brother 😏

E: up to?? What an unfair assumption

E: I had no hidden agenda here 😭

Z: sure. Cus its not like you don't have friends you could've messaged w/ the same curiosity (if that's all it was)

E: yea but your responses are more... idk.

E: you tell me the things I wanna hear ig

E: when I need to hear them.

Z: so I'm special, am I? Lol

E: just a little ig...

Z: you're so fucking cute.

E: ✨️😇 hnngh, yea stuff like that~

Z: I mean it.

Z: better hurry w/ those pics. on my way in fifteen

E: hehe ok. I'll send the ones I took last night. They're just for you tho. Kay?

Z: right cus I've only got dozens of friends who I cannot wait to enlighten abt the nature of how close me & my younger brother have gotten 🤔

E: don't be a smartass 🫤

Z: 😅 my apologies, Princess.

Z: big brother would be honored to have a look at your pics.

E: that's better, thank you.

[omophagic-beast]

alright lets talk ttrpg goals for 2023! this post is about games im writing that i want to finish this year, ill make another one for games i want to play in 2023.

i have. so many half finished games. in fact i even have several games that are written!! they just need to be laid out and put out there. so heres the goals and the order for said goals

1- Record Collection 2K23, and the yet-unnamed game for it that ive been writing up over the past few weeks. part tarot-driven game, part... play? there’s stage directions in there in any case

its based off the four wind albums by the Oh Hellos, later on the two characters in the play only talk to eachother via lyrics from each album, moving through the seasons as they move through their story.

ofc i want to finish this one during the jam, which means by the end of january. very much pushing myself to just Get It Out There and not worry so much about it being exactly what i want, because i can always come back and update it later. its horribly (affectionate) self indulgent already so to b clear i am writing this game for Me, so the only person who needs to like it at any point is Me :3

2- There Is An Anger Inside Of You. ive been noodling at this game for over a year now, with the creation date on the word doc being may of 2021. its done!!! its finished, i swear to god, i just need to lay it out, and i already know how im going to do that i just need to *grabs myself by the shoulders* fucking do it

its a game about being angry when youre not able to express it, the struggle of keeping your anger under wraps being played out as a rather unfair game of chess. and i am going to get it out by the end of february.

3- The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused, a hack of For The Queen based on the short story The Lady or The Tiger. its another one that is currently completely written out, but rather than laying it out and getting it out there my goal with this one is to get it formatted for playtesting. its a three player game, players taking on the role of either The Lady, The Tiger, or The Accused, and answering the prompts as such. i really love it, but it needs to be played by people and revised before ill feel comfortable declaring it finished.

also, i want to actually crowdfund and print this one, with art and editing and maybe some pretty extras and such. so my goal is to start playtesting it by my birthday, the 17th of march. after that... im not sure! crowdfunding it by the end of the year would be wild i think, since, in true For The Queen style, id love to get a gaggle of artists to draw Princess cards for it, and that takes time! so the goal is more to have it ready for crowdfunding by the end of this year, and if that happens sooner then thats cool and good!

4- Someones Simple Book of Spells Volume One: Paper. This one is also FULLY WRITTEN *sounds of agony in the distance* i just need to LAY IT OUT

and honestly since i already know how i want to lay it out lets put this one for the end of april. yes this is pretty much a game a month for the next bit but theyre all SO CLOSEEEE to being done anyways its just that final push, i could accomplish most of these goals in a weekend if i just did it so. im going to!! do it!!!

5- ok finally, one thats actually not almost finished, its The Center of the Known Universe. a small anthology of games originally started for the weird west jam but never finished.

its got some of my favorite concepts ive ever thought of though, a game about aliens freezing time in a small western town and LARPing as cowboys, two wild west wizards battling it out at high noon, a game about supernatural cowboys falling in love while experiencing all the seasons of the desert, and more. its a love letter to the small desert town i currently live in, and i want to see it come into being. im going to give myself the summer for this, lets say the goal is to have the full first draft written by september. i also would love for this one to go into print, so a secondary goal is to have it ready to crowdfund in time for ZineMonth 2024, so february of next year.

i think thats probably all the projects i can set goals for this year, october-december is always very busy for me so im not gonna set anything besides the two i want to get ready for crowdfunding in 2024, though i do have several other half written games lying about (looks nervously at my over-4000 word “ttrpg ideas” doc).

maybe ill get into the swing of actually finishing games and get to them as well! but if not thats just fine :3

you can always find all my games over on the Grey Jay Games itch.io page, and i may make a sideblog just for GJG, but for the moment all game news and stuff from me will be right here @resident-corvid​

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

its really still a problem. i am reading mark aurel which is all about focusing on urself and pracising kind hearted not comparing urself too others not envy and so on and then this stunning stunning stunning young woman comes, dark hair teint skin beuatifuk mouth beuatofuk smile suoer young oerfect akin very beautifuk body but akk in a very subtle way. she smiles to me i smile bavk i admire her but and this sistrubs me i still envy her. i wish i had her beauty and her eaziness soorit the effortless sex appeal. next to her i feek old, wasted and kind of trying to be ridicule. i need to wear rhose toght things to he recognized I need to really ahoe my hody but she is not doing anything kf jt and still glowing. but it ahoukd he omay and i ahoukd not feek bad aboht mysekf just because she js suoer stunning. why am i doing it. its all just to put myself down. but i knkw irs a fact a fact i just oainky should accept and mkve on. be grateguk for the bidy i am in as i an prraching everyday and saying hoe much i love myself now. apparently i am not there yet. hiw can i get over it and just recognize and cherish her beuaty fulk stop. i dont hate her fir being behaitfuk i just wish it coukd be me instead. i think my kifr woukd be so much better if i looked like that but what woukd be better? i know she is a beautifuk kind soul the way she smiles gives jt off. its not like i would be taking this beautiful body and losing a beautiful character bc she clearly has it all…so what am i scared for. the man or woman I like, likes her better fir her beauty and her character? so it be, then it simply means they are a better match. if she is oreferred for something like getting into a club I am not, so it be. it is not my oath to be in this club as it is not my path to be with this person. but then how to jot feel sorry for urself as it all just seems unfair. and i think this is the crucial part. everythingabout us is beautiful if we are doing it with a compass liek mark aurek out of honesty purity and kind hearted ness every little thought ( it is okay to be jealous I am not there yet) but I am really trying. I might bit get into the club, i should say c’est la vie, and might go hoke with a fresh mind crrating something amazing. it has the same value. or does it not? therr is no such thing as objectively speaking thats why POV became such a thing i guess but yes. lets try to oretend objectively which means a lot kf opinions gathered she is getting into the club meeting tons of amazing oeiple and sancing to incredibke music. over girl going home and chilking thwre no ine cates aboht her. but it is also with what aurek says caring about what ithers think and do its espeically the problem!! I inky have my now and here out if my eyes and my heart and it is supposed to be like that. and ofc im thinkinf hundert peopke consider it to he better like this or like that basically this is how democracy works, how can I vakidate my own opinion as much as them 100 if it comes to, it is the same good to be rejected and go hike than be in the club? its the same old same okd question about. which opinion values how can i crrate my value without the measurements of others. i am always coming to this. i sint want peiple to think i am a narcisisit egoman if i dont give a fuck aboht theyre opinions amd weigh mine way higher. it is trucky to maneuver in that mindest without becomung ignorant. but at the same time i dont want to live through grow through prosper thorigh affirmation hell no that aounds like hell. i want to affirm mysekf. it is maybe because ut is the sustainabke way. when we think about rivers and flyids which i cam to visualize when we had a saying about einfluss neglej und beeinflussen which also inckudes the river interesntinfky and aurel is talking alout aboht the stream and i think it is pary of live as blood is streaming through our veines and we need ghe water and the fluids, the circulation is life. bht coming back to the asoect of sustainabikty. listen imagine your own body giving ur own body ur own bacteria ur own blood cells when we tal

lol my paragrpah was maxed oht i do too much bla bla. but yes if we i somt want to go into biologism to much i never want to dsocirmante bodies espeicalky when it comes to genetics we always have to he carefuk to not get into any natuonalism discimnating fucked up shit. but I think my own body loves theri own system the most and it csn get a lot of her own system. its a little bit maybe kets talk about skin its better. my dahrer always refused to wash us too much as babies and in general he as this pladoyer: ur own bidy crrates fat that oeitect the skin, washing it away sith oerfumed shampoo gel to then out chemical body lotion sossnt seem to be an enhancement for the skin seems pretty ligicak to me. I mean everyone has their own bekiefs and ways but I kove to appreciate what my vody creates and what my body does. I know i am talking aboht an abled healthy skin ans i know some peiple just love to smeell like thousand rose leafs. byt i find that metaphor pretty good for also souk stuff. what my own body gives to my body is because it is healthy important disclaimer sensefull and good for me. it pribably matches my needs better than any artificial or natural product which fits affirmation from outside. of course fhe cream snells nice i feek fresh but then, my bidy get used to this crram wnats more of this crram and stips crrating its own fat to protect the skin maybe. I always have to buy this cream and its exterior, it will never last. i need it nee alk the time

i need rhat affirmation it feeks good but it wont last, my own afformation whereby comes naturally fits my needs and it is independent on any outer things. and this is why the value for me of my own affirmation wighs heavier than any of other people. i feel free and i feel good avoht jt but ifc still i am here comoaring mayelf to a maybe 19 year old woman that i wikk never be and never was. and its okay like fhaf but i need ti remind myself and i am disappointed inmyself still that it affects me so much and my head us gilled aitb it instead kf kther thints. but at the same time i lay down write this down and reflect on it so i hope i pray but i also

know that the next time i get inti a situation like that ill feel differently. I see feel hear taste the world thourgh my eyes and I love that I appreciate so many good food so much so many nice music ao many beuatofuk animals buidlings chikdrens families situations ( sometimes i dont of course madness, sexism, racism exploitation hatred and injsutice of the workd) but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this. trhough my mind baby through my mind and love ur mind, it diesnt mean you think her mind sucks, it is beautifuk for sure, but its her mind her life her feelings hers and its good to see ssomeone havinf it like that its just an insoiratuon and a joy if beuaty and smiles which is for free and contagious( but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this.

[anakinskywalkerog]

omg no way tumblr never bothered to tell me you replied. plus why is nothing showing up in my following feed??? a bone to pick for next time ig

ahaha i missed this too you're so good with advice! ❤ and thank you hehe i have been informed the new pfp it a character calld lust from an anime called fullmetal alchemist, but i just like the aesthetic

it really is and thank youuuuu! im sure it will! *sends ✨good luck✨*

hmm i dont wanna obsess over han at all, because first of all, ELI! that would be unfair. and han is sort of crazy, anyways. i am listening to i can see you from speak now tv but i shouldnt because it reminds me of han. it also reminds me of anakin. very anakincore track. i cant help it though, i can see you is so good, although it gives more of a reputation vibe than speak now tbh. still love it anyways and thank mother taylor for it. are you enjoying speak now tv? what's your favourite track? i think im enjoying mine, mean and back to december, but everything is ofc v nice! wish we had a mine pop mix tv and some more beat to enchanted, but its perfect as it is!

yess "there will be plenty more guys 😂 trust me." that's exactly what i thought, too! like, he's here now, but someday there's going to be someone else EXACTLY like that. although it might not be so bad if i did make a decision influenced by him because he and i have a similar objective - physics/engineering degree at oxford/cambridge so its a win-win no matter which way i go ig. plus we're academic rivals. competition is the norm for us. but about intrigue with han...

"oh? whos your friend? (i asked han to pose for one of my snaps hehe) is this friend good-looking?"

... dude? like, WHAT? that sounds like pretty blatant flirting to me.

but lets not forget that once we were in the corridor and bro leaned in super close (keep in mind this was months ago and this was in the middle of like 15 other people anyways) and i leaned away out of reflex 😂 i think he looked at me later with a very patronizingly disappointed

kinda expression. i think that was a test, and i failed miserably but thats fine 💀

eli really is we even have loads of similar interests!

yw and sameee! it is hehe she even send me memes and is a pedro pascal stan (as she should. pedro pascal is an icon. love him) ! very happy with that

oh no, is everything okay? can i do anything to help? if it helps, my life is only peaceful because i am in isolation from all friends, hehe i need time to regenerate. i am an ambivert at heart. my extrovert meter needs to recharge lmaooo

also, a part of me wonders if cranberry is mad at me? basically, he aksed me to write a steamy story abt him and han (thyre best friends) and didnt want his gf to find out incase she thought he was weird (bro she already does. shes ur gf. she knows what weird she signed up for smh)

anyways i made a small oopsie. i asked some people to critique it for me, and one of those poeple may have been the girl from my diary, whos friends with cranberry's gf, and who previously told machete i liked him when i wanted it to be a scret and explicitly told her so, and the one who i knew cannot be trusted with secrets because she will tell someone and lie about it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

anyways cranberry was annoyed (and understandably so.) he said his gf was mad at him (impossible - if she was, shed be mad at ME first cos thats how women are. better than revenge is living proof. but she isnt! ) and i get it, but then people stop being mad, right? i mean, ive been really mad at him too, for a variety of reasons. i forgave him though and he didnt even apologize like i did! but he seemed normal at prom perhaps a bit icy? a guy friend told me im overthinkinngit and while he may have been annoyed it doesnt mean hd stop being friends with me or anything, and that he definitely wouldnt stay mad because its not a big deal.

but i texted him cranberry with a pretty obvious joke and he didnt even find it funny??? like thats HIS sort of joke??? how does he ot find that funny??? my friend says he must be mad then, but says theres the chance he just didnt find it funny?

like, i get it, but i want to make amends! and i wont even see cranberry in person so i can never tell. but if he was mad, he wouldve blocked me, or left me on delivered, or just opened. but he even sees my stories n stuff!

plus his friends would be mad if something happened. like guys are super gangy like that. but his friends are not mad at all, like han and this other guy are totally normal and no one sad that. even when han brought it up the day after the whole thing, he didnt imply it was serious and just dropped it after joking around abt it.

my friend did say if i was friends with cranberrys friends, it doesnt mean they have to be mad, but what if cranberry and his gf broke up over something as stupid as a joke???? and it was my fault??? i would feel awful and i cant even tell or say sorry.

nor can i ask han over text cos then hed tell cranberry and itd be weird. and i cant ask eli cos i dont want to set a bad rep.

he texted about it and i delved into a tiny argument he said its fine but "just think more next time". i think he and han both know i didnt mean for this to happen and that it was a genuine accident, but people gte hurt over things even if they know it wasnt meant to hurt them. shoulve said no is proof of this.

but they did send me a video of them reading the story together [cranberry and his friends, it was han who filmed (i did ask them to film their reaction)] and cranberry was cracking up as he read it! if he was mad he wouldve abandoned it. but they sill seemed to love it. surely if cranberry was mad at me, then that wouldnt have happened?

jesus christ, thats LONG. i apologize for troubling you, i didnt think itd get this long! its just been on my mind :( ironically it happened yesterday just after i was so happy. ugh. boys are awful

yes haha thank youuu :) if you're okay with my constant somewhat accidental drama dumps, i definitely will :D

love you and stay safe x

hi sythe so sorry it took me so long to respond to this!

I hope all is well with Eli. but GIRL have I been listening to “I Can See You” sooooo much it’s literally the delulu girl anthem! I love it. having a little crush on Han just adds some spice!! there’s nothing wrong with a little seasoning to an otherwise boring existence 😂

I am okay 🩵 just really been struggling with my OCD lately. I hope it gets better soon.

no fuckinf WAY cranberry asked you to write a steamy story!!? girl that is NOT platonic. what are these men doing out here 😂😂😂😂 but I agree, very unlikely that he is mad at you

I love the drama dumps, I wish we could vent together for real because I have been ALL over the place with my drama lately 😅 but it’s fine, it adds the comedy. i’m watching my own life like a work of absurdism. I would absolutely recommend that strategy.

[banghwa]

Hi. Honest question because I'm struggling with it. And I know I'm not the only one because I've seen quite a few people speak up about it here. How do you manage to enjoy face and everything about it so freely without being bitter about how the previous releases were treated compared to it? Is it just your love for jimin? In which case idk why it doesn't work for me since I love jimin too. Or is it because you don't think those things are important? It's just so unfair, the way I see it. And sometimes I think maybe these things aren't that important but then I think that they might be important to the members because their art is their life and then I get sad. Idk if they themselves see what's going on, they can't be blind and not see it right?

I can't believe that it is as clear as day, the way the different albums were treated differently, and yet people pretend it's not the case (I'm not talking about you here! But you know, the fandom has always said everything was the members' choice and therefore everything is perfect which is. Not.) So how do you do it?

ooooooh please i am so bitter i just cant say anything abt it bcs im too exhausted to deal w ppl accusing me of being a solo over it :'))) im still like. rly upset over how the jitb roll out went and the thing is i know im not imagining it bcs even non-bts fans have been weirded out by the sheer irresponsibility behind it. which i think that might help ? in a weird way? the fact that it was so clearly mismanaged to the point that ppl outside of the fandom took note of it means that we are rightfully concerned about it. and every subsequent release just further proves it. so to me idk i just feel resigned. like yeah ofc we knew all along thats what this was. and i think those of us who have been into bts for a while were unfortunately not that shocked that every single subsequent release no matter how small got smt bigger than he did. like idk its a day in the life of a hoseok fan i think to me in a weird way made me relax a bit bcs like. i can no longer be disappointed lol. it also helps that i have a rly good and positive but appropriately critical circle of ppl i follow who are on one hand never shy to speak their honest thoughts while authentically enjoying other things. so its a space that makes it rly easy to feel like my bitterness and disappointment is justified all the while feeling like im still allowed to enjoy things at the end of the day im still incredibly sad that i will never have a jitb physical to play on my cd player or a photobook to look through but. idk theres nothing i can do abt it theres nothing that can be done abt it anymore. admittedly though it all makes it rly hard to buy other physicals :(( that still doesnt feel right :((

[gayspock]

ok but other thoughts

like i alreadyyyy said a bit about it but what also kinda irrrritates me about the d'argo / chiana / jothee is that theyre all SUCH good characters, and for them to be tangled up in this laziness... ARGHHH!

bc its CLEAR they only did it to like act as a catalyst for d'argo/chiana relationship problems and to write jothee out of the show .... and for what!!! for what man!

d'argo/chiana ALREADY HAD much more organic problems you could explore. but tbh u didnt even botherrrr to build the relationship properly... so like ofc you couldnttt really explore those, either, and instead had to contrive some bs....

meanwhile d'argo, up until this point, his wholeee arc in the whole show has been about him fighting so hard to find jothee- so you're really going to write him out like that, in the space of a few episodes? its disappppointtting. bc, like, i WANT strife between them; i want the struggle, of them not seeing eye-to-eye, bc of course they dont with what they went through...

LIKE. thats genuinely an interesting conversation to explore families separated, unwillingly. the conversations around cultural genocide. how jothee can never be the son he lost, and expected to return to him - and has instead had a very hard fucking life. struggling to piece themsleves back together. how jothee is cold, and doesnt understand his heritage- but also kind of has every right to be self-preserving at this point.... LIKE COME ON. SOO much wasted potential

i really justdont want d'argo fr to become worf 2.0 where literally there's a good, and complex father-son story IN THERE but the writers literally just shove the kid into a cupboard and forget they exist and never bring it up ever again until they get bored, like... its such a disservice man.

and i thought jothee was REALLY great when first introduced- like he felt... very balanced and realised, do you know whatr i mean? i think younger characters, and/or the "children" of main characters are the hardest to get right, or at the v least tv struggles a LOT with them. not that jothee is that young, but like... again even just as the kid (or, really any random introduced relation - this happens with fridged wives, etc. a lot too) of an mc - so often, they're reduced to just motivations for the main character in question, don't really have their own agency, and just become weird... kind of one note personalities or exist just to cause problems which inherently makes them annoying which is sooo unfair but like

jothee really DID not wholly feel like that. he had his own personality that made senseeee... WHYYYY CHUCK IT AWAY.

bc then again i also also ALSSOOO said i did prefer him/chiana then d'argo/chiana IF you gave me, like, a blank slate. they make more sense to me and i find them more compelling - although that might be because they didnt have a chance to doa botched run at them, like how they have with chiana/d'argo. like i JSUT. AHRGH.

whole thing is sloppyyyy....

i was gioing 2 rant about chiana too but im running out of steam BC i love her and i love the exploration of her, and her sexuality more but ARGHGHHGHGH .A RHRHHG. HRHHA

whatevernight night

[userblaney]

racism rant part 23456786543245

the double standards are through the fucking ROOF. it actually makes me want to fucking strangle someone. if i get called 'racist, and anti white' for saying that white ppl cannot experience racism and get held back when i have another lesson????? then a pasty ass dude call me, the n word (im fucking brown anyway) IN FRONT OF A TEACHER?? AND NOT FACE ANY CONSEQUENCES??? and if i report them?? i'm 'mistaken' and hes 'just uneducated'??? number one. educate them?? number 2. thats unfair???? these incidents happened when i was 14 btw. but do u know what is even more painful?? when ppl 100% know what they are doing, what theyre saing and the meanings of theyre actions and consequences. im talking about higher ups, teachers, slt members, shopkeepers, all that. it makes me so fuckING MADDDD. im in a class with one of my friends. she has a pretty noticeable indian accent bc she yk. moved here from india less than 2 yrs ago?? but her english is perfectly understandable. yet this bitch (ofc middle aged cishet white man) decides to pretend he has no clue what shes saying. anD PROCEEDS TO MOCK HER??? the audacity he has. hes also called me the saddest and most awkward person ever for waiting for him to fimish his converstaion. which ok yeah i am, however if alex (white kid) waits for him to finish his convo before asking something. hes polite and well behaved and praised like crazy. its not much but its very worthy of a fucking boot in the face. and if i report him?? im disrespectful. ofc i am. its jus banta inni. cant u take a joke? NOT IF ITS FUCKING RACIST I CANRT. oh yeah dont even count the number of times ive been called paki. another huge thing, im sure poc would relate to (specifically 1st gen immigrants) is being underestimated like fucking CRAZYYY dont even lieeee. when i was in primary, i was rlly good at readinf so like everytime i had a sub or wtvr yeah theyd always b like omg ur english is so good!! no shit i was born here. ur accent is rlly welsh omg i thought itd be different!! no shit i was born here. do you understand what that means?? yeah dw. my personal fave is one where ur doin sumt wrong or zoned out like ill give u an example. the local co op makes a queue for the skl kids since its right by our skl and i was waitin once bc i had to get milk n eggs on my way home innit then. i had a major migraine so i was zonin out all day and i happened to zone out while second in the q. then i was allowed in then for abt 30 secs i dint realize, then atp someone nugded be from behind so. i went in. then the security guard asked me if spoke english??? even tho id spoken to him on previous days bc im a rlly regular visitor???? anyway long story short, id been called a 'fuckin immigrant' but yeah. i'm just mad bc how can ppl who we are supposed to trust treat us like that and thing thats ok????? yeah its nutn new k bye

[salt-volk]

post 705470921409019904   bc u have to PAY for monthlies u cant just earn them from gameplay. we need item that are easy to get yet also go up in value over time. every other game i play has these thing as a reward for long term & consistent players!

if the ONLY shit that retains value is premium/paid content then of course the economies fucked bc the only ppl who can make longterm value investment are those who are already well off. limited/retiring item earned from special prizes, chance event, quests, & gaemplay are essential for allowing ftp players to still get itmes that appreciate in value & be able to keep on par with premium paying users (bc then even if they dont spend money they can still have item that ppl will want).

part of dvs economy being so shit is bc u cannot "play the market" much the way u mgiht some other games. literally nearly every item is either 1. completely worthless junk that will return every year & already exists in abundance OR  2. its paid premium shit that only gets traded for other paid premium shit. rarely are there any "mid tiere value" items in between that can be leveraged by folk in the middle.

i think in retaliation to customs & monthies seeming too inacessible we went so far in the other direction that now all other items is TOO acessible which only makes the problem worse (if the ONLY valuable items are super hard to get or paid, then its impossible for ppl who dont have acess to those to "work their way up". if this was balanced by having more free/cheap to get yet also valuable items, then custom & monthlies would actually become MORE  acessible to the avg player bc they could get their hands on non-monthly non-custom items that still genuinely have value & could be traded for higher value thing.)

limited item does not always = bad & exclusionary. it can be a part of healthy economy & even a way to help limit exclusivity by giving ftp players economic mobility just for actually playing the game.

i think when ppl talk abt wanting more limited items they mean stuf like this. not more monthiles. but shit that can serve as ACTUAL reward for gameplay. right now participating in event, story quests, & even getting random chance pop up are all boring/un exciting bc once u have one set of the item thats all u ever need, theyre all worthless, retain no value, & nothing feels like an actual sruprise or a reward. theres no incentive to participate bc everything is easy & already handed to u.

dv userbase seems to be such weird mix... ppl who want to own every single item in the game with no effort & no exclusiveity but then also complain abt there being nothing to do, no long term gameplay goals, event reward feel lacking, & how boring it is between content drops. but usually part of the motivation/goals & participation feeling worthwhile on other games is BC u have to work a lil to collect things. exctiement of earning prize that gain in value, making sure ur present to collect event rewards bc the ones will be diffrent next year, new itme u strategize to trade for. & when u lack all of that ofc its gonna feel more boring.

tho obv thats not main issue with the site & im not sayin anyone is wrong for feeling that way i thinkit can def be hard to strike balance between "enough exclusivity to feel fun & motivating" vs "so much that it just feel unfair" but my point is just that right now we really need some "mid tier" limited items (that ARENT locked behing million potatoes worth of item alchemy lmfao) to balance the market & put free player on equal footing in the economy. stuff that appreciates in value & makes rewards actually feel special/worthwhile bc one day u can trade/sell it for something cooler! yk?

idk as a ftp player myself to me at least that would help playing dv actualy feel worht it.

[atherix0]

Very exciting news - i converted my main tumblr blog because it was supposed to be a blog for me to try and post about writing and became inundated w minecraft boys so here we are - feral mumbo anon is off anon >:) now i no longer have to worry about hitting the button hehehe

UH SO GRIAN AND MUMBO???? Gayer than hell. Gayer than the devil himself. No normal person sees an ex-engagement gift in their friend's bag and go 'no hes MINE' BOYS THATS GAY YOU ARE BEING GAY

Also all of scars backstory aaaaah. Did i wake up at 3 am and read this again so my thoughts are incoherent at best yes. But lil baby scar and cub were so cuiuuute oh my god two lil 7 year olds just out here makin it til they break it

I do love how the entire time scar was like "I am Aware cub and I share a birthday [i think???], got 🌟 randomly 🌟 paired up as kids, are two entirely different classes, and debuted super early. And hes so smart. And somehow an arranged marriage never crossed his mind. Jesus the DEVASTATION

Also the awkward teen kisses were everything tbh. I love when teenagers are like "*shuffles nervously* i know what im doing" bless them.

But scar???? Telling off the entire elven court in front of them and getting free because of Cleo??? I love it. Brave man, he deserves the world. I cant wait to meet cleo tbh, at least i hope we do. Cleo my beloved. But also i hope we meet the elven king not in a memory because something tells me bird brain and blood brain would do something drastic and dumb, like yell at him. Or punch him. 👌

But also just like, for them to get to sit their and assure scar that their friendship [and love] comes with no strings attached is everything to me. For this to be the moment both grian and mumbo are looking at each other like - "Wait a minute- Scar-?" Cannot wait for them to have that conversation tbh. Imagine looking at your boyfriend, realizing hes got feelings, and being like "oh thank god" if these two dont TALK i am gonna go MAD i am NOT a slow burn girlie pop

Oooooh nice, welcome to non-anon <3 Nice to *formally* meet you~ <3 If only I could be main blog </3

They are SO gay Grian really saw that old engagement jewelry and was like "break it break it breAK IT-" his first thought was really "hold up wait a minute just a sec wait Scar's around my age his ex whatever could still be around I don't Like That(tm)" lmao just wait until Cub actually shows up cough AND YEAH Mumbo was chill until he learned what it meant and then he just. "No" lmao

Writing Elven children is weird cuz you have to find that balance between "super formal society" and "children are children regardless" and just jgfdkl little Scar had my heart while writing <3 little Cub did too ofc just babies <3

[same birth month&year basically but close enough to same day for beings that live 700+ years <3 Elves are so long-lived that it's not UNusual to be born in the same year but definitely not the norm, but to be born in the same month is like. Very unusual <3] Have I mentioned that Scar can be so oblivious lmao BUT ALSO to be FAIR to him, he knows absolutely no one who has ever been in an arranged marriage, his cousins are between 5 and 200 years older (the King is his great great great grandfather lmao there's a lot of gens there and long lived species whoo) than him and only a handful of them are married to people they chose so poor thing literally looked at this situation like "Grandfather wouldn't invite just anyone to the Palace especially when he's so overprotective... I'm sure that doesn't mean anything for me specifically" lmao But like. For him it wouldn't have been that BAD if they had just TOLD him, because if he had known from the start he'd have seen it as him and Cub making the best of an unfair situation, but because he was never told until the engagement day every Moment(tm) between them felt like a LIE which </3 Hurts so bad- Also Scar being aware of the class difference I knew needed addressing at some point which is also why it's important that Cub made the first move, even though Cub was already aware that he would end up marrying Scar and Scar wasn't kfdsjlk

hgjkfdgjk precious children just trying to act like mature grown ups but at the end of the day they're still teenagers who have no clue what they're doing and share awkward nervous kisses <3

The fact that literally the only people who TRIED to stop him were the King, his mother and to a degree, Cub (though what was Cub going to say, I wonder...) even though the Court was full of their most immediate family? I mean. If that doesn't speak to something Scar hadn't noticed at the time- :) Cleo really had this little knobby teenager come to them with an engagement piece in his hair and break down about how his entire life has been a lie and everyone he thought loved him was just using him and said "This is not happening. Nope, not happening. Run, kid" Cleo is my absolute beloved <3 I love them. Now I wonder why Scar is so hesitant to meet up with them... :) Haha we definitely haven't seen the last of the Fae King. Unfortunately for Grian and Mumbo, if there is ever an OP character in this series, uh, it's definitely the Fae King. (Not OP enough to save Scar tho </3 rip) And meeting him might not be under the best circumstances... :) I wonder how that will be resolved, huh. I hope everyone understands Unreliable Narrator tag means Everything Is Not What It Seems while also not assuming it means the King isn't an ass at the same time

Yessssss <3 we love a good "no strings attached" love story <3 Just three guys who love each other very much and have no ulterior motives <3 HAHA yes <3 them just looking at each other like "ohh okay I see, this is good" jkgfdlkfdsk NOT A SLOW BURN GIRLIE how have you survived 90k+ words without a single Scar-Kiss <3 Did the accidental flirting and the bite tie you over my friend <3 hhhahjfd-

[justlittlekatherinethings]

(this isn’t on main bc i don’t have readmores on this mobile version of tumblr. if i can edit one in i will.) cw mental health talk & some negative self talk. and religion woes. and pandemic mention. and cancer mention. wow we are filling up the cw bingo card.

not to blog on a blogging site but the jumble of emotions rn is making me go berserk. i hate being trapped here. the natural environment where i’m at is so beautiful and calming and healing but it gets usurped by the Im gonna Die In Here vibes emanating from my parents (read: mom).

she yelled at me today because my cat was having zoomies and burst open a door upstairs that caused a loud bang and woke her up. i was on a call so i didn’t see her angry texts and apparently that set her off and she stormed upstairs to blame me for the noise. when i said it was Jasper she just got frustrated and said the meanest thing she could think of, which was ofc that I need to get a real job.

i’m sorry im not fucking hireable and still under your roof like i don’t know what to do :( i keep applying for jobs and getting denied or passed over and it’s like. you don’t think that’s frustrating for me?? is it because i don’t show it (bc you taught me how to suppress emotions to keep them safe from you?!!!) like i’m. aough.

sincerely last month i could feel the kms ache creeping back (i have normal depression but in extreme duress the pre-ideation sneaks in again) due to being stressed and the insurmountable hopelessness of it all. i’ve been equal parts guilty and frustrated with myself as well as with the state of things. had a breakdown bc it’s my birthday in a few days and for the first time ever i’ve felt this Dread with it coming. it was like at this year milestone i was supposed to have been out, on my own, doing well and thriving, but like i’m just. here. i don’t want to spend it with my family i just want to curl up alone or drown you know cixhxbdkdks ugh.

those are side tangents. the interaction was so laughably funny like bc i Happened to be awake when the crash happened means I’m failing at getting a real job? like at its core I cant help but laugh bc wtf. but you know in the aftermath i’m just shaking bc it’s so evil and gets exactly at my insecurities and guilt and inherent worthlessness and then it makes me Angry for myself that someone would dare use those to hurt me like that.

it’s such a tangled mess of things. i’ve been scared of being kicked out since i was a kid and realizing i wasn’t religious, i was gay, and that i wouldn’t have any financial support necessary to live if they got tired of me (in that order). they get pissed at me for not spending time with them, but don’t want to see or hear me or think about me unless it’s on their terms. like i’m a doll. or a hermit crab. or yup a houseplant. they don’t support my art and never have (unless it’s making what they deem to be acceptable amounts of money). they don’t think any of my interests are cool or fulfilling even if they are for me. the only thing i do for them is the bare minimum of chores and mail their letters. i’m a blight to their perfect successful family and an embarrassment when people ask about me. But Also I can’t go get a normal retail job or like leave the house to do Anything (unless it’s an errand for them) because what if I get exposed while i need to take care of my Very Paranoid and undergoing cancer treatment & surgery Grandma. that would be so unfair to her :((((( So like which is it.

i just hate living in this toxic environment and want out so badly but have been failing and keep failing at getting a job since i graduated. it translates to all this self hate and frustration because i like, should have Just Done Better or majored in something useful or i dont know not been such a depressed and anxious fuck up.

I know that isn’t being fair to myself or my mental illnesses or the State Of Things and The State of Things 2: Global Pandemic. But maybe if i had less morals in their eyes I could have been rich off of bitcoin making my own tech start up and restructuring the UN from the inside-out…and not a pest animal living in their attic who creeps downstairs to get food and disappears.

I know it’s going to Suck tomorrow and I don’t want to go to sleep and/or wake up and deal with it. I have half a mind to think I’m gonna be woken up at 7 with ice water to the face like I’m a kid again and it’s Time For Church.

Closing thought thesis i guess is that i’m just frustrated and angry and scared.

[one-abuse-survivor]

my mom is literally impossible. everything i want to do, enjoy or experience she finds some way to demotivate me or go crazy enough to deter me from it for good. im still really struggling with how to deal with it. physical stuff is so much easier to deal with than mental/emotional. tonight, for example, she starts yelling at me for not having a job, having a horrible attendance at college, and just being in bed all day, which, as i lay them out like that, they’re reasonable things to be asking your seemingly bum of a child. she goes further into comparing me to my cousin. hes doing much higher level things in college, and not only does he have a full attendace there, he has a job too, so his schedule is almost always booked. mine is not. he is an entire 9 months younger than me, which ofc gives me full seniority over him and should put me much further in life than him. at least thats what mum has consistently held over my head since the ripe age of 8. i decide to play along and question back, why doesn’t he have 3 jobs? my friend, who is 5 months older (which is a lot obvs /j) has 3 part time jobs, whilst attending full college (at a high level), and still has time for extra ciricullars. she was confused and was like ?? why are you bring this up? i tried to tell her that, theres always gonna be someone better than you, and worse than you, so its very unfair to compare yourself to others in a way that makes you both feel guilty for doing things most cant, and for not doing things most can. she very quickly changed topic but continued to bash me over the head with my constant horrible attendence, that i should be at a better place in life if I had just taken my exams and got on with things. when she says things like that it hurts and throws me into a spiral. it feels like she has all the control over whether or not i fall into the pit of depression again or not. ofc she never chooses that i don’t. im not sure if i really should be asking you for advice on how to deal with this as you arent a liscened therapist, but i really need some. every time we have one of these arguments, i feel like im 15 again, back to being suicidal and wanting to sh and just wanting to not exist anymore. i truly hate it because thats not me anymore, ive tried so hard to pull myself out of each depressive episode alone and i hate that all my hard work can be undone with a sentence from her. i cant do to her what i did to my dad. practically pretend they dont exist, never speak to them and ice them out until now we only speak once a month, if that. it sounds awful, i know, but im very proud of myself for getting to that stage with him, its hard to go no contact when you live with them. (he was very abusive, as is my mum, but he quite literally ruined my life and i have to pick up the pieces whilst he gets to enjoy himself every day. i have to watch the man who wanted to beat me, hurt me, and who yelled at me until i became suicidal, have the time of his life having a redo with my cousin, spending all of his new money on any and all his interests, and becoming closer with my sister. its literal torture.) unfortunatley still have to deal with mum. to put it coldly and horribly, shes the one with access to the heat, clothes, food, bedding, electricity,etc, i need her until i can move out. i cant really break that bond just yet as i still need her so i dont die. (ik i can be homeless and be in foster care but im lucky enough to have the choice to say no to those things so im taking advantage of it) i am sorry if this in any way comes across cold, mean, or passive agressive. the argument mentioned above happened just 20 minutes ago and its still pretty raw, and im not the best at processing my emotions lol. thank you so much for your time, i hope your evening is going great (:

Hi! Don't worry about your tone, nonnie. You're allowed to express your emotions, and especially to be frustrated and upset after what happened with your mom. All I ask is for people to remain respectful to me and anyone else who might read their ask, which you definitely did :)

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sounds really tough 😔 of course you'd rather stay with her than be homeless! I really hope you're not downplaying what she's putting you through or doubting your trauma and abuse because you're choosing to live with her. All you're doing is trying to keep yourself safe. There's nothing wrong with that.

And I also don't think it's awful that you managed to cut out your dad so successfully! It's very similar to what I did with my mother, and I honestly think you ought to be proud of yourself for taking so many steps to protect yourself in spite of how complicated it can be to cut out a parent like that.

Regarding your mum, while it's not unreasonable to want you not to be in bed all day, it IS unreasonable to verbally and emotionally abuse you because of it. She's putting you down, constantly comparing you with others, triggering you, and worsening your mental health. If she really wanted you to have a better life, she'd be offering her kindness and support—not contributing to all the reasons you're struggling right now.

I don't really have much advice, other than to tell you it's okay to set boundaries and to take any steps you can to protect yourself even if you can't cut her out yet. You're not awful for being affected by her words. You're not weak for getting triggered around her. You're not cold or mean for standing up for yourself. You don't owe her anything just because she gives you a roof and a bed, and it's okay for you to acknowledge that. Please, try to be as kind to yourself as possible until you can get out of there. You're doing your best right now. Your best doesn't have to look like anyone else's, because no one else is living their life under exactly the same circumstances as you, so please try to remember that when she compares you with others.

Sending all my support your way ❤️