#pmak rants

[pmak2002]

I will never get over this

Mostly because a true Timothee fan knows he can terribly sick from spice. I love how people are like lol I met a celebrity at my job and they didn’t get such and such.

Maybe their body can’t handle it?! Like be grateful you met them?

🤷‍♀️

[pmak2002]

All the changes in my life these past few years have been so exhausting! I’m trying to do everything right but I’m so tired from it all.

Tonight my parents reminded me how I’m not doing enough for my health or my service dog

I wonder why?

Maybe because I don’t tell you that I’m stressed out

Maybe its because I’m the oldest so I try to keep myself together so that I become so tired and hungry I can’t focus on my dog or my health.

No one notices I could be doing it because I feel I need to reward myself for putting up with so much

Maybe no one cares enough to even ask me

I’m tired it’s exhausting yes I know I can’t be fully independent on my own but can’t you see that I might actually be trying?

No you don’t you don’t because you see me bring overweight and tired.

I’m tired i work two jobs which only one is keeping me financially afloat.

I train with my service dog not at home because it’s nearly impossible to do it without her being so distracted.

Maybe when I come home from being around mutts all day to being around a purebred dog with as much energy as 16 of the dogs I work with combined I don’t have the energy by the time I come home?

Maybe I’m just so tired because I’m so fat?

Maybe I’m trying to keep myself together so I waste my money and energy on things I don’t need but want because all this change is finally breaking me?

I try to cheer myself up so I waste my money

I try to do what’s good for me but no one notices or cares enough.

Im autistic so change bothers me but of course my parents are like oh it’s not a big deal or it’s not that bad. But it is to me.

As an Autistic person change makes everything worse.

I can’t work on myself when my life is constantly changing and throwing me around like a ragdoll

But I have to accept it

Get over it

You’ll be fine

I have become what I was afraid of becoming

My life has become exhausting

I wish someone would notice that

Im trying im just so tired

It’ll never be enough but I’m trying

I’m safe just needed to rant because not too many people I can talk to IRL

[pmak2002]

Ok so I got my retainers replaced

They fell out of the case and under my bed

Now I’ll never be able to wear those again ugh 😑 and we just replaced my damaged ones

[pmak2002]

I love when I find great people and things on tumblr then the person is no longer active or deactivated their account only a day or two after I follow them

So sad 😞

[pmak2002]

Life has been exhausting lately

That’s it that’s the post

[pmak2002]

Living has become tiresome

Dad has moved

Mom’s boyfriend is an alcoholic 

I’m trying but I’m tired.

Grandpa is dead

I’m making enough money only to have to waste it on getting to work

The dog will get spayed so she can finally come to school with me but of course I worry and panic for no reason other than she is my lifeline and one of my few reasons to stay alive in the midst of my life being tossed around.

I’m tired

Oh so tired

Work on yourself so you can care for others they say

I can’t

I don’t know how

I do.

But I also don’t

I want to

But I don’t

I have to be strong and get over it

Cuz I’m an adult and life has changes

But why must they come all at once?

I’m tired

I kble what I want my future to be as a disabled young woman but my parents say it’s not possible

I’m trying

I’m tired

I do my best

I stay quiet

I work hard

When will it be enough

It won’t be

But I wish

I wish

I wish

I’m tired

Life has become tiring

I wish I could enjoy my existence

But once again life is throwing me around like a ragdoll

What have I become

I’m numb

I’m trying

I’m tired

I exist in a world built around men normal non disabled white men

The world isn’t built for women, POC or anyone different from a white man

I’m tired 

I exist in a world not built for disabled people

I’m trying

I’m tired

Mentally and physically exhausted

I’m trying

I’m tired

I’m strong yet weak

I’m smart yet dumb

I’m tired

I try

But I’m tired

Oh so tired

Take care of yourself to take care of others

How can I find the time when my life’s in shambles?

I’m tired