#posting this on greg's birthday feels like a betrayal

[ebbarights]

with open eyes liveblog

i'm not ready for this. i haven't pre-grieved enough it turns out. i feel sick

on the bright side the only spoiler i have is that shiv did something controversial? which isn't a spoiler i would say but i'm actively avoiding reading the post currently greyed out behind this open tab

stewy not on kendall's side??? that's a fucking first. it's not but it is

okay so this is just like 1x06 right. literally a repeat?

last intro :(( i'm soo fucking sad. im sad. sadsaddsad oh yay arian. saaaaaaad

EBBA

shaved matsson cursed. hate that

matsson as shiv's puppet i don't think he's gonna like that. if their deal goes through i would be really surprised

theories about roman running to mommy literally right. love that though

tomshiv is making me want to rip myself in half like rumplestiltskin. specifically the shiv part obvs

i'm sure smart people have already made posts about this but. caroline called shiv.

NEW JESS NO

"let's bag him and tag him" dog (gone rogue) motif? idk anything about hunting

roman looking beat up in a normal t shirt wearing bracelets these are my dreams come true

caroline is so real. eyes ARE disgusting. face eggs

LAWRENCE YEE

kendall looks like a fucking disney villain driving up in his range rover in a suit sing-songing roman's name

SHIV TITS

okay tomgreg scene time to think about other things. everything revolving around roman is my dream finale <3 i want him to be okay but i also love it when he's not okay. you can't lose when you play both sides

shiv is way too sure of winning so she's for sure not winning huh

tom said grinder like- [i am shot in the head before i can continue]

fully flexing my swedish here

caroline is so right. get out you guys

wait sib alliance back on?? can this be real

i hate to say it but i think kendall's right he should be the one to take over

them talking about roman's breakdown while he's hugging himself is exactly what i wanted but it will make me want to kill myself forever

noo guys don't go in the waterrrrr don't you know about the motif

roman talking about sharks in the water is literally me but this time for real for real because i do have a debilitating shark phobia

if succession genuinely has a fucking. shark attack in it. (once again on my birthday) like that's legit fucking personal. jesse armstrong has read my diary and wants to ruin my life

i just googled 'succession shark' that's how paranoid i am lmaooo

kendall don't. DON'T go in the water

i know it's ridiculous i don't like the killing kendall conversation. this is the finale please don't play me with rn

okay the music is starting which means this scene is over and they can get out of the water right please get out get out right now

are they gonna actually accidentally kill kendall. or will it be on purpose and that was a double bluff

they are spending wayy too much time on this scene for a series finale that's already pretty long so. something's definitely gonna happen with the fucking smoothie. i feel sick

okay scene is over i feel like an idiot but relieved lol. maybe just a last happy siblings scene? if that's the case i'm glad we got that. i'm happy that scene was so long

wait shiv hasn't done anything controversial yet. is this like. a double bluff? i don't know how that would work i don't think that's the case

connor's peepaw slay

hope this isn't the only time gerri shows up but if it is i'm glad she's there at all

krank real

okay tom told shiv i know what's gonna happen and i think i'm okay with that kind of betrayal

i LOVE that greg's fucking parasite both sides shit finally came to bite him in the ass. if greg has a bad ending succession has a good ending

matsson screaming for ebba that's me.

yeah that's what i thought. i'm okay with that. like i wanted more for shiv and for the sibs but that was never gonna happen

living for the karoline hugo rivalry

STEWYYYY

okay stewy queer confirmed <3 like we all knew but still. also that line is gonna sustain the kenstewys for months

GERRIII and immediate zoom on roman lol

noo roman he seemed so weirdly okay until now. the pill scene is coming up huh

jesus i. i can't think of anything to say. poison

so my guess right now is. kendall is becoming logan but he also loses the vote. so he did That for nothing

it's literally 1x06. kendall sitting where logan sat, frank doing the notes

they're 4-4 and roman's next. 1x06 babyyyyyy

you could argue he made a different choice because he voted for kendall this time but. just like 1x06 he was pressured into that vote by a guy who uses physical violence against him. still with the parallels

they just said 6-6? did they count votes we didn't hear or am i an idiot

please don't threaten suicide right now ken. now's not the time

i think lying about the waiter is the worst thing kendall has ever done and that includes the scene with roman just before

i hate that roman said iverson and sophie aren't kendall's kid (real 'just playing devil's advocate' move) but i loooooove that he defended shiv <3

living for disillusioned roman. he might make kendall kill himself but he knows what's up

yeah i don't see an ending where kendall lives

tomgreg final breakup <3 i hope greg dies in a ditch

gerri's safe <333333

the romelukas ao3 potential though

good ending because ebba wins. can't believe i have the url of someone who won succession

roman drinking a martini :((((

roman drinking a martini :))))))

jesus christ kendall and colin

don't go near the water kendall. kendall listen to me.

okay think i'm gonna do a round-up post

[unclefungusthegoat]

Far Cry 5 Theory: Joseph Knowingly Manipulated His Family To Represent the Four Horsemen... And Knew That They Would Die For It

Hi all! This is LONG- 1977 words plus pictures, but I hope it’s worth the read! This is just my opinion! Also, I would just like to say now that I love Joseph, and I’m sorry.

Watching back the eulogies Joseph delivers after his sibling’s deaths has left me wondering…

How did Joseph know that their deaths were the seals being opened?

Because I can’t get the notion out of my head, that if Joseph indeed engineered the ‘Collapse’, as is one theory, or even if he simply had heard that it was coming, then surely he had an opportunity to orchestrate all of the symbolism that surrounded it?

For example, grooming himself and his siblings to represent the Four Horsemen?

In the Book of Joseph, he writes:

“The Voice did not show me exactly how it would all end.”

And, interestingly:

“I hope the Voice condemned each person to the ending he or she fears most, to know that it would take back what it had given without pity in a final multi-pronged curse. It was inspired by the cruelty of mankind, we who kill, lie, and steal what others hold most sacred. No one is innocent. Each person will experience the end they dread.

Joseph was never told that this event would take the form of the Horsemen from the Book of Revelation, but that is how it comes to pass.

Surely if Joseph believed that God gave him a revelation, then he would turn to the scripture named for such a prophecy to make sense of it? The scripture he would remember his Father ranting about when he was a child?

And he then made a conscious choice for that to be the narrative?

And I believe that he manipulated his siblings into fulfilling the roles of the Horsemen, knowing that it would eventually lead to their deaths, because this was the end he dreaded most.

JOSEPH - CONQUEST

Joseph took the role of Conquest- to conquer those who want to be saved. Conquest is sometimes interpreted as Christ himself, and it’s very likely that Joseph, the ignored middle child, forsaken by the world, would want to be seen as a Christ-like figure- noticed, listened to, worshipped, loved.

He craved what every cult leader desires.

Power over the weak, over people like Jacob, John and Faith.

I do not think he sought Jacob and John with the intention of making them his Horseman, but came to the decision upon the discovery of John’s career and subsequently, Jacob’s military file.

It was a coincidence that John, the lawyer, could be represented by Scales, of Famine or Justice. And Jacob with the Sword of War. But Joseph would see this as proof that his brothers were a vital part of God’s plan- and must then truly be the Horsemen.

It all fit the narrative he chose to believe.

And so he set out to shape his siblings into those roles.

The Herald’s symbols, that correspond with those of the Horsemen, are built  into the Project’s architecture, meaning that they have been part of the cult’s symbolism since long before the game’s events.

Surely Joseph must have asked them to adopt those symbols?

And then he used their assigned Horsemen not only as inspiration for their jobs within the Project, but also for how to manipulate them into performing those roles.

JACOB - WAR

Joseph took advantage of Jacob’s trauma he suffered during WAR, to shape him into the Red Horse.

Jacob knew of Joseph’s role for him and I think he’d known for a very long time- since being reunited with his brothers.

He talks to the Deputy directly in game of how his purpose is to act as Joseph’s sacrifice. He knows exactly how it will end for him, and his words- ‘you did everything he said you would’- just confirms this. Joseph has told him that the Lamb will open the seven seals.

Jacob was a hollow shell of who he once was in the homeless shelter. It was Joseph who nursed him back to health, feeding his broken mind with his propaganda, with the Horseman narrative. It can only be assumed that he convinced Jacob that his death, as well as John’s, would be necessary to wage war on a world of evil, manipulating Jacob’s mindset from the military that sacrifices must be made. Why else would Jacob allow Joseph to manipulate their youngest brother?

The weak ‘have their purpose’. So what if, after everything they went through, the Seeds think of themselves as weak, and their purpose is as Horsemen, as sacrifices to bring about Eden, where the strong will live on?

Jacob is the least religious of the brothers and so whether he truly believes himself a ‘Horseman’ is questionable. He simply views himself as a brother doing his duty, supporting Joseph in this new war against the corrupted world.

And if that means death, so be it.

JOHN - FAMINE

Joseph took advantage of John’s need for love- he starved him of it, created John’s own personal FAMINE, so that John would pursue the path that Joseph laid out for him- becoming the Black Horse.

Joseph directly warns John of his own impending death. There is no indication of when the voicemail was left, but I believe that it’s an old message from before the Reaping, and it was Joseph trying to prevent John from being killed at the incorrect moment. If he antagonised the Fall’s End residents too much, Joseph knows that they would take him out.

He cannot let that happen.

The Lamb must be the one to kill John.

But Joseph warns him of his death again at the river, when he tells John that the Deputy must atone - that the Lamb must stop opening the seals - or the gates will be shut to him. In other words, he must stop the Collapse or he will die. He knows John will not be able to achieve this, but insisting that John continue to interact with the Deputy, promising love and reward if they atone, just ensures that John will die by their hand.

However John, despite his obvious intelligence, seems unaware that he will not live to see Eden. His confident bravado, his triumphant swaggering, his fear of failing Joseph- this is not the behaviour of a man who knows he is doomed.

As he dies, he tells the Deputy that ‘We had a plan’. He says that everyone is ‘already safe’, no doubt including himself in that. Joseph, after all, had already saved him once. Why wouldn’t he save him again?

John is a coward, a man who never gets his hands dirty unless he can fully control the situation. A man so used to speaking empty words, that he probably promised to follow Joseph ‘unto death’ without truly considering what that meant, without believing that he would actually ask that of him. And Joseph could not be sure that John would see it through if he knew the truth. So instead he promises John what he is starved of, love, knowing that he will pursue it to his death.

FAITH - DEATH

Joseph threatened DEATH to Faith if she did not become the Pale Horse- the same fate that had befallen the first Faiths.

Why does the Project need a Faith? In the Book of Joseph, he never actually justifies why the “role” exists. The general feeling is that she is used by Joseph to replace his wife, or his daughter. But, here’s the thing:

Joseph says that the Voice asked him to recruit John and Jacob. But then he goes on to conscientiously seek out a Faith. To me, this reads as Joseph making a definitive decision to begin putting everything in place for his Collapse to be initiated-

By preparing a fourth Horseman.

Rachel presents two versions of her story and she tells them both as the truth.

The Faith who she speaks of first - the ‘saved’ Faith - believes she has been given a ‘purpose’, a new chance at life. She ‘no longer wished to die’. If Rachel knew of her newly found purpose as Horseman and sacrifice from the beginning, then this is contradictory. She would not have willingly agreed to the role if she knew it would end in death.

So I feel both of her stories are true. That she felt ‘saved’ when she joined the cult but was ultimately threatened into becoming Faith.

And I think Rachel only discovered her role as Horseman when it was too late for her to escape. She may have learned from messages left by the previous Faiths, those who had already been killed for refusing to be the Pale Horse. She may have only realised during the game’s events.

But she says to the Deputy ‘It was always going to end this way’. She knew it was an inevitability. And saying those words is a confirmation to herself that Joseph had always intended her to die for his vision.

SO WHY?

I believe that Joseph loves his brothers.

But he believes so fiercely in the Voice that he murdered his own daughter to prove his loyalty. It is not a stretch of the imagination that he would sacrifice his siblings too. They are tools by which God’s word will come to pass. They are his ultimate test of faith.

And yes, he cries over their deaths. But he never truly does anything to prevent them from being harmed. He encourages them to provoke and convert the Deputy, knowing that it is futile, since the dream of reaching Eden relies on those seals being opened.

Including the Fifth seal.

If his Collapse and his new Eden were to come to pass, then the Fifth seal must be broken.

He expected his brothers to swear loyalty unto death to him. He asked the same of Faith, when he made her take the leap.

The Fifth seal is of martyrs before the altar, ‘the souls of them that were slain for the word of God’.

The most faithful.

Who else would he have imagined these martyrs to be?

THE EULOGIES

Joseph may knowingly have sent his siblings to their deaths, but I don’t think he did so without emotion. Just look at the eulogies:

Just like so much of what John says in game, Joseph, in John’s eulogy, could be projecting his own sins onto the Deputy:

‘He was easily preyed upon… those responsible for his death will be punished’- Joseph could be acknowledging his own manipulation of John and pledging his intent to atone for that sin.

Greg Bryk has said that Joseph has empathy:

‘...he was a weapon without a purpose. A warrior without a legacy.... You are his legacy. All of you willing to protect our family from the Collapse… Jacob’s death will not be in vain.’ - Joseph acknowledges Jacob’s purpose to protect (by being a sacrifice), and that he gave him this purpose. Did he believe that an act of mercy, giving Jacob what he truly desired- peace in death?

And for Faith:

‘I put my faith inside her and she became angelic’ - Joseph is admitting to putting his ideology in her head, and that he views her as otherworldly, holy, made that way by his own hand.

SUMMARY

Joseph wanted to see the Day of Judgement incinerate the world that treated him so badly and what better way to enact his revenge than to literally become the Horseman who unleash horrors upon the earth?

But he doesn’t consider himself perfect. The eulogies prove it. He knows he is not innocent and will face judgement from God, along with the rest of mankind.

And so the loss of his brothers? 

They were the price he CHOSE to believe he must pay, the price the Voice demanded of him so that he, always overlooked, ignored, forsaken, may become a God in his new Eden.

Just as he wrote in his sacred book:

“Humanity is incredibly imaginative when it comes to self-destruction”.

And their deaths were, as he had foretold would come to all sinners:

The end that he dreaded most.

[anythingstevenuniverse]

*SUF Spoilers* Anyone Can Suffer from Trauma

As the series ends, “Steven Universe: Future” gives us a reminder and portrayal that anyone can suffer from trauma. “Steven Universe” and “Steven Universe: The Movie” have showed trauma many times. However, the epilogue series gives us the one person who is suffering the most right now: Steven. Steven has been through a lot but is usually positive and is able to deal with the situation or does not see it and pushes it off. However, two years after saving the universe, he is starting to fall deeper in depression and isolating himself from loved ones due to trauma from his past. In the beginning of the series, some fans saw this as a surprise because his character is to be kind, empathetic, and positive no matter the situation. But even a positive character like Steven will struggle with a situation he cannot deal with due to his past trauma. “Steven Universe: Future” bring the subject of trauma the show has dealt with before using Steven, the main character, to emphasize that trauma can affect anyone.

The franchise has portrayed trauma in many different characters. The Crystal Gems have had their share of traumas related to the Gem War, Gem society of Era 2, and before and after Steven was born. Pearl was obsessed with Rose Quartz and was deeply traumatized by her passing. She projected her obsession to Steven and questioned her worth as an individual without Rose. Garnet is a mixed gem fusion and was frowned upon by Era 2 Gem society. She did not exhibit much trauma until we see “Keep It Together” where she felt guilt and anger over forced fusion Gems which can be viewed as survivors guilt and she puts pressure on herself to be a calm and collected leader. Amethyst was not affected by the war due to emerging from the ground later then the other Gems. However, she developed insecurities about herself not only because she is a defective Amethyst but also because the Crystal Gems associated the Kindergarten as a bad place therefore making internalizing her existence as a mistake. She struggled to love herself and it later created an unhealthy obsession to beat Jasper in season 3. The Crystal Gems have had their fair share of trauma but are not the only Gems who have suffered some type of trauma. Lapis Lazuli was a war prisoner trapped inside a mirror for thousands of years and trapped herself in an abusive relationship/fusion with Jasper. She was very untrusting of others and when the Diamonds were involved, she ran away out of fear despite hurting others in the process (this is not to blame or negatively criticize anything on Lapis, these are just my observations and opinions). The corrupted Gems during the series are war victims who lost their minds and forms from the Diamond’s blast. Bismuth suffered betrayal from the Gem she idolized because of her radical ideals without anyone ever knowing, leaving her to lash out at Steven and hurt that no one know the true story. After Lapis left with the barn, Peridot fell into a deep depression and lost any form of joy in her life. Spinel suffered abandonment from Pink Diamond that lead to her lashing out at Steven, who did not deserve it, and caused her to loath herself and act out irrationally. Even the Diamonds suffered trauma when they lost Pink Diamond. Yellow Diamond buried herself in her work, Blue Diamond never moved on from mourning, and White Diamond isolated herself from others to maintain a perfect image (does not excuse their genocidal actions in the past, again just my observations). Lots of the Gems suffered some form of trauma in “Steven Universe” and “Steven Universe: The Movie” and were able to move on from it with the help of Steven.

This time it is Steven’s turn to face his trauma in “Steven Universe: Future”. Steven is known as the problem solver and using empathy and kindness to help others. In “Steven Universe” he can handle tough situations and help Gems to move on or/and cope with their trauma. However, this is due to the problems his mother has caused and was a target of Homeworld. He has faced attempted assassinations, identity crises, family drama, and adult situations which can be so much for a child. With the support of his family and friends and his empathetic and kind nature, he either brushes off these problems off to save everyone or deals with these terrible situations with a support system. However, with Era 3 peace time and losing his purpose to save others in “Steven Universe: Future”, he is now dealing with his past and the trauma is manifesting into his behavior.

“Steven Universe: Future” is not the only time he has faced traumatic experiences. There are many episodes in “Steven Universe” where Steven had to face serious situations. “We Need to Talk” Steven clutched his Gem after witnessing Connie and Greg fist bump over shared experience with Gem related knowledge. Steven is a hybrid of a Gem and human and feels alone because he is one of a kind. “Mindful Education” he bottled up his feelings of failure to save others and it started to appear as hallucinations when fused as Stevonnie. He was only able to confront those feelings when talking to Connie and her reassurance to Steven that it is okay to feel bad made him feel better. “Storm in the Room” he confronts his mother (more of a hologram AI) about questioning her motives and damage she caused. The room reassures Steven that his existence was purely out of love to bring life not to fix problems unrelated to him. In “Lion 4: Alternative Ending”, he is frantically trying to find his magical destiny or purpose. After watching a second version of the Rose video, Greg tells Steven there is no destiny for him and Steven realizes his mother just wants Steven to live his own life how he wants it. “So Many Birthdays” he aged rapidly because he felt silly liking childish things and starts aging rapidly. It was not until the Gems started bickering, did he realize he can still like things deemed childish. There are episodes I am missing where he dealt with adult situations and Steven starts to have recollections of his past in “Growing Pains”, but the main purpose is Steven has faced traumatic events affecting him but is able to deal with them because he talked it out or it never bothered him.

When the movie came out, he accomplished restructuring Gem society and creating Little Homeworld for Gems, uncorrupted and Homeworld, to help integrate into Earth society. Everything seemed like the usual happily ever after until Spinel comes in injecting bio-poison into the Earth and rejuvenating the Crystal Gems and Steven. He and the Crystal Gems had to restart, literally, and figure out everything with limited use of his powers. Spinel was a tough character to help, especially when she spiraled downward when Steven left her for a few seconds, and she became angry and started fighting. After fighting Spinel, tiring her out and resolving the conflict, destroying the injector, having the Diamonds take Spinel back to Homeworld, and fixing the damage, it seemed like everything is at peace again.

“Steven Universe: Future” shows how Steven and everyone else is after times of peace. However, something is different with Steven in this mini epilogue series. Once he realizes people are doing fine without him, he is losing his purpose and feels like is friends and family are drifting away. There have been some incidents where Steven had to save the day, but it was solved quickly and he is used to life-threatening situations. The recurring theme or problem of the series is Steven feeling disconnected with everyone because they do not need his help and does not know what to do with his future. We also see trauma resurfacing from this past and he is unwilling to share or get help for it. Steven is dealing with trauma from the past, closing himself off from friends and family, having self-doubt and feelings of being left behind, and suffering from the over-bearing responsibilities and facing life-threatening situations from having a savior complex. He has devoted himself to helping others and is used to chaos surrounding Gem related conflict. There is no other way for him to communicate without helping someone and with no conflict outside his own, he can’t talk to other people normally anymore. In the recent episode “Growing Pains” Dr. Maheswaran explains Steven about childhood trauma is starting to affect his body in dealing with stress. Because he has been in so many life-threatening situations in the past, Steven’s body is reacting to mild stress as life-threatening and activating his powers in extreme ways. It did not seem to have been a problem until Connie’s rejection in “Together Forever” is triggering his body to act as if his life is in danger very much like PTSD. With Dr. Maheswaran’s honest and factual explanation on trauma to Steven and his father as a support maybe he can try to recover. Depending on how the Crewniverse decides to end, it will resolve in Steven figuring himself out and learning to heal himself from the trauma to start moving forward and to the future.

The epilogue series portrays a very important concept of trauma: everyone can suffer from trauma. Are there people affected from severe trauma far worse than others? Yes. Does that make it okay to invalidate mild or moderate trauma depending on person’s background, personality and resources? No. Coming from personal experience and the few reactions I have seen on Steven’s behavior from the series, trauma affects anyone regardless of the person. There are people who can better themselves with more resources then others such as a support system, therapy, self-care, awareness, and coping mechanisms. Some have access to these resources and others may not, but it still does not change the fact anyone can suffer from trauma. There were a few times I saw posts remarking the change in Steven’s character. In “Steven Universe”, Steven was an optimistic and empathetic kid who solved other’s problems through communication. When “Steven Universe: Future” aired, some fans commented negatively on Steven’s inability to communicate well with others anymore and isolating himself due to fear of his friend and family drifting away. His savior complex, especially the need to save others, is causing him to not talk with others about his own problems because he has needs validation from fixing other’s problems. Steven is starting to develop depression and PTSD from his past and the trauma is manifesting and showing. It is not surprising he would go from a happy-go-lucky kid to a teenager suffering from trauma and not talking to others about his problem. He has been through so much as a child; learning about his mother’s identity and past, resolving conflict from his mother’s mistakes, fixing the Crystal Gem’s issues, heal corruption, almost killed multiple times, and restructuring Gem society. It would be shocking if he was still happy with his life, especially after the fight scene with Spinel. Despite being positive during conflicts, he usually pushes aside his own problems to fix others and it is starting to take a toll on him when there are no more problems to fix and he questions his worth. The Crystal Gems are trying to help him, but he cannot open to them because he must be Steven, savior of the galaxy, not Steven, a teen suffering from trauma and unwillingness to confront his past. Steven does have a support system and still has some of his positive traits but even so, he is denying his trauma and not looking for the help he needs. “Steven Universe: Future” shows that no matter one’s background, severity of trauma, personality, and resources, anyone can suffer from trauma. Trauma does not have to define who you are but how you deal with it does. Many suffer from guilt or shame of trauma due to stigma of specific people suffering trauma, comparisons of trauma, and personality traits determining who trauma affects. No one’s trauma should be invalidated but should be supported and treated as real. It’s okay to talk about it and to get help but the only way to do that is if the person suffering wants to get help. Rebecca Sugar and the Crewniverse have demonstrated the importance of recognizing that anyone can suffer from trauma and the best way to heal is self-awareness and accepting help from others.

This post was both difficult and exhausting to write. I was getting anxious a lot and had to take breaks writing this. It took a few days to write and get my thoughts in order before suddenly feeling uncomfortable and taking breaks. Below is a story/reason as to why I wanted to write this post. I cut it because it is really personal to share but I feel comfortable sharing it now. You don’t have to read it which is another reason why it is hidden. Just wanted to tell my story related to this post.

The reason I wrote this post was from the negative backlash from some fans expressed about Steven in “Steven Universe: Future” because of his behavior. Steven is dealing with trauma and an identity crisis and does not talk about it to the Crystal Gems or anyone else. Some fans critic this change in behavior because in “Steven Universe” he was always so positive and used communication to solve his problems. I was getting a bit distraught by this until one of my favorite theorists/reviewer/editor (will not name), tweeted about how Steven has been through a lot as kid, someone as positive as Steven can still suffer from trauma, and his current behavior is related to how he is dealing with losing his purpose and trauma. I cannot find the tweet as it was long ago, but it inspired me to make a post about how anyone can suffer from trauma. Even if the person is positive and has dealt with issues/situations in the past, trauma can change a person, especially ones who help others more then they help themselves and how to deal with certain situations.

I relate to Steven a lot throughout the series. Although Peridot is my favorite character, Steven from the original series, the movie, and the epilogue series, is the character I see myself. With “Steven Universe: Future” I can see myself in Steven even more, especially during my college years. Throughout my childhood I was always the positive child/teen who was able to make friends easily and not afraid to show who I am. I was not popular but lots of people liked me for some reason and I just rolled with it. I always liked helping others with their problems and it did not bother me as I liked being the friend who helped. My sophomore year, I started dating a girl online (I saw her on webcam before to see if she was real) and we clicked and started talking a lot. Things started to go well and my life seemed pretty good despite the stress of school.

About 5 years ago, something happened. I had a friend, let’s call him X, who I started reconnecting with. He was in the Marines and stationed in Japan so we mostly face timed when we could. X told me he was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia and was being discharged from the military. I knew he seemed a bit upset and I thought hanging out would cheer him up. At first, it seemed he was happy, and we mostly just stayed at my place and watched anime. However, X started to drink and exhibit weird behavior. The first time he drank in my apartment, he was yelling, clinging to me, and throwing stuff. A friend of mine came over and X threw a can at him which triggered my friend’s PTSD. The day after, I apologized to my friend and told X to not drink in front of me. About a week later he came over and started drinking again. His excuse was it was hard liquor this time and it makes him act different. Instead of being physically aggressive, he was emotionally aggressive. He talked about his troubles, thoughts, and feelings which shouldn’t be a bad thing. But it was a bit too much for me to where I started crying and he held me and said sorry. The next day I told him to seriously not drink the next time we meet. Around a couple months later, I get sick with a nasty head cold, but was going to an anime movie with X and two other friends. He came to my place a couple hours before the movie to prep but saw I was sick and took care of me. Everything seemed fine and we went to dinner and talked. Then he stepped outside for a long time and when he came back, he said he was talking to someone from the VA which is why it took so long. We get our seats for the movie and enjoying ourselves. Half way through the movie X starts spitting at random, questioning the logics of the movie in a rude manner, and being extremely clingy. We didn’t know why until we smelled alcohol from his breath and saw an opened lemonade bottle. Once we exited the theatre, X started yelling at my friend who was shielding me and throwing soda cans at random. My friend took me to her place, and I called his parents to pick him up before I called the police. The next day I texted him I could not be friends with him anymore because he broke my trust and he needed professional help. X texted back saying I did not want to deal with his problem making me a bad friend and just listening to my friend’s opinions instead of my own. He told me he was getting help but I was hurt by his words and decided to end our friendship because of his toxic behavior. I have not spoken to him for over 5 years now.

I was around 20 when this happened. I was comfortable telling my story about what happened, and that the decision was the right one and necessary. The truth was I felt guilty about what happened. I am the one who helps others before helping myself and cutting one of my good friends off and not helping him when he needed it most was making me depressed. I started going to bars with my friends less and had a strict role that there was no drinking in my place. But I suffered more from it. My apartment started to become a complete mess which attracted cockroaches and a smell so foul my neighbors in the whole complex could smell it. My diet consisted of take out and junk food which may be one of the main causes of gastritis a couple years ago. I stopped drinking and became the prude and boring of the friend group and I started isolating myself because I was no fun. I became distant with my partner and started having negative thoughts I never had before. I never told anyone about my problems because people would compare theirs to mine. I do have a privileged life and at a young age learned that other’s problems were far worse than I am, and my problems are nothing compared to theirs because I have it better. That comparison led me to keep my problems private and divert my feelings in a forced positive way. It was not until my fear of eviction and losing my cats did I start to ask for help. My friend helped me clean my entire apartment before inspection and lots of people reassured me that my problems mattered because they are my problems no matter the severity. I am a bit more open about my problems, but I can hide my emotions or brush it off. I am still working on that.

“Steven Universe” the franchise has helped me through a lot. The original series helped me connect with others and deal with my own problems. I was able to relate to the characters and some of my positivity came back. It even inspired me to both pursue psychological research and start drawing and poetry. However, I still felt guilty for cutting off my friend. Until “Steven Universe: The Movie” came out. After watching the movie and reading interviews, I felt a sense of relief. Seeing Steven trying to help Spinel multiple times despite her toxic behavior made me see the same incident that happened with X. Spinel realizing she is hurting the wrong person and deciding to heal on her own gave me something X never did: it was not my fault and sometimes the person has to heal themselves without you. I finally had closure on my guilt and was able to move forward. “Steven Universe: Future” I can relate to Steven more than anybody on the show right now. When hearing some negative backlash in the beginning of the series, it reminded me of people who thought my problems did not matter because of my privileged life and positive personality. Steven is bottling up his emotions and trauma like I did and it is affecting him. It is not until later in the series, do we see that his childhood was more traumatic then we realized and his affecting his actions and emotions in the present. Even Rebecca Sugar in an interview opened up about her trauma in the past that affected her in the present that inspired “Growing Pains”. I did the same and hardly opened up about my real feelings. I am even trying to get therapy for my issues and turning to my partner and friends for support. With people seeing Steven suffering from his trauma, I am hopeful it will let people know anybody can suffer from trauma and it can affect people despite background and personality. If you read my story thank you for reading and this is just my opinion on the show and story on a part of my life.

[cyn2k]

Sherlock Fic Recs (mostly lesser-known)

All right, I’ve recommended individual fics from time to time,and I certainly reblog fic rec lists, but this is the first time I’ve tried to assemble a Sherlock rec list of my own. I’m trying to select stories I’ve not seen often (or ever) on other lists for this, and they are in no particular order. Mind the tags. Nearly all are end-game Johnlock, although a couple are more gen.

Since this is my first time writing a fic rec list, please let me know if you enjoyed it.

A Telling Touch - by MikayoToudaiji, 91K, E, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson 

Post-Reichenbach. After Sherlock’s death, John manages to get himself re-enlisted and is sent back to war. But when two series of gruesome murders link home and outland together, John is suddenly faced with more battles than he could have imagined. A Reunion, multi-chapter, case fic.

This is one of my go-to fics. John is grieving the loss of Sherlock and back in the army, this time in Syria, courtesy of Mycroft, when he is called home due to the mysterious death of Irene Adler. Irene was the latest victim of a serial killer, but she has managed to leave John a mysterious message. Sherlock does eventually return, but badly injured. There’s a fascinating case fic, a very different and totally platonic Mary Morstan, Sebastian Moran makes an appearance, and a Mummy Holmes who’s absolutely lovely. I find this story so emotionally rewarding, on many levels.

Follow My Voice - by flawedamythyst, 9K, T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Sherlock's voice is all John has.

John is in a coma, and his only link back to the world is Sherlock’s voice. Told mostly from John’s perspective, the payoff when John finally wakes up is lovely.

Meeting Clara - by BlueSkye12, 2K, G, no pairings (pre-Johnlock, perhaps, if you squint)

John and Sherlock have a chance meeting with John's former sister-in-law and Sherlock learns a thing or two about John's return from Afghanistan.

Sherlock learns exactly how much damage John suffered from the bullet that brought him to London and that fateful meeting at St. Bart’s. Clara is very protective of John, even if he’s no longer her brother-in-law.

Bitter Sweet - by distantstarlight, 17K, E, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Alpha John Watson is a retired army doctor with a chance to acquire an omega mate. He meets the most unusual omega he’s ever encountered.

A somewhat unusual take on A/B/O dynamics, where alphas need to have a use in life, either with a satisfactory career or as a parent to the next generation. Omegas, including Sherlock, are bought at auction, which some may find disturbing, but there’s no indications of maltreatment on anyone’s part. It’s Sherlock who has all the power in this relationship, although he’s deleted the reasons why. John may have to pay the price for that.

The Art of Seduction series - by flawedamythyst, 97K across 6 works, T to E, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes/many OMCs, John Watson/OMC, Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade

Sherlock ran a website called The Science Of Seduction, on which he gave advice on the best ways to get laid, wrote blog entries detailing the results of his various sexual 'experiments' and generally contributed to the stereotype of 'every gay man is a sex-mad playboy'. John avoided the thing like the plague. AU in which Sherlock treats sex like he does crime in canon. Inspired by Queer As Folk UK, but it very quickly went its own way.

I love this series. Sherlock is obsessed, not with crime, but with sex. John is his flatmate and pretty much the only gay man in London with whom Sherlock has not slept. John pines, Sherlock sleeps with most of gay London, and they all go dancing every weekend. Then Jim shows up and ruins everything. Or does he?

Semper Fidelis - by Blind_Author, 57K, M, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes/Anthea

Written for a prompt. Moriarty frames John and "Anthea" of betrayals which cause both of the Holmes brothers to cut them off. Cue BAMF!John and BAMF!"Anthea" doing their best to clear their names.

John and Anthea go on the run after they are both framed the same day. They protect one another and bond over the idiocy of their respective Holmeses. Both are in established, if hidden, relationships. They bond while on the run.

Evidence of Human Life - by thesardine, 17K, E, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Sherlock's sanity deteriorates while he and John are stranded on a deserted island.

I basically summed this up in my personal bookmark as: Sherlock and John on a deserted island. They hunt seals, Sherlock periodically goes nuts, and they start having sex.   

This Doesn’t Feel Like Falling - by Dark3Star, 148K, E, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, pre Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade

When he fell from St. Barts, Sherlock knew he loved John Watson. John couldn't love him back (or so he thinks). Now that he's back from the dead things are back to normal... sort of. When a serial killer targets increasingly high profile gay couples Sherlock is on the case. With a, possibly ill-advised, plan Sherlock and John go undercover as a couple to uncover the truth.

Part 1 of a series, although this is by far the largest part.  Your classic “married for a case” trope, taken to the extreme. There’s a decent case fic, a lot of mutual pining, and some interesting wedding planning. Heed the warnings, there are some pretty graphic depictions of violence when they finally confront the murderer.

The Secret Identity of John Watson - by scifigrl47, 27K, G, John Watson/OFC (but don’t let that scare you!)

Taken out of context, John Watson leads a terrifying life. You have to wonder what those poor women he dates thinks of it, especially if John decides to try keeping one away from Sherlock, and Sherlock decides that it'd be best if he could get rid of her. After all, Mycroft's taught him a thing or two about removing potential 'problems.'

Told from the point of view of the bank girl John saves and then dates. Guys, I am a total Johnlock shipper, and so is everyone else in this crack-fest, although they aren’t actually together. Samantha and her girlfriends are an absolute riot, and their impressions of both John and Sherlock are hysterical.

Small Steps - by crossroadrain, 16K, unrated, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

"It's John's birthday and all his army buddies have got him a prostitute for a laugh.

A/B/O fic, where Sherlock is an unwilling omega stripper hired to entertain for John’s birthday get-together with a bunch of his army buddies. When John takes him aside to protect him from his army buddies, he learns something more is going on. The writing is a little uneven, because the writer is not a native English speaker, but the story is quite good.

Endings - by Purple_Slippers_18, 3K, T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Fifty years. Eighteen thousand two hundred and sixty two days. It was a long time to be alive, never mind the thirty-four years Sherlock had breathed before he'd met John, which the man in question most certainly did not. As far as Sherlock was concerned, his life – the one whose memories he hoarded like a dragon protecting caverns of stolen gold – began on that serendipitous January afternoon when two strangers met in the research labs at St. Bart's.

Not for those who can’t deal with MCD or find assisted suicide disturbing, but they’re so in love here. Retirement!Lock.

Body Language - by CeruleanDarkangelis,2K, T Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

There is a language to dancing; a call-and-response from one body to another. Even with the poncy kind of dancing I knew he was versed in, the kind that requires classes and counting and rules, there is communication between bodies. Watching him now, I’m more than pleased to discover that he understands my dialect as well.

This is just 2K of absolutely hot dancing seduction. There’s a follow-up fic, Touch Me, about what happens when they get home

Blind series - by inspiration_assaulted, 19K across 3 works, G to T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Lt John Watson, 25, will do just about anything to stay in the Army, even if it means marrying a man he's never met. It's only for two years, and he'll probably be in Afghanistan the whole time. How much can his life really change?

Mycroft arranges a marriage between Sherlock and John, allowing John to stay in the army and Sherlock to pay for rehab. They write each other letters, but have never met. I originally read this story on FF.net and loved it. I was delighted to find it on AO3, which is easier on my eyes.

Words of One Syllable and At A Loss- GwendolynnFiction, 101K across 2 works on FF.net, M, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

The landmine at Baskerville leaves Sherlock deafened. Unable to stand living without his friend John agrees to learn to sign, but foreign languages cannot be learned in a void. Sherlock helps John learn to sign by finally learning to talk to him.

This was one of my early favorites when I first started reading Sherlock stories on fanfiction.net. The author has slightly different versions up on AO3, but I find these much more enjoyable, as their relationship just seems to work better. The followup story is what happens during the Moriarty trial and after the fall, when Sherlock has to return unexpectedly after John goes missing.

The Otter and the Hedgehog - by Trinity Fire, 23K on FF.net, T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade.

Just when John and Sherlock think they have time to rest after a case, they get an unexpected surprise... Unexpected, yes, and fluffy!

This is a little uneven, and has a very awkward, very weird self-insert OC, but Sherlock the otter wandering around the flat tucking John the hedgehog into his scarf to carry him everywhere is just too cute!

Letters to a Soldier - by Pakmai, 70K on FF.net, T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Captain John Watson is a soldier in Afghanistan. Sherlock Holmes has just been admitted to a drug rehab facility, assigned to write a letter to an unknown soldier. He doesn't expect to get a letter back from someone as interesting as John. John doesn't expect to get letter from a recovering drug addict. Together they form an unlikely friendship through letters.

I’ll admit, it’s been a while since I read this one, but this series turned me into a big fan of epistolary fics. The follow-up fic, Letters to a High-Functioning Sociopath, finished after I’d stopped reading regularly on FF, so I admit I don’t know how the series ended.

Flare - by iMusicalMinji, 6K on FF.net, T, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

John has a lot to learn about an elusive species when he ends up living with one. Like how he doesn't have to change under a full moon, how he is fireproof even if he cannot breathe fire himself, and how he loves the doctor. MythicalCreature!AU

A sweet dragon!Lock story, with some parental elements. Sherlock’s hoard made me laugh, and then I thought about it and it made sense. 

[dailycandicekpatton]

On the Coastal Tip of Jamaica, actress Candice Patton stands barefoot in a sheer yellow dress before settling turquoise waters. Her arms sway back and forth as the Caribbean air billows through the thigh-high slit. She gives the camera a small smile as the sun radiates off her skin and the tide tiptoes towards the shore. The Instagram boomerang I’m glancing at has now been viewed over 200,000 times by her 1.2 million-user following.

It’s mid-June; a median between two milestones in Candice’s life - two weeks before her 29th birthday, and two weeks after the Season 3 finale of The Flash aired in homes nationwide. The superhero fiction show, based on the DC Comics character of the same name, stars Candice as Iris West, opposite Grant Gustin as the titular hero, Barry Allen. In the last three years, The Flash has garnered over 15 awards, with Candice herself most recently winning a Saturn Award for “Best Supporting Actress on Television”. It makes sense that CBS Watch! Magazine would send her over to the Caribbean for a photoshoot. 

The CW star calls me from her residence in Los Angeles on a Friday afternoon, after her trip in Jamaica. I expect her to sound exhausted from her jet setting, but she’s not. To my astoundment, there’s a lot on her mind. I come to realize that, unlike Iris West, Candice Patton is equipped with a power of her own.

The Mississippi-born and Texas-bred thespian participated in school productions and out of school drama programs throughout her entire life. In high school, Candice was a cheerleader until she tore her anterior cruciate ligament during her senior year. The injury kept her benched for the remainder of the season, but allowed her to focus on acting. She ended up pursuing theatre at Southern Methodist University in Dallas the following year.

“Acting was always something that empowered me and gave me joy,” she says. When I was younger, I never really thought about acting professionally, but it gave me a huge outlet for my own personal struggles.” After graduating with a BFA in Theatre from SMU in 2007, Candice moved to Los Angeles, where she has lived ever since. “There’s something about being young enough and innocent enough to think that anything is possible,” she says. “I don’t think I would have made the move if I was older.” As it turns out, making that move would be the first step in her journey towards her television debut.

In Los Angeles, Candice felt she was sucked into an atmosphere bathed in superficiality. To her, home was only a four-hour flight away, but felt much, much further. Immersed in a culture she had never experienced before, she didn’t feel like a perfect fit. “You’re eating new foods and everything’s so healthy and people are obsessed with the way they look,” Candice says. “It was hard for me to feel like I had a place in L.A. or that I was cool enough to think I could even be an actress and contend with all these other people.” In the midst of the culture shock and the absence of southern hospitality, Candice motivated herself to audition for anything and everything. And in doing so, she understood just how unsympathetic the entertainment industry was. “I was getting rejected day in and day out,” she continues. She pauses briefly then says, “I really don’t know how I survived.”

Between her adjusting lifestyle, ongoing rejection, and daunting insecurities, the pressure to cultivate her own niche began to rise. Candice was in the right rooms with the wrong people - managers, friends, and industry outsiders who all had hot takes on how success was achieved in that city. “I was told I had to be a certain weight, or to look more like some other girl,” she recalls. “I felt the pressure of that then and I still feel the pressure of that now.” Despite the unsolicited advice from her peers, Candice continued to do what she knew best - working hard, working well, and committing to her craft. “I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other until something turned around,” she says. “I’m glad I stuck with it as long as I did.” By 2012, Candice’s acting repertoire included appearances on Entourage, Heroes, CSI: Miami, Grey’s Anatomy, Rizzoli & Isles, and The Game. And then came 2013.

In the weeks before pilot season that year, Candice received an email from her manager. Arrow co-creators Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg were casting for their newest DC Comics series, The Flash. Grant Gustin, who appeared twice on the hooded-vigilante series as Barry Allen, reprised his lead role. The planned backdoor pilot was cancelled in favor of a traditional higher-budgeted pilot by networks executives who were impressed by early screenings of Grant’s appearances on Arrow. The e-mail from her manager read, ‘This is your role. It’s perfect for you.’

The Flash follows the chronicles of socially awkward CSI Barry Allen and the aftermath of his mother’s supernatural murder. Candice auditioned for the role of journalist Iris West, the daughter of Detective Joe West, and Barry’s childhood best friend. “I was thrilled to be going in for a lead female role that isn’t traditionally played by an African-American,” Candice says. “And deep down, I always wanted to be part of some superhero show or film.”

In Season 3 of The Flash, Barry runs back to his childhood home to prevent his mother’s murder. After saving Nora Allen from the Reverse Flash, he creates an alternate reality called Flashpoint. The famous comic crossover story arc details an altered universe in which Barry Allen is the only person aware of the differences between the original timeline and the altered one. This heart-wrenching season of was pieced around Iris’ forecasted murder and Team Flash’s attempt to stop it. It’s clear her character’s resilience is an important sticking point. “Iris is visibly fearless, even when she’s vulnerable. Strong women are capable of experiencing fear, but then choose to find the strength to move forward. That’s what Iris does,” Candice says.

She’s loyal to Barry, to Wally, to her dad, and Team Flash,” Candice continues, noting that Iris spends most of her time at S.T.A.R. Labs than she does at her actual job. “She doesn’t have powers but that doesn’t get in the way of her trying to contribute. I think she’s a character that both men and women can admire.”

The Season 3 finale of The Flash premiered on May 23, 2017, the coincidental date of Iris West’s prophesied death. Fans witnessed the loss, the betrayal, and the fate worse than death - tragedies foretold by the season’s big bad, Savitar, in previous episodes. Above all else, they watched the long-awaited development of West-Allen, the ongoing fan-favorite nickname for Barry and Iris. “This season was filled with so much emotional turmoil,” Candice says, laughing on the other end of the line. “And right when you think they’re back on track and can finally plan their wedding, they can’t.”     

In the season’s final moments, The Flash made some poignant, if not complete strides. After conquering the darkness that monopolized Barry’s entire year and the anticipated unveiling of Savitar, “Finish Line” propels the series into potential plot twists and upcoming comic book villains. Regrettably, like most season finales, it’s cut too short. The Speed Force wreaks havoc above Central City, demanding a new speedster to take the place of the beloved Jay Garrick. Barry accepts his imprisonment for creating Flashpoint, leaving Iris, Joe, Wally, and all of Team Flash behind. “It’s The Flash,” Candice laughs. “You never know what you’re going to get. There’ll be more drama.” The conflict is expected, regardless of who ends up in that revered red suit.

Among other running shows on the network, The Flash is notable for their racially diverse cast. The core ensemble is comprised of Caucasians, African-Americans, and Latinos alike, with other minorities starring as citizens or city villains. “The diversity in The Flash is indicative of the world that we live in,” Candice says. “The more we see it on television, the more we resonate with it because it looks like our real life.”

In a 2016 comprehensive report published by USC Annenberg on the Diversity in Entertainment, The CW ranked second in the Television and Digital Distributor Inclusion Index. They were titled “Largely Exclusive” if not “Fully Exclusive” in their high percentage of female character inclusion, as well as female creators and writers. On cable television alone, over 51% of 138 shows lack Asian-speaking roles with 23% lacking African-American speaking roles. As an African-American woman herself, Candice beams with pride when I mention her network’s forefront position of this landscape. “We need more women and we need more people of color in any industry,” she says. “Some people don’t even think about it, and it’s imperative that they do.”

In 2016, Huffington Post surveyed U.S. adults and found only one in five white people believed Hollywood does not provide adequate roles to minorities. Over 60% of white people were pleased by the number of films featuring racial minorities. Black Americans, however, disagreed. 87% believed the entertainment industry does not provide enough opportunities to racial minorities.  Candice is one of them. “Diversity is so imperative and I don’t think people quite understand how it changes the way people view themselves,” she says. “If you go to the movies and you see the President of the United States is Asian, you then believe that it is possible.”

After a recent phone call with producers of The Flash, Candice knows a few things about the upcoming season, mainly plot points for her character. “Other than that, I don’t know too much and I don’t want to know too much,” she says. They began filming Season 4 in Vancouver on July 3. “Think of me when you’re watching fireworks and grilling burgers,” she says to me. When filming 10 months out of the year in Canada, the cast tends to miss major holidays - Independence Day, for one. In the other two hiatus months, Candice flies back and forth between Los Angeles and Texas where her parents, brother and baby niece and nephew reside. “I love my job and I’m humbled to do this for a living, but it’s hard being away from friends and family for so long,” she says. “I really cherish the two months I have off with them.” In time, Candice hopes to write and produce her own material, as well as shifting her focus into film - two things that need to be put on hold or shot in between filming The Flash. “There’s a part of me that really wants to have a film career and do gritty, independent features,” she says. “As a woman in this business, I would love to dabble in directing. That would be challenging but fulfilling for me.”

The actress’ passion for diversity is evident in all she does. It’s only one of many reasons why her work in the industry is nowhere near finished, especially with other women of color combatting that same crusade. Candice is on the cutting edge of reshaping the diversity issue in Hollywood, as her idols Lena Hornes and Halle Berry did before. “They cracked the door open for me and I’m trying to keep it open for the young girls who are watching me on The Flash right now,” she says. “Future women of color will come after me and audition for a lead role opposite a white guy, too. Helping those behind you is where true success comes from.”

Two weeks after our phone call, I check Candice’s Instagram. Her most recent post is a video, likely captured by a friend. She’s half asleep on a bed, surrounded by her castmates and closest cohorts singing “Happy Birthday” to her. She briefly turns her head to face them, but almost immediately retreats back into her pillow. The caption reads, ‘When it’s ya birthday but nap is life.’ I laugh to myself before recalling something Candice said to me two weeks ago. “If I never act again, I want people to say I opened doors and broke down boundaries in this industry,” she says. “I know I’ll have succeeded then.” That nap is well deserved, Candice. You’ve got some business to take care of. 

[stacks-reviews]

Must Reads Part 4

Sorry for the late posting. This week has been fairly crazy for me. And I’ve been addicted to Horizon Zero Dawn lately.  This week contains the everyday life of a super girl, music that can summon monsters, cloning, toys that come alive, and much more.

--A Song for Quiet (Persons No Grata #2) by Cassandra Khaw (8/29/17) Deacon James, a rambling bluesman with a saxophone that now refuses to call up his audiences. It summons monstrosities from across different dimensions. According to a stranger named John Persons, Deacon has a seed in his head that could destroy the world if it grows. The music in Deacon’s head is growing stronger and he won’t be able to hold it back for much longer. This is actually the second book in this series but as far as I can tell you do not need to read the first book before reading this one. The first book; Hammers on Bone, follows John Persons which we’ll get into more a bit further down the list. He will make an appearance in this book but I am not sure how much of a role he’ll play. What made this one a must read for me was the description makes it sound really good and I like reading books where music is some form of magic.

--The Adventures of Super Girl by Faith Erin Hicks (6/27/17) “What if you can leap tall buildings and defeat alien monsters with your bare hands, but you buy your capes at secondhand stores and have a weakness for kittens?” The everyday tales of a super girl as she saves people, as she updates her family on how she is doing, and as she tries to keep a part-time job but forgets to remove her mask before work. With an arch-nemesis who’s only superpower is letting our hero know she is doing the superhero thing wrong. This particular version of this graphic novel is a expanded edition. It was originally printed in 2013 but has been reprinted a few times since. This edition will include two new stories and new art. I have never read it before but I really wanna give it a try. 

--The Alchemist of Loom (Loom Saga #1) by Elise Kova A society oppressed by the Dragon King when the Five Guild’s resistance fell. Ari lost everything when the Dragon King took over. Now she uses her gift for clockwork machinery to oppose the Dragon oppressors to the highest bidders of the underground organ market. Dragon Cvareh would prefer to see his sister take the throne from the Dragon King. To overthrow the King he seeks aid from the Alchemist Guild and Ari will be the one to take him there. For a price. A wish of her greatest desire. Particularly drawn to this title because dragons. Not sure yet if they are people just called dragons or if they can turn into them. And it sounds a little steampunk. I’m curious as to what kind of clockwork machinery Ari can do.

--Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children #1) by Seanan McGuire Children always disappear. They slip through shadows under the bed, fall down rabbit holes, and into old wells into magical lands. At least until the magical land no longer needs you. Nancy disappeared once. And now she is back at Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children. Every child there longs to find a way back into their fantasy world. But with Nancy’s return things start to change. There’s more darkness than before and it is up to Nancy and her friends to find out is going on and to stop it. I’ve always enjoyed the idea of what happens to the hero after the battle is over. When the world no longer needs saving. It has become a trend lately among anime, manga, graphic novels, and books lately. But it remains an interesting idea to pursue. I haven’t read very many books that follow this idea but I have found that it feels a little lacking in some areas. I get the feeling that I’ve missed something along the way. Like jumping into the middle of a long running series. But this children’s (?) novel sounds like it will do a better job since there is a new problem to handle after the fact.

--The Fifth Season (The Broken Earth #1) by N.K. Jemisin “This is the way the worlds ends...for the last time. A season of endings has begun. It starts with the great red rift across the heart of the world’s sole continent, spewing ash that blots out the sun. It starts with death, with a murdered son and a missing daughter. It starts with betrayal, and long dormant wounds rising up to fester. This is the Stillness, a land long familiar with catastrophe, where the power of the earth is wielded as a weapon. And where there is no return.” It was the description. Pure and simple. I’m really intrigued and would like to see what happens.

--Hammers on Bone (Persons Non Grata #1) by Cassandra Khaw Private investigator John Persons is a being ancient and magical being. He has been hired by a ten-year-old boy to murder the boys stepdad. The stepdad in question is an abusive and abominable monster. No problem for a monster killer like Persons. Except it isn’t just social evils the stepdad is carrying. He hosts an alien presence and is spreading it everywhere he goes. Persons has to stop him without releasing his own horrifying potential. I heard about the sequel (A Song for Quiet) before I heard about this one. I do like the sound of this one but I think I am more excited for the second book. 

--The Management Style of the Supreme Being by Tom Holt (6/20/17) The Supreme Being and his son decide that they no longer wish to be supreme. So they decide to sell. Our new owners; the Venturi Brothers, have a few ideas how the world should really run. They don’t care for Good and Evil and decide to rid the world of right and wrong. But one of the old gods didn’t want to move out and he needs to know if you’ve been naughty or nice. I was first drawn to the title and I like the idea behind it. That our universe is more or less run like a company and can be sold. Not really sure how Santa will play into or why. Especially considering that this comes out in June. Unless this is for the paperback edition. Which I forgot to check when I looked this book up. But it still sounds good.

--Mechanica (Mechanica #1) by Betsy Cornwell Nicolette’s stepsisters have nicknamed her ‘Mechanica’. But a name chosen to insult her, fits Nicolette quite well. Her mother was an inventor until she passed away. One day Nicolette finds a secret workshop in her house and starts to imagine that she might be able to build herself a better life with the help of a mechanical menagerie and a tiny metal horse. The upcoming royal ball may just be the place to make her escape. She may even find her prince there but what if she doesn’t want a fairy tale happy ending after all? A retelling of Cinderella. What sold me here was that Nicolette might not have a traditional fairy tale ending. That you don’t always need a prince to make it happen. Whether or not that will be the case, we’ll just have to wait and see.

--More of Me by Kathryn Evans To the world Teva appears to be a normal teenage. But she holds a secret. Because of a genetic abnormality, Teva unwillingly clones herself every year on her birthday. The former Teva is then stuck at home, forced to give up her life. Forced to lose friends and boyfriends. And each year home becomes more and more like a battleground. Soon this Teva will be forced to give up her life as well. Desperate to hang on to her life, Teva starts to find out more about her past in order to set herself free. What really drew me to this book is each time I read the description I am reminded of Doctor Who. Of the line, “I can still die. If I’m killed before regeneration, then I’m dead. Even then, if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away...and I’m dead.” Except for in More of Me, Teva gets to watch as a new; slightly older, version of herself takes over.

--Ollie’s Odyssey by William Joyce To become a child’s favorite is the highest honor a toy can achieve. Billy’s favorite is a bear with rabbit ears named Ollie who was made by Billy’s mother. But not all is happy within the world of toys. Zozo, a toy clown who was never chosen by a child seeks to capture all the favorite toys until they are forgotten by their children. Ollie is taken by Zozo when he was accidentally left under a table by Billy. It is up to Billy to sneak into Zozo’s lair to rescue Ollie and all the other favorites. I first picked this up because I thought it was a children’s graphic novel; it is not. But the story sounded really good so I bought it. I haven’t read it yet. 

--The Refrigerator Monologues by Catherynne M. Valente Six interconnected stories about female superheroes, wives of superhero’s, and girlfriends of superhero’s. How they have been abused, killed, brainwashed, and generally used to progress a male superheroes story.

--Renegades by Marissa Meyer (11/7/17) The Renegades are a group of super powered prodigies who helped establish peach and order to a crumbled society. They are a symbol of hope and justice. Except to those that they overthrew. Nova hates the Renegades and wants vengeance for what they’ve done. I really enjoyed Marissa Meyer’s Cinder Chronicles and am interested in trying out something new by her. 

--The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O. by Neal Stephenson A linguistic helps translate some mysterious documents for a shadowy government agent. The documents provide clues that magic once existed on Earth but the scientific revolution and Age of Enlightenment weakened it; if not wiped it out completely. Now they will try to bring it back into the modern world. When I first read the description I immediately thought of Arrival (which is a really good movie). I’m curious to read just how scientific advancement affect the flow of magic and how they might be able to be used in tandem together.

--Strange Attractors by Charles Soule and illustrated by Greg Scott (6/20/17) Dr. Spencer Drownfield claims to have saved New York City from itself in 1978. Ever since he has been tinkering with the people of New York to keep the city afloat. A young mathematician is chosen as his successor. Is there truth to Dr. Spencer’s claims about how the Butterfly Affect and his complexity math applies to the city’s patterns. Or is it simply the raving of a broken man as he tries to make sense of the world around him. I like the idea of a person secretly ‘tinkering’ with people in order to save his city. And at first I thought it would be done on a real power but now I am not so sure. It may end up being more on a reflection of how we interact with the world and try to understand our place in it. Either way, the story sounds good.

--Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein “Valentine Michael Smith is a human being raised on Mars, newly returned to Earth. Among his people for the first time, he struggles to understand the social morals and prejudices of human nature that are so alien to him, while teaching them his own fundamental beliefs in grokking, watersharing, and love. I’m not sure on the setup here. If it’s a human who grew up on a Mars inhabited by Martians or if he grew up on a Mars populated by humans. My guess is going to go more toward the first option. I really like the idea of this kind of culture crash.

--That Inevitable Victorian Thing by E.K. Johnston (10/3/17)  Set in a world where the United States never existed. Victoria-Margaret is the crown princess and direct descendant of Victoria I. Margaret will soon be married due to an genetically arranged matchmaking due to imperial law. Before her marriage, she will have one summer to spend incognito in the far reaches of her empire. There she will meet Helena Marcus, daughter of the empire’s greatest placement geneticists. And August Callaghan, the heir of a powerful shipping firm currently being attacked by American pirates. Together they share an usually bond and will find a way to change the world and get what they want.

--The Waking Land by Callie Bates (6/27/17) Lady Elanna Valtai is fiercely devoted to her King who raised her like a daughter. But when he mysteriously dies, Elanna is accused of murdering him and must flee to her homeland full of magical legends. And to her birth father who was branded a traitor. Now she must confront the powers that have stirred within her and seem to grow as she connects to the natural world. Now Elanna must stop the threat that has chased her to her homeland and rebel against the kingdom she once called home. It reminds me of Uprooted by Naomi Novik and I really enjoyed that book.