#potterwatchtranscripts

[potterwatch-transcripts]

First Broadcast: 15th December 1998

Lee Jordan: Good Evening wizarding world, and welcome to Potterwatch, Britains premier Harry Potter appreciation show. My name is River, and with me as always is beloved man, my frequently maimed co-host, Rapier.

George Weasley: You say Britain’s premier show, like there’s some git in Laos who loves Harry Potter even more than us.

Lee: I refuse to rule out that possibility. What news do you have for us today Rapier.

George: Actually River, breaking news. We go live to our correspondent in the field, Roonil. Hello Roonil.

Harry Potter: Hello Rapier. I stand outsider Borgin and Burke’s in Knockturn ally, where a serious raid, led by legendary cool dude Arthur Weasley of the misuse of Muggle Artifacts office, has just taken place.

George: I hear that Weasley has many handsome sons.

Harry: Very true Rapier. 10/10 would snog Bill. Ah here comes Mr Weasley now. Mr Weasley, do you have a few minutes to talk to Potterwatch?

Arthur Weasley: We’ll of course.

Harry: What’s been happening here sir?

Arthur: Well…(under his breath) Harry what’s your radio code name?

Harry: Roonil.

Arthur: Well Roonil, in my studies of Muggle artefacts, I recently discovered several Muggle toys that had been cursed, causing Muggle children to attempt to resurrect He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named through blood sacrifice.

Harry: How awful. Was it success Mr Weasley?

Arthur: Luckily no. The cursed toys were actually toys for babies, which only resulted is several particularly vicious infants. As babies are, generally speaking, rubbish at murder, there was very little issue. Some toddlers did manage to break into the ministry of magic, but that was only an isolated incident that happened seven or eight times.

Harry: And you tracked these cursed toys to Borgin and Burke’s?

Arthur: I did indeed Roonil. Turns out they had been created prior to the most recent rise of you know who, and stored at the shop.

Harry: Amazing, thank you Mr Weasley. Back to you Rapier.

George: Thank you Roonil. How many babies do you think you could beat in a fight River? No magic, hand to hand only.

River: Babies are very puntable. I’d say at least 60 before fatigue wears in.

George: We ask the important questions here on potter watch.

Lee: And speaking of babies, do we have any news concerning world renowned former infant Harry Potter?

George: We do River. Potter has returned his Order of Merlin 1st Class to the ministry, saying he doesn’t think he’s earned it.

Lee: Didn’t he kill Voldemort.

George: Yeah but I could’ve done that. Potter accepted a 3rd Class OM instead from Minister Shacklebolt, and said he would like to ‘earn his way back to 1st’. I personally will be keeping mine, as it’s a good way to pick up chicks.

Lee: How come you got 1st? I only got 2nd!

George: I dunno, my dashing good looks?

Lee: I will be having words with the minister over this gross oversight. And now we have a special guest in the studio. Please put your hands together for a very very special guest, Runespoor.

Newt Scamander: a pleasure to be on the show Mr River.

Lee: Now Runespoor, you are very familiar with many of the magical creatures that inhabit our world. Firstly, could you please tell me, which one is your favourite?

Newt: Well River, I am fond of them all. Each magical creature has something to commend it. I suppose I’m partial to a Niffler. Those cheeky chaps are simply delightful.

Lee: I myself own several, so you’re in good company. Now Runespoor, could you tell us a bit about what you did during the fight against Voldemort.

Newt: Well I don’t like to show off, but I’d already helped bring down a dark wizard, so I was planning on staying out of it, and using what I know to protect muggles and creatures. However a ghastly man named McNair tried to recruit me. After I transfigured him into a penguin, I fled with my wife, and we set up, I suppose you could call it an Underground Railroad.

Lee: What did that involve?

Newt: I helped ferry muggleborns to safety abroad. Mostly to Africa, where Voldemort’s evil hadn’t spread. I also acted on some orders Dumbledore had left me, convincing powerful and intelligent magical creatures to band against Voldemort, or stay neutral. I didn’t fight in the battle of Hogwarts, my knees aren’t up to it you see, but I supplied that nice Charlie Weasley with some of my ideas. And my grandson Rolf was there. He stopped an acromantula from eating a Miss Luna Lovegood.

Lee: Amazing Runespoor. We just have time for a few questions from our listeners.

George: Runespoor, this is from Doris Purkiss. ‘How do I convince my pet Chizpurfle, Stanley, to stop eating my muggle neighbours electric cables’

Newt: Well Doris, I suggest you feed Stanley the left overs of any potions you have, or else go to a muggle shop and by what they call ‘Bat-arries’

George: Thank you Runespoor. A quick one from a Mr H. Potter. ‘Help my Hippogriff is an arse who keeps mauling my friends’

Newt: Mr Potter, that’s just Hippogriff’s being Hippogriff’s. Your friends probably failed to respect them properly. I can send you a copy of ‘Hippogriffs: Why they rock and how to help them’ by Barnaby Lee.

George: Thanks Runespoor. And finally, Charlie Weasley (age 26) asks ‘what is your favourite Dragon. Mine is a Hebridean Black’

Newt: Oh Charlie, a very good question. I love all dragons, though I am fond of the Peruvian vipertooth. However I think my favourite for nostalgia reasons is the Ukrainian Ironbelly.

Lee: Thank you so much Runespoor. It has been a pleasure. That’s our show ladies and gents. I’ve been River.

George: and I’ve been Rapier.

Lee: The next password will be ‘Horntail’. Goodnight

[potterwatch-transcripts]

First Broadcast: January 3rd 1999

Lee Jordan: Good day wizarding world, and welcome to Potterwatch, the Harry Potter fan show voted ‘most obnoxious’ by Ginny Weasley for the second year in the row. My name is River, and with me as always is my lovable scallywag of a cohost, Rapier.

George Weasley: Good morrow fair River.

Lee: a pleasure to see you Rapier. Do we have some news today.

George: Boy howdy do we River. First, we go live to our man in the field, and famed Dolores Umbridge hater, Roonil.

Harry Potter: What up my dudes.

George: Roonil, I hear you have some breaking news for us.

Harry: That’s right Rapier. I’m outside the home of world renowned handsome man, Bill Weasley, trying to gain an interview with the newest addition to the Weasley clan, Victoire.

Bill Weasley: Oi Potter, either feed that baby or bog off.

Harry: Miss Weasley, before I give you your bottle, do you have anything to say to the listeners at home?

Victoire Weasley: Mik.

Harry: No, no milk until you talk to the listeners.

Victoire: MIK

Bill: Oh god she’s doing that weird Veela thing. Give her the milk Harry!

Harry: I don’t know how babies work! Kreacher, come and feed this baby!

Kreacher: Kreacher will not touch the half breed blood traitor.

Harry: Now isn’t really the time for your rubbish Kreacher. Here Victoire, look at the nice toy owl. Oh god why does she have fangs. Did she have teeth when I arrived…she’s mauling me..Kreacher, help.

George: Hello, Roonil? You still there.

Lee: Well that was a disaster. Why are there so many maulings on this show.

George: No idea. Anyway back to news. As the millennium approaches, Minister Shacklebolt has announced measures to ensure the upmost secrecy for wizard celebrations. These include the use of the Quidditch World Cup stadium as an official party venue. Fireworks supplied by Weasleys Wizard Wheezes.

Lee: Nice Plug.

George: Cheers. And finally from news. Ronald B Weasley, professional sidekick and unprofessional ginger, assisted in the capture of a death eater today in Andorra. The identity of said death eater is unknown, but is believed to be Antonin Dolohov.

Lee: Not a fan of Dolohov. He tried to curse me like three times.

George: What a git. Ron Weasley was engaged in a duel on the slopes of an Andorran mountain alongside several representatives from the Spanish ministry. It is believed Dolohov chose to hide in Andorra due to the tiny wizarding population, and was only found by Weasley when he accidentally skied into him.

Lee: I didn’t know Ron could ski.

George: He can’t. Hence he skied into Dolohov. After a duel of over an hour, it is reported Weasley swore loudly, tripped over a rock and managed to curse Dolohov while the Death Eater was laughing.

Lee: Truly he deserves his order of Merlin. Such bravery. Thank you Rapier. And now we have a special guest. Please join me in welcoming Robespierre.

Fleur Delacour: Salut mes amis. I am worried now that Harry, pardon, Roonil is being hurt my…a bay.

Lee: No worries Robespierre, Roonil has survived more vicious maulings than that.

Fleur: That is not helping.

Lee: So Robespierre, you know Harry Potter very well. Is he as dreamy as everyone say?

Fleur: Harry is a nice young man, mais he is not really my type. Ma soeur, Gabrielle, now she is a big fan of Harry’s. She has threatened to duel miss weasley for his heart, but I am not thinking this is a good idea. It would be making Christmas dinner tres difficult at the Weasley house.

Lee: Potter to date a Veela? You heard it first hear folks. Sensational news.

Fleur: Merde.

Lee: Now Robespierre, since moving to the UK, you have gotten married, fought in a major war, and learnt how to knit. Which achievement are you most proud of.

Fleur: oh the knitting. In France we defeat dark wizards, how you say, on the reg.

Lee: Are there many dark wizards in France? I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

Fleur: No, because we do our jobs en France. We defeat ze evil wizards before they get too powerful. Not like en Angleterre where you let Voldemort rise. Is silly.

Lee: Didn’t one of Grindlewald’s top lieutenants come from France? And he recruited his first army in Paris?

Fleur: No I do not think this is true.

George: I’m pretty sure he’s right. What was her name. Raisin, Rosé, Rosia. I wish I’d listened in history of magic.

Fleur: Non non you are mistaken.

Lee: Rosier. That was it.

Fleur: oh yes her. Well zis was fun. Aurevoir.

Lee: Thank you Robespierre. Well Witches and Wizards, this was excellent as always. I was magnificent.

George: As was I. Next episode the password will be ‘Sock’ in honour of Dobby the Great, true king of the house elves, breaker of chains, whooper of ass. I’ve been Rapier.

Lee: and I’ve been River. Goodnight.

[potterwatch-transcripts]

First Broadcast: 29th November 1998

Angelina Johnson: Hello wizarding world. My name is Red-Hot, and you are welcome to this very special ladies night edition of Potterwatch. I am joined today by my lovely co-host, Ridgeback.

Alicia Spinnet: Pleasure to be here Red-Hot.

Angelina: We’re hosting today because River and Rapier are appearing before the Wizengamot today for breaching the international statute of secrecy, among 361 other charges.

Alicia: That’s right Red-Hot. Which brings us on to today’s news. Beloved joke manufacturer George Weasley, and noted entertainer and Griffyndor quidditch team fan Lee Jordan, are currently appearing before the highest court in the land for a variety of crimes.

Angelina: Weasley alleges that his ‘pocket chimera’ product, a miniaturised chimera toy, is not in fact dangerous.

Alicia: This comes after the charms on the product malfunctioned, and no fewer than 12 chimeras grew to gigantic size and terrorised muggles across the country, including members of the royal family.

Angelina: Although it is traditional for the Queen to be informed of the existence of magic, and in fact 2 of Queen Victoria’s daughters attended hogwarts (Hufflepuff 1859-1866 and Ravenclaw 1868-1875), it is unusual, although not unheard of, for a chimera to lay seige to Buckingham Palace.

Alicia: Yes, we all remember the time George III fought off the Chimera of Camden with nothing but a cheese sandwich and a sword allegedly created by Merlin.

Angelina: Weasley now faces hundreds of charges, several of which relate to his other products.

Alicia: Jordan faces several charges, after hijacking a BBC radio 3 broadcast to report on the event. He claims he was trying to warm muggles of the danger, but his repeated use of the phrase ‘this is the f*****g funniest thing I’ve ever seen begs to differ.

Angelina: Any other news Ridgeback?

Alicia: Indeed Red-Hot. Molly Weasley, noted knitter, has been awarded an order of Merlin, 2nd class, for her role in keeping Harry Potter alive and well nourished, and thus indirectly saving the wizarding world. This is on top of the Order of Godric she recieved.

Angelina: The order of Godric dear listeners, is the new honour created by minister Shacklebolt for those Griffindors who fought you know who during either wizarding wars. Counterparts for each of the houses have also been released.

Alicia: A well deserved honour for Mrs Weasley. And finally, the WDSS, or Wizards of Differing Sexualites Society, which offers support for LGBTQ+ members of the wizarding world, has revealed that its founders, kept anonymous for many years, were none other than Albus Dumbledore and Sirius Black.

Angelina: I didn’t know Sirius Black was gay?

Alicia: He wasn’t, but according to the WDSS spokesperson, Sarah Cohen-Musa, Mr Black’s personal papers regarding the founding stated that he helped create the group ‘because his mother was an ardent homophobe and it would annoy her. Also everybody, regardless of gender, orientation, race or blood status should be treated equally. Except Severus Snape’. Albus Dumbledore wished to remain anonymous because he didn’t want the organisation to be damaged by association with him.

Angelina: Fasinating stuff Ridgeback. And now, we are joined by a very special guest, arguably the one of the greatest witches of the 20th Century, Rothesay.

Professor McGonnagal: Good evening girls, lovely to be here.

Angelina: Now Rothesay, you have worked at Hogwarts for many years, and served as deputy during the tenure of Albus Dumbledore. What is the most memorable event during your tenure?

McGonnagal: The Weasley swamp was probably one of most amusing and imaginative uses of magic I have ever seen. There was also the time I caught James Potter and Sirius Black attempting to smuggle a baby Swedish Shortsnout into the Slytherin common room as a ‘gift’ for Severus Snape. The dragon got loose, and spend 8 weeks living in the Astronomy Tower, where it acquired a fairly sizeable horde of trinkets, aided by Peeves, unsurprisingly.

Alicia: Whatever happened to the dragon?

McGonnagal: Despite the objections of Hagrid, who wished to keep it as a pet, the dragon, referred to by James as ‘Remus Lupin Jr’ was eventually rehoused with the help of Newt Scamander to its native Sweden. It later returned to Hogwarts for the Triwizard Tournament.

Angelina: Is that true?

McGonnagal: yes, all four dragons had previously been to Hogwarts, as it helped them acclimatise. The Welsh Green was also a James Potter prank.

Alicia: Amazing Rothesay. You have been a teacher at Hogwarts a long time. Who, if anyone, was your favourite student?

McGonnagal: Obviously I have no favourites, although I am somewhat partial to Gryffindor students. A personal bias.

Angelina: ok then Rothesay, how about most frustrating students?

McGonnagal: James Potter, Sirius Black, George Weasley, Fred Weasley, Lee Jordan, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Oliver Wood.

(Background sound of Harry Potter swearing loudly)

Angelina: You said that very quickly Rothesay.

McGonnagal: Ladies, you don’t understand the frustration of Oliver Wood camping outside your office in a Puddlemere United tent for 13 days due to quidditch being cancelled.

Alicia: That sounds very on brand.

Angelina: Finally Rothesay, what is your proudest moment as a teacher?

McGonnagal: The day Harry Potter returned to Hogwarts during the reign of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Followed closely by beating Slytherin in Quidditch.

Angelina: Thank you Rothesay. Potterwatch will return soon, where the password will be Quidditch. Until then, I’ve been Red-Hot.

Alicia: and I’ve been Ridgeback. Thank you and goodnight.

[potterwatch-transcripts]

First Broadcast 7th December 1998

Lee Jordan: Good evening to all my Harry Potter lovers out there. My name is River, your beloved host, and with me, as always, is your friend and mine, Rapier.

George Weasley: Howdie Doodie River.

Lee: and a howdie doodie to you too Rapier. Do you have any news for us today?

George: Golly Gee do I River. Firstly, as mentioned last week, dashingly handsome joke shop owner George Weasley and his plucky sidekick Lee Jordan were to be tried after ‘The Chimera incident’.

Lee: Plucky sidekick?

George: You heard me River. Jordan and Weasley were both fined 500 Galleons, but let off jail time due to their status as war hero’s.

Lee: That and the fact Azkaban is full of Death Eaters out to get them.

George: That too. When asked for comment, Weasley said ‘Honestly I’m surprised it took you this long. My mother thought I’d be in Azkaban long before’

Lee: Classic Weasley.

George: Now, Our Headline today concerns the one, the only lightning headed, dark wizard slaying, Ginny Weasley snogging, snitch catching legend himself, Harry Potter.

Lee: Yay!

George: Last week, stashed behind a pile of broken cauldrons in storeroom #17 at Hogwarts, was found the last will and testament of a Mr Dobby T. House-Elf.

Lee: Man I loved that little scamp.

George: We all did River. Dobby was, as many know, the first free elf, and one of the only ones with property of his own. In his will he left the following items:

To Ron Weezy, 17 bobblehats.

To Hermy One Grainger, a collection of cool rocks.

To Hogwarts school, a portrait he painted of Harry Potter

Lee: I am willing to buy that off Hogwarts.

George: understandable. And lastly, all his remaining possessions to Harry Potter.

Lee: What did Harry get Rapier?

George: Well River, my source, none other than our friend and field reporter Roonil, told me Harry Potter got 71 Galleons, 723 individual socks, a wide variety of jumpers, hats, shorts and scarves, his own sock from his second year at Hogwarts, which had been framed alongside a picture of him and Dobby, and a genuinely surprising number of bed sheets with the Malloy coat of arms on them.

Lee: interesting. Did Dobby take those when he left employed with the Malfoys?

George: I reached out to Draco Malfoy to ask him just that River.

Lee: What did he say?

George: well to begin, he said various words that can’t be broadcast on the air.

Lee: Oh dear naughty Draco.

George: He later revealed that several years ago, all their bed linen had indeed vanished. The Malfoy family peacocks we’re initially blamed, but failed to confess, on account of being Peacocks.

Lee: Well I wish Harry Potter all the best. I imagine even now, he is cuddled up in Draco Malfoys jammies.

George: A disturbing imagine. Our last story tonight. Noted weirdo and muggle fan, Arthur Weasley has been promoted to head the newly created Department of Muggle Affairs. Minister Shacklebolt created this department, which absorbs several muggle related offices across the ministry, to better understand and relate to our non magical neighbours.

Lee: Man that Kingsley is as smart as he is dashing.

George: Too true. Weasley’s new role will include meeting muggle politicians, writing muggle protection laws, and, knowing him, creating some sort of moped that also works underwater.

Lee: I wish Mr Weasley all the best. Please try not to break your own laws. And now, our guest this week. Returning once again, it’s Roonil.

Harry Potter: A pleasure to be here boys.

Lee: So Roonil. As we have said, you are very close to Harry Potter. Tell us, now that the chosen boy is no longer destined to save us all, what’s next for him?

Harry: Well Rapier, I believe Harry Potter was planning on writing a book about the 1798 Sasquatch revolt in America.

Lee: Bollocks.

Harry: Yes River. Indeed, it’s bollocks. No I think Harry will do what he’s best at. Fight evil wizards. There’s still loads of death eaters out there.

George: Where do you stand on the belief shared by many, especially Rita Skeeter, that Harry Potter is in fact, a rubbish wizard who can do 2, maybe 3 spells.

Harry: I’d say to them ‘oh have you ever killed a noseless despot with the disarming spell’

Lee: I suspect Harry Potter is indeed the only person that has ever happened to.

Harry: Exactly River. He’s 2 for 2 on beating dark lords who also don’t have noses using non-lethal magic.

George: Very true. Now Roonil, I was told that you had a very special guest for us.

Harry: Indeed I do Rapier. May I introduce, Buckbeak.

Lee: Good evening Buckbeak.

Buckbeak: incoherent hippogriff sounds.

Lee: Now Mr. Beak, in the past, I have expressed the view that you should be tried for helping convicted felon Sirius Black escape justice. Your thoughts?

Buckbeak: Horrific screeching.

George: an interesting point. Now Buck. May I call you Buck?

Buckbeak: swallows a mouse whole.

George: very good. Now Buck, you lived for a time on the run with Black, including in Jamaica for a good while. Was there any romance?

Buckbeak: Birdlike click.

Harry: I don’t speak Hippogriff, but I think that’s a yes.

Lee: Truly wonderful. I’m happy for you.

Buckbeak: more incoherent Hippogriff noises.

George: Lastly Buck, where do you stand on the ‘Harry Potter is a terrible wizard debate’

Buckbeak: Angry Hippogriff noises.

Harry: Oh dear, calm down Beaky.

Buckbeak: Attempts to maul George in Hippogriff.

George: Oh god my other ear, he’s eating my remaining ear.

Harry: No bad Beaky. Hagrid, come and help.

Buckbeak: Begins to digest Georges last ear.

Lee: We’ll I think we will finish there. I’ve been River.

George: Oh Merlin why does god hate my ears.

Lee: That was Rapier. Next weeks password will be Hippogriff.

Buckbeak: Happy Hippogriff noises.

Lee. Goodnight.

[potterwatch-transcripts]

FIRST BROADCAST: 17th NOVEMBER 1998.

Lee Jordan: Greetings Potterfans, River here, and welcome to another action packed episode of Potterwatch. Today, with me as always, is my cohost and partner in crime, Rapier.

George Weasley: A pleasure to be back River. I would just like to make it clear, no crimes were commuted in the creation of this show. Any that we did commit were purely accidental.

Lee: Except setting a murderous House Elf on Rita Skeeter, that was intentional.

George: And we were acquitted by the wizengamot due to lack of evidence. That and the minister of magic said, and I quote ‘we still have Death Eaters to catch, I literally could not care less’.

Lee: Indeed, vote Shacklebolt for minister.

George: Shacklebolt 2001. Make the ministry mirthful again.

Lee: Now Rapier, what has been happening in the world since last we took to the airwaves like a Harry Potter obsessesed Hippogriff?

George: Well River, funny you should mention Harry Potter obsessed Hippogriffs. It turns out that world famous boy wizard Harry ‘Oblivious to women’s emotions’ Potter has been harbouring a fugitive.

Lee: Gosh Rapier, really?

George: That’s right River. Legendary former toddler H. J. Potter esquire has been harbouring the noted hippogriff and convicted felon ‘Buckbeak’. Buckbeak was sentenced to death several years ago for allegedly mortally wounding Draco ‘My father will hear about this’ Malfoy. Additionally, Buckbeak aided in the escape of famed criminal and good boy, Sirius Black.

Lee: But was mr Black not posthumously cleared of all charges?

George: Correct River. However, at the time this feathered felon was still aiding in a criminals escape, and should be brought to justice.

Lee: Are you suggesting we campaign to send Buckbeak to Azkaban.

George: Not only am I suggesting jail for this clawed criminal, but I also suggest Harry Potter should be imprisoned for upwards of 50 years for harbouring a known fugitive.

Lee: I support this Rapier. Justice must be done.

George: In other news, popular magazine the Quibbler has relaunched after nearly two years of being out of print. Those of you listening to the show during the reign of Ol’ Lord no nose will remember the Quibbler’s office was destroyed in what some have described as ‘A classic Potter’

Lee: We can exclusively reveal that myself and Rapier, as well as Harry Potter, Kreacher T. Elf, Horace Slughorn and Ronald ‘What were you thinking in your 6th Year’ Weasley will be just some of the guest writers.

George: My article is called ‘Minerva McGonnagal, Kitten or Kangaroo’. I seek to prove that the hogwarts headmistress is not in fact a proud Scot, but actually a 25yr Australian Enchantress called Stephanie Irwin.

Lee: Meanwhile, my article will seek to look into claims that Harry Potter is none other 3 Goblins in a surprisingly realistic person costume.

George: look out for other articles from us coming soon. And finally, after much debate, a new platform will be opening at Kings Cross Station. Platform 7 5/12 will be a direct line from London to Godric’s hollow, providing fans of the chosen one the chance to visit the ‘Harry Potter’ experience, sponsored by Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes.

Lee: I am very excited for this new Museum/Interprative Dance Show, opening in March 1999.

George: Fun fact for our fans River, if you slap a red wig in a house Elf, spitting image of Potter’s beloved sidekick Rob Weasley.

Lee: and now we turn to the interview portion of our show. Please join me fans, in giving a very warm welcome to ‘Rival’

Viktor Krum: Is pleasure to being here my friends.

Lee: Now Rival, you know Harry Potter fairly well, what’s he like?

Krum: Well River, Harry Potter is good man. I like him very a lot. However, he is not too bright.

George: oh really?

Krum: oh yes. I get to know him during the Triwizard tournament, and I come to conclusion that without Hermione Grainger, who is amazing witch, Potter would have been died two weeks into his first year in Hogwarts.

Lee: You’re not the first to say this Rival. So you like Potter, but think he’s a bit thick.

Krum: Yes I am liking Harry but am thinking he actually only knowing 2 spells. The Dementor Spell, in Bulgaria we call it the great protector. And Expelliarmus. I was at battle of Hogwarts and when I see him try to disarm the dark lord I am thinking ‘oh well, nice to know you Potter’ and am ready to try to kill Mister Voldemort myself.

George: Do you think you could have defeated the Dark Lord?

Krum: Oh yes, in my home country we knowing how to deal with Dark Wizards and beasts. I defeat my first Vampire age 9 with nothing but a firebreath potion and sharp stick. I sharpen stick myself.

Lee: How did you sharpen the stick Rival?

Krum: With another sharpened stick.

George: Amazing. You heard it hear first folks, Rival is probably the coolest dude I’ve ever met. And I routinely was punished by Minerva McGonnagal.

Krum: Your Madam McGonnagal is great woman. She remind me of the Lamya. Is a great Bulgarian dragon lady of much power.

Lee: Awesome. And finally Rival, how do you fancy your home nations chances in the Quidditch World Cup.

Krum: I am hoping we do very well. Is a good team, maybe better than team we have last World Cup.

Lee: Thank you Rival. That is all we have time for tonight. I have been River.

George: And I have been Rapier.

Lee: The next password will be ‘Buckbeak’. Stay tuned Potterfans, and remember, Harry Potter killed an evil wizard at 1 year old, with a full nappy, so there’s hope for us all.