#probably my grandma. which is ironic because she's the one i sold my car to. she'd be taking me to fedex in my own car‚ technically

[front-facing-pokemon]

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

kiss me in the d-a-r-k .1.

saturday

Warnings: non/dub con sex 

This is dark!(dad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: The reader's vacation doesn’t go as planned.

Note:  Okay, so my dad!Steve fic turned into a gd series, but it’s gonna be short (six/seven parts) and it’s gonna be posted all this week (exception for wednesday for obvious reasons). The fic takes places over a week and so each chapter is a day.

We get a sexy dad!Steve who’s a bit more devious than dark and well...I’ll let you guys figure it out for yourselves! I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think!

...

One week. That was your summer, truly. The rest you would spend working at the banquet hall, serving drunken guests at birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries. At the end, you would return to the sleepy lectures and all-nighters which defined university living.

Six hours in the car and a pit stop or two and you were on official vacation. Kylie was waiting. A pool, too. That was the real attraction. The moment she mentioned that, you were sold. It was surely preferable to spending your only week off alone in the town you grew up in. 

Google led you to a long driveway. At the end stood a house three times as big as yours. By the look of it, the pool must have been massive. You couldn’t wait.

There were two other cars in the driveway. The cherry red Mercedes Kylie had bragged about but her dad hadn’t let he take with her to uni, and a Range Rover in pristine white. Both sat outside the double-door garage just off the side of the cobbled walkway.

You pulled up behind the Mercedes and climbed out with a groan. Your legs were cramped and you were sorely in need of relief. Your bladder was full from the ginger ale you gulped after the last rest stop. You grabbed your purse from the passenger’s seat and the compact luggage from the trunk. 

The small suitcase rolled over the bumpy cobbles and you lifted it up the steps. The wooden door was wide enough for two to go through at once and the wrought iron hinges gave it a vintage feel. You raised a fist to knock but paused. You supposed the doorbell in the middle of the ornamental sun was a more effective route.

You rang and waited. You gripped the handle of your suitcase and pulled out your phone. A whole two minutes and you pushed it again. Still, nothing. You swiped up and began to type out a message to Kylie. She was probably already floating in the pool, sunglasses on, the world blotted out from her mind.

You jumped before you hit send. The garage door jerked and the electric motor slowly lifted the folding door. The sound of a radio came faint from within. A man peeked around and you were ready to kick yourself. Google had taken you to the wrong house. Fuck.

“I thought I heard something,” He said above the radio hosts as they announced the weekend top ten throwbacks. “You must be Kylie’s friend. I told her to wait, but…”

“Stubborn,” You finished awkwardly. You gave him your name and looked around. “Um, so she told you about me?”

“A little. Mentioned a friend.” He shrugged. “I’m Steve...her father.”

His greying blonde hair caught the sun as he smiled. The corners of his eyes crinkled and he reached to his belt to loose the rag there, wiping the grime from his hand. Kylie’s dad was suppose to be out of town, or so she said. It seemed, however, he was very much in town. So much for a vacation.

“Door’s unlocked,” He shaded his eyes, his bicep bulged. He was in good shape for his age. Good shape for any. “Pool’s right through. Past the foyer and into the kitchen. Sliding doors are right there.” He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes glued to the unseen interior of the garage. “Drag her out and get her to give you the tour.”

You nodded and he disappeared back into the garage. He left the door open. You pushed down the lever and stepped inside. You slipped off your sneakers, afraid to mess the sparkling floors, and left your bags beside the mat. Just past the large curved staircase was the door to the kitchen.

This wasn’t just a house, it was a mansion. Kylie seemed the well-to-do type but you hadn’t expected this. The kitchen was just as grand. Pale checkered floors, marble counters, glass cabinets and fridge. Sleek but classic.

Kylie didn’t notice the door as it slid open. Didn’t notice as you approached the pool, the mosaic of dark blues, teals, and white formed swirled waves around the edge. Beach loungers lined the side and a round table with tanning lotion and an empty glass stood between two cushioned lawn chairs.

“Hey,” You neared the edge. She lazed by in a floatie, pointed sunglasses over her eyes, a skinny red bikini betrayed her confidence. “Thought you’re dad was gone for the week.”

“He got cancelled on,” She didn’t move, didn’t even open her eyes beneath the shades. “He’s cool with it though. Says he’ll give us our space.”

“Great, I’m sure he won’t mind the sixer in my bag if he’s at a distance,” You said dryly.

“Pfft, he’d rather I drink here than somewhere else.” She replied, “He’s always offering his beer but you know me, I don’t do beer.”

“Oh,” You wouldn’t guess a man like him with a house like this would be anything but strict. “It does preclude us from our little midnight trip to the beach. Mercedes has to be parked and polished by ten.”

“I told you, I’m not skinny dipping,” You grumbled, “I don’t care how dark it is.”

“Well, now it’s not an argument because we can’t go,” She stopped herself with a hand on the edge as she floated close to the ladder. “Tell me he wasn’t an ass.” She climbed out with a splash. “He didn’t tell one of his jokes, did he?”

“He was...nice,” You answered vaguely, “Why didn’t you tell me you lived in a palace?”

“Whatever, dunno why dad kept the house,” She grabbed the towel from over the closest chair, “Him and my mom built it but I don’t think it’s so much sentiment as spite now.”

“Your mom?” You wondered.

“She lives a state over now. Bigger house actually.” She wrapped the towel around her as she led you back to the sliding doors. “Richer man.”

“Sounds like the life,” You kidded. She laughed.

“Trust me, I know,” She guided you through the kitchen and to the base of the staircase. “Once I’m out of school, I’m gonna find me a good daddy. Maybe in L.A.” You giggled and she climbed the stairs lazily. “As you can see, this place is massive. “Not to hard to guess that upstairs are the bedrooms and downstairs the rest. Living room, dining room, kitchen, office, gym.” She listed, “My dad’s room is just down there,” She pointed to the end of the east hall. “Mine’s complete opposite. Thank god.”

“You can stay in the nice guest room.” She led you to the door two from her own. “The rest look like my grandma decorated them and this one has a full bath.”

“I’d sleep on your porch and be comfortable,” You scoffed and she rolled her eyes. “Better grab your stuff and get changed. Vacation starts now.”

“Sure,” You turned back down the hall. It wouldn’t be very relaxing with the unexpected third wheel. Or were you the third wheel?

-

You floated around the edge of the pool. Kylie had found a second floatie but it took ages to blow it up. She didn’t help. She went back to her own and swiped through instagram. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers.

In your flowered one-piece you even looked like you didn’t belong. Of course Kylie was tall, blond, and perfect and made anyone seem the opposite. You read the novel your sister had lent you but found yourself closing your eyes beneath your round shades. She hadn’t warned you it was a romance.

It was getting late. The air cooled and the sun was on its decline. You dipped your fingers in the water. Even with the heater on, it made you shiver. Of course, you'd been baking for hours now.

You paddled yourself to the side of the pool. You tossed your book up and carefully pulled yourself close. You hooked a leg over and were halfway onto solid ground when the floatie began to stray. In your struggle to keep aground, your lost the floatie and found yourself plunging into the pool.

You came up for air with a gasp. You were surprised by the two sets of laughter that greeted you. Kylie was at the ladder, holding her own floatie steady as she giggled. You turned as her dad stood just outside the open sliding doors. He had seen everything.

“Girls,” He cleared his throat, “I was just coming out to ask what you wanted on your pizza?”

“Pizza,” Kylie repeated. “I’d prefer sushi.”

“You’d prefer the world,” He returned. Kylie climbed up the ladder without a splash and you waded over to it. “Or you guys can fend for yourselves. I was just trying to set a good impression for your friend, but--”

“You know what I like, dad,” Kylie whined.

“Ah, only children,” Steve sighed and looked to you as you climbed out of the pool. 

The water dripped from your suit as it clung to your figure. You quickly crossed to the beach chair and pulled a towel around you. You nearly slipped as you came to a stop. 

“Careful,” He warned. You could feel him watching; was it concern? Amusement? “So, any preferences?”

“Um, not really. Don’t really like meat on my pizza but I’m not picky,” You tried to smile as you wiped your face dry. “Always considered myself lucky to get a slice with my siblings.”

“Alright,” He said, “I’ll go order. Kylie, close the pool up before you come in.”

“Yes, Dad,” She huffed and he pulled shut the door behind him. “You know he was supposed to go see some friend in the city but he’s out here making my life miserable.”

“Oh?” You didn’t wanna be ungracious to the man who had so far been rather nice. You also didn’t want to feed her only child syndrome. “He’s all paranoid because I had Taylor over without telling him and he walked in on us making out.”

“I’m sure it could’ve been worse,” You mused.

“Yeah, he could’ve walked in a few minutes later,” She shrugged and took the key from the glass table. She crossed to the end of the pool and knelt to open the lid of a box set into the stone. She shoved the key in and turned. The pool cover slowly whirred and unfolded across the pool. “I don’t think he believed you were real, to be honest.”

The pool cover finished its journey to the other end and she snapped the lid shut. She strode around the pool and slipped on her sandals as she grabbed her phone from the table. You hugged your own towel to you as she carelessly rubbed dry her body with one hand. She led you inside and barely acknowledged her dad as she walked through the kitchen.

You glanced over at Steve and he smiled. Caught, you tried to smile back and carried on. He didn’t seem the type to put up with Kylie’s attitude but he also seemed to have a way with her. She was snarky but she did as he said.

“Pizza’s due in twenty minutes,” He called after Kylie. “I’m not gonna wait for you.”

“Sure, Dad,” She shrugged and started up the staircase. You followed and resisted the urge to look over to the kitchen door. You swore a shadow filled it as you began your ascent.

-

You changed and followed Kylie down to the dining room. The table was more appropriate for a dozen than the meagre three who sat along it. The pizza had already shown up and Steve had stacked plates beside the boxes. He had taken two slices for himself. You sat beside Kylie and she took a single slice. You did the same and her dad chuckled.

“Come on, it’s a vacation, help yourself,” He caught the lid before it could close. “Take a second. Hell, a third.”

“Dad,” Kylie scowled, “We’re adults. We can feed ourselves.”

“I know, I know, but you should enjoy yourself,” He countered, “You’re not on another cleanse are you?”

“No, I learned my lesson,” She nibbled at her slice.

“An unpleasant one,” He laughed and took a bite. He swallowed as his blue eyes wandered over to you hiding behind your slice. “So, Kylie said you two are in the same program.”

“Yeah, uh,” You took a napkin from the pile and wiped your mouth. “For now, at least.”

“For now?” He asked.

“I’m trying to transfer. I don’t think Lit is for me,” You explained and watched the drops of grease trickle along the cheese. “I’m waiting for an answer from the head of the journalism program but...well, deadline’s well and passed and I thought I’d know by now.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it. If it’s what you really want, I can’t see why they’d turn a smart girl like you away.” He took another bite.

“Smart? How do you know that?” You raised a brow.

“Kylie mentioned something about honours. Also a little study session that saved her from a summer semester.” He chided and Kylie rolled her eyes.

“To be fair, that was a hard course. I barely eked out a low A and the drop rate was almost sixty percent,” You tried to help as best you could. You wouldn’t mention that Kylie had been hungover during the exam or that you hadn’t even been in that course. “And, well, I’ll at least know before we return to campus...I guess.”

“Looking forward to it?” He asked. “I know Kylie is. What’s not to miss in the city? All those boys.”

“Dad,” You chewed your pizza as Kylie cringed. “Don’t start on that.”

You hid your discomfort and focused on swallowing. Unlike Kylie, boys had not been the best part of your undergrad experience. In fact, they had been more stressful than classes. University had turned out little better than high school on that front.

“You’re young. This is the time to get your kicks in,” Steve laughed.

“Stop it, Dad!” Kylie griped.

“Don’t act like you’re not with that Taylor boy,” He jabbed. “No judgment, just be safe.”

“Please stop before I lose my appetite,” Kylie stared at her pizza in disgust.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to tell me about all your illicit lovers,” Steve turned back to you, “Just one.”

“Dad!” Kylie dropped her crust. “Keep it up and she’s going to leave.”

You giggled nervously. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to admit that you weren’t very experienced, though Kylie already knew. It was almost flattering that he would think you were more than a clueless girl.

“Only if you tell me yours,” You kidded and finished your crust. You reached for another and Steve opened the box for you.

“Don’t encourage him,” Kylie grumbled, “He will, you know? He’s not subtle.”

Steve chuckled at his daughter and met your eyes. He lifted his brows before he looked away. He lifted his second piece of pizza and chewed. You did the same. You always over-thought these things. 

Surely he had only been joking. Had to be. Afterall, you were entirely ignorant of the other sex. You were quick to read into every word and gesture. This was English Lit. There was no symbolism here.

-

tags to be added in reblog

[brighidsember]

So, I was kinda gonna do a show and tell about my very first crystal. Which was a...a pretty "meh" idea to begin with, I gotta admit. But I thought it prove useful to people just getting started in witchcraft who are crystal-less and wondering where to start and worried they won't pick the right one. So here we are. However, upon looking through my hoarde, I discovered that I didn't have one "beginner" crystal. Oh sure, there was the first one I bought with intention, which I might discuss in future, but my first crystal (or crystals, should I say) were gifted to me by my mother, my own little starter kit for crystals. Be warned, this is gonna be a long one. Here they are: | 1. Amethyst. Every good witch needs an amethyst, right? Right. They're the lavender of gemstones; universal, spiritual, good for protection. It's a good crystal to have in your starter kit, and I used this one in A LOT of spells and charms. | 2. Sooo...this is either a legit rose quartz...or a clear quartz dyed pink. Im thinking it's the latter. Which might be why I never used it in love spells. I had an old necklace with a gold chain and a true rose quartz heart pendant, that one I used for love spells for a long time. This one was just a cool crystal to put on a shelf and point out whenever we had company. *shrugs* | 3. For the longest time, I thought this stone was jade. Only a few years ago did my mother inform me it was actually aventurine. Unsure about that one. It's definitely not jade, but it still worked well in money spells! | 4. Turquoise. My mom has a bit of a turquoise collection, some of which were gifted to her when she was a teenager by our aunt (who is awesome and has a Tibetan singing bowl I want to steal because it's super cool looking! Okay, tangent over). Turquoise is good for bringing spiritual wisdom and serenity, and even though I never used it spells, just having it around brought calmness to my space when I was growing up. | 5. Amber. I never know what to call amber. It's technically not a crystal or gemstone, because it's not a mineral, it's a resin. It's associated with love, and placed on your bedside or in the love and marriage sector of your home/room (feng shui), it can help manifest a loving relationship or self love. | 6. Raw peridot. When I was younger, I believed any and all green stones were fair game for use in money spells. Whether that's true or not remains to be seen, but it did work for me, for what it's worth. Otherwise, peridot is good for balancing emotions (could've used that more as a teenager), bringing creativity, as well as good health. | 7. Black Obsidian. First thing you will notice about this little guy is that it's...well, black. And you know what that means: banishing negativity! Made from volcanic glass, it can be used as a scrying tool, a protection amulet, or for banishing negative emotions and energy. Just remember to cleanse early and cleanse often if that is it's job! Smudging is the safest way to cleanse this crystal, though I will say I have used salt in the past without issue...but I'm trash, so yeah. On a personal note, this little crystal did help me in some small way with a major bout of depression some years ago. | 8. Smoky Quartz. Another great protection stone, smoky quartz is also great for banishing anxiety and fear, grounding, and helping you feel settled in your earthly body...if you're into that sort of thing. Otherwise, a great stone to keep around when it's 3 a.m. but you haven't had any sleep and you heard a weird noise. What's that? Why, no, I'm not speaking from personal experience, why do you ask? | 9. Clear Quartz. Ah, clear quartz. So simple. So plain. Yet so beautiful, and powerful. Need a spell boosted? Add in quartz. Need protection against negativity? Place a quartz crystal by the entrance to your house, or in the room often used for congregating. Connecting to your higher self? Quartz on your bedside or altar. Need healing or pain relief? Wear a quartz pendant. It's such a versatile little stone, it's no wonder every witch has loads of clear quartz, in their house, in their car, their office, their outfit...just clear quartz coming out of our ears! Also, along with amethyst, it's a good starter crystal because you can find it everywhere crystals are sold, in any size or shape, without needing to take a hammer to your heirloom piggy bank. | 10. Angel Aura. Clear quartz and platinum had a love child, and it's name was angel aura. I could explain the process, but as I mentioned before, I am trash, and google is a thing. Go forth and investigate, my child! Angel aura, as you could guess by the name, can help align your vibrations with angels. Angels aren't your jam? Cool, cool; it can help align you with the astral plane as well. Helpful if you want to get into astral travel. It's also the gemstone equivalent of aura fluffing, so if you just wanna feel happy for no damn reason, pick up some angel aura. | 11. Raw Agate. We have an agate problem in my family. At least, my mother, aunt, and grandmother do. When my mom and her sister were younger (and the backroads of rural Wisconsin were still mostly gravel), my grandmother would take them agate hunting in the summer. All you needed was a container for your haul, some water to bring out the color (easier to identify the stone), and a dirt road. Easy. Cheap. And now, my grandma has a comically large brandy glass filled with agate they've collected through the years. This agate I have is not from those days. You see, my mom is so good at finding agate now, she can find it literally anywhere. Like a parking lot of a restaurant somewhere in the Twin Cities (true story, bro). This particular type of agate is what the experts call "banded agate", which is good for healing, protection, memory, and wealth. | 12. Rose Quartz. This is probably the stone I have the earliest memory of. When I was a baby, my mother had my room decorated floor-to-ceiling with dolphins, in hues of aqua blue and baby pink. Ah, the 90's, when denim maternity shirts, teased bangs, and platform shoes were actual things that people wore. And dolphins? I don't know why mom surrounded me with dolphins. She just did. On curtains, comforters, lampshades, and t-shirts. And in the form of carved rose quartz. Rose quartz is the stone of love and peace. Whether it's romance, self love, or familiar love, rose quartz inspires you to love unconditionally. Ironically, dolphins represent self love. Though I never used this stone in a spell, keeping it by my bed as a child always reminded me that my mother loved me unconditionally. Oh, the feels. | So there you have it. Some good starter crystals to investigate and read more about. Thank you for attending my Ted talk.

[radiantgardenprince]

It’s funny how a completely different natural disaster that's not even near you will send you into a panic attack about one you experienced. 

I always joke about it now but it was a horrible experience. And hearing about the devastation, the damage, the homes and irreplaceable things lost.. I guess it's triggering something akin to PTSD? I just need to type it out because I'm afraid to call anyone

In May of 2003 (May was a record breaking month for tornadoes in the US), a category F4 tornado passed through my town and destroyed my home. 20 people were injured and one elderly man was killed.  (Edit: I believe the confirmed death for this tornado was 7, but the one was in my town alone)

Everything was fine that day. The sky was a crystal clear blue, the most beautiful blue I had ever seen. I think it was the last time I could look at the color and for sure say it was blue and not grey or green or purple. No wind, n clouds, just a bright sun in the sky while I cleaned out mom's car. Being the bratty kid I was I slammed everything I took out onto the counter inside our house and stomped back outside.

I thought I had gone blind.

There was nothing but black. Clouds came out of nowhere in a span of minutes. Lightning was striking so close and we could see it. It wasn't the first tornado I've seen but it was the first one that was directly coming towards me. It was the biggest. We moved fast to grab the animals and get our neighbors. They opened the gate so their  cattle could go, and put the puppies in a shelter (except the runt we couldn't find). There was nothing else they could do. We couldn't get one of my cats and had to leave him behind as we took his mom and our two dogs down into our small shelter with us. We had food and water down there we would be fine.

My neighbor and I were panicked about his oldest son, who was with his girlfriend in her trailer. They were lucky, the tornado just barely missed them.  My step-dad and our neighbor held down the trap door over the shelter, really struggling as the tornado passed over us. It could've ripped right off. The hail was huge and loud as it pelted down on us.

It was over in a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds, but the damage was immense. The shed that was over the shelter had collapsed. Our neighbor and his youngest son were thin enough to get out and help get all the debris off so we could get out.

Everything was gone.

What was left of my house was just the foundation, making my beloved home look so much smaller. Our garage was gone. Same with my neighbor's. My step-dad's truck and jeep were thrown into the field across from us, mangled into each other. It was hard to believe they were separate at one point. Mom's tiny car moved three feet but suffered serious damage, it would never run again. The only structure that really stood was what was left of the shed, which only stayed because a dead tree had it's branches wrapped around the walls, keeping it all firm. Keeping the door from being ripped off and us being taken away. Two arcade games that my step-dad built kept a lot of the roof from completely falling onto us, allowing us to get out once it was done.

A train had been derailed from the tracks right next to us. The engine and the cars across the road, spilling coal into my yard. Because of this it took emergency services twice as long to reach us, having to go the long way around to get vehicles to get us out. I think one cop parked to wait and walk over to make sure we were okay while they called people to come move the train.

The air was so calm it was like it never happened. But so thick I thought I was going to die. My entire life had been swept away, just like that. Photographs, important documents, family things.. Gone. Our clothes, my cat, our entire livelihood.

Our neighbor's pups didn't make it, and neither did the adult dogs he had to let loose. We found the runt in the ditch in front of my house and we named her Miracle, she's still with them to this day I think. Getting on in her old age..

It was maybe an hour before the train was moved and emergency vechicles could get through. We were allowed to grab a few things nearby but had to get out fast. I'm glad we grabbed what we could because looters had already gone through the next day when we came back. In a hole, created by lightning, I found a sheet of mine. Soaked and heavy with mud, but otherwise okay. I still have it to this day and I will not sleep without it. Even now it's wrapped around me.

We were helped into the back of a truck once everyone was sure that none of us were badly injured. Cuts and scrapes, but nothing that required immediate attention. We passed by a field that held horses. My mom initially started sobbing because none of them were moving. Then they snapped out of their shock and started to kick and try to get out of their paddock, since there was nothing but heavy trees and iron pieces in their area. I think someone stopped to open the gate, they were branded. They would be found. It was best to let them run than to have them get hurt.

It was a little bit before we found a place to stay, my grandmother letting us be in one of her rented trailers while we looked for a house to rent.

I was still in school. It was hard, going back for those last two weeks. But my teachers were very supportive of me and let me have space. I spent a lot of time in the counselor's room to get caught up on what I missed and to have someone keep an eye on me. She and some of the teachers got some money for me to go get some new clothes, as I only had the sweats I left at my grandma's. I'll never forget their kindness or the care my counselor gave me. It was so weird, having her tell me we were going shopping after lunchtime. And then given a small bag to take to mom which had a bunch of toiletries and food for us.

Mom went through a serious depression. Her and step-dad's fighting got worse. I think right around then was when I really started to hate him and started to seclude myself from everyone. It was the tipping point into my depression and thoughts of suicide. The real start of my explosive anger, not just my weird quirks.

We tried to build a new house and start a new life. But a family friend swindled us and stole a lot of money while 'building' the place. That and the kids in the area we were building were vandalizing the place every day, doing irreversible damage. We should have hired an inspector, as it wasn't something that the city automatically sent out in this area. We trusted him and he ruined our family.  He has the gall to come up and try to speak with me about a decade later. He knows my step-dad will kill him, and he was very lucky I was at work. All I could do was tell him to leave or I'll get someone to make him leave.

We've just now sold the property we tried to build on. I believe mom gave up on the property in Mulberry.

Every year I think I'm fine. Tornado watches don't bother me, and I'm calm-ish when the sirens go off. I've even had to go to the back of my work during one warning, more annoyed than scared. I joke about it, make stupid jokes. But in the back of my mind I know this was going to happen.

I'm going to be older and I won't have any photos of me as a child. They're all gone. I had an argument with an art teacher of why I couldn't do an art thing of me with childhood photos. They were all blown away. I don't remember what I wore, what I looked like, or who I spent holidays with. And I won't.

This put my family into serious debt, even without the thieving 'friend'. We fought constantly and I would often not like to ask for new clothes. I could find something that I like and actually fits (which was rare ) and then I would immediately put it back when I saw the price. That lead to fights as my step-dad yells at my mom for turning me int this.  That lead to more tears in the fitting room. That lead to me feeling guilty for buying things or having to ask for help.

So, now, here I am. 14 years later having a freak out as these stories send me back to what was probably the worst day of my life.

I've finally searched that day in Google, looking up the damage and even finding videos of it. From an outside perspective.. It's amazing. The shear size of the thing.. But living through what I have? I know I'm lucky to be alive.

[uwuboi-64]

ENTRY #2

Dear mom,

You're a TERF. Possibly a SWERF. Ironic given your majors. After I came out to dad, you sat me down & asked how long I had believed I was trans. At the time it had been 2 years. You were convinced it was a phase. You said that I was trans because I didn't like you. Maybe that was part of it, I don't know. But so far, I've identified as trans for 4 years now. The only thing that's wavered is my name. I want a new name but I have no idea what to name myself. Usually people go with a modified version of their birth name, but I don't connect with them. Some people go by their middle name but I don't like that either. So that was one thing you were right about. At least it won't be too difficult because you won't know about it.

You & dad moved to another state. Or you're making your way there. So good for you guys. It's because of [REDACTED]'s divorce, huh? Now she's gay too. Or bi, I don't care. You both are still TERFs. Both of you knew I was a guy, I came out to you & you wouldn't use my pronouns. Which, after living as a guy for 2 years now, it feels so weird to be seen as a girl.

My favorite school photo was 5th grade. Why? I looked like a boy, but I don't want to keep spewing that off. I want to talk about how hypocritical you are.

You one day said, that buying a bed doesn't mean anything. Then later saying that your bed was the first time you bought your own. So there, I did something before you. I got furniture on my own. So there. You complained I didn't know how to drive. Compared to you, who never drove. Or telling me to get a job and work more hours. Which I didn't becaysr I knew it was my last summer. I wanted time to hang out with my friends. I wanted to have freedom for a little longer. I helped fix the car & bought parts. You claimed I was addicted to my phone, but definitely not as much as you. You love that stupid app. Loved the people. I wonder if they knew what you did & who you were. Dad talked a lot of shit about you. It's a miracle that you two are still together. You threatened to kill yourself over him leaving! You attempted using tylenol apparently. Not like you'd tell me your flaws.

Also! During 2017, you pushed our boundaries too far. In asking about my sex life as a 17 year old, you told me how you liked to cum. Which is not something I wanted to hear. You talked about you & dad & the night I was conceived. That went on for 30 minutes. Gods, that was gross. You had surgery on your hand and complained that you couldn't do all the things by yourself, then proceeded to make dad & I do everything. You came into my room while you were topless & asked if I could take off your bra. Like, dad was home? Like be kind and selfless, but I'm not taking off your bra. Sorry.

You wanted us to type everything out for you. You still played your game even though that's probably what caused your hand to go berserk.

Also!

When I wanted to debate with dad about dying my hair, you didn't let him say a word. You defended him, telling me that he preferred his "daughters with natural hair" Gods that was creepy! How? How should a gender studies major say that? That's awful! I never shared this with anyone but that played right into a big fear of mine. That dad was a pedo. I can't have [REDACTED] calling me 'sweetie' or 'babe' or 'baby' or 'sweetheart'. Those are the names he used for us & I hated it. Bet you didn't care. He always repeated that he loved me more than I'd ever know. Hell. Older men creep me out now because of that. Hell all men do that weird shit.

You always downplayed your opinion you knew I wouldn't like by saying you would have to talk to dad first. Like me arguing over & over that I could have my hair dyed. That took a long time. Or me trying to get a short haircut.

How I wanted to take French instead of Spanish. How I wanted to be in a lower math class. But no.

So you wanted me to do stuff. In return because you were such a good mom. Nope. Because you were awful. I know who your favorite kid is. It's definitely not me. Hate to break it to you. You didn't play with me or pay attention. Sure we played wii together some nights, but after moving you never touched it.

You taught me how to write my 2's. Dad was frustrated that I couldn't write them right, so you told me to try it another way. Hooray. You taughy me to walk & talk. Also to hate myself! Hooray!! Got all this bs from you, huh? Or dad? Who knows, he won't talk about anything.

"Hey what did grandma die of?" "Nothing"

"Hey do you have a mental illness?" "Nope" but he punched a wall once & had all the anxiety attacks. I guess.

Your relationship was so fucked! You couldn't be worse for each other. I'm the byproduct. Dad doesn't have any friends because of you. He sold his shit to appease you. How about all your useless books? Nope. Never going to sell. "No one will buy them." Really? You sure? I bet after I moved you sold my legos. Hope the next kid enjoys them. Gods. I hated the way you treated dad. Like he just wanted to serve you. Even though you knew it, you let him. You wouldn't do the dishes. You rarely cleaned. You needed him. He dealt because he had to "make up for his sins." You know how fucked that is? He worked hard to put you through school & you ran back to college again & again. That was such BS. We went bankrupt so many times. Did you all even tell me? Fuck no. He was your sugar daddy & you were never independent. At least not after you got married.

You need someone to put up with your BS. I was through with it. You turned him on me. He demeaned me. He said I was exactly like you. That probably hurt the most out of all the shit that happened. He might as well have punched me in the face. He refused to talk to me or look at me. If I tried he'd act like it was a game, like I was a villain or like he caught me. When I told you guys I was going to the hospital he laughed in my face. He told me he knew it was just to make him feel pity. It was a part of this "game". Yep, this silence is all a game. To make you feel pity. Not working and bettering myself. Just a game. Sure.