#probably won't be finishing this bcs there's way too many things I'd need to find a good ref for fahskj

[copper-skulls]

Hold me down tight when I'm losing my mind You tied a tether here to keep me close

---

this is more of an overrendered sketch than anything else hfaskh I needed to take a screen break

[join-the-club-weve-got-jackets]

3, 23, 25!

Thank you, dear! 💙

3. Rant. Just do it

Oh boy. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into by asking me to rant about something lol. There are so many things I can rant about, and frequently do on here (hence why I have a special 'rant' tag). It took me some time to decide just what I wanted to rant about. I didn't know how political or personal I wanted to get. So I'm gonna go somewhere in the middle and vent some frustrations about work.

I'll preface this by saying I'm very grateful for my job, the people I work with, and the company I work for. But it has been so goddamn frustrating and stressful lately, and for the last year basically. We have way too much fucking work to do within my little sub-department of four. And it just never stops coming. They keep giving us more projects and assigning more things to fall under our responsibilities, but they won't let us hire more people to help nor are we supposed to be using a lot of over time. My supervisor and manager have built a case for us to bring in another person and they've presented it to the higher ups, but it's always turned down for budgetary reasons. So we're just stuck having too many things to do and never enough time. And since I'm in HR compliance, there are a lot of things I deal with that need to be done within a quick/reasonable time frame.

I have so many things that I am so far behind on or can never get to bc there is not enough time in the world for me to get to them. So I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could help them build a really good case for needing more help by showing them just how far behind I am in some areas (we're talking 300+ unanswered voice mails within the last year), but I'd probably be risking my job. I got in trouble for something like this the past week. I hadn't responded right away to someone outside of the company I needed to do an investigation for, so she somehow got our legal/executive people's contact info and reached out to them. Turns out I was a month behind on starting what I needed to, which our legal team was not happy about. When I was asked about it, I had to lie and say it must have gotten buried/lost in my emails (which are a mess btw) bc they were never going to accept the real reason.

The only reason I'm not able to get all my work done is bc I literally do not have enough time. I could work hours upon hours of over time, which I don't want to bc I value my time outside of work too much, and still not get this done. And I hate asking for help so much when I know everyone else is busy with their own shit too. I have gotten a planner that I use on a daily basis to help, but nothing can ever stop all the interruptions or urgent requests that can take over my day. So whenever they ask me why I haven't finished something, if I tell them I didn't have time, I'm told that's not an acceptable reason/excuse anymore. Then it's like, I literally don't know what else to tell you bc there is no other fucking reason I can't get my work done other than not having enough time.

It's all so goddamn frustrating and I'm just stuck in this awful cycle and all it does is remind me of how much I hate our capitalist, money/work-driven society. I just want to have enough money to live comfortably without having to rely on a job just to survive, especially a job where I'm constantly waiting for the end of the day/week so I'm free. But it's not this specific job even that bugs me. I have been looking for jobs in a new city for nearly a year now, and I can barely find anything that I am remotely interested in to even apply. No, I don't want to work in a job with 'a fast-paced, stress-filled' environment', aka almost any job description nowadays. I just want to enjoy my life and not constantly have to be stressed and rushing to get things done by quick deadlines. Having to live my life by a clock/schedule drives me up a wall. I literally hate that so much of our lives is controlled by the construct of time. This is a good segue into the next question, and partially an explanation for my next answer, so I'm just gonna stop here. That felt really good to get off my chest though.

23. If you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

That's an easy one. My awful punctuality/inability to be on time for almost anything. I can't even be on time for things I enjoy/want to do. No matter how good my intentions are, I always seem to sabotage myself and end up having to rush and usually still be late.

25. What's something you can't stop buying?

Shirts and shoes. I have way too many as it is, but I'm a sucker for a good sale. And the pandemic has only enabled me to buy more bc of how easy online shopping is and how much money I'm saving in other areas.

[spookysanta]

daddy’s girl. (e.d.)

Summary: he's been watching her and she knows it. He's yearning for her, and he’ll have her, but she has to finish high school first. 

Pairing: Ethan Dolan xReader

WARNINGS: age gap (38 vs 18), creep shit

SAY NOTHING IM WRITING A NEW SERIES JUST READ IT AND TELL ME IF IT SUCKS 

DISCLAIMER! PLEASE READ: in this, the girl (cairo) is of LEGAL age. he (ethan) refers to her as a child bc yanno.... he's almost 40 here. this isn't on any pedophile stuff, okay? just for clarification. AND as i was writing this i got jake gyllenhaal vibes from this, but then i figured ethan could be the “sexy dad” in the future (so to speak)—which is what i was kinda going for; like a man that’s older but is so irresistibly gorgeous, even young girls swoon over him.

UNEDITED

****

******

She'd caught his eye. 

And he doesn't know how it came to be this way; he thought he was done messing around like this ages ago. But here he was, a thirty-eight-year-old man, watching an eighteen-year-old girl cheer at his neice's high school's football game. 

She sees him though; as if he's staring into her soul. As she finishes her tumbling routine in the halftime show, her eyes dart in his direction and his never leave her. She shivers slightly--

Who is that man? she wondered, walking away from the field to distract herself. 

**

She stands at the cash register, swiping his items across the scanner. "Did you find everything okay?" she asked in a monotone voice, looking at the clock on the register's screen. 

"Yes, I did. Thank you." the man responded, fishing in his wallet for cash as he already knew how much two bottles of red wine cost. "Do you need to see ID?"

"Yes, I--" she paused, looking at the man for the first time during their interaction. This was the man from the football game! She couldn't have forgotten those pearly eyes that bore into hers, and definitely didn't forget the way he ironically made her feel when their eyes locked. "I-I do."

"You okay?" he asked with a chuckle as he handed her his driver's license. He knew exactly who she was, and after a bit of research, he knows that she's what he wants. And, likewise, he knew that she remembered him. That in itself was exciting because now he knew where she was from 9-2 every Saturday--which meant he'd be seeing her a lot more. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

She glanced at the line forming behind him and shook her head at the idea of her confrontation. She took the card and read the birthdate carefully. "1980." she muttered, handing it back to him. "Your total's $18.20."

He handed her a $20, grabbing the bottles of wine by their necks and smirking. "Keep the change."

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome, Cairo. See you around."

**

She lay in her bed, wondering why this man clouded her thoughts. What was it about him that made him so intriguing? Yes, he was attractive, but he was more than twice her age--shouldn't that mean that he was repulsive to her? Should she shy away from this man and his beauty?

Ethan.

If there's anything she knew about men, it's that older men (well, boys, in her case) don't usually have the girl's best interest in mind. But no matter how many cons appear on this list, the only pro she seems to think of is the fact that he looked at her like he knew her already. His hazel eyes were almost magnetizing her brown ones to his gaze, and the energy was too strong to pull it away.

**

He's come to the realization that he's hooked on her.

He wants her, no--needs her. 

And he knows how crazy that sounds with all of the odds stacked against him (namely, her being a child by his comparison) but he'll admit they'd look absolutely perfect together. 

And there's nothing he won't do until they're in love.

**

day one.

She walked home from school every day. Three-fifteen on the dot, Monday through Friday. Sometimes, she takes the after-school bus after her cheer practices, and that drops her off on the same corner but at five-thirty. He sees her walk down Linden Avenue, then make a left on Conch Street, and then go into the tiny brick house at the end of the lively culdesac. Sometimes he sees her through her window at night, laying in her bed soundly. It takes everything in him each night to not climb up the big pine tree to the second floor, open the already unlocked window—she doesn't lock it anymore because the lock can get finicky at times and it can get quite hot in San Bernadino in May—and breathe in the same air as her.

Just once.

Just once, he wants to be there for her—hold her, kiss her, smell her, taste her.

Is that too much to ask?

Just one more month, he reminds himself as he perches himself on his porch chair, watching her walk into her home with her friend, Janelle.

He does not like Janelle.

Janelle has a tendency to be a bit manipulative when it comes to Cairo; she wants the best for her, of course. But she's always making Cairo go to parties that she doesn't want to go to, or do things that Cairo doesn't typically do.

Cairo's a good girl who doesn't need to be bombarded with social...ick.

"She's a good girl," he mumbled, palms set on his knees with white fingertips. "My good girl."

***

She continued her walk to the store like she usually does on Sunday mornings in the spring. Yes, she does work at the store, but why not stop by and visit her favorite co-workers while she picked up her favorite ice cream?

"Good morning, Edith!" she greeted to the elderly woman stood behind the customer service desk. She resembled Jane Goodall in a way; caring, generous, kind. "How are you today?"

"Hey, sweetie! I'm alright, hope you're doing well. Say 'hi' to Katherine for me!" she replied with a wave, going into the employee's lounge.

"Will do!" she wandered to the frozen food section, her coffee brown eyes set on the cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. With happy alarms blaring in her head, she grabbed a pint from the shelf, going immediately to the checkout line to pay for her dessert. "Hey Ricky." she said to the cashier.

"Hey, Cai." he responded, ringing up her ice cream and setting it on the counter. "$4.68. Got your employee ID on you?"

She fished through her wallet and came up emptyhanded. "Shoot. I must've left it at home." she sighed. "It's cool, I'll pay full price."

"Nah, I got you." he took a card out of his front pocket, swiped it, and put in his pin. "There ya go. $2.27."

"Thanks, Ky. I owe you one." She handed him a five dollar bill, keeping the cash fold of her wallet open so she could put her change in it.

"You know what you could do for me so we're even?" he opened the cash drawer, taking out her change and handing it to her.

"What?"

"Go to dinner with me." he wrote on her freshly printed receipt. "It doesn't have to be fancy, but if you're interested, you should hit me up sometime."

"Sure. I'd love to." she smiled, putting the receipt with her change and grabbing her ice cream off the counter. "We'll talk tonight?"

"Totally. See you around."

"See you!"

**

She entered the house again and put her ice cream in the fridge. "Ma!" she yelled into her mother's office as she passed it. "Ms. Edith at Ben's said 'hi'!"

"Aw, how sweet of her to think of me!" she said with a smile. "I'll have to send you by her house with a plate of cookies this week."

She groaned inwardly. Edith's a nice woman, but Cairo's mother, Katherine, does not conjure up her life-changing cookies on any given day. Which means that she would make a small batch—just enough for Edith and her husband, Clarke—and then, poof! No-one's going to see those cookies until Christmastime. Bounding up the staircase and into her bedroom, practically leaping onto her bed with a sigh.

Meanwhile, he was watching her still. He didn't even think to consider the idea of someone catching him stare at this girl, sat in the rocking chair on his front porch, watching her intently through a pair of zooming binoculars while she boredly scrolled through her phone. Quite frankly, he wouldn't care at all. If someone were to walk by and ask him what he was doing, he'd merely say: "Protecting my girl."

He doesn't give a damn if she took a glance out her window and saw a man—that man—staring back at her. Knowing her, which obviously he does, she'd probably scream for her mom and tell her mom to come and look because "there's a strange man" looking at her through her window. And then her mom would come and look but by then he'd be back in his home across the way from hers, in his bedroom, watching her panic through the telescope he'd set up.

That'd be a gift to himself, really. Because he knows deep within that she thinks about him. Even though maybe the thoughts are of worry or panic and not ones of admiration, all he cares about is the fact that he's invaded her thoughts just like she's invaded his.

[cancerbiophd]

hi julia! i know you probably won't have an answer, but i'm kind of in a rough place and i'd like to ask if you or other students have advice for me. recently, i was withdrawn for my university for not being in good academic standing. i take full responsibility for my failings and understand the decision made, but i'm still disappointed in myself. at heart, i know that this is probably the best thing for me as i've been struggling with many things, including mental + physical health which (1/3)

Has both left me burnt out and just not a good student or even being present in my own life. however, im at a loss. my goal is to work hard to try and orient myself in my personal life and then apply for college again. But, in the moment, like that seems more daunting than I can even imagine. I’m sad and scared and I guess I just want an outside perspective. If you have any advice for what I should focus on to better my chances in continuing my studies and my wellbeing overall. (2/3)

there’s so much uncertainty in my future, but ik it’s too late to go back. I’m going to try my best to figure things out—bc I truly do believe my future is in a university degree and I know I have it in me to make it through college. Eventually. At some point. :( anyways, thanks for being a beacon of light in the community and, if nothing else, for having ur inbox open. (I’ve followed u since original yj days!) (pt 3/3)

Hello my OG YJ days anon! (aaahhh i’m such a bad fan i haven’t even started s3 yet)

I want to start by telling you that everything is going to be ok. I know things are tough right now, but you’re tough too. You’re a survivor, a fighter, and a dreamer. I can tell you’re trying your best to see your life for what it can be, and that’s a fire and a passion that’s absolutely priceless. You’re going to be ok anon, you’re going to be ok. 

And it’s ok to be scared and nervous. It shows you care! It shows you’re invested in whatever decision you’re going to make. You are valid, and your emotions are valid. Acknowledge them, let yourself feel them, but then also tell yourself: “I know I’m scared but I know I gotta do this anyway!”. And you got this! You got this. 

Let’s take things one step at a time. Do what works best for you. Don’t do what works best for me, or that other person; but what works best for you. Perhaps you can start by taking just one class a semester. Just one. You can do this either online, or in the evenings, or in person; at your old university, or a new university, or even a community college. Just take one class, and see how it goes. Give your body and mind and daily routine time to adjust, so you’re not overwhelmed from the start. And then if you feel ok, and your grades are ok, then up that to 2 or 3 classes a semester. Small bites of the cookie is better than no bites of the cookie! And you’ll still end up finishing the cookie no matter what :) 

Visualizing your goals one at a time will also help to feel less overwhelmed. Thinking about graduating and the long to-do list that comes with it can be really daunting! Instead of focusing on 4 years from now, just focus on one semester from now. Picture yourself finishing one class. And then one more class. Break your big goals into more doable bite-size pieces and you may just feel less overwhelmed. 

You deserve the kindness of help. This includes for your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and academic wellbeing. Helpers come in the forms of doctors, therapists, friends, community members, your professors, advisors, tutors, and fellow students. None of us has gotten to where we are without the help of another person. I am who I am today, and where I am today, because of an army of teachers, tutors, mentors, friends, family members, and hundreds more people. 

I’ve always benefited from finding a study buddy or study group with my fellow classmates, even if it’s just to share notes with in case one of us can’t make it to class. And it’s just always nice to know you’re not alone when you’re writing a hard paper or studying for a challenging exam. Nothing beats that feeling of camaraderie when you’re all ranting in a group text at 2 am before exam day lol. 

I have loads of goodies in my #study-advice tag. Perhaps there are a few study methods there that’ll work for you!

And no matter what happens: you are a valid person. You are important, and the world needs you. The world needs who you are right now, and it’ll still need you if things don’t turn out the way you planned. 

I’m so proud of you anon. I’ll be here for you if you ever want to talk, or know you’re not alone in your journey. I’ve got your back