#processing spiral

[azuneekun]

Hello azu, I have a question about the cover of your fancomic "Godfather"!

I like your comic, but I don't understand the symbolism of the mourning frame next to Shane, could you explain it to me?

I just think that the grief of losing his loved ones killed him too, if that makes sense.

Godfather comic

[wispurring-moss]

i am so normal about him I Am So Normal About Him I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM—!!!!!!;;;;;;;;;;;;;

[captainkirkk]

When I started writing 'lessons in tea making', I set out to make it a longfic that following ATLA Book 2 and 3 in its entirety but now its been almost 5 years and I'm realising that I'm probably never going to get around to finishing this monster of a wip

HOWEVER, I do have around 15k of chapter 2 collecting dust in my google drive so.... what's everyone's opinion on authors uploading (signposted) unfinished chapters....

[nemfrog]

"Greek scrolls." Nature in ornament. 1894.

Internet Archive

[curseofdelos]

PLEASE ELABORATE ON THE PERCY & NICO FIC

So this is an AU I'm still playing around with, but the basic concept is that Nico starts living with Percy, Sally, and Paul post-botl, and it would largely focus on him developing a sibling-like relationship with Percy <3

I've only written little pieces of this one so far so not a lot to say as of yet, but here's a little snippet (for context: Nico is in a sleeping bag on Percy's bedroom floor):

“Do you even want me here?” he couldn’t help but ask.  Percy was quiet for so long that for a moment, Nico thought he had misjudged, but an answer came soon enough. “I don’t want you living on the streets by yourself.”  It wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t an enthusiastic yes either. Nico huffed, and rolled on his side to face away from Percy.  Behind him, Percy let out a heavy sigh, and Nico could hear the sound of his bedsheets ruffling as he moved. “It’s not safe out there for people like us, and since you don't feel welcome at camp, this was the best way I could help you.”  “I don't need your help!” Nico hissed, glaring at the wall as he curled up into a ball.  “I know you're perfectly capable of looking after yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to.”  Nico clenched his hands into fists so tight his fingernails dug into his palms.  “Look. I know you're not the biggest fan of me, but give my Mom and Paul a chance. They're good people. They'll take care of you, and if you don't want to do it for yourself… do it for Bianca,” Percy said softly, “she wouldn't want you suffering out there alone.”  Bringing up Bianca was a low blow, and Nico was sure Percy knew that from how carefully he had said her name, but as much as it hurt, he knew Percy was right.  Bianca would want him to be safe (and happy, but that was asking a lot of him right now). He would be safe here, even if normalcy felt impossible after the year he had.  Bianca trusted Percy, even when Nico didn't. Maybe it was time he trusted him too. 

EDIT: you can now read the finished fic here <3

[mymp3]

ideation

[furiousgoldfish]

Since I live my life in constant state of dissociation from what happened to me, it gives my existence a lack of logic and continuity. I will often start forgetting that some bad things happened to me, and then start blaming myself for being tired and in pain all the time, for having trouble feeling safe around others, for being so different and odd compared to other people.

So recently I've been trying to really come to terms with what happened, it reduces my levels of guilt and fortifies the real timeline of my life. It makes my state and my symptoms make sense to me.

However, whenever I go back and confront the actual events of what happened, I get freaked out by it. I can't seem to understand how I had survived it, and how come I'm still alive right now, and it starts feeling wrong that I should be alive still. And that sends me spiraling for a while, and then I end up dissociating and distancing myself from the event once again, just to stabilize.

I've been in this loop of trying to confront the past, and then spiraling and not understanding how life after that was possible, and I can't seem to make peace with it. Has anyone managed to process stuff that seemed unsurvivable?

[cult-of-the-eye]

Ok listen, Gwen being killed off would be interesting because the rest of the OIAR would have to grapple with the grief and the underlying feeling of suspicion in the way she died. Like she'd be a warning that would be ignored and I think it would switch up the dynamics in a really cool way.

[nerdie-faerie]

I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.

Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.

Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents

[citrinesparkles]

stormy weather

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 720 words. notes: a very abstract take on 'write a true story about you with characters instead of people', one of the prompts from the ever lovely @reaperintheroses drabble december! this was more 'write about feelings', but i tried. warnings: vague bad headspace on jason's part

he was in a mood.

you weren't sure what mood, but it wasn't good.

it was, however, familiar enough that you weren't surprised when he walked through the bedroom like a ghost.

all he took with him as he left it was a nail file.

you sat quietly, listening for the window.

there it was, about half a minute later: the sliding sound of the window in the frame was quiet but unmistakable, as was the sound of it sliding shut behind him.

fire escape brooding.

you sighed- that was a surefire sign that the mood had settled in completely. you had hoped, somewhat naïvely, that it would be a "wrong side of the bed" situation; had hoped he would be able to shake it off.

with the mood here to stay, you put your phone aside and slid out of bed.

it wasn't something to fix. not days like this. as much as you wished you could carry the weight of this for him, you settled instead for trying to share the load.

you took your time walking through the apartment, giving him his space for a little while as you boiled water and steeped tea for him.

you dug out his largest, warmest sweatshirt, tugging it on to brace against the cold you knew was wrapped around him both mentally and literally. then, with a glance at his silhouette in the window, you picked up his mug and approached.

he barely reacted to the sound of the window opening, only shifting slightly so his ear was towards you in silent acknowledgement.

"i made tea," you said softly, leaning on the sill. "interested?"

jason hesitated a moment, the only sounds the traffic below.

he shrugged, twirling the nail file between two fingers.

you reached over, gently pressing the mug into his free hand, watching as he pulled it to his chest with a hum.

"do you want space, or would you prefer i join you?"

"...you can." his voice was steady, but uncharacteristically quiet and lifeless. "not gonna be much company right now."

you slid out the window, closing it behind you, and he glanced up at you blankly. "you don't have to be," you said firmly, quietly, as you sat down beside him. "i'm just here."

the metal was freezing, even through your thick sweatpants. it would take more than a stretch of the imagination to call it comfortable, but you settled in like it was memory foam.

you sat in silence, listening to him breathe beside you and watching it fog in your peripheral.

you sat until your legs ached and your nose felt about ready to fall off from the cold. you sat for far longer than it took him to drain his mug. you sat long enough that the rush of lunch traffic came and went below you.

you sat watching gray clouds churn in the sky, offering the only comfort you could: he wasn't alone.

eventually, he inhaled deeply, and you felt something shift.

"you want a grilled cheese?" his voice was rough and quiet, but using it was a good sign.

you recognized the offer as the thank you that it was.

"yeah," you matched his volume, gently breaking your silence. "that sounds good."

it wasn't over, not by a long shot. you could feel it in the air around you, as though jason was a storm and the front was rolling in. it would be a few days, you suspected, of this- of disconnect, of that distant look in his eyes.

and that was the best case scenario.

he pushed himself up and off the ground, wincing when his bad ankle popped unpleasantly, and you changed your mind. he wasn't the storm. a storm in his own right, sure, strong and beautiful and immovable to all the world, but in this case he was standing on the coast and watching the storm turn the ocean angry.

he reached a hand down to help you up.

you took it, squeezing it once, twice, three times in quick succession as you hauled yourself to your feet. once there, you relaxed your grip.

he kept his, keeping your palm against his own. bracing himself against the wind.

you'd be damned if you let him board up the windows and sandbag the doorways on his own.

[pastellich]

Michael the Distortion drawing process

Made with pastel, pencil, ink, and copic marker

[blushblushbear]

'This is torture.'

Fuyu sat at the open door, looking wistfully out at the sky, as a breeze blew through.

You had been away for just two days on business, and the whole time he had truly felt your absence.

On the first morning he awoke without you laying next to him he was almost certain, he was going to cry. And going back to bed that night alone left him just as restless.

He had been used to a lonely home and an empty bed. Years of solitude had made him accustomed to the somber feeling of isolation. Before you, he would've shrugged it off as for the best. A pain worth feeling for the duty he must see through. He would've bared it all with an expressionless face and a stone cold will.

But that was before you. Back before he tried living again. Back before he started to truly feel like himself again. And now that he was here, that he was himself again, that he finally found respite from the grief and solace--

he couldn't stand it.

He had missed you before. Had seen you depart plenty of times. But somehow now, it was different.

More hallow. More Sorrowful. More painfully, achingly lonely.

It this what people meant when they say something 'hits different'?

Hm, perhaps. But no matter to him right now. He's too busy being consumed by his sorrows.

Wallowing in his deep regrets...

Mourning all his mistakes and the time they had wasted...

As he continued to stare listlessly at the open sky, watching the clouds roll past and hearing the rustle of the trees as the cup of tea he held warmed his hands-- he felt so empty. So very very empty...

'This softened heart of mine...' he thought, 'it's so much more tender... so easily pained... what a pitiful beast I've become...'

As he let out a sigh and took a sip of his tea, he suddenly heard the front door open.

In a flash he was on his feet and making his way to it.

"Fuyu--" he heard your voice as he approached and he felt his heart leaping, "I'm hom-- oh! There he is!"

You were setting your bags down but the moment your eyes met his face you beamed. And in that moment Fuyu felt his heart warm and ache all at once. Just seeing you home felt like such a comfort, and all you were doing was setting down your things...

"God you're a sight for sore eyes. You would not believe the--" You paused your small talk as you looked back up at him, "Fuyu? What's wrong?" suddenly your face was painted with concern and Fuyu snapped into self awareness.

He had been frozen at the sight of you. Overcome with a sense of relief, and his eyes were beginning to water. He hadn't noticed, until he saw your smile, how uneasy and deary his mind had become. His relapse into loneliness had had him spiraling into sorrow.

He was still processing his state he looked towards you, and your expression turned sympathetic, as you spread your arms wide.

"Come here Love." Your voice was like a song and two arms had never looked so welcoming. He practically stumbled forward, landing on his knees before you, your arms wrapping warm around him as he barred his face in your chest.

He clung to you like a frightened child. He had never been so vulnerable around another person. And you were responding with a loving kindness he did not deserve.

You let out a soft laugh as you asked,

"Did you miss me?"

You were joking a bit, but his response from coming from his very soul.

"Yes." He said, holding you tighter.

You laughed again, sweet and sympathetic. Then you held him tighter too, and you felt so warm and real.

"I missed you too."

You two stood there like that for a moment, basking in the warmth of each other's arms. Then Fuyu felt a gentle hand pet his hair,

"How about I go make us some tea, and you can rest your head on my shoulders as you tell me all about it, Love?"

Fuyu's hands gripped you lightly,

"N-not yet... I..." he nuzzled his face into your stomach, "I need another moment... Just a bit longer..."

You smiled, kissed the top of his head, and held him once more.

"Of course dearest."

[fragilecapric0rnn]

i can't stop thinking about tai and shauna. how we see them start out as teammates about to fist fight at a party. as adults who only call each other on burner phones when there's an inkling of disruption of their peaceful lives. but as the story unfolds, so does their friendship. so does the fact that their lives are anything but peaceful.

how sleeping side by side in the attic turns into the "im not going to let you die from a botched abortion" all the way to "you almost died anyway let me hold you" and even decades after it all, tai still goes to shauna when she starts to struggle. you leaned on me out there all those years ago and im leaning on you out here all these years later. you shared your secrets with me then and you share them with me now. i didnt judge you then and i dont now.

how they're still 17 even when they're 42. how they'll always be 17 in some ways in every way. something something, taissa saying but did i actually do those things? something something darkness as a metaphor for trauma and how it never leaves you and follows you wherever you go and you'll always be the age you were when you experienced it.

[bethanyactually]

Nancy Drew + text posts (25/?)

4.03 || The Danger of the Hopeful Sigil (1/3)

[madcourtjester]

It’s so funny and so wild to me that the biggest argument I feel like you can make against the dual process Fnaf theory is just that Scott Cawthon isn’t that good of a writer 😭😭😭 like it’s narratively cohesive and you COULD ARGUE that is not something Scott cawthon would be able to pull off

[g0bleen]

Some backstage work of my TMA secret Santa

I in fact ended up doing it on photoshop cause I got better painting brushes there but I prefer editing the color balance on procreate mostly cause I did the whole thing last minute cause… well school therefore I needed to take my iPad everywhere with me to gain a bit of time. I ended up finishing the project (partially -> third image) on the 25th like 15min before deadline so I could send it to the person I was assigned to. (I struggled sm to reach them btw cause their dms were closed which put me into a panic state krkrkkr) I waited for the 27th tho, to finish it completely (the final version is on a different post) cause I mean I need to freshen up my brain after 6-7hours strait of speedrun the evening of the 25th.

I posted on instagram and I’m so glad people like this version of their relationship, this was such a fun thing to do as it forced me kinda to do prompts I would not have necessarily thought to do or technically advanced stuff like that, I’m very glad of how it turned out cause it’s exactly what I had in mind :))

I will definitely take part in the secret valentine of course 😌🫶