#pun-producer

[screamingcrows]

Taken Care of - Cyno x fem reader

Note: Never let me live down that my first piece of fanfiction (not counting the awful slow burn Sylvanas x Jaina from Warcraft I made as a 13 year old) was for Cyno more than a year ago for the explicit purpose of cracking a joke. I've since edited a bit, and felt like uploading it here to have my writing in one spot, consider this an updated version. Tags: fem!reader, crackfic, pun so bad I got hate anons, reader is a student, reader has a dendro vision, established relationship, suggestive at the end, fluff

It was your first time venturing further into the desert than Aaru village, and you had honestly been dreading this trip ever since it became clear that you would have to go on it. The scorching heat made you wish that you could've either kept your mouth shut or at the very least swallowed your pride and backed out. 

All you had wanted to do, was pick a poorly understood subject for your thesis. Not an unreasonable wish by any means. Being an Amurta student, you'd practically had your ears cried full of withering zones and the different families of fungi. And you'd had enough of that, not wanting to spend your entire life studying some obscure detail just for your research to be 'new'. 

So you'd pitched an idea to your supervisor, you wanted to investigate what effect proximity to an oasis had on the evolutionary path of scarabs. After some bickering back and forth, they had agreed to let you pursue this, but under the condition that you were willing to change subject if you'd made no substantial progress within two months. It had now been one month and the only discovery you'd made was, that the literature on scarabs, or anything from the desert really, was sparse at best.

That's how you ended here, boots full of sand, dry skin, probably a good sunburn, and more than a little bitter. But samples wouldn't collect themselves, and a field trip was the only way around your lack of reference material. You rubbed at your tired eyes, regretting it immediately when sand got into them. 

At least Cyno had offered to escort you, not liking the thought of anyone else being responsible for your safety. Of course, as soon as rumor spread that the General Mahamatra was taking leave to escort a student around the desert, you were met with more than a little malice from your peers. You'd done what you could to keep the relation subtle, but avoiding all suspicion was impossible. 

The first morning out of Aaru village you woke to an unfamiliar sight. What appeared to be a mercenary standing with their back towards you, Cyno's jackal helmet laying discarded in the sand.

"What did you do to the white haired man? Speak, or I will set you ablaze!" Your voice shook more than what you'd have like as you scrambled to get up, it would have to do.

"A single night, and already my precious flower has turned into a cactus" 

As always, Cyno's voice was even, but you had known him far too long to not notice the subtle hint of amusement in his tone. When he turned to face you, the satisfied smirk he wore only fueled your annoyance at his antics.

"And what would you have done if I decided to attack first and ask questions later?"

"My flower, you have a dendro vision... Explain to me how you plan on charring me? Regardless, I do feel confident in my ability to dodge a sleepy student in uneven terrain." 

"Fine. Just warn me before you pull such a tasteless prank again" 

"This? No.. I.. I mean... I heard what they were saying behind your back. This way, you can say that your escort was just another mercenary." 

You noticed a light flush across his cheeks, and with that all your irritation dissipated. 

The second day went smoothly, Cyno surprisingly being able to guide you to many groupings of scarabs, sheepishly explaining that he had always found them fascinating.

By the third day in the dunes, you were both tired. Cyno kept insisting that he would keep watch for most of the night so that you could be well rested for your fieldwork. He was undoubtedly hiding the exhaustion better than you, but the slight drag of his feet as you walked towards the next observation spot gave him away. 

That and how he had been cursing at his hair for getting in his eyes all morning. You couldn't help but giggle at the memory of the oh-so-dignified General Mahamatra fumbling about in the morning sun, swatting at his hair while threatening to cut it off unless it behaved. He had undoubtedly thought you asleep.

"If you have breath to spare on laughing, we should be going faster" his voice sounded like he had been inhaling sand instead of air. You couldn't help the whine that left your lips at the thought of your already tired legs picking up the pace.

"Cyno, I'm just a feeble scholar, I wasn't made for field work"

This statement caused him to stop dead in his tracks and turn around with a wicked grin.

"Really? Because in my experience-" 

You cut him off by slapping a hand over his mouth, already knowing his next words. A small shiver crept down your spine feeling how dry his lips had become. Looking into his eyes, his exhaustion became increasingly clear to you. He'd been working himself half to death before going with you, and this clearly wasn't the break you had hoped it would be for him.

"We are stopping at the next oasis we reach. Research be damned, I need a rest,"

Convincing him to stop was easier than you'd imagined. The determination in your voice having no doubt helped, even if he didn't know the underlying reason for the sudden outburst. You plopped down with your back against a palm, closing your eyes and relishing in the shade the overhanging leaves provided. As you opened your eyes, a deep frown settled on your lips, there your idiot was, standing guard in the sun. 

Gently pressing a hand to the trunk behind you, you decided to not give him the opportunity of refusing a rest. The roots sprung to life and crept towards your beloved General. In one fell swoop they wrapped around his ankles and pulled, causing him to fall to the ground. He merely let out an exasperated groan and did his best to flip onto his back to avoid getting a mouthful of sand. 

As he came to rest with his head in your lap the roots gently untangled themselves from his golden skin and disappeared back into the sandy ground. You wasted no time gaining access to his white mane of hair as you started gently scratching at his scalp. Cyno practically purred at the action, letting his eyes remain closed, it was almost obscene to watch as his face contorted until a peaceful expression finally settled in his features. 

"You are a wicked, wicked woman," he couldn't fight the smile on his lips even as he tried to sound stern. Your only response was a soft kiss to his cheek, only serving to have him melt further into your soft form. 

"If anyone sneaks up on us I am blaming you," this time his tone was more serious, but with the sleepy expression on his face you only rolled your eyes at him and mumbled a quick apology.

"Worry not General, I'll keep watch while you rest" as you gave him a final pat on the head, you moved to get up, only to be met with Cyno holding you down with an impressive amount of strength given his state. A hand snaked up your body and closed around one of your breasts, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't go, it seems we have plenty of securi-titty"

You sat back down in utter shock, remaining completely quiet as you tried to process the words that had left his mouth.

"Ahem. You see, I took the words security and ti-" You cut him off with a loud snort followed by laughter.

"It seems you will be to blame if we are ambushed General," Your amused tone made his ears take on a reddish tint. Cyno looked up at you with eyes full of adoration.

"For this, I am willing to take the chance of being caught unaware" 

He grabbed your hips and pulled until you were laying next to each other. After a little while in silence, Cyno's breathing evened out as he fell into a light sleep. A content sigh passed your lips as you settled against him, satisfied with the outcome. 

[wenjunting]

every so often i think about lelush

[genevieve-and-nikki]

Year of tiger event quotes (lucien, shaw, victor)

Slightly more sensual statements featuring goofy expressions for all three

[ailurocide]

What type of tree is the Tree of Lights based on?

The Tree of Souls is a hybrid in of itself!

It is an albinistic cross between a giant sequoia (Sequoiadendron giganteum) and a weeping willow (Salix babylonica)!

[cytryndor]

now that i've everyone's attention, can we talk about how the fallen king of broadway is one of the most... interesting thing ever?? like, oscar jaffee, oliver putnam, max bialystock?? they're all bastards in their own way, but they also have that kind of magnetic aura around themselves that makes them addictive for those around them?? can we please talk about this??

[erabundus]

... horny for the holidays, huh?

[flowersforroadkill]

Found a queer tarot podcast that looks promising except that they only recorded one episode, in 2020

[autistickaitovocaloid]

In splatoon 4 they should introduce an Octoling idol who's name is Tetra Dotoxin.

[pokemon-ranger-booker]

so I went to see family for the Big Game yesterday bc it's a good excuse to visit and we were all wrapping up for the night, everyone had gone to bed, and I got out of the shower, ready to sleep, and I saw that no one had cleaned up their mess before going to bed. Fuckin nacho cheese Nidoritos and cheddar and sour cream Girafaridgies chips and sour cream and onion Tangelays potato chips and the bones of Tauros sauce covered Pidgey wings and the fancy Vermillion City sharp cheddar cheese dip and a billion cans of Fuecoca-cola and Dr. Wooper soda and Budew-Light beer and just. So much trash that everyone abandoned. Despite there being a vacuum of a Zorua and a bottomless pit stomached Espurr in the house. And I, the person with sensory issues bc autism, had to clean up all the wet and sticky and flavour dust covered foods and wipe down the tables and wash the bowls and put away the leftovers bc otherwise my gluttonous pokemon WILL eat until they explode. I am charging for my services

[mylifeeinfandoms]

Track-by-Track Break Down of "Fireflies" with Adam Young of Owl City | OwlCity

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I love during that interview when Stan is talking about playing piano/keyboard on a song (or songs, plural? I forget now, sorry) and he's like "Whenever I can even get in the area code of Benmont Tench, I'm happy" like UDEFHUILSHFSHFHUSF the mutual respect of my favorite bands' band members is and will always be my favorite thing. :')

[barrymccaulkinem]

"no, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest."

[luchiaketchum]

random number.... 60?

Thank you for the ask✨️

[dailyhatsune]

fun trivia time about neru and haku’s origins:

neru came from a time when a strange incident occurred and miku’s presence was essentially nearly scraped off the internet following a tv feature deriding miku’s existence. this caused people to get super upset (think the 2007 equivalent of something trending on twitter), assuming that the japanese music industry was intentionally trying to suppress miku (they were not). people who said that wasn’t true were associated with the phrase 飽きた、寝る。(akita, neru/‘i’m done, i’m going to bed’), which was memed a lot. the phrase eventually became a character (亜北ネル as opposed to the original reading) used to represent those people who said the rumour wasn’t true (at their expense)

haku’s origin is significantly less touchy. she was made to represent the mikus who worked with producers who couldn’t take criticism, always complained that their work never took off or didn’t know how to use vocaloid and were surprised that it did not sound Great. the name yowane haku (弱音ハク) is based off the phrase 弱音を吐く (yowane o haku/‘to complain’). on that note, honne dell is a ‘version’, so to speak, of haku that is a derivative of len instead of miku. his name (本音デル) is based off a pun much like haku’s name (本音が出る [honne ga deru/‘one’s true feelings came out’]

[er-osion]

Grocery Store Shenanigans

pairing: Jason Todd x gn!Reader

summary: You and your boyfriend go grocery shopping

word count: 1.3k

warnings: one tiny bit of sexual innuendo, fluff

⋄∘∗⋅⋆≁≁⋆⋅∗∘⋄

“Did you remember the list?” You asked your handsome boyfriend as the two of you got out of the car.

“Of course. Did you remember the bags?” Jason replied as both of you approached the entrance to the grocery store.

“Of course.” Jason grabs a cart as you two enter the store. It’s 11 o'clock at night right now, and you and Jason are at one of the few grocery stores in Gotham that are open 24 hours a day. Because of Jason’s work as Red Hood, your routines can be abruptly upended at times but you’ve learned to adapt and overcome. You love him, so you do what you can to support and be there for him, even if that means sacrificing your sleep every once in a while.

Tonight, Jason took patrol off and you two spent the evening watching reality shows on your couch until you suddenly remembered you were out of vital breakfast and lunch ingredients for tomorrow. That’s how you and Jason ended up at the grocery store so late at night. You actually don’t mind that much, the grocery store is empty with the exception of the employees so you and Jason have the whole place to yourselves. It’s very quiet and quaint and you relish the privacy of shopping with your boyfriend.

You and Jason wandered to the produce aisle first, where you would read the list in your hand and then grab the item that was written down. Jason watched you calmly with an unreadable expression that still somehow held affection. Jason lived for these moments. The moments when life got mundane but he still got to share it with you. There was something so domestic about grocery shopping together, only doubled by the emptiness of the store that gave the two of you your own little world. You and Jason had to go grocery shopping regularly, what with your careful meal planning (and Jason’s enormous appetite) so this was an errand you both got to indulge in frequently.

“And the eggs…” You absentmindedly muttered to yourself as you picked out a carton of eggs and handed them to Jason to put them in the cart.

“Eggcelent choice, my love.” Jason quipped.

You snorted and rolled your eyes, “Leave the puns to your brother, Jaybird.”

“You’ve gotta be yolking me, Grayson’s puns don’t nearly measure up to mine.”

“If you don’t drop the sorry egg jokes you’re gonna have to scramble to find a ride home.”

Jason choked on his laugh and began pushing the cart so the two of you could continue your shopping. You made your way to the bread aisle and started filling the cart with your favorite carbs. Jason piped up again with a coy tone of voice, “Is your full name ‘food cake’? Cause you sure are an angel.”

Your head snapped toward him. You tried to conceal the smile growing on your face but your eyes, in betrayal, were full of mirth. “Are you seriously flirting with me in the bread aisle?” You asked incredulously.

“Why not? Just like you, bread is soft and delicious. I can’t think of a better place to make some moves.”

“Wow, you’re a real modern day poet.”

“Hey, if I put you in the cart with all the other loaves of bread, will you let me eat you when we get home, too?” Jason leaned forward against the cart so his figure was floating just before you, his eyebrow raised suggestively but his tone playful.

Your mouth dropped momentarily in shock. “Unbelievable. Jason Todd, you should be ashamed of yourself.” You tried to hide how flustered you were with a reprimanding tone, but you could tell by Jason’s smirk, that you’d failed.

“My question still stands.” He reminds you.

“As does your audacity, it seems.”

“Ouch. Here I am, so sweet trying to seduce you, and here you are, insulting me.” Your giant boyfriend put his hand over his heart dramatically.

“If I wanted something sweet, I’d bust into the grapes we have in the cart.”

“You have some spunk tonight.”

“TLC will do that to a lady.”

“But of course.” Jason agreed and moved the cart forward so you two could finish up your grocery store run. The two of you were walking side by side, chit chatting about nothing consequential. Jason then slipped his hand into yours and you laced your fingers together in response. His hold on your hand was firm and all encompassing, like a hug, it was unbelievably comforting. You brushed your fingers against his knuckles and from the corner of your eyes, you could see a relaxed smile grow on his face. Just being in contact with you brought a level of support and stability that let Jason relax in a way he never thought possible before meeting you.

The two of you made your rounds around the store and finally came to the check out. The tired college student at the check out greeted both of you with familiarity. You and Jason kept exchanging mischievous glances at each other, trying to hold back laughter at the checker’s obvious lethargy. After Jason paid for the groceries, you packed them back into the cart and the two of you snuck out of the building, as if you were newbie criminals robbing a store.

In the parking lot, Jason motioned with his hand to the cart with a prankish expression and you mirrored it when you processed what he was suggesting. You moved the food to one side of the cart and then Jason helped you into the cart. Both of you were full of giggles as you adjusted your seat in the cart. It was times like this, when you were especially appreciative of your boyfriend’s inhuman strength, it gave you moments to be extra childish with him. After you were comfortable, Jason reclaimed his spot at the handlebars of the cart and put flourish in getting into a ‘ready’ position.

“Okay, capitan, ready for take off?” Jason asked with faux seriousness.

You responded with equal gravitas, “All’s clear here, private.”

“Ground control has started the countdown. In 3, 2,…. and 1.” On ‘1’, Jason took off with a powerful speed. Both of you failed at holding down your laughter, the merry sound ringing throughout the empty parking lot. Jason expertly maneuvered you through the empty lot, wind blowing across your face. You gazed at Jason, your eyes full of love and admiration. It made you unbelievably happy to see Jason happy, as carefree as he could be, like right now. He deserved so much in the world, so much happiness, it made you proud that you could be a source for it. Your primary goal in life now, was to make sure the love of your life always felt at ease around you, and Jason made sure you knew that’s exactly what you did for him everyday. Jason met your gaze with equal pools of love. He’d never understand what he did to deserve you, but he’s grateful every single day that you’re in his life. You’re like oxygen. He doesn’t just want you, he needs you. Jason wants to be a constant source of happiness for you. He wants to make you laugh and smile as much as humanly possible, and if he accomplishes that by being a little childish with you, you bet your ass he’d do that everyday.

Your combined laughter and the light of your grins drowned out the sounds of traffic and sirens so customary to Gotham. There was nothing that existed outside of you, Jason, and this parking lot. Even grocery store runs were special with Jason, there was something so perfect in the domesticity you two shared. Like the expertly crafted epilogue in a romance movie, neither of you wanted this moment to end.

[bunjywunjy]

Are bears just.... undomesticatable

My friend and I were talking about it today, how humans will pet anything and domesticate anything even remotely friend shaped...so what happened with bears?

I mean we tamed wolves and big cats (domesticated themselves but ya know) oxen, deer and birds, wild boar....why never did we make tiny lovable bears?

well, the shortest answer to that is that domestication isn't really something we did TO animals, it's a process that happens over time that requires work from both ends! it's a two-way-street, so to speak.

see, for domestication to really work, the domesticated species has to actually need something from humans that they then get when they enter a partnership with us.

for dogs? companionship, food, shelter, safety of the group, and assistance with child rearing and territory defense.

for cats? access to a steady food supply, shelter and safe places to rear their young, companionship.

for horses? protection, safety and shelter, healing of injuries and illnesses, and a constant sense of reassurance.

for livestock animals like cows, pigs, and goats? guaranteed safety, healing of injuries and illnesses, assurance of producing young in a safe place, and an eventual swift mostly-painless death free of the agonies of the wilder food chain.

but bears?

bears don't want anything from us. bears don't NEED anything from us. they'll eat our trash, but they're just as happy pulling salmon out of a river somewhere.

they don't have any use for human protection or shelter. they'll eat you if they think it's a valid option on the table. (pun intended)

so no, no matter how much you might like a domesticated grizzly to cuddle up to on cold nights, they're just not interested and so it will never happen.

and that's okay! there are some animals that we just don't have anything to offer to, and it's good to acknowledge that.

bears belong in the wild.