#punnery

[lurkingteapot]

no but the "fried rice/false rice" thing is so much funnier in Thai because it's

ข้าวผัด /kʰâːw pʰàt/ "fried rice" (that's the same "ผัด" that's also in "Phad Thai" etc)

vs

ข้าวผิด /kʰâːw pʰìt/ "wrong/incorrect/mistaken/faulty/false rice"

it's just one vowel off, even the tones are identical. Rung was fucking hilarious and now I'm even sadder for Mawk's loss.

[theluckywizard]

WIP WHENEVER

I've been working on this pun battle for an upcoming chapter of my longfic In the Shattering of Things the last few days (after it sat stewing in my brain for a solid month). I researched by watching pun championships and got some help from fellow DAFF writers, @kiastirling, @bluewren, @nirikeehan and @warpedlegacy and finally it is DONE.

WC: 916

Rating and CW: Gen, puns and utter torment

Rose Trevelyan POV

Scene is they are on the road to Crestwood and trying to keep Rose entertained for *reasons*.

It's truly cringe, so proceed with caution below.

Excerpt:

On the second day I find myself sandwiched between Varric and Hawke who busily share tales of their exploits in and around Kirkwall, keeping my attention captive and forcibly restraining it from chasing misery for an hour or so. Hawke is eager to set the record straight for me, although Varric points out that his version invariably has significantly more panache.

“If Sebastian hadn’t had his bow trained perfectly on the Wyvern’s eye, Hawke wouldn’t have made it,” sighs Varric, the memory a twinkle in his eye.

"I remember it was an arrow escape!” says Hawke, a grin of pure triumph breaking across his face. As I drop my head back in amused torment, Varric’s head jerks side to side with sudden vehemence.

“Oh no. Oh no no no,” says Varric, a weak look drifting over to his best friend.

“Yes.”

“I… can’t.”

“You will,” says Hawke with certainty. “Topic: weapons. Go!” A sudden effervescence bubbles up inside me as my mind immediately grasps for the next play. I glance apologetically at Varric and then at Hawke and unleash my worst.

“This sounds like a sword spot between you two,” I remark, my smile twitching well into my cheek for the first time since we left. Hawke’s brows pop up and he grabs a fistful of his hair in shock and delight. 

“If you don’t fight back, Varric, she’ll pommel us both!” he counters, leaning around me to regard the dwarf. The energy shifts around the three of us, craning to put eyes on the brewing chicanery, muttering to themselves about how terrible it all is.

“Fine, fine. I’ll take a stab at it,” grumbles Varric, rapidly losing his grip on his smirk.

“And I shall saber the experience,” grins Hawke. I hear Cassandra’s rumble of agony somewhere behind me.

“Spear us your groans, Seeker!” Varric calls.

“Like the dregs of the worst theater company in Val Royeaux,” scoffs Vivienne into her horse’s mane. “Wordplay is the lowest form of comedy.”

“Cleave us alone already, will you? We love edgy humor!” gripes Hawke, hamming it up for the audience around him.

“Cutlass some slack, Iron Lady,” says Varric.

“Come Madame Vivienne, surely you enjoy wincing until your face hurts like the rest of us?” says Dorian. Vivienne merely lifts her chin, thinly veiling her disdain for it all with a distance gaze ahead. 

“Shield get used to it. Eventually,” says Hawke with a shake of his head, directing his obvious glee at me again.

“Oh, wipe that dirk off your face,” I swipe. He clutches at his chest dramatically.

“You stagger me, Lady Violet. You axe too much of me!”

“Amateurs. You’re making a mace of things,” calls Bull, glancing over his shoulder with a wide grin as he falls back to ride closer to the chaos.

“Terribull,” Hawke strikes back. “Truly Terribull.”

“Like I haven’t heard that one a thousand times before, Champignon. Weak jab.”

“True, but I still think I prefer Prose. Your punnery impales in comparison,” says Hawke.

“Thrust me, we’re all well aware of your preference,” says Bull with a laugh. Laughing, Hawke steals a pointed look at me that prompts a momentary surge of heat to my cheeks.

“It would be a greaves mistake to underestimate me, Bull,” I call ahead to him.

“Ha! Knife one.”

“Sad how you flail about for such low hanging fruit. You don’t haft to say them maul, for Maker’s sake,” Hawke says, his triumph provoking hollers and aching moans from the lot of us. He takes a slight bow over his horse’s ashen mane. “Shank you very much.” My laughter slips out at last, breaking free from the ache that hasn’t left my ribs since that awful morning.

“They’re words but they’re the wrong words,” mutters Cole, suddenly appearing at a jog alongside Varric.

“But they’re almost the right words and that’s why it’s funny, kid,” explains Varric.

“Hawke uses a lot of wrong words,” observes Cole. 

“A true rapier wit,” says Dorian, testing the waters, earning a cheeky grin of approval from Hawke and another exasperated sigh from Cassandra.

“Maker, don’t encourage them,” says Vivienne, believing that she and Dorian are a sort of team above it all. 

“Ah, you think you’ll cuirass of our affliction?” Hawke continues over his shoulder, his eyes practically glowing with delight.

“I’m not engaging with you,” she answers, fixing her eyes firmly on the road ahead.

“Don’t be bashful, Vivienne, it’s just a friendly gauntlet of sorts,” I say and my snort pops out so suddenly that I fail to clamp it under my hand, a joyful tear collecting the corner of my eye. Maker, I’ve needed this. 

Vivienne’s eyes flutter and roll.

“Ouch. A parry of puns no less,” says Hawke and my pained look is clearly the reward he seeks.

“Maybe we should claymore gently around her,” says Varric. Cassandra cries out in indignation.

“I agree. Perhaps we should break for lunge?” I inquire. And then we see it. The barest little twitch of the corner of Vivienne’s lips. We all trade sudden looks of astonishment.

“Let it be known that the Iron Lady smiles!” declares Varric. “At lowly wordplay no less!”

“An insect alighted on my cheek, nothing more,” she says, her smirk sneaking away from her again and the roar of approval is immediate. 

“Admit it, we’re pretty stunny,” says Hawke.

“Knife one!” shouts Sera, having listened to all of this and waited for her moment.

“Sera— just— no,” says Varric. “You never steal someone else’s pun.”

Tagging others for WIPs, even on this, the last day of the weekend!

@skyeventide, @effelants, @about2dance, @melisusthewee, @monocytogenes, @rowanisawriter, @smutnug, @breninarthur AND YOU

[sunrisetune]

I realize this is pretty delayed but again, I still haven’t played this game: The amnesiac detective wakes up and only remembers that he likes disco; as in, fucking, ‘to learn’? He doesn’t remember anything but that he needs to fix that??

Has this been the joke this whole time

[forgetablethings]

I'm lucky to have a senior pro-gramer in the family, she makes the best cookies and can knit like an absolute machine.

[beardedmrbean]

[jolynejay]

Only took me three weeks but I have finished the character sheet >:D

Welcome to Yuu Wright (they/he)! Guess who cut their hair - certainly not a professional. Yes, Vil is going to get a migraine looking at them lol

Currently working on a post for background details but you can bet I’m going to make Yuu suffer

[dynamic-k]

It all started when I desired some writing fuel...

Me and my sister, Trixie, are at work, and Trixie has just brought in coffee from the Dutch Bros cafe next door.

As usual, when opening our paper straw packages, we rip one side of the package off, leaving the other end intact, and blow through the now-exposed straw end so that the paper flies off the straw and (hopefully, with the proper aim) smacks the desired opponent.

I hit Trixie's collarbone area and she gets my face, in chronological order.

While she is distracted with her laughing and her focus is now directed toward the actions of sticking her straw into her cup...

...(since I've caught the paper packaging she hit me with) I notice it is still intact on the one end required for momentum. I tactfully and carefully slide my straw back into the broken end of the one-sided open packaging, and turn to face her.

I relish in the brief flicker of surprised "Oh no" on her face just a split moment before I blow and the paper gets her shoulder.

She had quick enough reflexes to redirect the paper with her hand, so it missed the face, but I was pretty amused and satisfied, so I just laughed and sat down to take a few sips of the latte she's acquired for me.

"How did you do that a sec-" She begins to say "a second time" but cuts herself off as she notices the fallen paper on the floor and realizes that I used her own straw packaging against her.

Her face playfully falls to a deadpanning stare in my direction, purely for comedic effect and not because she's upset.

"Say it." I demand with a growing grin, not allowing such a priceless pun opportunity to slip by.

Trixie: ....

Scarlett: SAY IT.

Trixie: .... *deep longsuffering sigh as she realizes what she's gotten herself into*

Trixie: *practically monotonous and robotic* How... did you do that... a second time.

Scarlett: *claps hands together in one loud smack of punnery satisfaction*

Scarlett: Hah!! "Second~"

-

End of Transmission

...but not the end of my laughter as I recount this "second" ridden tale-

;3

This might be overload at this point, but as long as I take joy in it, I shall continue my ways to the ends of my days.

[the-overbear]

zombie mailman call that post mortem

[jellydishes]

my partner @queerloquial has once again been funnier than i am by responding to my description of war crimes prime aka bayverse optimus with calling him "optimus crimes..."

[wilderebellion]

Bor'Dor Dogson

Very insistent that he's not the son of a dog.

Border Dachshund

[columboscreens]

[iiguess]

" ...he's still going at it—- "

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

D&D character concept :

A changeling named Hell. Because Hell is other people.

[kd-heart]

I posted 19,562 times in 2022

That's 2,768 more posts than 2021!

149 posts created (1%)

19,413 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@prigorie

@lvlbeginner

@peppermintquartz

@thriceandonce

@dreamyplatypus

I tagged 8,984 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 1,249 posts

#the sandman - 1,107 posts

#dreamling - 300 posts

#punnery - 261 posts

#malevolent podcast - 217 posts

#dracula daily - 199 posts

#goncharov - 198 posts

#the magnus archives - 169 posts

#rusty quill gaming - 151 posts

#language - 141 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#who's gonna go to the police if they don't speak the local language and all they know is 'sex work is illegal i don't want to go to prison'

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fandom exists in the negative spaces (between episodes, unspoken words, meetings that never happen, post-canon, pre-canon, could-have-beens, and would-bes, alternate universes, roads not taken, etc) and we've made ourselves a nice little void to expand endlessly into out of a movie that doesn’t exist

70 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

#4

I love a fandom that gives me some nice imagery to work with! And the Kraken and the Lighthouse were irresistible.

81 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#3

I'm pretty sure someone has already done this, but I couldn't get the meme out of my head after I rewatched ep6 this weekend.

This is why Death was trying to get him to take his shoes off :)

119 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

#2

I regret to inform you that there seem to be no xmas movies shot in Romania, this year. At least, none that I could find. (Did we finally make one ourselves? I'll have to do more digging)

158 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"You wear fine things well"

186 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dynamic-k]

if you get this, answer with three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog <3

1.) I can swim, but I can only doggie paddle. This fact is so only because on either my 1st or 2nd [hehe Second] camping trip, I was taught some of the ropes by a friend.

By camping trip, I mean the one where my church sets up a summer camp, I sign up, and then go off without my parents for 3 days, 5 days, or a week, depending on circumstances.

My very first camping expedition was for 3 days. My second [heh] was for a week. I think in total I have gone on camping trips.... I want to say eight times? Nine?

2.) I have coffee in my blood.

I cannot express how much I love coffee. And yet, somehow it's not an addiction. I don't have to have one every single day, and honestly sometimes I get too busy with my day to even remember coffee exists. XD

But man. I LOVE COFFEE.

About 290mL of steamed and foamed milk plus two shots of espresso.

Delicious.

3.) I work at a Dominos pizza place and am REALLY good at slapping the dough out. That is the term "slapping", meaning that I stretch the dough ball out evenly to place on the sheets. I have been working there for close to three years now.

I love pizza.... as long as it doesn't have bell peppers, mushrooms, or olives on it. Sausage... depends on the quality. My mom buys good sausage and I'm a little spoiled, lol.

Also, you can't buy a cinnamon roll at Dominos, but I can make a bunch using a medium dough ball and our cinnamix. The joys of custom-making stuff as an employee. XD

My favorite pizza is a pan pizza, topped with a mixture of garlic parmesan sauce and hearty marina sauce, cheddar cheese, minced fresh garlic, spinach, more cheddar cheese, EXTRA bacon, tomatoes, EXTRA pineapple, more cheddar cheese, EXTRA EXTRA onion slices [stick, I love raw onion so much], more cheddar cheese [sometimes at this point pepperoni and/or chicken also depending on mood and how mountain high the pizza is at this point], oregano and garlic herb seasoning, and then usually a liiiight drizzle of buffalo sauce, a little more cheddar and then into the oven it goes.

A Scarlett Special. Trust me, it is delicious. It may sound very weird to some, but I make good food. I have many positive reviews to back me up. :>

I wish I could make some now and pass you a slice through the screen.

Um. I got carried away there, oof.

....

Anyway!! Those are the facts I decided to go with! XD