#rain's issue for the next 2.5 years

[seokmattchuus]

Since I'm upset at my Hyeonju getting stuck as the ceo of unis elementary, here's my kinda-realistic better 5th-8th ranks (only because I feel like the top 2-4 have been locked in for a while)

5. Hyeonju - 2001

6. Sunwoo - 2003

7. Narumi - 2006

8. Haram - 2006

Elisia would be the youngest with Yunha just two months older. This is definitely a better unnie line than just hyeonju by herself bc ain't no way you're gonna have a 01 liner and 07 liner both be in the unnie like. like. bffr. She's the only unnie in there. Idc.

I hope Hyeonju pulls a Junwon and leaves before the actual debut 😭 Take her new popularity bring it back to cignature. I don't think this group will do that much better anyways.

[nawilla]

So, 2024 has continued to suck.

Hopefully none of you remember exactly why last weekend, the first weekend of the new year, was incredibly NOT FUN, let's just say it involved plumbing distress that led to having to pee in the shower and time bowel movements for when I was at work until it was resolved and I spent a day at work hiding in my office so I could be near a toilet for female reasons. It was functionally resolved by Sunday evening (thank deity of choice) and between bleach and scrubbing bubbles cleanup was emotionally difficult but not physically difficult. (Full cleanup of the whole room is ongoing, but it's the basement, so that's okay).

The second weekend of 2024 is a three-day weekend in the US as Monday is a government holiday (MLK Day). It is also a university holiday which is shall we say, not universal in academia. (I finally remembered why it wasn't a holiday at my alma mater. It was because spring semester classes didn't start that early).

In order for me to take a weekday off of a three-day weekend, I still have to get Monday's work done over that weekend for the rest of the week to go smoothly. While I can choose whatever day I do it on, and it's a half-day's work, not a full day's work, it still needs to get done and I'm almost never going to be able to squeeze it in on Friday. This past week, one of my bosses had a meltdown in the animal room due to bad lighting and him probably needing new glasses. Regardless, it put me behind on my own work, so rather than stay at work Friday past 10 pm (and stand on concrete floors and aggravate my plantar fasciitis again, I came into work Saturday morning, worked a good 4ish hours, took an extended lunch break (got writing done, yay) and worked another 4ish hours to get Friday and Monday's work done, so I could take off on Monday. Oh, the things I could do. Some quick shopping. Laundry. Take N the Cat to the vet because apparently, she was hiding feeling under the weather.

On Sunday I get groceries for the first time in 2.5 weeks (plumbing issues last weekend) and notice I'm starting to cough. A lot. Darn, a cough. Could be my allergies. It's been raining a lot which sets them off, and we are also experiencing a cold snap which leads to me huddling on the couch under blankets and N the Cat, which can result in acid reflux due to my prone position for long periods.

In the middle of the night on Sunday, the unrelenting sinus headache hits. OMG. Ow. This is why I was coughing. The allergy meds probably masked it. Also, I'm less cold all of a sudden, which is not a weather reversal, I have a fever. I finally get a weekday off free and clear and I'm fricking sick and my head just won't stop hurting. Mind you, it's tolerable pain. It's not a migraine. It just won't stop. It woke me up from sleep.

The next weekday I will get off from work is March 15th, the last Friday of Spring Break. I will probably not get to take it off because I will still be waiting for people to get their data in Thursday at 6 pm. The university skips a lot of random government holidays to keep the term going and gives us days off between Christmas and New Years instead.

I am not amused with 2024.

[soullikethesea]

Bunch of random rambles

I made it to the quieter weeks! (Sort of time off, but not really). Yesterday I went exercising and accidentally continued for 2.5 hours. Woah, there. 😮

Today I was supposed to have the fun day at the aquarium, but it will have to be postponed for some time because of ~ circumstances. 🙁

I'm going to see T today. I felt strangely normal/okay/happy the last few weeks, which makes me think I'm perhaps seeing her too often normally. It just stirs up a lot and my body really craves rest/good experiences. I think that helps with parts work a lot actually. (Helps to see that life is actually OK now).

I also got curious based on some of your posts and filled out some schema questionaires. I remember that I filled out some of those around 10 or so years ago, so it was really strange to see the differences. I also kind of doubt some of my answers, because what feels "true" for me may not be universal me-truth. Anyway, apparently my most prominent schemas are now Healthy Adult and Happy Child. The things I still could work on were having strict norms for myself and sacrificing myself. Oh, and emotional surpression... obviously, lol. Anyway, the results make sense, but it also made me feel like I'm perhaps taking up therapy resources that I maybe don't need? Like, I have a hunch that based on these answers regular therapy place would turn me away saying that I'm fine and wishing me good luck. (And at the same time I'm obviously super glad that I'm doing so well with schema stuff!)

I think it links into what I've been feeling, that pockets of Really Awful Shit are still compartmentalized into some parts, but that overall I've been doing pretty well. I think at the moment my biggest issues are around attachment stuff (daring to show myself/trust others), physical pain/conversion, and trauma bits that haven't been processed. And quite some struggles with low energy levels/difficulty with daily life tasks.

One of the next steps I will need to do to work on the endo is pelvic floor PT. I've been dreading it ever since they recommended it. Is there anyone on here who has experience doing that? (If so, how was your experience of it?)

I'm really glad that the Sun is shining!!! We've been having quite some months with very few hours of sun, so it's really welcome. Where I live it's pretty normal to have two weeks of rain or more in a row. :') I also can't help but think of some posts I read where people wrote about the preferred temperature to sleep in. Perhaps it's shocking, but my preferred temperature for sleeping is 14 degrees Celsius. :) Otherwise my blanket set-up gets too hot, haha. (I have a comforter plus thick fleece/wooly blanket on top). In Summer I slowly switch to comforter + light wooly blanket, to comforter only, to sheet only. And if it gets super hot, it will be cold wet sheet + cold wet t-shirt (sadly I do not have aircon and my bedroom gets up to 39 degrees Celsius). In Winter the coldest we let it get is around 8 degrees Celsius, but that's honestly really really cold for sleeping.

[bike42]

Friday - Saturday January 12-13, 2024

Last full day at Aguila. We had our usual leisurely breakfast, quiet with most of the others out on excursions. We put on our swim suits and hiking shoes and headed down the trail, stopping a several beautiful beaches that we had mainly to ourselves again. It was a bit slippery after last nights rain, but Jeff is adept at finding us sticks to use for hiking poles.

We walked about 2.5 miles out, swam, sat against a log and read for a bit, then walked back to catch the end of lunch. Everyone was back from their excursions so the place was a-buzz. Jeff had his Kilimanjaro t-shirt on, and a young couple from CA wanted to know all about it as it’s their goal to do all seven summits. Always fun for us to find people who want to hear our stories… we have a lot of them!

Same afternoon routine, hammock, nap, read, shower, and down to the Jungle Bar for G&Ts and cribbage (were evenly matched this trip, but JT is ahead on our travel rivalry scoreboard). We sat with some new people at dinner - a couple from PA, and a couple from the UK. We’ve lost track of how many new people we’ve met during our 8 nights here! The pattern seems to be to come from three nights … and do snorkeling at Cano Island one day, and Corcovado NP the next, then off to somewhere else for three nights. It’s what we did last September in the UK, but I think they miss the magic of immersing in the wonder of this area, and this resort specifically!

We said some goodbyes, then headed up to pack and rest up for our transition. I awoke to someone else’s alarm this morning before mine went off at 6am. We had breakfast, said more goodbyes (told the staff we’d see them next year) and boarded our water taxi at 7:30am. It was a fun ride, north along the coast for 15 minutes, then into the Sierpe River to the village of Sierpe. The river was a twisting path of mangroves, with the occasional house/dock - obvious erosion issue where they’d removed the mangroves. There were lots of boats out fishing, and boats loaded with tourists coming towards us. I wasn’t quite prepared for what we saw upon arrival at Sierpe - quite a bustling port! People getting off boats, and waiting for boats. About 20 different docks offering taxi services and car parking. We were surprised to see Aguila had its own dock, with Jimy there to greet us in an Aguila shirt. On the dock waiting to be loaded was a washing machine, a mattress and box set, and coolers full of things to be transferred. I would have loved to stay to watch them load the boat, but our ride was waiting.

Alex at the resort had arranged for Chino to pick us up and transport us to Dominical. Chino is Chinese, and didn’t speak much English but we did ok. We arrived in Dominical about 10am, which gave me time to hit a shop for new cheap sunglasses and a hat! At 10:20am our driver from Imiloa came with a 4x4 pickup. We know Chino’s van wasn’t going to make it up the road to Imiloa! We arrived about 10:35 am, just three hours after leaving the resort, relieved that it all worked out!

We relaxed for about 15 minutes before the others arrived in a series of taxis. We’d met Yolanda, the massage therapist, and wrangled ourselves into massages for today. So we skipped lunch and headed to our amazing room (booked the same as last year), where Yolanda was setting up her table on the balcony. I’m writing this from my hammock. Life is good!

[charcherry-weekly]

Charcherry Weekly - Issue 137

The suns have graced the skies once more, warmth returning to the rolling hills. Its still raining a lot though. Let's get to the news.

At the beginning of the week, Daylights savings time began, for those who observe it. There's probably many who don't follow it, but for those of us who frequent the vanilla timeline internet, it makes things a little easier to keep up with. Prince of Time Aeons Edgeworth manually set all clocks forward one hour in our house so I guess we're observing it over here.

On the 12th was the 10th anniversary of the beginning of the SBARGv2 session. This session is the one that Our Universe, Gene the genesis frog, came from and currently resides in. It was a post-reset session, having emerged beyond all reason when it "wasn't supposed to" by a combination of the meddling of Timespace Menace Chronos, The divine corpse of Denizen Yaldobaoth, and the two who delivered the dead demiurge to the beginning: Heir of Breath June Egbert and Heir of Time Rise Emit. It was from these combined efforts that The Medium sparked to life and Skaia manifested an instance of itself, though it was not without complications. The SBARGv2 session was known for being notoriously buggy, but somehow still marginally playable enough to survive. It was thanks to the efforts of First Guardian Flock Ornis (and those who solved the puzzles on the currently decommissioned sbargv2 website) that the session was slowly put into a winnable state.

Also of note, Mage of Life Blaze was tasked with additional hands-on debug work, which extended beyond the game's main campaign run, only able to retire in winter of 2021 when her netnavi Splashwoman gained the ability to cleanse Blaze of glitches enough for her to be let through The Door.

The SBARGv2 session's main campaign lasted for a number of months, with the Ultimate Reward claimed in late December of the same year. Since the 2.5 DLC update, players have been able to return to the medium via the door, though it is very quiet in the incipisphere, with most players now elsewhere.

Despite the monumental milestone, there were no known or reported celebrations for this occasion this year.

As of late, Rogue of Heart Charles has been seen in a worrying state, reportedly very tired at times, sometimes even experiencing nightmares. Brae Emit sent Charles a dreamcatcher to assuage them of such worries. The next day, Charles reported improved sleep.

A few days later, Charles tested the idea for an "Unreal Drive", comprised of an Unreal Air and a number of clamps for direction. Charles was apparently hit by a flying clamp when the jpeg skateboard escaped his reach. Hours later they contacted the rest of the group with reports of their daring experiment. I do hope that Charles gets enough sleep tonight, despite the injury.

In the middle of the week, the Ides of March was observed, marking the anniversary of the infamous assassination of Julius Caesar a long time ago. Reportedly, various voidco members attempted to celebrate the occasion by attempting to pursue their boss, Page of Void Dylan. Being aware of the dangers present, Dylan reportedly hid somewhere unreachable for the entire day.

A trusted correspondent was able to gather information on three particular voidco members at this point in time. Brief analysis leads me to believe that the Jojo squad may be somewhat of a group of misfits, even within the company. Further information will likely be needed for a more thorough assessment.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

-Katie’s potion stand (*CaFAI filling in for Katie when unavailable)

-Brae’s canned goods stand (currently closed for the time being)

-shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand (ran by Rufus)

That should do it for this week. I've been busy working on left beef chapter 2 part 2 recently, and thankfully got some solid progress this week. With luck I should be able to stay on schedule. For now though, sleep is in order.

https://letssosl.boards.net/thread/366/charcherry-weekly-issue-137

Edit: it was previously reported that one unreal air was used when in fact it was twelve of them, in a variety of directions for the sake of control.

[specialability]

September has been. a lot.

(cut for long ranting/venting below, possible tw about fleas, health issues, disability, and housing stuff)

preparing for disability approval hearing after 2.5 years of waiting

suddenly, disability office decides to approve me without even doing the hearing

this is great, I am going to get more money. not a liveable amount of money. but more money.

including back pay for the 2.5 years which is a substantial chunk of change

I buy myself a new mouse to replace my broken one and a new phone case to replace the 3 year old one. splurging!!

my year-old referral to the psychiatric hospital went through also and now I have multiple appointments to get set up

now that I have a bit more money I should finally buy a bedframe. yanno after 2.5 years of mattress on floor. which I don't mind but it's cold in winter.

after multiple attempts finally organize to get a bed off kijiji. ask roommate if she will borrow her mother's car to pick it up, she says yes

find a couple fleas on my cat. panic mode. go get flea killer the next day and talk to the vet

wash and clean everything. like 5 loads of laundry in one day. exhausted.

got to borrow a handheld steamer from a friend-of-a-friend to try and kill any remaining flea eggs on the couch/mattress but means I gotta make a pretty big trip to pick it up. it's raining and cold, and I'm so low brain I keep making stupid mistakes, but I do go to a Value Village and find some stuff I needed so it works out

also still got more psych appointments

and a physio appointment I'm really nervous about because I've never been to this place before and it's about vaginal problems

go to physio appointment and nobody is wearing a mask, lady coughs on me in the waiting room, doctor is running late, their receptionist is out because her mom died, place is a mess. the physio himself is great but can't do the exact treatment I need so not going back.

but gotta go pick up the bed!

right before going to pick up the bed roommate is coughing and sneezing so I ask if she's sick again

she gets mad at me and suddenly we're in a huge argument about all the stuff she hates about living here and how she thinks I'm a weirdo loser who just sits around all day and I should be grateful she even stays here etc.

while I had already been thinking about telling her she should move out in a month or two because her constant complaining about every aspect of her very boring normie life is driving me crazy.

(please don't complain about "only" making 40k+benefits working from home to someone who had an 8k income last year and has relied on gifts and dwindling savings to get by. it's like complaining about the champagne not being chilled to someone dying of thirst. you're allowed to complain, just find someone else to complain to!)

this is after we had an argument in August and I told her if she was going to hate living here she should move out now so I could get a student for Sept and she said no she'd stay until spring...

so she tries to one-up me by saying she doesn't want to pay October rent and I'm like ok no problem I'll use your deposit and don't worry about the bed I'll handle it by myself :) and she storms off

it is actually laughable how bad she was at trying to hurt my feelings. I was deeply bullied in school and my parents argued constantly, calling me a loser because I don't go out of the house is kiddie level stuff, it just slides right off.

(I will concede there are a couple valid criticisms in her complaints but repeatedly I offered solutions she didn't want to take. and I don't like her or respect her enough to apologize.)

picking up the bed is. an ordeal. the seller is late, the taxi i booked is early and now running the meter while I wait for her, it's cold out, but I push through and my neighbour helps me get the bedframe into the apartment when I get home.

my IBS, of course, flares up badly. I'm also not sleeping much.

still got more phone appointments but now I don't feel safe doing them in the apartment when she might be coming back at any time so I call my health clinic down the road and find out they do have a room people can use to make phone call appointments

so that's what I do. the doctor from that appointment nags me to follow up on another appointment, so I try to, but we get times mixed up

I am at this point in negative spoons. like part of this is my fault but I thought I would have just enough spoons and then time to recover, but with the roommate stuff I am now deeply in spoon debt

but still gotta try to schedule this second appointment!! while not knowing if I'll have a private place to have it!!

I manage to do that today after packing a bag so I can leave the apartment quickly and do the phone call elsewhere if she shows up

I still haven't put the bedframe together. I am so exhausted I can barely scroll tumblr but then I can't really sleep well either.

I read a whole John LeCarré novel in the past couple nights of not sleeping (A Most Wanted Man, deeply depressing look at post 9/11 spy stuff in Germany, not his best)

I have also been watching a lot of Seinfeld because it requires zero brain

I still haven't watched the new Andor and I'm multiple episodes behind in weekly anime including LycoReco :(

I don't know if she's coming back today but half her stuff is still here. so tomorrow, even though I have zero energy to do so, I am going to have to plan to leave the house if she comes back and starts being a bitch again because I can't waste any more energy on her. there's a zine fair happening in a library I can go to.

but the sooner I am free of her the better!!! so she better fucking come get her stuff!!! I don't care if it looks like I suddenly got money so I decided to get rid of her, because yes, I was only putting up with her shit because I need to make rent!!!!

oh the the fleas seem to be gone, so at least there's that. I think the cat picked them up from being out on the balcony. lesson learned.

i think the lesson on the roommate thing is, don't do favours for people if it's making you miserable. nobody wants that.

and especially don't persist in doing something you hate even though you were given an out because you want to feel like a Good Person. you will definitely get resentful and bitter and it never works out

I think a large chunk of our problems was neurodiverse/neurotypical communication issues too... like I'm not officially autistic but I can't stand it when she asks me something and I say no and she just keeps trying to nag me into doing it. or she says "Sorry, I'm in a hurry," instead of "Can you please get out of the kitchen for a minute". I'll do that kind of polite shit if I'm being paid or it's like my aunt or something, but I'm not doing it all day every day.

anyway next roommate absolutely cannot be a hipster bougie type who's just slumming it for a while until they can get a nicer place / new rich boyfriend.

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY ONE (PART TWO) || JAMAIS VU

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 27 april

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.8k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : jujutsu koshien

↳ next episode : the origin of blind obedience 

↳ barista’s notes : lets play a little game...find the genshin reference ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“May I ask why you are following me right now?”

At this moment in time, you were seated within a train in the Tokyo Underground Metro travelling to your planned destination wearing a white button-up shirt with the first two buttons loose since it was quite oversized that was tucked into a pair of wide-legged trousers since you didn’t want it to show at the bottom of your large oversized grey v-necked sweater with the final touch of a pair of Stan Smiths that Gojo had gifted you the second you entered the Gojo’s estate after packing the last of your things back at the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College - ‘think of it as a housewarming gift’ you remember him saying.

Speaking of Gojo…

“Why not~ It’s mine and your’s off-day, so let’s have a father-daughter day out together!” Gojo exclaimed in an excited tone, as he tilted his glasses down to look slightly down at you, showcasing his sparkling blue eyes with a cheeky smile planted on his face.

Turning your head to the side to look at him, you couldn’t help but want to snatch his glasses off and throw them across the other side of the train carriage since you have informed him all the time that you wanted to go on this outing of yours alone due to the fact that you wanted to clear your head about everything that has happened within the past week.

“Also, why the hell are those three following me?” you questioned in an annoyed whispered tone as you turned your head back to face forward before crossing your leg over your other one as you could sense the lingering but obvious trail of cursed energy from the other side of the carriage. However, you didn’t want to make it crystal clear that you knew Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were sitting on the other end looking at you while trying to not be or look suspicious.

“Well, let’s just say they are worried about you~” Gojo answered before placing one of his hands on the top of your head before beginning to gently ruffle your hair causing you to relax from your tense posture since it left a somewhat warm feeling in your heart - you also have gotten used to this little action of his since he would do the same thing when you were walking around the estate.

“So where are you planning to go? I did jump on this train because you were going in it,” Gojo asked, as he fixed his glasses leading you to look up to find that the next stop was the stop you were looking for, causing you to stand up and walk towards the exit leading Gojo to follow since he was just going by your lead at this moment in time.

“Kiyose Station?” Gojo said in a curious tone, only for you to step out of the train the second the doors opened leading Gojo to follow you as well as the three first-years that were trailing you from behind, just a few feet away to not get caught by you - even though, you already knew that they were stalking you from behind.

‘Really...did these guys forget I can sense their cursed energy?’

“Yeah, I guess I never really told you that I come here every year…’ you quietly confessed, causing Gojo to look at you with a confused expression before wondering why you were willing to take an hour-long journey for something to come to every year on the same day.

“Is that so?” Gojo questioned before looking up to the sky as he took in a deep breath of the fresh air that he was able to obtain after a long journey in the underground train station.

From his view, the sky was quite clear making it known to him that you probably had checked the weather beforehand when you were planning to go wherever he was following you to, you were always the type to be somewhat prepared for the day from what he could remember from past outings. For example, when you and him came out of a cafe to find that it was raining, you immediately took out an umbrella and held it above you and him even when you knew he could use his infinity to protect himself from the wet droplets.

“Don’t use your technique too much, just use an umbrella, you drag,” he recalled you saying and to be honest, he was somewhat gleeful at the fact you treated him the way you did. It was like you cared for him but didn’t want to explicitly admit it or make it too obvious, he felt like you were treating him like he wasn’t above you in the jujutsu world, you were basically the reason why he could relax and get away from the gripping pressure of being ‘the strongest’ - instead, you gave him the role of a father figure that he wasn’t an ideal person for, but you could tell he was trying.

“You know we are here right, you’re too much in a daydream right now,” you announced causing Gojo to snap his head back down to see a simple fence gate in front of a massive and bright field of sunflowers looking at his way like they were greeting him with their yellow happy petals.

“A sunflower field?” Gojo asked in a confused tone causing you to give a somewhat deadpan expression before turning back around to open the gate before entering the large field with other guests already hiding within the mass of tall flowers as you could sense your triplet classmates coming closer.

“You know, I knew I had weird classmates, but I didn’t know how weird…” you mentioned, causing your adoptive father to start laughing before wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you both began to walk around to view the tall flowers that had been planted and grown for the season causing Gojo to somewhat come to the realisation that you had some fascination with flowers ever since he had come to meet you - except for your weird addiction to orange juice that he learned first.

“Wah~ the sunflowers are in full bloom~” Gojo excitedly beamed out, causing some visitors to look at the tall man with a surprised expression to then quickly turn into admiration when they realise how handsome the man looked causing you to cringe since this is what you wanted to avoid coming here.

“So why do you like flowers Y/N?” Gojo suddenly queried you causing you to turn your head up to look at him while continuing to stroll down the path you both were going at, leading you to begin questioning how your fascination with flowers came about and to be honest….

“I don’t know,” you answered in a low tone before turning back to view the beautiful display that was surrounding you with the warmth you needed right now. “I guess...it’s like a remedy...one that I need,” you further explained causing Gojo to look down at you with a small smile before turning his head back slightly over his shoulder to notice his over students a few feet back arguing about whatever they were talking about while trying to keep up with the both of you - it seemed like his unnecessary tall height somewhat helped them to scout both you and him.

“Also, the estate is so dull, you need some sort of colour, so I might as well buy some sunflowers here,” you quickly added, causing the strongest sorcerer to quickly snap his head back to look at you before childishly complaining how the estate looked fine and there was no need to judge the decor of the clan house you were living in at his current moment, only for you to counter his argument with how paintings weren’t helping and the empty antique vases were not going to fill themselves up magically.

“The servants can find flowers, you don’t need to do this yourself,” Gojo mentioned causing you to give him a side look before saying that you wanted to do this, leading Gojo to close his mouth quickly as he suddenly remembered how you would always help out even when they would try to push you away since they were worried about you over-working when you were emotionally recovering this week. He also recollected how you would just admit that you were used to doing chores yourself since you had lived alone for six years before he took you in.

Unexpectantly, you turned somewhere to the right causing Gojo to be somewhat surprised since he didn’t expect you to take a sudden different route, only for his eyes to come into the sudden appearance of a little market place where some people (especially some elders) selling vegetables, small accessories, flowers and what seemed to be some charms.

However, it seemed like you weren’t telling him where you were planning to start since you were now basically just guiding him to wherever you wanted to go - after all, it was his first time here and probably needed some guidance from you.

From behind, Itadori and Kugisaki were chatting about how they were going to stay hidden away from you, while Fushiguro looked exhausted with both of them by his side and somewhat knew that you knew they were following you since he remembered that you were able to sense people’s cursed energy like a tracking system - he even reminded both his classmates about this technique of yours and they flat out ignored it, not recalling his first lesson when him and Itadori were forced into a maid cafe while tailing their teacher.

“Gojo knows a lot of places, doesn’t she?” Kugisaki muttered in amazement as she spun around to obtain a 360-degree view of the sunflower scenery that they were at right now, leading Itadori to agree with her as he smiled happily at the bright-like atmosphere that was surrounding them right now.

“Fushiguro, look! There are so many!” Itadori beamed, leading Kugisaki smacking him on the head before informing him that he was being too loud and they were about to get caught causing Fushiguro to let out a sigh in slight annoyance.

‘I can tell she’s laughing at us, right now’ Fushiguro thought as he could see your shoulders going up and down like how they would when you would giggle.

As time went on, the trio kept tabs on you as you went from market stall to market stall to view those items that the sellers had for sale leading them to wonder what you were looking for since you never really took the time to bring out your wallet and pay for whatever the seller would pitch you.

“These are so cute, why didn’t she buy them?” Kugisaki questioned as she lifted up a pair of sunflower earrings that you had previously viewed causing the seller to start telling her how they made it and how beautiful they would look on her, while Fushiguro looked to the side peering at you and Gojo only to discover you at this one stall where the seasoned sunflowers were being sold.

However, before you could even ask the seller for a bouquet, a little girl sudden ran up to the stall asking their mother if they could get a sunflower, only for the worried woman to inform their child that they weren’t about to afford it due to them using the last of their money to pay for the food that they ate causing the little girl to quickly become quiet before turning back around to view the bright flowers that she wasn’t able to get with tears pending in her eyes.

“Excuse me madam, how much for two flowers?” you asked gently, causing the old woman being the stall to turn her head to look at you before answering your question with a price leading you to place a purchase while adding your bouquet to the order, causing the little girl standing beside you to look at you with a confused expression since she didn’t understand why you were buying a whole bouquet of her favourite flowers with two single ones alone.

While the woman was wrapping the last of the single sunflower she was preparing for you in the classic brown paper, you gently took the one she had finished before handing it to the small child that was by your side, causing her to look at the flower in complete awe before looking up at you, only to see a small but gently smile painted on your face.

“It’s for you,” you informed her in a light and soft tone, leading the girl to slowly take the bouquet away from your grasp before noticing how you were going to pay extra for the black ribbon tied around the flower as well as the white baby breaths that surrounded the single flower before giving the other single flower to them mother that was behind the child, causing the woman to look at you in shock before thanking you for the gift as she didn’t expect you to buy something for her as well after you gifted her daughter with what she wanted.

“What do you say to the nice lady, dear?” the mom questioned her daughter causing the little girl to look confused before realising what she meant as she jumped in excitement.

“Thank you so much, miss!” the girl cheered, causing you to smile at her before excitingly showing the mother the flower you had gifted her as you then turned back around to collect the bouquet that you had brought for yourself as you processed to give her the amount of money needed for the large purchase.

“Shame...and I thought you were giving one each to me and you…” Gojo muttered with a pout, causing you to give him a weirded-out side glance before scoffing in amusement.

“Never in a million years dad,” you answered in a teasing manner before making your way towards the trio that was at the stall behind you, leaving the strongest sorcerer shocked at what you had just said to him, as the duo of Itadori Yuji and Kugisaki Nobara screamed at your sudden appearance since they would they were in the clear, while Fushiguro was looking at you with a gentle but his usually stoic face as he somewhat found out about your side of kindness you had for other people.

“Gojo!” Itadori screamed, causing you to give them a small smile.

“So...care to explain why you have been following me since I left the estate? Why is it once you finally get a break from being a sorcerer, rather than taking a rest, you instead come to me?” you questioned in a sinister tone, causing all three of your classmates to shiver at the dark aura that was emitting itself from your body right now.

However, before they were even able to answer in their frightened state, Gojo suddenly launched himself at you from behind with tears in his eyes causing you to yell at him for his childish behaviour, only for him to wrap his arms around your shoulders before rocking you from side to side in pure happiness.

“You called me ‘dad’, come on, say it again! One more time!” Gojo requested in pure glee as tears of happiness streamed down his face with a silly smile, leading the trio behind you to look at the sorcerer with pure horror as you informed him that he was already asking you for too much as once was enough causing Gojo to complain in a childish voice again that ‘it wasn’t too much’ and that you have to say it again, almost causing you to smack the bouquet across his face.

“Let me go!” you yelled out, as you tried to pry Gojo’s arms that were around your shoulder while trying not to crease the flowers that you have just bought only for your adoptive father to cling onto you tighter to which caused your body to give up and you stood there with a disheartened expression on your face, completely forgetting that Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki had followed you here as you had another issue to deal with.

While this was going on, Fushiguro couldn’t help but continue to recall the situation that had happened earlier between you and the little family, especially the small action of your hand going down to pass the flower to the little girl...as if a hand has reached down to him before leading little images of a hand passing him a bandage came into view, yet he didn’t seem to have any recollection of it...like a memory, he technically didn’t remember.

“Gojo?” Fushiguro called you out, causing you to turn to him while grasping on the bright sunflowers that were facing his way as if to give him encouragement to say what he was planning on asking you.

“What’s the opposite of Deja vu?”

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[folkloreguk]

Shower Thoughts

A/N: I like writing about personal emotions a lot…this feels a little like writing a diary but also like self-therapy and it really helps me. I hope anyone who also feels this way knows that they’re not alone with those feelings. Also happy birthday to the sweetest @sunghoonied!! I wrote this thinking of you and I hope you have the best day ♡ PS. I didn't proofread this so if you find errors kindly lmk please! x

genre: optional bias (male), meant to comfort you, angst, fluff, talk of loneliness / anxiety but with a good ending!

words: ~ 2.5 k

taglist: @lovely-ateez, @mochi-ficz, @soundsofminho, @runaway-fics

People said that walking was supposed to clear your mind. But then why was it, that you had gotten so lost in your worst thoughts out there? The time spent in fresh air was meant to let your mind wander to calm places and smiling at strangers should have made you feel less lonely. But with every step you took and with every passing face your body felt heavier. Not only did you carry your figure, but the crushing burden that had been nagging at you for weeks.

Watching others stroll around the streets seemed so easy. And perhaps it should have been easy, after all. It made you wonder, maybe you were the only one whose mind was constantly covered in dark rain clouds. Maybe everyone had their place in the world, and they knew just where and with whom they belonged. Surely, they didn’t overthink every conversation they had with a random stranger. Did their brain also function merely on autopilot in public, while the back of your mind was chaos of doubt and fear? Was there anybody else who spent day to day worrying about never finding someone who could deal with the burden of you and your issues? How was somebody else going to love you if you were this sad?

Those people that care about you are the ones you should be honest with, after all. There was no brushing off the How Are You question with a quick “I’m fine”. How could someone deal with the real answer you would give? You didn’t want to pull anybody down with you when you were hurting. So then again, maybe it was for the better your apartment was always empty when you came home. With no one to ask you about your feelings, you couldn’t cause anyone else agony and worry. Your own pain was enough – one person was enough to deal with it.

You shoved your shoes in the corner next to your door. If it wasn’t for your mental state, you would’ve guessed your jacket was a hundred kilos heavy. But even after you had peeled it off, nothing changed. You dragged your body to the bathroom.

You’d be so proud if only you could go one day without crying. And you had almost made it, had it not been for the godforsaken shower water. There was something about seeing the droplets on your skin and on the tiles that caused your tears to come out freely. The noise of the shower made you feel shut off from the rest of the world. Now it was just you and your salty ocean tears. The tears united with the shower water. It was hard to tell which drops on your cheek had originated in your swollen eyes and which had fallen from the shower head. This way, it seemed almost as if there was an invisible force that was wiping over your face, trying to appease your sobs.

But there was nobody. And that was why you only cried harder. If only you had listened to your own words when you tried to cheer yourself up. Then maybe you would feel better when you wrapped your arms around your own body. You were desperate. The notion that someone could hold you like this, one day, should have gifted you at least some form of hope. But no, you knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon. Not with this mindset and your sadness.

You hiccupped helplessly. This was all so tiring. Before you knew it, you sat down on the shower floor under the hot stream. At least there was no one waiting to get into the shower after you. So you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about blocking the bathroom and wasting all the hot water. For a few minutes you remained on the floor, drowning out your cries under the splashing sound. You felt the impulse to scream. Look, I’m here! I’m a person with interests and passions and emotions! Doesn’t anybody see me? I’m sick of only existing! Won’t somebody teach me how to live?

But at most, that would cause you a noise complaint. If only you weren’t so terrible at talking to people. Maybe you could make a friend someday – when your anxiety got better. Like in a trance, you finally switched off the water and grabbed your towel. You were so utterly lost in your thoughts, that everything went by as if you were only watching from the sidelines. You got out of the shower, dried off, put on some body lotion – an attempt at self-care – and got dressed in the most comfortable, baggy clothes you owned.

What on earth would you do tonight? There really were only so many ways you could have fun (or rather distract yourself from feeling down) when you were all by yourself and everything reminded you of how lonely you were. The option of just going to sleep slipped past you. But you weren’t tired enough. You knew you’d lie awake for hours, left alone with your thoughts. And crying yourself to sleep was the last thing you wanted right now.

So you opted for the most mainstream idea: Netflix. You plopped down on the sofa, a steaming hot cup of tea on the small table in front of you. Now you only had one thing left to do. You needed to choose some stupid show and let the problems of tv characters invade your brain and pray they would shove out your own issues. You weren’t even hungry. Although there was a part of you that wished it could have eaten your weight in chocolate, but you knew that had little to do with hunger.

Just as you reached for the remote control, the sound of your doorbell made you jump. I’ll just let it be. They’ll think I’m not home and leave. Those thoughts came right away. It made you curse yourself. You had just cried over feeling alone, but now you’re shutting out some random neighbor who probably just needs some tiny favor from you. Way to go. So, more to prove a point to yourself than to be friendly, you stepped to your door and opened it.

“Hi.” It was your neighbor. Your handsome, kind neighbor, who you always met at the local grocery store. You were so mentally exhausted you didn’t even feel self-conscious about looking the way you did. Although you hoped your eyes had recovered from the redness, at least a little. “Hi,” you greeted him back.

“Look, I really don’t want to be intrusive. And if you want me to leave, I will,” he said. He fumbled with his hands, as if he was nervous about his words. “But I kind of heard you…cry…in the shower. And I know you live alone, and I figured if you’re crying you probably don’t have any company. I guess I just wanted to check whether you’re okay. Do you have someone to talk to?”

With every word your heart only sped up. You felt like a trapped rabbit in a corner and the meaning of his message only sunk in slowly. Yes, of course. I’ll call my friend and talk to them,you wanted to say. But that would have been a massive lie. And you just couldn’t lie to him. Not when he stood there, in his fuzzy sweater and fresh-out-the-shower damp hair, with eyes so worried and attentive. You weren’t sure if it was from how touched you were by his concern for you, or if it was your sadness catching up to you again. Before you could swallow your tears, your eyes filled to the brim and your vision turned blurry.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said, not sure what for. Hurriedly, you used your sweater paw to wipe your leaking eyes. You didn’t want him to feel bad for you, but now you had achieved just that and more. Your embarrassment set in and you finally came out with the truth. “I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“No need to be sorry. It’s alright. We all have those days, don’t we? I just want you to know that you’re not alone. And I have nothing to do…so if you need someone to talk to, or even just to keep you company…I can stay with you for a bit…or you can come over to mine. I just don’t want you to feel alone. But if you would prefer to be by yourself, that’s okay. People deal with things differently.”

You were so baffled that your ability to speak completely fell through. The idea of someone, an almost-stranger, going so out of their way to make sure you were okay blew you away. He knew nothing about you. But here he was, taking a chance on you, nonetheless. Only then you realized you probably looked like a fool, staring at him but failing to answer. Quickly, you prompted yourself to open your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it.

“What were you doing just now?” he asked. “Any plans for the evening?”

“I was going to watch a movie, I guess,” you said. “And I think some company would be very nice.”

He smiled at you like was your childhood best friend and you had just reconnected after years of being apart. That’s why it felt the more natural to let him enter your apartment. You got into small talk about what it was like living in the building and how his apartment had a mirrored structure to yours. The simplest conversation took your mind off your sorrow right away. You felt like thanking him would be a little dramatic after he had barely settled on your sofa, so you kept it to yourself. Either way, the small smile on your face felt like warm, soothing sunlight on your skin after eight consecutive days of rain.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” he asked. You thought for a moment.

“No, I think I’d rather just distract myself,” you said. Even though you were grateful for having him here, you feared if you spilled your guts to him you would only scare him away.

“Alright,” he said without judgement. “What film were you planning on watching?”

And so you started your movie. There was a respectful distance between you on the sofa. But his simple presence next to you was more than you could have asked for tonight. He was like a heater, providing safety and comfort in the coldest winter. Hearing someone else chuckle at the jokes in the movie along with you was magnificent. His laughter sounded like a rainbow. It seeped into your body and your soul straightened up and bloomed like a parched flower being watered after all this loneliness.

But even under all the light, your problems were still here, waiting to nag at you. You knew they would consume you when he returned to his own apartment later. They would laugh at you for trying to socialize but staying closed off as always. Just because someone saw you didn’t mean they understood you and who you are. And how was one supposed to make human connections if they treated their thoughts like strictly confidential information in front of everybody? No, you had to tell him.Impulsively, you pressed the stop-button on the remote. He shot you a questioning gaze.

“I- I think maybe I do want to talk about something,” you confessed.

“You can tell me anything. I promise it’ll be safe with me. Let out whatever bothers you,” he said. His lovely, warm eyes were inviting like a haven for you. So you just started to talk. All your frustrations and reasons for anxiety were exiting your lips, floating all around you in the room. Airing out your weary brain finally, after holding everything in for weeks, was uncaging and nothing had felt this good in so long. Although your sadness wasn’t something that could be fixed by doing a task, the more thoughts and worries you explained to him, the easier it became. It wasn’t long before you felt your tears well up once more.

“It’s okay,” he said with his hand on your shoulder. This time, you didn’t try so hard to blink them away. Where there were emotions, there were tears, and he was right. It was fine to let them out. Through sniffles you finished telling him your issues.

“Is this okay?” he asked, gently putting his arm around your shoulder to hold your shaking figure. You hummed and nodded in agreement. His warmth was like a blanket to shelter you from the anxiety, if even just for a short while.

“I don’t expect you to know a solution,” you said. “I need to wait for it to get better. It’ll get better, eventually.”

“You’re right. It will all resolve,” he said. “I’m sorry things are so difficult. But you’re not alone, okay?”

You nodded again.

“Time will heal, I promise,” he said. “And until then, you have to hold on and keep going. The world’s a little cruel sometimes, when it shuts out the ones who struggle and don’t do as well as others. But you’re as much of a part of it as any other human on the street. And you’re just as important as them. You weren’t born to be successful or to achieve things. You’re here to live and be happy. So promise me to take care of yourself, and be gentle to yourself. Because you’re the only person that will be with yourself every second until the end. Please don’t be hard on yourself and have patience for good things to come around. And if it all feels like it’s too much for you, don’t feel guilty about reaching out for help. You can always ring my doorbell if you need something.”

“Thank you so much,” you cried. Your cheek rested on his shoulder and you sat in silence for a while. It was unbelievable which wonders such a small conversation between two people could do. Your heart felt lighter and the thoughts were no longer racing through your head. Peace was settling in, and you welcomed it more than ever.

“Now that I’ve told you about me, what kind of person are you?” you asked through tears. He chuckled a little. All you knew until now was that he had a heart of gold. Which, to be fair, meant your impression of him was off to a pretty good start already. Your thoughts were cautious as you wondered…Maybe he could be my friend.

You abandoned the movie. Instead, you spent all evening chatting about whatever came to your mind. You discussed childhood dreams, favorite dishes, your best playlists down to the cutes dog breeds you had ever seen. It felt great, getting to know somebody. And your suspicions came true. His big heart wasn’t the only thing admirable about him. He was funny and knew just what to say when you felt awkward or shy. When you slipped into bed that night, you did so with a smile on your face. You had always told yourself that you weren’t alone. But sometimes, the most optimistic person needed a small reminder coming from somebody else. Here was yours.

[wolfpawn]

The Art of Survival Chapter 17

SUMMARY -Jeremy tries to push Fianna too far with consequences and Robert's obsession with Fianna being his reaches new heights

Warning - references to attempted rape and cannibalism.

Chapter 17 of 22

Note - Having taken time to actually try and work on my old stories of late, I have actually finished this story, believe it or not. I am sorry for the 2.5-year hiatus.

Fianna stared defiantly at the knife in front of her. Every day for weeks, she had heard the mumbles of how she was probably more use dead than alive yet she remained alive and all too willing to fight to keep it that way. “Get that thing out of my face or you will be sitting on it,” She warned.

That woman holding the knife, Anneka, stepped back slightly.

“Robert is still in the tower so I am not going to leave him behind, am I? I only want to hunt because I am literally sick with hunger. I don’t give a shit about anything else.” She snarled her words through gritted teeth. “I am not at risk of hurting those who don’t hurt me.”

Those worried about Fianna attacked them remained unsure. “Jeremy never hurt anyone before you came along.”

“And yet, he did not take no for an answer with me and learnt that was not wise. Don’t try to force yourself on me and we will get on very well, try and I will fucking stab you.” She tied her hair up as best she could, her hunting knife in her mouth. When she was done, she looked the woman who had spoken to her in the eye. “I get it, it’s hard for you. You’ve been fucking him all through this and yet I come along, I want nothing to do with him, you give him all the attention you do and the bastard keeps trying his luck with me making you wonder what you are doing wrong so the issue has to be me, right?” She walked over to the woman. “The truth is, you did nothing wrong, you care about him. I did nothing wrong, I told him I was not interested, I stated the word no, Robert told him in no uncertain terms no, and he did it. It was him that was wrong, not you and not me. Take your anger out on him, I want nothing to do with him. I did not want to hurt him but I have gotten through all of this without being raped and I am going to make sure that it stays that way.” She swore. “So, let me hunt my food and I will leave you alone, I swear it. It’s not like I am interested in eating anyone.” She laughed slightly as she said it, though it was not much of a joke.

No one said anything more on the subject and they made their way to the door.

Of late, things had seemingly gone even more insane outside the tower. Or so it seemed to Fianna, anyway. She had not been outside in over two months, the furthest she had gotten was to the barricade to guard or to the roof for air, but the smell of rotten blood and flesh there with the unprecedented heat made her feel as though it was not an option.

Feeling the air on her face, she looked around. “It will rain soon.” “You say that with a lot of confidence.” One of the others stated.

“Wait and see, this time tomorrow, rain and a lot of it, will have fallen.” Fianna was confident in her statement. Her father taught her to sense changes in the weather long before he thought her much else. When she went to Ireland to her mother’s family one summer, her maternal grandfather, a farmer, told her the same things her father had, meaning she knew it to be true.

“Rain would be good.” The idea of such was met with sighs of want.

“Free showers if it’s heavy.” Another agreed longingly.

“It will mean a lot of food sources will be hard to find as they shelter from it, so we best move,” Fianna urged, knowing that even if the humans around would not notice the subtle changes in the weather, the animals would and she needed to ensure she got some animals to feed herself and Laing.

She set some little traps up. They would be no use to her today but would collect some food for her next excursion from the tower. Though she wanted to run, to get away, she could not, not without Robert, so she had to show them she would play their game, that she would do as they wanted so that she could come to retrieve the traps the next time she could leave.

The sound of rustling nearby caught her attention. Her pulse pumped in her ears as she gripped her knife tightly. Her nostrils flares and her eyes dilated as she readied to fight for her life. When a creature bounded out of the bushes, she froze. “Dog?” The greyhound, looking far too skinny even for its breed, rushed over to her as fast as it could, which, considering its state, was not as fast as it had usually been. “This isn’t possible.” He nuzzled into her neck as she hugged him. “Hey, Boy.” “A friend?” Anneka asked, having been not too far away from her when the rustling started, she had her weapon at the ready too.

“He was my dog in the other tower, he used to help me hunt. I thought he would be dead by now.” In her joy, Fianna smiled at the other woman who she disliked for arguing with her over Jeremy’s actions.

“So, not dinner for you?” “No, not dinner. He needs some fixing up but he should still be good enough to help hunt. He is also great at letting you know if someone is coming so he will be of use on patrols too.”

“Frank isn’t going to be happy about it. They shit and it stinks.” “He can hardly argue the smell, there is literally rotting blood on the roof and last I checked, our shit stinks too.”

There was no retort for that. Anneka turned to speak with another of the group when something else caught Fianna’s eye. Her heart seemed to cease pounding in her chest as she came to recognise the glasses on the ground not too far away and in the bush that Dog had jumped out of, the owner of said glasses.

“Toby,” Fianna whispered to herself.

He looked thinner and even in the time since she had seen him, he seemed to have grown.

Fianna shook her head slightly but with a clear message for him not to come out of his hiding spot. She didn’t want him being brought to the tower. She didn’t want him to see what was happening there and she most certainly did not want Frank, Gillain and the others learning that there was a colony in the other tower and that she and Robert had lied about there being nothing there.

Toby seemed to be pleading with her to come to him but she could not do so without arousing suspicion. So with a saddened face, she was forced to turn her back on him to protect him from the horrors she and Robert were facing. She took Dog by the collar, found some random rope and tied him to her hand.

She did not find much on her hunt but she did find some wild berries telling her that autumn was coming soon and hopefully, the cold with it. She collected what berries she could, not even for herself but for the children to give them some much-needed vitamin C. She left a small bunch close to one of her traps, hoping Toby would get them and walked back towards the tower with only two squirrels in hand.

Very soon, the clouds began to roll in and in the far distance, the haze of rain and dark clouds could be seen. “Rain.” One of the men stated, almost not believing his eyes. He and one of the others had managed to bludgeon a homeless man to take back with them.

“We need to get every container that is suitable in the tower and get it out on every usable balcony and area to collect as much water as we can.” Fianna insisted.

“You know, for someone that states she does not want to take over, you never stop giving orders,” Anneka hissed.

“If I wanted to take over, I would have tried to by now but I don’t and me sharing survival techniques that will keep us all alive is not a sign of me wanting to take over, it’s a sign of me wanting to save the children because when this is over, order will be restored and we need them for the future because our generation is fucked.” Fianna stated sternly. “We are too broken from this. We need them to continue our species while our generation just helps them survive this. That should be our duty now.”

“What’s to say they will be alright?”

“Who knows, but we have to hope.”

They went into the tower and past the barricade. Fianna prayed that Toby would get back to the other tower safely. She knew taking Dog wasn’t nice but if she left him behind, she knew it would be suspicious, especially if she didn’t kill him and she genuinely did love the dog.

He got a few looks as she brought him through the barricade but no one said anything, it didn’t affect them, so they didn’t care. They walked up the steps in silence, the bludgeoned man groaning as they did so.

Before, Fianna would have pitied him, now, she could not care. She had long forgotten how to care for other people. She knew she should, but after everything, the assaults, the threats on her life, Jeremy trying to rape her, she genuinely could not care anymore. Robert was all she found herself caring about in that tower. She worried for Toby, something she had not realised she would do but in that tower, it was Robert. He did not want to rape her. He wanted her to want him. He had, for so long, yearned for her attention and not for momentary pleasure but as a bond, however insane it was which gave her a safety she did not think she could find in their current situation.

Robert stared at the door. It was almost dusk, the dark clouds that would bring rain making it all the darker and the world outside seemed all the more foreboding. He worried for Fianna, not just from the dangers lurking outside but with regards to those she went with also.

He knew Anneka hated her for scarring Jeremy and for Jeremy’s obsession with her. Something that was not Fianna’s fault, he had laid down a very strong boundary and Jeremy had crossed it. He wanted to sink a blade into the other man too for touching his Fianna. Risking her carrying his child, something Robert would kill to prevent. His medical mind knew there was little to no chance of Fianna carrying a child to term in the current situation and what little chance there was would result in a child deficient in every nutrient and mineral required for healthy growth but his mind saw it as someone interfering in what was his and that would never be acceptable. The fact that Fianna saw it similarly merely strengthened his belief in that.

When the door opened and a struggling man attempted to kick free of those who came, he felt relief that at the very least, there was no risk of anyone suggesting Fianna on the menu as had happened more than once. Thankfully, even though Frank and Gillian both did not trust her, they knew she was too strong and capable to be so easily discarded without just cause. Her surgical skills mixed with her fighting ability meant she had her uses and they would keep it that way as long as they could.

What startled him was not Fianna’s return or even the big smile that seemed to be on her face, the first in a long time, but what was in her hand. One held two squirrels, not much eating in that but in the other… He rose to his feet and walked over. As soon as he recognised him, Dog wagged his tail and tried to get to Robert who got on his knee and stroked him. “How?”

“I have no idea, but he found me.”

Frank and Gillian watched from a distance, Anneka having informed them that Fianna claimed the dog was hers. “That’s another mouth to feed,” Frank commented.

“He’ll earn his keep and I will make sure he bothers no one. He will hear whoever comes to the barricade when I am there before we do and that will give us an edge.” Fianna kept her tone light. “I will not allow him away from me to bother anyone, I promise.”

“One wrong move, one shit in here, and I will make you kill him.”

“You’re in charge. You keep us safe. If that is what you want, I will obey.”

Frank could see what she was doing immediately and nodded with a grin on his face. “Good.”

“Can I be permitted to use the ragged clothes as a bed for him, please?”

“You may.” With that, Frank walked to the balcony to deal with his dinner, Gillian by his side while Robert grabbed a few scraps of cloth to use for Dog’s bed. When he and Fianna left to go to their room with the animal, he chuckled. “She’s learning.” “What?” His wife asked.

“She won’t say it aloud, she is too proud but she is learning.” “Say what?”

“That she knows her place and angering me will have to be met with compliance. She may survive here if she remembers this.” He smirked as he spoke, plunging his dagger into the man they had caught’s throat as he spoke, killing him.

* In their room, Robert looked worriedly at Fianna. “What is bothering you?” “I saw Toby.” “Toby?” Fianna nodded. “He had Dog in the bushes, near here. I think Dog recognised me and got away from Toby to get to me.” “He should not have come this far.” “I am worried what is happening in the other tower.” Robert rubbed her shoulders. “We cannot risk leaving.” “I know. I want to, but I know I can’t leave you.”

Robert kissed her head. “We are a pair.” Fianna did not argue.

*

Anneka gave the idea of the water to Frank as her own and not Fianna’s, causing everyone to be called to the penthouse to get their instructions. When she heard it being accredited to Anneka, Fianna’s brow rose and the other woman could not look her in the face, something Gillian noted immediately.

Everyone set about finding containers as the clouds rolled over.

“It was your idea, wasn’t it?”

Fianna had been putting a large container under a broken pipe when Frank came over to her and spoke. “Gillian told me Anneka reacted oddly when you looked at her after that.” “I just want to help, I don’t care who gets the credit.” She double-checked the water would fall into the container, not looking at him. “I am trying to figure you out.”

“If you do, let me know. I can’t figure me out most days.”

“You don’t want to take over?” “I want to survive. I am not a leader, I am a lone hunter. You are a leader. I don’t always agree with you, as you know but you lead, I do my thing. If you said I could leave tonight, I would go and do fine. If you tell me to stay, I will and I won’t be any trouble to those who don’t trouble me. I just want it that when this is over, when whatever this is ends, I am still alive. Robert and I are still alive and together, That’s it. I will dance to your tune, Frank, as long as I don’t have to be raped. I have gotten this far without it and I plan to keep it that way. If I feel you are going to get me hurt, I will question you, the same as I expect you to question me if you think I want to hurt you or anyone under your charge.”

Frank eyed her suspiciously.

“I just want to live and if that means not piping up because someone passed my idea as theirs, then I will gladly do so.”

Frank said nothing more as he went back to sorted water supplies.

Fianna took that moment to risk looking out at the world around them, noting a few shadowy figures close to their old home of the other tower, making their way to the door. She hoped that whoever was going there, were from the tower and not attacking it. She hoped one of those shadows was Toby.

What she did not realise was that one of those shadows was Toby, and he was about to tell those there as to who he had seen.

[earthstory]

World Water Day 2019

Across the world, with global population increases, climate change, degradation of the environment, and large-scale urbanization, more and more people are coming to realize that our water is not an endless resource. Approximately two-thirds of the world’s population (around 4 billion people) encounter severe water shortages during at least one month a year.

Although more than 70% of Earth’s surface is covered in water, only 2.5% of it is fresh water and much of that is trapped in glaciers and snowfields. Agriculture uses 70% of available freshwater for irrigation. Industry uses about 20%, for energy and manufacturing, leaving only 10% for domestic use. When all is said and done, a mere 0.007% of the planet’s water is available for 7.7 (and growing) billion people. Already, 2.3 billion people in our world lack safe methods of sanitation and 844 million (1 in 9 people on the planet) are living without access to potable water. Every year, 1 million people are killed by water, sanitation, and hygiene-related diseases. “More than 700 children die every day from diarrhea linked to unsafe water and poor sanitation” (www.worldwaterday.org/theme). Last year, Cape Town South Africa was in a panic as it appeared to be very close to running out of water, due to severe drought. Rigid water restrictions, as well as substantial rains in the summer of 2018, raised water levels behind the dams that serve the city from 28.8% full to 63.1% of capacity. Although “Day Zero” was delayed by these things, a serious problem still exists and South Africa struggles to repair aging water and sewage infrastructure before the next crisis occurs. As in Sao Paolo (Brazil), Jakarta (Indonesia), Mexico City, and many other places, including Flint Michigan and other cities in the United States, Cape Town’s infrastructure is insufficient to cope with such issues as heavy metal contamination, unsanitary conditions, and is unable to deal with the number of people it needs to supply. Cape Town is one of the top tourist destinations in the world, with an increase in tourism occurring in 2017, despite the drought, causing an even greater strain on already diminished water supplies.

Mexico City already imports 40% of its drinking water but has no acceptable way to deal with wastewater. Globally, 80% of wastewater generated by society is returned to the environment without treatment or reuse. In the Indonesian province of Jakarta, half of its 10 million citizens have no access to piped water. The digging of illegal wells has almost completely drained the aquifers and because of this practice, the World Bank estimates that about 40% of Jakarta has subsided and now lies below sea level. A quarter of the world’s fresh water reserves are in Russia, but regulatory officials admit that 35-60% of drinking water reserves are not sanitary, polluted by Soviet-era industry. The list goes on and on.

March 22, 2019, marks the 26th anniversary of the United Nations’ World Water Day. This year’s theme for World Water Day is “Leaving No One Behind”, which is focused on making sure that safe water is available to everyone, especially those people who are marginalized or discriminated against, or whose access is disproportionally affected by “environmental degradation, climate change, population growth, conflict, forced displacement, or migration flows” (www.worldwaterday.org/theme). None of these issues can be solved overnight, but in order to prevent things from becoming even worse, political leaders must be willing to address the issue of water shortages in pragmatic and tangible ways. Meanwhile, individuals can still do what they can on their own, in order to save water (https://wateruseitwisely.com/100-ways-to-conserve/). CW

Image:

https://bit.ly/2HqlBjp

Sources:

https://water.org/our-impact/water-crisis/

https://www.worldwaterday.org/theme/

https://bit.ly/2JgApTj

https://wateruseitwisely.com/100-ways-to-conserve/

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-42982959

http://bit.ly/2DWGMEi

http://on.natgeo.com/2ptNL2m

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[dillydedalus]

october reading

 books. i read ‘em.

the bird king, g. willow wilson ugh i’m disappointed with this - i expected it to be more about the fall of granada, rather than just taking that as a jumping-off point for a very slow story of how fatima (concubine to the last andalusian sultan) and her bff hassan (magical mapmaker) escape from lady inquisitor luz to a magical/legendary island. that’s more of an expectation mismatch, but i also found this just a bit boring and confused, didn’t like the characters or the emotional moments. 2.5/5

lanark: a life in four books, alasdair gray y’all... this is a weirdo pomo mess which gray himself describes as ‘a portrait of the artist as a frustrated young glaswegian’ (instant love), it’s about duncan thaw growing up in post-war glasgow (not a good place) and lanark, sans memories, finding himself in the city of unthank (probably The Bad Place), where the sun hardly ever shines and people grow dragonskin, but really it’s about art & cities & politics & scotland & hell. it’s completely nuts & has a chapter where the protagonist meets the author in the process of writing and there’s a chapter-long sidebar detailing all instances of plagiarism in the book (incl. the lack of influence from robert burns, more sinister than all plagiarism). it’s a bit flabby in places & could stand to be a 100-200 pages shorter, but damn. 4/5

the memory police, yoko ogawa (tr. from japanese by stephen snyder) very atmospheric, quietly disturbing magical realist(ish) book about an island on which sometimes certain things (birds, roses, ribbons, fruit) just disappear, with the inhabitants losing their memories and emotional connection to the thing. the disappearances seem to occur randomly and on their own, but the memory police makes sure that no disappeared items remain and that those who can still remember also... disappear. really liked the quiet slow dread building here, the mysterious workings of the disappearances, and the interplay between the main story and the novel the narrator is writing while worrying whether words too will soon disappear. 4/5

trick mirror: reflections on self-delusion, jia tolentino collection of nine essays about roughly, life & self-image & politics in the social media age (and its predecessor, the reality tv age), gender politics and uh scams and self-delusions. many of these essays felt vaguely like things i’d read before online (& i might have) & didn’t offer anything completely new but i liked the examinations of big wedding culture, and her take on the ‘difficult woman’ archetype of millenial feminism. tolentino in general is an engaging, sharp writer, and even when she’s writing about familiar topics, she often puts an interesting spin on things. 3.5/5

here in berlin, cristina garcía and the anglophone-berlin-books saga continues. a cuban-american woman with a mild personal crisis goes to berlin (as people w/ personal crises so often do) and there collects a variety of snapshot stories from berliners (by birth or choice or accident), mostly about world war 2 and the latin american diaspora in berlin. some of the snapshots are p interesting or bizarrely funny but mostly they retread the same ground (history, trauma, collective & personal responsibility, commemoration etc) without really saying anything new (except the connection garcía makes between the nazis and south american dictatorships). there’s also a pretty annoying attempt to create authenticity by peppering in german words and phrases which sometimes aren’t even appropriate or spelled correctly* (get a german proofreader you cowards i’ll do it for free... like wtf is ‘volkenbrot’). 2/5 *i ordered it used and got an ARC, so maybe some of these issues were fixed for the final version but lmao. volkenbrot. 

wilder girls, rory power this is annihilation as YA, set on an island called raxter where a mysterious illness called the tox has taken over, transforming the wilderness, the animals (deers grow canines y’all), and most of all the girls at raxter boarding school. the narrator’s eye has fused shut & something is growing under it, her friend has grown an extra spine, other girls have gills or claws. less fortunate girls (and most of the teachers) just die. there was a lot i liked about this, especially the tox and the ambivalent relationships the girls have to their changed bodies, but the last third just... eh. also, like, i like tumblr monster-girl poetics as much as the next person, but this is really overdoing it. 2.5/5

nach mitternacht (after midnight), irmgard keun KEUN HYPE TRAIN!!! this one’s super interesting because it’s the first novel keun wrote in exile, published 1937 and set at around the same time. the protagonist, sanne, is a naive and politically uneducated 19-year-old who is repeatedly & very dramatically confronted with the political reality she lives in, first when her aunt denounces her to the gestapo and later when her boyfriend franz is arrested. for most of the (very short) novel, sanne is observing and not quite understanding the increasing legal discrimination against jews, culture of paranoia and denouncement, and glorification of fascist ideology, which makes for a very disturbing reading experience, especially with the reader’s retrospective knowledge, but the climax is truly nightmarish & devastating. 4/5

children of god, mary doria russell the sequel to the sparrow, which i read & loved earlier this year. in this one, emilio sandoz, still in recovery from the trauma of his first trip to the planet rakhat, is forced to return there (bc the pope thinks it’s god’s will lol) and finds the planet changed after decades (space travel makes time weird) of revolution and civil war. i liked this but it’s not as good as the sparrow, the characters (except my man emilio) aren’t as interesting & well-developed and the dual timeline structure isn’t as well-executed but hey. there’s some closure for emilio & that made me hella emosh. 3.5/5

the wilful princess & the piebald prince, robin hobb a novella telling the true (?) story of charger farseer, the piebald prince, a historical figure that has great influence on the six duchies of fitz’s time, especially regarding the treatment of the witted (people who can magically bond with aninmals) and how fitz is framed & reviled as the ‘witted bastard’. this was cool & i enjoyed how it twists the story, but it’s not worth reading if you haven’t read the main series. 3/5

the inheritance, robin hobb/megan lindholm collection of short stories by hobb under her two pseudonyms - i mostly skipped the lindholm ones (sorry), but the three hobb ones were really really good. the first is about the first expeditions into the rain wilds (i love the cursed shores so much & wish there was a full trilogy about the first settlers there), the second is about bingtown & wizardwood, the third is about how sometimes you gotta kill your abusive ex & if you’re lucky, your cat will help you do it. it’s great & the cat is called marmelade. 4/5 for the hobb stories only

unholy land, lavie tidhar alternate history + multiple realities + high-concept pulp - lior tirosh, a pulp author (it’s meta) returns to his homeland, the jewish state palestina, established in east africa in the early 20th century, and there becomes involved in... rival plots to destroy/stabilise the borders between the worlds, not only between this alternate one and our real one, which tirosh seems to occasionally slip into, but all the million others, including one where the moon broke. love the concept, but this is so vague & confusing on so many points and the ending so abrupt that i was left kinda frustrated & unsatisfied (also bc we never find out much more about the world where the moon broke). 3.5/5

tigermilch (tiger milk), stefanie de velasco german ya book about two teen girls growing up in a poor neighbourhood in berlin. nini’s father is absent, her mother depressed, while jameelah’s father died in iraq and her mother is worried that they might be deported, and their bosnian friend amir’s sister is dating a serb. it’s some pretty harrowing stuff & it’s good to see Issues (TM) addressed in german ya in a way that doesn’t feel super didactic & preachy, but ultimately i’m really not the target audience here. 3/5

sea monsters, chloe aridjis

weirdo brainy dreamy novella about a girl in 80s mexico running away from mexico city to the beach because she’s looking for ukrainian circus dwarfs (???). i liked a lot about this (atmosphere, poetic & mythical allusions, a lot of the writing, the depictions of mexico city and the weird beach culture are both really cool) but a lot of the time this was so dreamy that i just kinda zoned out. 3/5

i am currently reading emma by jane austen bc i forgot about my monthly austen project until the last few days of the month lol & one of the hugo long list anthologies. the one with the cool fox on it.

[thanksforthedinosaur]

maes year end list

here are (most of) the albums & eps i listened to this year my favorites are bolded genres + my ratings added for anyone looking for new music xoxo mae

2 chainz - rap or go to the league - hip-hop - 3/5 4s4ki - nemnem - hip-hop - 3.5/5 aaamyyy - body - electropop - 3/5 adoy - vivid - dream-pop - 4.5/5 adrianwave - wave 01 - future funk - 3.5/5 agø - the door - hip-hop - 3.5/5 aimer - sun dance - j-pop - 3/5 aimer - penny rain - j-pop - 3/5 aintops - starry sky - kawaii future bass - 2.5/5 aintops - summer story  - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 akai ko-en - kienai ep - indie rock - 4/5 akio watanabe & paniyolo - passage of sky - instrumental - 2.5/5 akira kosemura - diary 2016-2019 - instrumental - 4/5 akua - them spirits - r&b - 4/5 albert karch & ichiko aoba - celestially light - indie/folk - 4/5 aldous harding - designer - indie/folk - 3.5/5 alessia cara - this summer - pop - 2.5/5 alexia avina - all that i can't see - indie/folk - 3.5/5 alex lahey - the best of luck club - indie rock - 4/5 alex lustig – room for thought - electropop - 4/5 ali barter - hello, i'm doing my best - indie rock - 4/5 alomar - soul case - indie/folk - 3.5/5 aly & aj - sanctuary - pop - 4/5 amazarashi - play goodbye - indie rock - 3/5 american football - american football (lp3) - emo/dream-pop - 5/5 amy o - shell - indie rock - 4.5/5 anamanaguchi - [usa] - electropop/chiptune - 3.5/5 andrea von kampen - old country - indie/folk - 3.5/5 andrea von kampen - twilight & evening bell - indie/folk - 4/5 android52 - ultra groove product - kawaii future bass/future funk - 3.5/5 android apartment - the stars through your eyes - future funk - 2.5/5 android apartment - collection, pt.4 - future funk - 3/5 android apartment - we are the lights - future funk - 3.5/5 and the kids - when this life is over - indie rock - 3.5/5 angel olsen - all mirrors - dream pop - 4.5/5 anima! - grow your garden - electropop - 3.5/5 anitta - kisses - pop - 3.5/5 anna burch + fred thomas - indie rock - 3.5/5 anna clendening - waves - electropop - 3/5 anna flyaway - tomorrow i will take a knife to your confidence - emo - 4.5/5 anna lunoe - right party - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 anna of the north - dream girl - indie pop - 3.5/5 annie hart - a softer offering - electropop - 2.5/5 annika norlin + jens lekman - correspondence - indie/folk - 2.5/5 another silent weekend - pen pal - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 another silent weekend - falling apart - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 antenna girl - lemonade moon - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 the appleseed cast - the fleeting light of impermanence - emo/post-rock - 3.5/5 the aquabats - the aquabats! super show! television soundtrack: volume one -  ska/pop punk - 3.5/5 arch.moe - crystratos - edm/kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 ardency - girls against god - shoegaze/dream pop - 3.5/5 ariana grande - thank u, next - pop - 4/5 ari lennox - shea butter baby - r&b - 4/5 arlo parks - super sad generation - hip-hop - 3.5/5 arlo parks - sophie - hip-hop - 3.5/5 asako toki - passion blue - j-pop - 4/5 asako toki - toki chic remix - j-pop - 3.5/5 ashmute - night & night - k-pop - 4/5 ashnikko - hi, it's me - hip-hop - 3.5/5 asiahn - love train 2 - r&b - 4/5 aso - home - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 astrid s - trust issues - pop - 3/5 atmosphere - whenever - hip-hop - 4/5 attom - follow me - edm/electropop - 4/5 aurora - a different kind of human (step ii) - indie/electropop - 5/5 avery sennin & meltycanon - project reality - hip-hop - 4/5 ayano kaneko -  燦々 - j-rock - 3.5/5 azki - without u - j-pop - 3/5 b3lla - akihabara - kawaii future bass - 3/5 babymetal - metal galaxy - metal/j-pop - 3.5/5 backstreet boys - dna - pop - 3.5/5 bad bad hats - wide right - indie rock - 3.5/5 bad heaven ltd. - strength - indie rock - 4/5 baechulgi - soul searching - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 banvox - sellout - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 barrie - happy to be here - indie pop/dream pop - 4.5/5 basick - whatiwant - hip-hop - 3.5/5 bats for lashes - lost girls - electropop - 3.5/5 bbhf - simple - j-rock - 3.5/5 bbhf - mirror mirror - j-pop - 3.5/5 a beacon school - cola - dream pop - 4/5 bedouine - bird songs of a killjoy - indie/folk - 4/5 bella boo - once upon a passion - electropop - 3/5 belle and sebastian - days of the bagnold summer - indie rock - 3/5 bellows - the rose gardener - indie rock - 4/5 bells atlas - the mystic - r&b/indie rock - 4/5 be steadwell - queer love songs - indie r&b/pop - 4/5 bethlehem steel - bethlehem steel - indie rock - 3.5/5 better oblivion community center - better oblivion community center - indie rock - 4/5 big|brave - a gaze among them - post-rock - 4/5 big nothing - chris - indie rock - 4/5 big thief - two hands - indie rock - 5/5 big thief - u.f.o.f. - indie rock - 4/5 big wild - superdream - indie pop - 3/5 biig piig - no place for patience, vol. 3 - hip-hop/r&b - 4/5 billie eilish - when we all fall asleep, where do we go? - pop/hip-hop - 3.5/5 billie marten - feeding seahorses by hand - indie/folk - 3/5 bish - carrots and sticks - j-rock - 3/5 black belt eagle scout - at the party with my brown friends - indie rock - 4/5 blackbird blackbird - hearts - electropop - 3/5 bladee & ecco2k & thaiboy digital - trash island - hip-hop - 2.5/5 blink-182 - nine - pop punk - 2.5/5 blonde maze - hold on - electropop - 4/5 blood cultures - oh uncertainty! a universe despairs - indie rock - 3/5 blood orange - angel's pulse - r&b - 3.5/5 blossom - terra incognita - hip-hop - 3.5/5 blue hawaii - open reduction internal fixation - electropop - 3.5/5 boa - starry night - k-pop - 3.5/5 body type - ep2 - indie rock - 4/5 boerd - misplaced - hip-hop - 4/5 bora york - emotion vertigo - indie pop - 3/5 boy scouts - free company - indie rock - 4/5 breakup - miss me - electropop - 3.5/5 bridal party - too much - indie rock - 3.5/5 brightness - brightness - indie rock - 3/5 brinq + antenna girl - sayonara ep - kawaii future bass - 3/5 broken social scene - let's try the after, vol. 1 - indie rock - 3/5 broken social scene - let's try the after, vol. 2 - indie rock - 3/5 bronze - east shore - k-pop - 4.5/5 broods - don't feed the pop monster - electropop - 3/5 brooke candy - sexorcism - edm/house - 4/5 brothertiger - a chain of islands ep - chillwave - 5/5 bryzone_ybp - back of the back - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 bryzone_ybp - oceans - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 bryzone_ybp - maybe - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 bts - bts world: original soundtrack - k-pop - 3.5/5 bts - map of the soul: persona - k-pop - 3/5 bülow - the contender - pop/hip-hop - 3.5/5 bülow - crystalline - pop/hip-hop - 3/5 burnout syndromes - myojo - j-rock - 3.5/5 by surprise - cosmic latte - emo/indie rock - 4/5 camellia & nanahira - goin' - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 camp claude - double dreaming - indie rock - 3/5 cannons - shadows - electropop - 3.5/5 cape weather - cape weather - indie rock - 3.5/5 carlie hanson - junk - pop/indie rock - 4/5 carly rae jepsen - dedicated - pop - 5/5 carmody - catching blue - dream pop - 3/5 caroline says - ohio river ep - indie rock - 4/5 caroline spence - mint condition - indie/folk - 3/5 cassie marin - love me well ep - indie pop - 3/5 cattle - sweet dream tender light and your memory - shoegaze - 3.5/5 cautious clay - table of context - pop/hip-hop - 3/5 cehryl - slow motion - pop/hip-hop - 3/5 chance the rapper - the big day - hip-hop - 3.5/5 charli xcx - charli - pop - 5/5 charly bliss - supermoon - indie rock - 4/5 charly bliss - young enough - indie rock/pop punk - 5/5 chastity belt - chastity belt - indie rock - 4/5 cheat codes - level 2 - electropop - 3/5 cheese - plate - k-pop - 4/5 chela - delivery - pop - 3.5/5 chelmico - fishing - j-pop/hip-hop - 4/5 cherry glazerr - stuffed & ready - indie rock - 3.5/5 chief. - today - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 chief. - clarity - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 chinese football - continue? - emo/math-rock - 4/5 christelle bofale - swim team - indie rock - 4/5 chromatics - closer to grey - shoegaze - 3.5/5 chung ha - flourishing - k-pop - 4/5 ciara - beauty marks - pop - 4/5 cinema staff - cinema staff - j-rock - 4/5 citycop - nesh - emo/math-rock - 4/5 city girl - chroma velocity - chillhop/electropop - 4/5 city girl - somnolent nova - chillhop/electropop - 3/5 clairo - immunity - indie rock - 4.5/5 claris - primalove - j-pop - 4.5/5 claud - sideline star - indie rock - 4.5/5 clc - no.1 - k-pop - 4.5/5 cocabona & aura misha & monma - aura - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 commander salamander - off the goop - emo - 3.5/5 common holly - when i say to you black lightning - indie/folk - 3/5 com truise - persuasion system - chillwave - 2/5 cones - pictures of pictures - indie rock - 2/5 copeland - blushing - indie rock/dream pop - 3.5/5 cosmic boy - can i love? - hip-hop - 3.5/5 couple n - love is - kawaii future bass - 2.5/5 cowgirl clue - icebreaker - electropop - 2.5/5 the cranberries - in the end - dream pop - 4/5 cray - seasons change and so do i - electropop - 3.5/5 crck/lcks - temporary - j-rock/j-pop - 3/5 crck/lcks - temporary vol.2 - j-rock/j-pop - 2.5/5 cream - love + party - j-pop/hip-hop - 3/5 cricket blue - serotinalia - indie/folk - 4/5 cristina quesada - think i heard a rumour  - electropop - 4/5 cross record - cross record - indie pop - 3/5 crumb - jinx - indie rock - 4.5/5 cuco - para mi - r&b - 3.5/5 cursive - get fixed - emo - 3.5/5 cute girls doing cute things - scene - kawaii future bass - 2/5 cute girls doing cute things - slice of life - kawaii future bass - 2/5 cynhn - タブラチュア - j-rock - 3/5 daniela andrade - tamale - r&b - 4/5 daniel land - the dream of the red sails - dream pop - 3/5 daoko - daoko×dragalia lost - j-pop - 4.5/5 the darling fire - dark celebration - shoegaze - 4/5 daughter of swords - dawnbreaker - indie/folk - 4/5 death cab for cutie - the blue ep - indie rock - 3/5 deaton chris anthony - bo y - r&b/hip-hop - 4/5 deidre & the dark - variety hour - indie pop - 3/5 delta sleep - younger years - math-rock - 3.5/5 delta sleep & tricot - ghost city rarities - math-rock - 3.5/5 dia - newtro - k-pop - 3.5/5 diiv - deceiver - dream pop - 4/5 direct - cold ground - electropop - 3.5/5 distant.lo - bloom - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 distant.lo - silhouette - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 dizzy fae - no gmo mixtape - hip-hop - 3/5 dodie - human - indie pop - 3/5 the dollyrots - daydream explosion - pop punk - 4/5 dori freeman - every single star - indie/folk - 3.5/5 dounia - not good for the ego - hip-hop - 3.5/5 dounia - the scandal - hip-hop - 3.5/5 downfall of gaia - ethic of radical finitude - post-rock/sludge - 3.5/5 dowsing - sky coffin - pop punk/emo - 4/5 d-real [愛] - stuck in a rom​-​com - hip-hip - 3/5 dressy bessy - fast faster disaster - pop punk - 3/5 dsps - fully i - indie rock - 4.5/5 ducktails - hard rock cafe chernobyl - future funk - 3/5 ducky - optimism - edm - 2.5/5 ducky - i still believe in love - edm - 4.5/5 dude york - falling - indie rock - 4/5 dude york - happy in the meantime ep - indie rock - 3/5 dusky - imagine what ep - electropop/edm - 3.5/5 e1sbar - the legend of - electropop - 3/5 the early november - lilac - indie rock/emo - 4/5 earth dad - video music - indie rock - 3.5/5 ecco2k - e - hip-hop - 3.5/5 echos - even though you're gone - pop/hip-hop - 2.5/5 eerie wanda - pet town - indie/folk - 3.5/5 eevee - ep unknown - ambient - 2.5/5 eill - spotlight - electropop - 2.5/5 electric youth - memory emotion - electropop - 3.5/5 ella vos - watch and wait - pop - 3/5 elohim - braindead - electropop - 3/5 elsa hewitt - citrus paradisi - electropop - 4/5 elton john cena - all rats go to heaven - indie rock - 3.5/5 elva - winter sun - indie rock - 3.5/5 emily reo - only you can see it - indie pop - 3/5 emily yacina - remember the silver - indie rock - 4.5/5 emmy curl - øporto - pop/hip-hop - 3.5/5 erthlings - indigo - indie pop - 2.5/5 eva tolkin - truthfully - electropop - 3.5/5 evil - evil - indie pop - 2/5 exes - once more, with feeling - pop/hip-hop - 3/5 exid - we - k-pop - 3/5 the faint - egowerk - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 faye meana - shades of a dreamer - r&b - 3.5/5 faye webster - atlanta millionaires club - indie/folk - 4.5/5 feels - post earth - indie rock - 3.5/5 field medic - fade into the dawn - indie rock - 3.5/5 field mouse - meaning - indie rock - 3.5/5 fka twigs - magdalene - pop/r&b - 4/5 fleurie - portals: the b-sides - indie pop - 2.5/5 flor - ley lines - indie rock/indie pop - 4.5/5 floral print - floral print - indie rock - 3.5/5 florist - emily alone - indie/folk - 5/5 forests - spending eternity in a japanese convenience store - emo/math-rock - 3.5/5 for tracy hyde - new young city - dream pop - 4.5/5 fractures - reset - indie rock - 5/5 frankie cosmos - close it quietly - indie rock - 4/5 fresh - withdraw - indie rock - 3.5/5 friday night plans - complex - r&b - 3/5 fujifire - fuji's dream cafe - future funk - 4/5 gabrielle aplin - like you say you do - pop - 3.5/5 gabrielle papillon - shout - indie pop - 2.5/5 galaxy fingers - the last bastion of fox quality - dream pop - 4/5 gemma ray - psychogeology - indie/folk - 3.5/5 genie high - ジェニーハイストーリー - j-rock - 3.5/5 geotheory - broken heartdrive - edm - 3.5/5 geotheory - theory voyages 003 - edm - 3/5 geowulf - my resignation - indie rock - 4/5 the get up kids - problems - emo/pop punk - 4.5/5 gfriend - fever season - k-pop - 3.5/5 gfriend - time for us - k-pop - 3/5 gia margaret - there's always glimmer - indie/folk - 3.5/5 (g)i-dle - i made - k-pop - 3/5 girl in red - chapter 2 - indie rock - 3/5 girlpool - what chaos is imaginary - indie rock - 4/5 girl ray - girl - indie pop - 3.5/5 glassio - age of experience - electropop - 3.5/5 goldroom - plunge /\ surface - edm/electropop - 4.5/5 goodbye fujiyama - キャッチャー·イン·ザ·ヘル - j-rock/pop punk - 4.5/5 goon - heaven is humming - indie rock - 4/5 goosetaf & oatmello - sugar - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 got7 - call my name - k-pop - 3.5/5 grace ives - 2nd - indie pop - 3.5/5 great deceivers - in spirit - indie rock - 3.5/5 great grandpa - four of arrows - indie rock - 4/5 group action - super music - j-rock/j-pop - 4.5/5 gurr - she says - indie rock - 3.5/5 hachioji p - graphix - kawaii future bass/vocaloid - 4/5 hamidasystem - down - j-rock/j-pop - 2.5/5 hana - hanadriel - pop - 4/5 hand habits - placeholder - indie/folk - 4/5 hannah cohen - welcome home - indie/folk - 3/5 happy kuru kuru - 4 kinds of happy kuru kuru!? - kawaii future bass - 3/5 harmony woods - make yourself at home - indie rock - 5/5 harry styles - fine line - pop - 4/5 hatchie - keepsake - dream pop - 4/5 hawthorne heights - lost frequencies - emo - 2.5/5 haybaby - they get there - indie rock - 3.5/5 hayley kiyoko - i'm too sensitive for this shit - pop - 4/5 heize - she's fine - k-pop - 3/5 hélène barbier - have you met elliott? - indie rock - 3.5/5 h.e.r. - i used to know her - hip-hop - 4/5 hibou - clarity - dream pop - 3.5/5 highnoon - semi sweet - indie rock - 3.5/5 the highwomen - the highwomen - indie/folk - 4/5 hikes - mahal kita - indie rock - 4/5 hiromi - spectrum - instrumental - 4/5 hitorie - howls - j-rock - 3.5/5 hitsujibungaku - きらめき - j-rock - 3/5 holiday ghosts - west bay playroom - indie rock - 3/5 holiday sidewinder - forever or whatever - electropop - 3.5/5 holy holy - my own pool of light - indie rock - 3/5 home - hold - electropop - 4/5 homecomings - cakes - j-rock - 5/5 homeshake - helium - indie rock - 4/5 honeyblood - in plain sight - indie rock - 3/5 honeycomebear - holic - kawaii future bass - 3/5 honeymoan - body - indie rock - 3.5/5 hoody - departure - k-pop - 3.5/5 hope tala - sensitive soul - indie/r&b - 3/5 horsebeach - the unforgiving current - indie pop - 3/5 hovvdy - heavy lifter - indie rock - 4.5/5 hozier - wasteland, baby! - indie/folk - 5/5 hydrogen sea - automata - indie pop - 3/5 hylen - lovesickness - kawaii future bass - 2.5/5 ider - emotional education - electropop - 3.5/5 i don't like mondays. - future - j-pop - 3/5 i love your lifestyle - the movie - emo - 4/5 imeiden - imeiden volume 3 - kawaii future pop - 4/5 the indigo east end - 濡れゆく私小説 - j-rock - 4/5 infinity crush - virtual heaven - indie rock - 4/5 ingrid michaelson - stranger songs - indie pop - 3/5 ings - lullaby rock - indie/folk - 2.5/5 insignificant other - i'm so glad i feel this way about you - indie rock - 3/5 instupendo - boys by girls - electronic - 5/5 iri - shade - j-pop - 5/5 isyana sarasvati - air - pop - 3/5 iz*one - vampire - j-pop - 3.5/5 izumi makura - as usual - j-pop - 4/5 izzamuzzic - unsaid - edm/electropop - 4/5 jack m. senff - good to know you - indie/folk - 4/5 jaden - erys - hip-hop - 3.5/5 jake hope - icare2much - hip-hop - 3.5/5 jamila woods - legacy! legacy! - r&b/hip-hop - 5/5 the japanese house - good at falling - indie pop - 4/5 jay som - anak ko - indie rock - 5/5 jealous of the birds - wisdom teeth - indie rock - 3/5 jean deaux - empathy - hip-hop - 3.5/5 jeffe - one hundred percent - electropop - 2.5/5 jenny lewis - on the line - indie pop - 4/5 jenny owen youngs - night shift - indie/folk - 4/5 jeremy zucker & chelsea cutler - brent - indie/folk - 3.5/5 jeromes dream - lp - screamo - 2/5 jesca hoop - stonechild - indie/folk - 4/5 jessica pratt - quiet signs - 3.5/5 jetty bones - "-" - emo - 3.5/5 jimmy eat world - surviving - emo - 3.5/5 jizue - gallery - math-rock - 4/5 jonatan leandoer127 - nectar - indie/folk - 2.5/5 juice wrld - death race for love - hip-hop - 3.5/5 julia jacklin - crushing - indie rock - 4/5 juliana hatfield - weird - indie rock - 4/5 julia shapiro - perfect version - indie rock - 4.5/5 jyocho - 綺麗な三角、朝日にんげん - math-rock - 4/5 kaina - next to the sun - r&b - 4/5 kainalu - lotus gate - electropop - 4.5/5 kallitechnis - chromatic - r&b - 3.5/5 kana-boon - nerine - j-rock - 3.5/5 karen o & danger mouse - lux prima - indie rock - 4/5 kari faux - cry 4 help - hip-hop - 3.5/5 kate bollinger - i don't wanna lose - indie rock - 3.5/5 kate teague - kate teague - indie rock - 3.5/5 kate tempest - the book of traps and lessons - spoken word - 5/5 katie dey - solipsisters - indie/folk - 5/5 kehlani - while we wait - hip-hop - 4/5 keisei - ミライトアルマチ都々里 - j-pop/vocaloid - 4/5 kemono - 美しい傷 - j-rock - 3.5/5 keren ann - bleue - indie pop - 3/5 key - i wanna be - k-pop - 3/5 khalid - free spirit - r&b - 3.5/5 kiana ledé - myself - hip-hop - 3/5 kim petras - clarity - pop - 5/5 kim petras - turn off the light - electropop - 4/5 king princess - cheap queen - pop - 4.5/5 kirara magic - magic shop - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 kitten - goodbye honeymoon phase - indie pop/indie rock - 3.5/5 kitty - rose gold - electropop/hip-hop - 5/5 klp - giver - edm/electropop - 4/5 kolme - do you know kolme? - j-pop - 3.5/5 kolme - hello kolme - j-pop - 4/5 [ k s r ] - unfiltered - hip-hop - 3.5/5 kuranes - lakeside - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 kyyhky - do you feel lonely? - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 la dispute - panorama - indie rock - 3/5 lady lamb - even in the tremor - indie/folk - 3/5 la fine equipe - 5th season - hip-hop - 4/5 lagwagon - railer - pop punk - 3.5/5 lana del rey - norman fucking rockwell! - pop - 5/5 lane 8 - feld / anthracite - electropop - 4/5 laura stevenson - the big freeze - indie/folk - 3.5/5 lava la rue - stitches - hip-hop - 3.5/5 layfullstop - cherries - hip-hop - 4/5 leaf beach - old growth - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 the leaf library - the world is a bell - dream pop - 4/5 leggy - let me know your moon - indie rock - 3/5 leisure - twister - indie pop - 3.5/5 lemolo - swansea - dream pop - 3,5/5 léon - léon - pop - 3/5 lightning bug - october song - shoegaze - 3/5 lily & madeleine - canterbury girls - indie/folk - 3.5/5 limonène - evergreen - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 lina tullgren - free cell - indie rock - 4/5 l i p s - l i p s ep - shoegaze - 3.5/5 lisa prank - perfect love song - pop punk - 3/5 lisel - angels on the slope - electropop - 3/5 lite - multiple - math-rock - 4/5 little glee monster - kimini todokumade - j-pop - 3/5 little glee monster - i feel the light - j-pop - 3/5 little simz - grey area - hip-hop - 5/5 living hour - softer faces - dream pop - 3.5/5 liz - planet y2k - electropop - 3.5/5 lizzo - cuz i love you - pop/hip-hop - 5/5 loane - alone - pop - 3/5 lolo zouaï - high highs to low lows - pop/hip-hop - 3.5/5 lomelda - m for empathy - indie/folk - 4/5 long beard - means to me - dream pop/indie rock - 5/5 lorelle meets the obsolete - de facto - shoegaze - 3.5/5 lost film - zero summer - dream pop - 3.5/5 lost spaces - no-vacancy - indie pop - 3/5 louise burns - portraits - indie pop - 3/5 love x stereo - 37c - electropop - 3.5/5 lucie,too - chime - j-rock/pop punk - 3/5 lucky kilimanjaro - fresh - j-pop - 5/5 lucy ducas - 2019 - indie rock - 3.5/5 lucy rose - no words left - indie/folk - 4/5 lula wiles - what will we do - indie/folk - 3.5/5 lusine - retrace - electropop - 3/5 luvbird - wildflower island - kawaii future bass - 3/5 madeon - good faith - electropop - 4/5 madison mcferrin - you + i - r&b - 3.5/5 magdalena bay - mini mix vol 1 - indie pop - 3.5/5 maggie rogers - heard it in a past life - indie pop - 2.5/5 mahalia - love and compromise - hip-hop - 4/5 majiko - 寂しい人が一番偉いんだ - j-rock - 2.5/5 mallrat - driving music - indie pop - 4/5 mammoth penguins - there is no fight - indie rock - 3.5/5 manatee commune - pda - electropop - 3.5/5 marika hackman - any human friend - indie rock - 3/5 mark kozelek & petra haden - joey always smiled - indie/folk - 3/5 mark ronson - late night feelings - pop - 4/5 mauno - really well - indie rock - 3.5/5 mcclenney - i'm not here - indie rock - 2.5/5 meernaa - heart hunger - indie rock - 2.5/5 mega bog - dolphine - indie/folk - 4/5 megan thee stallion - fever - hip-hop - 4/5 mei ehara - 私をしも - indie/folk - 4.5/5 mei ehara - 最初の日は／午後には残って - j-rock - 3.5/5 meiko - in your dreams - indie/folk - 4/5 melby - none of this makes me worry - indie rock - 3.5/5 mellow mellow - dear my star - j-pop - 3/5 mélonade - mélonade - future funk - 3/5 meltycanon - love deluxe* - hip-hop - 5/5 men i trust - oncle jazz - indie rock - 4/5 me not you - already gone - indie rock - 3/5 the menzingers - hello exile - pop punk - 3/5 merriment - funny thing - indie rock - 2.5/5 methyl ethel - triage - indie pop - 2.5/5 mia gladstone - grow - indie pop - 2/5 michelle blades - kiss me on the mouth - indie rock - 3/5 microwave - death is a warm blanket - emo - 3.5/5 middle kids - new songs for old problems - indie rock - 2.5/5 mikanzil - 4th-peace - j-rock - 3.5/5 milk & bone - dive - electropop - 3.5/5 millie turner - hide+seek - indie pop - 2.5/5 mindy gledhill - rabbit hole - indie rock - 3/5 misogi - blood moon underworld - dream pop/emo - 3.5/5 misterwives - mini bloom - indie pop - 2.5/5 misty coast - melodaze - shoegaze - 3/5 mitsume - ghosts - j-rock - 4/5 mol-74 - teenager - j-rock - 3.5/5 molly tuttle - when you're ready - indie/folk - 3/5 mono - nowhere now here - post-rock - 4/5 moshimo - todome - j-rock - 4/5 moumoon - new moon - j-pop - 3/5 the mountain goats - in league with dragons - indie/folk - 3.5/5 mount eerie & julie doiron - lost wisdom, pt. 2 - indie/folk - 3.5/5 mourn - mixtape - indie rock - 2.5/5 mouse on the keys - nhkスペシャル ドラマ - post-rock/math-rock - 3/5 mree - the middle - indie/folk - 4.5/5 mt. fujitive - sanctuary - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 muna - saves the world - electropop - 5/5 mush - thank you, we're mush - emo/pop punk - 3.5/5 mutual benefit - just another diamond day - indie/follk - 3/5 nabowa - dusk - j-rock - 2.5/5 namdose - s/t - indie rock - 4/5 nanahira - nanamega kingdom - kawaii future bass - 4/5 nanahira - trip×frolic - kawaii future bass - 4/5 the natsuyasumi band - terminal - j-rock - 3.5/5 navvi - 2503 - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 nerd magnet - 透明になったあなたへ - pop punk - 4/5 nieah - 1% - hip-hop - 3.5/5 night flowers - fortune teller - indie rock - 3/5 niki - wanna take this downtown - trip-pop - 3.5/5 niña - love letters to you - dream pop - 3/5 nina nesbitt - the sun will come up, the seasons will change - hip-hop - 3/5 no vacations - phasing - dream pop - 4/5 nora van elken - skyforest - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 nuance - botän - j-pop - 3/5 nyankobrq - arbeit - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 nyankobrq - real cat - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 oatmello - imperfections 2 - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 oatmello & ødyssee - myst isle  - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 ocha - love story pt.2 - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 octo octa - for lovers - edm/electropop - 2/5 omaure - dystopia ave. - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 omaure - melt - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 omaure - wingsuit - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 omniboi - ego death - edm/electropop - 3/5 omniboi - quick breath - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 oohyo - far from the madding city - k-pop - 5/5 options - pacific notion ii - indie rock - 3.5/5 orancha - lemonade - electropop - 3.5/5 oshun - bittersweet, vol. 1 - hip-hop/r&b - 4/5 outer spaces - gazing globe - indie/folk - 3.5/5 overo - overo - emo - 4.5/5 p19 & camellia & nanahira - infiniti mofulity - kawaii future bass - 4/5 paellas - sequential souls - j-rock - 3/5 pale blue - have you passed through this night - electropop - 3/5 palehound - black friday - indie rock - 5/5 pasocom music club - night flow - j-pop - 3.5/5 passepied - more humor - j-pop - 3.5/5 password:password - session boyfriend - indie rock - 3/5 paula cole - revolution - indie/folk - 2.5/5 peaer - a healthy earth - emo - 3.5/5 pedro the lion - phoenix - pop punk - 3/5 penelope isles - until the tide creeps in - indie rock - 4.5/5 perc%nt - pvc - k-pop - 3/5 peregrine - as one would exist - emo - 4/5 phem - vacumhead - hip-hop - 3/5 phora - bury me with dead roses - hip-hop - 4/5 a picture of her - unavailable - math-rock - 3.5/5 pieta brown - freeway - indie/folk - 2.5/5 pikasonic - memory - kawaii future bass - 4/5 pile - green and gray - indie rock - 4/5 pink skies - infinity - indie pop - 3.5/5 pixx - small mercies - indie rock - 3/5 pleeg & yuca - horizon - kawaii future bass - 3/5 pohgoh + caithlin de marrais split ep - emo - 3.5/5 polkadot stingray - 有頂天 - j-rock - 3.5/5 polkadot stingray - ハイパークラクション - j-rock - 3.5/5 the pom-poms - i was on the news - hip-hop - 3/5 poppy - choke - metal/pop - 3.5/5 potty mouth - snafu - pop punk - 4/5 prince innocence - blue star ep - electropop - 3.5/5 project skylate - augmented life ep - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 pronoun - i'll show you stronger - indie rock - 3.5/5 proper. - i spent the winter writing songs about getting better - emo - 3.5/5 prune deer - insufficient postage - indie rock - 2.5/5 puddle splasher - the blankets blue - indie rock - 3/5 pvris - hallucinations - electropop - 3/5 [.que] - any - post-rock - 3/5 [.que] - flowers - post-rock - 3/5 queen of jeans - if you're not afraid, i'm not afraid - indie rock - 3.5/5 quin - lucid - r&b/hip-hop - 4/5 qveen herby - ep 5 - hip-hop - 3.5/5 qveen herby - ep 6 - hip-hop - 3/5 qveen herby - ep 6 - hip-hop - 3/5 radiator hospital - sings music for daydreaming - indie rock - 3.5/5 the radio dept. - i don't need love, i've got my band - indie rock - 3.5/5 rae spoon - mental health - indie rock - 4/5 raiche - drive - r&b - 3.5/5 ralph - flashbacks & fantasies - pop - 5/5 rapsody - eve - hip-hop - 4/5 raveena - lucid - r&b - 4/5 rayana jay - love me like - hip-hop - 3.5/5 red velvet - sappy - k-pop - 2.5/5 the regrettes - how do you love? - pop punk - 3.5/5 reptaliens - valis - indie pop - 2.5/5 rhye - spirit - indie rock - 3/5 riah - heartbreak magic - indie pop - 3/5 ricono - reflections - j-pop - 4/5 ride - this is not a safe place - indie rock - 3.5/5 riri - summertime ep - r&b - 3/5 rocketship - thanks to you - indie rock - 3.5/5 the rocket summer - sweet shivers - indie rock - 3/5 rocoberry - how is your night? - k-pop - 3/5 romantic states - ballerina - indie rock - 2.5/5 rook1e - sleepy boy - lo-fi hip-hop - 4/5 room97 - nova+ - j-rock - 3.5/5 rosemary fairweather - heavenly a second collection of songs - pop rock - 5/5 rosie carney - bare - indie/folk - 3.5/5 sabrina claudio - truth is - hip-hop - 2.5/5 sacred paws - run around the sun - indie rock - 3.5/5 saib - basement grooves - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 saib - mangroves - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 sampa - the great the return - hip-hop - 4/5 sanaas - marineart - edm/kawaii future bass - 5/5 (sandy) alex g - house of sugar - indie rock - 5/5 senso nakamura - nakamurasanso muchu - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 sarah bethe nelson - weird glow - indie/folk - 3.5/5 sarah jaffe - smut - indie rock - 2.5/5 saro - die alone - indie pop - 2.5/5 sasami - sasami - indie rock - 4/5 satin jackets - solar nights - edm/electropop - 4/5 satomoka - merry go round - j-pop - 4/5 savoir adore - full bloom - indie pop - 3/5 the scary jokes - burn pygmalion!!! a better guide to romance - indie rock - 3/5 seira kariya - cover girl - j-pop - 3/5 sg lewis - dawn - hip-hop - 3.5/5 shachi - alone - hip-hop - 3.5/5 shady bug - lemon lime - indie rock - 3.5/5 shannon lay - august - indie/folk - 3/5 shannon wright - providence - indie/folk - 3.5/5 sharon van etten - remind me tomorrow - indie rock - 3.5/5 she her her hers - location - dream pop - 3.5/5 she is summer - wave motion - j-pop - 2.5/5 the shes gone - days - j-rock - 3/5 shunkan - cumberland falls - pop punk/indie rock - 4/5 shura - forevher - indie pop - 4/5 shy girls - bird on the wing - indie rock - 3/5 siamese cats - bouquet - j-rock - 3.5/5 sidewave – ultraviolet - shoegaze - 3/5 signals midwest - pin - emo - 3/5 sigrid - sucker punch - electropop - 3.5/5 silver sphere - yikes! - indie pop - 2.5/5 silversun pickups - widow's weeds - indie rock - 3/5 sinead harnett - lessons in love - r&b - 3.5/5 singto conley - eden - edm/electropop - 3/5 sipper - adam driver - indie rock - 3/5 slayyyter - slayyyter - electropop - 4/5 sleater-kinney - the center won't hold - indie rock - 3/5 slingshot dakota - heavy banding - emo - 4/5 slow magic - dreams - electronic - 3/5 slow pulp - big day - indie rock/dream pop - 4/5 slushii - watch yo back - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 small crush - small crush - indie rock - 3.5/5 snail's house - エイリアン☆ポップ ii - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 snail's house - エイリアン☆ポップ iii - kawaii future bass - 4/5 snail's house - loves magic - kawaii future bass - 4/5 snail's house - scenery - kawaii future bass - 4/5 snoh aalegra - -ugh those feels again - r&b - 3/5 soak - grim town - indie rock - 3/5 solange - when i get home - r&b - 4.5/5 so much light - 5 minutes - indie pop - 2.5/5 sonoko inoue - 白と色イロ - j-rock - 3/5 sorcha richardson - first prize bravery - indie rock - 3/5 sore eyelids - avoiding life - emo/shoegaze - 4/5 spangle call lilli line - dreams never end - j-rock - 3.5/5 sparrows - berries - indie rock - 3.5/5 spinn - spinn - dream pop - 3.5/5 ☆star guitar - &ever - post-rock - 3.5/5 star house - you said forever - shoegaze - 3.5/5 starover blue - ordinary magic - indie rock - 3/5 stef chura - midnight - indie rock - 3.5/5 stella donnelly - beware of the dogs - indie rock - 3/5 stella jang - hazardous materials - k-pop - 3/5 strange ranger - remembering the rockets - indie rock - 3/5 sumin - oo da da - k-pop -3.5/5 summer walker - clear - r&b - 3/5 sunflower bean - king of the dudes - indie rock - 3/5 sun june - younger - indie rock - 3/5 sun kil moon - i also want to die in new orleans - indie/folk - 2/5 suran - jumpin' - k-pop - 3/5 sweet dove - hope is the thing with feathers - post-rock - 3/5 swum & jinsang - blossoms - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 tacocat - this mess is a place - indie rock - 3.5/5 taichi mukai - 27 - j-pop - 2.5/5 tallsaint - hard love - electropop - 3/5 tash - volume 1 - r&b - 3/5 tatiana hazel - toxic - electropop - 3/5 taylor swift - lover - pop - 4/5 teen body - dreamo - dream pop - 4/5 teen daze - bioluminescence - electronic - 4/5 tegan and sara - hey, i'm just like you - indie pop - 3.5/5 tei shi - la linda - r&b - 3.5/5 telex telexs - yes i'm 25 and i'm single - pop - 2.5/5 templime - pureness - kawaii future bass - 3/5 tender - fear of falling asleep - indie pop - 3/5 tennyson - telescope ep - pop - 2/5 terror jr - unfortunately, terror jr - electropop - 4/5 thaiboy digital - legendary member - hip-hop - 2.5/5 theodora - letsnotcallitlove - r&b - 3/5 third eye blind - screamer - pop rock - 3/5 this is fantastic for you - tiffy - screamo - 3/5 tinashe - songs for you - r&b/hip-hop - 5/5 tinlicker - about you - edm/electropop - 3.5/5 tinlicker - this is not our universe - edm/electropop - 4/5 tiny ruins - olympic girls - indie rock - 3.5/5 tiptoe. - daydream - j-pop - 4/5 tiptoe. - timetrip - j-pop - 3.5/5 tobi lou - live on ice - hip-hop - 4/5 toro y moi - outer peace - electropop - 5/5 toro y moi - soul trash - electropop - 4/5 toro y moi - smartbeats - electropop - 3/5 trace - like hell ep - pop - 2.5/5 t-rextasy - prehysteria - indie rock - 3/5 tricot - リピート - math rock - 4/5 tsubame - the present - j-rock - 3/5 tsunami bomb - the spine that binds - pop punk - 3/5 turnover - altogether - indie rock - 3/5 tusks - avalanche - dream pop - 3/5 twice - fancy you - k-pop - 2.5/5 twice - feel special - k-pop - 3/5 twice - &twice - k-pop - 3.5/5 twinkids - lizard house - indie pop - 2/5 twin limb - in the warm light, as a ghost - shoegaze - 2.5/5 two door cinema club - false alarm - indie pop - 3.5/5 tycho - weather - electronic - 4.5/5 ukiyo – ukiyo mixtape, vol. 1 - lo-fi hip-hop - 2.5/5 umi - love language - r&b - 3/5 uno - バーチャルワールドが僕らの町にやってきた - kawaii future bass - 4/5 upset - upset - pop punk - 3.5/5 vacationer - wavelengths - electropop - 4/5 vagabon - vagabon - indie rock - 4/5 vampire weekend - father of the bride - indie rock - 4/5 vantage - j-funk city: vantage's edits collection - future funk - 3/5 varsity - the basement takes (2015-2016) - indie rock - 3/5 vel the wonder - la sena ave - hip-hop - 4/5 versing - 10000 - shoegaze - 3.5/5 vessence - further - electronic - 2/5 vetiver - up on high - indie/folk - 3.5/5 violet skies - i'll buy a house - electropop - 3/5 waax - big grief - indie rock - 3/5 wand - laughing matter - indie rock - 3/5 wataru sena - on a rainy day - post-rock - 3.5/5 water from your eyes - somebody else's song - indie rock - 4/5 wasuta - cat'ch the world - j-rock/j-pop - 2.5/5 waveform* - shooting star - indie rock - 3.5/5 wavvy frog - played out - kawaii future bass - 2.5/5 the well pennies - murmurations - indie/folk - 2.5/5 weyes blood - titanic rising - indie/folk - 4/5 whenyoung - reasons to dream - indie rock - 3/5 whimsical - bright smiles & broken hearts - shoegaze - 3/5 wildlife - take the light with you - shoegaze - 2/5 wild pink - 5 songs - indie rock - 3.5/5 winter - hazy - indie rock - 3/5 wisp x - loner - edm/kawai future bass - 5/5 witchduck - witchduck - indie rock - 2.5/5 wizard apprentice - dig a pit - electronic - 4/5 wjsn - for the summer - k-pop - 5/5 wjsn - wj stay? - k-pop - 3.5/5 wjsn - as you wish - k-pop - 3/5 wookie & blossom - figures ep - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 wyl & wun two - lo-fi hip-hop - 3.5/5 xjk. - it's nothing personal - electronic - 3/5 xjk. - it's nothing personal - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 yawners - just calm down - indie rock/pop punk - 3.5/5 yerin baek - our love is great - k-pop - 3.5/5 yeule - serotonin ii - electronic - 4/5 ymck - family circus - j-pop - 3.5/5 yohuna - mirroring - shoegaze - 3.5/5 yola - walk through fire - indie/folk - 4/5 yorushika - エルマ - j-rock - 4/5 yota - strangers on film - edm/electropop - 3/5 young mammals - lost in lima - indie rock - 4/5 young thug - so much fun - hip-hop - 4/5 your smith - wild wild woman - indie pop - 3.5/5 yui sakakibara - emotion - j-pop - 3.5/5 yukiyanagi - azure world - kawaii future bass - 4/5 yuma yamaguchi - 連続ドラマw「坂の途中の家」オリジナルサウンドトラック - instrumental - 3.5/5 yuna - rouge - r&b - 4/5 yung baby tate - girls - hip-hop - 3.5/5 yung bae - bae 5 - future funk - 3/5 yutaka hirasaka - day by day - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 yutaka hirasaka - faraway, so close - post-rock - 3/5 yvette young - piano ep - math rock - 4/5 zilo - gorgeous - r&b - 4.5/5 サクラsakura-lee - little galaxy girl - future funk - 3/5 ハレトキドキ - サンシャイン・ラヴ - future funk - 3.5/5 ハレトキドキ - 追憶のネビュラ - future funk - 4/5 ペンギンラッシュ - 七情舞 - j-rock - 4/5 宇宙ネコ子 - 君のように生きれたら - j-rock/indie rock - 5/5 黒魔 (chroma) - 愛を喜ぶ街 - j-pop - 3/5 桜エビ~ず - octave - j-rock - 3/5 せだい - formula - j-rock 3.5/5

~~ ** compilations / various artists ** ~~

practical records - open source - electronic - 4/5 mirai chaya vol 0 - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 mirai chaya vol 1- kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 mirai chaya vol 2 - kawaii future bass - 4.5/5 prhythmatic3 - house/edm/kawaii future bass/vocalid - 3.5/5 prhythmatic house 2 - house/edm/kawaii future bass/vocalid - 3.5/5 neonstride - edm/kawaii future bass/future funk - 3.5/5 virtuareal.00 - kawaii future bass - 3/5 spd gar 002 - kawaii future bass - 3.5/5 fugene 03  - edm/kawaii future bass - 3/5 ha[za]ard attack 4 - edm/kawaii future bass - 3/5 popover+teatime 5 - edm/kawaii future bass - 3/5 lilium x6 - edm/kawaii future bass - 4/5 j-neration toys 2 - edm/kawaii future bass - 4/5 fear and loathing in beats - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5 futures vol. 6 - lo-fi hip-hop - 3/5

[deathsmallcaps]

A talk about Haru

I know a bit about cattle (I live next door to a farm), and the lovely Kayla and Ellen’s @staytogetherpodcast often talks about how the characters resemble their animals in personality and such. So I just thought of some stuff that might interest them and other Fruits Basket fans. This is a bit spoilery (and maybe a little biased) so watch out.

The animal spirit is called an ox. An ox is a male who had finished growing and puberty before being neutered. (A steer is different - it’s done slightly before or during puberty, and they are more even tempered for males. Some people do use the terms interchangeably). That means yes, they do get a little more agreeable, and easier to manage, but they also were pumped full of testosterone once upon a time. So they are actually a bit more stronger (which is why they are used for plowing, etc.), harder to handle, and darker in color.

Darker because testosterone makes their fur turn dark brown/black in most if not all types of cows. Cows can be black but males are darker in breeds that aren’t always completely black. Haru turns into a Holstein (the basic black and white type), so it isn’t as apparent.

The darker the bull is, the more virile and attractive. Which may explain Dark Haru’s more open sexuality.

So I think it’s interesting that his more basic personality, Light Haru, acts more like his animal spirit than Dark Haru does. Light’s more gentle,etc. Was Dark originally developed as his more human side, and then maybe Takaya refitted it into the story in a different way? Idk.

Cattle can be extremely dangerous. The only animal more involved in human death (in America. Mosquitoes are even bigger problems in places with malaria) is the deer. True, we as a country interact with deer and cows more than, say, an anteater, but it doesn’t change the fact that cows are dangerous animals.

The mothers are fiercely protective. I think they beat bears in that sense (though bears can kill cows irl). Depending on the type of farm you live on (factory vs homestead etc) a cow may attack you if you even touch her baby. Assuming she gets to keep the calf, of course. (Dairy farms often take the baby away as soon as it is born so they can milk the mother and make sure there is no bond. This leads to socialization issues for the calves).

Bulls are more easily provoked, due to their testosterone running their brains. But in my inexpert opinion, you’d have better luck with some bulls than a lot of mom cows.

Cattle have hard heads that weigh at the very least fifty pounds. They also have horns. You can get impales and whacked out of the way at the same time. The average small cow weighs more than 500 pounds. They can easily crush your bones. The round bellies are more from their four stomachs than obesity, though they do have a good layer of fat. Possibly worst of all, they can kick their back legs in almost any direction. Horses pretty much just go straight back, but a cow can kick you sideways. And while they only have one row of teeth in the front, their back munchers could bite your fingers off.

So Haru should probably be broader, but his height makes sense. I do think he’s taller and less skinny than the other characters. I realize it was Takaya’s Art style, and all of the male characters eventually become long bois and do fill out near the end.

He is also really good at fighting so there’s that.

Cattle give off a lot of heat - even when they aren’t all fuzzy and long haired like those highland cattle, they are often (not all breeds) comfortable in 40F (five-ish Celsius) and often stand outside in the snow. That doesn’t mean you should leave them in the elements, of course, but they’re tough animals.

Which kind of makes me laugh because Haru is always wearing a jacket and he should be over-heating.

Cattle drink a shit ton of water. One gulp is probably about 2-3 liters. Haru should be chugging all day.

Cattle are like the opposite of horses, with wide barrel bellies, narrow-ish shoulders and hips and butt that slants like a roof in New England. They are hard to ride bareback. They must’ve put a lot of effort in keeping Yuki on top of Haru lol.

Cattle are also very curious, intelligent, mischievous and playful. Even the mamas, when they are heavily pregnant, will still kick around some. Anything they can lift with their horns/head? It goes flying. The steer next door likes to drink half his water (his tub holds about a hundred gallons so it’s huge) and then flip it over to dump out the rest, just so he can knock it around his field. Then he complains very loudly about dying of thirst. he understands consequences, just doesn’t care about them.

His mother was very tricky. But that’s another story.

The steer (his name is Moo, used to be little moo when he was a calf) has horns, and likes to go around to plant life (mostly weeds, because that’s what his owners allow him to play with) and just rip that shit up. He swings his big head around when he gets excited, and when he’s very excited/surprised he bucks around in a circle, just like his mother did. he likes to sneak up to windows when its dark outside and press his nose against it, so when you look out the previously unoccupied space to see a large face smearing itself against the window (cow noses are often wet because they lick themselves and eat their own boogers) at 11:00 at night. just to see you scream and act all surprised about it.

(some friendly cows like to pretend to be scared)

When a cow encounters something new that isnt easily identified a s a threat, they circle it and snuff it and its very cute.

So Haru trying to get a rise out of people just for kicks is very true to cow behavior and I love it.

Cattle are also extremely loving and bond easily. When Moo was born, the only other cow he’d ever seen was his mother, and he was surrounded by miniature goats. So for the first year and a half of his life (he’s 2.5 now) he genuinely thought he was a goat and tried to play with them, even acting like he didn’t enjoy the rain to fit in. Unfortunately for Moo, goats are extremely family based and exclusive of other beings who aren’t related to them/bring them food, so he wasn’t accepted by the goats. (Female Goats are basically a clique - if you try to introduce a doe they don’t know, that doe is shunned most of the time [and often the loners do not band together] but they try to stay with the herd.)

This may be why Haru is so protective of others, like Yuki and Rin, etc.

Unless you anger a cow, they will probably not hurt you on purpose. Cruelty is really only a human/maybe cat thing and sometimes, your foot was just in the way and they didn’t see it. A lot of them don understand how truly large they are. 

Cattle have rough tongues like cats and use them to groom themselves and each other. Moo loves almost everyone he meets, and gives them hugs with his neck (if you stand at his shoulder he’ll curl his neck around you, which is great because then you an hug him back) and stinky, slobbery tongue baths. 

When a cow is grooming you, their already large, round eyes get really wide and they look very sweet and blissed out.

I bet Haru likes to groom people.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I think a good amount of this kind of explains Haru, Also, if for some reason you read this without ever hearing of the Stay Together Podcast, you should check it out! It’s funny and well-thought-out and you can really tell that the hosts are re-enjoying the story. 

If you have any questions about cows, goats, chickens or horses (though I am the least knowledgable about those) let me know!

[deniscollins]

PG&E Outage Darkens Northern California Amid Wildfire Threat

Pacific Gas and Electric of California declared bankruptcy in January in the face of tens of billions of dollars in liabilities from past fires. With strong winds forecasted in the hills and canyons on Wednesday resembling those that propelled deadly fires in the wine country, if you were a PG&E executive would you turn off electricity to 2.5 million people so electricity lines would not contribute to spreading fire damage: (1) Yes, (2) No? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

The lights went off in stages in Northern California on Wednesday, from the forests near the Oregon border, down the spine of the Sierra Nevada and finally through the dense hillside communities across the Bay from San Francisco.

Hundreds of thousands of households lost power when California’s largest utility, Pacific Gas and Electric, shut down a vast web of electrical lines as a precaution against wildfires. Not knowing how long the outage would last, residents hurried to gas stations and supermarkets, stocking up on essentials as if a hurricane were bearing down.

It was an extraordinary moment for California. In the state that brought the world the iPhone and the internet as most people know it, residents fumbled for flashlights, hauled jerrycans of gasoline and read instructions on how to manually open their automatic garage doors. In the fifth-largest economy in the world, hundreds of thousands of people were forced off the grid.

The vast scope of the power shutdown suggested a new layer of vulnerability for California. A state prone to earthquakes, tsunamis, mudslides and wildfires now was faced with a power company’s decision to shut off the electricity, with relatively little notice.

By Wednesday afternoon, at least 500,000 customers — each customer can represent numerous family members or apartment dwellers — were without power. The company’s second phase of electricity shut offs, affecting an additional 250,000 customers, began late Wednesday evening. By one estimate around 2.5 million people were without power early Thursday morning.

Meteorologists said the strong winds that were forecast in the hills and canyons on Wednesday resembled those that propelled deadly fires in the wine country of Napa and Sonoma Counties two years ago. The power company, which declared bankruptcy in January in the face of tens of billions of dollars in liabilities from past fires, said it was not taking chances this time.

The shutdown led to the cancellation of classes at Humboldt State University, Mills College in Oakland and the University of California, Berkeley. It also contributed to multiple crashes at intersections where traffic lights went dark. Banks and businesses in some Northern California towns shut down; agricultural processing machines were inoperable in the thick of the fall harvest.

In the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the largest concentrations of wealth and cutting-edge technology in the world, the shut-off felt like an anachronism, something that might happen in a less-developed country. Long lines formed at gas stations a dozen or so miles from the headquarters of Apple and Google.

“What’s next?” said Robert Cruz Jr., an electrical foreman whose crews have installed fiber-optic cables at Facebook. He was at a gas station in San Jose, the country’s 10th-largest city, filling up a five-gallon container with gasoline for a generator he was on his way to buy from a friend. He and his wife, an executive assistant at Intel, spent Tuesday calling nearby stores for new generators but the closest store that had one was an hour and a half away in California’s Central Valley.

“We’re doing what we can to keep our refrigerator and our freezer going,” he said.

For many, the power shutdown was a reminder of how helpless they were without electricity. While wealthier residents were able to fall back on solar panels and battery systems for electricity, living off the grid was not an option for Sharmaine Lindahl.

The power outage had cascading consequences for Ms. Lindahl and her husband, who live in Arcata, nearly 300 miles north of San Francisco. On Tuesday night, she received a text message from PG&E warning her of the impending power shut-off. Five hours later the lights went out and all of the electrical appliances in her kitchen, the only way she can cook, were useless.

Most businesses were closed in Arcata on Wednesday, she said, and gasoline was scarce.

Wednesday was also her husband’s payday, but the bank was closed and his company paid him in cash because it could not print out checks.

“Our bank account is going to be overdrawn,” Ms. Lindahl said. “We live paycheck to paycheck. So this is going to hit us very hard.”

The Lindahls felt like their city was collateral damage: The fire risk is low in Arcata, a city along the coast whose weather this time of year is most often fog and rain.

As the outages spread on Wednesday, so did anger and frustration at PG&E, a company that has a history of negligence and safety violations, including a gas pipeline explosion south of San Francisco in 2010 that killed eight people and has it under criminal probation. The company’s equipment was also deemed responsible for California’s deadliest fire, the inferno that razed the city of Paradise last year, killing 86 people.

When the forecast winds failed to materialize in some areas on Wednesday, criticism mounted against PG&E. Was it necessary to turn so many lives upside down? Was this a ploy by the company to prove how much California needs it?

Jim Nielsen, a state senator who represents the area around Paradise, called the shut-off “unacceptable.”

“This policy has to change,” he said in a statement. “PG&E’s decision to protect itself from liability at the expense of hard-working Californians will not be tolerated.”

“Millions without electricity is what a third-world country looks like, not a state that is the fifth-largest economy in the world,” he said.

PG&E has for months warned that pre-emptive power blackouts would be likely as it tries to catch up on a yearslong backlog of maintenance work on the power grid.

The issue has been a frequent point of discussion in PG&E’s criminal probation proceedings. Fire victim advocates and Judge William H. Alsup of the United States District Court in San Francisco have repeatedly questioned why PG&E had not turned off the power as often as other utilities, such as San Diego Gas & Electric, in high-risk weather conditions.

PG&E said the sole reason for power shut-offs was safety.

“We are going to protect human life first,” William D. Johnson, its chief executive, said in an interview over the summer about the company’s grid strategy.

Bill Biasi, the mayor of Winters, a city surrounded by orchards and tomato fields in the Sacramento Valley, said the power shut-off would be a setback for nut processing businesses that need power for their equipment. But he said he sympathized with the company’s dilemma — how to provide power in a part of the state so prone to wildfires.

“PG&E is in a tough situation,” Mr. Biasi said. “I think they’re doing what they can to make sure that what happened last year doesn’t happen again. But is it frustrating? It’s frustrating to everyone.”

The changing climate has brought hotter summers that dry out vegetation and make it more vulnerable to fire. Of the 10 largest wildfires recorded in California, five have been in the last decade. PG&E is required by law to serve homes nestled in wildland areas and is liable if its equipment starts a fire, whether or not it was found to be negligent.

PG&E has not offered a concrete timetable on when the power will be restored. Every inch of every line needs to be inspected before lines can be re-energized, the company has said, and that process could take up to five days.

The prospect of being without power for so long has been especially difficult for the most vulnerable.

In Oakland, Stacey Milbern spent more than two hours on Tuesday afternoon calling PG&E to find out whether power would be cut off to her home. Ms. Milbern uses a ventilator for breathing and needs other medical devices.

On Wednesday afternoon she still had electricity.

“I’m hoping that means my house won’t be affected, but it’s on the outage maps,” she said. “For the everyday disabled person, it’s so scary.”

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE FOUR || CURSE WOMB MUST DIE

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + ryomen sukuna + ijichi kiyotaka from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : swearing + violence + mention of blood + mention of poison + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 23 february

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 6.1k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : girl of steel

↳ next episode : curse womb must die II

↳ barista’s notes : i am back again with another episode of jujutsu kaisen everyone ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ i hope you guys haven’t gotten bored with this whole series, to be honest i forgot how long they take to write since it is a whole epsiode i am trying to retell with a new character in ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ ALSO i have created a masterlist for it as well as future stories i might write in the future! are you excited?  ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

Destructive Curse Spell number one: Sho : 3:26-3:34

Binding Curse Spell number eighty-one: Danku : 3:03-3:07

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing

Shutting your dorm room door closed, you carefully wrapped yourself in the thin white cardigan you had brought out with you before quietly making your way outside the Jujutsu Tech dormitory wanting some form of fresh air due to your incapability to sleep for the time being.

As you began to walk around aimlessly, you quickly looked down upon your phone - nearly blinded by the brightness of the screen -  to find out that it was exactly 2 am making you come to the conclusion that everyone was probably asleep and that no one would find you out for the time being. 

To be honest, it wasn’t a surprise that you couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t like you never had these types of nights before. Although, they were becoming a bit more common than what you would have liked during your lifetime, especially at the age you were now where sleep was essential.

Finally making it to the track field (where you were supposed to be in the next few hours for training), you slowly crouched down to take a seat on the stone steps that lead to the tracks itself before cuddling into the warm cardigan since the light winds were slightly colder than what you have imagined.

‘It’s such a drag knowing that I have to be here, later on, to train with the second-years,’ you thought to yourself for a second before letting out a sigh of frustration, while running your hand through your hair as if it was some coping mechanism for the pending stress that was about to explode anytime soon.

“How long has it been?” you quietly uttered to yourself before looking onto the field as if there was something interesting insights or someone was going to answer your rhetorical question.

“A week? Two?” you continuously questioned yourself, before gently placing your hand on your upper arm as if you still felt the linger cursed technique you had used during the battle you had with him.

‘You possess such intellect, such skill, such power and such talent and yet you refuse to go against me with your full potential, are you mocking me?’

“Maybe,” you whispered your answer, before going back to the electronic device you had in your hand to open Spotify as you decided you needed something to fill up the silence with hint sounds of the wind, grasshoppers and passing cars that were surrounding you. 

However, before you could press play on the chosen song you deemed was quiet enough to play out loud, there was a sudden presence your felt from behind causing you to raise your index finger to hit them with some sort of curse spell to warn them only for a familiar voice to call out.

“It’s just me”

Turning your body around, you found a tall male with erratic hair standing behind you with a non-expressive face before looking down at the dog that was right beside him with what some people say a happy grin on its face. 

Turning back around, you shut your phone off before placing it in the pocket of your black joggers that you wore to bed, allowing the shikigami sorcerer to sit beside you with a gap while his divine dog took the opportunity to sit between the two bodies as it processed to rest it’s head on your shoulder, which you allowed since it was adorable not to deny.

“Can’t sleep?” you asked Fushiguro, as you processed to look onto the field while raising your hand to pet the dog’s head causing it to let out a happy sound before further resting itself upon your shoulder.

“Yeah..same for you?” Fushiguro then questioned, leading you to let out a hum in agreement to tell him you were in the same situation before silence took over between both you and him once again.

To be honest, the silence between you both wasn’t awkward at all, it surprisingly felt natural. Although, even if it was comfortable between you and Fushiguro, you both still have questions for each other, well rather Fushiguro had more questions for you than you had for him. 

He just didn’t know where to start.

“L/N?” Fushiguro called out quietly (so quiet that some people might not be able to hear), leading you to turn your head towards his direction while his divine dog’s head covered your vision slightly. “How strong are you?” he then asked, causing you to express a confused look before turning back to the track field in front of you as if you were trying to find the right response to answer his question as if it wasn’t an easy one to reply to.

“Not that strong,” you replied in a nonchalant tone, leading Fushiguro to look at you with widened eyes as your returned response didn’t make any sense to him. 

It really didn’t at all.

However, he didn’t have the strength to question your answer.

If he had listened to you back then, would your other classmate be alive with you all right now?

“Fushiguro?” you now called out causing the sorcerer to give you a hum informing you that he was listening in to what you had to ask or say. 

“How long has it been since that day?”

                                              ꕥ

The rain was currently pouring. However, it wasn’t too heavy nor was it too light but it was enough to make the mission that you, Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were assigned to be eerier than it considered to be.

“Our window verified the curse womb three hours ago,” a man, who you recalled was named Ijichi Kiyotaka, mentioned before continued with, “once ninety per cent were successfully evacuated, they made the call to seal off the centre, citizens within a 500-metre radius has been evacuated, as well”.

‘Only ninety per cent? That means either the other ten are missing in there…..or dead’

“Ijichi-san, question,” Itadori stated before raising his hand as if he was in a classroom asking a teacher a question, “what’s a ‘window’ here?”

“A window is a member of Jujutsu Tech who can see curses, they aren’t sorcerers, though,” Ijichi explained as his arms were behind his back in a professional manner.

“Oh, okay,” Itadori muttered, as he understood the explanation that was given to him.

“Let’s continue,” Ijichi quickly stated as it seemed he had more information to be given to all four of you. 

“Detainee Block 2, at present, five detainees remain there with the curse womb, if this curse womb is the type that metamorphoses, we predict it will become a special-grade cursed spirit,” Ijichi announced in a serious tone causing you, Fushiguro and Kugisaki to express a stern look upon your faces.

‘Special-grade? Wouldn’t they make a special-grade sorcerer take the job instead of us? Unless….’

“Hey, so...I still don’t really understand what ‘special grade’ means,” Itadori expressed with an innocent face as he looked at the three of you leading Fushiguro and Kugisaki to give him the fed-up look, while you just shifted your eyesight at your classmate since you understood why he didn’t understand any of the terminologies that were thrown at him, your adoptive father wasn’t the best teacher when it came to non-practical work after all.

“Then allow me to explain it so even idiots can understand,” Ijichi stated as if he was calling Itadori an ‘idiot’ causing you to zone out of the quick lesson to look at the detention centre that was in front of everyone right now. From what you could sense, there was an overwhelming presence beginning to loom over from the building that the other sorcerers didn’t seem to feel causing you to look at Itadori will a worried expression since you knew he didn’t have control of the newfound cursed energy he had gained from eating Sukuna’s finger.

Looking around to make sure no one noticed you, you quietly went up to Itadori from behind before hovering your hand over the back of his neck before using your cursed energy for the spell you were trying to prepare for him in advance.

‘This should protect him for one hit if we come into a surprise attack, but there is nothing else I can do without the other’s noticing’ you thought in a frustrated mindset before silently taking a step back to where you were previous to make sure no one noticed that you had planted a protective spell on your classmate.

“That’s real bad!” Itadori shouted, causing you to zone back into the conversation that was in the process.

“Normally a jujutsu sorcerer on par with the cursed spirit would take on the mission. On a day like today, that would be Gojo-sensei,” Fushiguro explained into further detail, while Kugisaki seemed to now paint a worried expression on her face.

“I-I see,” Itadori stuttered as he looked at the erratic-haired sorcerer before looking around as he then asked, “so where is Gojo-sensei?” which made sense since none of the sorcerers in front of you had ever fought with a special-grade from what you could sense.

“Away on business,” Fushiguro answered in a serious tone, which caused Itadori to give him a confused look as he then stated, “he’s not someone who should be loafing around that school in the first place,”.

‘But that doesn’t explain why four first-years have been sent to deal with this situation...”

“Unfortunately, we’re constantly short-handed in this business, you’ll often have to undertake missions beyond your power,” Ijichi expressed as he pushed up his glasses. “The current case, however, is an abnormal one, and most urgent. Do not fight under any circumstances, if you encounter a special-grade, your options are to either run or die,” Ijichi then stated with a serious tone leading you to internally scoff at the warning he gave.

‘That’s easier said than done’

Even though you knew he cared about the safety of everyone that was preparing to go in, it was ridiculous to say to any sorcerer not to fight since once you knew once you encountered a curse, there was no way of getting out of the fight at all, you knew that from experience.

“Please just listen to your fears, do not forget that your mission here is strictly the verification and rescue of survivors,” Ijichi repeated.

“Sorry, but as we are talking those ‘survivors’ in there are most likely dead, there is only a one to five per cent chance that there are any survivors,” you commented with a straight face causing all three of your classmates to look at you with a surprised expression on what you just said, but before anyone could deny your statement.

“Excuse me! Excuse me, where’s Tadashi?!” a worried voice cried, causing everyone to look, only to find a woman waving her hand while guards tried to push her back, preventing her to come any closer to all of you.

“Is Tadashi...Is my son Tadashi all right?!” the woman asked in a panic, leading you to give her a sympathetic look before you slowly walked up to her with a calm expression on your face. 

‘If someone asks if someone is okay at the beginning of the mission, take it like a way a doctor calms down a patient or how a police officer informs the public about a case, dear. Imagine it from your perspective, you would want to know if I was okay, wouldn’t you?’

‘Yeah, I would mother’

“Ma’am, we are going inside to see if there is anyone else in the building, if we find your son, we will inform you as quickly as we can, is that okay with you?” you gently asked the worried mother since you needed to calm her down in the worst-case scenario that you, your classmates and she had to prepare for. 

Looking at you straight in the eye, she timidly nodded at you causing you to present her with a small smile to help calm her down further. “Please, I need you to step away for the time being since there is a possibility that someone has spread a poisonous gas throughout the centre, but I can not give you any more detail than I can offer,” you explained to her causing the mother’s expression to turned into a shocked one before dropping onto her knees as she grew numb.

“Please find my son,” she begged quietly as tears flowed down her face.

“We’ll try our best ma’am,” you answered her before turning back to your classmates as they looked at you with amazed faces since it seemed like you had done this a million times before - like a profession.

‘Let’s hope that one to five per cent change is in your favour’

“Fushiguro, Kugisaki, Gojo, we’re gonna save them!” Itadori announced in a determined tone causing everyone to turn to him with a determined expression on their faces.

“Of course we are,” Kugisaki answered.

                                          ꕥ

All four of you were now walking towards the entrance of Eushi Detention Centre’s Detainee Block 2 after you have given your black cloth bag that was holding your katana for Ijichi to hold since there was no need to hide the weapon anymore.

“Be careful,” Ijichi said, before raising his fingers to prepare the sleeve that was needed to consume the detention centre, so the outside world didn’t see what was going on inside.

Suddenly, a dark blue aura was cast onto the middle of the sky before slowly descending on all sides like a dome covering a plate of food causing the sky to darken to Itadori’s surprise.

“It’s becoming night!” Itadori shouted as he took a full preview of what was going on, leading Fushiguro to take a glance behind him to inform his obvious classmate that it was the veil Ijichi was placing.

“There’s a residential area nearby, so the barrier conceals us from the outside world,” Fushiguro explained, leading Itadori to express his amazement while Kugisaki gave him the irritated look as well comment since it was basic sorcerer knowledge to know what a veil was.

Suddenly, you heard a loud clap that echoed around the area causing you to look in the direction on where you heard it, only to see Fushiguro’s hands be in a position that was familiar to you.

“Demon Dog!” Fushiguro said before a shower suddenly took form from his to summon the white divine dog that you knew so well from the first time you met him to appear as it howled in response. “He’ll let us know if the curse gets close,” Fushiugro informed you all as the dog looked in his master’s direction.

“Oh, I see!” Itadori said in a light tone before he made his way towards the shikigami to pet it’s snow-white while chanting ‘good boy’ to it as he then expressed his gratitude for its support. However, it seemed like the dog was interested in something else as it stood up on its back legs to make its way towards you before whining as if it wanted something from you.

Looking down at the dog that was now staring at you with its yellow eyes, you couldn’t help but rub its head leading it to relish your affection that you were giving it as it moved it’s head further into your palm as if it can get more out of you.

“I think it’s time to go to Fushiguro don’t you think?” you asked the dog in a light tone, causing it to whine for a moment before going back to its master so it was prepared for the mission that it was about to undertake.

Pushing the door open, Fushiguro and Itadori were in front while Kugisaki and you were behind as everyone prepared themselves for what they were about to go into. “Let’s go,” Fushiguro stated before taking the first step leading the dog to follow in next as well for the rest of you.

However, before you took one step closer into the building you realised something was not what it seemed. From what you can recall, according to Ichiji, the building was said to be a two-story dorm and not the one, you were standing in front of right now, there was no possible way, it was too high up.

‘It’s not a maisonette, it’s too advanced for that,’ you thought as you continued to analyse the surroundings before concluding what you had dreaded, ‘it’s an incomplete Innate Domain, meaning the curse has already fully developed!”

“Hold up!” you shouted at the three sorcerers behind you causing them to pause before turning to look at you, only to find you staring up which led them to do the same leading them to realise why you had halted their movements in the first place.

“Right now, we’re in the middle of the development of an Innate Domain! Is there a door behind me?” you asked in a panic, causing everyone to look at you, only to discover the door had disappeared.

“Th-The door’s gone!” Itadori mentioned in a surprised tone causing you to look at him with widened eyes before turning around to only discover he wasn’t lying to you at all.

‘Shit! How the hell am I going to get everyone back safely? They don’t know how to deal with a special grade from what I can tell, let alone an incomplete Innate Domain’

“How?! We just came in through here, didn’t we?!” Kugisaki mentioned in a stutter as she pointed at the direction where the door should have been while Itadori nodded at her with a few cold sweats dripping down his face.

“What do we do? Ah, what do we do about this?” Itadori and Kugisaki sang as they danced in circles, in a way trying to ease their stress and the tension that came along with the whole situation nearly causing you to giggle at the sight.

“It’ll be fine, the dog remembers the scent of the entrance,” Fushiguro interrupted as he looked annoyed at the two dancers, while the mentioned dog looked back to check on everyone.

“Oh, my~” Itadori and Kugisaki warmheartedly expressed before they started to pet the dog once their mood was lifted with them shouted how they were going to give him jerky later and how much of a ‘good boy’ it was, letting the dog once again relish in the attention that it was being present with.

“You are way too calm!” Fushiguro angrily expressed at two since the mood didn’t match the setting they were in at all.

“You really are dependable, Fushiguro!” Itadori expressed with a grin causing Fushiguro to snap out of his anger. “Thanks to you, we’ll be able to recuse people and save ourselves, too!” Itadori then commented, leading Fushiguro to look at the ground before you suddenly decided to take the first step of carrying on since you were being cautious with the three other sorcerers with you.

‘How long has it been since I faced a special-grade in a fight?’

“Let’s keep moving,” the shikigami user commanded in a stern voice since he saw you making the first way through, letting the other two know that they needed to start moving as well.

While walking, there were the eerie echoes of your footstep causing you to wonder where the actual curse was before entering what seemed to be the centre of the domain. However, you suddenly paused leading the other three to wonder why you came to a halt before looking at the sight that you were looking in the direction of.

Being the first one to react, Itadori rushed to what seemed to be someone’s body - well half of it - and maybe as the second victim since there was a full skeleton that was seemed to be curled up in an excruciating way next to the main body causing you to give your condolences to whoever the person was before observing the area around you to make sure the mention special-grade curse wasn’t near at all.

“Atrocious,” Kugisaki commented in disgust as she stared at the corpses insight.

“That’s...three people, right?” Fushiguro questioned as he quickly took note of how many more victims or survivors there could be - if there were any at this point.

Crouching down, Itadori didn’t answer his classmate’s question, as he then tugged on the detention centre’s dark blue uniform to check the person’s identification, only to realise something that he didn’t want to happen.

“Let’s take this body back,” Itadori suddenly stated, causing confusion to rise within the group since they didn’t know what caused the salmon-haired boy to comment something like that.

“Huh?” Kugissaki asked in confusion.

“It’s that woman’s son,” Itadori regretfully stated, causing you to close your eyes before letting out an internal sign of disappointment before coming to the realisation that you weren’t really surprised at the outcome.

‘Sorry, Ma’am, it seemed the one to five chance wasn’t with you for today’

“But…” Kugisaki slowly stuttered out before being interrupted by Itadori as he then explained that the victim’s face wasn’t mangled and that they still had to give the body back to the mother since it wouldn’t be hard to accept that fact without the body, yet before he could carry on with the plan he was unexpectantly coming up with, he felt someone pull him back by the hood causing him to be surprised at the sudden movement.

“We have to find and verify two more, leave that body behind,” Fushiguro once again commanded, which caused Itadori to shout at him back as he didn’t understand why the body should be left behind.

“Quit joking around! We turned around, and the way we got in here was gone! We won’t be able to come back for it later!” Itadori stated.

“I didn’t say come back for it! I said to leave it behind!” Fushiguro argued back in the same volume of tone, trying to make Itadori understand the situation that they were in and it was not possible to bring the body back at all - there was no point to him. “I have no intention of risking my own life to save someone I had no intention of saving in the first place!” Fushiguro frustratingly stated, only leading Itadori to grab his collar in return as a way to rebuke.

“No intention of saving him? What do you mean?!” Itadori asked in a perplexed tone, confused on what Fushiguro meant when it was their mission to save the remaining survivors that might be in the centre right now.

“This is a juvenile detention centre, Jujutsu sorcerers are granted access to all information about the scene beforehand,” Fushiguro declared before continuing his explanation by stating, “this Okazaki Tadashi hit a little girl on her way home from school while driving without a license, it was his second offence of driving without a license,” leading Itadori to look at his friend in vexation and surprise at the news he was receiving about the man he was going to ‘save’.

“I know you’re stuck on saving lots of people and guiding them to proper deaths, but what are you going to do when someone you saved kills someone else in the future?” Fushiguro asked with a stern tone trying to make his point of view understandable to the boy in front of him.

“Then why did you bother saving me?!” Itadori cried out, as a way to rebuke his statement due to the situation of him being the vessel of Ryomen Sukuna, only to gain nothing but silence from the shikigami user in front of him as he tightened the grip on the collar he was grabbing.

“Oi stop being such drags, I didn’t come to Jujutsu Tech to hear your reasons for being a jujutsu sorcerer, get moving!” you demanded in a menacing tone before unhooking your katana that was secured on your lower back horizontally, preparing to use the weapon to separate them.

“Cut it out! Christ, what are you two doing?! You’re both idiots” Kugisaki shouted in equal frustration with you, as she made her way towards the two boys with her fists in the air.

“Think about the time and place if you-”

However, before she could continue the angry rant, she was suddenly sucked into the floor causing you to quickly react by trying to grab her hand, only to be too late when she was fully consumed into the hole that was created.

“Kugisaki?” Itadori called out in confused, only for Fushiguro to become shocked at the new situation that had occurred before turning forwards to see the sudden and dreadful outcome of his divine dog that was supposed to detect if any curses were near leading you to look at the same direction before suddenly feeling a presence of what you should have felt earlier.

‘If those two drags didn’t distract me with their argument, we shouldn’t have to worry about our wellbeing right now!’

“Itadori! L/N! We’re running, we’ll search for Kugisaki la-” Fushiguro panic before you suddenly screamed at both of them.

“DON’T MOVE!” you screamed, once you suddenly made eye contact on the curse that was standing right in near them, causing you to grip on your katana tighter as all three of you stayed completely still while you were coming up with a plan to see if you could put a distance between the curses and your classmate.

Suddenly, you saw Itadori’s shaky hand reach over to his weapon as he unleashed it from the leather casing before violently swinging it to cut the curse in some way, only for the sudden decapitation of his hand to be the result of his attempt causing massive amounts of blood to spill like a fountain.

“Itadori?” Fushiguro's voice shook while you were in the opposite of that mood right now.

Swiftly, you slide your feet around, landing between the boys before raising your katana making sure the tip on the black wooden casing was pointing at the special-grade curse’s face. 

“Destructive Curse Spell number one: Sho,” you chanted, causing your curse energy to travel from your arms to the length of your sword before a small shot of cursed energy to thrust its force against the curse’s face leading it to be violently pushed back against the concrete wall before turning towards Itadori with an angered expression, “I told you not to move and you decide to go against me!” you screamed in frustration before quickly turning back to look at the direction on where the special grade was flung in a confused but equally concentrated manner.

‘That curse spell isn’t even that strong, it’s my weakest, yet it managed to make it fly across the room, is it really a special grade by nature…..or did it eat something?’

“I can’t escape after it’s gotten this close! Hey, Sukuna! If I die, you die too, right?” Itadori determinedly asked, causing you to look at him with a startled expression.

‘Does this guy have a death warrant? Are you even listening to me?!’

“If you don’t want that, then help me out!” Itadori commanded leading you to further look at him like he was the craziest person in the world right now.

“Are you stupid?!” you screamed, only for Itadori to ignore you as Sukuna’s eye and mouth appeared on his cheek.

“Nope! Even if the parts of me inside you die, there are eighteen other fragments of my soul. Still, irritatingly enough, I don’t have control of this body, if you want to switch, go ahead and switch,” Sukuna taunted as he continued with his threats, “but once you do, I’ll kill that brat before the cursed spirit can, then I’ll go for that woman, she’s a lively one, I’ll have fun with her then I’ll go to her right there, she seemed like someone that knows how to fight,” leading you to place your weapon inches away from his eye.

“Stop talking, you’re making me lose concentration Sukuna,” you stated in a nonchalant tone before going back to find an explanation on why your cursed technique managed to give so much force to the special grade that was now starting to stand back up on its feet.

“I’m not going to let you do that!” Itadori declared in an inflamed tone, only for the King of Curses to taunt back without any hesitation.

“I bet! But if you’re too focused on me, your friends are gonna die,” Sukuna teased, causing you to look at the small eye and mouth with an annoyed look on your face.

“I said stop talking, you’re making me lose concentration,” you threateningly stated, only to suddenly realise that the special-grade was about to attack once again, leading to your cursed energy to flow from the palm of your hands to the tip of your fingers as your placed you left hand up like you were stopping someone.

“Binding Curse Spell number eighty-one: Danku!” you chanted, leading to the familiar large rectangular defensive wall to form in front of you, Itadori and Fushiguro, protecting you from cursed energy that the special-grade it was about to attack you with, but the concrete that wasn’t behind the wall didn’t seem to survive since the concrete turned into debris leaving evidence of its strength for you and Fushiguro to observe.

‘Pure cursed energy? So it doesn’t have any cursed techniques….ah what a drag…’ you concluded before turning to Fushiguro only to see him with widened eyes to that attack causing you to predict that he also thought the same thing as you.

“Fushiguro! Fushiguro! Fushiguro!” Itadori yelled out, trying to get the skikigami user’s attention before his third call caught his awareness as he turned to look at the screaming boy. “Take L/N and Kugisaki and get out of here!” Itadori demanded, causing you to look at him once again with an astonished look on your face, yet before you could grab his red collar in a way to argue his point, Itadori continued with, “I’ll keep this one bust until you three are out, as soon as you’re out, give me some kind of signal and once you do...I��ll switch with Sukuna,” to which Fushiguro screamed at his reckless plan. However, you were too focused on the curse in front of you, wondering why it was considered a special-grade then it took some sort of damage from a weak technique of yours.

As of right now, the curse seemed to be enjoying itself even when you managed to damage it and deflect its attack with two simple cursed spells. There was no point in letting your katana out of its wooden casing, it wouldn't be able to take the damage but there was the situation with Kugisaki being somewhere in the building as well, so there was a risk of taking your weapon out.

‘It’s definitely ate something, but what? There is a chance that it is Sukuna’s finger but that’s rare, besides it seemed like the fool hasn’t sensed anything from it to be his finger’

However, before you could even prepare your next attack to exorcise the curse to end the life and death situation Itadori and Fushiguro were in, you surprisingly felt someone grab your wrist before pulling you away from the battle that you had started leading you to look at the culprit to find out it was Fushiguro, who was dragging you away from the situation.

“What are you doing?!” you shouted before trying to pry your hand away from his grasp, only for him to tighten his hold in a way to not let you escape.

“We’re running, we need to find Kugisaki before giving Itadori the signal to get out of there,” Fushiguro explained in a stressed manner leading you to scream back at him on the thoughtless decision that had been made without your input.

“Are you crazy? You need to take back Itadori and let me fight that curse Fushiguro, he won’t be able to survive at all!” you yelled out in anger.

“Are you the crazy one? We don’t know what grade sorcerer you are and you want to exorcise that thing?!” Fushiguro argued back.

“So what makes Itadori capable? He doesn’t know how to control cursed energy or any techniques, TAKE ME BACK!” you panicked, only for his grip to tighten more at your comment of going back.

No one words were exchanged.

                                            ꕥ

Within a flash, you and Fushiguro managed to grab Kugisaki before she was devoured by the curse she was fighting against while both of you were trying to find her.

At this current moment in time, you were outside the exit with Kugisaki in Ijichi’s arm, Fushiguro on the floor tired from running while you were standing behind the other divine dog that was giving Itadori the signal. However, even though you knew the signal was for Itadori to switch with Sukuna, you were conflicted on the idea leading your body to move forward towards the entrance to enter again. 

However, you were stopped by the black dog using its body to push you back, once it was done with the signal it was giving to Itadori.

“Stop it!” Fushiguro stated as he stood up to put his arm in front of you to prevent you from moving forward. However, you were angry, pissed off and frustrated at this point.

“You should have listened to me, you drag!” you screamed at him before gripping the arm that was blocking your path. However, while you were looking at the erratic-haired sorcerer with pure rage in your eyes, Fushiguro was startled about the immense amount of cursed energy that was surrounding you as he was shocked that he didn’t notice it earlier when he had met you, it was alarming and intimidating to him as he didn’t even stand a chance to dominant his over you, it extended in power and strength than he had ever thought it would have.

How did you hide it so well?

                                             ꕥ

Currently, you were at the gated entrance to the Eushi Detention Centre, where you had laid Kugisaki down at the back seats of the car before closing the door to stand in the rain with Fushiguro - much to your annoyance.

“Please explain the evacuation area to ten kilometres,” Fushiguro stated in a serious tone since he didn't know what could happen next since Itadori was still inside the building. Expanding the evacuation area was the best thing to do right now.

“What about you and Gojo?” Ijichi asked in a worried tone as he turned to look at you both through the gap on the window of his car.

“We’ll wait here for Itadori to return,” you stated in a serious tone to which Ichiji understood since you were so adamant to enter back to the building despite the many attempts Fushiguro tried to stop you.

“After I take Kugisaki-san to the hospital, I’ll return as quickly as possible,” Ijichi declared, only for Fushiguro to give a discouraged look to him before stating, “no, there wouldn’t be much point in you-”

“I need you to come back but I want you to stay at least one kilometre away from the evacuation area, at this rate if Itadori has switched, I want you to be as safe as possible but in the end, if you don’t hear from us at least an hour when you come back, go back to Jujutsu Tech immediately,” you interrupted Fushiguro by pushing your body in front of him while giving Ijichi the instructions you needed him to hear since you didn’t know the possible outcome that this was going to go to. 

“If you can, please send a grade one sorcerer or higher but that won’t be necessary if I don't die,” you sternly commented, leading both Fushiguro and Ijichi to shiver at the statement you just announced.

Still shaken at what you had just said, Ijichi sent himself off before closing the window to prevent any cold raindrops from coming at him as he drove away from the area you and Fushiguro were standing in right now.

“If you don’t want to listen to me, I ain’t going to listen to you at all then Fushiguro,” you stated with a frown painted on your face before looking back at the building behind his body.

Taking your katana, you looked at the bottom of the handle to find a metal loop at the bottom with a red charm tied before it was simply slowly unwinded by you as you prepared for the worst that was about to come.

“What are you doing L/N?” Fushiguro asked in a worried tone, causing you to turn to look at him with a deadpan expression.

“Just preparing for the worst Fushiguro”

 © violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost